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Joonghyuk remembers the day Dokja left them. The sky was a mix of blue and grey, dark clouds converging above choppy water, and the sea began to foam as it raged against the rocky cliff-side. The wind was starting to pick up, and Joonghyuk could feel the start of rain occasionally dotting his skin. He and Dokja sat on the edge, feet becoming increasingly soaked by the spray of water off the rocks as lightning danced in the clouds but hadn’t quite decided to scorch the ground yet.
“It’s an easy task, ‘Ghyuk. It won’t even take long. Besides, I have a plan.” Joonghyuk was skeptical as Dokja explained.
While Dokja’s plans usually worked, things were different now. They finally reached a point where every day wasn’t a fight for survival. They had cleared a space free of monsters, secured a perimeter and a stable food source, and built a house with the rest of the group Dokja had gathered as they made their way through Korea. They had finally returned to some semblance of normal life since the world went to shit, and as Joonghyuk watched his companion stare out over the turbulent waters, he realized that there was nothing he could say to change his mind.
“How long will this take?” He had asked, eyes tracking Dokja’s face for any minute change in expression.
He seemed calm as he tilted his head back, dark locks falling away from his eyes.
“I don’t know. A month or so. Like I said, I have a plan. It will be like Gangbuk Station.” His fist clenched, and he did his best not to lash out.
The two had vastly different opinions on how that incident turned out. While Joonghyuk knew he could trust Dokja to find his way out of situations, Dokja had the nasty habit of stretching the truth and downplaying the severity of the situations he happily waltzed into. Gangbuk Station was nearly a flaming disaster; luck and their combined quick thinking were the only things that got everyone out of there with no casualties and only a few injuries.
“And you need to do this alone? Why now?” Joonghyuk asked instead, eyes pleading though Dokja didn’t see.
“It was something I should have done a long time ago.”
“You’ll be back, right?” He hated how desperate he sounded, and Dokja must have picked up on it as he finally made eye contact.
A small smile pulled at the corner of his lips as he placed a hand on Joonghyuk’s cheek, brushing the rain from his face. He could still feel the warmth of it.
“I’ll always come back. Even if it might take me a while to do so.” He felt a weight lift off him with the promise.
Kim Dokja had always kept his promises, and though he didn’t want to, Joonghyuk had watched as Dokja said his goodbyes and left their little sanctuary just as the skies decided to fully open and release a torrential downpour. Below, the sea raged.
The first month without Dokja passed without event. So did the second. As the third month came and went and the seasons began to change, Joonghyuk found himself sitting at the cliff-side, watching the sea lazily lap at the rocks below. It seemed as if the water mocked him. It remained as placid as a cat bathing in the Sun and had been that way since Dokja had left. Even when they had storms that caused severe damage to their settlement and winds that howled in anger, the sea remained as peaceful as ever.
“You said you would come back, you bastard.” The wind stole his voice as he watched the Sun get swallowed by the horizon.
Time continued on, and Joonghyuk sat and waited. Dokja would be back. He promised.
Han Sooyoung was the first to leave a year or so after Dokja still didn’t show. He would say that the decision came out of nowhere, but he could see it in how she seemed to withdraw from the others as time stretched on. The only reason she agreed to join them in the first place was because of Dokja, despite how much they bickered and went at each other’s necks. With him gone, it seemed she couldn’t find another reason to stick around; Joonghyuk didn’t blame her.
Next, surprisingly, was Lee Jihye. Despite the hurt, Joonghyuk didn’t want to stop her from spreading her wings, letting her know that he would be here should she feel like returning. She wanted him to leave with her, but Joonghyuk couldn’t bring himself to part with the place Dokja had been so excited to build despite the pleading. He had stopped keeping track of how long Dokja had been gone at that point. Instead, he attempted to distract himself by making their sanctuary something his companion would be proud of when he returned, even if some of his group decided to leave it.
Yoo Sangah and Lee Hyunsung left together the summer after Jihye, and while Jung Heewon glanced after them like she might want to follow, she stayed. Joonghyuk was sure that it was likely for the kids. Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung were just as adamant that Dokja would return as he was, their enthusiasm still strong as they helped around the sanctuary. They had their own reasons for their beliefs, but Joonghyuk did his best to help take care of them as well.
“This isn’t good for any of us, Yoo Joonghyuk,” Heewon said one day as the kids made a game of harvesting the potatoes they had finally gotten to grow.
“There’s nothing wrong with staying here even if Dokja doesn’t come back; that’s why he designed it.” He responded, eyes still on the pair that spent more time trying to one-up the other than actually picking potatoes now.
“Don’t lie to yourself. You know you aren’t just staying here because it’s safe. He was the one to suggest settling down. You wanted to keep moving.” Joonghyuk’s eyes snapped to her face as Heewon crossed her arms.
“How would Dokja feel when he returns to find we’ve all abandoned him?” Heewon scoffed, but he wasn’t sure if it was at his half-assed excuse or because of what he said.
“How would Dokja feel knowing that you’re slowly wasting away because you barely remember to take care of yourself? He’s been gone for years now, Joonghyuk! He’s likely dead, and you are doing nothing but killing yourself by waiting for a man that isn’t coming back.”
“So you would take your chances back out there?”
Heewon sighed. “This place holds too many expectations, too many memories. It would be better for all of us if we at least moved somewhere different. This place is a sinkhole, Joonghyuk. You aren’t living anymore. You are just surviving, and I can’t sit back and watch anymore.” With those parting words, Heewon turned and walked away.
She took Gilyoung and Yoosung with her. Joonghyuk didn’t stop them. Joonghyuk didn’t say goodbye. He walked to the cliff, sat, and watched as the sea mocked him with its calm waves.
Time passed, and as Joonghyuk walked through the now empty halls of the house Dokja built, the phantoms of their laughter ringing in his ears, Joonghyuk raged. Thunder shook the foundations, and Joonghyuk found himself walking back towards the cliff despite himself.
Though it was early afternoon, dark clouds blotted out the Sun, shrouding the world in darkness, only alleviated by the lightning show trapped in the upper atmosphere. Joonghyuk sat with his legs dangling over the edge, head tilting towards the sky that refused to spill its rain just yet, and for the first time in a long while, he let himself cry. He missed the man that became a constant at his side since the apocalypse ruined the world. He sat as the heavens rumbled in thunder and flashed with lightning, and the clouds parted with tiny droplets of rain, matching his internal emotions. The downpour would come later when the dam was too full to stand. For the first time since Kim Dokja left, the sea began to foam as it raged against the rocky cliff-side.
Joonghyuk waited.