Work Text:
Words were hard to say sometimes. Even sentences, I guess.
It's not like you were a baby toddler, trying to speak their first words and their parents looking at you in delight once they hear a word come out from you like "Mama" or "Papa". No, it was never that. You could never remember it anyway, because it was so long ago. 19 years ago, to say?
Instead, it's like something is blocking you from speaking. A ghost.. Or even an alien. It's like they're putting their invisible hands on your mouth and all you make are stutters and slight gasping noises as you try to let out some sort of communication but you can't. And it's too embarrassing.
The way that you try to speak something like a mere hello, but all that comes out is a wave and your mouth is slightly open as the other waves and says hello to you. You couldn't greet them. They did. How rude, you are? How simple must it be to say a 4 letter word? Bad manners. Such bad manners. You're a disappointment.
I am a disappointment, huh?
The bridge was nice in it's lighting, the sky painted light pink, yellow, and blue (maybe even red) radiating over it. The lights added onto the bridge was shining, and the cars driving on it had its frontlighrs on too. There were so many cars, but not enough for traffic. It would ruin his plan anyway.
Inspiration could come from this. The view was so beautiful, it was hard not to take out a pen and start writing on the hard grey concrete sidewalk that construction builders worked hard to completely fill anyway. Why was the habit so hard to break? He has inspiration spilling out of him right now, and yet he does nothing for the first time. The wind blows from his left and his hair, his clothes, his ribbon on his tied hair on the verge of snapping apart, had swayed on the direction it blew. His hair wasn't tied right today. It would be the last time the orange hair of his was tied too.
His thoughts, all of his negative thoughts that he pushed away for the past year or so had all come back earlier. It was unbearable, and it made him burst into tears. He was alone. He had nobody there to pat him on the back and hug him and say " It's okay. " because nobody would do that to him since he hates being asked if he was okay. He should not hate being asked if he was alright. He should respond and say " I'm fine! " and move on because it's just a simple phrase and why does he hate is so much?
The way he cringes when he hears that phrase to anyone, not even to him, the way that he turns away at something even when they say they're fine and they move on, and god, he hates it so much. He hates the fact that he hates the phrase 'are you okay' and he hates the fact that he'll be uncomfortable as hell if someone brings it up.
And the fact that he hates so many things that shouldn't even be hated is something that makes him so insecure. He's so greedy and picky, so selfish and has no empathy for others. He's mean, rude, he's something that nobody would ever like. His unitmates from Knights... he bets that they only like him for pity. Especially Izumi. To his dear Sena he loved so much, would he be better without him?
If he was gone.. surely they wouldn't need him anymore, right? Knights could fully function without the stupid brat and idiot, and they wouldn't need him after all. He shouldn't even be there in the first place. He doesn't fit. He can't fit the expectations of those four. And he never will. The wind rips out his ribbon, and his hair is let out from the tie as it moves smoothly and swaying.
He tried his best. He tried to his fullest, and he couldn't even be proud of himself. Everything he does.. it wasn't something that he celebrated truly. He tried his best, so hard, and the expectations couldn't be met. He tried his best, and he was still disappointed in the aftermath. I tried my best.
Did you really?
His steps are more quiet than his rapidly beating heartbeat, and he stands in the road as he can hear the horn of a close coming car and the frontlights coming straight towards him. He couldn't stand this anymore. Even if he can hear the horn coming, he can finally end this misery he'd been having for so long. He hopes Ruka, his wonderful sister, would be better without him. He hopes Knights would forget about him. He hopes everyone would, and everyone to turn their backs and go move on towards other goals without him, and be happy without him.
He doesn't hear the yelling from behind him, and he doesn't hear rapid footsteps coming at him. His ears can only hear his heartbeat, and he doesn't realixe until right after that someone had grabbed him from behind and prevented his near death, both of them falling onto the concrete of the sidewalk as he is in a position where he's sitting right in front (or even sitting on their lap) of the person.
" Leo-kun, what the hell were you doing?! " A voice rings in his ears, the heartbeat of his faintly disappearing, and the voice.. it's so familiar that he just knows who it is, the person's hands gripping onto him tightly. It almost hurts, but he feels comforted. Izumi Sena, his one and only lover that he just swore a few seconds though he would be better without him.
He doesn't say anything. He doesn't turn around to look, he doesn't move. When Izumi didn't get an answer, he got more concerned. " Leo-kun, are you alright? "
Fuck.
He cringes, finally making an emotion. He hates that phrase so bad, and it hurts to hear it from his boyfriend too. Izumi notices it, and he's confused. He was never told that he didn't like the phrase, all he got was " Sorry, I'm composing! You can ask me later! " and never got a response from him to that question. He was always confused when Leo winced everytime he heard 'are you okay' and he assumed it was just something personal.
" Hey, listen. What were you doing, standing out in the road like that? You could have died! If you died, what would I do? If you were dead, I'd be dead with you. " He turns his head atlast, staring at him as the boy continues. " Knights wouldn't be happy either, did you know? Your friends, maybe everyone in ES wouldn't be happy about that. You're important, you hear me? "
Leo's eyes are wide.
" And.. and.. If you wanted to die on purpose, please don't. If you did, I wouldn't be happy either. You are an important fragment in a piece. It's something you shouldn't forget. " He put's a finger on Leo's temple, though it doesn't necessarily count as pointing at the brain. " Drill it into your brain, okay? Promise me. "
He doesn't know what to say. The words were so warm to him, just simple words. It was stupid, but the words clicked something in him and he doesn't want to stand in the road and get hit by a car again. " Sena.. I promise. "
Izumi lets out a gentle smile. It was cute. He stands up, and lets out a hand to him. " Now, can we go home? It's getting dark, and no way am I letting you get kidnapped by someone here. "
" Haha~ I'd never get kidnapped by those aliens. " He takes the hand, and doesn't let go.