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Over the din of the school cafeteria, Miyako’s distinctive voice soared. “Over here, Hikari! Saved you a seat!” she shouted, scooting over on the bench to make room.
“You’re a savior, Miyako.” Hikari sat and unwrapped her lunch. “I was worried I’d never find a seat.”
“I’ve been looking for you, actually. But first, what are you eating?”
“Egg sandwich. Want a bite?”
Miyako wrinkled her nose and gave a theatrical shudder. Hikari rolled her eyes. A joke of unknown origins circulated among her friends that her mother followed outrageous recipes. In reality, Mom was a good cook. Not amazing, but also nowhere close to food poisoning her family.
“Anyway, good timing, because I’ve been looking for you.” Miyako leaned in, even though Hikari doubted anyone could eavesdrop in this racket. “You know Keiko? From the cooking club?”
Mid-bite into her sandwich, Hikari nodded. Almost everyone knew Keiko, who was one of the most outgoing and popular girls in middle school.
“Is it okay if she asks Takeru out?”
“You mean like...on a date?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
Hikari swallowed. “Shouldn’t you be asking Takeru, not me?”
Miyako’s direct stare was uncomfortable. “I want to make sure that you would be okay with it first.”
Here we go again. Hikari suppressed an internal sigh. The Chosen Children liked to act as if she and Takeru were already married. Sure, their mutual teasing sometimes edged into flirtation, but that was innocent fun. They were just friends.
And these days, with The Thing hanging over them like a pall, they were definitely just friends.
“Of course I would be okay. He’s my best friend and I’m happy for him.”
“Only happy for him? You won’t be jealous at all?”
“No. I don’t think of him like that.”
“You don’t, or you won’t?”
Hikari glanced up from the pattern she was tracing on the table. “Miyako, I already answered your question. Can we move on?”
Miyako ignored her obvious attempt to shift the conversation. “You guys have been so weird around each other. What happened out there, anyway? I never heard the full story.”
Hikari shifted uncomfortably. Her friend was referring to the time that she’d spent in a coma with Daisuke, Iori, and Ken, while the eight original Chosen Children tried to save the world from the potential erasure of the digital and the real worlds.
All of which she’d been trying to forget, because what she remembered –
Homeostasis in her body. Taichi and Tailmon disappearing into the nether. Hands grabbing her shoulders and a panicked voice saying, I'm worried about you, Hikari.
“Hikari?” Miyako prompted.
“I already told you everything I know,” she replied, which was mostly true. “And I was out of it for the most exciting parts. Ask Sora and Mimi for more details.”
Miyako frowned but relented. “Fine. Whatever. So back to the original subject. Can I tell Keiko that she should ask Takeru out?"
“Should?” Hikari never said that anyone should ask her best friend out. “You know what, tell her whatever you want.”
“Okay, I will. Actually, I’ll go find her before classes start.” Miyako stood and swept the remains of her lunch into her bag. “I’ll see you later?”
“Yup,” Hikari said with a wave, her bright smile faltering only when her friend was out of sight.
Alone at the lunch table, she set down her sandwich, feeling as if she’d failed a test she should have aced. She could’ve stopped Miyako; in fact, she could still stop Miyako if she wanted to.
She wouldn’t, of course; she refused to be selfish and possessive. Keiko was very pretty and, as far as Hikari knew, a kind person. And Takeru deserved someone carefree and happy, someone who wasn’t haunted by poor decisions, someone who didn’t dodge every time he tried to clear the air between them, because it was always too soon, too painful, too intimate.
Well, she didn’t have to worry about that anymore. Once Takeru started dating Keiko, she would naturally recede into the background, allowing her all the distance she desired.
Her stomach clenched. Appetite now completely gone, she cleared away her own lunch and rose to leave the cafeteria.
Miyako reported back before the end of the school day. She’d successfully delivered her message, and Keiko and Takeru were going on their first date this weekend.
Throughout the afternoon, Hikari’s unhelpful mind supplied visions of a future in which her dynamics with Takeru were irrevocably changed. He would no longer be part of Takeru and Hikari. Instead, he would be a proud member of Takeru and Keiko. It would be Keiko to whom classmates asked about Takeru’s whereabouts, Keiko whose classroom Takeru frequented during breaks, Keiko who had the right to Takeru’s sunny smiles and dorky hats.
How would he act around Keiko? Would he be the goofball he was around Patamon, or the prankster little brother he was around Yamato? Or would he show his introspective Ishida side and share intimate secrets that, to date, only Hikari had been privy to?
This line of thinking was unpleasant. Hikari had come to depend on Takeru’s presence in her life, come to assume that he’d be there to hold her up when she lacked strength to stand on her own. Even in the thick of the battle against Ordinemon, in the face of losing her brother and partner, she’d felt safe in his arms, secure in his promises that everything would be okay.
Unfortunately, Earth never stopped turning and time never stopped flowing forward. Childhood attachment couldn’t last forever, no matter what their crests suggested. If Takeru was opening himself up to new people and possibilities, the least she could do was to be supportive.
“A penny for your thoughts?”
With some effort, Hikari extricated herself from the maelstrom of thoughts in her mind back to the reality of walking home with her best friend. Takeru was watching her intently, brows slightly furrowed.
“I’m sorry?” she said.
“You’ve been awfully quiet. First time you didn’t pretend to be interested in my basketball game.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I was, uh, thinking about my algebra exam. I think I got two of the questions wrong.”
“I bet you’ll still get one of the top marks in the grade,” he said, accepting her lie. “You always do.”
His smile was warm and reassuring, causing her stomach to turn a somersault.
Hikari glanced down at the handlebars of her bike, around which her knuckles had turned white. As his best friend, she should ask him more about his day, and lend him a listening ear.
“I didn’t know you and Keiko were friends,” she blurted. Oops, that didn’t come out correctly. She sounded jealous, not supportive.
“Oh.” A strange look crossed his face, a mixture of discomfort, guilt, and something she couldn’t quite place. “You already heard?”
“You know Miyako. She couldn’t keep a secret if she tried.”
“Um yeah, I know Keiko. Her cousin is on the basketball team. She asked if I wanted to check out a new café and I thought that could be fun.” His cheeks turned pink. “What do you think?”
Hikari forced her mind away from images of Takeru and Keiko holding hands across a pastel-colored table, surrounded by balloons and streamers and flying Cupids. “I’ve heard only great things about Keiko.”
His shoulders relaxed. “Yeah, she seems really nice. I hope I don’t mess it all up.”
“I’m sure it will be great. You will be great.”
“You won’t be –”
He stopped. Jealous, he would’ve finished in a teasing tone, before their previous easy camaraderie had been replaced by mutual wariness, a shared feeling that they would shatter the fragile order of the world if either spoke the wrong word. As well-versed as Hikari was in the art of pretending everything was fine, she couldn’t deny the fact that she missed their old friendship.
Silence descended, not uncomfortable and not companionable, as they each lost themselves in thought. Traffic droned around them, somehow highlighting the distance between them even more.
“Well,” Takeru said, upon reaching the street corner where they normally parted. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“See you tomorrow!” Hikari said brightly.
She’d barely registered Takeru’s wave before she was hopping on her bike. Wind rushed by as she pedaled, more quickly and furiously than she’d ever before, as if by doing so, she could leave heartbreak behind.
It didn’t work.
Hikari would’ve preferred to sulk in privacy, but her brother was already home, avidly watching the TV. She couldn’t go into her room without passing him, so she plopped down beside him on the couch. Any distraction was good distraction.
“What are you watching?” she asked, even though she knew. He’d taken to dissecting videos of his high school soccer team’s practices, a strategy he’d learned from one of his mentors.
Taichi pressed pause. “Testing out a new formation. Big game next week.”
She hummed as she studied the frozen image on-screen of her brother mid-kick, which perfectly encompassed Taichi’s personality. Brave, driven, and unafraid to face change.
As opposed to her, who wanted the world to remain in harmonious order and fairy tales that could never exist in real life.
“How’s school?” he asked, and she felt the weight of his assessing gaze. “You seem a bit down.”
“It’s fine. Could’ve done better on my algebra exam.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. You always do way better than you think.”
The similarity of his response to Takeru’s brought a lump to her throat. Without making eye contact, she slid closer to lay her head in the crook of his shoulder and wrap an arm over his abdomen.
Taichi stiffened; things had also been awkward between them after Meicoomon’s death. Shared trauma would do that. Hikari closed her eyes, rewinding back to that terrible night. Waking up in the darkness to the heartrending pain of losing everything she cared for. Watching her own partner terrorize the innocents of Tokyo.
Hurling hurtful words at her brother, after everything he’d been through: I will never forgive you.
Honestly, it was a miracle that none of them were more messed up.
Brotherly instinct soon took over. Her brother pulled her closer and covered her head with his own, enveloping her in the familiar scent of his favorite shampoo. Suddenly she was five years old again, seeking comfort after a nightmare or an overheard fight between parents.
Knowing she sometimes required time to find the right words, Taichi said nothing, only patted her on the shoulder. She curled her fingers into the folds of his shirt. Her gloom was about Takeru and Keiko, and also about something bigger, something scarier.
“Big brother,” her voice came out in a whisper, “I don't want you to leave me behind.”
In some way, what she said made little sense. He had left her behind plenty of times. When he started school. When he was allowed to sleep over at a friend’s house. When he was sucked into the portal to the Digital World while she watched from below. She’d never minded being left behind, because she’d always known that he would return.
But this time was different. This time, he’d died and revived and made the difficult call of destroying a dear friend. The Taichi who came back was older and wiser and sharper with the wisdom of adulthood.
They were all growing up, Taichi and Takeru and their friends; they were all carving out paths to their futures, creating identities for themselves beyond vehicles for the guardians of the Digital World. Meanwhile, she remained frozen, clinging to the innocence and simplicity of childhood.
Hikari let out a shuddering sigh. Taichi shifted and squeezed her shoulder. “I can never leave you behind,” he said. “You know that.”
“You will have to, someday,” she said, wearing resignation like a favorite childhood scarf. “That’s part of growing up.”
He mulled over her words in momentary silence. Then he said, “Remember our trip to Yamanashi?”
Hikari raised her head slightly. That’d been almost ten years ago, when she was six and he was nine. “Yeah?”
“We spent a day at Amehata Lake. There was a suspension bridge that I really wanted to walk across, but you were scared of heights, so Mom and Dad came up with the compromise that Dad and I would cross the bridge and back, while you and Mom waited.”
“But I ended up following,” Hikari said, vaguely realizing where this was going. “I didn’t want to stay behind.”
“You did, and you didn’t hold Mom’s hand once. You crossed the bridge all by yourself.”
That was true. She remembered practically running across the last ten meters of the bridge to throw herself into her brother’s welcoming arms, the sound of his cheers still echoing in her ears. She’d been so proud of herself, and so relieved.
“I was very scared though, because the bridge was so shaky,” she confessed. “I just didn’t want any of you to know.”
Her brother shifted so that they were face-to-face. “That’s my point,” he said. “I can never leave you behind because you’ll always catch up. Just as you followed me across the bridge. Just as you followed me to the Digital World. Everyone figures things out at their own pace.”
I don’t want you to ever change, he’d once said. At the time, she thought he was coddling her. Now, she understood what he meant.
“Just remember,” Taichi said, brown eyes full of pride and fondness, “no matter what happens, I will always be on the other side of the bridge, waiting for you.”
She wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. “Thank you.”
Taichi tapped her on the nose. “Besides,” he said, and this time his tone held a note of mischief. “You’ll never be left behind because I know someone who will always stay behind with you.”
“Not anymore,” she said, before she could stop herself.
“Is that so?” Taichi turned back to the TV. “Well, as I like to tell my team, the ball is in your court.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I heard that new café serves really good strawberries-and-cream sandwiches.”
Hikari narrowed her eyes in suspicion at her brother’s profile. Had Miyako blasted the news to everyone already? How else did he know about Keiko and Takeru’s café date?
However, Taichi had already resumed his soccer practice video, and the only hint that there was something more to his statement was the small smirk at the corner of his mouth.
Even though the café was closer to her house, Takeru got there first. He didn’t ask why they were here on a school day, mere hours after saying goodbye after an awkward walk home. He greeted her as if it was perfectly normal to receive an enigmatic invitation out of nowhere to “grab a snack.”
Distracted and buzzing with nerves, Hikari stumbled through the order of drinks and sandwiches, pointing at random pictures on the brightly colored menus without looking at the descriptions. Once the waitress had left their table, she turned back to face the full intensity of his blue eyes.
“Uh,” she said, then winced internally at her own eloquence.
“I’m really excited about the food,” he said, rescuing her as always. “The menu looks amazing. Thanks for suggesting that we check it out.”
It would be so easy to divert the conversation to a discussion of food, then to school, then random gossip, and pretend that was her intention all along. Unfortunately, that wasn’t why they were here.
Before she could lose courage, she took a deep breath. “I've never properly thanked you.”
“For what?” He grinned, dimpling his cheeks. “If you mean not eating that last cream puff on Sunday at Miyako’s, it was really because I was too full. Otherwise you’d have no chance.”
“No, not that, although thank you for that too. I meant...last fall.” Takeru’s genial smile faltered. “I know you wanted to talk about it, but I wouldn’t let you.”
“That’s okay. You had a lot going on.”
“No, it wasn’t just that. I didn’t feel ready. And I was –”
Ashamed, she almost said, but fortunately, the waitress picked that moment to stop by, setting down a tray of pink-and-white sandwiches and two rainbow-colored drinks. Hikari snatched one of the drinks and clutched it for courage as she tried to recalibrate her words.
“You went above and beyond to take care of me, and I never thanked you. Instead I kept pretending nothing happened.”
Takeru shook his head. “You don’t need to thank me. We’re friends, and friends take care of each other.”
“But you’re always taking care of me,” Hikari said, the sweetness of her drink doing little to cover up the bitterness of her shame. “I’m always the damsel in distress. I was supposed to help, I wanted to help, and instead I was…Tailmon became…”
She swallowed, overcome by the painful memory of Taichi disappearing into the crevice followed by Plotmon becoming Ophanimon Falldown Mode and morphing into Ordinemon.
The most pure and innocent are always the most fragile and easy to corrupt, Dark Gennai had said. He was right. From the beginning of her Digital World adventures, she’d been the target, because darkness knew to prey on the weakest link.
“I was a burden to everyone, especially to you.”
“I’ve never thought that.”
“Well, why not? You had to stay with me, even though you had your demons to face.” Her voice softening, she twirled her straw to mix together the different layers of her drink, giving her something to do other than to face him. “I wasn’t strong enough to help you –”
“Stop. What are you talking about? Hikari, look at me.”
Reluctantly, she raised her head. His normally cheerful face held no trace of mirth.
“You’re one of the strongest people I know,” he said. “Strength doesn’t just come from raw power. Strength comes from the heart.”
“Now you sound like a self-help book,” she said, hoping for some levity, but he didn’t miss a beat.
“You took care of me too, remember? When Patamon was infected. You were there for me the entire time.”
Her chest tightened. That had been another dark moment, watching her best friend suffer and not being able to do anything other than to kneel with him and hoping that she could offer some comfort, any comfort.
“I guess,” she admitted. “Not that I did much.”
“You did. You gave me the hope that no matter what happens, I have my friends by my side and we will always find a way to the other side.”
“Um, I mean, that was –”
“And you were there for the final battle. I know you didn’t want to hurt Meicoomon, but you put your own feelings aside. You evolved Tailmon to her ultimate form and helped the team restore balance to the worlds. How could you say that wasn’t strength?”
“You’re giving me too much credit.”
Takeru blew out a breath. “You know, sometimes it’s okay to take a compliment and say thank you.”
Hikari’s cheeks warmed. “I – thank you.”
“I knew you felt guilty over everything. That’s why I kept trying to talk to you so I could tell you none of it was your fault. You did the best you could under the circumstances. We all did.”
She supposed he was right. At the end of the day, they were just a bunch of kids who happened to be gifted crests, navigating a world that made limited sense in the best of times.
Raising her head, she met his eyes, and as she studied her reflection in those familiar blue depths, she thought she understood the words he left unspoken.
“Thank you,” she repeated. “I – I’m glad we talked.”
“No problem.”
They continued staring at each other until Takeru coughed and jerked his head towards the uneaten sandwiches.
“So how about let’s get started on the food? I don’t think they’ll taste as good once the cream starts melting.”
Giggling, Hikari reached for a sandwich and pushed the other towards him. “Delicious,” she said, loving the contrast between the juicy fruits and smooth creaminess.
“Definitely delicious,” Takeru said, polishing off his own sandwich in three large bites. “Well, maybe now you can help me with something.”
“Sure. Anything.”
“Yamato has his makeup concert coming up and I was hoping you could help with my date.”
Immediately, the strawberries turned into tasteless mush. Hikari took a long sip of her drink to buy time to collect herself. “What about Keiko? She’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?”
Takeru chuckled. “We haven’t even gone on one date yet. She’s just a friend.”
“Um, I can definitely give you other suggestions –”
“I want you to come with me.”
The words sent a thrill down her spine, but what reassured her even more was his uncertain expression, so unlike his usual confident self. This wasn’t a game or a mask. This was Takeru, choosing to be vulnerable just as she’d been vulnerable with him.
“Okay,” she said, trying and failing to keep her tone breezy. “Okay, yeah, I can help with that.”
“Then I’ll call you later with the details?”
“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.”
Both blushing, they ducked their heads at the same time to focus on the now empty sandwich tray.
Hikari cleared her throat. “So I guess…would that be a date?”
Takeru blinked and Hikari held her breath. “Well,” he said, after too long a pause. A slow smile spread across his face, “I thought this was a date. Is it?”
His question lingered between them. Hikari’s heart was pounding so loudly that surely everyone in the café could hear it over the beat of the pop song playing over the radio.
She reached across the table and grabbed his hand. Heedless of the stickiness from the sandwich, she wove their fingers together. His face broke into a grin, even before she answered:
“Yes. Definitely.”
After dropping Hikari off at her apartment complex, Takeru waited until he could no longer see Hikari's petite frame in the distance. Then he pulled out his phone and texted a message.
Miyako responded immediately. Clearly it was a slow shift at the convenience store. Congratulations! About time!
Keiko responded only a few minutes later. I told you guys. My methods are 100% foolproof.
Taichi got the final word. Big brother knows best.
Pocketing his phone with a smile, Takeru put in his earbuds and started his walk home to the tune of his brother’s newest single.