Work Text:
Something was making noise.
"..uto."
Wait, no. Someone was making noise.
"...aruto."
They were getting louder.
"Please, just let me sleep," Naruto thought. But whoever was interrupting his nap didn't seem to hear his plea.
"Naruto!"
The blond startled awake, whipping his torso upright from where it had been resting on his desk. He frantically tried locating the person calling out to him, but was only met with a series of blurry shades of beige and black.
"Augh, my neck," Naruto groaned. He instinctively closed his eyes and massaged the tender area, though he didn't expect it to do any good. It never did, no matter how many times he tried to remedy his post-desk-nap pain.
Naruto heard a sigh from across the room. "Shikamaru?" he called out. He could easily recognize that sigh by now.
"What are you still doing here?" his advisor yawned.
Naruto reopened his eyes, rubbing off any remaining sleep in the process. "Whaddya mean?" he asked. He turned to look at the clock that hung beside the entrance to his office. "I only took a quick power-" his rebuke was cut off by the realization that his 'nap' had not been much of a nap, but rather a four hour-long pit that his stomach proceeded to drop into.
Another sigh from Shikamaru. "Come on, Naruto. I don't want to keep running into you asleep at your desk whenever I have to drop off late work." He lit a cigarette, the smell mixing with the miso from the many discarded instant ramen cups taking refuge on Naruto's desk between heaps of paperwork. "It stresses me out. And I'm sure it stresses out Hinata as well."
Naruto flinched. "Some Hokage I am, having to be lectured by my personal advisor," he thought.
Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose. "What a drag. Look, I get it. We've both been busy for the past few months, even more so than usual, but that doesn't give you a free pass to neglect yourself or your family." He paused. "Hokage be damned, you're my friend. And I want you to take care of yourself."
Naruto smiled. "Thanks Shikamaru, I appreciate that." He leaned back in his chair, groaning as he stretched his arms and legs before standing up. "Well, I guess I ought to get going, y'know-"
Before any going could be get, though, Naruto's leg-which had fallen asleep during his 'power nap'-gave out on him, causing the blond to stumble sideways. Arms flailing, he just barely grabbed onto the edge of his swivel chair, but this only succeeded in the chair moving with his momentum and slamming into his desk. A cascading sea of white rained down upon the two men as the mountain of paperwork Naruto had been organizing on his desk prior to his untimely 'nap' found its way to the floor in jumbled piles. Little of the brown flooring could be seen between the strewn mission reports, personnel files, and letters from various diplomats.
Shikamaru stood where he was, frozen, darkness obscuring his eyes.
Naruto gulped.
"You know," Shikamaru flatly remarked. "Konahamaru mentioned that he would maybe one day like to follow in the footsteps of both his grandfather and mentor and become Hokage."
"Really?" Naruto asked, with the same lack of emotion. "That would be real special, y'know."
"I agree. Perhaps we should assign him his first Hokage-level mission tomorrow?" Shikamaru let go of the report he had been intending on filing away, letting it drift down to join its colleagues on the floor. He turned and opened the exit door.
"It's never too early. And I think we've got the perfect mission for him." Naruto swiftly walked over the papers and out of the office, with Shikamaru closing the door behind them.
"Excellent."
The two men looked at each other, chuckled, and wearily made their way towards the exit stairs.
"Maybe Konahamaru could be assigned a few more "missions" in the future," Naruto smiled to himself, "to prove his dedication, of course. This is a tough job, y'know."
----------
His walk back home was solemn, to say the least.
Naruto had done this plenty of times before; it came with his position as Hokage. Long, stressful days and nights spent toiling away at the seemingly never ending flow of memos, reminders, meetings, treaties, and whatever else the world could throw at him. And there had been plenty of nights where he would arrive home exhausted, too late to even ask his wife and children about their days. This past month or so had been especially brutal. Reports of strange cult activity had been popping up throughout the Land of Fire, with some being linked to groups looking to revive Madara. So many reports. So many testimonies.
"So little confirmation," Naruto thought.
He had been on edge ever since Madara's name was first mentioned those few weeks ago. Everyone had sacrificed greatly to achieve the current state of peace that enveloped the world whether they knew it or not. It was Naruto's job as Hokage to maintain that peace. Naruto had initially wanted to become Hokage to prove himself; he wanted to show the entire village that he deserved their respect not only as a shinobi, but as a person. What he came to find out, though, was that he hadn't needed to become Hokage to prove himself. He had already done so through his actions, through his character. By never giving up, by always helping those around him, by becoming a beacon of hope for those who sought peace. As he matured, Naruto realized that becoming Hokage wasn't necessary to achieve his goal.
Then why did he still want to become Hokage?
Was it fear? He had announced his goal to anyone who would listen growing up. It was part of his reputation. If he decided that he no longer wanted to become Hokage, then what would he be? Just an above-average shinobi and the Nine Tails Jinchuriki.
Naruto shook his head. "No, it's not that," he thought. He tilted his head up, a tired smile on his face. "I think I'm just stubborn," he joked to himself.
"What was that, Lord Seventh?"
Naruto jumped, letting out an undignified yelp in the process. He had been so caught up in his inner turmoil that he had neglected to notice the patrolling shinobi who had come up beside him.
"Is there anything I can assist you with, Lord Seventh?"
"You could forget that girly scream I just did, but I doubt you'll do that even if I ask," Naruto thought.
"Lord Seventh?"
"Oh!" Naruto exclaimed, realizing that he had been staring at the poor shinobi. He flushed, nervously scratching the back of his head out of habit. "Nothing, just talking to myself, y'know. Carry on with your patrol."
The shinobi bowed. "Of course, Lord Seventh. Good night."
"Yes, good night."
Naruto let out an exasperated sigh as the shinobi walked off. "Same old knucklehead Naruto, Hokage or not," he thought. He restarted his trek back home. It was somewhat comforting, though, to know that he still retained some of his childhood self.
"Ah yes, change."
Why had he still wanted to become Hokage, even knowing he had already earned the respect of many of the villagers beforehand?
"Well, I guess," Naruto frowned with thought,"my goal changed. But why was that?"
He walked along in silence, pondering. Crickets and frogs chirping along either side of the road were the only sources of ambiance, and the moon painted the world with a faint white glow. It was peaceful. Nice, even. Naruto had always been pretty well tuned in on his emotions, but he was never one for intricate self-reflection. Something about this night had changed that. It looked like it was too late for any more thoughts, though.
He was home.
It was a cozy building, though it was hard to tell without any of the lights being on. Not too small to be cramped, even with two kids, but not so large that they had to find weird reasons to fill rooms with furniture or appliances. It was perfect. The perfect home for the perfect family.
Naruto winced. "Not that I'm helping with that right now."
Shikamaru was right, he had been neglecting his family. It had started out small, maybe missing some meals every now and then to get in extra time at the office. But it soon escalated into using shadow clones for Boruto's 'ninja training,' calling rainchecks for his dates with Hinata, and even full days or nights where he did not return home at all. Naruto knew what he was doing wasn't good, but he didn't see any other option. He was Hokage now, and that carried a big responsibility. Everyone had to make sacrifices whether they knew it or not.
He reached for the door.
"But why did my goal change?"
Naruto paused, hand hovering over the doorknob. Part of him wanted to go inside, to sleep these intense thoughts off and start another day without them. Maybe Hinata was still awake and he could ask her about how she and the kids were holding up.
But he couldn't. As much as he wanted to, Naruto couldn't go inside. He wanted to answer his own question. He turned and sat down on the front doorstep, careful to not cause too much noise. He wanted to be alone for this.
"I think I've almost got it; my eureka moment," he thought. He had had plenty of them on the battlefield, figuring out how to defeat countless powerful shinobi. Now it was time to finish the battle raging inside his mind. He could feel it.
Was it after losing Sasuke all those years ago? After he found him years later? Training with Pervy Sage? Defending the village? Defeating Neji, Pain, Kakuzu, or any other of the opponents he had faced? Learning Sage Mode? Teaming up with Kurama? The deaths of his master and friend? Meeting his parents? Marrying Hinata? Seeing his children enter the world?
Naruto groaned softly, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his forehead on them. He could feel tears starting to form in his eyes.
He wiped them away. "Why is this so hard?" he rasped to himself. He didn't like how these thoughts made him feel. He couldn't afford to feel this way, not with the possibility of Madara being revived.
"Why am I scared of Madara coming back?"
He scoffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve. What a stupid thought. Of course he was scared of someone as powerful as Madara being revived. That could possibly spell doom for not only the village, but the entire world. His friends, his family, true peace, everything.
All gone.
"Eureka."
Subtly, Naruto had been gaining more and more throughout his life. He had started at rock bottom, an orphan with little to no ties to anyone. Then came Iruka-sensei, his teammates, Kakashi-sensei, his fellow academy graduates, Pervy Sage, Granny Tsunade, Gaara, and so many more. Eventually the entire village became important to Naruto, and not just in terms of garnering the respect of its citizens. He felt connected to them. He wanted to protect them, to protect the whole world in which his friends, wife, and children lived. And the only way to do that was to follow his late master's goal of achieving world peace.
Naruto had done that. At least he thought he had. And now he had to maintain that peace.
"Because now," tears freely rolled down his cheeks,"I have a whole lot more to lose."
That's why his goal changed. The position of Hokage was always just a vessel, a means to an end. Initially it was to earn respect, but now it was to protect those he loved. It was up to Naruto to see that goal through. But in his pursuit of his goal, he had been losing one of the things he so sought to protect. Slowly but surely, Naruto had been chipping away at the bonds that had elevated his life into something truly meaningful. He couldn't even remember the last time he had talked to his friends outside of work for at least two weeks.
Naruto wiped his eyes again, frantically rubbing his face with his palms. "Come on, Naruto. Get a hold of yourself," he commanded.
*click*
Naruto saw the silhouette of the entrance window appear on the steps ahead of him. "Damn it, I forgot to be quiet!". He sprang onto his feet. "What do I do? Should I run? Should I-"
The door creaked open behind him.
"Naruto?"
He froze, his back still to the door. And to his wife, a Hyuga. Naruto mentally kicked himself. "Of course she would know you're here, dummy! She could easily look outside with her Byakugan if she heard any noise!"
"Naruto? Why were you sitting in the dark? Is there something wrong?" Naruto heard her take a timid step forward. "I...I saw you crying."
Naruto gulped. The pit that had formed in his stomach earlier had reached rock bottom. He wasn't embarrassed to have been seen crying; he had cried in front of others, including Hinata, plenty of times.
"It's the way she said it," he slouched a bit,"she's worried. And upset, and scared, and it's my fault."
He heard her take another step forward. "It's okay, Naruto. Just tell me what's going on."
"Too much. It's all too much. Why can't everything just be the way Pervy Sage wanted it to be? Why can't there ever seem to be true peace?"
Naruto felt her warm touch on his shoulder, but he didn't turn around. "Why can't my family and friends be safe? I need to protect them. I need to make sure Madara is not revived no matter what. But...but I...I..."
Hinata's grip on his shoulder firmed, allowing for her to gently turn Naruto around. The blond's eyes slowly moved down, travelling from his wife's dark bangs to her own shining lavender eyes. The moonlight gave them an ethereal glow that just barely failed to hide the smaller glittering lights reflected off of the tears that were starting to form along the corners of her eyes.
"I don't want to lose you all!" Naruto sobbed. His tears had started to flow again. If they had ever actually stopped in the first place, he didn't know. He could feel the warm trails they left along his cheeks. Hinata quickly closed the remaining distance between them and enveloped him in a tight hug. Naruto held her in return, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He could hear her own muffled sobs where her face was pressed against his chest. "I'm sorry, Hinata," he whispered, speaking between choking rasps. "I'm so sorry."
They stood there, crying, for some time. Naruto wasn't sure how long it lasted, but he knew that he didn't want to leave his wife's embrace.
"Oh Naruto," Hinata raised her head to look at him, her own tears having been spread across her face by his coat, "I've been so worried. So have Boruto and Himawari. They miss you. I miss you."
"I miss you all too," Naruto sniffed, looking back down at her, "I know I haven't been able to say anything about what's going on, but I hope you know there's a good reason that I've been so busy for so long." The tears didn't seem to want to stop. "I just want to protect you all. I don't want to lose anyone else."
Hinata smiled. A small, somehow quiet smile that Naruto had always loved seeing on her beautiful face. "You're everyone's hero, Naruto. You have been for a long time. But," she smiled a little wider, "you've been my hero for much longer, just so you know." Her tears had stopped flowing.
That got a small chuckle out of him, though it sounded like more of a choke given how raw his throat was. The pit in his stomach felt just a tad lighter, and his tears stopped flowing. "You've always been there for me, Hinata. I'm sorry for not realizing it sooner."
She giggled. "You don't have to keep apologizing. How many times did you say that on our wedding day?"
Naruto let out a quiet laugh, this one sounding much more like himself. "Oh man, it must have been over five times at least." He scratched the back of his head, slightly embarrassed. "I just couldn't believe how lucky I was to be marrying someone as amazing as you, y'know?"
Hinata pecked him on his still somewhat-wet cheek, standing on her toes to do so. "Thank you, Naruto," she lowered her voice, keeping her mouth close to his ear, "though I'm sure you realized just how lucky you were later that night, hm?"
Naruto flushed. He continued scratching the back of his head, even more embarrassed now. "Oh, well, uh...I'd say you're right," he stammered.
"Man, Hinata is really trying to cheer me up, huh?"
Hinata giggled again. "Well, how about we go inside? You need to take a shower. You smell like your office."
"What, does my office smell bad? It's a pretty important place, y'know."
"It smells like those instant ramen cups you love so much," she scrunched her nose exaggeratedly, "and Shikamaru's cigarettes."
Naruto laughed, this time at full volume. He had almost completely forgotten about his earlier mood. "This is why I need her. Why I need everyone," he thought.
The two walked inside their perfect little home. Naruto closed the door behind them.
----------
Naruto walked into their bedroom, still warm and slightly damp from the long shower he had just gotten out of. His earlier intuition had been correct; Boruto and Himawari had already gone to bed a while go. He would see them in the morning, though. Naruto smiled at the thought.
"Feeling better?" Hinata asked from the bed. She was half under the covers, torso leaning against the bedframe. She closed the book she had been reading and placed it on the nightstand.
Naruto flashed his trademark grin. "A lot better. Thanks, Hinata. I guess I just needed a little wifey affection and cheering up, y'know?"
"Are you sure?" She didn't sound totally satisfied. "I know you said you can't really talk about it, but I've never seen you break down quite like that before. All you've done for the past month is work, I can't help but worry."
Naruto understood where she was coming from. He had taken his first good look at himself in a while in the bathroom, and he could barely recognize the face he saw looking back at him. He looked gaunt, pale, and he had even started to sport a bit of scruff. "Man, I must have looked like even more of a mess while I was crying," he thought.
"Naruto?"
He snapped out of his thoughts. That's the second time tonight this had happened to him. "Oh, sorry Hinata. I was just thinking...I guess that's what I've been doing a lot of tonight." He closed their bedroom door and walked over to the bed, sitting by the bulge Hinata's legs created under the covers. "Just a lot of thinking, y'know? About the past, the present...the future," he propped his head on his fists, elbows resting on his thighs, "there has been just so much that has happened and so many things that could happen. And I'm just so happy to be where I am today, with you and the kids and my friends and the village. I never thought I could have so many people in my life." He paused, turning his head to look at his wife. She was wiping away a stray tear that had formed in her left eye. He crawled up to her, laying on his side and holding her in his arms as he continued. "Everybody has gone through so much, and I want to protect them. But I've just been so busy and stressed, and I haven't properly seen you or Boruto or Himawari in so long, and I don't know...I guess everything just sort of hit me at once, y'know?"
Hinata nuzzled into his embrace. "We're always here for you, Naruto. Everyone. Me, our friends, our children, the entire village, and probably the whole world are here for you. We all love you, Naruto." She paused, leaned in, and kissed him. It was relaxed and gentle, siphoning the remaining tension Naruto felt throughout his body within seconds. Hinata leisurely ended the kiss, meeting Naruto's eyes with her own. They still looked beautiful, even without the moonlight. "Though," she added, "just remember that I love you more."
"I won't," Naruto yawned, "forget it. Oh man, I'm more tired than I thought. And I had already fallen asleep at the office, too."
"Naruto...you know that's not good for your neck. We'll have to see if Sakura can take a look at you again."
He smiled lazily. "I know, I just," he yawned again, "I was just so tired."
"Well, sleepyhead, I guess we should call it a night then."
"Yeah, we should..." Naruto was already drifting off.
"Naruto..."
"Yeah, Hinata?" he raised his head.
"Could you let go of me so I can turn off the light real quick?"
"Oh," he unraveled his arms from around her, "my bad." Naruto rolled onto his back as Hinata got up. The pit in his stomach had not entirely gone away-he doubted it would until this Madara business was finished-but it felt incredibly lighter. He sighed, enjoying the feeling of being relatively stress-free.
"No wonder everyone always commented on the power of my ability to create bonds. They can really help when you need to rely on them."
Hinata shut the light off, leaving the moon's trickling light through their bedroom shutters as the only source of illumination. Naruto felt Hinata climb back into bed.
"Good night, Naruto."
"Good night, Hinata."
Naruto closed his eyes. "That's right; even if Madara is revived, I won't be fighting alone. I want to preserve peace to protect everyone, but everyone wants to protect me too." He felt himself starting to drift off. "I couldn't be more lucky..."
----------
Naruto awoke to the smell of breakfast cooking downstairs. He sat up, feeling unusually energized. He had slept like a rock last night. He turned to the nightstand, peering at the clock that rested next to Hinata's book.
"Ah, crap," he tensed up,"at this rate I'm going to be late. I've gotta get-" He stopped himself mid-rush out of bed, remembering his conversation with Shikamaru last night.
"Hokage be damned, you're my friend. And I want you to take care of yourself."
Shikamaru had a point. Spending that little bit of time with Hinata last night had already helped him escape most of the funk that had been following him around for weeks. He needed to slow it down a bit. "I'll take care of whoever is trying to revive Madara, I'm sure of it!" he thought. "But I won't do it at the expense of anyone, including myself."
Even more energized by his newly found mindset, Naruto rushed downstairs. Boruto and Himawari were sitting on a sofa chair together watching some morning cartoons, and Hinata was behind the counter cooking up something that smelled even better than his instant ramen cups.
Boruto was the first to look away from the screen. "Dad!?" he exclaimed, with the sort of awe that only children can seem to come up with genuinely.
"Daddy's home!" Boruto was the first to notice Naruto, but Himawari was the first to act. She rushed toward him, tripping over herself in her excitement. Naruto caught her in his hands, and, using her momentum, brought her up to sit on the crook of his elbow. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Ouch!" she jerked back from where her face had touched his, "you need to shave, Daddy."
Naruto chuckled. "Yeah, I know." He bent down to give Boruto a hug, who had also rushed over to him after Himawari, but was getting too big to pick up comfortably with one arm.
"But you're not going to be home for very long, though, right?" Boruto pouted after pulling away. Even with this excitement, he seemed hurt. Naruto couldn't blame the poor kid.
Naruto scratched the back of his head. "Actually, I think I can go in a little late today. I have Konahamaru working on a special assignment that he'll need the whole office for, and it'll probably take a while."
His son's eyes lit up. "Really? Does that mean I can train with you after breakfast?"
"I wanna play, too!" Himawari added, right into Naruto's ear. If he wasn't already totally awake, he certainly was now.
"It's not playing, Himawari! It's serious shinobi training!" Boruto rebuked.
"Oh come on, you and Daddy basically just play a weird game of tag anyway!"
"Kids, kids, calm down," Naruto adjusted Himawari on his arm, "we can all train-and play-together. As a family."
"Well, don't forget to eat your breakfast first," Hinata chimed in from the kitchen. "It's ready."
The three of them rushed over, Boruto by himself and Naruto with Himawari still latched around his neck. Hinata's breakfast smelled even more divine up close, and it looked great too.
"Yeah, I don't think I can give this up anytime soon."