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Chuuya’s heart sank as he witnessed his colleague hack his lungs out in a toilet stall in one of the Port Mafia’s bathrooms. Chuuya had been accompanying Akutagawa through the long corridor when he suggested the pair should go for lunch, when all of a sudden one of Akutagawa’s frequent coughing fits began. Chuuya was aware the younger held ill health from a childhood spent in the harsh conditions of the slums, but his coughing only seemed to be getting worse. Akutagawa had tried to excuse himself between coughs to get away from the executive, but when Chuuya noticed the blood splatter onto his pale hand he helped the other to the nearest bathroom for privacy.
“Once you’ve settled down, I’m taking you down to the medical rooms to see a doctor, there’s obviously an underlying health condition Akutagawa,” Chuuya said.
“N-No!” Akutagawa replied from the stall, “It’s nothing- I can *cough* can sort it out myself…”
“I’m not taking no for an answer, these coughing attacks haven’t gone away on their own despite being out of the slums in years, you’re still young I’m sure one of the overpaid doctors we employ will know exactly how to treat you.”
Chuuya never received a reply, rather a minute’s silence before the toilet flushed and Akutagawa opened the stall door. Without making eye contact with the executive, he made his way over to the sink to wash away his red stained hands.
“I think-” Chuuya stopped himself mid-sentence when he noticed a pink petal dotted with red on the other’s shoulder, “Akutagawa, what is that?”
The dark-haired man noticed what the executive was referring to, quickly grabbing the stray petal and shoving it into his pocket, “Nothing, Chuuya-san.”
“Was that a petal?” Chuuya suddenly realised what they might be dealing with here- why his fellow mafioso was often plagued with coughing fits: “Is that what you’ve been coughing up Akutagawa? Petals?”
Akutagawa never answered but instead tried to make a break for it out the bathroom and away from the red-haired man- the man he had fallen head over heels for that day many years ago after he looked after him following a brutal training incident.
Chuuya grabbed his frail wrist before he could escape, “Who are you in love with?”
“I-I can’t tell you that.”
-
Once he returned to the privacy of his own office, Akutagawa chugged down a bottle of water to prevent another coughing fit caused by the feeling of Chuuya’s leather glove against his skin. His biggest trigger had always been the delicate care and praise the executive constantly flourished him with, making it near impossible to be in the same room as him for more than ten minutes before he had to flee with some stupid excuse, white soon-to-be-red headkerchief clutched in his hand.
Akutagawa had convinced Chuuya he was just ill from the pollution in the slums, and for years that’s what he told himself too. At sixteen, the flutters in his stomach were more noticeable and confusing than a few subtle coughs that came around when the kind-hearted stranger would clean his wounds and convince him his mentor was just a dickhead. Chuuya’s compassion contradicted how Dazai and the rest of the world had treated him up until his teenage years, so Akutagawa ignored his feelings and thought he just wasn’t used to being treated in such a way. Yet as the years went by and they got closer, especially after Dazai had abandoned him in the Mafia, Akutagawa realised he was in love with Chuuya, and as the love in his heart grew so did the pain in his lungs.
He was eighteen when he discovered the first petal. The coughing attacks were becoming more frequent, and Chuuya was beginning to notice this too. The executive arranged for a trip to the onsen to aid Akutagawa’s ill health, and as always, he showed an incredible amount of fuss over the younger, even offering to wash his back before entering the pool. Somehow Akutagawa had managed to hold back his coughs despite the burning in his lungs. When he went to his room that night, he was heaving into the toilet like he never had before, and that’s when the first pink petal floated to the surface of the crimson water.
-
Chuuya found himself frozen in the bathroom, too shocked at the revelation of the true nature of Akutagawa’s illness. Hanahaki disease. This whole time, the reserved and aloof mafioso was battling against unrequited love, destroying his lungs and slowly leading to his death. Who could it possibly be?
Of course, Chuuya thought to himself, Fucking Dazai. Akutagawa’s been chasing after his recognition since the moment they met. It’s no surprise his old partner would eventually lead to the boy’s death.
Chuuya spent years fixing up Akutagawa’s wounds after Dazai’s so called “training sessions”, which would be better described as the ex-executive beating up the boy until he was black and blue. Yet every time, Akutagawa ran back pleading to his uninterested mentor to see his growth, to see him as a real human being capable of life. It never came, so when Dazai left, Chuuya tried his best to be the person Akutagawa could confide in, show he was deserving of human love. It obviously never worked, Dazai made a reappearance working for some detective agency, and Akutagawa’s illness grew worse.
The executive made his way to the other’s office, gently knocking on the door. A reluctant voice invited him to come in. Akutagawa sat at his desk pretending to be invested in the paperwork he always ignored, yet his red puffy eyes still highlighted what had previously gone on.
“Akutagawa, why didn’t you tell me any of this? You’ve had me believe all these years it was some leftover pollution from the slums, why couldn’t you trust me?”
“I do trust you Chuuya-san, it’s just…no one knows about this, except Gin because I couldn’t hide it from her. I thought it would have gotten better by now, but the truth is I don’t have long left,” Akutagawa explained
“What about the surgery?” Chuuya replied.
Akutagawa’s heart sank at his words, the thorns in his lungs piercing even deeper. Of course Chuuya would never reciprocate his feelings. Akutagawa cursed himself for even thinking for a second the other man would suddenly confess he loved him too, allowing his disease to vanish and they could spend the rest of their lives together. Gin had spent nights trying to convince her brother to get the surgery. She suggested pulling both their money together and downsizing to a less luxurious apartment if need be, because watching him suffer over unrequited love was agonising for her too. But Akutagawa’s love for Chuuya was part of who he was, even if it was killing him.
“I could never afford such a thing,” Akutagawa replied, unable to even look Chuuya in the eyes anymore.
“Let me cover the costs, Ryuunosuke, I can’t stand seeing you suffer like this.”
With those words, his heart stung, and he choked up the first ever flower stem, inducing him to pass out.
-
Due to Chuuya’s high up position, he was able to get a surgical appointment for Akutagawa within a week. The raven confided in his sister that he was hesitant about the surgery, that his love for Chuuya previously had brought on much more happiness that it often outshone the pain, but after seeing his reaction and insistence of getting rid of his feelings that he even offered to pay for the full procedure, surgery was the best way to go. But the lead up was the hardest; full stems and flowers were becoming more consistent now, rather than a few stray petals, and there wasn’t a second in the day he couldn’t feel the thorns penetrate his insides. There were many times he wanted to call Chuuya up and scream that if loving him caused his death, then so be it. But it was because Akutagawa loved Chuuya so much that he went through with this suggestion. If Chuuya only ever felt platonic love for Akutagawa, then he prayed they could still at least be friends afterwards.
The issue that neither of the mafioso’s came to realise was that Akutagawa assumed Chuuya knew it was him he had these feelings for, meanwhile Chuuya guessed it was Dazai the other was in love with. So whilst Chuuya’s excitement for the surgery was hurting Akutagawa, the executive couldn’t wait to allegedly see the day the other would finally be free from Dazai’s clutches, something he had been trying to help Akutagawa escape from for years. Chuuya’s love for Akutagawa was not as deep or even known to himself as the other’s was, but it was always there below the surface. Chuuya always cared for him, at first he thought it was out of guilt on behalf of his ex-partner, but then he constantly found himself with an urgent need to care for and spoil the other, and minus his natural grumpy nature the raven returned a genuine respect that wasn’t out of fear like many of the other mafiosos.
-
It was the week leading up to his surgery that Chuuya realised his excitement to see Akutagawa free was more than just platonic love.
Gin told Chuuya that Akutagawa had requested not to visit him before his surgery, as his disease was the worst it had ever been. Chuuya respected his wishes, but found it difficult to place the glares that came from his fellow stoic sister. Instead of worrying about Akutagawa before his surgery, Chuuya put his energy into planning the perfect daytrip for when he was fully recovered. Due to his ill health Akutagawa often found the seaside breeze unbearable, so Chuuya decided to plan a picnic on the beach so he could finally breath in the sea air with a fresh set of lungs. He would prepare his favourite sweet treats, mainly consisting of figs of course, and begin his previous failed attempt of seducing Akutagawa to fall in love with him instead, after his feelings for Dazai would finally be out the picture.
According to Gin her brother’s surgery was successful, requiring only a few days off work before the mafioso was raring to come back to his duties. When Chuuya first spotted Akutagawa in the hall, his heart fluttered with excitement as he called him over with a wide grin and wave.
“Chuuya-san, do you have any missions for me?” Akutagawa asked.
Chuuya laughed and threw his arm around the other, not missing the flinch he felt, “Ah Akutagawa, always looking to push yourself. How are you feeling?”
“Fine, Sir, I’d rather continue with my duties that I was neglecting over such a trivial matter,” Akutagawa replied pulling himself away from Chuuya’s grip.
“Don’t be silly Ryuu, I’m just so happy to see you free from that bastard’s hands, and if you’re sure you’re feeling one hundred percent, I would love to take you to the beach. I’ve prepared a picnic and-”
“Which bastard?” Akutagawa interrupted slightly confused.
“Well, it was Dazai, wasn’t it? I get you probably feel embarrassed even talking about it now but-”
“Chuuya-san, I was never in love with Dazai, I was in love with you,” Akutagawa said nonchalantly.
Never before had the executive felt words hurt him this deeply- the physical pain of corruption, of being tortured, or being betrayed by the Sheep seemed miniscule to what Chuuya now realised had been the biggest fuck up of his entire life.
“You- it was…me? Why did you never-”
“I knew you would never return the feelings, and that was confirmed when you were so insistent on paying for my surgery. Thank you for that, but I will find a way of paying you back, I will be able to take on extra jobs for you now, but I’m afraid that’s as far as we can go,” Akutagawa said as he turned to leave.
“What, so we’re not even friends anymore?” Chuuya spat with a shaky voice.
Akutagawa sighed, “My apologies, Chuuya-san, but I don’t think we were really friends to begin with. Now that I’m cured of my ridiculous disease, I can focus on what I was truly born to be- a vicious dog for the Port Mafia. I cannot apologise enough for my weaknesses attaching onto your kindness so easily, but I know what I must do now. Goodbye, Chuuya-san.”
Wine had always been Chuuya’s favourite form of escapism, and the bitter taste was perfect now as he drank down a bottle, not even caring it was one of his more expensive kinds. Droplets of red liquid fell down the side of his mouth as he struggled to hold the bottle properly, hands shaking with anger at himself. The large quantities of alcohol and burning sensation became too much as he was unable to keep the drink down, heaving back up a portion of the liquid onto his expensive mahogany desk in front of him.
Chuuya eventually threw the empty bottle at the wall, laying his head down on a clean section of the desk as the dizziness took over him, not even noticing the pink petal floating upon the burgundy liquid.