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“What about this one?” Tom asks and even without looking up from the row of books in front of him, Alex can tell it’s going to be something terrible.
“A Highlander for Christmas?” He reads. The cover looks like it probably took of twenty minutes to piece together in Photoshop. And Alex is only that generous because it looks like the artist had never used the program before and must have spent the first 15 just trying to figure out where the correct tools were. There is a man, presumably the highlander in question, smoldering back at Alex. There really is no other way to describe the expression on his face. He’s wearing a kilt in red and green - and Alex would bet money that that wasn’t the original color palette - with a fluffy red and white Santa hat on his head. In the background are glittering snowflakes that sparkle as Tom moves the book.
“Or maybe this one would be even better!” Tom holds out another book from what must be, to Alex’s growing dread, an entire series. “A Highlander After Midnight.” This time, said highlander is dressed in a black kilt and mask, in a nod to the fact that he’s being depicted sneaking into a tower room where a woman lies - in full formal dress no less - on a bed. Alex is particularly impressed with the subterfuge the highlander is displaying by choosing to remain shirtless. Clearly a master of stealth. “According to the back you can expect period accurate espionage that is sure to steal even the most carefully guarded of hearts. Sounds like just the thing for you.”
At Alex’s skeptical look, Tom’s composure finally breaks and he bursts out laughing. “I can’t believe people actually buy these though. There’re at least ten others I haven’t even touched. And that’s just the Highlander series. Look, this one is almost better than the highlanders!”
When Tom turns back around, he’s pulled out a red book, with a shirtless man wearing a cowboy hat on his head, a fireman’s ventilator around his neck, and a pair of red high visibility pants. Behind him is a blurred-out Christmas tree. Which honestly makes this one of the better designed covers. The title reads ‘A firefighter cowboy for Christmas’.
“How are you even finding these, Tom? If you didn’t actually pull out a book each time, I would accuse you of just making these up.”
“It’s a natural talent,” Tom replies grinning broadly. “I mean you have yours and I have mine. But if you treat for ice cream, I’ll let you in on my little secret.”
Alex laughs and agrees, setting the book in his hands back on the shelf so he can lean his ear over to where Tom’s cupped hands are waiting.
“My mom actually likes to read this stuff and I used to make a game out of finding the most embarrassing titles and reading them out loud when I was younger, so I actually still have a bit of an edge today.”
Pulling back, Tom winks and gathers up the books they actually need for school. “You promised to pay for the ice cream this time, so I’m thinking about two scoops. Maybe one with chocolate peanut butter and one with cookies and cream. Or no, I think the pistachio flavour is more expensive, maybe I should go with that one?”
“Your terrible, Tom. Absolutely the worst friend. Trying to bankrupt a poor orphan like me?” Alex effects the most pitiful expression he can. “I’m hurt, I thought our friendship meant more to you than how much I spend on ice cream for you.”
It’s only that evening when Alex is unpacking the books they’d bought that he realizes Tom had slipped an extra one into Alex’s bag. Looking up at him from the pile on his bed is the stealthy Highlander from the shop.
Smiling, Alex opens the first page and sees Tom had slipped in a note.
‘Hey Alex,
Sometimes even if something is dumb it can still be fun. I thought you might enjoy if for no other reason, than the accurate period espionage.
Your friend always,
Tom’