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“Can I tell you a secret?”
Lumine glances over at Ayaka on the bench beside her. She faces away from Lumine, gazing out across the rippling surface of the river and worrying her bottom lip between her teeth in the way that she does when something is lying heavy on her mind.
“Of course,” Lumine says.
Several long moments pass in silence. Lumine doesn’t break it -- just studies Ayaka’s expression with gentle patience, waiting for her friend to work through her internal battle. Then, Ayaka takes a resolved breath. She turns to Lumine with determination.
“I’m a lesbian.” The words tumble out in a flurry, but when they float there, a quiet confession in the warm summer breeze, Ayaka looks like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders.
Lumine blinks, surprised, before a wide smile grows on her lips. “That’s great! Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.” It’s a little bit of a shock, she must admit, but perhaps that’s because Lumine spent several months when they first met convinced there was something going on between Ayaka and Thoma (an assumption which was promptly disproven in a teasing conversation about crushes with Ayaka collapsing into giggles and whispering that Thoma totally fancied her brother in the year above). Now, in their final year of high school, Lumine has witnessed what feels like half the male student population confessing their love to Ayaka. She’s turned every single one of them down to date and-- oh. Actually, it makes perfect sense after all. For one of the very few openly queer people in the school, Lumine’s gaydar is clearly faulty.
Like she read her mind, Ayaka grins at her. “I should have expected that you would be surprised considering you thought I had a crush on Thoma.”
“Hey, in my defence, I’m pretty sure literally everyone thought the same thing,” Lumine snorts. “In hindsight, I can see how that must’ve been annoying as hell.”
Ayaka tilts her head contemplatively. “Hmm. In a way it was helpful. Provided a good excuse to say no to any boys who asked me out, anyway.”
Lumine nods. “Makes sense. So when did you figure out you’re a lesbian? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Not at all,” Ayaka says earnestly. The tension that had been present in her body only a few minutes ago has bled out and Lumine internally celebrates her unwinding and opening up. “I only came to the conclusion that I’m a lesbian a couple of months ago, but I thought I was bi for a long time before that. Working out that I like girls was a lot easier than working out that I don’t like boys.” She pauses in thought, then covers her mouth with a muffled giggle. “Actually, whilst you were wrong about me having a crush on Thoma, I once thought I did too.”
“Oh?” Lumine raises an eyebrow. “When was this?”
Ayaka hums, mirth still dancing in her eyes. “About two years ago. He was my first kiss, which is what made me realise I didn’t like him in that way. It was so weird,” -- Lumine lets out a startled laugh -- “He also said it didn’t feel right which was a big relief. We find it funny looking back now.”
“Wow. Well at least if your first kiss had to be with a man, Thoma is a pretty good pick. My first kiss was some greasy ginger guy.”
“Aren’t you still friends with Tartaglia?”
Lumine shrugs. “That’s beside the point.”
Shaking her head in amused disbelief, Ayaka slumps back in her seat and her gaze settles back over the river. Lumine joins her in enjoying the view, admiring the pink and gold sparkle of the water as the sun sinks towards the horizon. A pair of ducks swim in lazy circles and a little bird rustles the leaves and chirps in the tree above them. It’s a tranquil scene- one Lumine and Ayaka both are familiar with. Since Lumine moved to the neighbourhood, she always frequented this spot by the river when she wanted some peace and quiet. It turned out that Ayaka also lived nearby and appreciated the area for similar reasons, and thus they decided from then on to share it together. The bench has been privy to many deep conversations during the year or so that they’ve been close friends.
“It’s nice to finally say it aloud,” Ayaka says after a while. “It felt like there was something wrong with me for not liking boys, since everyone around me expected it. All I’ve ever heard growing up is girls talking about their crushes on boys and which ones in our class they find cute. I always felt so distant from it all. But even when I realised I like girls, I didn’t consider it possible that I could be uninterested in boys at the same time.”
“And now? Do you still feel like it’s wrong?”
Ayaka looks back at Lumine and beams. Lumine is momentarily rendered breathless. She’s beautiful in the soft glow of the sunset.
“No, not anymore. I’m really happy that I’ve been able to accept it. The idea of identifying as a lesbian was a little intimidating at first, but it’s the complete opposite. It feels really comfortable. Me.”
Lumine returns her smile. “I’m glad to hear that. And I’m proud of you, I know it can be a struggle to reach this point. Hell, I still don’t know what I identify as. I guess technically you could say I’m bi but,” she trails off, waving her hands vaguely in place of making a point. “Eh,” she concludes.
Ayaka places a reassuring hand atop Lumine’s when it drops back onto the bench, the gesture so natural that one might think she does it every day. That being said, she definitely does not and Lumine’s brain short-circuits when their skin touches. Ayaka’s hands are soft and perfectly manicured compared to Lumine’s rough and calloused ones. Her fingers are a lot longer than Lumine’s as well, covering her hand completely in warmth.
“That’s okay too! I’m finding comfort in my identity these days, but I don’t think labels are necessary for everyone.” Her smile turns bashful, cheeks a little red. “I think Lumine is a wonderful person, no matter how you define yourself.”
Face burning, Lumine coughs and glances away. “I definitely think women are pretty cool though.” She blurts out. Ayaka laughs.
“Women are very cool indeed,” she agrees, squeezing Lumine’s hand. Making an impulse decision, Lumine flips her hand around so she can hold Ayaka’s properly and squeezes back. The way Ayaka’s expression lights up has Lumine’s heart fluttering.
They fall into easy silence again after that, but Lumine suddenly becomes very aware of how close Ayaka is to her. She swears they sat down on separate ends of the bench, yet they had gravitated towards each other, impossible to remain outside of each other’s orbit.
Then, Ayaka leans her head against Lumine’s shoulder. Lumine freezes.
“Is this okay?” Ayaka looks up at Lumine through her lashes, vulnerability and hope in her eyes. Shoulders relaxing, Lumine nods.
“Of course,” she assures her. Tentatively, Lumine lets her head rest against the top of Ayaka’s. It feels effortless the way they fit together, like two puzzle pieces falling into place. She thinks that she could get used to this, if Ayaka allows it.
There’s no hurry, though. In the meantime, she’s content like this, in the dwindling rays of daylight serenity with Ayaka snuggled up to her side.
She wouldn’t want it any other way.