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‘Outcast’ is quite a strong word.
A few years ago, maybe it would have been a perfect fit. Maybe, in a different universe somewhere up in the starry skies, Shiho still is an outcast by the book; drowning in her own little ocean of despair and guilt and the burning, scalding loneliness that comes with it. Still watching her future fade away so steadily from her rooftop view. Along with her dreams. Ambitions. The girl she’s loved for so, so long, but never had the courage to express it to. Maybe that’s what an outcast is.
She’d know, because she’s been there. Coincidentally, so has ‘the girl’ in question, and now they’re closer than ever. Which leads her to wonder why these thoughts of her past return so frequently, clouding her consciousness. Is it a dream? A nightmare? She doesn’t know. She wishes she did.
Maybe that’s what brings her to stay behind in the Sekai after practice, alone with her girlfriend.
Shiho runs her hand through Ichika’s dark hair for what seems like the millionth time, unintentionally curling a few strands around her calloused fingers as she does. They’re bruised and scarred, with bass string sized cuts down the pads of her fretting hand, a rounded dent the shape of a plectrum in the other. She doesn’t (and probably will never) understand how Ichika could love someone so… imperfect. It seems wrong. It shouldn’t, but it does.
The girl relaxes further back into her lap, smiling and gazing deeply into her lover’s green eyes. Shiho hopes that Ichika can’t tell what she’s thinking by looking into them. She’s supposed to be making her feel better, not the other way around.
“I love you so much.” It’s the best she can do. Shiho wishes she could give more. Absolutely anything for her vocalist, her guitarist, willing to take their shared dreams and scream them out into the mic to everyone in the crowds waiting for them. Their dreams. Not hers to shoulder alone any longer. They’re theirs .
Still, they’re always going to be the dreams she wishes she could have had so long ago, but faltered at the final hurdle – simply talking to them again.
Despite her doubts, Ichika cups her cheeks and drags her down into a gentle kiss, brushing her thumbs slowly past her ear. The girl whispers a few quiet affirmations to Shiho after they pull away, and she listens intently to each one, letting Ichika’s voice linger in her mind for just a little longer. This is the right path. She’s doing the right thing, bringing them all with her, because they wanted to come. They’re going to become professionals together.
“You’re tense,” Ichika chuckles after her girlfriend focuses again, her hand noticeably resting on her thigh. “Please, what’s wrong?”
The purple lights of the sky outside shine through the classroom window as Shiho adjusts the way she’s leaning against the desk, desperate to think about anything but the past, the STANDOUT live a few days before, the impending future waiting ahead for them to grasp when the time comes. It’s stupid how much it’s on her mind – she knows they have the resolve, she’s seen it too many times to count. She shouldn’t be so terrified, especially not when she was fine earlier. Excited, even.
She shouldn’t be worrying Ichika with it either. That’s just plain selfish, right? And if things go wrong, it’ll all be her fault for leading them into it. There’ll be no do-overs, just failure, and their potential will be completely and utterly wasted and—
“Is it the STANDOUT thing?”
Crap.
Tears are brimming in her eyes - and when the first one falls on Ichika’s gray sweatshirt, she can’t help but pull her in, planting kisses all over every part of her body she can reach. Her fingers interlace with her girlfriend’s, and Ichika squeezes her hand to reassure her as she sits up from Shiho’s lap and turns around.
“Shiho, it’s alright, let it all out.” She feels Ichika’s arms wrap around her waist and pull her in, the familiar weight of the girl’s head resting in the crook of her neck. The stars are still shining, but fading slowly as something moves in to obscure them from vision.
“I’m sorry,” is all she can manage. “I’m so sorry, I’m fine one second and then the next I just— fuck, I’m sorry…”
Ichika holds her the entire time, letting the girl’s tears soak through her hoodie without hesitation, stroking up and down her back to calm her down.
And a few moments later, she’s finished. There’s silence in the Sekai, and silence in Shiho’s mind.
Ichika smiles sadly and lets go, going back to holding her hand, running her thumb across her bassist’s knuckles. The stars outside the classroom window are gone completely, covered by a cloud. Shiho decides she doesn’t need them. The only star she needs, so to speak, is sat right in front of her.
“Are you sure about this?” Shiho’s voice comes out quiet, either from the crying or her tone, she can’t tell.
“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”
…
And she sounds like she means it.
They kiss again, this one lingering a little longer than the last. Shiho lifts Ichika back into her lap, holding her waist as the familiar sound of the Virtual Singer’s band practice fills their ears from the floor above. A steady bassline to start, then an iconic lead guitar follows. They’re playing Needle. The song that brought them here. Brought them back together again.
‘Outcast’ is a strong word, and Shiho is pretty sure that the definition doesn’t fit her like it used to. Suddenly she understands why Ichika would love someone so imperfect. She understands why she can love someone so radiant.
“I never thought we’d get this far,” she grins after they separate. “That you’d come with me, even.”
“Me neither. Makes you think, doesn it?”
“Hm?”
“About how beautiful the view is now we’re here.” Ichika laughs under her breath as she says it, taking hold of her lover’s hand once again.
The view is pretty beautiful, but maybe that’s because it’s so close.
Maybe, just maybe, it’s sat right in front of her; with sleek, dark hair and pretty cyan eyes that Shiho could just spend hours staring into, as if she isn’t doing exactly that right now. Maybe that ‘beautiful view’ plays guitar. Maybe she’s the frontwoman of a band called Leo/need.
Maybe she’s called Hoshino Ichika.
“Ichika?”
“What’s up?”
“...I’ll stay by your side, as long as this world lets me.”
…
…
“I’d like that.”