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vance couldn’t wrap his head around it.
he was convinced that the universe was for sure playing a sick, sick, prank on him.
he felt overwhelmed, head clouded with a cacophony of waves and words and loud noises, he couldn’t take it.
he had hurt bruce. not physically, and certainly not by intention, but it happened, and he couldn’t bring himself to talk to the boy.
he knew if he tried to talk to him, he would worsen the situation, someone would get hurt, and if one of them deserved to get hurt, it was the rude one with blonde unruly curls and violent tendencies, not the boy with the soft voice and caring eyes, who was an ace at baseball.
he was doing it for bruce.
what vance didn’t know, is that bruce needed him.
vance was his bloodline. his life support. his light at the end of the tunnel.
accepting that vance wasnt going to make the first move, bruce finally managed to get up on his bike one sunny day and bike over to vances house.
about halfway through the journey, where there were no cars or children playing, or teenagers waving soft hellos and exchanging smiles with bruce, a black van slowly creeped behind the boy.
its not like he didn’t notice, in fact, he noticed it too much, swallowing around nothing and slowly moving to the side.
the van didn’t budge.
thankfully, he could see vances house in the distance, and a soft smile spread through his face. speeding up his pace, he finally reached vances house. he dropped his bike on the front lawn and made his way around the back, hiding behind the tall fence that vance had told him how to get open.
“the gate is broken brucey, you’re gonna break it more.” vances voice was playful, but not mean, guiding bruces hand to the small hole next to the keyhole, the other one wrapping itself around bruces waist.
it was a small back hug, but it felt like so much for them.
“what are you… oh.” vance inserted bruces finger through the whole and pushed it upwards.
a soft click was heard.
“its that easy. the back door is right next to my bedroom door, so just come anytime and you wont be caught.”
vance was letting him in.
he peeked through the hole and saw as the van stopped right in front of vances house, for almost two minutes, before continuing its way.
surely it was nothing.
he unlocked the back door with the key hidden on top of the door frame and entered the house. it reeked of alcohol and weed, a small hint of sweat and cigarettes clinging to the air. he cringed softly, but he wasnt one to judge. it just wasn’t pleasant.
“vancey..?” he didn’t knock before entering, and oh did he regret it.
there, in the bed, was vance, hunched over, eyes glassy with white powdered on his nose, rosy cheeks and no shirt on. he looked so out of it, and it scared bruce.
“fuck!” the boy seemed to have been too loud, as the older boy, literally, jumped out of whatever trance he was in, falling on his ass before quickly regaining his composure and standing up straight.
“babe, its not-“
“what vance? its not what it looks like? cause it is! its exactly what it looks like! you said you’d quit! sell all of this shit, never even think of using again!” he wasn’t angry, he couldn’t be when he knew vance couldn’t be fully blamed. he was, however, deeply disappointed.
“bruce, cmon, its-its not that deep! it was only one or-or-or two lines! i promise!” his voice was small and afraid as he stepped closer to bruce and held a hand out, reaching out to touch bruce. and he backed away.
bruce yamada backed away from vance hopper like he was fucking disgusted.
“dont do this to me, man…”
“did you not trust me, vance? is that it? cause, oh my god, i gave you every part of me! i trusted you- no! i TRUST you with everything in me, and you go and do this? you’re so pathetic, vance! i thought you loved me! you said you loved me! what happened to that? to all that love that seemed to be spilling out of you, uh? why would you do this to me?” they were both in tears at this point, vances mouth opening and closing, spilling with soft sorries and i love yous. it hurt bruce. “vance, how could you? i was here. you could’ve talked to me. i-i wasnt even-even angry at you the other day! i just… i just needed to breathe, and when i came back you were gone! gone, vance! you fucking left and NOW you’re crying? gosh, i cant look at you right now!”
“vance, what the fuck?” bruce sounded angry, and vance hated making bruce angry or upset, it scared him
“whats wrong, love?” vance walked up to him, wrapping his arms around the boys waist, only for him to push them away. vance looked at him, hurt written on his face “what the fuck, bruce?”
”what are these?” bruce held up a bottle of pills, hands shaking slightly
“they-they’re nothing! they’re still closed, see? they’re closed i’m clean, i’ve been clean!”
“and its gonna stay that way, vance.”
before vance could stop him, bruce stormed past him, bottle cracking up as he made his way into the bathroom, flushing the pills down the toilet.
”bruce, what the fuck dude?” vance screeched it was the only way to describe the way vance was yelling. “are you fucking me? you know how much i had to pay for those, yamada? you know how hard i worked to make that money?”
”you shouldn’t be making money for this anyway, vance, you were doing so well! you dont need these?”
”i do! i did, but of course you wouldn’t know with your perfect little life, not needing to worry about money or-or food! fucking hell, yamada! you piece of shit!”
vance knew he fucked up, crossed a line, said something wrong, when his sassy, smartass boyfriend didn’t give him an answer and instead looked at him with wide, broken, glassy eyes,
bruce stood up harshly, both him and vance had somehow sat down, bruce on the bed, head hung low and vance on his knees in front of him, begging him to stay, bitten lips muttering promises of ‘i’ll get better’.
but bruce couldn’t hear it.
he didn’t want to hear it.
and when he left, vance soon discovered that he would never get to hear it.
on the next day search parties were organised, and the old posters with griffin staggs face on them were replaced with the shiny face of bruce yamadas with a bold MISSING spelt under.
vance felt sick to his stomach. what did he do to deserve this? was it a sign from god that vance hopper, ultimately, didn’t deserve happiness in his life, no matter how much he fought for it.
and when, a couple weeks later, finney blake walked out of the basement the love of his life, his bruce, had never came out of, vance hopper made a promise to himself.
he would never look at anyone the same way he looked at bruce. he would never smile at anyone again, until he was smiling at the boy who so warmly accepted him. the boy who saved his life, the boy he could’ve saved if he’d been sober and had ran after him.
because, after all, it was his fault, wasn’t it?