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"Moony, you alright?" Sirius said as he entered the dorm, noticing the boy curled up in a ball in front of the window. He sat in front of him.
"Yeah."
Sirius gave him a stern look. "Surely doesn't seem like it."
"I'm fine really. It's silly," he looked down shyly.
He softened his look, "You know you can tell me anything, right? I won't make fun of you."
Remus smiled softly, still without looking up, and sighed. "It's just. I don't know, everyone in the common room was together, and I… I dunno, I kinda felt left out," he shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant.
Sirius frowned, "What do you mean, left out?"
"Yeah. Like, everyone has a partner, they're all happy and in love, and…"
"And?"
Remus shrugged again, looking outside the window, "I just feel bad because I'll never have that." He said quietly and quickly.
Sirius looked at him, puzzled. "Why not?"
Remus looked at him as if he was stating something obvious and Sirius couldn't understand him. "Padfoot, c'mon. Who'd ever want to be with a poor, half-blood, bad looking werewolf?"
Those words offended him greatly and he felt the immediate need to defend Remus. Alas, it was him he was defending him from, but still.
"Remus! You can't honestly believe that!"
"Am I wrong though?"
"Abso-fucking-lutely! I don't think you've ever been more wrong in your entire life!"
"It's alright, I've already accepted that I'll never have that. A proper, romantic partner."
"Shut up. Just- shut the fuck up. I won't allow you to believe that. You deserve all the best, and a romantic partner is included in that."
"Sure, Padfoot."
"No, I'm serious. Listen to me." The lack of serious/Sirius joke, and the tone of his voice made Remus actually look up at him for the first time since he sat down. "Remus. You're so fucking smart and funny and witty, literally everyone knows that. You're so kind and gentle, but also really fucking sarcastic and mischievous, and you're super thoughtful and caring; you always give the best hugs! And look at you, you're bloody gorgeous!"
"Bloody gorgeous," Remus scoffed.
"Exactly! I actually put some thought into this, listen: I'm pretty, Pete's adorable, James is handsome, and you're simply gorgeous. Though you sometimes are really cute as well. James too, honestly, it all depends on the moment, I guess…" He trailed off.
"Anyway, as I was saying, you're amazing, Moony, and everyone loves you."
Remus rolled his eyes again, obviously not believing a single word coming from Sirius' mouth.
"I mean it. Of course, us marauders love you dearly. For all the reasons I just listed, and also because you're our mastermind and we'd be lost without you.
"Then there's the girls and Dorcas, who all seem to like you way better than they like the rest of us. Especially Evans. You were the first person she befriended! And the other Gryffindors as well, both from our year, and other years. That Brady kid adores you, Moony, he literally worships the ground you walk on," that elicited a chuckle from Remus. Sirius smiled, "And people from other houses, too. All those kids in your… study group thing adore you, and even Regulus likes you! He literally never complains when I talk about you like he does when I talk about James or Pete."
"That doesn't mean he likes me."
"Yes it does." Sirius looked at him for a while and smiled at him. "Do you believe me now?"
Remus shrugged and looked out the window. "I really am grateful for you, for all of you, and I love you and I know you guys also love me. But that's the most love I'll ever get, I know. And, okay, let's say someone is, well, romantically interested in me. They'd leave as soon as they found out about my… condition."
"We didn't leave you."
"Yeah, but none of you is in love with me, now, are you."
"We could be," he sputtered dumbly. "Anyone could fall in love with you, Moony, I'm certain!" He didn't know why he was being so insistent on the matter, but he felt like he needed to say something and convince Remus of this.
Remus felt like crying. Here was Sirius –who had followed him here from the common room after noticing he wasn't feeling well–, sitting across from him and saying all these amazing things about him without really meaning them. Well, no, he did mean them, just not in the way Remus wanted him to. And he felt even worse about it, like he wanted more than he could get and couldn't be satisfied with what he already had.
"Yeah, but. I just don't want anyone to fall in love with me," he muttered.
"But you just said-" Sirius paused as understanding dawned on him. "Oh. So you like someone, then?" He asked with a soft smile.
Remus just nodded as he looked through the window, still unable to meet Sirius' eyes.
"And I take it you haven't told them yet?"
"Why even bother. He doesn't like me that way. I know. It would just make things awkward between us if I told him."
Sirius scoffed, "I won't ask who it is, unless you wanna tell me, but hear me out. If you tell him and he actually rejects you, then he's an arsehole and he's the one missing out.
"I mean, honestly, Moony, what isn't there to like about you? I bet you'd make an amazing boyfriend! If your friendship is anything to go by, then I'm sure you'd win all kinds of prizes for best partner ever." Sirius had this excited-like spark in his eye, and was smiling so brightly that Remus couldn't hold his tears anymore.
"Oh, Moony, come here, come," Sirius said softly as he pulled him in for a hug. Remus clung to him, and Sirius held him gently yet firmly, whispering soothing words.
Once he'd calmed down a bit, Sirius continued talking him up, still hugging Remus.
“Really, Moony, I won't ever let you think so lowly of you, ever again, and if it takes me reminding you of how great you are daily, then so be it. Merlin knows you're always there for me," he sighed.
"I really don't know what I'd do without you, Moony. Life really wouldn't be the same without you, you know. You make me feel good and safe. Despite your external i-don't-give-a-fuck appearance, you're always so sweet and nice to me, sometimes I feel like crying. It's like, I dunno, like I must've done something amazing in life for me to get to know this side of you. And I don't think I even deserve you, but Merlin, I love you so much, and I will do anything for you to see it, and to love yourself as well." He pulled away from the hug and gently held Remus' face, giving him a soft smile. "You're not undeserving of love, Remus. I love you."
Suddenly he felt his heart skip a beat and then it began racing.
Wow, okay, he just realized that he'd meant that 'I love you' in a not-so-platonic way.
Honestly though, it kinda made sense. Or rather, made other things make sense. Like how he felt every time Remus was around. Or the need to make him smile all the time. Or the amount of times he'd caught himself staring at Remus. Or how Remus' simple presence made him feel at ease. Made him feel at home.
"Oh," he breathed.
"What?" Remus said, throwing him a puzzled look.
Sirius came back to his senses with a start, realizing he was still holding Remus' face. He quickly let go. "Oh, er. Nothing. I uh, I, I need to use the restroom. Yeah. Uh, I'll be back." And with that, he bolted towards the ensuite.
Once in the safety of the tiny bathroom, not that he wasn't safe back in the dorm, he sat on the closed toilet lid and started thinking.
Should he tell Remus about his newfound feelings? (Was he even sure his feelings were true?) (Yes. Absolutely. Hundred percent.) Would Remus even believe him or would he think he's just pitying him? He'd just confessed he wanted someone to fall in love with him, after all.
Oh, yeah. He'd just confessed he wanted someone to fall in love with him.
He knew Remus was queer, so them being both boys wouldn't be a problem for him. But the fact that he liked someone else probably would.
After a long five minutes, he decided, screw it, he was going to tell him.
He washed his hands and walked back to the dorm. Only, Remus wasn't there anymore.
Great.
Without even checking the map, he headed straight to the astronomy tower, which was a mistake, as instead of Remus he found a couple making out.
He raced back to the dorm, searched frantically for the map, opened it and scanned for Remus. He was behind the greenhouses, and Sirius raced all the way there, map still in hand.
He stopped a few meters before reaching Remus' spot to catch his breath, and walked his way to him.
"Hey."
Remus looked up, a bit started, "Hi."
Sirius smiled and sat beside him, "You alright?"
"Yeah. Just wanted some fresh air."
Sirius nodded, without noting that he could've simply opened the dorm window instead of coming all the way here.
"Hey, can I tell you something?"
"Of course. Anything," he replied with a reassuring smile.
"Okay. Uh. But before I tell you, I want you to know that I'm being completely serious, so don't even think of making a self-deprecating comment. Or even think it."
"That's a lot you're demanding," Remus chuckled.
He sighed.
"Alright. So, er, I kinda just realized that I'm, well, in love. With you."
Remus squinted his eyes, "Ha, ha, so funny," he huffed.
"While I'm glad you acknowledge my funny side, I need you to know that I'm definitely not being funny right now, but completely, absolutely, honest. I am in love with you. And yeah, I just realised earlier, so maybe it is a bit rushed –me telling you, that is–, but I'm certain about this, and I just wanted you to know."
Remus' face remained devoid of emotion. "Earlier, when?"
"Earlier. In the dorm. I know it's unexpected, and I also know you fancy someone, and I also know you may think I'm just lying to you out of pity. But I'm not. And I obviously don't expect you to return these feelings, but I love-"
"And yet your first reaction after realizing was to run away," Remus interrupted him.
"What? No! Remus, I didn't run away! I just, well, I needed to think. But well, there wasn't much thinking to do, everything just made sense. And I just needed to tell you," he mumbled that last part.
They sat in silence for a while, neither looking at the other. Sirius thinking he'd just ruined their friendship; and Remus thinking that it was all too good to be true.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes," he breathed.
"Look, I'm-"
"I also-"
"Sorry, you first," Sirius said with a tiny smile.
"I just," Remus sighed. "I'm in love with you, too," he said quickly.
"...What?"
"Yeah."
"You're not taking the mickey out of me?"
"I'm really not."
Sirius grinned at that and enveloped Remus in a rib-crushing hug.
"Oh, Moony!"
Remus laughed, finally, and hugged him back just as enthusiastically.
After a while of rolling around in the grass while laughing, they ended up just laying in the ground, looking at the almost-night sky, and holding each other.
"Moony?"
"Hmm."
"I really will remind you every day of how lovely you are," he whispered.
And seven decades later, he still kept his promise.
Every single day.