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”Can you hear me?”
Silence.
It was only ever silence.
In Daichi’s dreams of gray, there was only ever silence. A small room, or a forest even, but all were gray, devoid of the color Daichi knew was there but had never experienced.
In dreams you were supposed to see parts of them: your soulmate. You could talk to them or hold them, though it wasn’t guaranteed you would remember your dreams at all. But Daichi remembered. Ever since he began dreaming, he was alone there. Gray filling his empty headspace, and Daichi was left wondering why his soulmate was avoiding him.
Every day he watched as people would encounter soulmates, it was a popular topic for movies and books centered around romance. It was said that your world would burst into color once you see them, but Daichi was beginning to think that it was an elaborate lie, drawing everyone into a fantasy that their perception changed with just the sight of a person.
He wondered if he even had a soulmate at all.
Some people ended up never having a soulmate, some people’s soulmates were only platonic in nature, some people had multiple soulmates, and then there were people who married outside of soulmates altogether, for whatever reasons were personal for them.
It was entirely possible that he would end up in the last category.
Daichi awoke to the feeling of a furry head on his chest, a snout sniffing at him as the creature waited for him to arise.
“Taro, off,” Daichi grumbled, and the dog followed obediently, but the sound of his voice had his other dog whining, and he knew he would have to reenter the land of the living and awake.
He groaned before placing his feet on the floor, standing to get started on his morning routine. He still felt groggy, and dissatisfied, but he let those feelings wash away as he took care of his dogs and began his day.
He showered and dressed, checking his schedule on his phone as he brushed his teeth. Today, he had another hospital visit. It wasn’t uncommon, but he’d never been to this particular hospital before.
He knew what dogs he would probably need to take with him, selecting the one in his mind that would be most suited to a job like this. Usually when he went into hospitals, it was for long-term patients with difficult diagnosis and chronic health problems. A lively dog wouldn’t do well, especially if he was visiting older people, but a dog like Eve would be perfect.
Daichi finished getting ready and put on something comfortable but put together, layering a short-sleeved button down over a plain tee.
He said goodbye to his two dogs at home before heading to the facility where he worked, signing in and getting Eve ready for work. Daichi loved working with dogs, and as a trainer, he felt a special connection to the animals. He mainly did training for the general public at the facility, helping dog owners understand the reasons behind their dogs’ poor behavior, but he also trained therapy dogs and had dabbled in training service animals, though those programs required much more time.
He loaded Eve into his car after making sure her vest, clearly labeled “Emotional Support Animal” was visible. He knew that he was only allowed to bring her because the hospitals had specifically requested it, and due to the potential for allergies and the severity of patients’ conditions, he had a short list of people to visit.
But things like this made his job worth it. If he could help bring some peace, companionship, and comfort to people, then that was a wonderful gift.
When he got to the hospital, he made sure Eve’s harness was hooked properly, and lead her to the receptionist desk. The older man there furrowed his brow when he saw the dog, but looking at her vest, he gave a smile.
“You must be Sawamura,” he said.
“That’s correct,” Daichi said, walking up to the desk. Eve did well to avoid the people walking around, only scanning the vicinity every now and again, not focusing on anything specifically.
“Please fill out these forms, and a nurse will be with you to show you where to go,” the man said, and Daichi thanked him, skimming the paperwork and signing at the bottom. It was a standard document that outlined Daichi’s responsibilities as a guest to the hospital, and that he agreed he wouldn’t sue the hospital for any damages or injuries sustained while he was here.
He waited briefly until a nurse called his name and waved him down one of the hallways.
“And who did you bring with you today?” she asked, holding her hand out for Eve to sniff. She obliged the nurse and licked the palm of her hand.
“This is Eve. She loves cuddling and chewing up squeaky toys,” Daichi explained, giving her a gentle pat on the head.
“Well, Sawamura, Eve, let me show you to the patients you’ll be visiting today.”
It was a relatively straightforward visit. He would go into a room with the nurse and let the patient there pet Eve and love on her. He stayed for about 15 minutes for each visit, and the first three people he visited seemed overjoyed to be around animal companionship.
They began opening up about their lives, and what they did before they were hospitalized. They told Daichi about how lonely it could feel, but that dogs just had a strange ability to make things better, and Daichi had to agree. One patient talked about her extensive family who would come to visit her regularly, but that she missed her own dogs at home and hoped she could go back to see them.
“Oh, what a beautiful golden coat!” an older lady had cooed when Eve walked in, and she began to shower Eve with attention. Daichi knew the lady was talking about the color of Eve’s fur, but he had no possible way to conceptualize “golden”, though he did know she was a Golden Retriever.
An older lady cried as she hugged Eve around her neck, telling her story of chronic illness and missing out on much of her life because she spent so much of it hospitalized. She had few people come to visit her, so this visit meant a lot to her. Daichi took down her name and agreed to be her pen pal if he couldn’t manage to stop by for visits.
“That was very nice of you, Sawamura. Fuyumi is sweet, but lonely,” the nurse said as they left her room and walked down the hall.
“It was nothing. The least I can do is try to help people and ease their troubles every now and again,” Daichi responded, and the nurse smiled, checking her list.
“Looks like room 112 is our final stop!” she chirped. “Because he’s the last one, we can stay a little longer, unless you have somewhere to be?”
Daichi didn’t mind staying a bit longer, and they stopped in front of room 112. The nurse knocked before pulling opening the door.
“Sugawara, your visitor is here!” the nurse said cheerfully, and the man resting in the best turned to look at them. When he locked eyes with Daichi, he felt his world explode.
It started with his eyes, warm brown color bursting forth from his pupils and bathing him in hues. There was a gentle pink tinting his skin and lips, and the gown he was wearing was a gentle blue. All at once, color expanded in the room. He could see the yellows and pinks of fresh flowers left Sugawara, the bright crimson of Eve’s vest, and the yellow tint of her fur. He looked down at himself and saw a dark blue shirt over faded yellow, and Daichi felt his heart flutter with emotions roiling deep in his heart.
A sharp gasp drew Daichi’s attention back to Sugawara, who was now full of color, except his hair, still pale, but in contrast to his other features, each strand was like a star trail.
“You...” Sugawara started in disbelief, his eyes going wide as he no doubt had his world exposed to color, just like Daichi.
Daichi just stood in shock, trying to rationalize the tormenting swirl of feelings he felt.
“Oh, do you know each other?” the nurse asked, looking between the two of them at their reactions.
“You’re my soulmate,” Daichi breathed, the words coming out hardly more than a whisper, and the nurse covered her mouth in shock, looking between them.
“It...would seem that way,” Sugawara said, smiling a bit, and that smile brought sunshine and a stillness to Daichi’s heart.
“I’ll leave you two be,” the nurse said, excusing herself and closing the door.
The two newfound soulmates stared at their surroundings in silence, everything looking so new now that the world had taken on hues. It was brighter, fresher, and Daichi couldn’t believe that a visit so mundane could turn his world on his head.
“Um, would you like to sit?”
And his voice was beautiful, with a twinkling timbre and a lilting, melodic quality that belied a gentleness and caring personality.
Daichi took careful steps into the room, tugging lightly on the leash holding Eve, and went to sit across from Sugawara. Daichi took a moment to admire him, scanning over his face, looking at his wide eyes, gaze lingering on his beauty mark.
“What’s your name?”
“Sawamura Daichi.”
“Well, Sawamura,” Sugawara started, “I would suggest taking a picture. It’ll last longer.”
When he blushed, he felt his face get hot and Sugawara laughed lightly at the color appearing in his cheeks, and oh, if that weren’t the most beautiful sound Daichi had ever heard.
“Sorry, I just hadn’t expected to meet you today,” Daichi responded, averting his gaze.
“I don’t think anyone ever expects fate,” Sugawara responded. Daichi had to agree with his point, but now he understood the dramatic responses when soulmates finally met. Everything had been monochrome before, a dull life bland and tasteless, and from simply meeting Sugawara, everything seemed in full bloom, brighter, and it nearly blinded Daichi with its intensity.
“You’re right,” Daichi responded, and Eve sniffed at the edge of Sugawara’s bed, drawing their attention to her.
“Hello, there! What’s your name?” Sugawara asked, giving her a gentle pat on the head and rubbing his fingers behind her ears.
This was territory Daichi was comfortable with, and he let a smile creep across his face.
“This is Eve,” he responded, and he considered letting Sugawara know she would get on the bed with him, but then he noticed the tubes connected in his arms and thought better of it.
“Hello, Eve. You seem like such a good girl,” Sugawara cooed, continuing to pet her before turning his brown eyes to look at Daichi. “Though I must say I’m more interested in this man with you.”
Daichi felt himself burn under Sugawara’s gaze. Nothing about him was exceptional, and he considered himself boringly average. On days where things tended to go wrong, it would get to him, just how mediocre and tepid his life had been, and he felt a little embarrassed at not having much to say for himself.
“I’m not all that interesting, I’m afraid,” Daichi responded, and Sugawara hummed, petting the side of the bed for Eve to put her front paws up.
“Well, you work with dogs, so you can’t be that boring,” he said.
“I’ve loved dogs my whole life. I’ve felt like many dogs are misunderstood, so I wanted to help fix that by becoming a trainer.”
“Mmm, convictions. I like that in a man,” Sugawara said, and it had Daichi flustered all over again.
“Do you....like men?” Daichi asked, knowing the question was deeply personal, but even though he just met Sugawara, they were soulmates. Something like this would be customary to know, right?
“Usually,” Sugawara responded. “Depends on the man. You?”
“Oh, I hadn’t ever really thought about it.”
Like many, he had grown up knowing that regardless of how he felt or what he believed, his soulmate would be the one that he would be most connected to. If Sugawara had been a man or woman or anything outside or in-between, Daichi knew that things would work themselves out.
His initial attraction to Sugawara would belie an affinity for men, but that wasn’t necessarily a fair assumption. Sugawara looked more angel than man, transcendent in beauty in ways that Daichi didn’t have words to fathom or explain. Being attracted to Sugawara seemed like its own category, thinking him beautiful just a fact of life, like the sun rising or wind blowing.
Their conversation stayed light, Daichi feeling himself to warm up to the other man, gleaning information from him in tiny realizations, like the way Sugawara tucked his hair behind his ear when Daichi made him feel a bit flustered with his honesty. Or the way he seemed deeply interested in things around him, his passion for life slipping out of his every pore. Or the way his laugh seemed infectious, and before long, he had Daichi’s sides aching with his rapier wit and subtle japes.
He could’ve sat in this chair, in this room with Sugawara forever, listening to the cadence of his voice and melting under those chocolate eyes, but a knock came from the door and the same nurse returned, looking a bit sheepish.
“Visitation hours are over,” she announced, and Daichi felt himself deflate.
“I can give you my phone number,” Sugawara said, reaching to the bedside table and grabbing the device, unlocking it and flicking through the menus deftly. Daichi took out his phone and they exchanged numbers.
“Would you like to take a picture?” Sugawara asked, and Daichi hadn’t thought about something like that.
“I can take it!” the nurse offered, and Sugawara passed her his phone.
Daichi felt a bit stiff, posing for a picture with a near stranger, but he leaned a bit closer to Sugawara and smiled, holding Eve still on her leash. The camera clicked and the nurse passed the phone back to Sugawara, who checked the image.
“I’ll send this one to you,” Sugawara said with a light smile, and Daichi felt his heart do little flips.
“Okay. Can I come visit you again?” Daichi asked, standing up.
“I would be disappointed if you didn’t,” Sugawara responded, and Daichi smiled, waving goodbye to Sugawara and following the nurse towards the front door of the hospital.
Daichi returned to work and finished his day, marveling at all the changes he could see. Trees were bursts of green, and the sky and beautiful shade of blue. He could see cars, mostly black and white, but some swatches of red or blue were mixed into the fray.
He found himself itching to text Sugawara, to share in his little realizations with him, and he knew his descent into captivation was already beginning. But he didn’t mind.
He would let Sugawara capture every part of him.
Daichi told his parents what happened, and while they were happy for him, they were also worried about Sugawara and his condition, and how it would impact Daichi in the long term. Daichi hadn’t thought about it, but he didn’t see any reason as to why he couldn’t ask and find out what the future held in store for them.
But another part of him was scared.
He didn’t let it taint their time together, and Daichi went to visit nearly every day, surprising Sugawara with his dedication and commitment. There was something intoxicating about the way Sugawara smiled, and Daichi found himself drawn into his whirlwind.
But when Daichi slept, he was still alone. No Sugawara filling his dreams like all the movies said would happen.
Days turned to weeks, and the two soulmates delved deeper into their learning and comfort.
“You’re a writer?” Daichi asked, when the information had been dropped casually in passing.
“I am,” Sugawara said proudly. “I have a couple of books published.”
“That’s amazing, Suga.”
He had picked up the nickname almost accidentally. But it suited him, and Daichi didn’t miss the way Sugawara’s face lit up when he called him “Suga”.
“They are all romance stories though, so I’m sure it wouldn’t be up your alley,” Sugawara said, waving a hand dismissively. And he was right to assume that Daichi wasn’t into romance novels, but he was curious to read Sugawara’s writing.
Before going home, he stopped by a bookstore and bought Sugawara’s three books, adamant on reading them and hoping to learn more about Sugawara. They weren’t difficult reads, simply inspiring in their small themes and the love of the mundane. Sugawara was the type to find beauty in all things, and that seeped through into his writing, with long passages dedicated to the soft feeling of grass beneath bare feet, or the feeling of warm sun against skin.
But there was also an air of melancholy. In one book, the protagonist feels dissatisfied with her life, even after she marries her soulmate in the end. Her life stays monotonous, and the soulmates end up going their separate ways. In another book the main character is gripped with the anxiety of never amounting to anything and must come to terms with the potential of dying without leaving his mark on the world. He ends up finding confidence in small impacts and little changes and finds love along the way.
The final book had Daichi up at night, unable to put down the story so wonderfully crafted in his hands.
It was truly a work of art, despite depicting such simple things, but maybe it was that simplicity that was able to draw Daichi in. He could connect with the characters, who were grieving in one or another. One over a lost soulmate, another over a childhood pet, and another over the loss of his vision. As the characters navigated their grief and hardships, they learn that the world can be filled with so many other purposes to keep going, and two of the main characters fall in love, a shaky and hesitant love that burns through the characters like an inferno.
Daichi could feel it. The passion that Sugawara had put into each of his writings, and he was curious to know if he was writing another book.
He brought it up on his next visit after finishing the final book.
“You liked them?” Sugawara asked, seeming a bit nervous when Daichi told him he had finished all three.
“I loved them. You’re such an amazing writer. My favorite character was Makoto, but I think I may be biased because I’m a dog person.”
Sugawara chuckled.
“Most people like Makoto. She’s easy to relate to and has the most relatable problems in the story,” he responded. Daichi wouldn’t consider himself a literary, and maybe he had missed a lot of thematic elements in Sugawara’s writing. It was entirely possible there was an extra depth that surpassed Daichi’s understanding, but he still enjoyed them, and could follow the stories with ease.
“Are you writing another?” Daichi asked eagerly.
“Ah, no,” Sugawara responded, looking down at his lap and tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. Daichi didn’t know why his comment made him feel unsteady.
“But why? You’re so talented, surely you could create something just as good,” Daichi pressed, wondering if Sugawara doubted his abilities in a similar way that he did. He wondered if Sugawara thought of himself as ordinary and mundane, and that his writings were an insistence on someone loving the ordinary and mundane.
“There’s not enough time.”
And the admission was even worse than what Daichi could’ve imagined.
Sometimes he forgot. Sugawara was so full of life, and everything he did was full of emotion, it was hard to remember that Sugawara was ill. The beeping of machines had sunk into the background when compared with the sound of Sugawara’s voice, with his laugh, they seemed so unimportant. The IVs connected to Sugawara’s arms had been overlooked one too many times in favor for relishing the sight of warm, brown eyes and the way the sunlight hit his hair. The fragility of his body was ignored when Daichi could instead focus on how those fingers laced with his own tentatively.
They didn’t talk about it- about Sugawara’s condition, but it was ever-present in every aspect of Sugawara’s life.
Daichi took Sugawara’s hand and squeezed it in his. Wordlessly conveying thoughts that he couldn’t begin to piece together out loud. What could he say? He didn’t know more than a doctor about Sugawara’s condition, so words of hope may only come off as empty platitudes. He didn’t want to lie to Sugawara and tell him that everything would be fine.
All he could do right now was to let Sugawara know that he was here, and he wasn’t going to go anywhere. He would support Sugawara for as long as he could.
Days turned to weeks, and Daichi felt his love growing for Sugawara.
Daichi met Sugawara’s parents. A joyful couple who cherished their son above all else, and Daichi had an easy time getting along with them, even if they took time to embarrass Sugawara by telling stories about him when he was younger. Even at Sugawara’s expense, he wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything about Sugawara Koushi and what factors had come together to create this perfect man.
Every moment with Sugawara was precious, and some days that became more evident than others. Most days Sugawara sat up and was animated, talking with Daichi as easily as anyone else, but other days, he lied propped up in the bed, looking as tired as his condition ravaged his body. He smiled weakly, and Daichi tried not to focus on the way Sugawara’s eyes seemed a little less bright.
And those were only the physical changes. As Daichi got to know Sugawara, it wasn’t uncommon for Sugawara to stare out the window for most of their time together, barely responding to Daichi’s attempts at conversation as he wondered what his life would be like if he could just leave the hospital.
“I took a nap today in the courtyard. One of the nurses had to come fetch me,” Sugawara said, basking in the beams of sunlight pouring through his window with his eyes closed. As the sunlight kissed his skin, Daichi felt jealous. He wanted to hold Sugawara like that, to provide him with ever-flowing warmth and comfort.
But his comment stirred a pressing question in Daichi’s mind.
“Suga, why don’t I see you in my dreams?” he asked, leaning his chin on the palm of his hand, resting his elbow on the edge of the bed.
“Am I not the man of your dreams, Sawamura?” Sugawara said slyly, and Daichi had come to learn that he was using it to deflect from the question. Daichi was easily flustered and usually it worked, but he wanted to know. He wanted Sugawara to be with him at every moment, especially if their time was limited.
Daichi rolled his eyes, a grin resting on his face to show he wasn’t annoyed with Sugawara, but more that he wasn’t going to take the bait.
“You can’t me give away all my secrets.”
And the tinge of sorrow in his voice made Daichi drop the issue. It was fine if Sugawara didn’t want to tell him, even if it pained Daichi a little bit.
“Maybe just give me another then? Throw me a bone,” Daichi said, trying to add the playful nature back into their conversation, but Sugawara looked down at his hands before leaning in to give Daichi a quick kiss. It was chaste and sweet, and held only a moment’s worth of adoration, but it was enough to knock Daichi on his metaphorical ass, making his heart flip.
“I love you, Sawamura.”
The admission wasn’t shocking. It didn’t feel like the rug had been ripped from Daichi’s feet, but more of the lifting of a heavy burden. A calm realization of mutual affection.
“Suga-”
“You don’t have to feel obligated to feel the same way, or to say it back. I just couldn’t keep on pretending like my feelings weren’t there, and that I was unaffected by how you come in here nearly everyday with fresh flowers and that smile-”
He was nervous as he spoke, Daichi could tell. Sugawara was wringing his fingers, a habit he showed when they strayed into an uncomfortable topic. Daichi covered those frail hands with his own, leaning in and sealing Sugawara’s mouth with a kiss.
This one was lingering and insistent on calming Sugawara with the sheer weight of Daichi’s returned adoration. After a moment of shock, Sugawara let himself fall, sighing into the press of their lips and closing his eyes. They kissed for what felt like an eternity, relishing the way their mouths slid together without demand, just learning and feeling.
When Daichi pulled away, they were both rather flushed. Daichi squeezed Sugawara’s hands as he leaned their foreheads together, gazing deep into chocolate irises. He was searching for any reason to stop. If Sugawara said the word, he would put the lid back on these impossible feelings.
But he only saw eagerness, and a burning desire for more.
“I’m obliged to tell you I feel the same,” Daichi said, and Sugawara averted his gaze, biting his lip.
“You don’t have to, Sawamura.”
And Daichi thought that thinking was asinine. Of course, he didn’t have to, but his feelings didn’t care about what his duties were. They didn’t care about what he had to do. It wasn’t about what was convenient, but instead about what was true.
And they had to do something about his name.
“I choose to,” Daichi explained. “I will always choose to love you, Suga.”
Sugawara sucked in a sharp intake of air, his eyes widening and going glassy with tears that he refused to let fall. But it was true. For as long as they lived, and for millennia after that, Daichi would choose Sugawara. In this life, in the next, and in every iteration afterwards, he would love Sugawara and cherish him. This man, touched by starlight, was a treasure beyond words, and Daichi didn’t have enough words in any language to describe what he felt.
“And if you call me ‘Sawamura’ again, I’ll personally pummel you.”
Their relationship changed after that.
Chaste kisses burned their skin as they explored as much as they could in the hospital room, Desire coursed through them as the need to be impossibly closer urged them on. Daichi felt like no matter what he did, there was a cavern between him and Sugawara, and despite how deeply he wanted to fall, he knew that he couldn’t.
Hesitantly, they talked about the future. About what they wanted, and how they wanted to do it. It was dangerous, but Daichi could see it bringing Sugawara joy, and if he could make Sugawara smile, he would hang the moon.
Not even a week afterwards, Daichi got a phone call from Sugawara’s mother.
“It’s Koushi.”
Fear gripped him like an icy vice grip around his heart, but he raced to the hospital, not knowing what to do other than to be by Sugawara’s side.
Waiting in the small waiting room with his parents was surreal. Only yesterday he held Sugawara in his arms and whispered how he would always protect him. How they would get a house out in the countryside, with enough space for the dogs, and enough fresh air for Sugawara’s health.
Were they just empty promises that Daichi gave to Sugawara? How could he protect him?
Media couldn’t capture the way someone feels pacing that waiting room. His life, his future, his everything hung in the balance of doctors and medicine, and Daichi turned to prayer, despite not being a religious man.
Media couldn’t capture it. Words couldn’t describe it. Nothing could come close to the feeling of morbid realization when Daichi looked up and the bright colors he was still becoming accustomed to faded first into sepia, then greyscale.
“Suga...?” Daichi whispered, rubbing at his eyes and looking down at his hands, seeping from their warm tones into the cold lines of black and white.
He couldn’t explain it. He couldn’t register anything in that moment. Not the doctor who came out to inform them of the bad news, not the wail of Sugawara’s mother as her only child was ripped away from her, and not his own hurricane of feelings, swirling inside him.
He couldn’t explain how he got home. How he woke up the next morning. How he continued to live when everything had died.
At Sugawara’s funeral, Daichi couldn’t even bring himself to cry.
“Sawamura.”
Daichi looked up, his eyes distant when Sugawara’s mother called his name. She was in a poor state, and Sugawara’s father handed Daichi a letter.
“Thank you for loving our son.”
And Daichi let himself cry, tears pouring down his face as he sobbed uncontrollably, for the love he had lost, and the light that had been taken from him.
It took him two months to read the letter from Sugawara. He knew he didn’t have the strength to, but he sat at his table, ready to hear Sugawara’s final words in the form that he was most comfortable. The note itself was simple and unassuming, but as Daichi unfolded it, he could see blots on the paper that had once been damp.
He took a shuddering breath and began to read.
Daichi,
I’ve wanted to put pen to paper to try to conceive how I feel about you, but how does one capture the warmth of your touch, the richness of your laugh, or the way your smile brought so much light into my world? I’ve never felt more beautiful than in the reflection of your eyes. You, who are like the sun that my pitiful moon orbits longingly. If only I could have more of the love you offered to me these last few months, I would’ve asked for nothing more in this life.
My greatest regret will be my end. I know it will hurt you and hurting you in this way is such an unspeakable sin. If only I could stop it, I would spend eternity by your side, beloved in your arms. I never cared much for my life, but after meeting you, I wanted to cling to what I had left. You made me care about things again. You brought color and feeling into my life, and for that I am grateful. I despise this weak body that will surely leave you, but know that you will always have my heart, no matter how far away from you I am, I will love you with my entire being.
You asked a while ago why I never appeared to you in your dreams. I couldn’t allow myself to let you meet me, and after we inevitably met, I tried so hard to keep you from falling in love with me, in the hopes that you would never have to endure the pain of losing me. I knew that if I came to you in dreams, it would be impossible to keep ourselves separated, and eventually apart. I knew I couldn’t withstand the weight of this world, and I thought if I could spare my soulmate the heartache, that would be better.
Some days I wish we never met. I wouldn’t have to carry this heart, burdened by all the love I feel for you, knowing that I will perish. But I wouldn’t trade these last 5 months for anything in this universe. Having the opportunity to love you and be loved by you is the greatest gift I could’ve been given. I wish we had more time. I wish we could’ve spent our lives together. I wish I could hear you call me “Suga” again. I wish and wish and wish. But there is one thing I wish most of all.
Daichi, please live a full life. I know it will be hard, but you will move on from me, and maybe find solace in the beautiful things in this world. Even when I’m gone, the birds will continue to sing, the breeze will continue to blow, and water will still flow. I will always be with you, as my love for you is anchored in the surety of the sun rising in the morning. I hope that you hear me in every birdsong, feel me in every breeze and ebb of a tender wave. I hope that in every patch of sunlight, you can feel the effervescence of this world, with what’s left of me as a conduit. Use the time I wasn’t given to live a life we’d both love.
I love you. I will always love you.
Forever yours,
Sugawara Koushi”