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"This is ridiculous, Todd. I refuse to even entertain this asinine idea." Damian had his hands balled into fists at his hips, looking much the part of an enraged Peter Pan, what with the tights and tunic of his Robin uniform. "It is one thing for you to make a fool of yourself, as it is your natural state, but I will not lower myself to such abysmal standards."
Jason would have been more inclined to say incensed Tinkerbell, but that would require the brat to put on the damn dress. Gritting his teeth—they had to be ground flat by this point with how much he'd been doing it over the past hour—he growled out from his place beside the motorcycle he was repairing, "Listen, you ungrateful little shit. You weren’t my first choice. I would much rather have brought Tim along, but he had other plans tonight. Besides, this works in both our favors. I need a partner that can pass for a girl, and you need to get over your cross-dressing anxiety—"
"I do not have anxiety over—"
"—so just shut up and put on the sparkly princess shoes before I start supergluing glitter to your face."
Damian sputtered indignantly, though the threat was so obscure he could hardly respond any other way. A tinkling laugh made them both look up to see Dick leaning against the railing of one of the cave's catwalks, smiling down at them with a toothy grin.
"Little D with glitter on his face, now that is something I'd pay to see."
Jason snickered while Damian grew even more red in the face. Dick vaulted over the edge, tumbling gracefully in the air to land beside the raging teen. He narrowly avoided a punch to the ribs, sidestepping the swing and bending over to pick up one of the heels—stilettos, really, let's be honest, it was probably Jason's pick, the sadist—letting out a low whistle. "These are intense."
Jason straightened up, wiping his grease-slick fingers on a stained rag. "Well, it's a pretty ritzy party. Tiny bird here needs to be at his best."
The nickname set Damian off on another tirade, and Dick ignored the bickering pair in exchange for examining the dress Jason had chosen and spent the last good hour trying to convince their youngest family member to wear. The rich royal blue was lovely and provided a striking contrast to the glimmering silver of the shoes. No doubt there was a perfect set of jewels for the outfit somewhere in Martha Wayne's vast collection. It was obviously form fitting, but with a bit of well-placed padding, Damian's developing body would fill it out perfectly.
He eyed the high slit at the thigh with a bit of a self-indulgent smirk and couldn't resist a little prod. "You are going to look hot in this, Dami."
The struggle to stop himself from blushing horridly at the compliment made the boy look close to imploding. Dick only returned his icy glare with a glacier-meltingly sunny smile, and Jason's entire body shook with suppressed hilarity, as Dick's clear approval of the situation appeared to be warring with Damian's personal taste. The kid was completely out of his element.
"Ugh, fine!" The sulky teen threw his arms up into the air in an exaggerated show of defeat, stomping over to his mentor and snatching the articles of clothing from his hands. "I'll do it. But," he whirled, pointing an angry finger at Jason, who simply raised an amused eyebrow. "I will not enjoy this." He slammed the door of at the top of the cave stairs after him.
Jason snorted when Dick muttered, "No worries. I’ll totally enjoy it enough for all three of us."
~~~
Jason was suitably speechless when the teen reappeared in the cave a few hours later. The outfit was positively stunning on Damian. He had to hand it to Tim; he was a true master with a makeup brush.
Damian was unrecognizable from the sour-faced boy he normally was, transformed into a startling young beauty. Azure eyes stood out like ice chips against long lashes and smoky blue shadow, dark eyeliner accenting them and only adding to his obvious Arab ancestry. The wig was a piecy, asymmetrical black bob; no doubt Damian had nixed the longer ones as encumbering. A simple, clear gloss—more like plumper, just look at that pouty mouth—was spread evenly across his lips for a finishing touch.
Ordinarily, Jason would have laughed at the fact that there was glitter shimmering on Damian’s cheeks, if he weren’t so preoccupied with trying to keep himself form letting his mouth fall open. Nevertheless, he couldn’t stop staring, and Damian grew more and more fidgety beneath the scrutiny.
Tim sidled up beside the dressed up boy and gave a pleased little smile, reaching to rub a spiked tip between his fingers. “See something you guys like?”
“Fuck yes—ow!” Jason yelped, massaging his side where Dick had elbowed him in the ribs. Looking over to berate him, Jason stopped short at the light flush of pink covering Dick’s cheeks, the eldest staring fixedly at the youngest.
A bark of laughter erupted from Jason when Dick shifted uncomfortably on his feet, and he swung and arm around the first Robin’s shoulders. “I’d say you’re more than enjoying this for the three of us, eh, Dickie-bird?”
Dick only blushed harder, much to Jason’s thrill, and turned around, which only served to affect Damian’s embarrassment level on an astronomical scale. The boy angrily shoved Tim’s hand away and spat, “This is pointless! It’s not going to work. People will know.”
“Uh, yeah, I don’t think so.” Jason grinned even wider when Damian turned away, revealing a curved behind. He leaned over when Tim came near him and said in a loud whisper, “Tell me the truth. Padded?”
Tim’s lips quivered to stop a smirk, and he shook his head negatively. “Not even a little.”
“Au natural?” Jason whistled, causing Damian to freeze bodily fingers curled into claw-like poses. “Looks like somebody takes after big broth—ow!” Jason whirled around to meet Dick’s glare. “What is your deal!? Can’t a guy appreciate the scenery without getting smacked around?”
Dick’s expression turned murderous, and Jason held up his hands in surrender, shifting to hid behind an amused Tim. Satisfied with the redhead’s retreat, Dick went over to Damian, settling a hand lightly on his shoulder. “Let’s go see if Alfred will open the safe so we can get you some accessories to match.”
Tim and Jason watched the dynamic duo leave. When the door clicked shut, Jason slumped over Tim’s shoulders and said, “But seriously, dat ass, am I right?”
Tim just laughed.
~~~
“I feel ridiculous.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“Everyone is staring.”
“Of course they are. You’re the hottest piece of ass in here.”
Damian scowled, tugging at the satin gloves again for the umpteenth time that evening. “I imagine that was intended as a compliment, but I still plan to maim you for it later.”
“Relax, tiny bird.” Jason snatched two flutes of champagne from a passing waiter and offered one to the young man, who merely looked at him like he was out of his mind. “You should be embracing your success. You almost make a hotter girl than Tim. Almost.”
“Now that is surely an insult.”
“What, you think you make a better girl than Tim?”
“Of course!” Damian scoffed, then faltered, as he seemed to realize what he’d just said. “Wait, no. “ He dug his fake names into Jason’s forearm, though the effect was lessened thanks to the redhead’s suit. “Todd, stop trying to fool me with your idiocy!”
Snickering, Jason quipped, “An idiot can only trick a bigger idiot than himself.”
“I will hurt you.”
“But not in public, so I’m good for now.” He tossed back his drink, enjoying the bubbling sensation as it slid across his tongue. This was the good stuff. Thank the Batmobile for Bruce’s alcohol tolerance training.
“But not for long.”
With a sigh, and a charming wave towards a group of tittering women, Jason reasoned, “Look, let me put it this way. Every guy here is jealous of me.”
With the way Damian’s face twisted on confusion, Jason could almost see past the makeup to the insufferable brat that he actually was. “How is that in any way relevant to my current problem?”
“Because,” Jason drawled out the word, “they’re jealous of me for being with you. Since you’re basically gorgeous.”
“That’s…”
Jason smiled, a regular one this time without any mocking intent. “A real compliment. Feels nice, huh?” If he’d know that a little sucking up was all it took to get the kid to be agreeable, he’d have started telling him the sun shined out his ass since the first day they met. Hooking his arm in Damian’s, he pulled him into the crowd. “Come on, we need to mingle, or we won’t get any info.”
They didn’t make it ten feet before they were stopped by a pair of averagely handsome gentleman, who were all eyes on Damian. “Excuse us, we couldn’t help but notice. Are you new to these parts? Surely we wouldn’t have missed you at any of the usual soirees.”
Had it been anyone but Damian, Jason would have sent the men packing, but the kid was here to learn how to blend, and so Jason helped him out a bit. “Yes, she’s just in town for the week.” He squeezed Damian’s hand on his arm, and the boy gave a forced little nod.
Jason’s interruption wasn’t welcomed and the men did a marvelous job boxing him out and drawing Damian between them. He’d have been impressed if they weren’t so irritating.
“May we have your name, Miss?”
Shit. They hadn’t discussed names. Stupid! What a basic mistake. But before Jason could even start to recover from the blunder, Damian—that little bastard, what was with that voice, holy—replied meekly, “Darla. Darla Oxford. It’s a pleasure to meet you gentlemen.”
The rest of the conversation went unheard beneath the buzzing in Jason’s ears, and when the men excused themselves politely, Damian had to snap his fingers in his face to get the older man’s attention back.
“What is wrong with you, Todd?”
“What’s wrong with me?” Jason squeaked out. “What’s wrong with you? What was that? And, Darla? Where did that even come from?”
Damian frowned, the expression only making him look more devastating. “Was it not acceptable? Grayson informed me that it was a proper name for a young lady.”
“Dick suggested it?” Jason snorted at Damian’s nod. “Well, now it makes sense.” With a devious smirk, he leaned into Damian’s space. “Then shall we go mix with the crowd some more, my darling Darla?”
The bright red that rose up Damian’s neck was completely going to be worth the pain he’d go through later for the taunt.