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Kate Sharma slammed the door to her bedroom shut and covered her mouth with her hand. With her heart pounding hard against her ribcage and her blood saturated with adrenaline, she breathed deeply. She caught her reflection in the mirror and realised she was still wearing the purple gown from last night.
“I-I need to change,” she desperately whispered to herself. The pitter-patter of raindrops against the window was the only other noise in the room as she scurried to change into her white night dress. No one could see her like this. She had narrowly escaped the eyes of the Danbury footman but she knew she wouldn’t be blessed with the same luck if one of the maids were to come wake her.
As she removed the fabric of her dress, flashbacks of her night with Anthony flooded back. She could still feel his hands on her…his eyes…his mouth. When she awoke that morning, she was mortified. How could she have abandoned all her principles and-
“Kate?” a distant voice called from the other side of the door.
“ Baap re !” Kate cursed under her breath and tried to regain her composure. Before she could acknowledge Edwina’s presence, her younger sister had already entered.
“Bon! Uh you are awake?” Kate asked with a strained smile. She couldn’t meet her sister’s eyes and instead distracted herself by hiding her gown.
“Where were you?” Edwina’s voice was laced with exhaustion that could only be the result of many sleepless nights. With Kate’s back turned to her, she allowed her face to soften for a moment. Kate was safe.
“I was here, Edwina. You should go back to bed-”
“Do not lie to me Kate. You did not return with our carriage and I checked your room. Twice.”
Kate was surprised that her sister had checked. Based off her last remark at the Harmony Ball, it was clear to Kate that Edwina no longer cared for her.
‘ At least I am kinder hearted than you.’
Kate was silent and Edwina scoffed, “I suppose lying has become second nature for you now but you should not be so reckless. I had to lie to mama and Lady Danbury to cover for you.”
Kate winced at her sister’s insult. She had almost forgotten just how angry Edwina still was.
“So, where were you?” the younger Sharma sister persisted.
Kate felt her head throb. She had not yet registered the impact of her actions with Lord Bridgerton and Edwina was already on a mission to interrogate her. Right now, all she wanted was to be alone with her thoughts.
“Edwina, I need to be alone,” she explained, sitting down on the bed.
Edwina narrowed her eyes and noticed the crumpled purple gown at the corner of the room. A bitter taste formed in her mouth as her intuition put the pieces together. All the concern she had for her sister’s whereabouts were suddenly gone.
“You were with him, weren’t you?” her voice was laced with malice.
Kate closed her eyes in regret and guilt. She could not deal with another outburst right now. She already felt awful about her actions.
“Edwina, please,” her voice was a bit firmer now, but still filled with warmth for her beloved sister.
“Did…did you two…” Edwina felt a lump form in her throat as her imagination painted a picture of what might have occurred between the Viscount and her sister. The crumpled dress, her sister staying out all night, and the guilty look on Kate’s face – It was all coming together.
‘That was supposed to be me,’ she thought, ‘That was supposed to be my wedding night with the Viscount.’. .
“Edwina!” Kate knew Edwina had some idea of marital relations (she had given her the talk herself) but she did not think her younger sister was bold enough to ask her outright.
“How could you?! After everything you have already done?” Edwina stood in front of her sister now, on the brink of tears, “Ruining my marriage just wasn’t enough, you had to ruin yourself too?!”
Edwina had never thought she was a hot-tempered person. She had always considered herself kind and gentle in nature. But since the betrayal with her sister and Anthony, she was easily brought to anger. So much so, that just the thought of Kate spending more time with him – it made her see red.
She waited for her sister to say something, to apologise. Instead she felt a sharp blow against her cheek. Edwina blinked rapidly, her hand coming up instantly to sooth the inflamed area. Kate had slapped her.
“Edwina! I am so sorry,” Shocked, Kate clasped her hands around her mouth. She struck her sister before she could stop herself and was instantly filled with regret. Never in her life had she felt such rage.
“I-I do not know why I did that Bon,” she was distraught, “Please forgive me.”
“Forgive you?” Edwina laughed dryly, “I’ll tell you why you did it Kate. It is because you are jealous-”
“Jealous?” Kate’s eyebrows furrowed deeply.
“Jealous of my happiness, of my marriage to the viscount. You could not even stand to see me flourish in society so you cooked up the Sheffield inheritance scheme. It burned you to see me getting everything you knew you could never have.”
Kate stared at her sister in disbelief. She had been in charge of Edwina’s education growing up and never once did she suspect that her sister was this arrogant and conceited.
“I will not be spoken to like that. Not after everything I have done for you.”
It felt good to say something in return for once. She had been on the receiving end of Edwina’s anger for far too long. She realised that no matter the amount of time or space she gave her sister, Edwina would always see her as the villain.
Edwina scoffed, a wry smile on her face, “Everything you have done? Do you mean your lies and deceit?”
“I lived the greater part of my life for you,” Kate said as her resentment bubbled to the surface, “I gave up on my dreams and hopes for you. I focused on your education instead of my own. I gave up my childhood so that I could dedicate my time to bringing you up in society. When Appa died, I couldn’t even mourn him properly because someone had to take care of the household. Someone had to make sure that mama and you were provided for. All so that you would never know poverty.”
Edwina held her head high. When would Kate cease with these manipulation tactics? Edwina would not allow herself to be guilted into forgiveness.
“You do realise that any gentleman would have asked about your dowry if you were to marry. A dowry that you did not and still do not have,” Kate continued, “Mama had no plans in place for that so I did the one thing I could to help. The Sheffields were willing to help and so I accepted. For you.”
Edwina felt a rush of guilt as her sister spoke, “I never asked for any of that.”
“And you never had to,” Kate replied solemnly, “You have never known struggle, Edwina. Mama and I wished for you to grow up without lack. Between the three of us, I suppose it was always meant for me to be the one to take care of our family.”
“Is that what this is about? Kate, mama and I never asked you to martyr yourself. You cannot resent us-”
“You’re right. You did not ask me to do it. But mama did not stop me. You were still a child at the time.”
Silence fell upon them. Edwina thought about her childhood after her father had died. They had moved out of their home at the Maharaja’s palace and into a respectable home not too far away. Although it was smaller and did not have all the amenities a royal household provided, Edwina had never thought she was missing out on anything. Her mother would sleep alot, she recalled. So Kate would wake her up, bathe her, make breakfast and begin her lessons for the day. Edwina felt her tears fall as she remembered the days when her mother would not come out of her room.
“You are under the impression that I stole Lord Bridgerton from you,” Kate chuckled to herself, “Did you know that I met him before the conservatory ball? He caught me riding in the forest. I was instantly charmed by him and I felt something I had never felt for a man before.”
"When I saw him at the ball, for a fleeting moment I thought…maybe he would be interested in me too. But I set that aside once you expressed your interest in him, Edwina. When he wanted to call off the engagement I told him not to."
"Oh, how grateful I am," her voice sounded weak. She wanted to say something spiteful for the sake of it. Anything just to take the pain away.
“You believe you are innocent in all of this when I had warned you from the start that he seeks a wife only to fulfil his duty and not for love. He has told you this himself. You have always wanted a love match yet you knowingly participated in this courtship. You believe that I have manipulated you when I have been protecting you. I know that you are a grown woman and you can take care of yourself. But you are also young and naive. Growing up also means taking responsibility for your mistakes."
Kate watched the guilty look on her sister’s face. She realised that her words may have come out harsher than she initially thought. Approaching Edwina, she decided on a kinder approach.
"I know that I should have told you about my feelings for him sooner but I did not want to risk your chance at happiness."
Edwina's bottom lip trembled as Kate spoke. She wanted to say something nasty in return…something that would hurt Kate but she couldn't. Because for once, since the wedding, she had realised that she wasn’t completely innocent in all of this.
"Girls? You are awake?" Mary's soft voice grew louder as she got closer to the room.
Kate wondered if they had been yelling loudly for Mary to have woken up.
"Is…everything alright?" She was surprised to see them both in the same room. Edwina looked as if she had been crying and Kate was stiff beside her
"I was just leaving mama. I need to clear my head," Kate rushed to gather her riding cloak. Now that Mary was here, she knew she would not reach an understanding with Edwina.
"Edwina what has happened?" Mary was concerned now, “Why are you crying?”
Edwina sniffled and assured her mother she was fine. She was filled with the slightest anger when she looked at her mother. How could Mary have done that to Kate? How could she have left Kate to run their household for so many years? How could she have let Kate raise her younger sister?
"Girls, please. You two have always been there for one another. You are sisters. This too shall pass-"
"Half-sisters," Kate corrected, a single tear sliding down her cheek, "Isn't that right Edwina?"
"Kate!" Mary scolded.
Edwina looked away. Of all the things she had said to Kate, the half-sister comment was what she regretted the most. She knew her sister was undeserving of such cruelty, especially now. She wanted to apologise but she couldn’t form the right words.
Finding Edwina immovable to her soothing words, Mary turned to Kate.
"Kate, you are the eldest. Apologise to your sister and you two will be able to find common ground again," Mary gently placed her hand on Kate’s forearm. Kate yanked it away in frustration.
"I have apologised to her. On multiple occasions," Kate felt her anger build once again. She suddenly found Mary to be condescending. Much like Edwina, memories from her childhood were also coming back to mind. She never complained about having to grow up quickly in order to head their household, but there were many times where she thought life would have turned out so differently if Mary had taken on the role instead.
"It is clear to me whose side you are on-"
"Sides?" Mary was shocked, "You are both my daughters. I will not take sides-"
"Then why have you not asked me about my side of things? Why have you not checked to see if I'm alright? Why do you expect me to beg Edwina for forgiveness when she is clearly being obstinate about offering it? Why do you never hold her accountable yet I am expected to shoulder the responsibilities of everyone in this family?!"
A long pause passed before anyone said anything. Mary sat down on the bed as she cried into her hands. She had never thought Kate would break down like that. The pain in her voice was heartbreaking. Edwina gently rubbed her back as she wept.
Kate watched them for a moment. Even in their pain, Edwina had Mary, and Mary had Edwina. She wished she had someone like that. Someone to soothe her when she cried. Her father had always comforted her during storms but the memories were fading now that she was getting older. With one final, regretful glance, Kate ran out, riding cloak in hand. She felt the sting of rain against her cheek as she climbed on top of her horse. The rain didn’t matter. None of it mattered. In fact, she thought if she disappeared right now, it wouldn’t matter.