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Two weeks ago they were all happy to welcome a new member to their family and now they were mourning the loss of another member. Everytime Tenzin held his daughter since then she would start crying as if she sensed his unease. Jinora was generally a quiet baby so her reaction to him didn't help his emotional state. He felt like he was even letting down his two week old.
"Tenzin, I need to get Jinora," Lin wakes him up and tries to get from under him.
"I'll get her," he offers as he rolls off her.
"It's fine. She's probably hungry anyways," Lin climbs over him. He watches her feed Jinora and it's one of the few things that still feel normal. This they had expected, their baby waking them up at all sorts of hours needing to be taken care of but this wasn't what was keeping him up. Most times while Lin and Jinora slept he still found it impossible to get a restful night. He knew. He knew it was coming well before it happened but nothing could have prepared him for the day his father took his last breath and the sudden pressure he had to deal with. He had been leading the Air Nation in all but the title for the past two years but there was always some security in having his father to fall back on when he was unsure. Now he felt like he wasn’t living up to any of his responsibilities.
"I feel useless," Tenzin sighs when Lin climbs back into the bed.
"You just lost your father T, it's okay not to be okay," Lin reminds him.
"It's not fair to you or the kids," Tenzin sits up.
"We'll manage," she insists.
"You are all grieving too," Tenzin points out.
"Everyone copes differently. It reminds me what's important and making sure my family is okay is how I cope. That includes you," Lin rubs her thumb across his cheek.
"But-," Tenzin tries.
"No buts. I'm always here for you," Lin reminds him, "come on, back to sleep."
"What if I can't sleep?" Tenzin frowns.
"Come on," Lin sits up and gestures for him to come closer. He rests his head on her sternum and attempts to get comfortable. Lin begins to rub his back hoping to get him to relax.
"You know when we went to the Fire Nation a few months ago it was like everyone knew what was coming. I guess I didn't expect to still feel this lost," Tenzin admits.
"Knowing something is going to happen doesn't mean it won't hurt still," Lin reminds him while tracing the arrow down his back, "maybe talking some more would help."
"Avatar stuff aside, I still can't fill his shoes,” Tenzin sighs.
"My love, Uncle would never want you to ‘fill his shoes’. He wanted you to be Tenzin. That was always enough for him,” Lin shares, “he was proud of the man you are. The son, father , husband, brother, friend, councilman. It didn’t matter what it was, he was proud of you and trusts you to do what is best for the Air Nation. Not necessarily what you think he would have done.”
“But what really is best?” Tenzin counters.
“You will know when it's time Tez. I know you want to worry about the specifics but give yourself the oppourtunity to be the leaf sometimes,” Lin strokes his cheek. She feels him nod against her chest. They would talk more about it soon but he needed time to think.
…
“Have you seen Aditi?” Tenzin asks tiredly as he enters their bedroom.
“No, is it class time?” Lin wonders.
“Yeah, I’m not trying to force her to learn, I just thought she would enjoy it like she usually does,” Tenzin sighs, “or at least she would tell me she didn’t.”
“I am going to look for her, please please please get some sleep before your meeting,” Lin pleads.
“Bu- okay,” Tenzin gives in realising Lin was leaving no room for argument.
“Come here,” Lin tugs him towards her before whispering, “we will get through this together my love.”
“Thank you,” Tenzin presses a kiss to her forehead.
“Now get some rest,” Lin kisses his chin before walking into the hall. She considers her options before opting for seismic sense. She locates her daughter hiding on the roof.
“I wonder where Aditi is,” Lin considers loudly as she walks through the back door, “come down Di.”
“Fine,” Aditi floats to the ground.
“You know if you told your father you didn’t want to go to the big class today he would have said okay,” Lin reminds her.
“I miss granpa,” Aditi sighs.
“Me too,” Lin gives her a sad smile.
“No airbending” Aditi shakes her head.
“Is that why you don’t want to bend? Because it was your thing with grandpa?” Lin checks.
“Yes,” Aditi nods shyly.
“I will talk to daddy about a break,” Lin offers, “want to stay with me?”
“Ok. Cookies?” Aditi asks hopefully.
“Maybe one,” Lin pretends to consider.
…
For the past three or so years, Tenzin had operated as the de facto leader of the Air Nation at his father’s suggestion. Presenting to the council was nothing new yet he finds himself nervously pacing his bedroom the morning of his first meeting after his father’s passing.
“Love?” Lin sits up when she notices his pacing.
“Go back to sleep honey, I will be fine,” Tenzin smiles weakly.
“Not when you are so unsettled,” Lin gets up and walks towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist when she reaches him, “you are a great leader and are more than able to lead everyone forward.”
“You have to say that, you’re my Lin,” Tenzin buries his face in her neck.
“Doesn’t make it any less true,” Lin kisses his temple.
“And if they don’t like my idea?” Tenzin wonders.
“Understand why and then go from there. It could be an easy fix that doesn’t require scrapping the idea altogether,” Lin suggests.
“Thanks honey,” Tenzin kisses her check.
“You will be great my love,” Lin pecks his lips before going back to lie down.
Tenzin sits in the council meeting, making not of anything important and running over his presentation until it's time. He manages to go through the presentation with minimal questions but the concern is still obvious on some faces.
“Master Tenzin, this is quite unorthodox,” the head acolyte looks at him skeptically.
“Sometimes a new perspective is helpful,” Tenzin shrugs.
“But Avatar Aang didn’t do it this way,” someone else huffs.
“And Avatar Aang has entrusted this job to Master Tenzin for a reason. Let us be open minded,” another suggests, garnering agreement from most of the room.
“Well?” Tenzin attempts to seem composed though he is extremely nervous.
“Project approved,” the head acolyte confirms and Tenzin breathes a sigh of relief.
…
“Can I come daddy?” Hakoda appears from nowhere while Tenzin prepares for his class.
“Uh, sure,” Tenzin agrees though he finds Hakoda’s sudden interest in coming to his afternoon meditation session strange but the look on his son’s face makes him give in instantly. When Hakoda becomes attached to his hip for the entire weekend, Tenzin realises this was just Hakoda wanting some quality time. He waits for bedtime story time to find out what was happening with his son.
“What has been happening Hakoda?” Tenzin asks softly and he sees his son’s lip wobble.
“I don’t want you to go too,” Hakoda explains, looking at the ceiling.
“Oh,” Tenzin considers before the meaning sinks in, “ohhh. Daddy is right here Koda.”
“So was grandpa,” Hakoda counters with a frown.
“I’m not going anywhere Ko,” Tenzin pulls his son in for a hug, “would you want me to stay tonight?”
“Uh huh,” Hakoda slides to the other side of the twin bed and Tenzin climbs in beside him, “does this mean I can’t come tomorrow?”
“Of course you can come tomorrow Koda,” Tenzin assures him, “come as often as you want.”
…
The day of the funeral Tenzin finds himself on autopilot. Check in on mother. Check in with Bumi. Meditate with Kya. Help Lin with the children. Keep things together long enough for the ceremony. Most of the ceremony was a blur for Tenzin who is in a reflective mood. There wasn’t much he was required to say so he decided to keep it short.
"We invite his youngest son, Master Tenzin, to share a few closing words on behalf of the family," the moderator announces and Tenzin walks to the podium with Lin and Kya.
"The first thing that comes to mind for a lot of people is that the avatar cycle continues because that was the reason most of you knew him but he was so much more than that. He was a husband, a father, a grandfather and a friend to so many. These were the things he cherished the most," Tenzin takes a deep breath and Lin steps forward to hold his hand while Kya rests her hand on his shoulder, "he was a lover of life and mankind. If there was one thing dad insisted on it was that we remember the gift that life is and cherish it. Sure I could tell you how great he was and how many lives he changed but all of you already know that. I would rather tell you about the man who found the strangest places to take my siblings and I, the man who loved my mother more than anything in this world, the man who would do anything to see his grandchildren smile. Dad loved to joke around and to have fun. He will be greatly missed but his memory will live on. Thank you for being you dad.”
“He would have liked it, short and to the point,” Kya whispers as they head back to their seats.
“You did good love,” Lin agrees.
Like most state funerals, they requested that the cremation be family and close friends only so a few hours later Aang's loved ones gather at his favourite spot on the island to say their last goodbyes. After they watch the funeral pyre be set ablaze the group heads up to the main house for a somber quarterly dinner. As soon as they settle into their seats , Jinora begins to fuss in her sling. Before Lin can step away Tenzin instinctively reaches for his daughter which causes Lin to shoot him a confused look but she doesn't stop him. For the first time in the two and a half weeks since Aang's death, Jinora doesn't fuss in Tenzin's arms. That new development causes both her parents to be relieved. He takes her to their bedroom and sits in the rocking chair hoping to get her to sleep. When she finally falls asleep he holds her for a bit before placing her in the crib. There is something beautiful about watching his daughter sleep peacefully that he hadn't allowed himself to appreciate since his father’s death. He doesn't realise how long he is standing there until Lin comes to check on them.
"My love?" Lin calls quietly from the door.
"Hey," Tenzin whispers.
"How are you feeling?" Lin wraps her arms around his waist and rests her head on his back.
"Like I'll be okay," Tenzin decides , "I'll miss dad but he was right. We lose people we love and we gain people to love. It's time to cherish the memories and create new ones. That's what he would have wanted me to do."
"I'm sure Jinora would love to hear some of your stories about him ," Lin encourages.
“Me too” “And me” Aditi and Hakoda say from the door.
“Okay,” Tenzin sits on the bed with his wife and children joining him, “let me tell you a story about your grandfather Aang….”