Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Luz has never understood why this intrigues her so much. It's weird, right? Like, you have one neurodivergent condition yet you're totally obsessed with a different one? It'd make sense if she thought she was autistic, but she doesn't. She's not. No, she doesn't fit all the criteria. And plus, traits from ADHD overlap a lot.

Then again, she's done a lot of reading on ADHD and is pretty sure she has the differences down, but still, she probably just has some natural variance that explains it. The doctors told her as a kid she had ADHD, and they debated for a while if it was ADHD or autism. They would've just said both if she had both.

The girl still pulls up her bookmarks when she gets to her room, instantly clicking on the autistic forum site she's been checking a lot recently. She just got home from an overwhelming day and school and reading the experiences of these people always calms her down. Neurodivergent solidarity, am I right?

It helps how easy it is to flick from one to the other, which she often does. Despite her frequent use of the forum and other autistic online spaces, Luz rarely leaves comments or posts anything. She's not autistic, so it's a bit of an invasion.

She still often bides her time reading forum pages and watching videos from autistic YouTubers, to the point where Luz is probably more educated on autism than most autistic people. At least on the surface of course, again, she isn't autistic, and nothing can substitute a lived experience.

She never really understood why autism interested her so much. Luz enjoys learning about all types of neurodivergence, and takes pride in understanding others, but autism's always been the one to shine brighter than the rest. Like she's drawn to it- okay, that's dumb. It's one of the more well-known types of neurodivergence, of course anyone interested in the topic would by proxy be interested in it.

Luz feels happy when she views autistic flags, and it's cool how many new ones people come up with. It's a deep and personal feeling of joy that those items of representation unlock in her. Guess it's just nice to see others comfortable with who they are.

Luz keeps up to date on the latest shows and pieces of media with autistic representation, and always makes sure to watch each one. Not only is it educating, it also makes her happy to see another marginalized group, even if not her own, get a place on the big screen.

She has a few online friends she's made within these communities, and it always feels nice to talk with someone who gets you. Luz has ADHD, they have autism, so there's a lot of things her and her friends share. It makes it easy to talk for hours and hours.

Luz feels a little strange when they share real life problems though. She often has no idea how to provide a solution, and will commonly mention that she would have done the exact same in the situation.

There's a subset of people on the forum who have both ADHD and autism, and Luz finds herself relating to them the most. It's almost uncanny how many of the things they talk about are relevant to her. Makes sense, she shares one of those brain… differences? Conditions? Uhh, disorders? Eh, she's not a big fan of any of those words. She shares something with them.

She often finds herself stumped with her schoolwork and, in those situations, often contacts her online friends for help. There's something about the way they can so easily digest the material before explaining it back to Luz.

She does know a few autistic people in real life, those who go to school with her. She never speaks with them, though. They have no interest in being friends with her and she has the self-awareness to realize how creepy it is to want to befriend an autistic person just because they're autistic. At least when you aren't autistic yourself. Like Luz.

Her mother often speaks to her like she is, though. Whenever Luz complains about a struggle she may have at school, Camila often cites what she's seen that worked for autistic students on her watch, since she used to do volunteer tutoring.

Luz doesn't get that. Yeah, ADHD and autism are similar, but that doesn't mean whatever worked for them is going to work for her. Camila once said she saw a lot of autistic traits in Luz, but there's no way she has both. If that was the case, then all that time ago, her doctors would've said so. They wouldn't do all that extra effort just to conclude which one it is if she actually had both.

Sometimes she wonders if she does, though. Not in a real way, of course, because she doesn't. Again, it's a bit of an intrusion to even think that. Like, autism isn't some quirky thing she can just slap on. So she feels bad for asking herself. That question.

Am I autistic?

Chapter Text

"But Mom, we've been over this before," Luz whines. "I know what works for me."

"It'll only be for a week, mija," Her mother Camila reassures. "This is just a test run to see if things get easier for you."

"We tried this in fourth grade, and sixth!" Luz exclaims. "What makes you think it will be any different now?"

"It's always worth trying," Camila says. "As much as you love school, your classmates don't love your disruptions."

"It's not disrupting!" Luz says. "If anything, they're disrupting me 'cause of how loud they are." She pouts.

"I get it." Camila says empathetically. "But that doesn't mean you can be just as loud back."

"Why am I the only one who ever gets in trouble for it?" Luz gestures wildly. "Thirty other kids yell and scream and laugh but the second I do it the teacher tells me to go to the office."

"I know it isn't fair. But this extra assistance will help you accommodate for yourself," Camila offers. "Remember, your para is only there to help you, she's willing to listen to any problems the classroom gives you."

"I don't like having someone sit and watch over me," Luz crosses her arms. "They treat me like a baby."

"You're in middle school now, mija," Camila says. "The helpers are different. They're more well-trained here."

"Better be."

Luz turns and heads back to her room, sighing as she does so. Could a para really help her, just this once? Maybe. But it's so uncomfortable to have someone there, it's like they control every little aspect of her learning environment.

And depending on which one you get, things can really take a turn for the worse. Luz remembers that para in elementary school who told her off for stimming. No wonder she nearly flunked that grade, how do you expect someone with ADHD to focus when they aren't even allowed to stim? No wonder she got so overwhelmed that she even punched her one time.

But she isn't truly worried about something like that again. Special education professionals are good at their jobs the majority of the time. But does Luz want to have to rethink her entire day, all to plan for this one little (unnecessary) change? Absolutely not.

She ponders to herself, wondering just how difficult it might be for someone with autism. Changing routines is a big thing for autistic people, she should be grateful this is only this anxiety-inducing. She can't imagine what it'd feel like if she was actually autistic, like some of her online friends.

She's not, though. So she just has to get through this.

The first day is the hardest, it always is. Ugh. She ended up getting really anxious in third period, when her English teacher assigned the class a writing exercise and her helper leaned over the entire time, watching every movement. She even had the audacity to critique her handwriting! So infantilizing. Girl has ADHD, of course she writes fast, of course it's a little hard to read!

Lunch was the worst part though. It isn't that Luz typically sits with friends anyway, but any opportunity to actually socialize is completely taken away by the authority figure literally sitting and eating lunch with you. Luz is a thirteen year old girl, she isn't a baby. And she knows for a fact the school would never treat a non-ADHD kid like this.

The para even follows her to the edge of the sidewalk, making sure she gets on the school bus alright. Some bully yells a dumb proclamation as she gets on, and she's pretty sure they were talking to her.

The bus ride home is thankfully never that long for her, it'd be really overwhelming to be around those loud voices for anything more than fifteen to twenty minutes. She feels thankful each day that her stop is so early on the route.

When her mom comes in the door a few hours later, Luz immediately rushes to hug her.

"How was today?" Camila asks neutrally, her expression telling it all as she notices Luz's own expression.

"Not good." Luz pouts.

"How 'not good'?" Camila asks for clarification.

"Bad. Pretty bad." She says. "They treat me like a little kid."

"Hmm," Camila thinks to herself. "Do you want to give another day a try?" She says, a similar phrasing to something she's said every time they've tried this. The answer is always the same, and she's learned to honor it. Still, doesn't hurt to ask.

"Can you just tell them to stop?" Luz says. "I told you yesterday I didn't want this."

Camila sighs. "Okay, mija," She smiles. "You're right. I should have listened to you. I'll call them right away."

"Thanks, mami," Luz says, smiling.

It's funny how something simple like that can totally take the weight off your shoulders, huh?

Luz is used to that feeling. The anxiety of having to tell someone something, to ask something of them, knowing they could say no. Even when it's her mom, a person who truly values her boundaries, it's still a little worrying.

But the relief knowing things can just go back to normal is immense. Knowing that tomorrow will be completely the same as yesterday was, and today is just some crazy outlier. Sure, it sucked, her entire day was shook up by this little change, but it all turns out okay in the end.

As she's about to head up the stairs later that night, Luz peers over Camila's open phone. Her mother is in the shower right now, and probably just forgot to turn the screen to black.

Taking a cursory glance at the webpage, she notices a few aspects she's familiar with. The gray monochrome color scheme, the thin line of blue at the top that's the same color as her favorite shirt. The forum post formatting.

It's the autistic forum Luz frequents!

Why is Camila on there?

Taking a look at the thread title, Luz possesses a vague memory of it.

'Caring for an autistic child'.

She checked it out a few times, but as it was mostly a resource for parents, she didn't find it all that interesting. Still, she enjoyed seeing info like that coming from actual autistic people and not neurotypical parents who thought they knew best.

But wait, Luz is not autistic. Camila has no other children. Either she's tutoring again, or she's using this advice for Luz. Quickly searching through her mother's phone history, she finds that today was the first time Camila accessed this website. So it didn't encourage the change that happened today.

Rather, the change, and how poorly it went, encouraged her to do more research, perhaps?

But again, Luz is not autistic. She has ADHD, which is similar, but not the same. Well, Camila probably just searched online and this came up, and she thought it could help regardless. Still, it does prompt that question again.

Am I autistic?

Chapter Text

WHY DOES THIS GIRL DO THE THINGS SHE DOES TO HER.

Her brain screams those words as she heads to school this morning. Amity is so weird. Er, uh, the feeling Luz has around her is weird! Amity herself is a little cutie-

What.

Okay, Luz, just flip that switch in your head that makes your thoughts go from 'actually insightful' to 'dumb hehe haha silly brain moment' please, those kinds of pining thoughts are totally out of nowhere, and definitely intrusive, and she totally doesn't think Amity is c-

Yeah.

Other than the, ahem, issue of Amity definitely being not cute, Luz can't help but feel so… understood around her? In a different way than the others here on the Boiling Isles. Eda is a very understanding parent who always leads her in a helpful direction. Willow and Gus are amazing friends who consistently show up to support her. But Amity…?

Hmm. It's a feeling kind of similar to the way Eda understands her, but more… enticing. New and fresh. A shared bond of something that neither of them can really put their finger on.

And no, it's not the enticing, new and fresh feeling of a shared bond that can't put their finger on that starts with 'they' and ends with 'like each other. Romantically.' Uhhhhm, what? Heh, yeah so… it's not… that thing.

It feels different.

Luz sees something in Amity that she recognizes, perhaps in herself. But it's also something she recognizes from back home. Man, she misses Connecticut. Sometimes. The Boiling Isles are, of course, really awesome, but you can't help feeling homesick every once in a while. She'll visit again when summer camp is over.

But what was that thing, though? From home. Hmm. She's going to have to reflect on that one for a while.

Regardless, whenever she looks over at Amity, sneaking glances while the girl isn't looking, there's something about… everything, that she sees so much in her. The way Amity moves. The way she talks. How she looks at you. Even her facial expressions.

It's all very that-one-word-she-totally-forgot-and-is-definitely-not-pretending-not-to-know, but it's also so familiar.

Luz can tell it isn't for Amity, though. Sometimes she appears uncomfortable in her own skin. The uncomfortably vibrant green leaves that cover her head shade and cover the tree of herself, but when the wind blows, Luz notices things those leaves were hiding. Things the tree didn't want her to see. But that's just dumb.

Luz accepts all of people, even if they don't accept all of themselves. She wants to be a good friend to Amity, but she isn't sure how. Especially while respecting the girl's boundaries, which are walled off and uncomfortably unpredictable.

Hey! That almost reminds her!

…no, she lost it.

She's speaking briefly with the girl later, ruminating on last night at Grom. Wow, was that a fun time. Luz got to see a side of Amity she had never seen before.

Even a side of herself she had never seen before.

It was strange, however. Although Luz's mother was the main fear that ran her down and got to her, the Grom demon's simple presence was enough to elicit a sort of self-reflection she didn't feel before.

It has something to do with this whole Amity thing, she's sure of it.

"Hey, Amity?" Luz asks, startling the girl who has her head turned away and eyes locked on some random cheerleaders practicing their routine.

"U-Uh, yes, Luz?" She inquires, each word higher pitched than the last.

"I've been thinking about something," Luz says, finger on her chin. "Did you feel anything weird at Grom?"

"Other than my worst fear?" Amity asks incredulously, nervously laughing. "I mean, maybe. Grometheus definitely gives off a weird aura."

"Did it feel like…" She tries to collect the words. "You were unlocking parts of yourself totally new?"

"When I danced with you, it did," Amity says neutrally, but instantly realizes the implication. "I-I mean!" Her face is red as tomato. "That was you helping me overcome my fear, s-so! But other than that, I guess? I didn't really think about it."

"But you did feel something weird?" Luz clarifies.

"Oh, for sure. Something unusual about myself."

"Me too," Luz says. "And I can't put my finger on it, but I feel like it has something to do with you," Luz seriously hypothesizes, but Amity blushes at herself being the focus of Luz's words. "There's something between us…" Luz says. "Something big that's going on."

Amity's eyes widen, and she instantly gets up. "G-Gotta go!" She exclaims, finding Luz's words hitting a little too close to home. "It was nice talking with you!" She says at an inappropriate volume. "See you tomorrow!" And then she runs off.

"Yeah, see you," Luz lightly waves as she watches her. So, Amity felt it too. Good to know she isn't the only one.

But she's still searching for answers on this. And if Amity doesn't know either, then what could this be?

She shrugs to herself, grabbing her things to exit the gymnasium.

Think, Luz, think. What things were important to her at home that Amity could remind her of?

School clubs? That was a while ago. And Amity is nothing like anyone she knew back then.

Is it about Azura? No, she's been over this. Amity and her both share an interest in the series, but it's as simple as that. Just two girls who love the same book series, have read them all, re-read them often, and occasionally accidentally share a fifteen minute speech when others ask about it. That's all there is.

Does Amity remind her of someone back home? Maybe a little, but Amity is very unique. Luz has never met anyone like her.

Maybe it's smaller than that. Just a few little things Luz recognizes in the green-haired goblin. Okay, don't call her that, goblins are ugly and she is very very- eh-ahem. A word. There was a word she was about to think, who knows what it was!

Focus, Luz. This is what's important. Luz feels solidarity with Amity.

Wait, she does? But how?

Then something hits her. That forum she used to go on at home. Of course!

Amity probably reminds her of someone she knew on there. Woah, she hasn't thought about that forum in a while.

Maybe because she's been so content here. She usually used that place as a type of escapism, finding herself drawn to the way people interact on there compared to real life. But she hasn't needed that lately.

The Boiling Isles are very accepting, she's come to learn that by now. It doesn't take nearly any effort on her part for others to be willing to understand and accept her.

When she thinks about what makes the Boiling Isles special, there's one thing at the forefront of her mind. Everyone here is so different. From humans, from other species, from even their peers. Everyone has totally different ideas and views and are willing to let others express their own.

So of course someone like Luz, who never found a place for a neurodivergent, quirky, cheesy young girl - or whatever gender she subscribes to - would fit right in.

So, what was that first part again? Yeah, neurodivergent. She notices it a lot in the people that surround her. Not in the typical neurodivergent way- well, kinda in that way.

Neurodivergent people usually make friends with other neurodivergent people. She does notice that. It applied back home and it applies here.

But also, everyone she's met here - other than maybe Lilith or other high-ranking adult Coven-members - would absolutely be considered at least somewhat 'weird' in the Human Realm. Whether for more on the surface characteristics such as literally being a demon, or other, more nuanced reasons.

So, about Amity.

Wait, oh my Titan! Is Amity autistic? Is that why Luz finds an association between Amity and that forum? Is that why she felt solidarity with her that helped form a solid bond? Is that why Amity seems to fit in here?

Is that why Luz sees so much of herself in Amity? Is that why Amity seems to unlock new parts of Luz?

And not the 'I have a crush on her' parts. She totally doesn't have those, that's not a thing at all. But something else.

That something makes her ask the question again. The one she knows couldn't be true, so it's uncomfortable asking it. But she still asks it.

Am I autistic?

Chapter Text

Luz smiles as she hands a spider egg muffin to her girlfriend. The two of them are lazily resting on Amity's bed, watching videos on her scroll. The purple-haired girl's mother is at some convention and the father along with her, so there's no interruptions.

Amity still gets up every few minutes to check the window and the landing to see if they have arrived yet.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Luz asks neutrally. "They said they'd be gone for four hours, and it's been two."

"I know, but it's still possible," The girl says anxiously, running a hand through her hair.

"What is?"

"That they'll be back early and catch me hanging out with you," Amity says.

"Aww, Ams," Luz says empathetically. "I don't think you need to worry. I'm your girlfriend, right? If your parents even have the littlest understanding, I don't think they'll have a problem with us dating."

"That's the thing," Amity whines. "They usually don't. It's like they try not to understand me."

Luz meets Amity's gaze for a moment, before both look away. Usually a moment like that ends with both sides blushing, but here it's simple, bashful looks to the side.

"Well, they can't do anything to stop us," Luz proclaims confidently. "We're each others' sweet potatos, dumb parents aren't gonna get in the way of our relationship."

"I'm glad you think so, but," Amity slides a fingernail between the veins of her other palm. "My parents are not nice people. And they always get what they want. Especially my mom."

"Hey," Luz says sweetly, hopping off the bed to hug Amity, who's still pacing by the door. "I get that you're scared. But your house has like eleven windows I can jump out of and like five doors. It's pretty easy for me to leave without a trace. And plus, if you, Edric, and Emira all vouch in saying I was never here, what are they going to do? Assume all three of you are lying?"

"I wouldn't put it past them."

"If it makes you feel any better, we could head to the library," Luz suggests.

"No!" Amity spits out too quickly, a look of apology appearing on her face. "I mean, it's ten o'clock. Wake up time 'til noon is me at home. Noon 'til one is lunch. One 'til five is library. On weekends."

"Did your parents make you those rules?" Luz asks.

"What?" Amity shakes her head incredulously. "No, that's just my daily activities. I don't break that, it makes me feel really weird."

"So, what happens if your parents don't let you go to the library then?" Luz asks innocently, confused by Amity's wording.

"Well, then…" Amity whispers. "I just go. Sometimes. And take the punishment later. Or…" She trails off.

"Or…?"

"Nothing. You'd think I'm dumb."

"Amity, I would never think that," Luz says. "You know I won't judge you."

"Well, okay. I guess I just," Amity says, flinching a little. Her expression gives off the impression she hopes Luz can relate to it, though the description she provides is not something you'd generally want your girlfriend to go through. "Whenever something… or someone," She says with disdain, "Messes up my daily plan," She gestures, looking at some posters behind Luz and not the girl herself. "I kinda… go to my room and cry about it for a while. Heh," She laughs nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. "It's dumb, but it's kind of a big deal to me."

"Aww, sweet potato," Luz places her hands on Amity's shoulders. "That's not dumb at all," She shakes her head. "I totally get that."

"You do?" Amity asks shyly.

"Uh-huh. It's really tough to have to change your expectations so quickly," Luz says. "I've definitely had moments where even small changes to my plans can really set me off. It's normal."

"My mom doesn't seem to think so," Amity admits.

"Your mom is mean," Luz says, Amity giving a surprised look at those words. "Sorry, but it's the truth. At least by the way you talk about her, it sounds like she doesn't even try to understand her kids."

Amity sighs. "You're right. She doesn't. It still hurts, though. When she says things like that."

"Like, what?" Luz questions.

"Tells me that I'm being 'improper'. Or my behavior is way out of line, even when I'm just…" She struggles to put it in words. "Behaving the only way I know how. And she never says that to Edric and Emira! I mean, there's a lot of things she won't say to them, but-"

"She knows they won't fall for it," Luz says simply, finishing the idea Amity started.

"Huh?" She turns herself back around to face Luz. She didn't even realize she'd been pacing in the opposite direction.

"Your mom knows the twins have become resistant to that," Luz explains. "But she still thinks she can mold you to whatever she wants."

Amity angrily shakes her head. "Well, she can't!" She exclaims a little too loudly, checking her own volume immediately. Even though the house is devoid of parents or other authority that'd scold her for it, she still seems uncomfortable speaking too loudly. "Sorry."

"It's fine."

"My mom is wrong though. About me. I've seen enough to know so much of what she's told me is a lie," Amity says drearily. "I just wish she'd leave me alone about it so I don't have to pretend anymore."

"Maybe as time goes on, she'll see that," Luz says optimistically.

"But I'm the last child left. She's determined to make me into a mini-her," Amity says. "And I don't want that," She sighs, crawling onto the bed beside Luz. "I wanna be my own thing. Make my own rules. Have control." She pauses, eyes widening. "Oh Titan, I sound just like her!" She covers her face.

"Hey, raspberry, you don't sound anything like her," Luz consoles her, hugging the girl from behind. "Your rules don't have to be the same as hers. You can make them whatever you want. And… I want control too, you know? Control is nice. The difference is we want control of our own lives and she wants control of other peoples'."

Amity remains silent for a moment, before turning over to face Luz. She smiles once seeing the girl's face, making Luz's cheeks darken.

"You're right," She says. "You always help me see things in a better way. I just wish those kinds of words got through to her."

"Have you ever talked to her about this?" Luz asks, before backtracking, "Er, is that an option?"

"No way," Amity says. "She wouldn't listen to me no matter how much happier it'd make me. It's all about her. And I can do that! I can pretend! Sometimes…"

Luz takes a while to form a response, but the second she opens her mouth, Amity finally manages to continue.

"Hey, Luz?" She asks. "Do you ever feel like everyone else is normal and you're just some weird experiment gone wrong?"

Laughing to lighten the mood, Luz replies, "All the time. You know me, 'weird experiment' is my middle name," Amity giggles. "But, uh, yeah. Maybe it was part of the 'trials' of growing up neurodivergent, but yeah, it's hard to fit in."

"New-row-die-verg-ent?" Amity asks, brow furrowing at the unfamiliar word.

"Do you.. not know what that is?" Luz asks.

Amity nods shyly. "Is that a human word? I've never heard it before."

"Uh, yeah. Must be." Luz says. "Neurodivergent is basically like, people who are that are a little bit different. Their brains work differently. I have ADHD, so that changes how my brain works."

Amity looks at her neutrally.

"Oh, of course!" She exclaims, scolding herself. "ADHD stands for, um, 'Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder'. It does a lot of things, but the main ones are in the title. I have a hard time paying attention, and I can get really zoned in and hyper when I'm doing certain tasks."

"And that's not usual for humans?" Amity asks.

"Nope! I mean, everyone is different, but ADHD means those things are more hard-coded into me," Luz says. "It also makes me have more trouble socially. Like, sometimes I take things too literally, or can't look people in the eye, or misinterpret stuff-"

"I do those things…" Amity says softly, nearly a whisper. "Could I be.. neurodivergent?"

"Could be!" Luz exclaims. "I wouldn't think it's any different for witches. I did notice some things about you…"

"What things?" Amity asks in an insecure tone.

"I dunno. You always seemed very bubbly whenever you were excited, but so toned down normally," Luz says.

"And that's not normal?" She asks, biting her nails.

"Nothing is normal or not normal." Luz says. "It's just- differences. But yeah, that could be a form of masking. That's when a neurodivergent person copies the behavior of people around them to try and fit in. But your 'neurodivergent-ness' can still slip through the cracks in moments of high emotion."

"Like when I'm excited?"

"Yeah," Luz nods. "Or scared. Or angry." She thinks for a moment. "There's also your movements."

"What's wrong with my movements?" Amity asks, pulling her arms back to her sides.

"Nothing, sweet plum," Luz sweetly answers. "But you do a lot of stimming- there's also how you get really talkative when you're anxious, or speaking about something you really like," Luz continues with examples. "Or, even the routine thing you mentioned! That's a very common autistic trait." She says, happy that the knowledge she's learned online over the years can finally be put to use.

"Autistic?"

"A person who has autism," Luz says. "Autism is another type of neurodivergence. It's kinda similar to ADHD, but they have a lot of differences too."

"So, I'm autistic?" Amity asks, pointing at herself.

"You might be!" Luz says. "I mean, these are just random things. I could be totally wrong about it. Now that I have this in my head though, maybe I'll be able to notice more things!"

"Hmm. I'm not sure if I should feel happy or scared."

"Aww, Amity," Luz coos. "Don't feel scared, okay? Neurodivergence is an awesome thing. Autism is an awesome thing. I'm one of the first people who'll tell you that."

"Are you autistic?" Amity asks plainly.

"What?" Luz spits out, shocked. "No, no. Of course not. I have ADHD, not autism." She neglects to mention the many times she's asked herself Amity's exact question. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, a lot of the stuff you said about me," Amity cites. "You do it too."

"I do?" Luz questions bafflingly. "I mean, of course I do! ADHD and autism have a lot of overlap, so it's pretty normal for people of both to share traits."

"Oh. Okay." Amity secedes, but her words really got Luz's brain going.

It's true she has a lot of autistic traits. But that's just typical, right? ADHD and autism are very similar. But a lot of the things she mentioned Amity doing were very specifically autism-exclusive, so…

That question again. This time, not brought on by herself and her overthinking, but by someone else making the logical conclusions for her.

Am I autistic?

Chapter Text

Luz and Amity are resting together on the Clawthorne family couch, facing each other as they play a favorite game of theirs: Sneaking Kisses? Kiss Sneakers? Snisses? Okay, not that one. We'll come up with a name later.

The rules of this game are simple, enough that any player of it intuitively knows them without being told.

First rule. The eyes. Like, duh. You're disqualified if your eyes don't spell out 'I love you' said a thousand times, in different colors, backwards, and with thirteen (thousand) heart emojis after it.

Second rule. The kisses. See, you can't just kiss your girlfriend normally while playing this game. That's boring. The trained judges' scorecards certainly won't display anything higher than a three point five for that. No. You have to pretend like you're a spy, repelling down from the ceiling to plant recording devices.

The spy is your lips, and where it plants said devices, well, those are hers, of course. The kisses are the recorders, if that wasn't clear.

Obviously, you don't want to be caught in the act. That certainly would subtract from your overall score. So you have to be quick. See, her lips aren't any traditional surface, you can't just plant a kiss there and come away just fine. Those lips can react.

You can't let her kiss you back. Not until it's her turn, anyways.

Oh, and the third rule. The best one. Cheesy one liners. What, did you really think this whole thing is done in silence? Nah. You gotta say something. The heavier her face blushes when you drop those words, the better.

"You look so cute when you're trying to kiss me," Luz says sweetly, dropping Amity's face a few hues. "But you're never gonna be fast enough," She teases, sticking her tongue out.

"Yeah, well-" Amity stutters, wound up from their silly game. "You-" She doesn't bother finishing her sentence before making, quite possibly, the quickest kiss in history, leaving Luz's lips wondering if Amity even kissed her. Her stunned face says it all. "They call me Breakneck Blight." She says proudly, before immediately backing down. "Oh my Titan I can't believe I just said that."

Luz cackles, grabbing Amity's arms in an attempt to what is half a hug, and half just straight tickling. "Breakneck Blight!" She exclaims, laughing at the name.

"Shut up! I said nothing!" Amity giggles back, trying to slink away from Luz's grasp but her back is against the couch's. "If you don't quit, I'll give you a name like that too!" She threatens.

"I'd like to see you try," Luz teases, her hands on Amity's hips, as if she may enter a hug there, but she keeps tickling her.

"Yeah, well- yeah!" Amity says nonsensically, giggling at the sensation of Luz's tickles. "Knock it off!" She slaps Luz's hand playfully.

"Never!" Luz exclaims, ramping up her assault.

"Okay, seriously! Please stop," Amity says again, now feeling a little worn out. Even though her words came out fun and playful, Luz takes them with the required severity and immediately cuts it out.

Laughing to herself, Luz comments, "I wish I was as ticklish as you, Amity."

"What, so I could do that to you?" Amity questions.

"Yes." Luz says with full intentions. "As it stands now, it doesn't even get me to laugh," She puts her feet back on the floor. "I used to be super ticklish as a kid but now it doesn't do anything."

"Is that right?" Amity asks, in a rhetorical tone. She smiles devilishly. "Yeah, it'd be nice if I was able to get revenge, No Hurry Noceda."

Luz cracks up at Amity's term for her. "Oh come on, you get to be Breakneck Blight and I'm stuck with No Hurry Noceda? No fair."

"It's the truth." Amity shrugs. "You wish you could kiss me as fast as I can kiss you."

"Oh, yeah?" Luz wiggles her eyebrows, immediately darting in to kiss the girl. Before she's even half a ways away, Amity shoots back in with a tiny peck on the lips.

"See, that's how the pros do it," Amity says smugly.

"Arh, ehhee!" Luz squeaks out, a made up noise. She collects herself. "Okay. While I absolutely love your confidence about this and think it's so cute," She pauses for dramatic effect, gesturing with her hands laid out in front of her. "Stop it!" She playfully adds.

"Hehe, never," Amity giggles, lounging back. "You're just gonna have to get on my level."

Luz smiles mischievously, knowing exactly how to respond. "Well, I guess if that's the case, I better get some practice," She says, crawling up to Amity's resting figure.

"W-Wait-!" Amity tries to protest, but it falls on deaf ears. In the tiniest way possible, Luz presses small kiss after small kiss to Amity's lips, pulling all the way back between each one.

Her kisses are very delicate, as if afraid Amity is a crumbling stone statue and a smothering kiss could crumble her.

"You! Are! Not! Allowed!" Amity exclaims between kisses. "To be this cute! That's my job. Luz!" She says.

"Maybe we can share the job," Luz suggests, and her words are enough to distract her from the small collection of kisses. "I mean, dunno if I can compare to a cutie like you though, you'd be Employee of the Month every month of the year."

"You'd be Employee of the Year!" Amity shoots back.

"You'd be Employee of the Decade."

"Employee of the Century!"

"A whole century of work?" Luz asks. "I'd rather stay unemployed."

Amity giggles bashfully. "You're so funny, Luz." She says out of pure love.

Luz's heart melts hearing such words. There are few expressions of love deeper than finding everything your partner says to be the pinnacle of comedy.

"I love you," Luz replies deeply, catching the other girl off-guard.

"Woah!" Amity comments at the sudden change of pace.

"Oh, oh! Sorry," She laughs nervously.

"Don't apologize."

"I guess I'm just, like," Luz fumbles for the words. "People never really found me funny at home. They just cringed at things I said and stuff. So it's still really, um," She taps her feet against the floorboards. "It's a new thing for me. A really nice thing, but new."

Amity smiles, moving in closer. "Well, you are extremely funny, Luz," She says in a half-whisper. "I, um," She rolls her eyes at herself, "Okay, I guess we're making this serious now," She laughs. "I really appreciate that you can make me laugh even after a bad day. N-Not that today was bad! Just saying."

"I love that I can be that person for you." She smiles. "You deserve it."

Amity purses her lips to force them to smile. "Okay, can we stop being mushy already? I feel like I'm gonna cry."

"Awww," Luz coos, hugging her girlfriend. "It's okay, Amity."

Amity wiggles a little in Luz's grasp. Playfully, of course - she loves the affection. But this moment is finally what gets her and her eyes begin flooding over. "Stop it!" She laughs through tears. "Why are you the only person I let myself cry around-" She immediately stops, her brain immediately giving her the answer.

"I am?" Luz asks with starry eyes. "Aww, that means you feel safe with me! I love that so much!" She says, bouncing up and down.

"Aaah, why do I still get like this?" She groans. "Why can't I get over you loving me?!"

"Uh, because I'm awesome and cool, and uh- cool," Luz says, laughing at her own dumb words.

"And sweet," Amity adds. "And caring, loving, thoughtful, amazing, silly, cute, lovable… oh Titan did I say that out loud?"

Luz giggles again. "Being around you is like swimming in a lake of heart mush." She says. "N-Not literally, of course! That'd be gross." She sticks her tongue out.

Amity laughs at her girlfriend's silly scene. "You're so silly, you know that, Luz?"

"Uh, duh." She teases confidently. "You tell me almost everyday. You literally said it just a second ago!"

"It's one of my favorite things about you, so." She says, "Can't let it go unappreciated."

"Well, you're silly too!" Luz flirts back. "In fact, I think I bring the silly out of you!"

Amity giggles. "You do." She says lovingly, while matter-of-fact.

Luz blushes, hard. She was expecting a denial, or a retaliatory flirt. Despite being one of Amity's signature moves, it always catches Luz off guard when she simply accepts Luz's silly flirtations.

Ugh, she's so cute. Precious. Just… Luz wants to hold her.

She is already holding her, but the thought of 'I want to hold her' is building up the strongest sector of her brain right now.

"Um," Luz mumbles, trying to get back on pace, "Can I kiss you?"

"On my lips?" Amity asks, accusatory. "Luz Noceda, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were in love with me!"

"Good thing you know better," Luz says offhandedly. "'Cause we're just goood friends." She shoots finger guns at Amity, the subtle details the proof that she was being sarcastic. Amity wasn't really picking up on it until she does that, and her blank expression goes back to a dumb smile.

"Smooch me, then," Amity invites her. "Let's prove how good a friend you really are."

"Okay," Luz says confidently. "But if ya catch feelins, you'll hafta call my secretary," She says in an accent. "I'm a busy guy, ya no."

"Oh? You better give me your business card then," Amity replies, giggling.

"Okay!" Luz exclaims in her normal voice, too impatient to resolve this flirtatious fiction. She carefully places both hands on Amity's cheeks, softly caressing them, before pulling her in to meet in the middle.

Both close their eyes at the same time, Amity's hands grabbing Luz's hips, slightly swaying them as the kiss waltzes side to side.

"That," Amity says in a low voice. "Was beautiful."

"You're such a good kisser," Luz says as her icebreaker.

"You kiss better. I love your lips." Luz doesn't reply immediately, and Amity turns red. "That sounded creepy, didn't it?" She laughs nervously.

"Maybe if it was someone else," Luz says, drawing back in. "But everything you say is music to my ears."

Amity lightly covers her growing tomato face. "Oh my Titan," She says. "You're so romantic."

"Says the one who could teach a whole course on flirting," Luz says. "Seriously. I don't think we've ever had a date where I didn't go home and think 'Man, that girl butchered me'."

Amity laughs, but looks to Luz for explanation. When it's Luz saying it, it's charismatic - and romantic - as always, but that doesn't mean she understands the context.

"'C-Cause you're so good at flirting!" Luz stutters awkwardly. "S-So I'm always like, wow. Amity. That girl really knows how to turn me into a walking fire truck."

Amity giggles again, and although her next words take the structure of a tease, they are said seriously. "I guess calling you a fire truck is fitting, especially with how many times I'm on fire and you save me." She patiently looks for Luz's reaction, unsure if the metaphor hit. When Luz smiles wide, Amity feels her heart skip.

Giving her a large hug, Luz squeals, "Not only are you the best flirter I've ever met, but you also say stuff like that? How are you so sweet."

"It's easy being sweet to someone you love," Amity says, very matter-of-factly.

"It is!" Luz exclaims. "And please never stop, you make my heart jump up and down like a lil' puppy begging for a treat!"

Amity giggles. "But really, though," She brings them back a few sentences. "You do 'save me'. Or- you did. And you still do. You make me feel like I belong, and that I deserve to belong."

Luz laughs in a high tone, shaking her knees and flapping her hands. "That's awesome!" She says at an inappropriate volume, Raine peering in from the kitchen. "You, um," She adds, quieter, "Really make me feel like I belong, too." She says sheepishly.

Amity smiles. "Come here," She says like she's rehearsed the line a million times. Maybe she has.

Luz carefully crawls into her arms, burrowing in with a smile.

"We're the best." Amity says, loving eyes watching her handsome girlfriend.

"You're the best."

"No. I said we're the best. That includes you," Amity corrects her. "I'm so happy I make you feel like that. You deserve to feel all the things you make me feel. I'm curious, though," Amity begins.

"About what, sweet potato?" Luz asks sweetly, her face kind of upside down, looking up at Amity.

"How do I give you that feeling?" She asks. "Like, it took you showing up for me to even figure myself out. And I'm still kind of a mess," She laughs. "How could that be 'I belong here' for you?"

"Well, I love you, for one thing," Luz says, never missing the opportunity to say it. "But also," She hops out of Amity's hold a little, but still close enough for one arm to be wrapped around her. "You just- get me. You know? You showed me who I wanted to be in this realm. And out of it. I mean, Eda, Gus, Willow, they all did that too in different ways. But you made me realize," She blinks away tears. "That I could be loved." She says, trying not to sob.

"Oh, Luz," Amity sighs, holding her closer.

"And in a way that wasn't, like, my mom or something. That wasn't somebody loving just 'cause that's what you do. You have to. Eda showed me that in the family sense, Willow and Gus showed me that platonically, and you- you showed me that romantically," Luz explains. "Part of me is still just like- Luz, girl, how in the world d'you keep your act together long enough for a girl like Amity to fall in love with you?" She throws in humor to lighten the mood. "Miracles do happen!"

The purple-haired girl giggles, smiling at her shorter half. "I don't think it was about you keeping your 'act together'," Amity says. "It was me. You unlocked those new feelings in me and I fell so hard I felt daring enough to go for it."

"Maybe it was both," Luz laughs. "You unlocked a lot of new stuff in me too, Amity," She says. "Maybe the whole reason I was able to unlock that in you was because… I was falling for you, too. So I just knew I wanted to make sure you felt safe around me."

"Well, I felt safe enough to kiss you, didn't I?" Amity comments, and they both laugh. "Either way, I'm glad I was able to- love you? I don't know how to say that. But I really do feel lucky to be your girlfriend."

"And I feel lucky being yours," Luz replies. "We get each other so well. I love, just- sitting with you, like now. Even this makes me feel so happy." She smiles with a silly pull of the lips, saying, almost like it's an accusation, "You make me happy!"

Small traces of pink rapture and powder Amity's cheeks, but she doesn't say anything.

Luz hugs her though, a cute smile lining her face.

"You're so cheesy!" Amity exclaims, voice cracking. "I'm surprised you don't smell like cheese," She says playfully, Luz increasing her hold.

"Oh? Is someone paying attention to what I smell like?" Luz asks, voice rising with each word.

Amity rolls her eyes. "Coconut and sliced key lime." She sighs loudly, "My favorite," Amity comments despondently.

"Close." Luz says. "I wore coconut with key lime pie today."

"Same thing."

"That nose of yours is good, though," Luz says, bouncing with each word. "Not only is it cute," She boops Amity's nose. "But you always seem to know what a smell is within seconds of sniffing it out. I thought I was the only one who could do that."

"It's probably the autism." Amity says offhandedly, prompting Luz to give her a confused yet wonderful look. Luz doesn't remember telling her about autistic people's higher sensitivity to smells. "I've been doing some research on my own." She adds to calm Luz's silly eyes.

"You have? That's great!" Luz exclaims. "You did use the resources I sent you, right? There's a lot of misinformation out there."

"Yeah, I did, don't worry," Amity brushes her off. "You know how much I love learning about it."

"Well, I'm just happy you've graduated from me teaching you everything," Luz comments. "It's more useful to hear from all kinds of people. Especially those who are actually autistic, which I'm not."

Amity squints a little. Huh, that's right. She had forgotten that Luz isn't actually autistic. She always feels so- similar to herself, they share so much, it's easy to forget this is one thing they don't.

Luz could've fooled her, though. She definitely has a lot of autistic traits. Then again, like the girl herself explained, ADHD and autism have large overlap.

Still.

"Uh, Ams?" Luz questions, Amity startled by finally coming out of her head and focusing on the girl in front of her. Who is, by the way, only about two inches in front of her. Luz's tone implied she was waiting for Amity to answer something.

"Luz!" Amity exclaims in surprise. "Personal space!" She reminds her.

Giggling at herself, Luz pulls back. "Sorry, sorry. But did you hear me?"

"Wait, what?"

"I said I used to go on a forum for autistic people, way back when," Luz repeats herself. "Is that something you'd be into?"

"Oh, uh. Yeah." Amity says. "Yeah, of course."

To tell the truth, Amity isn't really all that keen on having actual, real discussions with other autistic people. It's cool that those types of communities exist, but… socializing sucks. Even online.

She'd rather just stick with Luz as her silly neurodivergent girlfriend who she knows she can count on for any struggles related to such things. But it's still a worthwhile preposition.

"I'll have to find the URL whenever I get back around to Connecticut," She says.

"Luz…" Amity begins, her words both for herself and for the other girl. "What are your thoughts on, um, diagnosis? I've been thinking about it for a while but it kinda makes me nervous."

Luz perks up for a second, surprised at the idea. "Well, do you wanna get diagnosed?"

"I don't know." Amity says truthfully. "Part of me thinks it'd be nice to have an actual professional validate everything," She says. "But then it'd feel…" She sighs. "Less like a part of my identity and rather something placed upon me."

Luz's brow furrows. "Can you expand on that for me?"

Amity grumbles, "I'll try. I guess I just think…" She says. "There's a difference between being autistic and having autism to me. Even if the words mean the same."

Luz backs up a moment, shocked at how eloquent and - maybe even relatable - that is.

"The second one is just… drab. It sounds very clinical to me," She says. "Like, I don't have autism, because you can lose things you have. I have certain things, and if I wanted to, I could get rid of them. It sounds temporary." She explains. "And I don't mean that I would ever wanna get rid of my autism, 'cause I wouldn't, but- instead of something that's in my possession, it is fused to the deep center of who I am. I'm proud of it. I'm not proud of owning random things. But if I were to get diagnosed, it's not about me anymore. It's less a part of my identity if I need a doctor's opinion to agree with mine."

"That was…" Luz says. "Really touching, actually. I totally, totally get that, Amity. And you know, for some people," She gestures. "Diagnosis isn't the goal. It's made out to be this endpoint, but it doesn't have to even be a point. Self-diagnosis is totally valid. And you and me both know deep down that you are autistic. So unless you really wanna get diagnosed, we don't have to."

"Thanks, Luz," Amity smiles. "You always know how to take the doubts away."

She giggles. "Only the best for my awesome girlfriend." Luz kisses Amity's forehead, though the brain past her own is going wild with this conversation, down pathways it never has before.

It's true that Luz does not have autism, in the way that Amity said. She was never diagnosed. But diagnosis isn't everything, and autism is not a thing you have. It's a thing you are. The question remains: is she?

Am I autistic?

Chapter Text

Luz and Amity are walking the Boiling Beach, careful to stay away from the edges and the tide that rolls in and out.

There's something romantic about beaches in general, even in a realm where the concept of swimming at them is a deathwish.

The sun is high on the horizon, though it's going down. Its golden heart leaves both girls bathed in warm yellow light. Love radiates from its surface, a perfect awning for them to spend an evening under.

"I really like you," Luz says, a lighthearted spring in her step. She angles up against Amity, the blushing girl's face only getting hotter when Luz's own smushes up against it.

"We have been dating for months, Luz," Amity smiles with a small laugh. "I think I'm aware."

"I gotta say it though!" She squeals. "Because I like you more than I like cinnamon rolls, and I really like cinnamon rolls!" She jokes.

"You're a cinnamon roll," Amity retorts casually, pinching Luz's cheek.

"Awww!" Luz coos with starry eyes.

Amity turns to her, confused. "What? What did I do?"

"'Cinnamon roll' is basically human slang for like, the cutest, most perfect, pure thing ever," She explains.

"I thought it was food." Amity ponders, recalling the time Luz brought some for Gus' birthday.

"It is!" She says. "But it's also that."

Amity lightly snorts. "It fits you."

"And you!" Luz exclaims, grabbing Amity's wrist and pulling her in, arm and arm. "Maybe you're more of a cinnamon bun."

"What's the difference, exactly?" She asks.

"I think the buns have pecans in them or something," She says. "Or maybe the other way around."

Amity laughs, stupidly offering, "So you're saying I'm part pecan?"

Luz giggles way too much at that. "Yep. And I'm part chestnut!" Luz exclaims, slapping her stomach.

"You're such a dork," Amity says dreamily, her fond eyes appearing as though they're in the sky. They are very much grounded at the moment, it's just that they're trained on Luz.

"Yes I am!" Luz replies proudly. "And you're a dork's girlfriend. The dorkiness has begun to rub off on you though."

"Has not!"

"Yes it has!"

"No, it hasn't!"

"You're so cute." Luz breaks pace.

"You're so-!" Amity begins trying to retaliate, but stops upon recognizing Luz's words. Mouth still agape from trying to produce a comeback, the girl flushes red. Short-circuiting, she finishes using the first thing her brain can muster up with, "Chocolate chip cookie."

She has no idea what words she had actually spat out until Luz bursts out laughing.

"I have no idea what you meant there," She says, doubling over, "But the way you went silent for a whole ten seconds just to say that is the funniest thing I've ever seen."

Turning a darker shade of red, Amity her hands in front of her face. "Okay, shut up!" She says playfully. "I…" The words are still hard to come by. "You caught me by surprise and I still had human food on my mind!"

Still laughing, Luz begins to regain herself. Wiping actual tears from her eyes, she offers, "You're the best," and Amity smiles contently, moving back to take Luz's arm in hers.

As they continue walking, the girlfriends point out silly things to each other, making jokes about their origins.

"I'm a thousand years old and still single!" Luz exclaims, pointing at an old log with a carved face on it. Her accent is ruffled, the type of voice where you can just tell the character she's playing has a real bushy mustache. The scene is only helped by her using her finger to give herself one as well.

Amity laughs genuinely, wondering how she ever thought this human girl was anything other than the most charismatic and lovable person in the world.

"Sorry, Mr. Log," Luz says as they pass 'him' by. "Guess the dating scene isn't too good once you hit four digits."

"I'll still date you at a thousand," Amity mumbles to herself.

Luz giggles. "If we make it to a thousand, I'm not sure we'll even be able to go on dates like these," She says, holding out a hand for her girl. "So let's treasure it while we can." Luz smiles widely; an infectious expression.

"It's so pretty. What do you think?" Amity asks her a little later, as the two are sitting watching the sunset. There's probably about twenty minutes until full blackness, which is when both girls promised to be home, so they're making the most of it.

"Beautiful," Luz says absentmindedly. "It's crazy, isn't it? I look around; beautiful beach," She gestures. "I look forward; beautiful sunset." She points with her chin. "I look to my right…" She slowly turns. "Beautiful girl."

Amity's mushy laugh floats through the air, the purple-haired girl tapping her fingers with happiness against her clothing.

"I wish I could be that beautiful," She nods toward the sun.

"You are, sweetness…" Luz inches down a bit, laying on the sand. "I know it's just the whole 'being in love with you' thing, but even looking at you makes my entire brain explode into bliss. Like nothing can stop the happiness train I'm on."

Amity smiles, blinking her joyful tears away. "I love that." She murmurs. Then, after a brief pause, agrees, "You make me feel the same."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

…

"Hey, Amity?" Luz asks, perking her head up. The sun has fully gone down beneath the water, and the two feel like they've experienced the whole world together.

"Yes, mi tarta de fresa?"

Luz simply smiles at the term of endearment. "There's something I've been… thinking about." She says. "Something I wanna ask you about."

"Okay…?" Amity questions, turning her head to its side to face Luz.

"So…" She tries to face Amity for the moment, but can't match her gaze. "I don't even know how to say this. But it's important, and something I've thought about for a long time. It's not a recent thing, it's just… I've been more certain about it recently."

Amity nods, letting her continue.

"And that thing is," She clenches her face as she speaks, swallowing. "I think I might be autistic."

It takes a few seconds, but Amity's eyes light up at this nugget of information.

"Really?!" She says excitedly, scooting over to hold her. "That's so awesome, Luz!"

Amity nudges her head up beside Luz's, her feet doing a little mini tap dance.

"We're autistic girlfriends!" Amity says gleefully, hugging her tighter with hands that can't help shaking. "Oh my Titan, we're autistic girlfriends- that's so sweet!"

The taller girl stops her excited exclamations when Luz, who has stayed silent and motionless, lets out a loud sigh. Amity quickly realizes it was not a sigh at all when she sees Luz's face with starry tears falling down it.

"What's wrong?!" She asks, a much different tone than before. "Luz?"

The girl turns back to her with a smile, through what could fill a pail with water.

"Thank you." She says in a tiny voice.

"Thank me?" Amity questions, shaking her head. "For what?"

"For accepting me."

"Luz-" Amity pauses, shocked at her words. What was Luz expecting her to say? She smiles. "Luz, you dummy," She says, poking the girl's collarbone. "I'm literally autistic, why would I not accept you being autistic too?"

Luz closes her eyes for a moment, before opening them along with her words. "I dunno." She shrugs casually. "My dumb brain just convinced me you were gonna get really mad and say I was faking it and how dare I try to intrude on autistic spaces and all this other stuff that made me so scared to tell you."

"Oh, Luz." Amity sighs. "I would never." She says firmly. "Did you know- I've thought you were autistic for a while now?"

"You- you have?" She asks, emboldened with this new knowledge.

Amity nods. "Mm-hm. At first I didn't think you were 'cause I didn't know enough about autism, so when you said you weren't I just took it at face value," She explains. "But remember how I said I've been doing research? Ever since starting I've been constantly wondering if you were autistic. I just didn't want to bring it up incase I was misunderstanding something and end up looking really dumb."

Luz laughs at that. "Well, your intuition was right. One of the things that actually made me think more about it was just- talking with you," She says. "Back home I wasn't close with any other autistic people, so I always just thought I had ADHD and nothing else. Because that's what the doctors said," Luz sighs.

"But being with you makes me feel so… understood. We share something that's really integral to our identities. And the way you talk about it just," Luz stares up at the sky. "Makes my brain explode in so many good ways. So now, I think not only do I have ADHD, but-" She holds a finger up, like this moment is an epiphany. Despite her proclamation of this a moment ago, this one feels more real. "I'm also autistic. So, uh, yeah," She turns back to face Amity. "Like you said, we're autistic girlfriends."

Giggly and blushing, Amity places a small kiss on Luz's nose. "We are. I'm happy you're discovering more about yourself, Luz. Finding your place. You helped me find mine, so it's only fitting that I'd help you find yours."

Luz nods. "It's almost like our place is together, huh, sweet berry?" She says, completely blankly, despite Amity's heart doing backflips at how intensely romantic those words are.

"Yes. But it's also the start of more, you know?" Amity replies. "Like, us getting together was not the end of our, um, self-discovery. It was actually kinda a beginning."

"You're right," Luz admits. "I prefer that, honestly." She openly smiles, holding nothing back. "I could just sleep here." She says after a while.

"We promised our parents we'd be home soon, though." Amity reminds her.

"Yeah. I know. Just a few more minutes." She says, watching the stars. After said minutes, Luz speaks up again. "I love my life now."

Perking up, Amity looks to her for further exposition.

"I fit in now. And I really like that." She says. "And I didn't have to change things about myself, or at least things that I liked about myself, to get here. To fit somebody else's world. All it took was me finding people who wanted the same. And who wanted me as I am." She speaks softly, cuddling a curled up Amity beside her. "I'm the happiest I've ever been right now." She turns to her girlfriend, only slightly. "And you're a big reason for that." She carefully caresses Amity's cheek, running her hair through the girl's hair.

Amity lightly laughs. "You just said almost exactly what I was thinking, Luz."

"We're awesome girlfriends."

"We are."

A soft pause, one with the texture of a large blanket, and then, "Well, we better get going, Luzura."

"Do I still get to walk you home?" Luz asks with a cheesy grin, sitting up.

"Actually, I was hoping to be the one walking you home tonight," Amity sheepishly says. "If you wanna."

"Oh, okay!" Luz says happily. Although she slightly prefers it the other way around - it allows her to yell and scream with glee while ecstatically stimming on the way back; not the best idea when either Eda, King, Raine, or any combination of them are asleep in your residence - Luz will take it either way as long as it means a few more minutes with her. Plus, if Amity is anything like her (something that has been even more established today), she certainly values that alone time to stim, too. The thought of her doing the same makes Luz blush.

When they get back to the Owl House, it is, as usual, a long affair for the two to say goodbye. Luz begins with kissing Amity's hand, then Amity kisses hers back and starts to turn away.

"Wait!" Luz calls out. When Amity gives her an expression of mock annoyance, Luz responds sheepishly, saying, "I'm too in love with you to only kiss your hand," while staring at the ground.

Amity rolls her eyes, a smile creeping up her face. "Fine, fine. C'mhere and kiss my lips, then."

"Your lips?!" Luz asks preposterously, Amity blushing at her dork of a girlfriend. "Now when did I say I was gonna kiss you on the lips?" She asks, taking Amity's face in her hands. "This is what I was gonna do, keeper of my heart."

Carefully, Luz presses her lips to Amity's cheek, kissing every last spot that she can. The girl's radiantly red expression makes each one feel even cuter, the warmth spreading to Luz's lips.

"I love you," The girl finally says, booping Amity's nose. "Don't ever forget."

"How could I when my girlfriend's the cheesiest soul on the Boiling Isles?" Amity replies fondly.

"You deserve cheesy," Luz says whimsically, "Because when I'm around you, it feels like my life is the cheesiest, fluffiest, most heartwarming rom-com in the world."

Amity giggles. "Luz…" She murmurs. "Okay, I'm about to say something really dorky and really cringeworthy, and it's literally gonna prove exactly what you just said, but I need to get it out!" She exclaims, flapping her hands. Luz just nods. "You touch my heart, you hold it in your hand, and you make me feel like the most special person everytime you give it warmth."

Luz beams at her with a romantic look. "That was so sweet!" Luz exclaims, jumping up and down. "You're so sweet! I could just bake a cake out of you!" She coos, hugging Amity and lifting her up and inch or two. Amity blushes at the girl's extremely silly remark. Luz places her back down. "See you tomorrow, sweetest one?"

Blushing, Amity offers, "Always, mi corazón."

Luz pumps both fists the second she gets inside, whisper-screaming to herself, "I love her," Over and over. She rushes to the couch, but instead of relaxing down on it, she plops down haphazardly, shaking her body back and forth with excitement. "She's so amazing," Luz whispers to herself, rocking both wrists in front of her face. "I love her so much!"

She winds up punching the seat's back a little bit, although lightly. Luz often gets excited like this after spending time with Amity, but today it's multiplied tenfold.

"I told her!" Luz says. "I told her and she said it was awesome!" She exclaims quietly, recalling her revealing moment with Amity. Then, with all the excitement of when Amity said it, Luz squeals, possibly too loudly, "We're autistic girlfriends!" And then, "I'm autistic!"

The feeling of self-understanding in this moment is indescribable. How would you feel having wondered something so deep about yourself, and getting it so incredibly validated by the person whose opinion you value the most? And knowing this knowledge can only help you live happier and easier from now on? And possibly even strengthen the bond with this special person?

"Amity, Amity, Amity!" Luz begins just repeating her name when she doesn't know what other words to stim with. Her feet are pushing up against the lip of the couch with more than normal force, to the point where if she wasn't lying on it, the object would probably move an inch or so with each kick.

"Amityyyyyyyyyyyyyy," She drags the 'ee' out until she loses her breath, face finally dropping into the cushion, toes still wiggling up and down. She starts to giggle to herself from the pure serotonin of it all. "She's my girlfriend!" Luz exclaims in the voice of a game show announcer.

When her body has finally calmed down, Luz is lying there in the dark, too tired to bother going upstairs. She has a large smile on her face and will surely drift off to sleep thinking of her awesome girlfriend.

But there's another thing on her mind. One that says 'wow'. That says 'you will remember today forever'.

She finally accepted herself today. And Amity helped her do that - part of why she's such an awesome girlfriend - but Luz was the one who brought it up. Who had the courage and understanding to finally admit it.

That's the scariest part. And just look at Amity! She talks often about how much better she understands herself after learning she's autistic. Luz wonders what it'll be like for her.

Regardless, she's glad to be able to say it now. To make a statement and not a question. One that she'll probably repeat in her sleep as Eda covers her with a blanket when she wakes up in the morning.

"I am autistic."