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"... What happened to my apartment?"
The broom falls from her hands, startling her further more than the voice originally had. This, Evva notices, it's not the best reaction she could've had, judging by the way Dick's face has no trace of the amusement that had slipped into his words and instead looks just as if he'd been caught doing something terribly wrong. She can feel the heat engulfing her face.
"I-I'm sorry," he finally says, carefully closing the door behind him and showing his raised palms apologetically. Her gaze falls to the floor. "Didn't mean to scare you, it's just... Force of habit, really." The chuckle he lets out is too strained to be genuine and it does little to help her sense of shame.
"Sorry." She bends down to pick up the broom, and doesn't really attempt to look Dick in the eye afterwards. "Don't mean to be so... jumpy." Because honestly? She had no reason to be like that. Not when he hadn't been anything but kind and patient towards her, when he'd been nice enough to take her in without asking any questions. And now she kept on making him feel bad about talking at his own house?
"Hey, no, that's alright!" He quickly interrupts her self loathing, the cheerfulness slipping into his tone once more - not too obnoxious, but enough to try and ease her worries. For his sake, mostly, she wills her heartbeat to slow down. "I'm just-... Kinda loud. You don't have to apologize," he adds, just as she says it, too.
They stare at each other, and she's granted a grin - an open, happy one, and it looks so easy on him, that she figures it must be a usual feature on his face. He seems the type, after all. So she tries giving him a smile back, but it falls far too short in comparison and it quickly makes her uncomfortable, so she goes back to looking at her feet. Thankfully, he doesn't push it.
But he doesn't say anything else either, and Evva doesn't know why because she can't bring herself to look at his face again, and the whole atmosphere starts feeling awkward and she feels restless and her palms itch no matter how hard she grips at the broom and there's a dull, distant ringing in her ears and why is she getting so affected by this? But also why won't he just say something? Just say something, Dick! Just--!
A quick hissing brings her back to the room, making her head jerk up even if she knows there's only one other person who could've made the sound. And effectively, the heel of Dick's left hand is slightly pressed somewhere between his temple and his eye, only half masking his wince. Her heart starts racing again, and she lamely takes a tumbling step backwards, as if the poor physical distance she could put between them would make a difference - she knows damn well it won't.
But he either doesn't notice or doesn't care, because after doing a couple of circular motions in the area his hand drops again, and there's a now tired yet equally warm tug on his lips. Evva wants nothing short of jumping off the window, but instead tries to force herself to calm down, release the pressure, take deep breaths...
"To be honest, I was just too shocked to be able to see the floor of my apartment - kinda thought I had entered the wrong one." It has to be a joke, a way to cut through the awkwardness he surely feels too, yet the girl feels just a bit too overwhelmed to also order her body to smile. It's pretty counterproductive, actually, but maybe if...
"Thought I could make myself useful, while here." Her voice is rather quiet, but it's better than nothing, right? She takes a deep breath. "Looked... It had been a while since last clean up." It's not perfect, but at least Dick cracks a smile, which kinda helps Evva's own internal panic.
"Gotta say, I didn't know I owned a broom, so..." He shrugs and lets out a chuckle. "A while is an understatement." The girl lets the air she was holding slowly, and carefully manages a small smile. Good. "But-- you know, you didn't have to... Clean everything. Not that I'm mad you did!" He's quick to clarify, and though she hates to admit it, it's probably a good call. "I just... Hope you know you didn't have to, that I didn't, or, don't expect you to do things like this just 'cause you're here. -- you're a guest."
Full disclosure, it's been quite some time since she's been just a guest, and so it's hard to immediately accept the statement. People always want something - a cleaning hand, a favor, money, information... Not even because they're terrible people, but just because that's how the world works, especially for someone who plays at a disadvantage like Evva. So it's not that she thinks Dick just brought her in with a purpose (she's hoping he hasn't,) but rather it's just her doing her best to even the field so he couldn't have too much hanging on her when she needed to leave.
But it's not like she can say all of this, and express her every thought - especially when she's barely getting back control over herself. So she just lowers her head a little, nods in acknowledgment.
"Didn't have much to do," she ends up saying instead, which isn't really a lie - not having a key to the apartment meant it wasn't possible for her to leave and get stuff done or anything. "I was going to cook something, but..." Just as her gaze trails to the nearest cabinet, Dick's eyes widen, erasing any trace of his smile.
"Shit, I didn't go grocery shopping," he says a second later, right before his head whips back to look right at Evva. Unconsciously, she takes a step back, though he doesn't seem to notice. "Shit! You--!" His eyes close with certain force, annoyance clear in every movement as he pats around his clothes until he finds his phone.
To be completely honest, Evva has no idea what could be going on in Dick's mind, so even if she doesn't quite find correlation in his actions, she can't help the rising panic the whole scene evokes. Did she do anything wrong? Is he going to call someone to come get her? Was someone waiting for a sign? And though it's hard to say if she could make it out the apartment in time (definitely leaving her few possessions behind because who's got time?) She's still all but ready to try and bolt out of the door when he looks back at her, worry clouding blue orbs.
"You're not a fan of pineapple on pizza, right?"
It's a bit of a miracle, really, and she doesn't know exactly how it happens, but suddenly it's like all her muscles let go and she's giggling. She's giggling and there's lightness in her chest and something bubbly and it's weird. And it might be just as strange for Dick, because for a moment he just stares at her somewhat confused. Yet soon enough there's a smile on his face, wide and bright and he looks... Young, almost.
It feels like a small eternity, but in real world time it's surely no more than five seconds. Somehow, it's still enough to make Evva breathe easier before actually answering the posed question.
"Only fruit allowed on pizza is tomato." And it might be just because it's sort of the most normal exchange they've had so far, because for a moment she seems like just some random girl, or maybe because Dick is just really passionate about his opinions on pizza. Whatever the case, he raises his hands dramatically, his body completely devoid of tension, worry or caution that always seemed to follow him whenever the two of them were in the same room.
"Thank you!" A chuckle threatens to come out Evva's mouth again, but it doesn't put too much of a fight and she merely beams as he starts pacing confidently into the room. She guesses the headache is gone; thank you. "That's what I keep saying, but Wally -he's a friend of mine- just won't listen. Though of course he'd literally eat his own shoe if he were feeli- yes, hello," he interrupts himself when someone on the other side of the line picks up, voice lowering to a more normal volume but retaining the cheerful quality to it. The girl smiles gently before going back to her task of sweeping the floor. "Yeah, I wanted to order some p-" He stops again, but this time he glances back at Evva; she pretends not to notice. "Actually, make it double today Jerry."
And that's how around half an hour later (which, according to Dick was a shame because it meant they actually had to pay for their food) they both end up sat in a much cleaner kitchen eating pepperoni pizza - which despite its soggy consistency was about the best thing Evva had eaten in a good while. In fact, she's enjoying it so much, making sure to savour every bite, that if she weren't used to being in the lookout constantly, she would've missed the way the guy kept stealing glances at her. But unfortunately for him, she doesn't, and she's all too sure she knows why he keeps straightening up and slumping so much.
"You want to ask, yes?" In his defense, at least Dick doesn't try to play dumb. There's just a sort of apologetic smile on his lips.
"I really don't mean to pry, and I don't want to... Force you to do or say anything." He leans a bit forward, gaze on her unwavering. "That's totally not the point and I still get it if you can't share everything."
"But?" Suddenly, she feels a bit tired.
"... But I promised I'd help you, and in order to do that there's... Some stuff I need to know about. No matter how little you feel you can tell me."
Evva understood - of course she did. She knew that if Dick were as good a person as he seemed to be, then he wouldn't want to be involved with anything illegal or dangerous - both adjectives that loudly stood up on her tag. She knew that no matter the plans, he had to look after himself first and foremost, and she obviously wouldn't want to be the one to mess that up for him. Not when he'd done so much for her already in the very short time they'd known each other.
And so she nods, softly and without really looking at him, because even if she knows she won't be able to just pour her life story out there, it's still going to be more than what she is used to. More than what she's comfortable with. And no matter how kind Dick has been towards her so far, there was no guarantee he wouldn't react... Well, pretty much like everyone else had, back then; that he wouldn't be scared or disgusted. Or angry. Or worse, too curious.
Suddenly, the pizza doesn't taste so good.
"Hey." His voice is soft, and she notices his hand right next to the pizza box between them. Great, now her wallowing was getting in the middle of his dinner. "It's alright."
"You don't know what I'm going to say," Evva points out, and were it not because of the dread she is still very obviously feeling, there would be a hint of amusement in her tone. Dick seems to pick it up nonetheless, and the shrug he offers carries a certain smugness.
"Let's say I have a good gut feeling. My brother is really good with those, so I reckon I have to be okay too, you know, by proxy." Which is not at all how these things work, but she remains silent, lips barely twitching. Not that it does much. "If I ask something you really don't wanna answer right now," he points out in a gentler tone. "You can just say so. We can save it for another day. And I won't ask anything that I don't need to know to help you."
And she just nods because, really, what else can she do? Worst case scenario she just... Sneaks out on him. Leaves in the morning, or before morning comes. After all, it's not like she hasn't done it before, and what are the chances of him finding her again?
"Have you always had your...?" Dick leaves the question open, probably trying to look for the best word to describe her curse. She doesn't know if she wants him to settle on one, so she just shakes her head. "How long?"
"Couple of years." Her gaze falls to the table, not really wanting him to see whatever her face showed - not when she still got shivers, when she could still feel the hands on her. "I was seventeen." He doesn't reply right away, but she barely notices.
"... How old are you?" Dick is asking with a genuine want to know, but she's heard this question before paired up with a sneer, with a lascivious tone. She's heard it before feeling cornered, before feeling helpless and weak.
"Twenty-three." Her voice is frail, a bit fearful. She doesn't know if it'll change things this time, or if early twenties is just as bad as seventeen and they're going to take her - God, what are they going to do with her?
"Wow. Could've fooled me." She needs to leave. "I mean, you did fool me 'cause I--" They can't take her, they won't take her. "... Evva?"
She doesn't hear the caution in Dick's voice, doesn't see the concern in his eyes. She doesn't see him at all, actually, green eyes fixed on a specific grease stain on the pizza box while her mind takes her back in time, makes her feel the pavement under her feet, the cold air against her face. It makes her body start to tremble as ghost hands grab her arms and cover her mouth, and suddenly she's in an alley, why is it so dark?
"Evva!"
There are arms and hands and fingers; there's hot breath against her skin and words she doesn't wanna hear spat on her face. There's a struggle and her breathing picks up because she's panicking and she just wants to leave, please, let her leave.
"Evv- ah!"
The yelp snaps her back to reality, back in a small, cozy kitchen in the middle of eating cheap pizza with a nice guy whose finger is bleeding.
Whose finger is bleeding.
Right away, Evva pushes back as much as the space allows, wild eyes set on the small cut on Dick's fingers, horrified. Barely, she starts registering the trembles in her body, her inability to hold a deep breath. And yet she cannot stop.
"Izvinite!" She's standing up in an instant, putting as much distance as possible between the two of them despite Dick's attempts at getting closer - does he want to kick her out? Hand her over?
"Hey, hey, Evva, look at me," he pleads instead, hands open and showing and she can see the wound so well and just moves further back. "It's okay, it's alright." No, it's not. It's not, she hurt him, why did she hurt him? Why is he trying to get closer? "Okay, I won't move." And he does walk back, which... Must mean she said that out loud.
Still, her eyes remain fixed on the small cut, her mind reeling on how it could easily be so much bigger, deeper, deadly. How she could've seriously hurt someone who had done nothing but good things for her, someone who is surely going to freak out and try and get her locked up with reason and--
"Evva, hey. Look at me. Breathe with me, you're hyperventilating."
Is she? Why does he care?
"Evva, come on, breathe with me."
Maybe they need her alive. Maybe she needs to meet certain requirements for them to be able to use her.
"Slowly. In... Hold it... And out..." Dick's voice sounds muffled, distant, as if he were talking from outside a thick glass cage. It's hard to focus on his words, and she doesn't know if she wants to; would it help, not doing what they want her to? "Come on, just breathe with me." She starts getting light-headed, and in all honesty she just wants to cry, she's scared but she can't show it. "Evva, it's alright. It's okay, it's just me and I'm backing off." And indeed, the voice feels more distant - just a little, though. "You're safe. I'm not gonna hurt you, it's going to be fine."
And then the voice stops, and all she hears is the frantic beating of her heart, the random hiccups as she tries to keep at least some air in her lungs but she just can't. She wants to claw at something, to yell, to rip herself apart - and she can feel it. She can feel the strain on her muscles, her ribcage becoming tight, the floor shaking under her feet and--
And there's breathing. It has to be loud, because she hears it despite the glass cage, she hears it in the distance. Yes, it must be loud but it's slow. It's slow and it's patient and it pushes a gentle breeze at her face as if it were giving her the air she so desperately wanted. But it doesn't suffocate her with it - it takes its time before another wave comes, and she can take the small doses without choking in them. And so she does.
Her throat is burning and her legs are shaking, but the pressure is lowering and sounds aren't so muffled anymore; it helps with the sensory overload and she no longer wants to scratch her own self. Her fists relax, shoulders drop; her skin doesn't prickle. She takes a deep breath and ignores the shudder that comes with it, swallows down the gasps.
She closes her eyes and tries to focus on the sounds around her, that mix between the alley and the apartment, knowing deep down that one does not belong - she just has to keep going. Much like that loud, steady breathing that keeps reaching her ears, giving her air. It's almost soothing, and Evva finds herself unconsciously mimicking the rhythm, even if a bit shakey at first.
It proves a good decision, for a couple of seconds later, when she comes to herself kneeling on the cold floor with lax muscles, she can tell even through closed eyes that there was no real danger around - just memories, survival. And though everything still kind of feels like a bit too much, the glass cage has disappeared and she knows that there's a police officer just a couple of feet ahead. Normally that would be a sign of trouble, but right now she's too tired to get stressed. Whatever happens she'll just deal with it.
But the thing is, nothing happens. She keeps breathing in time with those steady air intakes, which have lowered in volume enough to turn into a sort of background noise that lulls her to calmness. No one gets closer either, and when her head leans against the wall and her eyes remain closed, she is in no way disturbed, no one probs her for anything.
Tears fall, silent, and she tries to keep in the ones who want to make noise, the ones that want to rack a sob out with them and make her whole body ache. She's too tired for the ache.
No one says anything, and the breathing gets gentler as her own slowly regains a semblance of a normal rhythm. Though she can't help the sniffles, she's surprised nothing comes after them - no chiding, no scoffing, nothing. Just soft, fuzzy silence that doesn't judge her, doesn't take advantage of her weakened state.
She barely deserves this.
"I'm sorry." The words are barely louder than a whisper, but the place has gone so quiet that Evva thinks they'll be heard nonetheless. "Just-- when I first found them, i-it wasn't good. It was bad circumstance."
"... Do you want to tell me about it?" Dick's voice is as steady and as gentle as his breathing, and although it makes her want to cry further, there's also a part of her that wants to hold on to it, let it wrap around her.
She obviously doesn't say it. Instead, she shakes her head, rejecting the invitation - nothing good could come up from relieving that whole episode, what just happened being actual proof of that.
"Alright."
"Sorry." She repeats, even though there's no admonishment in his word. But it's the least she can do.
"I'm sorry." The apology comes as such a surprise that Evva even opens her eyes, confused gaze looking for a sign she had misheard. Though she hadn't.
Dick is sat a couple of feet ahead of her, looking absolutely calm and... Something else she can't quite put her finger on. There's no annoyance on his face, and no scorn in it either; he appears honest, genuinely apologetic in a way she hadn't seen in too long. She stares, and he doesn't look away either.
"Sorry if... Maybe I pushed you too much to talk. When you weren't ready." He sighs. "I didn't think-- I just thought this would be the right thing, that..." She gets it, even if he can't find the words. So, slowly, she sits a bit straighter.
"I understand. I'm not angry." There's a flicker of relief on his blue eyes, Evva thinks, so she continues. "I want to help."
"So do I."
Her gaze is the one to falter first, falling right to his hands in blind search for the cut she had inflicted on him. For a brief moment, she ponders the idea of moving closer and do something but...
"Oh, don't worry about this," he says with more lightness in his voice, raising his hand and inspecting it. She feels the shame creeping up on her. "No, really, it's fine!" And as if to prove his point, he crawls to a cupboard on the side and uses his other hand to rummage through it until he finds something. A couple of seconds later he shows her his palm, which is sporting a cute bandaid. Unconsciously, her mouth twitches.
"... Elephant?" Dicks grins.
"Yup. They're pretty great animals, I think." The way he says it, so carefree, as if really nothing had happened at all... It's strange, but not necessarily in a bad way. It's still kind of hard to tell if it is something good, but just not adding to the negative is kind of a breath of fresh air. So she allows herself to give him the hint of a smile.
"Yeah. I think so." His smile softens a little, something for which... Again, she doesn't know whether to be grateful or not. Thankfully, she doesn't have to think for long, for after a second or two Dick all but springs back up, dusting off his pants.
"Hey, you still want some pizza? Cause I'm still kinda starving, we can microwave some slices."
She lets a heartbeat pass, but decides in favor of standing up too, slowly and grateful that Dick hadn't tried to help her get up.
"Alright."