Work Text:
Mingyu’s feet shuffled through the dorm, eyes fluttering shut, yet navigating through the pitch black dorm with ease. It was one of those days Mingyu had a solo schedule, which meant returning to the dorm at an ungodly hour. Although returning home after midnight is normal in his career, returning at 5:00 A.M takes the cake.
He attempted to grab the doorknob to Wonwoo’s room, since he borrowed one of his bags, and he knew Wonwoo would nag about it in the morning, so he’s returning it now.
Mingyu's eyes are nearly glued shut, but despite his fatigue, he manages to drop off his bag without creating a huge commotion. Mingyu glimpsed at the moving TV screen, playing some game Mingyu is too uncultured to know. What really interests Mingyu is that he didn’t receive some snarky remark about how late he was arriving from Wonwoo.
“Oh, you’re still up.” Mingyu glides past Wonwoo, dropping off the bag he borrowed from him. “Waiting for me, maybe?” He joked. After hearing no response, Mingyu turned around.
“Wonwoo? You awake?”
He stepped in front of the tv screen, seeing Wonwoo’s eyes shut, sunken in his bed sheets. He looked serene, and Mingyu couldn't help but stare. Even if it was for a few seconds, Mingyu felt flustered, because knowing his luck, Wonwoo could wake up seeing him stare creepily at him, because he was being creepy.
Mingyu carefully took the tv remote out of his hand, setting them gently onto the nightstand. He had his full concentration to not knock anything down or create an earth shattering noise, a liability of his long limbs. Thankfully, Wonwoo seemed fast asleep, undisturbed by the younger.
He carefully took Wonwoo’s glasses off, putting them on the nightstand. Wonwoo’s head started to lean towards the bed, making his body slump on his side.
“Seriously, does that TV not hurt your eyes?“ Mingyu mumbled, fixing the crumpled blanket over Wonwoo.
These steps were routine to him now. It wasn’t rare, but every now and then Mingyu gets a feeling Wonwoo may be up when everyone is fast asleep, and if he is asleep, he’s sat in front of his tv, waiting for Mingyu to eventually come in and turn it off, even if Wonwoo doesn’t realize.
Then comes turning off his lights, fixing his bedsheets, charging his phone, and leaving. Even after all this, Wonwoo doesn’t question anything in the morning. Maybe because they’re always rushing in the morning, or that Wonwoo literally cannot function without his glasses, but he doesn’t notice. Admittedly, Mingyu wished he earned some praise from the elder. It was out of the kindness of his heart after all, he doesn’t expect someone like Wonwoo to really notice.
Mingyu then turned on a small night light in the corner, rubbing his own eyes in the process. He let his eyes droop for a second, and suddenly, he felt his body sway. That 5:00 A.M fatigue was really starting to hit, and rolling into Wonwoo’s bed became more desirable. His bedroom was pretty far too.
And so, Mingyu carefully swung his feet over the bed, positioning himself in the empty spot of the bed, as if someone was supposed to be occupying the spot. Mingyu forced himself to look at the ceiling, and yet, he found his eyes, and eventually his whole body, gravitating towards Wonwoo. The nightlight had this golden hue, as if a sunset was cloaking Wonwoo’s face.
Mingyu could tell he took a shower. His hair was a stiff mess and he could imagine the second he woke up his hair would look like a dandelion. He also recognized the sleeveless tee he was wearing, which displayed Wonwoo’s arms he took pleasure in admiring. Mingyu then respoistions himself on his side, allowing his hand to fall, palm facing up, inches away from Wonwoo’s nose. He calmed his urge to stroke Wonwoo’s face, wondering the types of affection that Wonwoo would do to flutter his heart. Ultimately, Mingyu decides to just admire, as he has been.
“How many times do I have to do this?” Mingyu says to himself, though he'd like to know what Wonwoo would say, but the thought made him shudder. His stomach churns just thinking about it. Wonwoo would probably tease him for caring enough to pamper him, like a parent putting his son to bed.
There’s so many things Mingyu would like to know. Some days he wishes he could pick apart Wonwoo’s brain, wondering what lies beneath those eyes that seem to gloss over everything.
“Do you even notice?” Mingyu asks, his voice on the edge of a whisper, a hint of desperation. But he already knows the answer.
And of course, Mingyu knows he cares. Maybe that’s the curse of knowing someone for that long, that Mingyu knew what to expect from Wonwoo in terms of affection. The compliments he’ll get. The inflection of his voice. Just because he knew what to expect doesn’t mean he could yearn for something more.
But it’s not like Mingyu would act on his feelings.
In Mingyu’s eyes, Wonwoo was like the sun. He was beautiful afar, glowing in a world of darkness, embracing a unique warmth that can’t be replicated. However, the sun was an everlasting ball of fire, he’d get scorched for trying to grace its beauty.
Nothing is wrong with a little wishful thinking, even daydreaming of love, but the way Mingyu sees it, it’s all lies. It’s this giant facade that Mingyu only has platonic feelings towards Wonwoo, and he can’t stand it.
To keep going on his day suppressing these feelings that whirl inside him like a storm. It eats him up everyday, picking off the pieces of his sanity and ability to even function around Wonwoo. Of course, Mingyu is able to keep a lid on it and be cool around him, he has to, he’s a lover to him as a coworker. Arguably worse in Mingyu’s situation. People in the industry always warn of dating, like it’s a taboo or it’s inevitable because in this industry, everyone is incredibly hot. But also, any idol will tell you even if you can’t date, everyone is too busy to even think of love. However, everyone seems to miss a small flaw in that statement.
Nobody warns that if you fall for someone in your group, you’re screwed.
That’s where the guilt derived from.
It swallows him at night especially, after a long day of schedules, his mind is clear and true feelings rise to the surface, because although love is an incredible feeling, at times, it’s also like a pest, itching in the back of Mingyu’s mind.
He doesn’t feel guilt weighing him like he usually would during the day, like dance practice. If Wonwoo caught Mingyu sneaking glances at him during dance practice he’d shoot a smile, or tease him for looking dazed. Then the guilt hits him. Mingyu realizes if he confesses his love it’ll screw up everything he’s built up with Wonwoo. Things would never be the same between them. A gap in their relationship crescendos into a greater problem. If two members' bond is shattered it botches the dynamic of the team. He’ll be creating collateral damage.
Mingyu doesn’t want that. Besides Wonwoo, the only thing he cherishes just as much is his members. He can’t afford to lose both.
But sometimes, Mingyu likes to let his selfishness out, and let the guilt go. Just like tonight, where Mingyu got that hunch Wonwoo would be sleeping with the tv on again. And when he’s done tucking him in, he stands idly in the doorway, watching the moonlight bend on Wonwoo’s face, his slow breaths hitting his blankets, he’s allowed to indulge in the what if’s, to let himself sink deeper into delusions of love. Sometimes Mingyu’s lips would part, as unspoken confessions graced his tongue, but it all bubbles in his throat and dreams of reciprocation and requited love fizzle up.
Mingyu knows the longer he stays, the longer this admiration for the elder will remain, and linger, for god knows how long. Mingyu doesn’t know if he can stand another year of unrequited love.
Thus, with a regretful breath, Mingyu shuts his eyes, allowing the 5 A.M fatigue to take over.
࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ
A sliver of sunrise bleeds through the curtains, reminding Mingyu of the time. He creaked an eye open, and as his vision slowly sharpened, he realized as he was almost forehead to forehead with Wonwoo, who was still sleeping. Mingyu holds his breath in, but Wonwoo, whose mouth is parted ever so slightly, let out paced breaths. His hair was in spikes, kind of like what Mingyu predicted, a dandelion. Nevertheless, Mingyu thought he looked endearing.
Mingyu attempts to scoot farther, realizing he really did fall asleep in his bed. A part of him is happy, but the other half is self aware that this happiness will last merely seconds. It was only 7:49 A.M. Usually someone would come barging in saying they have a schedule in like two hours, but today, it’s just a memory that looms over them. Mingyu seals his mouth, hoping his long stature doesn’t cause an earth shattering noise from just trying to get out of bed. He successfully peels off the blankets, making two steps out the bed, until the silence was interrupted, but surprisingly, the culprit wasn’t him.
“Mingyu,” Wonwoo hums, his voice thick with morning fatigue, “Stay.”
Mingyu stared back, dumbstruck, “You sure?”
“Stop talking and come back.”
And so, Mingyu did.
He fell back into bed, laying stiffly, eyes glued to the ceiling. Mingyu’s gaze peers over to his right, where Wonwoo laid, probably resuming his slumber. As for Mingyu, he wasn’t sure how to fall back to sleep. He attempts to lay on his side, but really it’s an excuse to look at Wonwoo.
Right as Mingyu positioned his body closer, Wonwoo inched towards him. Mingyu stiffened as an immediate reaction, nearly forehead to forehead with him. His eyes are forced to see the tiniest details of Wonwoo’s face Mingyu has countlessly surveyed before. From his eyelashes, nose bridge, his moles, and cheekbones. His complexion was completely flawless as well, and it took everything in Mingyu to resist brushing his fingers against his jaw.
Mingyu deflates, allowing himself to relax. Now that Wonwoo was slightly awake, or at least conscious, it felt wrong to even look at him with the thoughts circling in Mingyu’s head. Nothing naughty, but instead, a familiar guilt starts to settle in again. His thoughts from the previous night start to trickle back into his mind, wondering about the probabilities of a good outcome if he decides to reveal everything. About the joy he gets thinking about holding his hand in public, talking until the sunrise and being able to say I love you with no hesitancy, and everything Mingyu has been feeling towards him for the last decade. He’s gone through the whole thought process, but any sense of logic seems to dissolve when he’s centimeters away from Wonwoo’s face.
They stayed in that position for another ten minutes, and Mingyu still couldn’t find the strength to actually sleep. His brain is too awake, but it’s alright, he doesn’t mind the tranquility that comes in the morning, especially if he spends it with Wonwoo.
Suddenly, Wonwoo yawns, stretching one of his arms out. Wonwoo positions himself back, his brows turning in upon seeing Mingyu. “You’re still here?”
Mingyu scoffs, a smile forming as he quips back, “Is it my cue to leave?”
As Mingyu barely processed his own remark, to his shock, Wonwoo grabs Mingyu’s arm, caressing it gently, “No.”
His fingers clasp lightly to his bicep, making Mingyu melt under his touch. Then Mingyu’s eyes flicker towards Wonwoo’s thumb that was massaging small circles on his skin. He wonders if Wonwoo thought he was a pillow and just instinctively decided to reach out, or he meant to put his hand on him.
Mingyu noticed the slight flinch in his eyes, a familiar motion he does when he can’t see well. “Can you even see me right now?”
“Not really,” Wonwoo says with a smirk, “That’s why I’m touching you, making sure you’re not just a blob.”
Mingyu lightly chuckles. Although he would love to, it’s a blessing and curse that Mingyu isn’t wrapped in Wonwoo’s arms. All he ever wanted was to embrace him, to envelop him in his arms and breathe down his neck, telling him how much he adores him. This was the closest he’ll ever get, but Mingyu knows that if got any closer, Wonwoo would hear his rampant heartbeats, revealing how nervous he actually was. He felt like a teenager dealing with love again. His small body filled to the brim with big, unexplainable emotions.
“I — You know we should start heading out soon,” Mingyu stammers. “The others — “
“They won’t care.” Wonwoo counters, making direct eye contact through his half closed eyes. Mingyu feels a pulse of anxiety race through him. Somehow Wonwoo being able to fully see him, and how he’s inches away from his face, made the situation way more real.
Mingyu goes to retaliate, but seeing the situation he’s in, he decides to silence himself. Although they spend every waking moment of the day in the same room, this type of moment is rare. He felt no apprehension thinking of the consequences of getting up late, and it may be selfish to a degree, but he was already selfish the second he got in bed with Wonwoo. Might as well keep going.
“Unless you’re that eager to get out of bed.”
“No,” Mingyu says a little too quickly, “I just.. I didn’t know you liked this sort of thing.”
Wonwoo takes a second to collect his words, then he asks, “Isn’t this what friends do?” which makes Mingyu question if Wonwoo is toying with him or if he's this naive. “They.. sleep in beds together, staring at each other, for no particular reason. You know. Friends.”
He saw Wonwoo smirk upon his silent response, making Mingyu believe the heartache was painfully visible on his face, “You know I’m kidding, right?”
Mingyu feels the air leaving his chest, “Oh.”
An amused smile paints Wonwoo’s face, “You’re acting like we’ve never slept in the same bed before.”
“Yeah but that’s — “
“Different?” Wonwoo slightly cocks his head in a teasing manner, making Mingyu look like a deer in headlights, except sleepy, and also reevaluating his relationship with Wonwoo in mere seconds. The feelings Mingyu suppressed in almost a decade worth of knowing each other turned on its head. Mingyu felt like the whole world got turned upside down. Granted, Wonwoo did have that effect.
“Yeah.” is all Mingyu can say, sort of breathless.
“What’s different about this time?”
Now faced with the question, Mingyu is frozen and unsure. “I don’t.. I don’t know what this is,” he says, more truthfully than he’d like to admit. “And I’m too afraid to ask.”
A look of puzzlement crosses Wonwoo’s face, as if he can’t comprehend that Mingyu, a guy who seemingly takes a lot of risks, who also exudes an enviable amount of confidence, was afraid.
“I just – I.. I don’t know. It feels like if I try to get closer to you.. I’ll lose you, if that makes sense.”
“Mingyu, I’m not going anywhere.” Wonwoo assures, falling short of a laugh.
Maybe it’s the morning fatigue weighing on him, because he knows Wonwoo said it with his truth, but deep down, in Mingyu’s brain buried in inexplicable logic caused by love, Wonwoo is wrong. He may not be physically going anywhere, but years of friendship could vanish in seconds if Mingyu didn’t play his words carefully, and he has been, for the last decade, but for some odd reason, his words seem to tangle now.
“I know,” Mingyu says matter-of-factly, and he knows he’s contradicting his point. It’s hard to really think straight when all Mingyu can hear and see is Wonwoo. His ocean deep voice rumbling against the pillows, his deadpan remarks making up for his tiredness. To call him beautiful is an understatement, a crime even. Even now, when his body is telling him he’s exhausted, Wonwoo has a beauty Mingyu can never get tired of looking at. It’d be a shame for Mingyu to never see him this way again.
“But it’s like.. It’s like I’m teetering on this line between totally ruining this friendship of ours, or keeping what we already have.”
“What do you want us to have?”
“I don’t know,” Mingyu says, his honesty leaving a sour taste in his mouth. There’s only so many stages with unrequited love he can endure, and he’s been stuck in this one-sided limbo, quarrelling with love that he can’t seem to get rid of. Now that he’s slowly inching into uncharted territory, being confronted with the one he loves, he’s hesitant.
“Thinking about something greater is kinda strange and.. scary to me.” Mingyu replies sincerely.
“What’s so scary about that?” Wonwoo asks, and although it was posed as a question, Mingyu felt it was a proposition. Wonwoo leans forward, and Mingyu winces back slightly but ultimately stays when he realizes the next sequence of events. Or, what could happen.
His gaze had a magnetic pull Mingyu couldn’t separate from, but it wasn’t like he wanted to look away either. From when Wonwoo woke up minutes ago to now, his eyes had a spark that wasn’t previously there. A hint of longing Wonwoo was determined to satisfy.
A few seconds pass as Mingyu holds his tongue, realizing he does have an answer.
“Everything.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, Mingyu realized it didn’t matter what he said, it only served as an invitation for Wonwoo to close the distance between them, as he went for a kiss.
Wonwoo lunges eagerly, but his lips as well as his approach was gentle, instantly pacifying the shock rushing through Mingyu’s body. He closes his eyes instinctively, perhaps from fatigue, or how Mingyu was letting himself sink in absolute bliss as he pressed his lips in return.
That indecipherable stare seconds before Wonwoo kissed him – it was a look of desire, of want. He wanted Mingyu. And although he couldn’t quite believe it, a tiny voice in the back of Mingyu’s mind told him everything he’s been dreaming of was finally happening. A climax to a story he didn’t know would end.
Unlike what Mingyu feared about, he wasn’t scorched by the sun. Instead, Wonwoo was warm, like the sunset beaming on his skin. The cold morning shivers were melted by his lips, which Wonwoo used with delicacy and passion. Something about his fatigued kisses made the experience more tender, more gentle than one approached with urgency and voracity. It was everything Mingyu ever wanted and so much more. He may have waited years for it but he savored it with caution.
Mingyu let out a breath knotted in his throat, allowing their lips to part for a second. To Mingyu’s surprise, Wonwoo leaned in and continued to kiss him the second afterwards. At this point, all parts of Mingyu’s brain was fried, but he knew that when Wonwoo dove in to close the distance, it meant he was asking for more. More of Mingyu, more of this. His intensity was dialed up, from the pressure of his lips to his ragged breaths, so Mingyu returned the favor, taking the lead. Mingyu felt himself melting, tasting the sweetness of his lips and his breaths heating his cheeks.
Although they found each other’s rhythm, they were still new to this. Not kissing, of course, but kissing each other. Feeling each other. Mingyu wasn’t sure where to put his hands, which makes him wonder if Wonwoo likes having the nape of his neck coddled or having his hand running through his hair. But in this moment, it doesn’t matter, because Mingyu was kissing Jeon fucking Wonwoo.
Perhaps it was Mingyu’s mind warping this moment to make it the absolute most perfect kiss ever, but as he proceeded to lean into Wonwoo’s chest, feeling the fondness in his touch, he knew this truly was perfect.
Even when they parted lips, meaning the moment was over, it was still perfect, because Mingyu got to see Wonwoo’s cheeks flush a rosey pink while trying to not act dazed.
It was obvious Wonwoo put on a composed facade after, which Mingyu found ironic. Still, Wonwoo’s lips pulled into a small smile, which Mingyu was absolutely smitten over. “You overthink too much.”
If it wasn’t for the bedroom door opening seconds later, Mingyu would’ve certainly kissed him again until the sun set, and he'd do this routine all over again.