Work Text:
Hanging on by a Spider’s Thread
Once upon a time, there was a man named Kandata who was condemned to hell for his many evil deeds. However, Kandata had done a good deed of saving a spider only once before his death.
The Buddha, remembering this, saw Kandata suffering in hell and dropped a spider's thread from the lotus pond in paradise.
Kandata grabbed the string and desperately climbed up to the paradise, but when he looked down, he saw that a large number of sinners from hell were following him. Kandata said to the sinners, "This spider thread belongs to me. Get away." But at that moment, the threads were suddenly broken.
Kandata falling to the bottom of hell again. The Buddha, watching the scene, left the lotus pond with a sad look on his face.
—— Ryunosuke Akutagawa, “The Spider’s Thread”
“….And, that’s it?”
“Yes.”
Stede closed his book and smiled me. The pale light of the library illuminates the leather cover of the book.The story ends as if the pages had been ripped out in the middle of the book, so I was puzzled.
“What happened this man? What happens next? Did he die?”
“Well… I don’t know.”
“What would have happened if he hadn’t looked down? How did he get caught such a thing anyway?”
“That’s what I love about fiction, Ed.”
I had hundreds of question, but Stede never answered yes or no. He seems to be deeply moved by the story.
Not a few of the books that Stede read to me ended this way. I was not satisfied with the ending about the magical story yesterday, nor the adventure in the jungle story seven days ago. I asked Stede many questions about it, but he never give me an answer.
“If you wonder about something like that, you should pick up your pen and try writing. If your are interested in somethings like that every day it will be a good inspiration.”
Stede narrowed his blue ocean eyes. The eyes are shined like stars.
“I’ll write your words.”
His fingers moves slowly on the page. In the warm evening sunlight, his angular fingers made long shadows on the rows of letters.
“Like, ‘I couldn’t understand the meaning of the fuckin novel.’ or ‘My fuckin beard spread by the humidity’?”
“of course! you will feel better and refreshed.”
Is that how it is? I looked at the thousands of books put in the shelfs of the room. I wondered if all of them were a collection of such freaky minds and feelings.
“That sounds interesting. I’ll give it a try next time.”
Stede smiled gently to me. His blonde hair seemed to blend together the marmalade sunset out side the window.
A few months have passed since then.
“…It didn’t refresh me, asshole.”
At midnight, the Revenge was black as an inkwell and the dark sky seemed much lower by heavy clouds.I looked down at the pice of paper in my right hand. It’s written my poem Lucius had written down. Even through I put it into words, my feeling did not organize. On the contrary, it’s more disturb like turbulent than ever.
The ink stains, the lines and dots of different shapes are drawn on the paper. They all look like kind of black worm crawling around for me.Maybe this is “hold on.” It’s written in the last part, where it is repeated over and over.
I leaned against the railing on the deck and looked out at the dark sea in a daze.
Why had Stede disappeared? Where is he now? Is he still alive? …What the hell did he think of me?
“If you’re curious, come and ask me.”
At that time, a strange voice fell from somewhere. It’s a soft and kind voice like a pancake made with milk and plenty sugar.
“Stede? Are you Stede?”
I looked around just a little panic, but there was no one on the deck but me. I doubted my ears, wondered if I have misheard.
“Hey, this way.”
Overhead. I can’t see much because it’s plunged into an overcast sky, but I found a dim light like a small lamp shining faintly on the tip of the mast.
“Stede, are you there? I’ll go now!”
I looked up so hard my neck hurt and screamed, and grasp the rope hanging down. It’s too dark to see clearly, but the rope seems more slender than usual, like a silken thread. But I climbed toward the sound of Stede’s voice like a small flies go to the light.
It had been a while time since I started climbing. It’s supposed to be just a ship’s mast, but it’s hard to reach the top. Somehow the thread I grasped is so thin that it slipped through my hands again and again. The collum supporting the mast, which should have stood right next to me had disappeared too and was no longer visible.
“Hey Stede, I have a lot to tell you…”
I talked to the dark night sky, but there was no answer. The small lights overhead were hidden by a thick fog, and I seem to be covered with a black cloud.
“I wrote a poem. Will you listen to it?”
The voice that came out of my throat was pathetic and weak.
And the story that Stede had told me before suddenly came back to my mind. What was it, the prisoner climbed up the thread of hell aiming for heaven, and…?
I couldn’t help but looking down. I noticed something moving on the ground far below me.
“What?”
I looked closely and found that was a group of people. hundreds of people, filled with anguish and anger, were swarming around this thread. I immediately realized that those were the people I had killed.
And among them, I clearly recognized the man who had pushed the others away and was about to be the first to come to me.
“Edward! Who the hell do you think you are?”
“Dad?”
The man who had showed my mother and me hell every day when I was a child. The man wrinkled with anger and old age, was the very man I remembered as my father. The feeling of strangling him to death came back to me and my fingers trembled.
“Why are you going to climb up there although killed me? Not just me, but all of us! You don’t think you deserve to be chosen?”
My father glared up at me with all his might and shouted so loudly. His low growl, as if he knew everything about my life, shook my eardrums.
“N, no, I just…”
I’m upset and incoherent words leaked from my mouth. The hand holding the thin thread slips and my body loses its balance.
That time, I noticed that there was a boy right next to my father. He is not trying to climb up to here like the others, but just standing there, staring up at me. He had dark brown hair and his eyes with no light in them. He looks as if he has given up on everything.
He is me in childhood.
“Ah, ”
At that moment, my hand fell away from the thread.
My body spun around like a falling leaf, and falls headlong. I reached for the sky. The clouds glowed gold for a moment.
No one knows what happened after that.