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Rachel Barbra Berry had always loved her birthday. It was a day all about her—what wasn't to like?! Her two doting fathers had always made it extra special with a day filled with surprises and silly traditions. Today would not be filled with any of that. Today there was a gaping hole in Rachel's heart.
It had been nearly five months since her fathers' funeral. Five months living with a mother she had never met until a social worker and her dads' lawyer sat her down and explained that it was the men's wish that Shelby Corcoran have custody should anything ever happen to them. It made sense—the woman was Rachel's birth mother, so she was family…the only family Rachel had left now.
Rachel had taken an instant liking to Shelby the moment she met her. The woman was beautiful and Rachel was amazed by how much she favored her—it was like looking into a mirror and seeing her future self. Shelby taught British Literature at Carmel High School, where she was also the coach of the six-time National Show Choir Champion glee club, Vocal Adrenaline. Rachel had started her freshmen year at Carmel (rather than at William McKinley where she'd have gone had her world not been turned upside down); she was the newest member of that very same glee club, and quickly rising in the ranks thanks to her natural talent. She'd been worried what people would say if they knew Rachel was Shelby Corcoran's daughter. Luckily, they had both agreed that Rachel would keep her last name, so by the time the rest of the team had caught on to the truth, Rachel had already proven herself on her own merit.
Things at home were going well (as well as could be expected, considering the nature of their reunion). Rachel enjoyed getting to know her mother, but she still felt like a stranger in Shelby's home—a guest. Rachel hadn't called Shelby 'Mom' yet, and she knew the woman was waiting for it—she could see the longing there in her eyes. But Rachel also knew that Shelby wouldn't push her to say it. And if she never said it, Shelby would be okay with that too. Shelby was a good person and Rachel was grateful that, even if she couldn't have her dads in her life anymore, at least she had someone there who loved her and would be there for her unconditionally. Rachel knew she was lucky—if it hadn't been for Shelby, she'd have been sent off to foster care and what would have happened to her then?
The final bell rang and pulled the teenager from her thoughts. The end of the school day had come at last. She was glad for the distraction of school today, and spending it away from her mother—not that Shelby had done anything to make her want to be away from her, it was just easier to avoid her feelings this way.
Her mother had woken her gently that morning, crawling into bed with her and stroking her cheek as Rachel eased into consciousness. When Rachel's eyes had cleared the fog of sleep and she had looked at Shelby for the first time, her mother smiled and leaned down to place a warm kiss to her forehead. Rachel appreciated the ease with which her mother navigated their relationship—Shelby was openly affectionate and had been from the very start, and Rachel took to that right away. It was one way that Shelby was like her daddies and so it had made the transition easier for the grieving girl.
"Happy birthday, kiddo," Shelby had murmured softly. "I've got breakfast ready and waiting downstairs, so get up and get ready for the day."
When Rachel had joined her mother in the kitchen a few minutes later, Shelby had thrown her arms wide and screamed out 'SURPRISE'. Waiting for her on the kitchen table was a small stack of pancakes atop of ceramic plate that Shelby had clearly painted at one of those glaze-it-yourself pottery stores. Gold stars were painted all around the edge of the plate, and framing the pancakes, in Shelby's beautiful cursive writing were the words: Happy Birthday Rachel. A wrapped present sat next to the plate, shiny purple wrapping paper with a white ribbon and bow. Inside was a delicate star necklace in 24 karat gold. It was indeed a surprise, and Rachel had fought hard to control her tears as her mother placed the necklace around her and fastened the clasp in the back. When Shelby had come back around to face Rachel, she immediately pulled her into a hug and held tight until Rachel had gotten her emotions under control. A kiss had been placed onto Rachel's forehead and then she and Shelby had eaten a delicious breakfast before packing into Shelby's car and heading to school.
These thoughts carried Rachel to her locker and then her mother's classroom without the girl even realizing. Shelby smiled when Rachel walked through the door and stood from her desk to wrap her daughter in a warm embrace.
"Hey, kiddo, how was your day?" Shelby asked as she pulled back, brushing a stray lock of hair behind her girl's ear.
Rachel hummed noncommittally as she set her schoolbooks she'd need for tonight's homework down on one of the desks. She only had a bit of English homework and a worksheet for World History to complete; the rest she had finished during the school day.
Shelby scrunched her face in sympathy and let out a small sigh. She was grateful today was a school day, knowing how hard this first birthday without her dads would be for Rachel. Shelby had done her best to make the morning special and Rachel seemed to like the small surprise the mother had put together. The girl had cried but also calmed much faster than Shelby had expected, which Shelby took as a good sign. She had wanted to make this day special for Rachel without making her girl feel as if she were taking over her fathers' traditions or trying to replace them. The girl had shared a few stories of the special things the Berry men had done for her birthday over the years, so Shelby had done her best to give the same energy without completely copying. Besides, it was important to her that she create her own traditions for and with Rachel as they grew together as mother and daughter.
"I wasn't sure what you wanted to do for dinner, if you wanted to go out just us, or with Aunt Kim and Uncle James even? Or if you'd rather have a quiet evening at home?" Shelby said.
Rachel offered her mother a warm smile as she considered her options. Shelby was wonderful at providing Rachel with multiple options—and always with Rachel's comfort level in mind. "Can it just be us tonight? At home?"
"Of course it can, honey," Shelby answered. "Let's stop at Donatello's on the way home and pick up some food—you love their eggplant parmesan so much. And we can get some garlic knots and a salad. I made a cake for you—it's waiting for us in the fridge."
Later that evening—after dinner had been eaten and the birthday cake brought out, candles lit and song sung, and a few final presents opened—Rachel found herself in her bedroom getting ready for bed. Today had been unexpectedly…nice. Shelby had done everything to make the day special for Rachel, doing much of the same (or similar) things her daddies would have done. There was only one thing that hadn't happened and that Rachel knew she was probably far too old for at this point anyway, but it was a tradition that had happened every year for as long as she could remember—A Birthday Spanking.
It had always been given before the birthday cake could be eaten. Her fathers said it was good luck and celebrated her growth from the previous years, with one extra to grow in to. Her dads took turns every year on who got to administer the spanking (this year was supposed to have been Hiram's). Whoever's turn it was would sit in one of the dining room chairs and pull Rachel over their lap. Their hand would descend the allotted number of times (plus one extra), leaving the barest of stings on Rachel's bottom, and then Rachel would be allowed up. Candles would be lit and the men would sing Happy Birthday (horribly out-of-tune but Rachel never minded) before Rachel made a wish for the year and blew out her candles.
It was silly and childish and Rachel was fourteen. Maybe it wouldn't have even been a thing this year, being her first year in high school and all that, but Rachel still missed it. Missed them.
The girl didn't realize she had started crying until her mother knocked on the door and then entered, taking in the sight of her. Shelby was at her side in an instant and pulling Rachel into her arms to hold.
"I know, Rachel. I'm here, I'm here. You're safe," Shelby whispered her reassurances while rubbing her child's back. The mother had expected this to happen at some point today. It made sense it was happening now, as the full weight of the day really settled over her daughter. Shelby let her girl cry while she rocked her, humming a soft, soothing lullaby.
Rachel appreciated that her mother never offered her meaningless assurances that everything would be okay—she would be okay. Rachel had heard that enough at the funeral from her fathers' coworkers and family friends; she didn't want to hear that from her mother. Because everything wasn't okay and would never be okay. Rachel's daddies were dead. She would never be okay with that.
Oh, Rachel knew her life would go on and she would even find happiness with her mother—she already had. Part of her felt guilty for that, like she was forgetting her daddies already, but Rachel also knew that her daddies wouldn't have wanted her to be hurting either. They had wanted her to live with her mother and be happy—and to love and be loved by her…mom.
That thought was enough to still the last of Rachel's tears and she pulled back to look at Shelby—
"Mom."
Shelby's eyes widened and her heart swelled with amazement and wonder. Both hands reached for Rachel's face, her thumbs working to wipe away the remaining tears, and she stared into her child's eyes as she whispered back, "I'm here. Mom's right here, baby."
Rachel searched Shelby's eyes for a long moment, then threw her arms around her mom's neck and hugged her once more. "I miss them so much, Mom," she breathed out.
"I know you do, love," Shelby answered, once more rubbing her daughter's back. She continued to hold her child until she felt Rachel pulling away, then she did the same.
Rachel sighed and then slumped back against her pillows. Shelby leaned back as well, though in a much more dignified way.
"What are you thinking about?" her mom asked her after several minutes of silence had passed between them.
Brown eyes met hazel and Rachel could feel her cheeks tingling as they began to blush. "I just miss them," she said after a while. "And I miss their silly traditions." That last part had been barely whispered.
"Like what?" Shelby prodded.
The girl's cheeks now grew hot and she shook her head. "It's dumb. I don't—"
"Nothing you say is dumb, honey," Shelby interrupted her. "I'd love for you to share it with me, but you also don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable."
Rachel's gaze fell back to her mom's eyes and she saw all of the love and understanding reflected in them. "I'm not uncomfortable, it's just…silly—like I said. And I'm probably too old anyway and I'm not sure they would have even done it this year—" The girl had begun to ramble, but now that she was talking, she couldn't stop it.
"Hey," Shelby gained her child's attention once more. "It's okay if it's silly. Clearly it's something that is important to you."
"I…They'd—" Rachel stammered and then stopped, letting out a great big sigh as she got her thoughts in order. Then she began to explain the silly, probably childish tradition her dads had always done. "I just…I wish…" She let her words trail off again. She then offered her mother a shrug as she focused on the woman's hand in her own. She didn't remember when Shelby had reached out to hold her hand, but she appreciated the unspoken support.
"I could do it," Shelby said, her own voice nearly a whisper. Rachel's eyes darted up to meet her mom's and Shelby offered a small, almost shy, smile.
Rachel opened her mouth to say something, but no words would come out. Her heart ached with sadness and longing for her daddies, but there was something else there too. Hope, and a light at the end of the tunnel—a way forward that would maybe get her to a place where she could be okay, one day. She nodded.
Shelby echoed her child's nod and then sat up straighter, resting her back against the headboard. She patted her lap and waited for her daughter to make the next move.
Rachel took a deep breath and then crawled over her mother's outstretched legs to lay across the woman's thighs. They were softer than she remembered either of her dads' legs to be, but the feeling of safety was the same. Rachel relaxed over her mom's lap and waited for this silly, well-loved tradition to begin.
Shelby's right hand came to wrap around her child's waist as her left hovered over Rachel's bottom for a moment as the mother considered the significance of what she was about to do. Rachel had shared something extremely important with her, something only her dads had done and now she was letting Shelby in on it as well. The mother didn't want to mess this up.
With a deep, steadying breath, Shelby let her hand fall atop the tiny bottom over her lap. Rachel sucked in a little breath and for half a second, the mother worried she had hit too hard. No, she barely tapped the girl. Her daughter was reacting to the significance as well, it seemed.
More swats followed, firm and delivered all over Rachel's bottom. Shelby counted them out as she went. "Thirteen. Fourteen. And one to grow on!" she finished, ending with one last swat delivered with a tad more force than the others. Rachel squeaked and wiggled and then Shelby was helping her up from her lap.
"I love you, Mommy," Rachel flung herself into her mother's arms as she settled right-side-up on the woman's lap. She buried her head in her mom's neck and cried out happy tears.
"I love you, baby," Shelby replied, blinking away her own tears.
Shelby would have been content to stay like this forever, her child snuggled on her lap. The mother's heart was near to bursting at Rachel's use of 'Mom' and then 'Mommy'. Shelby hadn't been sure she'd ever hear 'Mom' from her child's lips, and never even considered the other, more precious version. It was a gift the woman would hold dear and treasure all of her days.
Rachel's big yawn drew Shelby back to the present and she realized how late it was getting. They both had one more day of school before the weekend and really did need to get to bed. But Shelby couldn't help taking a few extra minutes to stay as they were, Rachel's head tucked into the crook of her neck, her right hand resting atop Shelby's chest, directly over her heart where she'd feel the steady thump-thump against her palm. Shelby's own hand had found a rhythm against Rachel's bottom, patting gently as one would an infant. The mother realized this moment was another she never expected to have with the child she had carried as a surrogate for two gay men desperately wanting a family. Shelby may not have ever gotten to hold and rock her infant child, but she was getting the chance to do it with her little girl now. And fourteen or not, Rachel was Shelby's little girl.
Rachel had gone slack in Shelby's arms as she drifted off to sleep, feeling safe and content and loved. Her last thought before falling asleep had been one of awe. Turns out, she still loved her birthday and it was still filled with special surprises and all of the silly little traditions she couldn't live without.