Chapter Text
I don’t want people to be worried about me
There’s nothing to worry about
I don’t want people to try and understand
Why I am the way I am
Because I should be the first person to understand that
And I don’t understand yet
“Oho! So, you’re now Jade’s caregiver” Lilia said with a shocked laugh,
“Yup!” Kalim grinned out, “Took me awhile to convince Floyd, it was so scary!!” Kalim dramatically sunk in his chair, “I for sure thought he was going to say no, but I guess my Jade’s tears won him over!”
Cater laughed, “I could imagine, someone as scary as Floyd Leech? No thank you! I have no idea what Riddle sees in him”
Lilia reached over to the club’s snack pile in the middle of the table, grabbing a soda, “Now, now, I’m sure Kalim will be seeing a lot more of Floyd, as Kalim just adopted his brother” Lilia took a sip of his drink and sighed wistfully,
“I still remember when I adopted my Silver, it instantly felt like he had been my child for a long time” Lilia laughed with a sly smile.
“I forgot Lilia, you have a little too, don’t you?” Cater exclaimed, before Kalim barged in, “When did you adopt him!?”
Lilia hummed thoughtfully, “well, immediately when he was classified, I’ve known the boy for quiet sometime so it was the obvious move to adopt him when he was classified”
Kalim lunged forward and grabbed Lilia’s hands, “You gotta help me, Lilia! You have to teach me your ways!!”
Lilia simply laughed, “I would be glad to help you Kalim” Kalim’s eyes light up with joy as he basically crawled across the table to hug Lilia,
“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Lilia!” The whole display caught on camera by Cater who was laughing along with Lilia,
“My, my, you must be at quiet at a stump! Tell me, how old is your Jade?” Kalim crawled off the table back into his seat before answering,
“He’s on the younger side, he’s just a baby ranging from 1 to 3 years old”
“Oh goodness, you must have your hands full with such a little one”
Cater looked over at Lilia, “How old is Silver when he’s regressed, Lilia”
“Oho! He’s quite big, he’s 7 to 8 years old, he claims he’s a big boy, but he still needs my help. Though I do have experience with younger kids from…. personal experiences” Lilia smiled slyly, “I should be able to help out a bit, now tell me what’s the problem?”
Kalim sunk into his chair, “Well you see, I can’t get him to stop crying, everything scares him, and don’t get me wrong his crying face is adorable but- he’s just very hesitant to regress”
“Hmm, Silver is a bit older so he never experienced a hesitance to regressing. I do know that problem is quite prevalent with a lot of younger Littles. Understandably so, you are regressing to age where you have no control over major body functions” Lilia took another sip of his drink, “I think the best course of action is to just be patient with him Kalim, it seems like he’s going through a lot of stress. Though, there will be times where you will need to help push him a long, trust your instincts you’ll know when you need to and when not to”
Kalim let out a long sigh, “how are you so wise Lilia?!”
Lilia chuckled at the statement, “I’ve always been sort of an old soul, you can say. Though why are you asking me how to deal with such little ones when we have one right here” Lilia pointed at Cater,
“AH! That’s right, Cater you’re a little! Can you please help me! How old are you!?”
Cater froze,
“E-Eh! Me?! I mean- my age- I…I am a little but I don’t know how much help I can be” Cater looked away as Kalim continued to invade his personal bubble. Lilia gently pulled Kalim back,
“Now, now Kalim, calm down, it’s up to Cater if he wishes to share his age”
Kalim instantly reeled back into reality, guilt written all over his face, “I’m so sorry Cater! I’m just really stressed about Jade, I didn’t mean to push, please forgive me!”
“It’s okay, Kalim, really! I don’t usually tell people my age, just a hassle, but I don’t mind sharing with you guys,” Cater smiled, “I’m 3-4 years old”
Lilia simply hummed while Kalim basically grabbed his hands shaking them, “Cater! That’s so cute! Can I babysit for you, we could have so much fun- Only if you’re caregiver allows it! I’ll call them up! What’s their number!?”
Pang, Cater felt his heart pulse in his chest, achingly, he tried his best to keep his smile, but it looked painfully tight lipped now, “I..I don’t have a Caregiver,” He tried his best to keep his peppy tone and laughed slightly
When Cater didn’t receive a response he quickly continued, “But it’s okay! I’m old enough to take care of myself, I never bothered with one before so why start now, right?”
Kalim looked unsure of what to say, but he squeezed Cater’s hand, “You can always call me Cater if you ever need help, I know my number is pinned, just call me anytime if you find yourself regressed and need help. I’ll be there super-fast!!”
“I’m also just a phone call away, Cater, I have an older little so he doesn’t need that much attention, therefore I’m at your disposable”
Cater just smiled, “Thanks guys”
A deep sigh alleviated the immense pressure in his lungs, as Cater made his way down the empty school hall. It was dark out now, the halls dark and quiet, the only light source coming from the huge windows on the walls. The club ended up staying a bit late, Lilia helping out Kalim the best he could, thankfully they didn’t push him about his little side anymore after that brief conversation.
His stomach flipped, he felt sick, he hated even the idea of having a caregiver, official or not. Cater hummed, trying to calm this pit in his stomach. These days he couldn't help but feel like he was drowning, with no air to spare.
Trey was always busy with Riddle now ever since his overblot. It’s not Riddle’s fault, he knows that, the overblot took a physical toll on him, making his Little age, younger. Beforehand Riddle was around 5-6 years old, now since the ‘incident’ his Little age was effected making him now 2-3 years old. With that, meaning way more attention, especially if you have caregiver. Though it still stung, having his best friend too busy to hang out with him.
Cater’s heart pulsed achingly, it hurt, just thinking about caregivers. He was young enough where it’s considered dangerous if left alone while regressed, he knows. He knows that there are strict rules about unattended Littles, but he didn’t care. He lied his way out of it, not that Crowley seemed to care that much. Funny isn’t it, one day Crowley cares and next he doesn’t. Strange man. Now that Lilia and Kalim know, he just prays that the Great 7 would have mercy on him, and make sure they don't snitch on him.
Raking his hands through this hair, he felt like just screaming. He didn't know why he felt so damn lonely. He had plenty of friends, his club members always there for him, his dorm mates always there too. No matter what, he just felt so damn lonely. The soft raking of his hair, turned into frustrated pulls. He was just so frustrated, so sick and tired of everything and he didn’t know why.
Cargivers what a joke. He was fine by himself; he has been ever since he was classified. He didn’t need a Caregiver. Trey tried offering to be his temporary Caregiver, but Cater quickly shut him down. Trey was worried that Cater was suppressing his regression, but that was a stupid thought. Cater regressed regularly, he’s not embarrassed by the fact that he’s a Little. Cater knew though, if he were to regress in public, and someone were to figure out his age. They would then report him and definitely set him up with a temporary Caregiver.
He couldn’t do that, he refused to be part of that program. If Jade could go undetected by the whole entire school staff, then so could he. Seriously though, that’s honestly impressive he went that long without being caught and forced into the program.
Cater knew the programs were just for the Little’s safety, that Night Raven College is a prestigious school, so they would never be put with any bad temporary caregivers. He just couldn’t stand the look Caregivers give to Littles. It wasn’t demeaning, no it was kind, unjudging, warm…. Cater just didn’t think anything like that should be directed to him.
With a groan, Cater pulled himself off the floor, before trekking his way back to the dorms. Stepping into Heartslabyul, it was quiet, no kidding since it was already closing into 11. It was defiantly against the rules to be out this late, but Cater didn’t care that much and the worse Riddle gives out now, is having work an extra shift taking care of the hedgehogs.
As he walked towards the building of the dorm, there was Trey, sitting on the steps, scrolling on his phone,
“Ah, Cater there you are”
“Oh Trey, what’s up? What are you doing out here for?”
Trey smiled, “I was waiting for you”
“You were!? Why?” It genuinely shocked Cater, that Trey was out here so late waiting for him.
Letting out a small laugh Trey ruffled Cater’s hair, making the other swat his hand lightly, “Ack! You’re gonna mess up my hair Trey” Cater said in feign offence,
“Mess it up more than it is now?” Trey opened up his camera app, and showed it to Cater. He was right Cater’s hair was a mess, from all his pulling in the hallway. “Seriously you look like you just got attacked by the flamingos”
“Ha ha, very funny, Trey” Cater half heartly fixed his hair in the camera,
“C’mon, let’s get inside, you're lucky Riddle regressed tonight and fell asleep at 8. If he didn’t you definitely would get extra headgehog duty, though I’ll have mercy and not snitch on you"
“Wow, so gracious” Cater said sarcastically, walking into the dorm behind Trey
“What happened? Why were you even out that late?”
“Sorry Trey, club meeting ended up staying late, mostly Kalim begging for advice from Lilia”
“I’m guessing, he’s still adjusting to taking care of Jade”
“Majorly” The only reason Trey knew of Jade and Kalim’s situation was through Floyd and Riddle, both close to Jade and Kalim.
“My best of wishes to you then, since you’re going to need it for the next couple of club meetings”
Trey and Cater continued to talk for a couple more minutes before Trey had to go check up on Riddle. Trey has a monitor in Riddle’s room since he’s prone to nightmares ever since his overblot.
Cater wasn’t going to lie, he wished Trey wouldn’t have to check on Riddle, that he could stay with him and hang out till morning, whenever they felt like. To be fair, it was getting late and Cater did feel tired, so he dragged himself upstairs. Visibly relaxing the moment, he was able to close the door.
He went about his night routine on the verge of passing out, pushing his hair out of his face with a headband and slipping on his pajamas, he got under his comforters. As he laid there on his pillow, he felt himself drop suddenly,
So maybe him feeling tired all of a sudden wasn’t just him needing sleep. Nope. He dropped, and hard.
His new found energy awakening in him, Cater sat up. Everything felt bigger around him, he fought against it for a couple of minutes, wanting to just end this day, but his Little side was stubborn and won over.
Slowly Cater crawled to the edge of his bed, hanging from it to look underneath his bed. Aha! There was his box, still hanging upside down, he reached to pull it out. Struggling to get a grip on the box, Cater fell completely off the bed.
At this moment, any other Little around Cater’s age, like Jack and Riddle, would have probably instantly burst into tears. However, Cater had always been a rowdy child, plus after years of taking care of himself, certain things didn’t faze him anymore.
So, Cater simply sat up from his tumble and made his way towards the box. Pulling it out, he got everything out of the box accordingly.
He knew exactly what he wanted, his toy cars! Cater was obsessed with toys cars, trucks, basically anything with wheels on them. In the back of his mind, he knows this is a result of being raised up in a house full of girls. Rarely anything he got was “masculine” growing up, being subjected to his sister’s wishes and whims of everything having to be “cute”.
So, when he finally left to Night Raven College and got his classification, he bought himself anything and everything he wanted as a child but was never allowed.
Most of all that included cars and trucks, he had a whole collection slowly building. After pulling out his cars, he started playing. Most of his playtimes had no consistent stories, his mind would just go blank and he just enjoyed pushing the cars around.
His favorite types of cars were the ones, if you drag it back and then release it, it would speed across the room. He set up a clear path, he was going to launch it from the edge of his bed to the door. On his knees he dragged the car back slowly,
3
2
1
Go!
Cater then let go of the car before it speeded across the room and went crashing into the door. Cater grinned, as he crawled on his knees to retrieve the car.
He repeated this game of releasing the car for a while. It calmed down his instincts, and kept his mind busy. Don’t get him wrong, he did start to play with his other toys once he got bored of the cars. He colored for a while, before deciding to bounce on his bed for a while, and then finally, he hung upside down from his bed and tried to reach the cars on the floors.
With a fall off his bed, again, Cater’s stomach gave a growl, he was really thirsty and hungry. He didn’t have any snacks in his room nor any beverages. He looked nervously around his room while sitting on his floor, he never left his room before while regressing. Cater couldn’t ignore his stomach that demanded food and his throat that wanted relief.
Cater hesitantly got up and grabbed his sippy cup from his box. Pulling it close to his chest, he also grabbed his favorite car (Hot Wheels 68’ Shelby Gt500 Red), he also grabbed his stuffy on his bed (a stuffed frog that Trey gifted him).
He nervously chewed on his lip, looking at the door, his items all close to his chest. Cater quickly glanced towards his bed, specifically his pillow. He wants his pacifier, technically Cater is too old for pacifiers and should have been weened off of them. But….Cater couldn’t let go, they made him feel safe, loved, and warm. He knows he’ll never experience that while regressed so at least let him pretend. He knows it’s wrong, but- Cater ran over to his bed and grabbed his pacifier. It’s almost 1am, no one is up and no one will see him. He’s sure of it, so he hesitantly raised the pacifier to his mouth before latching on. Cater’s mind melted and relieved a bit of nervousness,
Slowly opening the doorm, Cater looked right and left down the hallways. Nothing. The coast was clear. Cater tiptoed past Ace’s room and then Deuce’s. He almost tripped passing Trey’s room, dropping his car. Cater quickly grabbed it before running downstairs to the living room.
Phew, that was close!
Cater proceeded his way to the kitchen, as he flicked on the lights, setting his froggy and car down on the table, he made his way to the fridge.
Pulling out the cranberry juice, he clumsily poured it into his sippy cup, making a mess on the counter from spilled juice. Sealing the cup, he put it on the table to Froggy. Looking through the pantry, he took out his spicy peanuts and sat back down on the table.
Well sort of sitting, if you count standing on your knees on your chair. He poured all the peanuts on the table making a mess. Pulling out his pacifier he started to eat them. Humming happily while swaying back and forth.
Cater didn’t eat that many times while regressed, always have regressed after dinner or when he had a full stomach. There have been a few occasions but those times being rare. Though Cater have learned and adapted to do many things most Littles wouldn’t know how to do, eating was not one of them.
Caregivers usually teach Littles how to eat and what to eat. The younger the Little the more they need to be taught. Cater, never had a Caregiver, so when eating while regressed, he always brought out too much food, or drank too much juice.
That’s what was the situation currently. Thankfully Cater got full before he made himself sick, but his thirst was a different story. Cater chugged his sippy cup before serving himself more, spilling more on the counter. By the time Cater was finished he had eaten half the peanuts and drank 2 and half cups of juice.
Cater felt satisfied, he popped his pacifier back into his mouth and was about to go back upstairs (leaving the mess as is, because, well his Little brain had no idea how to clean up after himself), when he hears footsteps entering the dorm’s kitchen.
A fully-awake Trey walks into the kitchen,
“Cater?”
Cater’s pacifier drops. His head started to pound, as his lungs filled with panic. A sharp pain courses through his bladder, he let out a small whimper, and his pants soon became soaked. He feels tears well up in his eyes, and he tries his best not to cry. He couldn’t hold it in though, soon he started to sob.