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It's a bit of an inside joke at this point, how rarely Dream leaves the house nowadays. If he's not in his room, he's in the living room. If not the living room, the makeshift gym. If not the gym, then he's probably at his mom's house.
Sapnap can't remember the last time he left for his mom's without giving a heads up, though, so when he goes down the list and comes up emptyhanded, he opens up his phone to Dream's texts and starts writing. He's debating whether the message he formulates comes across too clingy—which is stupid, they're all clingy, that's kind of their thing—and the faint purples and reds of an ending sunset draw his eye to the glass doors of the backyard.
Nestled between the bird bath and the lawn swing, facing the sunset and subsequently away from the doorway, sits Dream. Not on the swing, of course, that would be too obvious. The man is hunched over, criss cross, on the too-tall grass. His hair is messy from the summer breeze. It's hard to tell whether the orange glow around his frame is from the sunset or the beginnings of a sunburn.
After a moment of watching for movement, Sapnap shuts off his phone and slides the door open.
Dream startles at the sound, turning his head just as Sapnap steps outside. They lock gazes for a moment, and the smile Dream gives him is a little distant.
No words are exchanged as Sapnap settles next to him on the grass, his back against one of the lawn swing's metal beams.
A closer look at Dream reveals dark circles under light lashes. He knew Dream was fighting insomnia lately, but he hadn't noticed how bad it was getting. Dream's hands are buried in the patch of grass in front of him, and as Sapnap watches, he plucks out a blade and folds it up between his fingers. When it won't fold any further, he releases it back into the yard.
His fingers, Sapnap realizes, are trembling a little.
"Dream."
Dream pauses his movements for a second, seemingly rebooting when he remembers he's not alone out here.
"You alright?"
For a second Sapnap thinks he might ignore the question. He goes from folding the bits of grass to tearing them into little confetti bits, the juice tinting his fingernails a bit green. But then he heaves a sigh that's shaky on the exhale, and Dream turns his head in Sapnap's direction.
"Do you think I need to face reveal?"
Sapnap blinks, readjusting in his spot on the grass. The face reveal hasn't been brought up since he had come back from the UK, when he described to Dream how crushed George had seemed as they said their goodbyes. It was in the context of what would happen when he was finally in America, when all three of them could travel freely. The places they would go as soon as Dream did his reveal.
"I mean…" Sapnap scratches at his neck, shifting again, "if that's what you want. Like, I'm sure George wouldn't care. He used to say all the time that he didn't get why you were waiting—"
"But—No, I just, do I need to face reveal at all?" Dream meets his eye at this question, and though he already noticed how wound up his friend seemed, Sapnap is surprised to see the real anxiety behind his question.
What he's saying doesn't make sense though. Dream has only really talked about the face reveal in a positive light, a celebration after the battle for George's companionship is won. A nod to the memories they would make in the future. Not once has he expressed this level of hesitation towards the idea.
Sapnap is a little at a loss, and his heart is clenching at the traces of fear in Dream's expression, so he hesitates. "Are you worried?"
That pulls a harsh exhale out of Dream, something like a laugh but with far less humor to it. "I'm just… thinking. Like—obviously I want to leave the house again. And it's not like I'm scared of the fans or anything. I told you how cool a meet and greet would be, I'd finally get to meet all these people who've been watching me for ages. It's just—"
The words seem to get stuck in his throat, so he swallows hard. He's ripping out the grass a little faster now, tearing the blades a little quicker.
"Like… I dunno. Everyone will know what I look like."
Sapnap tilts his head at that. "You know as soon as those pics hit the internet, everyone's gonna be horny on main for months, right?"
Dream throws a hastily ripped out clump of grass at him, and Sapnap fails to dodge. But the moment they spend giggling together seems to give Dream the time to collect his thoughts.
"I'm not, I don't really care about…what they'll think of me or whatever—"
"Cap," Sapnap sings, earning him a smack on the calf.
"You're so stupid," Dream mutters, but his lips are curled in a fond little smile. He's still on edge, but his shoulders have dropped from around his ears, so Sapnap counts it as an overall win. "I'm just saying, it'll be the last thing I put out there. That'll be it. Y'know? That's the last thing they don't know about me." He's straightening out a folded up piece of grass, pulling it taught against the edges he had just pressed into it.
Sapnap has begun preemptively pulling out grass blades to smooth out and hand over to Dream. It always fascinates him how busy he needs to keep his hands when he's thinking. Sapnap's eyes follow those long fingers as they twist and bend at the knuckles, admiring the grace with which each anxious movement is carried out.
The twinge in his stomach as he mulls over Dream's words doesn't take him by surprise. The monopoly he currently holds on Dream's time has begun to slip through his fingers.
"It wasn't so bad when I did it," Sapnap offers quietly, stroking through the grass thoughtfully. "I mean…yeah, people assumed a lotta shit. But—what's new, right?"
Dream hums in acknowledgement, the corners of his lips twitching upwards without humor. He starts a few sentences, aborts them all after the first breath. "I guess it's just… There's no takebacks. I just gotta deal with it after that."
Something different in Sapnap's stomach twists. He didn't realize that this had been weighing on Dream so heavily, but maybe that was part of it. The constant positive light around his face reveal may have made it hard for him to bring any of this up before.
"Like, yeah, people make shit up about me all the time. But this is… more ammunition, I guess? I dunno," he sighs defeatedly, flopping onto his side in the grass. He's facing Sapnap, but he's curled his arms up around his head so that it's mostly covered.
"It just makes it so much more real."
He says it like he doesn't really want to be heard. There's a glint of fear in what little of Dream's gaze is still visible, something he tries to hide by harshly squeezing his eyes shut. His arms wind tighter around himself, the shake in his fingers more visible.
Sapnap wants to slot their palms together, squeeze them until they stop shaking, card through the blonde curls spilling onto the grass.
His hands hover near Dream's head, by Dream's own hands, where Dream could easily spot them should he open his eyes.
He doesn't. Sapnap regains enough control to simply pat Dream on the head, and he doesn't miss the way Dream pushes into the touch like a cat.
"It's not like you'll be living onstream. Y'know? You'll be meeting people when you're out, they'll ask for pictures, but—" Sapnap bites his lip. "But you can always come back home." With me. "And you can relax again." Rely on me. "You can always recharge with us, you know that." Let me help.
Dream inhales slowly, and Sapnap watches his tense shoulders drop a little more as his arms come away from his face. He blinks up at Sapnap slowly, pretty cloudy green eyes studying his face for a moment. It makes Sapnap start to squirm with nerves and embarrassment, because he knows it's cliche, he knows okay, but every word of it is true, if he could wrap Dream up in warmth and comfort for the rest of his life he would do it in a heartbeat, all he wants is to be of any help at all to the man he loves with every fiber of his being—
Out of what has to be sheer luck, Dream sits up in a jolt, and in one clean movement he's enveloped Sapnap in a wonderfully tight hug. Sapnap is almost too busy praying that his heartbeat isn't audible, to notice the tension draining fully out of Dream as the seconds pass by. Hesitantly, he relaxes into the embrace.
"I'm always gonna be here for you, dude, y'know that?"
The words are whispered into Dream's neck as Sapnap squeezes him, overcome by emotion, and the lighthearted chuckle Dream gives in return reverberates between them where their chests touch.
"I know. Thank you, Pandas."
They sit there for a moment longer, and despite the lingering summer heat, Sapnap immediately misses Dream's warmth when they pull apart. He brushes a couple twisted-up grass blades from Dream's shirt, and they both giggle like idiots about it.
"It'll be alright," Sapnap says after a second, tilting his head back to the sky. "You'll see. You've been rotting away in this house long enough." Dream shoves him lightly, and they're both giggling, and he can feel the weight lifting off of both of their shoulders.
He may not have much to offer, but Sapnap won't let Dream sink on his own.