Chapter Text
January
It’s 7:10 in the morning the first time you see her and your body wakes up, as if your heart sent a message to the rest of your body saying pay attention to this one. You’ve been going to the same school for 10 years, but this is the first time you’ve been aware of how beautiful she is. She’s looking down at her music, saxophone balanced precariously on her lap, and laughing at something, and you quietly take your seat in the back row trying to push down your feelings so you don’t stare.
As you sit in class you can feel her eyes on the back of your head. You turn in your seat to make sure you aren’t imagining things, and desperately try to stop your heart rate from speeding up because when you look back she’s staring at you as if you’re a piece of meat, and for some reason that doesn’t bother you at all. You lock eyes with her and you swear if she keeps-
“Carmilla Kanstein and Laura Hollis, if you can’t listen to what I’m saying then you’re going to have to play your part alone right now in front of the class,” your teacher scolds from the front, causing a round of snickers around the classroom. A blush creeps up your face as you mumble an apology. You keep your eyes glued to the teacher for the rest of class, but you know her name now. Carmilla.
By the time class finishes at 8:30 you’ve almost forgotten about the girl in the back, until she slides past you asking how you’re handling the first early morning band class. You know a blush is creeping up your neck and you reply as best you can, stumbling over your words.
“It was… I’m tired…” you manage, trying to hide your blush behind a laugh.
“All right, see you in 2 days, cutie,” she winks at you over her shoulder while leaving the classroom and you seriously wonder if you’re just dreaming.
February
You’re laying in bed at home texting your friend, LaFontaine, when you get a Facebook friend request. Carmilla Karnstein. You accept it, a smile forming on your face, immediately clicking the link to her profile. Her profile picture is her reading some book in a library and you immediately like her so much more. A girl who can reads is a girl you want to be friends with. And seeing as this girl- Carmilla, you remind yourself- has been stuck in your head all day you know you want to be friends.
You take your time flicking through all her other photos before looking through her likes. You immediately get excited when she likes some of the same TV shows as you do, and you quickly look for her name on chat. You begin to type a message about your love of glee and Disney movies, but after reading it over you close your entire Facebook window. She’s probably got better things to do than talk to you right?
You resign to picking up your math homework, and you’re 6 questions in when you hear your phone buzz. Math never holds your attention so you glance over to see who the message is from, your breath catching as you see Carmilla's name.
It’s awkward and slow but its something. You fall asleep with a smile on your face for the first time in a while.
March
Ok maybe biking while mad isn’t a good idea.
You’d gotten into an argument with your dad about not having enough independence and really, you’re 16 and you should be allowed a phone with a camera. So you’d left the house as fast as possible and biked your usual route, before remembering that tomorrow would have been your mothers birthday, so you resolve to get her some flowers on your way back, and you’ve done this route a thousand times but for some reason when you see the bikers go so do you and you can see that you’re going to get hit and you know what’s going to happen before you wake up on the road surrounded by strangers.
Part of you is surprised that you’re alive.
The other part of you really wants to get out of there and pretend it never happened.
You've been getting better, you really don't want to die before you see where "better" takes you. So for a second in the middle of the chaos and the ambulance arriving you lie there and let yourself believe that this is a sign from your mother that something good is coming for you. Something wet slides down your cheek and you don't know if it's blood or tears but it makes your heart race with how alive you are in this moment.
Everything is a blur and the next thing you know you’re hooked up to an IV and told you have to stay overnight and your dad is asleep in the chair beside your bed. His eyes are red from tiredness and worry and you're releived that he managed to fall asleep. You might not see eye to eye with him, but you certainly don't want to think about what would have happened if he lost you too. You take a deep breath and try to get comfortable in a full neck brace on the stiff mattress when your phone buzzes softly beside you. You momentarily panic because it could be any number of your friends, and you don’t really want Perry barging in here to look after you (even if she does mean well, her mothering is a little stressful), or Danny calling you to find out what happened (you may have just left her a text that said "hit by a car, going to the hospital"). You let out a sigh of relief when you see who it is.
Carmilla
Hey cutie, how’s it going?
Laura
Uh. It’s ok.
Did you see tonight’s Doctor Who?
Carmilla
Of course. You?
Laura
Um. Something came up… how was it? How is the new companion? And the new doctor??
Carmilla
No way hun. No spoilers for you ;) Why can’t you see it?
Laura
Aww…
I kinda got hit by a car… I’m in the hospital so I don’t really want to keep starting and stopping the episode as people come in…
So please tell me how it is??
Carmilla
WHAT?!? Are you ok?!?!
Laura
Yeah nothing’s broken but walking is really painful. And my face looks pretty interesting what with the road burn and blood…
Carmilla
Thank god you’re ok… shit…
Get better… ok?
From that you know that maybe she isn't as cold and unaffected as she likes people to believe.
April
You know you’re concussed but you really can’t be expected to stop texting your new friend. Especially when as soon as your eyes are closed you’re still picturing what you’re going to say to her.
You learn a lot about Carmilla in the days that follow:
Her family is good at 2 things: cooking and yelling.
She likes to read books about monsters.
She can read in Norse.
She plays guitar.
She has a dog.
She loves Disney (but don't tell anyone).
She likes pet names (using them, not being called by them).
And, because you’re injured, you learn that she really likes giving you random presents. The first day that you’re back at school, on crutches and moving slow, she brings you two bags of gummy bears, a box of chocolate chip cookies, and a zippo lighter with a unicorn on it. You can tell it’s hers by the wear on it, and she tries to apologize, but you smile and thank her, before you feel her arms wrapped around you (and the crutches). You try to ignore how our heart flutters when she hugs you hard and whispers in your ear how happy she is that you’re ok.
The moment is broken only when you let out a small noise of pain (that you certainly hadn’t intended on making), and she jumps away just as fast as she had hugged you. She smiles at you for a second before excusing herself to go to class, leaving you standing in the hallway grinning to yourself for a few moments before heading home.
May
So maybe you aren’t supposed to watch movies when concussed, but when Carmilla suggested that you have a zombie movie marathon with her how were you supposed to refuse? And even though she’s about as far away from you on your couch as a person can get, you keep catching her staring at you instead of the movie. And maybe you’re staring back, but sometimes you can’t quite believe she’s in your house and spending time with you. Or sometimes it’s because she’ll laugh at the ridiculous movie (you don’t even remember the name, but it has to do with plant fertilizer, or pest killer, and the main character man has really nice hair that you both comment on and make L’Oreal jokes about).
At some point you get hungry, but really who has time for cooking, so you hobble over to the pantry and grab a can of alphagetti and bring it to the table where Carmilla is watching you, eyebrow raised.
“Are you really going to eat that, cutie?” her voice held even more judgment and confusion than that single raised eyebrow.
“Have you even tried this before, Carm?” you ask. As she shakes her head a grin breaks out on your face. “Ok just humor me. Have half? I know you said you’re not hungry, but you haven’t lived till you’ve tried this, and it was basically my childhood and-“
“Alright cutie, I’ll try your weird fake canned pasta. But you have to let me cook some real food for you next time, deal?”
You squeal and nod excitedly, before emptying the can into a large bowl and putting it in the microwave. You turn behind you to see Carmilla staring at you again, and really she isn’t trying to hide it, but when you meet her eyes she quickly looks at the floor again. You’re about to mention how you don’t mind her staring and how it’s totally cool with you because you like looking at her too and how you really like her eyes because earlier you saw gold rings in what you previously assumed were just brown eyes and that’s really interesting, but the microwave snaps you out of your brain ramble.
You set the bowl on the table in front of Carmilla, grab two forks from a drawer before sitting opposite her.
“Ok, you get the first bite,” you say to Carmilla, handing her a fork. She looks like she might want to stab something, so you give her your best puppy-dog eyes. She looks shocked for a second before she scowls at you again.
“Ok, we both know you’re adorable so stop trying to be cuter, I’ll eat your damned pasta,” you grin at her, as widely as possible, as she puts a single alphabet shaped noodle into her mouth. She, of course, immediately grimaces, and you dig into your half of the food.
“How do you eat this stuff?” She demands, the look of disgust still on her face.
“When you make that face you look like grumpycat”
“Do not,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes.
“Uh huh. I bet you even hate birthdays and Christmas.”
“Birthdays are pointless excuses to waste money, and Christmas is the child of capitalism,” Carmilla deadpans. You stare at her for a few seconds before realizing that she’s not joking.
“Oh my god I can’t believe it. I’m friends with the human version of grumpy cat. What horrible things happened on those days to make you hate them?” You’re joking of course but when you see a flicker of something behind her eyes you sober up. “Wait honestly, Carmilla. What happened?”
“Nothing. Just we don’t celebrate those things at my house much. It’s fine,” She says this as if it’s the least fine thing she can imagine, but you get the hint and drop the questions. You hesitate for a second before you decide on a plan of action
“When is your birthday?” You figure this question is innocent enough, but she still looks at you cautiously.
“May 27th,” Carmilla looks nervous about giving you this information and quickly tries to cover her tracks. “But you shouldn’t get me anything. In fact, you should forget that I told you my birthday at all, and just go about that day like you never met me.”
You look at her then, hoping that maybe she’ll meet your gaze with her dark eyes and understand everything that you’re trying to say with that look. But she’s Carmilla, so when does she do things that you want? Instead you swallow your words (how you couldn’t forget her if you tried and meeting her has made your life so much better and maybe she even saved your life a little bit because things haven’t been so great since your mom died), and you give her a sad smile and say sure, knowing full well that you’re going to make this birthday matter.