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They had been living together for five years now, and Ogata knew he wasn't going anywhere. He'd given up on that desire long before the six months was up, had even come to terms with the thought that he'd like to stay here, with Vasily, for the rest of his life. As undeserved as the comfort was.
The newest development was a different story.. He knew he enjoyed his time with Vasily and was even comfortable with how clingy he could be, needing his hands or arms on Ogata every chance he got. Ogata knew he liked the other man quite a lot, but.. was he /in love/ with him? His brain told him no, that love wasn't something he was capable of, that he wasn't something that could love. But his heart.. His heart raced every time Vasily came in the room, every time Ogata made him laugh, and every time Vasily looked at him like he meant something. Waking up next to Vasily made every day feel bright from the start, and knowing he'd be right back here in his arms every night after made getting through the days that much easier. Not that the days were bad either.
He'd found ways to occupy his time while Vasily painted or went off to sell what paintings he'd finished or furs Ogata had acquired while hunting. He kept the house tidy, not that either of them was messy, and had even started a small garden, much to Vasily's amusement when he got frustrated over seeds not sprouting at first. Vasily had asked one of the neighborhood women some tips when Ogata had refused do to so himself, and now the garden was doing quite well. Ogata had to admit, he was happy here, and it was all thanks to Vasily.
Ogata's thoughts had been keeping him occupied lately, seeming distant as he stared out the window while they ate, or Vasily would come out from painting to see him sitting deep in thought. Ogata hadn't thought about how this change would be seen by Vasily, he didn't expect him to pay that much attention, which was foolish on its own.
Vasily was always paying attention.
Ogata sat on their porch, watching people pass on the street. He ran his hand over the scar along the side of his head, lost in thought while he waited. Vasily had gone off to speak to a gallery owner before he'd woken up and Ogata had already prepared lunch for when he returned, which should be any time now. He thought about how things had changed, how Vasily had always been conscious of his needs, and how he had never properly shown his appreciation. Everything he had now was thanks to Vasily and had been offered freely, all he'd had to do was stay.
He catches movement out of the corner of his eye and looks up to see Vasily hurrying towards the house, and his heart soars at the sight. Not wanting to look too happy he stands as casually as he can before Vasily's arms are wrapped tightly around him and he breathes a sigh of relief. Vasily seems very excited today and Ogata laughs as they rock back and forth. Vasily lets go and pulls his notepad out, -The gallery owner wants to put my paintings up in Moscow!- At that Ogata is stunned, reading and rereading the words Vasily had written, He's not sure what to say as Vasily quickly starts writing again, -an acquaintance of his bought one of my last paintings and showed him. This is better than I could have ever asked!- the moment Ogata finishes reading he's swept up in another hug, this time he's pulled off his feet and spun around.
Vasily hurries them inside after that and heads straight into his studio to start looking over what he has still and what he hasn't finished yet. Ogata heads for the kitchen, getting lunch dished up while Vasily bustles around excitedly. He can't help but smile over how happy Vasily is, how good this opportunity is. Once everything is ready he calls down the hall, "Come eat, your paintings won't run away while you're gone!" Vasily comes out and already has paint on his cheek, "Did you start painting already?" at Vasily's grin he just shakes his head fondly.
-I'll have to go to Moscow for a while to get everything set up.- They are eating across from each other and Vasily watches Ogata closely as he reads. The look in his eyes seems sad, and Ogata can't figure out why he looks like he may have to say 'goodbye' for good. Did he still think Ogata might leave? Ogata meets his eyes and nods, "I'll take care of things here, while you're gone," At that Vasily seems to relax a bit. They finish lunch in silence after that, both lost in their own thoughts. Vasily gets right back to his painting once he's finished and Ogata straightens up the kitchen before sitting with a book, he's not reading, just sitting. Thinking again, but this time about what to do with himself while Vasily is gone. He can spend his time in the woods, of course, find new places for hunting or relaxing.
Maybe he can plan something for Vasily's return.. He glares at the words on the page in front of him, like it's ridiculous that he'd want to do something just because Vasily had been gone for an extended amount of time. He looked up as Vasily enters the room again, paint fresh on his hands as he writes -Need to go out again, need anything?- Ogata shakes his head before setting the book down, "I can come with you though," The grin Vasily responds with makes Ogata's heart race against his will.
The rest of the day they spend together, even after returning home Vasily stays out of his studio to spend time with Ogata. They make dinner side by side, Vasily's arm regularly bumping Ogata's as they work, the feeling of closeness is a comfort even if it costs him elbow space.
They go to bed early that night, Vasily pulling Ogata into his arms as soon as he can, burying his face in Ogata's hair as they settle in. Ogata can't help but drift back into his thoughts, how long would Vasily even be gone for? Would he want to move to Moscow if it went well? Would there be room in Vasily's life for him when he does make it? Vasily rubs his shoulder and arm, Ogata hadn't noticed he'd been watching him and looks up to see Vasily looking troubled again. Looking sad again. "Just.. thinking of how to spend my time while you're gone," He tries to sound reassuring, but that last question eats away at him as they settle into sleep. That night, Ogata is the clingy one.
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The day Vasily leaves is finally here, and Ogata hasn't been able to get his head on straight since he found out he'd be gone. Vasily hugs him tight, -Don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone.- He smiles teasingly and Ogata smiles like he intends to get into as much trouble as he can, "Who, me? of course not," Vasily's smile fades as he makes sure his things are all situated, it's a long trip out and his paintings were picked up the day before while he'd make his own way there.
That sad look is there again and Ogata places his hand on Vasily's where he's fussing with a strap, "You'll have to tell me all about it when you get back," and that's the best he can do to reassure Vasily he'll be here still, if that's what he was worried about at all. Vasily's shoulders relax and he smiles, his notepad is unreachable, but Ogata is sure he knows what he'd want to say. Vasily hugs him tight again and then he's gone. Ogata goes inside, and it feels colder than it ever had before.
The days drag by so Ogata takes to the woods, hunting, and hiking. One day he finds a field and thinks of how Vasily might paint it. He huffs at himself, trying to focus on what he's out there to do, trying to not get distracted. But as the days pass, Ogata thinks about Vasily more and more, his absence like a hole in Ogata's chest. He can't ignore it, especially in the evenings, when a cold empty bed is all that awaits him. He winds up spending more than a few nights in the woods to not have to feel it as strongly.
After an unnecessarily long time camping, he finally returns home, and there's a letter. Ogata drops the bundle of furs he'd collected as he grabs the letter from the porch. Vasily had written to tell him he'd be returning home soon, and Ogata's heart skips a beat. He hadn't been home, how long was the letter waiting for him? The slam of the door bursting open is the only warning Ogata has before Vasily is holding him off the ground, face pressed firmly against the side of his neck. Ogata chokes on his own breath, wrapping his arms tightly around Vasily's shoulders and pressing his face to his hair, "You're back.." it's all he can say before Vasily squeezes tighter, his shoulders are shaking and Ogata hears a broken sound from against his chest.
Vasily thought he'd left.
He'd hurt Vasily.
Ogata holds Vasily's shoulders tighter for a moment before patting his arm, "Let me down, let me see you," Vasily lowers him to his feet reluctantly, keeping his face hidden against Ogata's neck as long as he's able before finally standing straight to look down at Ogata. He'd been crying even before this, Ogata realizes, he'd fucked up by not being here. Ogata holds Vasily's face in his hands, running his thumb under his eyes to wipe the tears away, "I couldn't stand to sleep here without you, I spent the last few days hunting.." It's the best explanation he can offer, his chest tight with grief for hurting Vasily and joy that he was home again. Vasily presses his face against Ogata's hands more, placing his own hands over his. Ogata realizes he wants to kiss him, they had never kissed before, he was never one for kissing to begin with. But Vasily. He loves Vasily.
He /loves/ Vasily.
Everything clicks, finally, and Ogata has to blink away the tears that threaten to form, "Let's.. Let's get inside, you need to tell me about your trip," He doesn't know why that's all he's saying, but Vasily lets him go to pick up the abandoned furs. Vasily's eyes don't leave him until he's by his side again and Vasily can put his hand on his shoulder, the contact comforting both of them. Ogata leaves the furs by the door on the porch, he can deal with them later, right now he needs to be with Vasily, he can't be apart from him again, not yet.
He looks up to see Vasily's questioning eyes, his hand lingers near Ogata's, the notepad must have been left at the table but Ogata knows what he's asking. He slides his hand into Vasily's, their fingers interlocking, and Vasily beams. They don't let go as they make their way to the table so Vasily can tell him all about his trip. Ogata comments on everything Vasily writes, happy that he had such a good time.
-You should come with me next time.- Ogata smiles softly, "I think I should too.." They spend the rest of the day talking, once Vasily's hand starts to get tired they go to bed. Being back in Vasily's arms fills Ogata with so much warmth all he can think is how could he not realize he loves this man till just now. How could he have not known? The house wasn't home. Vasily was what made it home. Vasily was home, and Ogata never wanted to be away from him again.
The next day Ogata drags Vasily out of bed early, "Let's have a picnic breakfast, I have somewhere to show you," He'd already cooked and packed a small breakfast, blinis with sour cream and salmon, boiled eggs, and sweet piroshki. Ogata was proud of what he'd made, he hoped it would be enough, that maybe it would get his feelings across. Vasily dressed, yawning as Ogata pressed a mug of coffee into his hands before pulling his boots on. Vasily hummed in appreciation, going to look in the basket before Ogata shifts it away from him, earning a huff, "It's a surprise," And he feels like a fool for it all, he's so excited he can't even keep himself calm and collected. Vasily has obviously noticed, Ogata sees the pleased look on his face before ushering him out the door.
Ogata remembers the way to the field he'd found before, the one he thought Vasily would appreciate, and they walk hand in hand as he leads the way. When they get there Ogata is shocked, he hadn't expected the entire field to be in bloom. He hadn't been back since he'd found it, the difference a few days could make.. He peeks at Vasily and smiles, he's looking at everything, taking in the whole view, and Ogata knows this will end up in one of his paintings, just like he'd hoped. Ogata leads him by the hand into the field, flowers brushing their knees as they go, bright whites, yellows, and oranges surround them as Ogata finds a good spot they can eat. Vasily doesn't let his hand go as they sit, instead taking the opportunity to kiss the back of it, a playful glint in his eyes. Ogata watches him, he knows his face is red, but he won't be beaten. Not in sniping, and not in this. Before he can think better of it, Ogata leans forward and pulls Vasily into a kiss. Their first kiss, his first kiss. it's quick, but when he pulls back Vasily looks like he's not breathing. For a moment Ogata worries he's done something wrong, and then Vasily is kissing him again.
And again.
And again.
Vasily kisses everywhere on Ogata's face he can, his smile so wide Ogata thinks his face must hurt from it. Ogata's own face hurts, he's grinning like a fool and has no reason not to. He has to say it, he has to tell Vasily..
He needs to tell him!
Ogata instead pulls out the food once Vasily has settled down again. Both of them are still smiling, Vasily is sitting as close to Ogata as he can without being in his lap. Vasily looks pleased with the food, -You made all of this this morning?- "I was.. Excited to have you home again. I wanted to bring you here. I.." He trails off, he'd almost said it! Why can't he just.. Say the three words he'd never said..
-Thank you, I love it.- Vasily pulls the notepad back quickly and writes something else, looking at it a while before turning it back to Ogata.
-I love you.-
Ogata can't breathe, he knew this, of course he knew. He's known for a while that Vasily loves him, but Vasily had never told him, Ogata's eyes stay on the notepad, "I love you," The words slip out as a whisper. Vasily's eyes go wide and neither of them moves until Ogata looks him in the eyes. With every scrap of feeling Ogata's damaged heart and soul can muster, every ounce of love and warmth he'd never felt before this fool of a man saved him from himself, "Vasily, I love you."
The notepad drops from Vasily's hand and he pulls Ogata into a bone crushing hug, kissing him again and again and Ogata feels so alive it makes his head spin. Ogata realizes Vasily is crying and wipes his tears away, kissing the tip of Vasily's nose once his eyes are dry. They stay that way a little while, Ogata held securely in Vasily's arms. They settle next to each other after a moment, Ogata stays pressed to Vasily's side as they eat. Vasily makes pleased noises at how the food is and Ogata swells with pride. The notebook still lies forgotten next to the food, but they are both happy to let it sit while they eat.
Once they have both had their fill Vasily picks up the notepad again -You've gotten better at cooking.- He grins at Ogata who shoves his shoulder with a smile, "I've been a good cook this whole time, your Russian food is just weird," Vasily shrugs, amused.
They sit together for a while, Ogata resting his head against Vasily's shoulder as they look out across the flower filled clearing, "I'm not going anywhere. I don't think I could leave you even if I wanted to.." Vasily looks down at him while Ogata's vision is distant, "With everything that's happened.. I never thought... I shouldn't be allowed this happiness. I don't belong in a place like this.." Vasily takes his hand and holds it tight, kissing their joined fingers before letting go to write again -Wherever I am, you belong.- He kisses Ogata's cheek then and Ogata just smiles.
This, this is a truth he can live with.