Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Stranger Than Fiction

“Ok, so, can you just go over it one more time, please?”

Robin threw her head back and made a noise like she’d just been shot, which Steve couldn’t help but feel like was a bit of an overreaction.

“How many times do I have to explain this to you, dingus?”

“Look, I’m sorry, but I don’t understand why you’re even bothering with this stuff in the first place. Your parents want you to have a date to this wedding for a cousin that you’ve only met like what, three times in your life? Why all of a sudden does it matter to them whether or not you’re dating someone?”

“I already told you Steve, my parents are always worried about me, and due to the fact that I haven’t had a boyfriend since before I was twelve, they’ve started pushing me to begin dating again. Apparently, they think that I’ll end up as some old lady who owns like fifty cats and does nothing but talk to herself all day.”

Steve shook his head and tried to banish the mental image of a 75-year-old Robin stroking a super fluffy cat and mumbling to herself. To help distract himself from any more disturbing thoughts, Steve pulled out the return bin and began moving among the shelves to stack movie tapes back into their respective positions.

The morning had been rather slow at Family Video on account of it being a Tuesday, so Steve and Robin had passed the time by chatting and discussing their plans for the rest of the summer now that the whole thing with the Russians and the Mind Flayer had passed. Steve had planned to find himself a bit of summer romance to keep him busy, though Robin, as usual, seemed content to beat around the bush and mumble about how she was just waiting to make sure that her potential partner would even be interested. Steve had tried time and time again to provide her with a few possible leads on a few girls who might have been her “type”, but Robin, ever timid as she was, simply made up repeated excuses again and again as to why she didn’t take the leap of faith.

And now, here she was, suddenly asking Steve out of the blue if he could do her a favor and be her pretend boyfriend for a wedding that supposedly her entire family was going to be at.

“Robin, I’ve met your parents. They’re not complete douche bags, you know. Have you ever entertained the crazy notion that they might actually be supportive of you if you’d just spill the beans?”

“Ok, first of all, this entire train of thought you are entertaining right now? I have already gone over it at least sixty times, compared the best possible results with the worst possible results, cross-referenced those with the most likely results, and have subsequently come to the conclusion that telling them right now would only make things worse.”

“You can’t–”

“Wait, I’m not done yet!”

Robin held up her hand in a halting gesture, causing Steve to roll his eyes and gesture sarcastically that she could proceed.

“Thank you. Second of all, Steve, the best way to keep a secret is to never tell anyone. Ever . Believe me, I almost had a heart attack when I told you, and that was even after you handled it way better than I could have anticipated.”

“Yes, well thank you for the compliment,” Steve conceded. “But what exactly is your plan here? You’re just going to never tell your parents and hope they never question why you only bring your ‘best girl friends’ home for dinner and never a possible boyfriend?”

“I’m going to tell them, Steve. But the timing has to be right. If I’m not tactful about this then I could totally blow it. I have to make sure the scenario is absolutely perfect. No hiccups, no curveballs, no unknowns!”

“Whatever happened to the unapologetic Robin that I met earlier this summer? The one that wasn’t afraid to remind me repeatedly that I was a dingus and that spoke whatever came to her hyper and sarcastic mind? Did she just go on vacation or something?”

“Believe me, she’s still there Steve, but she would rather not be singled out any more than she already is by the ruthless, soul-crushing monster that is Hawkins, Indiana. Not when she still has one year of school left before she can get out of this hellhole.”

“That’s what I was afraid you’d say…” Steve mumbled, mostly to himself as he turned away from Robin and continued stacking movies onto the shelves.

“Look Steve,” came her voice from behind him, a lot softer than it had been for the last hour. “When everything happened with Will Byers a few years ago, my parents sort of…freaked out. They started acting overprotective of me and suddenly became super worried all the time. It was like a switch had been flipped in their brains! It was like I couldn't breathe! I couldn’t be myself.”

“Well, you can’t really blame them, can you?” Steve said back, still not turning around to look at her as he continued stacking movies. “Two kids going missing within a week of each other tends to remind some people about how quickly shit goes sideways in Hawkins.”

“No, but that’s exactly my point. Even after everything blew over, they still never quite recovered to their old ways. And if I tell them the truth now, I’m worried that they’re going to become the same overbearing monsters they were before, and I can’t take that. Not when I’m still living under their roof.”

Steve paused his shelving for a second, mulling over Robin’s words in his mind. It took a moment, but he realized that Robin wasn’t just doing this to protect herself. She’d been backed into a corner by her parents asking her to find a date on such short notice, and if a secret like hers got out in a place like Hawkins, then it wasn’t just Robin that would be targeted. Her parents…all her friends… him . And it wouldn’t be just by kids at school either. Parents, coworkers, teachers, lawmakers, they’d be gunning for them all as well. Almost eager to show off how well they fit into the Hawkins community by ostracizing those that were different. Robin sought to avoid the potential of all that in favor of a simple lie for a stupid wedding that wasn’t worth sacrificing her facade for. It panged Steve a little bit to think about, but it also panged him to see how bottled up she was all the time. She may have been unafraid to let her insanely blunt, and ever-hyper personality out, but there was a limit to what even Robin could show to the world. She was right, the snarky and brutally honest girl that he’d become friends with at Scoops Ahoy was still there, but the two of them were friends now, closer than friends even. Close enough at least that she felt comfortable enough around him to show just how anxious and jumpy she could be, and how much she desperately desired to be accepted for who she really was. 

Wasn’t the same true for all of them in some way?

After a second, he sensed that Robin was still looking at him expectantly, and he shook his head and gave a heavy sigh.

“You know if we do this, word is going to get out, right? Even if we say we were only together for the wedding, your parents are going to talk to someone who is going to talk to someone else et cetera, et cetera…”

“It would just be for one week until the wedding is over, Steve. Then we can break up and I can act all embarrassed about it and beg my parents not to mention it to anyone and we can forget all about this.”

The irony that Robin trusted her parents to keep one secret but not another was certainly not lost on him, but looking over at her now, Steve could see the anxiety in her eyes about this whole situation. Even though Steve still felt that this was a bad idea, he sighed once more and spoke deliberately and clearly so that there would be no misunderstanding between them.

“I’ll do it, but , you have to cover the next three, no… five shifts of my choosing when we get back. And , you have to ask out a girl before the end of the summer. Those are my terms.”

Robin’s eyes moved from side to side for a moment as she mulled over his words, then she swallowed and set her jaw.

“Alright. You’ve got yourself a deal, Harrington.”

She held out her hand from over the counter, and Steve strode forward and shook it firmly, sealing the deal between the two of them.

“Ok then. So, where is this wedding again?”

…

“Dude, you’re just gonna bail on me for a whole week without any prior warning to go to a wedding for Robin’s cousin?”

“I don’t recall stuttering, Dustin. So what’s so hard to understand about this?”

“This is the same Robin that you just spent half the summer convincing me you don’t have a thing for, right? Like, I just want to hear you say that it’s the same one.”

Steve groaned into the receiver. This phone call was going a lot worse than he had imagined, but he could honestly say he wasn’t surprised.

“Yes, Dustin. It’s the same one. Happy now?”

“And according to you, this is an entirely non-romantic trip that you two are just taking as friends. Alone. Just the two of you. All the way from here to Portland, Oregon.”

“Her parents are going too. We are all going in the same car.”

“Yeah, and you just said that she’s going to hardly know anyone there. And if she doesn’t know anyone there then you sure as hell aren’t going to know anyone there either. Ergo, you two are inevitably going to be spending a lot of time together.”

“Ok, is there a point to this? Because I have to get up early tomorrow and I just want to know if I can expect to get any sleep before then.”

“Why can’t you just admit that you have a thing for Robin?!” Dustin all but shouted into the phone, causing Steve to reflexively move the receiver away from his face. Once he was sure that Dustin’s voice had returned to a reasonable volume, he brought the phone back to his ear.

“I’m done trying to convince you, man,” he said tiredly. “I told you before that Robin isn’t my type. She’s just a friend, but if you want to go along and believe what you want to believe in your magic nerdy la-la land then knock yourself out.”

“I think I will, Steve,” came the snarky reply. “You know what else I’m going to do? I’m gonna make a big piping hot plate of I TOLD YOU SO to serve to you when you come back from that trip as more than friends with Robin! That’s what I’m gonna do!”

There was an angry burst of static as Dustin slammed the phone down on the other end, and Steve barely hesitated before hanging up his phone as well with more force than was necessary.

There was a beat of aggravated silence, then Steve shook his head in annoyance. Dustin could be a little shit sometimes, but that didn’t mean that Steve could just shake off the small feeling of regret that he felt about how they’d just ended their conversation. As embarrassing as it was for Steve to admit to people his own age, Dustin was one of his best friends in the world. Surviving life or death experiences against supernatural creatures tended to bring people together like that. For a brief moment, Steve considered picking up the phone and calling back just to not leave their conversation on such a sour note, but he eventually thought better of it and walked upstairs to his room, suitcase in hand.

Taking a moment to mentally run through everything he might need, Steve then strode over the bathroom and grabbed his daily assortment of hair products. A quick weight test of each container reassured Steve that he’d have enough Fabergé Organics products to make it through the next week, but he’d definitely need to hit the store when he came home. He was especially low on Farrah Fawcett Spray, and he briefly considered a nighttime dash to JCPenney to stock up, but decided better of it, as he’d always have the opportunity to get some more when he got back. After all, he’d have plenty of free time with Robin covering five of his shifts when they returned from Portland, so he really shouldn’t have been worried about finding some free time.

At the memory of Robin, Steve found himself once again confused and annoyed by this whole situation. If he was being honest, he thought that Robin was blowing this thing way out of proportion. She had made it seem like it was absolutely imperative that she put on a ‘straight face’ for her family members on this occasion, acting like she saw them all daily instead of every few years when another relative died or got married. It was like she had panicked and had not been thinking straight when her parents had asked her to find someone to bring to the wedding, and she’d gone all in on making them believe that she had a boyfriend, which apparently was why she’d opted out of just doing the easy thing and either bringing one of her female friends from band or soccer. Or better yet, simply telling her parents that she’d not been able to find someone to accompany her and that she’d just have to fly solo. Why had that option not been on the table?

Whatever, it wasn’t like Steve could make her change her mind now. She’d already told her parents that he’d be coming and they would be leaving first thing in the morning, so right now, all Steve should’ve been focused on was packing. He’d have plenty of time to remind Robin of how bad of an idea this all was at the wedding.

Finally exiting the bathroom, Steve deposited his hair products into the suitcase and moved over to his clothing drawers, opening each one and scanning over the contents before selecting a week’s worth of clothing and dropping it into the suitcase as well. He’d decided to pack some somewhat nice clothes alongside some more commonplace garments just in case of any situation that might have been called for, as he had no idea just what kind of social settings he could expect when around Robin’s family in the unfamiliar territory of the Beaver State. Steve grimaced at Oregon’s chosen nickname, then remembered that even though it was summer, Oregon still tended to get a bit chilly at night, so he opened his closet and added his light gray Members Only jacket to the nearly full suitcase.

Finally feeling satisfied, Steve strolled over to his closet one last time to pick out the only suit he owned. It was a standard black three piece, and Steve had only ever worn it a couple of times to a few fancy business dinners with his parents, but he was sure that it would more than suffice for the wedding. Looking at it now, Steve couldn’t help but think about his current relationship with his parents.

Upon learning that Steve’s grades had not been good enough to get into college, his father had decided that a little manual labor would help him realize how important his future was, hence the whole reason that Steve had started at Scoops Ahoy in the first place. Though his father could have easily landed Steve a job at his firm, the old man decided that he would not throw him a bone until he had learned his lesson. All in all, Steve supposed it had been a fair punishment for his lack of attention to his studies back in high school, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t felt a slight jab in his chest when his father had chastised him for besmirching the “Harrington name” with his lack of foresight.

Now, after having the chance to mull it over for a good portion of the summer, Steve snorted at the thought.

Harrington name? That was rich. What exactly was the Harrington name supposed to mean anyway? Was it a false source of pride that tried to cover up the fact that his father had never actually worked a day in his life and that all of his success was due to money that he’d inherited? Or was it representative of the signature way that his old man seemed to have a new mistress every single time he came back from a business trip?

In a lot of ways, Steve knew that he was a lot more like his father than he’d care to admit. Though he’d never stooped so low as to cheating on a partner, Steve knew that his father hadn’t been smart enough to get into college just like him. The only difference that was made was that Steve’s grandpa had thrown the old man a line and had hired him at the family firm before eventually passing on ownership of the company to him anyway before he died. And now, instead of doing the same for his son, Steve’s father had told him that he needed to earn his spot at the table. The irony was so thick that he could choke on it.

But in all honesty, Steve was glad that his father had turned him away. The last thing he wanted to do was end up like him. As an added bonus, Steve’s sentence to a minimum wage job had allowed him to meet Robin, which Steve appreciated far more than any badge of status or wealth.

Deciding that he’d entertained enough sob story thoughts for one night, Steve hung his suit on the door to his closet so that he wouldn’t forget it in the morning, then zipped up the suitcase and set it down with a solid thud on the floor just next to the suit. With the packing finally done, Steve stripped out of his clothes and made his way to the bathroom once more for a quick shower before turning in for the night. It was just over two thousand three hundred miles of driving from Hawkins to Portland, and Steve would need his A-game if he was going to pretend to be Robin’s boyfriend for the next week.

Geez, how’d he even get himself into this mess?

…

Robin gave Steve a stunned yet cautiously optimistic look from the back seat of the Dodge Dart as he continued to charm her parents like an absolute pro. Seriously, it was like watching a hypnotist in action. Initial greetings and handshakes had been awkward and stiff to a degree that Robin had begun if it were still possible to back out now, but after no more than half an hour on the road, it was like they had known Steve for years, and if Robin was being honest, it was kind of creepy how well it was going so far. It was like Steve had some kind of secret knowledge of how to talk to them, and after running through a few possible theories, Robin narrowed it down to two: either A.) Steve was good at talking to parental figures because he had been acting as one himself for a group of paranormally inclined children for the last year, or B.) Steve Harrington’s hair possessed some sort of supernatural attractiveness to it that affected not only female teenagers, but also parental figures as well.

One of those theories was definitely more logically plausible than the other, but Robin was hesitant to discard the other, as she was still not entirely sure that the top of Steve’s head was not somehow paranormally cursed by a love demon or something. Robin shook herself from her thoughts as Steve cracked another cheesy joke from the backseat, which both her parents genuinely laughed at. Okay, what the hell was happening?

Steve’s gaze traveled to meet hers when he felt her eyes on him, and he gave her a double thumbs-up and confidently nodded his head in what Robin guessed was supposed to subtly convey a reassuring gesture, but Robin had already been reassured three hours ago when they had still been traveling through the endless flatlands of corn that was Nebraska, so all Steve was really managing to do was make himself look constipated.

Robin gave him an overt nod in a slow manner to express that she was well aware of his performance already and the fact that he was still a dingus, causing Steve to smirk and throw his hands up in a guilty-as-charged gesture like he was proud of the fact, and Robin hid a smirk of genuine humor despite it all. It was often scary how well the two of them could communicate non-verbally, but Robin did not find it all surprising considering the two of them had been spending nearly all of their waking hours of summer together at work or fighting interdimensional monsters and Russians. Robin’s smirk widened when she added “Silent Steve-talk” to her already impressive list of languages.

“Wait, I’m sorry Mrs. Buckley, but did you say that Yvonne (Robin’s cousin) and Theodore (Robin’s cousin’s groom-to-be) are getting married after only knowing each other for a few months? Call me crazy, but I think that might be a bit too soon to be considering tying the knot like that.”

“Oh Steven, please, Melissa is fine,” Robin’s mother said with a dismissive shake of her hand. Wow, did that just happen?

“But yes, it’s true that Yvonne and Theodore haven’t known each other for very long, though we suspect that the marriage might be in response to something…”

Robin knew what her mother was implying immediately, and she watched in a humored silence as Steve frowned in confusion and blinked a couple of times with an exceptionally blank stare on his face.

“In response to…oh… Ohhhh !” Steve said, nodding his head slowly as his mind unraveled the meaning behind her mother’s slight secrecy.

“Yep, and I’m sure there’s going to be numerous whispers and stares at the wedding. It’s only a matter of how much.”

“Hm, so much for their happy day then, huh?” Steve said, his voice somewhat disheartened at the thought of the ridicule Robin’s cousin might endure on her big day.

“Indeed,” Robin’s father said from the driver’s seat with a shake of his head. “Melissa and I went through something similar actually with Robin. We’ll actually not be far from where the two of us–”

“Oh my god! Dad…please!” Robin said, clapping her hands together as though in a prayer to ward off the single most embarrassing words that would have spewed out of her father’s mouth in the next few seconds.

“I’m just saying Robin—”

“There is absolutely no reason for you to be just saying anything that you are about to say! I seriously might strangle myself with my Walkman cable if I have to endure any more of what you’re about to say!”

A murderous side glance was thrown at Steve as he began to laugh, but her intent behind the look backfired completely as Steve laughed even harder at the tomato-red complexion that had jumped onto her face. Her parents showed telltale signs of barely constrained laughter too, and it was all Robin could do to not force open the door of the Dart and take her chances by tucking and rolling onto the interstate at ninety miles an hour.

…

Steve was waiting expectantly when he heard Robin’s soft knock on his door. It was spot on with her personality, and he was almost certain that his neurotic friend had multiple notes and tips on how their first day as a pretend couple had gone so far. In fact, he was almost certain that she’d want to practice a few interactions before turning in for the night.

Looking over at the clock on the night table, Steve noted that it was a little after eleven in the evening, then jumped up from the creaky hotel bed he had been lounging on and answered the door.

Dressed in a larger t-shirt and shorts as her sleepwear, Steve frowned slightly when he saw that she had still opted for tennis shoes. He knew that she had packed a pair of sandals for the trip, and he knew how much would rather wear them given the opportunity, so this was a bit of a surprise.

“Hey,” Robin greeted, her tone a little bit rushed and her eyes eager. “Got a moment?”

“Yep, I’m eager to see the judge’s reaction to my, let’s be honest here, stellar performance so far,” Steve said with a smirk before making room for Robin to enter.

“Actually, how about we go for a walk instead. I’d rather not take any chances.”

Steve was about to object when he remembered that the room that Robin and her parents were staying in was right next to his. In his experience, motel room walls were not that thick, and his point had been proven when he’d heard the occupants of the other room adjacent to his getting frisky as he’d been brushing his teeth.

“Fair point.”

After putting on his own shoes, Steve grabbed his room key and followed Robin out into the parking lot. The motel itself was rather small, but the rooms had been cheap, clean, and had hot water, so Steve felt right as rain. Speaking of which…

Steve raised his head up to look at the dark and heavy clouds that were fast approaching, and he could smell the gathering humidity in the air that tended to predate the coming of a storm. It mixed with the smell of pine and forest, which surrounded the motel for miles around. The atmosphere itself was actually quite pleasant, and though this was Steve’s first time in Oregon, he was quickly finding himself enamored with the weather out here as they walked aimlessly around the lot.

“Might wanna make this quick, Rob. Looks like it’s gonna storm soon.”

Steve gestured to the gathering clouds with his head and put his hands in the pocket of his jacket. Robin followed his gaze and noticed the clouds as well, and after judging the nervous look on her face, Steve smirked and supposed he should have just kept that information to himself.

“Right. Ok,” Robin said, fishing into her pocket and pulling out what Steve recognized as a motel-provided pen and notepad.

“Seriously? You actually penned down notes? You know that I’m totally killing it with your parents, right? Another couple of days of this and they might actually adopt me.”

“I’m aware, Steve. And that , right there, is the problem!” Robin said. “You’ve started out too strong, and now, you’re going to have to keep up that performance every day for the rest of this week with not just my folks, but the rest of my extended family as well!”

“Easy money, Rob. I think you’re overestimating how easy this is for me.”

“It may be easy for you, but this kind of thing doesn’t come naturally to me, dingus!” Robin replied. “Seriously, it’s freaky how good you are at this. And I’m the one that was actually in theater!”

“Playing a witch during a high-school rendition of MacGyver isn’t exactly the same as this, Robin. There’s no set lines for you to follow, so you’ve gotta improv a little bit, you know?”

“Glossing over the fact that the play is called Macbeth AND that you are the only person in existence that is capable of confusing it with MacGyver, I think I should at least be able to keep up somewhat,” Robin retorted. “I’m serious. I feel like I’m floundering out here while you’re swimming circles!”

“You’re doing fine. You’re just doing that thing where you get into your own head and get paranoid. Relax!”

Robin paused, then Steve nodded encouragingly as he saw her shoulders begin to slowly lose their tension.

“I know, I know. You’re right,” she said, holding her hands up in a defeated gesture. “I’m just worried about how fragile this whole thing is. But, maybe I oughta take a page out of your book for once, Steve. You’re out here owning this whole thing like it's no big deal, and I’m acting like something’s going to jump out and bite me at any second…”

As if she had summoned it, a figure suddenly burst from the foliage before them and sped into the parking lot, clutching something close to its chest in both arms.

Robin and Steve both cried out and stumbled back a step as the figure rushed towards them, and before Steve knew what he was doing, he had grabbed Robin’s arm and pulled her slightly behind him to put himself between her and the approaching figure.

“Hey, back off!”

His yell caused the figure to freeze in front of them, and in the dim lamplight of the parking lot, the darkened shape took the form of a short old man dressed in nothing more than old tattered rags. His dark brown shirt had more holes than fabric left on it, and Steve could see multiple stains that looked to be from multiple unknown and likely disgusting sources.

Apart from his rags, the only other clothing the old man had on was a cast on his right arm with white rags wrapping around his feet for shoes.

A look to the man’s face showed his eyes to be right on the verge of cross-eyed, and as the man breathed heavily through his mouth, Steve saw rows of yellowed teeth with quite a few missing. The look of a psycho hobo was completed by the man’s bald head, with the only hair left looking patchy and gross like it had been ripped out in the few places.

Clutched in his hands, the old man held what looked like a wide-brimmed hat that looked like it belonged on a scarecrow. Steve wondered if he wasn’t far off considering that the old man was covered in bits of dirt and straw.

“What the hell…?” Robin said, her tone more in genuine curiosity than in fear.

“N-now don’t go thinking I took this without permission,” the old man said in a high, crackling voice that betrayed that he was even more afraid of the teenagers than they were of him. “That scarecrow was hardly usin’ it anyway, and I ain’t no criminal!”

“...uh…?”

“It’s mine now, you hear! So don’t get any funny ideas!”

The man clutched the hat closer and ran away from Steve and Robin, hastily forcing a key into one of the other rooms of the motel before disappearing inside.

The two of them said nothing in a stunned silence for a few moments, then Robin turned to Steve with a wide-eyed look.

“Maybe having this conversation in your room was a better idea after all.”

“Agreed.”

The two of them turned back around to walk back to their side of the motel, but an idea quickly came to Steve before they got too far.

“Actually, how about the car? That way we can avoid any further encounters with feral old men and have some privacy?”

Robin agreed wholeheartedly, pulling the keys from her pocket and unlocking the car so that they both could slide in. Taking the passenger seat inside the Dart, Steve watched as Robin slid into the driver’s side with ease. Plenty of legroom was available since her dad had been sitting in that spot for the last nine hours of driving.

“Oh man, I really did not want to spend any more time than necessary in this car,” Robin said as she shut the door behind her, closing the two of them off from any further weirdness outside.

“Yeah, plus, didn’t you tell me you totalled this thing during your whole prom stint?” Steve asked as he made himself comfortable.

“That was the previous Dart. This one was a purchase from a used car lot with my saved up money after that whole debacle.”

“Ok, but a Dart ? Your parents could’ve gotten a Nova for the exact same price! At the very least it looks better!”

“Steve, we’ve got at least three more hours of driving tomorrow before we hit Portland. During that time, you are more than welcome to direct any complaints you have with my father’s choice in cars towards him—actually no you aren’t…”

Robin then took out her pen and notepad again and began hastily scribbling something down.

“...because if you do, not only could it possibly antagonize my parents further, but it could also lead them to talk about the night I crashed the car, which is definitely not a subject that will bode well for this wedding, so absolutely not!”

The next fifteen minutes dragged on as Steve entertained Robin’s thoughts and pointers regarding their fake relationship and how her parents had received it so far. Steve listened to her babble on for as long as he could stand it, but before long, he stopped Robin in her tracks and explained that what she was doing was likely the exact opposite of helpful. What they were doing was a lie, yes, but they had to make it seem natural to her parents, and doting over every little detail and overplanning every interaction was a surefire way for them to inadvertently raise suspicion. In reality, all Robin needed to do was act the same way that they always did. Everyone who knew them back in Hawkins already suspected that they were together anyway, so if they just carried on the way they always did, minus a few exceptions, of course, nobody would suspect a thing. It took another five minutes of convincing, but Robin eventually agreed with him, and just as they began to wrap up their conversation, the skies decided to open up at last, and rain began pouring down from the heavens in a heavy torrent that pelted the Dart.

“Great, now I have to make up some excuse to my parents why my clothes are all wet tomorrow,” Robin grumbled.

“Just dash over to the door and hang them up in the bathroom,” Steve said with a shrug. “They’ll be dry by morning, and your parents will never know.”

“Ok,” Robin said, shifting her gaze to the door to her room to best gauge the distance that she’d have to endure the pouring rain before the safety of her motel room. “On the count of three, we go. Ready?”

Steve gave a thumbs up and grasped the passenger side door handle in preparation.

“One…”

“Two…”

“Three!”

Steve threw open his door just as a bright flash of what he thought to be lightning arced just outside, but as the light faded, Steve caught a glimpse of a man in a jumpsuit just before his door slammed into the figure’s back. The force behind Steve’s push knocked the figure off balance completely, causing the man to cry out and drop a small object from his left hand.

“Whoa!”

As if in slow motion, Steve exited the car completely and caught the man by his shoulder with his right hand and the object in his left. After taking a moment to make sure they both were secure, Steve let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Forgetting the torrential rain around him, Steve gave the guy a pat on the shoulder.

“Sorry man, I didn’t even see you there.” Steve squinted at the object he now held in his left hand, which looked to be a weird sort of off-brand tape measure.

“I think your tape measure is ok though.”

To his surprise, the man spun around, revealing a furious set of eyes behind a strange pair of goggles.

“Give me that!” the man shouted in a high-pitched voice, snatching the tape measure from Steve’s hand, causing him to backpedal in surprise into the Dart behind him.

“This equipment is very sensitive! You have no right to touch that!”

“Steve?”

A quick glance back showed that Robin had stopped right after leaving her door as well, and was now standing frozen with both hands on the frame of the Dart, her expression of a mixture of concern and surprise at the scene before her, the downpour also not affecting her at all as rain soaked into her clothes and hair.. He frowned and turned back towards the man in the jumpsuit.

“Look, I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to break it or anything, but if I hadn’t caught it–”

“Hey! I-I told you to let go!” the man shouted, his voice suddenly wavering with worry.

“I did! What are you talking about?”

Steve followed the man’s gaze to see that the tip of the tape measure had caught on his jacket as the man had snatched it from him, pulling it out of its housing by about a foot. He shook his hand back and forth in an effort to dislodge it.

“No! Wait!”

The man lunged forward to grab Steve’s wrist, but it was too late. Steve’s arm shake had successfully managed to dislodge the tip from his jacket, and the measure immediately retreated back into its housing just as the goggled man grabbed a hold where it had been a moment before.

The last thing Steve remembered was a look of absolute horror on the man’s face before a flash of white engulfed him.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

For the next few moments, Steve’s entire vision was a blur. The whirling began to make him sick, and he screwed his eyes shut to try and prevent himself from vomiting, and then, as if in answer to his prayers, everything fell still. Steve waited a moment just in case, then slowly opened his eyes to see that he was still in the parking lot, only now, it was…daytime?

Steve blinked rapidly as his vision struggled to adjust to the sudden change in lighting, and as he squinted in confusion, felt a cold metal surface just to his left. Turning, Steve saw that the Dodge Dart was still there, its dark brown paint now much more visible in the sunlight.

“Uh…Steve?”

Steve turned to the familiar voice to see Robin looking over at him from across the Dart from where she had been moments ago. Her hair and clothes were still wet from the rain that had somehow magically vanished, but he was at least glad to see that she was ok.

“What happened? Did we get struck by lightning or something?”

A commotion to Steve’s right showed the man in the jumpsuit looking down at the pavement with his hands held on the side of his head in panic and worry.

“No…no, no no! Not like this! It can’t be broken!”

Following his gaze, Steve saw that the tape measure from before was now laying on the ground, smoldering as though something on the inside was on fire.

“Hey! What the hell did you just do?!” Steve demanded, taking a step away from the Dart and towards the man, who looked up at him fearfully.

“No! You stay away from me!” the man shrieked, hastily gathering up the tape measure and rising to his feet. “I-I-I warn you! I know time karate! Y-you’ll get a taste of my signature century roundhouse if you don’t keep back!”

Steve balled his fists and took another step closer, which apparently was all it took to banish the man’s resolve. Turning quickly, the man scurried away and into the forest, mumbling about how they were lucky that he was still learning the “chrono-kick”.

“Get back here!”

Steve made to give chase, but Robin stopped him before he could follow the man into the woods.

“Steve, wait! We can’t just blindly follow some guy into the woods! We don’t even know what happened just now!”

“Uh, no shit, Robin! That’s why we can’t just let him leave! I mean, what the hell is going on here? Did he drug us or something? You see the sun too, right?”

“Yes! I see the sun, and it’s freaking me out just as much as it’s freaking you out! And frankly, you freaking out is not helping me to keep from freaking out as well, so cut it out!”

A look to her eyes showed how nervous she was, and that was more than enough for Steve to reign himself in. He ran a hand through his still wet hair, then gave Robin a slow nod.

“Okay. You’re right. Sorry.”

Robin gave him a small nod in return, then took a look around the motel parking lot, now bathed completely in sunlight.

“Okay, uh…let’s go grab my parents and tell them what happened. Maybe if we are tripping off some kind of drug they can drive us to a hospital or something.”

Steve nodded, and the two of them left the Dart and hurried over to the door to Robin’s room while she fumbled the key out of her pocket. They then both stopped abruptly when they saw the door handle. Instead of a keyhole, the handle was now conjoined with some kind of slot that looked barely large enough to fit a baseball card through, and instead of a dull brass metal, the entire assembly was a silvery chrome.

Steve and Robin shared an incredulous look, then Robin reached out and gently prodded the handle and slot assembly as if to make sure it was real.

“That…wasn’t there ten seconds ago.”

Something was wrong here. Something was definitely wrong here.

Without speaking, the two of them turned and strode toward the motel office, and a terrible feeling began to grow in Steve’s stomach as they walked in.

The first thing they noticed was that the office looked far different as well. It was like the entire place had been renovated in the few short hours it had been since the two of them had checked in.

A metallic door chime sounded to announce their arrival, and Steve frowned at the noise and looked over his shoulder as they entered, it not at all sounding like the small bell that had sounded a few hours ago when they’d checked in.

A bored looking teenager about their age sat behind the counter playing on what Steve guessed was some kind of calculator, and she gave them a frown as she took in the rain-soaked state of the two of them.

“Uhh, checking in?” the girl asked.

“No, actually,” Robin said, her expression doing little to mask the no doubt extreme amount of nervousness she felt at that moment. “Um, my key is…broken, and I was wondering if I could have another one, please?”

“May I see the key, please?” the girl asked, still looking at the two of them quite suspiciously. Robin paused for a moment, then slowly produced the silver key that she’d been given upon check-in. A small lanyard with the motel’s logo was attached, and the girl took it in her hands with the most confused expression Steve had ever seen.

“Is this supposed to be like, one of those prank shows or something? You guys got a hidden camera on me?”

“Wha–no…I…is there a problem?” Robin asked, her nervousness now blatantly obvious to all parties present.

“Ok, because this looks like the key to an old broom closet or something. Did you actually book a room with us?”

“Y-yes, we did. One family-sized room for July 23rd, under the name ‘Buckley’.”

As the girl turned to access a computer that had definitely been much larger before, Steve felt the conversation fade from his ears as his eyes locked onto a small store connected to the main office. Inside appeared to be drinks and snacks that one could find at any gas station, but it was the small digital sign hanging above the liquor that drew Steve’s attention. Slowly, as if in a trance, Steve read the letters on the sign.

No purchases of alcohol may be made to persons under 21 years old. To legally purchase alcohol, you must present a valid driver’s license and have been born on or before the date listed:

Steve’s eyes traveled lower, and his heart jumped into his throat as he read the date.

Thursday…

July 24th…

1992…

To buy alcohol, you had to be 21, which according to the screen, meant you had to be born before…

“...ok, do you have anything under ‘Harrington’? We did book separate—”

“Robin,” Steve said in a voice that was much too high for him. “Can I talk to you for a second? Please?”

Robin turned and gave him an apprehensive look, and Steve gestured towards the door with a tilt of his head, and Robin’s eyes flitted towards the door before excusing herself from the bewildered girl at the desk and following him as he swiftly exited the office.

“Steve? What’s wrong?”

“Give me the keys, Robin,” Steve said, his voice a low deadpan.

“W-wha—? It doesn’t work, remember? It’s got some kind of weird—”

“The car keys, Robin. I need the car keys.”

Robin frowned and almost stopped walking, but she fished them out of her pocket and deposited them into Steve’s outstretched hand.

“You’re scaring me, Steve. Did you see something in there? Do you know what’s going on?”

Steve wordlessly climbed into the driver’s seat with Robin following suit along the passenger’s side, and he didn’t answer her until he started the Dart and pulled out of the hotel parking lot onto the road.

“Steve!” Robin said frantically. “What are you doing? My parents are still back there!”

“No. Nope. They’re not, Robin,” Steve said shortly, quickly realizing that his calmness was very quickly becoming short-lived. “In fact, they haven’t been there for almost thirty years now.”

“What?! Steve, did you hit your head or something? They were right—”

“Robin! We aren’t in 1985 anymore!” Steve all but shouted. “Whatever that guy did, it sent us forward in time!”

There was a beat of silence, then Robin gave the most nervous snort ever as if to dismiss his theory.

“There’s no way that’s what is going on here, dingus.”

Her tone of voice suggested that she wasn’t so sure. Steve took a deep breath.

“Look, we were in the office, and I turned and I saw something—”

Steve abruptly cut off as his eyes wandered to the radio on the dashboard. With an awkward jerk forward, Steve switched the radio on and frantically turned the frequency dial, looking for the news station. A bunch of strange music flickered in and out of existence for a brief moment before Steve found the broadcast he was looking for, and he fumbled with the dial for a moment before the voice became clear.

“Gdehoiheghsioeg–ood morning and welcome to GFR 98.6, The Axe , Bringing you the latest news and music from in and around the Gravity Falls region on this sunny morning of July 24th. I’m your host Toby Determined, and I’ll be serenading your ears with all the hit classics from the 80s, 90s, and today! To start things off, let’s take things way back to this day in 1982 when John Mellencamp, then known as John Cougar, topped the Cashbox Best Sellers chart with this well-known piece. Two weeks later, this record would climb to #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 and stay within the Top 10 for the next four months! That’s longer than any other song in the 80s! And now, 31 years later, here’s Hurts So Good, right here on 98.6, Gravity Falls Radio!”

The semi-familiar guitar riff began on the radio, but Steve and Robin were both far from finding comfort as the voice of John Cougar (Mellencamp?) began to play throughout the Dart.

“Thirty-one years…since 1982…” came Robin’s incredulous voice over the upbeat tone of the music.

Steve pursed his lips and nodded. A small part of him had hoped and even prayed that he’d be proven wrong and that they’d suffered some sort of brain damage or something, but the voice on the radio had left no room for doubt.

“That means that the current year…is 2013,” Robin said.

“Welcome to the new millennium!” Steve said with a sarcastic show of the pine trees and mountains that greeted their vision as they continued down the road, going nowhere in particular.

“That tape measure…the one that guy had in his hand,” Robin said slowly, still processing the information. “That must have been it. That was the time machine!”

“Great, good thing we let him go out into the woods with no hope of tracking him down!” Steve shouted more angrily than he’d meant to. “I guess we’ll just have to saddle up the rangers and—”

Steve’s rant was cut off by a sudden sputtering from the engine of the Dart, and Steve watched with a mix of horror and disbelief as black smoke began pouring through the cracks in the hood of the vehicle.

“Oh, and that’s great. Yep, just keep piling on!” Steve said as the car lurched and coughed.

“Steve, there!” Robin pointed over to a small wooden sign that showcased an attraction just off the main road. Even though Steve couldn’t make out what the sign said due to all the smoke from the engine, any way to get the Dart off the road was better than nothing, so he turned the car off the pavement and onto dirt as the engine continued to whine and groan. Once he had safely pulled off to the side, Steve pulled the car to the edge of the dirt road and cut the engine. Without the engine competing for the noise, John Cougar’s voice continued over the radio, lasting only a moment before Steve irritably switched it off.

Silence fell between the two of them for a moment, then Steve let out a heavy sigh.

“Do you think we could maybe just focus on getting the car taken care of first, and then we can deal with…everything else?”

Robin gave a silent but very eager nod. Steve then opened the driver’s side door and popped the hood of the Dart. A plume of black smoke billowed out as Steve raised the hood to its open position, and he gave a helpless look before shaking his head and stepping back as Robin joined him.

“I don’t suppose you know what might be wrong with it?” she asked hopefully, to which Steve shook his head.

“I barely passed Mr. Bitner’s small engines class. I could never get that stupid lawn mower to start. So, your guess is as good as mine.”

“Civilization it is, then. Shall we?”

…

“Well, this is promising.”

Before them stood a large log cabin that looked like it had been refurbished for the sole purpose of tourism. Signs promising parking and gifts and wonderful attractions were plentiful, all of which seemed to gravitate towards the cabin itself, which was named by a large yellow sign sitting atop its highest point.

“Mystery Shack.” Robin read aloud. “Kinda rustic for being in the future, isn’t it?”

Steve found himself agreeing. If he was being honest, being here almost made him feel like he’d stepped backward a few years instead of forward. This “Mystery Shack” definitely had an older feel about it, despite the fact that it looked as though it had been added to just recently, as some of the wood constituting some of its outer structure was certainly newer than the main building’s.

“More like Mystery Mansion,” Steve said as the two of them approached the large building.

Looking around the parking lot, Steve noticed that even though there was room for quite a few cars in the big empty space, there only seemed to be two in the lot in total.

One was a rusty looking pickup truck, and the other Steve recognized as an old Impala El Diablo. He raised an eyebrow at the sight.

“We’re in the future and this guy drives an old El Diablo? That was my dad’s first car.”

“You’re not thinking, Steve,” Robin said. “It’s likely these people value vintage just as much now as they did back then. To them, that car is like if you saw a Thunderbird or something.”

The realization clicked in Steve’s head after a moment, and Robin smirked in response to his enlightened expression.

“So we’ll be local celebrities if we get that Dart fixed up…”

“Let’s not get our hopes up.”

A look at a sign listed the shack as closed with a list of tour times posted adjacent, which Steve supposed did explain the lack of cars if they were in between tours at the moment. The sign then proceeded to direct them to the gift shop, which was open from ten in the morning to seven at night. So, the two of them walked around the shack proper to the gift shop on the side. A small porch with a soda machine, a penny press, and a freezer greeted them, with the vending machine advertising some sort of “Pitt Cola” that Steve had never heard of before. He chalked it up to being some kind of future soda as he stepped up onto the porch itself and reached for the handle to the screen door.

“Wait! We should get our story straight first,” Robin said. Steve frowned back at her.

“We’re Steve and Robin, our car broke down, and we’re trying to call a tow truck, sound good?” Steve said back impatiently.

“And if they ask where we’re from?”

“Hawkins, Indiana.”

“And why we’re here?”

“On our way to Portland to your cousin’s wedding. Seriously Robin, let’s not make this difficult.”

“Steve! We have no idea what the future is like! Portland may not even exist anymore! What if tow trucks were rendered obsolete ten years ago? They’re going to peg us as out of place immediately! What happens if they find out we are from 1985?”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“I know that sci-fi is like a thing with you and Dustin and all those other nerds, but considering that this place is twenty-eight years in the future and I still have yet to see anything drastically different from our time, I think it’s safe to say things are pretty much the same.”

Robin looked like she wanted to say something, but she stopped herself.

“I guess I’m just…disappointed, honestly,” she finally said.

Steve looked at her, then chuckled as well.

“Yeah, I think we both are.”

Robin gave him a questioning look and Steve returned it with a sheepish smile.

“I was…kinda hoping we’d see a flying car or something, but instead all we saw was a rusty truck and a car that’s older than we are. Not exactly a good first impression.”

Robin chuckled. It was nice to hear her laugh. With her initial nervousness successfully quelled, Steve pushed open the door to the gift shop and walked inside, Robin close behind.

Immediately, the two of them were greeted by a scene of what Steve had come to know as the golden standard of gift shop appearances. Shelves and cases full of overpriced knicknacks lined the walls, each one promising itself to be one of a kind despite the obviously mass-produced nature of them all. Flyers and maps all jumped out at them as well from racks and other shelving units, promising discounts on amazing tours and the best sights to see as well as background information on the town itself. None of this interested Steve, and thankfully he was saved from the eyesore by a voice coming from his left.

“Welcome to the Mystery Shack gift shop,” said a flat and monotone female voice that sounded like it had been forced to say that line a million times.

“Tours are every hour and the gift shop is open until seven. No refunds.”

Steve looked over and saw a teenager sitting behind the cash register with her feet propped up on the counter, her eyes glued to a magazine that sat in her lap as she absentmindedly thumbed through it. The girl herself was dressed in a green and black checkered flannel and blue jeans, and her fiery waist-length hair was covered by a brown and faded bomber cap.

While he sized her up, Steve noticed that the girl was actually very attractive, and her bored expression, while certainly unappealing when worn by most people, almost seemed to work in her favor, giving her a laid-back look that people could be comfortable around. Had Steve still been in high school, he might have considered asking her out, but now that he had graduated, he decided to drop dating high-schoolers unless they were seniors, and this girl looked like she’d be right on the cusp of being too young for him.

With that in mind, Steve looked sideways at Robin and smirked deeply when he saw that her cheeks were tinted ever so slightly with color. Robin had told him a while ago that despite her crush on Tammy Thompson, she’d always had a soft spot for redheads, and this one had red hair to spare.

“You got this one.”

…

Steve gave Robin a half reassuring shoulder touch, half push towards the counter, and she stumbled forward for a moment before righting herself and glaring daggers at him. He returned her glare with a wink and then turned around like he was even halfway interested in the cheap merchandise that was in this gift shop. He really was the worst sometimes.

Turning her attention back to the girl, who still hadn’t looked up from her magazine, Robin stepped forward with a confidence she didn’t exactly feel and cleared her throat, causing the girl to look up at her for the first time, and Robin immediately felt herself falter as she noticed that this girl had really beautiful eyes. 

Seriously? Get a hold of yourself, Robin.

“Hello,” Robin said, giving a slight smile to the girl. “I’m Robin.”

Great opener.

The girl looked Robin up and down, then gave a friendly enough smile in return.

“I’m Wendy.”

“Nice to meet you, Wendy. I’m Robin.”

Wendy raised an eyebrow.

“And I…said that already, didn’t I? Wow, I am sorry. That is not…”

“No worries, Robin,” Wendy said. Her easy smile never left her face. “Now I’ve got no excuse to forget your name. Saves me the whole awkward part of asking it again after we’ve already met.”

Robin breathed out a small laugh at Wendy’s good humor.

“So, what can I help you with today?” Wendy said, folding her magazine and removing her boots from the counter to sit up.

“Our uh, car died just a bit up the road there,” Robin said, slapping herself internally for forgetting their whole purpose here in the first place. “And we were wondering if we could use your phone to call a mechanic.”

“Sure,” Wendy replied. The redheaded girl then reached into her pocket and pulled out a small gray device that Robin had never seen before. It looked like the same small calculator that the girl at the motel had been using, except this one held a few different changes that Robin could notice as Wendy slid the device across the counter towards her.

“Knock yourself out,” Wendy said gesturing to the device good-naturedly. “You know what number to call?”

Robin stared blankly at the gray object on the counter, confused for a few moments at what she was supposed to do, then it hit her.

Wait a second… this little thing was a phone?

At last, something futuristic and evolved! Robin reached down and plucked the small device from the counter, turning its tiny frame over in her hands and examining all of its grooves and features with excited eyes. Further inspection revealed that the device actually flipped open, and Robin slowly opened the phone up to see a digital screen on the top side and a keypad with numbers and letters assigned to each key on the bottom.

Reaching forward slowly, Robin pressed down on the “1” key, and before her eyes, the number 1 appeared on the top screen. It operated just like a calculator, but this thing could talk to other phones wirelessly. How was such a thing even possible?

Realizing that she’d been exploring the wonders of the next century without any shame or cognizance of where she was, Robin’s gaze snapped back to Wendy to see the red-haired girl looking slightly sheepish.

“Yeah, I know, kinda retro of me to still be using a flip phone, right? I mean, I know they’re old, but I still kind of like using it. At the very least I can still slam it shut after a bad conversation, right?”

Robin’s eyes widened. There were phones that were more advanced than this? What did those look like?

“I think it’s perfect,” she said without thinking, internally kicking herself for the absolute fanaticism for the new technology she no doubt just showed. Wendy smiled back in response, then she seemed to contemplate for a moment.

“You know, you could call the mechanic in town and have him come get your car, but if it’s not far away, maybe ol’ Mr. Mystery himself could take a look at it. He’s pretty good with his hands, and if he can’t fix it, then you can take it into town. No worries.”

“Mr. Mystery?” Robin asked aloud.

“Yeah, my boss. Before he took over the place, he used to be the resident handyman. He turbocharged the Mystery Cart one time with nitrous oxide, so I’m sure he’d be willing to take a look at your car.”

Robin considered her offer, then turned to see Steve having what appeared to be a staring contest with a jar full of fake eyeballs. To no one’s surprise, Steve lost the contest, and Robin caught his eye and beckoned him over to the counter. Introductions were made, then Robin repeated Wendy’s offer to have “Mr. Mystery” take a look at their vehicle. Steve seemed hopeful, but his eyes cast some doubts.

“Does Mr. Mystery work with older cars?” Steve asked Wendy.

“Well, he does work on his truck, and I’m like ninety percent sure that thing is old enough to collect social security. How old are we talking here?”

Steve and Robin shared a look of uncertainty, but before either of them could answer, a new voice filled the gift shop, causing both of them to flinch at the sudden loudness.

“Welcome to the Mystery Shack, explorers of the unknown!”

Steve and Robin both turned to see a large man in his early to mid-twenties step into the gift shop from behind a door marked “Employees Only”.

The man was dressed in a clean but slightly ill-fitting black suit and jacket with a maroon bow tie to match. Atop his head sat a maroon-colored fez that matched the color of his tie with a strange yellow crescent shape printed on the front. In his left hand, the man also carried a small scepter with an eight-ball from a pool table at the head. All in all, he looked like some kind of salesman or showperson, and Robin pegged him right off the bat as this Mr. Mystery they’d just been hearing about.

As the man gleefully approached them, Robin watched with a humored gaze as Mr. Mystery briefly faltered and hastily fished into his pocket with his free hand. After rummaging around for a moment, the large man pulled out a black eyepatch and fixed it over his perfectly functional left eye before starting forward again. Next to her, Steve squinted in disbelief, and Robin found herself agreeing with him. Just what kind of tourist trap had they fallen into?

“Before we go any further, tell me something you two youngsters…”

Youngsters? This guy could not have been older than twenty-five at the most .

“...what do the two of you know about the mysteries and anomalies of the universe?”

The man had lowered his voice to a mystical and serious tone, and Robin had to at least give him some credit. He certainly was enthusiastic. So enthusiastic that this little pitch he was giving might have worked on some other folks, but on two people that had just arrived from Hawkins, Indiana after surviving demons from alternate dimensions and infiltrating Russians? Oh and who also happened to have just arrived here from the mid 1980s? Mr. Mystery would have to do better than that.

“I’d say a little bit,” came Steve’s humored reply. “Not much, but a little bit.”

To everyone but Robin, it might have seemed like Steve was humoring Mr. Mystery, and she smirked and tried to hide her wide grin by pretending to sneeze.

“Ah! Then allow me to be your guide to the weirdness of the world!” Mr. Mystery said, throwing his free arm over Steve’s shoulders and gesturing to what Robin guessed to be a proverbial horizon with his eight-ball scepter.

“But be warned! Before this is over, you may find yourself questioning everything, even the most mundane of objects you may be suspicious of! Something as simple as a tape measure you might scrutinize for hiding more than meets your eyes!”

“Yeah, way ahead of you there…” Steve said as he shifted uncomfortably.

“Actually, Soos,” Wendy said from the counter. “These dudes just had their car break down a little ways up the road. I told them you might be able to take a look at it?”

“Oh, for real?” Mr. Mystery, or Soos, as he was apparently called, said. Immediately, his whole demeanor changed as the salesperson persona was dropped in the span of a second. As if flipping a switch, he removed his arm from Steve’s shoulders and relaxed his posture.

“Is that true, dudes? You guys run into some mechanical trouble in your car? Want me to take a look at it?”

“That’d be great if it’s not too much trouble,” Robin said hopefully. With a start, Robin realized that between her and Steve, neither of them had much in the way of money. She had a few bucks in cash, but she doubted that twenty-eight years of inflation had been good to them, so as it stood, they both were flat broke.

“Great! I got to give a tour in about fifteen minutes, but I can have Mrs. Mystery watch the counter while Wendy tows your car to the Shack. Then I can take a look at it after the tours are done for the day!”

“Yeah, that’d be great!” Steve said, sharing in Robin’s surprise at the kindness they were being shown by these complete strangers. “Anything we can do to help out?”

“No need!” Soos replied cheerfully as he fished out a set of keys from his pocket and handed them over to Wendy. “Just let the Mystery Staff work its magic!”

A few minutes later, Steve and Robin had both met Mrs. Mystery, or Melody, as she was really called, and had piled into Soos’s truck with Wendy at the helm to tow the car back to the Mystery Shack.

One the way up the dirt track, Wendy amicably made conversation with the two.

“So, where are you guys from anyway?”

“We’re from Hawkins, Indiana,” Robin ventured from the back seat. “I…don’t suppose you’ve heard of it?”

Wendy shook her head.

“Sorry dude, can’t say that I have. Never really been out to the Midwest before. Anything interesting out there in Hawkins?”

“Nah, unless you count how supernaturally forgettable that place is. Best thing the town contributes is a brief stop for gas on your way to Disneyland,” Steve said with a shake of his head. Robin couldn’t help but admire how easily that lie rolled off his tongue.

“Huh, sounds kinda like Gravity Falls,” Wendy said. “Last exciting thing to happen here was Pioneer Day, as if dressing up like folks from the 1800s could ever rile folks into a frenzy.”

Robin smiled at her joke, but Steve turned and looked at Wendy for a moment, a look on his face that Robin couldn’t immediately recognize. Robin looked at him questioningly, but Steve shrugged it off and turned back to face the road as their car came into view.

“Whoa,” Wendy said. “That’s your ride? You guys really do go for retro. Stan is gonna love this when he sees it.”

Neither of them inquired as to this Stan person Wendy was talking about, as they immediately set to work hooking up the frame of the Dart to the trailer hitch of Soos’s truck. Thankfully, Soos kept a tow strap in the back, and after a brief familiarization, the three of them had successfully hooked up the Dart and had started back towards the shack. Wendy stayed in the truck, and Steve and Robin sat in the Dart with Steve steering the car and ensuring that tension was kept on the tow strap. As soon as they were moving steadily, Robin spoke up.

“What happened back there? For a second, it looked like Wendy had said something wrong when she mentioned that Pioneer Day thing.”

“It wasn’t about the Pioneer Day,” Steve said. “It was about how she said it. How she said that nothing happens in this town. It didn’t sound natural. It sounded forced.”

“Something Wendy said sounded forced? Steve, she’s been nothing but laid back since we’ve met her.”

“That’s exactly how I caught it,” Steve replied. “Her tone, her pace, it’s all agreeable, but when she talked about Gravity Falls, it felt like she was glossing over something, just not as smoothly as she would have liked.”

“Well, maybe it’s just the mannerisms of the 21st century, Steve. After all, we’ve only been here for about three hours, so there’s probably plenty of social cues we haven’t caught onto yet.”

Steve smirked then.

“Maybe, but I’d say some of us are catching on a bit slower than others…”

Robin pursed her lips. She knew exactly where Steve was going with this, but she would most certainly not be giving him the satisfaction of acknowledging it.

Yes, as far as introductions with Wendy had gone, she could have done better, but in her defense, she’d had a lot on her mind, namely the fact that she was a girl out of time, and not just by a few years, no this was an entire twenty-eight years. Nearly one and a half of her life spans had flashed by and she hadn’t caught any of it, so forgive her if she was just a little bit nervous when first talking to Wendy. Plus, Wendy’s rugged lumberjack look had caught Robin completely off guard. No one back in Hawkins, or at least 1985 Hawkins, dressed like that, and if they did, Robin had no doubt they’d be ridiculed into oblivion for it. It was just pleasantly new to see someone dress how they wanted.

The trip back took slightly longer due to Wendy going slow so as not to strain the Dart, but soon, the three of them had arrived back at the Mystery Shack, and Robin noticed that quite a few more cars now occupied the spacious parking lot that the shack sported. The next tour must have been in full swing by now. And Robin imagined Soos turning on his Mr. Mystery charm to the maximum for a crowd of tourists. The thought almost made her laugh as she imagined him swinging his eight-ball scepter around wildly and presenting a slew of “strange” and “odd” exhibits that were more likely to be made of cheap plastic and not in any way authentic.

After situating the Dart in front of the Shack away from the other parked cars, the three of them strolled back into the gift shop, greeting Melody as they entered and returned the truck keys.

“Sup Mel,” Wendy said amicably as she approached the counter. “Anything exciting happen while we were out?”

“The only thing you missed was me bumping up the prices for the usual end-of-tour rush,” Melody said with a smile. Robin watched, slightly dumbfounded as Melody picked up a snow globe with a miniature version of the Mystery Shack inside and thumbed the price tag, which priced the object at seven dollars.

Without hesitation, Melody produced a pen from her pocket and managed to squeeze a “1” between the seven and the dollar sign, effectively now pricing the snow globe at seventeen dollars. Robin stared at Melody in disbelief, but the woman didn’t seem to notice anything wrong as she placed the snow globe back onto the shelf and selected another one, likely to repeat the process.

“Uh, does that actually work?” Steve asked, giving voice to the question that Robin had floating around in her mind as well.

“More than you know, dudes,” Wendy said with a chuckle. The teenager glanced at her watch, then gestured with her head to another door opposite the entrance to the gift shop.

“Watch this.”

As if on cue, the door burst open to reveal Soos in full Mr. Mystery Mode, his bravado and showmanship on proud display for the semi-large tour group that he ushered into the gift shop behind him.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we conclude our tour of Mystery at the Mystery Shack’s very own gift shop, where even more oddities and anomalies reside. One of a kind, each and every one!”

Soos sauntered over to a barrel that was filled to the brim with keychains with little question marks on them.

“Take, for instance, some of the Mystery Shack’s trademark keychains. Each one is like a snowflake, distinctly different than the one before it, so why not take two or three?”

Soos scooped a few clearly identical keychains out of the barrel and let them drop back down in a show of pizazz.

“We also have authentic Mystery Shack apparel for sale,” Soos then added, swooping over to a rack of dark green t-shirts that had a darkened question mark painted on the front. “It is said that if you don the shirt of Mystery, then every sentence you speak will be in the form of a question! Isn’t that right, Mrs. Mystery?”

Melody smiled broadly, and Robin noticed that she happened to be wearing a shirt exactly like the ones on the rack, though hers had the word “STAFF” printed on the back in the same color and font as the question mark.

“That’s right, Mr. Mystery, or is it?”

The crowd made sounds of excitement and wonder at Melody’s question-answer, and Robin’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates when she realized that Soos was actually selling them on this. It wasn’t even like they were just humoring him. They actually seemed to genuinely be falling for the obvious con he was running.

“It’s like a gullibility contest over there,” she heard Steve murmur from next to her. “And we’re the suckers for watching it.”

“Who knows?” Robin said with a smile. “Maybe the standard for common sense isn’t all that high in the future.”

Steve’s head slowly turned to give her a pained look as the thought became a very real possibility in his mind, and Robin stifled a snort when she realized that even Steve “The Dingus” Harrington had his limits.

After a few more outlandish sales pitches, Soos released the eager crowd into the shop, and patrons were almost clamoring over each other to get to the merchandise. Soos proudly watched for a few moments, then came over to the counter when he saw Steve and Robin.

“Well dudes, what did you think?”

“I think you just might be the greatest salesman I’ve ever seen,” Steve said, crossing his arms and staring with disbelief at two people arguing over a mounted trout that had fur instead of scales on it.

Wendy laughed at his comment, and Robin did everything in her power to ignore the small sumersault her stomach did at the sound.

“Aw thanks dude!” Soos said, oblivious to the undertone that Steve had given. “Did you guys get your car out here okay?”

“Yes! And once again, thank you so much for offering to help us!” Robin said.

“No problem,” Soos replied enthusiastically. “Those folks were my last tour of the day, so let me get changed out and into my tool belt and we’ll see what we can do about fixin’ her up!”

…

After the last of the customers had gone for the day, Soos had changed out of his suit and tie and into a pair of shorts and a dark green mystery staff t-shirt like the one Melody was wearing. He’d also dawned a toolbelt with a promising assortment of devices on it before heading out to take a look at the car. Steve followed to lend a hand, and Robin offered to stay behind with the ladies and restock the gift shop and help clean. It was the least she could do after they’d already done so much to help them.

Despite the events of the day, Robin couldn’t help but feel herself relax as she exchanged conversation with Melody and Wendy. The two of them were very kind and genuine, and Robin actually enjoyed herself as they continued to clean, organize, and restock the gift shop. Before long, the warm summer sun began to dip below the trees, casting the gift shop in a pleasant orange glow that Robin found very soothing.

As the last of their chores came to a close, the gift shop door opened again and Steve and Soos stepped in. Both of them had a few grease marks from working on the car, and Steve had chosen to remove his jacket in favor of not getting it dirty. Robin looked at him hopefully as to the condition of the Dart, but Soos spoke up before he could give her anything.

“I got good news and bad news,” Soos said. Robin noticed that his voice still carried an upbeat tone, so she took that as a good sign.

“What’s the bad news?”

“The bad news is that your car won’t be going anywhere for a while. I checked the engine, and it’s completely shot. I don’t know exactly what went wrong, but you’re probably going to need a new one.”

Robin’s stomach dropped. Engines did not come cheap. She remembered how much it had cost to replace the Dart back when she’d totalled it in 1983, and that had been the most expensive purchase she’d ever made..

“In addition, everything in your car is old, dude,” Soos continued. “It’s not, like, broken or anything, but that car was made in like, the late 70s. I don’t even think they make parts for it anymore.”

The bad news was getting worse by the second. Robin sincerely hoped that the good news would be coming soon. She wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take.

Thankfully, Soos perked up.

“The good news is that despite how old everything is, it's in remarkable condition! Despite all the parts and specs being made over thirty years ago, everything has aged remarkably well! I’ve never seen a car in such good shape for its age!”

Steve and Robin shared a glance.

“Even better is that even though the engine is shot, I’m sure I can find you dudes another one with no problem! Even if they don’t make parts for it anymore, there’s bound to still be some!”

Robin felt a bit of weight lift from her shoulders.

“And at the very least, if we can’t find an exact replacement, we can just find another compatible engine and use that instead!”

“Soos, that sounds great and all,” Steve began. “But we can’t exactly afford a new engine right now. I don’t even know if we can pay you for your trouble of towing it out here.”

“Well, I’ve actually thought about that, dudes,” Soos said as he removed his toolbelt and leaned up against the counter.

“I don’t know if you guys are in a hurry, but it’s gonna probably be a little while before your car gets fixed up. So, if you two are stranded here, then I’d like to offer you both jobs at the Mystery Shack until your car gets fixed!”

Robin and Steve stared for a second, and a pregnant pause fell over the gift shop.

“Let me get this straight,” Steve said in disbelief. “You’re offering to fix our car and give us the jobs to pay for it? I mean, you’re definitely going above and beyond to try and help us out here, man, but I don’t see how any of this benefits you.”

“Well, you dudes probably don’t know this, but the Mystery Shack has undergone some serious renovations over the last year,” Soos said. “I mean, our customer base has surged for some reason ever since—”

“—ever since we started our new website!” Melody quickly finished, cutting Soos off in the middle of his sentence. A look over at her and Wendy betrayed a flash of nervousness that surprised Robin completely, even Soos suddenly seemed apprehensive for a second.

Then as quickly as it came, the moment passed, and the three Mystery Shack employees went on like nothing happened.

“Yeah, our new website!” Soos repeated. “Because of that, I’ve had to have a whole new wing added on to the place, and customers are still demanding more! Wendy is great and all, but I’m gonna need some help if I can hope to keep up with my audience. I swear, it’s like they’re sucking me dry!”

Robin found herself questioning who was actually getting squeezed here when she remembered the outrageous prices on the merchandise here in the shop. She also had no idea what a website was, but she dismissed the thought as unimportant for now.

“The point is, the Shack needs some more members if we’re gonna keep up, and since I was already thinking about hiring some help anyway, I’d figured I’d extend the offer to you guys! So, what do you say?”

A look over at Melody showed that she seemed to be onboard with the prospect, and Wendy gave Robin a thumbs up in encouragement as well. She then looked over at Steve, searching his face for a sign as to whether he was completely for or against the idea. She saw conflict on his face, and she politely excused them both so that they could discuss the idea further.

The two of them exited the gift shop and stepped out onto the porch for some privacy, leaving Soos, Melody, and Wendy behind them. A moment of silence passed, then Robin turned to her friend.

“So, what do you think?”

“I think something weird is going on here, Robin,” Steve said, walking to the edge of the porch and back in a thoughtful pace. “These guys are nice, like really nice, almost too nice, even, but there’s something they’re not telling us.”

“Well, it is the Mystery Shack, after all,” Robin said with a forced laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood. Steve glared at her with a look that clearly conveyed that she wasn’t helping.

“Yeah, I…noticed it too,” she conceded. “It’s like something happened here that they’d rather not talk about, and…”

Robin smirked then.

“...and I guess that means we’d fit right in here wouldn’t we? We’re like two missing attractions from the Mystery Shack. ‘Two teenagers out of their own time!’”

Steve made a shushing noise and held his finger to his lips, reminding Robin that the door to the gift shop was not especially thick.

“Sorry, but you’ve got to admit, it is pretty ironic.”

“I know. Believe me, the thick blanket of irony that has been covering me for the last few days has not gone unnoticed.”

Steve was silent for a moment, then he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I guess, until we figure out how to get home, this is the best we can do. With any luck, maybe we can find that time guy hiding out here and eventually get back to Hawkins. He can’t have gone far with his broken time machine.”

Steve stared out at the treeline, likely contemplating what it would take to find that man again.

Robin nodded.

“Hey, and maybe while we are at it, we can find out what it is they’re hiding out here in the sleepy town of Gravity Falls. You up for another round of super-spy fun, Popeye ?”

Steve gave her a look, then chuckled.

“Can’t help it can you? At least this time I don’t have to wear that stupid uniform.”

“Do you want to tell them the good news, or should I?”

…

Soos had let his excitement at the acceptance of his offer show by enveloping them both in a tight and rather unexpected hug, crushing both Steve and Robin to himself as a “Welcome Aboard” initiation to the Mystery Shack.

Upon being let go, Steve had breathlessly inquired as to an interview process, which Soos assured them was not necessary, as he considered himself to be an excellent judge of character. It was then that the biggest surprise had come, which was the fact that Soos offered both Steve and Robin a place to stay at the Shack, courtesy of the numerous rooms that had been added since the renovation. Soos then began to discuss how he’d only need to move a few attractions around to make two rooms available when Robin, perhaps a bit too hastily, suggested that the two of them could share a room, making it completely unnecessary to clear out another room just to accommodate them. She glanced nervously at Steve hoping that he wouldn’t object, and was immensely relieved when he simply shrugged his shoulders.

With their living arrangements now solidified, Soos excused himself to go and make sure their room was ready, and Steve followed him again to offer assistance. Once the men had left the room, Wendy turned and addressed Robin and Melody.

“Well, I’d love to stick around a bit more, but I promised my dad spaghetti and jerky tonight for dinner. It’s his favorite.”

“Sounds…tantalizing,” Robin said with slight bewilderment.

Spaghetti and jerky? Robin tried to imagine what Wendy’s father looked like, and after wrestling with her subconscious for a second, she settled on an image of a similarly flannel clad lumberjack man, which did fit the bill for a hardy dinner of pasta and dried meat.

I’ll see you dudes tomorrow,” Wendy said, grabbing her bag off the ground and a bicycle helmet stowed right next to it. “Looking forward to working with you, Robin!”

“Yeah, same here!” Robin said as Wendy shut the door to the gift shop behind her. She stared after the door for a moment, then turned to see Melody beginning to shut off the lights in the gift shop.

“Well, I’d better get started on dinner,” Melody said.

“Oh! Let me help you with that!” Robin said eagerly. There was no way that she wasn’t going to help out every single chance she got now that her and Steve were quite literally having all of their needs taken care of by Soos and Melody.

“That would be great if you could,” Melody said with a relieved tone. “Family dinners can get pretty packed around here now that the Pines are back in town.”

“Pines?”

As if on cue, the door to the gift shop flew open with a loud bang, causing Robin to nearly jump out of her skin as a short girl in a homemade sweater with a shooting star on it burst through the wooden portal.

“Boom! Entrance! Fireworks!” the girl called out in a voice that showed a level of energy that Robin didn’t even think was possible. As if to compound her point, the girl stuffed her hands into her pockets and drew out two handfuls of multi-colored confetti before throwing them into the air in a cloud of rainbow paper.

“Bwaaaaa!” she said as a sound effect to her confetti explosion before striking a pose and freezing there. Robin stared at her, trying to figure out if the girl in front of her was having a stroke or not. Hell, maybe Robin herself was the one having a stroke.

“Mabel, you know you’re going to have to clean that up, right?” came a younger male voice from behind the girl as another figure entered the room.

This one was a young boy, and the first thing that Robin noticed was that the two newcomers before her bore a very similar appearance. Both looked to be about the same height, both had medium brown hair, their eyes were the same color…

“Oh twin of mine, tis but a small price to pay for such a grand entrance!” the girl, Mabel apparently, said with a hand raised for dramatic effect. “After all, only the finest greetings must be observed for fair lady Melody and…”

The girl trailed off as she noticed Robin for the first time, but her enthusiasm returned almost immediately.

“...this person!”

The boy pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, the bill of his hat swinging back and forth as he did so. Robin noticed that the hat was of a white and blue color with the image of a pine tree printed on the front. It seemed to suit the boy well in addition to his orange t-shirt and vest that he wore over the top. At first glance, he faintly reminded Robin of that Dustin Henderson kid that she’d gotten to know this summer, at least based off his appearance.

“You’ll have to excuse Mabel,” he said directly to Robin. “She doesn’t exactly ease into first impressions.”

“No I don’t!” Mabel agreed, thrusting her hand forward in the offering of a handshake which Robin tentatively accepted. “It sure as heck beats the whole awkward introduction phase though! Mabel Pines, matchmaker extraordinaire, at your service!”

“Robin Buckley,” Robin replied as Mabel vigorously shook her hand.

“And I’m Dipper,” the boy said politely offering a handshake of his own. “Mabel is my twin sister.”

Robin was thankful to find Dipper’s handshake a lot less turbulent than his sister’s, and she offered him a small smile.

“You guys showed up just in time to meet the newest member of the Mystery Staff,” Melody said. “Robin and her friend Steve are going to be working here now to help with the increased customer load.”

“Two new people,” Dipper mused. “Wait, Wendy didn’t quit, did she?”

Melody laughed.

“Of course not, she’ll just have some extra help now around the shop.”

Both Dipper and Mabel turned to look at Robin contemplatively.

“So, uh, are you from around here? In Gravity Falls, I mean?”

The question seemed a bit pointed to Robin, but she answered the young teenager with honesty.

“No, actually. Steve and I are both from a small town called Hawkins, Indiana. I doubt you two have heard of it though. Not much really goes on there.”

Robin felt her smile falter a bit as the twins shared a glance. Some sort of apprehension seemed to pass between them for a moment, then they both smiled and welcomed her to the Mystery Shack, though their demeanor seemed to have shifted a little bit. Even Mabel’s overwhelming giddiness seemed to diminish slightly.

“Awesome! Can’t wait to get to know you better, Robin!”

“Actually, you two are probably going to get to know her very well,” Melody replied. “Soos offered to let her and Steve shack up at the Shack for a little while.”

Dipper’s face grew nervous, but Mabel’s split into a genuine grin of excitement from ear to ear.

“Roomies!” she shouted. “We’re gonna have slumber parties, makeovers, secret pillow forts! I am not going to let this opportunity pass me by!”

Wait, these kids lived at the Mystery Shack too? So now, assuming Soos and Melody lived here, that meant that there would be a grand total of six of them living under one roof? The Shack was big, but Robin didn’t think it was that big.

“And we can dye Soos’s grandma’s hair when she isn’t looking!”

And a grandma. Seven. Great.

“Wait, Melody,” Dipper asked in a worried voice. “Is there still going to be enough room when Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford arrive in a week?”

“Oh sure, Dipper,” Melody said with a dismissive wave. “Soos has had their rooms arranged for weeks now. He won’t stop talking about how excited he is to see your Grunkle Stan again.”

And soon to be nine…maybe living here wasn’t such a good idea after all.

The fact that his “Grunkles” would still have room to crash at the Shack seemed to pull Dipper from his worried state, and he sighed once again in relief before excusing himself politely, Mabel following closely behind as they disappeared behind the “Employees Only” door and into the shack itself. Melody beckoned Robin to follow her, and the two of them entered through the door as well and into what appeared to be a living room with shag carpeting with a television set that looked old now but would have been cutting edge in 1985 sitting opposite from a large armchair.

Melody turned right in the living room and led Robin through a small entryway with another door that led to the outside before turning right again and leading Robin into what she immediately recognized as a kitchen. Most of the appliances like the oven and fridge looked worn and well-used, but Robin still found herself admiring them, as these appliances were still advanced by 1985 standards.

When Melody asked how much experience Robin had with cooking, Robin was proud to say that she had been cooking dinners since she was about the twins’ age. She left out the part about her parents not really enjoying the prospect of domestic chores, but she assured Melody that as long as it wasn’t too complicated of a recipe that she could keep up just fine.

As it turned out, Robin needn’t have worried at all, as the two large casseroles they ended up preparing for the Shack residents may have had a lot of ingredients, but they were hardly difficult by any means. Mixing together the noodles, cheese, and vegetables offered Robin a sense of normalcy that she hadn’t really felt since leaving Hawkins, and she once again found herself slipping into a very comfortable rhythm as her and Melody worked around the kitchen.

“So, are Dipper and Mabel your kids?” Robin asked innocently enough. She was still having a hard time figuring out exactly how everyone fit into the picture here.

“Oh no,” Melody said light-heartedly. She then explained that up until last year, the Mystery Shack had been owned by a man named Stan Pines, or Dipper and Mabel’s “Grunkle Stan”. Soos had been an employee here since he was a child, and at the end of last summer, Stan had passed ownership of the Mystery Shack onto him. The twins had first come into the picture last summer when they had visited Gravity Falls from California and had lived with Stan here in the Shack. So now, even though Stan didn’t own the Shack anymore, Soos and Melody were more than happy to still provide a place to stay for the twins on their second summer up here in Oregon, as Soos considered them just as much a part of his family as his own grandmother.

Stan, and his own twin brother, Ford, had been spending the last year sailing around the world, and they would be back in about a week or so to unwind and spend some time with their great niece and nephew. Soos, as Melody had already hinted at, all but worshiped Stan as a father figure, so he was just as excited as the twins to see the old man again.

The smell of baking casseroles soon permeated throughout the Shack as they neared completion, drawing Dipper and Mabel from their room in the Shack’s attic and down into the kitchen, where they opened a few cabinets and drawers with familiarity and began to set the large table that dominated the kitchen. Two extra chairs were brought in to make room for Steve and Robin, and Melody noted with a hint of laughter that they’d likely have to move their dinners into the parlor once Stan and Ford arrived, as feeding nine people in a space as small as this kitchen could get really cramped really quick.

“I just hope that Grunkle Stan doesn’t start insisting that he cooks when he gets here,” Dipper said as he set out napkins and condiments on the table. “I think I ate enough brown meat last summer to last me a lifetime.”

Robin inquired as to what this “brown meat” was that Dipper was talking about, and in response the young teen opened a cabinet that was filled with cans labeled as such.

“He started hoarding those cans in preparation for the apocalypse if it ever came. I always thought he was kinda crazy for doing it, but I guess I ended up eating my words, and we all ended up eating brown meat.”

Dipper seemed to be suddenly lost in a memory, and Robin raised an eyebrow.

“You…ended up eating your words? So, was he right or something?”

Dipper’s eyes shot open in terror.

“What?! No, no of course not! We…uh…we just lost power for a few days and the car ran out of gas, so we couldn’t get any groceries for a while.”

Robin could tell that Dipper was lying through his teeth. Apparently he was just as bad at it as she was. But rather than press the issue that he clearly didn’t want to talk about, she decided to give him an out.

“So…I’m guessing this canned meat of his isn’t exactly five-star quality?”

The relief on Dipper’s face was immediate.

“Yeah–I mean no! It tastes like heavily salted dirt. I have no idea how he was able to eat that stuff day after day.”

“My broseph speaks the truth,” Mabel said as she produced a page of stickers from her pocket and began accessorizing the silverware with small pictures of stars and rainbows. “How Grunkle Stan can continue to eat that sludge without any sprinkles or frosting for days at a time is unnatural.”

“Mabel, you are definitely not one to talk. Your diet consists of 90% sugar. I’m fairly certain you would be tried for crimes against humanity if the USDA ever caught wind of your eating habits.”

“Dipper, my palate is refined to the point of perfection,” Mabel countered, stepping up onto a chair to prove her point. “It is not my fault that a dork such as yourself can’t keep up with my exquisite tastes.”

“You put melted caramel on a slice of pepperoni pizza last week, Mabel. I think I’m ok with not keeping up with your exquisite ‘palate’.”

“And thus, I am once again proven to be the alpha twin! I now hold dominance over you physically, tastefully, and of course…of course…”

Mabel’s voice trailed off and her arms dangled limply at her sides as she seemed to enter a trance, her page of stickers falling to the floor next to her, utterly forgotten. Her jaw fell open slightly, giving Robin a slight view of her braces, and her eyes grew wide as she stared off at something in the distance. Both Robin and Dipper followed her gaze to see Soos and Steve enter the kitchen with what Robin assumed to be Soos’ grandma.

“Hey dudes! The room is all set up. Oh hey, looks like everyone is here now, so we can finally get everyone introduced to each other. Grandma, this is Robin. Steve, this is Dipper and Mabel. Everyone, say hello to everyone!”

Robin shared a polite greeting with Soos’ grandma, who insisted that Robin call her abuelita. And Steve exchanged a friendly handshake with Dipper.

“Nice to meet you Steve,” Dipper said in a friendly enough tone.

“You too, man,” Steve said, and Robin watched his eyes and saw a hint of recognition there as well. If Robin had seen the similarities between Dipper and Dustin, then there was no way that Steve had missed them. Steve had all but adopted Dustin as far as Robin could tell, so he was much more in tune with Dustin’s traits than she was. Robin was just hopeful that Steve would get along with Dipper even half as easily as he got along with Dustin.

“And uh, nice to meet you as well,” Steve said with an uncertain wave over to Mabel, who Robin quickly realized had been staring wide-eyed at Steve ever since he had entered the room.

“It’s uh, Mabel right?”

Mabel said nothing, but nodded her head in a hypnotic fashion as she continued to stare at Steve as though he were made out of solid gold.

“Oh boy,” Dipper said with a sigh. “This is gonna be fun…”

“Is there any particular reason she’s standing on a chair?” Steve asked with a confused glance around the room.

“Just ignore her,” Dipper said tiredly as he finished setting the table. “She’ll snap out of it eventually.”

A ding from the kitchen timer announced that the casseroles were done, and Robin turned away from the group to help Melody with the oven, but not before she swore she heard Mabel repeat Steve’s name reverently under her breath.

Ah, that would explain Dipper’s exasperated reaction. This was going to be interesting.

…

Steve felt himself relaxing immensely over the course of dinner. The casserole that Melody and Robin had whipped up was amazing, and Steve hungrily wolfed it down when he realized that he hadn’t eaten at all that day. The recipe they had used was phenomenal, and with a small amount of humor, Steve noted that he was literally eating food from the future. When he thought about it, he supposed that he had been expecting tiny astronaut capsules that grew when you poured water on them, but this was far better, as there was nothing like a homemade casserole to end the day on a high note.

Conversation drifted between topics rather easily, though Steve couldn’t help but notice that Mabel kept stealing glances at him throughout dinner. The young girl had recovered from her initial stupor and had finally sat down to eat some time ago, but Steve noticed that she had been mildly reserved throughout the meal. Apparently, that was not a common occurrence, and Steve noticed a few concerned looks in her direction from Soos, Melody, and Dipper as the night went on. Even Robin looked at her strangely at one point, and when Steve inquisitively caught her eye, she shrugged and silently promised to explain everything to him later.

Once the meal was finished, everyone helped clean up, which took hardly any time at all considering there were seven of them. Once the leftover casserole had been stored in the fridge and the dirty dishes had been loaded into the dishwasher, Soos showed Steve and Robin to their new room, which was situated in the expansion of the Mystery Shack. The room itself was nothing spectacular, but it had two beds, a closet and a dresser for each of them, which was more than enough for the two of them to live comfortably out of this room. As a bonus, Soos had installed a new bathroom just down the hall as part of the expansion, and the two of them wouldn’t have to share it with anyone until Stan and Ford arrived. After making sure that the two of them had everything, Soos told them that they started work tomorrow morning at ten o’clock sharp before handing them both a dark green Mystery Staff t-shirt.

“I’ve got a good feeling about you dudes! I’ll see you two in the morning!”

And with that, Soos shut the door to let them get settled in, the both of them having already retrieved their luggage from within the Dart’s trunk and bringing it in with them.

For a little while, both Steve and Robin said nothing as they hung their clothes in the closet and settled into their new space. After a few minutes, Robin was mostly finished unpacking, so she sat down on her bed and took a deep breath.

“This was lucky, Steve. Like, we are super lucky that we ran into these guys.”

Steve stopped unpacking and turned to face her.

“I mean, we are broke. Like actually broke. I have about three dollars in my pocket right now, and I don’t know what you have, but it would definitely not have been enough to stay at a motel tonight. The fact that we are not sleeping in the Dart right now is nothing short of a miracle.”

Steve considered for a moment, then nodded his head in agreement.

“Yeah, you know as much as I know these guys are hiding something from us, I have to admit that they’ve been super amazing so far. It’s almost been too perfect.”

He was quiet for a moment.

“You don’t think they’re cannibals, do you?”

Robin snorted at the unexpected question and looked at him dubiously.

“Well, they do have a rather large assortment of cans labeled ‘brown meat’ in their cabinets. That might be indicative of something…”

“Wow, I was actually really hoping you’d have some evidence to prove me wrong. These doors lock, right?”

Robin laughed as Steve walked over to check, then she frowned as the memory of the brown meat in the cupboard stirred another memory from this evening.

“On a serious note though, that Dipper kid slipped up tonight and almost mentioned that thing that everyone’s still refusing to talk about.”

She had Steve’s full attention then, and she proceeded to explain how Dipper had mentioned that his grunkle had stocked up for the apocalypse if it ever happened, and how apparently he had been right. Robin remembered how neurotic Dipper had been when she’d inquired further, and she voiced her observations to Steve.

“Wow, he kinda sounds like you.”

Robin responded by throwing her pillow at his head, which he easily caught and placed right next to his on his bed.

“Mine now.”

His face then grew serious again.

“What could have happened? Was there an earthquake or something? It’s like some kind of disaster blew through this town, but everybody is too scared to talk about it. Did a serial killer run wild?”

Robin shook her head, but didn’t offer any theories of her own. Knowing her, she probably had plenty of theories to explain it, but she was probably double and even triple-checking each one to ensure that it was flawless and air tight. Unfortunately, none of his theories possessed any of those traits, and if Robin had not offered one yet, then hers likely didn’t either.

“Steve,” she said. “If it was really that bad that no one wants to talk about it, then we definitely shouldn’t stay here for long. I don’t want to waste any time, so we need to find that time traveler guy as soon as possible. Tomorrow, we’ll go into town as soon as we get the chance and file a police report. If they find the guy, then maybe we can get a hold of his time machine and get back to 1985.”

That sounded like a smart idea. If they went into town, then maybe some of the other townspeople besides those that resided in the Mystery Shack could fill them in on what they had been missing out on. Steve really did not like being left in the dark about stuff. Who could blame him? The last time he was left out of the loop, he’d almost been eaten by the Demogorgon, and that definitely sat in the top three worst experiences of his life.

He agreed, then finally laid eyes on his bed sitting against the wall opposite Robin’s. A thought crossed his mind, and his face split into a humored grin as he walked over to his mattress.

“Alright, let’s get some sleep. We got work tomorrow, and I feel like I haven’t slept in twenty-eight years.”

Robin rolled her eyes at him.

“You literally just went for the lowest hanging fruit, dingus. That fruit was so low-hanging that it was practically resting on the ground.”

“Don’t be jealous that you didn’t say it first,” Steve replied. “Besides, all I did was take a page out of your book for that one.”

“I would never make a joke as cheesy as that,” Robin retorted, but they both knew she was lying. Robin would have made that joke in a heartbeat.

“Whatever you say, Buckley,” Steve said with a laugh as he grabbed his toiletries and headed to the bathroom. “I got first dibs on the shower in the morning.”

Robin opened her mouth to object, but Steve had already stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind him. All she could do was annoyedly walk over to his bed and snatch back her pillow, mumbling to herself as she did so.

“And so it begins…”

Chapter Text

Chapter 3

Steve and Robin were both rudely awoken by the crisp and artificial drone of the digital alarm clock that Robin had set the night before, and though Steve had never been much of a late sleeper, it took him a few moments of groggy head shaking to remember a couple of things, namely the fact that today was his first day of work at the Mystery Shack, and that the year was no longer 1985. A small part of him had held out hope that it had all been some crazy dream that his subconscious had concocted, but as with most unnatural things that were in his life, it remained stubbornly real.

Steve was lucky that he had risen to full wakefulness faster than Robin did, as it had given him just the edge he needed to claim the bathroom first for his morning routine, and after showering and brushing his teeth, Steve tended to the well-kept monument that was his hair. To his dismay, he realized that despite his and Robin’s eagerness to catch this time traveler guy and get him to return them to their own time, it was still incredibly unlikely that they’d find him right away. And even if they did, they’d still arrive back at the motel with an inoperable Dodge Dart in tow, which meant that it would take even longer to reach Robin’s cousin’s wedding if they ended up going at all. The bottom line was that Steve did not have enough Fabergé Organics products to survive this little trip to the future and the wedding that followed, and that his only hope was that these products still existed in 2013 and were readily available in the sleepy secluded town of Gravity Falls.

Steve’s stomach sank at how unfavorably the odds were stacked against him.

After each taking a turn in the bathroom to ready themselves for the day ahead, Steve and Robin dawned their Mystery Staff shirts and stopped by the kitchen for a quick breakfast. Robin had been informed via Melody that the only meal that was really coordinated at the Shack was dinner, and that eating during any other time was at their own leisure.

Steve and Robin examined the contents of the fridge for a few moments before both deciding on a bowl of cereal. Steve raised a confused eyebrow as he pulled the cereal box from the cupboard.

“Overly Sensitive Owl…?” he read aloud from the box, noting the large cartoon owl that stared back at him from just beneath the name.

“Never heard of it,” Robin confirmed as she pulled a jug of milk from the fridge. “Must be one of those new age cereals, or maybe not and it’s just a local brand or something.”

Steve stared at the box for a moment longer, then shrugged and brought it over to the table where Robin had also laid out a pair of bowls and spoons.

“Yeah that’s fine and all, but ‘Overly Sensitive Owl’? What kind of name is that? What kind of marketing tactic is that?”

“Don’t fry your brain trying to figure it out, Steve,” Robin replied as she impatiently snatched the box from him and began pouring out a serving of the multi-colored cereal pieces into her bowl. “Let’s not forget the fact that the people here seem to be a bit more… suggestible …than what we’re used to.”

Steve remembered how easily Soos swayed yesterday’s customers into spending their money on Mystery Shack merchandise, and found himself agreeing with Robin. In the grand scheme of things he should concern himself with, the name of some off-brand cereal from the future should have been forgettable. He conceded to Robin’s point with a nod, and then poured himself a bowl of the weirdly named breakfast food before digging in.

A few moments of silent chewing passed, then both he and Robin jolted in surprise as a brief white light flashed through the kitchen. The two of them turned in surprise to the source of the light, and Steve looked confusedly to see Mabel standing in the doorway holding a Polaroid camera, a brace-filled grin plastered on her young face. Steve noticed that she was wearing a homemade sweater again this morning, but this one was dark blue with what appeared to be a cartoon whale riding a bicycle on it. Steve supposed he would probably be seeing that sweater, as well as numerous others like it, quite often during his time here at the Shack.

“Goood morning fine new employees and possible future family members!” Mabel cheerfully shouted in a voice that could likely be heard from any adjacent rooms. “I hope you don’t mind that I immortalize your first day at the Mystery Shack with a photo for my scrapbook!”

Steve frowned at her for a moment, then frowned even more so at the camera in her hands as the completed photo slowly emerged from the slot in the front.

A Polaroid? Seriously? Those things were out of date before Steve was even born. This future was proving to be even more disappointing than he thought.

As soon as the photo completely emerged from the camera, Mabel’s eager hands grabbed it and began shaking and blowing on it in earnest to accelerate the development process, making her look like she was having nothing short of a seizure as she wildly swung her arm and inflated her cheeks.

Finally, Mabel seemed satisfied with her chaotic dance and held the photo up to inspect it, her eyes sparkling in obvious satisfaction at what she saw.

“Perfect! What do you think?” she asked excitedly, holding up the photo for Steve and Robin to see.

“It’s uh…nice…” Robin said uneasily, giving an off-smile to the young girl.

“...but you totally forgot Robin,” Steve finished.

Before his eyes was a picture of him, and only him, mid-bite of a spoonful of cereal. His mouth was open in a very unflattering way, and his eyes were looking off into the distance like he was spacing out, which did little to make up for the already awkward feeling the photo gave off.

“Oh, did I?” Mabel said in a poor presentation of blatantly false surprise. “Let me try again real quick!”

Mabel raised the camera once more and snapped another photo right in Steve’s face, momentarily blinding him and causing him to lean back in avoidance of the light. By the time his eyes refocused, Mabel was once again smiling down at a photo that was most likely as un-photogenic as the first one, and once again entirely of Steve.

Noticing that both Steve and Robin were looking at her weirdly, Mabel put on a show of pretending to be upset that the photo didn’t turn out right again before carefully tucking the two pictures into her pocket.

“You know what? I think we’re just having some technical difficulties here,” she said. “Not sure why, so I’m just gonna go upstairs now and…figure it out.”

Mabel backed away slowly out of the kitchen, then quickly raised the camera and flashed another photo of Steve before sprinting away and clamoring up the stairs that led to the attic. Blissful silence fell as the attic door opened and closed, then Steve turned to see Robin looking at him with an amused and mischievous grin. Steve knew exactly what she was going to say before she even said it, and he shook his head and tiredly lowered his spoon back to his bowl of cereal.

“Nice to see the old ‘King Steve’ hasn’t lost his touch with the ladies,” Robin chided, doing nothing to hide her genuine amusement at the whole situation.

“Yep,” Steve said through pursed lips. “The commentary is definitely appreciated too, so thank you for that.”

“Hey, I call it like I see it, Romeo. If we were back at Scoops Ahoy, you would have earned your very first tally under the ‘You Rule’ section. I’m surprised you’re not happy about this!”

Steve rolled his eyes. Robin’s sharp wit made her teasing nature all that more potent, and Steve was thankful at the fact that her teasing had lost its bite since the two of them had become friends. That being said, there were still times where he could do without it, especially when it came to thirteen-year-old girls crushing on him.

“Yeah…I’m ecstatic.”

Robin thankfully let him off the hook after a few more jabs, and the two of them finished breakfast before reporting to the gift shop to meet Soos and see what all their new jobs entailed.

They arrived to see Soos and Melody both waiting for them, and Wendy arrived only a few minutes after. Once the entire Mystery Team had assembled, Soos gave the newcomers a tour of the Shack proper as well as detailing the responsibilities they’d be entrusted with at the Mystery Shack. Their first stop was the museum, which constituted most of the exhibits as well as the largest portion of the Shack. Most of the recent expansion had been to make room for more exhibits, though Steve considered usage of the word “exhibit” to be a bit gratuitous, as most of the strange and anomalous things that were on display were clearly fake. Stuffed hybrid animals had been crudely merged using glue and tape, and framed photos of “strange” and “wondrous” creatures were incredibly blurry or far away, meaning that they could have really been photos of just about anything. After leading them through each exhibit and giving them some background on each one, Soos explained to them the first part of their jobs: brainstorming new exhibits. The Mystery Shack had many repeat customers due to the fact that the oddities that were on display were often rotated for newer and exciting things, which meant that it was the duty of the Mystery Staff to think of clever ideas for new and strange things to be presented. After taking a look at what some of the “hot” exhibits were, like the “Six-pack-alope”, which was just a mannequin with fur glued on and stuffed antelope head on top, and the “Cornicorn”, which was a bunch of corncobs arranged into the shape of a unicorn, Steve felt like he’d be able to handle the first part of his job without to much mental strain. A shared glance with Robin showed that she was more than up to the task as well.

After a tour of the museum, Soos led them back to the gift shop, where Wendy was currently managing the cash register. He then explained that tending to the gift shop would be the second part of their jobs, as the overpriced bobbleheads and Mystery trinkets sold fast and in high abundance, and would constantly need to be restocked to keep up with customer demand. Steve wouldn’t have believed Soos’s claims that the merchandise sold well had he not seen it with his own eyes yesterday, but keeping up with the ravenous customers didn’t seem too hard either, as Soos also showed them the storeroom where they kept all the stock for the gift shop.

The final portion of their jobs was introduced to them in the form of a loud banging noise coming from outside the gift shop. Startled, the three of them ran outside, Wendy following right behind them. The sight that greeted them was Dipper picking himself up off the ground, his pine tree hat askew on his head and his face covered in soot. A few feet away, the Mystery Cart was smoking from its rear driver’s side tire, which looked like it had exploded.

“Dipper!” Wendy called out in concern as the four of them ran to make sure he was okay. After a few coughs and reassurances that he was fine, Dipper excitedly pulled some kind of hardback notebook from his vest and began scribbling down what appeared to be notes while talking a mile a minute as to what happened. At a glance, Steve noticed that the journal had a blue and white color scheme, and that a simple design of a pine tree was etched on the front, much like the one on Dipper’s hat.

“You guys! So you remember those dyna-mice that I’ve been telling you about? One was out here just a few seconds ago and I—”

Dipper immediately choked on his words and fell abruptly silent as he seemed to notice Steve and Robin for the first time. He glanced nervously at them for a moment, then sharply closed the journal and stuffed it back into his vest.

“I mean, I was just playing with some…firecrackers…and accidentally threw one under the cart.”

Dipper gave a weak laugh and rubbed the back of his head.

“My bad…”

“What? Dude you were just telling us—”

Wendy’s voice cut off as well after a moment, and she too glanced over at Steve and Robin before clearing her throat.

“Nevermind. Glad to see you’re okay at least, dude.”

“Yeah…ha ha…nothing to see here.”

The awkwardness in the air was stifling, and Steve was about to inquire rather annoyedly about what was going on before Soos spoke up.

“Your mishap just so happens to have perfect timing, dog, because this is the perfect segue into Robin and Steve’s final responsibility as part of the Mystery Staff: upkeep!”

Soos then explained that despite the additions and renovations to the Mystery Shack, the property would always be in need of caretaking. From regular chores like mowing the lawn to corrective maintenance like replacing light bulbs or in this instance, repairing the cart. And with that, the first task of the day made itself known.

Steve, after confirming that he did in fact know how to change a tire, was given the task of replacing the Mystery Cart’s burnt and deflated one with a spare from their parts stock, while Robin was assigned to varnishing duty, as the small porch that constituted the side exit of the shack was in need of a new coat.

After making sure the two of them had everything they needed to get to work, Soos informed them that if there was anything they needed or if they had any questions, they could direct them to Wendy in the gift shop or to Melody in the office, as he would be giving tours all day and would be unavailable while working with customers.

Soos then left to go don his Mr. Mystery uniform, Dipper mumbled some excuse about being needed elsewhere, and Wendy returned to the gift shop, leaving Steve and Robin to get started on their own assigned tasks. Robin gave Steve a little two-fingered salute, then gathered her own supplies and started for the side entrance to the shack, leaving Steve to the cart.

Once he was alone, Steve grabbed the toolbelt from the store room, his mind half on fixing the cart and half on the reason it was messed up in the first place. Dipper claimed that he’d been playing with firecrackers and had thrown one under the cart by accident, but Steve didn’t believe it for a second. First of all, a firecracker was not nearly explosive enough to cause that much damage to the cart, and especially not enough to destroy the tire like that. Second of all, Dipper had gotten very excited and had been telling Soos and Wendy about some kind of “dino-rats” or something along those lines before he’d noticed him and Robin standing there, and had clammed up immediately after that. Once again, Steve was reminded of the fact that something was being kept from both himself and Robin, and truth be told, it was starting to really piss him off. He knew that they had every right to not tell him or Robin things if they didn’t want to, but the fact that everyone kept almost slipping up and nearly saying something before catching themselves was annoying to a level Steve didn’t even think was possible. He was sure that Robin was feeling something similar, as her natural curiosity was what brought her into the Party during the events with the Russians back in Hawkins.

Shaking his head, Steve decided that for his first day, he should focus more about making a good first impression rather than prying into the one actual mystery the Mystery Shack had to offer, and fifteen minutes later, Steve stepped back and admired his handiwork as the Mystery Cart sported a brand new rear tire, the old one removed and disposed of in no time at all. Steve then frowned as he noticed a few scorch marks still present around the wheel well, and after retrieving a rag and a bucket of soapy water from the workshop, Steve got to work scrubbing off the remaining residue. Little by little, the blackened soot started to come off, and Steve’s suspicion only increased as he removed more and more with the rag.

There was absolutely no way that a firecracker caused this. No way in hell. There was a small chance that firecrackers were much more powerful here in 2013, but given how little actually seemed to change in the last twenty-eight years, Steve dismissed it as unlikely.

He had just finished scraping off the last of the black from the cart when a commotion caused him to look up from his work. Around the side of the Mystery Shack, Steve saw Dipper run into view, his eyes focused entirely on a small shape running across the ground in front of him. Running and shouting closely behind him was Mabel, who was cheering him on with her fists raised and her eyes aglow with excitement. In Dipper’s hands was a small cage that was about the size of a basketball. Steve noticed that the top was open, and that Dipper was holding it ready, likely to catch whatever the small thing running away from him was.

“You got it, Dip!” Mabel cheered before throwing her voice into a loose imitation of a southern accent. “Wrassle that critter, boy!”

Her words seemed to invigorate her twin, and with a grunt, Dipper dove forward and brought the cage top-down onto the grass in front of him. There was a beat of silence as he inspected the cage, and then his face lit up with joy.

“I got it! It’s in there!”

Mabel cheered victoriously, and Dipper joined in as he quickly righted the cage and closed the top, trapping his catch inside. Steve squinted to make out what it was, and what he saw appeared to be nothing more than a common field mouse, though Dipper and Mabel both pressed their faces close to the bars of the cage to inspect it like it was a missing wonder of the world.

“It looks like it’s stable,” Dipper said breathlessly. “I don’t think it’s going to—oh no!”

From within the cage, Steve watched with widened eyes as the mouse began to glow seemingly from within. Its dull brown fur was overpowered by a bright white light as the creature began to glow brighter and brighter. A low hum began to emanate from the mouse as well, its pitch growing higher and louder in proportion to its light.

“She’s gonna blow!” Mabel cried out as the mouse’s form disappeared behind the intense light, and Dipper dropped the cage in panic as both he and Mabel staggered back a few paces, their eyes suddenly fearful as the humming grew to a fever pitch.

Before his brain even registered what he was doing, Steve grabbed his bucket of water and sprinted over to the twins. Throwing himself between them, Steve forced the twins back with an outstretched hand before taking hold of the bucket and dumping the contents through the bars of the cage. Water flooded into the enclosure and out through the holes in the bottom, and there was a high-pitched squeak as well as a loud hissing noise that was similar to the sound of bacon sizzling on a skillet.

Almost immediately, the bright light faded, allowing Steve to once again make out the brown field mouse, its fur now soaked through and its mouth chattering angrily in opposition to its dampened state. The humming noise had also ceased completely.

For a moment, no one said a word, then Dipper carefully strode forward and examined the mouse once again, noting the soaked and tired state of the little creature.

“Amazing…” he said to no one in particular. “The water completely negated the effect!”

Reaching into his vest, Dipper once again produced the blue and white journal that Steve had seen before and began scribbling notes again, seemingly on the state of the mouse inside the cage.

“Excuse me?” Steve said, still shaken up from the encounter. “Negated what effect exactly?”

“Their species seems to have some kind of defense mechanism that allows them to—”

Dipper then realized that it was Steve that had asked the question, and he immediately cut off his words and began stammering.

“—ah, what I mean is…uh…”

“Oh come on, Dipper!” Mabel said at last. “You knew we were gonna have to tell them eventually!”

“Tell me what ?” Steve demanded, his frazzlement at the whole situation leaking into his tone. “What is that thing?”

Dipper looked at Mabel with uncertainty for a moment, then sighed in resignation.

“Okay, okay. Steve, I’m going to have to ask you to keep an open mind about this, please.”

Steve frowned, his face a picture of confusion and disbelief. He chose not to say anything, however, so Dipper continued.

“Steve, how do you feel about the unknown, the paranormal, and the otherwise otherworldly?”

Steve took a moment, unsure how to process the question, and Dipper seemed to pick up on his confusion.

“I guess what I’m trying to ask is this: What do you know about the supernatural? Ghosts, monsters, mythical creatures, alternate dimensions…?”

“You know, nerd stuff?” Mabel clarified with a smile.

Steve paused yet again. He paused not because of what his answer to the question was, but because the question was irrelevant. What did he know about the supernatural? The real question is what did they know about the supernatural? Steve knew plenty, much more than he would have liked to, in fact, but he had no idea how much the twins knew, both about alternate worlds and how much he knew about them. The Upside Down technically could still exist in the future, and even though Steve’s interactions with it had been limited to Hawkins, he supposed it was possible that the Upside Down existed out here in Gravity Falls as well. They had already stopped the Mind Flayer for good and closed all the portals in Hawkins back in 1985, but maybe there were portals out here too? Was that the big secret that everyone seemed to be keeping from him and Robin? Steve had no way of knowing for sure, so he settled on what he thought to be a safe answer.

“Some stuff, not much.”

“Okay, well…it’s real. All of it.”

There was a pause, then Steve nodded once.

“Okay.”

“I mean it,” Dipper said, mistaking Steve’s steadfast acknowledgement for disbelief. “Ghouls, souls living beyond death, reality-warping artifacts and monsters, all of it is real.”

“Yeah, and I believe you,” Steve said, giving another overt nod to Dipper as he did so.

Dipper faltered, as he had clearly been expecting Steve to be a bit more skeptical of his claims.

“You do? Just like that?”

“Yep,” Steve said shortly. A small part of him acknowledged the fact that he was a part of whatever was going on here in Gravity Falls now, whether he liked it or not, and it irked him to no end. He pursed his lips and resisted the urge to hit something in his frustration at being dragged into more bullshit, only in a completely different time and completely different place with a completely different set of people.

“You’re taking this really well,” Mabel said, and Steve detected awe and a twinge of adoration in her voice. “Have you had practice with receiving perception-shattering news before?”

Steve refused to answer that question. Now was definitely not the time to get into that .

“Can we please skip to the part where you tell me why that mouse turned into a lightbulb?” Steve asked frigidly, steering the conversation back on track.

It was then that Dipper explained that he’d been tracking this new species of rodent in the forest that he had personally dubbed “dyna-mice”. These creatures were indistinguishable from regular mice, except for the fact that they seemed to have a defense mechanism that caused their bodies to emit an explosion when they felt threatened. He’d first discovered one about a week ago rummaging around in the shed, and when he’d tried to chase it away, it had let off an explosion that destroyed the broom he’d been attempting to use to shoo it off. The mice themselves appeared to be immune to their explosions, and they emerged completely unscathed each time they went off. Dipper’s theory was that the mice had been the result of some sort of genetic testing, and that they had escaped into the forest and were now co-populating with the current mouse population, creating even more dyna-mice in the process.

Dipper’s plan was to learn more about the mice, document them in his discovery journal-thing, and work to find a repellant that would keep these pyrotechnically-inclined rodents away from the local human population. A plan that sounded incredibly dangerous in Steve’s head, especially since the kid kept mumbling about possible links to something called a “scamp-fire” as well.

“Alright,” Dipper said, stowing the journal away and pulling out what appeared to be a wristwatch from his pocket. “Just gotta get the tracker onto this little guy…”

Steve looked on in a bewildered silence as Dipper reached into the cage and grabbed the still-wet mouse, which began squeaking and squirming indignantly in an attempt to get free. After a few moments more of manhandling, Dipper successfully attached the wristwatch onto the small mouse before setting it back onto the ground.

The small creature bolted as soon as it was free, and the three of them watched it scurry into the treeline and out of sight. Once it was gone, Dipper turned to his twin.

“Got a good signal on it, Mabel?”

Mabel grinned and produced a small rectangular object with a smooth glass front from her pocket. Before Steve’s boggled eyes, the glass came alive with light with a touch of Mabel’s finger, showing that it was actually a small screen. Mabel then used her finger in a combination of pokes and swipes, and the screen responded to her touch as though she were actually grabbing the objects behind the glass.

For the first time since arriving in this era, Steve found himself speechless as he finally witnessed firsthand the fruits of twenty-eight years of technological advancement. Not only was Mabel holding a miniature television in her hand, but she was also interacting with it like it was some sort of computer. Steve could see a sharpness and definition on the screen that was unmatched by any quality he’d seen before, and he found himself craning to get a closer look as Mabel tapped away. After a few more moments and silent commands from Mabel, a darkened picture appeared on the screen with small lines running this way and that like rivers across the device.

Though his mind was still processing the nature of the device before him, Steve recognized that the picture on the screen was a map, though it also moved and enlarged and shrank when Mabel ordered it to with her fingers. Appearing on the map were two dots, one of which appeared to be blue and stationary, while the other was a small red dot that pulsed repetitively and sent a small red ring away from itself and across the map each time it did. It was almost as though it was beating like a heart.

“Locked on target!” Mabel reported cheerfully as she stood at attention and snapped a salute like some kind of soldier. “Ready to pursue!”

“Perfect! With any luck, it’ll lead us to their main nest, then we can get a nice and up close look at how they live and maybe where they came from.”

“Uh, yeah, that’s a terrible idea,” Steve found himself saying, slightly taken aback by his sudden forwardness with the twins.

Dipper and Mabel both turned back in surprise, likely just as caught off guard as Steve was.

“You’re just going to waltz into this forest, which by the way, you just told me was filled with all kinds of supernatural shit that you may or may not have discovered yet, and you’re going without any gear or weapons and without telling anyone?”

Dipper frowned at Steve, but then his brow furrowed further as if in thought.

“Of course not, and now that we know their weakness, we can devise a countermeasure to the dyna-mice’s explosive properties…” he said.

“Not to worry brobro! I’ve got just the thing!” Mabel exclaimed before dashing back to the Shack. It was less than a minute before Mabel burst from a side door with a large cardboard box in her arms.

“I got shooters in spades!” Mabel said as she dropped the box onto the grass and eagerly reached inside. Smiling wide, Mabel found what she was looking for and produced three brightly-colored plastic water guns, and Steve could tell they were already filled due to the muffled sloshing that came from within.

Steve waited, waiting for Mabel to deliver a punchline or something or at least say that she was kidding because water guns were not exactly what he had in mind for dealing with supernatural entities. His mind briefly flitted back to his own weapon of choice for such matters: the wooden baseball bat with nails spiking from the head back in Hawkins. The weapon had done wonders for him in his past altercations, and Steve idly wondered where the bat was now. Probably rotting in a garage somewhere…

He shook his head as Dipper walked over to Mabel and gratefully accepted one of the water guns.

“These are perfect! If any of the mice start to light off, a quick squirt from one of these should stop them right in their tracks!”

“I also grabbed our backpacks, stocked with all the glitter and flashlights we need!” Mabel added, pulling out the two packs as well and passing the brown one to Dipper.

“Here you go, Steve!” she exclaimed immediately after, offering the third water gun to him. Wait, she wasn’t seriously thinking he was coming along on this weird little quest of theirs, was she? Steve attempted to banish the painfully overwhelming sense of familiarity that washed over him at this whole situation.

“Ok, when I said weapons, this isn’t quite what I was hoping you guys would go for,” Steve said, placing his hands on his hips.

At this, Dipper seemed to grow annoyed, and he turned toward Steve and crossed his arms defiantly.

“Look man, I know you’re new to this stuff and all, but Mabel and I have been into that forest more times than I can count.”

“...which is definitely a high number!” Mabel added.

“Thank you,” Dipper responded politely before frowning at Steve again. “We’ve overcome a swarm of gnomes, ghosts, telepathic nine-year-olds, actual dinosaurs, and a shapeshifter to name a few . I think we can handle ourselves.”

“Buuuut, if you’re reeeally worried about us,” Mabel said cheekily. “Then maybe you should come along just to make sure we don’t get into any trouble.”

Mabel gave Steve a wink, but then blushed slightly when Steve looked over at her. Dipper glanced at her as well before rolling his eyes and starting towards the treeline, definitely less enthused about the idea of Steve coming along than Mabel was.

Steve watched him for a second, then gave a heavy sigh of resignation and accepted the water gun from Mabel, ignoring how her blush grew slightly brighter as their hands briefly made contact.

Babysitting duty. Again . Seriously, was Steve cursed by the devil to always be looking after kids that felt the need to charge headfirst into some weird or paranormal thing without consulting anyone? How was it possible that he had traveled all the way across the country and almost thirty years into the future just to get stuck with the same duty he’d had before?

Whatever, at least now he had all the more reason to find that time traveler guy and get out of Gravity Falls for good. Because from the way Dipper had made it sound, Gravity Falls was just like Hawkins, Indiana: full of shit that should have been kept confined to fairy tales and monster movies. The more Steve thought about it, the more similar the two places sounded, especially the part about ghosts and telepathic nine-year-olds.

Steve banished the thought from his head as he followed the twins into the treeline. No, this place couldn’t be as bad as Hawkins, right? The twins were just exaggerating. Kids liked to do that. Gravity Falls wasn’t haunted or cursed or anything like that. Sure, the exploding mice were a surprise, but those were nothing compared to demogorgons and mind controlling demons from the Upside Down. Steve’s spirits lifted slightly at the thought, and he walked a bit more confidently as the forest fully enveloped him and the two Pines kids. Maybe this place was unorthodox, but it wasn’t dangerous, and since Steve had already survived the hell that was Hawkins, this should be a cake walk.

Steve had seen quite a few strange things in his life, but stranger things were not likely to be found here in Gravity Falls.

That would be ridiculous.

…

The forest around them grew more and more dense as Mabel led on, periodically making a “ping” noise as if to remind Dipper and Steve that she was in possession of the tracking device. At first it had maybe been slightly amusing, but now that they were just under ten minutes into their walking, Mabel’s noisemaking was quickly losing what little charm it had in the first place.

Sneaking a glance over to Dipper, Steve saw that the kid was still writing down notes in his journal, and though Steve didn’t want to interrupt the younger boy’s concentration, he felt like he needed something to distract from Mabel’s continuous pinging.

“Hey, uh, is she always like that? With the bottomless energy and…sound effects?”

Dipper looked up from his scribbling and glared at Steve.

“What? You got a problem with Mabel, new guy? If she’s too much for you, maybe you should just head back to the Shack. That is, unless you want to stick around just to treat us like babies some more, of course.”

Steve put his hands up in a mock surrender, still holding his water gun with one hand.

“Sorry,” he said. “Forget I asked.”

Dipper set his jaw for a moment, then sighed and looked back up at Steve.

“No, it’s… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get mad or anything…it’s just that Mabel is still in that phase where she gets a new crush on some guy almost every week, and, well, it looks like you’re the lucky winner this week.”

“Yeah,” Steve said with a glance back to the younger girl, who was now jumping up with a little bounce everytime she pinged. “I gathered that much earlier this morning.”

“Normally it’s not a big deal,” Dipper said honestly. “But you’re brand new to all this weirdness and supernatural stuff, and I was kind of mad that you thought Mabel and I weren’t up to it, so when she invited you along I thought that it was a terrible idea, but then again I was so excited about the mouse that I completely forgot about grabbing our usual gear, so it was a good that you spoke up when you did…”

Dipper was rambling now, and Steve cracked a grin at how similar to Robin he was in that regard. Thankfully, he knew how to put a stop to it.

“It’s cool, dude,” Steve interrupted. “If I’m being honest, I might have laid it on a bit thick too. The exploding dyna-mouse or whatever you call them freaked me out a bit, and I just didn’t want to be the last person to see you and your sister with all of your limbs together and not blown off by some rodent firecracker.

“Yeah well, you were actually surprisingly cool with it,” Dipper said, cracking a smile of his own. “Most of the time, we try to keep all the weirdness of Gravity Falls a secret from outsiders, but sometimes folks see something that they don’t usually see, and they just get all hysterical and irrationally crazy, as if they’re trying to outdo whatever it is they saw. About a month ago, one of the traveling tourists came face to face with a manotaur, and I’m pretty sure they’re traumatized everytime they see a bodybuilding magazine now.”

This caused Dipper to laugh out loud, but Steve raised an eyebrow questioningly. He had no idea what a “manotaur” was, and he couldn’t help but feel like he was missing a big part of the joke. Dipper noticed his confusion and coughed once.

“In any case, you didn’t lose your mind when you saw the mouse almost explode. I mean, yeah, you freaked out a little bit, but not like any more than the rest of us would’ve. It was like you were…”

Dipper’s brow furrowed in thought, then turned to look at Steve questioningly.

“You haven’t…seen this kind of stuff before, have you?”

Steve thought for a long moment about what to say next. On one hand, he still had no idea as to how valid Dipper’s claims of seeing real dinosaurs were, but he quickly realized that it wasn’t as far-fetched as it seemed. After all, Steve and Robin were out of their own time, so seeing something like that was not as outrageous as it had been before Steve arrived in Gravity Falls. With that in mind, Steve figured he could give the kid a small piece of insight. It couldn’t hurt, right?

“There’s…yeah, I’ve seen some weird stuff before,” Steve said, turning to gauge Dipper’s reaction as he spoke. “Demons…alternate dimensions and shit…Not here though. It was back in Hawkins.”

Steve may as well have told Dipper that the moon was made of cheese for how wide the kid’s eyes became.

“Are you serious? Like what?! What kinds of stuff is out there? Is it localized or widespread? Do the locals know?”

The fact that Dipper immediately started firing questions at Steve, who was slightly shocked given the passive skeptic vibe the twin had been giving off since they'd met, was startling. Maybe this rapid barrage of follow up questions served that purpose as well as feeding the young teen’s thirst for knowledge on all things unknown.

Dipper’s questions went unanswered however, as Mabel suddenly began making much more noise than usual, specifically in the form of an excited yell. Dipper and Steve turned at the exact same time to see her scream and jump backwards a few steps. The two of them closed the distance at a sprint.

“Mabel! What is it?” Dipper said as they caught up with her.

“Look!” she said, pointing down at a small clearing on the forest floor below.

Steve and Dipper both followed her outstretched finger, and Steve's mouth fell slightly agape when he laid eyes on the scene before them.

Sitting squat down in the clearing were multiple small logs, each one about two feet long and half sunken into the ground. The logs themselves weren’t very thick, with Steve estimating their thickness to be about the size of a small dinner plate. Upon closer inspection, Steve saw that the logs were actually hollow, and that a sea of small creatures was moving to and from the logs as they pleased with no particular pattern that Steve could see.

“The tracker is down there somewhere,” Mabel said, looking down towards the device in her hands. “This is where it stopped.”

“This has to be it then!” Dipper said excitedly. “This is the nesting grounds of the dyna-mice!”

Upon closer inspection, Steve saw that Dipper was right. The small sea of creatures was composed entirely of brown to light-blackish colored mice, and for the first time, Steve noticed that the logs that constituted their dens were arranged almost in two slightly off-kilter columns. They weren’t perfectly aligned, but the logs in each column sat side by side, making the arrangement look like two hastily stacked piles of cards sitting next to each other. Between the two columns was a well-worn patch of grass that created a path up towards the larger part of the clearing, where the rest of the grass was matted down completely. With a smirk, Steve realized that the whole arrangement with the logs and the path looked coincidentally similar to…

“...a Judas’ belt!” Dipper exclaimed happily, causing both Mabel and Steve to shoot him a blank look. “The whole arrangement looks like a Judas’ belt!”

“Yeah, right!” Mabel said with a laugh. “And Waddles has gills on his cheeks!”

Mabel placed her hands on the side of her face and moved them in an imitation of fish gills, but Dipper was too excited to care about her jibes at the moment.

“Look!” he said, pulling out his journal and mapping out a rough sketch of the logs and the path down below. As Steve suspected, Dipper was actually very good at drawing, and Steve recognized his point almost immediately.

“Yep, I was thinking the exact same thing,” he said, pointing to Dipper’s drawing. “Though I just always called them ‘machine gun chains.’”

“Ohhhh,” Mabel exclaimed, finally making the connection. “Their homes look like the long chains of firecrackers that gave Dipper nightmares as a kid!”

“Mabel!” Dipper seethed, suddenly turning red and hunching his shoulders in embarrassment. “It was just one dream, and the part with the fireworks wasn’t even the part that scared me!”

“Right,” Mabel teased. “That’s why you avoided flashing lights and loud noises for the better part of third grade! I don’t know about you, but I remember picture day vividly well that year! The nurse was ecstatic because you were the first third grader she’d ever treated for PTSD!”

Dipper looked like he was about to take aim at Mabel’s face with his water gun when a loud booming noise sounded throughout the clearing, startling the three of them. The ground shook slightly beneath their feet, and the first thought on Steve’s mind was that of earthquakes. Oregon had those, right?

Another boom sounded, and the forest floor shook once again, this time more forcefully. Down in the dyna-mouse village, mice suddenly began pouring from within the logs and out onto the path between the two columns, all making their way in a mad dash towards the open portion with the matted grass. It was as though the booming noises were summoning them to it, and the mice clamored over each other in a mad dash to get there.

Another boom sounded, and this time, Steve saw trees on the opposite end of the clearing begin to part and lean away as though something was moving between them. Something big.

“Guys…” Steve warned, pointing to the treeline as closer trees began to part and the boom sounded again, louder than ever before.

Dipper and Mabel both stared wide-eyed as one final boom sounded, then a figure as tall as the trees emerged, forcing two massive pines aside like they were curtains and stepping into the clearing.

The giant was massive, to say the least, but more than the impressive height, Steve took note of the giant’s skin, which wasn’t so much comparable to skin as it was to tree bark. Patches of dark brown wood covered every inch of the giant’s body, and in addition to the hard bark that was its skin, multiple patches of moss and mushrooms grew at random points on the giant’s exterior. The most notable and extensive patch of moss was on the giant’s chin, which was covered in a thick blanket of moss that perfectly resembled a beard. On the topic of the giant’s face, Steve saw that the gargantuan creature seemed to be permanently scowling, which gave Steve the impression that this creature was likely to be disagreeable if it saw them. Thankfully, it hadn’t noticed them yet.

The giant’s bark-encrusted features then looked down to the dyna-mice that had restlessly formed a semi-circle around where the behemoth stood. Its eyes scanned over them for a few moments before raising its left hand to chest level and uncurling its fingers. Squinting, Steve could see that the giant had something sitting on its hand, a large wooden shipping crate if his eyes weren’t failing him. He couldn’t exactly make out what the label on the crate said, and before he could try to squint further, the giant brought its two hands together and crushed the crate in a loud splintering of wood. Large planks rained down from its hands onto the forest floor below, though Steve took more notice of the contents of the crate as they were smashed between the giant’s fingers. A thick green mush was what he saw, and he confusedly looked on as the giant spread the paste evenly across its hands before applying it to its body like some sort of lotion, taking extra time to ensure that plenty got onto its heavily barked back.

“Yuck. What the hell is it doing?” Steve whispered over to Dipper, who shook his head in a stumped manner.

“Wait. Those crates…those are the same ones that get shipped to Greasy’s Diner. They’re part of their usual deliveries…But what kind of green paste comes in those crates? And why would some large tree giant want to rub it all over themselves?”

“Oh, I know!” Mabel happily whispered. “Those are jalapenos! Remember how Greasy’s Diner is always out of them? This must be why!”

…

A few miles away, the breakfast rush was in full swing at Greasy’s Diner, and “Lazy” Susan Wentworth was hard at work taking orders and serving customers. This morning was going incredibly well for Lazy Susan, as she so far had only messed up five orders, accidentally eaten three napkins, and had only started one small dumpster fire when taking out the trash. A successful morning indeed.

“Susan darlin’! I think I just might be ready to order!” came a heavily accented southern drawl from one of the stools.

Lazy Susan turned at the sound of her name and looked to see who had spoken, even going so far as to hold open her left eye with her hand to confirm their identity.

Both of her eyes were greeted by a big smile on an even bigger man that was politely waving to her from down the counter. Susan recognized him almost immediately.

“Well, if it isn’t Bud Gleeful!” she said. “I haven’t seen you in this diner for quite some time! It’s been at least a month or so!”

Bud laughed good-naturedly.

“Oh Susan, you are such a card. You know that I come in here once a week for breakfast with the family!”

“Really? That’s odd,” Susan replied. “I must have missed you last sunday!”

“Well, you did. But that’s because today is wednesday! We always come in on wednesdays.”

Bud’s tone was ever patient and polite with Susan, as he’d grown quite used to her ditziness like most of the other regular patrons of Greasy’s.

“Really?” Susan replied. “Geez. Time sure does fly, doesn’t it?”

Bud nodded as Susan crossed over to where he sat, pulling out her notepad and readying herself to take his order. She then frowned slightly.

“Where’s the missus today? And Lil’ ol’ Gideon? I miss his cute lil’ cheeks!”

“Well now, Margie and Gideon are takin’ a trip to Portland to pick out some splendid new duds for the Mothers Choice dance coming up next month. The boy, bless his lil’ heart, wanted to treat Margie to only the finest options for her apparel!”

“Oh, if that isn’t just the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard!” Susan cooed. “Well you be sure to give them my best. Now, what can I get for you today, Bud?”

“Why, the same thing I always order, of course! A three egg omelet with extra cheese and jalapenos!”

“One three cheese egg salad wi—Oh, I’m sorry Bud, but we’re out of jalapenos!”

“Again? But you’ve been out of jalapenos for the last two months, Susan! Don’t you get a new shipment every tuesday evenin’?”

“We sure do!” Susan replied. “But we didn’t get any jalapenos with yesterday’s shipment either! It’s the darndest thing, Bud. It’s like they just got up and walked away!”

…

Back in the clearing, Steve watched with interest as the giant finished applying the mashed jalapenos to its skin. As if on cue, the dyna-mice immediately surged forward and began crawling up the bark that constituted the giant’s skin in a mad dash. The swarms congregated specifically around the areas where the giant had applied the jalapeno paste, and immediately began nibbling away at the green mush.

“They’re eating it? Yuck! No spicy food for me, thank you!” Mabel whispered in disgust as she crossed her arms.

“Spicy food…” Dipper mused. As if his twin’s sentence had triggered some faint memory, Dipper began flipping back through his notes, looking for something specific. Steve watched expectantly, waiting somewhat impatiently to be let in on the young teen’s train of thought.

“Yes, here!” Dipper then whispered excitedly. “When I found the dyna-mouse in the shed, it had been nibbling on a bag of Soos’s old Burrito Bites; the picante extra variety, to be specific. I think these mice are specifically fond of food that tastes spicy. It may even be contributory to why they explode!”

“Oh, I get it,” Mabel said slyly. “Spicy food does have the tendency to be explosive , doesn’t it?”

Steve wrinkled his nose at the remark, which Mabel seemed to take notice of.

“Uh, I mean, gross, Dipper! Jokes like that are disgusting!”

“What? You’re the one that just made that joke!”

“Attempting to shift the blame as well? You’re only digging yourself deeper, mister!”

“Guys…” Steve interrupted, pointing to the giant once again.

The twins both followed his gaze, and everyone was surprised as the giant slowly lifted its left hand into the air before snapping its fingers. The noise was akin to an extremely loud gunshot, and it echoed through the clearing and caused Steve, Dipper, and Mabel to flinch as it rolled through the valley.

As startled as the three of them were, the mice feasting away on the giant’s arms and back were startled even more so, and it was merely a few seconds before a few mice began to glow and explode from their positions on the giant’s back. Flashes of light exploded all over the giant’s form, and each time a mouse exploded, it startled the one adjacent to it, who then in turn exploded and started the cycle all over again. The entire process began to sound like an incredibly loud popcorn-making process, but despite the numerous popping explosions, Steve heard a deep rumble emanate from the giant’s throat as the mice exploded repeatedly against its skin. It almost sounded…relaxed?

“Uh, I think it’s using the mice as…some kind of massage therapy,” Steve voiced to Dipper and Mabel, still not quite sure if he believed it himself. As if to prove his point, the giant’s shoulders slumped in total relaxation as the explosions continued, and Steve saw its eyes slowly begin to close as well, likely being lulled into a light doze by the unorthodox massage it was receiving.

“It would make sense,” Dipper said as the giant’s eyes continued to close. “When you’ve got skin as rough and thick as tree bark, there’s not much that can reach the muscles underneath. Using these mice is probably the best way for it—”

Dipper suddenly stopped talking as the flash of a camera went off next to him and Steve, and they both looked wide-eyed to see that Mabel had brought her Polaroid with her…

…and had just snapped a picture of the giant with the flash on.

The giant’s eyes, which had almost completely closed by that point, snapped open in response and locked onto the three of them, a deep frown immediately creasing its wooden brow.

“Mabel! What did you do?” Dipper hissed.

“Sorry!” Mabel said apprehensively as the giant took a step toward them, the loud boom of its footfalls echoing over the popping of dyna-mice against its skin. “I just wanted a picture for my scrapbook!”

The giant took another step towards them from across the clearing. It was walking much faster than it had been before. Its frown had deepened further, and Steve did not want to wait around to see what the behemoth had in mind for those that intruded on its “spa day”.

“Run!” Steve shouted, just as the first of the dyna-mice began to rain down around them.

…

Steve crashed through the forest, periodically turning around to fire his water gun at the dyna-mice as they hurled through the air towards them. As it turned out, the giant had been furious that the three of them had intruded on its time of tranquility, and it was now angrily chasing after them through the forest, scooping dyna-mice off its back and arms by the dozens and hurling them at the three humans.

Steve, being the fastest and the most agile of the three by far, had immediately fallen to the rear with his water gun, doing his best to hit the flying mice with a stream of water before they got too close so that Mabel and Dipper could focus solely on running. His efforts had been mostly successful so far, but a few close calls had left a bit of soot on his Mystery Staff shirt as well as Dipper’s vest and Mabel’s whale-on-a-bike sweater. His ears were also ringing from the constant explosions that surrounded them on all sides as the giant continued to scoop dyna-mice off itself and chuck them angrily.

A quick glance back to the giant showed that not only did it still have plenty of dyna-mice reserves to throw, but it also was gaining on them. Steve knew he could run faster than this, but the twins were shorter and not as athletically inclined as he was, causing him to purposely hang back so that neither of them would be left behind. Now, that was becoming a problem because if this giant caught up with them…

Steve didn’t even want to think about what might happen.

After hastily spraying another mouse with water before it got too close, Steve turned back to the direction they were running, trying to find something that they could use to either slow down the giant or hide somehow. For a few seconds, his eyes found nothing of use as all that greeted him were trees and rocks, then his eyes spied a structure not far ahead: The Gravity Falls water tower.

It took a few moments, but an idea jumped into Steve’s mind, and he immediately called out to Dipper and Mabel, who were both sprinting neck and neck through the woods ahead.

“Head for the water tower! We’ll lose it there!”

Dipper and Mabel both turned back to look at him, and Steve saw confusion in both of their eyes.

“Just move!” he commanded hastily. The authority in his tone seemed to be enough, and the twins both turned and picked up the pace, drawing upon their rapidly draining stamina to close the distance to the tower. Steve spared one last glance at the encroaching giant, then put on a burst of speed of his own, praying that they would reach the tower before the giant caught up.

The final stretch lasted less than a minute, but every second filled Steve with a lifetime of anxiety as he heard the giant draw ever closer behind them. Its aim was getting better the closer it got, and Steve had to frantically swat a few glowing dyna-mice off of his shirt when they’d landed on his shoulders from a well-placed throw by the giant. It had not been more than two seconds after he’d removed the mice from his clothes that they’d exploded, and Steve had felt their explosions rattle through him due to their all-too-close proximity.

Up ahead, the twins had just reached the base of the tower, and Steve noticed them start to slow down as if to stop.

“Keep running!” he called. “Don’t stop yet!”

“What?!” Dipper called back. “But you said—!”

“Just keep going! I’ve got a plan!”

Dipper's look of anger and confusion quickly faded as he saw how close the giant was, and he grabbed a still-panting Mabel by the arm and urged her forward and past the tower while Steve skidded to a stop next to one of the wooden supports that held the structure aloft.

Spinning around, Steve’s eyes focused just in time to see the giant hurl another volley of glowing dyna-mice in his direction. This time, Steve jumped up and caught one of the living projectiles instead of dodging it, and he yelped and passed the squirming creature from one hand to another as he realized that it was incredibly hot. The mouse continued to glow brighter and hotter, but Steve kept it in his hands for just a second longer. He sincerely hoped he hadn’t misjudged the time it took for these little guys to cook because he did not feel like losing his hands today.

Just as the mouse’s light and heat seemed to reach a fever pitch, Steve finally relented and tossed it against one of the water tower’s four legs, and in the next instant he was blown backward as the mouse violently exploded at last. Steve stumbled backward and blinked his eyes rapidly to try and banish the momentary blindness, but it offered him no comfort when he saw that the explosion had not been as powerful as he’d hoped.

The mouse had exploded just as it had landed on the wooden leg of the water tower, but the leg itself was extremely thick, and though most of it had been blown away, a good chunk of the wood still held strong. The water tower did not move.

Steve didn’t have time to lament his miscalculation, however, as the giant had chosen that moment to catch up with him, and Steve found himself paralyzed in place as a foot as large as Soos’s truck lifted high into the air to crush him underneath.

The foot, as well as the rest of the giant, suddenly fell still as a deep and powerful crack resounded through the forest, and for the first time, silence fell upon Steve’s ears as even the dyna-mice paused in their explosive chorus. Another loud crack sounded, then another, and another, and Steve’s eyes widened as he saw the water tower slowly begin to lean towards the giant.

The giant turned to face the falling tower, which was picking up speed as it leaned further and further, and then there was a loud crashing of metal and wood as the tower collided against the giant’s form, knocking the behemoth off balance and removing Steve from the immediate danger of being squashed.

The metal of the tower crumpled against the giant’s thick skin, and water surged out from the top and sides as the tank ruptured within. The sheer amount of water doused the giant in mere seconds, soaking the remaining dyna-mice on its skin and flushing them completely off of its body. The giant growled in surprise as it too received an unexpected shower, which was followed by a grunt as one of its reeling feet caught on a large boulder, and in the next second, the giant tumbled to the ground with an earth shattering crash.

Steve had seen none of this, however, as he had turned and ran like his life depended on it as soon as he was no longer under the shadow of the giant’s foot. He flinched as the giant crashed to the ground behind him, but he did not slow down. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, and he quickly cleared the crash site and saw that Mabel and Dipper were both up ahead, staring slack-jawed at him like he was some kind of ghost.

“Move! Move! ” Steve commanded, frantically gesturing for them to run as he caught up. His words once again compelled the twins to action, and they wordlessly turned with him and sprinted into the forest, none of them waiting to see if the giant got up from the ground.

…

Robin looked from the newly repaired Mystery Cart wheel to the empty bucket of water and cage in confusion. She’d just finished applying the new coat of varnish on the side porch to the Shack, but when she’d come back around to check on Steve, he was nowhere to be found. She had checked inside the gift shop, but Wendy hadn’t seen him come through either, meaning that unless he’d gone inside the museum or through one of the other doors, he should still have been out here.

Robin shrugged and was about to go take a lap around the Shack when Steve, Dipper, and Mabel all burst from the treeline, looking like they’d just run a marathon…through a minefield?

Soot, twigs, and leaves all clung to their clothing in abundance, and also Steve was soaking wet for some reason.

“What the…? Steve!” Robin said in alarm as she jogged over to the three of them.

“What the heck happened? Are you guys okay?”

“Heck yeah we’re okay!” Mabel suddenly shouted, pumping her fists into the air in a show of energy that completely defied her previously exhausted posture from before. Why were her and Dipper holding water guns?

“That was amazing!” Dipper piped up as well, the two twins now matching in their level of excitement. “We have the first confirmed sighting of a tree giant since Grunkle Ford saw one back when he first arrived in Gravity Falls!”

“And I got a picture of it!” Mabel cheerfully added, producing the same Polaroid camera from earlier that morning and plucking a new photo from the dispenser slot.

Dipper enthusiastically ran over to his twin as they huddled around the photo, leaving Robin no opening to ask at least one of the fifteen questions that had spawned from that little exchange just now. Her eyes looked questioningly at Steve, who was still catching his breath with his hands on his hips.

He met her eyes and shook his head, and Robin immediately understood that he was not in the mood to talk about what had just happened in the forest.

“Mabel, that picture is perfect!” Dipper exclaimed, giving Mabel a high five, which she enthusiastically returned with excessive force.

“Why thank you, Dipper! I do believe my photography skills have matured quite nicely.”

“And Steve!” Dipper said, turning and looking at Steve with an awe that Robin had seen on the Hawkins kids’ faces a few times in the past. “That…that…was just plain incredible! Property damage and vandalism charges be darned!”

“My hero!”

Mabel gave a big show of fainting onto the grass, and Robin was very quickly finding herself overwhelmed at the scene unfolding before her. Questions were spawning in her mind faster than she could even process them, and if Steve wasn’t going to tell her what was going on, then she was going to have to get that information from the two hyper twins in front of her.

“Uh, yeah, hello? Anyone care to explain what you guys are talking about and why you all look like shit?”

Dipper looked over at her, and Robin could see his smile falter a bit.

“We…uh…I mean…I…”

The two Pines twins looked over at Steve, as if silently asking something, and once Steve caught on, he shook his head annoyedly and gestured tiredly that they could proceed.

With the floodgates open, the twins immediately began talking over one another as they both attempted to fill Robin in on their trip into the forest. Unfortunately, Robin could barely make out something about spa treatments and jalapenos before she held her hands up and told the twins to go one at a time.

Robin was then treated to probably the weirdest tale she’d ever been told, which was really saying something all things considered. Dipper and Mabel both told her about these “dyna-mice” and how they were utilized as some sort of massage tool for a tree giant that apparently didn’t like its picture taken. Somehow, the giant had gotten annoyed at the humans that were intruding on its relaxation time, and had chased them down while throwing explosive ordinance mice as well. Thankfully, Steve had been able to stop the giant by dropping a water tower on it, and the three of them had run back here as fast as they could.

Robin looked pointedly to Steve, and to her utter shock, he nodded, confirming everything the twins had told her to be true.

Her bewildered expression was enough to make the twins pause and look at her a bit apprehensively.

“Sorry…we’re not trying to freak you out or anything, but Steve said you guys had seen this kind of stuff before so…”

Robin let out a laugh that was equal parts nervous and indignant.

“Oh he did , did he?”

The look on Steve’s face portrayed extreme regret. Thankfully, he was saved by the sound of the door to the gift shop opening as tourists from the last group poured out with Mystery Shack merchandise tucked under their arms or into small bags provided by the gift shop. From the excited smiles on their faces and the amount of souvenirs they each carried, Robin could only guess that Soos’s tour had been as successful as yesterday’s. As they all filed back to their respective cars, Soos himself emerged to bid goodbye and collect last minute tips, successfully relentless until the last of the cars had left the lot.

Finally walking over to them as the last of the cars disappeared down the way, Soos flipped up his eyepatch and approached the group, which had been in an awkward silence up until this point.

“Hey dudes! The new tire looks great, Steve! Hey, maybe I could sell the old one as a U.F.O. or something…”

Soos then seemed to pick up on the unease that was present, and he took note of Mabel, Dipper and Steve’s disheveled appearances before frowning.

“Uh, what did I miss?”

Five minutes later, every resident of the Mystery Shack with the exception of Soos’s grandma was gathered in the gift shop and listening intently as Dipper and Mabel recounted the tale of the giant again, and Robin found herself just as incredulous the second time around. Once the two of them had finished, all eyes shifted to Steve and Robin, and for some reason, Robin felt like everyone was less concerned about a literal giant in the woods and more about how she and Steve were going to react to it.

“Well, I guess the monkey is out of the cage now, dudes,” Soos said with a lighthearted shrug. “Things get a little weird around here sometimes.”

“Yeah, that’s one way to put it,” Steve said sarcastically. “I’d offer ‘life threatening’ as an alternative as well, but hey, I’m just the new guy.”

Steve then paused and seemed to remember something. He turned to look at Dipper and Mabel specifically.

“And I’m sorry, but did you say you two have gone into that forest multiple times? Like, intentionally ?”

“Yeah, I’d say so,” Dipper replied, and Steve immediately turned towards Melody, Soos, and Wendy.

“And you guys know that they go out there? You let them do this?”

“Hey! Don’t be talking ‘bout us like we ain’t here!” Mabel said sassily, shaking her finger for emphasis. “And for your information, pretty hair, we are pros when it comes to dealing with otherworldly junk like this!”

“She’s right, dude,” Wendy said from her relaxed position on the counter. “Heck, these two basically stopped the end of the world by themselves last summer, so if there’s anybody that’s prepared to deal with what’s out there, it’s Dipper and Mabel.”

Robin was mildly surprised by Wendy’s sudden seriousness given her usual laid back nature, but that made it all the more potent. Robin couldn’t help but admire that about Wendy actually—wait, did she say end of the world ?

Steve and Robin both raised their eyebrows at this, and Dipper immediately stiffened and began stammering.

“Well…the end of the world might be an exaggeration…”

“No,” Wendy said, her tone still serious. She stood up straight and crossed her arms as well. “That ‘Never Mind All That’ Act is dumb anyway. Plus, from what you just told me, Dipper, it sounds like Steve and Robin know how to handle themselves, so they might as well know about what happened.”

“Oh, so we haven’t even gotten to the good stuff yet?” Robin asked jokingly. She’d held out a small hope that they’d all laugh at it and tell them that the most unbelievable parts had already been told, but no one was laughing, and Robin’s skin suddenly felt clammy at their reaction.

“You got no idea, dudes!” Soos said. “So there was this reality-warping demon from another dimension named Bill that wanted to take over our universe, right? So he started trying to possess people in their dreams so that he could open a portal and get into our world and get a physical body of his own, but first he—”

“Details can maybe wait for now, Soos,” Dipper offered before turning back to Steve and Robin. “I think you guys might’ve had enough of a shock for one day.”

Robin agreed with Dipper despite the fact that Soos’s description of last year’s “almost apocalypse” was a near-identical description of Steve and Robin’s summer with the Russians and the Mind Flayer. Eerie, to say the least.

There was a beat of silence, and Robin could see that Dipper was looking at the two of them almost expectantly, and it looked like the others were waiting for something as well. Most likely an explanation as to how the two of them were taking this new information so well. Robin remembered just how skeptical she’d been of the Upside Down and the Mind Flayer when Steve had first explained it to her, even with something relatively believable like the invading Russians to act as a segue into it. And even then with all she had seen up until that point, Robin had still held doubts about it until the entire Party had been debriefed by that Dr. Owens guy. It was at that point when it had finally clicked for her.

And now, sitting here in the Mystery Shack’s gift shop, the unspoken question hung in the air. The question as to how Steve and Robin seemed to be so okay with what went on in the sleepy town of Gravity Falls.

A glance over at Steve showed that he was on the exact same page that she was, and a conversation was had using “Silent Steve-talk” as to whether they should tell their story as well. Steve had already let a little bit slip, so if Robin was being honest, there wasn’t much of a conversation to be had. It seemed kind of inevitable at this point.

“Well,” Robin started awkwardly after receiving a subtle nod from Steve. “Since we’re really doing this, there’s something we should probably tell you guys…”

The residents of the Mystery Shack spent the next half hour in a dumbfounded silence as the two Hawkins natives wove the tale of the Upside Down and the Hawkins Research Laboratory. Steve ended up telling most of it since he had been involved a lot longer than Robin, but she still added parts here and there where she could.

No one was surprised when Dipper hastily opened his journal and began scribbling down notes part way through the story, and Robin was thankful that the young teen was saving his likely numerous questions until she finished.

During a quiet moment while Steve did his best to describe what a demogorgon was, Robin took note of everyone else’s reactions around the room. Melody’s brow was scrunched slightly in a look of concern, and Robin got the sneaking suspicion that while the older woman was aware and acclimated to the oddities of the universe, she had not been exposed to this stuff as much as everyone else, giving way to her slightly uncomfortable reaction. Soos and Mabel, on the other hand, were both completely entranced by the story, with Mabel resting her chin on her hands and swinging her feet in excitement from the tall stool she was sitting on. Robin honestly couldn’t tell if she was more hypnotized by the story or by the fact that Steve was telling it, but a combination of both definitely seemed to be the case here. Wendy was listening attentively as well, though her expression was hardened and sincere, which was in sharp contrast to what Robin had seen from her so far.

“...so we closed the portal and stopped the Russians and the ground-beef Mind Flayer, and haven’t had anything happen since,” Steve finished. Details were omitted from his story too, but both he and Robin knew that there was little to no point in getting into those right now. The same sentiment was shared by the others as well.

Dipper’s pen was flying across the page at a speed Robin didn’t even think was possible for a human to achieve, and she could have sworn that she saw a whiff of smoke emanate from the tip as he looked up at last.

“There are no words in the English language that can accurately convey the sheer amount of excitement I feel right now,” he said wholeheartedly.

“Oh yes there are!” Mabel chimed in cheerfully. “How about…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”

Mabel’s hands shook with joy and exhilaration, and she bounded off her stool and began jumping around with a stifling amount of eagerness that Robin was sure was inhuman.

“That…actually comes pretty close to describing it,” Dipper conceded.

“Well, I guess we’re about even now,” Melody said with a laugh. “That is, unless you two are also space aliens or time travelers or something.”

Robin glared over at Steve, and the two of them silently argued for a moment on who was going to speak next. Robin lost, so she shook her head and took a deep breath.

“Actually…”

Chapter Text

Chapter 4

Robin roused herself awake and groggily looked over at the alarm clock. The time read ten o’clock on the dot, and for the briefest of moments she began to panic that she had missed her alarm and that they were going to be late for work. The sleep-delayed memory that the Mystery Shack was closed today caused her to freeze in her tracks just as she threw the covers off herself, the noise rousing Steve from his slumber as she sat frozen in embarrassment and annoyance.

Steve blinked a few times, then turned his head to look at the alarm clock as well.

“This isn’t gonna become a thing with you, is it?” he asked sleepily.

“Can it, dingus,” Robin grumbled, throwing the covers back over herself and turning over.

The room was silent for a moment, then Robin heard the sound of Steve slowly sitting up on his own bed.

“Might as well get up anyway. The twins are supposed to be showing us around town today. We can finally file that police report for that time travel guy.”

Robin let out a groan in response, but she tiredly sat back up and began going through the motions of getting ready. Yesterday had been a bit tiring for everyone with all of their confessions and revelations about their own otherworldly pasts and origins. After Steve and Robin had dropped the bombshell about being from the 80s, reactions had been varied to say the least. Some, like Mabel and Soos, had been predictable. The two of them had expressed immediate excitement and began gushing about all the cool things they wanted to show them and all the amazing stories they had to swap.

“No wonder your car is in such great condition for its age!” Soos had exclaimed excitedly. “It’s literally brand new!”

Robin did not have the opportunity to shatter Soos’s happiness with the news that the car was from a used car lot, as Dipper fainted from excitement at that moment and all attention was immediately diverted to resuscitating him.

Wendy and Melody took the news with relative grace, though Robin could tell that they both were excited and awestruck by the opportunities and uniqueness of it all.

Once everyone had been given a chance to process, Steve and Robin had explained the details of how they had arrived in 2013. Their mention of the guy in the jumpsuit and goggles with the tape measure time machine struck a chord with Dipper and Mabel, as they had apparently had run-ins with that guy in the past…and the future…and the present too, apparently.

“His name is Blendin, Blendin Blenjamin Blandin,” Dipper had confirmed. “He’s originally from the far future year of 207̃012, which is where the Time Police manage the timeline and repair any damage done to it.”

“So, it’s his job to fix this, right?” Steve had said, looking like he was doing his best to ignore the fact that the year “207̃012” was actually real. “I mean, us being here has got to be against some kind of time law or something, so he’s not just gonna leave us stranded since it’s his job…”

“I wouldn’t be so sure…” Dipper had replied. He’d briefly left the gift shop to retrieve something, and when he came back, he was holding a sheet of paper in his hands, though it had been yellowed by age and wear, and Dipper held it with extreme care. He also seemed to be holding an old black and white photograph as well, which looked just as old as the paper.

“This letter was written from Blendin to me and Mabel from the year 1883,” Dipper had explained as he carefully laid the photograph and paper on the counter. Everyone leaned over curiously, and Robin had immediately recognized one of the faces in the photo as the goggled man in the jumpsuit from the hotel. However, the grainy old photo showed him in a pair of spectacles and with some old-timey suit and tie on with a bowler hat to match. He also wore a mustache.

“That’s definitely him,” Steve confirmed, frowning down at the man in the picture. “But this letter is gibberish. It’s just a jumble of letters.”

Robin had seen that he was right. The letters did in fact utilize the English alphabet, but they weren’t in any language that Robin had seen before. It didn’t seem to follow any phonetic rhyme or reason either.

“That’s because he wrote it in code,” Dipper explained. “It took me a while, but I was able to finally decipher it.”

Dipper had then explained that after the events of Weirdmaggedon (Robin still wasn’t sure how she felt about the name), Blendin was stripped of his status on the force, and a dimension-wide warrant was issued for his arrest. His final hiding place was 1883, as his time machine was run over by a train shortly after his arrival.

“So wait,” Steve had said, the signs of mental strain beginning to show on his face. “So we are stuck here? How could his time device break again if it was already broken back in the 1800s?”

“The break in 1883 hasn’t happened yet, Steve,” Robin had explained. “Well, technically it has, but not for Blendin! That means that he does somehow manage to fix it in this time, and hopefully we can find him and hitch a ride back to 1985 before he leaves!”

Steve’s head had looked like it was about to explode, and Robin couldn’t blame him. All this time travel talk was tough for even her to keep up with, so simplifying it was the best option.

“All we have to do is find him before he fixes his time machine, then we convince him to take us back to the past. Easy.”

“Yeah,” Steve had mumbled. “Easy…”

Thinking back to yesterday’s events now, Robin could only hope that it would be that easy. Their plan was straightforward enough, but finding Blendin would be easier said than done. And how much time did they really have? Robin had no frame of reference for how long it took to repair handheld time machines, and she jokingly chalked that up to another let down by the American school system.

Shaking the memory from her head, Robin groaned and followed Steve’s lead in getting ready for the day. After the two of them dressed and showered, they journeyed to the kitchen to find Soos and Melody already up and about.

“Morning, dudes!” Soos said cheerfully. He opted for a simple Mystery Staff shirt and shorts today, as Mr. Mystery would not be needed for tours due to the Shack being closed.

Both Robin and Steve gave him a good morning of their own while they waited for the twins. Soos would have come with them, but he wanted to get a head start on fixing up the Dart as soon as possible. His excuse was so that it would be ready before they found Blendin and fixed the time machine, but Robin had a sneaking suspicion that Soos’s level of interest in the vehicle had skyrocketed after finding out it was actually from the 80s, making him all the more eager to begin work on it. Steve had offered to stay behind and help, but Soos insisted that he go with Robin and the twins to file the report, as he had yet to see the actual town of Gravity Falls and should “experience the wonders of the 21st century” while he could.

Melody had some administrative work to do, so she’d declined to go with them as well. Knowing that Steve had a driver’s license was enough for Soos to loan him his truck keys for the trip, despite the fact that Steve’s license was technically expired for almost three decades now. And even though Steve initially protested that he didn’t want to strand Soos or Melody at the Shack without a vehicle, Soos cooly replied that he could always take Stan’s El Diablo in an emergency, though apparently Stan threatened a brass knuckle sandwich to anyone who so much as looked at his car wrong.

Robin wasn’t still entirely sure what to make of this Stan guy or his twin brother Ford, but she supposed she’d be meeting them soon enough, unless they found Blendin and fixed the time machine before then, which she unfortunately doubted would happen. Steve didn’t appear to be that confident that they’d find Blendin quickly either. There wasn’t any empirical data to substantiate Robin’s doubt, but it had always been her experience that things tended not to go so well when it came to supernatural stuff like this, so she was prepared to assume the worst.

Once Steve and Robin had met up with the twins and had a quick breakfast, the four of them piled into Soos’s truck with Steve in the driver’s seat. Steve took a moment to get acclimated, as he had never driven an automatic before, then the four of them were off for the short ride into town. The first minute or so was spent in silence, then Dipper spoke up from the back.

“Filing this police report is a good idea, but I hope you guys don’t get your hopes up too much. Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland aren’t exactly what you’d call ‘supercops’.”

“And yet again we find that we have another thing in common,” Robin said with sarcastic humor. “The Hawkins P.D. isn’t exactly much in the way of super sleuths themselves.”

“Oh, are the cops in your town also madly in love with each other and didn’t make it official until almost everyone knew about it?” Mabel giggled from the back seat.

“Not exactly,” Steve replied, bewildered by Mabel’s specificity. “But as far as having even a shred of knowledge about what really goes on in Hawkins, they’ve got nothing.”

The rest of the ride was spent in good humor as the four of them joked about the relative uselessness of their local law enforcement, and before they knew it, Dipper had directed them to the Gravity Falls police station.

Walking in, Robin immediately noticed that the station was largely empty, with little to no activity to be found anywhere around them. The only thing that greeted the four of them was a bored-looking desk clerk, who sluggishly took down their description of Blendin and informed them that they’d be in touch if they saw anything that matched his description. When Mabel inquired if Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland were around, the clerk laconically yawned and told them that they were out getting iced lattes together, to which Mabel cooed and mentioned how adorable that was. The clerk did not seem to share the sentiment.

The group quickly realized that there was nothing more to be done at the police station, and the four of them exited less than ten minutes after they’d walked in.

Outside on the sidewalk, excited voices suddenly called out to the group, and Robin turned to see Wendy approaching, sauntering like she hadn’t a care in the world. Tagging along with her were two younger teenagers that Robin didn’t recognize, one of which possessed a slight frame with long black hair and round glasses perched high on her nose. In contrast, the other was taller with broad shoulders and light brown hair done up in a ponytail.

Upon seeing the two younger girls, Mabel gave a giddy squeal and bounded over to them, seemingly well acquainted already, and the two girls matched her energy at once.

“Yes! I’m so glad you guys are here!” Mabel said excitedly.

“Of course, Mabel,” said the smaller girl in glasses in a slightly accented voice. “We would never miss seeing the time travelers firsthand!”

“Agreed!” the larger girl said in a much louder and deeper voice than Robin had been expecting, which was definitely saying something since she’d already been expecting loud and deep.

“Steve and Robin,” Mabel said, turning and displaying her two friends to the older teenagers. “Meet Candy and Grenda, my two co-pilots on this never-ending roller coaster of life!”

Introductions were made amicably, though Robin immediately noticed the twinkle in the two newcomers’ eyes as they looked upon Steve for the first time. Robin had to bite the inside of her cheek to avoid laughter as the one called Candy blushed and mumbled something in what Robin thought sounded like Korean. The one called Grenda took one look at Steve, and immediately spoke up.

“His hair is long and luxurious like Marius’s. My separation anxiety is flaring up!”

Robin had no idea who this Marius person was supposed to be, but she cast a sidelong glance over at Steve, whose shoulders had slumped annoyedly at the realization that Mabel was not the only thirteen-year-old girl that was now expressing interest in him. Robin could not keep the smile from her face as he returned her look, and Steve’s response was to shake his head and clench his jaw in obvious exasperation.

“Wait a second,” Dipper spoke up, his voice betraying his worry. “Mabel, you told Candy and Grenda about them? I thought we agreed not to tell anyone!”

“There are no secrets between me and my girls, Dipper!” Mabel replied sternly. “Besides, I made them swear on their honor as my friends never to tell a soul!”

“My subtlety is my strength!” Grenda said with enough volume that it echoed down the street.

“As a bonus, they can help us look for the time travel guy!” Mabel cheerily added. “With them by our side, we’ll find Blendin in no time!”

“Yes. Mission: Search and Destroy!” Candy said resolutely, surprising everyone by pulling a switchblade from her skirt pocket and brandishing it proudly.

“Hehe, she’s just kidding!” Mabel nervously said, before whispering something about a “misunderstanding” to both of her two friends.

“Ah! Sorry! My blade will stay hungry instead.”

Robin tried not to let her nervousness show at having two additional people in town that knew that her and Steve were not from this time period, but a scan of Dipper and Wendy’s faces told her that they thought the younger girls could be trusted, so she took a deep breath and let her shoulders relax. A reassuring look from Steve in the next moment helped as well.

“Well, since we’re all here, I think it’s best if we split up and search around town for any sign of Blendin,” Dipper said, retrieving a map from his backpack he’d brought with him and unfolding it to reveal a bird’s eye view of the town.

“Knowing Blendin, he doesn’t have the skills to survive out in the forest on his own, and he’s going to need parts and tools in order to repair his time machine. So with that in mind, I’d say our best bet of finding him would be to start in the populated areas and work our way out from there. Anybody have any objections?”

The plan seemed like a good place to start, so Robin said nothing and gave an affirming nod with her head. No one else seemed to have any objections either.

“Perfect, looks like there’s enough to make about three groups, so—”

“Got my group all stocked and ready to go, Dippingsauce!” Mabel said, holding out her hands and receiving synchronized high-fives from Candy and Grenda. “We out like a trout!”

The three girls then turned around and ran down the sidewalk and out of sight, feeding off each other’s bottomless energy like some kind of perpetual generator. Robin secretly felt a touch of relief that they hadn’t paired her with them, as she doubted she’d be able to keep up.

“Alright, well, looks like Mabel and her posse are headed downtown, so how about we split it up via guys and girls?” Dipper offered. “That way we still have someone familiar with the town paired up with a newcomer. If we find anything, we just give each other a call and report in. Sound good?”

“A-okay with me, dude,” Wendy said with an amicable smile. “Welcome to the girls club, Robin. Up top!”

Wendy held her hand up, and Robin gazed back at her for a moment, idly wondering why she felt so warm all of a sudden.

“Don’t leave me hangin’, dude!” Wendy said, her hand still poised in the air for a high five.

Robin blushed when she realized she’d been spacing out, and quickly returned Wendy’s high five.

“We’ll start off in the town square. Catch you dorks later!” Wendy said, giving Dipper and Steve finger guns before sauntering off with Robin following behind. Robin turned and gave Steve a small nod as she left, only for Steve to blatantly raise his eyebrows in a suggestive manner while looking between Wendy and her. Robin quickly responded by shooting him a rude gesture that neither Dipper nor Wendy could see, but she couldn’t fight the slight blush that stubbornly persisted on her cheeks, just like how Steve couldn’t resist chuckling as he noticed it. Robin turned her back to avoid further embarrassment and matched Wendy’s pace, but a new feeling made itself known as she continued walking away from the boys. Despite her annoyance at Steve’s own brand of teasing just now, Robin felt a slight jab of anxiety as she noticed that this was the first time they had been knowingly separated since arriving in 2013. In truth, it wasn’t a big deal, but Robin couldn’t shake the slight pang she was feeling at going somewhere without him, even if that somewhere was just to the other side of this small town. She noted with a twinge of humor that it was a bit like riding a bike without the training wheels for the first time, in its own weird time-travely sort of way. It was kind of a milestone, but it still felt weird.

…

Steve let his hands slide easily into his jacket pockets as he let Dipper lead the way towards the residential district, the younger of the two mumbling to himself as he traced out a route for them to follow on the map. While Dipper continued to immerse himself in the map, Steve took a moment to examine the town around them as they strolled down the sidewalk. While keeping an eye out for this Blendin guy, Steve took in the buildings and the people that they passed along the way. After a few moments, Steve snorted when he realized that on its surface, the town didn’t seem that weird at all. A little dated maybe, but Steve didn’t really have a good grasp on what could be considered “rustic” or not considering this was the only town he’d been in since arriving in the future. That being said, on its surface, the town and its people gave little to no indication that it was ground zero for any strange or otherworldly items and entities. It looked a little like something out of a postcard, in fact, and Steve considered it to be very similar to Hawkins in that regard.

A glance back at Dipper showed that the younger teen was still looking at the map, but Steve noticed that he wasn’t really reading it anymore. Instead, it looked as though Dipper was just trying to find something to do with himself, rather than walk awkwardly beside Steve without conversation. In his mind, Steve knew that the male Pines twin likely wanted nothing more than to ask a million questions about the 1980s and the Upside Down and the Mind Flayer and so on and so forth. After a brief consideration, Steve also realized that Dipper was actually attempting to be polite, as he must have known that bombarding someone with inquiry after inquiry had the capacity to make them uncomfortable, so his solution was to find anything to distract himself from the temptation.

Steve sighed and rolled his eyes at the thought. He knew he was probably going to get asked these questions at some point anyway, so…

“Alright kiddo, you can quit squirming over there. I doubt we’re gonna find our time traveler guy right off the bat, so now is as good a time as any to ask me stuff.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I guess I did have maybe a few questions…” Dipper said, and Steve snorted again at how much of a show the kid was putting on of pretending not to care.

“The phones are open, Pines. You should hurry up before I change my mind.”

Steve pulled his hand out of his pocket and swept the air in front of him to let Dipper know that the floor was his.

There was a pause, then the journal was back in Dipper’s hand and his mouth was a blur as query after inquisitive query spilled from his lips. Despite the barrage of words the kid was shoveling at him, Steve felt a smile tug at the corner of his lips at just how much Dipper reminded him of Robin just now. The two of them carried a certain level of social awkwardness that wasn’t overt by any means, but they definitely didn’t attempt to hide it as much around people they were comfortable with, so Steve supposed he should be taking it as a good sign that Dipper was talking to him at a mile a minute. That being said, if Steve was going to humor this kid, he was going to have to take it down a notch.

Holding his hand out in a halting gesture, Steve stopped Dipper’s questioning for a moment to speak.

“Let’s just try one question at a time, alright? You ask, I answer, repeat. Sound good?”

Dipper nodded enthusiastically, and Steve gave him the go ahead to start again.

“Ok,” Dipper said. “First question: Your hair is abnormally long and seems to possess different physical properties than that of normal human hair. Are you a werewolf?”

Steve felt his shoulders slump at the question.

This…was going to get tedious, wasn’t it?

…

Robin noted with a hint of irony that the town square was very similar to the one back in Hawkins, though she supposed she really should have seen that coming. Aesthetically speaking, Gravity Falls matched the small-town vibe of Hawkins perfectly, with the only difference being that the tall oak forest that surrounded Hawkins was exchanged for even taller pines and redwoods here in Gravity Falls, which made for a much more pleasant view if Robin was being honest.

“Well dude, how about it?” Wendy said, crossing her arms behind her head and stretching while the two of them strolled around the block at an easy pace. “Is the future everything you thought it would be?”

Robin thought for a moment before answering.

“Not in the least,” she finally admitted. “I mean, I would have thought that flying cars or some other kind of revolutionary transportation would have been invented by now, but everyone’s still using buses and cars to get around. It’s like nothing changed.”

Wendy laughed easily, alleviating Robin’s fear that the redhead would have taken offense to her disappointment of the times.

“Yeah, I guess Back to the Future really got everyone’s hopes up back in the 80s, huh?”

Robin was slightly confused by Wendy’s statement.

“Back to the Future ? Why? Because the time machine we’re looking for is a tape measure instead of a Delorean?”

“Well, that and the future he visits in 2015 was way more advanced than this one. Granted we still have two years to figure out flying cars and hoverboards, but I’m not exactly holding my breath on those.”

Robin’s face scrunched in confusion.

“Did they retcon the movie or something in recent years? Does he go to the future instead of 1955 now?”

“No, I’m talking about the second movie. You know, with the old man and the self-lacing…”

Wendy trailed off at Robin’s confused expression, then frowned slightly.

“You have seen the second movie, right? I figured in the 80s everyone and their grandmother had seen it after how successful the first one was.”

“I saw the first one in theaters,” Robin said, finally getting an inkling of where the confusion was stemming from. “...about two weeks ago. Or rather, two weeks ago in 1985. If they made a second one, I doubt they’ve even started on it yet in my time.”

“Oh dang, dude! Spoilers! I’m sorry,” Wendy said sheepishly, her face taking on a slight red to match her hair color. Robin tried not to stare and turned up her humor a bit in response.

“Actually, I would not be opposed to you spoiling it for me. Hell, now I want to watch it so I can blow people’s minds when I get back to 1985 and magically guess the plot for the movie. I could be heralded as a prophet among the plebeian masses of Hawkins.”

This caused Wendy to laugh.

“Do you want to take it to the extreme? Then buckle up, Robin, because they made a third one too! Imagine yourself prophesying not just one, but two of the greatest classics of all time!”

“Well, why stop there?” Robin said, falling easily into the bit they were doing. “Why not just go on a movie marathon and perfectly predict the plot of every great film between 1985 and 2013? I could have fame, fortune, my own angry mob to burn me at the stake for being a witch…this just keeps getting better!”

Wendy laughed even harder at Robin’s joke, and Robin felt her stomach turn over at the sound.

“For real dude, you play your cards right, you could be a millionaire, or at the very least, have a promising career as a fortune teller.”

“Yeah, anything to get out of Hawkins,” Robin said with a smile still on her face. “For the last couple of years, all I could think about was getting away from that monster of a town, and that was before I even discovered there were literal monsters in it. Guess the motivation is twice as strong now.”

“That bad, huh?” Wendy said. “You know, I used to think the same thing about Gravity Falls, but then I met the Pines family and Soos and the rest, and I ended up forgetting that I ever hated this place. I guess I learned that even the worst of places can be alright as long as you’ve got the right people with you.”

Her tone was still light-hearted, but Robin could sense the underlying sincerity in her words. And after brief consideration, Robin realized that Wendy was right. She’d had a few friends early on in Hawkins that she’d always be grateful for, but it wasn’t until she’d met Steve and Dustin and all the rest of those little shitheads that she’d found a reason to actually enjoy her time in that town despite the literal hell that existed just beneath their feet.

“Well, I can’t argue with that,” she conceded. “I guess finding a friend or two did make Hawkins a bit more bearable. Steve has his moments, I suppose.”

Wendy snorted.

“Understatement of the century judging from the twins’ account of what went down yesterday. The dude has barely been here a day and the kids already are idolizing him, especially Mabel.”

Robin suppressed a giggle at the blatant familiarity of the situation.

“Don’t let him catch you saying that. Back in Hawkins, that guy is like an honorary big brother to no less than like seven kids. It’s like watching Mr. Mom in stereo.”

That earned another laugh from Wendy, and Robin made a mental note to schedule an appointment with her doctor for all these weird stomach spasms she was suddenly getting.

“Oh my god, that totally explains why he got all worked up yesterday about the twins being safe! I felt like I was getting chewed out by an angry parent or something.”

Now it was Robin’s turn to laugh. She’d seen it yesterday too. Steve had been more riled up than she’d seen since…well since he’d fought against that Russian underneath the Starcourt Mall.

“By the way,” Wendy continued. “Hope this isn’t too personal or anything, but are you two, like, an item or something?”

Robin felt a clench in her chest at the question, but she forcefully willed it away and did her best to maintain a straight face.

“Oh, no…We’re just good friends.”

She hoped that it had sounded natural enough. Hell, she’d had plenty of practice from the rest of the Party asking all the time.

“Why do you ask?”

“No particular reason,” Wendy said with a shrug. “You two just seem pretty comfortable around one another, so I figured I’d ask.”

Robin felt the tightness in her lungs dissipate with relief as well as some other emotion she couldn’t quite place. What was wrong with her today? Aside from the obvious time displacement, of course.

“Nope, purely platonic. In fact, he’s completely single right now.”

Robin wasn’t sure why she’d said that, and with such a probing tone. Wendy raised an eyebrow.

“Really? Superstar babysitter and hair like that? Hard to believe the guy isn’t spoken for.”

Wendy caught Robin’s reaction to her statement.

“Don’t worry,” the redhead said with a smirk. “The dude seems great and all, but I think I’m done with boys for a while. Plus, he looks like he might be a little too old for me.”

Robin’s relief was immediate, and she firmly reminded herself that it was solely because she wouldn’t have to deal with yet another person in this town fawning over Steve while they were here.

“Besides, the last thing I’d want to do is paint a target on my back for Mabel, Candy, and Grenda,” Wendy said, lightening the mood once again. “I watched Grenda suplex a unicorn last summer. That girl does not mess around.”

Robin was quickly learning that it was best to just go along with whatever crazy exploits were mentioned in the past with these people, as going down those rabbit holes would likely keep her busy for hours.

“Grenda. The one with the ponytail, right?” Robin asked.

“Ponytail, natural bass, looks like she hit her growth spurt at age eight,” Wendy confirmed with a nod.

“She mentioned some guy named Marius, or at least, I thought she did.”

“Yeah, he’s some rich kid from Austria who met her at the big party the Northwest family throws every year. Guess he was really charmed by her confidence and straightforwardness.”

Robin gave an affirming nod. From what she’d seen already, the girl had no shortage of that.

“Apparently, he also likes the fact that she can bench press him too. She says that is a common activity during their cuddle time.”

“Sounds like an…interesting relationship.”

Wendy chuckled.

“Around here? That’s about par for the course.”

Something down the sidewalk from them caught Wendy’s eye, and her smile grew wider at the sight.

“Exhibit A,” she said, gesturing with her hand out.

Robin followed her gaze, then frowned to see what appeared to be a man seated on a bench, arguing with a strange bird perched on his shoulder.

“Honey, we’ve talked about this,” Robin overheard the man saying. “Just because your parents don’t approve of our choice of lumber when building our house does not mean that we have to build an entirely separate guest house for them when they visit!”

The bird on his shoulder gave a tweet in response, and the man’s demeanor grew sour.

“I recall us both agreeing that cedar was a better option when we built it. You know that we can’t afford cypress!”

The bird responded by giving his shoulder a few light taps with its beak, and the man then grew angrier.

“I can’t talk to you when you get like this!”

The man stood up and marched off, the bird still perched on his shoulder, leaving Robin and Wendy alone once again in their stroll down the sidewalk.

“Uh, was he arguing with a bird?” Robin asked.

“Yep,” Wendy confirmed. “That woodpecker right there is his wife, and they’ve got a certified marriage certificate from Roadkill county to prove it.”

“Well that’s…unprecedented.”

Wendy nodded and was about to say more when the doors to the coffee shop that they were walking past flew open, and out stepped two men dressed in police uniforms. The patches on their shoulders confirmed them as officers of the Gravity Falls Police Department, and both of them were giggling like school kids while slurping on two large iced coffees with copious amounts of whipped cream on top.

The two cops noticed Wendy and Robin as they approached.

“Well now, what do we have here?” said the shorter of the two policemen. A glance at the cop showed him to be middle-aged and heavyset, with a graying mustache on his upper lip and a large pair of sunglasses covering his eyes.

“Looks like we got a new face in town, Blubs!” the other policeman answered in an enthusiastic voice. Contrary to his partner, this policeman was tall and lanky with a large nose and unibrow that served only to further animate his already excitable features.

“That, we do, Deputy Durland. That, we do.”

Robin frowned at the two of them. Wait, these two were…?

“Sheriff. Deputy,” Wendy greeted slyly as she crossed her arms. “Your squad car still handle like a dream?”

“You’re lucky that all the footage of that incident was confiscated,” Blubs said in a disgruntled voice. “Otherwise you and your little posse would be doing time in the slammer, Corduroy!”

“Oh yeah,” Durland said. “But we know you can’t keep your nose clean forever, girly. Someday, you’re gonna slip up, and when you do, we’re gonna be right there to book ya’!”

Wendy rolled her eyes at the threat, looking less than worried about Durland’s warning.

“And you, what’s your name, little missy?” Blubs suddenly asked, swirling the ice in his coffee around and placing the other hand on his hip. “Haven’t seen you around here before.”

“Robin,” Robin replied, still slightly confused at the two. “I’m from out of town.”

“Out of town, huh? You keepin’ your nose clean out here? You haven’t been…poking into things you shouldn’t be…have you?”

Robin dumbly shook her head no, and both Blubs and Durland squinted at her seriously for a moment. And then, as if a switch had been flipped, the moment passed, and smiles reappeared on both cops’ faces.

“Good to hear! In that case, I don’t have to use my new birthday present on you!”

Blubs pulled a taser from his belt and held it loosely in his free hand.

Aw dang! But I’ve been lookin’ forward to breakin’ in my new birthday present!” Durland said dejectedly, pulling out a similarly new looking taser from his belt as well.

“Don’t you worry, Durland darlin’. Say, why don’t we go patrol downtown? I just know we’ll find some lawbreakers down there!”

“Woohoo!” Durland replied, perking up immediately and jumping from foot to foot. “Lead the way, Blubsy wubsy!”

Before her eyes, Robin watched as the two cops holstered their tasers and strode past her and Wendy, sipping their coffees and interlacing their free hands together.

Robin’s brain struggled to comprehend the interaction she’d just witnessed.

“That’s…”

“Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland,” Wendy said with a nod. “Now you see why Dipper wasn’t too confident that they’d be much help finding your time travel guy.”

“They’re…they’re together…”

“Yep. Finally happened at the end of last summer, and honestly, I think everyone was surprised it didn’t happen sooner. Those two have been inseparable for as long as I can remember, but like Mabel said in the car, everyone kind of figured they were a thing way before they made it official.”

“And they’re…men…both of them.”

“Well yeah, they…”

Wendy trailed off, and Robin saw the redhead’s easy-going smile morph into a mix of unease and slight accusation. There was a trace of something else too, something that Robin couldn’t quite place, but the look made her feel nervous, as Wendy had few reasons to drop her calm and relaxed attitude.

“Dude, you’re not…like…against this kind of thing, are you?”

Wendy gestured over to Blubs and Durland as they continued walking away, still hand in hand in the middle of the street, in broad daylight. Two men.

“Like, I know you’re from the 80s, but still…”

For a moment, Robin felt like breaking into a fit of nervous laughter. Wendy was asking her, of all people if she was against… that? If that wasn’t the most ironic thing ever to happen to her…

The realization was intense, but Robin welcomed it all the same. It was like a weight she didn’t know she had was being lifted from her chest, and it felt amazing.

“No,” she said simply, as a smile like one she hadn’t felt in a while slowly began dominating her features. It grew larger and larger until she was certain that her face would stick like that forever.

“In fact…I’m relieved. This is far better than any movie plot I could take back with me.”

Wendy’s smile returned, and the mood eased once more as she exhaled reassuredly.

“Glad to hear it, dude. You had me worried for a second.”

Robin looked at her, and their eyes locked for a brief second. Robin thought for sure that she saw something flash behind Wendy’s gaze, but the redhead looked away before she could search any further.

“Anyway, let’s do a couple more laps before we meet back up with the rest of the guys,” Wendy said, turning amicably and putting her hands in her pockets as she started back down the sidewalk.

Robin watched her for a moment, then spared a glance back at Blubs and Durland before following Wendy. Just the simple movement of walking felt somehow easier now, as though she’d been walking through water her entire life.

…

“So, her name is Eleven, and she has telekinesis as well as astral projection…And her name stems from her being the eleventh subject that was kept and studied in the Hawkins Research Laboratory. Were there more than eleven subjects, or was she the last one?”

“No idea,” Steve replied honestly. “Apparently she met up with another one of the laboratory kids about a year or so after she escaped, but I think that the rest of them are all dead or something.”

Dipper nodded and made a quick addition to his notes.

“And you’re absolutely sure that none of her abilities stem from some kind of magical jewelry? Maybe like a necklace or something?”

“No, man. Why are you so hung up on that? Just because this ‘Gideon Meatball’ kid you’ve been telling me about had one doesn’t make it universal.”

“His name is—actually nevermind. Meatball sounds better anyway.”

Dipper paused once before continuing.

“It’s just that we have yet to encounter any actual superhumans out here in Gravity Falls, at least in the traditional sense. I mean, Manly Dan is freakishly strong, but not strong enough to really cross the line into unnatural…and I don’t really count the witch…or Rumble McSkirmish…”

“Well, maybe you just don’t have any out here,” Steve said bluntly. “I have no idea if the powers transfer to their kids or anything, but superpowered people don’t exactly grow on trees back in Hawkins either.”

“Right…” Dipper said, almost dejectedly. “Makes sense, I guess. Gravity Falls is more of a weirdness and freakishness magnet than a super magnet anyway.”

Steve watched the kid for a moment, wondering why he seemed so down all of a sudden. Steve liked comics and superheroes as much as anyone else did when he was Dipper’s age, but he got the feeling that wasn’t what the kid was bummed out about.

“Maybe you just haven’t found them yet. It’s not like Hawkins owns a premium on superheroes, right?” Steve said in an attempt to cheer the kid up at least a little bit.

“Yeah, right. Then maybe I could reverse engineer their powers and get Chase and Dwayne off my back…”

Dipper mumbled that last part, but not quietly enough that Steve didn’t hear.

“Chase and Dwayne? Who are they? Loan sharks? I honestly didn’t peg you as the kind of kid that got into that kind of business.”

Dipper snorted.

“No, they’re just jerks back in Piedmont that hate anyone that doesn’t idolize them for being first string linebackers on a last-place team in a D-class school district.”

“Well, that’s depressing,” Steve agreed, cringing inwardly a bit at how closely that description matched some people back in Hawkins, including that of the former King of Hawkins High himself.

“In every way possible,” Dipper agreed. “They like giving me trouble because I’m the only one that called them out on it. Gives them all the fuel they need to make me their number one subject of ridicule.”

“It sounds to me like they need their asses kicked,” Steve said, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, they do, but as much as I hate to admit it, being first string linebackers on a last-place team still means they’re bigger and stronger than me. I’m not scared of them, but I’d rather pick my battles instead of getting the snot beat out of me for nothing more than their own satisfaction.”

“Didn’t you fight an actual video game character last summer?” Steve said jokingly. “I would think this is a step down from that.”

“Didn’t you fight a bullet-proof demon with a baseball bat?” Dipper said back. “I would think that would be a step down from some shirt-adverse jerk with family issues.”

“Touché,” Steve said, albeit annoyedly. He wasn’t a huge fan of remembering how badly he got his ass handed to him by Billy Hargrove back in the 80s, but Dipper made a good point.

“But you got friends back in Piedmont, right? Just ask the one that watches the most boxing to help you out. Two-on-two gives you way better odds than going in on your own.”

Dipper frowned.

“My friends...are great guys,” he conceded. “But confrontational isn't a word I’d use to describe them. They don’t want to stand up for themselves because they think it’ll only make things worse if we antagonize them.”

“Well, maybe they’re right,” Steve conceded with a shrug. “But it sure as hell doesn’t get any better by letting them walk all over you. But I’m guessing they haven’t figured that out yet, right?”

“…yep.”

Steve and Dipper walked in silence for a little while, having finally made it to the residential portion of Gravity Falls, where squat houses sat side by side in comfortably-sized yards of grass and trees. The two of them idly scanned the scenery around them, taking advantage in their conversational break to search for any sign of Blendin.

As Steve had begrudgingly suspected, there was nothing; not a single shred evidence that a time traveler in a jumpsuit and goggles had been present here. Instead, his eyes were met with multiple instances of children playing out and around the houses around them, summer break in full swing and their young hearts all the more hyper for it.

As they continued to walk, Steve felt his gaze settle on what appeared to be two brothers playing catch in front of their house. The oldest of the two could’ve been close to Steve’s age, leaving him to wonder if the guy had already graduated high school or not. He certainly looked mature enough.

The younger brother looked like he might have just entered high school, making him about a year or so older than Mike and Dustin and the rest of the kids back in Hawkins. Well, not now , obviously. Those kids were just over forty in this time period, and Steve shuddered at the thought of what those kids looked like now. They were old enough to be Steve’s parents.

As Steve shook his head to quickly derail that disturbing train of thought, his eye caught the sight of the younger brother looking over and snickering at the journal and pen in Dipper’s hands.

Dipper unfortunately saw the kid’s reaction as well, and Steve watched him raise his pen to his mouth and begin chewing angrily on the butt-end.

“Just ignore him, man,” Steve said cautioningly. “That kid isn’t worth—“

Steve was cut off as Dipper accidentally bit down too hard, breaking into the ink core within and causing the blue liquid within to squirt onto the lower part of his face and into his mouth.

The obnoxious kid’s snickering broke into full-fledged laughter at the sight, and Steve saw the older brother beginning to laugh as well at Dipper’s misfortune.

Dipper’s rage began to boil over, and the male Pines twin angrily discarded the ruined pen and wiped at his face with the back of his hand. The humiliated teen turned to shout something at the two brothers, but he was stopped in his tracks by Steve’s hand in his shoulder.

“Leave it, dude. This isn’t the place.”

“You just gave me a pep talk about standing my ground, Steve. How could this not be the time and place?”

“You can’t just lay some kid out in front of his brother and his house, Dipper. That’s a good way to get parents and cops involved. And when that happens, shit gets really complicated really quickly. Trust me on that one. Plus, you’ve got an entire street of little kids that are going to catch front row seats to this. Best thing to do is forget about it.”

Dipper’s face became strained, no doubt searching for any excuse as to why he shouldn’t back down, but cooler heads prevailed, and Dipper slumped in resignation and kept walking, angrily wiping ink smears from his mouth as he did so.

Steve glared back at the two brothers, who were both grinning madly in sadistic humor, and found his own pacifistic resolve faltering for a moment at how incredibly punchable their faces looked now. The oldest one raised an eyebrow challengingly, but Steve shook his head and joined Dipper in leaving the scene.

…

The eldest of the brothers sneered as the subjects of their ridicule disappeared around the corner, his younger brother still laughing at the kid in the pine tree hat. The fact that he’d been carrying a diary around was funny enough on its own, but the pen blowing up afterward? That had been the icing on the cake. Maybe next time the little geek would find a better hobby than writing in some dumb book all summer.

And that older guy with him, what was up with that dude? Dressed in clothes that his dad might have worn when he was a kid, and with long hair with probably lots of product in it? Who was pretty boy trying to impress with that? There was no girl on the planet that would find something like that attractive. No way. Or maybe, he wasn’t trying to impress a girl…

The older brother smirked and cracked a joke to his sibling about the older guy’s hair and then suggested that he was maybe teaching the younger kid about how to use pen ink as some kind of lipstick, and the brothers both began chuckling anew.

“Oh, so you like lipstick, huh? Well today’s your lucky day, superstars!”

Before he could turn to gauge the sound of the voice, the eldest brother felt his limbs suddenly crushed against his body as a long span of thick wire wrapped itself around his form multiple times. Coiling around both his arms and his legs, the head of the wire ended in a large tri-point hook, which snuggly fastened itself to the eldest’s shirt. He was trapped in place, unable to move, and with his legs suddenly forced together, he quickly lost his balance and tumbled onto the grass, unable to catch himself due to the wire securely holding his arms to his sides.

From his side, the brother watched in surprise as a large figure with their hair done up in a large brown ponytail tackled his younger sibling to the ground, easily overpowering him in a surprising show of strength. With both brothers effectively restrained, two smaller figures came into his vision, and with complete surprise, he saw that they were nothing more than young girls, barely even teenagers by the looks of it.

With the larger one holding his younger brother in a perfect full nelson, the other two girls walked up to the elder brother and regarded him contemplatively.

“Well now, Dr. Candyland, it seems that these two poor uneducated commoners are unappreciative of the world of makeup! Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

The brother noticed that the wire he was currently wrapped in terminated at the other end into a grappling gun that the girl was holding.

“I do believe I am, Lady Mabelton, what about you, Queen Grendanator?” the other girl said.

“Oh yeah, I am!” the larger girl replied in a booming voice, effortlessly holding the straining form of the younger brother in place.

“Flash makeovers!!” all three of them shouted at once before pulling out travel makeup kits and removing numerous cosmetic items with practiced ease. The older brother realized what was happening all too late, and his fruitless squirming only served to tire him out as one of the girls menacingly lowered an eyelash curler towards his face.

“I think Coral Blue #2 is your color, boys!” the other girl said, pulling out a blue tube of lipstick from her own supplies.

The eldest’s cries for help were drowned out as excited children crowded around to see what was happening. The amount of children in the crowd shielded the two victims and their assailants from view, which meant no passersby would be able to see them. At least, not until the damage had been done…and the photos had been developed.

…

Steve watched Dipper out of the corner of his eye, and was relieved that the kid’s mood didn’t seem to be permanently dampened by the events that had just occurred. After a few more moments of silent walking, Dipper sighed.

“Thanks for that, man. I…guess I kind of lost my cool for a moment back there.”

Steve shrugged nonchalantly.

“More for my benefit than yours, dude. If you would’ve started in on that little shit, then I would’ve had to explain to Soos and everybody how you managed to get bruised and bloody on a walk around town of all things. Plus, the other asshole really looked like he wanted to fight too, and I am definitely not in the mood for that today.”

Dipper smirked.

“We could’ve taken them.”

“Oh yeah, no doubt. But I’m not fighting with some random guy that I’ll probably never see again just to prove a point. That shit gets old real fast.”

“You’ve been in a lot of fights, huh? I mean…with normal humans and stuff?”

Steve raised an eyebrow, but nodded.

“Well, maybe you could…I don’t know…maybe give me a few pointers sometime? Fighting against giant robots and geometric demons is definitely an experience, but proficiency in that doesn’t really transfer over that well to normal humans.”

Steve eyed the younger kid.

“What? Your old man never taught you how to throw a punch?”

Dipper looked away sheepishly.

“I mean, not really. He signed the whole family up for a free kickboxing class one time, but that didn’t go anywhere. Dad has always been more of a lover than a fighter.”

“Uh huh, and what about this ‘Grunkle Stan’ of yours? You said he’s been to prison in, like, three countries? He could probably teach you more than you’d ever want to know.”

“That was my initial plan,” Dipper admitted. “But he and Grunkle Ford won’t be back in Gravity Falls for another week or so, and I just thought maybe…”

Dipper trailed off.

“Nevermind, it’s stupid…”

Steve watched the twin for a moment, then took a deep breath and shook his head. How was he always guilt-tripped into doing this kind of stuff? Why was it that every time he ended up being around children, parental figures just seemed to evaporate?

Looking at Dipper now, Steve begrudgingly admitted that the kid wasn’t really asking for all that much. And Steve didn’t want to be the asshole who said no to helping out the family that was literally providing food, shelter, and money to him and Robin.

“Just find me at the Shack sometime when I’m on a break or something,” Steve said. “Don’t expect to suddenly be like Bruce Lee though. You’re not exactly learning from an undefeated heavyweight champion over here.”

Steve rolled his eyes at how quickly Dipper perked up.

“Yeah, that’d be great! Even if you get beat up all the time, I still think I could learn a lot! I can get Stan’s old boxing gloves out and find some headgear—”

“Alright, slow down, Rocky,” Steve said, raising his hand. “It's just how to throw a punch. We’re not training you for a cage match or anything.”

“No, right, of course not,” Dipper said with a nervous laugh. “No need to overthink anything…”

Steve was already imagining Dipper filling pages at a time with notes on tips and tricks about fighting and resisted the urge to roll his eyes again.

“Anyway, I don’t think Blendin is anywhere around here,” Dipper continued. “So, let’s try our luck back in town before meeting up with everyone.”

Steve voiced his agreement, and the two of them continued up the street and back into the main part of town.

…

Robin felt her spirits fall ever-so-slightly as both she and Wendy completed another lap around downtown. After coming up empty-handed in the town square, the two of them decided to leave their designated search area in favor of meeting up with the other groups. Wendy had pulled out her phone and had texted Mabel to ask her location, and then had spent the next five minutes explaining to Robin what “texting” was, much to Robin’s giddiness.

“So everyone can not only call each other on these mobile phones, but they can also send digital messages?! So now if I want to talk to someone, I don’t have to step out of the room and make a scene?”

“You can even send pictures and videos if you want,” Wendy added, noting Robin’s boggling eyes with a genuine smile.

“I…how? How is that possible?”

Wendy then shrugged.

“Not sure on the details, but I know that messages get sent to the closest cellular tower and go from there to maybe some other places before they eventually end up at the destination phone.”

Wendy pointed to a large and thin tower in the distance that stood taller than even the redwoods, and Robin nodded her head in awe at the sight.

“Either way, I’m not even entirely sure if it’s working right now,” Wendy continued, frowning down to her phone as she did so. “Mabel isn’t responding to my texts, so maybe she found something and is busy?”

“If that’s the case, maybe we should go to where she and her friends were searching,” Robin suggested. “Hopefully we’ll run into them.”

“Good call, dude. C’mon, we can take a shortcut through the junkyard.”

Robin disliked that idea immediately, and she wasted no time making sure that Wendy was aware of that fact.

“Uh, maybe we can just go around? Junkyards tend to be full of rabid animals, and my number one and number two fears respectively are rabies and aggressive creatures…”

“Relax, dude. Don’t you get your rabies shots every two years or so?”

Robin shot Wendy a disappointing look, hoping to best convey the understanding that if rabies vaccines were available in her time, she’d be taking them religiously.

“Huh, guess they don’t have those yet in 1985? Well, either way you’re fine. They have treatments now that keep you from getting it if you get bitten. My brother had to go through the treatments after he got bit by a beaver at the family reunion two years ago.”

“Do I even want to know why there was a beaver at your family reunion?”

Wendy smirked as the two of them approached the chain link fence that marked the boundary of the junkyard.

“I come from a long line of lumberjacks,” Wendy said as she nonchalantly bent a portion of the fence that looked like it had been purposefully cut from the rest. “My aunt thought owning a beaver as a pet would assist her in chopping down trees faster, but she wanted one that already had that ‘outdoor experience’. In hindsight, trapping a beaver in the wild and trying to keep it as a pet was not a good idea. And bringing it to a crowded place where everyone smells like lumber significantly increases the chance that it’s gonna want to take a bite out of you. My brother learned that the hard way.”

Once the fence had been pulled aside enough for a person to slip through, Wendy gestured for Robin to go ahead while she held the fence open for her.

“Okay, well that story did absolutely nothing to increase my confidence of walking into a junkyard,” Robin said, making no move towards the hole in the fence and instead addressing her still very pronounced reservations at the situation.

“Relax, dude. The only things you’re going to see in there are opossums maybe, and those little guys are going to turn tail if they see you, even if they’re rabid. Plus, they’re also nearly impervious to rabies in the first place, and they’re super clean, so hardly any of them actually carry rabies to start with.”

“They’re…impervious?”

“Yeah, I think their body temp is too low or something like that. They taught us that in one of those woodland survival classes my dad is always making me take.”

Despite Wendy’s admittedly excellent points, Robin still found herself hesitating out of general nervousness, which caused the redhead to shake her head in humor and reach behind herself with her left hand while still holding the fence open with her right.

“Worst comes to worst, I could always use this.”

Robin’s eyes widened as Wendy removed a previously concealed hatchet from her beltline and presented it to her. Had she actually been carrying that the whole time?

“Yep,” Wendy said proudly, giving the hatchet an expert little twirl. “It’s been effective against trees and shapeshifters, so I’m sure it’ll scare off any wild animals that get a little too close.”

Robin considered for a moment, then finally nodded.

“Let’s hope your woodland skills class hasn’t been lying to you, Red. Last I checked, my new position at the Mystery Shack doesn’t offer health insurance.”

Wendy smirked good-naturedly.

“Nothing for you to worry about, dude. Remember, you’re going to be making millions as a cinematic fortune teller when you get back to the 80s.”

Robin smiled and ducked under the hole in the fence, taking a moment to gauge her surroundings as Wendy followed behind her. By all accounts, the junkyard was as unspectacular as any other junkyard that Robin had ever seen. Stacks of rusted cars and rubber tires rose to the height of small buildings in a meek imitation of the infrastructure that existed outside the junkyard, creating its own version of streets and alleyways for those that entered to navigate through.

Wendy, being an apparent regular to the rows of junk and metal, took point and navigated, the two of them taking a few turns before emerging into a large open space that Robin guessed to be the central part of the junkyard itself. Here, the ground was mostly empty, as the large piles of rusty vehicles were pushed away as though to leave the space more open for something.

It was then that Robin saw what appeared to be a small ramshackle hut sitting in the middle of the large clearing, made entirely of random pieces of wood and sheet metal that had been screwed, bolted, glued, or otherwise adhered to each other in a shoddy imitation of a shelter. Long pieces of sheet metal combined with a few car hoods constituted the hut’s roof, and Robin saw what looked like an animal pelt acting as a curtain that concealed the front entrance.

“Uh, does somebody…live here?” she asked.

“Not anymore,” Wendy said, giving the hut a side glance. “Old man McGucket used to call that little tetanus farm a home, but he’s recently upgraded his digs to the Northwest mansion just outside of town. This place has been abandoned since—”

A loud clattering suddenly sounded from inside the dwelling, and both Robin and Wendy immediately fell silent as the clattering was followed by a series of unintelligible curses and nervous mumbling.

Robin’s eyes widened as she recognized the telltale sound of high-pitched stammering, and without waiting for Wendy, she stepped forward and threw the animal-hide curtain aside, stepping into the hut.

The inside did not look much better than the outside. Light seeped through cracks in the walls where the sheet metal didn’t quite meet properly, and large pieces of rusted junk littered the floor and the walls. Robin wrinkled her nose to see that there were in fact signs of life, but not quality of life. An old cot sat in the corner of the dwelling, likely older than Robin was, which was already saying something. A small basin that looked like it was used for bathing was parked in the other corner across from the cot, and Robin could see that it and a few other items were at least kept in semi-clean condition in what little light was provided by the few lanterns hanging from the ceiling.

And there, facing away from Robin and hunched over what looked like an old welding table, Robin could see the jumpsuited form of Blendin Blandin, muttering to himself and fiddling with something that she could not see.

“Hey!”

Blendin jumped in surprise, causing whatever object was in his hands to clatter to the bench as he turned around to face her. His goggled eyes widened at the sight of Robin and Wendy, and before Robin could say anything further, the time traveler shrieked and sprung into action.

“Oh no! T-They found me already!”

Grabbing the object from the table, Blendin whirled around and bolted from the hut through a second exit Robin hadn’t seen before.

“Wait! Stop!” Robin called, but the man was already outside of the hut and running.

“Grab him, dude!” Wendy called. The hatchet-wielding girl rushed forward, but abruptly stopped as her foot suddenly became enclosed within a bear trap that had been primed and placed on the floor of the hut.

“Wendy!”

Robin immediately stepped forward to assess the injury, but found that the trap was actually relatively small and did not have sharp teeth like the ones she had seen on TV and movies.

“I’m fine!” Wendy assured her as she knelt down and tried to pry the jaws of the trap apart. “Go after him. I’ll catch up!”

Robin gave her an uncertain glance.

“ Go, dude!” Wendy said again, looking at Robin earnestly.

There was a split second more of hesitation, then Robin nodded and ran after the time traveler, sprinting out of the hut and into the junkyard once more.

…

Dipper and Steve had just reached downtown when Dipper’s phone began ringing in his pocket.

“Oh hey, it’s Wendy,” Dipper said with an amicable smile. “Maybe they found something.”

Dipper answered the phone on speaker, then held it out in front of him so that both he and Steve could hear properly.

“Hey Wendy, did you guys manage to—”

“Dude! We found him! Robin’s chasing him down right now, but I fell behind. Junkyard! Now!”

“What? Wendy!?”

The line was already dead, and Dipper stared at the phone in a stunned silence for a moment, before hastily shoving the phone back into his pocket and taking off for the junkyard, Steve hard on his heels.

…

Robin leapt over another tire and landed with a grunt on the hard dirt that made up the ground of the junkyard. Blendin was still running like a startled rabbit away from her, and Robin was quickly noting just how fast this guy was despite his rotund appearance. To make matters worse, he seemed to have at least some basic knowledge as to the layout of the junkyard, and he was currently using it to his advantage as he dodged and clamored over obstacles that Robin hadn’t seen until now.

The chase continued, and Robin saw that despite Blendin’s speed, she was slowly gaining on the time traveler. For the first time, she felt grateful to her soccer coach back in Hawkins for always making the team run extra suicides at the end of each practice. Taking corners was proving difficult without her usual cleats, however, and Robin skidded a little bit as she followed Blending down a narrow alleyway of random vehicles for walls.

Blendin’s head turned back over his shoulder, and Robin saw him give a yelp of surprise at how close she was getting.

“Stay away from me!” he cried out, putting on a burst of speed. Looking ahead, Robin saw thankfully that they seemed to be coming up to a dead end, as the way forward was blocked by three cars stacked on top of one another right in the middle of the alley.

“Dude, stop! Seriously, you’ve got nowhere left to run!”

“Incorrect!” Blendin shouted with a note of triumph. It was then that Robin noticed that a number of tires had been stacked in a loose sort of staircase leading up to the top of the car pile in the center of the alley, and Blendin eagerly clamored up the tires and onto the stack of cars before kicking the stack down with his boot. The staircase of tires collapsed just as Robin reached the base, and she skidded to a halt as the tires fell into a mess before her, leaving her stuck down in the alleyway while Blendin remained safely out of reach on the car stack in front of her.

“Yes!” Blendin cheered, looking down at her. “By the time you manage to climb up here to get me, I’ll be long gone!”

The time traveler reveled in his victory for a few moments longer, then turned and jumped down onto the other side of the car pile. Robin couldn’t see him any more, but she heard a distinct shoop noise and a clank of metal followed by noises of struggling and annoyance from Blendin.

“No! No, no, no! Come on!” Blendin’s semi-muffled voice sounded from behind the pile.

Robin frowned confusedly as Blendin’s struggles continued in earnest, and she took her time climbing up the stack of cars before gazing down the other side. The sight that greeted her made her smirk whole-heartedly, as it appeared that Blendin had not looked out below before jumping, and had accidentally jumped feet first into an open barrel, which was barely large enough to fit his torso inside. Unfortunately for him, his arms had been at his sides when he had jumped, and both they and his midsection were now firmly wedged into the barrel itself, trapping him in place and unable to move.

“Sit tight for a second!” Robin called down in humor, causing Blendin to look up at her fearfully. “I’ll be right back.”

By the time Robin had met back up with Wendy and returned to the scene, Blendin’s struggles had tipped over the barrel with him still in it, causing them both to laugh as he rolled around fruitlessly.

“Nice work, dude!” Wendy commended, punching Robin’s shoulder lightly. “You got him hook, line, and sinker!”

Robin gave an amiable shrug of her shoulders in response, cooly playing it off like it was nothing while ignoring the slight heat in her cheeks.

“Fortune teller and master of pursuing time travelers? The 80s ain’t even gonna recognize me when I get back.”

Wendy laughed and pulled her phone out once again. Using the small camera on the front, she snapped a picture of Blendin’s stuttering form and sent it out via group text to the others, letting them know where they were.

…

Dipper and Steve found Robin and Wendy almost immediately after entering the junkyard, and like Wendy’s picture had depicted, Blendin was not only found, but also captured in what looked like an old oil barrel. The entire lower half of his body was trapped within the confines of it, and he was now squirming around on the ground in an attempt to free himself.

Wendy and Robin caught them both up to speed on how they had found and contained Blendin, and though they hadn’t left any details out, Steve could tell from the excitement in Robin’s eyes that there was something more that she wanted to talk to him about. Common sense told him that she was likely waiting until it was just the two of them alone, so Steve gave her an understanding nod instead as Mabel, Candy, and Grenda arrived at last.

“Sorry we’re late!” Mabel said, stuffing what looked like a tube of blue lipstick into her pocket. “We got caught up in some urgent business!”

Dipper raised a questioning eyebrow at her, and Mabel returned it with a wink that seemed to suggest that there was more to the story, but he shrugged as the seven of them turned to Blendin’s still struggling form.

“P-please! Please be lenient! My fragile psyche won’t survive another ten squared life sentences in time prison!”

Steve and Robin exchanged confused glances with each other.

“Wait, what?” Steve asked dumbly.

“I can only assume that the time agents got to you already,” Blendin said, though his voice carried a twinge of uncertainty. “You must have made a deal with them to help find me in exchange for knowledge of the secrets of time and space itself!”

“Orrrr, we found you on our own so that you can take us back to our own time…” Robin offered sarcastically. “...because heaven forbid that we’d like to go back where we came from, right?”

Blendin paused, then slumped his shoulders ashamedly, though the movement was heavily restricted due to his arms still being stuck in the barrel.

“I…I guess I didn’t think of that,” he said sheepishly.

“Now that you mention it though,” Dipper mused. “Knowledge of time and space does have a certain attractiveness to it…”

“No! No!” Blendin hastily added. “I like your original motives better! I-I can get your friends back to 1985. I promise! I just need time!”

“I don’t understand,” Candy said with a frown. She took a moment to adjust her glasses as she elaborated. “You are a time traveler. Why do you need time to travel through time?”

“Oh, right!” Mabel suddenly said. “Silly me. I forgot to tell you and Grenda that his time doohickey is broken. He can’t do any time traveling until he gets that sucker fixed!”

“Ohhhhhhhh,” both Candy and Grenda said at the same time, finally caught up to speed on what they had been missing.

“How long is it going to take for you to fix this thing, exactly?” Robin ventured. “A week? A month? A year? No offense to the fine folks of 2013, but I’d rather not go back to 1985 and try to explain to my parents how I suddenly look a year older than I do now.”

All eyes turned to Blendin, who shifted uncomfortably from where he was still trapped in the overturned barrel. And after a brief bout of stammering, the time traveler explained.

“L-look, when we accidentally jumped from 1985, we burnt out the temporal processor, and a replacement doesn’t get invented for at least—”

“Wait, hold on a second,” Steve said, holding up his arm, what the hell is a ‘temporal processor’?”

Blendin annoyedly explained that it was a common component found in every time machine, and that when the user activated the device, the temporal processor would generate a sort of time shield around the user, which is what allowed them to move forward and backward in time without aging or de-aging with the world around them.

“The temporal processor in my time machine was only designed to generate a time shield large enough for a few people at most, ” Blendin explained. “So when we jumped through with your vehicle as well, it burnt out completely.”

“So just replace it!” Grenda boomed. “You time guys gotta carry spare parts with you just in case something like this happens, right?”

Blendin slumped in shame once more.

“I can’t. I lost my time travel repair kit a while ago, and I didn’t have a chance to replace it before Bill arrived and well…you know the rest.”

“That doesn’t seem like the kind of thing you just ‘misplace’, dude,” Wendy said accusingly.

“Look, it was the one time that I forgot to check my pockets before doing laundry, ok?! Can we please move on?!”

“Ok, so how long until a replacement gets invented, then?” Dipper asked.

“I was getting to that, but you all kept interrupting me,” Blendin said snarkily, immediately shriveling up when he caught multiple glares looking down on him.

“Two-hundred and sixty-two years, give or take a month…” he then said quietly.

“You’re kidding me,” Robin said, pushing her palms against her forehead in anger. She made to turn and vent her frustrations on a nearby rusted automobile before Blendin quickly spoke up again.

“I-I might be able to fabricate one, though! All time academy graduates are taught how to make a few replacement parts from scratch in case of being stranded in a certain time without their repair kit, just so long as the year is later than 2002!”

“Why that year?” Dipper asked in confusion.

“Do we want to keep sitting around talking about chrono-mechanics all day, or do we want to get me out of this humiliating situation so I can get to work? The more time I spend in a single period, the greater the chances I have of the time patrol catching up with me!”

“Oh right! Because you eventually—”

Mabel immediately clammed up with a stern look from Dipper, and Steve remembered that technically, Blendin didn’t know about the letter he had written to them in the future. Or rather, his future, which was really in the past, but not the same time in the past that he and Robin were from. Yeah…definitely not confusing at all.

With the help of all parties, Blendin was successfully removed from the barrel, and once he stood up and dusted himself off, the goggled man immediately started back towards the ramshackle hut that Wendy and Robin found him in.

“So…uh, you’re going to make an advanced time machine component completely from scratch while living in a building made of junk?” Wendy asked as they followed him. “You sure you need like, a laboratory, at least?”

“Unnecessary,” Blendin said, proudly. “It surprised me too at first, but whoever previously lived in that hut owned a surprising amount of sophisticated tools and fabrication equipment. I have everything I need to get started.”

Steve glanced questioningly over to Dipper, but it was actually Robin that elaborated on the subject.

“Apparently, some old hobo guy used to live here, and apparently he was some kind of genius before he lost his mind,” she said just to Steve. “He lives in a mansion now? Right?”

Robin turned to Wendy for clarification, and the redhead shot both her and Steve a thumbs up to confirm that she was right on the money. Steve raised an eyebrow, but decided not to dwell on it too much. Some creepy old dude going from living in a junkyard to a mansion was not even in the top ten of weirdest things he’d heard today.

“As a bonus, if there is one thing that the time patrol prides themselves in, it’s proper sanitation. This junkyard is the perfect hideout, as any and all time patrol agents will vehemently avoid it.”

“But what if they know that you know that this would be the last place to look?” Mabel said teasingly.

“Ha! Even if they did, they’d still search here last. You kids don’t get it. Hygiene is regarded as nothing short of the ultimate status symbol of the time patrol in 207̃012. Agents have had their badges revoked for spilling coffee on themselves before. I was even threatened with suspension for having lint on my uniform!”

Brushing that tidbit of absurdity aside, Steve immediately asked the question burning in everyone’s mind.

“Ok, so how long until you can fix the thing, or make the thing, I guess?”

Blendin looked down at the device in his hands contemplatively as he continued to walk.

“It depends how quickly I can acquire the components and tools. And even once I do get them, it could take days of work to rewire, and then there’s the initial calibration and trials…”

“Two to four weeks,” Blendin finally said. “Maybe even a bit longer depending on any snags I run into along the way.”

Steve shared a glance at Robin, and despite the disappointment and nervousness he could see written all over her face, he could see resolution there as well. Two weeks to a month was certainly not ideal, but it didn't seem like they had much of a choice. With any luck, hopefully Soos could get the Dart fixed up in a similar timeframe, and as long as the two of them kept their heads down, they could get home without much trouble.

It seemed so simple, but in Steve’s experience, things that seemed simple never actually turned out to be. Robin seemed to share the same sentiment, so Steve gave a shrug and a slight tilt of his head in an attempt to reassure her.

“Do you need any help?” Dipper asked. “I mean, I managed to fix one of those things once, so maybe I could help speed things along.”

Blendin scoffed.

“The one you ‘fixed’ had nothing more than a few wires knocked loose. This level of repair is far beyond anything you could handle, kid!”

Hearing Blendin call Dipper a kid despite having a higher pitched voice than he did sounded weird to nearly everyone present, but before Steve had a chance to call him out on it, Mabel spoke up.

“Just who are you calling ‘kid’, goggle-face? Let’s not forget that these two kids totally whooped your butt in Globnar, and single-handedly gave you the luscious locks you now obviously take for granted!”

Steve raised an eyebrow. He had no idea what “Globnar” was, but a glance at Blendin’s short brown hair wasn’t exactly what he would describe as luscious.

“Y-you two got lucky that time,” Blendin countered. “Either way, I can’t start work on the time machine with all of you distracting me, so please leave!”

With seemingly nothing left to do but wait, the seven of them departed the small hut and started towards the exit.

“And don’t come check on me!” Blendin’s voice called out from inside the hut. “The time patrol might be tracking your chrono signatures! So, don’t tell them anything and don’t come back until I call!”

Blendin tried shouting something else, but by then they had walked far enough away that no one could make out anything except the high-pitched tones echoing between the stacks of cars.

“Geez, that dude sounds like a cat trying to yodel,” Wendy said, letting her relief show at finally putting some distance between them and Blendin. “I’m glad that I get to be dead and buried long before that guy is ever born.”

“Wow, that is…” Candy trailed off.

“...incredibly morbid!” Grenda finished.

“Maybe,” Wendy replied with a smirk before turning to Robin and Steve. “Either way, sounds like you dudes are gonna be stuck here for a while. It’s probably gonna suck when you get back to 1985 after getting used to the future, but hey, at least you guys found the perfect peeps to chill with!”

Thinking it over, Steve supposed that Wendy had a point. Sure, he was once again part of a group where a majority of them weren’t even old enough to drive, but in truth, he and Robin could probably relate to these kids a lot more than they could to anyone else, what with the supernatural aspect to their lives and whatnot.

“Could’ve done a lot worse, I guess…” he said with a friendly smirk, amicably sticking his hands into his pockets as they exited the junkyard and started down the sidewalk.

Before anyone could say anything more, a battered van came rolling around the corner of the street, its dark blue paint faded and scratched, showcasing that it had definitely seen better days. Loud and heavy guitar music blared from the rolled down windows, and though Steve did not have that clear of a view on who was driving, he could tell that they definitely were a bit more reckless than what could be considered an average driver.

At the sight of the van rolling towards them, Wendy immediately perked up.

“Speaking of peeps!” she said, placing her hands on her hips proudly.

The van pulled to a stop on the curb right next to where they were all standing, and looking inside, Steve caught sight of a group of teenagers who looked to be all about Wendy’s age, making them maybe a year or two younger than him.

“Sup Wendy?” asked one of the guys in the van, leaning out the window and resting his arms on the frame. “Lookin’ to get into some trouble?”

“Better believe it!” Wendy said back with a smile before turning to Steve and Robin.

“But first, you guys gotta meet my new friends. Steve, Robin, meet Lee, Nate, Thompson, Tambry, and Robbie, the coolest group of teens ever to walk the halls of Gravity Falls High!”

Steve gave a friendly nod and a wave of his hand to them all in greeting, taking in the sight of the teenagers as he did so.

Lee and Nate both seemed cool, though Steve could sense the enthusiastic teenage hype coming off them both as they grinned widely at both him and Robin. With the exception of their clothing style, Steve pegged them as what he’d come to know as a stereotypical hormonal teenager, still possessing some leftover energy from childhood while not yet being ready or even introduced to the responsibilities of adulthood. Looking at the two of them, Steve almost felt a twinge of nostalgia, remembering just how carefree his own life had been before, well, everything happened. 

His gaze then landed on the one called Thompson, who looked as though he was slightly nervous about something. He fidgeted restlessly in the driver’s seat of the car, drumming his thumb on the steering wheel while offering Steve and Robin a nervous wave with his free hand. Looking at just how naturally this guy’s eyebrows furrowed with worry, Steve could only guess that this Thompson guy spent most of his time in a mild state of anxiety. Unfortunately, Steve could relate.

Finally, Steve noted the two occupants sitting in the back seat of the van, the ones that had been introduced as Tambry and Robbie. The first thing that Steve noticed was that they both were wearing eyeshadow, which by itself wasn’t all that shocking really. That cosmetic item had been popular for both select guys and girls back in Hawkins, so Steve figured the fashion sense had held up since then. The only thing that really surprised him was the lack of hairspray, but that really went for almost everyone they'd met from the future so far. Everyone’s hair was a bit less… voluminous than what he was used to.

So apart from that, the two of them struck Steve as goths, and to seal the deal, Steve noticed that Robbie had his arm over Tambry’s shoulder affectionately, showcasing that the two of them seemed to be in a relationship.

Robbie tilted his head in what Steve guessed was supposed to be a cool and semi-indifferent sort greeting, but it looked more forced than anything else. Tambry, on the other hand, did not acknowledge Steve or Robin, and Steve frowned as he saw her tapping away at her mobile phone with both hands, her gaze locked to the screen as if she were dealing with something important.

“Wendy’s friends?” Robin asked with a raised eyebrow. “Wait, are these the guys you stole the squad car with?”

“Heck yeah, we are!” Nate said enthusiastically. “That was one of our finest moments! Second only to when we got Thompson to spray paint his name on the side and drive it off a cliff!”

“Guys!” Thompson his voice cracking with nervousness. “Don’t say that out loud! If my parents find out, I’ll be grounded for at least a month!”

Steve couldn’t help but feel like that would be the least of his problems if that word got out. Was grand larceny not really a thing out here?

“So, where are you guys from anyway?” asked Robbie from the back seat, using far too much effort to make his voice sound as uninterested as possible. “Never seen you two around here before.”

“Hawkins, Indiana,” Steve replied. “We’re very quickly learning that it's pretty much Gravity Falls, but in the midwest.”

“Sweet, dude,” Lee said. “Sounds like fun!”

“Uh, yeah…” Robin said, and Steve noticed that in the presence of these new faces, her sarcastic side reappeared to a degree, likely in response to meeting new people that were her age. “Depends what exactly you consider fun to be.”

“So what’s up then, Wendy?” Robbie said. “These guys like your cousins or something?”

Despite the fact that Steve had known Robbie for less than thirty seconds now, he found himself frowning slightly at the condescension, whether intentional or not, that was laced in Robbie’s voice. Robin shifted as well, her reaction a lot more overt than his was.

“Nah,” Wendy replied. “These guys are some new employees at the Mystery Shack. Thought I’d show ‘em around since they’ll be here for a few weeks.”

“Few weeks, huh?”

As Steve watched, Robbie pulled a folded up paper out of his back pocket and held it out towards them through the open window as though it were a business card. Steve raised an eyebrow, but took the paper before unfolding it to reveal what looked like an advertisement flyer.

On the front was a picture of Robbie as well as a few other guys playing instruments in front of some kind of cemetery. It almost looked like an album cover.

“‘Robbie V. and the Tombstones,’” Steve read aloud off the flyer. “‘Playing next Saturday at the Skull Fracture. Be there or be dead…Doors open at 9.’”

“You guys should come see me and my band perform,” Robbie said. “Get a chance to be one of the few that saw us before we made it big. Might wanna get there early too. The place is probably gonna be packed.”

Steve passed the flyer over to Robin, and it became increasingly obvious to both of them that Robbie and his band probably weren’t filling any venue larger than their own garage.

“Riiiight,” Robin said after a few moments of looking over the poorly made flyer. “Sounds like we might have to hustle if we still wanna get floor seats, eh?”

Steve suppressed a smirk, and Robbie scowled and glared as even Nate and Lee snickered a bit.

“Whatever, it’s not surprising that we already have haters. You’ll be sorry you missed the opportunity, right Tambers?”

Tambry was still buried in her phone, and it wasn’t until Robbie very overtly cleared his throat that she looked up and finally glanced over at everyone present.

“Huh? Oh, right. Sure,” she said disinterestedly, taking in Steve and Robin for the first time before looking back down at her phone. Her gaze lingered just a split second longer on Steve than on Robin, and she blinked once before returning to the screen and typing once more. Steve had noticed, but didn’t think much of it. Robbie, on the other hand, appeared to be hypersensitive to his girlfriend’s reaction, and he looked from Tambry to Steve and narrowed his eyes in an accusing manner.

“On second thought, might be better for you two to steer clear. I don’t think you’d be welcome…”

“Oh darn,” Robin said, her sarcasm now turned up all the way. “At least it saves me the trouble of cutting the fingers off my gloves to fit in.”

This time, there was a small wave of laughter that sounded throughout the group, and Robbie snorted defeatedly before crossing his arms, whether it was in indignation or to hide the fingerless gloves on his hands, Steve wasn’t sure, but it could have been quite possibly both.

“Anyways, Wendy,” Nate started from the back seat. “We’ve got a date with the lake and a bunch of old grenades that my granddad left to me in his will. You in?”

“Is that even a question?” Wendy said excitedly, already starting towards the door to the van as Nate opened it for her.

“Perfect timing!” Mabel said excitedly. “The girls and I have a few new photos to add to our scrapbooks! And Dipper, I think you’re going to want to see this! Bye, everyone!”

Before anyone could inquire further, Mabel suddenly grabbed Dipper by the wrist and dragged him along with her, ignoring his protests as her, Candy and Grenda all ran down the sidewalk and out of sight.

“Well, dudes?” Wendy asked Steve and Robin, who were the only ones left still standing on the sidewalk. “You want in on some lake-and-grenade action?”

It seemed like all of Wendy’s friends (with the exception of Robbie) seemed content with the two of them coming along, and Steve glanced over at Robin to gauge her interest. Locking eyes, Steve saw that her face had once again taken on an anticipatory tone like it had when they had first met back up after capturing Blendin, making it obvious to him that there was something that she was just burning to tell him.

“I think we’ll pass for now,” Steve said. “We’re gonna complete our tour of the town on foot. You know, get to know the streets a little bit.”

Wendy smiled and gave them both a nod before hopping into the van and shutting the door. The heavy rock music started up once again, and Steve watched as the van took off down the street, going way faster than it should.

“Well, they seem cool, I guess,” Steve said, watching as the van turned the corner and disappeared. “Most of them anyway.”

He turned his head back towards Robin.

“Alright, before you explode, what’s this big thing you’ve—”

Steve immediately stopped talking as Robin grabbed him by both of his shoulders, her hands nearly shaking with excitement as she looked him dead in the eyes.

“Whoa, Robin, what the hell—?”

“They’re together, Steve,” Robin said, her voice holding a serious tone to it that she typically only reserved for deciphering russian codes and bathroom confessions.

“What, Robbie and Tambry? Yeah, I thought it was obvi—”

“No, dingus! The sheriff and the deputy. They’re together.”

Steve frowned in confusion. The fact that Robin reached out and grabbed his shoulders was enough to tell him the gravity of the situation, or at least, the gravity she had chosen to grant, as Robin wasn’t typically very physical in nature.

“You’re talking about Blubs and Durland? The two cops that Mabel was talking about before?”

“Yes. They’re together, Steve.”

“Yeah, you said that already, Robin,” Steve said with a hint of annoyance. “So did Mabel earlier this morning on the drive over here. What’s your point?”

Robin shook her head and finally released her hold on Steve, her annoyance showing as well that Steve didn’t understand yet.

“They’re men, Steve. Both of them.”

Steve then paused, as that was information he hadn’t known yet. The sheriff and deputy of Gravity Falls were both men…and they were in a relationship. Steve hadn’t really given it much thought, but he supposed that he had assumed at least one of them was a girl. But they were both guys, and despite that being news to Steve, it still didn’t really break his reality or anything.

“Ok? They’re men and they’re together. Are you…asking me about how I feel about that? Is that what this is?”

Robin snorted despite her seriousness.

“Steve, if I had any doubts about how you felt about that, I would have never brought it up.”

“Ok,” Steve said, his impatience with Robin rising even further that they had been talking for almost a minute now and she still hadn’t gotten to the point. “Well, you’re kind of taking forever to establish why we’re talking about it in the first place, so just so you know: I don’t care if they’re two guys!”

“Exactly.”

“...What?”

“Steve, you don’t care.”

Steve searched her face for answers.

“Yeah, I don’t, Robin. It’s not really any of my—”

“Nobody else cares either, Steve!”

Steve paused, still not understanding her words and only growing more angry by the second.

“Ok! So, if nobody cares, then why are we even talking about it?!”

“Steve…”

Robin had lowered her voice to barely above a whisper, and he was immediately reminded of the last time she had spoken to him like that, over twenty-eight years ago on that bathroom floor. He said nothing in response, decisively concluding that attempting to speak right now was only making him more confused. Instead, Steve searched Robin’s eyes, scanning for any kind of answer that could be discerned from her pleading orbs. It wasn’t apprehension that he saw, it wasn’t fear, it wasn’t pain, although she was definitely irritated with him and his inability to catch onto the ludicrously vague clues she was providing. It was excitement he was seeing, and his mind fumbled hard for what it was she could be so excited about.

…didn’t make it official until almost everyone knew about it…

…They’re men, Steve. Both of them…

…Nobody cares...

“...Oh…”

Robin’s smile was immediate.

“Holy shit.”

“Holy shit,” Robin confirmed with a nod, her smile growing even wider.

“Nobody cares,” Steve said, finally realizing the weight behind those words at last.

“Nobody cares, Steve.”

“Everyone knows…”

“...but nobody cares.”

And then they were laughing, half from the realization and half from Steve finally understanding what Robin had been trying to tell him for the last five minutes.

“Robin, this is…just, holy shit!”

Robin was breathless, and she laughed harder as Steve looked around them between his own bouts of laughter like he was seeing Gravity Falls for the first time. He kind of was, in a way. For how excited he was though, he couldn’t even imagine how Robin must’ve felt. She must’ve been walking on air.

In high spirits, the two of them turned and started down the sidewalk, and Steve felt a genuine smile on his face when he saw just how happy Robin was. It was the most she had laughed since arriving in the future, and he quickly realized just how much that meant to him.

…

A few miles away, deep within the forest, a group of creatures stood around the base of a tree. Proportionally, the creatures possessed very similar bodies to that of a human, though far more squat in nature. The creatures themselves stood a little less than a foot tall, with a good portion of their height being attributed to the tall, red, pointed caps they each wore. They also each wore a small set of blue overalls with a lighter blue shirt underneath, and though each one of the creatures were of varying ages, each and every single one of them sported an impressive beard on their chin, giving them the appearance of adult humans despite their diminutive stature.

“Well, what do you guys think?” one of the creatures asked, placing his hands on his hips. “Definitely not something you see every day…”

The reason these particular creatures were formed around the base of the tree was not the tree itself, but rather, the strange glowing sight that lay at the foot of it.

Half on the forest floor and half on the tree itself, a membrane stretched to about the size of a car tire. The membrane itself pulsed and glowed periodically, giving an indication that something lied just beyond the other side of it. At the edges of the membrane where it met the ground and the bark of the tree, a moist stringy substance emerged and stretched outward a few inches across whatever surface it came into contact with.

Curious, one of the small creatures reached out and touched the stringy substance with its finger. It came back wet and sticky, and the creature made a disgusted noise before wiping the appendage on its clothes.

“I think it’s a new kind of moss,” he said. “Definitely a bit more slippery than the moss I know and love.”

“It’s obviously not moss, Dave,” the original speaker said before turning to the others standing around the membrane. “Anybody else got an idea?”

“Shmebulock!” one of the others said, this creature sporting a darker gray beard and a set of eyes that always seemed to be cross eyed.

“Okay, look, Shmebulock. I appreciate the participation, but if you want to actually contribute to the conversation, then you’re going to have to do more than just say your name! Act it out or something!”

The one called Shmebulock nodded enthusiastically and immediately looked around for some props to utilize.

“Jeff, come on,” one of the other gnomes said, rolling his eyes. “Shmebulock is an idiot. The guy only knows how to say his own name. You really think he’s gonna know what this thing is?”

“That’s funny, Carson,” Jeff replied, placing his hands on his hips. “I don’t recall you offering any idea what this thing was either. Shmebulock at least has the guts to offer a guess! ”

The one called Carson opened his mouth, but realized that he had no comeback for that, and sheepishly closed it again.

Shmebulock’s excited recitation of his own name brought their attention back to him, and he eagerly hefted a pinecone, which proportionally was the size of a large suitcase to him, into the air before dropping it into the portion of the membrane that sat on the forest floor.

The pinecone slipped through the membrane like it was the surface of a liquid and disappeared from sight, and each of the creatures present stared after it for a few moments before Shmebulock called them again.

“Shmebulock!” the creature said excitedly, making a motion with his hands like he was swinging something open and shut repeatedly.

“You’re saying it’s…some kind of door?” Jeff asked uncertainly, to which Shmebulock eagerly nodded.

“Interesting, but a door to where? ”

Before any of them could answer, a large beast the size of a truck blew past them, the ground rumbling with heavy footfalls as the large creature barreled past them.

“Manotaur!” Jeff called out in warning.

The smaller creatures jumped in fright and quickly ran to the other side of the tree, skirting the membrane to reach safety. Carson, however, had accidentally jumped forward, tripping one one of the slippery vines that protruded from the membrane and falling head over heels into the pulsing red substance.

His high-pitched yell of surprise cut off quickly as he fell through the membrane just as easily as the pinecone had, and the forest fell silent again as the rest of the creatures stared after where Carson had fallen in.

“Well, I guess it’s a door!” Jeff said conclusively, though his tone easily betrayed his desire to leave this area as soon as possible. “Now who’s hungry?”

The rest of the creatures eagerly piped up, and their small group turned and started back into the woods, completely indifferent to the fact that their number was one less than it had been before.

The membrane continued to pulse and glow as they left, its steady rhythm undeterred by the forest around it.

S GKC QSFOX PYBW LI DRO YXO DRKD MKWO PSBCD. XYG RO SC QYXO, KXN S RKFO LOQEX DY DRSBCD.

Chapter Text

Robin paused in the middle of restocking a bunch of plastic skulls and looked over at Dipper, who was humming along to a song on the radio that sounded very familiar while taking notes in his journal. It was late in the morning at the Mystery Shack, and while Soos and Melody were giving another tour, Robin, Wendy, and Dipper were holding down the gift shop, waiting for the end of the tour when Soos would release the Mystery Shack patrons into the shop to empty their wallets.

Wendy was reading her magazine once again with her boots propped up on the counter while Robin was stocking the shelves to their maximum. She had very quickly learned to cram as much of the cheap merchandise onto the shelves as possible, for if she didn’t, then the shelf would be emptied in a flash once the mystery-hungry customers entered the shop, and the Mystery Shack would miss out on valuable profit.

Usually, Robin could care less for the profits of the business she worked for, but in the case of the Mystery Shack, she had an incentive, as Soos directly increased the paychecks of all employees based on how much merchandise was sold each week, meaning the more Mystery Merchandise that was sold, the more they got paid, and the faster Steve and Robin could get the Dart fixed. There was an obvious downside to that if the shack had a relatively slow week, but Soos never dipped their paychecks below a certain amount thankfully, meaning that even if merchandise didn’t sell particularly well, they still had a consistent wage. Thankfully, there never seemed to be a shortage of mystery enthusiasts and curious tourists in and around the Gravity Falls region.

With that in mind, Robin wondered why she was so distracted by Dipper and his humming along to the incredibly-familiar-but-not-familiar song on the radio when there was money to be made.

“Uh, what song is this?” Robin asked anyway. The high-tempo pop feel of the music was very reminiscent of the pop music she knew from her own time, and though Robin’s tastes had always leaned more towards rock and roll, that didn’t mean she didn’t have an appreciation for anything that wasn’t Patti Smith or The Runaways.

Dipper didn’t answer her question at first, and he almost looked a little sheepish as he scratched the back of his head.

“It’s uh, it’s called ‘Disco Girl’,” he said.

Robin squinted in concentration as the singer on the radio continued in a soprano voice and punctuated the lyrics with melodic vocal sounds as well to drive home the upbeat nature of the song. It was so familiar, and yet, Robin was at a loss for where she had heard the song before.

Wendy looked up and smirked at Robin’s scrunched up features, and after a few more moments, the redhead decided to help her out.

“It’s by an old pop group called BABBA,” Wendy said. “Dipper just so happens to be their number one fan.”

This caused Dipper to blush slightly, but he didn’t correct Wendy’s statement at all.

“Yeah…what can I say, I’m a bit of a sucker for their music.”

Wendy grinned and turned to Robin.

“This dude knows every single one of their songs by heart. I once dared him to recite all the lyrics to ‘Mi Madre!’, and he did it without missing a single beat!”

Robin would have laughed along with her if her mind wasn’t short circuiting at the moment. As soon as Wendy had mentioned the name of the band, everything had clicked, but in a really weird way.

“You guys are serious?”

Dipper raised a confused eyebrow.

“I mean, yeah, I know all the lyrics by heart. I didn’t think it was that weird…”

“No, I mean, that’s the band’s actual name? And those are really the names of their songs? Not that I think they’re dumb or anything, but it’s just seems a little …derivative. I mean, this is all extremely similar to another pop band that I know of…”

“Oh, that, ” Dipper said, scratching the back of his head again. “Yeah…BABBA did run into a bit of legal trouble with their name, and their songs, and genre, and lyrics…”

This caused Robin to laugh now that she finally understood.

“Geez, I thought I was going crazy for a second!”

Dipper and Wendy both relaxed as well now that the confusion had passed, and they fell back into a comfortable silence as ‘Disco Girl’ continued on the radio.

“Not a bad song, though,” Robin said after a few moments, continuing to stack merchandise as she did so. “I’m guessing they’re from about the same time period as the other group, too?”

“Yep,” Dipper confirmed with a nod. “Most of their stuff came out in the mid-70s. But as you can guess, they got kind of overshadowed.”

“Glad to hear it. That means I can buy some of their tapes once I get home.”

Robin paused once again as she said the words, surprised by the slight pang she felt when she had said them.

Home.

She’d of course been talking about Hawkins, but she’d also been talking about 1985 as well. The future had been great to her so far, what with all the convenience and technology and freedom to be who she was, but Robin likened it to going to an amusement park. Everyone loved going and spending the day there, but you couldn’t stay there forever. No matter how much you enjoyed being there, you still had to go home eventually. You still had to live somewhere and make money and eat real food and go to school…

The thought arose in Robin’s head that maybe the amusement park analogy wasn’t the best for her current situation, as she still had most of those things here in the future. I mean, yeah, school was a thing, but she already had a job, and she could always enroll in Gravity Falls High to finish her education…

Whoa, wait a minute. She was getting off-track big time. Where did that train of thought come from? She wasn’t going to be staying here for longer than a month at most, so long range plans didn’t really need to be considered, right? She had to get back to 1985 as soon as possible, after all. She couldn’t just abandon her parents and her friends and Steve…

Wait, Steve was here with her, in 2013 and in Gravity Falls, so Robin disregarded that last part. So she still had to get back to her parents, her friends, and…and…?

Wait, was that all that she had waiting for her back in 1985 Hawkins? Was that really all she had to look forward to? That and being more quiet about who she was? Why did going back to the past suddenly seem like such a let down?

An idea formed unbidden in her mind, and it shocked Robin so much that she almost dropped the painted rocks that were being sold as “magic geodes of unknown origin”. Recovering quickly so that Dipper and Wendy didn’t notice, she forced the idea back down, refusing to entertain it at all, despite the reverberations of it in her mind.

…

Outside, Steve was busy sealing a few leaks in the outdoor piping of the shack. As he was quickly finding out, the Mystery Shack had spared quite a few expenses under its previous management, and there existed numerous safety and structural code violations as a result. That meant there was no shortage of work for Steve, as Soos was making an effort to bring the Shack up to code despite its previous ownership. Already, Steve had discovered a few load-bearing walls held together with duct tape, inspection documents that had been forged in crayon, and he didn’t even dare think about the living nightmare that was the Mystery Shack’s electrical layout right now. As it turned out, half of the Shack’s power was illegally siphoned from a nearby power line, and it now fell on Steve and Soos to try and remedy the issue without calling an electrician. Apparently, Soos had already been to prison a few times in his endeavors to bring the Shack up to code, with one of his visits lasting up to two weeks due to the discovery of Stan’s previously secret pug-smuggling operation.

Now, as Steve focused on tightening the rusty nuts and bolts that made up the shack’s main water line, he also found his attention split between the task at hand and Mabel’s continuous flirting, which had been turned up to the max over the last couple of days. While Steve was standing on a ladder that was propped up against the side of the Shack, Mabel was hanging upside down from the roof, her legs anchoring her while her upper body hung upside down a few feet to his left, making the two of them almost eye level despite being oriented completely opposite. Steve had already pointed out to her the precarious nature of her position, but Mabel had countered with the fact that she not only did this all the time, but that it was the perfect position for the two them to converse due to the close proximity it afforded them without the need for a second ladder.

“So, then I worked my magic to save Robbie’s poor broken heart by setting him up with Tambry, and my happiness chart was balanced at last!”

Mabel accentuated her statement by pulling out a piece of paper from her pocket and holding it out to Steve, which showcased crudely drawn headshots of her, Dipper, and everyone else in Wendy’s friend group. Each head had a smiley face sticker next to it, and despite the somewhat creepy and stalkerish vibe Steve got from the paper, he had to give Mabel credit for her creativity.

“And uh, you did this via drugging them with a potion made by a love god that was also a folk music star?” Steve asked, trying to organize the inherently crazy nature of the story so that it made sense in his brain.

“Yep!” Mabel said proudly. “Though in hindsight, I’m sure I could’ve done it without the potion, as no romantic obstacle is too much for the world’s greatest matchmaker!”

Mabel punched the air in front of her a few times as she spoke, her long brown hair swaying freely below her head as she did so.

“So…if you ever need some assistance finding that special someone…” Mabel said, and Steve couldn’t help but notice that her voice had suddenly gained a somewhat anxious edge to it. “You just give me a call!”

Mabel then pushed up the sleeve of her sweater, which Steve noticed was knit in a different style than the ones he had seen her wearing up until this point. Unlike the others that held a distinct collar to them, this one’s collar was wider, with the neckline tapering down from her neck on one side and ending just below her shoulder on the other. The sleeves were also wider at the ends, which made it all the more easy for Mabel to roll it up. The design of the sweater was also semi-familiar to Steve, and he guessed that Mabel had been specifically going for a 1980s style when she had knitted it. Multicolored triangles sat against an eggshell white background, and directly in the center, a thin purple lighting bolt intersected one of the triangles perfectly, reminding Steve of very much of the designs he’d seen back at Starcourt Mall when it had been open. Back then, everyone dressed in their best due to the newness of the place, meaning that only the brightest and most colorful outfits were worn by all. He had quickly discovered how much fashion had changed in the future, however, and that bright colors were not as popular as they had been, though Mabel acted as an exception to the change more often than not.

Honestly, Steve thought Mabel was emulating 1985 fashion very well, as her sweater was complimented by a brightly colored headband in her hair down to her bright pink long skirt (which she had velcroed to her legs to avoid any embarrassment whilst hanging upside down from the roof of the shack). The outfit was completed by a set of neon yellow leg warmers worn just above her tennis shoes, and of course, a set of orange triangle earrings that almost perfectly matched a pair that Steve’s mother had worn on multiple occasions.

Wait, were those… nachos?

Before Steve could inquire as to whether Mabel was wearing food on her ears or not, the young girl finished rolling up her sleeve and held it out in front of his face. There, bedazzled on her forearm with sparkling plastic gems, was a telephone number, likely her own personal cell phone number. The number had been bedazzled upside down on her forearm, which meant that with Mabel’s current orientation it appeared right side up to Steve.

Looking from the number to Mabel, who was beaming at him from her upside down position, Steve idly wondered whether the blush in her cheeks was from the blood pooling in her head or her nervousness at asking him to call her. The answer, as always, was probably both.

“Did you bedazzle your arm upside down on purpose?” Steve asked. “What if I was working on the ground or something?”

“I’m always prepared!” Mabel said proudly, rolling up her other sleeve to show that it had also been bedazzled with her phone number, only this time it was right side up, and Steve shook his head and felt a small smile appear on his face at the sight.

Despite the fact that this thirteen-year-old girl was flirting rather heavily with him, Steve couldn’t help but find her constant enthusiasm to be infectious. Her straightforward innocence was also very cute to Steve, but more so in an older adult to young kid way instead of a romantic one. Steve shook his head and gave a small smirk.

“I appreciate the offer, but you know I don’t have a ‘sell phone’, or whatever they’re called, right? It kind of defeats the purpose if I have to use the phone inside the Shack since you live there.”

Steve and Robin had already written down the phone numbers of all the Shack residents as well as Wendy’s in case they needed to call from somewhere, but Steve doubted that they would need the numbers much at all. Apparently, all these new mobile telephones that everyone used in the future were able to store phone numbers inside them, meaning that there was hardly a need to memorize phone numbers anymore. And since Steve and Robin were typically always around the other Shack residents, the possibility of dialing from a payphone or other landline was limited.

“Ah, but see, a cell phone is hardly necessary!” Mabel said. “What if I’m not here at the Shack and the mood for love strikes you? You just dial the number, and I’ll come running. Any time, anywhere!”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, tapping his jeans pocket where the list of numbers was kept.

“Perfect!” Mabel replied happily. “Not that I would think or desperately wish that anything would happen between you and Robin, but if it does, I would have you back on your feet with a new girl in no time!”

It was obvious who that “new girl” would be, but Steve disregarded that part in favor of addressing the former part of Mabel’s sentence, though he knew she had asked it with a specific purpose.

“Robin and I aren’t dating,” he said with a sigh, already knowing where this conversation was going. “We’re just good friends.”

Sudden giddiness filled Mabel’s inverted form at his answer, as Steve knew it would, and he heard her legs tapping on the roof of the Shack with barely concealed excitement.

Steve took a deep breath as Mabel made to speak again, and he cut her off before she could start.

“Look, Mabel—”

What Steve had to say next died in his throat as Mabel suddenly slipped off the roof, her excited leg taps causing her to lose her anchor on the roof and fall subject to gravity once again. A surprised yelp escaped from her lips as she began to fall, and Steve immediately dropped the socket wrench in his hands and grabbed a hold of Mabel’s bedazzled arm by pure reflex. His shoulder jerked in its socket as he caught Mabel’s weight, but unfortunately for them both, the sudden offset caused the ladder to tilt towards the side that Mabel had fallen from, and if Steve didn’t do something fast, the two of them, as well as the ladder, would be taking the express route to the ground.

Thinking quickly, Steve reached out and grabbed the water pipe he had been working on just moments ago, stopping the ladder mid-tilt and holding them both aloft and stopping their fall. The now cockeyed position of the ladder caused the toolbox that Steve had balanced on one of the rungs to slide off and tumble down to the ground. It missed Mabel by a few inches from where she dangled several feet above the dirt, and the two of them watched in a stunned silence as the toolbox crashed down hard, kicking up dust in a loud chorus of metal when it landed.

Nobody spoke, then Mabel looked back up at Steve and gave a nervous laugh from where she swung from his straining arm.

“Heh, heh. Well…looks like I’m falling head over heels for you, huh?”

“Yeah, I got that!” Steve snapped, wholeheartedly deciding that now was not time for jokes. “Can we not do this right now, please?”

His tone was admittedly harsher than he’d meant for it to be, and even though he could see the obvious hurt on Mabels’ face, the fact that she had almost been hit by forty pounds of metal tools was still fresh in Steve’s mind, so keeping his voice even was not really high on his priorities list right now..

“Right…” Mabel said, her head drooping as Steve grunted and pulled the ladder back upright with his right arm alone. Eventually, he had pulled them back to the ladder’s original vertical position, and Mabel silently positioned herself on the ladder and climbed down, sheepishly rubbing her arm and looking at the ground as Steve followed her.

Once they both were back on solid ground, Steve immediately turned towards Mabel to chastise her for almost breaking her neck, but his words died in his throat when he saw her face, which still refused to look up at him. In stark contrast to her usual energetic, smiley nature, Mabel was now incredibly subdued, her eyes glassy with barely held back tears and her lips turned downward in embarrassment and shame, which were two emotions that Mabel rarely entertained.

Steve frowned at her, then noticed that she was still slowly rubbing her arm.

“You hurt?” he asked with a sigh, deciding that he could get mad at her after making sure she was ok.

“I’m fine,” Mabel said with a shrug. The dejectedness in her voice gave Steve a slight pang in his chest at just how down she sounded right now. Sad Mabel was like an oxymoron, and seeing her like this did not sit right with Steve at all.

“Let me see,” Steve said, gesturing to Mabel’s arm. She hesitated, then slowly rolled up her sleeve again. Her now upside down phone number was revealed once again, but a few of the numbers had fallen off from where Steve had grabbed her, leaving only a few plastic gems still stuck to her skin, which was red and slightly abraded from his grip.

Thankfully, it wasn’t anything serious, and even though it was likely going to be tender for a while, her arm didn’t require any medical attention.

“Steve, your hand…” Mabel said, a small hint of surprise temporarily overriding her dismay.

Steve followed her gaze to see that his left hand had suffered a similar fate to Mabel’s arm, except that the bedazzlement had been less kind to him. Numerous scratches from the plastic ran up and down his palm, and he noticed that even though very few had broken the skin, those that did had drawn a small amount of blood. Despite being worse off than Mabel’s arm, the wound still wasn’t severe enough to merit immediate medical attention, and Steve figured he’d be fine after a quick hand wash.

“It’s fine,” he said, experimentally closing his fist a few times to see how it felt. He then smirked.

“It’s usually worse than this, actually.”

His comment had been made with the purpose of lightening the mood, but Mabel still refused to look up at him.

“Look,” Steve said with another sigh. “I told you that hanging off the roof wasn’t a good idea. If you’re going to do something like that, then, I don’t know, use a harness or something.”

This only seemed to put Mabel down even further, giving Steve the impression that it wasn’t just her fall that she was worked up about.

“Steve, be honest. You still see me as a kid, don’t you?”

Ah, right. Now that the immediate danger had passed, Steve could pick up where they left off before Mabel had slipped off the roof. Before he had a chance to open his mouth, however, the door to the gift shop flew open, and the latest tour group all began filing outside and towards their cars, their smiles wide and their arms loaded with Mystery Shack merchandise. It suddenly became very loud and very crowded where they were, making this spot no longer ideal for the conversation they were having.

“Let’s talk somewhere else.”

…

A few minutes later, Steve had washed his hand off with the hose, and the two of them had walked out into the forest, keeping close to the Shack but still far enough away that they wouldn’t be bothered. Despite how life-threatening Steve’s previous excursion into the woods had been, he felt comfortable enough out here as long as they stayed on the path and didn’t go too far, though he periodically glanced back over his shoulder to see if he could catch a glimpse of the Mystery Shack through the trees.

Mabel walked slowly beside him, her head tilted downward and her expression still somber, likely in anticipation of Steve’s continued rejection of her feelings. Steve watched her, then gave another sigh, briefly wondering if other guys his age had to deal with this stuff too. Probably not, considering that most guys his age were old enough to be grandparents now…

Steve shoved that train of thought aside before clearing his throat.

“Mabel, look. I don’t think you’re a kid, but I also don’t think you need me to tell you that I’m too old for you, and that’s not even counting the actual age difference between us.”

Mabel winced at that statement.

“But, I’m way super mature for my age!” she protested, and despite the fact that she was still not back to her usual giddy self, Steve was relieved to see that at least she wasn’t on the verge of tears any more.

“I mean, I helped save the world last summer! I’ve fought unicorns and gnomes and math wizards from other dimensions! I was even appointed as a congressman by the 8½ president of the United States!”

Steve did not even know how to begin to respond to that. He was beginning to get the feeling that he would never truly understand all of the shit that happened in this town.

“But…I guess it’s just whatever,” Mabel continued downheartedly. “You’re still never gonna see me that way, are you?”

Steve sighed.

“Mabel, I've been here for not even a week now, and during that time, I’ve seen shit that blows even some of the stuff I’ve seen in Hawkins out of the water. Believe me when I say that your maturity level is not the problem here.”

“You don’t have to lie, Steve,” Mabel replied, still not meeting his eyes. “I saw the way you looked at me when I fell. You were worried about me.”

“Yeah, kinda hard not to be when you almost broke your neck–”

“But it was a ‘I’m-an-adult-and-you’re-just-a-kid-so-I-have-to-watch-out-for-you’ look, not a ‘Oh-no-my-potential-dream-girl-is-in-danger’ look! It wasn’t even a ‘I’m-worried-about-a-friend-who-doesn’t-need-to-be-looked-after-but-I’m-still-worried’ look!”

Mabel was conveying her point in one of the most unorthodox ways Steve had ever seen, but he still understood what she was getting at.

“That was…more out of reflex than anything else,” he admitted. “The kids back in Hawkins, they call themselves a Party for some reason, and they get into shit like this a lot too. And with my luck, I’ve always ended up being the guy that’s there to help ‘em out when it all goes south. It’s not like they aren’t way more capable than most of the adults I know…”

Steve glanced down at Mabel, who was still semi-avoiding his gaze, and smirked.

“But they like to bite off more than they can chew sometimes. They just get…overeager.”

Steve did not need to give voice to the fact that Mabel possessed enough overeagerness for the entire Party back in Hawkins combined , as the young girl seemed to get the message.

“And Mabel, I know you’re not gonna like hearing this, but age still does play a part in this no matter what your maturity level is. I’d be lying through my teeth if I knew any of the science behind it, but your brain is still figuring a bunch of stuff out at your age. There’s some things that you just aren’t gonna understand until you're older, no matter how much shit you’ve been through or how many crazy adventures you’ve been on.”

Mabel’s lip quivered slightly at Steve’s words, and though he still felt a pang at seeing her reaction, he did know that it was important for her to hear this. Thankfully, Steve could tell that she was at least taking what he said to heart despite how much she may not have liked it. She hadn’t been lying about her maturity level.

“And on top of that,” Steve continued, gesturing to himself at last. “I am the absolute last guy you’d want to get tangled up with. I’m…actually not that great of a boyfriend, and dating somebody who is older than you is a great way to make things real complicated real quick.”

This was a bombshell of a life lesson to drop on the young teen, and Steve inwardly cursed fate yet again for making him be the one that had to assume the role of a parental figure. And unfortunately for him, the knowledge that he was trying to impart upon the young girl was something that could really only be understood with time and experience. Funnily enough, it was that fact that irked Steve the most, even more so than his annoyance of being the one that had to try and teach it to her.

“Is it really that weird?” Mabel offered, though Steve could tell that she already knew the answer to that question. “I mean, my parents are seven years apart and they get along just fine…”

Steve gave her an amused smirk, cocking his head to the side as he did so.

“And I’m guessing they were both even older than I am when they got together, right? Or at least they were my age? I really don’t think I need to tell you why that’s different, do I?”

Mabel’s shoulders slumped defeatedly, and Steve could tell she was still not entirely convinced. In truth, he suspected that it would be a few more years before she would be. A thought crossed his mind, and he smirked before switching tactics, remembering something that Dipper had told him about previously.

“Ok, how about this: what’s the name of that little creep that was stalking you last summer? Gideon, right?”

“Yeah,” Mabel admitted quietly, her expression already betraying the fact that she knew where Steve was going with this. “Gideon…”

“And how old was he when he tried to date you? Like, nine? Three years between the two of you versus the five years between the two of us . I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you weren’t exactly comfortable with how old he was.”

Mabel visibly shuddered at his example.

“Ugh, I was hoping to never have to think about that again.”

Steve gave a small shrug, and he could see in Mabel’s eyes that she finally seemed to understand, though she definitely wasn’t happy about it. Finally, Mabel gave a heavy sigh of her own.

“My brain understands what you’re saying, Steve, but my dumb ol’ heart just isn’t budging! Aw man, is this how Dipper felt all last summer with Wendy? This is the worst!”

Dipper had a crush on Wendy last summer? That was news to Steve, though he couldn’t say he was altogether surprised. It was easy to see how the male Pines twin would be drawn to the slightly older redhead, and though it didn’t seem like Dipper still harbored any lasting feelings for her, the two of them were still very close, though that was also probably due to the whole saving the world thing. That being said, Steve still felt humored that attraction to older people seemed to be a trait shared between the two Pines siblings.

“I tell you what,” Steve said, relieved that Mabel at least seemed to be accepting of the reasons why the two of them wouldn’t work out as a couple. “I’m supposed to be, like, in my forties or something by this time once Robin and I get back. So, if I time it right, then I’ll probably have a couple of grandsons somewhere around your age. You play your cards right, then I just might put in a good word for you…”

Mabel finally perked up completely at his words, her brace-filled grin reappearing on her face at last.

“Hmmmm…well, seeing as I really have no choice but to skip out on you…” she said, raising her hand to her chin as if in thought. “Then you better make sure those grandsons of yours are A-plus- plus material Steve. They’ve gonna have to work their butts off if they’re gonna meet the standards you’re setting for me. And that means I’m gonna have to bring my A-game too if I wanna hook a few of those future Harrington hunks!”

Steve chuckled.

“I will say this, Mabel, if you put even half as much effort into flirting with my future–or, present, I guess?–grandkids as you do with me, then I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about.”

Steve gestured to her attire and still-bedazzled arms as Mabel’s face brightened even further.

“I can honestly say I’ve never had someone dress like they're from a completely different time period for me, so I gotta give you props for that.”

Mabel’s smile then returned in full force as she giddily bounced up and down with the compliment.

“Flattery will get you everywhere with me, Steve-o-rino! You better make sure you teach your grandbabies that too!”

And just like that, the awkwardness seemed to melt away, albeit slowly at first. As he and Mabel began joking with one another, Steve was initially hesitant to act too friendly with Mabel, as he didn’t want to send her mixed signals after rejecting her feelings just now. But after a little bit, Steve was reminded of how smart and emotionally mature she really was, and he knew in his own mind that Mabel now understood, at least logically, why the two of them couldn’t be an item. Despite that, the young girl’s demeanor expressed her desire to still keep Steve as a friend, which was exactly what Steve wanted as well.

It was in that spirit that Mabel had opted to resume her usual bubbly tone towards him, and though Steve knew that she would still likely feel a certain amount of hurt at his rejection, he figured that trying to distance himself from her would do more harm to her emotional well-being than help.

The moment was broken by a sudden ruckus in the forest next to them followed by a muffled curse, and both of their heads turned towards the source to see none other than Dipper fall onto the path with a loud grunt.

Steve frowned, wondering if Dipper had followed them into the forest, but his train of thought was immediately diverted when he noticed something odd as Dipper hastily scrambled to his feet. First of all, the male Pines twin suddenly seemed to de-age by a year or so. The boy’s height was shortened by roughly an inch, his face seemed more youthful and pale, and his clothes…

Steve’s brow furrowed even deeper in confusion, as for some reason, every single piece of clothing on his body was faded like it had been worn and washed ten thousand times over. The colors were discernibly less saturated than they had been when Steve had seen him at breakfast that morning.

“Uh, hey, Pines,” Steve ventured a bit skeptically. “Might wanna ease up on the bleach next time.”

Dipper raised his eyes to meet Steve’s in a look of pure shock, which only increased when the boy noticed Mabel as well. He looked like he was about to pass out from the sudden nervousness that seemed to sweep through his form, and Steve noticed with one final hit of bewilderment that Dipper’s usual pine tree hat prominently displayed the number “4” instead of its usual blue symbol. As far as Steve had seen, the more colorful and arbor-inclined hat was the only one Dipper owned, which raised his skepticism even further.

“Uh, thanks!” Dipper said, his quavering voice all the evidence that Steve needed to draw the conclusion that something was up. “I’ll uh, definitely keep that in mind…dude.”

“Waaaaait a minute,” Mabel suddenly said, placing her hands on her hips and squinting skeptically at Dipper. “There’s something’s fishy-sticky here, Dipper…”

“What? That’s crazy!” Dipper hastily replied, leaning back and shaking his hands to deter Mabel’s inquisitive nature. “It’s just me, your good old original brother: Qua– Dipper! ”

If Steve hadn’t been certain before that something was off, he was now. Next to him, Mabel’s face suddenly lit up in realization.

“Liar!” she said triumphantly. “I know who you are! You’re one of those clones that Dipper made from that old copier in Grunkle Stan’s office. That was the night he tried to use one of his dorky overcomplicated plans to try and dance with Wendy!”

Mabel’s voice dropped to a loud whisper as she leaned over to Steve.

“Spoiler alert: The plan didn’t work!”

“Hey! We worked hard on that plan!” the apparently-clone Dipper said indignantly. His eyes then went wide with realization, and he quickly began stammering and backpedaling.

“I mean, I, and I alone, worked hard on that plan! Me and nobody else!”

Steve rolled his eyes annoyedly and crossed his arms. This guy may have been a paper-copy clone of the original Dipper, but he still had the same awkward grasp of social cues that Steve had come to expect from the original.

“Seriously man? You’re only digging yourself deeper. We know you’re a clone. It’s literally written on your forehead.”

Steve gestured to the prominent “4” that was drawn on the clone’s hat, and before the fake Dipper could sputter out another excuse, another Dipper walked out onto the path. This new Dipper held the same washed-out look that the other clone did, and a glance to his hat showed the number “3” drawn on the top.

“Quattro, did you get the tools from the Shack yet? I hate having to come this close, and I’d prefer it if we didn’t get…”

The newcomer trailed off, freezing in his tracks as he noticed Mabel and Steve for the first time.

“...discovered.”

…

Steve leaned up against a tree with his arms folded as Mabel grilled the two Dipper clones with questions and accusations.

As with the original, or “Dipper Classic”, as the two clones seemed to refer to him by, the two were unable to trick Mabel in any fashion at all, and the two of them eventually spilled the beans entirely about how they ended up living in the forest. Apparently, they claimed that Dipper had murdered the other clones with the Shack’s sprinkler system, and that they had been plotting to take over his life before they had been discovered and escaped into the forest.

Steve, being lost as usual when it came to all of the insane events that had occurred in Gravity Falls last summer, tried to keep up, and thankfully, Mabel was all-too-eager to fill him in on everything.

“Wait, your weakness is just liquids. Like, any liquid? You seriously just dissolve when anything watery touches you?”

“Basically,” replied the clone with the “3” on his head, or Tracey, as he was actually called. “You guys have no idea how much I miss some of my favorite beverages.”

Mabel giggled.

“Gives the phrase: ‘I’m dying for a soda,’ a whole new meaning!”

“Hey, not funny, Mabel!” Number four, or Quattro, replied indignantly. “If you knew the amount of times I almost risked it all just for a sip of Pitt Cola, you wouldn’t be laughing!”

This only made Mabel laugh even harder, and Steve took the opportunity to ask another question when she finally calmed down.

“So, why did you guys come all the way out here anyway? You just said that you lived on the outer edge of the forest, so why come back here after you went through all the work of getting away from the town?”

The two clones’ faces hardened, and Steve watched as they tried to look as threatening as two paper clones of a 12-year-old boy possibly could.

“We’re not telling you!” Tracey said. “You’re in league with Dipper Classic, and he betrayed us and our clone brethren!”

“Yeah!” Quattro said. “He turned against all of us when we were helping him!”

Mabel laughed again.

“You guys are hilarious!” she said with a dismissive hand gesture. “That whole sprinkler thing was an accident! You all really think Dipper would’ve been evil enough to kill an entire batch of clones of himself? He told me all about it! He had nightmares for weeks!”

The two clones seemed uncertain, and Steve raised an eyebrow and spoke up from where he was still listening leaned up against the tree.

“Shouldn’t you guys know more than anyone if it was an accident? I mean, he’s you , or you’re him, or whatever. Would you guys do anything like that on purpose?”

The two clones thought deeply for a second, and Steve noted with a twinge of humor that they possessed Dipper’s overthinking nature as well. They both began muttering to themselves, their heads slowly beginning to nod as they frowned in concentration. Finally, the two of them looked up, their faces once again anxious.

“Oh my god, we’ve been plotting revenge against Dipper Classic this whole time. It’s literally been our one purpose since we escaped that night!”

“I’m having an existential clone crisis!” Quattro cried out, clutching his chest and almost falling to his knees as his breathing quickened drastically.

“You guys were seriously that hell-bent on revenge that you never thought about doing anything else?” Steve asked incredulously.

“That’s easy for you to say!” Tracey countered, angrily pointing at Steve. “You’ve got your own life! You’re not a literal washed-out version of somebody else! We’ve got nothing!”

“Not true!” Mabel said cheerfully. “You’ve got each other! And, you guys are basically immortal, so you can go and do whatever you want, forever!”

“Except go swimming…” Quattro grumbled angrily.

“...or sailing…” Tracey added just as gloomily.

“...or visit a rainforest…”

Steve couldn’t help but feel bad for the two of them as they continued to list off activities that inherently held some degree of wetness to them, as all of those activities sounded like things Dipper enjoyed, or would have enjoyed, doing. A thought suddenly crossed his mind, and he almost dismissed it as ridiculous before realizing that this entire town was a literal nexus of ridiculousness.

“...or go through that p—”

“You guys are made of paper, right?” Steve interrupted, prompting an annoyed nod from Quattro.

“So, why don’t you, I dunno, laminate yourselves or something? I mean, at the very least it would prevent you from getting caught in a storm.”

Mabel’s face lit up encouragingly at Steve’s suggestion.

“Hey, that’s a great idea, Steve! Then these two would look all official and shiny!”

The two clones shared a look.

“That’s…actually why we came so close to the Shack,” Tracey said slowly.

“There’s something we found,” Quattro began. “Something we wanted to look into, but we can’t do that without getting wet. We thought about laminating ourselves to do it, but the copier store in town doesn’t have a laminator big enough for us to fit, so we were attempting to build one out at the edge of the forest. Unfortunately, it’s almost impossible without any tools to work with.”

Steve and Mabel looked at each other, and Steve could tell without speaking that they both had the same idea.

…

Twenty minutes later, the rest of the Mystery Team had met Tracey and Quattro, and Steve couldn’t help but laugh at their mixed reactions as he and Mabel entered the gift shop with the two clones shuffling nervously behind.

Robin was incredibly surprised, but her reaction was relatively subdued as both she and Steve were slowly growing accustomed to the odd things that were found in Gravity Falls. The look she gave Steve signaled that they definitely would be talking more about this later, but for now, she listened along with the others as the two clones told their story to them.

Dipper had been extremely nervous at seeing the two of them all of a sudden, which made sense to Steve considering the reason the clones had been made in the first place. Fortunately for Dipper, Quattro and Tracey purposely omitted the original purpose behind their creation from their story, and instead focused on what had happened to them after that night.

Wendy listened amusedly to the two Dippers as they spoke, and it was only after they had finished that she spoke up.

“Wait, so you guys are the third and fourth clones that Dipper made? What happened to number two?”

All eyes looked to Dipper for an answer, and the teen’s face softened with remorse as he told them that the second clone, “Tyrone”, had melted after the two of them had made up from their fight. The two of them had worked out their differences over a couple of cans of Pitt Cola, but they both had forgotten about the fact that liquid melted the clones. Dipper didn’t explicitly say what happened to Tyrone, but there was enough context for everyone to get the idea. Dipper then explained to Tracey and Quattro that he still had the Pitt Cola in his hand when he had discovered them hiding in the closet, and that he had never intended to melt them with it.

“I guess you really weren’t trying to betray us after all…” Tracey said, the two clones bowing their heads sheepishly. “Sorry for freaking out and running off…”

Dipper gave a small smile.

“Water under the bridge, you guys. Besides, I would have done the exact same thing.”

His last comment lightened the mood considerably, and the clones then took the time to explain their plan to build a giant laminator so that they could finally overcome their weakness to liquids.

The original Dipper then began a side conversation with them about the laminator that was certain to devolve rapidly into layers upon layers of planning and thinking and planning even more, so Steve took the opportunity to break off from their group and talk to Robin, who had also sensed the rabbit hole that the three Dippers were about to go down. She had wisely returned to her previous task of restocking the shelves, and Steve stepped forward to help her out, leaving Mabel and Wendy to start their own side conversation as well.

“I can’t leave you alone for five minutes, can I?” Robin said with a shake of her head. “You go outside to fix a water pipe and somehow manage to magnetize more children to you.”

“Right,” Steve grumbled at Robin’s teasing. “You know what? Maybe I should go back to that.”

He made to put down the plastic eyeballs he was placing into a jar.

“Oh lighten up, dingus,” Robin said. “Besides, if you leave now, you know Mabel is only gonna follow you back outside.”

Robin gestured with her head back towards the register, and Steve followed the movement to see Mabel speaking excitedly to Wendy. As he watched, he saw Wendy’s gaze flit in his direction a few times, leaving little doubt as to what it was they were talking about.

“Yeah, well, that kind of came to a head already…” Steve said, remembering the conversation he and Mabel had been having before Tracey and Quattro had interrupted.

“Really?” Robin said, and Steve could tell from her tone that he had her full attention now. With a sigh, Steve regaled her with an account of all that had happened, and Robin listened intensely as Steve talked about his interactions with Mabel earlier that afternoon. As Steve talked, he unconsciously glanced back at Mabel and Wendy as well, thinking about how likely it was that the two of them were talking about the exact same thing.

“...and that’s when we met the ‘carbon copies’ over there,” Steve said, wrapping up the story as he finished filling the jar with fake eyeballs. Robin had paused in her shelving about half way through, and Steve looked at her expectantly as she stood with Mystery Merchandise still clenched in her hands.

“Wow,” Robin said with a shake of her head. “If you thought I was impressed by how you talked to my parents…”

Steve shook his head.

“Please, don’t start this again…”

“Steve, I can maybe write off how well you talked to my parents as natural, but rejecting the feelings of a lovestruck thirteen-year-old girl without breaking her heart? That’s objectively impossible! Seriously!”

“Yeah, not really something to be proud of considering that the only way to accomplish it is by practice,” Steve said, crossing his arms again.

Robin snorted at the insinuation, but Steve knew she wasn’t surprised. Girls around Mabel’s age pined for Steve all the time back in Hawkins, so the fact that Steve had a lot of experience when it came to rejecting younger girls was definitely believable. At this, Robin gave a small smile as a sort of peace offering, finally letting up her teasing.

“Gotta mess up to figure things out, right?”

Steve then smiled back. He remembered telling her the exact same thing once when the two of them were tied to a chair in that underground Russian base.

“Yeah,” he said. “I guess it’s a good thing I got good at it before we showed up here. When it comes to pure innocence, Mabel’s about as close as you can get for someone that’s been through all the shit she has. Last thing I want is to be that guy to her.”

Robin took a look back at the younger girl too.

“That would definitely make things awkward at dinner time,” she replied. “I should honestly be thanking you, Stevie. I am not a fan of awkward.”

“Really? Could’ve fooled me…”

Steve's smile broadened as Robin shot him a dirty look. It was always fun to turn the tables on her when he could, though he had to admit that it wasn’t very often that he was able to do so. Luckily for her, his moments of teasing her were quick and did not last very long.

“I guess I’m a bit lucky too,” he said. “That girl is a lot smarter than people give her credit for. It wasn’t that difficult to get her to understand.”

“There’s a reason women live longer than men, Steve,” Robin said playfully as she continued her shelving.

“Didn’t emerge entirely unscathed though,” Steve added. “I may have promised to set Mabel up with some of my future grandchildren, so I guess I’ve got my work cut out for me when we get home.”

“Right…home…”

At the mention of the word “home”, Steve saw something cross Robin’s face. It was small and fleeting, but he had seen it. A slight twitch. A reaction. A brief moment that betrayed something was in conflict within Robin’s mind.

“Rob?” Steve said, when she didn’t respond for a second. “You OD over there?”

Robin’s eyes refocused, and she immediately blinked and looked back at Steve.

“Huh? Sorry!” she replied, shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts. “Just…thinking about how far away home is right now.”

Her expression betrayed that there was a bit more to it than that, but Steve chose not to pry. Now was definitely not the time. Especially not when there were three Dippers in the gift shop with the next hour’s tour about to conclude as well.

Turning back to the rest of the gift shop occupants, Steve took the lead and directed the three Dippers outside to the tool shed. The older teen had thankfully spent enough time at the shack now that he knew which tools they had extra of, so he knew what he would be able to give them without compromising the Shack’s tool inventory completely. Mabel eagerly joined them as they stepped out, leaving Robin and Wendy behind in the gift shop.

…

Robin shook her head and grinned humorously at the crowd of kids that followed Steve like ducklings as he led them outside to the toolshed. It was absolutely hilarious how much Steve seemed to loathe being trapped in a parental role despite never steering himself away from it. At times like this, it was hard for Robin to remember that this was the same guy that she had hated for so long despite almost never having spoken to him throughout his high school career. The difference between her initial impression of him and who he was now was vast, to say the least.

For so long, Robin couldn’t understand how Steve Harrington was so irresistible to the teenage females of Hawkins High. She had always assumed it was because he was rich and handsome, and she couldn’t help to think back about how many hours she would spend staring at both him and Tammy Thompson, desperately hoping that she could crack the code and find a way to get Tammy to stare at her like that.

Looking at him now though, Robin could see that Steve’s best quality was the one that almost nobody at Hawkins High had ever seen. It was the same quality that led him to meet Dustin Hendersen and get wrapped up in all of those crazy adventures with the Party back in Hawkins. It was the same quality that led him to become friends with a rebellious band geek and eventually be the only one entrusted with her deepest secret. And it was the exact same quality Robin was seeing in action now as he led the enthusiastic teenagers outside.

Next to her on the counter, Robin heard Wendy make a small noise of amusement.

“He just falls right into it, doesn’t he?” the redhead noted. “It’s like he doesn’t even notice.”

Robin looked to see that Wendy was watching the group through the screen door as well. She had her head propped up on her hand with her elbow resting on the counter, keeping her usual cool demeanor despite the sudden appearance of the clone Dippers not even five minutes ago.

Robin made a mental note to ask her the secret to unlocking that quality at a later time.

“Lots of practice…” she replied, echoing the conversation she’d just had with Steve.

“I’d have to agree,” Wendy said with a nod. “Especially considering what I heard from Mabel just now…”

Robin turned and raised her eyebrow, and Wendy answered with a wink, which both confirmed that they were on the same page and that Robin’s stomach was still capable of doing backflips.

“Uh, yeah,” Robin said with a slight cough. “He’s uh, definitely had his fair share of admirers.”

“Man,” Wendy said, and Robin thought she could detect the ever smallest amount of wistfulness in her tone. “If only I could’ve gotten let down that easily when I was Mabel’s age…”

Robin frowned inquisitively, and Wendy caught her gaze and smiled before answering her silent question.

“Not much of a story, really. I liked someone, told them I liked them, they freaked out, I went home in tears. The end.”

Robin’s brow furrowed deeper.

“They freaked out…? Because they were way older?”

Wendy shook her head.

“Same age, but I guess we weren’t really on the same page…”

“Hate to say it then, Red, but I find it hard to believe that you of all people ever got turned down by a boy, at least one with functioning eyeballs.”

Why did she just say that?

No. Seriously.

What in the actual HELL had just possessed Robin to say something like that?

It had just slipped out. It came out so easily. Like a breath.

And yet, breathing was a skill that now was eluding Robin, as her entire chest froze and her eyes widened in utter terror.

Thankfully, whatever gracious deity existed above took pity on her, and Wendy completely missed her horrified expression. Instead, the redhead gave a small laugh and shook her head.

“Well, you’re half-right, at least, although it honestly might’ve been better if they didn’t have functioning eyeballs.”

Before Robin could even process the sentence, Wendy produced a photograph from her wallet and showed it to her. It was a small polaroid of Wendy and her three younger brothers, and from what Robin could tell, it looked to be two to three years old. At first, Robin almost didn’t recognize the Wendy from the photograph, as the girl she saw, while still incredibly tall like the current version, was dressed in a green polo shirt that was tucked into a pair of pants that sat way too high on her waistline. The look was completely at odds with anything the Wendy of today would wear, but the differences between them did not end there. The most noticeable of which was found in twin pigtails that sprouted from the younger girls head, and, as if in competition to complete the dorky look, the girl in the photo sported a row of teeth covered in silver braces. Somehow, the camera had managed to catch the glare off of the chromed metal, making it so that the oral fixture was more prominent in the photograph than the actual human subjects.

Whatever Wendy had said was temporarily forgotten as Robin struggled to hold back laughter. As usual, her face betrayed her, and Wendy gave an acknowledging nod at Robin’s struggle to be polite.

“Yep, quite the freak show, huh?”

“No!” Robin said, though a few giggles escaped her mouth in spite of her struggles. “You looked…nice?”

“Ha! The kids at school called me ‘Frankenstein’ for almost a year. I was definitely counting down the days until I got those things off. I don’t know how Mabel can be so happy all the time with them on. I felt like I needed someone to thump me over the head so that I could at least forget about ‘em for a while.”

The two of them caught a glimpse of Steve and the kids through the screen door as they finished up in the tool shed, and Robin saw Mabel excitedly holding a socket wrench up to Steve, the girl’s own braces shining in the early afternoon sun. And get, despite the glare from the metal in her mouth, her own giddy smile seemed to overpower it completely, making anyone who looked at her ignore the braces completely in favor of the girl wearing them. The two of them watched in silence as Steve took the wrench from her with a grateful nod and a smile of his own, then Wendy spoke again.

“Huh, maybe I didn’t need that though…” she said, her voice trailing off. Robin looked over and was immediately concerned to see that Wendy’s expression suddenly grew sad. For the first time since Robin had met her, Wendy seemed to slip into a genuinely dour mood. The redhead’s eyes were still focused on Steve and Mabel outside, and she looked at them almost longingly.

“...maybe I just needed a mom…”

Robin was at a loss. It hurt her to see Wendy suddenly like this, and while Robin wanted more than anything to help her or at least say something to make her feel better, nothing came to her. Damn it, why did she have to be so bad at this? From the conversations the two of them had already had, Robin knew that Wendy’s mother wasn’t around anymore, but never before had Wendy opened up this much, or at the very least, gotten this emotional. And all Robin could do was stand there awkwardly, cursing herself for not knowing what to say.

Come on! Say something. Anything!

And then, just like that, the moment passed. Wendy suddenly blinked and seemed to return to the present, and her face instantly morphed back into the calm and cool look it always had.

“Sorry,” she said with a sheepish smile. “Got off topic for a second…but yeah, I definitely don’t think my appearance back then helped me woo anyone.”

Robin finally let out a laugh that was disgustingly saturated with nervousness, though if Wendy took any notice, she didn’t show it.

“Well, sounds like it was his–”

Robin stopped mid sentence, her brain finally catching up and processing what Wendy had said before she had shown her the picture. And as if in slow motion, Robin’s mind narrated every step of the thought process that came next.

Robin had expressed her doubt that any boy had ever turned her down if they had functioning eyeballs. And Wendy had said that Robin was half-right.

Half.

That meant that one part of her claim had not been correct. But which one…?

It wasn’t the part about being turned down. Wendy had already admitted and even given her the abridged summary of what had happened…

It wasn’t the part about functioning eyeballs. Wendy had explicitly stated that things might have been different if they hadn’t had functioning eyeballs…

That was it. That was all. There wasn’t any other part of the sentence that Robin could be wrong about.

Except…

Robin’s entire being froze.

No. No way. There was absolutely no way.

There was no way because if that part was what Robin had been wrong about, then that meant that Wendy…

Wendy had feelings for a…

Robin’s eyes locked with Wendy’s confused expression.

“You ok, dude?” Wendy asked with a raised eyebrow. “You were saying something and just kinda cut off there.”

Yeah, Robin had been about to say something, but if the revelation she just had was true, then it would have been half-correct again, and for the exact same reason. Either way, Wendy was staring at her now, and with every ounce of willpower she possessed, Robin snapped out of it and spoke.

“Sorry,” she said with a smile. “I thought I had to sneeze for a second. I was going to say that it sounded like it was their loss in the end, you know? They’re the ones that missed out.”

Wendy smiled back, her face genuine and showing no trace of the tender moment she had shared with Robin mere moments ago.

“Thanks, dude. That means a lot.”

Steve, Mabel, and the Dippers walked back inside then, and the conversation came to a halt as the gift shop was filled with optimistic voices and excitable tones. Steve, sporting a small toolbox that Robin suspected was filled with spare tools for Tracey and Quattro, filed in last, asking Wendy for the truck keys to drive the two clones back to their home at the edge of the woods.

Dipper and Mabel instantly volunteered to go with them, and after ensuring that Wendy could hold things down for a while, Robin offered to go as well. She hoped she hadn’t seemed too eager, but after that bombshell of a conversation, Robin needed a drive to clear her thoughts.

…

Steve, as usual, could tell that something was up with Robin. To the Dipper clones and even the Pines twins, she seemed perfectly fine, but Steve knew her well enough to see there was something going on with her. And from the looks of it, that something appeared to be a good thing. Like really good.

At first, Robin had been relatively subdued as they had all climbed into the truck and began driving with direction from Tracey and Quattro. With all three Dippers piled into the back and Mabel sitting up front with Steve and Robin, it was quite a cramped ride. Then, after they’d been driving for a few miles, Robin suddenly got excitable. It was like a switch had flipped in her head, and Robin suddenly seemed to have the most energy out of everyone in the truck with the exception of Mabel. Steve kept his eyes on the road, but he kept stealing glances over to her as she sang along with the radio, did a little dance with her upper body, or even joined in asking and answering questions as Dipper and Mabel filled Tracey and Quattro on what all had happened since the last time they’d seen each other. Steve listened too, as even though he’d heard most of it before, the sheer amount of stuff that happened in Gravity Falls last summer was still a lot to take in, and when it came to retaining information, Steve’s time at Hawkins High had proven that his strong suits lied elsewhere. So, with that in mind, Steve listened intently as Tracey and Quattro heard of the adventures of the Pines family for the first time. It seemed like they had already known about Weirdmaggedon, as they had gotten caught up in that whole mess too, but everything else seemed brand new to them both.

The sun was just beginning to touch the horizon when Quattro directed Steve to pull to the side of the road. Looking around, Steve could see nothing but forest through the foliage around them, but both of the clones assured him that they were near their residence. Steve pulled the truck over and cut the engine, shutting off the radio and casting a silence around them that seemed almost eerie with all the trees around.

Everyone climbed out of the truck to stretch their legs, and Steve walked around to the bed of the truck and retrieved the toolbox of supplies that the clones needed to complete their laminator. The Mystery Shack crew offered to accompany the two of them to their place, but Tracey and Quattro politely refused, insisting that they could handle it from here.

Steve shrugged indifferently at their refusal, but repeated the offer one more time as he watched Tracey struggle with the weight of the toolbox. It was obvious that the clones possessed the same strength as 12-year-old Dipper had, which according to Mabel, was not very much at all. Despite his offer, the clones refused yet again, and this time, Steve couldn’t help but feel like it was now a matter of pride for the two as they each took a hold on the toolbox handle and lifted it between them.

The two clones wished them a sincere goodbye, then set off into the forest, quickly disappearing among the trees as the natural light began to fade. The four of them watched until the clones were gone completely, then they all piled back into the truck as Steve started the engine and headed for home.

The ride was significantly less packed this time, and a quick glance around showed that Dipper had taken out his journal and begun logging a new entry, likely regarding the existence of the clones. Mabel, contrary to her brother, eagerly began a conversation about her favorite ice cream flavors with the two Hawkins natives, her usual enthusiasm amplified by the fact that both Steve and Robin were seasoned slingers of the frozen treat. Robin, still apparently riding whatever high she was feeling, entertained Mabel’s zeal with passion of her own, even though Steve knew for a fact that she hated every minute she had worked at Scoops Ahoy. Some of that might have been because of him, initially, but a majority of it came from the job itself. Scooping ice cream wasn’t exactly a fulfilling job, and the only things that gave Robin the motivation to keep working there were money and heckling Steve. That was, of course, until the Russians came into the picture.

And yet now, as Steve drove them back to the Mystery Shack, Robin spoke as though she almost liked scooping ice cream in a cheap sailor outfit. Almost.

Whatever she had learned or uncovered had made her exceptionally giddy, and Steve couldn’t help but feel a little bit of anticipation of his own to find out exactly what it was.

…

Tracey and Quattro both gave a spectacular grunt as they set the toolbox down on the floor of the small ramshackle hut that the two of them called home. It certainly wasn’t much to look at, but it was theirs. And it had electricity, which suited both of them perfectly.

“Whew!” Quattro said, wiping his brow and flopping down on the lower of the two bunk beds that were stacked in the room. “Maybe we should have taken that Steve guy up on his offer.”

“Eh,” Tracey shrugged. “Maybe, but hey, at least we get the satisfaction of a job well done!”

“Fair point,” Quattro said with a nod of agreement before sitting up. “Now let’s see…”

Simultaneously, the two clones pulled out identical folded up sheets of paper from their pockets. The papers unfolded easily into a long sheet that went all the way to the floor, and both clones squinted and focused as they read down the steps of the pages.

“If our inventory is accurate…”

“...and our tools are in good shape…”

“...then we might be able to finish it within the week!” the two of them said at the exact same time as they turned towards their half-finished laminator in the corner of the room. Parts and screws were strewn about around the main bulk, clear evidence that the job had not been completed yet.

“Just think!” Tracey said excitedly. “After we finish this, we’ll be able to take our first expedition!”

“Without any fear of losing literally all of body mass in the process!” Quattro added, to which Tracey enthusiastically nodded.

“Glad to see we’re still on the same wavelength, speaking of which…”

Tracey went to a small desk in the corner of their abode to retrieve a notepad from one of the drawers.

“You read my mind,” Quattro said, hopping up off the bed and producing a pencil from his pocket.

The two of them shared a synchronous nod, then proceeded outside, pausing only to look out the window and check for oncoming rain. Once they were both sure that it was safe, the two clones ventured out in the evening light, drawing flashlights from their pockets as the approaching night continued to draw closer. Fortunately for them both, their destination was not far, and after less than a minute of walking, the two of them finally arrived at their destination.

Sitting there, on the side of a large boulder, the two clones inspected a large red membrane that was roughly the size of a small door. The membrane itself pulsed and glowed periodically, giving an indication that something lied just beyond the other side of it. At the edges of the membrane where it met the hard surface of the rock, a moist stringy substance emerged and stretched outward a few inches across whatever surface it came into contact with.

Carefully donning gloves, goggles and other safety equipment, Tracey and Quattro set to work, pulling out a ruler and other various measuring devices as they inspected the membrane. The process was thorough, but the two of them had done it quite a few times now, and they moved with a practiced efficiency that allowed them to complete their measurements in just a few short minutes. As they worked, the jotted down numbers and results on the notepad, both of them muttering freely.

Finally, the two of them stepped back, staring at the red pulsating membrane in wonder.

“Still the same size,” Quattro confirmed as he finished penning down the measurements. “Doesn’t appear to be growing any more or less active either.”

“As expected,” Tracey said with a nod. “That rules it out as any kind of creature, as it surely would have grown bigger or moved to a different area to feed on by now.”

“Agreed. The only puzzling thing about it is the organic nature of it. It almost looks like it has a beating heart or something.”

The two clones chewed thoughtfully on the ends of their pencils.

“That just leaves our one working theory intact.”

“It’s a portal,” they both said at the same time, their voices resolute.

But a portal to where?

That question went unspoken, but it burned brightly in both of their minds as they turned and strode away from the membrane.

“Alright,” Quattro said. “Let’s check the others. If the results of this one are anything to go by, we are in for a relatively uneventful evening.”

JXUO AYBBUT XYC GKYSABO, RHYDWYDW XYI JUHHEH JE QD UDT. RKJ Y QC IJYBB XUHU. Y QC JXU IXQTEM EV JXU TUQT.

Chapter Text

Mabel, as usual, did little to suppress her thousand-watt smile as she looked back and forth from Robin, Steve, and the television. Currently, the three of them were sitting in the living room of the Mystery Shack, and since the attraction was closed for the day, Mabel had eagerly suggested to her two time traveler friends that they be introduced to her favorite crime-solving mystery television show…

“Duck-tective!” came the narrator’s serious voice from the television, echoing Mabel’s thoughts.

Steve and Robin, to Mabel’s initial delight, had been enthralled by the show, but as they continued to watch, Mabel began to suspect that the two older teens were actually more impressed by how realistic and well-defined the picture quality of the television was. Despite the television being super old in Mabel’s eyes, it was apparently still quite advanced compared to what Steve and Robin were used to.

“What do you think?” she excitedly asked during the commercial break. “Is that duck a genius or what?”

“It’s no Magnum P.I.,” Robin began. “But I think I could see myself starting to like it.”

“Were those sticks taped to the duck’s wings?” Steve asked. “Also, I’m pretty sure that constable guy looked right into the camera, like, five times.”

“That’s part of the immersion!” Mabel replied. “That way, the audience feels like they’re being investigated too!”

Steve did not seem convinced, but he smirked anyway as Mabel continued to eagerly await his verdict of the show.

“It’s kind of cheesy, but it’s still better than half the stuff we have at Family Video.”

Mabel beamed at him in response, simultaneously forcing down the half-blush that rose to her cheeks that sometimes threatened to arise if she looked at Steve too long.

Despite Steve being recently added to her depressingly long list of failed romances, Mabel couldn’t help but place him in a category all his own, as Steve was still super nice and didn’t make things awkward whenever he and Mabel were in the same room. For that, Mabel had given him “two enthusiastic thumbs-up” stickers on her chart of social awesomeness levels, which was how she kept track of how much of a capacity for suave social smoothness each of her friends possessed (Dipper usually held an “at least you tried" sticker). Steve’s ability to smooth out any rough patches between him and Mabel before they even formed was definitely welcome, but it had the downside of not helping Mabel let go of the last vestiges of her dumb old crush on him that still remained.

As a result, Mabel could only look at Steve for so long before her face would start burning up, and she likened it to staring at the Sun too long in that regard. That is, if the Sun was tall, and athletic, and had absolutely amazing hair…

Mabel momentarily scrunched her face up to dispel those thoughts, and it was that moment that Dipper chose to run into the living room, his face flushed with excitement.

“You guys! There was a break-in at the radio station! Toby Determined just called me!”

“Uh oh,” Mabel said with a twinge of humor. “I hope they didn’t steal his entire collection of plaid suspenders!”

“We have to investigate while the scene is still fresh!” Dipper said. “Steve, can you drive us into town? Please?”

“Kinda sounds like something you leave to the cops, Pines,” Steve said with a raised eyebrow. Neither he nor Robin made to get up from their seated positions on the floor. “Even with two stellar geniuses like Blubs and Durland.”

“Normally, I’d agree,” Dipper said, animatedly placing his hands together and nodding his head. “But Toby very specifically asked for me to come as soon as possible.”

From where she was seated next to Steve, Robin raised an eyebrow.

“Why would this ‘Toby’ guy do that?” she asked skeptically. “Does he think you did it?”

Mabel had already known exactly why once Dipper mentioned that Toby had called him personally, and she bounded up from her own seated position.

“I know why!” she yelled. “It’s because ‘Sir Dippingsauce’ just so happens to be the number one weirdness expert in Gravity Falls! And if Toby Determined is asking for him specifically, then that means something freaky-deaky is going on!”

Dipper gratefully agreed with his twin, then held up his hand in a high-five gesture.

“Couldn't have said it better myself. Though of course, I won’t be much good out there without ‘Lady Mabelton’ to back me up,” he said.

“How about it? Mystery Twins?”

“Mystery Twins!” Mabel agreed with a laugh, returning the high-five with a satisfying slap.

“And what say you…uh…”

Dipper paused for a moment and held his chin in thought as he looked at Steve and Robin contemplatively for a moment.

“Chief Stevecurds and…Professor Robinhood?”

Both Steve and Robin’s faces scrunched up in obvious disdain for the nicknames Dipper had chosen for them, and Mabel gave him a consoling pat on the shoulder.

“It was a good try, Bro-Bro,” she said. “But you might wanna just leave the nicknames to me from now on.”

“Agreed,” Steve said, getting up from where he sat on the floor.

“So, is that a ‘yes’ to driving us into town?” Dipper asked hopefully, his smile betraying his nervousness that he may have blown his opportunity.

Steve and Robin looked at each other for a moment, seemingly talking to each other without saying anything. Mabel noticed that they would do that sometimes.

“It’s a yes,” Robin finally confirmed with a nod. “Under the condition that you never try to give us nicknames again.”

…

Dipper felt his anticipation grow even further as the four of them approached the Gravity Falls local radio station, formerly the headquarters of the town’s incredibly unpopular newspaper: The Gravity Falls Gossiper. Whatever had broken into the building had obviously riled Toby Determined up to extreme proportions, meaning that it was likely something strange or weird that would definitely deserve an entry in Dipper’s ever-expanding research of the anomalies of the town. The young teenager was already beginning to organize and reorganize the notes he had yet to take on whatever grandiose thing that he would discover today, and he had already packed at least five newly-sharpened pencils in his backpack alongside his usual research kit just to make sure he was absolutely ready.

“Okay,” Dipper said, coming to a stop at the front door of the otherwise unassuming building. He turned to address the group, though his next question was asked to Robin and Steve directly.

“You guys haven’t met Toby yet, right?”

Both of the older teens shook their heads.

“I think we might’ve heard him on the radio when we first got here…” Robin said, frowning in remembrance. “But there were a few more pressing concerns on our minds at that point.”

Mabel gave a humored laugh.

“Oh man, are you two in for a treat, then! You’re about to meet the only person that can rival Dipper in his ability to saturate the air with awkwardness!”

“What she means to say…” Dipper interrupted annoyedly. “...is that Toby can be a bit… unorthodox, if I were to choose a word.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, rolling his eyes as he did so. “Not exactly shocking. Seems like everybody in this town is a tad strange.”

“I’m inclined to agree,” Robin agreed with a nod before noticing something a little ways down the sidewalk from them.

“Uh, except for maybe that guy.”

Dipper followed Robin’s line of sight to see none other than Tad Strange walking towards them, the man’s ever-plain appearance in full display as he sported a very unexciting wardrobe of a white button-down shirt and dark gray pants. A black tie was tied rather simply around his collar, and Dipper could see an equally black tie clip holding it firmly against Tad’s midsection as he strolled towards them with a very mundane gait.

“Hello there,” Tad said with a textbook wave and smile as he walked past the four of them. “Wonderful weather we’re having today!”

“Tad, with you around, every day is wonderful!” Mabel replied immediately, giving Tad two finger guns and a wink as the man returned to his unembellished walk.

“Nevermind,” Robin said once Tad was out of earshot. “That guy’s weird too. Nobody is that normal.”

“Believe it or not, he actually grows on you,” Dipper said as the four of them continued to watch Tad’s ordinary form turn the corner and disappear from sight. “Everyone thought he was a square at first, but he actually is just a regular old person.”

“Is the word ‘square’ popular again in 2013?” Steve said with a raised eyebrow. “Not even my parents use it any more in 1985.”

Steve’s question went unanswered as the door to the radio station then swung open rather suddenly, causing the four of them to jump back in surprise. From within the doorway, the squat and visually uncanny form of Toby Determined emerged, his large eyes wide and his distasteful mustache turned upward with giddiness.

“You’ve come at last!” the short man said with glee, his voice in the same nasally tone that it always was. “Come in! I just finished my morning radio broadcast!”

Dipper didn’t even get a word in before Toby grabbed his arm with both hands and pulled him inside, leaving Mabel, Robin, and Steve struggling to catch up. As Dipper was rushed into the one room that constituted the radio station, he noticed that Toby’s sense of interior design had changed quite a bit since Dipper had last been here, the time being when he and Mabel had accused Toby of murdering a wax figure of Stan’s likeness. Now, instead of multiple papers concerning stories and leads adorning the walls, Toby had seen fit to hang up posters of numerous bands and musical performers, evidencing his transformation from the owner of an abysmal newspaper to a slightly less abysmal radio show. The most noticeable of changes came in the form of a sound booth in the corner of the room, likely where Toby conducted his daily broadcasts.

“Thank my lucky stars you could come on such short notice, Dipper!” Toby said enthusiastically, finally releasing his hold on Dipper’s arm and stepping back. “A mystery such as this carries only the highest importance, and it must be investigated at once!”

“Evidently…” Dipper mumbled, rubbing his arm where Toby had grabbed him just moments before. “Alright, what happened, Toby? What’s this ‘supernatural break-in’ you called me about?”

“Behold!” Toby exclaimed, sweeping his arm to gesture to the back of the room. Looking upward, Dipper noticed that the building’s only window, which was situated opposite the front door they had just come through, had been shattered, with multiple pieces of glass laying strewn about the carpet of Toby’s radio station.

“When I locked up last night, everything was in order!” Toby exclaimed. “But gobbling goose feathers! When I came in this morning, the window was shattered, and almost all of my historical stash of the Gravity Falls Gossiper was missing!”

“Your historical stash of what?” Robin asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Just his hoard of previous issues of his own failing newspaper,” Mabel explained. “So, nothing really of value.”

“Now, wait just a minute!” Toby interjected indignantly. “Those issues are rich with town history! They may have been worth something one day!”

As he spoke, Toby opened a door to a closet filled with old newspapers and other memorabilia stacked high along the walls. Dipper noticed that many were missing, and that much of the collection seemed to have been rummaged through and left in disarray.

“Each issue documents only the most prevalent of events that occurred in the town that day!” Toby explained, putting his hands on his hips. “Who knows what kind of use they might have in the years to come!”

“Yeah, as kindling maybe…” Steve said as he skeptically examined the headline of one of the newspapers strewn about.

“Manly Dan in Love With His Own Axe?” the older teen read aloud. “Isn’t there way more interesting stuff that goes on in this town, like, daily?”

“Oh, never mind all that!” Toby said, suddenly nervous like he was trying to hide the supernatural nature of the town all by himself. Dipper sighed heavily and rolled his eyes at the sight.

“Toby, don’t bother with that ‘Never Mind All That’ stuff right now. These guys know about all of it already, and you called me here specifically because there’s something weird going on, right? So, can we quit skirting around the issue, please?”

“Sorry,” Toby replied, suddenly sheepish. “It’s a force of habit!”

Toby then went over to a television and pulled a video cassette from his pocket. Taking a minute to ensure it was oriented properly, the squat little man fed the cassette into a VCR mounted atop a television set located against the wall.

“I brought you here because of the footage I captured of the break-in,” Toby explained as he began rewinding the tape. “Normally I’d go to the police about such things, but, well…”

The man seemed to reach the point in the tape he was looking for, and he quickly pressed the play button to stop the rewind. There was a burst of static on the screen, then the footage began to roll normally, showcasing a video recording of the very room they were in, only twelve hours prior.

“It happened at midnight exactly,” Toby said cryptically, his statement matching up with the time stamp that could be seen at the bottom of the television screen.

For a few seconds, nothing happened as the film continued to roll. Nothing stirred from the dark screen that they could see, as the lights in the room were all extinguished. Dipper’s eyes widened suddenly as the window on the playback shattered, and through the now open portal, numerous tiny shapes appeared, each one scuttling through the empty window and into the room, all of them spreading out as if they were searching for something specific.

“What the hell…?” Robin said from beside him, her thoughts echoing his own.

Whatever those shapes were that were moving about the room on the screen, they most certainly weren’t human, and from the looks of it, they weren’t your typical forest creature either. The lighting was too dark to make out any specific details, but Dipper knew that there was something off about them. The most obvious trait was that they were relatively small in stature. Each one only appeared to be the size of a large dinner plate, and their small forms moved low and close to the ground, not rising to a very tall stature at all.

The shapes continued to scuttle about recklessly on the screen until one of them managed to open the closet that held Toby’s collection of Gravity Falls Gossipers, and with a sharp hiss, all of the creatures then converged on the closet, each one grabbing as many copies of the newspaper as they could carry before hurrying back out of the window and out of sight. It seemed as though they would have liked to take more with them, but the smaller size of the creatures compared to the cargo they were hauling out made it so that much of the stash had to be left behind. It was a fact that the creatures seemed relatively displeased by.

Once the last of the shapes had exited, the room on the television fell still once again, and it was there that Toby paused the recording.

“I don’t know who else to turn to,” he said. The Gravity Falls police won’t go anywhere near a case like this, and I desperately need my copies of the Gossiper back!”

Dipper barely heard Toby, as his mind was awhirl with possibilities of what these creatures might be. His overeager mind could tell based on the shape alone that these weren’t creatures that had been documented in any of the journals before, and that whatever they were dealing with was something new and undocumented.

Glancing over to Mabel, Dipper met his twin’s gaze and gave a subtle nod with his head, which she returned with an enthusiastic and brace-filled grin.

“Toby Determined, we are on the case!” Dipper said enthusiastically, raising his hand and striking a pose as if to drive home his point.

“Yeah!” Mabel added, striking her own pose. “We’ll find your mediocre newspapers and bring the creepy crawlies that took them to justice!”

“...uh…yeah…” Robin said in a less than enthusiastic tone, raising her fist hesitantly in agreement.

“What they said…” Steve added, his own tone just as lackluster as Robin’s.

“Oh, bless you!” Toby said, clasping his hands together in a reverent gesture to the four of them. “Bless you all! You do this for me, and I’ll give you all shoutouts and your own song on tomorrow’s radio program!”

“Golly, what a deal,” Robin mumbled with a roll of her eyes. “Facing an unknown species of potentially deadly creatures all to have my own choice of song played on tomorrow’s broadcast…”

Steve pretended to cough to hide his humor at Robin’s response, but Dipper’s mind was already racing at a mile a minute, thinking about what all they would need for their investigation.

“Let’s see…” he began mumbling to himself. “...we’ll need supplies. I’m thinking rope, cameras, hooks, nets…”

…

Steve watched bemusedly as Dipper began to mumble to himself regarding the details of their new investigation. It was almost like clockwork for the kid to fall into his own rhythm of checking and double-checking everything that went into his adventures, and while Mabel strolled over to her twin to join him in his brainstorming, Steve was more than content to lean against the wall until they were finished. Robin caught on and followed suit, leaning comfortably next to him.

“How long do you think it’s gonna take him to get his initial supply list sorted out?” Steve asked with a snort.

“I’d normally say ten to fifteen minutes,” Robin replied with a shrug. “But with Mabel to keep him on track, she might be able to bring it down to seven, maybe six at the absolute minimum.”

Steve smirked and looked around the radio station, taking note of all the posters of bands that were framed and hung up on the walls of the room. Most of them, as he’d expected, were artists and groups that were foreign to him, but to his surprise, he found that quite a few were of artists that were very popular or up and coming in the ‘80s.

“Blondie…Billy Ocean…Lionel Richie…” Steve read aloud from some of the posters. “Gotta say, Robin, seems like music from our time is holding up pretty well in the future.”

Robin followed his gaze and then gave a smirk of her own. “That’s not exactly comforting. It makes it seem like music in general starts going downhill after the ‘80s. Not exactly something to look forward to when we get back.”

Robin’s tone had an unexpected bite to it, but Steve got the feeling that it wasn’t necessarily directed at him. He raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to inquire, but Toby interrupted in the next moment.

“Depending on who you ask nowadays, some would definitely agree that the world of music fell into a downward spiral after the 1980s!” he eagerly interjected, seemingly giddy just to be a part of the conversation. “The use of electronics gave a one-of-a-kind feel to the music that really resonates with both younger and older audiences, and many would argue that the genres of pop and rock all began to devolve into lesser versions of themselves as time went on!”

The awkward man seemed not to hear anything regarding Steve and Robin’s status as time travelers, or perhaps he didn’t care, though Steve supposed that both were equally likely.

“I wouldn’t know,” Robin said with a half-smile, dropping her previously bitter tone for a more prankish approach as she gave Steve a knowing look from the corner of her eye. “We really only listen to the classics where we’re from.”

“Yeah, not a lot of stuff from this century…” Steve said, playing along with a smile of his own.

“Ah, those were the days…” Toby said, a nostalgic smile forming on his face as he strolled back over to the closet and began sifting through what few copies of the Gossiper remained. “It’s a shame you kids are too young to have lived in that time period. Just by looking at how you two dress, I’d say you’d fit right in!”

“Totally,” Robin said with a roll of her eyes, and Steve had to fake a cough to keep himself from laughing out loud.

“Fiddlesticks!” Toby then said with a stamp of his foot. “They took almost all of my old newspapers! Curse you, ambiguous Gossiper thieves!”

Toby looked to the ceiling and shook his fist in a show of his emotion. While Steve was content to let the little man continue wallowing in his lack of tabloids, Robin suddenly craned her neck and frowned at something she saw in the closet.

“Hey uh, Toby, what’s the date on that one right there?”

“Huh?” Toby asked, following Robin’s gaze to one copy of the Gossiper that was sitting high atop a stack almost as tall as Toby himself. “Let’s see now…”

Plucking the newspaper from the top of the pile, Toby straightened his glasses and read the date aloud.

“November 7th, 1983…Oh, I remember this one! That was the morning after a widespread blackout swept through most of the state.”

For some reason, Toby had seen fit to make the headline about the rising popularity of mullets rather than the blackout itself, but Robin chose to ignore that fact for now.

“A blackout?” Robin asked, her face portraying that she was already deep in thought. Steve could also detect some kind of apprehension in her voice as well.

“Yep, we’d had a few before, but they only happened in the town specifically. Nothing quite like this one!”

Robin gave a nervous laugh.

“And…they stopped completely after this one?”

“I think so…” Toby said, scratching his head thoughtfully. “You’re more than welcome to look through the rest when you find them, but why such an interest in this particular date?”

“Oh…you know…just a history buff!” Robin said in an entirely unconvincing tone.

“Really?” Toby said, perking up. “Well if that’s the case, then I’d be glad to give you a complete history course of this town’s rich background once you find my Gossipers! Make sure you have the next three days cleared on your calendar!”

A look of horror appeared on Robin’s face upon realizing what she’d done, and while she struggled and sputtered, something else in the closet caught Steve’s attention. Standing up from his leaning position, Steve approached the closet and looked closer.

There, laying among what appeared to be spiked chokers, bracelets, fishnet arm sleeves, multiple metal piercings, and…was that a skull?

Steve’s face contorted into an uncomfortable expression as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing. It looked like a goth’s dream wardrobe, and how a guy like Toby Determined came into possession of such items was beyond Steve’s understanding. There’s no way the awkward man actually wore any of this stuff, right?

Steve shuddered and quickly banished the mental image from his mind, turning his attention back to the item that had drawn his attention in the first place. There, laying among the blackened clothing and emo paraphernalia, was a wooden baseball bat with nails protruding in every direction from the head.

It was almost exactly like the one Steve kept in the trunk of his BMW back in 1983, and with the thought of facing numerous unknown forest creatures fresh on his mind, Steve felt like he’d be an idiot for not going in armed.

“Hey uh, what’s this?” Steve asked out loud, prompting Toby to pause in his listing off of items that Robin would need to take proper notes during his history course. The two of them turned towards him, with Robin mouthing a silent ‘thank you’ for pulling her from the depths of their previous conversation.

“Oh, that!” Toby said with a dismissive shake of his hand. “That’s just some memorabilia from my ‘Bodacious T’ days. Great googly-moogly, what a time that was…”

Steve’s expression formed into that of genuine discomfort as his worst fears about the clothing in the closet were confirmed, and Robin had a similar reaction upon seeing the clothing herself.

“Definitely glad that he’s not around anymore!” came Mabel’s voice as her and Dipper finished up their own side conversation. “On behalf of everyone ever, let me thank you for putting him down, Toby!”

“It had to be done,” Toby said with a nod, his face suddenly serious. “After Shandra Jimenez and I broke up, I realized that I just wasn’t being true to myself. Bodacious T will always be a part of me, but he’s not all of me. And for now, he will stay locked deep inside of me: a beast waiting to be let out if the need ever arises.”

“Uh…yeah…” Steve said, more than eager to switch topics. “So, I’m thinking these things that took your newspapers might not be so keen on giving it back. Is it cool if I borrow your ‘accessory’ in case they give us trouble?”

“Oh, go right ahead!” Toby said, suddenly switching off his serious demeanor. “It was originally part of my debut project as a sportscaster for the Gravity Falls news channel, but it turns out that trying to start a professional deathball league comes with a lot of legal obstacles, so I really don’t have much of a use for that anymore.”

With the confirmation, Steve hefted the bat into his hand, the weight immediately familiar and comforting as he gave it an experimental flip to feel it out.

“Wow!” Mabel said, her eyes shining at the sight of Steve with the weapon. “You look like a hero from some kind of action TV show!”

Steve gave a nonchalant shrug and rested the bat comfortably on his shoulder before looking over and offering a smirk to Robin.

“What do you think, Rob? Feel a little better knowing I got my trusty bat back?”

“I think I’d prefer it if you had a gun,” she replied, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrow at him. “But apparently to Dustin Henderson you are ‘The Second Coming of the Babe’ with that thing, so I guess it will have to do.”

Robin made air quotes with her hands when she spoke about Dustin, causing Steve to feel a slight warmth in his chest that Dustin thought of him that way. Thinking about that little nerd now suddenly came with a pang of guilt as Steve remembered that the last time they had spoken had not ended on the most pleasant of terms, and even though Blendin had promised to return them to only a few moments after they left once they returned to 1985, that didn’t keep Steve from feeling the guilt grow ever-steadily each day he spent without making things right with the kid.

Deciding that now was not the time, Steve pushed that thought to the back of his mind and turned as Dipper spoke up.

“Alright then,” the younger teen said resolutely. “Thanks to Mabel’s ever-expanding imagination and my critical planning skills, we’ve come up with a plan to find the culprits behind Toby’s newspaper thieves and bring them to justice!”

…

All of them listened intently as Dipper laid out the plan in full, which was built around the extreme likelihood that the smaller creatures would return to the scene of the crime in order to steal the remainder of Toby’s collection that they’d been unable to get away with the night before. If they could be reasoned with, then they might be able to work out a deal with the creatures, and get back all of the stolen copies of the Gossiper.

“And if they can’t be reasoned with…?” Robin asked skeptically.

“Then we force them to be reasoned with…using stickers!” Mabel said, pulling out one of her many sticker books that she always seemed to have on her person at all times.

Robin’s look of incredulousness was short-lived thankfully, as Dipper took the next moment to give her a far better answer.

“If we can’t, then we attach a tracker onto them and follow it back to wherever their lair is, just like we did with the dyna-mice. Once we have a definitive location, then we can move forward from there.”

It hadn’t sounded like that bad of a plan up until that point, but Robin was at least comfortable enough with the first part to go along with it.

As cool as she tried to play it before, she was actually really happy that Steve at least had a weapon now that they could defend themselves with. She’d never admit it to his face, of course, as the last thing she’d ever want to do was stroke his ego. She’d never hear the end of it.

Robin certainly hadn’t been lying when she’d said that she preferred a gun versus a baseball bat with nails in it, but she’d heard from almost a dozen sources that Steve was apparently a whiz with that thing. She’d even overheard Jonathon Byers of all people talk about Steve’s skill with the bat. From the way Steve had described his whole love triangle debacle with him, Jonathan, and Nancy Wheeler back in 1983, Robin could guess that the two boys still possessed some small amount of bad blood between them even though they appeared to be on relatively good terms. Either way, to hear Jonathon speak highly of anything the former King of Hawkins High had to offer meant that it was likely rooted in fact.

Bottom line, if there was anyone in their group that would be best equipped with that thing, it was Steve Harrington.

“Ok,” Steve said, nodding slowly in response to Dipper’s plan. “But we have no idea when they’re going to come back. We don’t even know if they’re coming back at all.”

“Based on what experiences we’ve had with anomalous creatures from around here before,” Dipper began, reaching into a backpack he had brought with him and pulling out his journal. “We can accurately guess that they’ll be back soon, since it’s obvious that they need the newspapers for something, and they didn’t bother to take any other newspapers from around town that weren't the Gravity Falls Gossiper. It’s also obvious that they don’t want to be seen, so we can accurately guess that they might be back as early as tonight!”

“Under the cover of darkness…” Mabel emphasized with a mock-cryptic tone. “All we gotta do is lay out the bait, which we still have plenty of since nobody reads your newspaper, Toby, set the trap, and boom! Mystery solved!”

Robin saw Steve glance over at her out of the corner of her eye, and she met his gaze for a brief moment. Since the two of them had come to the conclusion that they were now unwillingly wrapped up in all the crazy shit that happened in Gravity Falls, they had always made sure to conduct one final check with each other before they got involved with another adventure. It was one absolutely last question that they asked each other before they went all in.

Steve, of course, would always be a part of anything dangerous involving the Pines Twins, so he definitely was in for sure on this. And now Robin watched his eyes for a moment before giving a small nod of her head, utilizing “Silent Steve-talk” to let him know that she was all in as well. There was no turning back at this point.

“Ok then,” Steve said, still resting his newfound yet very familiar weapon on his shoulder. “Sounds like our next step is actually setting the trap. Pines, I seriously hope your plan isn’t to run headfirst at them with a hamster cage like last time.”

“Don’t you worry, Steve-town!” Mabel said. “Luckily for us, we’ve got the finest trapper this side of the Mississippi River on speed dial!”

…

Robin watched interestedly as Wendy placed the finishing touches on her work, trying her best not to stare too much at the redhead while she fiddled with the trap.

“Thanks again for the help, Wendy!” Mabel said from where she sat across the room, entertaining herself by spinning continuously around in the swivel chair that Toby sat in during his broadcasts.

“No problem, dude,” Wendy said nonchalantly. “I figured you were out trying to solve some new mystery or something like that when you texted me, so I came over as quick as I could.”

“Sure you can’t stick around?” Steve said from where he was helping Dipper prepare the remainder of Toby’s Gossiper issues for their bait. “I think some of us would feel a lot better if you were here when these things come back.”

Steve raised his eyebrow slyly at Robin as he spoke, and she combated the rising blush in her cheeks by gritting her teeth and giving Steve a death glare that no one else could see. It had been only yesterday that she’d shared with Steve her realization regarding Wendy and her possible preferences, and Steve, to no surprise at all, had been incredibly supportive. The fact that an amazing girl like Wendy had even the slightest potential to be interested in Robin was amazing enough without the fact that it wouldn’t be looked upon with disgust in a town like this, and despite the fact that Robin was technically old enough to be Wendy’s grandmother, there still existed that enduring sense of freedom that came with all of it.

The only downside to it all, apart from the fact that anything even remotely close to a relationship between Wendy and Robin would be next to impossible due to…well… everything, was the fact that Steve still found the time to tease her about it. And given the fact that Robin already was not the best at concealing her emotions, having Steve in the same room as her anytime Wendy was around was going to be a nightmare.

The two Hawkins teens had not yet been given the chance to discuss the matter in depth, and when they did, Robin was going to make Steve swear under the threat of strangling him in his sleep that he would keep his mouth shut about this. Of that, she would make damn sure.

“Trust me, dude,” Wendy said, not noticing Steve’s teasing or Robin’s flustered and mildly enraged expression. “If I could, I would be here with you guys in a heartbeat, but I promised Tambry that I’d go with her into the city tonight to get a new phone. Thompson accidentally ran over her old one this morning, and she is going through some serious withdrawal.”

“Glad to say I don’t know the feeling,” Steve replied with a frown. “These mobile phones that you guys have in the future sound great and all, but from what I’ve seen of Tambry so far, it looks like that’s almost the only thing she pays attention to.”

“Part of the reason why I still use an older version, dude,” Wendy replied with a nod. “Hard to get addicted to your phone if it doesn’t do anything but call and text.”

“Might have to disagree with you there, Red,” Robin said, sharing a glance with Steve. “There’s a few moms in Hawkins that could give Tambrey a run for her money, even in 1985.”

Steve smiled back and nodded in agreement.

“I heard one time that Mrs. Wheeler had a phone call with one of her friends that lasted from sunup to sundown over their home phone, stopped to sleep, then continued the conversation the next morning for another two hours.”

Steve shook his head at the memory.

“Knowing her, I honestly believe it.”

Robin smirked, remembering how close Steve was with the Wheeler family.

“I’m sure Mike was pissed when he regaled you with that tale.”

“Nah,” Steve said, still laughing at the memory. “Nance told me…”

Steve’s face fell ever so slightly then, and even though Robin was no expert at reading emotions, she knew Steve well enough to tell that the subject of Nancy Wheeler was still a tender subject for him. Despite him seemingly moving on from his breakup with her, Robin could tell that he had really cared for Nancy, and since the two of them had split, Steve had yet to find another serious relationship. That, as Robin knew all too well, was certainly not due to a lack of trying on Steve’s part, as the older teen had spent just as much time flirting with customers at Scoops Ahoy as he did slinging ice cream. Such habits had transferred over to his time at Family Video, and even though Steve still struck out quite a few times, he had actually managed to score a few dates with some of the female customers, likely due to the fact that he no longer had to wear a skimpy sailor outfit as his work uniform.

Keith, their manager, had expressed no small amount of jealousy in the form of annoyance at Steve’s success with women, and if Robin was being honest, she felt a small twinge of jealousy as well each time Steve managed to get another girl’s phone number. Unfortunately for Steve, none of his potential romance partners had lasted beyond a few dates, leaving him without a long-term relationship to properly move on from his time with Nancy Wheeler.

If Robin was being honest, she seriously doubted any girl would ever top Steve’s relationship with Nancy, as there were no other datable girls that shared in his experience of fighting supernatural beings and monsters from a parallel dimension. With all that on the table, Nancy Wheeler became almost an impossible act to follow.

Still, Robin had to give Steve credit for his perseverance, as he handled each of his failed romances with a grace and resilience that Robin most certainly did not possess, mostly thanks to her lack of experience.

Robin realized she had become lost in her own thoughts, and she quickly brought herself back to the present and listened intently in order to rejoin the conversation.

“Does Tambry even sleep?” Mabel asked with a cocked eyebrow. “I’ve woken up to no less than five status updates from her spaced evenly throughout the night before.”

“Pretty sure she sets alarms just to wake up and post them,” Wendy said with a chuckle. “That’s the textbook definition of dedication if I've ever seen it.”

The conversation trailed off for a few moments, then Wendy stood up and clapped her hands in a conclusive gesture.

“Alright,” she said proudly. “Trap is set, homies. Make sure to send me a pic of what these little guys look like when you catch ‘em.”

“Will do!” Mabel said, reaching down into her own personal backpack and pulling out her trusty Polariod camera.

“Thanks again for the help, Wendy,” Dipper said with a grateful smile as he and Steve stood up from their own work. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“Hopefully you’ll never have to find out,” Wendy said, exchanging a fist bump with the two boys before turning to Robin.

“Watch after my boys, will ya Rob?” she said, offering her fist out just as she had previously with Steve and Dipper. “Keep ‘em outta trouble.”

“You know that’s not possible,” Robin said back, mirroring Wendy’s demeanor and returning the fist bump. “But I’ll do my best.”

“Good enough,” Wendy said, giving Robin a light smack on her shoulder. “I’ll see you guys when I get back! Don’t have too much fun without me!”

With that, Wendy gathered up her own bag and exited the building, though Robin could still feel a small amount of residual warmth on her shoulder from her touch a few moments before.

“Ok,” Dipper said eagerly. “Now all we have to do is carefully place our bait.”

Already briefed about the plan, the four of them then set about the task of placing copies of the Gossiper above Wendy’s constructed trap, ensuring that when the creatures came back, they would be drawn to the newspapers like flies to honey. Once the bait had been carefully placed, the four of them then turned out the lights and hurried into the sound booth, which would act as their hiding spot until they had managed to capture their prey.

The booth thankfully had a window that looked out into the main room, so they had front row seats to whatever came next. Additionally, the booth itself was soundproof, so they could talk in slightly hushed tones without fear of being heard from whoever might be outside.

“Alright, Pines,” Steve said, shrugging off his own backpack of supplies as he did so, and Robin could see his newly acquired bat poking out of the main pocket. “How long do you think we have to wait until these things come back?”

“Well, the sun just set,” Dipper said, looking at his watch as he did so. “It’s about 9:30 right now, and Toby said the creatures came at midnight exactly last night, so it might be almost two and a half hours…”

“Greeeeat,” Steve said with no small amount of sarcasm, taking a seated position on the floor with his back leaned up against the wall so that he was facing the door and the window. “Guess we’ve got some time to kill then.”

In truth, all of them had been anticipating the long wait, and Robin looked over to see Dipper pull out his journal and began taking notes. Mabel took a seat next to him and fished her knitting supplies from her own backpack, already halfway through knitting another one of those sweaters of hers.

Robin watched them as they settled in, then turned back to Steve, who sat quietly for a few moments, then he reached into his pocket and fished out a lighter, more specifically a Zippo that he had packed in his suitcase before they’d left 1985. Staring at it for a few moments, Steve then chuckled to himself as if in memory and then began a rhythmic pattern of flipping the lighter open, flicking the light on, then flipping it shut with a practiced motion of his wrist. The light was faint enough that it wouldn’t attract attention from outside the booth, but still comforting since their only other source of light came from the moon shining through the window outside the building.

Robin herself had brought along her Walkman as well as a bunch of language tapes that she’d originally packed in her suitcase. Thanks to their time spent with the Soviets, Robin had picked up Russian as her next language to learn, and now her bag was stuffed with cassettes teaching her the relatively distant language, and though she was eager to continue her progress with them, she instead plopped down next to Steve, watching as he opened, lit, and shut the lighter in a continuous cycle.

“Call me crazy,” she said at last. “But I’m getting the vibe that this is somewhat familiar to you.”

Steve gave a nod, his eyes still on the lighter in his hand.

“Remember when I told you about that time Dustin adopted one of those little ‘demo-dog’ things?”

Robin frowned a bit, but nodded.

“Yeah…1984, right? When you first found out about the Mind Flayer?”

“Yep. Well, after ‘Dirt Canyon’, or whatever the hell its name was, grew big enough and escaped, Dustin dragged me along to help him track it down. We set a trap kinda like this, only we were trying to kill the damn thing instead of capture it.”

“Almost makes me jealous that you’ve done this before,” Robin said, finally acknowledging her own nervousness at the whole situation. “You’ve been dealing with this supernatural-weird- monster stuff for almost two years longer than I have, and the twins over there have been at it for at least one. Kinda still don’t know what I’m doing…”

“You don’t really ever get the hang of it, Rob,” Steve replied with a shake of his head. “This isn’t something you can just practice and get good at like…I dunno… basketball or something. Trust me when I say we’re all in the same boat here.”

Steve’s advice, as usual, was not what one would ever consider Shakespearean, but he did have a knack for getting his point across using a minimal amount of syllables, and in that regard, Robin envied him.

“Besides,” he added, the lighter clicking on and off in his hand. “I’d say you saw the worst of it with the giant monster made of human flesh and all. That shit definitely topped the last two times. Especially the part with the fireworks.”

Robin, despite the terror she had felt on the night they had their final showdown with the Mind Flayer, laughed at the memory.

“Oh lovely. That means it can’t get any worse then, right?”

“Bingo.”

Robin reached out and lightly rapped her knuckles on the wooden table in the center of the booth, warding off the possibility of jinxing herself with her last statement. It was then that she noticed a drawer attached on the underside of the table itself, and with her curiosity ignited, Robin opened the drawer and was genuinely surprised by what she saw.

“Holy shit,” she said, pulling out a small cassette tape with a date scribbled across it and showing it to Steve. “This guy keeps cassettes of all of his radio shows?”

“Wow,” Steve said with a chuckle. “And here I was worried that we’d never catch up to all these new fancy gadgets they have here in the future. I figured VCRs and cassette tapes would have been obsolete by now.”

“They definitely are,” Dipper said across from them, his eyes not leaving his journal as he continued to pen down notes. “Toby is just three whole decades behind the times for some reason. Even CD’s are rarely seen anymore!”

Both Steve and Robin stared blankly back at him, neither of them knowing what these so-called “See-Dees” were.

“What my Bro-Bro means is…” Mabel started, smiling good-naturedly at them and noticing that Dipper had lost them. “...is that the thing that replaced tapes like that are also already replaced, making Toby Determined twice the geezer because of it.”

“Wow,” Steve said again. “Nevermind about the ‘catching up’ part then…”

Looking down at the tape in her hands, Robin decided that even though she was likely going to regret this, Russian could wait for now. Her curiosity to see if Toby’s radio show was just as bad as his failing tabloid newspaper got the better of her, and with a quick swap of the Russian tape that was already loaded into her Walkman, Robin popped the cassette with Toby’s show on it and pressed “Play”.

Immediately, her ears were “serenaded” with Toby’s high-pitched nasal voice, the nature of the tape providing a filter that slightly altered the audio she was hearing.

“Good morning and welcome to a special broadcast of GFR 98.6, The Axe! I’m your host, Toby Determined, and today, we have none other than self-made millionaire and master of the spoon instrument: Fiddleford H. McGucket!”

“It’s an honor to be here!” came a frazzled and maniacal voice that Robin assumed belonged to this McGucket guy. She recalled Wendy’s brief history about him living in the junkyard before moving into a mansion just out of town, but her brow furrowed as the sound of his voice rang a small bell in the back of her mind. It felt as though she’d heard it somewhere before, but she couldn’t place her finger on it…

“You done picked the perfect time to have me on the show, Toby!” McGucket’s voice continued. “The badger family what lives in my beard just gave birth to triplets!”

There was a faint chattering of an animal or three on the tape, and Robin heard Toby give a nervous gulp into his microphone.

“Uh…those little guys are domesticated, right?”

“Well, of course! They may still be young ‘uns, but I’ve already got ‘em doin’ chores ‘round my domicile! They don’t bite ‘lessin you smell like bacon…or rash cream!”

Toby’s nervousness seemed to mount even further at that last statement.

“Y-yes, well, let’s make this quick, then. As you know Mr. McGucket, this town holds you in high esteem. Your story of success is an inspiration to many! Tell us how it feels!”

“Well, to start, I best be clearin’ the record and sayin’ that my story ain’t one of them ‘rags-to-riches’ type ones. No sir, instead, my story is more of a ‘rags-to-rags-what-smell-like-thousand-dollar-cologne’ story, which is important to be discernin’ when gettin’ my progress straight!”

“I see. And how about your new home: the former Northwest Mansion. Legend has it that it took nearly half a forest to finally build it, and now you call that place your own!”

“Oh you best believe it’s got its perks! The acoustics are perfect for my hourly hootenanny…!”

Robin was beginning to get a feel for how unhinged this guy was as the interview continued, and she paused and skipped forward on the tape a little bit to see if the whole recording held more of the same.

“...but tell us, McGucket, is there a special someone in your life? Someone that you feel like you can grow old–or, older with, I suppose?”

“If’n I’m bein’ honest, I took it pretty hard when my racoon wife left me, and since then, I ain’t really been able to git back up in the saddle. I will say this, though, now that I got me a big ol’ mansion on the hill, I imagine it’s only a matter of time ‘till that salt-lickin’, hornswagglin’, dadburnin’ tramp comes crawlin’ back to me. And when she does, I’m gonna kick her ringed tail to the curb! That’s what she gets for bein’ a no good, cow-handed, gasbaggin’...”

The next fifteen seconds of the tape were filled with nonstop insults from McGucket, and Robin understood next to none of them. It was at this point that she decided that she’d heard enough of Toby’s radio show to last her the rest of her life, so she paused the tape and decided it was time to switch to Russian. Her hands immediately froze as a loud noise suddenly came from outside the booth, and a quick glance to Steve, Mabel, and Dipper immediately confirmed that they had heard it as well.

Quickly, but still quietly, the four of them shuffled to the window that separated the booth from the main room, each of them peeking over the sill so that they could see what was going on while still keeping out of sight.

There, shadowed ominously by the moonlight that shone through the broken window, small shapes began to climb through. Robin immediately recognized them as the same size and shape as the creatures they’d seen on the footage of the first break in, meaning that Dipper and Mabel’s hunch had been correct. The culprits had returned to the scene of the crime.

Robin also squinted when she noticed that there were far less of them this time, with only maybe five or so of the small plate-sized creatures squeezing through the window frame. As they entered the building, Robin saw them take notice of the pile of remaining Gossiper issues laying in the center in the room, and though she couldn’t make out any specific details, she saw one of the small shapes grab the attention of the others and point towards the pile with a small claw-like appendage.

From next to her, Robin heard Dipper make a small noise of encouragement as the creatures approached the stack, seemingly not at all aware of the trap that had been set.

“Just a little further…” the male Pines twin whispered excitedly.

As it turned out, Mabel had not been lying when she’d said that Wendy was the best trapper around, as the mechanism she had laid out worked like a charm when the trap sprung at last.

There was a loud swishing noise, then a large net sprang up from where it had been hidden on the floor, sweeping up all of the creatures in one fell swoop and suspending them high in the air.

“Yes!” Dipper called triumphantly, both he and Mabel already rushing from the booth and out into the main room. Robin quickly followed them through with Steve close on her heels. Once outside the booth, Robin blinked for a few seconds as Dipper turned on the lights, the sudden change in vibrance causing her momentary blindness until her eyes adjusted.

Once her vision had refocused, Robin’s eyebrows lifted in surprise as she got a good look at the creatures for the first time.

The closest thing that came to mind to describe them would be one word:

Crab.

There, suspended in the net and struggling indignantly against the ropes that held them aloft, were five to six of the crab-like creatures. Their hard shell-like exteriors were a dark shade of green with orange stripes across their backs, and looking at them now, Robin’s eyes opened even further in shock to see that some of them wore what appeared to be miniature glasses across their main eyes. Further inspection still showed that all of them were sporting some kind of clothing, whether it was a tiny hat perched on top of their crustaceous heads, a small tie that hung freely from their many-legged body…wait a minute…was one of them wearing a pocket protector?

It took a second, then one of the small creatures spoke, their voice sounding heavily modulated, like some kind of robot from a bad sci-fi movie.

“Release us at once, humans!” the small creature cried indignantly. “You do not know what forces you meddle with!”

Mabel giggled and pulled out her Polaroid.

“Ha! You guys sound like an autotune song!”

Dipper answered the crab-like creature more directly as Mabel’s camera flashed.

“Hold on just a minute. We need to ask you guys some questions first! Like: why are you stealing old copies of the Gravity Falls Gossiper?”

“Our objectives are beyond your understanding!” another creature replied as it continued to struggle against the net.

“That’s for damn sure…” Steve mumbled, crossing his arms. “Why anyone would be interested in those worthless tabloids is beyond me.”

“You dishonor the great Celebrica with your words, human!” another one of the creatures said, having heard Steve despite his low tone.

The crab that had spoken first hissed in displeasure.

“Zebulon! Be silent! Now you have said her name in the presence of the humans!”

“Uh…who’s Celebrica?” Robin asked, noting out of the corner of her eye that Dipper was already furiously scribbling in his journal.

“It is none of your concern!” the crab cried out in response. “Now release us!”

“Look,” Dipper said, pausing from his intense note-taking in order to address the crabs directly. “You guys aren’t going anywhere until we get some answers, so the sooner you tell us what you’re doing here, the sooner you can leave.”

There was a moment of silence as the crabs whispered to each other in their robotic voices, the sound eerily similar to the opening of a Yaz song.

“Very well,” the head crab said at last, its voice grim and bitter. “Ask, and we will answer.”

The four teens spent the next ten minutes inquiring about the nature of the crabs as well as their intent with Toby Determined’s tabloid newspaper. The truth, which was about as jarring as Robin had come to expect from the goings on in this town, was this:

These crabs were actually an extraterrestrial race from a distant world. Their race, coincidentally known as “Crabloids” had built a society that valued popular culture and celebrity gossip above all else, as dictated by their deity: Celebrica, who they called the goddess of fads and all things trendy. This group of Crabloids had crash-landed on Earth some time ago, and though they had found a home for themselves here in Gravity Falls, they still upheld the traditions of their people, which mainly came in the form of sacrificing instances of tabloid journalism to Celebrica.

“So you needed Toby’s crappy newspaper for your ritual?” Mabel asked. “Bout time somebody found a use for those things!”

“Celebrica demands sacrifice!” said the head crabloid, who apparently went by the name of “Crusticon”.

Seeing that these aliens weren’t overtly hostile, the four teens decided to relent and cut them down from their trap. It took a moment, but eventually the crustaceous creatures were lowered somewhat unceremoniously to the ground, where they spread out and stretched their chitinous bodies.

“We are fortunate to have landed on a planet such as yours, humans,” one of the crabs said, raising his claws to the sky in reverence. “Your interest in the personal lives of your celebrities and natural ability to blow mundane issues out of proportion is much like our own. Celebrica has truly blessed this planet!”

“A blessing…right…” Robin said.

“So, what the hell do you guys do with those newspapers anyway?” Steve asked. “Do you, I don't know, read ‘em to the moon or something?”

“Ha! Come, Earthlings!” Crusticon said, beckoning with his claw as the other crabloids grabbed the remaining copies of the Gossiper and began making for the window. “We will show you our sacred rite!”

The four teens looked at each other, then followed the crabloids outside as they led them into the forest, Robin falling in beside Steve.

“I know that these guys seem kinda nuts,” she whispered to him as they continued to walk. “But they don’t actually seem dangerous so far . Maybe we can trade that Toby guy’s newspapers for, I don’t know, some magazines or something?”

“Hopefully,” he answered with a shrug, though Robin noticed that he had removed the bat from his backpack and was now resting it easily on his shoulder as they continued following the crustaceous space aliens.

After only a few minutes of walking, the group arrived in a clearing that sat at the base of a large cliff, with the large wall of stone rising high above them and the forest surrounding them on the remaining three sides. There, in the middle of the clearing, encircled by at least two hundred torch-wielding crabloids, sat a giant paper mache crab, built entirely of copies of the Gravity Falls Gossiper. Numerous other torches which were mounted on pikes and sticks adorned the edges of the clearing as well, casting the entire site in an ominous orange glow.

“Uh, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to give Toby his papers back…” Dipper said apprehensively, his eyes boggling at the sight of the large paper mache monument, which was almost twice as tall as he was.

Robin agreed wholeheartedly, though the returning of the stolen Gossipers was now at the back of her mind given the overall cultish nature of what she was seeing before her. She was beginning to second guess her statement to Steve about these little guys not being dangerous.

“Sons and daughters of Celebrica!” Crusticon called as they stepped to the center of the clearing. “We have returned from our journey to the hallowed halls of gossip with the remainder of the venerable scripts! We also bring four humans on this night to bear witness to our sacred sacrifice!”

A chorus of indignant whispers swept throughout the gathering, the whole thing sounding like a techno concert.

“You dare reveal our sacramental ways to outsiders, Crusticon?!” came an enraged voice from the crowd. “They know nothing of our ways!”

“Calm yourself, brother Shellbuttox!” Crusticon said placatingly. Robin heard a commotion next to her and looked over to see Mabel doubled over in an effort to hide the laughter that was threatening to escape her lips at the mention of the crabloid’s name. Thankfully, their alien hosts did not seem to notice.

“Despite their lack of overt worship, humanity still holds the same values as we do,” Crusticon said. “The personal affairs of their most popular idols, the attractiveness of their criminals, farfetched doomsday theories that hold no basis in reality…all are still held in high esteem throughout human society, whether the humans acknowledge it or not!”

Crusticon beckoned forward the other crabloids that held the remaining copies of the Gossiper in their claws.

“And this is proof! I have invited these humans here to reveal to them their true natures, so that they too can embrace Celebrica and someday be reborn in the halls of scandals and shock value!”

Robin shared a glance with the others. If there was a time to leave, it was now.

“Actually…” Dipper piped in, his voice bold but his posture nervously wary. “We have an acquaintance of ours that would really like his newspapers back…”

The thirteen-year-old glanced up at the large paper mache crab.

“...or at least, what’s left of them. So, maybe you guys could sacrifice something else instead?”

“What?!” Crusticon bellowed, turning towards them with sudden anonymity in his voice. “We bring you here to our sacred place of sacrifice, We offer to share with you Celebrica’s glory as mother of all news irrelevant and irreputable, and this is how you repay us?! You deny that which makes you whole, humans!”

If there was any doubt in Robin’s mind now about the cultishness of these guys, it had now just been squashed like a junebug. All around them, crabloids began to close in, their pincers snapping and their eyes suddenly malicious. Whatever uneasy peace that had existed between them had shattered, and Robin felt an extreme case of both fear and claustrophobia sink in as they were surrounded in all directions.

“Perhaps it is you that we should sacrifice instead…”

“Whoa, hey now…” Mabel said, though her voice now matched Dipper’s with how nervous it was. “Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. I know a couple of gossipy groups that you guys might be into...”

Mabel’s final attempt at a peace offering fell on deaf ears, or whatever the crab-alien equivalent was, and their gazes only hardened as the now animose gathering drew closer.

“Human sacrifice will become the key to enlightenment and eternity!” Crusticon cried out, using a prophetic tone and now modeling his sentences like tabloid headlines. “One secret act will save your soul forever!”

“Ok, screw this,” Steve finally said aloud. Robin’s eyes then widened as the older teen suddenly leapt forward, swinging the bat on his shoulder low like a golf club and sending multiple crabloids flying. Over the surprised modulated squeals that the startled crabloids gave out, Robin saw that Steve had targeted the part of the circle where the number of the aliens was the fewest, and his swing cleaved through many at once and opened a gap in the circle that was barely wide enough to escape through.

“RUN!”

Robin wasn’t sure who had shouted, but she did not need to be told twice, and neither did the rest of them. The crabloid gathering had now worked themselves into a frenzy, and it had become quite obvious that attempting diplomacy was a lost cause now. Bursting into action, the four of them sprinted through the opening Steve had made and made for the forest, a sea of angry crabloids hot on their tail.

…

Robin ducked low as another crabloid leapt for her face, and the angry alien sailed over her head and into the darkness as she continued to run. Alongside her, Dipper, Mabel, and Steve were huffing with exertion as they all struggled to escape the encroaching mob.

Unfortunately, they discovered very quickly that these crabloids were much faster on their multiple legs than the crabs they knew from earth, and as if to make matters worse, these crabloids apparently did not need to turn sideways to chase after them like their terrestrial cousins.

As a result, detachments of the aliens had cut them off at every turn, and now, the four of them were running blindly through the trees, none of them having any idea of where they were going.

Steve had been making full use of his new weapon as they ran, for each time the crabloids cut them off, one or two would leap for them, their claws snapping maliciously and their voices crying out to their tabloid god to give them strength.

A glance to the side saw Steve swing at yet another crabloid that had climbed one of the tree trunks and had leapt at them from above. The spiked bat gave a loud crack as he made contact, and the crabloid spewed religious profanity in spades as it sailed through the air and back into the darkness.

“Does anyone know where we’re going?!” Robin shouted frantically as she ducked another airborne crabloid.

“No idea! Just keep running!” Dipper said frantically.

A jolt of helplessness shot through Robin as she realized that they were solely relying on blind luck as of this moment to get them away from their alien pursuers, and so far, the odds had not been kind to them. They needed to find some kind of landmark that could lead them to safety, or else they would just keep running in circles until they were caught by their numerous pursuers. The thought came with overwhelming dread to Robin. It was bad enough that they'd be killed if captured by the now bloodthirsty crabloids, but to be sacrificed to some god that embodied literally every preconceived notion of shallow media? Robin was quickly realizing that some fates really were worse than death.

Glancing around wildly, Robin felt the spark of hope ignite in her chest as she saw a small spot of light through the trees, and with a shout to Dipper, Mabel, and Steve, she turned and pounded her feet with the last of her vigor in the direction of the light, praying to whatever deity that wasn’t Celebrica that they would make it in time.

The four of them burst through the treeline, and Robin’s small flicker of hope was immediately snuffed out when they saw that they were back in the clearing at the base of the cliff, the giant paper mache crab of Gossipers almost taunting them with its expressionless gaze.

“Ha ha…good move, Robin…” Mabel said, as if she were trying to convince herself that their only attempt at salvation had not just gone up in smoke. “...you…uh…you brought us back here on purpose because you remembered the way back, right?”

Robin chose not to grace that question with an answer, as none of the words she would have used would have been considered pleasant. Given the high possibility that she would be meeting her creator soon, Robin was currently trying to be on her best behavior lest she be sentenced to some form of damnation in the afterlife for swearing at a thirteen-year-old in her last moments.

“Irrelevant,” came a most unwelcome and electronic voice from the trees, and all around them the foliage rustled as the crabloids emerged, this time spread out in a semi-circle that forced them back towards the wall of the cliff.

“There is nowhere to run, humans,” Crusticon continued dangerously, his voice coming from somewhere within the semi-circle growing tighter and tighter around them. “You are yesterday’s news…well, not really, since your disappearances will likely be in the papers tomorrow…but you understand what I mean!”

At her side, Robin felt Steve shoulder his way to the front of their little group, placing himself at the forefront of their group in an attempt to shield Robin and the twins.

“Get back!” he threatened, shaking the bat in his hands in a display of force. Despite his attempts at demoralizing the horde, it was no secret to all parties present that the oldest teen had exhausted himself during their attempted escape. Running and fending off the crabloids with his bat had left him more drained than the others, and Robin felt her a deep pang in her chest when she saw how Steve was still fighting to protect them despite his current state. Robin glanced back to see both Dipper and Mabel looking back and forth between her and Steve and the approaching crabloids, terror ever-present on their faces at their now seemingly-inevitable fate.

“Even now, you still don’t realize what greatness you will be a part of!” Crusticon said. “To be sacrificed to Celebrica is an honor few will ever claim! Your soul will be immortalized among the stories of movie star love scandals and political fiascos for all of eternity. Never in life can such raw gossip be experienced over and over! You will witness it all as though you were actually there!”

Amidst her own mortal terror, Robin frowned half in confusion and half in puzzlement at the zealotus spewings of the crabloid creature.

“Wait, hold on. What the hell are you talking about?” she asked out loud.

“Salvation!” Crusticon replied as the crowd constricted them further. “Through Celebrica, you will experience the makings of true journalism as they are generated! You will be right there, with the journalist, hearing them ask the questions and listen to the truth in real-time!”

“Are you…are you talking about like a TV or radio show or something?”

“Robin, what the hell are you doing?!” Steve half-whispered to her through clenched teeth, turning to look at her incredulously over his shoulder as she continued to converse with the beings that were seconds away from killing them. Robin silenced him with a look, and Steve seemed to get the message that their last shot of surviving this rested in the tense conversation she was having with their enemy. Dipper and Mabel wisely followed his lead.

“What is…how do you say it… Tee-Vee? And what is rah-dio?” Crusticon asked, and murmurs of curiosity began to ripple through the tight clump of crabloids at the strange words they did not understand.

Robin was dumbfounded.

“Wait, you guys have spaceships but don’t know what a TV or a radio is?”

Their bloodlust temporarily forgotten, the crabloids all turned and looked at each other confusedly.

“We are unfamiliar with such terms,” another crabloid said among the crowd. “Why do you associate them with Celebrica?”

“Uh,” Robin said, her voice growing a bit more confident as she spoke, though she could feel how dry her throat suddenly became at explaining the concept of television and radio to a bloodthirsty cult of crab-aliens. “That whole thing about seeing your pop culture and news in real time is something that we do on Earth all the time.”

“You would be wise not to deceive us, human!” Crusticon said, menacingly raising a claw towards the four of them.

Robin spent the next few minutes frantically insisting that she was not, and then went on to explain how television and radio worked, the crabloids growing more and more awestruck as she continued to speak.

“So yeah, you can watch and listen to celebrity interviews, and…drama shows as they actually happen,” Robin said as she wrapped up her explanation. “If that’s your thing, I can definitely assure you it's way better than human sacrifice!”

“Show us at once!” Crusticon said, and the crabloid masses immediately began demanding and chanting in their filtered voices for proof of Robin’s claims.

“Well, I don’t exactly have a radio on me or anything…”

“Lies, then! Deceit!”

“Wait! Wait!” Robin said, holding her hands out to try and calm the horde before they riled themselves up into a frenzy again. Suddenly remembering something, Robin reached behind herself and removed her Walkman from her belt. By some miracle, it had survived the chase intact, and Robin sent a prayer of thanks to whoever was listening that she had not been able to remove the tape of Toby Determined’s radio show before they had left the station.

“Here,” Robin said, carefully holding out the Walkman to Crusticon, who approached with a curious yet cautious demeanor.

“It’s just a recording, but with a radio, you can tune into broadcasts just like this every day as they happen.”

Crusticon was silent as Robin showed him how to operate the Walkman, and then the whole clearing fell into an intense silence as the small alien creature listened to the contents of the tape. In any other scenario, she might of laughed at the cartoonish sight of a small crab wearing headphones, but the prospect of being a bloody sacrifice at the hands of said crab did not really leave her in the mood for jokes. Her anxiety slowly spiked as the crabloid’s chitinous face remained stoic for a few moments, then, his face lifted as he began to fully understand what he was listening to, his eyes wide and his crab-like mouth agape with awe at the taped recording of Toby’s radio show.

If someone told Robin that Toby Determined’s crappy gossip radio show was going to save her life today, she would have told them they were dreaming, but she yet again was reminded of the weirdness that prevailed in this town, and she released a breath she hasn’t realized she’d been holding as Crusticon removed the headphones and turned to address his crabloid comrades.

“Brothers and sisters, rejoice!” he cried in jubilation. “The veil has been lifted, for this human has shown us what we were once blind to!”

The crabloids cheered as Crusticon described what he had heard on the Walkman, and with fervent assurance from Robin, he went on to say that what he had experienced was only a small fragment of all that they could witness in their obsession of what humanity called tabloid journalism.

“My friends,” Crusticon said, turning back to the four humans at last. “Forgive us for our lapse in judgment. We were wrong to try and sacrifice you to Celebrica, for it was you that gave us the key to her graces after all!”

Dipper attempted to say something, but his voice cracked awkwardly, likely a mental side effect of the brush with death they had just endured. He quickly cleared his throat and tried again.

“Heyyyy…no problem!” he said nervously. “It would not be the first time!”

Mabel eagerly agreed.

“Yeah! No hard feelings!” she said, her own voice more confident than her twin’s but still holding a slight waver. “I mean, if we held a grudge against everyone that tried to kill us, we’d never get anything done!”

Robin saw Steve glance over to the two of them like they were insane, but he seemed to decide that now was not the time to be contradictory.

“Water under the bridge…” he mumbled instead, resting the head of the bat on the ground and leaning on it for support as he caught his breath.

“Wondrous!” Crusticon said excitedly. “As a token of our apology, please accept our monument to Celebrica, and please convey to your prophet our sincerest gratitude for gracing us with such fine material for sacrifice until now!”

It took a moment for Robin to realize that the crabloid was talking about Toby and his Gossipers, and as she glanced up at the large and very unwieldy crab statue made of Gossipers , Robin felt a general sense of unease when she considered the fact that Toby Determined of all people was being hailed as a prophet by anyone, let alone a cultish group of crab-aliens. A look over to the others showed that they were not exactly thrilled by the idea either.

“I think we’ll be fine with just taking the copies that haven’t been assimilated into crab-zilla, yet,” she finally said. “We really appreciate the gesture though…”

…

The sky was just beginning to brighten with the oncoming day when Toby burst through the doors of the radio station.

“I received your call!” he said excitedly, and Steve saw the man’s face fall in dejection at seeing the relatively few copies of the Gossiper that they’d managed to retrieve.

Steve continued to watch Toby’s reaction as Dipper and Mabel explained to him what had happened, and Toby gave a wail of despair when they told him what had become of his precious newspaper.

“Oh, woe is me!” Toby cried out, and Steve cringed at the sounds the man was making in his anguish. Those were not noises typical humans made, like ever.

“Hey, it’s not all bad!” Dipper said reassuringly. “I mean, yeah, you lost most of your junk–I mean, archives, but look on the bright side! You gained over two-hundred new subscribers to your radio station in the process!”

“Yeah!” Mabel said. “And we also kind of promised them that you’d give them a shoutout today…”

The twins’ reassurance seemed to do the trick, and Toby sniffed once before standing up straight again.

“Well, I guess I was a bit stuck in the past…” he said. “So maybe the loss of my Gossipers was really what I needed to get me to focus on the future!”

“There you go,” Robin chimed in encouragingly. “I wouldn’t call what you’re doing now much of an upgrade though…”

She had mumbled that last part, and Steve smirked knowingly over at her, which was an expression she returned when she met his gaze. Thinking of Robin now, Steve was reminded of the fact that she had been solely responsible for keeping them from getting sacrificed to the god of pop idols and conspiracy theories not two hours ago. He, as well as the twins, would have been toast had she not been there, and Steve snorted inwardly when he remembered that this was the same Robin who had lamented not being as experienced with the supernatural as the rest of them were. He also reminded himself to tease her about that later.

“Now, as promised,” Toby began. “It’s time for each of you to pick your own song to play on the radio! Don’t worry, I’ll spread them out over the next few days or so!”

“‘T8king Over Midnight!’” Mabel immediately blurted out, raising her arms in excitement. “It’s the perfect song to remember this adventure because it literally happened at midnight!”

Despite the betterment all four of them received, Steve felt a smile pull at the corners of his mouth at seeing Mabel remain so positive. That kid was really something else.

“You got it!” Toby said before looking at Dipper, who did not seem to be as prepared as his twin with an answer.

“Uhh, can we circle back to me?” he said, slightly sheepish that he didn’t have a song in mind.

“If you’re looking for suggestions, maybe you should see if they have a radio version of the ‘Lamby Lamby Dance’!” Mabel giggled, teasingly poking Dipper in the ribs with her fingers.

“Yep, definitely circle back to me!,” Dipper said quickly, shooting a worried glance over to Steve and Robin while trying and failing to subdue Mabel’s teasing. Steve raised an eyebrow in humor before turning to face Toby, who was looking at both him and Robin with friendly expectation on his mustached face.

“Well, how about it, you two?” Toby said, placing his hands on his hips and raising an eyebrow. “I hope you realize what an honor this is! You get your choice of a song and your own shout out on the most prestigious radio show in Roadkill County! Just say the name, and I’ll make it happen!”

Steve and Robin shared a glance, then Robin turned and gave her request to Toby, who nodded knowingly.

“I figured as much given our conversation earlier! Now, how about you?”

Steve frowned for a moment, racking his brain for what song he’d like to have played. He was obviously going to pick something he knew, so that ruled out anything from the later half of 1985 onward. Looking at the severe gap in his music knowledge, Steve tried to think of a song from back then that would still maybe be popular in this time so that he didn’t seem like a guy that was out of touch…

A song immediately came to mind as he thought those words, and with a smirk, Steve gave his selection, shooting Robin a sly glance as he did so.

…

Exiting the radio station at last, Robin raised her eyebrow at Steve.

“You know that’s not what that song is about, right?”

“Eh, whatever,” Steve said dismissively, shouldering his backpack with the bat once again sticking out of the main pocket. “Meaning is subjective, right?”

“To an extent, maybe,” Robin allowed. “But you’ve got to do some serious reaching for that song to achieve the meaning you’re intending for it, like say: ignoring most of the verses and focusing on a very specific part of the chorus.”

Steve gave a shrug in response.

“Either way, it’s still a good song,” he said.

“Well, that, we agree on, at least.”

Robin looked behind herself as Dipper and Mabel exited the building as well, with Mabel already teasing Dipper on his choice of song.

“Now, Bro–Bro, don’t tell me you picked ‘Don’t Start Un-believing’ as your song simply because of our time travel friends here…”

“For your information, sis, I actually happen to like that song,” Dipper said proudly. “The time period had nothing to do with it.”

“My brother has finally seen the light!” Mabel said, her eyes twinkling with joy as she clasped her hands together. “I told you that song was good! What, pray tell, led you to finally appreciate such a wonderful musical masterpiece as that?”

“Well, I guess Expedition isn’t that bad of a band once you listen to them a little bit,” Dipper admitted. “Plus, it’s tough not to like a song when it has the capability to beat Pacifica Northwest in a Karaoke contest.”

Steve cleared his throat.

“Yeah, I was actually gonna ask about that song,” he said with a frown. “Am I the only one that thinks it might be a bit derivative? You know, in name and lyrics…and genre…and almost literally every other aspect?”

“Been there, done that, dingus,” Robin said with a smile. “Seems like some of the musicians that we know and love have their own lesser-known counterparts. Just means more for us to listen to when we get back to ‘85.”

It was then that Robin felt that forbidden thought creep into her mind again. It had been bugging her more and more lately, and though she promised herself that she would never tell anyone about it, she could also see that Steve had noticed that something was up. The fact that he hadn’t asked about it yet was due to sheer dumb luck up to this point, and Robin cursed inwardly and forced herself to keep a straight face, though she knew she was doing a poor job of it.

“Lucky us then…” Steve said, though he raised an eyebrow towards Robin, silently inquiring as to what was suddenly bothering her.

Robin shook her head to convey that she definitely did not want to talk about it, and before Steve could attempt to press the issue, a dull growling came from right behind them. Turning towards the sound of the noise, Robin, Mabel and Steve raised their eyebrows at Dipper, who was looking down at his own stomach with a slightly shocked look in his face.

“Wow,” Dipper said. “I did not think my stomach was even capable of making a noise like that.”

As if to emphasize his point, another loud growl rumbled from within his stomach, and Robin was almost certain the noise could be heard from down the street.

“The beast has spoken!” Mabel suddenly cheered, grabbing hold of her twin’s stomach and shaking it wildly. “We require sustenance! Sally forth, one and all!”

Without waiting for anyone else, Mabel took off down the sidewalk, scattering many bewildered pedestrians that had just started their morning. There was a moment of stunned silence, then Dipper chuckled and shook his head before starting after his twin at a leisurely walk.

“I’m pretty sure I know where she’s headed. Come on.”

Robin and Steve shared a glance, then shrugged and started after Dipper, the two of them following behind as they walked side by side.

“So uh, you good?” Steve asked, obviously in reference to the behavior he’d witnessed from Robin just moments ago.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Robin replied, a bit more shortly than she meant to. Steve, as usual, was hardly convinced.

“I saw you get kind of weird in the radio station too over the date on that one newspaper,” he ventured. “Does that have anything to do with it?”

Robin frowned.

“Date on…? Oh!”

Robin thanked her lucky stars in that moment, as Steve had unknowingly given her an out from talking about the forbidden thought that had begun to persistently plague her.

“I…yeah, that’s what I was kind of wondering about,” she said, trying her damndest to convince Steve that her focus on that one issue of the Gossiper was what had been bothering her.

“Okay…so what’s the issue?” the older teen asked, his eyes still skeptical.

Thankful that he’d taken the bait, Robin was actually glad that Steve had remembered her confusion back at the radio station, as she had forgotten about it over the course of the evening but definitely felt the need to discuss it.

“The date: November 7th, 1983,” she began earnestly. “Apparently there were a bunch of wide-spread blackouts the night before. Remember Toby saying that?”

Steve frowned once, then nodded slowly.

“Yeah, he’d said they had a few before, but nothing quite as big as that one, right?”

Robin nodded encouragingly.

“Right, this one was different. Think, Steve, was there anything else that happened that day? Do you remember where you were on November 6th, 1983?”

Steve took a moment, but shook his head.

“I was probably slacking off for some test that I should’ve been studying for,” he admitted, shaking his head. “I don’t remember the exact days.”

“Well, I remember where I was, Steve,” Robin said pointedly. “I was at a friend’s house for most of the day. You remember Milton Bledsoe, right?”

“Yeah, you’ve brought him up to me a few times…” Steve replied, and she could see that he was making a genuine effort to put a face to the name. “He actually came into Family Video to say hi a couple of times, right?”

Robin smiled, glad that Steve had actually remembered some of Robin’s previous friends that she occasionally still spoke to. Her friendship with Milton was actually one of the few that had survived her rebellious transformation, and for that, Robin was thankful, as Milton was still one of the few genuine souls that had yet to succumb to the monster that was Hawkins, Indiana.

“Right,” Robin continued, circling back to her story. “Well, that night, I stayed at Milton’s house late, his mom made Ramen, I made buckeyes…it was a whole thing. But on the ride home, something followed me. Something that scared the absolute shit out of me.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed, and Robin could see it written on his face that he was starting to catch on.

“I made it back home, but that night, half of Hawkins lost power, and…”

“...and that next morning, Will Byers was missing,” Steve finished, and Robin nodded her head in response.

“Bingo.”

The two of them walked in silence for a few moments, then Steve turned his head and looked around, as if studying Gravity Falls in a new light. He seemed to remember something, and he turned and addressed Robin with a serious look on his face.

“That was the night the Demogorgon appeared,” he said, and even though Robin had never actually seen one before, she’d heard enough stories from the Party to accurately guess that the creature that had chased her that night and their Demogorgon were one and the same. “It was the night that El opened the portal and let it in from the Upside Down.”

Robin nodded along, having heard this story before but most certainly looking at it with an entirely new perspective now. Now it was her turn to scan the town, her eyes once again reminding her just how similar this place was to Hawkins.

“You…don’t think it caused something to happen all the way out here, do you?” she asked. “I mean, it can’t be a coincidence that both Hawkins and Gravity Falls had power outages on the exact same night, can it?”

“No idea,” Steve replied, and Robin felt her shoulders slump slightly at his response. Out of the two of them, Steve would know more than her, but it sounded like those government guys had kept a lot of information from those that had been involved when the Demogorgon first emerged. “If something did happen out here, maybe there’s someone old enough to remember it. That Toby Determined guy seemed pretty clueless about it though.”

“Maybe they covered it up,” Robin suggested, remembering how the government explained away Will Byers coming back to life among many other things. She suddenly remembered Dipper telling them that his great uncle Ford had been in Gravity Falls during the early 80’s attempting to research the anomalous things that happened in this town. If there was anyone who might have known if something happened here on that day, then this Ford guy might have been it.

“Hey Dipper,” Robin said, turning forward to address the younger teen. Her eyes widened as she saw the boy scrambling furiously to grab his journal and pencil from his backpack, his eyes nearly feral.

“I heard everything!” he said, stuttering as if the words couldn’t leave his mouth fast enough. “There is SO much that we have to discuss! Right now! I never made the connection before, but this might be huge!”

Robin shared another glance with Steve, who visibly deflated upon seeing that Dipper had something to contribute to the conversation.

“Seriously?” he said, running his fingers through his hair as he sometimes did whenever he was annoyed. “How is it that it's almost thirty years later and the bullshit manages to come back again?”

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Chapter Text

Steve sat with his arms crossed, partly out of ire, and partly out of consideration for Robin, who was seated right next to him in the cramped booth that they occupied in Greasy’s Diner. Having finally caught up with Mabel after she’d taken off with excitement at the sound of Dipper’s stomach growling, the three of them saw that the young and hyper-energetic girl had led them to the diner with a purpose, as she sought breakfast food to quell the hunger that apparently plagued both her and her twin.

Shortly after they’d been seated, an older woman dressed as a waitress approached and had taken their orders, rattling off Greasy’s daily specials as she did so. The “specials”, as they were, did not pique Steve’s appetite at all, as the waitress woman had stated proudly that Greasy’s was one of the few restaurants in the state that served their catch of the day in a way they called “extra fresh”, which apparently meant that they’d serve the fish to you while it was still alive.

That information was more than enough for Steve to request a simple order of scrambled eggs and bacon, though a part of him worried that they might serve either of the two to him “extra fresh” as well. Robin had been even more put off by the menu than he had, and the other Hawkins native opted for simple french toast, her logic being that the possibility of that order coming with any extra surprises was minimal due to its simplicity.

Dipper and Mabel had both ordered pancakes, and after they all had given their orders, the older waitress happily, and in Steve’s opinion, absentmindedly, informed them that their food would be out in a jiffy before departing from their table.

Mabel seemed to pick up on the miffed expressions Steve and Robin both wore after their interaction with the waitress, and she giggled before giving them a bit more information as Dipper excused himself to use the restroom.

“That’s Lazy Susan!” Mabel spoke up. “Pretty sure she’s been working here since the place first opened!”

“Uh, that sign out front says this place was established in 1960…” Robin began skeptically.

“And I still stand by my statement!” Mabel said loudly and proudly, and Robin frowned for a moment before shrugging and leaning back against the seat.

“And I am yet again reminded where exactly we are…” she chuckled with a shake of her head.

“So, I’m guessing she’s called ‘Lazy’ Susan because of the…” Steve trailed off, choosing instead to get his point across by closing one of his eyes and gesturing to it.

“Yep!” Mabel replied with an enthusiastic nod, her brace-filled grin shining brightly.

Before anyone could speak again, Dipper then returned to the table, sliding into the seat next to Mabel before immediately taking out his journal.

“What’s popping, Mr. Bro-tato Head?” Mabel asked with playful curiosity, watching as Dipper fumbled with the book while simultaneously trying to pull out his pen. “You almost pee yourself with excitement again?”

“Nevermind about that, Mabel!” Dipper said rushingly. “And for your information, we are in the process of uncovering something that could potentially change everything we know about interdimensional reality, so you’ll excuse me if I empty my bladder before we begin!”

“Hehe, more like inter-dumb-ensional!” Mabel giggled. “The last time we had to deal with that mumbo-jumbo, I almost got launched into space by an evil version of me. Pair that with Weirdmaggedon, and we are 0-2 on all that ‘alternate reality’ junk, Dipper!”

“I just can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner!” Dipper said, ignoring his twin. “I should have asked about it the moment I knew that you two had seen this kind of thing before.”

“Ok, Pines,” Steve said, raising his hand in a halting gesture, wondering in the back of his mind if Dipper was somehow Dustin reincarnated.

“What exactly are you getting at here? You started babbling like a maniac as soon as we figured out that the outages out here in Gravity Falls happened on the same night the Upside Down first opened up back in Hawkins…”

“Exactly!” Dipper said, his excitement causing his voice to come out louder than it should have. “That’s exactly it! That’s the same night Grunkle Ford and Grunkle Stan got into their big argument that ended with Ford accidentally going through the portal in the Shack basement! Two interdimensional events on the same night! That can’t have been a coincidence!”

“Uh, can you go back to the part about you having some kind of portal in your basement?” Robin asked. “And the fact that you neglected to mention that we’ve been sleeping above it for a little under two weeks now?”

Dipper and Mabel then took turns explaining the story of their grunkles, weaving the tale of their childhood and how they had a falling out after Stan had accidentally sabotaged Ford’s award-winning science fair project. Some of this stuff had been mentioned to Steve before, but neither him nor Robin had heard the full story, which was partly due to the fact that that every day they’d been here had felt like some bootleg episode of The Twilight Zone, so there were still many gaps in their knowledge as to the history of this place.

“So then, Stan and Ford got into a big argument and accidentally activated the portal, which sucked Ford in and displaced him throughout the multiverse for almost thirty years…”

“...and he went to a bunch of different and crazy realities!” Mabel enthusiastically added. “He even got to go to a dimension where everything is shaped like an ‘M’! What a marvelous marvel it would mean to me to meander and mosey around in such a magical…”

Mabel paused and scrunched her brow in thought.

“...‘mlace’!” She finally said, causing Dipper to roll his eyes at her attempt at alliteration.

“The point is, it could be possible that since the portal here in Gravity Falls was opened at the same time as the portal back in Hawkins, they might have influenced each other!”

“Uh, how?” Steve asked skeptically. “Sounds like the only common thing these two things share is that they happened on the same night…”

“True, but think about anything that could have happened during or even after they had opened!” Dipper replied, scribbling down drawings in his notebook.

“Maybe there was some kind of ripple through space-time that caused them to interact! Oh man, I can’t wait to ask Ford more about this when he gets here! He knows way more about multidimensional theory than I do.”

Steve shared a glance with Robin, who shrugged as an indication that she was just as lost as him, and thankfully, the conversation was abruptly cut off as someone indignantly cleared their throat from the foot of their table.

Standing there, dressed similarly to the older waitress who had taken their order, was a teenage girl that looked to be about Dipper and Mabel’s age. With long blonde hair that went most of the way down her back and what looked like professionally done makeup, the girl frowned particularly at Dipper with both of her hands placed on her hips indignantly.

“Excuse me, Troll Boy, but in case you hadn’t noticed, your little nerd-out is currently the loudest thing in this diner, and that’s saying something given the fact that the Corduroy family is here!”

The girl angrily pointed a few booths down without taking her annoyed eyes off Dipper, and Steve leaned slightly out of the booth and followed her finger to see Wendy seated a couple of booths down with three other smaller boys and one of the largest men he had ever seen. Sitting completely on his own on one side of the booth, the guy was what Steve imagined what would happen if a boulder one day sprouted legs and began to walk around. With a scowl that seemed right at home on his face, the man was aggressively shoveling pancakes into his mouth from a stack that sat almost two feet high on the table, with Wendy and the smaller boys cheering him on the whole time.

Judging from the resemblance and the fiery red hair that everyone sitting in the booth possessed, Steve could accurately guess that this was Wendy’s family, with the older hulking mass of a man being her father, a.k.a. this “Manly Dan” Steve had been hearing about from time to time.

Seeing the bearded lumberjack in the flesh, Steve had to admit that Manly Dan had more than  earned his namesake, as everything about this guy seemed to scream of masculinity, and after watching him practically inhale one pancake after another for a few seconds, Steve concluded that the only thing big enough to rival Manly Dan’s stature was his appetite. As impressive as the spectacle was, however, Steve’s attention was returned back to his own table as the young waitress spoke angrily at Dipper once more.

“Don’t tell me you’re so poor that you can’t even afford manners, Dipper! Try not to forget the only semi-redeeming quality about you is that you aren’t as barbarous as your twin.”

“Awwww, Pacifica…” Mabel crooned. “I have no idea what ‘barbarous’ means, but I’ll take it as a compliment! Even though it most likely wasn’t!”

The girl, Pacifica, as she was apparently named, crossed her arms and frowned at the twins for a moment, then she sighed and gave a roll of her eyes, her shoulders relaxing ever so slightly as they did so.

“Look, it’s bad enough that I have to be seen in public like this…” she said, gesturing down to the slightly worn traditional purple diner dress and apron she was wearing, which Steve thought looked relatively clean compared to the plentiful stains and wrinkles on the one Lazy Susan had on.

“...so the least you two could do is keep your weirdness to a minimum. This job is already bad enough!”

“What’s the matter, Paz? All that high and mighty ‘Northwest superiority’ can’t compare to the horrors of a minimum wage job?”

Pacifica growled at Dipper’s jibe, her face turning a light shade of red out of frustration and what Steve thought might have been embarrassment.

“I told you never to call me that!” she said, her eyes darting around as though she was nervous that someone would have overheard Dipper’s remark. Her eyes then landed on both Steve and Robin, and some of her anger turned to slight confusion at the sight of them.

“Steve and Robin, meet Pacifica Northwest!” Mabel said, her introduction proud as though she was showing off the younger blonde teenager to the two older Hawkins natives. “She’s one of the Pines family’s bestest friends, and Dipper’s someday-soon-to-be fiancée!”

Mabel then collapsed into a fit of giggles as Dipper and Pacifica both began to sputter and talk over each other in an attempt to rebuke her claim, and Steve couldn’t help but share in the humor of the whole situation given how embarrassed the two of them became. Robin snorted next to him with a wide grin on her face.

“We’re from Indiana,” Steve said, nodding to Pacifica in introduction once the ruckus had calmed a bit. “Just staying for a while while our car gets fixed.”

“And before you ask: No, they are not our cousins or anything,” Dipper interjected, his face an even brighter shade of red than Pacifica’s after Mabel’s earlier comment.

“Well that much is obvious,” Pacifica replied, crossing her arms. Her tone kept its edge, but she seemed just as eager as Dipper to change the subject. “It’s about time someone in this town showed at least a shred of fashion sense, even if those clothes did go out of style over thirty years ago.”

Her eyes moved up to Steve’s hair, and then her frown deepened further.

“Oh, god. You guys aren’t like, time travelers are you?”

Everyone at the table immediately stiffened, and their collective shock seemed to be all Pacifica needed to confirm her theory.

“Ugh! I told you two not to bring any more weird supernatural stuff into the diner! You almost got banned for life after that ‘Noodle-nado’ incident!”

“Well…in our defense, that wasn’t entirely our fault…” Mabel began, but everyone could tell that she had no real confidence in her argument.

“Uh huh, sure!” Pacifica scoffed sarcastically. “You two almost got banned for life for that! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get banned from a place named Greasy’s Diner?! I was picking pasta out of my hair for weeks!”

“Ok! Fine!” Dipper said, hastily trying to calm Pacifica down so that they wouldn’t be overheard.

“Yes, ok? They are from the past, but there’s no way that you could have guessed that! How did you even know?”

“First of all, none of those clothes are even from this century,” Pacifica said, pointing down at the apparel that both Steve and Robin wore, causing the two of them to shift awkwardly.

“Second, and even more damning…!” Pacifica said, raising her head to squint directly at Steve. 

“...is the fact that I smell Farrah Fawcett Spray.”

There was a moment of silence, then all eyes turned slowly towards Steve, and the older teen felt his stomach sink down to his shoes.

Dipper and Mabel’s faces were scrunched up with confusion, as if they weren’t entirely sure about what Pacifica was talking about, but Robin’s face slowly began to contort with glee, which was only made worse by the fact that she could see how uncomfortable Steve had suddenly become with the situation.

Her laughter started slowly, then quickly built from a few chuckles to full blown guffaws, and Steve was forced to sit there while Robin held her sides and did everything in her power not to fall to the floor from laughing so hard.

Her laughter began to abate only after it became too difficult to breathe, but Steve’s embarrassment refused to dwindle. Dustin Henderson had been the only other soul that knew the secret behind his hairstyle, and yet somehow this teenage girl from the middle of nowhere had figured it out less than a minute after meeting him.

“Uh, what’s Farrah Fawcett spray?” Dipper asked aloud, seemingly at a loss if he needed to be jotting this down in his journal or not.

“It’s a woman’s hairspray from the '80s,” Robin wheezed, her laughter threatening to spiral out of control again as she spoke.

“Ok, thank you, Robin,” Steve said shortly, pursing his lips in an attempt to restrain himself. “I’m pretty sure they get the idea.”

It was then that Mabel’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as the realization hit her as well.

“That’s it!” she cried in pure excitement, slamming her hands on the table and looking Steve dead in his eyes. “You are coming to my next makeover night with Candy and Grenda. NO EXCEPTIONS!”

Dipper, despite seeming to understand Steve’s embarrassment now as well, still frowned in confusion at Pacifica.

“I still don’t understand. How could you tell that they’re from the past just by smelling a certain type of hairspray?”

“Ugh,” Pacifica said, rolling her eyes in disgust. “Don’t you ever read anything useful in all those nerdy books of yours? Farrah Fawcett spray was discontinued in 1984 after Fabergé Organics was bought out! Hairspray that old is nearly impossible to get in this day and age!”

Dipper stared at her incredulously.

“What? As a woman of class, one must know the details of every hair care product made after 1950. So trust me when I say that you'd have to be even richer than I am to get a hold of a can, and that’s saying something!”

“Umm, richer than you?” Robin finally asked, raising her eyebrow at Pacifica despite the residual shortness of breath she held from her bouts of laughter. “Not that I’d want to be rude or anything, but don’t you work in a diner?”

“For your information, I don’t have to work here,” Pacifica snarkily replied. “I just choose to have a job to get away from my parents. It’s not my fault that nowhere else is hiring!”

“And we are all proud of you for sticking it to the man, Pacifica!” Mabel beamed with an enthusiastic swing of her arm. “Even if you do mess up our orders from time to time, we’re still rooting for you!”

“So, you’re a rich kid who got a summer job because your old man is an asshole, huh?” Robin said, crossing her arms. “Remind you of anyone, Popeye…?”

Robin none-too-subtly nudged Steve’s elbow as she spoke, which caused the older teen to roll his eyes despite being thankful for the change in subject.

“Yeah, talk about relatable. Good for you though, kid,” he said, giving Pacifica a small but genuine nod. “From the looks of it, I’d say your co-workers are about as competent as mine were too…”

As if on cue, there was a loud crash from within the kitchen, followed by a cheerful but ditzy call from Lazy Susan that she was ok. Steve gave a smirk in Robin’s direction, and she answered with an eye roll of her own.

A small vein on Pacifica’s temple bulged out at the noise from the kitchen, but the bristliness she had approached the table with finally seemed to dissipate at Steve’s compliment.

“Oh, well…thanks,” Pacifica said, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head while a slight blush returned to her cheeks. “I…probably better go make sure everything’s ok back there…”

Suddenly seeming very awkward, Pacifica shuffled away from the table and back into the kitchen, but not before stealing a quick glance back at their booth before disappearing around the corner, a glance that Steve unfortunately saw was directed specifically at him.

His shoulders immediately slumped dejectedly as he realized that it was now entirely likely that yet another kid a little over half his age had developed a crush on him, and he shook his head and avoided Robin’s no-doubt mischievous grin by looking straight ahead. This proved to be even worse of an idea, however, as Steve was now making eye contact with Dipper, who sat directly across from him in the booth. The male Pines twin was looking at Steve from over the top of his journal, which he was poorly pretending to read.

Dipper’s gaze was that of a slight frown, indicative of the fact that the young teenager was feeling an emotion that he didn’t quite understand yet, and unfortunately for Steve, seeing Dipper interact with Pacifica just now had given him all the context he needed to recognize it for what it was.

Jealousy, however mild it might have been, was easy for Steve to spot when he’d seen it on the faces of fellow teenage boys a million times in the hallways of Hawkins High, and Dipper, whether aware of it or not, was definitely feeling it.

Great.

Now Steve had unwillingly become a part of both the Pines twins’ summer crushes, meaning that he would most likely have to yet again act as an emotional guide to inexperienced teenagers.

Christ. How many kids did Steve eventually want to have again? Six? Maybe he needed to rethink those numbers…

…

Robin crossed her arms and leaned back on the small couch that sat on the back porch leading into the Mystery Shack. It was roughly mid-afternoon, and thankfully, the shack was closed for the day, meaning that she could relax and take things easy for once. After all the excitement about learning that the portal to the Upside Down and the portal here at the Mystery Shack had been opened on the same day, things had been relatively uneventful around the place for a few days, which was a change of pace that Robin most certainly appreciated. The weirdness of Gravity Falls hadn’t decreased by any means, but the fact that neither Robin nor Steve had gone on some crazy death-defying adventure for a little while was a huge win in her mind.

Dipper had concluded that he couldn’t really probe more into possible links between the Upside Down and the portal that his Grunkle Ford had built here in Oregon until Ford himself arrived, so that link remained open for now, leaving the residents of the Mystery Shack in a place of peace for the last few days.

Truth be told, Robin was finding herself appreciating this place more and more as time went on. Even though the crazy and wild things that happened in this town had certainly taken some getting used to, Robin found it to be no worse than Hawkins when it came to the supernatural. In fact, she could almost say that her experiences in this town had been pleasant compared to most of Hawkins, otherwordly or otherwise. The forests and mountains were beautiful, the food wasn’t half bad, and the people…

Well, Robin would not have considered the people here to be normal by any means, but then again, neither was she. The rebellious girl that had nearly been crushed by the beast that was Hawkins, Indiana could finally breathe out here in the mountainous air, and with Steve here as well, Robin was reminded of just how much better life could be with a little change of scenery.

Inhaling with deep satisfaction, Robin’s train of thought took her back to almost two years ago (technically thirty years ago if one was being literal) to when she had first gotten serious about getting away from Hawkins for the first time. Back then, Robin had finally become fed up with trying to fit into the hellacious mold the world had forced upon her, and as a result, she had begun to dream up a fantastic plan to leave Indiana behind and finally put some distance between herself and everything she had known.

She’d codenamed it: Operation Croissant, and it was her means of escape, a way to get away from it all at least for a little while and get a little taste of life outside the blood-sucking hole of her hometown. Things had changed a lot since then, and even Robin had to admit that she had changed a lot since then too, but unfortunately for her, Hawkins stayed the same. There were still monsters in it, and the only difference between then and now was that literal monsters started existing in it as well.

And so, Operation Croissant had always been at the back of Robin’s mind, a dream that had become slightly less important to Robin after getting to know the real Steve Harrington and the rest of the party, but a dream it remained. And now, here in Gravity Falls, Robin almost felt as though her dream, or at least the essence of it, was finally coming true. The menu at Greasy’s most certainly didn’t compare to the taste of a fresh baguette in front of the Eiffel Tower or a mouth-watering cannoli outside the Coliseum, but the food had always been a secondary reason behind Robin’s drive to get away, and even though she wasn’t getting an opportunity to exercise her french or spanish (except in the occasional side conversation with Soos’s grandma), she found herself in a place of peace here in the sleepy state of Oregon.

Then why leave?

Robin jolted and inhaled sharply as she once again struggled to resist the idea that her train of thought was taking her to, though she had noted with genuine fear that it was becoming more and more difficult to do by the day.

Excuse after prepared excuse was hurriedly dredged up in her mind to rebut the question that echoed within.

School…

Oregon has those.

My friends…

Milton would want you to be happy.

The Party…

…that you’ve only known for about a month?

My parents…

Steve could tell them—

Ah, there it was.

Steve.

That was the one thing that pulled her away every single time from entertaining these thoughts for too long. As much as it tried, Robin’s subconscious could not create an excuse to stay in Gravity Falls when it came to Steve. While it was true that Robin had technically only known Steve for a summer, she would be damned if there was anyone else on the face of this Earth that knew her better than he did and vice versa. Steve, despite all odds, and Robin was not kidding when she said all odds, was the first person that she had trusted with her deepest secret. And even though Steve had no secrets of his own that could rival hers, the way he diligently kept that secret despite the hell it could’ve brought down upon him was enough for Robin to name him as her favorite human on the face of the earth. And try as she might, Robin could not see herself going anywhere without Steve Harrington by her side, or at least having him in the same time period.

The thought of Steve was enough for Robin to push her thoughts of staying in the future out of her mind, and with a deep exhale, she slowly began to relax once more, though the internal conflict within her remained.

Taking one more deep breath, Robin finally settled her thoughts and went back to her previous activity, which was entertaining herself by watching Dipper and Steve, who were both standing a little ways off the back porch. It had not been long after finishing breakfast that morning that Dipper approached Steve about something they’d both apparently talked about already, and though Robin didn’t catch much of the conversation, she did hear Dipper’s steadfast tone say something about “throwing a punch” before Steve sighed and agreed.

The younger teenager’s face had come alight with excitement, but there was something else there that Robin couldn’t quite place, and though she would again never consider herself an expert on emotions, she still felt as if there was a bit of one-sided tension between Steve and Dipper. Not anything serious, but enough of something that even Robin could notice. The cause of the slight friction was not readily apparent to her, but Robin supposed she could venture a pretty good guess after seeing how Dipper had interacted with that blonde teenage waitress back at the dinner, and more importantly, how the blonde waitress had subsequently interacted around Steve.

Robin had slyly made a remark to the older Hawkins native to test her theory after Dipper departed to go get ready, and the older teenager’s annoyed confirmation of her theory made her morning grogginess dissipate almost immediately, as it became incredibly hilarious to her that Steve had yet again managed to get further involved in the lives of the youth of Gravity Falls. It also had the added benefit of minimizing the amount of trouble that Steve gave her regarding Wendy, as his teasing had only doubled since Robin had shared the details of the conversation the two of them had back when the clone Dippers had appeared at the Shack. Steve, in his well-meaning but increasingly annoying ferver to egg Robin on into pursuing the possibility, was diligent in his pestering, but thanks to the slight drama with Dipper, his prodding had lessened somewhat.

Speaking of prodding, was it just her, or was Dipper throwing his punches a little too hard?

Squinting slightly, Robin watched as Steve tried to coach the shorter teen into a proper stance while holding up a large upright punching bag for the male Pines twin to practice on. While Steve was doing his best to offer small corrections on how to hold his arms and curl his fingers, Dipper uncharacteristically seemed more interested in hitting the bag than actually learning what the older teenager was trying to teach him.

Steve seemed to catch on almost immediately as well, and with a heavy sigh and an almost pleading glance back in Robin’s direction, he resigned himself into letting Dipper tire himself out on the bag while periodically injecting a mumbled tidbit of advice. Thankfully, despite Dipper throwing what could be considered hard punches into the bag, the smaller boy was not exactly blessed in the way of upper body strength, so Steve wasn’t entirely bothered by the force behind the punches as he held up the bag.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor of the porch next to Robin, Mabel was laughing and mimicking the actions of her twin in the form of light pokes into the soft and pudgy flesh of her pet pig, Waddles, who like Steve, was not overly bothered by the prodding, and actually almost seemed to enjoy it as a form of light tickling more than anything else.

Funnily enough, Steve and Robin hadn’t met Waddles until after almost two days of living in the Mystery Shack, as the pig mostly spent its time napping in the attic or loafing around in the den when it wasn’t eating or rolling around outside. To Mabel’s delight, neither Hawkins native was overly perturbed by the presence of the pig, and Robin would go so far to consider it almost an improvement over most common house pets like dogs and cats, as pigs were infinitely smarter than them on average. In fact, if Robin thought about it, some pigs might even be smarter than some of the humans she’d met.

The Hawkins native watched as Mabel continued mocking Dipper’s punching for a few moments, then gave a small chuckle.

“Gotta admit I’m surprised, Mabel,” she said, leaning back on the couch. “I figured you’d be pissed that yet another girl your age has shown interest in Steve.”

Mabel paused only momentarily from her playing with Waddles to give a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders.

“Having a reason to heckle Dipper trumps any possible feelings of competition, Rob-com!” she said. “Plus, Steve’s already promised that he’s gonna set me up with his grandkids, so my investment is secured!”

Robin smirked at Mabel’s enthusiasm as the girl went back to playing with Waddles. It was endearing to see how she was on such good terms with her twin, and even though the two of them loved to tease and make fun of each other, it was plain to see that they were extremely close. She likened it very much to how she was with Steve.

Turning back to look at him now, Robin suddenly noted with shock that Steve’s hair, for the absolute first time since she had known him, had begun to droop, and at first, she almost dismissed it as a trick of the light. After blinking a few times, however, Robin saw that her eyes had not been deceiving her, and the realization almost made her fall off the couch.

Throughout the entire summer, through all of the running from monsters and fighting supernatural demons and being drugged by Russians, Steve’s hair had endured. Its gravity-defying volume had always been retained, completely unbothered and undiminished by the chaos that the guy it was attached to constantly found himself in. Unconsciously, it had become a consistent aspect in Robin’s life, like taxes or death. So seeing it now, how it was starting to fall flat against his head, honestly freaked her out a bit.

She then frowned in confusion for a moment at how Steve could even let something like this happen. That man took care of his mane like it was his own child, so the possibility of it beginning to deflate now of all times should have been next to zero.

Robin then remembered that the two of them had been here in Gravity Falls for almost two weeks now. Before the trip, she recalled Steve mentioning that he was low on his usual products, and now that she, as well as everyone else, knew that Farrah Fawcett Spray of all things was the secret ingredient to Steve’s Harrington’s almighty hair, Robin could only guess that his supply was running out. Without that spray, Steve’s signature look was in terrible danger, and the thought of Steve’s hair looking, well… normal, was not something Robin was even sure she could imagine. Judging from the rate at which it was beginning to deflate on his head, however, she felt as though they would all be coming very familiar with that reality very soon.

Robin shuddered slightly and was thankfully saved from that mental image by Wendy rolling up on her bike, the redheaded teen easily parking the bicycle and hopping off with practiced ease.

“Mabel. Robin,” she said amicably. “What up, ma’ peeps?”

“Wendy!” Mabel said, picking up Waddles and placing the pig in her lap so that she could control his front hooves from behind like a ventriloquist.

“Heya Wendy!” Mabel said in a cartoony deep voice while moving Waddles’ hooves up and down animatedly to make it seem as though the pig was speaking. “You’re just in time to watch Dipper vent his teen angst on a poor helpless punching bag! Oh, the humanity!”

Wendy glanced with a raised eyebrow over in Dipper and Steve’s direction, then smirked.

“I can see that. So, it’s safe to say he’s still a little worked up by that Pacifica thing?”

“Bingo,” Robin chimed in with a nod.

“Oof,” Wendy said. “Dipper’s awesome, but I gotta say that he does not process his emotions well sometimes. I also hate to say it, Mabel, but that teen drama junk is gonna get worse before it gets better. No one is safe, not even you.”

“Ah geez…” Mabel pouted. “You mean I’m gonna go through all this too?”

Wendy looked over to Robin instead of answering Mabel directly.

“Robin? Care to confirm?”

Wendy winked over at Robin as she spoke, and it was all the girl could do to try to calm herself as her heart rate spiked.

“Yep,” she said, almost a beat too late. “Everyone does eventually. It, uh, it definitely sucks!”

“Ugh! How can I be the world’s best matchmaker if my dumb hormones get in the way all the time?!” Mabel bemoaned, her body slumping over Waddles’ indifferent form as the pig lay inert on the porch.

“Eh, you’ll learn to tough it out, dude,” Wendy said, taking a seat next to Robin on the couch and relaxing easily onto the aged cushion. “Luckily for you and Dipper, you guys are way smarter than most other dudes your age, so I got no doubts you can rise above the worst of it.”

“We can only hope,” Robin said with a shake of her head, her thoughts drawing her back to the days when she had been in a love triangle between Steve and Tammy Thompson that only she knew about. Looking back, Robin still surprised herself sometimes at just how big of a crush she’d had on Tammy. At the time, that girl had been almost all she’d thought about.

“This kind of shit can get real messy, real quick…”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Wendy agreed, tilting her head back and letting her long hair drape over the back of the couch from underneath her bomber cap. She closed her eyes in relaxation, and Robin made a conscious effort not to stare.

Wendy then opened her eyes and turned her attention to Dipper and Steve, likely noticing that Dipper had all but tired himself out now, as his movements had become sluggish and his brow was clearly matted with sweat.

“Speaking of messy,” Wendy mused. “It kinda looks like Steve’s starting to run out of his ‘special spray’”.

Robin frowned for a moment, then remembered that the Pines family shared almost everything with each other and their close friends. That meant that anything they knew was quickly shared with Soos, Melody, and Wendy, so Robin shouldn’t have been surprised that news of Steve’s grooming methods had reached her when she also knew about Dipper's unknowing crush on Pacifica. She shuddered to imagine the extreme reaction Mabel would have received after dropping a bomb like that on Candy and Grenda.

“Poor guy,” Mabel added, absentmindedly scratching Waddles behind his ears as she watched Steve’s hair as well. “The world is a darker place without those luscious locks in it. And his only hope of saving it lies in a hair product that was discontinued almost thirty years ago…”

Wendy sat thoughtfully for a few seconds, and then a slow smile began to form on her face, prompting Robin to ask what it was she seemed to be suddenly thinking about.

“Not sure what that look means, but I’m guessing you suddenly got an idea?”

“Yeah…I think I do,” Wendy said, hopping up from the couch and strolling towards Steve and Dipper.

The male Pines twin had finally given in to his exhaustion, and had sprawled out on the grass while breathing heavily, periodically chugging water from a bottle Steve had offered him.

The older teen leaned on the punching bag, his demeanor portraying his exasperation at how little of his advice Dipper had taken despite the younger boy being so adamant that he give it to him in the first place.

“Looks like a TKO, Little Mac,” Wendy said with a smirk as she came to a stop above the tuckered out Dipper. She placed her hands on her hips and looked down at the boy’s heaving form. “I think it’s safe to say you put the hurt on that bag.”

Dipper did not have the lung capacity to respond. Instead, the younger teen weakly raised his other hand and gave a loose thumbs up, which caused Wendy to laugh.

“I think you’ve earned a good rest, dude. Mind if I borrow your coach while you’re recuperating?” she asked, gesturing with her thumb in Steve’s direction, which caused the older teen to frown in slight confusion.

Dipper responded with another loose thumbs up, and Wendy nodded once before turning to approach Steve.

“What do you think, Doc? Is he ready to take on Mike Tyson?”

Steve’s frown of confusion deepened, and from where Robin sat watching the conversation, she could tell that he had no idea who Wendy was referring to either.

“Uh, is that a reference to something?” the older teen ventured. “I’m not exactly sure who ‘Doc’ is supposed to be, or ‘Mike Tyson' for that matter…”

Wendy rolled her eyes.

“Geez dude, I keep forgetting just how many years you guys skipped to get here. You really don’t know who Mike Tyson is? I thought for sure that he first appeared in the '80s.”

Steve shrugged and shook his head, indicating that he was still at a loss.

“Seems like we need to freshen you up,” Wendy said, placing her hands on her hips again. “In more ways than one I think.”

At that, the redhead subtly pointed to the top of her head, and Steve’s frown of confusion quickly morphed into one of distress as he ran a hand through his rapidly deflating hair. It was then that Robin realized that Steve must have known way before the rest of them that his hair was beginning to fall, and now that it was becoming apparent to not just him, his anxiety about the situation was only getting worse.

“Relax dude,” Wendy said reassuringly. “All you need is a little more of your ‘Farrah-whatever-spray’ and you’ll be good, right?”

It was obvious that Steve did not enjoy talking about this, and Robin almost didn’t catch his next words as he spoke them half in embarrassment and half in anger at the attention Wendy was drawing to his hair.

“Yeah, that would fix it right up, wouldn’t it?” he said sarcastically. “Easy peasy, all I have to do is go to the store and buy a product that doesn’t exist anymore. No sweat!”

“Or,” Wendy offered. “You could go to a store that hasn’t changed their inventory in a while.”

“For almost thirty years? You know a store like that?”

At this, Wendy’s smile heightened to the maximum.

“Actually dude, I think I do.”

With that, Wendy excused herself to run inside the Shack for a moment, and when she returned, a set of keys dangled from her fingers.

“You’re driving dude,” she said to Steve with a tone of excitement, which Robin noticed really only appeared when there were adventures or mysteries imminent.

“Wait, where are we going?”

“...back in time, dude.”

Upon hearing her say that, everyone present immediately perked up, with only Waddles maintaining his relaxed position on the porch.

“Wait, what?!” Dipper said, struggling into an upright position despite his lingering exhaustion.

“Did Blendin call already?!”

“Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, dudes,” Wendy said, holding her hands up haltingly. “Poor choice of words on my part. I mean we’re just going somewhere where Steve can get more hairspray.”

Robin immediately relaxed despite the questions that still lingered in her mind.

“Sooo, you know a place around here that still sells an extinct hair care product?”

“Maybe,” Wendy said, twirling the keys around her finger thoughtfully as she spoke. “Or maybe not, we won’t know until we get there.”

From his seated position on the grass, Dipper contemplated for a moment before slowly rising up to his feet.

“I’ll go get my stuff. If this place has merchandise from that long ago, then it might be worth checking out.”

“Actually dude, we’re going someplace you’ve already been,” Wendy said bemusedly.

Dipper frowned in confusion, and his question was answered before he even asked it when Wendy made a motion like she was closing a zipper over her mouth before flicking away an imaginary key. And while Dipper immediately went ramrod straight with embarrassment, Mabel immediately fell into a giggle before belting out what sounded like a child’s nursery rhyme that Robin didn’t recognize at all.

“Welllll, who wants a lamby, lamby, lamby?”

“Mabel, I swear…!” Dipper said angrily.

“I do! I do!”

Dipper’s face had now gone tomato red, though he was saved from further embarrassment as Mabel stopped singing to collapse into a fit of laughter, rolling onto her back and holding her sides at the stark embarassment of her twin.

Dipper glowered at her for a moment, though his anger subsided as he realized something. Turning back to Wendy, Dipper’s tone took on a hint of nervousness.

“Wait, you’re going back there? Are you sure that’s a good idea, Wendy? After what happened last time, I don’t know if you’d be…”

“No worries Dipper,” Wendy said with a dismissive shake of her hand. “I’ll be fine as long as I have ‘adult supervision’.”

Wendy gestured in Steve’s direction with her thumb, and Robin felt both her and Steve’s confusion only grow deeper.

“So, again, where exactly are we going?” Steve asked, his impatience obvious now.

“‘Dusk 2 Dawn’,” Wendy replied. “A cozy little convenience store located on the outskirts of town. It’s a long shot, but if there’s any place around here that has thirty-year-old discontinued hair care products, it’s there.”

Steve didn’t seem thoroughly convinced, but Robin also couldn’t help but notice that a small flicker of hope seemed to ignite in his eyes. A glance up to his hair reminded her of just how desperate he probably was, so if he wanted any chance of keeping his title as Steve “The Hair” Harrington, this was his best shot.

“On second thought, I…uh, I think I’ll sit this one out Wendy,” Dipper said, his voice still betraying residual embarrassment and nervousness from earlier. “I don’t exactly have good memories of that place.”

Before anyone could say anything else, Dipper dusted himself off and shuffled towards the Shack, mumbling a small thanks to Steve as he walked past and sticking his hands into his pockets. Robin frowned slightly as the younger teen walked past her and into the Shack, still sensing that the kid was a bit off. She’d known Dipper for almost two weeks now, and this was the first time he had ever declined on taking a trip to a potentially weird or exciting place, even if it had been a place he’d already visited before.

Next to her, Robin saw Mabel drum her hands contemplatively on Waddles’ fat stomach for a few moments, her eyes having also followed Dipper’s exit.

“Hmmmm, I think my bro-bro needs me to drop some real-world knowledge on his butt! My apologies to you and your hair, Steve, but I think I am needed here today!”

With that, Mabel enthusiastically jumped to her feet and followed her twin into the Shack, her movement encumbered by the weight of Waddles as she struggled to carry him into the building with her.

With the two youngest of their group gone, that left only Steve, Robin, and Wendy outside, and as Robin turned to look back at the other two, her eyes met Wendy’s, which were looking at her contemplatively.

“Well, it sounds like those two are out. How about you, Rob?”

At first, Robin’s first instinct was to opt in, as despite the mysterious nature of the place they were going to, she couldn’t help but be a bit curious about a store that still potentially sold Farrah Fawcett Spray despite its lack of existence in this day and age.

A sudden feeling came to her just before she could open her mouth, however, and though Robin couldn’t understand how or why, she couldn’t help but feel like Wendy almost wanted her to say no to coming along so that it would just be her and Steve on this one.

Thinking back once again, Robin remembered how Wendy had almost seemed wistful when she had seen Steve interacting with the twins and the Dipper clones almost a week ago, and how the redhead had mentioned something about her mom before quickly changing the subject. With that in mind, it seemed likely that the redhead wanted to get to know the older Hawkins native a little better, and that she was hoping to have Steve to herself for the afternoon as a result. Her motives didn’t appear to be romantic in nature, however, which Robin humorously noted made Wendy among the minority of the female portion of Gravity Falls that they’d had met so far.

A small part of Robin considered the obvious possibility that she was reading too much into something that wasn’t that deep at all, but the more she thought about it, the more she felt like she would be better off not joining the two other teenagers on their quest for hairspray.

Her eyes briefly met Steve’s for a moment as well, and Robin was also quickly reminded that Steve, if given the chance, would make any attempt to excuse himself while on this trip to leave her alone with Wendy, and though a part of her involuntarily jumped at the thought, Robin’s conscious mind firmly forced the feeling down, quickly coming to a decision in light of her friend’s possible deviousness.

“You know what? You two go ahead. I think I’ll sit this one out too.”

Steve’s brow immediately furrowed, reminding Robin once again that despite all of Steve’s shortcomings in the department of intellectuality, the older teenager was actually scarily aware of social cues and subtleties when it came to other people. His eyes asked a silent question to Robin’s using the ever-reliable “Silent-Steve-Talk" they both shared, and Robin did her best to give as genuine and placating of an answer as she was able.

She could tell that Steve wasn’t entirely satisfied with her response, but he trusted her enough to simply shrug his shoulders and not press the matter.

“You sure, dude?” Wendy asked. She was being courteous, but even Robin could see the small spark of excitement in her eyes at the possibility that it would just be her and Steve going on this trip.

“Yeah, no offense to the ever-constant weirdness that goes on in this town, but I’m actually enjoying the peace and quiet today. Plus, I think I’ll give Soos a hand with the Dart. He might need it.”

She offered Wendy a smile, and it was returned with a small but thankful nod. A part of Robin hesitated, then without even knowing why or where she’d mustered the stupidity to do so, the Hawkins native extended the interaction by giving Wendy what she hoped was a sly wink. The redhead’s eyebrows heightened slightly in surprise, but her smile grew bigger after she processed the gesture, and for the briefest of moments, Robin could have sworn she saw a hint of color on her cheeks.

The boldness of Robin’s actions suddenly up with her a moment later, and in a state of near shock and extreme nervousness at what she had just done, Robin tore her eyes from Wendy’s and gave a flustered a nod to Steve, only for her blood to freeze even further upon seeing that he had also seen her gesture, and was now raising both his eyebrows in tilting his head with the most surprised yet encouraging grin Robin had ever seen him wear before. Before Steve had the opportunity to make this even more embarrassing than it already was, Robin quickly turned on her heel and strode into the house.

“Don’t die out there, dingus!” she quickly called over her shoulder before the door closed behind her.

…

Steve watched Robin disappear inside the Shack before turning to Wendy just in time to catch the car keys as she tossed them to him. Any residual reaction from her interactions with Robin just now had disappeared completely, which Steve found to be actually kind of impressive considering how uncharacteristically bold his friend had just been.

“Like I said: you’re driving, dude!” the younger teen said, turning away from Steve and starting for the parking lot where Soos’ truck sat. Steve paused for a moment, contemplating the sudden burst in enthusiasm from the usually laid-back girl, then followed her, frowning as she walked right past the truck and further into the parking lot.

“Uh, thought you said we were driving?” he ventured.

“We are!” Wendy said, looking at him briefly over her shoulder before gesturing to the only other car that sat in the lot: The 1965 El Diablo Convertible supposedly belonging to Dipper and Mabel’s Grunkle Stan.

To say Steve was eager to drive an automobile as novel as that was understatement, but he paused and raised his eyebrow as Wendy popped open the passenger’s side door and slid into the passenger’s seat.

“Thought this car was for emergencies only,” he said, taking time to admire the vehicle as he slowly walked around the front and rested his hand on the driver’s side door handle.

“Didn’t take you for a stickler to the rules, Steve,” Wendy joked as she reclined her seat and got comfortable inside the cab of the vehicle. “Besides, I’m pretty sure that counts as an emergency.”

She gestured once again to Steve’s flattening hair.

“Good point…” he grumbled before opening the door and sliding into the driver’s seat. He sat for a moment before moving to place the key in the ignition, marveling at the vintage feeling of the El Diablo and familiarizing himself with the layout. A glance to the center console showed him that the car had a manual transmission, and he smiled to himself at the familiar feeling of placing the car in neutral and starting the engine after having driven Soos’ automatic for nearly two weeks now.

After another brief moment, Steve inserted the key and turned. The El Diablo sputtered for a moment, showcasing its age and lack of use, but then Steve’s efforts were rewarded as the engine caught and came fully to life.

Steve paused yet again to admire the sound of the car as it idled patiently, then muscle memory took over as he released the parking brake and placed the El Diablo into first gear. A side glance at Wendy showed that she was watching his movements intently, and Steve lightly shook his head and smirked when he remembered Soos telling him that manual cars were all but extinct in the United States now, making him apparently one of the relatively few teenagers in the country that knew how to drive a car like this.

For a brief moment, Steve considered dumping the clutch and peeling out of the lot. Knowing Wendy, the younger teenager would have probably loved it to no end, but out of courtesy for Mabel and Dipper’s possibly psychotic great uncle, Steve decided to take it easy. The ride was a bit stiff at first as he pulled out of the lot and onto the road leading away from the Mystery Shack, but he quickly began growing familiar with the vehicle and how it drove, and within a few short minutes, the Hawkins native was driving as though he’d owned the car for months.

“Alright Corduroy, where are we going?” Steve asked as he connected with the main road and the gravel turned to asphalt beneath the wheels.

The redhead was silent for a moment as she watched Steve shift gears once again, then refocused and gave him directions, leading him to what he hoped was to be the salvation of his signature style.

…

Back at the Shack, Robin was somewhat surprised when she walked into the garage that Soos had been keeping the Dart in. The garage, much like the renovations made to the main Mystery Shack, was relatively new, and as Robin looked around, she saw a grand assortment of tools organized throughout multiple drawers and workbenches and even hanging from the walls. Soos obviously had not taken his job as a handyman half-heartedly before Robin and Steve had arrived.

The nature of Robin’s surprise hadn’t stemmed from the scale of the operation, but rather, from the people she found inside.

The first thing Robin saw was Soos’s lower half sticking out from underneath the Dart, which had been elevated off the ground onto a quartet of car ramps so that he had easier access to the undercarriage. The sound of a metallic clicking came from underneath, which led Robin to the conclusion that he was deep into his work.

Additionally, Robin saw that Dipper and Mabel had migrated their way into the garage as well, with Dipper sitting on an overturned bucket and Mabel sitting on the concrete nearby with Waddles.

“Alright Mr. Frowny-Dip,” Mabel began, placing her hands on her hips from where she was seated. “I think it’s about time we do some spring cleaning in that grumpy wishy-washy mind state of yours!”

“Mabel…” Dipper said with a roll of his eyes. “I told you I’m fine, ok? I just…didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“Yeah, I bet you didn’t!” Mabel said teasingly. “You always have trouble sleeping when you’re bummed out about something, which is like all the time!”

“Oh dude,” came Soos’ voice for the first time from underneath the Dart. “That always happens to me right after Yumberjacks stops serving their seasonal churro logs every spring. I become inconsolable for nearly a week!”

“Look, I really don’t want to talk about it, ok?” Dipper said. “It’s not even that big of a deal.”

“It is when you’re being all stiff and grouchy every time Steve walks into the room!” Mabel countered. “You’ll be all normal and stuff, but then when you see him it’s like: ‘BOOP! Meanie dork mode: Activated!’”

“Ok, that’s definitely not true!”

“Hate to say it, dude…” Robin piped up from the leaning position she had taken against the wall with her arms crossed. “...but it kind of is.”

Dipper looked at her for a moment, then his gaze dropped to the floor.

“Yeah, I don’t want to like, gang up on you or anything,” Soos said from under the Dart. “But as your forever Pterodactyl Bro, I feel it’s my duty to let you know when you’re acting a bit off. And well…you’re acting a bit off, dude.”

Hearing it from Soos was apparently enough to break through Dipper’s denial, and the younger teenager sat for a moment before his brow creased up in anger and he stood up with an aggravated noise erupting from his throat.

“Ok, fine! I’m a little mad at Steve! Happy?!”

“There we go!” Mabel said, standing up and pumping her fist into the air with vigor. “Let it all out, bro-bro!”

“It’s just…he’s been getting on my nerves for a few days now! The way he walks around and eats cereal in the mornings and does work around the Shack during the days! It’s just been driving me crazy!”

“So…you’re mad at him for existing?” Robin said.

Robin’s remark was cut off by Mabel frantically waving her off.

“No! No! This is good! Get it all out in the open, Dipper! Now, tell us why you're really mad at Steve!”

Whether or not Dipper appreciated what it was Mabel was trying to do was unclear to Robin, but it seemed to not really matter at this point since the male Pines twin was already riled up.

“I’m mad at Steve because…!”

“Come on…! Come on…!” Mabel urged, egging on her twin like her life depended on it.

“...because…!”

“This is it!”

At this point, Robin couldn’t decide which of the twins was more energized, and she found her gaze bouncing back and forth between the two of them like she was watching a tennis match.

The tension in the air reached a peak, then plummeted into nothingness as Dipper’s hands unexpectedly fell limp at his sides. A dumbfounded look appeared on his face.

“I…I don’t know,” he said in disbelief. “I actually have no idea why I'm mad at Steve…”

There was a pause as his words were deciphered by all parties present, then Mabel threw her hands up and wailed in exaggerated mental agony.

“Nooooooooo! You were so close, Dipper! This was supposed to be your moment! Your nerd brain was finally going to connect the dots, and I was gonna be right there to see it!”

Mabel’s shoulders slumped as she deflated completely in kind, and Robin felt like she had just ridden an entire roller coaster ride robbed of its climactic dropping points.

“I…guess it just really isn’t that important,” Dipper said, sticking his hands sheepishly into his vest pockets. An annoyed look appeared on his face that betrayed his inability to figure out the source of his frustration. “Whatever it is, anyway…I mean, I guess if I don’t really know why I’m upset, then it must not be that important, right?”

Mabel looked to be on the verge of physically grabbing her twin and shaking him as he continued to ramble.

“…I guess if I don’t remember why, then I’ll probably get over it pretty soon, too,” Dipper concluded with a nod of his head, sinking deeper into his thoughts as he did so. “I mean, it’ll be water under the bridge in no time. I should probably still apologize to Steve when he gets back though.”

Dipper spent another few moments in contemplation, then shrugged his shoulders defeatedly and turned to exit the garage. He was abruptly stopped by Mabel, however, who surprised everyone by how fast she suddenly threw herself between Dipper and the garage door and forced her arms out wide to block any possible attempts to go around her.

“Oh no you don’t! You’re not going anywhere, mister!”

“Mabel, what the heck–”

“If you can’t come to the realization on your own, then I have no choice but to throw it at you until it sticks to you like a glue gun!”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure the term is ‘sticks like glue’,” Robin interjected.

“Not when it comes to me, Robin!” Mabel countered, and a confirming “yep” from Soos was all Robin needed to hear to wisely refrain from speaking again as Mabel eyed her twin crazily.

“Dipper, you’re mad at Steve because you’re jealous! Boom! Mic drop!”

“What?” Dipper started. “Why would I be jealo–?”

“Because you like Pacifica!” Mabel blurted, not even giving Dipper time to finish his question. “You saw her get all flushed and flirty with him at Greasy’s and you’re jealous!”

At this point, Dipper’s annoyance began to resurface, though this time Robin could have sworn that she saw the faintest spark of denial reflash behind his eyes.

“Mabel, you keep teasing me about this, but I already told you that I don’t like Pacifica!”

“No! No more denying it, Dipper! I have exercised super-human amounts of restraint when it comes to pushing you on this, but I’m putting my matchmaker’s foot down this time!”

Mabel was nearly foaming at the mouth now, and Robin almost took a step back to get away from the intensity.

“You, Dipper Pines, have a big ol’ crush on Pacifica Northwest, and no amount of lying to yourself or getting mad at Steve is going to change that! The writing was all over the wall when we were at Greasy’s, and I’m not talking about the bathroom this time!”

“You’re being ridiculous, Mabel! All interactions between me and Pacifica were one-hundred percent, purely bonafide platonic! Tell her, Robin!”

At this point, Robin wasn’t sure if she wanted to remain a part of this conversation, but she sucked in a breath through her teeth and tilted her head to indicate to Dipper that he wasn’t going to like what she was going to say.

“What? You too?!” Dipper cried in disbelief.

“I may not be an expert on romance or a ‘matchmaker extraordinaire’,” Robin replied with a nod in Mabel’s direction. “But I’m pretty sure I know platonic when I see it. And that’s not exactly what I saw in the diner…”

Desperation began to creep onto Dipper’s face at her answer.

“Soos?” he tried one last time, turning to stare at his friend’s feet as though they were his lifeline.

At this point, Soos emerged from underneath the Dart, sliding easily on the roller he was laying on.

“I dunno, dude. Haven’t you like, been a crucial part of her character growth over the last year? What with her rebelling a bit more against her parents and getting a job at the diner and stuff? Like, I guess Mabel has played a part in that too, but hasn’t it been mostly you?”

At this, Mabel crossed her arms, a self-satisfied grin appearing on her face as she did so.

“Hook. Line. and stinker, Dipster! What do you say to that?”

Dipper stared from Mabel to Robin to Soos with a look that resembled that of a cornered wild animal, then shook his head.

“I say two things, Mabel. One: I don’t like Pacifica Northwest. And two: You’re all crazy!”

And with that, Dipper marched past his twin and toward the door to the garage, pausing only when he reached the door to turn around and address them one last time.

“In fact, I’m sick of talking about her! If the subject of Pacifica ever comes up again, it’ll still be too soon!”

With that, Dipper opened the door to the garage, only to see that someone else had just attempted to knock on the door from the other side and was now standing awkwardly with their fist raised in the air.

The current occupants of the garage all immediately recognized the newcomer as the subject of their conversation: Pacifica Northwest.

Their reactions were mixed, to say the least, though Pacifica was the first to speak up.

“I need a fav–”

The rest of her request was stifled as Dipper promptly shut the door, separating her from the rest of the group. There was another long and drawn out pause, then Dipper exhaled deeply and bowed his head in extreme mental fatigue.

“The universe just loves messing with me, doesn’t it?”

“Maybe it’s because it knows how hilarious it is!” Mabel giggled. “Better not keep the future Mrs. Pines waiting, Bro-Bro!”

Robin saw Dipper’s knuckles go white on the door knob at Mabel’s comment, and without waiting for any more words from his twin, he pulled open the door, revealing Pacifica once again, who was now sporting a very annoyed expression of her own.

“...Can I speak now?”

“Pacifica, you have quite literally picked the worst time to come down here,” Dipper deadpanned. “What do you want?”

“Wow, are you this nice to all your guests? Whatever. Look, I need a favor, ok? This is important.”

“Ooooh, is your mansion haunted again?” Mabel asked as Dipper stepped back from the door so that Pacifica could enter the garage. Robin noticed that she was dressed in far nicer clothing than the waitress uniform she’d been wearing a few days ago. In fact, Pacifica was wearing nicer clothes now than anyone else present.

“Hardly,” replied the blonde-haired girl, her eyes scanning the rugged interior of the garage with thinly-veiled disgust. “Though this is about the annual Northwest High Society Dinner Party next week.”

“Oooo,” said Soos from where he had sat up awkwardly on the roller. “This is the first year in Gravity Falls history that the party isn’t being held in the Northwest Manor!”

“Exactly, Jorge,” the blonde teenager said, pointing her finger at Soos for emphasis. “It’s being held at the new Northwest Manor across the lake. Turns out those ‘weirdness bonds’ my father bought last summer still actually have some value around here.”

“The new Northwest Manor…” Mabel said dreamily. “I heard it’s exactly one square foot larger than the original Northwest Manor, and that it was built exactly one inch taller too! Just imagine what an amazing feeling it would be to set foot inside!”

Robin frowned.

“Didn’t you guys go to this party last year at the old mansion? I get the feeling that this new one probably feels the same since it’s only bigger by an incredibly forgettable margin.”

The Hawkins native turned to Pacifica then.

“And it also sounds like your dear old dad has something of a petty grudge on whoever lives in the old one.”

“Don’t even get me started,” Pacifica said. “The fact that someone else in town lives in a manor even remotely as big as ours is enough to send him into a frenzy. He orders our butler to fire cannonballs made of caviar at the old manor every night, but Mcgucket just eats all of it every time.”

The blonde girl shuddered at the thought, and Dipper took his turn to push the conversation further along.

“So what exactly do you need our help with? You need extra servers and are just trying to hire us out for the evening?”

“As if!” Pacifica scoffed. “None of you possess even a smidgeon of the poise and tact it takes to serve food at a luxurious party like this!”

“Ok, well then spit it out! It’s not like we have all day!”

“I’m going to, but you keep interrupting me!”

The two began to argue more and more, prompting Robin to share a side smirk with Mabel at how easily the two fell into their bickering like an old married couple.

“Dude, this is better than cable!” Soos whispered to the two of them, trying to keep his voice low so that the arguing Dipper and Pacifica wouldn’t hear. Unfortunately, the two of them apparently caught wind of what they were doing, and looked away from each other sheepishly.

“Look, my dad is trying to make this the biggest party yet, and he’s invited almost twice the usual amount of guests to try and make up for the disaster that happened last time!”

“The disaster that he helped cause?”

“Obviously. So in his attempts to make this party as big as possible, he’s making me bring a date…”

Upon hearing the word “date”, Mabel’s face immediately lit up, her eyes sparkling to the point that Robin almost had to look away from the brightness.

“Oh, my dearest Pacifica, please tell me that you’re going to say what I think you’re going to say!”

Pacifica was obviously not as enthused as Mabel, and Robin saw the girl almost grimace before continuing.

“Look, obviously I would never do this under any other circumstances, but after all that weird junk with that plebeian triangle guy, my dad has been doing everything he can to stay away from any and all weirdness that surrounds this town. He thinks he can distract all of his business partners and regain his status by making me dress up and put on a show with one of his other wealthy yachting buddies by having me ask one of their sons to go to the party with me. He even made the family scribe draft this dumb list for me…”

Reaching into her pocket, Pacifica produced a long strip of paper that almost looked like a large grocery receipt. Robin squinted to get a closer look, and she saw that instead of listing off groceries and their prices, this piece of paper listed off names of what Robin guessed were possible candidates Pacifica’s father had selected for her to bring to the party. Next to each name was a number that ranged from somewhere in the mid-millions to upper billions, with the numbers decreasing in value as they moved further down the piece of paper.

“He even put their net worth next to each name so that I can make a more ‘informed choice’,” Pacifica grunted, making exasperated air quotes with her fingers.

Robin’s eyes boggled at the sheer magnitude of the numbers she saw on the page. The richest person she’d ever met, apart from Pacifica apparently, was Steve, and even though Robin knew his family made a lot of money, she wasn’t sure if even a rich kid like Steve Harrington could match up to this level of wealth.

“Wowee!” Soos said, also seeing a few of the numbers printed on the list. “Dude, you should see if you can get your date to stop by the Shack sometime! I’ll bet we could make a week’s worth of profit in just one afternoon!”

“As if I’d ever actually bring along one of these stuck-up jerks!” Pacifica scoffed, casting the list to the side as if it were some form of gross animal. “The way I see it, I can spite my dad twice by bringing someone whose family aren’t even millionaires and who is a fresh reminder of the weirdness that reeks through this town!”

And then, looking as though she was ingesting a lemon, Pacifica gestured to Dipper, whose eyes began to widen in shock as he began to connect the dots.

“Because of that, and only that, I have decided to swallow my pride and allow you to come with me to the party as my fake date, Dipper. Congratulations.”

Upon hearing this, Dipper’s eyes widened even further in indignation.

“Congratulations!? There’s no way I’m going to that party, Pacifica! Why on Earth would I want to waste my entire night wearing some stiff monkey suit and pretending to relate to people that only care about superficial things like crystal chandeliers or fancy doilies?”

“Uh, because it’s literally a once-in-a-lifetime chance?!” Pacifica retorted. “Because this is a big opportunity for me to make a statement in front of some of the wealthiest people in the world that I’m not just another link in the world’s worst chain?! I’m doing this to try and change the way my family is perceived, and all I want is your help!”

“Oh, so I’m just your statement, then?” Dipper said, crossing his arms angrily. “It’s nice to see you’ve come so far since last summer that you’ve shifted from viewing me as a poor nobody to now a useful tool to try and make yourself look better. Nice job, Pacifica!”

There was a stunned silence as his harsh words resonated, and from the reactions of the other people in the room, Robin deduced that Dipper had just crossed a line of some kind. Even Dipper seemed to realize that he’d gone too far with that last statement, and for the first time since meeting her, Robin was shocked to see that Pacifica almost looked to be on the verge of tears.

“Dude…” Soos said, his usual upbeat nature having dwindled into a fraction of its usual glory. Dipper’s arms awkwardly unfolded to rub his shoulder as he deflated, then he looked to the side and shook his head in apology. Pacifica refused to meet his eye as well.

“Pacifica…”

“No. You know what? Fine. Have it your way!” Pacifica almost shouted, turning on her heel and throwing open the door to the garage. “I thought I could ask a friend for help, but I guess I was wrong! I’ll go find someone else! Thanks for nothing, Dip-stick!”

Robin winced at the loudness of the door as it slammed shut behind the girl, though the silence that remained after was far more deafening.

Nobody said anything for a while. Soos eventually opted to lay back down on the roller and disappear under that Dart once again, and Mabel went back to playing with Waddles, albeit half-heartedly now after witnessing the altercation between Dipper and Pacifica just now. Dipper watched his twin for a second, then sighed and plopped back down onto the overturned bucket he had been seated in earlier and buried his head in his hands. Robin, feeling way more awkward than usual, decided to try and follow Soos’ lead, offering to help him with the repairs. All things considered, she decided that it probably would have been better if she’d gone with Steve and Wendy, as there was no possible way they were enduring this level of second-hand embarrassment right now.

…

Steve, despite the declining nature of his hair, found the ride to the mysterious convenience store to be a rather enjoyable one. The vintage car was a major contributor to that, of course, but Wendy’s company was a pleasant change of pace for him. The girl, while still being a few years younger than him, was incredibly level-headed compared to some of the other members of the Mystery Crew, and Steve couldn’t help but feel comfortable swapping stories with the younger teenager.

“So then he eats the entire hot dog after climbing out of the tub full of shaving cream, and the entire class loses it! Dude, I have never seen someone get suspended so fast before!”

Steve couldn’t help but chuckle at the ridiculousness of the story, even though given the town it occurred in, it was more than likely true.

“Well, did it work? Did he get ‘Class Clown’?”

“You’d think, right? But no! It actually went to Dalton Mckinnley for putting an extra-large whoopie cushion under the principal’s chair during the morning announcements. It was so loud that it blew out the school’s PA system!”

Steve shook his head.

“Funny as that is, why anyone would want to get a superlative title like that is beyond me. There is a one hundred percent chance that I’d regret having my name in the yearbook for something like that.”

“Honestly, dude. It’s actually kind of messed up how far people go to try and get those. Like, it’s not even worth all that extra work and stuff just to have your name printed in the yearbook twice. They know that life isn’t over as soon as high school ends, right?”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you get caught up in the bullshit,” Steve said with a shrug. “It took the appearance of a literal demon from another dimension for me to start figuring it out, and I didn’t even fully distance myself from it until after I met Robin.”

Wendy turned to look at Steve, and he could see what he pegged as relief played out across her features.

“You would not believe how refreshing this is to talk to somebody my age that doesn’t play the popularity game,” she said. “Even my own friends are trapped in it these days! I’m sick of it!”

At this, Steve considered her friend group, and he could easily imagine someone like Thompson or Tambry experiencing the high school tunnel vision that he himself had been a victim of during most of his time at Hawkins High, and even though Nate and Lee seemed pretty cool, it was all too easy sometimes to try and go be a part of the “in” crowd. And Robbie…

Steve smirked.

“Let me guess: Especially Robbie, right?”

Wendy appeared to be stunned by his sudden insight despite having only met Robbie once since he’d arrived in Gravity Falls.

“Yeah, dude. How’d you know?”

Steve understood her surprise. At first glance, a guy like Robbie would appear to be over all the “fighting for popularity points” stuff with other teenagers, but it was his insistence on being such a rebel and outcast that made him one of the biggest perpetrators of all. Most people had their quirks and preferences, but Steve had already known upon meeting Robbie that he cared more about being perceived as a rowdy uncontrollable outcast rather than actually being one.

“It’s pretty easy to spot when you’ve been on the other side of it,” he replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “Plus, trying to ‘fit in’ by ‘acting out’ isn’t exactly a ground-breaking idea. I saw it all the time in the '80s too.”

Wendy’s expression went from shock to awe, and Steve could really see in that moment that she wasn’t lying when she’d mentioned that she didn’t have the chance to talk about this often. Knowing her friends and her family, Steve did not find it all that unbelievable that deeper social subjects like this weren’t exactly a hot topic of discussion. Especially since it tended to bring about a lot of self-reflection, which most people weren’t too comfortable with.

“Gotta give you credit where it’s due though, Corduroy,” Steve added, trying to lighten the mood a bit. “Seems like you’re rising above the worst of it.”

Wendy snorted and rested her cheek against her fist while turning to look out the window.

“Yeah, I guess. Not exactly the most rewarding though is it?”

Steve nodded knowingly yet again, as he knew exactly what Wendy was referring to. Those that chose not to indulge the popularity rat race were often than not were ironically made one of the most popular people around, though their popularity came from ridicule instead of praise. They were ousted as weirdos at best and outright freaks at worst.

The most prominent example of the latter came from Steve’s memories of Eddie “The Freak” Munson, who had always been a year ahead of Steve until he failed to pass his senior year in 1984. Steve then shared a couple of classes with the guy the next year due to catching up in the curriculum, though he had steered clear of Eddie due to his title. After all, “The King” couldn’t be caught dead associating with “The Freak”, lest his title be stripped of him and all his status be lost to the potent jaws of student gossip.

Steve found it ironic at this point that he’d spent so much time ostracizing Eddie back in school when he should have honestly been idolizing him. The guy never once cared about his status as “The Freak” no matter how many jokes or jibes came his way, and now that Steve had started to understand more and more what it meant to be considered an outsider, he finally had some insight into just how difficult it was to ignore the spew of shit that came from your classmates.

It took some serious willpower to pull it off, and it was that kind of willpower that Robin possessed, and Wendy too now that she had brought it up to him.

“You try to rise above it, only to realize that you become more a part of it than ever, right?”

Wendy shook her head.

“It’s so lame, dude. It’s like some of the girls in my class have nothing better to do than to grill me about some random aspect about myself every day.”

Wendy then raised the pitch of her voice into a cartoonish parody of a stereotypical high school drama queen.

“‘O.M.G! Look at Boy-duroy, girls. Does flannel grow on branches out of that log cabin she lives in?’ Or it’s: ‘Hey, I heard that Redwood over there got a job at the Mystery Shack. I didn’t know they were adding new attractions!’”

Steve could tell that Wendy was now sharing information that she was sensitive about, and though a tiny piece of him inwardly frowned at the fact that he was playing therapist yet again, his desire to support a friend crushed it completely.

“And I’m guessing that stuff never gets said to your face though, right?”

Wendy snorted, and the corners of her mouth turned upward slightly.

“One time only, dude. I got detention, but they got a nose splint, so I’d say I came out on top of that one.”

She laughed then, and Steve laughed along with her, only for her face to drop again just a few moments later..

“I dunno, Steve. I sometimes wonder if I’d be better off just keeping my head down and maybe playing along a little bit. Like maybe I could try borrowing makeup from Robbie or Tambry…

She glanced down at her flannel shirt and jeans, and for the first time, Steve was actually getting a vibe of slight embarrassment emanating from Wendy, which he almost didn’t think was possible given her usual indifference.

“That, or maybe swap this out for some new threads. I’ve got some cash I’ve been saving for a post-graduation trip after my senior year, but that can always happen later, right? I mean, I guess it wouldn’t kill me to try and fit in every once in a while…”

“Yeah, not a good idea,” Steve replied quickly, prompting Wendy to look over at him questioningly.

Without taking his attention from the road, he explained while giving her as much eye contact as he could spare.

“It’s like you said, life isn’t over once you graduate, and there’s no amount of meaningless gossip worth giving up your dignity for. You’ll regret it more than that ‘Class Clown’ guy you mentioned already.”

Wendy said nothing, but Steve could tell he had her unwavering attention right now.

“And no offense to you and your friends, Wendy, but teenagers are morons, and that’s coming from one of the biggest morons of all time. Their collective opinion is worth about as much as a pile of crap, so don’t waste your effort on trying to appease them. Otherwise, that’s all you’ll feel like.”

“...A moron?”

“I was going to say ‘a pile of crap’, but yeah. ‘Moron’ works too.”

Steve inwardly grimaced a bit at how cheesy that last line was, but it was all he could think of to get his point across. Thankfully, it seemed to work, and Wendy gave him a grateful smile before relaxing again as she processed the meaning behind his words.

A few moments passed, then she shook her head and laughed.

“Dude, seriously. Is it too much to ask you and Robin to move out here once you get back to the '80s? Do you know how awesome it would be for me to grow up with you guys around?”

Steve snorted in response. He hadn’t given much thought to his future (or past technically? or present? whatever…), but he could see himself making the trip out here every now and again with maybe a wife and a bunch of little Harrington nuggets. The more he thought about Gravity Falls now, the more he realized that this place wasn’t half bad, and it was obvious that Robin was thriving out here too, so if there was ever a place to settle down, Steve supposed this town would be as good as any.

In any case, he supposed he’d have to come out here at some point to introduce his grandkids to Mabel. A promise was a promise, after all.

“But for real, man. Thanks. That actually helped me out, like a ton,” Wendy said sincerely.

Steve shrugged.

“It’s what I’m here for.”

“It’s actually also good that you think teenagers are morons,” Wendy continued, now looking at something dead ahead through the windshield. “That mindset might come in handy here…”

Steve focused further ahead to see that they were coming up to what looked like an abandoned building, and upon further inspection, he noted that the sign, made entirely of burnt out neon letters, read the words “Dusk 2 Dawn”, the very name of the convenience store that hopefully carried some of the last cans of Farrah Fawcett Spray.

“Yeah, I can’t help but feel like you skipped over a pretty important detail about this place,” Steve mumbled as he pulled to a stop at a fence that encircled the small convenience store. “Mainly the whole, you know, abandoned aspect.”

“Well, that’s the thing…” Wendy began as Steve cut the engine after placing the car into park.

“This place isn’t technically abandoned.”

…

Robin tried to stay on task as she helped Soos with the Dart, but her gaze often strayed over to Dipper, who still sat glumly on his overturned bucket. Mabel, who still had not spoken to him since his outburst, had turned her back to her twin to show him just how much he had messed up, and even though Soos was doing a better job of hiding it than Robin, she noticed that even the mechanic’s eyes wandered over to the Dipper’s contemplative form from time to time.

There were a few more minutes of silence, then Dipper finally spoke out loud.

“Alright, I admit it. I’m a jerk.”

“Yep,” Mabel said without turning around.

“And I am also a bad friend for not helping Pacifica even though she was also being kind of a jerk.”

“Agreed,” Robin said from across the garage.

“And I should probably apologize and agree to go to the dumb rich people party even though I know I’ll hate it because friends help out friends even when they might not want to.”

“Right on the money, dude,” Soos said from underneath the Dart, and as Dipper stood up from the bucket, Robin saw Mabel finally turn around and clear her throat.

“There’s just one more thing you forgot to say, Dipper…”

“Mabel, I’m not saying I like Pacifica. I don’t. At least not like that.”

Mabel tilted her head and fixed Dipper with a hardened glare, to which the boy sighed and rolled his eyes.

“I will apologize to Steve though, even though I still don’t know the real reason why I was being weird around him.”

Mabel’s glare held for a moment, then softened.

“Well, I guess a dork like you can only make so much progress in one day, so I accept your groveling and your apology, Dipper!”

At this, Dipper raised his arms invitingly to his sister, proposing what Robin suspected was a hug.

“Awkward sibling hug?” Dipper asked, confirming her theory.

“Oh, Broseph, we’re teenagers now!” Mabel said. “Awkward sibling hugs are beneath us. Sincere sibling hug!”  

With that, Mabel eagerly rushed into Dipper’s embrace, and the two siblings held each other for a moment before simultaneously patting each other twice on the back.

“Pat! Pat!”

The synchronized vocalization of their pats made Robin raise a questioning eyebrow, but she supposed that it was kind of cute in a way that the twins had their own mannerisms when it came to affection, and next to her, Soos sniffed once and wiped away a stray tear that had appeared in his eyes.

“Way better than primetime TV, dudes!” he said with a slight warble to his voice.

Robin, not feeling nearly as dramatic as the emotional adult man next to her, instead offered a smile and a thumbs up in the direction of the twins.

“I am definitely glad you guys worked this out. If I would have had to endure that awkwardness any longer, I might’ve had a panic attack.”

This earned a collective laugh from the group.

“Alright then,” Dipper said, taking a deep breath. “There’s no easy way to do this, but I gotta.”

“Yeah, go get her, Dipper!” Mabel cheered encouragingly.

A glare from her twin caused her to elaborate.

“Platonically, of course! For now, I mean!”

Dipper ignored Mabel and made for the door to the garage, but all of them froze when the door suddenly swung inward and a hooded figure rushed inside.

The sudden appearance of the figure startled everyone, and even Waddles squealed and dove for cover as the figure tore off its hood and began talking a mile a minute.

“Calm down! Calm down! Everyone be quiiiiiiiet!”

Robin recognized the sound of the figure’s high-pitched screaming before recognizing its face, and everyone else quickly settled down when they realized it was Blendin Blandin that stood before them.

“Blendin? What are you doing here?” Dipper asked, residual surprise still lingering on his face. “Is the time machine fixed!?”

“Not yet!” Blendin said way too loudly, speaking as though he was in a rush. “I’ve made good progress, but I’ve hit a snag! And now I need your help!”

“Dude,” Robin said, noting that Blendin was still talking as though the world was about to explode. “Maybe take it down a notch or five? I get that you’re supposed to be keeping a low profile, but nobody is going to see you from outside this garage. They might hear you though…”

“No time for being calm!” Blendin cried. “You must listen to me! The time patrol could be tracking this very moment at this very moment! So I need to tell you my message and get back to the junkyard as soon as possible!”

The sheer amount of anxiety that this man radiated was enough to overflow into Robin, so she took a deep breath to calm her nerves.

“Ok, whatever, but can you lower your voice at least? I am literally on the verge of an aneurysm!”

Blendin thankfully heeded Robin’s request, and his shoulders relaxed ever so slightly as Dipper spoke again.

“Alright, Blendin, what do you need? You said you’ve hit some kind of snag?”

“Correct!” Blendin announced, pressing a button on his watch. A large hologram suddenly came to life, portraying a wireframe of some kind of jagged shape that looked to be a rock or stone of some kind. Robin, more so than the others, she suspected, was entranced by the advanced technology, and her eyes widened further as the wireframe shape suddenly grew details on its surface, taking on the texture of some kind of gemstone that swirled with numerous shades of multiple vibrant colors.

“Behold!” Blendin said as the hologram slowly rotated about an invisible axis. “Time-diamondinium!”

“Time-diama-what-now?” Mabel asked with a tilt of her head.

“Time-diamondinium!” Blendin clarified impatiently. “A rare element of which all time machines utilize to harness the power of the space-time continuum! The energy held within just one crystal is enough to power the equivalent of five time machines for over one thousand centuries!”

“Whoaaa,” Soos said with awe. “It looks delicious!”

“It is not for consumption!” Blendin growled, growing even more impatient at each interruption. “And it’s what I need if I’m going to make any more progress on fixing my time machine!”

“Why not just use the ‘time-dia-whatever’ that’s already in the machine?” Dipper asked curiously. “I mean, there must have already been some in there if it worked before, right?”

“I can’t,” Blendin said with a shake of his head. “The damage to the machine was worse than I originally thought. It’s not just the temporal processor that was burnt out, but also the core, which is composed entirely of this element. If I tried to use the old one, I’d barely be able to jump five minutes into the past let alone thirty years!”

Robin frowned and narrowed her eyes at the multi-colored rock as it continued to spin in the hologram. Unfortunately for her, she had never encountered an element like this before. If she had, she would have surely remembered its rainbow hue, as there was no other gemstone in existence that looked like that.

“Sooo, I’m guessing we can’t just go pick some up at the store, right?”

Blendin scoffed.

“Time-diamondinium is one of the rarest elements known to man! A single crystal appears only every one-hundred years! Eons of searching and vast fortunes have been wasted by thousands trying to acquire it!”

“...So that’s a no, then?”

Now it was Blendin’s turn to look as though he was about to have an aneurysm, and Robin suppressed a smirk as he struggled to keep his breathing under control.

“It exists in this time,” he began after calming himself. “But its chrono-mechanical properties won’t be discovered until a few centuries from now. Nevertheless, it still remains one of the rarest and most sought after elements in the known universe due to its unorthodox appearance and novelty.”

“Wait a minute. If it’s really that desirable, then why don’t more people know about it?”

“Its existence is kept secret by the greed of humanity for thousands of years even after this point in time. Only those with the greatest resources and wealth know about it!”

“So, what’s it called in this time period?” Robin asked curiously.

“Tie-dye-mondinium,” Blendin said. “Named for its close resemblance to the ancient practice of tie-dye!”

“So its name basically stays the same?” Mabel said. “That’s convenient!”

“I need just one crystal to replace the core of my time machine,” Blendin continued. “But without it, all hope is lost of me escaping this horrible place and returning you home!”

Robin’s head was damn near spinning with all this new information, but above all else, the thing that peeved her the most was the fact that Blendin’s explanations only seemed to make her lack of understanding grow even more.

“Where would we even start to look for a thing like this?” she asked irritatedly. “If it's really that big of a secret, it’s not like we can just go mine it out of the ground!”

“Look, I’m not any happier about this than you are!” Blendin snipped. “But there’s no other way!”

Reaching into a pocket on his gray jumpsuit, Blendin produced a photo and passed it over to Dipper, who frowned before revealing the subject of the photo to be a chunk of the precious gemstone against a white background.

“Use that photo for reference,” Blendin clarified. “Just in case you forget what it looks like!”

“Uh, do you just carry that around with you all the time?”

“That’s none of your business!” Blendin shouted.

“Ugh, why is it wet?” Dipper asked, holding the picture disgustingly by the corner to minimize contact with it.

“Enough questions!” Blendin screeched. “I must return to the junkyard. The longer I spend outside its safety, the greater risk I have of being discovered. Don’t come find me without that stone!”

Flipping his hood back up, Blendin bolted through the door and out of the garage, leaving Robin to wonder if he thought he was being more graceful than he actually was.

There was a few seconds of silence after the door closed shut behind him.

“Soooo, that was helpful,” Robin groaned after he had gone. “What the hell is wrong with that guy?”

“Seriously,” Dipper agreed, pondering the photo in his hand. “He comes in here, asks us to find a piece of the rarest element in the universe, and then leaves without giving us any idea of where to start looking!”

“The rarest rock in existence…” Soos said, standing up and walking over to get a better look at the picture. “Oh man, there are so many things I could do with a rock like that! Use it to keep my papers from blowing away if the window is open…kick it down the street when I’m bored…skip it across the lake…”

“I definitely see why everybody wants it!” Mabel said cheerfully, also joining Soos to look down at the photo in Dipper’s hand and admiring the colorful swirl that covered its surface. “That rock looks like it loves to party!”

“Well, I seriously doubt we’ll know for sure any time soon, Mabel,” Dipper said dejectedly. “Blendin didn’t exactly give us enough information to start hunting one down.”

Robin frowned for a moment, the wheels in her head beginning to turn as she thought about what Blendin had said about the rock.

“Actually, maybe he did…”

Robin was so deep in thought that she didn’t even notice when the other three turned to her questioningly.

“Uh, what did you say, dude? What do you mean ‘he already did?’”

“Think about it,” Robin said, excitement welling up within her as an idea began to take form and evolve into a plan. “Blendin told us that it’s exceptionally valuable, even in the present day despite the world not knowing about its time travel powers!”

“Ah yes! I remember it like it was five minutes ago!” Mabel said.

“That’s because it was five minutes ago, Mabel…”

“I know that, Dipper! But I’m building up the dramatic effect for Robin’s big reveal!”

“He also said that only people with a lot of wealth and resources know about it,” Robin continued. “Which means that anybody that owns one is seen as someone of extreme status among their peers!”

“So if anybody in this time would know about it…” Soos began.

“...it’d be someone looking for a way to up their social standing by a lot,” Dipper concluded.

“Perhaps someone whose reputation took quite a hit recently…” Mabel said mischievously, and Robin could only imagine from the younger girl’s reaction that they both were thinking the same thing.

“Maybe due to a botched dinner party or a forced sale of their giant mansion just out of town…?”

Robin watched as Dipper and Soos both caught on, and while Soos began to nod slowly at the idea, Dipper’s face began to morph into one of dread.

“Hint, hint, Dipper?” Mabel said with a wink, elbowing her twin to get her point across. “Maybe someone that is going to host an even bigger dinner party soon to try and regain their lost prestige?”

With an almost evil sounding giggle, Mabel tapped the photo of the time-diamondinium stone with her finger.

“A pretty rock like that would definitely turn some heads, wouldn’t it?”

It was at this point that everyone was looking at Dipper expectantly as the male Pines Twin sighed defeatedly.

“I mean, if only we knew someone relatively close to said possible person? Maybe a son or a daughter?”

“I get the idea, Mabel,” Dipper said flatly.

There was a pause, then Dipper took his hat off his head and put it over his face, inhaling deeply, and emitting a muffled but still surprisingly loud scream into the fabric.

A moment later, Dipper placed his hat back onto his head.

“Soos, can you drive us into town?” he asked, acting as though his minor breakdown just now hadn’t occurred. “I’m pretty sure I know where to go.”

“No problem, dude!” Soos said with a thumbs-up before leaning over and whispering to Robin, cupping his mouth so that Dipper couldn’t hear.

“Dude, I am never paying for cable again!”

…

The sun was just beginning to dip towards the horizon as Steve surveyed the exterior of the store. The slightly waning light did well in casting the building in an ominous atmosphere, though Steve could hardly bring himself to appreciate it. Quite the opposite, in fact.

“Well, what do you think, dude?” Wendy said as she strolled up beside him.

“I think you’re right about this place being my best option for finding any Farrah Fawcett Spray in this time period,” Steve replied as he watched a rat scurry across the ground and up a nearby gutter drain. “It’s definitely old enough.”

He then turned to face the redhead.

“And who exactly did you say lives here? The owner and his wife?”

“I’m pretty sure they both own the place, but yeah,” Wendy said, stretching her arms.

Steve glanced back at the building for a moment.

“And when you say that they live here, you mean they’re actually alive, right?”

“Welllll…”

“Great,” Steve said with a shake of his head. “So I’m dealing with two dead shopkeepers to try and find an equally dead product line of hairspray. What am I supposed to do here? Sacrifice a goat or something?”

“With any luck, we won’t even see them,” Wendy said with a shrug. “But if we do, just try to act your age. Like, I mean your age if you hadn’t time traveled to this year.”

Steve raised an eyebrow.

“So, act like I’m in my late forties?”

“Yeah,” Wendy said. “Then we’ll have no problems!”

Without waiting for Steve to respond, Wendy reached out and opened the door to the store, and he was forced to step quickly lest he be left outside.

The first thing to hit Steve’s nostrils was the smell of stale popcorn and overcooked hotdogs, and he wrinkled his nose before he took in the interior of the shop for the first time.

Surprisingly, this place didn’t seem all that different from any old convenience store he’d known back in 1985, with the only exception being the rundown nature of the place and the fact that it looked like a bomb had gone off inside.

Piles of snack food and soda cans littered the floor, and a glance to the shelves showed that almost nothing was still on them. It was like everything inside the place had been purposely tossed onto the ground.

“Geez, what happened here?” Steve asked aloud, his voice eerily loud among the empty aisles. “It looks like this whole place got turned upside down.”

“Yeah, how about that?” Wendy chuckled as she ventured further into the store, and Steve got the vibe that there was some hidden layer to her joke.

“Come on, the light switch is back here. That’ll make it easier for us to look around.”

“I seriously doubt this place still has power, Corduroy,” Steve said, noting a stack of newspapers that didn’t even seem to be from this century. “I’ve never dealt with ghosts before, but I don’t think they pay power bills—”

Steve flinched slightly then as the lights to the store suddenly flickered on, momentarily blinding him as the luminescent bulbs and ambience of the beverage coolers came to life.

“Let there be light,” Wendy said humorously from the back of the store, and Steve blinked a couple of times to see her standing proudly with her hands on her hips.

“Right…”

With that, the two of them began to search among the piles of convenience store merchandise, hopefully for anything that resembled the hairspray.

“What’s it look like, dude? I mean apart from the name?”

Steve sighed and swallowed his residual embarrassment at having to describe the can.

“You’re looking for a white can with a brown cap,” he called over to Wendy. “It’s also got a picture of her on it…”

“Who?”

“...uh, Farrah Fawcett? I mean, who else would it be?”

“Yeah, not sure if it’s a bad time to tell you, dude, but I actually have no idea who that is…”

Steve looked over in Wendy’s direction in disbelief.

“Seriously? Farrah Fawcett? You know: Charlie's Angels? The Six Million Dollar Man?”

Wendy looked back at him and shrugged in response, and Steve shook his head in disbelief.

“Man, what are you guys even watching nowadays?” he mumbled under his breath before clearing his throat.

“You’re looking for a smiling movie actress with long blonde hair. Her picture should just be on the front.”

Wendy gave him a thumbs up in response before returning to her search, and Steve watched her for a moment before shaking his head and turning back to his own search.

“Teenagers these days…”

Steve froze then as his whispered words seemed to echo throughout the store, and then without warning, the lights flickered and died, casting the entire store into darkness again. The only light came from the setting sun outside.

“Uhh, that wasn’t me, dude,” came Wendy’s voice through the blackness, and before Steve could reply, something grabbed him by his foot and hoisted him into the air, holding him upside down with some kind of invisible force.

A yelp sounded out next to him, and Steve looked over to see that Wendy had suffered a similar fate. Her bomber cap had fallen from her head due to her inverted position, and her long red hair swayed wildly in the air beneath her.

Any attempts to speak were thwarted again as a whirlwind began to gather strength all around them, and candy and snacks were picked up by the vortex and flung around like confetti as the wind began to grow louder and harsher.

“What's the play, Corduroy?!” Steve called over the gale, looking wildly around at the discombobulating state of the store from his upside down position. “You’ve been here before, right? What do we do now?!”

There was no response, and Steve’s blood ran cold when he turned to see that Wendy wasn’t responding at all. Instead, her arms were held straight out to either side of her body, looking as though she was a puppet being held aloft by numerous strings.

None of that compared to her eyes though, which were now glowing with an eerie blue light that stabbed through the darkness and illuminated the store around them. So bright was the light that Steve couldn’t see either of her irises or pupils any more, and as he stared in horror at what he saw, Wendy’s mouth moved as though it was also being controlled by an outside source, and a deep and blood-curdling voice rolled from her lips.

“Now…you die!”

…

Robin had been initially skeptical that they would find who they were looking for, but Dipper seemed adamant that he knew exactly where to find them, so she had placed her trust in the young teen as he gave Soos driving directions to the supposed location.

And now, Robin found herself looking around in awe at the sight of Gravity Falls’ very own country club, watching as multiple people in brightly colored sports gear ventured in and out of a very large lodge that served as the main hub for the place.

Mabel took the opportunity to explain that the country club had opened sometime in the last year, making this the first summer that the place had been open. In truth, Robin had never been to a country club before, as the closest one to Hawkins had been a few towns over, and Robin’s parents were the absolute last people to be caught dead buying a membership to a place like that. She could vividly imagine her mom talking about how they were implemented as a means to drive people further into a life of consumerism and excess.

With that in mind, Robin voiced a few concerns she had as the four of them approached the doors to the lodge.

“Uh, are you guys sure we can get into this place? Don’t we need like, a membership or something?”

“Leave that to me, dear Robin!” Mabel said in a mock pompous tone. “Just follow my lead!”

Mabel’s assuredness did little to quell Robin’s lingering skepticism, but a shrug from Dipper told her that it would be best just to roll with it. Taking a deep breath, Robin readied herself as Mabel stepped boldly forward and threw open the large oaken doors that led to the lodge itself, and her eyes widened in shock at the sight that greeted her.

Somehow, the lodge was even bigger on the inside than it was on the outside, and nearly every direction held some sort of visual attraction or event that battled each other for her attention. To her left, dozens of chairs and tables marked an extravagant indoor restaurant bustling with patrons and country club goers, to her right, a lengthy hallway extended to the other more sporty amenities the club offered, and above her, a ginormous chandelier that appeared to be made entirely of deer antlers illuminated everything, including the numerous trophies and awards lined the walls that seemed proud to boast the superiority of the country club itself.

“Whoa, dude!” Soos said, obviously marveling as much as Robin was at the scenery around him. “I’ve never actually been inside this place before! Talk about character!”

Robin was about to voice her agreement when a polite yet refined voice cleared its throat, and they all turned to see a well-dressed receptionist standing behind an overly large wooden desk.

“May I help you?” the receptionist asked, standing poised with his hands behind his back.

“Not at all!” Mabel piped up, her voice rising and dropping in a lavish imitation of the receptionist’s. “Though your concern is appreciated, young squire!”

Mabel turned to lead them all away from the desk and further into the lodge, only for the receptionist to stop them with his voice.

“I must beg your pardon, miss, but are you and your party members of this establishment? I am afraid I cannot grant you access without a club membership.”

Mabel froze only momentarily, then resumed her sumptuous ruse, striding confidently forward to the desk with mock elegance.

“Ah yes…of course!” she replied. “I certainly understand that you may not recognize my guests, though I must concede my displeasure that you did not recognize me! Certainly they teach you to recognize the more well-respected members of your fine country club?”

The fact that Mabel was doubling down only served to double the collective nervousness of everyone else in the group, and Dipper looked like he was about to bolt at any second.

“You’ll have to forgive me, miss,” the receptionist said cooly, not taking the bait. “But I do not recognize your face despite my training. May I please have your name for reference?”

The receptionist accessed a small computer that sat behind the desk and looked at Mabel expectantly, causing the girl to freeze again, her facade faltering under the continued scrutiny.

“Y-yes…my name…”

The receptionist raised an eyebrow at Mabel’s stammering delay, and this time, Robin saw Dipper open his mouth to say something. Before he could chime in, however, Mabel blurted out a name.

“Lady Stellaborgan Flynnsumftinson!”

Dipper froze with his mouth agape, and Robin’s anxiety shot through the roof as the receptionist’s eyebrow furrowed even further. She could almost hear Soos’s heartbeat pounding next to her, and at the desk, Mabel’s forced smile grew almost too wide as her eyes darted back and forth nervously.

“Very well, Lady Flynnsumftinson,” the receptionist replied, slowly turning to enter the name into the computer, the doubt in his voice enough to make Robin slowly begin inching toward the door lest they need to make a quick getaway.

There were a few moments of tapping as the receptionist entered the name into the computer, and then all doubt evaporated from his face and a pleasant smile returned.

“Ah! Here you are! My apologies, Lady Flynnsumftinson, but I had not yet had a chance to learn your face. I hope you’ll forgive me for my mistake!”

The receptionist gave a polite bow of apology, which Robin barely noticed over the miniature heart attack she was having at the moment. She recovered in time to see Mabel’s confidence return in excessive force as she opulently crossed her arms and raised her chin.

“I shall allow your error just this once! But you will do well to not make this mistake again!” she said with a reprimanding tone, and this time, Dipper finally stepped forward.

“Ok, Ma–I mean, Lady Flynnsumftinson, I think we're good here…”

It was obvious that Dipper didn’t want Mabel to push their luck any further, which was a sentiment Robin shared considering they had most likely used all of it up just now.

“Ah, yes! Thank you, Bunglegunch!” Mabel replied, and a vein on Dipper’s head popped out at the name Mabel had chosen for him. He said nothing, however, as Mabel bid the receptionist farewell and led them down the hallway and towards the outdoor sports area.

“Dude, how?!” Robin all but blurted out as soon as they were out of earshot, which earned a beaming smile from Mabel.

“What can I say? I’m pretty good at winging it when I need to.”

“I think you might secretly be a wizard…” Soos said in awe. “...or a mind reader or something! Quick! Tell me what I’m thinking of right now!”

Mabel scrunched up her face and squinted at Soos’ forehead for a few moments as they continued walking.

“Tacos!” she finally said with confidence.

“Aww dang it,” Soos said dejectedly. “I was actually thinking about–wait, now I am thinking about tacos! Oh dude, that is awesome! You really are psychic!”

Robin and Dipper shared a glance before Dipper cleared his throat.

“Let’s try to focus, guys. If my hunch is right, then she should be right over…”

Dipper trailed off as the four of them emerged outside, and just like the interior, the outer portion of the country club showcased its extreme pizazz in many forms. Tennis courts, golf courses, swimming pools, and batting cages almost seemed to encompass them in every direction, and dead ahead, there at the driving range, was the person they had come here for, hitting golf balls downrange with an angered look on her face that almost seemed permanent.

For the second time today, the four of them had encountered Pacifica Northwest.

“...there,” Dipper finished, and as the four of them approached the blonde-haired teen, Robin noticed that Pacifica’s anger stemmed far beyond her face and almost to her entire being, and she seemed to be far more interested in hitting the balls as hard as she could rather than practicing her form.

Dipper seemed to notice as well.

“Okay,” he breathed out. “I knew already that this was going to be difficult, but now that I see she still hasn’t calmed down yet, I’m thinking that we maybe want to try another time.”

“Oh, that’s just your irrational fear of rejection talking, Dipper!” Mabel said, pushing her twin ahead of her. “You know what they say: ‘Strike while the iron is hot!’”

“And yet again, I’m not quite sure you’re properly using these sayings…” Robin mumbled to herself.

“Go on, o’ brave brother of mine!” Mabel said, giving Dipper one more big push towards Pacifica. “We’ll be cheering you on from a safe distance!”

Dipper stumbled forward a bit from Mabel’s push, then turned around to glare daggers at her, only for her to give him two thumbs up encouragingly.

“You got this, dude! Just try not to think of all the different and expensive ways she could have you killed if this goes sour!” Soos added, giving a thumbs up of his own.

As expected, Dipper did not seem to draw any comfort at all from their words, he glanced toward Robin with a semi-hopeful look in his eyes that she could offer at least some slightly better form of encouragement.

Robin, unfortunately, never considered herself to be all that great at the whole “pep talk” thing, so she decided that honesty, no matter how brutal, was her best choice.

“Just be honest with her, man. You can’t go wrong if it’s the truth, right?”

Robin inwardly cringed at how the words sounded when she said them outloud, but she still gave Dipper a thumbs up of encouragement to match Soos and Mabel.

“I…would still probably do my best to stay out of range of that golf club she’s got though. Better safe than sorry!”

Dipper sighed one last time.

“Alright, well, I appreciate the effort at least, guys,” he replied before turning and starting cautiously towards Pacifica, and as Robin watched him hesitantly call out to her from at least six feet away, she couldn’t decide whether this situation would have been better or worse with Steve here.

…

As Steve struggled to try and wrest himself from his upside down limbo, the thought that he’d much rather be anywhere else was one of the many that was running through his head at the moment. The fact that he was trapped in a haunted convenience store with Wendy having just been possessed and greasy hot dogs flying around him almost made Steve wish he was running from that tree giant again, but as as always, every day was something new, whether it was demogorgons, Russians, Mind Flayers, etc. Steve ironically never found himself getting too settled before something new started off again.

His gaze darted back up to the bright glowing orbs that Wendy’s eyes had become, and deciding that his attempts to struggle free from the invisible hold on him were fruitless, he tried switching tactics.

“Hey, Corduroy! Are you still in there?!”

A deep laugh resounded from Wendy’s mouth, though there was no way it came from her voice.

“Your vagabond friend can’t hear you, trespasser! Perhaps you should have considered that before setting foot in this place!”

Steve’s mind raced even faster to think about how to get out of this or maybe reason with whatever was possessing Wendy, though at the moment, all his mind wanted to consider was how despite being the oldest among most of the people he encountered the supernatural with, he was still far too young to be dealing with this shit.

Well, there wasn’t really any ideal age to encounter this stuff on a regular basis, so he supposed he was too old too…

Steve suddenly frowned as he remembered Wendy saying something to him on the ride over here, and he struggled as he tried to remember as the wind whooshed past his ears and the entity that possessed Wendy continued to laugh.

“Any last words, vile delinquent?” the voice rumbled, slowly hovering closer. Its hands, technically Wendy’s hands, began to glow brightly with an ominous aura, and though Steve was definitely not a fan of finding out what those hands were going to do to him, something about the way the entity had spoken just now jogged his memory.

‘...just try to act your age. Like, I mean your age if you hadn’t time traveled to this year…’

‘...so what, act like I’m in my forties or something…?’

‘...yeah, dude…!’

A plan, though Steve could hardly call it a good plan, formed in his mind, and with no other options available, Steve cleared his throat and tried to make him seem more rigid and uptight as the glowing hands reached for his face.

“Oh–oh dear!” Steve called loudly so that he could be heard, also forcing a thinness into his voice at the last second to make himself sound older. “And I was really hoping that you would let me and my niece here browse your fine establishment for a jiffy! It was just her birthday recently, and I wanted to treat her to something special!”

The hands stopped mere inches from Steve’s face, and though he was blinded by the light emanating from them for a few moments, the hands suddenly retreated, leaving Steve and the entity nearly face to face.

“What?” the voice boomed indignantly. “What do you mean, niece? You are far too young to be related to this girl like that!!”

Hearing the entity talk about Wendy while using her body to do so was incredibly disorienting to Steve, even more so than hanging by his ankle upside down above the floor. He sincerely hoped he wasn’t going to throw up.

“O-oh! Well, what a kindly compliment!” he struggled out, trying to think of every single old person he’d ever met back in Hawkins and mimic their style of speech. “It’s not every day a man of my age gets complimented on his youth!”

Wendy’s ghost eyes narrowed in suspicion, causing Steve to gulp.

“And just what age is that?”

“I’m…uh…” Steve inwardly cursed at his atrocious mental math skills. “...forty-eigh–sorry, forty-seven! I get a little confused nowadays!”

All of a sudden, the whirlwind of convenience store food abruptly stopped, and everything suddenly went deathly quiet after all of the flying hot dogs and chips had fallen back to the floor. Steve watched, stunned as the glow in Wendy’s eyes disappeared and her arms relaxed, slowly drooping above her head and towards the floor like Steve’s were. The redhead squeezed her eyes shut and groaned in discomfort like she’d been dazed, but Steve was incredibly relieved to hear that at least her voice was her own.

Steve was about to reach out to her to ask if she was ok, but the invisible force on both of them suddenly released its hold, and they both tumbled to the ground, with Steve landing hard on his side and hissing once from the impact and struggling to his feet after taking a moment to collect himself.

Looking over, he was relieved to see that Wendy had miraculously landed on a large pile of bagged cotton candy, and though she didn’t appear to be hurt at all, she still seemed as though she would be out of it for a few moments. Steve opened his mouth to once again attempt to see if she was alright, but he was interrupted as two figures suddenly materialized from the darkness in front of him, and he blinked once as the figures took the form of two glowing spectors, both looking to be middle-aged and old-fashioned in their attire. One of the ghosts, an older male, wore an apron with a nametag on it that read: “Pa”, and though Steve was no “Ducktective”, he could guess with confidence that this ghost as well as the older female ghost next to him were the owners of this abandoned establishment.

“Oh my goodness!” the spectral woman cried, placing her hands on her cheeks in a distressed manner. “My dear, you have our most sincere apologies! We thought that you were another one of those no-good hoodlum teenagers! Oh, I’m so embarrassed!”

“It’s…perfectly fine!” Steve said, firmly reminding himself to bug Robin about some acting tips the next time he saw her again.

“Now wait just a minute there, Ma…” the male spector, or Pa, said, placing his hands on his hips and squinting through a pair of phantom glasses. “I’m still not entirely convinced that this isn’t just one of those new-fangled ‘pranks’ that the kids are doing these days…”

“Uh, well, I have my driver’s license if you’d like,” Steve offered, growing more and more nervous by the second.

“Oh no, none of that, sonny!” Pa replied, floating lazily a few inches off the ground. “I think I’ll just ask you some questions that only a real person your age can answer correctly.”

“Now, Pa,” Ma said sternly. “I don’t think there’s any need for that. I mean, look at him. His shirt is tucked in like it’s supposed to be, teenagers don’t do that!”

Steve glanced down to see that his shirt had managed to stay captured by his beltline despite having been hung upside down a few seconds ago, and he silently thanked whoever might be listening that it had stayed put.

“That could just be another trick!” Pa told his wife, refusing to back down. “But don’t worry, I’ll know in just a few questions if he’s telling the truth.”

Pa then turned to Steve.

“And you’ll be wanting to answer these questions truthfully, son! I’ll be able to tell if you’re lying.”

All Steve could do was nod in understanding, having no choice but to play along as the two ghosts floated down to eye level.

“Alright, first question: How low can a person acceptably wear their pants?”

Steve raised an eyebrow. Not entirely understanding the question due to its unorthodox nature. Was there an acceptable range of height to wear one’s pants these days, or was the ghost just asking a ridiculous question that he thought was important? Did this old ghost have dementia? Was it even possible for ghosts to have dementia?

“Uh, I guess anything below the waist is bad,” Steve answered honestly. “I mean, that’s why it’s called a waistline, right?”

This earned an approving quiet clap from Ma, and Pa nodded in agreement.

“Correct! Next question: How many of those new-fangled ‘video games’ do you have in your house?”

“Uh, none, I guess? Are you talking about those big arcade games? I don’t really play those anymore, so it would be weird to have one just sitting around in my house.”

The second question was almost as strange as the first, but in the back of his mind, Steve wondered if arcade games came in smaller sizes in the future. Based on his experience with what telephones had become, he wouldn’t be surprised if they did.

“Two for two!” Ma said excitedly, and Steve could tell that Pa was nearly convinced as well. There was a soft commotion, and Steve looked down to see Wendy slowly rising to her feet with one hand held to her head. Wordlessly, he helped her the rest of the way up as Pa spoke once again.

“Final question! And this one will truly test you, so be ready!”

Wendy frowned at what was going on, and Steve gave her a reassuring look before turning to face the two ghostly shopkeepers.

“How do you feel about… The Internet?”

The middle-aged ghost had spat the word out with such venom that Steve would have assumed he was talking about some sort of vile creature from Hell or something, and with a deep breath and a glance over at Wendy, he answered the question.

“I can say, with one-hundred percent honesty…”

The two spectors leaned forward in anticipation, and even Wendy looked semi-anxious as Steve paused before he answered.

“...that I have absolutely no idea what that is.”

Both Ma and Pa cheered at Steve’s answer, and Wendy gave him a thumbs-up, causing the older Hawkins native to take a deep breath at the knot of anxiety that had just come undone in his chest. A fleeting thought took note of the fact that that was the first time he’d gotten a perfect score on a test since the fourth grade…

“You’ve passed! Well done!” Pa said enthusiastically. “You sir, are most welcome in our store! Please feel free to browse and shop to your heart’s content! However…”

The glowing aura of the two ghosts darkened ominously for a moment.

“...I trust you will ensure that your niece does not cause any trouble while you two are in here?”

The two floating phantoms regarded Wendy with distaste, and the redhead shifted uncomfortably.

“No problem,” Steve said easily this time, realizing how much nicer it was to put on an act when he wasn’t being heavily scrutinized. “I’ll make sure she behaves herself.”

This earned him a side glance from Wendy, but thankfully Ma and Pa accepted his assurances.

“Wonderful!” the ghostly old woman said. “Now, is there anything we can help you find today?”

“We’re…uh…actually wondering if you carry any Farrah Fawcett Spray?” Steve said, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed again that he would most likely have to reveal his grooming habits to a bunch of middle-aged ghosts.

“It’s actually for me,” Wendy suddenly said, speaking up for the first time and surprising him with her words. “I’ve recently got a hankering for some of the vintage stuff, and Uncle Steve here promised me that we’d try to find some!”

Wendy gave a side smirk to Steve as she spoke, which he acknowledged with a small smile of his own.

“Oh, well you’re in luck!” Ma said happily. “We actually carry some in the back! Allow me!”

With a wave of her hand, the ghost made a summoning gesture, and there was a clattering noise from around the corner leading to the bathrooms before a small cylindrical object emerged and floated into her awaiting hand. Steve immediately recognized the label and felt overwhelming relief wash over him as he recognized the familiar eyes of Farrah Fawcett staring back at him from the can.

They found it, and his hair felt fuller already.

“Just the one?” Ma asked.

“That should be—”

“Actually, Uncle Steve, can we please get two?” Wendy asked, still playing along with Steve’s story. “I mean, as long as it’s ok.”

Steve almost shivered at how good of an act Wendy was putting on. Her sudden deference to authority was…alarming, to say the least. Her request also caught him off guard as well, as he figured that he’d really only need one to last him until Blendin fixed the time machine and he returned home. He realized buying an extra can didn’t really make all the difference, however, so he shrugged and answered with a smile.

“Sure, kiddo. Anything for my favorite niece!”

Wendy deliberately coughed to cover her laughter as Ma summoned another can from around the corner and floated up to the cash register as Steve pulled out his wallet and produced some bills.

“Well, look at that!” Pa exclaimed, marveling at the cash in Steve’s hand. “You really are as old as you say! I haven’t seen that style of bill since the 1980s!”

Steve and Wendy shared a glance as Pa opened the cash drawer with a loud ding. A bat flew out as it opened, startling the two teenagers and kicking up a large plume of dust as it did so, but neither of the two ghosts paid it any mind.

The rest of the transaction was completed without issue, and amidst the chaos of pretending to be Wendy’s uncle and buying extinct hairspray from two phantom shopkeepers in an abandoned convenience store, Steve almost felt a sense of normalcy at the familiar feeling of handing over the bills and taking the two cans of hairspray from Ma.

The thought startled him a little bit. There was no way that he was actually getting used to Gravity Falls, was there?

“Keep the change,” Steve said politely, pushing his thoughts away and picking up the two cans of Farrah Fawcett Spray and slowly turning for the door with Wendy following behind.

“Oh, bless you, dearie! Come again soon!” Ma said with a wave of her hand.

Steve turned around to wave in return, then paused when he caught sight of a brightly colored packet of children’s candy laying on the ground amidst a bunch of scattered popcorn kernels and empty slushie cups.

“‘Smile Dip,’” he read aloud from the side of the package. It didn’t look all that different from any other kinds of candy he knew, but the color of the package and the undoubtedly high sugar content made him consider getting it for Mabel, but before he could step forward to pick it up off the ground, he felt Wendy place a halting hand on his shoulder.

“Not the best idea, dude,” she said with a shake of her head. “That stuff will mess you up. Mabel learned that firsthand last time.”

Steve raised a curious eyebrow, but he shrugged his shoulders and decided to leave it at that.

Both Steve and Wendy waved goodbye one last time before exiting the store, and as they approached the El Diablo, Steve suddenly got a hunch as to why Wendy had requested he buy the extra can of Farrah Fawcett Spray. Holding up one of them, Steve gave the can a small shake to get the redhead’s attention.

“This for you?”

Wendy shrugged in response and put her hands in her pockets as they drew closer to the car.

“Yeah. I figured maybe I’ll need it at some point. And I’d much rather get it now than have to come back and buy one. I mean I’d be in trouble if I had to come back here without my favorite uncle, wouldn’t I?”

Steve chuckled easily as Wendy then took a moment to stretch her arms over her head and yawn deeply.

“Tell you what though, buying those cans took a lot out of me. I might fall asleep on the way back to the Shack.”

Steve pondered an idea that suddenly sprung up in his head, then fished the keys to the El Diablo out of his pocket and tossed them easily over to Wendy, who caught them with a surprised look on her face.

“Let’s hope you don’t, Corduroy, because you’re driving.”

Wendy stopped walking just as they reached the car, and she stared slack-jawed between Steve and the El Diablo as though Christmas had come early, the keys held in both of her hands like she was expecting them to disappear if she didn’t hold on tightly. Any trace of weariness from her evaporated into the evening air.

“Dude… seriously??” she asked, and Steve couldn’t help but smile at the barely contained excitement in her voice.

“Seriously.”

“But…I don’t know how to drive stick…”

“I know, but hey, you helped me out…”

Steve raised a can of hairspray again for emphasis.

“...so I figured I’d return the favor.”

Wendy almost looked delirious by this point, seemingly teetering on the edge of fainting right there in the parking lot or wrapping Steve up a ginormous hug, or both. He noted that he hadn’t seen her this exhilarated since, well, ever.

“Mount up, Corduroy,” he said with finality as he slid into the passenger’s seat with the cans of hairspray in his lap. “I’ll teach you on the way.”

…

Robin leaned up against the wall of the lodge as she watched Dipper and Pacifica talk (and sometimes argue) from a little ways away. She was too far away to hear the details of the conversation, but the body language between the two seemed to suggest that it had started off abrasively, then had cooled down a little bit, then heated up slightly again when Dipper had pulled out the photo of the “Time-diamond” or whatever it’s name was. God, they needed to think of a better name for that rock…

Pacifica had studied the picture with an air of familiarity, which Robin took as a good sign, then the girl seemed to grow sly in her interactions, which Robin did not take as a good sign. She’d said something to Dipper, which had obviously ruffled his feathers up again, and the two of them were now currently arguing over that same thing as she continued to watch.

“It’s like a silent movie, dude!” Soos said as he leaned on the wall next to her. A bag of popcorn was in hands, and Robin knew better at this point to ask where he’d gotten it from. She doubted she’d like the answer anyway.

“Agreed!” Mabel said as her camera flashed less-than-conspicuously at the two arguing teens. “This one is going in the eventual scrapbook I’m going to make for them as a marriage present!”

“You don’t think that’s a little, I don’t know, bold, to assume that those two are going to get married?” Robin asked Mabel, taking her eyes off Dipper and Pacifica only to look down at the other Pines twin.

“Maybe,” Mabel replied. “But I’ve got a good feeling about these two! Something about the two of them that just screams: ‘YES!’”

“Not sure I’d get my hopes up,” Robin said. “Crushes usually don’t last that long, at least mine don’t—”

Robin froze as she realized her mistake, but the damage had already been done. She had just alluded to her personal love life in front of the one girl in the country that had proclaimed herself to be the ultimate matchmaker, and there was no doubt in her mind that doing so had just painted a massive target on her back.

“Oooooo, do tell!” Mabel said, her interested smile enough to entice the feeling of dread in Robin’s chest. The absolute last thing she needed right now was for a girl like Mabel to become invested in her personal love affairs. Despite having the best intentions, of course, Mabel wasn’t exactly subtle, and Robin knew that if she shared anything with the younger girl, then she may as well be sharing it with the entire town, and that, she definitely wasn’t ready for.

These people were cool, of course, but Robin was most certainly not comfortable enough around them yet despite the far more tolerant mindset that seemed to exist here in the future, or at least here in Gravity Falls.

“It was nothing much, really,” Robin said with an attempt at a nonchalant shrug, trying to play it off like it was no big deal. “I crushed on someone, but they never knew, and I eventually got over it. The end.”

“Anyone I know?” Mabel probed, wiggling her eyebrows. Robin recognized the unspoken question and shook her head with a smirk.

“It wasn’t on Steve if that’s what you mean.”

“Just checking,” Mabel replied, and thankfully, the girl seemed content to drop the conversation for now in favor of saying hello to a passing patron of the country club that Robin didn’t recognize.

“Looking good, Mr. Mayor! Those tennis balls aren’t gonna know what hit them!”

The person she was speaking to was a shorter man with rounded cheeks and a large bushy mustache that seemed right at home on his upper lip. His attire was definitely not what Robin expected from a member of a country club like this, as the man wore a white tank top and a pair of rather short jean shorts complete with a belt with a sizable buckle on the front. The look was completed by a pair of large brown boots and a green and white trucker cap sitting on his head, and the only way that Robin could tell that this man was a member of the club was by the pristine tennis racket he held in his hand. Wait a second, did Mabel just call this guy the mayor? If anything, Robin would’ve guessed this guy made a living driving trucks…

“Awww, thanks, Mabel!” the man said, his eyes seemingly growling larger with excitement as his chubby cheeks puffed out. “There’s a tournament starting next week, and I want to be as ready as I can. That first place trophy at the end of the tournament? Imma get it! Fame and adoration from fellow club members? Imma get it! Propose a new law to banish anyone that beats me from the town entirely? Imma get it!!”

The way the man emphasized the last portion of his statement caused Robin to raise her eyebrows questioningly, but neither Soos nor Mabel seemed to notice.

“Just kidding about the last part,” the man suddenly said cutely. “I do feel good about my chances though!”

“All right!” Soos said encouragingly. “You’re gonna crush it, Tyler! You go show those balls who’s boss!”

“You got it, Mr. Mystery!” the man said back with a grin before continuing on his way.

“That’s Tyler Cutebiker,” Mabel clarified to Robin as the man passed. “A local enthusiasm enthusiast like myself and the mayor of Gravity Falls!”

“Uh huh,” Robin noted, nodding slowly. She did not want to even think about what absurd way this town elected its officials, so she opted to just let the conversation drop and turn her attention back to Dipper and Pacifica. To her surprise, the two teenagers were coming over to the three of them, and Robin nudged Soos’ arm to get his attention on them as well.

The first thing that Robin noticed was that Dipper seemed distraught about something while Pacifica had kept her sly look from earlier, prompting Robin’s stomach to sink in preparation for what she was about to hear.

“Soooooo?” Mabel prompted once the two of them had joined the group.

“I have agreed to help you guys out,” Pacifica said, her tone betraying her arrogance. “That rock you guys are obsessed with getting just so happens to be the number one main attraction that my dad is planning to show at the party next week. He’s been slaving, spending, calling in every favor he can to get a hold of one, and I’m pretty sure his fanaticism has finally paid off. He seems to think that thing the final push that he needs to restore his reputation.”

“And because Pacifica is more than willing to do anything if it undermines her dad, she’s agreed to help us get a hold of it…for a price,” Dipper clarified, though he mumbled his last few words.

“Awww, don’t be so sad, Dipper!” Mabel said cooingly. “It’s just one night of fancy dinners, crystal glasses, and cider fountains! I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat!”

“I’m…not going to be Pacifica’s date to the party,” Dipper said, refusing to meet anyone’s eye at the moment.

The stunned silence dragged on for far longer than Robin would have liked.

“She has only agreed to help us if we give her someone else…” Dipper finally muttered.

“Huh?” Soos questioned. “But who…?”

Pacifica’s smirk grew wider as Dipper’s shoulders slumped further, and though it took her a moment, Robin felt a mixture of nervous anticipation and extreme humor as she realized exactly who they were referring to.

…

Steve gave Wendy an approving nod as the two of them pulled back into the Mystery Shack’s parking lot, jerking forward and back just a little bit as Wendy downshifted to slow down.

The results of their driving lesson had been…mixed, to say the least. They’d started off slow, with Steve showing her the basics and the theory behind driving a manual, and after a few stalls, Wendy was able to shift into first gear and get the car moving with relatively no issues. Stopping and placing the car in neutral seemed to be ok for her as well, and with a bit of preemptive confidence, Steve had instructed her to try switching into second and third gears next as they pulled onto the main road.

As it turned out, Wendy was not quite as good at matching engine speeds as she was with the other techniques they’d covered already, and more than a few severe stalls on the main road had nearly given Steve whiplash as a result.

Thankfully, Wendy slowly began to get better at that as well, and as she pulled the El Diablo back into its original parking space, Steve informed her with a hint of pride that at this rate, she’d be driving stick like a pro within a month.

Wendy cut the engine and relaxed her head against the headrest as silence filled the cab, and Steve noted with a smile that she seemed to be basking in the moment.

“Best. Day. Ever!” she said, the lingering high she had from their lesson still evident across her features. “Dude, when I get a car, I am absolutely getting a manual, one hundred percent!”

Steve said nothing, but he gave an approving nod before opening the passenger door and stepping out into the open air. In light of Wendy’s happiness, Steve figured that the day hadn’t been that bad after all. He’d managed to replenish his stock of hairspray, and had only suffered a light bout of disorientation and a minor existential crisis because of it. All things considered, it could have been much worse.

His attention was diverted to the sound of Soos’ truck rolling up to park a few stalls down from theirs, and Steve gave a two-fingered salute as Robin, Soos, and the twins climbed out of the cab and greeted them.

“Ahoy, Popeye,” Robin began, returning his salute. “Did you get what you needed?”

Steve held up one of the cans he’d purchased in response, which earned him an approving nod from Robin, and almost immediately, the older teenager noticed that there was something she was dying to tell him.

“I’m guessing you guys got into some trouble too?” he ventured, and before seemingly everyone could start talking at once, Dipper cleared his throat.

“Actually, yeah, we did.”

The kid then turned to address everyone else.

“Do you guys mind if I, uh, talk to Steve for a minute?”

Steve was surprised by the sudden stoic behavior from Dipper, and judging by the kid’s tone, he could tell that there was something serious on his mind.

“No problem, dude,” Wendy said, picking up on Dipper’s earnest behavior as well and starting for the shack. The redhead gave Soos, Mabel, and Robin a grin a mile wide as she twirled the car keys in her hand, though Steve noticed with cheeky satisfaction that she seemed to address Robin most directly.

“Boy, do I have a story for you guys…”

As the four others left the scene, Steve turned back to Dipper to see that he was rubbing his arm in a very sheepish manner, and before the older teen could prompt him, Dipper spoke up, his voice abrupt and embarrassed, but clear all the same.

“I just wanted to apologize, man. I know I’ve been acting kind of weird these past couple of days, and I just wanted to say that it wasn’t because of anything you did. Truthfully, I don’t even know why I was being a jerk, but I want you to know that I’m done with that now.”

The apology was definitely sincere if not a little bit awkward, but Steve found himself skeptical of the fact that Dipper didn’t know why he’d been abrasive towards him for the last few days. Even Robin had figured it out.

“I also wanted to ask if maybe we could try again?” Dipper asked, meeting Steve’s eye. “With learning how to fight, I mean. I promise I’ll be more receptive this time.”

Steve considered for a moment, then nodded his head.

“It’s cool, man. Water under the bridge as far as I’m concerned.”

The relief in Dipper’s posture was evident, and Steve offered his hand in a sincere handshake as the younger teen breathed a sigh of relief.

“As for the fighting stuff, I think we’re past the whole asking-like-it’s-a-favor bullshit now. You guys have been literally giving me and Robin the food off your table for almost two weeks now. If you guys need something, just ask. I seriously doubt the answer is going to be ‘no’.”

As if by magic, Dipper’s slight timidity returned even as he shook Steve’s hand. From his posture, Steve guessed that the younger teen was about to change the subject to an even more uncomfortable topic, and for some reason, Steve got the feeling that it was going to be even more uncomfortable for him.

“It’s…uh…it’s kind of funny you say that,” Dipper said with a nervous laugh, suddenly refusing to meet Steve’s eye again.

“I…er…well…we kind of…”

“Dude, just spit it out already,” Steve said, his own internal sense of unease growing larger by the second and rapidly turning into irk.

“Ok, look…” Dipper said, taking a deep breath and holding his hands up placatingly.

“...How do you feel about… dinner parties?”

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