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My bed was far too large. It seemed to stretch out forever, blankets and pillows piled high on it, barely leaving me enough room to sit comfortably. Somehow, despite all the world's soft and fluffy things physically available, it was uncomfortable.
I know WHY it was uncomfortable. A stupid reason. One that had me awake at night, staring at the beautiful painted ceiling of Asra's shop…
My shop? Asra hadn't been back for weeks now, gone off with his parents chasing wild geese. So it was just me, and this empty building, and Julian to occasionally drag me out for drinks.
We hadn't talked in weeks. We hadn't talked in weeks and I bloody well missed him. But he was busy doing whatever the fuck, and I was busy manning the store, and- and with every day that passed, it got a tiny bit harder to sleep. Until…well until now.
Until it was three bloody am in the morning and the pillow I was wrapped around was giving me a headache.
•
I didn't knock. I didn't need to. Not because there was any easy familiarity between us anymore, we'd fucked that up somehow. But because this was Muriel we were talking about, and if my dumbass stumbling around outside his front door didn't wake him, the creaking of the hinges sure would.
As usual, he came up swinging. Hand on his staff before I'd even managed to make it halfway through the room, the pointy bit towards my throat. He hadn't even fully woken up yet, panic written across his bleary face. The spark of light between my fingertips illuminated dark shadows underneath his eyes.
'W-what is this.' he managed to utter out, relaxing when he finally recognized me. The staff was set on the floor after a moment's hesitation, fighting stance sliding into Muriel sitting back down on his bed. He'd always possessed a cat-like grace, one I couldn't help but be jealous of.
I huffed, letting the orb of light float between us as I shrugged off my cloak. 'Did I do something?'
'What?'
'Did I piss you off somehow?'
'No? It's the middle of the night, what-'
The orb went dimmer as I lost concentration, effort of struggling out of my boots taking up most of my attention. It was hard to believe I'd fought against the bloody Devil and made it out alive. In my defense, I was running on two hours of sleep and half a tin of coffee. Hard to be magical and glamorous when I was seeing double. 'In that case, scootch.'
Muriel moved to obey before he could think better of it. One day, I'd feel guilty for bossing him around. That day was not today.
Today, I had stretched out in his horrible shitty bed and pulled him back down to lay beside me. Mimicking the way we'd slept when we travelled. Me tucked away in his arms, our backs against the wall. Usually, that wall was a particularly large tree, or a rock we'd hid behind for protection against the wind. Right now, it was the packed clay of Muri's cottage. Inanna cracked an eye open in our direction, giving a wolfy grin.
And I was out before I could hear him protest.
•
The morning came with questions.
Or rather, it would have come with questions, if I'd done this with literally anybody else.
No, this morning came with the smell of eggs frying over the fire, and Muriel wearing an old apron. He'd put his hair up in a bun as he cooked, carefully tucking the strands out of his face. Inanna was watching curiously from her spot near the fireplace.
'You look terrible.' was the first thing this man said to me, as soon as I sat down. The biggest tin of coffee I'd ever seen was pushed in front of me. A tin that I had reason to suspect had once been a jar of dried lentils, judging by the peeling sticker on the front.
'Oh we're just saying things today? Well you-'
Muriel raised an eyebrow in my direction before I could finish my sentence. Which was good, because I hadn't actually thought of how to end it.
'Drink your coffee.' it was less of an order and more of a suggestion, but when suggestions came from a three hundred pound seasoned killer, you tended to take them pretty quickly. Or you would, if you weren't a little shit with a death wish.
'You're an asshole.'
Muriel bumped his head on one of the shelves, in his haste to turn around and look at me. 'Huh?'
'When we got back, you were all like 'oh no don't leave just stay with me' and then you left, motherfucker.'
Muriel's cheeks lit up bright red. He seemed to be reconsidering that bun of his with every second that passed, missing the comfort of hiding his face behind a curtain of hair.
'I just…figured that you'd be happier with your friends. I'm not good at-'
He made a vague gesture in my direction, that encompassed my form sitting at his kitchen table. The eggs on the hot plate were starting to burn. He didn't seem too notice though, too busy not looking at me.
'Well I fucking missed you,' I grumbled, taking a sip of the coffee and instantly burning myself. Pain exploded in my mouth, along with several curse words that would have turned even Julian's skin bright red. I clamped down on them at the last second, not wanting to make my host's ears bleed.
My host who was still turned away from me, having returned his attention to cooking, and doing a piss poor job of it too.
Eventually, he sat down beside me. Eventually. 'You could have come,' he said quietly, giving me a plate of almost burned eggs. 'I wouldn't have minded.'
I'd considered it. Many, many, many times. I'd pictured closing the shop early and heading down into the woods. With a loaf of bread as an offering, or some new frilly coat I could find. A green one, perhaps, that would have made him smile.
Then I'd considered waiting on the steps of his hut like a cheap prostitute for hours, watching the forest and the forest watching me as we both waited for Muriel to return. And I figured I was worth more than that.
'You know what,' I said, draining my coffee. 'Fuck this.' It was easier to be the first one that left. It was always easier. I'd just…buy fucking sleeping potions, I don't know.
I was halfway to the door, tugging my coat on before he could figure out what was going on. Unfortunately, 'halfway to the door' didn't mean much in a house as small as his. It had never stopped baffling me, that the biggest man I knew lived in the smallest house I'd ever seen.
'Wait.' He didn't touch me, but he did move in front of the door, leaning against it in what he hoped was a nonchalant way. Muriel had never done anything nonchalantly in his life, but I did appreciate the sentiment.
'Please. Wait.'
'Muriel get out of my fucking way.'
Muriel looked down. Looked at the sparks crackling between my fingertips, looked at my disheveled form and the hair he'd messed up during the night by running his hands through it. And swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. I wasn't staring. 'No.' he said, not quite believing he was saying it either. 'Im not moving.'
'You're such a-'
'I'm sorry I didn't come to you,' he said, holding up a hand to stop me. Which, miraculously, worked. He seemed as stunned by it as I was. But it gave him the courage he needed to go on, voice a bit shaky and cheeks a bit red, and eyes a bit downcast.
'It-...crowds. Your shop was always full of people, and- and I thought that after the whole Lucio thing, I would have stopped panicking as bad, but-.'
Suddenly, I felt like the asshole.
'I'm sorry.' he was so ernest. So sincere. So- fuck him. 'I'm really, really sorry. I never meant to push you away.'
'Well-...I-.' My throat hurt. Something deep inside my chest hurt. It hurt even more when his arms came up around me, allowing me to bury my face in his shirt. 'I want you here.'
That was all. All the rage disappeared out of my blood in an instant as his grip around me tightened.
I'm not proud to say I slumped against him. I'm sure he's not proud to say that after all that, breakfast was forgotten.
He was tired. I was fucking tired. One night didn't make up for the several weeks we'd missed. Inanna got four servings of eggs that morning and we went straight back into bed.
We slept. Him with his arms around me and a knee thrown over my thighs, me using him as a glorified blanket and hiding behind his massive form. We slept all day, with Muriel only getting up to feed the chickens some dinner and to let Inanna out.
He came straight back after.
Which was good, because I'd melted into his horribly uncomfortable mattress. He'd have to scrape me off of it, if he needed to use his bed again.
We didn't speak for a long time. He'd start to say something and I'd send an elbow between his ribs. I'd open my mouth and he would shift to crush me a bit more, affection so obvious and solid and present it scattered whatever I'd been thinking.
It was so easy. So comfortable. I felt a bit more like myself with every second that his arm was slung around my waist.