Work Text:
“Afghanistan.”
It wasn’t a word he said often.
When it did escape his lips, it was usually during a night of dreams that were riddled with memories that he hoped he would one day be able to forget. They were the memories that woke him up in a pool of sweat, unable to catch his breath with a racing heart. The dreams didn’t come as often as they used to, thanks in part to his partner. The person he trusted and loved more than anyone. His fiancé. Hailey.
****
Ricky
12:07 am
Jay woke with a jump. His skin was covered in sweat as his eyes adjusted to the darkness that painted the space around him. Jay pushed himself up, leaning against the headboard, trying to catch his breath. He moved his hand over the mattress, coming to rest on Hailey’s thigh. She was his center. The one who could help bring him down with a touch. She was his reminder that he was safe. Hailey blinked her eyes open, feeling Jay’s hand resting nervously on her leg, the sound of shaky breaths filling the air next to her. Hailey sat up quickly, knowing what those sounds meant. He needed her.
“Hey, hey, you’re okay.” She said. Her hand met the skin of his back, taking in the heat that was radiating from him.
“You’re okay, Jay. You’re home, in bed, and you’re safe.”
“I'm sorry I woke you. I, uh…I just.” He cleared his throat, trying to focus his thoughts, trying desperately to catch his breath. He felt Hailey’s hand moving across his back, brining small waves of comfort.
"You never have to apologize."
Jay let out a shaky breath, with a small nervous laugh. "This sucks."
“Just breathe." She said softly, inching closer to him.
Jay tried to fill his lungs with air, resistance meeting him each time. It had been a while since Jay had a panic attack. It broke Hailey's heart each time to see it; feeling helpless while she waited with him for it to pass. Seeing the toll it took on him was something she would never get used to.
“Breathe. I’m right here.” She said in a whisper.
“Hailey…” she could hear the sadness and fear in his voice as he tried to find his words. Jay pressed his palm to his chest, the pressure from his hand pleading with his lungs and heart.
“It’ll pass. It always does.” Hailey took Jay’s hand in hers, slowly placing it below her breast to rest above her lung. "You're safe."
"I know." Jay answered, nodding.
“Feel my breath. Breathe with me.” She said softly, taking a slow, deep breath that Jay could feel against his hand. Jay sucked in a slow, shaky breath with Hailey. He closed his eyes to bring focus, taking in the feeling of Hailey’s breath and heartbeat.
Breathe in
Breathe out
Breathe in
Breathe out
After a few minutes, Jay felt relief as his lungs filled up with air. He placed his hand on top of Hailey’s as he let the breath out slowly. Tears burned the edges of his eyes. “I haven’t had a dream like that in a long time.”
“I’m so sorry. What can I do?” Hailey asked, brining her chin to his shoulder; her silent way of letting him know that she wasn’t going anywhere.
“Nothing. You being here is enough.” He said
“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked
“I don’t think I can.” He whispered, lowering his head.
“That’s okay. You don’t have to.”
“Being with you always helps.”
A small smile crept across Hailey’s face as she brought her lips to Jay’s temple. He turned to face Haley, wrapping her in his arms, placing a kiss on the top of her head.
“Thank you.” He said, lifting her chin, bringing their lips together for a soft kiss. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. And you never need to thank me. I’m alway here.”
“I know. I appreciate that more than you know.” He said, catching her lips in his again.
Jay brought his hand to Hailey’s cheek, making small circles with his thumb, “I don’t think sleep is in the cards for me tonight, so don’t let me keep you up. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day, I’m sure, so you should get some rest.” Hailey could read the exhaustion in his eyes.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy, Halstead. We can be walking zombies together tomorrow.” She said with a teasing nudge.
Jay chuckled, “There’s no one else I’d rather lose sleep with.”
“Do you want to try and find something on TV?”
“That sounds nice.” Jay said with a smile. He took in a deep breath, letting it out with ease. The case was far from over, and because of that that he knew it would bring more nights like this, but he would make it through. As long as he had Hailey next to him, he would always find the calm. He had his anchor.