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"Sir, are you sure this is a good idea?" Fitz asked for what was probably the millionth time.
"It's the best one we've got right now," Coulson explained, reaching out to straighten the younger man's tie.
"But why me?" he asked, fidgeting with one hand.
"Look," Coulson said, wrapping a fatherly arm around Fitz's shoulders. "Skye and Hunter are playing online poker, Bobbi and May are on tour as Beyonce's bodyguards, Mack is modelling at the local arts college, and I'm auctioning off some pretty valuable memorabilia." He shifted around to look Fitz in the face. "We need the money if we're going to keep SHIELD operational, and you're the only one who can do this," he assured him.
Fitz jangled nervously and pulled on his earlobe. "But..." he said, looking around desperately for an escape route. "Simmons...?"
"We've got her booked for Who Wants to be a Millionaire next week," Coulson said. "Now get out there and win big!" He shoved Fitz out onto the stage and gave him a ridiculous thumbs up.
Fitz took his place behind his podium and tried not to sweat off his makeup. What was his cover again?
Then the music started, the crowd cheered, and the announcer's voice flowed through the massive room.
"Thiiiis iiiiiis Jeopardy!"
Fitz tried not to focus too much on the title of this ridiculous game show. He wasn't in jeopardy of anything except making a fool of himself on national television. International television, actually. Oh god. His mum watched Jeopardy. How was he going to explain this to her?
"Please welcome today's contestants. A dental hygienist from Eugene, Oregon, Nancy Walker! A classic car mechanic from Langley, Virginia, William Darcy! And our returning champion: a church organist from Mobile Alabama, Mabel Halliday, whose one-day cash winnings total $17 435! And now, here is the host of Jeopardy, Alex Trebek!"
William Darcy. That'd be Skye's idea of a joke. He knew for a fact that Jemma's cover was Elizabeth Bennet. He clenched his buzzer a bit tighter in his hand as he recalled the gleeful way she'd told him. One of these days, he really hoped she'd learn about subtlety.
"Thank you Johnny Gilbert," Trebek said as he walked confidently onto the the stage. "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Yesterday, Mabel heard the sweet sound of success when I told her that her Final Jeopardy answer of 'Old Yeller' was correct. Let's see if she can keep that chorus going tonight in this game against William and Nancy. Good luck players, here we go."
As the host started listing off the categories of the first round, Fitz found himself getting more and more agitated. Each category just reminded him more and more of Ward. He could feel the anger welling up inside, and his jaw hardened.
He was going to kick some serious ass, if it was the last thing he'd ever do.
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Fitz blinked and looked down to see he was shaking Alex Trebek's hand.
"Well done, William!" Alex was saying. "With your total of $83 500, you've just broken our single-day record here on Jeopardy and become our new champion!"
Fitz grinned in pride and relief. "I won?" he asked, unnecessarily.
"I'd say so," Trebek answered with a smile. His eyes shifted slightly to the rather wan looking women standing on either side of the winner. "I'm just surprised your buzzer held out," he joked. He'd never seen anything like it in all his 30 years as host. "Let's see if you can keep that competitive spirit alive tomorrow!"
Fitz's eyes widened. "Tomorrow?" he asked nervously.
"When you return to see if you can hold onto your title," Trebek explained, wondering how this kid got on the show if he didn't actually know how it worked.
"Right," Fitz said weakly, looking over to where Coulson was giving him that thumbs up again. "Tomorrow," he said gloomily.
At least now they could buy some more pretzels?
