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“I’m leaving.”
Yuu had finally done it. He’d abandoned his family.
Guren. Shinoa. Kimizuki. Yoichi. Mitsuba.
He refused to be a puppet anymore. He was tired of being caught up in other people’s plans. He was sick of being used. For once, he was rebelling and doing things the way he wanted. He was living and fighting for his own desires, and while Mika should have been proud?
He was thoroughly pissed.
Begrudgingly, he agreed to help Yuu, but only for the sake of not lingering too much longer lest Yuu get trapped and was prevented from leaving again. Truthfully, Mika was seething , his temper radiating so strongly that Yuu felt his chest tighten - and Yuu knew then that this wasn’t going to be simply resolved with a few words. Anticipating an argument, Yuu traveled as far away as he could get before making it to an abandoned high-rise building and scaling up to the upper floors before settling in an apartment with sparse furniture. This was going to take a while, but maybe it was for the best. Between Mika being turned into Cursed Gear and attached to Yuu, finding out what the price of resurrecting humanity was, and then Yuu trying to escape from his friends left them little to no time to really sit down and talk things out up to this point. Tension and unspoken feelings had grown thick between them, and it was boiling just beneath the surface, dangerously close to erupting with the slightest provocation.
Yuu headed down the hallway, taking refuge in the lone bedroom where he made himself comfortable on the bed. He turned to lay on his side, cradling Mika’s sword against his heart before letting his eyes slip to a close.
–
In his mindscape, Yuu sat on the floor, cross-legged with his hands planted firmly in his lap while he gazed up at Mika’s floating form. Usually, Mika presented to him with deep, watery blue eyes - Yuu’s favorite color. But this time around, Mika’s eyes flared red at the edges, a silent testament to how angry he was. Still, Yuu tried to smile sweetly for him because that usually got Mika to calm down a little before expressing his displeasure with Yuu’s bullheadedness.
Not this time.
“Have you lost your entire mind, Yuuichiro?!”
He visibly winced, a stabbing sensation piercing his heart at the way Mika grit his teeth after using his full name.
“You keep going on and on about how important your family is, and how you’ll never abandon them. Look what you’ve done now! You’re betraying them for me of all people?!”
“...Of course, I did. What else did you expect me to do, Mika?”
“I expected you to use your damned head for once! But apparently, that’s too much to ask of a complete idiot!” Mika wanted to tear his hair out at how nonchalant Yuu was being. He may as well have been talking about the weather.
“I am, Mika. Why do you think I left so abruptly?” Yuu asked, “Shikama Doji is targeting us, remember? He wants to come after you and I to use for his plan. If we stay around the others, they become targets, too, and then it’ll be our fault if they get caught in the crossfire… I don’t want anything to happen to them.”
“That still doesn’t excuse how you want to forsake humanity just to resurrect me, Yuu. It’s not acceptable, and it’s not what I want.”
“I know…” Yuu tilted his head with a heartbreaking smile. “But it’s what I want.”
Mika floated down and kneeled before Yuu, glaring a hole through that thick skull of his. “You’d better have a better explanation than that because all I’m hearing is pure selfishness that rivals Guren.”
“Mika…” Yuu genuinely looked confused - did Mika still not get it? Even after being able to see his memories? “...You’ve made the ultimate sacrifice for me so many times. You’ve literally died for me twice to ensure that I stayed alive. How else can I possibly repay you for that?
“But why me? I’m only one person, Yuu!” Mika balled his fists up, barely clinging to a thread of composure; even his tail was tensing up as a sign of irritability. “Why does my life matter so much more than the rest of humanity–”
“Because I don’t give a damn about humanity! How many times do I need to say it before you understand?” Yuu stared deep into Mika’s eyes, his eyelids flooding with tears. “You’re the only one who’s ever given me a reason to live! You’re the only one I’ve ever felt a connection with… the only one who’s ever made me feel wanted … a-and needed. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve felt worthless and stupid… like my life had no meaning… no value. You changed all of that the day I met you, Mika. You make me feel…” Yuu’s breath hitched as a sob cracked in his throat. “...you make me feel human.”
Mika’s eyes widened.
“All I was ever told was that I was a demon spawn… that I didn’t deserve to live… You welcomed me with open arms and called me family. In life and in death, you’ve always managed to give my miserable life meaning.” Yuu’s shoulders sagged as tremors wracked his body. He had been holding so much of this in, for so many years.
“When you died back in Sanguinem? I felt a part of me die alongside you… I’ve never felt so empty… hollow… I was a husk of a person that could barely be called alive. I was merely existing… Living hurt after that. I couldn’t handle the grief and the loss… The only thing keeping me going was that I would one day avenge you and kill every single vampire, even if it meant losing my own life in the process. Because at least I could be reunited with you in the afterlife…”
“Yuu–”
“And then I found you again! ” The tears finally crested his lower lids, spilling freely down Yuu’s cheeks. “I found you again… you were a-alive… and you were there … I could touch you… feel you… smell you… It reminded me of home, Mika… It reminded me of better times. It reminded me that whenever I was around you, I never felt alone… Everything changed after that. My thirst for revenge was shattered; none of that mattered anymore… I just wanted to get you back. I didn’t give a damn that you were a vampire… I just wanted my family back…”
“Yuu…” As much as it pained Mika to acknowledge it, he still said, “I’m not your only family. You have Shinoa and the others–”
“But you told me that you were!” Yuu reminded him. “The first words you said to me were that you were my only true family. That the humans were using me, and that you wanted me to forget everything and run away with you - where the humans and the vampires could never find us!” This time, Yuu was glaring at Mika in frustration.
“I’ve never forgotten that - it was always my intention to run away with you eventually. I just had to find the right time… Shinoa, Mitsuba, Yoichi, Kimizuki, and even Guren… they all gave me a reason to keep fighting. But they don’t compare to you; Ashera was right when he said that I’ve only ever had eyes for you, Mika.”
By that point, Yuu realized that his words alone weren’t going to be enough to convince him. So he reached for Mika’s wrist, gently pulling it toward him and letting his hand rest firmly against his chest, just above his rapidly beating heart. Yuu lowered his walls entirely, allowing Mika into his heart and letting him see into his most intimate memories.
Mika gasped as he was immediately assaulted by a flurry of memories, his own heart clenching tightly in his chest from the raw emotion stemming from them. Blue eyes widened to the size of saucers, watching and hearing the sheer, unwavering determination in Yuu’s voice in each and every memory he was able to focus on.
“Mika! Hey Mika!! I’ll save you! I promise! No matter where in the world you are, I’ll find you and save you! So wait for me, okay?!”
‘He said that as I was turning into a demon… Krul was trying to get him away, yet he nearly let himself get killed just because he wanted me to know that he wasn’t abandoning me… that he would come back for me…’ Mika thought back to the night he died as a human in Sanguinem, when Yuu refused to leave his side, refused to leave him to die alone. But why… why the insistence on saving his life?
“Huh? Are you saying I’m not being sincere enough? Okay then, uh…” Yuu got down on his knees and bowed low enough that his chin was resting on the floor. “I apologize for my behavior. Please teach me how to save Mika. His life is more important to me than my own. That’s why I need to know how to save him. I beg you.”
‘He bowed before Queen Krul? Just to prove how sincere he was about saving me…’ Mika’s heart started hammering in his chest as he parsed through more of the memories that Yuu was willingly showing him.
“Whoa! Are you kidding? What’re you doing picking on my Mika for? Asuramaru… want me to kill you, too?” A split second later, Yuu literally sliced his way out of Asuramaru’s body, reaching out for Mika in his younger demon form. “I’m here to save you, Mika! What do you jerks do to him?!”
Mika’s heart damn near burst in his chest. ‘H-He called me…. his Mika… I didn’t even remember him or know who he was at the time, and yet… he still came to save my life from the other demons…’ By now, Mika’s eyes began to water, cerulean still locked onto emerald.
“My greatest desire is to save Mika… I want to save Mika… I’m going to save Mika… so get out of my way.” With each word spoken with more and more conviction, demon horns jutted sharply out of Yuu’s forehead, crowning him as three angels appeared behind him. Yuu’s voice never wavered as he vowed, “I’m going to save Mika… and you… can’t stop me!”
‘Not even Asuramaru trying to convince him he was lying was enough to break him… All he could think about was… s-saving me.’ Mika was finally starting to get it - Yuu wasn’t just saying this to convince him that he was right in what he was doing; he wasn’t trying to be self-righteous nor was he trying to save the entire world - because that was impossible. He had but one goal that he felt was attainable - saving Mika.
“I can feel the power inside… Right now, my desires have gone completely berserk… It feels so good… living purely for my desires. Now… let my heart shout that desire aloud. I’m saving Mika. ”
“My heart was beating a mile a minute the entire time…” Yuu explained. “I was so determined to win against those demons… I felt like I was going to collapse from the pain, it was suffocating… like my heart and lungs couldn’t breathe…”
“I… I can feel it.” Hell, Mika almost felt like he needed to catch his breath, the memory was so vivid.
“My desires… they’re growing out of control… it hurts… I want to save Mika so badly… it feels like my chest will burst…” Yuu looked down to see the traumatized younger demon, calling out to him as he walked toward Mika. Upon hearing no answer, Yuu knelt down beside him, wrapping an arm around the smaller demon, cradling him against his body as a sign of warmth and comfort. His voice managed to lower a few octaves, his timbre soft, soothing, friendly. Yuu’s tone offered salvation, kindness, and promises of protection. “It’s okay, Mika… No matter what happens… no matter what’s to come… the whole world could end tomorrow… but everything will be fine… I promise… that I’ll save you…”
Those last few words set something off in Mika, and he dug deeper into Yuu’s memories, all the way back to the week after they had reunited after four long, agonizing years. This time, his and Yuu’s memory of that day played out before them - Yuu had just woken from his coma, and Mika was finished with the curse detoxification. Yuu was standing at the window of his hospital room, and Mika was leaning against a metal railing that overlooked the vampire city - silvery moonlight shone down on both of them. With the way their memories materialized and played out, it looked as if their foreheads were nudged against each other, their voices melding together:
“Just you wait, Mika, I swear…”
“Just you wait, Yuu, I promise…”
“I’ll save you.”
Mika had tears of his own running down his cheeks. Ever since the day they were reunited, that was Yuu’s one true goal - saving him. It was never lipservice, it was never a false promise, Yuu meant it as sincerely as he possibly could. He felt Yuu interlock their fingers together over his heart, a watery smile showing on his face.
“Everything I’ve ever done since the day we met has been for you and your sake. If anyone were to ask me my reason for living… for surviving… it’s always been you, Mika.” Yuu squeezed his hand tighter around Mika’s, “And if that makes me selfish, then so be it. I won’t be satisfied until I’ve succeeded in saving you… You told me to save your heart, after all.”
It wasn’t hard for Mika to read between the lines - Yuu was going to stop at nothing to turn him back into a human. Now he understood why - even if Mika was a demon, Yuu was still bound by human-like biology. Even if he wasn't human to begin with, he was still developing and aging like a human, and eventually… he would die, leaving Mika alone.
Then they would be separated all over again. Permanently.
“I would rather be selfish, a demon spawn, a monster, whatever I may be…” Yuu sniffled. “Anything is better than being alone, Mika. We both want to die because we feel like our life has no value, and yet... our lives matter so much to each other. That cancels out our desire to die, so we have to stay alive for each other… just a little longer so I can turn you back into a human…” Yuu squeezed his hand tighter around Mika’s. “...then we can die together, if that’s what we still want.”
“Yuu-chan …”
Yuu’s heart melted at the affectionate nickname, fixing Mika with a fond smile that spoke volumes. Mika, on the other hand, was left completely tongue-tied - how could he have been so blind? Mika was literally Yuu’s reason for living, he told him that so many times, and yet it was only just now sinking in. Mika shared the same sentiment - Yuu was his reason for living, for suffering as a vampire, for drinking his blood to stay alive, for sacrificing himself to save Yuu’s life… it was all for Yuu.
There was so much he wanted - no, needed to say to Yuu.
Instead of trying to force the words out, Mika reached for Yuu’s free hand, nestling it against his own heart and allowing Yuu to see a memory from his last moments as a vampire. The minute Yuu saw Mika’s severed body floating in mid-air surrounded by crackling bolts of crimson electricity, Yuu started fidgeting - this was one of the worst memories of his life, and it was far too painful for him to relive. But Mika cradled his hand tighter against his chest, caressing his thumb over his knuckles.
“It’s okay… just watch, Yuu…”
Mika cracked his eyes open before glancing toward the ground, seeing Yuu chasing after him with an outstretched arm, his eyes wet with tears as he pleaded for Mika to stay with him. It tore him apart to see Yuu so upset…
“Yuu… don’t… cry…”
“Mika! Don’t leave me! I don’t want to be alone! I can’t! I just can’t!” It hurt so much to hear how inconsolable, how heartbroken, how… helpless Yuu sounded.
‘Yuu… you’ll be fine… I know you will…’ With fresh tears streaking down his cheeks, he finally spoke the words he never thought he’d ever get to say - and for once, Mika was genuinely smiling with actual happiness.
“Yuu… I love you.”
Verdant eyes widened, Yuu’s pupils almost eclipsing the colored iris as he stared at the blond demon in disbelief. He tried to open his mouth and speak a couple of times, but nothing ever wound up coming out, rendered too speechless for the moment..
“Mika loved you. He gave his life for you.” Even Asuramaru knew.
“...Mika…” Yuu’s voice cracked barely above a whisper, his breath caught in his throat as he repeated Mika’s words in his head. Over and over, and yet he still couldn’t quite believe it. While Yuu could be dense sometimes, he knew that Mika hadn’t said those words platonically. There was a deeply romantic, unconditional meaning behind it… part of him almost wanted to ask for how long.
As if reading his thoughts, Mika whispered, “...probably since the day we met… Perhaps I didn’t realize it at the time… but I definitely knew once we saw each other again after four years. I’ve known for so long, Yuu-chan…”
“...I…” Yuu just couldn’t get his thoughts together; he was still reeling because Mika felt the same damn way all this time? If only he had known, he probably would’ve ran away with Mika without a second thought. Try as he might, Yuu just couldn’t get his tongue untied, the words sitting unspoken on his lips until Mika took the initiative and cradled Yuu’s chin between his fingers, tilting his face upwards. It gave them the perfect amount of space to gather their bearings - Yuu swallowed hard, his eyes glanced back and forth between Mika’s eyes and his lips. Mika, on the other hand, waited with bated breath for Yuu to speak, but he didn’t fear rejection. He knew that Yuu was just insanely nervous.
“It’s okay, Yuu-chan… Just take your time…” Mika whispered affectionately.
With flushed cheeks, Yuu held Mika’s gaze, his heart hammering away against his ribs before he finally began to lean in. Mika met him halfway, their eyelids lowering as their lips brushed against each other. Nerves got the best of them, leaving them in a precarious limbo of their lips just hovering a breath away - their hearts were racing, breaths growing shallow as they met each other’s gaze once more. Upon seeing the dark glint of raw affection and attraction, Mika brought his free hand down and around Yuu’s waist, subconsciously pulling him flush against his own body; whereas, Yuu glided one of his hands into Mika’s thick, blond waves. As they found themselves tangled in a lover’s embrace, Yuu was the one to break the silence.
”I… I love you, too, Mika.” Emerald remained glued to deep azure, refusing to glance away for even a second. He felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders the minute those words left his lips. As if trying to keep the intimate atmosphere between them, Yuu’s voice remained soft and hushed against Mika’s lips. “...I always have… and I always wi–”
His eyes widened as Mika’s lips slanted against his, causing Yuu’s thoughts to screech to a halt. They both held their breath for a moment, allowing themselves to relish the kiss before slowly exhaling and visibly relaxing into their next kiss. Yuu’s gaze softened as they vanished beneath his lowered eyelids. Years upon years of romantic tension and unspoken feelings breached the surface, their hearts racing a mile a minute, hands clinging to each other… Mika skimmed the tip of his tongue along the seam between Yuu’s lips, and Yuu let out a shy, questioning hum before parting his lips. He keened sharply when the demon speared his tongue past his lips with a hungry purr of his own. An overwhelming sense of adoration made Yuu melt from the inside out. Both of them had been starving for the other’s touch for so damn long; years worth of lonely desperation washed over them like a rising tide. For Mika, it was incredibly tempting to just pin Yuu down and ravish him. Before he let himself get carried away, though, Mika pulled away, leaving Yuu to whimper at the sudden loss of his lips.
As if his heart couldn’t melt anymore, Yuu blushed as Mika cradled his face in his hands, his lips planting a lingering smooch to his forehead. With his thumbs brushing over the apples of Yuu’s cheeks, Mika unabashedly whispered how much he loved him, prompting a fresh wave of tears from Yuu - hearing it in a memory was one thing, but hearing it verbatim from Mika’s lips was simply unmatched. He wanted his confession seared permanently into his memory.
Ashera’s words echoed in Yuu’s head, and he brought his arms around Mika’s torso, holding him close as Mika tilted his head to nuzzle his cheek against Yuu’s forehead. "Even if some of my memories are fake… even if Shikama Doji is exploiting my emotions…” Yuu tightened his hold on Mika, afraid that he would disappear if he let go. “...My feelings toward you have always been genuine, Mika. No one can take that away."
Mika continued to caress Yuu’s cheeks, his eyes glancing downward to see the streaks of wetness gliding down his face. He caught a few tears on the tip of his thumb, wiping them away as his tail swayed behind him. As thrilled and ecstatic as Mika was with this new development, they still had the overarching issue to address.
“Even so… The First may still get his way with the way things have played out… Having me devour Ashuramaru may have strengthened me, but what was your end goal with that?”
“I couldn’t risk him going back to Shikama Doji. He already betrayed me once by trying to hurt you when you were a newborn demon… I can’t forgive him for that.” Yuu stated bitterly.
“...Never thought I’d hear you say that… You called him family, right?” Mika was aware of how Yuu called almost everyone family, and he took it seriously. Why go back on that now?
“I did. But family doesn’t betray each other like that. We don’t hurt each other…”
“And yet you still forgave Guren for what he did to me.”
“Yeah…” Yuu tilted his head up, looking Mika directly in the eye. The look of disappointment on Mika’s face didn’t phase him, but only because he was about to alleviate that disappointment. “I did say that… but I lied..”
Once again, Mika was left speechless.
“I lied to make him comfortable. If I told him I didn’t forgive him, he might not have told us the answers we needed…” Yuu started smirking. “We know what the price of resurrecting humanity is… and the price of resurrecting you as a human.”
Mika sighed, “Yuu… I told you that’s not what I want… I don’t want you to betray you family just for my sake. I wanted to bring Akane and the kids back.”
“That’s what I want, too. You were right when you said that I wouldn’t be able to live with not bringing them back.” Yuu leaned his head against Mika’s chest, listening to his heart beat. “My plan is for Guren and the others to resurrect humanity without my help. Akane, the kids, Mitsuba’s parents, Kimizuki’s sister, Yoichi’s sister… everyone that was lost on that fateful day.”
“But how does turning me back into a human tie into that. Guren already said we can’t have it both ways - it’s one or the other, not both.” Mika argued.
“I know… that’s the price for humans to pay. They break the taboo and the Trumpets of the Apocalypse are summoned, and humans are punished, right?” Yuu blinked softly, “But what if a seraph broke the taboo?”
“...What?” Mika leaned his head back to stare at Yuu in confusion. “You mean… you paying the price to resurrect me?”
“I was never human to begin with, remember? Whatever the hell I am - demon, seraph, a mixture of both? Perhaps the rule won’t apply to me if I break the taboo.” Yuu hypothesized. “But either way, we can’t risk The First interfering and getting in our way… We’ll have to look into my memories like you suggested when we first fought him. Shikama Doji warned us to stop using so much power, otherwise they would notice; we accidentally summoned those angels when we fought together, and they wanted to execute him…”
Mika understood instantly. “We look into your memories and see what those angels are capable of. Then we lure the First and fight him with everything we’ve got; make the angels notice enough to intervene and they possibly kill the First for us?”
“It’s not foolproof, and I’ve no idea what might happen, but it’s a start.” Yuu admitted, “But if it means avoiding any casualties and eliminating our biggest threat, it’s worth a shot, don’t cha think?”
“It’s a suicide mission no matter how we look at it, but…” Mika started smiling. “We’ll do whatever it takes to protect our family, right?”
“Exactly.” Yuu smirked, his expression brimming with confidence.
The ends justify the means, after all.