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It had been years since his mind felt like this- soft- where the edges around his mind went all fuzzy and he couldn’t think straight. Izzy had assumed the fogginess had gone away for good after the last time and was grateful that it was over and done with. He hated not being in control of when it happened, not being able to be useful for hours at a time while he sat there whining like a child.
But it came back, of course, it did. He finally had a good thing going with Ed and Stede and of course this- whatever this awful softness had to come back to cloud his mind when things were finally looking up.
You let your guard down, Izzy, this is what you deserve.
The thoughts were becoming too much as the cloudy feeling enveloped his body. He just wanted to turn it off, to stop thinking and let the fuzzy wear off in quiet, Not on deck where the crew was all shouting and laughing. Tonight it felt like the noise was a nail piercing his skull and the fuzziness in his mind was the hammer pounding it in.
Against his body’s many protests, he forced his legs to stand up and drag him downstairs to the captain’s quarters. He closed the door behind him and went to sit on the floor next to the unlit fireplace to wait out whatever was wrong with his mind.
Resisting it only made it worse, made his brain hurt until he would break down. At least here, no one would bother him while he let the fuzz overtake his mind.
He had his arms around his knees and was looking at the empty spot where the fire would be when he heard the cabin door open and Stede pop in. For all he knew it had been a few minutes or hours since he had left the deck, but he couldn’t be bothered to think about it. Everything in his mind was fuzzy and soft.
“Israel, are you in- oh there you are! You left without saying anything and well Ed and I were starting to get a bit concerned, is everything all right?”
Izzy meant to say ‘Yes’, but all that came out was a small whine and he tucked his face into his arms to hide from Stede’s gaze.
“Oh dear- are you sick?”
Izzy let out another whine before shaking his head without lifting it.
Why couldn’t Stede just understand? He just- He just needed-
“Eddie,” He mumbled into his arms, hoping that Stede would understand what he meant.
“Oh- Oh! Ed, do you want me to get Edward for you, dearest?” Stede asked.
Izzy nodded, burying his face deeper into his arms, further away from the world. He heard the door close behind Stede as he left to go get Ed.
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Ed waited until he was below deck to ask Stede why the hell he had practically dragged him down there without so much as a word.
“Why couldn’t you just tell me whatever this is up on deck, mate? Jim was about to help me out with some target practice," Ed huffed.
Stede looked nervously at the door to the Captain's quarters then back at Ed. "I think Israel is unwell. He isn't acting quite right so I asked if he was sick he just replied by saying ' Eddie' so I came to grab you."
Ed felt his eyes widen before he went into the room without another word to Stede. He had to see Izzy, needed to see if what Stede said was true or if he had misheard him. He scanned the room until he saw a small figure all in black with his face tucked into his arms next to the fire. He slowly walked up to him and took a seat, not wanting to make any sudden movements. Usually, nothing startled his vicious first mate but when Izzy got like this, the smallest fright would make him burst into tears if Ed wasn't careful.
"Hey Iz, can you look at me?" Ed asked.
Izzy looked up at him with a glazed look in his eyes. The one he always got when he was like this, all fuzzy and small, just for him to see. Ed could barely contain his excitement, all he wanted to do was scoop him up and smother him with affection but he would wait until Izzy said it was okay. God, had he missed this. He missed being able to take care of Izzy and treasure him, and now he could wrap him up in nice soft blankets as he deserved. In the old days, before Izzy had mysteriously stopped being all fuzzy with him, it had always been the two of them in a small cabin on a cot with only a scratchy blanket and Ed's jacket to cuddle Izzy with.
"There's my favorite boy, I've missed you, y'know. It's been a while." Ed cooed to him.
Izzy just leaned in and nudged his head against Ed's chest. Edward chuckled and went to lift him into his lap so that he could rest his head on his shoulder.
Izzy did just that, nuzzling his face into his neck. Ed hummed happily as he wrapped his arms around him, gently rubbing his back with one hand.
"Eddie…" Izzy mumbled, soft in the way it got only when he was small.
"Yeah, babydoll? Do you need anything?" Ed asked.
"'Mm cold."
Ed gave a nod before slowly getting up, holding Izzy securely in his arms. Izzy let out a soft whine and wrapped his legs and legs around Ed. "Shh, love, I gotcha, you're okay, doll." He said, trying to soothe his boy as he went over to the plush bed across the room.
Ed tried setting him down but Izzy wouldn't detach himself. "Bud, I need to put you down so that you can get warm." Izzy let out a small sob and his grasp became stronger as if he was scared of Ed dropping him.
Ed sat down on the side of the bed with Izzy still attached. He pressed a kiss to the top of Izzy's head before looking across the room back at Stede who had been staring incredulously at them since he pulled Izzy into his lap.
'Come here' Ed mouthed at Stede, not wanting to disturb Izzy anymore than he already was. Ed could feel slight trembles under him but knew Izzy would be upset if he moved his arms to pull up a blanket over him.
Stede walked over to the bed and looked at Ed like the world as he knew it had just been flipped upside down. He would tell Stede later though, not when he’d finally been granted time with Izzy while he was like this for the first time in years.
“Can you grab the big soft blanket and put it over Iz please, love."
The other man nodded before quickly grabbing the blanket that was folded at the foot of the bed and placed it gently over Izzy. Ed could tell how light and gentle Stede's touches were when securing the blanket around Izzy, like he would break from a single harsh touch. He wasn't wrong, Izzy was fragile like this- vulnerable, unlike his usual self.
Ed thought it was the most precious thing in the world. To be able to see his loyal first mate who was always so high strung take a load off and relax. Ed had a feeling it wasn't his choice when he got like this, normally Izzy would take a bullet to the gut rather than tell anyone that he was cold and wanted cuddles but it was heartwarming nonetheless.
"Is that better, honey? Do you like the big warm blanket?" Ed asked, giving Izzy a big kiss on the head at the end of his question.
Izzy giggled and nodded against his neck. "Uhuh, 's good." He said softly, his grip on Ed becoming more relaxed.
He pressed another small kiss to Izzy's hair before looking up at Stede whose face had gone from confused to pure adoration in a matter of a minute. Ed smiled up at him before looking back down at Izzy. He wanted to do something to get Izzy to talk to Stede and let him in but wasn't sure how well it would play out. However, that didn't stop him from trying.
"Iz, why don't you say thank you to Stede for grabbing you the nice blankie?" He proposed, his hand still rubbing calming circles on the boy's back.
"Thank you for the nice blankie, Stede," Izzy repeated, his voice mumbling into his neck, ending with a small yawn.
"Oh, you're very welcome, my dear!" Stede exclaimed. He seemed so very happy about Izzy being small with him, quelling any fears Ed may have had about letting his boy be near anybody else while in such a state.
"You gettin' sleepy, love?" Ed asked. He received a small whine in return, the hands-on his back balling up into loose fists and gently hitting (if it could even be called hitting) him.
“No-oo!" Izzy whined. He always did have a hard time admitting he was tired- small or not. However, when he was in his smaller state of mind, he got especially loud and fussy. Ed chuckled and patted his back.
"Okay, okay, no sleep. How about we get up and change into some more comfy clothes though? I dunno bout' you, Iz but leather isn't super comfy, yeah?"
It took a few seconds, but eventually, Izzy nodded and slowly detached himself from Ed's frame. He gazed up at Edward with a glazed-over look.
Ed smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of Izzy's head before he turned his head to look for Stede. He felt a tad guilty asking Stede to keep grabbing things but he knew leaving Izzy unattended for even just a moment when he was like this would upset him. However, when he looked over, he could see Stede already coming back from the wardrobe with a stack of clothes in his arms.
God, he loved this man.
"Iz look, Stede brought your comfy clothes over!" Ed exclaimed, pointing over to Stede.
Izzy smiled and went to stand up, grabbing Ed's hand as he did. He whined softly and tugged at the other man's sleeve.
"Dada we gotta do clothes now." He insisted.
He adored it when Izzy got soft enough to call him that. To let down his hard jagged exterior enough to be able to be like this with Ed- and now he got to share that with Stede.
Ed stood up and let himself be pulled to Stede. “Do you want help, love?” He asked.
Izzy stood and contemplated before finally giving a small nod to Ed who stepped closer so that he could start unbuttoning his vest. He set it on a chair before starting on the rest of the clothes until he got to the boy’s smalls. “Do you want me to help put on your comfy clothes or do you want Stede to?” Ed asked, knowing the answer but he wanted Izzy to know he could trust Stede even when he was all fuzzy.
Izzy frowned and reached his hand up to start biting at his knuckle. He had always had the habit of putting some part of his hand in his mouth and chewing on it while small. It happened frequently; whether they were just sitting together, cuddling, but especially when Izzy was stressed or confused. Ed always had to fight him to keep his hands out of his mouth, knowing how hard Izzy could bite, even if it was an accident.
“Iz, we don’t put our fingers in our mouth, bud.” Ed scolded, not too harshly to scare him, but enough to know he was serious. Izzy just shook his head and whined, putting his head down to look at the ground. Ed reached out to slowly grab Izzy’s wrist but quickly yanked it back after Izzy let out a piercing scream.
"Shit, Iz!"
Izzy had never quite screamed like that before. He'd whined and fussed when he wasn't getting his way when small but never screamed. Ed didn't know what to do. He didn't want Izzy biting himself but he couldn't upset him like that again.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice Stede stepping closer to them with something in his hands.
"Israel darling, how about you chew on this instead? It's even a nice and pretty color, just for you!" Stede chirped, holding out the bright teal cravat that had been around his neck a minute ago.
Ed couldn't help but fear that this could go terribly awry at any moment. Izzy had never screamed like that before and Ed wasn't sure if adding someone new to the equation would make it any better.
However, much to his relief, Izzy let his hand fall out of his mouth and retrieved the cravat from Stede's hand before stuffing half of it in his mouth and gnawing on it.
"Oh thank god," Ed muttered under his breath, receiving a small chuckle from Stede in response.
"We don't want to put our fingers in our mouth, Israel, because our fingers can get all icky," Stede said softly to Izzy who nodded but was paying far more attention gently playing with the edges of the cravat spilling out of his mouth. Ed couldn't help but reach out and ruffle Izzy's hair, he was just so unbelievably adorable like this.
"Iz, you wanna get changed so we can go sit down together?"
"Uhuh dada," He mumbled around the cravat. Ed helped Izzy out of his leathers and down to his smalls as his little one's mind was somewhere else completely. Stede handed him the softer clothes before taking the discarded garments and folding them neatly on a chair beside them.
Ed dressed Izzy, quickly changing himself into soft breeches and a loose shirt.
Izzy reached out his hands, grabbing towards Ed who smiled before going to pick up his boy and hold him in his arms. They made their way over back to the bed before sitting down, settling Izzy in his lap so that he could rest his head on Ed's shoulder with his arms around him.
It was a few minutes before either of them spoke again, but Ed was perfectly content with holding his Iz in his arms and gently rubbing his back.
"Missed you dada."
"I missed you too, sweetheart."