Chapter Text
Finral wakes up on his own in the little hospital room. The bed alongside is currently vacant, because even though Owen loves Finral, it doesn't mean he's going to make the same mistake twice. He made a frowny expression as he explained that losing Finral from the infirmary twice in two days would look bad for their statistics. Finral has to stay in this room until his blood chemistry normalises or until Owen gets annoyed enough to throw him out. If it is possible to will your blood chemistry back into acceptable parameters, he's going to try, because he’s never seen Owen annoyed, even after the tricks that Finral’s pulled over the years. Maybe they teach the lack of reaction in recovery mage school?
Magna was allowed to leave this morning, because he isn't on the list that Owen keeps called 'patients most likely to leave the infirmary without permission'. Magna looked apologetically at Finral as he was given his instructions on caring for the healed burns. Finral doesn’t grudge Magna the freedom, because there is no doubt that he's being released to help with the massive clean-up after the elf attack. Finral might have worried about the burns, but there is something intense in Luck's expression as he listens too. Finral thinks that Luck is going to look after Magna whether Magna wants him to or not. It's reassuring. His juniors really are the best.
This is why Finral is alone when he wakes from what seems to have been a mid-afternoon nap. There is sunlight streaming in the window and the beams warm his feet under the blankets. He stretches, then curls up again and sighs like a contented cat. He feels safe. He hasn’t felt like this in a long time.
Then his brain catches up to him. Safe? Why does he feel safe now? He was safe when Magna and Luck were in the other bed, as well as when Vanessa visited, and when Grey and Gordon popped around. Owen would never let someone hurt his patients, even if Magna is probably his favourite magic knight now.
What changed?
"You awake yet?" It's a growl from the corner of the room.
Finral scrambles around as he says, "Yami?"
Captain Yami is sitting in the shadows. A curl of smoke rises from the cigarette balanced on his lip. That, Finral realises, is why he feels safe. Yami is here. Finral could smell the smoke, and his heart knew that Yami was there before his brain did. Yami has made Finral feel safe forever.
"Finral," Yami says. There is a hint of smile. "Not dead yet then?"
"What? No. I'm not... Why would you ask that? I'm not dead."
"Good."
Finral flops back onto his pillow, but he angles his head so that he can see Yami. He glares. “Good? That’s all you’ve got to say?”
"It's good you're not dead." Yami shrugs as if this is enough. Then, he seems to change his mind and continues in an quiet voice, as though he’s talking to himself. "I'm glad you're not dead."
The way he says it that makes the snappish response dissolve before Finral has a chance to utter it. Maybe it is because, for a time, Finral was convinced he was going to die by his brother's magic. It was inevitable. He can still feel those twin orbs of destructive magic bearing down on him as he let his defence drop to bring the Captains into range. There was no way to dodge or defend himself. Then the pain…
He stops the thoughts before they spiral. That's not the point.
It’s more likely that Yami’s hesitation is due to the haunted look in his eyes. His face is scratched and he's more bruised than the infirmary would usually leave unhealed. That’s a mark of how hard pushed the recovery mages must be, if they've left Yami looking like he's been pulled through a bramble bush, then beaten with sticks. "You thought I was dead?" Finral asks.
Another shrug. "Didn't know. Things were kinda messed up for a bit. I couldn't find out what happened to the squad. I asked around and someone said they had seen you, but you'd collapsed and they didn't know what happened next. Vanessa found me. She told me you were here."
Vanessa found Yami. Not Yami finding Vanessa. That was important. "You really did think I was dead?"
"The city's a mess. Last time I saw you, you'd been filled full of holes by your asshole brother again. I... there was stuff with demons and reincarnated elves and fuck..." Yami runs his hand through his hair. It's the most uncertain gesture Finral has ever seen him make. "I get out of all that, somehow we're all still alive, and then someone says they saw you doing clean-up and collapsing. I thought the worst, okay."
"You were worried about me?"
"I wasn't fucking worried. I thought you were dead."
"Oh."
"Vanessa found me. Put me straight. Told me you were alive and in the infirmary. She dragged me here and sat my ass on this chair to watch you sleep."
Finral stares. His brain feels like it’s been fried by Luck's lightning, or tangled in Vanessa's threads. Yami thought he was dead. Yami, who threatens to kill Finral at least once a day, was... upset, his frazzled brain supplies. Yami was upset that Finral might be dead.
Oh, he thinks. Oh.
Yami is watching Finral with those dark, piercing eyes that see everything. It's the look that Finral thinks of every time someone accuses the Captain of the Black Bulls of being a brute, or a stupid oaf. Those eyes are deep and full of intelligence. No one who has been on the receiving end of one of those looks would ever accuse Yami of being a fool. Finral is pretty sure they can see what he's thinking. They can see into his soul.
"Oh," Finral says.
"It'd be good if you could fucking stop dying. Yeah?"
Finral nods. Words are hard.
"Thanks." Yami takes a drag of his cigarette and leans back into his chair.
Finally, Finral's thoughts come back into focus enough to say, "You were watching me sleep?"
"Yep."
"But why?"
"I needed to be sure," Yami shrugs and taps his ash into a fold of paper, which is his only concession to Owen's infirmary rules that include no smoking in clinical rooms. "I should stop letting you go places without me. I let you go to that stupid tournament and look what happened."
"My brother..."
"Is a dangerous asshole. Vanessa told me what happened, and how the squad protected you, but if I’d been there, he would be dead."
"Yami," Finral squeaks. "You can't say that."
"Can. Did." Yami doesn't look smug as he says it. He seems serious. "I wouldn't have threatened him, Finral. I would have killed him. The little fucker wouldn't have breathed again, and it wouldn't have mattered who tried to get in my way."
"The Wizard King was there."
"It. Would. Not. Have. Mattered. Understand me. No one hurts my..." Yami hesitates, and Finral knows he's about to say, 'my ride', but he stops himself. "No one hurts you, Finral."
"You threaten to kill me. Every day."
"I do, don't I. I..." Yami hesitates again. "I shouldn't do that."
Finral feels like the world is tipping out from underneath him. He scrambles up so that he's sitting on the edge of the bed. The vague light-headedness that's been plaguing him has gone at last, so he's sure that this can't be a hallucination or a dream. Yami really did say that. "Yami. Are you okay?"
Yami snorts. "I didn't nearly die three times in a week, Finral."
"No, but..." Because now that Finral is sitting upright and can see Yami properly, it’s more than the scrapes and bruises. There are dark rings under his eyes. He looks pale under the tan. Finral's had enough sleepless nights to ask, "Are you sleeping?"
Unbidden, he recalls their conversation before everything went to hell. Yami had woken him, and the kingdom was in flames. He said he had been worried, and when Finral scoffed, Yami had said he hadn't slept a wink. At the time, Finral put the words in the same place he puts the death threats. There was no way that Yami should have been that concerned that Finral had been hurt. He might have had to go back to brooms and find someone else who could complete form 27b without having it returned a dozen times, but that was different from being upset enough to not sleep. At the time, Finral had assumed that Yami was either exaggerating, or lying.
Now he is not so sure.
"You said that you weren’t sleeping when you woke me up. You couldn't sleep a wink for days. That's what you said."
"Well, yeah."
"And you meant it. You were telling the truth?"
Now it's Yami's turn to look confused. "That would have been a stupid thing to lie about, Finral."
It was a stupid thing to lie about. "I thought you were exaggerating," Finral says, and it sounds ridiculous even to his ear.
"No. I wasn't lying." Yami looks out of the window and his gaze is far away. "I let you go to that tournament without me. It doesn't matter that the others were there. I shoulda gone to keep an eye on things. I know Julius. He’s always up to something. And then, when you sent that spiky kid through the portal, I should have guessed it was getting fucked up. I should have come get you, but I didn't. You said you wanted to surpass your limits and get stronger. Whatever. Then Vanessa's there and she's saying I need to go to the infirmary because there was an accident. Know what I said? I said, get Finral to fetch me. Even though I knew you were taking part in the damn thing, I assumed you'd be there to take me where I needed to go. Like you always are."
"I wasn't there," Finral whispered.
"No. You weren't. I took a broom. I got here, and you were lying so still. You were covered in blood. Owen said you were going to be okay, but you were in his fish spell. I… well… I made a bit of a scene."
"Oh."
"Vanessa talked me down. I was gonna kill your brother there and then. No questions. Fuck Julius and whatever he wanted to do with Langris. Your brother nearly killed you and he might have if the others hadn't been there. You were so still.” Yami swallows, then continues. “Vanessa and Owen got me to calm down enough that I didn't actually commit a murder. Vanessa said that you would have disapproved if I killed your brother. I got banned from the infirmary, though, because Owen’s got stupid rules about property damage. Vanessa said she'd keep an eye on you and sent me back to the base."
"And you really didn't sleep?"
"I told you. Not a wink." As if talking about it makes it hit harder, Yami yawns.
"You still aren't sleeping, are you?" Finral realises. "You're sitting here watching me nap, and you've not slept for days."
"There hasn't been much time for sleeping, what with saving Clover and the demons and stuff. Unless you're in here, it seems."
"I want to help, but Owen won't let me leave."
"And you are going to do what he tells you, or I’ll fetch you back myself."
"I didn’t mean to escape when Magna and Luck found me. Hey, do you know I woke the first wizard king?"
Yami smiles. It's a relieved, honest sort of smile. "Yeah. I heard. Met him too. We saved the kingdom together. Well, Asta and that fancy wind friend of his helped, and loads of others that I can’t remember and," he yawns again, "well, yeah. Been a busy few days."
Finral tuts. "And now you should rest. That's what you'd say to me."
"I've still got things to do. I only came round because Owen's gone home, and he can't throw me out if he's cuddling his husband. I should probably go..." Yami looks like he's getting up to stand.
Finral nearly died three times in the last week, twice at his brother's hand, once by his own stupidity according to everyone else. Yami was worried about him. Finral decides that he'll be excused doing something impulsive. He leans over and puts his hand on Yami's shoulder. "No," he says.
"No?"
"No. Don't go. Stay here."
Yami looks even more confused than he had a moment ago. His eyes have gone very wide and he's not complaining about Finral bossing him around. It's probably the sleep deprivation. "But..."
"Yami. Stay here. With me."
"I..." He runs his hand through his hair. "I need to help. I only came to make sure you're okay, and you are and..."
Finral puts a finger on Yami's lips. "Stop talking."
A voice in Finral's head says that Yami is going to kill him for being so bold. But it's drowned out by the fact that Yami was worried about him. Yami didn't sleep. Yami is here, now, watching Finral, even though everyone will have told him that Finral is fine. Well, mostly fine.
Yami cares for Finral. Not his ride, or his wheels or any of the other names he uses. Yami cares for Finral.
And Finral cares for Yami. He has done for a very, very long time.
"Sleep with me," Finral says.
Yami's eyes go wide, and his pupils dilate. His skin flushes. No one speaks.
Then Finral realises what he said, and he wants to go back in time and let Langris kill him. "Oh, shit. No. Not that. No. What am I saying? I mean, sleep here. On the other bed. On this bed. On a bed. And I'll stay here, and not sleep with you, but stay awake and.... oh God." Would the ground just swallow him?
Yami grins behind the finger that rests on his lips. He does nothing to rescue Finral from where his mouth has taken him. Bastard.
"I mean..."
Yami laughs at him. It's stifled at first because he doesn't remove Finral's finger. But Finral takes it away so that he can cover his own mouth in a useless attempt to take back the words he's already said. It makes Yami laugh harder, until he's leaning forward, clutching his sides with tears running freely down his face.
Finral can't help smiling too.
It takes a long time for Yami to catch his breath again. By the time he has, Finral hopes the redness on his own cheeks has faded a little. Yami looks flushed though. It's probably the laughing.
Maybe.
He looks better though. The tension across his shoulders has loosened. Yami was tense, Finral realises, and it's only obvious how tense now that he's relaxed.
"You don't want to sleep with me?" Yami asks eventually around a yawn.
Not what Finral expected him to say. "Umm," he plays for time to gather his thoughts. "Well..."
A smile twitches at Yami's lips again, but it's swallowed in another yawn.
"God's sake, Yami. Lie down. Here. Or on Magna's bed. It doesn't matter. Before you fall off the chair."
"And you'll stay with me?" It's a flippant question, but there is a need behind it that doesn't surprise Finral. Sleep deprivation might be making Yami easier to read at the moment, but Finral knows Yami better than almost anyone. Yami wants Finral to stay.
"Will it help you sleep if I do?"
Yami shrugs. "Maybe. Last time I tried to sleep, there were dreams..."
"You dreamed that I died?" Finral guesses.
"Yeah," Yami says in a quiet voice as he looks at the floor.
Finral takes Yami's hand in his. He's no longer marvelling at his boldness, because this feels like the most natural thing he's ever done. "Come and lie down. I won't go anywhere. I promise." Yami doesn't resist as Finral guides him from the chair towards the bed, then shoves him down onto the sheets. It's the bed Finral has been using, so some of his heat is still in the blankets that he tucks around Yami's shoulders. Yami watches but does not resist. He's exhausted.
"Who's going to look after us, if you don't look after yourself?" Finral tuts at him.
"You, Finral," Yami says around another yawn. "You look after us. Me."
"I guess. Go to sleep."
But as Finral moves away to sit on Yami's chair, Yami grabs him. "You said you'd stay."
Finral flushes. "I'm going to sit on the chair. I was napping and I don't need to sleep and...."
Yami pouts. Oh, damn. Finral never thought he'd see this. It's his lack of sleep, and the fear and adrenaline crashing. Finral knows this. But. Yami's pouting.
Yami's pouting.
Finral wonders, briefly, if Langris really did kill him, and he's dead. Maybe he's still unconscious and this is a dream lifted straight from desires that he’s been burying for years. He’s probably in a coma somewhere and…
While he's having a crisis of reality, Yami tugs on his hand. "You said you'd stay," he repeats.
There isn't anything else to do. It's one of those rare occasions when the right thing and the thing that Finral wants are the same. He allows himself to be tugged down onto the bed. It is big enough for them both with space in between, but Yami seems to want him closer. “I need to know you’re here,” he murmurs. He sounds half asleep already. “I need to know you’re alive.” He pulls the blanket over them both, then lets his arm rest across Finral's shoulder.
Judging by the way his breathing evens out, Yami's asleep in about twenty seconds. His arm becomes a deadweight pinning Finral, but it only takes a little wriggling to get comfortable. If he leans into Yami, it's as though he was meant to fit into the space. He lets Yami's warmth and safety surround him. He thinks, perhaps, he has found his favourite place in the world. He can't help his own small yawn. Turns out he did want to sleep with Yami after all. More importantly, Yami needed to sleep with him.
Yami has made Finral feel safe from their first meeting. It’s one of the constants of the universe according to Finral. This is the first time he has considered that the reverse might also apply. Perhaps Finral makes Yami feel safe. Could that be true? He decides that it is.
Finral doesn’t mind. He lets his eyes close, and he falls asleep to the sound of Yami’s quiet snores.
end