Chapter Text
It's a lazy Friday afternoon, and President Kunikida is absent, any emergencies about someone named Katai and…anxiety? Dazai didn't bother to listen, since as soon as the blonde turned off his cell phone and started to pack his things Dazai was already in ecstasy, bouncing and happy singing Hallelujah and sending 5 messages per second to Chuuya.
Maybe he shouldn't be so happy, Kunikida was an straight-A student, and a follower of rules to the letter who never missed school, let alone student council activities, so surely whatever happened must have been very serious. But when he saw Treasurer Tanizaki and Secretaries Haruno and Naomi breathing like they'd been submerged in salt water for the past three years he can't feel guilty.
Even Atsushi looked lighter, as if he were Atlas after the heavens were removed from his shoulders after an entire eternity!
[13:23] - CHUUUYAAA, what are you doing?
Slug [13:26] - What the hell are you doing you bastard, shouldn't you be pissing off your president by being a lazy mackerel right now?
[13:28] - Do you think so badly of me? Slander, I'm an extremely competent vice president
[13:29] - And Kunikida-Kun left earlier today, I think it's a miracle from the heavens
Slug [13:32] - Yeah, whatever. I don't give the fuck anyway. Find someone else to bother I'm busy
[13:32] - You're such a bad boyfriend
Slug [13:36] - And you're disgusting
[13:37] - That's not what you said when you asked me out, honey
Slug [13:38] EWWWW, How did I end up with you?
[13:40] - I ask myself the same thing, how did i, such a handsome, chivalrous, elegant man, ended up with a brute shorty with a bad taste in fashion?
Slug - [13:42] - SHORTY IS YOUR ASS YOU ALCOHOLIC MACKEREL, I'M 16 YEARS OLD I'M STILL GROWING
[13:42] - 16? This is amazing Chibi, I thought you were 11
Slug - [13:43] - DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT YOUR BAG OF BONES? I will strangle you
[13:44] - Eccentric Chibi, I prefer a clean and painless suicide, but thanks for the offer, even if I doubt your little hands can strangle me
Slug [13:45] - Fuck you, I hope you don't die
[13:47] - This is cruel, even for you Chuuya
[13:47] But it's still lovely I knew you cared for me
Slug [13:48] - Agh, get lost
Dazai turned off his cell phone seeing that the remaining battery charge was less than 10%, damn he shouldn't have let Kenji play Family Farm Adventure on his cell phone.
Remembering the boy, the brunette raises his head to observe his companions, Ranpo is sitting at his desk as if he owns the place, with his chair propped on the back legs and his legs on the table, he has a lollipop in his mouth and many open packets of candy and chewing gum scattered on the floor around him. Nothing unusual.
Tanizaki and Naomi can no be seen anywhere and Haruno is crouching at Kyouka's desk helping her fill out some papers, Yosano looks super bored as she rolls the laptop mouse with her head resting on the arms but her expression of disinterest it's a pure lie, judging by the reflection of the screen in the window. Dazai looks away quickly.
Kenji himself is engaged in a conversation with Atsushi in the other corner of the room, who looks like the perfect junior every senior wishes they had, relaxed and productive writing reports at his desk while drinking tea.
Wait, did Atsushi drink tea?
Apparently Dazai wasn't the only one who was surprised. Sure, Atsushi loved Chazuke, but Atsushi didn't like drinking tea he always preferred a good cup of coffee with three sugar cubes, sometimes even four. And yes he knew his mentee very well, thank you.
“Do you like tea, Atsushi? I've never seen you drink tea before, you know, in my family in the countryside we had a huge plantation of lemon balm, my grandmother used to make tea every cloudy afternoon. I always thought that tea came from cows, after all they only eat grass and drink water, it makes perfect sense. But then I followed my grandmother and…” Kenji continued to ramble on about tea and his family’s farm, Atsushi let out a soft laugh before answering the initial question
“Well I'm not a big fan of tea, but my boyfriend is addicted to it and as I spent the last week at his house and it was all we had from 7:35 am until bedtime or daybreak. I swear, green tea, herbs tea, jasmine tea, berry tea, tea with lemon and honey. We even went on a bubble tea date! And now that I'm back in my normal routine, not drinking tea is kind of weird”
Ah so it was just that, Atsushi's boyfriend is a compulsive tea drinker and he ended up getting used to the drink after spending a few days…Wait a minute, Atsushi has a boyfriend? As? Since when? Who is this guy? And how was Dazai not aware of this? Soon he who prides himself on being so neighbourly with his juniors...
And besides, a boyfriend who is addicted to tea? This sounds so horrible, Dazai could already imagine what this guy is like. The clear vision is being assembled in his mind, a hispster with yellow teeth wearing flip flops and a plaid shirt trying to sell crystals and rings that change color according to your emotions on the beach of Yokohama. Chains hanging around his neck.
And hadn't Atsushi mentioned something about herbs? This guy must be 100% a junkie trying to drag his sweet low-class student down the wrong path. And Dazai wasn't going to allow that, no way
He completely ignored the muffled noises of his colleagues who also appeared not to know about Atsushi's Hispster boyfriend or the danger that he posed to him, and took back his cell phone now at 8% battery to text his own red-haired boyfriend. If he was going to protect Atsushi from a weird junkie, then he was going to need all the support he could get.