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Quackity stood atop the needle, looking over the edge. It was a quiet night, the casino has been closed early due to malfunctions with the slot machines meaning that Las nevadas looked like a ghost town.
Quackity wasn't enjoying the casinos closure, he had nothing to do and that meant he would be left alone with his own thoughts.
Recently things had been hard, it was becoming increasingly more difficult to get out of bed every morning and to remember to eat. Quackity thinks that without Slimecicle and Foolish there to practically force food down his throat, he would have starved long ago.
He feels like he should have brought alcohol. It would be something to take his mind off the thoughts swarming his head. He doesn't like drinking, he hates it actually hates it, but there something so addicting about it, the burn of the drink as it goes down his throat reminds him that he's still alive, that he's still human.
Even if he doesn't want to be.
So he keeps drinking, ignoring the pain it causes, and ignoring the way he throws up every night and morning from drinking on an empty stomach, and sometimes he hopes that it will finally kill him.
The avian looks at the ground, a thought crossing his mind. He was up high, and a fall from here would most certainly kill him and take one of his two remaining lives. He wasn't going to jump, that would be stupid, but maybe he would fall, accidentally lean to far over the edge and fail to use his wings to save himself.
His weight shifts over the cold metal pole, and he feels the wind hit his face. He leans further, and he swears to himself that he's just looking at the ground and if he falls its not really a big deal because he still has one life left.
He's about to lean the last of his weight over the bar when he hears a voice.
"Quackity?"
It was Wilbur, of course it was, he has a habit of showing up whenever Quackity wanted to be alone. The avian goes back to how he was before, no longer in danger of falling.
"What do you want Wilbur?"
"Can't I come suprise my favourite person?"
"I thought that Tommy was your favourite person"
"Nope, it's you"
Quackity can't tell if Wilbur is joking or not, but the idea that he's someone's favourite person again, or maybe even for the first time, makes him want to cry.
Wilbur comes over to him and leans his arms on the railings. Quackity does the same, the two standing in silence staring out at the beautiful country.
It was nice, the slightly uncomfortable silence, it means that quackity isn't alone.
"So" Wilbur says, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it, "Why were you about to kill yourself?"
"I wasn't! I was just looking at the ground!" Quackity could tell he sounded panicked, he never was great at hiding his emotions.
"I'm not stupid feathers, I know you were trying to fall off the edge"
"I told you not to call me that"
"Okay duckling"
"No, that's what my dad used to call me"
"Okay feathers"
Quackity sighed, rubbing his temple. Why did Wilbur have to be here, why did he just have to follow Quackity everywhere and get in the way of important things.
"Don't you have a burger van to run or something wilbur?"
"Nope, it's closed for the night and Raboo went home to his family and prime only knows what Tommy is doing, so now I'm here, with you"
"Well go find someone else to bother"
"I'm not going to just leave a suicidal person alone on top of the highest building in Las Nevadas"
Quackity wants to cry, and he wants Wilbur to hold him and to tell him everything will be okay, he wants to be told that it will be okay.
But instead he just says "I'm not suicidal"
"Yes you are" Wilbur says, "I saw you trying to kill yourself"
"I told you I was looking at the ground"
"Mhm, sure you were, that's so believable"
The avian can feel his face heating up, and his wings curling inwards like a shield to protect him from Wilburs judgment.
"Okay, fine, I was trying to fall off"
"Why?"
Quackity thinks that's a stupid question to ask. _why?_
"Because I want to die Wilbur, I don't see a point in living anymore"
"Don't you want to stay alive with your country?"
"No, I do not. I don't even remember why I made it anymore. Maybe I wanted to get married to two people who don't even like me anymore, or maybe I just wanted power, maybe I wanted to know what it felt like for schlatt, what it feels like to have a whole nation under your control, and maybe I wanted to know if he had a reason to act the way he did"
Wilbur hummed slightly, moving closer to quackity.
"Nothing can excuse the way he treated you"
"Everyone says that, but I still think about everything he said to me and maybe I believe some of it"
"What do you believe?"
"That I'm worthless"
"That's not true, I bet if I were to sell your organs and wings and shit I'd get a couple thousand diamonds"
"Thank you? That's only a bit creepy"
"You're welcome feathers"
They fall silent, Quackity trying his best not to cry because he doesn't want to do that in front of Wilbur. It would be far too embarrassing.
After what feels like hours, Wilbur speaks up.
"You used to be so happy"
"What?"
"We both used to be so happy, but you especially, I remember you running around the server and being loud"
"Heh, yeah, how times have changed"
"Tell me what happened to you Quackity, I want to hear everything"
"Everything?"
"Yes, you need someone to talk to, so talk to me"
And as much as quackity knows that he's going to regret this, that he's going to feel so embarrassed, he starts to talk, not wanting to hold his emotions back anymore.
"Well, I guess it all started with schlatt, he came up with the idea to pool our votes together and I guess I just really wanted to beat you, to be better than you for once, so.i agreed with him and we won and then we got married. I wish I didn't fall in love with him, because he was an asshole who did horrible things to me, but it hurt me so much when he died, I remember crying so much and then I got mad at myself for crying because he doesn't deserve my tears. I was so young back then and I acted like I was 25 and I knew everything, but now it feels like I've just grown into a tall child"
Wilbur wraps an arm around Quackitys shoulders, pulling him close.
"And then I met karl and sapnap, and I loved them so fucking much, they let me join their relationship and I felt happy for a while, I felt loved. But then they found out that I was cutting myself, and they were upset. It's not like they were mad or anything but I could tell they weren't happy, and I kept doing it even after I promised that I would stop, and when they found out they looked so sad, I knew they wanted to help me but they just couldn't.
Karl was worse than sapnap, he would yell a lot and get angry and I would cry, and then he would leave and come back after a few minutes acting so loving and saying how sorry he was and I just forgave him every time like a fucking idiot.
He even hit me one time, it really fucking hurt. And like always he apologised and he started crying because he felt so bad and _I_ had to comfort him! Isn't that so stupid, he yells at me and hits me and I have to comfort him because prime forbid he actually takes responsibility for his actions"
Quackity can feel the tears flowing down his face, and he can feel Wilbur wiping them away.
"I was going to marry them wilbur! I built a wedding Chapel for us, and they left me, they fucked of and made a whole new country without me"
"They're stupid"
"And I don't talk to my son anymore, my tubbo, we went through so much together and now we just don't talk anymore, I'm such a terrible parent!"
Quackity feels wilburs hand card through his hair
"My life has been so full of sex, everyone always wants sex but I hate it! It's so gross and I want to throw up everytime, I don't want someone to touch me like that, I don't want it to happen even if I get a chance to say yes!"
He's almost sobbing now, tears running down his face faster than they can be wiped away.
"And you Wilbur, I think I love you again. I know we had a thing back in pogtopia but that didn't feel good enough to be a relationship, but you were just so fucking nice to me and I never really understood why, because I don't deserve your kindness. And you never knew Wilbur, you never knew how much I really loved you, because I'm an idiot and I never told you, even though I meant to"
Wilbur pulls him into a hug, one where he's being held tight and loved. It makes Quackity cry more, soaking wilburs coat with his tears.
After a while he calms down, and both him and wilbur end up on the floor, facing eachother as wilbur draws patterns on Quackitys palms with his finger.
"You deserve so much more than all those assholes Quackity"
It's a simple sentence, but coming from wilbur it means so much more than anyone could ever imagine.
"And you're not a terrible parent, Tubbo loves you, whenever I see him he always asks me if you're okay, and then he tells to get out of snowchester before I blow it up or whatever, but he has his own family, he's a parent now, so he's busy and he can't see you that much, but I promise you he cares"
"Thank you Wilbur"
Wilbur grips his hands, squeezing them tight.
"And I am so proud of you Quackity, you have matured so much since I first met you, you made a whole country and that's just brilliant, you did so well"
The avian beams at the praise, maybe that's all he's wanted all along, someone to tell him he's doing good.
"I love you Quackity, I love you so much, you are my everything, you are my sun and you are my moon with the stars, without you I am nothing"
And then they're kissing, and it's soft and sweet and so loving that it makes Quackity want to cry some more. When they pull apart Wilbur holds the shorters face in his hands, looking into his eyes.
"I know how it feels to want to kill yourself, but I'm here for you, you can talk to me, I want to keep you safe"
"Okay wilbur"
"I love you feathers"
"I love you too"