Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Charlie had rarely looked forward to the beginning of a new term as much as he did this one, and it was all because of one person: Ben Hope. Their romance had built over the course of the fall, and as the holidays dragged on, all Charlie could think of was going back to school and seeing Ben again.

Today, he had Ben’s texts in his phone, asking to meet up, saying he couldn’t wait to see him, and he had never felt so confident or excited to be walking this familiar dull corridor. It was hard to keep the smile off his face as he threaded through all the other boys walking to their forms. Most mornings, he felt awkward here, wondering if they were staring at him, trying to avoid certain people who had made his life difficult last year, but this morning he hardly noticed them.

Walking through the darkened library, Charlie could feel his heart beating faster. Finally, he reached the back of the room, turning the corner around the bookshelves, smiling broadly … and there was no one there.

As he stood there, hesitantly calling Ben’s name, his phone pinged. Ben. Asking if they could meet up at break instead.

Charlie swallowed his disappointment. Of course break would be fine. He could look forward to seeing Ben all morning now, making it all the better when they were finally together.

The principal’s voice came over the loudspeaker, reminding the students that their forms had been shuffled up for the new term. Charlie looked at his hand, where his new form room had been written so he couldn’t forget, and left the library. Wouldn’t do to be late to form for no reason.

He checked in with the teacher at the desk. They exchanged pleasantries, and the teacher pointed him in the direction of his assigned seat. “You’re over there, next to Nicholas Nelson. He’s in year 11, so only one year older than you. One of the rugby boys, too, I think. I’m sure you’ll get along swimmingly. Or you can just sit in silence for the rest of the year. It really doesn’t affect me in any way whatsoever.”

Charlie vaguely remembered hearing about Nick Nelson. He wasn’t just one of the rugby boys, if Charlie remembered correctly—he was the star player. Probably an idiot. So many of the rugby boys seemed to be. Well, hopefully at least he was a bearable idiot.

Approaching the window, Charlie stopped still when he got his first good look at Nick Nelson, rugby lad, and suddenly the rest of the year started looking up. Nick Nelson was incredibly cute. Unlike most of the boys, he had shed his blazer and was sitting at the table in his shirt sleeves—and he filled out his very nicely fitted shirt just the way a person should, in Charlie’s opinion. To add to that, he had red hair and brown eyes and, as Charlie learned when he sat down and said “hi”, a lovely smile.

It would not be a hardship to have Nick Nelson be his first sight at school every morning all term. Not at all.

At break, Charlie went to the music room. This was his favorite place to meet up—it was where Ben had first approached him, and had been the scene of quite a few memorable kisses.

Ben was waiting for him, leaning against the wall, studying his phone. He straightened up when Charlie came in, running a hand over his hair to settle it. “Hey. Sorry about earlier.”

“It’s fine.”

“I missed your face so much.”

Charlie blushed, ducking his head. “Really? Did you have a good Christmas?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, it was all right.” His eyes were fixed on Charlie’s mouth, as if kissing him was all he could think of. “You?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it was good. Um … My whole family was round on Christmas day and then—”

He was cut off by Ben kissing him. “You’re so cute.”

Charlie laughed. He wished sometimes he could see himself the way Ben saw him.

Ben’s hand came up to cup the side of Charlie’s face, holding him still for another kiss, deeper this time.

Their kiss was interrupted by the school bell ringing. Ben wiped his mouth. “See you later then, yeah?” As he went past Charlie to the door, he added, “Still don’t tell anyone about this.”

“Oh. Um …” But before Charlie could say anything, Ben was gone. He lifted a hand and waved. “’Bye.”

And then he went back to class. He wanted to be happy that he’d seen Ben, and he was, really, but … something felt strange about it that he didn’t remember feeling strange before the holidays. Ben rarely replied to texts other than the ones setting up new meetings, so Charlie wouldn’t text him, but the next time they were together, maybe he would ask if Ben was okay. Or if there was something more Ben wanted. Charlie could be different, if that was what Ben needed him to be. At least, he could try to be.

He went off to Latin, where his friend Isaac was already at their table, his nose buried in a book. For a moment, Charlie considered confiding in Isaac, but he had promised Ben he wouldn’t say anything. He wouldn’t break that promise. Instead, he dug out his textbook, opened it, and waited for class to start.

Chapter Text

Over the next week or so, Charlie noticed he often ran into Nick Nelson in the corridor. And even though they barely knew each other, Nick always smiled and said “hi”, like they were friends. He said it in form, too, every morning. Charlie had never noticed before how having someone greet him first thing made the day better, but he did now.

Often, Charlie found himself turning to stare after Nick, thinking what a shame it was that someone that cute was straight. He still had Ben, though, at least occasionally. They didn’t meet up as often as they had before the holidays, but Charlie was happy when they did.

One day as Charlie turned the corner to head for maths, he met Nick just coming out of his geography class. He might have gone on by, but Nick stopped short to say “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Are you going that way?” Nick gestured in the direction Charlie was, in fact, going.

“Yeah. Maths.”

“Same.”

They fell into step together. Nick was holding his homework on his arm, focusing on the unfinished problems on the page.

“Are you literally doing your homework while walking to your lesson?”

“I might be.”

Charlie laughed. “That’s very chaotic.”

Nick considered that for a moment, then said, “That makes me sound way cooler than I actually am.”

Not in Charlie’s view—in Charlie’s view, it would have been hard to be cooler than Nick Nelson. On the other hand, he was doing his homework all wrong. “Do you want me to do that for you?”

“No, I’m good.”

“I can tell you the answer.”

Nick looked up at him with exaggerated earnestness. “Then I won’t learn.”

As far as Charlie could tell, he wasn’t learning anyway. “If you’re stuck I can just …” Charlie reached for the pen. “Let me just …”

“Get off!” Nick said, laughing. In the scuffle, his pen marked Charlie’s hand.

Pointing at the streak of ink, Charlie said, “How dare you?”

“Look.” Nick grabbed his hand and made two extra dots above the slash of blue, turning it into a smiley face. “Better?”

Charlie looked at the smiley face and couldn’t help smiling to match it. “Maybe.”

They went on down the corridor together, Nick returning to his homework. As they turned a corner, Charlie saw Ben coming toward them from the other direction. He smiled shyly and said, “Hey.”

“What?” Ben stopped walking and looked at him as if he had no idea who Charlie was.

“Uh … Just … hi.”

“Why are you talking to me? I don’t even know who you are.”

Charlie was caught completely off-guard. He hadn’t realized that Ben would actually deny knowing him.

Then Ben looked at Nick, and nodded. “All right, mate?”

“Yeah, all right.”

If possible, Charlie felt even worse that this was all happening in front of Nick. How awkward. If only he’d kept his mouth shut and just let Ben pass.

Ben walked on by, leaving them there. Nick was looking at Charlie as though he wanted to ask what that was about but was too polite to do so.

“You’re friends with Ben?” Charlie asked.

“Uh, yeah. He’s in my year. We hang out … sometimes.”

“Oh.” Well, no wonder Ben hadn’t felt comfortable talking.

Charlie went on toward maths, Nick behind him, still trying to finish his homework.

The next morning, Nick’s things were at his seat in form, but he wasn’t there. Charlie wondered if that was to do with him, and the awkwardness with Ben from yesterday—until he heard Nick call his name and looked up to see him standing there with blue ink spattered all over his shirt and hands.

“You don’t have a tissue, do you? My pen just, uh, exploded.”

“I think you’re way past tissues. Maybe a bath towel. Dipped in bleach.”

“Do you mind coming with me to wash this off? I don’t want to get ink all over everywhere.”

“Sure.” Charlie got up and led the way to the bathroom, opening the doors and turning on the tap.

Nick stuck his hands in the water and started scrubbing, getting plenty of blue on the sink, but with no visible result on his hands. “It’s not coming off!” he said at last, after the third thorough scrubbing with soap and water.

“You’re going to be blue forever.”

Holding up his dripping hands, Nick said, “It looks like I’m wearing blue gloves.”

“You can make it the new school fashion,” Charlie suggested.

“Or I’ll pretend it’s a tattoo.” Nick grinned.

“Why would anyone tattoo their whole hand blue?”

“Because they’re incredibly fond of the Smurfs?” They both laughed, and Nick went back to scrubbing. He never did get the ink off his hands, but at least it wasn’t smearing all over by the time they left the bathroom, both of them late to class.

Charlie met his good friend Isaac for lunch at the picnic tables. It was chilly out, but far more private than the canteen. Their friend Tao showed up a few minutes later, setting two bottles of apple juice on the table. “I did it again. I bought Elle’s drink. Again.”

Their friend Elle had transferred to the girls’ school this term after transitioning over the past year. They all missed her, but they hoped she’d be happier there. The same kind of people who had made Charlie’s life difficult last year had also harassed Elle. He was glad she, at least, had somewhere else to go.

“Didn’t you do that yesterday, as well?” Isaac asked.

“Yes, Isaac. Yes, I did. And on Monday.”

“Elle’s not here,” Charlie pointed out.

“I know.”

“She’s not been here all week.”

“I know. I just keep forgetting.”

“Tao, you’re allowed to miss her.”

“Okay, fine,” Tao said. “Obviously it’s better that she’s at an all-girls school now. You know Mr. Reed was still refusing to call her Elle.”

“Yeah. Mr. Reed’s a massive transphobe.” He wasn’t big on gay people, either, unfortunately for Charlie.

“It’s still weird, though. There used to be four of us, and now there’s only three. Like, four is a group. Three is just a … trio.”

Charlie was listening to Tao, really he was … but across the field he saw a familiar red head. Nick was playing rugby with some of his friends, and he was very distracting.

Isaac and Tao followed the line of his gaze. “Isn’t that Nick Nelson? The guy you sit next to in form?”

“Who?” Charlie asked, although he could tell he wasn’t fooling either of them.

“The one who looks like a golden retriever,” Tao said.

“He doesn’t look like a golden retriever! Okay, he does,” Charlie admitted. Golden retrievers were adorable dogs, after all.

Tao laughed. “I can’t believe you’ve been sat next to rugby king Nick Nelson. What are you going to talk about?”

“We’ve talked!” Charlie protested, thinking of the scuffle in the hall over Nick’s maths homework and the way they had laughed this morning about Nick’s blue hands. He couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face.

“Really? About what?”

Charlie felt shy talking about how much fun they’d had laughing at the ink incident. “Things.”

Tao frowned at him. “Well, be careful.”

“What? Why?”

“Why? Look at them.”

Charlie did look. Nick was currently being taken down by a crowd of fellow rugby players, all of them laughing and looking like they were having fun.

“Look at us,” Tao continued. “We are a group—no, a trio of borderline outcasts. He is the star player on the rugby team, and he’s friends with a bunch of loud, gross Year 11s who are exactly like the guys who bullied you last year.”

It was hard to argue with the truth of Tao’s words. “But, like, Nick … he’s different. He’s nice.”

“I bet he’s a whole different person when he’s with his bro dude friends.”

Isaac laughed at Tao’s fake American accent, and Charlie smiled, but he couldn’t stop looking at Nick. There was such an … exuberance about him, like everything made him happy, and Charlie didn’t know a lot of people who looked at their lives that way. He didn’t see what the harm was in wanting to be friends with someone like that.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Charlie got a text just after he’d gotten off the bus. Ben, asking him to meet in the library.

Charlie felt oddly reluctant to go. This was the first text he'd gotten since Ben had denied knowing him in the corridor. In front of Nick. But he told himself he was being silly. Ben surely had a good reason for what he’d said.

Ben was waiting for him in the library, coming up to him and twining his fingers with Charlie’s. “You know I’m sorry about ignoring you.” He leant his head against Charlie’s, expecting that to be the end of it, expecting everything to be fine.

Looking down at their hands, Charlie could still see the happy face Nick had drawn on his, and he couldn’t help comparing the two. Ben was beautiful, there was no denying that, but he didn’t make Charlie laugh. Or smile. Whereas Nick had such an easy, open smile, it was hard not to smile back at him.

Of course, Ben liked Charlie … or at least, he said he did, when they were alone. Sometimes.

“Yeah,” Charlie said at last, and he let Ben kiss him. But the magic had gone out of it, and he wasn’t sorry when the bell rang.

What a difference from the first day of term, when he’d been so happy to come to school. At lunch, not wanting to face his friends, Charlie went to the art room, sitting in his favorite corner. There were roots painted on the floor just there, and sometimes he pretended he was a tree, tall and strong and without problems.

Mr. Ajayi, the art teacher, looked over at him with concern. “It’s quite a while since you’ve hidden in here at lunch.”

“I’m not hiding.”

“Then what are you doing?”

Charlie waved his unopened lunchbox in the air. “Eating lunch.” He wasn’t; he had no appetite. Maybe he would eat some of it later.

“Oh, right.” Mr. Ajayi was on to him. Charlie had spent enough lunchtimes in here that Mr. Ajayi no longer expected him to open the lunchbox, and had stopped trying to tell him to. “So everything’s okay? There’s no bullies I need to sort out again?”

“No. Everything’s fine.”

Mr. Ajayi went back to his grading, but with an air of disbelief.

“Actually …” Charlie began, and Mr. Ajayi looked at him again. “There is kind of someone.”

“A bully?”

“I’ve … I’ve got a boyfriend.” Ben had expressly denied being Charlie’s boyfriend, but what else was there to call him? A secret kissing partner? Ick.

“Ah. Well. Congratulations.”

“Not … It’s …” He didn't know how to begin.

“Okay …”

“I don’t even know if … I don’t think he even thinks we’re boyfriends anyway. He ignores me sometimes. He doesn’t even like people seeing us talk to each other in the corridors. He pretends like he doesn’t know who I am.” Charlie sighed, feeling better for having gotten that all out. “But then when it’s just us two, he’s fine.”

“Well, have you talked to him about how that makes you feel?”

“No.”

“Maybe you should talk to him, then?”

Charlie dropped his head on his lunchbox, just trying to imagine how that conversation would go. Badly, he suspected.

Mr. Ajayi laughed. “What do you want me to say? Break up with him?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, do you want to break up with him?”

Charlie sat up again. “I don’t know.”

“I can’t solve your problems for you, Charlie. What about your friends? Have you talked to them about it?”

“They wouldn’t get it.”

“Why not?”

“Because they’re not gay.”

Mr. Ajayi found that one hard to argue with. “Just … talk to him. It’s better to be honest about your feelings in the long run.”

“I hate being honest.”

“I know. It took you three months to tell me you were being bullied.”

Charlie went back to staring at his unopened lunchbox, no further ahead than when he’d come in.

As he left school that afternoon, he spied Nick outside tossing a rugby ball with some of his mates. He wondered if Nick was interested in anything else. So far, Charlie hadn’t seen any signs of him being particularly engaged by his classes, and he hadn’t brought up anything else he liked. Then again, Nick hadn’t brought up the rugby in conversation, either.

He stood still for a moment, his eyes on that bright red hair and easy smile. But then his gaze travelled to a couple standing by the gate, and everything else was forgotten. It was Ben. Standing there with a girl. And it was clear he was really with her, even before they kissed. Openly. Where everyone could see them.

Charlie would have expected to feel hurt. Betrayed. But mostly what he felt was angry.

That night, he spent a long time staring at his phone, at the text thread with Ben, trying to decide what to say. “Do you have a girlfriend?” No. Ben could lie his way out of that, and Charlie already knew the answer anyway.

Then he tried “I HATE YOU!!!!” but that seemed extreme. And childish.

Finally he settled on “i don’t want to meet up anymore.” It was the truth.

Ben responded almost immediately. “???????”

“sorry”

“I don’t understand???” “ffs we’re not gonna get caught” Ben kept going, apologising for the other day, demanding that Charlie not ignore him, but Charlie turned off his phone. He was done with that now. Better have no one than someone who lied to him and treated him badly.

Chapter Text

The next morning, the anger had faded and Charlie mostly felt sad. There must be something terribly wrong with him if Ben hadn’t wanted him after all. He stood by the sink, trying to eat breakfast, but the cereal just swirled around the bowl, and Charlie’s stomach swirled with it. He couldn’t bring himself to take a spoonful.

He was still staring into the bowl when he heard someone say, “Morning”, and nearly jumped a foot in the air.

“Jesus, Tori,” he said to his sister, who had come into the room silently, as usual.

“Why’s your face like that?” she asked him.

“I broke up with my boyfriend.”

“Was he a knob?”

“Yes.” Charlie had to admit that he was.

“Well done, then.” She took a sip of her apple juice. “You’ll want to finish that, or we’ll be late.”

“Oh. I was done with it anyway.” Turning, he poured the whole mess down the sink. “We can go.”

They found seats together on the bus, and Charlie turned to stare out the window, wishing he had something to look forward to again.

“Hypothetically,” Tori asked, “what sort of boy do you want to go out with?”

“One who doesn’t mind people seeing us talk to each other would be nice.”

“Someone who’s also a nerd, or do you want, like, an ‘opposites attract’ thing?”

Charlie smiled. “I don’t think I can afford to be that specific, to be honest.”

“Hypothetically, though. Dream guy.”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on.”

“I don’t know, just … Just someone I can have a laugh with. And … and who’s nice. And kind. And likes being with me.” The bus was pulling to a stop as he spoke. Charlie used his sleeve to wipe off the window, clearing the view outside, seeing exactly who he had expected to see. “I’d probably just settle for someone tall,” he finished, more to himself than to Tori, as he studied the red head and broad shoulders of Nick Nelson.

Late that morning, as Charlie was searching madly for a piece of lost homework in his locker, Nick approached him in the corridor. “Hey.”

Startled, Charlie dropped his books, which cascaded all over the floor. Nick bent to help him pick them up, handing them back as they both stood up again.

“Thanks.”

Noticing the drumsticks in Charlie’s hand, Nick said, “You play the drums?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s so cool.”

Charlie had never thought of it that way particularly, but he supposed it was. “Thanks.”

“So, um, I had something that I wanted to ask you.”

Was this it? Was this the moment Nick Nelson confessed to being gay, to having as big a crush on Charlie as Charlie was coming to have on him, to wanting to go out and fall in love and be together forever?

Nick's voice broke into his fantasy. “Do you want to join the rugby team?”

“What?” Of all the things Charlie had thought Nick might say, that was the last.

“We have enough players for the team, but we’re not allowed to actually play against other teams without a reserve. And I saw you run in PE and you’re, like, really fast. So … I thought you might be interested.”

“I don’t really know how to play.”

“That’s fine. I can teach you.”

On the one hand, rugby. Sports guys and their jokes, getting knocked over all the time. On the other hand, one-on-one instruction from Nick Nelson in a full-contact sport.

Charlie looked down at himself. He hardly looked like someone who played rugby. “Aren’t I a bit small and weak to be a rugby player?”

“We’re just a school team, you know. It’s not that serious.”

He couldn’t resist. He put on his most serious face and said, “So you’re saying I am small and weak?”

And Nick bought it beautifully. “Wait, no. No!”

Charlie laughed. After a moment, Nick realised the joke and smiled that lopsided smile of his that Charlie found so adorable. “So. Do you want to join?”

“I … suppose I could give it a try. I’ll be on reserve, right?”

“Right. You probably won’t play much. I hope that’s okay.”

Charlie nodded. Definitely okay. “I think it’s fine.”

“Great! I’ll see you at practise, then.”

Only as Nick walked away did it occur to Charlie that he meant that afternoon. Rugby practise. Charlie Spring.

Okay, then.

He told Isaac and Tao later that afternoon on the way to the locker room. Isaac only smiled, but Tao looked down at him in shock. “You must be joking.”

“No. They need a reserve. I probably won’t play at all.”

“Why are you doing this? It’s just another silly crush.”

“It’s not a crush,” Charlie protested. “I don’t just fall for any guy who’s nice to me.” Okay, it was a crush, and maybe he did fall for any guy who was nice to him … and both of his friends stopped to look at him like they knew that. Which he was sure they did.

“And you’re sure you want to spend a whole hour with giant, moronic rugby lads?”

“Yes.” Nick wasn’t like that. Maybe when you got to know them, the others weren’t, either.

Tao sighed and exchanged resigned glances with Isaac. “It’s your funeral.”

He’d been sure, outside, but as he stood before the door of the locker room, Charlie was questioning his life choices. He could hear them talking about him through the door. “Charlie Spring, though?” “Isn’t he in, like, year 8.” “No, he’s in year 10.” “He’s like, well, skinny, though.” “Can he even play? I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but we actually want to be dece.” “Does he even like sports? Everyone knows he’s gay.”

Well, this was starting out pretty much exactly the way he’d expected. Sighing, Charlie pushed the door open, hearing the familiar sound of silence settling on a room as he came into it. All of them turned to stare at him. Across the room, Nick stood up. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

And so began the epic career of Charlie Spring, rugby player, Charlie thought, wishing he could convince himself, if not the rest of them.

Chapter Text

Once Charlie had changed, he met Nick on the pitch. Nick gave him a quick rundown of the rules, and they stood watching the practise for a few moments. Charlie had known rugby was a full-contact sport, but seeing it in action and contemplating it being for him made it seem a lot more real than it had in the corridor earlier.

He looked at Nick. “I know I was joking about being weak, but I am definitely too weak for this.”

Nick frowned at hiim good-naturedly. “Now, where is your ‘can-do’ attitude.”

“Oh, she left,” Charlie told him. “Long ago.”

“Just try. Tackle me. I won’t dodge.”

Charlie looked at him, gauging the distance between them, the angle.

“Come on! I bet you can do it.”

This felt like one of those classic damned-if-you-do damned-if-you-don’t situations. Either disappoint Nick by being afraid to try, or disappoint Nick by trying and failing. Charlie supposed, in that circumstance, it was better to try.

So he did. He took off running, caught Nick just at the hips, and knocked him over.

Sitting up, Nick immediately fixed his hair. “That was perfect.”

“Was it?”

“Yeah.” He got to his feet. “Now, let’s try again while I’m actually moving.” He held out a hand to help Charlie up. “Come on.”

“I’m going to die.”

“Maybe, but probably not today,” was Nick’s cheerful reply.

They practised tackling for most of the hour. Charlie didn’t entirely object to putting his arms round Nick and knocking him to the ground, over and over again, but he did wonder, at the end of practise, when he was winded and dirty and thirsty and tired, what exactly it was about this good-natured golden retriever of a boy that made him want to put himself through the horrors of rugby.

All night, he told himself he was going to quit, that he’d given it a good try, but it wasn’t for him. But faced with Nick’s smile in form the next morning, and Nick’s somewhat over-the-top praise for how he’d done yesterday, he knew he couldn’t go through with it. He forced a smile, pretended enthusiasm, and said that yes, he looked forward to today’s practise.

Tao and Isaac actively tried at lunch to convince him to give it up, but Charlie stuck to it. It wasn’t just that Nick was cute, or that Charlie’s crush on him was growing exponentially as they spent more time together. It was that Nick actually believed Charlie could play rugby, and was taking off from his own practise and playing time to teach him. That kind of support and encouragement was rare, in Charlie’s experience, and it was really nice to have someone as capable as Nick supporting him, even in such a ridiculous endeavour as Charlie Spring learning to play rugby.

As the practises went on, Charlie started seeing a new side of Nick, as well. In form, he was cheerful, but quiet, rarely engaging with anyone but Charlie. In his classes, he seemed to be okay with being a mediocre student, from what Charlie could tell. He often didn’t finish his homework until form, or later; he aimed for solid grades but never seemed bothered by the idea that he could get really good grades if he worked harder. He really just seemed content to go through life with a smile on his face and not too many worries.

Charlie had never been someone like that, and he had never really known someone like that. He was charmed by Nick’s general good humour. But he had to admit, he had wondered how that translated to rugby, which had never struck Charlie as a particularly good-humoured game.

Watching Nick, in the locker room and in practise and with the other players, Charlie started to see why he was so good at the game. He loved it. He studied it at night when he ought to be doing his homework, he came up with good ideas for plays and was not only willing but enthusiastic to explain them to the others. He took the game seriously, his eyes all over the pitch. Nothing that happened escaped him, and he was always there to point out where they needed someone else on the field, to take a tackle himself if needed. And that was with the added distraction of having taken Charlie’s training in the game upon himself.

As they arrived in the locker room, Charlie noticed, the other boys hung on every word Harry Greene had to say. But as soon as they were in their uniforms, it was Nick they looked to. Nick they listened to. He was a natural leader, fair and friendly and endlessly patient, but expecting hard work from himself and from the rest of the team. Watching him play rugby, Charlie thought he could see what Nick Nelson would be like as an adult, and he liked what he saw, more and more every day.

It was largely due to Nick’s enthusiasm and Coach Singh’s support that Charlie began to feel comfortable. At least on the pitch, he was treated as more or less one of the team, once the others got that he was working hard to pick up the basic skills and was learning, albeit slowly. The locker room was a diffferent story—in the locker room, he was Charlie Spring, year 10 gay boy, and they never let him forget it.

But he was also under Nick’s protection. All the boys knew that, even if none of them understood why he was going out of his way any more than Charlie did, and so nothing overt was ever said. As long as Charlie made sure that Nick was always in the locker room when he was, he felt relatively safe.

Chapter Text

Charlie had been finding the rugby more enjoyable than he’d expected to. Because of Nick, yes, but it was also nice to be outside, to be getting some exercise, to be building a new skill. He’d never been a sports person—probably still wasn’t—but he liked being able to hold his own at practise.

After practise one afternoon, getting dressed in the locker room, he found the last thing he’d expected: a text from Ben, asking to meet up in the music block. Charlie froze. He didn’t want to see Ben again. “why?” he texted.

“please charlie I just want to talk”

He supposed he owed Ben that much. Breaking up with someone over text wasn’t a particularly nice thing to do. Sighing, Charlie agreed.

“Charlie?” Looking up, he met Nick’s brown eyes. “You okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because I’ve been talking to you for the last five minutes and you haven’t replied.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Charlie nodded, grabbing his coat. He really just wanted to get this over with. He hurried out of the locker room and across the quad to the academic building, making his way down the darkened corridor until he heard Ben’s voice calling his name.

He put his bags down and walked into the room.

Ben looked him over. “You’re wearing a coat? It’s not even cold.”

Why did Ben care what Charlie did? “It’s February.”

“Lame.”

“What do you want, Ben?”

Ben pushed himself off the wall and came toward him, lifting a hand to caress Charlie’s face. He used to like that. Now it just felt like the lie it was. He slapped Ben’s hand away.

“Don’t touch me.”

“God, what’s your problem? I’m trying to be nice.”

“I said I don’t want to meet up with you anymore.”

“Yeah, and I don’t believe you.”

“What?”

“You’re clearly just scared of getting caught.”

It was a stupid thing to say—Charlie couldn’t have cared less about getting caught. “Why would I be scared of getting caught? Everyone in school already knows I’m gay. You’re the one who’s scared of getting caught. You can’t even look at me when other people are around.”

Ben was staring at him, startled, not having expected Charlie to fight back, it seemed, or not having realised that Charlie had nothing to lose.

“Not to mention the fact that you have a girlfriend,” Charlie added. “Yeah. I’ve seen you with her at the school gate. Thanks for telling me. Oh, wait. You didn’t.”

“Don’t be angry at me for not wanting to come out yet.”

“I’m not angry about that. If you’re figuring stuff out, fine. Take your time. I would have been there for you. Don’t you think I, of all people, would understand you figuring out your sexuality?”

“Then why are you angry at me?”

“I’m angry because you never even slighly cared about my feelings.” It felt good to be angry for once, to be standing up for himself for a change. “We only ever meet up when you want to. Where you want to. When you feel like kissing a boy. You don’t care about me at all.”

“Well, it’s not like anyone else is going to want to go out with you, is it?”

And just like that, it no longer felt good. Because Ben wasn’t wrong, and the only person Charlie could be angry with about that was himself.

Ben put his hands on Charlie’s shoulders and shoved him against the wall, kissing him forcefully. Charlie couldn’t believe he had ever liked this boy, or ever believed that Ben liked him. None of this was about him. It was about Ben, and what Ben wanted, for whatever reason he wanted it.

“Don’t,” he pleaded.

“Charlie. I know you like me.”

“Stop it!” He pushed at Ben’s shoulders, but couldn’t get free.

“Charlie, I like you, but I’m figuring stuff out. Literally what more do you want from me?”

He kissed Charlie again. Near tears, Charlie couldn’t fight any longer. He stood there and took it, and hated himself for it.

And then Ben was gone, forcefully dragged away from Charlie and shoved into the corridor—by Nick Nelson.

Nick put himself between Ben and Charlie. “He told you to stop.”

Ben stood there, glaring at him, but while he could push Charlie around, he wasn’t going to be able to mess with Nick that way.

“Go on,” Nick told him. “Piss off.”

Ben went. Nick turned to Charlie, who rubbed his eyes so it hopefully wouldn’t be so obvious he’d been crying.

“You okay?” Nick asked.

Charlie was not okay. He was terribly embarrassed that Nick, of all people, should have witnessed that ugly scene, and grateful for his help, and ashamed that he’d needed it. “Did you hear all of that?”

“Most of it. I just … You seemed kind of like something was up while we were getting changed, so I … I wanted to check everything was okay.”

“I’m sorry.” Much as Charlie appreciated that Nick had been there, that he had cared enough to check, he also hated that Nick had seen him like this.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“Sorry.”

Nick hesitated for a moment. “You say sorry a lot,” he said at last, smiling a little. As if he could see the “sorry” hovering on Charlie’s tongue, he added, “Don’t say it.”

“I kind of want to say it.”

“Don’t.” Nick chuckled. Then he reached out and clapped Charlie on the shoulder. His hand was warm even through the layers of coat, blazer, sweater, and shirt. “We should get out. We’ll get locked in if we stay here much longer.”

Looking down at his shoulder, Charlie felt incredibly relieved. Nick didn’t seem to think he was disgusting; he wasn’t looking at Charlie differently now that he knew about Ben. That was rare, in Charlie’s experience.

Charlie followed Nick down the corridor and out through the gate. At the street, they stopped and looked at each other. “I’m going this way, so …”

“Yeah, I’m that way.”

“Okay. Bye.” Charlie smiled and waved. He wanted to say more, like “thank you” and “I’m glad you were there,” but it felt strange. They really didn’t know each other that well.

“Bye.” Nick turned around and walked away, and Charlie started walking in the opposite direction, but then he looked back. He supposed it shouldn’t surprise him that Nick Nelson was protective of his friends … but it did surprise him a little bit that Nick counted Charlie as one of those. And that Nick had been so quick to take Charlie’s side over Ben’s, even though he and Ben were already friends.

Just one more thing to like about him, as if Charlie had needed an excuse for his crush to get any stronger.

Chapter Text

As he sat waiting for the bus, Charlie took out his phone, navigating Nick’s Insta and his DMs and starting a message. But it didn’t sound right, so he deleted it and started again. And again, frustrated with himself for making this so complicated.

At last he settled on simplicity. “Thank you x”

By the time Charlie got home, Nick still hadn’t texted back. He got through dinner and homework, then put on his headphones and started practising his drums. In the the middle of that, his phone finally pinged, with a message from Nick. “Are you feeling okay?”

Immediately, Charlie ripped off his headphones and moved over to sit next to his bed, sending a reassuring response: “yeah, i’m fine, don’t worry” with a smiley face.

Nick’s reply came back quickly. “You sure??”

No, Charlie really wasn’t sure. But he also didn’t know how to reply, over text, about a humiliating and painful moment, to the boy who had witnessed and saved him from that moment, but who hardly knew him. And on whom he had an ever-deepening crush. Charlie shifted around on the floor of his room, hoping that moving positions would help him find the words, but nothing sounded or felt right.

At last, a string of texts came in from Nick: “You can talk to me about it if you want” “Sounds like a pretty serious situation” “But you don’t have to” “If you don’t want to”, and finally, “But I am your friend and I do care.”

Charlie smiled at that one. It was so earnest—so Nick. So he started typing out the story, of Ben coming to him in the music room, introducing himself, calling Charlie brave … but he didn’t add how flattered he had been that this good-looking and confident year 11 should approach him, or how he had wanted to believe him so much that he never let himself see all the warning signs. “he never actually wanted to be my boyfriend” “i guess he was just using me” He finished up with, “sorry … i know he’s your friend.”

Nick’s reply came shortly after the final text: “Well, he’s definitely not anymore!!!” “GOD I hate him so much” “Please don’t ever talk to him again.”

Well, that was pretty easily done. Likely Ben wouldn’t want to talk to Charlie, either, or be reminded of the way he had backed down so readily from Nick. “thank you for being my supportive straight friend haha” He sent the message, and then he held his breath, hoping against hope that Nick would respond with something along the lines of “not so straight as all that”.

Instead, Nick’s answer was “Lol that’s okay!!” He followed it up with “If he ever comes near you again I’ll kick his ass,” which was nice to hear, but wasn’t quite what Charlie had hoped for.

Then again, he’d been foolish to get his hopes up anyway. Being friends with Nick would have to be enough. And it was, he told himself. It really was. He sent back a heart emoji, and left it at that for the night.

It was a bit awkward in form the next morning. They smiled at each other and said “hi”, but neither of them was sure how to start a new conversation after the seriousness of last night’s.

As he lay on his stomach on his bedroom floor working on his homework that night, his phone pinged with a text from Nick. “Sorry I didn’t say much today. Couldn’t think what to say.”

Charlie smiled, glad that Nick had started it. He’d typed several openers and hadn’t been happy with any of them. “i thought i was the one who said sorry a lot”

“Must be catching.” “I couldn’t have gotten your spectacular maths ability instead?”

“i told you i’d help you”

“So you did.”

“what are you working on now?”

So Nick told him, and Charlie walked him through a tricky problem, and then he asked about Charlie’s homework, and they talked about a teacher Nick had had in year 10.

Charlie texted “why are we still talking about this?” “we can stop if you want to”

“I messaged you first!!!” “I like talking to you”

He stared at his phone for a minute, just reading those words over and over again. Nick Nelson liked talking to him. Most of Truham would have found that idea laughable—certainly both his and Nick’s friends would—but Charlie had come to know Nick well enough to be sure he wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it.

Nick was still texting him. “also I’m so booored” “I have this geography project to do”

“ew why did you pick geography gcse”

“Because I’m an idiot” ”What did you pick?”

“Music, Latin, Spanish, classics”

“You picked four???” “Omg you are smart” “Also you can’t criticise me for having geography when you do LATIN.”

“okay okay true,” Charlie answered. “you can figure how to solve global warming” “while I learn a dead language”

“Seriously why Latin.”

“because it’s cool” Charlie knew Latin wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but he liked it. It was a little bit like maths, putting the sentences together like an equation.

“Wow,” Nick replied. “I’m judging you so hard right now.”

“ffs i promise i’m cool actually” He wasn’t, really, but he liked the idea that Nick might think he was.

“Nope you have been exposed as a NERD.”

“rude!!!!”

“A cool nerd?”

“that’s better”

“lmao”

They carried on like that, and before Charlie knew it, his mother was knocking at the door. “Bedtime, Charlie. Well past. Not done with your work?”

“No, I am. Just … just finished.”

“All right. Good-night.”

“Good-night.”

He and Nick were in the middle of challenging each other to a MarioKart tournament. Charlie had just texted “it’s ON”

Nick replied, “Anywayyyy I have to sleep now.” “it’s so late haha”

“omg it is i didn’t even notice” Although that would explain his mum’s rather sharp tone.

They took a bit longer to finish up talking completely, but eventually Charlie went to bed, smiling into the darkness.

Nick was really his friend—not just nice, not just someone who showed up to save the day, but someone who actually liked talking to him. Now if only Charlie could stop lying here and dreaming about Nick coming to his senses and realising he liked boys, everything would be great. But he couldn’t, so here he was, wishing for the moon and the stars.

Chapter Text

After having finished his literature test, Charlie scrolled back through his phone, rereading last night’s text conversation with Nick, smiling.

Tao looked over his shoulder and clucked his tongue in disapproval. “He’s straight, Charlie. Like, you only need to glance at him to see that he’s a massive heterosexual. Isaac, back me up on this.”

Isaac looked up from his book long enough to nod. “Ginormous heterosexual.”

“Exactly.”

“Masculine guys can be gay,” Charlie argued. “No offense, but you’re not exactly the authority on working out who is and isn’t gay.” He turned to Isaac. “And bisexual people exist.”

Isaac nodded again and smiled.

Still. Charlie sighed, looking at Tao. “I know he’s straight. He told me.”

“So, you need to get over him.”

More easily said than done. Nick’s smile, his warm brown eyes, his voice, his laugh, the way he filled out his shirts … There was a lot there to get over.

At lunch, Charlie marched into the art room. Mr. Ajayi would know what he should do. “Mr. Ajayi.”

“Charlie Spring.”

“I have a question.”

“Well, I am officially a beacon of learning, so fire away.”

“How do I stop liking someone? Specifically a straight guy.” He sat down, waiting for Mr. Ajayi’s sage advice.

“Ah. The question for the ages.” Mr. Ajayi folded his arms. “I thought you had a boyfriend.”

“No. No, he was horrible. This is someone else.”

“Wow. Being a teenager is terrible.”

Charlie grinned.

“You know, when I was a teenager and had a crush on a straight boy, I just repressed it and suffered.”

“That doesn’t sound very healthy.”

“Mm. Now, this may seem obvious, but have you tried putting some space between you?”

Charlie got up and picked up his books. Clearly he had come to the wrong place for guidance. “I can’t do that.”

“Can’t, or don’t want to?”

“Nope.”

“I’m just saying—”

“I needed realistic solutions. He’s … He’s a really good friend.”

“I’m afraid you’re just going to have to suffer, then,” Mr. Ajayi called after him as he left the room.

That night he and Nick had another marathon texting session, and Charlie found himself laughing so much his sister Tori came to his door to find out if he was okay. He told her he was, and she raised an eyebrow suspiciously before gliding back to her own room.

The next morning in form, Charlie noticed Nick had a lot of brown hairs stuck to his shirt sleeve. He pointed them out to Nick—that could get him a dress code infraction. Nick hastily scrubbed them off. “My dog. Mostly I try not to play with her when I’m dressed for school, but sometimes she’s just too cute. You want to see a picture?”

“Sure.”

Nick pulled out his phone, scrolling through. “This is Nellie.”

She was beautiful—fluffy and sweet-looking. “Oh, my God, she’s so cute. I wish I had a dog. My parents don’t like animals.”

“You should come round my house and meet her," Nick suggested. "Are you free on Saturday?”

Could he go to Nick’s house and spend the day with him? Yes, please. Charlie couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “Yeah. I think so.”

Nick smiled back. “Great. Here, I’ll text you my address. Like, noon?”

“Sounds good.” Charlie looked at the address. “Oh, I know where that is. It’s only about ten minutes from my house. I can walk.”

“Great. See you then.” They smiled at each other again, and Charlie tried not to be as excited as he was. Nick was straight, he reminded himself. They were just friends. Maybe he should tattoo that on his hand so he could see it every time he was tempted to wish for more.

Friday night, his mum picked him up after school. “We’re going to get you a haircut, Charlie.”

“Oh, no! Why? I mean, it’s fine, isn’t it?”

“It’s getting unruly. And I made the appointment a month ago.”

All his efforts to talk her out of it went unnoticed. He went, and his hair was cut, and he watched the mirror anxiously to make sure it wasn’t too short. The last thing he wanted was to go to Nick's house for the first time and have his hair look weird.

But Saturday morning came and Charlie couldn’t stop fussing with his bangs in the mirror. They just didn’t seem to lie right. Even once he was ready to go, he stopped and looked in the mirror in the entry. Yes, his hair was too short.

“Hi.”

Charlie jumped, turning to see his sister leaning in the doorway. “God, Tori.”

“Where you going?”

“Round a friend’s.” That smile was on his face again. He couldn’t seem to stop it.

“Tao’s?”

“No. His … his name’s Nick.” He looked in the mirror again. “Is my hair too short?”

“It looks the same.”

“But is it okay?”

“It looks the same,” she repeated.

Charlie frowned at her. “Great. Thanks.”

“Have fun at Nick’s.”

And she was gone. Charlie retrieved his hat and jacket and set out, trying to time his walk so he’d arrive just at noon. When he turned onto Nick’s street, he checked his phone to make sure he got the right house number.

Standing in front of the door, he reached for the doorbell, but his hand was shaking, and he quickly pulled it back. What if it was terrible? What if they had no fun, and Nick discovered he didn’t like hanging out with Charlie, and then they weren’t friends anymore?

Well, he was here. And if he didn’t ring the doorbell, and he didn’t go in, they wouldn’t be friends anymore anyway.

This time when he reached out, he actually rang the bell.

Chapter Text

The chime of the doorbell inside Nick’s house was followed by the bark of a dog, and then Nick opening the door. He smiled when he saw Charlie. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Charlie took his hat off.

“Uh … This is Nellie.” Nick indicated the dog at his side.

Charlie bent to pet her. She was just as soft and fluffy as she looked. “Hey, Nellie. You’re so adorable.”

When he stood up, Nick’s eyes went straight to his hair, just as he had thought they might. “You got a haircut.”

Oh, God, it was obvious. It was too short. “Um … Is it—is it bad?”

Nick reached out and fluffed Charlie’s bangs. “No. No, you look— It looks great.”

Well, that was a relief. Although Charlie hadn’t been aware that straight boys played with other boys’ hair. Or stared into people’s eyes. God, he really had it bad, didn’t he, if he was already imagining things and he hadn’t even gone into the house yet.

The dog whined and Nick looked away. “Okay, you’d better come in or Nellie will think we’re going for a walk.”

“Okay.”

He went inside, hung up his coat, and was introduced to Nick’s mum, who offered snacks and a cup of tea. Nick checked with Charlie about the snacks, which Charlie declined, and they had tea, but then took sodas up to Nick’s room, followed up the stairs by Nick’s mum’s reminder not to spill the sodas on the carpet.

“All right,” Nick said, “I believe I’m meant to be beating you at MarioKart.”

“You can try.” Charlie grinned at him as Nick set the game up on his console. They perched on the end of Nick’s bed for the game, which Charlie won easily.

Nick looked at him, raising his eyebrows. “Okay. I can see I need to up my game.”

“Considerably,” Charlie told him.

But it was the same every time. Nick handled losing fairly well. Charlie briefly considered letting him win one but decided it would be too obvious.

“Seriously, now. One more game. I think I’ve worked out your weaknesses.”

Charlie laughed and shook his head. “If you say so.” He picked up his controller. Nick kept up for a while, but slowly Charlie pulled ahead.

“Come on, come on—I’m in the lead. Can you just let me—”

“You’re not going to win.”

“Can you let me win one time?”

“I’m not letting you win.”

“You’ve already won, like, five or six games.”

“Yeah, and I’m going easy on you.” It wasn’t really bragging if it was true.

“No … No!”

“Yes!” Charlie laughed as he zoomed to victory one more time.

“How are you so good at this?”

“You get to be good at real sports, I get to be good at fake ones.”

“No, you’re just good at everything.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You are,” Nick insisted. “You’re a proper little nerd.”

“I’m not.” He was, but he was hardly going to admit that to Nick.

“Let’s see: You’re good at video games; literally all school subjects, but especially maths; playing the drums; befriending dogs; and you are good at sports. Like, you run so fast—”

Charlie was blushing at the litany. He was good at those things, but he wasn’t at all used to anyone really noticing or caring. “Shut up!” He put a hand over Nick’s mouth, knocking him over backward onto the bed.

“You know it’s true,” Nick said, his voice muffled by Charlie’s hand. “Get off me. Get off!” But he was laughing as he said it.

Letting go, Charlie straightened. He happened to look out the window and saw a fall of white flakes outside. “Oh, my God.”

“What?”

“It’s snowing.”

Nick turned to look as well, then he looked at Charlie. Both of them smiled and got up, hurrying downstairs to go out into the fresh snow.

Looking Charlie over, Nick frowned. “You’ll be so cold. You want to borrow a jumper?”

Charlie protested, Nick insisted, and Charlie ended up in a warm, soft, bright blue jumper over his shirt and under his coat. It was like being hugged by Nick, he thought—probably as close as he was ever going to get to it.

Then they ran outside into Nick’s back yard, calling for Nellie to come with them. He had a big yard, plenty of space to twirl around and taste the snow, and to throw snowballs at one another—Nick, unsurprisingly, was quite good at that, packing the snow into tight balls and catching Charlie just where he was aiming. By contrast, Charlie’s snowballs were bigger, more loosely packed, and had a tendency to disintegrate before they struck. He was reduced to simply flinging handfuls of snow at Nick and hoping they landed. Nick retaliated by dumping a whole lot of snow on the back of Charlie’s neck while he was bent over collecting more and then retreating behind a tree.

Nellie ran in between them, bounding through the snow happily, and they bent to pet her at the same time, smiling at each other over her soft ears.

When they stood up, Nick said, “Hold on.” He reached out, his fingers trailing through Charlie’s bangs. “You’ve got snow in your hair.”

Charlie could believe that. He couldn’t entirely believe that Nick Nelson was playing with his hair. Again.

“Doesn’t that ever get in your eyes?” Nick asked.

“Sometimes.” Sometimes Charlie used his bangs just for that reason, to hide what he was thinking. Probably he should do that right now, since what he was thinking was how cute Nick was and how much he wished he wasn’t straight. Instead of saying any of that, since he wasn’t an idiot, he said, “Let’s make snow angels.”

“Snow angels? I haven’t done that in years.”

Charlie threw himself on his back in the snow.

“Hold on!” Nick got his phone out and started filming and taking pictures as Charlie made the angel’s wings and skirt.

“Come on, you, too.”

“All right.” So Nick lay down as well. Nellie came to lie between them, and somehow they just didn’t get up again, lying there in the snow, feeling the cool flakes falling on them, and just … talking. About being little and playing in the snow, and favourite sledding hills, and anything that came to mind. Nick took a lot of pictures of the three of them lying there.

Charlie never wanted to leave, but eventually their pants started getting wet from the snow, and Nellie got up and went to the door, a clear indication she was ready to go in.

Nick’s mum offered hot cocoa, but Charlie declined. It was starting to get late, and he had to go home.

“Well, thanks,” he said to Nick as they stood in the doorway.

“Yeah. You, too. See you Monday?”

“Yeah.” Charlie grinned. “If you survive the shame of losing to me at MarioKart.”

Nick grinned back. “I’m going to figure out your secret. Next time, I’m winning.”

“Good luck with that.”

Charlie smiled all the way home. It had been such a good day. Nick wasn’t just cute, or kind, or brave—he was also someone you could just talk to, someone you could hang out with and laugh with. Unquestionably, Charlie’s crush had deepened considerably today. But even more than that, he had learned that Nick could be a real friend. And somehow that was even better.

Chapter Text

Tuesday morning, Nick was bent over his maths homework all form, frowning at the page. Charlie glanced at it over his shoulder. “You know there’s an easier way to do that, right?”

Nick frowned at him. “If I knew that, wouldn’t I be doing it that way?”

Charlie smiled, taking the pen from him. “Here. Let me show you.”

He demonstrated the problem and its solution, with Nick watching closely. “But, wait, how did you get from here to here?” He pointed.

“Like this.” Charlie wrote out the shortcut so Nick could follow it.

Nick shook his head. “I don’t think I ever learnt how to do it like that.”

“It’s not how they teach you. I just figured it out myself.”

“It does look easier than the way I’ve been doing it. Hey. You want to come over after practise and show me how to do it this way? My mum would be happy to feed you if it means getting my maths homework done quicker.”

Charlie nodded, trying to pretend he wasn’t jumping up and down inside. “Okay.”

At Nick’s house later that day, they sat side-by-side, heads bent over the paper, while Charlie showed Nick all the various tricks and shortcuts he’d learnt over the years.

“God, this is so much easier! Why don’t they teach you this way in school?” Nick asked, leaning his head back with a sigh of relief.

“I don’t know. Maybe their job wouldn’t look so hard if we all knew how to do things the easier way?”

“Well, you’re brilliant, that’s what I say. Absolutely brilliant.”

“Shut up,” Charlie said, blushing and looking away. Nick’s brown eyes were fixed on him with an expression that made it very hard to breathe. In anyone who wasn’t straight, that look would have been an invitation to a kiss.

Nick cleared his throat and got to his feet. “You want a cup of tea?”

“Okay.”

Charlie stayed at the table, trying to calm his breathing, while Nick made their tea. He leaned over Charlie to put his cup down, resting one hand on Charlie’s shoulder as he did so. His hand was so warm, Charlie could feel the touch through his shirt and T-shirt, and the warmth lingered even after Nick had hastily pulled his hand back.

That Friday, they took Nellie for a walk in the park to celebrate the end of the half-term. As they walked, Nick kept drifting toward Charlie, bumping his shoulder, apologising, moving away, and then slowly drifting again.

Eventually, Charlie asked, “Do you want to switch sides?”

“What?” Nick looked confused, like he wasn’t even aware of what he’d been doing. “Oh. No. It must just be your magnetic personality.”

He smiled at Charlie, that lopsided smile that only appeared occasionally. His brown eyes were warm, lit with humour. It was a devastatingly cute look. If Charlie hadn’t known better, he would have sworn Nick Nelson was flirting with him.

His breath left his body entirely, and he nearly had to stop walking. Nick was still looking at him, and he was looking at Nick, and he was sure there was a ridiculous smile on his face.

Then the smile left Nick’s face like it had never been there and he made a joke about his science test and Charlie might have thought he had imagined the whole thing—except that Nick kept drifting into him for the rest of the walk.

They spent Saturday afternoon going through all of Nick’s videogames, finding that Charlie beat him easily at most of them.

Monday, Charlie went over to Nick’s to watch a movie. They ended up watching The Transporter, which they’d both seen but not for a while. Nick knew about cars, so he was able to fill Charlie in on some of the details of the car stunts.

Nellie stretched out between them, her nose on Charlie’s leg and her back feet on Nick’s. “You know, she doesn’t usually like my friends that much,” Nick said. “’Course, usually they come over in a big group and they’re very loud. You’re not like that; you’re much more gentle with her.” His voice was soft, and when Charlie looked over at him, Nick’s eyes were fixed on his face, wide and … tender. That was the only word for it.

Charlie’s heart thudded against his ribcage. That was not a friendly look. That was not a straight boy’s look.

Nellie stirred suddenly and the moment passed, but Charlie couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Wednesday it rained, so they spent the afternoon in Nick’s room, scrolling through their phones, showing each other old pictures they’d saved, updating their Instas. It was so nice and so comfortable, just hanging out together, not even talking sometimes. Isaac was like that—they could just hang in his room reading books—but Charlie didn’t know anyone else he could just relax with like this. Crush or no crush, Nick was rapidly becoming one of the best friends Charlie had ever had.

When it came time to leave, Nick walked him to the door. “Is it silly if I say I had a really good day? Like, we didn’t even do anything.”

“I know. But, same.” Charlie smiled. They were standing really close to each other in the hall—it was an effort to reach for the door instead of reaching for Nick. He really wondered how much Nick would protest if he did. The way he was standing there, so close, made Charlie think Nick might be about to hug him.

Instead, Nick took a sudden step back. “So, movie on Sunday? You can pick this time.”

“Yeah. Sounds good. ‘Night, Nick.”

“’Night, Charlie.” Nick’s voice was soft, and it sent a shiver down Charlie’s spine.

Sunday’s movie was the old Tim Burton Batman, which Nick had never seen. They sat closer together on the couch today, with Nellie tucked between them. All through the movie, they kept reaching to pet her at the same time, their hands brushing. Nick withdrew his hand quickly the first couple of times, but after that, their hands would touch for longer before he took his away.

Charlie was glad he’d seen the movie before, because otherwise he wouldn’t have had the faintest idea what it was about.

When the credits rolled, Nellie got sleepily off the couch. Nick’s mum took her out for her nightly walk, and Nick and Charlie stayed on the couch, facing each other. Almost, but not quite, close enough to touch.

“You know what we need to do next,” Nick said.

Charlie knew what he would suggest, but he had no idea what Nick was about to say. “What?”

“The MCU.”

“The what?”

“The Marvel Cinematic Universe.”

“Oh.” Charlie was disappointed at first—he had hoped for so much more—until it occurred to him what Nick was suggesting. “Aren’t there like thirty movies?”

Nick smiled. “About that. Plus a couple of TV shows.”

“That’s a lot of movies.” And a tremendous amount of time spent together watching them.

“Well, if you’d rather not …” Nick sighed and started to sit up.

“No! No, it sounds … good,” Charlie said hastily. Only when Nick’s brown eyes warmed and that adorable lopsided smile appeared did he realise that Nick had been teasing him. Or flirting with him? It was so hard to tell.

Neither of them moved. They stayed there, just looking at each other, smiling at each other, until the door banged closed behind Nick’s mum when she came back with Nellie.

Both of them immediately jumped up and went to pet Nellie.

Nick walked Charlie to the door. “See you in form tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Charlie hesitated. He wanted … so many things. But what if he tried something and he’d been reading Nick’s signals all wrong?

“Charlie.” Nick’s voice halted him halfway through the door, and he stopped to look back. Nick had his hands in his pockets, and he was frowning a little bit. At last he said, “I had a really good week. Um … thanks. For hanging out so much.”

A smile spread across Charlie’s face. “Me, too. I’ll … I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah.”

And then Charlie left. Walking home, he kept thinking of the way Nick had looked at him, the brush of their hands as they reached for the dog. Could it be? Did Nick have a crush on him, too?

Much as Charlie tried to tell himself it wasn’t possible, he couldn’t quite seem to make himself believe it.

Chapter Text

Charlie felt a bit strange being the only reserve on the rugby team, standing alone on the sidelines while everyone else played. It felt very conspicuous … and a little bit ridiculous. Although it was nice to have a chance to just stand and watch Nick play rugby. It was so obvious that he loved it, and that this was what he truly poured himself into. It was a strange contrast with the gentle and thoughtful person Charlie was coming to know off the field, and made Nick all the more interesting in Charlie’s eyes.

Tao came and joined him when the match was nearly over. “So. We’re doing well?”

“Don’t pretend you have any idea you know what’s going on.”

“Which end are we supposed to be getting the ball to?”

Charlie pointed. “That end. Nick scored most of the points.” He couldn’t help smiling.

“Well, he is the Rugby King.”

“Yep.”

“I wanted to talk to you about Nick, actually,” Tao said.

“Yeah? Me, too.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah.” Charlie paused, and then said “Yeah” again, because he knew how what he was about to say was going to sound. “Well … you know how I thought he was straight?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’ve kind of been feeling like maybe he isn’t. Like he might like me back.”

Tao reacted about the way Charlie had expected him to—with a worried look and a toneless “Oh.”

“There’s just been all these little moments over the past couple of weeks and during the half-term. Like, we’ve been hanging out nonstop, and he’s been acting a little bit flirty sometimes. Obviously, like, I’m not getting my hopes up, but I just think maybe there’s a chance.” Tao looked distressed. “What?”

“Um …”

“What?”

“Nick likes a girl.”

Charlie was crestfallen. He’d been so sure of the signals. He turned away from Tao so his friend couldn’t see how disappointed he was. “What?”

“Like, he’s in love with a girl.”

“Wha … How do you know that?”

“Okay, I know how much you like him, and I just don’t want you to get hurt. So I decided to do some digging over the half-term. I messaged Otis, since I sort of know him from doing the school play, and I know he’s friends with Nick, and I just slyly asked if Nick was going out with anyone because I might have a friend who was interested. And he said that Nick’s single, but he’s super interested in this girl from the girls’ school.”

“What girl?”

“Her name’s Tara Jones.”

On the field, the match was over—Charlie thought they’d won, but he couldn’t be sure. What he could be sure of was that Nick was trying to catch his eye, detaching himself from the rest of the lads and waving at him and calling his name, making Charlie’s heart leap and then fall with a thud.

Charlie gave a half-hearted wave back. He’d been lying when he said he wasn’t getting his hopes up. He had. He’d counted on being right about Nick … or, at least, on not being proved wrong. And now all the colour seemed to have gone out of everything.

“That’s it,” Tao said. “Emergency intervention, my house, tonight. We’ll call in Elle and Isaac, and we’ll cure you of this Nick Nelson obsession once and for all.”

“Great,” Charlie said without enthusiasm. He was pretty sure that wasn’t possible at this point.

Isaac and Charlie got to Tao’s at the same time, and they all went up to Tao’s room, where he pulled up a photo of Tara Jones on his phone for Charlie to look at. “As your token straight friend, it’s my duty to remind you that sometimes people are straight. It’s an unfortunate fact of life.”

Charlie didn’t deny that—but he’d spent so much time with Nick recently, and not only had this girl’s name never come up, girls in general hadn’t. Of course, maybe that was because Charlie was gay and Nick didn’t want to talk about that kind of thing with him. Maybe, embarrassingly enough, it was because Charlie’s crush on Nick was too obvious and Nick didn’t want him round anymore but was too nice to say so.

Isaac looked over Charlie’s shoulder at Tara Jones’ Insta. “But we don’t know if she actually likes Nick back.”

“Isaac! I’ve already warned you about encouraging Charlie’s crushes on straight boys.”

Isaac smiled. “But I want to believe in romance!” Elle came in behind them as Isaac was speaking, and he turned to her. “Elle! So there’s this girl at Higgs who apparently Nick’s got a crush on?”

“We’ve heard from multiple sources,” Tao added.

“But we don’t know if they’re actually a thing. So can you talk to her, because she’s in your year at school?” Isaac asked.

“Charlie literally won’t give up on this straight boy until we know for sure.”

“Oh, my God, be quiet!” Elle had barely even gotten her coat off. She sat down on Tao’s desk chair. “Okay. Slowly. What do you want?”

“Do you know a girl called Tara Jones?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you ask her if she likes Nick Nelson?” Isaac asked eagerly.

“Nick Nelson?” Elle frowned at Charlie. “You might as well give up right now. He’s the straightest person I have ever seen.”

“Thank you!” Tao said with relief.

Elle added, “And I don’t know Tara that well. I can’t just go up to her and ask her who she fancies. And I’m too busy being the cool, mysterious new girl who everyone wants to hang out with.”

Charlie had been silent this whole time, trying to come up with a way to give up his crush on Nick without giving up his friendship with Nick. He couldn’t imagine how to do either, but he wasn’t about to admit that to his friends. “I’m fine,” he told them all. “It’s honestly fine. I’m just being an idiot.” He looked up at Elle, not entirely intending to plead with his eyes, but apparently he managed to do so quite effectively anyway.

She sighed. “Okay. Look, if and only if I get the chance, I’ll ask her.”

The smile came to his face without his meaning it to, and he got up to hug her. “Thank you!”

“I make no promises!”

Isaac got up and joined the hug, and all three of them looked at Tao, holding out their arms. And then it was like old times, all of them together, and for a little while, Charlie could forget about Nick and his doomed crush.

But his newfound resolve to see Nick as just a friend didn’t even last through form the next morning. Nick came in, blazerless as usual, and took his seat, slinging his coat over the back of his chair and dropping his bag next to the table. “Hey.”

Charlie turned to look at him, unable to keep himself from imagining how it would go if he asked, how Nick would say he was definitely straight and they should stop being friends because Charlie’s crush was super embarrassing.

“Charlie.”

Nick’s voice broke the imaginary conversation and Charlie looked away from him. “What?”

“You just spaced out.”

“Oh.”

After a moment, Nick pulled his chair a little closer to Charlie’s and ducked his head so he could look into Charlie’s face. “What?” he asked softly. “What’s up?”

Charlie turned to look into those brown eyes, taking a deep breath. “Do you—” But what could he ask? Do you like boys? Do you think you could ever like me? He couldn’t ask those things, not right out, and certainly not here, in the middle of form, when the bell would ring any minute. “Do you want to come round my house?”

Nick laughed, with that lopsided smile that was too cute for words. “Yeah. This weekend?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. That all?”

Charlie nodded. “Sorry. I’m a little out of it this morning.”

“It happens. Nearly overslept myself.”

The bell rang, and they went to class, leaving Charlie as deep in the throes of his crush as ever.

Chapter Text

Saturday came. Charlie had checked his hair at least a dozen times by the time Nick arrived, but he checked it once more for good measure before opening the door.

Nick stood there smiling at him. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Charlie stepped aside to let him in and showed him where to leave his coat and shoes, then led Nick up to his room.

Nick was immediately drawn to the drum kit. Charlie showed him how it worked, and the headphones that kept it from being too loud for the rest of the house. “You want to try?”

“Can I? I don’t want to break anything.”

“No, it’s fine.”

Nick sat down and hit about with the drumsticks, producing something that was almost completely the opposite of music. It was so strange—and so cute—to see Nick this awkward at something that Charlie couldn’t help laughing. “You’re terrible.”

“I’m trying.” He managed a rhythm for a few seconds, but lost it again.

“Here, budge up, let me help.” Nick slid over on the stool and Charlie squeezed in next to him. He put his hands over Nick’s and guided him in a rhythm. “There.” He turned to Nick, smiling. “You’re a pro now.”

They were so close together, sitting there on the same stool, Charlie’s hands on Nick’s, smiling at each other, and Charlie wished … well, he wished for something that wasn’t possible, he reminded himself.

He let go of Nick’s hands and stood up. “Um … Well, that’s—that’s probably cheating, though.”

Nick looked at him for a moment before clearing his throat. “Uh … probably.” He stood up and handed Charlie the drumsticks. “Here. You play something.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, whatever you would play if you were alone.”

“Okay.” So Charlie sat down and showed off a bit. Then they played video games for a while, which Nick lost … as usual.

“You know, I used to think I was good at these.”

“It must be a shock to you. Nick Nelson, not good at something.”

“No, there are a lot of things I’m not good at—as you know, since you’re better than me at everything.”

Charlie ducked his head, embarrassed at the praise. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not being ridiculous. Just trying to imagine how I got to be friends with such a nerd.”

“I’m sorry.”

Nick immediately shook his head. “Don’t say that anymore. I was just joking. I like being friends with you.”

Charlie was filled with warmth. “Good. Me, too.”

There was a silence between them, Nick moving closer to him, almost as if he wasn’t aware of it, his eyes darkening. Then he stepped back again, and Charlie wondered what had nearly happened.

To break the tension, he suggested snacks, although he wasn’t very hungry, and they put on a movie. Nick let Charlie pick, since it was his house, so they watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, which was old but funny.

At some point, unable to follow the movie because Nick was there, so close, so out of reach, Charlie let his head rest on the back of the couch, just watching Nick’s face.

The next thing he knew, Nick was gently shaking him awake. “Charlie.”

“Hm?” He opened his eyes, seeing Nick’s face right there in front of him, and smiled. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Nick smiled back, so close, his brown eyes so warm and soft. Then Nick’s phone pinged and the moment was gone. “Oh, my God, it’s so late. My mum’s asking if I got lost.” He tapped out a reply text, then looked back at Charlie. “Got to go home.”

Charlie nodded, still feeling half-asleep. “Okay.” He pulled the blanket around his shoulders, getting up off the couch and following Nick to the entry, watching as he put his shoes back on. “I wish you didn’t have to go.” He could have kicked himself as soon as he said it.

But Nick said, “I wish I didn’t, either.” He shrugged his coat on, smiling at Charlie. “You look so … cuddly like that.”

Cuddly? He looked cuddly? Nick wanted to cuddle him? “Do I?” He could hardly breathe, the entry seeming so small with both of them in it.

Nick was looking at him in a way that was almost … wistful. “Yeah.” His eyes moved to Charlie’s face, and he hesitated. Charlie wanted desperately to know what he was thinking.

And then suddenly Nick was hugging him, tight, his arms wrapped around Charlie and his face pressed into Charlie’s shoulder.

God, he smelled good. And the way it felt to have Nick’s arms round him, so warm— Unable to believe this was really happening, Charlie’s response was slow. He lifted his arms, clasping them round Nick, trying not to let himself like this too much, and failing completely. He wanted to pull Nick closer, to feel more of his warmth, but he was afraid to seem too eager. Whatever was happening, whatever this was, Charlie didn’t want to mess it up.

Nick’s head lifted as Charlie’s arms came round him, and his whole body froze. Then he let go abruptly. “Um … Okay. See you Monday.” And he was gone, without looking at Charlie again.

Charlie felt suddenly cold without the warmth of Nick’s body against him. Had Nick not wanted to hug him? Should he not have hugged back?

From behind him, he heard his sister’s voice. “I don’t think he’s straight.”

Charlie turned to see her leaning against the doorway with her ever-present glass of water. He looked back at the door, wishing so much for her to be right. “Straight guys hug.”

“Not like that.”

She disappeared round the corner, and Charlie went up to his room. He could still feel Nick’s arms round him, his heart still pounding from the contact. Pulling out his phone, he went to his group text with Tao, Isaac, and Elle. The last conversation had been about Nick—Isaac hoping for Charlie’s sake that Nick was secretly gay, Tao begging him not to give Charlie ideas. Well, it was much too late to keep Charlie from getting ideas. Especially now.

“what does it mean when Hot Straight Boy hugs you for like a full ten seconds,” Charlie typed, then hit Send.

Tao’s response was predictable: “he was probably imagining you were tara”

“SHHH LET ME DREAM,” Charlie replied.

Then a pair of texts came in from Elle: “okay charlie don’t ask me how I know this, but … tara definitely doesn’t like nick back” “there’s ZERO chance of tara and nick becoming a thing”

Charlie sat upright, relief and excitement filling him. Maybe there was a chance for him, then. He remembered the look on Nick's face when he woke him up, the feeling of Nick's arms round him. Maybe there was.

Chapter Text

All of Charlie’s hopeful thoughts went out the window in the locker room before rugby practise on Monday.

They were all talking about Harry Greene’s upcoming birthday party. He’d invited what sounded like a massive number of people, none of whom were going to be Charlie. He didn’t mind at all not being invited; the less time he spent in the presence of Harry Greene, who liked to poke people until he got a rise out of them, the happier he’d be.

Busy trying to keep his eyes off Nick while he changed his shirt, Charlie wasn’t paying a lot of attention to the conversation until Harry brought up Tara Jones. He glanced quickly at Nick to see what his reaction was, but Nick didn’t appear to be paying attention. He’d been unusually quiet all day—no chat in form this morning, the briefest of “hi”s in the corridor.

“Mate, she is fit,” one of the other lads said. Christian was nice enough on his own, but spent too much time hanging on Harry’s every word, in Charlie’s opinion.

“Nick is going to have his pick of two girls,” Harry said.

Two girls? He glanced up at Nick, who was looking at him, as if to see what he thought, and they quickly turned away from each other. So who was the second girl?

Charlie was glad when another of the lads, Sai, asked that very question.

“Imogen, obviously,” Harry answered. “Everyone knows she fancies him.”

Nick had been silent through all this talk, even though it was about him, but now he spoke up. “Yeah, what?” His voice was as hard as Charlie had ever heard it.

Sai looked uncomfortable. “Oh, um, nothing. We’re talking about Tara Jones. Apparently she’s going to be at Harry’s party.”

“What about her?” Nick asked, still in that tone that said he was unhappy with the whole conversation.

“Just thought you might be interested, mate.” Typical Harry, completely unaware of anyone else’s feelings.

“Didn’t you have some childhood romance thing with her?” Christian asked.

In the general laugh that followed, Nick’s quiet voice was almost drowned out. “We don’t have a thing. We just kissed at a party one time.”

“Yeah, that was like three years ago,” Sai pointed out. “Nick’s got a thing with Imogen now, anyway.”

“No! No, I don’t,” Nick said vehemently.

Charlie looked over at him. He didn’t sound like someone who had a crush on either of the girls, although maybe he just didn’t like the way the boys were talking.

Christian stood up and pointed a hand at Nick. “He has two proper fit girls trying to get with him, and he’s not even bothered.”

“If you’re not into Imogen, then Saturday night’s your chance with Tara. That’s all I’m saying.” All the others made encouraging sounds, and Harry grinned.

Nick was quiet, pulling his shoes on, and Charlie hoped he would shut the whole conversation down. But, “Yeah,” he said at last. “Maybe.”

Charlie looked at Nick again. Was he serious, or was he just trying to get them all to shut up? When Nick met his eyes a moment later, he couldn’t tell.

Nick was distant and distracted the rest of the week, until Friday morning. When Charlie arrived in form, Nick was just sitting there. Usually he had homework to finish, or he was doodling something, but this morning nothing. He looked up when Charlie took his seat, but he didn’t reply to the morning “hi”.

He started to say something and thought better of it, while Charlie waited to see what was wrong.

Suddenly, Nick said, “Do you want to go to Harry’s party?”

It was the last thing Charlie expected to hear.

Then Nick added, “With me.”

Okay, that was the last thing Charlie expected to hear.

“Oh,” he said, flummoxed. If it were anywhere other than Harry’s party, the answer would have been yes, immediately, but … especially after the locker room … He hated to say no to Nick, but in this circumstance, it seemed like the right answer. “I don’t know. It doesn’t really sound like my sort of thing.”

“Please come. I want you to be there.”

It really was impossible to resist those brown eyes. They took Charlie’s breath away. Charlie could feel the smile spreading irrepressibly across his face. “Okay.”

Nick smiled back, still looking into Charlie’s eyes. Charlie managed to tear his gaze away, telling himself that hadn’t meant what it sounded like it meant, telling himself not to get his hopes up … but he couldn’t help it. The whole conversation had sounded an awful lot like Nick asking him out.

As soon as he got home, Charlie threw himself on his bed and pulled out his phone. “NICK INVITED ME TO HARRY’S PARTY” “IM SCREAMING AJDBSJSBSISBFC”, he texted the group chat.

“omg you’re going to a popular people party,” Elle replied.

“wait isn’t that tomorrow?” Tao asked.

“yeah? why?”

“I thought we were having a film night round my house tomorrow”

Charlie felt bad. He knew Tao had been looking forward to an old-fashioned film night, the four of them. “I’m so sorry I totally forgot :(“ “I told Nick I would go with him to the party”

“you said you’d hang out with us!!”

Charlie thought of the look in Nick’s eyes when he asked him to go to the party. He couldn’t not go, not if there was any chance he might get to see Nick look like that again. “can we just do that another time?”

Tao texted back “it’s our film night!! It’s sacred!! Isaac and Elle, back me up on this!!”

Nothing came from either of them.

“i know, i’m sorry. i’ll make it up to you!” Charlie promised.

“it’s okay, it can just be us three tomorrow and we’ll do something us four soon! :)” Elle replied.

That ended the discussion, and Charlie felt badly … but he was also excited.

He took his time with his hair the next night, wanting it to be perfect. His dad was ready to go before Charlie was satisfied he looked right.

“Charlie, you sure about this?” his dad asked on the way there.

“Yeah. It’ll be fine.” He hoped it would be better than fine. All his attempts to not get his hopes up had completely failed. He couldn’t wait to see Nick.

They pulled up in front of the hotel, which had balloons attached to it everywhere, and a line of people outside the door. They could hear the music pounding from inside the car.

“Pick up at ten, okay?”

“Can’t it be eleven?”

His dad shook his head. “No. Ten is late enough.”

“Fine.”

As he was reaching for the door handle, his dad said, “Charlie.”

“Yeah?”

“Call me if you need me, okay?”

Charlie smiled. His dad had been really bothered by the bullying last year. Neither of his parents were exactly warm, but his dad had tried hard to change and be more supportive, and Charlie appreciated that. “I will,” he promised. “Thanks, Dad.”

He got out of the car and joined the line to get inside.

Chapter Text

Charlie found his way inside the party, and then followed the pounding beat of the music into the main ballroom.

There were people everywhere. Apparently Harry had invited everyone in the world to his party.

At the top of a flight of stairs, he found a mirror and did a final hasty check of his hair. Still fine. The closer he got to the ballroom, the more nervous he felt. What if this was all a big mistake? What if Nick had invited him only to laugh at him? In his heart, he knew Nick wasn’t that kind of person, but at the moment his stomach wasn’t so certain.

He reached the main ballroom, threading his way through the dancers. And finally he found Nick. God, he was so hot. Charlie was so used to seeing him in his uniform, or the plain T-shirts and jumpers he favored out of school, that he hadn’t been prepared for a dressed-up version. Still in a plain T-shirt, but it hugged his body in a way his T-shirts didn’t usually do, and he wore a short-sleeve patterned button-down over it that fit his muscular arms like it had been tailored for him.

Across the room, their eyes met, and the immediate answering smile on Nick’s face made Charlie feel instantly more confident. They met in the middle of the dance floor, and Nick reached out to put his hands on Charlie’s shoulders.

“I’ve been looking for you,” they said to each other at the same time, then laughed. For a moment, they just stood there smiling at one another.

“Let’s get something to drink,” Nick said at last. He had to lean very close to be heard over the music.

Charlie nodded. Anything to get off the dance floor.

They found an empty sofa in a quieter hallway, and sat down. And then it was just like any time they were round one another’s house, talking so easily about nothing.

But Charlie should have known it wasn’t going to last. He looked up and saw Harry Greene standing in front of them. “Nicholas!”

The smile faded from Nick’s face as though he dreaded having to deal with Harry as much as Charlie did. “All right, mate.”

“Why are you hangin’ out in here? It’s a bit boring, innit?”

All the others were behind Harry, and they laughed like he had said something really funny.

“We just … are,” Nick answered.

Harry plopped down on the couch, throwing his arm over Nick’s shoulders. “I’ve got some important news for you.”

“Yeah, what?”

“Tara Jones is here.”

The rest of the lads made noises like that was a big deal, and Charlie wondered why. In a party full of people, they were all just hanging around behind Harry. Couldn’t they go off and meet girls on their own? Why did they care so much if Nick went out with a girl?

“So what?” Nick asked. To Charlie, it was obvious that he was uncomfortable, but Harry didn’t notice—or didn’t care.

“So this is your big second chance, mate! Let’s make it happen.” Across Nick, he said to Charlie, “They kissed when they were thirteen. Proper romantic. He should go for it, right?”

Charlie didn’t answer. He hated to see Nick this uncomfortable, and he trusted Elle when she said Tara wasn’t interested.

Harry got up, reaching for Nick’s hand to pull him up as well. “Come on, mate.”

“Harry,” Nick protested, but Harry put his arm round Nick’s shoulders and walked him down the hall.

Charlie stood up and watched as Nick was drawn in front of Tara Jones. She looked nicer dressed for the party than in the picture Tao had shown him.

All the others closed in and followed Nick and Harry. Charlie tried to see over them, but could only catch a glimpse.

Nick and Tara were talking, and Charlie felt a rush of nervousness. Maybe Elle had been wrong. Maybe Charlie had been wrong about Nick. Maybe the two of them were going to be a couple.

The last thing he wanted was for the rest of the rugby team to turn their attention to him, so he ducked through the nearest door to get out of the way.

Charlie lost himself in the corridors. It seemed that everywhere he turned there was another one, and so many people. He wouldn’t have been surprised if every teenager in England was here. And of them all, there was only one he wanted to see, and he was with someone else.

After all his twists and turns, he found himself in a darkened corridor with no one else in it. No, there was one other person, walking toward Charlie. Ducking his head, Charlie tried to get out of the way, but ended up bumping the other boy’s shoulder. “Sorry.”

They turned and looked at one another, and Charlie found to his surprise that it was Ben. It hadn’t even occurred to him that Ben would be here—in the anticipation of seeing Nick, Charlie had forgotten Ben existed.

They stared at each other. “Hey,” Ben said.

Charlie stood frozen, not sure what to say.

Ben came closer to him. “Look, I’m sorry about what happened. Okay? Have you finished sulking about it?”

How dare he? Physically assault him and then act like Charlie was overreacting? Charlie pushed past him. “Leave me alone.”

“Oh, come on.” Ben reached out and grabbed Charlie’s arm.

“Do not touch me!” Charlie whirled round and shoved at him, pushing him back against the wall. He couldn’t believe he had ever fallen for this kind of open manipulation.

Without another word, he turned and went back to the party. He couldn’t find Nick, suddenly sure that he was with Tara and all Charlie’s imaginings were for nothing. Eventually, he ended up just sitting alone on a sofa off the dance floor, trying to decide if it was worth calling his dad and going home early.

Then, suddenly, Nick was there, sitting down next to him, smiling at him, and everything felt right again.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“You left.” Nick said it like he’d been looking for him ever since, like Charlie was the only person at the party he wanted to see.

“Sorry, I … I felt like I was in the way. And your year 11 friends are kind of intimidating.”

“Yeah. I don’t know if I want to hang out with those guys anymore. I’d rather hang out with you, anyway.” Nick looked him in the eyes. He really was so beautiful; it was hard to breathe, looking at him. Charlie wanted to reach out and smooth back the length of red hair that spilled across his forehead.

To keep from doing that—or any of the other things he wanted to do right now—he changed the subject. “So, I just ran into Ben.”

“Ben?”

“Yeah. I mean … I dealt with it. He tried to, like, apologise for what happened, but I pushed him into a wall and told him to go away.” He suddenly couldn’t believe he had done that. Last fall he would never have had the courage to stand up for himself like that. “I think he got the message this time.”

Nick smiled. “I’m so proud!” He put his hand on Charlie’s.

“Shut up,” Charlie said shyly. Their eyes met, here in the middle of the party, and Charlie couldn’t help but be aware that Nick Nelson was holding his hand, and didn’t seem to be in a hurry to stop.

“It’s kind of noisy in here, isn’t it?” Nick asked after a moment.

“Yeah.”

“Shall we go somewhere quieter again?”

Oh, yes. Whatever it was that was in Nick’s eyes, Charlie wanted more of it. He smiled. “Okay.”

“Come on.” Still holding on to Charlie’s hand, Nick got up and led him through the crowd. In a doorway next to a stairwell, Nick stopped and looked at him. “You want to race?”

Charlie grinned. “Oh, you want to race me?”

“No! No, no,” Nick called after him, but it was too late.

Charlie hit the stairs running, hearing Nick’s feet pounding after him. Nick was complaining all the way up that Charlie was going too fast, but he was right there behind him, so Charlie kept going. He left the stairs and ran down a corridor, with Nick calling after him, “I’m dying!”

“That’s because you’re old.” Charlie pulled open a door and found himself alone in an empty room, so far from the party that even the bass line from the dance floor was barely audible. Alone—with Nick.

Chapter Text

The room they were in was some kind of small ballroom, very fancy. “Whoa!” Charlie said, spinning around to take it all in.

“Yeah.”

“How did Harry hire this entire place?”

“Oh, he’s like, extremely rich.”

“He should have gone on My Super Sweet 16.”

Nick grinned. “So he could cry when his parents got him the wrong color Lamborghini.”

“Exactly.” Charlie laughed.

Still breathing heavily from the race up the stairs, Nick sat down with his back against the wall, and Charlie followed, sitting next to him.

Suddenly the air felt heavy. Whatever Nick had meant by inviting Charlie to come to the party with him, whatever he’d wanted to talk about when he suggested going somewhere quieter, now was going to be the time, but Nick was silent.

So Charlie spoke. He needed to know where things stood for Nick and Tara, if he had to give up this crush once and for all. “So … was Harry being serious? Do you like Tara?”

“What? No. No, definitely not.”

Well, that was a relief. But that left the next question: “So, you don’t have a crush on anyone at the moment?” Charlie’s breath was coming fast, and not from the run up the stairs.

Nick thought that over for a second. “Well … I didn’t say that.”

“Oh.” So it must be that other girl, Imogen, the one they’d talked about in the locker room. “What’s she like, then?”

“You’re just going to assume they’re a she?”

Charlie’s heart thudded against his ribcage. For a moment, he wasn’t sure he’d heard right. “Are they—are they not a girl?” he stammered, shocked, staring at Nick. For all his hopes, all his fantasies, he’d never imagined it could really be possible.

Nick’s eyes widened, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d said, either. He looked away. “Um …”

Probably he should leave it alone, Charlie thought. Probably he should let Nick decide what happened next. But he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “Would you go out with someone who wasn’t a girl?”

After some consideration, Nick said, “I don’t know.” Then, “Maybe.”

Charlie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was this possible? Was he dreaming? Slowly, he shifted one foot closer to Nick’s. He moved his right hand, resting it on his knee first, then cautiously putting it down on the floor, close to Nick’s hand but not touching it. He wanted to ask the next question, but with every question he asked the possibility of a “no” grew both greater and more devastating. Still … he had to know. “Would you kiss someone who wasn’t a girl?”

That one was harder for Nick to answer. At last he lifted his head and met Charlie’s eyes. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, as if he was having as much trouble breathing as Charlie was. “I don’t know.”

Well, there was really only one question left, wasn’t there? Charlie was terrified to ask it, knowing how much it would hurt if Nick said no … but he had come too far not to ask.

He looked down at their hands on the floor, edging his over bit by bit until he could lift his pinkie and slide it along Nick’s. He could feel the contact buzzing all through him. Nick was staring at their hands, too, and Charlie wondered if he could also feel the crackle of electricity where they touched.

Nick looked up at him, nervous, holding his breath. So Charlie asked the last question, the one they were both waiting for. “Would you kiss me?”

Looking back down at their hands, licking his lips, Nick shifted his hand so their pinkies were entwined. Charlie had never known it could feel like this just to touch someone’s hand.

They looked up again, into each other’s eyes. Nick took a deep breath, moistening his lips again, searching for words. He managed what looked like a nod, and then breathed out the answer Charlie had been waiting for, dreaming about, the one he still couldn’t quite believe he’d heard. “Yeah.”

Slowly they moved closer to one another, their eyes closing. And then it happened. He, Charlie Spring, was kissing Nick Nelson.

It was soft, and sweet, and over almost before Charlie could believe it was happening.

They looked each other in the eyes again, then turned away from one another, trying to decide what came next, but they left their hands connected on the floor between them.

After a moment in which Charlie tried, and failed, to get his breathing under control, Nick turned to him again. He felt Nick’s fingers separate from his, and looked down at their hands in disappointment, only to see Nick slipping his whole hand into Charlie’s. The brush of Nick’s thumb along the back of Charlie’s hand set his heart to pounding all over again.

As they moved towards each other, Charlie lifted his free hand and cupped Nick’s neck, closing his eyes for the kiss. Nick grasped his shoulder, pulling him closer.

Charlie had been kissed before, but it had never been like this. He felt weightless, dizzy, like he was in danger of falling through space. Letting go of Nick’s hand, he held onto the edge of his shirt to anchor himself here as the kissing went on and on as if it would never stop. He hoped it didn’t.

Eventually, they broke apart to breathe, although as far as Charlie could tell, neither of them could quite remember how. They opened their eyes, faces still so close they could feel each other’s breath on their skin. Nick was trembling, his eyes wide.

Charlie smiled, grasping Nick’s shirt collar with his free hand since the room was still spinning around him. “You okay?”

“I …”

Charlie had rarely seen Nick at a loss for words, but he seemed incapable of coming up with any right now. Which was all right. Charlie could wait.

But they weren’t given that luxury. Before Nick could manage to say anything, they heard the unwelcome voice of Harry Greene. “Nick, are you up here? I just want to talk, mate.”

Hastily, Nick scrambled to his feet, staring at the door in what looked like panic.

“Why are you hiding?” It sounded like Harry was getting closer.

Nick turned back to Charlie, standing there for a moment as if torn. Then he turned without another word and was gone, leaving Charlie truly alone.

Chapter Text

Left alone in the room, Charlie drew his knees up and bent his head, covering the back of his head with his hands.

For a few moments, he didn’t move, didn’t think. Some part of him was waiting to see if Nick would get rid of Harry and then come back. But that was stupid, he told himself eventually. If Nick had meant to come back, he would have said so.

No, Nick was gone. He’d left. Because Charlie had pressured him into doing something he didn’t want to do. What had he been thinking, asking Nick to kiss him? Nick was straight. Everyone knew he was straight. Charlie knew he was straight.

He hadn’t kissed like he was straight, though. He had kissed like—

No. Charlie had imagined the heat of that kiss. He must have. The familiar corridor in his mind where it was all his fault was in front of him, and it was too easy to go down it to stop and try for another direction. Instead he told himself that Nick had been only humouring him, and now he was regretting it. Charlie felt tears stinging his eyes, and he hastily got to his feet. He didn’t want Nick or anyone else to find him in here alone, crying. He’d never live it down.

On his way down the corridor—going the opposite way from the way he and Nick had come to the room, hoping for another set of stairs, not wanting to risk running into anyone—Charlie texted his dad to come get him. He really didn’t want to be standing round outside. He wanted to get out of here, to go home, before the tears that were threatening became a full-blown storm.

As he waited, he tried to think about how cold it was, how much he wished he’d brought a coat—anything to avoid thinking about what had happened in that room. Not yet.

His dad pulled up as Charlie was starting to lose that battle, as he was thinking about what it had been like sitting so close to Nick, who was like a furnace, always so warm.

Charlie got into the car, finding his dad looking at him with concern. “Hey. Hey, you okay?”

He tried to say yes, to get home without losing control, but he couldn’t. He broke down in tears thinking about how good that had felt, how amazing, like a dream come true, and then how wrong it had all been, how selfish of him. Nick would never want to talk to him again. There would be no more hanging out in his room, no more movies or MarioKart, no more long text chats, no more “hi”s in the morning at form. Charlie hadn’t realised how important Nick had become in his life until now, when he was certain he had lost his friendship for good. Forlorn, empty, he wept on his dad’s shoulder, while his dad held him and said it was okay.

Charlie wished he believed him.

Finally he got hold of himself and they started driving home. “Do you want to tell me about it?” his dad asked.

“No.”

“Did someone do something to you?”

Charlie shook his head. It had been all his fault. “No. It … it was me. I—got my hopes up, and it was stupid, and I—” He swallowed hard against more tears. “It was all me.”

His dad laid a gentle hand on his knee. “If you want to talk to me, I’ll listen.”

“I know. Thanks.” He turned his head and looked out the window, because he didn’t want to talk. He wanted to disappear.

At home, he went straight to his room and got into his pyjamas, burying his clothes deep in the hamper, hoping he never had to see them again. Then he climbed into bed, pulling the covers up over his head, and tried not to hear the murmuring of his parents’ voices, worrying about him, just like they always had to.

If he had only left things alone! If he had never asked those questions, Nick wouldn’t have felt pressured to kiss him. It had been an amazing kiss, but … not worth losing Nick’s friendship over.

He’d realised how much he liked spending time with Nick, but it hadn’t occurred to him that in a few short weeks Nick had become his best friend. He felt vaguely disloyal to Tao for even thinking it, but … he and Nick could spend hours together doing nothing. They never ran out of things to talk about, but they could also sit and not talk. Outwardly they had so little in common, but that never mattered. Charlie had felt safe being himself with Nick—the way he mostly only was with Tao and Isaac and Elle—from the very beginning.

And now that was gone, because he’d had to push for more. He hadn’t been satisfied with Nick’s generosity in letting Charlie be part of his life, and he’d lost his best friend.

Reaching out, Charlie took his phone off the bedside table, hoping against hope for a text, but there was nothing. Nick was never going to want to talk to him again.

He kept fending off memories of that kiss, of how it had felt, of the heat of Nick’s hand on his shoulder and the way he’d thought he might just melt through the floor if it went on. The look on Nick’s face when they touched for the first time, the darkness of his eyes just before they closed, the eagerness and the passion of that second kiss …

Charlie stopped himself. That had been an illusion. The Nick he’d thought he was kissing had never existed. The whole night might as well have never happened.

He must have fallen asleep eventually, because he woke to rain pounding on his window—all too appropriate, given the way he felt—and an empty phone. No texts. He truly had messed everything up, and their friendship was over for good.

He tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but instead he just went back to the same loop in his mind. His mother’s sharp knock on his door and her reminder that they were going to Grandma’s today so he needed to get up and get ready was a relief. Better to be awake and miserable than trying to sleep and miserable.

As he was brushing his teeth, trying not to imagine Nick saying “no” to kissing him instead of that breathless “Yeah” that still caused his own breath to catch in his chest at the memory, there came a knock at the front door downstairs.

His mum called from the back of the house for him to answer it, so he hastily finished brushing and went downstairs, opening the door—to find Nick Nelson on his doorstep, standing there in the rain.

“Hi.”

Utterly gobsmacked, all Charlie could do was stand there and say “hi” in return.

Chapter Text

Charlie stared at Nick from the doorway, while Nick stood in the rain, panting like he had run all the way here from his house. “Um … I’m sorry for not texting you,” Nick said at last. “I … I just wanted to talk in person.”

God, he was even beautiful dripping wet. Which was almost certainly not what Charlie should be focusing on right now. “Okay,” he said. Only then did it occur to him that Nick standing outside in the pouring rain was probably not a good idea. He stepped out, grasping Nick by the arms, and pulled him into the entry. “Just—just come in. You’re getting soaked.”

“Yeah. Good idea.”

“Did you forget a coat?”

“Oh.” Nick looked down at his wet jumper as if he had just realised that was all he was wearing. “Uh … Yeah, I … didn’t check the weather before I left.”

Charlie couldn’t help smiling at him. “Idiot.”

Nick smiled, too, which made Charlie hope that maybe, just maybe, they could salvage their friendship out of the mess of last night. “Um …” Nick cleared his throat. “So, about last night. Um … I just wanted to say that—”

But before he could continue Charlie’s mum appeared out of the back of the house. “Nick. I didn’t know you were coming round.”

“Um … Yeah. Sorry, yeah,” Nick said awkwardly.

“He’s just picking up a jumper he left here last week,” Charlie lied. His mum didn’t like having her plans messed with.

“Right. Uh, well, don’t forget we’re going to Grandma’s this morning, Charlie.” On her way back to the kitchen, she stopped to add, “And you could have at least changed out of your pyjamas.”

Charlie and Nick exchanged awkward smiles. “Let’s go to my room.”

Nick went up first while Charlie shut the door and hastily checked his hair. Why his hair mattered when Nick was about to tell him they couldn’t be friends anymore, he wasn’t sure, but it seemed to.

Once in Charlie’s room, Nick peeled off the wet jumper and dropped it on the bed before turning to Charlie. “Uh … So—”

But Charlie didn’t want to let him talk. He needed to say his piece first and hope that maybe Nick would reconsider and still be his friend, if Charlie promised nothing like last night would ever happen again. “I’m so sorry,” he said rapidly, his eyes fixed on the floor so he didn’t have to see Nick’s face. “I’m so sorry. It was—I didn’t think properly about what I was doing … It was a stupid thing to do, and I don’t want you to feel awkward about it because it was all my fault."

Nick said something, but Charlie couldn’t stop. If he did, he would never get it all out.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you. I bet you just felt pressured to do it because I asked, and—and now you probably don’t want to talk to me ever again, but I at least had to say sorry, see if maybe there’s a chance we can still be friends?”

“Charlie.” Nick grasped him by the arms, but Charlie couldn’t bear to look up into those brown eyes and see pity, or … something worse.

“I don’t want to lose you because I did something stupid.”

“Charlie,” Nick said again, more firmly. He took Charlie’s face in his hands, tilting his head gently but firmly so Charlie was looking up at him instead of at the floor.

For a moment, they stood staring into each other’s eyes, Charlie barely daring to breathe.

Then, still holding Charlie’s face, Nick kissed him. The warmth of Nick, so close, the feel of his hands on Charlie’s face, of his mouth on Charlie’s, was beyond amazing. He kissed Nick back, rising up on his toes to get closer, anchoring one hand in Nick’s shirt to keep from falling bonelessly through the floor.

The kiss ended, and Charlie opened his eyes, meeting Nick’s. Nick’s hands were still on Charlie’s face. He looked stunned, as though he hadn’t expected that, either. Charlie didn’t know what to say. Even in his most optimistic fantasies, he hadn’t allowed himself to imagine this. “Um …”

Nick let go of him and stepped back. “God. I’m so sorry, I …” He sank down on Charlie’s bed. “I’m just so sorry I ran away last night. I was just freaking out because, uh, I was confused, and surprised, and, like, honestly, I’m having a proper full-on gay crisis.”

Charlie was startled and guilty. In all his imaginings, all his hopes that Nick might like him back, he had never considered what it would be like for a straight guy to start having feelings for a male friend. Nick always seemed so confident, so sure of himself, that it had never occurred to Charlie that it might be scary for him to like another boy. While Charlie had been revelling in his crush, in his imaginings, Nick had been struggling with this alone. It wasn’t just a crush for him—it was redefining his whole identity.

Nick went on, “And it’s not that I didn’t want to, you know … kiss you. I just …” He was fighting back tears now, his voice breaking. “I was just so confused. I’ve just been so, so confused.”

Wishing he knew the right words, wishing he had realised before now what was happening to Nick and how he was feeling, Charlie crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to him.

“I just think I need some time to … figure this out.”

Wanting somehow to make this better, to let Nick know he didn’t have to do this alone, Charlie put his arm round Nick’s shoulders. Nick turned to look at him, then buried his face in Charlie’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around Charlie and holding on tightly. After a moment, he sat up again, his eyes searching Charlie’s face. Charlie smiled at him, gently, reassuringly, which must have been what Nick was looking for, because he put his head down again on Charlie’s shoulder, holding on as he cried.

Charlie held him close, feeling so much sympathy for what Nick was going through, so much admiration for his bravery. He could so easily have pretended none of this was happening to him, and just gone on as they were, or stopped being friends with Charlie altogether, but instead … instead he had dared to try. Instead he was here, being so open and honest.

This wasn’t just a crush for him anymore, either, Charlie realised. He cared about Nick. A lot.

Pulling away eventually, Nick looked into Charlie’s face again. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know.” Gently, Charlie wiped the tears off Nick’s cheeks with his thumbs. “It’s okay.” He could hear movement in the hall outside his room. His mum would be knocking any minute now. “If … if you need time, we don’t have to see each other for a—”

“No! No. The only time anything feels right is—is when I’m with you. Unless you don’t—”

“No, I do,” Charlie said hastily. He wanted nothing more. But not at the cost of causing Nick further pain. “But nothing has to change, Nick.”

Nick nodded. “It does.” He reached for Charlie’s hand, his thumb gently rubbing along the back of it. “I can’t be with you and not want to—to touch you, and I can’t … I can’t not be with you.”

Charlie felt a warmth all through him at that.

“Is that okay?” Nick asked.

“Yes. Yes, of course.”

That was when the knock came, the sharp voice. “Charlie, is Nick still here?”

“He’s just leaving, Mum. I’ll be ready in five minutes.” He smiled at Nick. “Sorry. Are you going to be okay?”

Nick took a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Text me later?”

“Definitely.”

Nick retrieved his wet jumper, and Charlie walked him to the door.

In the entry, Nick hesitated. “At school, is it okay if we, like …”

“Keep this a secret?” It was what he had expected, although not what he had hoped for. But he understood—Nick wasn’t anywhere near being ready to be open about them.

“Yeah. I just don’t really know if I can, um … you know. Come out as anything.”

“Yeah.” Charlie felt bad for being disappointed; the last thing he wanted was to put pressure on Nick. This was already hard enough for him. “It’s fine.” He reached behind him and took an umbrella down off the peg, handing it to Nick, who smiled before stepping out into the rain again. He opened the umbrella on the doorstep. They exchanged “bye”s, and then Nick turned toward his house.

Charlie stood in the open door for a moment, not quite sure he believed everything that had happened just now. What if Nick walked off home and … none of this was real? Before he could think better of it, Charlie shoved his feet hastily into his shoes and ran out into the rain, sprinting down the sidewalk, calling Nick’s name.

Nick stopped at the corner, waiting for him to catch up. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Did I forget something?”

Quickly, Charlie looked around. There was no one out. Just them. “Um … Yeah.” And he leaned forward, his hand on Nick’s neck, and kissed him. Just to make sure. To make it feel real. And by some miracle, Nick kissed him back.

Breaking the kiss, Charlie smiled. “Okay. Bye.” And he ran back home, where he was scolded for leaving the door open, and for being late, and he didn’t care at all.

Tonight when he went to bed, he promised himself, he would savour the memory of last night’s kiss, now that he knew what had really happened, and of this morning’s, and he would cautiously let himself imagine tomorrow.

Chapter Text

The last time Charlie had been this happy to go to school had been the first day of the new term. And even then, he might have thought he was happy, but it was nothing like this. Then again, that first day had also been the day he met Nick, so maybe he’d been happier than he knew.

Still—today was better. They had texted on and off all day yesterday and late into the night, neither of them wanting to stop and go to sleep. And on the way here, Nick had texted him “See you soon” with a whole string of hearts after it.

Charlie couldn’t stop smiling as he walked through the corridors, and he didn’t care who noticed. He paused in the doorway of form, taking a deep breath, trying to believe this was really happening, trying to calm the butterflies in his stomach.

If he’d worried that keeping things a secret would make it feel like nothing had happened between them, he needn’t have. The smile on Nick’s face as Charlie approached their table was a match for the one on Charlie’s, and there was a warmth in his eyes that was there just for Charlie. If possible, Charlie’s smile widened as he took his seat. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

They both looked away from each other, looking down, trying to hide their happiness, but it just wasn’t possible. Their eyes were drawn back to one another, both of them laughing at how ridiculous they were, and how good it felt.

Halfway through the morning, unable to focus on anything else, Charlie realised he wasn’t going to be able to make it through the day without seeing Nick again. He texted “meet me for lunch in the art room?”

“The art room? You sure?”

“it’ll be fine”

“Then YES!! See you then.”

Charlie got stopped by Tao and Isaac on his way to the art room, Tao looking concerned that he wasn’t having lunch with them—often a sign that Charlie was in a bad place. But Isaac looked him over and smiled and said, “I think it’s okay today, Tao. Let’s just go eat together.”

He didn’t see how, but Charlie had a funny feeling Isaac had put two and two together and come up with him and Nick.

Mr. Ajayi met him at the art room door. “There’s a boy in there, waiting for you.”

“Oh.” Charlie smiled. There might have been a small part of him that had been afraid Nick wouldn’t come. “Yeah.”

“Is it the secret boyfriend or the straight boy crush?”

“He’s on the rugby team.”

“Hm.”

“I joined the rugby team.”

“Mmm. ‘Course you did.” Mr. Ajayi smiled. “Well, don’t get any crumbs on the floor or I’ll get told off by the cleaners. Again.”

Charlie went into the room, and Nick was there, sitting by the window. He was so beautiful. His smile lit up his whole face.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I missed you,” Nick said as Charlie took the seat next to him.

Well, that was just ridiculous. And completely lovely. As was the way Nick was looking at him, like he really had missed him all morning. “I saw you in form, like, four hours ago.”

Nick laughed. “You sure your friends don’t mind you ditching them to eat lunch with me?”

“Nah. They can deal with it. Clearly, I need to be here, to get tips on how to be good at rugby.”

“Oh, really? So that’s what this is actually all about, then?” Flirty Nick was absolutely adorable, blush and all.

“Maybe.” They smiled ridiculous smiles at each other.

Under the table, Nick reached for Charlie’s hand, stroking the backs of his fingers with his thumb. “Feels nice to be able to ditch my friends for once,” he said thoughtfully. “All they want to do at lunch is just sit on the field and chuck stuff at people.”

“Chuck stuff?”

“Yep. Mainly Harry. He’s an idiot. My friends are nothing like you.” Nick leaned forward in his chair and looked at him in a way that made Charlie feel like he was really seeing him, all of him. Then he looked away, around at all the art on the walls. “Are we even allowed in here?”

“Yeah. I used to come in here a lot last year, like, when the bullying was really bad.” He didn’t think he could explain how hard it was just to learn to mention it like that, to admit what had happened and to put it behind him. “Mr. Ajayi was the only teacher who really cared that much.”

“Well, he was giving me evils before you got here.”

Charlie wished he’d gotten here sooner, so he could have explained who Nick was. “He must have thought you were Ben. I told him about the ‘Ben making me keep us a secret’ thing.”

Immediately he knew he had said the wrong thing. Guilt was written all over Nick’s face, and he started to pull his hand away. Charlie held on to it with both of his.

He leaned toward Nick, speaking quickly, wanting Nick to understand that it really was okay. “Not … I mean, that’s nothing like what we’re doing. You’re nothing like him. This is completely different."

“Yeah.” Nick said at last, smiling, but some of the joy had gone out of him, and Charlie resolved not to mention Ben again if he could help it.

That Wednesday, rugby practise was rained out, so Nick asked Charlie to come over to study after school.

In the entry, Nick hung up Charlie’s dripping coat. “See?” Charlie held his hands out. “Completely dry. This is why you wear a coat.”

Nick smiled. “Sometimes you don’t have time to stop for proper gear.” He reached for Charlie’s hand, tugging him upstairs. As soon as the door was closed behind them, he turned to Charlie. “Can I—can I kiss you?”

God, yes. Charlie had been thinking of nothing else all the way over. Nothing else for days, if he was being honest. He couldn’t even manage a yes, just a nod, but it was enough, because then Nick’s arms were round him, Nick’s mouth was on his, and the floor was opening up beneath him. He clung to Nick’s jumper to hold himself up.

At last they broke apart. Nick said breathlessly, “I’ve been thinking about that all week.”

Charlie smiled, his heart soaring. “You big dork.”

The look in Nick’s eyes was positively wicked. “Oh? Like you haven’t been? Well, I suppose if you’re not interested …”

Nick pretended to pull away, and Charlie tightened his hold round him, keeping him there. This time Charlie kissed him, up on his tiptoes, one arm around Nick’s neck.

And it was amazing. For the first time, they were kissing because both of them knew that they wanted to, and that the other one wanted to, and they weren’t standing in the rain and they weren’t going to be interrupted.

Well, Charlie had thought they weren’t going to be interrupted. A scratch on the door proved him wrong.

Nick lifted his head reluctantly. “She’s not going to go away, not when her favourite person is in here.”

“She sees you all the time.”

As he opened the door for Nellie, Nick looked at Charlie. “I meant you. I think you’ve bewitched my dog.” The look in his eyes said maybe the dog wasn’t the only one under Charlie’s spell. It took Charlie’s breath away. No one had ever looked at him like that before.

Only Nellie’s insistent little whine and the nudge of her nose against his leg kept him from grabbing Nick’s jumper to kiss him again.

They both knelt to pet the dog, giving her all the attention she wanted. Charlie remembered another time they’d been petting Nellie together and their hands kept meeting, and he’d wondered. Only now their hands kept meeting and he didn’t have to wonder. And he didn’t have to be afraid of what Nick would think of him if he knew Charlie had a crush on him.

It was quite possibly the happiest he had ever been in his life.

Chapter Text

It was weird being in rugby practise with Nick now. Charlie had always felt self-conscious about it—he wasn’t very good, and because Nick was the one who had recruited him for the team, he felt like his incompetence reflected badly on Nick.

But now, not only did he not want to embarrass Nick, he was embarrassed himself to let Nick see how badly he played. And, on top of that, he had to be so much more careful where he looked because he didn’t want any of the other boys to see who he was facing and think there was something between them. Which was a shame, because Charlie really loved watching Nick play rugby. It was a whole different side of him that never came out anywhere else. He was incredibly hot playing rugby, that was a given, but he was also smart, focused, determined. Charlie found it entrancing.

Or he had found it entrancing. Not anymore. He would avert his eyes from now on. It had been one thing if the boys saw him watching Nick and laughed at him for having an impossible crush on the most beautiful boy on the team. Having them see him watching Nick and start to figure out that somehow, incredibly, that crush was returned? Not going to happen. Not if Charlie could prevent it.

Charlie had come a long way in his rugby skills, but one he had never managed to improve on: tackling. He was physically afraid of being hurt, he shied away from the physical contact, and he had too many memories from last year of being mocked or mistreated every time he came close to touching another boy. As if being gay meant that suddenly every accidental bump of shoulders in the corridor was a come-on.

Watching the runner come toward him today, all of those things built up in him, and while he tried to stand his ground, he couldn’t stop himself from dodging at the last minute. He carefully didn’t look at Nick after that, but the rest of the team made their displeasure known.

After practise, Coach Singh caught up with him. “You’re on cone collection today, Charlie.” She patted him on the arm.

That was one thing he could say—Coach Singh expected a lot, but she had never once made him feel like he didn’t belong on her team.

She stopped and looked up at him. “You going to be okay for the match at St. John’s next week? I’d keep you on reserve for longer, but Kieran has an apparently unavoidable dentist appointment.”

“I’ll be fine.” He didn’t convince either of them.

“About the tackling. You’ve really got to commit to it, okay? Try not to worry about getting hurt and just throw yourself into it.” She demonstrated with her shoulder.

“Okay.”

“It’s all about confidence.”

“Well, it’s hard to be confident when they all see me as a stereotypical gay boy who can’t do sports.” Which he kind of was, too, making it even harder to shake their impression.

“A lot of gay people are good at sports, Charlie.” She left him there, and he kicked a cone in frustration.

He was alone on the pitch now, so he took the moment to practise with the tackling dummies until he felt more confident in his skills.

When he turned round, he saw a familiar figure coming toward him across the pitch. Nick was still in his rugby gear. “Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“I just saw you hadn’t come in to change, and I wanted to check.”

“Just … practising the tackling. I’m sorry I’m no good at this.”

“Hey.” Nick put a hand on his shoulder, looking at him seriously. “Stop saying sorry for things that aren’t your fault. The rest of us have been playing for years. We’ve had a long time to get used to tackling. Come over my house, we’ll practise in my yard, okay?”

Charlie smiled. “Okay.”

It sounded like a good plan, but the first time Charlie successfully tackled Nick—which took a while, because Nick wasn’t going easy on him and Nick was very good at rugby—they lay there in that awkward position with Charlie sprawled half on top of Nick and then scrambled hastily to their feet.

“Okay, that was weird,” Nick said.

“It’s always been a little weird,” Charlie told him.

“Oh. Oh! Really?”

“Yeah. Have you seen yourself?” Charlie blushed and looked away, adding shyly, “It was pretty much crush at first sight.”

Now Nick was the one blushing. “I’m just normal.”

“Hardly.”

Nick cleared his throat. “So, uh, do you want to try again?”

Charlie didn’t, especially, but he did need the practise. This time, he landed almost entirely on top of Nick, and the combination of being so close to one another, breathing heavily from exertion, and being two teenagers with crushes on each other meant a lot of kissing.

At last they separated and Nick got to his feet. “That’s a whole new rugby strategy. I wouldn’t try it at St. John’s, though.”

“I feel like half the team expects that’s what I’m thinking about any time I tackle them, anyway.”

Nick frowned. “I never thought of it like that. They do make some unkind remarks, don’t they. I’m sorry.”

“What did you tell me about apologising for things that aren’t your fault?”

“I know, but I’m the one who brought you onto the team.”

“And I’m the one who can’t play and is constantly embarrassing you.”

Nick caught him by the shoulders. “You are not. You’ve worked incredibly hard to catch up. It’s only the tackling, and that’s the hardest part.”

“I know.” It was a lie; he thought Nick was just being nice. “But … you’re the one who brought me onto the team, and if I don’t do well, the others are going to hassle you.”

Nick’s brown eyes studied his face. “You’re not seriously worried about that, are you? I can handle them. I brought some of them onto the team, too, last year and the year before, and they didn’t work half as hard to catch up as you have. Don’t worry about me.” He wrapped his arms tightly around Charlie, holding on.

This was a Nick specialty, this hug, where his whole body was basically enveloping you, and he was holding you like you were the most important person in the world. Charlie felt like he could just drown in this hug, feeling so warm and safe.

He wasn’t sure if he had gained more confidence in his tackling skills today, but he’d gained some in himself and in Nick, and that helped.

Chapter Text

Saturday afternoon Charlie came over to Nick’s. More privacy there, and Nick’s mum liked Charlie a bit better than Charlie’s parents seemed to like Nick. They were like that—it had taken them a while to warm up to Tao, too—and they worried about him because of what had happened last year, so Charlie hoped he had convinced Nick not to take it personally, but it was admittedly more comfortable at Nick’s.

They went up to Nick’s room, settling on the bed while Nick grabbed the TV remote and clicked it on. “Movie?”

“Sure. What do you want to watch?”

“Well, if we’re going to keep doing this, we’re going to need to work on your cinematic education.” Nick looked very serious about this.

Charlie groaned. “Oh, no. You’re going to make me watch The Avengers, aren’t you?”

“What? No. No, of course not.”

“Well, that’s a relief.”

Nick frowned at him. “What are you thinking? You can’t just start with The Avengers. You have to build up to it. We’re watching Iron Man.”

“Great. That’s so much better.”

“Oh? And what do you watch?” Nick’s eyes widened in mock horror. “Oh, God, it’s musicals, isn’t it? That’s a thing, right? Wait—does this mean I have to watch musicals now?”

Charlie shook his head, smiling. “Don’t be stereotypist. And I hate to break it to you, but you already watch musicals.”

“I do not!”

“You told me you and your mum have seen Mamma Mia three times just this year.”

“That’s not a musical! That’s … ABBA.”

“Right. A musical. There’s a stage play and everything.”

Nick nudged Charlie with his shoulder, smiling. “Huh. Maybe I’ve been gay all along, then.”

Charlie’s heart leaped with hope. Maybe Nick had figured something out since they’d last seen each other. “Have you—?”

But Nick shook his head and sighed. “No. Yes. I don’t know. No change.”

“That’s okay.” Charlie took his hand. “Really, it is.”

They were quiet for a moment before Nick went back to the original subject. “So if you don’t watch musicals, then what do you watch? Serious important movies that win Oscars?”

“No, that’s my friend Tao. He organises these cinema nights where we watch all these depressing movies.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“Surprisingly, it is.” Charlie felt a bit guilty about how long it had been since they had a proper movie night. They were overdue. He would text Tao later and set one up, he promised himself.

But in the meantime … Charlie reached for the remote. “All right, let’s watch this guy fly around in a metal suit.”

“You know, you’re going to love this movie, and then I’m going to get to say I told you so,” Nick said to him.

“Uh-huh.” Charlie doubted it. But the important part was being here with Nick, and it really didn’t matter what they watched beyond that.

As the opening title sequence flashed onto the screen, Nick reached for Charlie’s hand. They watched together—or, rather, Charlie watched the movie, and Nick, who had seen it several times, kept glancing at Charlie in order to watch Charlie watch the movie. He seemed to think he was sneaky about it, too, which Charlie found adorable.

Charlie sat up next to Nick for a while, maintaining a certain amount of space between them. But the heat that Nick, always naturally warm, gave off was so temptingly close that Charlie couldn’t help melting into him. He scooted closer and rested his head against Nick’s arm.

After a moment, Nick let go of Charlie’s hand and lifted his arm, Charlie tucked his head against Nick’s shoulder, and Nick put his arm round him. “There. That’s nicer,” he said. “That couldn’t have been comfortable.”

Charlie snuggled in a bit more. “It wasn’t too bad. You have comfy arms.”

“I have comfy arms?” Nick repeated, mocking him just a little. “You’re ridiculous.”

"Shut up!"

Nick chuckled, wrapping the other arm around Charlie and resting his head against Charlie’s, and they sat that way for a long while.

He tried to focus on the movie, he really did. But Nick’s heartbeat, steady and strong, was against his ear, Nick’s arms were round him, and Charlie was so comfortable he didn’t even realise he was falling asleep until he was jolted awake by an explosion on the screen.

“You okay there?” Nick asked.

“What? Oh, fine.” He didn’t want to admit he had slept through part of Nick’s movie. Maybe a lot of it? It was hard to tell.

Nick shifted so he could look Charlie in the face. “Did you fall asleep?”

Charlie ducked his head, blushing. “I told you you have comfy arms.”

“Hm. Well, if you’re not going to watch the movie, I can think of more interesting things to do than sleep.” Nick’s voice had dropped, the final words little more than a whisper as he shifted so both their heads were lying on his pillow, his mouth so very close.

Charlie’s hands came up to grasp the front of Nick’s jumper. “Can you?”

“Yeah.” And Nick kissed him, and the world fell away.

Another explosion startled them both, and they turned to look at the screen, both blinking as their eyes opened to the light. Then they looked back at each other and kissed again, neither interested in the movie any longer.

Eventually, Charlie had to breathe for a moment, and he noticed over Nick’s shoulder that the credits were rolling. “Nick.”

“Hm?”

“The movie’s over.”

Nick turned and looked. “Huh.” Looking down at Charlie, who lay warm and safe in the circle of his arms, he asked, “Did you like it?”

Charlie pretended to consider and said archly, “What I saw of it.”

“If you hadn’t fallen asleep …”

“If you hadn’t distracted me …”

“Oh, that was just me, was it?” Nick asked teasingly. “Seems to me you were there the whole time.”

“Shut up.” Charlie pulled him down for another kiss. Across the room, Charlie’s phone chimed, and he pulled away from Nick, reluctantly. “Time to go.”

“If you have to.” Nick got up and walked him downstairs. “You’re going to your grandma’s again tomorrow?”

“Yes, and you’re finishing your homework.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “You’re worse than my teachers, I swear.”

“See you Monday?”

“See you Monday. Text me when you get home?”

Charlie grinned at him. He secretly loved that Nick always worried about him getting home safely, ridiculous though it was. “Yes, Mum.”

“Oi!” Nick frowned at him.

Finally Charlie turned to go, walking home in a daze, with memories of Nick’s kisses to savour until the next time.

Chapter Text

On his way to the music room to meet Nick for lunch, Charlie hastily typed out a text to Tao and Isaac letting them know he wouldn’t be at the picnic tables.

Tao’s response was “again?!?!” and Isaac’s was “happy for you”.

It wasn’t the first time Isaac had said something that made Charlie wonder if he knew about Nick. He couldn’t imagine how Isaac would know, but he didn’t worry too much about it, either. Isaac kept to himself so much there were entire days when he didn’t speak to Tao and Charlie, and they were his best friends. He would never tell anything he knew.

Nick was already in the music room by the time Charlie got there, most of the way through his lunch. Charlie rarely ate much of his own lunch, so Nick had developed the habit of showing up early and eating quickly so they had more time to talk.

Washing down the last bite of his sandwich with his Fanta, Nick looked up and smiled. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Charlie returned the smile, sliding down the wall to sit next to Nick and reaching for his hand.

They didn’t kiss in school. Even if Nick had been ready to push those boundaries, which he wasn’t, Charlie would have been reluctant. Kissing Ben had been one thing—those had been chaste kisses, more pecks than anything else, and all about Ben, he had realised. Kissing Nick was an entirely different thing, consuming and overwhelming. Charlie often forgot where they were entirely when they were kissing, and while that was an amazing feeling, he wasn’t sure it was a good idea to experience it in school.

Nick shook their joined hands gently. “Hey. You spacing out on me?”

“Sorry.”

Making the “stop saying sorry” face, Nick asked, “What’s up?”

“Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“You.”

“Oh.” Nick blushed and looked away.

“What were you thinking about?” Charlie asked him.

Nick took a deep breath. “Just about … my friends, and me, and how I’m still the same person I was, but I’m … different, too.”

“You don’t have to change who you are, Nick.”

“No. I mean, I do, at least a little. Like, before, I was … I was sure I was straight, and now—now I don’t know what I am. But I’m still, you know, a rugby player, and … and I still have these friends who I’ve had for years, and I’m still the person they think they know, but at the same time I’m … I’m this person, with you. And I don’t know how I can be both.” He shook their joined hands again. “I don’t know. Does this make any sense?”

“Yeah. It does.” Charlie sat up on his knees, looking at Nick earnestly. “It’s not easy, what you’re going through. Not for anyone. And your … friends don’t make it any easier.”

“Did yours? Last year.”

“Oh, yes. Tao and Isaac were incredibly supportive once they knew what was going on. Elle—Elle had her own issues, but she was there for me, too.”

“I’m glad you had them.”

“And you have me.” Charlie reached for Nick’s hand again. “I’m not going to rush you. Take your time.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“Because I feel like—I feel like it’s not fair to you, making you … pretend, for me.”

Charlie would have preferred it if Nick was ready to come out, that was true. The idea of a relationship where he could be open, where he could talk about the person he was with to his friends and his family, where everyone could see them together, was a fantasy he rarely let himself imagine, because it felt so good just to think about. But the alternative in this case was not to see Nick at all, and that was unthinkable. “It’s okay. It really is. I understand.”

Nick’s eyes searched his face, and he squeezed Charlie’s hand before letting it go.

Charlie’s phone chimed, and he checked it quickly. It was Tao, asking if he was having a good lunch. The sarcasm was obvious even through text. He sighed. While he’d like to be able to tell Tao the truth, it bothered him that Tao was so resistant to the idea that Charlie and Nick could really be friends. If Tao had made a new friend, Charlie would have been happy for him.

“My friends aren’t happy that I’m eating so many lunches with you,” he said. “Well, no, not my friends. Just Tao.”

“With me, or not with them?”

“Both.”

Nick laughed softly. “I don’t think my friends have even noticed, to be honest. It’s nice that you have friends who care enough about you that they miss you at lunch.”

Charlie suspected Nick was selling his friends short. Yes, most of them followed Harry Greene around like puppies, agreeing with everything he said, but there were a few who were always at the fringes of that group, who likely would have been happy to spend more time with Nick if he had asked.

“If you want to spend fewer lunches together so you can make your friends happy, that’s okay,” Nick said.

Charlie shifted so he was sitting next to Nick again, reaching for his hand and resting his head on his shoulder. “I’d rather spend more lunches with you so that I can make you happy.”

Nick ducked his head again, blushing, but he was smiling, too.

“Still …” Charlie sighed. “I should probably spend more time with Tao. He and Elle were really good friends. Her leaving was hard on him.”

“I’ll miss you.” Nick leaned his head against Charlie’s, and they sat like that together until the bell rang.

Chapter Text

There was a lot of chatter as the bus pulled up at St. John’s, but Charlie was even less inclined to join in than usual. He was so nervous to play in his first match. He didn’t want to embarrass Nick—and he didn’t want to get hurt. And he wasn’t sure which one he was more worried about.

Nick ran with him around the track for warm-ups, but he was uncharacteristically quiet. No chatter, no explanation of tactics, like there usually was before a match.

“So, all my friends are showing up in a bit to watch me play,” Charlie told him.

“All your friends?”

“Tao, Isaac, and Elle. I said they really didn’t have to come, but Elle said they wanted to be supportive.” Elle had plenty of reason to avoid boys like the ones on the rugby team, after the troubles she’d had the past year, and Tao had never liked them. Charlie would honestly have preferred that they didn’t come—it was one more thing to be nervous about—but he appreciated them for wanting to.

“Oh. That’s … that’s nice.”

Charlie immediately felt guilty. “Don’t worry. I won’t say anything about us.”

“Oh. Yeah. Good. Thanks.” Nick’s voice was absolutely colourless, and Charlie worried that something was really wrong. But then he asked, “You sure it’s okay?” and sounded more like himself.

“Yeah. Of course,” Charlie assured him.

Before either of them could say anything more, Harry Greene ran between them, hooking an arm awkwardly round each of their necks and laughing his horsey laugh. “Not gonna flake out today, are you, Charlie?”

“No.”

“’Cause we’re counting on you.” He laughed again and let them go, rejoining the others.

Behind them, Charlie could see his friends approaching. “They’re here. I’ll be right back,” he said to Nick, hurrying back down the track to meet them.

He ran straight to Elle, hugging her tightly. “Oh, my God, I missed you!”

“I missed you, too.”

“Excuse me, where’s our hug?” Tao asked.

“I see you all the time.”

Elle turned to two other girls who had come with them. “So this is Tara and Darcy.”

“Yeah. Hi.” The last time he’d seen Tara, he’d been terribly jealous of her. Now … so many things had changed.

Darcy came toward him like they were old friends, wrapping an arm round his shoulders. “Charlie! My guy. I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m mainly here to get acquainted with the local gays, but, you know, you and Nick Nelson are looking suspiciously coupley.”

Over her shoulder, Charlie could see Nick warming up nearby, and he tried not to panic. The last thing he wanted was for Nick to be outed, and especially not at a rugby match.

Tara looked as embarrassed as Charlie felt. “Oh, my God, please ignore her!”

“We’re friends,” Charlie said, sounding lame even in his own ears. “He’s my friend.”

“Well, friends as in friends, or friends as in friends?”

“Darcy!” Elle said.

As Darcy let go of him and rejoined Tara, Charlie asked, “Why? Are there—are there rumours, or …”

“No. No, nothing but my gay intuition.”

Charlie didn’t think he and Nick had looked especially coupley today. Often it was so hard not to be happy just being around each other, and flirting came so easily to them, that Charlie worried people might notice, which was why they spent as much time as possible alone, but today Nick’s mind was clearly elsewhere. There hadn’t even been a smile since they entered the locker room. Charlie had to respect Darcy’s gay intuition, since it was spot on.

“I promise, we’re totally platonic, good friends,” he lied.

“Disappointing, but … Okay.”

He was glad she’d given it up.

A whole group of Nick’s other friends showed up around then—including Ben, and that girl Imogen, the other one Harry had thought Nick liked.

Charlie talked to his friends a bit more, and then was called over to finish warming up. He was standing near Nick when the other team came out of their locker room, and he frowned as he watched them. Something didn’t seem right. “Quick question: Why are the other team literal adult men?”

“They’re a specialist sports school.”

Well. That was not what Charlie would have liked to see the first time he played. He found himself leaning against Nick’s arm for comfort, and immediately pulled away. “Sorry. Nervous.”

Nick didn’t say anything, and Charlie felt terrible for not being able to stand on his own better. The whistle blew and Nick put in his mouthguard, heading for the pitch. “Come on, boys!”

Once the match started, Charlie started to understand better why Nick had been so distracted. The other team were physically bigger, they were better trained, and they played a much more aggressive style than the teams Truham usually played. Nick wasn’t team captain, but everyone looked to him for leadership anyway. Even more than most games, he was constantly watching everything. Charlie could see how focused he was, and felt even worse for distracting him with his own insecurities all afternoon. He tried to put into practise on the pitch everything Nick had taught him; today of all days, he didn’t want to be an embarrassment.

It got even worse when the rain rolled in. The St. John’s players didn’t seem bothered by it at all. In fact, they seemed to play better.

At some point, Harry caught up with Charlie and teased him about a player on the other team having a thing for him. Charlie mostly wished Harry would piss off, but he had learnt a long time ago that people like Harry gave up sooner if you didn't respond.

Truham was losing terribly. Charlie had lost track of how much of the match was left to play. All he could focus on was not slipping in the mud, keeping his wet hair out of his eyes, and not embarrassing Nick.

At last, the moment he had been fearing all along came—the player with the ball was coming straight at him. Charlie had to tackle him. The player probably weighed twice as much as Charlie did, all of it muscle, but he wasn’t going to give up. He stood his ground, going in for the tackle.

And then pain exploded in his face as the other player swatted him aside easily, and he landed on the ground, in the mud, holding his nose and afraid it was broken.

Coach Singh was there almost immediately, bending over him. He could hear her yelling, “Okay, that’s it, I’m calling it! This rain is too dangerous. Match is over! Everyone off the pitch.” She helped Charlie up and walked him to the infirmary.

After looking over his nose, she said, “I don’t think this looks too bad, Charlie. I have to go see to the others--will you be okay here for a few minutes?”

“Yeah.”

She left him there, wet and in pain and miserable, wishing he had never joined the rugby team. Not if he was going to be this terrible. It was his fault the match was ended, and he’d failed to make the tackle, and he’d been so clingy all day … He wouldn’t blame Nick if he didn’t want to talk to him ever again.

Chapter Text

After a while, there was a soft knock on the door of the infirmary. Charlie looked up, expecting it to be Coach Singh, but it was Nick. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Charlie said back, but his initial happiness to see him was quickly replaced by embarrassment and guilt. He’d been doing the wrong things all day. Nick must be so annoyed with him.

Nick came into the room, closing the door behind him. “Is your nose okay?”

“I don’t know.” He was still holding the tissue to it, although the throbbing pain had eased.

“Let me see.” Nick sat down next to him, taking the tissue away and looking him over carefully. “It looks fine.”

Charlie smiled. Nick couldn’t be too mad about the day, not if he was here. “Cool.”

“You’ve got some mud on your face, though.”

Before Charlie could point out that both of them were covered in mud, Nick had reached for another tissue and was gently wiping mud off Charlie’s cheek.

He couldn’t remember when he’d felt more cared for. Or deserved it less.

Looking down at his hands, Charlie began, “Um, sorry …”

“What?”

“I’m really sorry for being all clingy and annoying. I’m making this so awkward. You wanted to keep us a secret and I’m messing it up.”

Nick looked up at the ceiling as though Charlie was still being annoying, but when he dropped his head again so Charlie could see his face, he didn’t seem annoyed. “I’m the one who should be saying sorry,” he said. Charlie had no idea what Nick thought he had to be sorry about, and he never got to find out, because just then the door opened. Both of them jumped and turned to look.

Isaac stood there, frozen, staring back at them. Well, if he hadn’t known before, he certainly did now, Charlie thought. They were sitting so close together, and no doubt both of them looked as startled as Charlie felt.

“Uh … sorry,” Isaac said, stepping further into the room, “for, um … interrupting, but Ms. Singh asked me to give you some antiseptic wipes.” He put them down and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Nick stood up. Charlie was terrified that he was going to just break things off right then and there, deciding this was all more trouble than it was worth, but all he said was, “Um … I’d better go.”

“Okay.” As Nick reached the door, Charlie called after him, “Isaac won’t say anything.”

“Yeah. Okay.” And he was gone, leaving Charlie to wait there alone until Coach Singh came to get him, declaring that he’d be fine.

“That was a nice try at the tackle, Charlie. Anyone else, and you’d have taken him down.” She hesitated. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks.” He wished he was proud of himself, but mostly he just felt worried that he had completely messed things up with Nick.

Tao and Elle and Isaac were waiting for him when he came out. Tao and Elle both seemed strange, but Charlie couldn’t pay attention to them. He just wanted to get home and text Nick and apologise.

Which he did. A lot.

Until finally Nick texted back “It’s okay. Really.” “Can we talk tomorrow? Maybe after school?”

“yeah, of course”

But there was no ‘of course’ about it. Nick was going to break up with him. Charlie could feel it.

His phone pinged and he picked it up, his heart leaping, hoping it was Nick, but it was Tao. “Did today show you that hanging out with those rugby boys will only get you hurt?”

“it was just bad luck,” Charlie texted back.

“You know what they did to me earlier this week? Just chucked a ball at my head.”

That must have been Harry.

“Your friend Nick was right there with them.”

“nick wouldn’t do that”

“He’s not the person you think he is, Charlie.”

Frowning, Charlie shut his phone down. Tao just didn’t understand the difference between Nick and the others.

Nick was very quiet in form the next day. All Charlie got from him was an agreement to meet in the park after school.

So he arrived there expecting the worst. “I’m so sorry,” he said immediately on sight of Nick, not even stopping to pet Nellie, who whined and pawed at his pants leg. “I messed everything up and it’s okay if you don’t want to see me anymore because—”

“Wait, what?” Nick put a hand on his shoulder. “Charlie, that’s not— That’s not it at all. Please, don’t apologise to me anymore. Okay? Just … no more sorrys.”

“But—”

“It was all my fault. I didn’t tell you about St. John’s. I should have—I should have prepared you better, or made Kieran skip his stupid dentist appointment, or … I don’t know. Played better, so you didn’t have to be in that position.”

“You can’t play for the whole team, Nick.”

Nick smiled a little. “Sometimes I wish I could. That was a really good tackle. Or it would have been, against another school.”

“Thanks. So … we’re okay?”

“We’re good. Really.” Nick pulled him into a hug, quickly, and then let go.

Relieved, Charlie bent to finally give Nellie her pets.

“We’d better walk her now.”

“Okay.”

It was a pretty day, cool and crisp, and it was lovely just to walk together, enjoying the day, not talking.

Eventually, Nick looked over at Charlie and sighed. “I don’t think your friends like me very much.”

“I don’t think your friends like me very much.”

“Who cares what they think? They’re idiots. But your friends matter to you. It bothers me that—is Tao the tall one?—he looked at me the other day like I was an awful person.”

“Well, Harry did hit him in the head with a ball.”

Nick winced. “You heard about that, did you?”

“Yeah.”

“I went to check he was okay, and he chucked the ball back at me. Hit me in the back of the head. I suppose he thought I deserved it.”

Charlie took Nick’s hand. “It was nice of you to try to help.”

“I didn’t, though. Help. I think I just made things worse. My friends couldn’t stop ragging me about it.”

Charlie raised his eyebrows, wondering what else Nick had expected. “Tao just doesn’t know you.”

Nick looked up at Charlie. “Why are you so patient with me? Why aren’t you … I don’t know, pushing me to hurry up?”

He hadn’t been aware that was bothering Nick so much. He didn’t want him to feel pressured. “I don’t know, do you think that would help?”

Nick looked down at his shoes. “No.”

“Then that’s why.” Still holding Nick’s hand, Charlie stepped closer to him. “I am the last person to want someone to be outed when they’re not ready. I know what that’s like, and I would never wish that on anyone. Much less you. However long it takes you to be sure of who you are and what you want, that’s how long it takes.”

“But it’s not just about me. It’s you, too, and not being able to tell your friends, and—"

“Nick.” Charlie squeezed his hand reassuringly. “I’m fine. Really.”

“Are you?” Nick searched his face.

“Yes. I am.”

“Thank you.”

Charlie smiled at him.

At their feet, Nellie whined, tired of standing in one place. Both of them knelt to pet her, their hands touching in her thick fur.

Nick caught Charlie’s hand in his. “Charlie.”

“Yeah?”

“I just want you to know … I wouldn’t change anything. Well, I mean, I might change some things, but … this. You and me. I wouldn’t change that.”

Charlie caught his breath. It was the last thing he had expected Nick to say. “You wouldn’t?”

“No.” Nick looked around quickly. They were alone. He leaned in and kissed Charlie, softly.

Nellie whined louder this time, anxious to get moving.

Ending the kiss, Nick smiled at her. “Sorry, old girl.” He reached for Charlie’s hand as they kept walking. “You want to hang out tomorrow?”

“Can’t, so—” Nick gave him the “stop saying sorry” look and he caught himself. “Unfortunately. I’m having my friends over.”

“Oh.” Looking disappointed, Nick squeezed Charlie’s hand. “Well, I’m glad you’re spending time with your friends, but I’ll miss you.”

“Me, too.” Charlie smiled.

Chapter Text

Tao and Isaac and Elle got to Charlie’s house in the middle of the afternoon. They started off watching a movie that Tao had picked as very important for them all to see, but Charlie missed most of it texting with Nick.
The movie ended and they moved to the kitchen to have pizza, Charlie with an eye on his phone the whole time.

“So what are you doing now?” Nick texted.

“eating pizza”

“Pizza sounds good. What toppings?”

“seriously how bored are you?”

“Soo bored. Also I really miss you.”

Charlie blushed and smiled. The long string of heart emojis was a little over the top, but that was Nick. “me too,” he texted. Also string of heart emojis. “i thought you and your mum were having movie night”

“She’s finishing up a work thing.”

“mamma mia again?”

“That’s not the only movie we watch!”

Elle said, sharply, “Charlie.”

He looked up to see them all staring at him. “Sorry. I’ll, um, put my phone away. Let me just text to say I’m not going to text.”

“Sure. Makes perfect sense.” Elle rolled her eyes.

Charlie typed out a quick “got to go, getting glared at, good-night” text, got a “good-night” and some more hearts in return, and shut off the phone. “Sorry,” he said again.

“You know this is not healthy, don’t you?” Tao asked. “You two spend way too much time together.”

“We’re friends!”

“So are we, and we don’t even spend that much time together. Anymore,” Tao added.

“I’m sorry. I’ll do better,” Charlie promised.

“It’s not like Charlie can’t have other friends,” Elle protested, frowning at Tao. “You don’t hassle me at all for the time I spend with Darcy and Tara, or the time Isaac spends with his books.”

Tao glared at her, but he didn’t respond.

Charlie pushed his plate away. “You want to go play Monopoly or something?”

Everyone did, so they went upstairs and laid out the board. Isaac went out first. Charlie was pretty sure he’d thrown the game so he could read a little and nap on the mattress next to Charlie’s bed. Then Elle went broke, and only Charlie and Tao were left.

Elle looked at her watch. “It’s nearly midnight. Can we please call it a draw?”

“No, because I’m clearly winning,” Tao protested. “I just have unlucky rolls.”

“No, I’m winning because I have more money!” Charlie pointed at his piles of fake cash.

“No, the winner is the superior businessperson, and that’s me.”

“No, I’m the superior businessperson seeing as I have more money, which is the goal of Monopoly!”

“You only have more money because you know all the Monopoly cheats.”

“You can’t cheat at Monopoly!” Charlie said.

Suddenly, Isaac’s foot moved, and the whole board fell into Tao’s lap.

“Aw, whoops.” Isaac smiled sleepily.

Charlie and Tao smiled at each other. “Draw?” “Draw.”

“Thank God,” Elle said.

Charlie got to his feet. “Who wants hot chocolate?”

Everyone did. Isaac volunteered to come help make it with Charlie while the other two put the game away.

As they were fixing the cups, Isaac said softly, “So how is Nick?”

Charlie couldn’t help smiling. “Good.”

“You going to tell Tao what’s up?”

“Eventually.” He looked sternly at Isaac. “No one’s supposed to know.”

Isaac gave him a wide-eyed innocent look. “Know what?”

Charlie laughed. It was nice to have even a brief conversation with someone who knew he and Nick were more than just friends.

When they got back to Charlie’s room, Tao and Elle were having some kind of weird pillow fight.

“Do I even want to know?” Charlie asked. He handed out the cups as Tao and Elle put the pillows back. “So … I was thinking of inviting Nick to my birthday thing on Saturday. I really want him to come, but I don’t want it to be awkward or weird for any of you since you don’t really know him.” He had been thinking about this for a while. He wanted Nick to know his friends, and his friends to know Nick. Eventually Nick was going to be ready to tell people, or so Charlie hoped, and it would go better if Nick was already friendly with Tao and Elle when that happened.

“No, it wouldn’t be awkward,” Elle said.

Isaac smiled. “I assumed he was coming anyway.”

Of course he had. “Okay.” Charlie looked up at Tao, who was drinking his cocoa and pointedly not answering. Well, Tao would just have to get used to it. “Good.”

Now it only remained to ask Nick. Who probably wouldn’t want to come, so it didn’t matter.

Monday morning in form Charlie kept trying to work up the nerve to ask, but he couldn’t quite seem to manage. He kept imagining Nick saying no. But he really wanted Nick to be there—if he wasn’t, Charlie would spend the whole afternoon of his party wishing he had asked.

Their hands were laid out on the table, side by side, as Mr. Lange read off the roll call. Charlie tapped the side of Nick’s hand with his pinkie.

When Nick looked up at him, he said softly, “So, it’s kind of my birthday on Saturday.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. Me and my friends are going bowling, and I was going to ask if you wanted to come, but I know you don’t really know them, so you don’t have to.”

Nick was smiling by the time he got halfway through the sentence, and he said “Yes!” almost before Charlie had finished speaking, like he was really glad Charlie had asked him.

“Nick and Charlie, keep it down, please,” Mr. Lange said sternly.

As he continued the roll, Nick tapped Charlie’s hand with his little finger, letting it rest there. Charlie turned to look at him, and he whispered, “Thanks for giving me barely any time to get you a present.”

“You don’t have to get me a present.”

“No, I am going to.”

“I’m serious!”

Nick shshed him, with that half-smile and the warmth in his brown eyes that never failed to set Charlie’s heart pounding.

He wasn’t able to stop smiling until well into his third class.

Chapter Text

Tao and Charlie were leaving school for the afternoon, finalising plans for the party on Saturday, when a ball came sailing through the air at their heads. Being unfortunately used to such things, both of them managed to dodge it, and it bounced behind them and disappeared.

To Charlie’s disappointment, he recognised all Nick’s rugby friends laughing, and, of course, Harry Greene standing there looking pleased with himself.

He was surprised to see Tao march up to Harry, shoving him with his shoulder. “Watch out, dicknozzle.”

“You all right, mate?” Harry demanded.

Nick got to his feet behind them. “Harry, don’t start.”

“What? Are you best friends with these weird little year 10s now?”

Charlie cast Nick an agonised glance. He didn’t want Nick jeopardising his friendships for him.

“Just stop picking on people for no reason,” Nick said.

Harry looked from Nick to Tao and Charlie and back. “Aw. Are you gay for them?”

All the boys laughed, and Nick hung his head in embarrassment while Charlie froze, terrified to do anything that might cause Nick to be outed when he wasn’t ready.

“Classic Harry,” Tao snapped. “Resorting to homophobia when you can’t think of a good comeback.”

Charlie’s eyes met Nick’s, and then Nick looked away. His shoulders were hunched and he was nervously fixing his hair. Charlie was worried that if Tao kept on at Harry, Nick would feel like he needed to step in, and then all his friends would turn on him.

“Mate, are you in a mood today?” Harry was asking.

“Are you?” Tao countered. “Serious question. Life must be really hard when your only personality trait is rich bell-end.”

The other boys all laughed again. Harry was left at a loss for words, and Nick looked like he wished he could sink into the ground.

Tao grabbed Charlie’s arm and they walked away. “You shouldn’t have done that,” Charlie said to him.

“What do you mean?”

“I know you’re trying to help but you’re making things worse.”

“I’m literally just sticking up for you. We have to show Harry that he can’t just walk all over us.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Charlie said. He wished he could tell Tao what was really going on, what was at stake, but he couldn’t. Tao had made it clear he wouldn’t understand, not where Nick was concerned. “It’s not them versus us.”

“Because of Nick?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sure he can look after himself.”

“I really don’t want him to be dragged into this.”

Tao frowned. “Oh, well, we can’t possibly hurt your new best friend Nick Nelson.”

Charlie looked over his shoulder to find Nick’s eyes on him. He wanted to apologise for Tao, but that fell into the category of things he knew Nick would say weren’t his fault.

He went over to Nick’s the next afternoon. Both of them had books to read and reports to write, so it was a heavy study day. They were sitting on the floor of Nick’s room, side by side, leaning against his bed with their books.

“Nick.”

“Hm?” Nick looked up from his book.

“About Tao.” Even knowing what Nick would say, Charlie still wanted to apologise.

“Oh.” Nick sighed. “I’m sorry about Harry.”

“You aren’t responsible for Harry.”

“I kind of am.”

“Then I’m kind of responsible for Tao.”

Nick smiled. “I guess we both have challenging friends. No sorrys needed?”

“No sorrys.” Charlie smiled back.

They kept reading for a while, but Charlie couldn’t concentrate. He was really cold today for some reason. Eventually he found himself huddled against Nick’s side, trying to steal some of his warmth.

“Hey. You okay?” Nick asked.

“I’m fine.”

“You are not. You look like you’re freezing.”

“It is pretty chilly in here.”

“Hang on.” Nick sat up, pulling off his jumper, and handed it to Charlie.

“But now you’ll be cold.”

“No. I don’t get cold that much.”

Charlie believed him. Nick was like a furnace. He pulled Nick’s jumper on over his head. It was toasty warm, and it smelled like Nick.

Looking over at him, Nick smiled that half-smile that never failed to make Charlie’s heart leap. “Better?”

“Yeah. You don’t mind?”

“Not at all. You look sort of cute in my jumper.”

Charlie blushed and ducked his head. Often the look Nick was giving him right now led to kissing, but a looming due date for the book reports had made them agree there would be none of that today. Charlie went back to his book, but he couldn’t concentrate. Now that he was warm, he was also incredibly sleepy.

Without thinking, he lay down and rested his head on Nick’s lap.

“Charlie. Are you all right?”

He half-turned his head so he could look up at Nick. “Yeah. Just so tired for some reason. Do you mind?”

“No. Here.” Nick reached up and tugged his comforter off his bed, pulling it up over Charlie. “There.”

Charlie snuggled in, pulling his arms against his chest. Closing his eyes, he felt a light touch in his hair as Nick slowly threaded his fingers through it in a gentle caress, again and again. As a rule, Charlie didn’t like having his hair messed with, but this was Nick, and it felt so tender, so caring, that Charlie fell asleep feeling warm and safe.

He woke up to Nick’s voice calling his name and Nick’s hand gently on his shoulder. “Hey. Your phone alarm is going off. Time for you to go home.”

Sitting up, Charlie blinked sleepily. “You must be so uncomfortable. I’m sorry. Did your legs fall asleep?”

Nick smiled and shook his head. “No, it’s fine. But you still look so tired—are you okay to go home? Do you want me to walk you?”

“Oh, no. You don’t have to.”

“I know I don’t have to. But I’m offering, if you want me to.”

It was on the tip of Charlie’s tongue to say no again, but he did want Nick to walk home with him. “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course.”

They were halfway to his house when Charlie realised he was still wearing Nick’s jumper. He didn’t want to take it off. Wearing it felt like a reminder that he and Nick were together. Sometimes, home by himself, it was hard to believe they were real, and he had to scroll back through their text threads to be sure.

They stopped a few houses before Charlie’s, and Nick reached for his hand. “You’re really okay? I’ve never seen you fall asleep that hard in the middle of the afternoon.”

“No, I’m fine. Just sometimes the week catches up to me.” He didn’t think he’d eaten much the last few days, either, although he didn’t mention that. He found it was easier if he just never mentioned food to anyone. Squeezing Nick’s hand, he said, “Really, I’m okay.”

“All right.” Nick leaned forward and kissed him. “Good-night.”

“Good-night.” Charlie went into his house and shut the door.

Almost immediately his phone pinged with a text from Nick. “Don’t think I didn’t notice.”

“????”

“You’re still wearing my jumper.”

“oh. do you want it back?” Charlie held his breath. He wanted to keep Nick’s jumper, to be able to feel like Nick was hugging him anytime he needed it.

“Not right now.”

“good. i like it.”

Nick sent him a heart-eyes emoji, and Charlie smiled. That night, he wore Nick’s jumper to sleep in, and, enveloped in Nick’s scent, it was the best night’s sleep he’d had in a long time.

Chapter Text

Saturday came round at last. Everyone else arrived early to the bowling alley, but not Nick. Charlie’s heart sank. He’d been afraid of this all along. Nick didn’t want them to be seen together; he’d never wanted to come in the first place but had been too nice to say so.

"He’s probably not coming,” Tao said, echoing Charlie’s dark thoughts. “We’ll have more fun without him, anyway.”

Elle glared at him. “Tao!”

“What? It’s true.” He started to say something else, but she shook her head at him.

Charlie left them in the lane and went to wait anxiously by the entrance, knowing he wouldn’t be able to think of anything else until Nick got there. Nick wouldn’t not show, he told himself. Would he? Charlie supposed he wouldn’t blame him. This wasn’t exactly his kind of thing, was it, hanging out with Charlie and his weird friends. If he didn’t come, Charlie would be okay with it, he told himself fiercely.

And then, there Nick was, rounding the corner. Relief flooded Charlie, and he hurried forward. “You came!”

“Yeah, of course I did!” Nick said, as if there had never been any doubt. He held out a gift bag. “Happy birthday.”

“I said you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“And I ignored you.” Their eyes met, and Charlie smiled. Even with Nick standing right in front of him, he couldn’t quite believe this was happening.

He reached for Nick’s hand. “Come on.” Remembering where they were, he let go again immediately.

“Am I the first one here?”

“No, you’re actually the last. We’re over there—lane 17.” He pointed.

Tao and Elle were having a heated discussion. Nick frowned thoughtfully. “I feel like I know her from somewhere.”

“That’s Elle. She used to go to our school. She would have been in your year, but she moved to Higgs. That’s Isaac. He doesn’t say a lot, but he’s really nice. And you know Tao. Sorry in advance if he says anything rude to you. That’s just the way he is.”

“Okay.”

Tao turned to see them standing there together, and he looked like he had just sucked on a lemon.

“Ready to meet them?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah.”

They joined the others. “Everyone, this is Nick,” Charlie said, as if they all weren’t completely aware of who Nick Nelson was.

“Hey.”

Isaac smiled. “Hey.”

“Oh, good,” Elle said. “We’re just choosing fun names for the board.”

“Fun names?” Nick joined Isaac and Elle at the machine.

Charlie sat down next to Tao. “Can you at least try to get to know him?”

“I’ll … try.” It was hard for him, and Charlie appreciated that he was willing to make the effort.

To no one’s surprise, they all started off bowling really terribly—except for Nick, whose ball struck the pins solidly and knocked down nearly all of them. He flung his arms out in victory, turning toward Charlie, who was standing behind him, and they nearly hugged before remembering where they were.

“Sorry,” Charlie murmured.

Nick shook his head. “It’s fine.”

They ordered food, and Nick and Elle demolished most of the chips between them, exclaiming about how good they were. Charlie thought they were nothing special, but he wasn’t much of a chip person anyway.

As they kept on, the rest of them got better. Nick still held a commanding lead, but Isaac and Elle were catching up to him.

Charlie’s turn came up again. Nick was standing there looking at him as he reached for the ball, one of those looks that would have preceded a kiss if they were alone. Picking up the ball, Charlie leaned toward him. “You can’t expect me to concentrate if you’re going to look at me like that.”

Nick blushed, but his eyes warmed. “Maybe it’s my strategy. If it works, I’ll try it on MarioKart.”

Grinning, Charlie took the ball and bowled a strike. Coming back to Nick, who was cheering for him, he said, “You know this means your MarioKart game is doomed.”

“Someday I’ll beat you.”

“You just keep thinking that.”

Unsurprisingly, Nick won the first game. Elle sighed. “I was so close.” She turned away to talk to Tao, leaving Charlie and Nick alone.

Charlie smiled at him. “You definitely cheated.”

“Oh, yeah? How?” Nick asked.

“You have strong rugby arms.” Charlie reached out, squeezing Nick’s arm, forgetting where they were.

“’Strong rugby arms’?”

“You’ve got an unfair advantage.”

Nick looked down at him, his eyes warm and teasing. “I thought you liked my arms.”

Warmth flooded Charlie. God, he wanted to kiss him right now. “Shut up,” he said instead, and Nick laughed.

“Is everyone ready for round two?” Isaac asked, breaking the moment.

“I’m just going to go find the bathroom,” Charlie said. He left them all there, hoping Isaac and Elle would keep Tao from saying anything too terrible.

As he was washing his hands, checking his hair, and smiling to himself in the mirror over how great it was to have all his favourite people here together, Tao joined him in the bathroom.

“Oh. Hi.”

“Charlie, look,” Tao said. “I’m saying this to you as a friend. You need to stop this thing with Nick Nelson.”

“What?”

“He’s going on a date with this girl. I heard him agree to it after that rugby match the other week.”

Charlie shook his head. “That can’t be true.” Tao must have misunderstood something. Nick would never do that.

Tao scowled. “Fine. Don’t believe me. I’m clearly just lying for fun.”

“Maybe you misunderstood.”

“I know what I heard! You can’t trust him, Charlie. You know he’s just an attention-seeker like Harry and the rest of his mates!”

“Nick doesn’t even like Harry,” Charlie protested. “Nick’s basically risking everything by hanging out with me, so—”

Tao sneered at him. “Wow. I feel so sorry for the popular rugby lad who’s almost getting picked on because he dares to hang out with someone below his popularity status.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Now you’re going to tell me I’m just being jealous because you made a new friend and I’m scared of being alone.”

“Well … aren’t you?” As much as this was about Tao not liking Nick, this was also about Elle leaving and Isaac’s best friend being his books, and Charlie spending so much time with Nick, and about Tao being obsessed with nothing ever changing within their group.

“No!” Tao protested, but they both knew it was true. “I just don’t like seeing him mess with you.”

“Do you really think he’s messing me around?” It was clear that Tao did, and while Tao could be unreasonable, when he got overprotective, there was usually a reason.

"I mean, that’s what it looks like.”

“But …” Nick would never do that. Nick who was always happiest when they were alone together, Nick who reached to kiss or hug him or hold his hand at every opportunity … Nick would never do that, Charlie told himself again. But he felt chilled, because Tao wouldn’t lie, and some part of him had always believed this was too good to be true. “He’s …” He wished desperately that he could tell Tao that he and Nick were together. Maybe that would make a difference. “He’s … my—friend.” It sounded lame even to him.

“Fine. But—if he is even slightly mean to you …”

“Yeah. You’ll murder him. I know.”

“I was going to say I’d send him a strongly worded DM, but murder’s fine, too.”

Charlie smiled, as Tao had intended him to.

When they came out of the bathroom, Nick was standing there at the food counter. He turned, looking at Charlie.

“Ugh!” Tao said. “Just … go.” And he left them together.

Charlie barely noticed him leaving. He was looking into Nick’s eyes, and nothing else existed for the moment. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Are you getting more food?”

Nick stared at him for a moment, then reached out and hugged him, his arms wrapping tightly around Charlie, holding him close, his face pressed into Charlie’s shoulder.

Charlie stood frozen for a second, remembering what Tao had said. But here he was, standing here enveloped in Nick’s warmth, smelling Nick’s familiar scent, feeling safe and cared for the way only one of Nick’s hugs could make him feel. Whatever Tao had heard must have been wrong. Nick was with Charlie. He wouldn’t be going on a date with anyone else.

Smiling, he returned the hug, closing his eyes and tucking his face into the crook of Nick’s neck and letting himself pretend they were alone for just a moment.

Chapter Text

For the second game, Charlie put everything out of his mind but how much fun it was to be hanging out with his friends, and with Nick. Elle and Nick seemed to get along well, and Nick and Isaac actually spent some time talking about Isaac’s current book. Tao refused to look at Nick, but he was his usual self otherwise.

Elle won the second game, jumping up and down at her final strike. “I win! I win!”

“Why am I so bad?” Tao exclaimed dramatically, looking up at the scoreboard. He had lost, again, by a lot.

“Well, your arms are basically twigs,” Elle told him.

“Ah! How dare you? I am a very muscular individual.” He tried to make a muscle, but it wasn’t happening.

“You wish.”

Charlie turned to Elle. “How did you do that?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re really good at it.”

“Thank you.” She smiled. “I think I just got in the rhythm, you know?”

“Yeah, I pretty much failed at that.” Charlie shook his head.

“Maybe next time.”

“Maybe.” If there was a next time. He hoped there would be.

Isaac came up with tokens, handing them out to Elle and Charlie.

“What are you going to start with? Oh, my God, what about the dance machine?”

“I’m so scared of it,” Charlie said. “I can’t dance. Like, at all.”

“Well, what do you want to play?”

“I don’t know.”

They all headed for the arcade together, but Isaac quickly moved ahead, going off by himself, as he did. Tao grabbed Elle’s hand and pulled her off to the dance machine, bumping his way between Nick and Charlie in the process.

This left Nick and Charlie alone together, which neither of them were unhappy about. Nick ended up in a battle royal with a claw game. Having lost once, he seemed determined to prove he could do it. Since Charlie didn’t care what he did as long as he was with Nick, he was fine with standing there and laughing as Nick proved completely incapable of manipulating the game.

Failing for at least the fifth time, Nick turned to Charlie. “Okay, I’m almost out of money now.”

“Don’t look at me,” Charlie told him. “I’m not giving you more just so you can lose again.”

Nick looked at him in exaggerated disappointment. “Fine. I see how it is.”

Charlie laughed.

Leaving the claw machine to its undisturbed glory, both of them turned round and leaned back against it. After a moment, Nick said, “So, I, um … I kind of overheard you and Tao in the bathroom earlier.”

Well, that explained the hug. “Oh.”

“I wanted to say sorry. About the date with Imogen thing.”

Charlie looked at him in hurt surprise. He hadn’t really believed that was something Nick would do, not without telling him, and to find out it was … “You actually went on a date with her?”

“No! No. She just … asked me out, and I was so surprised, and all our mates were watching and expecting me to say ‘yes’ and … I was such an idiot, I just blurted out ‘yes’ because I didn’t know how to say ‘no’ without embarrassing her and confusing all our mates. And then her dog died. And I felt really bad for her and …”

He wanted to be okay with it. The whole story the way Nick told it made sense—Charlie could imagine the big deal Harry and the others would make of that situation, and Nick was the kind of guy who wouldn’t want Imogen to be made to feel bad, not in front of all of them, and her dog dying did make it harder. But it still hurt Charlie that all of this had happened and Nick hadn’t told him about any of it.

But that was his problem, not Nick’s. Nick was doing the right thing now. Charlie would get past this.

“I’m so sorry,” Nick finished.

“Isn’t that what you always tell me not to say?”

“Yeah, but … I’ve actually done something bad.”

“Well, it’s not like we’re … you know … officially dating, or anything.” He looked up into Nick’s eyes, wanting him to offer, to say something, anything, that would make them official.

Nick held his gaze for a moment, then looked away, and Charlie couldn’t help being disappointed. He was willing to wait as long as it took for Nick to be ready, but God, how nice it would be to be able to be open about his feelings for once, to be able to say that they were together.

“I’m going to make it right with Imogen,” Nick said at last. “I’m going to … tell her I don’t like her like that.”

“Okay.” It was something, at least.

Nick leaned his head against the machine, saying wistfully, “I wish I’d met you when I was younger.”

Charlie mirrored the movement. “Yeah?”

“Mm. I wish I’d … known then what I know now.”

Under most circumstances, Charlie would have prized this moment where Nick was able to be open, and vulnerable. Mostly, he kept what he was thinking, how he was working through his questions about his sexuality, to himself, and Charlie understood. That kind of thing was hard to talk about, and particularly difficult with the person who had launched the questions to begin with.

But today was Charlie’s birthday, and Nick was here with him and with his friends, and he wanted to put the whole Imogen thing behind them and just enjoy the rest of the time together. He leaned forward, looking up and into Nick’s eyes. “No being sad on my birthday.”

Nick laughed at that. He bent down and picked up the gift bag at his feet. “So, are you going to open my present, then?”

“Yeah. As long as you don’t mind.”

“Well, I kind of want to see your reaction.”

Charlie opened the bag and took out the present, tearing off the paper.

“I genuinely didn’t have time to go out and buy you something, so … sorry it’s a bit handmade.” Nick sounded nervous that Charlie wouldn’t like it.

It was a photo of the two of them with Nellie, on the first day they hung out, in the snow, and Nick had decorated the frame with stickers. Charlie smiled, remembering that day.

Nick had chosen a picture, printed it out, decorated the frame by hand—and Nick wasn’t crafty, not at all—and wrapped it, all while thinking of Charlie. That meant … everything.

“That was just one of my favourite days ever, so …” Nick’s voice trailed off. Lifting his head, Charlie looked into Nick’s eyes. He didn’t have words for how he felt right now … but Nick found some. “I really like you.”

Charlie had known, of course he had, but this was the first time either of them had said it out loud, and it sounded so—real. “You like me?” he repeated, breathlessly.

“Wasn’t that obvious?” Nick gave him that lovely lopsided smile, and they both laughed. “Do you like me?”

He would never have imagined Nick would have to ask, and it was kind of endearing that he had. “Yes! Obviously.”

Both of them laughed again, awkwardly, and Nick asked, “Why are we like this?”

He was so beautiful, and he made Charlie so happy, and he’d said he liked him, said it out loud. Charlie wished so much that they were alone. He wanted … “I want to kiss you so bad right now.” The words were out before he could stop them.

Nick dropped his head, the moment broken, and Charlie thought he probably should take the words back. But it was the truth, and it was his birthday, and … that was what he wanted. Nick was looking round them. He turned back to Charlie, taking a deep breath, and said, “Okay.”

Okay? Charlie wasn’t sure he had heard right over the sudden pounding of his heart. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Still not certain this was really happening, Charlie stepped forward, lifting his mouth to Nick’s. It was slow and soft at first, then Nick’s hand cupped the back of Charlie’s neck, deepening the kiss, and Charlie put his arm round Nick, clinging to his jumper. Before he could forget where they were—always a danger when he kissed Nick—Charlie pulled away, smiling.

Nick appeared startled that the kiss had ended, his eyes hazy, trying to catch his breath. It was such an attractive look that Charlie wished he could kiss him again. He looked away deliberately, both of them checking to make sure they hadn’t been seen.

“Come on,” he said, smiling. “We need to find a basketball machine.”

They made their way through the rest of the arcade. Basketball—which Nick won—and MarioKart, which he lost badly, as always, loudly protesting that he should be able to win at least once. Slushies, catching up with the others again at the slushie machine, and the five of them ending the day at a table together.

It was the best birthday Charlie had ever had.

Chapter Text

Sunday afternoon, Charlie was just sitting down to practise his long-neglected drums when he got a text from Nick.

“Me and Nellie are out for a walk. Come with us?”

Naturally, Charlie had his shoes on almost before he had finished reading the text. “be right down”

Nick and Nellie were waiting for him outside. Nellie got up and strained at her leash when she saw him, and Charlie bent to pet her. “Good girl, Nellie.”

“It really ought to bother me more than it does that my dog likes you so much,” Nick said to him as they started down the sidewalk.

“I think she likes me more than you do,” Charlie teased him, and Nick blushed beautifully.

“I wouldn’t say that.” He looked sideways at Charlie, his brown eyes warm, making Charlie blush in his turn.

They walked silently for a block or so before Nick said, “I’ve just been to talk to Imogen.”

“How did she take it?”

“Really well, actually. Like, the moment when I said I didn’t like her like that … that hurt her.” Nick sighed. “I wish I’d had the sense to tell her that from the start. She told me she liked me at Harry’s party, but I was so—I was in such a hurry to get away from her, to find you, to figure out what was going on with me, that I didn’t even think about what she had said until it was too late. And then I got into that whole date mess.”

“But she was okay,” Charlie said. “Today.”

“Yeah, after I explained. I think—actually, I think she might be someone I could really be friends with. Since so many of my other friends seem to just follow Harry around like dogs, it’s nice to know there’s someone I can talk to.”

“I’m glad.” He was glad. He was also a little bit jealous. After all, he had surprised Nick by being someone he could really be friends with, and now here they were. What if this Imogen turned out to be more than friends somewhere along the way, too? Buried deep inside Charlie’s happiness with how things were between them was the fear that at some point in his struggle with his identity Nick would decide he was really straight and everything would suddenly be over.

“I hope the next boy she likes likes her back,” Nick said thoughtfully, unaware of Charlie’s dark thoughts.

“What did you tell her?” He really wanted Nick to have told her that he and Charlie were together, or that he liked someone else, or anything along those lines.

“I told her that … that …” Nick stopped, frowning, as he tried to explain. “That I’ve just been … going along, doing things without thinking, and now I feel like I’m not that person anymore, but I’m so … so scared to change, to—to surprise people. To cause comment.” He looked up at Charlie. “Then I realised I’ve never actually told you that.”

“I knew.” Charlie reached for his hand.

“Is it silly that I’m afraid of what they’ll say?”

“You forget that I had a trial by fire last year. I don’t know how much you know, but I didn’t come out; I was found out. It wasn’t my choice. And I know all the things people say. I’m used to them by now. I don’t care any longer.” That wasn’t strictly true, but it was close enough for the purposes of this conversation. “But it’s hard when you’re not used to it, and you don’t expect it, and the things being said come from people you thought were your friends.”

“Yeah.” Nick nodded. “I’m sorry that happened to you. And I’m glad that you have friends who stood by you. It was really nice hanging out with them yesterday. And you.”

Charlie smiled. “Even though Tao was terrible?”

“If he heard that whole date thing, then he had reason to be. I wish I’d just told you, straight out, what happened, but I was so ashamed, and I … I wanted to find a way out of it without hurting either of you, and then I ended up hurting both of you.” He sighed again, heavily. “I feel like I keep doing that.”

“You were trying to be nice,” Charlie said. “I get that.”

Nick shook his head. “I was anything other than nice.”

“You’ll know better for next time.”

“There better never be a next time. I just want all of them to leave me alone. I don’t get why Harry is so obsessed with me getting with a girl, anyway.”

Charlie had a few thoughts on that topic, but he didn’t much want to talk about Harry right now. He squeezed Nick’s hand, smiling at him. “I was so glad you came yesterday.”

“Me, too. Thank you for asking me.” Nick looked over at him, smiling. “Did you have a good birthday?”

“Yeah.”

Nick’s smile widened, his brown eyes lighting with humour. “You know, now you can’t call me old ‘cause we’re nearly the same age.”

“Not for long. When’s your birthday?”

“September. See, I’m giving you plenty of time to find me a present.”

The idea took Charlie’s breath away. He wondered if Nick realised what he’d said. He’d just said he expected them to still be together in September—months from now. Charlie felt like he could fly right off the sidewalk, he was so happy.

Nick frowned suddenly. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“You seemed so relieved when I got there on Saturday. Did you think I wouldn’t come?”

“Well …” Charlie ducked his head, embarrassed to say he had thought exactly that. “I just really wanted you to be there, and I don’t trust things like that to come true.”

Stopping abruptly, Nick turned to look at Charlie. “Tao thinks I’m messing with you. Do you—do you think that?”

“No!” At least, not intentionally. “No,” he said again.

Nick’s eyes searched his face. “Good. I know it has to be frustrating for you, waiting for me to figure things out, and you’ve been so patient. I promise I’m trying.”

“Hey.” Charlie stepped closer to him. “You take the time you need. I don’t want you to rush yourself. Okay? And look at this weekend. You came to my birthday party, you hung out with my friends, you all—mostly—got along. You kissed me in the middle of the arcade!”

“I suppose I did.” Nick smiled. “That was really nice.”

“You don’t regret it?”

“Not at all.” They were very close to each other now, their words little more than murmurs, and in another moment they were kissing here on the sidewalk.

They broke apart before it could get too distracting, both immediately looking around in case they’d been seen. But there was no one.

Charlie smiled. “I should get back. But … don’t worry, okay?”

“Okay.”

Nick walked off with Nellie back toward his house. Charlie watched them for a moment, wishing he felt as confident as he sounded.

Chapter Text

Nick had been uncharacteristically distracted all day. First in form, when Charlie couldn’t get more than monosyllables out of him, and then over text. He’d met Charlie at the door of his house with little more than a quick smile, and once they were in his room, he’d said he had a lot of homework to get to. But he wasn’t doing homework; he was pacing the floor, back and forth, looking more angry than Charlie had ever seen him.

For once, Charlie was pretty sure whatever was bothering Nick didn’t have anything to do with him, but he hated to see Nick, usually so sunny and cheerful, this upset. He sat in the beanbag chair in the corner of Nick’s room, waiting to see if the pacing would calm Nick down, but it only seemed to be making it worse. “Nick,” he said at last. “You’re going to wear a hole in the floor.”

“What? Oh. Right. I just—” He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “Sorry. Usually when I have a bad day, I go to rugby, and that helps, but today—” He gestured outside to the rainy afternoon.

Suddenly so much about Nick made sense to Charlie. How different he was on the rugby pitch than he was in the rest of his life, how well he played, how completely not like a rugby player he was off the pitch. “Anything bothering you in specific?” he asked.

Nick started to say no, but then he turned and looked at Charlie, as if realising for the first time that it was okay to talk about the things that bothered him. “It’s Harry, and his stupid, stupid jokes and—why does he care who I go out with? What is it to him? If I had started dating Imogen, would Harry have wanted to come along to watch?”

Charlie suspected Harry might have wanted to. Maybe to learn some things; maybe because he had a crush on Nick so secret he didn’t know it himself. It wouldn’t surprise Charlie at all if that were true.

Not waiting for a response, Nick kept going. “The whole lot of them, snickering and laughing about things that aren’t their business! Why don’t they just go out and get a life of their own?”

“Because no one likes them,” Charlie said.

“What?” Nick, halted in the middle of his tirade, turned and frowned at him.

“No one likes them, Nick. There’s a reason why they always only hang out with each other. None of Harry’s money or his surface popularity can buy him what you have.”

“What’s that?”

“Respect. You’re a nice person. People like you. On the rugby pitch, you’re the leader. And it’s not just because you’re good at it, it’s because you pay attention and you know where people work best and the lads trust you.” In some ways it surprised him that Nick was so unaware of the dynamics among his friend group—but Nick had never really had to study other people or learn to understand what set them off. He took people at face value because he’d never had a reason not to. “Would you follow Harry on the pitch?”

Nick thought about that. “No.”

“Neither would anyone else. Harry wants to be like you.” Charlie shook his head. “You know if you wanted to lead that group the way Harry does, he’d be just another one of them, following you around.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is.” Charlie got up and came toward him. “You’re so amazing, and you don’t even know it. You’re nice, and you’re funny, and you listen when people talk to you.”

“Anyone can do that.”

It was lovely that Nick thought so, but Charlie knew better. “Most don’t choose to. Or they don’t know how.” Nick was ducking his head, embarrassed at the praise, so Charlie smiled, stepping closer and changing the tone of the conversation. “You know what else you have that Harry doesn’t have.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re incredibly hot.”

Nick blushed, shaking his head. “Come on. I’m just normal. I look like everyone else.” He ruffled Charlie’s hair lightly. “Not like you. You’re all cool and adorable.”

Well, that was lovely to hear. “You are a dork. A very hot dork.”

Nick smiled his gorgeous lopsided smile and bent his head toward Charlie’s. “You know,” he said teasingly, “I don’t think that’s possible. That’s one of those—what’s the word for two words that don’t go together?”

“Oxymoron.”

“Right.”

“So you’re saying you’re an oxymoron.” Charlie grinned impishly at him.

“What? No.” Nick frowned.

Charlie laughed, and he pulled Nick’s head back down, up on his tiptoes to kiss him.

Something today gave an added intensity to their kisses. Maybe it was the excess energy from anger Nick couldn’t work out on the pitch; maybe it was the intoxication of the exchanged compliments, knowing each of them found the other attractive; maybe it was just Nick. But they went on and on, lost in each other, in just being together.

Eventually, they were stopped by Nellie’s scratch on the door. Charlie checked his phone while Nick opened the door for the dog. “Nick.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know we were kissing for half an hour?”

Nick raised his eyebrows. “Didn’t feel like half an hour.”

“No.” Charlie smiled and reached for Nick’s hand. “Do you feel better?”

“Better?” Nick repeated.

“Yes. About … Harry and everything.”

“Oh. Yes, I suppose.” He looked down at Charlie. “Do you really think I’m better-looking than Harry?”

“Yes! Absolutely. That’s not even a question. Also, I believe the word I used was ‘hot’.”

“You know you’re ridiculous, don’t you?”

Charlie laughed. “Do you think I’d spend half an hour kissing someone I didn’t think was hot?”

“I certainly hope not.”

“Then there you have it.”

Chapter Text

Charlie and Tao were walking toward the gate Monday morning when suddenly someone came barrelling past, knocking Tao into Charlie.

“Watch out, dicknozzle!”

Harry. Of course it was Harry. Charlie would have kept walking, but Tao stopped and faced him. “If you want my attention that badly, why don’t you just throw something at me again? Like your last remaining brain cell?”

All the other rugby lads laughed at that, while Harry frowned and scrambled for a good comeback. Charlie couldn’t help smiling, seeing all Harry’s toughness fade away when someone fought back. “Wow," he said as he and Tao walked away. "I think you hurt his feelings.”

“Good.”

They were passing Nick, sitting at the table with Imogen. Nick ducked his head as Charlie passed, avoiding his eyes. Last week, Charlie would have been jealous of Imogen, but now he felt more guilty about letting Tao continue this thing with Harry, which was clearly bothering Nick.

In form, he asked, “Should I tell Tao to lay off? I don’t want him to make things worse for you.”

“What? No. Harry deserves what he gets,” Nick said. “I just don’t want Tao to get in over his head.”

“Me neither.”

They took Nellie to the park that afternoon. Once they’d worn her out chasing sticks, they put down a blanket and lay down on it, just enjoying the afternoon and being together. Most of the time they never ran out of things to talk about—words flew out of Nick like he’d been holding them back for years, which maybe he had. But sometimes it was just as good to be quiet together.

Charlie looked up at the sky, listening to Nick’s breathing next to him, the breeze ruffling the leaves. He could stay here forever, he thought.

After a while, Nick turned to him. “I had a question.”

“Yeah?”

“I just wondered, like … how did you realise you were gay?”

“Oh.” That question. The question. Charlie tried to think how to put it into words. With anyone else, he might have brushed it off, but if anything he said could help Nick figure himself out, he wanted that. He didn’t have much, though. It had always just been … who he was. “Uh … I guess I’ve always been sort of aware of it. Even when I was really young. I didn’t understand it at the time, but … it’s always been boys.” He smiled. “I’m guessing you didn’t feel the same when you were little.”

Nick had looked away, not having gotten the answers he was looking for from Charlie, it seemed. Now he turned his head back. “Well … no. I don’t know … what I am.”

That was hard for him to admit, Charlie could see, and he wished he had more advice, more of anything that could help. All he really had was reassurance. “You don’t have to figure it out right now. I didn’t just wake up one day like, ‘oh, look, guess I’m gay now’.”

Nick laughed, rolling his head back and closing his eyes. “Well … I’m sorry for being all confused.”

“I thought I was the one who said sorry too much.”

“Oi!” Nick frowned at him good-naturedly.

Wanting to cheer him up a bit, Charlie lifted his head, looking round to make sure they were alone, then reached out, twining his fingers with Nick’s, thrilling at how easily, how willingly, Nick responded to his touch. “Do you … want to kiss?” Charlie asked in his most flirty voice. “Would that help?”

Nick looked at him, his eyes warm. “Wow.”

“Just a suggestion.”

“Wo-ow.”

“Well, if you’re not interested, then—” Charlie started to sit up, but, as he had hoped, Nick grasped his sleeve and his other hand and pulled him back down.

“Okay. Hang on. It’s a good suggestion.” They were leaning on their elbows now, facing each other, Nick’s eyes closing as he leaned in.

Then from across the park came a sound, dogs barking, and Nick sat up abruptly, his whole body tensing. Then it relaxed, and he dropped his head, closing his eyes. Charlie hated to see him so upset with himself for something he couldn’t help.

“Sorry,” Nick said softly.

“Don’t be sorry.”

Nick looked at him for reassurance and Charlie smiled, but it wasn’t enough.

The moment was broken. Charlie felt bad for pushing Nick to kiss him in public—if he hadn’t done that, they might still be lying there together, so peaceful and content.

“I just …” Nick struggled for the words. “I feel like— I feel like Ben. Hiding, and making you pretend, and—”

“This isn’t like that,” Charlie told him.

“You say that, but it is.”

“It isn’t.” He searched for his own words, trying to make it clear how different the two of them were. Nick made him feel cared for and appreciated and valued all the time. Ben never had. Not even once. “Ben wouldn’t have—he wouldn’t have been here with me in the first place. He kept me at arm’s length, never let me in. Didn’t care what I thought or who I was. Does that sound like you?”

“No,” Nick admitted after a moment.

“Because it isn’t. You’re nothing like him, I promise you that. Don’t compare yourself to him again.” He reached for Nick’s hand. “Please don’t.”

Nick said “Okay,” but Charlie could feel that he wasn’t convinced.

He couldn’t help feeling like this was his fault. Why couldn’t he find a way to help Nick through this? Or … step back for a bit and give Nick some space to clear his head? Instead, here he was constantly asking Nick to push his boundaries.

Sighing, he helped Nick fold the blanket, wishing somehow he knew a way to make things better.

Chapter Text

Thursday was the all-day rehearsal for the Truham-Higgs spring concert. Charlie didn’t know why they needed to spend all day rehearsing—the concert wasn’t that long, and they weren’t that good—but he wasn’t really complaining, either.

When he came into form carrying only his drumsticks, Nick frowned at him. “What’s up? You joining a rock band or something?”

Charlie laughed. “No. Rehearsal for the concert. We get out of classes all day.”

“All day? Sneak me into the orchestra, will you?”

“With all your fabulous musical skills?”

“Well, that’s unfair. I’ve only had one lesson.” Nick smiled at him.

“And you were terrible.”

“Maybe I just need more private tutoring.”

That teasing look had its usual effect on Charlie’s breathing, and he looked away, blushing. “Shut up.”

When the bell rang, Nick walked Charlie to the gym, where the rehearsal was being held. “Nick, I think you’re going the wrong way.” Charlie grinned at him.

“I’ve never seen a rehearsal before. I’m expanding my horizons,” Nick told him loftily.

“You mean you’re putting off going to maths.”

“Well, that, too.” They walked into the gym together. “I can’t believe you get the whole day off to rehearse for this.”

“Sometimes, playing a musical instrument has its benefits.”

“When’s the concert?” Nick asked.

“Friday night.”

“Can I come?”

Charlie frowned. “What? Why?” It was just a boring school concert. Even Charlie’s parents weren’t coming to this one—they’d seen more than their share by this point.

“Because you’re performing,” Nick said, as though that should have been obvious.

Maybe it should have, but Charlie thought it would be weird to have Nick there while they played through their limited repertoire of school-approved songs. “You don’t have to come. You’ve probably got way more interesting things to do.”

Nick smiled at him, as if to indicate he didn’t, but before he could say anything else, the teacher called to Charlie to come take care of his drum kit. He smiled back at Nick and went to go get set up. He glanced up a couple of times to see Nick standing there with Tara Jones, wondering what they were talking about.

As Tara and Darcy joined the rest of the musicians, and the teacher got ready to get started, Charlie looked across the room, smiling broadly to see Nick still standing there, looking at him. Without thinking, he waved.

Nick waved back, looking like he’d like to stay all day. Then he left the room hastily—Charlie thought he must have just realised how very late he was for his maths.

Tao was late to lunch because he’d had another run-in with Harry. He was disappointed because he hadn’t seen Tara and Darcy. Since they were Elle’s friends, Tao wanted to be friends with them, too. Charlie was disappointed because he’d wanted to have lunch with Nick, and couldn’t find him, either. The two of them were almost as quiet as Isaac today.

After school, Nick was coming over to study, so Charlie gave his room a hasty tidy-up. He was lying on his bed reading Insta when Tori came to his door. “You can’t come in here,” he told her. “Nick’s coming round.”

“Oh. I didn’t realise you were in a committed relationship.”

“What? We’re not— He’s not—” He never could lie to Tori. Not well, anyway. Instead he pointed at her with his phone. “Shut up.”

“Wow. So not ready to tie the knot yet, then?”

“Shut up,” Charlie repeated. After a moment, he added, “Even if we were together—”

But he was interrupted by the sharp knock on the door downstairs. He was off the bed, past Tori, and down the stairs like a shot, letting Nick in.

They kissed briefly when Nick came into his room, but both of them had a lot of work to do, so it was a predetermined quiet study day. They stretched out on the floor on their stomachs, in opposite directions, getting started on their work.

Usually Nick was the more easily distracted. Quickly bored with his homework, he always suggested study breaks or quick games of MarioKart or snacks or something, but today he seemed content to focus on his work—and Charlie couldn’t concentrate.

He kept lifting his head and seeing Nick there, in his room, and wanting to pinch himself. Nick was so beautiful. So much fun to hang out with, so kind and gentle and warm, such a good kisser, such an enthusiastic hugger and hand-holder. Charlie wondered how he had gotten so lucky.

While he was in the middle of his heart-eyed reverie, Nick looked up from his work. Charlie quickly turned back to the essay he was supposed to be writing.

“What?” Nick asked.

Charlie echoed his “What?”, but he could feel himself blushing.

“You’re staring.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, you were.”

Charlie threw his pen at him. “Do your homework.”

But he had apparently successfully distracted Nick, who put his homework aside and shifted so he was sitting facing Charlie. “You know, I was talking to Tara at the rehearsal today.”

“Yeah?”

“You heard she came out, right?”

“Yeah, she put it on Insta.”

“I … told her we’re together.”

Charlie was certain he hadn’t heard that right. Was Nick actually saying he had come out to Tara? He rose up on his knees, trying to control the smile that was spreading across his face, just in case he really had heard wrong.

“What?”

“I told her we’re going out.”

Laughing, unable to contain his joy, Charlie launched himself at Nick, knocking them both over. “Oh, my God, that’s amazing. You’re amazing.” He lowered his head and kissed Nick enthusiastically, wanting him to know just how happy he’d made him. Then he pulled back, worried that somehow he’d put some kind of pressure on Nick, made him do something he wasn’t ready for. “Wait. Are you sure you wanted to?”

“Um, yeah.”

“You didn’t just force yourself because I’m out or anything.”

Nick laughed. “No, I wanted to tell them.”

Delighted, Charlie kissed him again. Nick rolled them over so he was cradling Charlie in his arms, making Charlie feel safe the way he did. Charlie wrapped his arms tightly around Nick, grasping the back of the blue jumper Nick had reclaimed out of Charlie’s closet—but only with the promise that Charlie got to steal another one next time.

They smiled at each other. Charlie was nearly bubbling over with joy. He hadn’t actually expected this day to arrive and now that it was here, he could hardly believe it.

Nick’s smile faded to worry. “Charlie.”

“Yeah?”

“Should I have asked you first? Before I told people.”

Lifting his head, Charlie kissed him almost before he’d finished the sentence. “As long as you told them, I don’t care how. Wish I’d been there,” he added wistfully. “What did they say?”

“They were happy. Surprised I told them, I think.” He chuckled. “Darcy said she knew it at the rugby match.”

Charlie felt awful. He’d known he’d screwed up that day. He opened his mouth to say ‘sorry’, but Nick frowned at him.

“Don’t say it. I kind of liked that she could tell. I wasn’t bothered.”

“You weren’t?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Nick lowered his head and kissed him again for reassurance. Which worked pretty well.

Chapter Text

Both Nick and Charlie were thoroughly distracted by now, and it was clear they weren’t getting any more homework done if they stayed in the same room, so Nick reluctantly packed up his things to go home.

Charlie walked him to the door, watching as he put his shoes back on. Nick was even cute tying his shoes, he thought, which probably meant Charlie was way too into him for his own good.

“So, how about the concert tomorrow night?” Nick asked.

“You really don’t have to come,” Charlie told him. It was just a dumb school concert. It wasn’t like the music was even hard. “It’ll be boring.”

Nick finished tying his shoes and stood up. “No, I want to support you.”

Charlie laughed, to hide how much he was touched by the sentiment. “Um … Okay, but if you change your mind, that’s fine.” He still thought Nick didn’t quite know what he was getting himself into.

“And Tara and Darcy want us to go and get milkshakes with them before it starts.” Nick hesitated. “Like a double date?”

A date? A real date? With Nick? Charlie smiled. “I’ve never been on a date.”

“Me, neither.” Nick hesitated again, and Charlie realised with some surprise that Nick was nervous about asking him out on a real date. “Want to go on one?”

“Yeah.”

They laughed together. Standing this close in the hallway, it was so hard not to reach for him, this beautiful guy who had come out to their friends today, who had arranged a double date, who had been so sweetly nervous asking him. Charlie really couldn’t believe this was his life. He kept expecting to wake up some morning on the first day of the new term, having dreamed the whole thing.

Nick tore himself away and reached for his bag. “Cool. Um … Well … I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Charlie didn’t want him to go. Then again, he never wanted Nick to go.

Pausing in the doorway, Nick looked back at him. Charlie wanted to kiss him, or hug him, or just keep him here forever. God, he couldn’t believe how much he liked him. They exchanged reluctant “bye”s and Nick went down the steps to the gate, where he stopped to wave. Apparently he didn’t want to leave any more than Charlie wanted him to.

At last he disappeared round the edge of the gate. Charlie closed the door, turning back into the hallway. In an excess of happiness, he found himself jumping up and down, flapping his arms, as the only way to properly express how he felt.

Silly though it was, he felt better after he’d done it, although he still floated his way distractedly through the rest of the afternoon. His essay was not going to be his best work, he could tell. The way he felt, he was a little surprised he hadn’t just written “Nick” a thousand times.

That night, Darcy and Tara set up a group text with him and Nick to nail down the plans for the double date. They would meet at the milkshake café an hour before the concert, which should give them plenty of time.

Then Darcy texted “tao and elle should come to our double date”

“Wait, are they dating??” Nick asked.

“not YET they’re not”

Charlie frowned at his phone. Tao and Elle? Since when were they a thing? Did they even like each other? He realised he hadn’t spent much time with them at all recently because he’d been spending so much time with Nick. He’d have to do something about that—no matter how happy he was with Nick, his friends were important to him, too. He should find a way to let them know that.

Since Darcy seemed to know more about the current situation than he did, he texted “do tao and elle like each other???”

“Elle definitely likes Tao,” Tara replied.

Darcy texted “and they’d make such a good couple!!!”

Charlie realised with some disappointment that if they asked Tao and Elle they’d be adding people who didn’t know about him and Nick. Much as he liked his friends, he’d been looking forward to having the chance to be openly a couple. Still … he liked the idea of trying to get Elle and Tao together. The more he thought about it, the more Tao’s behaviour since she left Truham seemed like him having a crush. And they would make a good couple, Darcy was right about that.

“btw they don’t know me and nick are together,” he texted the group. He didn’t want Darcy outing Nick when he wasn’t ready.

“That’s okay!!” Tara reassured him. “We won’t say anything.”

Then Nick texted “So now it’s a triple date?”

Charlie smiled. “and tao and elle don’t know it’s a date at all …”

Darcy’s text capped off the conversation. “we are such meddling gays and I love it”

Everyone said “good-night” and “see you tomorrow” and the chat went quiet.

Charlie couldn’t believe how much he loved this, being on a group text with Nick, being able to be a couple, seeing the way Nick was with the girls, so easy and open.

He texted Nick separately, “have i told you you’re amazing???”

The word “Typing” appeared and disappeared several times, and Charlie lay back on his bed, smiling. He was usually the one who couldn’t find the right thing to say, and Nick was rarely at a loss for words. It was nice to turn the tables on him occasionally, to imagine him blushing as he tried to duck the compliment.

“I wish I’d been able to do this weeks ago,” Nick finally replied.

“you did it now” “i’m so proud of you” “good-night”

Nick typed and erased again another couple of times before sending back “Thank you x” and his own “Good-night”.

Charlie hugged his phone to him, looking at the picture of them that Nick had given him for his birthday. He hadn’t had any idea the day the picture was taken that this kind of happiness was even possible; his best dream at the time was that Nick might possibly have been flirting with him. And now look at them.

He went to sleep smiling.

Chapter Text

Charlie couldn’t have said what happened in school all day Friday. Other than trading secret, excited smiles with Nick every time he saw him and imagining how their first date would be while he tried to look like he was listening to the lecture, that is.

He and Nick had agreed to meet at the milkshake café, just a few minutes before the girls were due to get there. Charlie was just putting his coat on when there was a knock at the door. He opened it to find Nick on his doorstep, looking relieved.

“Oh, good, you haven’t left yet.”

Immediately, Charlie froze. Nick had reconsidered. He wasn’t coming to the concert, he was cancelling the date. Charlie couldn’t move.

Nick ducked his head, blushing. “I just thought, um, since this is a date, maybe I should pick you up instead of meeting you there.” He looked at Charlie from under the curtain of red hair that was always falling over his left eye. “That’s probably silly.”

It might have been silly, but Charlie loved that Nick had thought of it. “No! No, not at all,” Charlie hastened to assure him. Flushed with relief, he picked up his bag and met Nick on the doorstep, closing the door behind him while he reached for Nick’s hand. “I like it.”

“Oh. Good.” They smiled foolishly at one another.

They walked down the steps together. Charlie looked Nick over. He was wearing jeans and a jumper and his Carhartt jacket. “That’s what you’re wearing?”

Nick immediately panicked. “Why? What’s wrong with it? Oh, should I have … dressed up?”

Charlie laughed, squeezing his hand.

“Oi.” Nick frowned at him. “You’re terrible.”

“You look great,” Charlie assured him. “You always do.”

Nick blushed. “So do you.”

Charlie was wearing his school uniform, required for the concert, so he hardly looked any different from usual, but he wasn’t going to argue.

Tara and Darcy were waiting for them. Darcy immediately came up and linked her arm with Charlie’s. “How are you, my guy? See, I told you you looked coupley before.”

He couldn’t help blushing and looking at Nick for his reaction, but Nick was smiling. He seemed so at ease and relaxed around these two, different than he was with his own friends or with Charlie’s. Maybe these were their friends, then, Charlie decided, the first ones they had made together. He squeezed Darcy’s arm. “And you were right, apparently.”

“She always is,” Tara said. “It’s very annoying.”

Darcy giggled triumphantly.

“Oh, there’s Elle,” Tara said, waving.

And it was the five of them for a while. Elle was clearly happy with her new friends, and Nick seemed at ease with Elle there, even if that meant they couldn’t openly be a couple. Tao had texted Elle his milkshake order, telling her he was going to be a few minutes late, so they all ordered together.

When Tao arrived, Elle went to meet him, and the rest of them put their heads together. “So how do we do this?” Nick asked.

Charlie was surprised—he wouldn’t have thought of Nick as the matchmaking type.

“Just play it cool,” Tara said. “Elle’s afraid of messing up their friendship.”

“So is Tao,” Charlie agreed.

Darcy was suspiciously silent.

When Tao arrived, he immediately started asking questions about the music they were playing at the concert. “Do you ever play film music?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Tara told him.

“Well, then, it’s not boring, then.”

“Why’d you agree to come if you thought it’d be boring?” Charlie demanded.

“Because I’m a very nice and supportive friend, obviously.”

“No. He came for the milkshakes and the milkshakes only,” Elle corrected.

“I said that to you in confidence!”

“So how did you two become friends?” Darcy asked them.

“I was friends with Charlie first,” Elle said, “and then Tao came along as a package deal.”

As Tao glared at her open-mouthed in mock outrage and said “Rude!” Charlie remembered how that had happened. Elle in the art room during lunch, working on her painting, Charlie hiding in the corner, pretending to eat. Both of them slowly opening up to each other. And then Tao and Isaac being let in on what was happening to them, and Tao’s protectiveness of both of them.

“You’re lucky to have me,” Tao said loftily.

“You make a cute little pair,” Darcy said. She jumped immediately as Tara glared at her, and probably kicked her under the table.

Elle and Tao ignored the remark, devoting themselves to their milkshakes. “So …” Tao said, finishing his, “we’re ordering a second round, right?”

That got universal approval. Nick got to his feet. “Yeah. We can go and get them, if you want.” Everyone said what they wanted and Nick and Charlie went to order.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Nick said as they waited for the milkshakes to get made. “It was the only way I could get you alone.”

“Oh. Are you not having a good time?”

“No, I am, it’s just … this is our first date. I wanted to spend some of it together.” He smiled, warming Charlie all through.

“Good idea,” he said shyly.

“I thought so.” Nick bumped Charlie’s arm lightly with his, looking pleased with himself, and so cute Charlie couldn’t help smiling, too.

Nick’s milkshake was the first one done, some kind of blue concoction. “What is that?” Charlie asked.

“Try it.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Charlie took a sip. It was cloyingly sweet. He made a face. “Oh, my God, no, that is a crime!”

“I cannot believe you’re disrespecting bubblegum flavour in front of me.” Charlie’s milkshake—a proper respectable chocolate—was set down next to him and Nick picked it up. “Let me try yours.” He took a sip, and his eyes widened. “Wow.”

“See?” Charlie said, leaning toward him cheekily. “I make good choices.”

“We should swap.”

“No, you made your choice.”

“Okay, well, we can share.” Nick reached for extra straws and stuck them in both milkshakes. “We are on a date.”

“Is that the official rule of dating? Sharing drinks?”

Nick thought about that for a moment. “Yeah.” He gave Charlie one of those lopsided smiles that always made his breath catch.

He couldn’t help thinking about what it would be like to be out with Nick, just them, able to be open about being together. “We should go on a date, just us.” Nick ducked his head, still smiling, but didn’t answer immediately, and Charlie hastily backpedaled. “I mean, if you want to. It’s all right if you don’t want to.” Except that sounded too much like saying ‘sorry’, so he changed again. “Actually, no, sorry, that was stupid."

"We should,” Nick said, cutting into Charlie’s increasing confusion. “I’d like that.”

Charlie laughed a little, looking up into Nick’s eyes. He really couldn’t believe this was happening to him—and if it was a dream, he never wanted to wake up.

Chapter Text

Once the first four milkshakes were up, Charlie called Tao over to help carry. Nick was still trying to sell Charlie on bubblegum being an acceptable flavour, claiming that chocolate was boring and expected, everyone ordered it, and bubblegum was more interesting.

Charlie turned to tease him about his terrible taste just as Tao joined them. He stopped short, looking from one of them to the other. “Not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Um, what?” Charlie could feel himself blushing, although they weren’t really saying anything that could give them away. “No, we were just … chatting.”

Tao still seemed to feel like the third wheel, and Charlie wished he could say something, but even if Nick was ready for that, Charlie didn’t think Tao was. He was so opposed to Nick, thinking he was just like the other rugby boys, and Charlie would rather not have to constantly defend Nick to his best friend.

“You take those back, I’ll wait for the last two,” Tao said at last, after they’d all stood there in silence a moment.

So they did, but Charlie felt bad about how awkward that had been. And then, when they put the milkshakes down at the table, that was awkward, too. “Is this some sort of ‘no boys allowed’ conversation?"

"Did you know this, too?” Elle asked. Her voice was flat and she was clearly upset. “The me and Tao thing.”

“Um … yeah.”

“So this whole thing was just a setup?”

Everyone was silent, not knowing what to say. Until Nick, to Charlie’s surprise, spoke up. “We thought it would be fun to go on a triple date.”

Both Elle and Charlie took a moment to realise exactly what he had just said. “A triple date?” Elle asked slowly.

“Yeah,” Nick said. “You and Tao, Tara and Darcy, and …”

“You and Charlie,” she finished.

“Yeah.”

“You two are together?”

“Yeah,” Charlie confirmed. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Nick had just come out, to Elle, in front of Charlie so he could see her reaction. He wanted to throw himself across the table, milkshakes and all, and hug him, and never let go. He settled for smiling as widely as it was possible for him to smile.

She gasped in delight, reaching her hands across the table. “Charlie! I’m so happy for you.”

And Nick was smiling, too. Nick wasn’t feeling conflicted about telling her, and he hadn’t just been humouring Charlie. He looked as happy as Charlie felt.

Elle turned to Nick. “I mean, I’m happy for you, too, but you didn’t have to witness all the months of intense pining—”

“Elle!”

“Oh, really? I’ll have to hear more about that later.” Nick gave Charlie one of those lopsided smiles across the table, and Charlie blushed up to his ears.

“She’s lying.”

“Not at all,” Elle said emphatically. “Do Tao and Isaac know?”

“I think Isaac guessed, like, almost immediately after we got together.” He still wasn’t sure how. He’d have to ask him someday.

"And what about Tao?”

Charlie shook his head. “Not yet. I’m going to tell him. I just need to find the right time.”

“But he’s the only one who doesn’t know.”

And Charlie felt bad about that. But until two minutes ago, he’d had no idea that Nick would be comfortable being out to his friends. He hadn’t had time to get used to that, or to prepare himself to manage how unhappy Tao would be about the relationship.

Tao returned to the table with the last two milkshakes, hurriedly putting them down. “Um … just so you know, the concert’s starting in fifteen minutes.”

Everyone devoted themselves to their milkshakes, hurrying to finish them quickly before heading over to the school. They broke naturally into couples: Tara and Darcy, Charlie and Nick, and Tao and Elle behind them. Charlie didn’t think they’d made any progress there at all. Possibly made things worse. But it was hard to focus on that when everything else was so amazing.

Nick followed Charlie to the drum kit when they arrived at the concert. “What are you playing?”

“Here, I’ll show you.” He pulled up an extra chair for Nick, showed him where to put his foot for the pedal, handed him the drumsticks, and put his hands over Nick’s. The last time they’d done this, he’d wanted so much to be with Nick, and now he was, and people knew about it. This was probably a mistake, Charlie thought, sitting so close and holding Nick’s hands, in public, while he was feeling so … energized by the milkshakes and by Nick coming out to Elle. But he guided Nick in a short rhythm anyway, before letting go. Leaning over, he said, “I’m glad you came.”

“It seemed like you didn’t want me to.”

“No, I did. I just … I thought you were trying not to be rude.”

Nick shook his head. “No. I just … I like being with you.”

Charlie smiled, looking away so he didn’t reach for Nick in the middle of the gym. Then he looked up and saw one of the other boys glance in their direction. His gaze didn’t settle—he’d been looking over their heads—but it reminded Charlie of why else he had worried about Nick coming to the concert. “Also, we’ve been hanging out a lot and—if people guessed we were together, if they started saying stuff about you, then … Well, I really don’t want you to have to deal with that.”

“I, um … I’ve been researching about being bisexual,” Nick said slowly. “Uh … I think that might be me. But I … I’m not sure.”

They smiled at each other. Charlie was so proud of Nick for working through something so difficult, for being able to talk to Charlie about it, for not pushing himself when he still wasn’t sure. He wished so much that they were alone right now.

But before he could say any of that, the teacher loudly asked if anyone had seen Tara and Darcy, who had apparently left the gym without being seen.

Nick and Charlie got up to look for them, signaling to Tao and Elle to come with them.

They found the girls, who had gotten locked in the music room, and ran back to the gym just in time. Nick stopped to help Tara with her instrument, then took a seat in the audience. Across the room, their eyes met. Nick was smiling, so much affection in his eyes that Charlie couldn’t question it anymore. This was real. They were real.

Chapter Text

Every time Charlie looked over his drum kit throughout the concert, Nick was still watching him, still smiling. It was embarrassing—he really was such a dork—but it was amazing, too. Charlie played better than he ever had in a school concert, knowing that Nick was there. To think that he’d told him not to come.

After the concert, the orchestra was expected to stay and clean up the gym, putting the instruments back in the music room. Tao and Elle went home, but Nick stayed to help out, closing up chairs and carrying the instruments back down the corridor.

Charlie met him afterward and they walked together toward the bus stop. “You didn’t have to stay and help.”

“I know I didn’t. I wanted to.” Nick smiled. “Besides, this was a date, remember? We haven’t had the best part yet.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“The good-night kiss at your door. Well,” he added, “maybe not quite at your door.” Since Charlie’s parents didn’t know, they couldn’t exactly kiss on the doorstep. Usually they stopped a few houses down, where a handy spray of ivy over a garden wall provided some concealment.

“Oh. Good point.” Charlie hadn’t thought of this as that kind of date, but he was very glad Nick did.

“I thought so.” Nick bumped Charlie’s shoulder lightly with his.

They took the bus back to Charlie’s neighborhood and walked down the street together. It was nearly dark now, and it was nice to be out together. Nick reached for Charlie’s hand as they walked. “I meant what I said earlier.”

“Which part?”

“I like being with you. I like it a lot.” He tugged Charlie to a stop, turning to face him and looking down into his eyes. “You know that, right?”

“I … guess so.” He wanted to know it, he really did, but it still seemed so unbelievable that Nick Nelson’s idea of a fun Friday night was spending it with him. Charlie added shyly, “I like being with you, too.”

“Good.” Nick smiled. “Was it a nice first date?”

“Yes, definitely. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For … everything. For setting this up, and for … for telling Elle. That was—” Charlie couldn’t stop smiling. “That was amazing.”

Nick blushed and ducked his head.

“Are you— Was that okay?” Charlie asked.

“Yes, of course it was. I wanted to.”

Charlie’s smile threatened to take over his entire face. “Was it a nice first date for you, too?”

“It was. One of my favourite days ever. I’m gathering quite a collection of those since I met you,” Nick said, his voice dropping, low and intimate.

“So am I.” Charlie moved closer to him so that they were nearly touching. “Sometimes I still can’t believe this is really happening. I didn’t think it ever could, much as I wanted it to.”

Nick laughed softly. “What was it Elle said about months of intense pining?”

Charlie blushed, looking into Nick’s face. He was so beautiful. “I couldn’t help it. You kept sending me mixed signals.”

“I suppose I did. I just couldn’t seem to stop looking at you.”

Grasping Nick’s jacket, Charlie stood up on his toes to get closer. If they didn’t kiss soon, he was going to go out of his mind. “Nick.”

“Charlie.” Nick wrapped his arms around Charlie and kissed him. Soft and sweet at first, but then here in the darkness the kiss deepened, Nick’s hands moving restlessly across Charlie’s back, pulling him closer.

The kisses sent Charlie weak in the knees. Only his hands clutching Nick’s jacket and Nick’s arms round him were holding him up.

At last Nick pulled away. He didn’t let go just yet, though, holding on and resting his forehead against Charlie’s until they both had their breathing under control. Charlie had forgotten they were technically in public, so lost in Nick’s kisses.

“I should go,” Charlie said at last. “My mum will be wondering where I am.”

“Okay.” Nick reluctantly let him go and Charlie took a shaky step back.

“Good-night.”

Before his door had even closed behind him, his phone pinged with a message from Nick. “I miss you already.”

Smiling, Charlie sent back a “me, too”. He wondered briefly what it might be like not to have to say good-night at all.

As he got ready for bed, Charlie scrolled through his phone, seeing messages from Tara and Darcy about the triple date, analysing how it had gone from the standpoint of Elle and Tao. Nick joined in, suggesting that he didn’t think they’d made any progress, but Darcy, apparently a big believer in getting people together, disagreed. Charlie wished he thought that, but Elle had seemed very annoyed.

On the group chat, Nick texted, “Thanks for the date idea, Darcy.”

“yeah!! Let’s do it again sometime”

Then Charlie chimed in. “it was great, definitely”

And Tara. “Anytime.”

Darcy put the cap on before they all went to sleep. “let’s hear it for the meddling gays!”

Charlie sent a separate message to Nick: “and the bis. Good-night!” With a heart emoji.

Then he texted Elle. “so sorry if we overstepped” “i didn’t mean to put you on the spot”

“I wish you’d talked to me first.”

“i didn’t know. nick made all the plans with darcy and tara. i only found out last night”

“I’m so happy you two are together, and that Nick was ready to tell people. He seems really nice—and incredibly into you.”

Charlie felt a grin spreading across his face. Elle didn’t lie or exaggerate. If she thought that, it must be true. “really?”

“You should have seen the way he was looking at you during the concert. I’m pretty sure he didn’t know anyone else was playing.” “You should really tell Tao, though.”

“tao can’t stand nick. i don’t want him to be upset”

“He’ll be more upset if he finds out he’s the last to know.”

That was almost certainly true. Charlie should tell Tao, and soon. He just wished he knew how.

But that was tomorrow’s problem. For tonight, he was going to go to bed and lie there remembering every moment of today, his magical first date.

Chapter Text

The next weekend, Charlie somewhat reluctantly agreed to go to the cinema with Nick and his rugby friends. Nick had told him Ben and Harry weren’t going to be there, and, after how well things had gone with Charlie’s friends at the birthday party and the milkshake café, Nick wanted to see if his friends could get along with Charlie, too. He seemed to think that might make it easier for him to come out to them, which Charlie could see, so he was willing to try it. Without Harry around, the rugby lads could be okay.

Still. He was nervous about it. He’d checked his hair probably ten times in the last hour. Not that anyone other than Nick would care what his hair looked like, but he always felt better when he was sure his hair was okay.

Tori appeared in his doorway as he was checking for the eleventh time. “Going somewhere?”

“Jesus, Tori!” He never expected her, which she seemed to enjoy.

“What?”

“How do you just appear out of nowhere?”

“Older sister magic.”

Charlie smiled, kneeling down to sort through the shoes in his closet. He didn’t know why he bothered, since he always wore the same ones … but someday he might not.

“Where are you going?” Tori asked.

“Nick’s invited me round to the cinema with his friends.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“What?”

“No. Nothing. Glad Nick’s such a nice … friend.”

“Well, yeah. He is. But, um …” If Elle could know, surely Tori could, too. Charlie was pretty sure Nick wouldn’t mind. “Actually, we’re … Me and Nick, we’re kind of going out.”

“Called it.”

“You can’t tell anyone, though,” he told her. “He’s not even out to his mum.”

“I know, I know. I’m happy for you. You’ve liked him for ages.”

Chariie yielded to the inevitable and picked up his usual shoes before turning to smile at her. “Thanks.”

“You’re hanging out with his mates now?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I’ve seen them at parties and stuff. They don’t seem that nice compared to Nick.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“None of them know about you and Nick?” she asked.

“Obviously not.”

“Okay. So, is he your boyfriend?”

Charlie would have loved to have said yes, but he wasn’t sure himself. “We’re not ready to label it yet,” he said instead. “We’re just … you know.”

“’You know’,” she echoed mockingly.

“Shut up!”

“Well done, though. Your crush on him was super embarrassing.”

Charlie couldn’t help smiling. “Go away!”

She did, and Charlie checked his hair for the dozenth time. He couldn’t help remembering the one time he had said to Ben that they were boyfriends, and the way Ben had shut him down hard, as if the whole concept was horrifying. Nick would never be like that, he told himself, but it was possible that Nick didn’t actually think they were boyfriends, and that would be bad enough. No, he wasn’t going to ask. It was enough just to be with him.

Charlie’s dad drove him to the mall, and was silent most of the way there. His dad was a quiet man, anyway, but Charlie could tell something was bothering him. As they pulled up in the car park, he turned to Charlie. “Pickup at ten, okay?”

“Yep.”

“Charlie.”

“Yeah?”

“If any of those boys says anything, does anything nasty, you just call me, okay?”

Charlie realised he had never really been able to explain to his dad what had happened at Harry’s party, and what with everything last year, it was only reasonable for his dad to worry. He smiled reassuringly. “Nick’s going to be there. I’ll be fine.”

He got out of the car. Nick was waiting just outside the door, and his smile put any concerns Charlie might have had to rest. They hugged, hard. Charlie had spent most of the afternoon at Nick’s yesterday, but it seemed like they hadn’t seen each other in forever. It always felt that way.

But as they walked through the mall and got onto the escalator, Charlie grew more anxious. Despite his assurances to his dad and Tori, he was far from certain that this was a good idea. He turned to Nick. “Um, are you sure your friends are going to be okay with me being here?”

“Yeah, of course. You’ll be fine. Ben and Harry aren’t coming. What, are you nervous?”

“I don’t know. They all probably think I’m this, like, gay nerd.”

Nick smiled at him reassuringly. “Well, you kind of are a gay nerd.”

“Shut up … rugby lad.”

They both laughed, and Nick kept up his usual stream of chatter as they made their way to the cinema. Every time they were apart, he seemed to save up everything he wanted to say to tell Charlie the next time they saw each other. Which Charlie didn’t mind, because he loved talking to Nick about pretty much anything.

Then they arrived in the cinema, and despite what Nick had said, the first person Charlie saw was Harry … and the second was Ben.

Harry immediately made some comment, and the rest of the boys laughed. Charlie took a deep breath, trying to be okay. This was important to Nick, he knew. If they had any hope of ever being able to be openly together, Charlie was going to have to find a way to be able to spend time with Nick’s friends. It wasn’t fair otherwise; and Nick would never be able to come out to them if he thought they were going to treat him the way Harry treated Charlie.

“They said they weren’t coming,” Nick told him. “Do you—we can leave, if you want.”

“No. It’s okay. I can’t avoid them forever.”

“You sure?” Nick’s eyes searched his face, and Charlie pretended to feel as okay as he said he did.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

Chapter Text

So they joined the others, and Charlie smiled faintly at some stupid joke Harry made, and he avoided looking at Ben, and he stuck close to Nick’s side, although he was well aware that actually made it worse—at least for Nick.

Behind them, one of the lads asked Ben if Charlie was his mate, and Ben denied it. Charlie was over Ben; he knew what Ben was about now, and that had never been Charlie. But it still hurt to be denied, for Ben to pretend that there had never been anything between them, that they’d never even spoken to each other.

“Why can’t any of you ever bring a girl with you?” Harry complained loudly.

Charlie pitied any girl who showed up. If this was the way they treated him, and he had come just as Nick’s friend, he could only imagine the things they’d say around a girl who happened to be brought along. He wanted to tell them—at least the nice ones—that no girl was going to want to be around Harry, because everyone knew what Harry was like, but they wouldn’t believe him, because the rugby lads were really the only ones who didn’t know about Harry and how roundly he was disliked.

“Let’s get popcorn,” Nick said, pulling Charlie aside while the others went on ahead. “Do you prefer sweet or salted? Or we could get a mix of both.”

Popcorn sounded nauseating, especially right now. But it was nice of Nick to offer, and try to distract him. “I’m not really hungry, to be honest. You get some, though.” He smiled at Nick. None of this was Nick’s fault—he truly didn’t know what his friends were like to other people.

Looking almost as anxious as Charlie felt, Nick laid his hand gently along Charlie’s sleeve. “Char … are you okay? I honestly had no idea they’d be here. I—I wouldn’t have suggested we come if I’d known.”

Charlie was too distracted by the nickname to focus on the rest of Nick’s words. Nick had a special, private name for him, one that he had never called him out loud before? That might be the most adorable, amazing thing Charlie had ever heard. “Char?” he echoed softly.

Nick looked away, blushing beautifully, one hand rising to his neck as it did when he was embarrassed. “Uh … Wow, that just slipped out.”

“Oh, my God, say it again.”

“No.”

“Go on!”

“No.”

“I like it,” Charlie said softly, wishing they were alone right now so he could show Nick how much. “It’s cute.”

Nick was looking down at him, his eyes half-closed, his head beginning to incline towards Charlie’s, and Charlie would have kissed him right here in the cinema in front of all the others, because Nick was so beautiful and Charlie was so completely head-over-heels for him, but then Nick remembered where they were and smiled his gorgeous half-smile instead. “Well, now I’m never calling you it again.”

They laughed together, and Charlie immediately began imagining ways to get Nick to call him the name. In private, next time.

The moment was broken by Harry, of course. “Hey, lovebirds, you coming in, or what?”

Nick and Charlie were the last two into the cinema. Nick sat next to his friend Sai, with Charlie on the end of the group, next to Nick.

It was a horror movie, which surprised Charlie a little bit. He liked horror, but he knew Nick didn’t. He didn’t know how much Nick didn’t until the first scare, when Nick jumped and grabbed for the armrest. His hand closed over Charlie’s.

Both of them looked at their hands there on the armrest. When Nick didn’t move, Charlie did, removing his hand and resting it on his leg instead. “Sorry,” he whispered.

After a moment or two, he felt Nick’s hand coming down over his side of the armrest, Nick’s little finger slipping in between Charlie’s last two fingers, the familiar electric buzz that always came from Nick’s touch racing along his nerve endings. He curled his little finger around Nick’s, smiling down at their joined hands.

Then he looked up into Nick’s eyes, wanting to check if he was really sure he wanted to risk this, right here in the cinema where any of his mates could see. Nick looked nervous, but he smiled.

When they watched movies together at one of their houses, they always held hands or cuddled—at least, until one of them got distracted and the kissing started—so Charlie supposed he ought to have expected that Nick would want the physical contact in the cinema, too. But he hadn’t thought it would be the same with the others around, and he was filled with warmth for this lovely boy who kept trying to hide who he was, or who he was becoming, and could never quite manage it.

Charlie leaned over, smiling, and whispered affectionately, “You’re a dork.”

Nick smiled, too, looking at Charlie as though he couldn’t tear his eyes away, and he shifted his hand so their fingers were laced together.

And he proceeded to squeeze Charlie’s hand so hard through every jump scare for the rest of the movie that it would probably be red for the rest of the day. Charlie didn’t mind at all. Holding hands with Nick, he could forget about the others. Harry and his horrible ‘jokes’ that weren’t meant to be funny; Ben’s coldness even while he looked at Charlie as if things weren’t over between them; the silence of the nicer lads; and the empty mean laughter of the others.

It was hard to believe that Nick was really friends with these guys sometimes, but he was, and so Charlie would have to get used to them.

Chapter Text

Nick and Charlie were the first two out of the cinema, and Charlie couldn’t help teasing Nick, just a little. “I can’t believe what a wimp you are.”

“Uh, you jumped at all the scares, too.”

Charlie grinned. “No, I jumped when you screamed, that’s all.” They’d have to start watching horror movies more often if they made Nick that clingy.

Before Nick could reply, Harry pushed himself between them, slinging an arm round Charlie’s neck. “So, Charlie Spring, quick question. What’s it like being gay?”

The others laughed, as though somehow that was funny.

“It’s fine,” Charlie said, keeping his voice colourless. Harry was getting enough encouragement from his mates, he didn’t need it from Charlie’s protests, too.

“You don’t seem that gay, to be honest. I mean, you do sound sort of gay, but that’s it. Do you like musicals?”

Nick grabbed Harry’s shoulder and pulled him off Charlie, pushing him back toward the others. “Harry, can you just piss off, please?”

But Harry couldn’t take a hint. Or he wanted to needle Nick by annoying Charlie. Or he was just obnoxious. “What sort of guys do you like?”

“I don’t know.” Charlie was walking faster now, hoping if he got far enough ahead of the others Harry would lose interest in putting on a show for them.

“What about Harry Styles? He’s pretty sexy.”

“I guess.”

“Just leave it,” Nick said.

But that was a mistake, because it drew Harry’s attention back to Nick. “What about Nick?” he asked. “Do you think he’s hot?”

Charlie couldn’t duck this question with a noncommittal answer. He had to give Harry a reply of some kind, and it had to be one that couldn’t cost Nick any more than them being together already had. He turned to face Harry. “Are you joking? Nick’s not even my type.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nick flinch as though he’d been struck, his face paling. Part of Charlie wanted Nick to speak up, to say something. Anything.

But Harry was still the only one speaking, over the empty laughter of the others. “You definitely have a crush on him.”

“No.”

“You do.” Harry started messing with Charlie’s hair.

Nick grabbed him by the arms and pulled him away from Charlie. Hard. Pushing him back toward the others again. “Just stop.”

Charlie didn’t wait to see what would happen next. He knew. Nick wouldn’t speak up, and Harry would keep going because there was no one to stop him, and Charlie didn’t want to be part of it any longer. He sped up and hurried out of the mall.

In the car park, as he was checking his phone to see if his dad was here yet, Nick caught up to him. Charlie turned to him, wanting to say something, but … he didn’t have anything to say. Not right now. “My dad’s here. I have to go.” He started walking away.

“Charlie. Hey.” Charlie ignored him, for the first time ever not feeling warmed just by Nick calling his name, and Nick hurried to catch him, putting a hand on his shoulder to turn him round. “Wait.”

He did wait, to see if Nick had anything new to say, but it was the same as always.

“I’m so sorry.”

To think that Charlie was the one not allowed to say that. Nick said it more than Charlie ever thought it, or so it felt. “It’s fine,” he said, not wanting to argue about it.

“No. Harry was being a complete idiot and some of the others were being really unfriendly and … We should have just left.”

He wanted to feel bad for him—Nick looked so shocked and upset, like he hadn’t been prepared for any of this—but mostly he was just annoyed. If Nick had wanted things to be different, why had he just stood there, the way all the others had? Charlie was tired of putting himself out to be part of Nick’s life when Nick wouldn’t, or couldn’t, stand up for him. For them. “Nick,” he said, his patience frayed, “I’m honestly used to it by now.” After all that time in the locker room, all the times Harry had attacked him and Tao, had Nick really thought this would be any different? Well, he had, or he never would have suggested it. Charlie wished he had never agreed to come. He was so tired of putting up a brave face, pretending he was okay. But he couldn’t tell Nick that. Maybe he should—but not now, at the very least. “I’ll see you at school.”

He turned around and left him there, too exhausted by it all, too hurt and irritated and disappointed, to say anything more comforting.

But before Charlie could get to his dad’s car, another voice came from behind him, calling his name. Ben. He walked across the car park toward Charlie, staring at him intently. “I saw you holding hands with him. In the cinema. Are you going out with him, then?”

Charlie felt an icy fear. At all costs, he wanted to keep Nick from being outed by Ben, knowing exactly how Nick’s friends would treat him if he was. “No.”

“But you are getting with him.”

“No.”

“Don’t lie.” Ben looked at Charlie, but didn’t seem to find whatever he was searching for. He stepped closer. “Well, I believe that you’re not going out with him. As if anyone would ever want to go out with someone as desperate as you.”

Part of Charlie believed just that. But another part of him knew that anything Ben said was for Ben’s benefit … and that there was someone who wanted to be with him, even if he couldn’t bring himself to say so in public. “You did,” he said, forcing the words out.

“Are you joking? You actually thought I liked you? You were just there like some tragic loser with barely any friends, who ate lunch alone every day and let bullies walk all over you. I never liked you. I’m not even gay. I just felt really sorry for you.”

Charlie hated himself for letting Ben get into his head. None of what Ben said was real. It never had been. He knew what real felt like—real felt like Nick. Despite his fear, despite his inability to stand up for either of them, Nick always knew what he wanted. He never pretended. Not like Ben, whose every word was pretense.

But Ben’s words echoed in Charlie’s head anyway. Ben had never liked him. He just felt sorry for him. Maybe Nick just felt sorry for him, too. Maybe …

To Charlie’s relief, his dad pulled up before he had to figure out how to respond. He walked past Ben, leaving him there just as he had left Nick, and got into the car.

Watching Ben walk in front of the car, his dad asked, “Are you okay? What was that about?”

“Nothing,” Charlie said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Whatever Ben had wanted, it didn’t matter. He didn’t matter.

Right now, Charlie wasn’t even entirely certain that Nick mattered. He was so tired of all of it, so tired of pretending to be fine with the things people said and how they thought it was okay to treat him, so tired of acting like it was fine. Maybe if he just … disappeared, and he didn’t bother anyone, everyone would leave him be and he could just … rest.

Chapter Text

For the first time since he’d gotten together with Nick, Charlie didn’t want to go to school in the morning. He strongly considered feigning sickness, and only a looming test with a teacher who wasn’t fond of rescheduling for absences convinced him to go. He put his headphones on to avoid talking to Tori on the bus, and tried not to think about what he would say to Nick. He might just skip form and go to the art room, he thought. Yesterday hadn’t been Nick’s fault, but it had felt worse because it happened in front of him, and Charlie didn’t think he wanted any more empty apologies.

Tori went off to Higgs, giving him a sympathetic look as she did so. Charlie turned in toward Truham, walking past Nick’s mates clustered around the table at the gate. Only about half the usual crowd was there this morning, and Nick wasn’t among them.

Harry was, though. “Looking for your boyfriend?” he called.

Charlie turned to look at him. He was sporting a cut and swollen lip.

“I know I’m attractive, mate. There’s no need to stare.”

“What happened to you?” Charlie asked.

“Ask Nick Nelson. He’s got some serious anger issues.”

“Did you have a fight?” His gentle, caring Nick, in a fight? Charlie had a hard time picturing that.

“He just can’t seem to take a joke anymore.” Harry sounded genuinely bewildered. “Like, you know I was only joking at the cinema, don’t you? Yet he starts a fight when I’ve done nothing wrong.”

Tao came rushing up to them just then. “What’s going on? You okay?”

“It’s fine. Let’s just go.”

But Harry stepped up to Tao before he could go on. “You all right, mate? You want to fight, too?”

“You clearly didn’t get hugged much as a child, but if you’re craving human contact that badly, you could just say so.”

“Tao,” Charlie said, before things could escalate. “Just leave it. Everything’s fine.”

“Yeah, maybe listen to your boyfriend. At least he knows his place.”

Charlie turned and left them both. From wanting to avoid Nick, now he needed to see him, to find out what exactly had happened between him and Harry. He made his way purposefully through the corridors, worried about what Nick must look like if Harry looked that bad.

At first sight, Nick looked fine, and Charlie could believe Harry must be lying, but when Nick turned toward Charlie, his right eye was blackened. Charlie pointed at it, upset by the sight of it and what it meant. “What happened?”

“Oh. Uh …” Nick dropped his gaze, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “Yeah. I kind of got into a fight. With Harry. After you left, and I went back to the group, he … he started saying some … things about you. I just lost it.” He hesitated, then finished. “And punched him, and … yeah.”

Charlie couldn’t believe it. Nick, one of the gentlest, kindest, most thoughtful people he knew, punching someone … because of him. “Nick,” he said in distress, feeling tears sting the back of his eyes. “You didn’t have to do that. I promise, I’m used to people saying stuff about me.”

“No, but you shouldn’t have to be! People shouldn’t be saying stuff about you in the first place. You shouldn’t have to put up with anything like that.”

“I’m sorry,” Charlie whispered, meaning not just the fight, but dragging Nick into all this, and … everything that had happened.

“No,” Nick said firmly. There was an anger in his tone that Charlie had rarely heard, and never directed at him. “You’re not allowed to say the ‘s’ word.” After a moment, Nick said more softly, “I don’t even want to be friends with those people anymore.”

“I don’t expect you to dump your friends for me,” Charlie protested. “Some of the rugby boys are nice.”

“Even they just … stood there. I’m tired of all of them.” Then, in the middle of form, Nick bent his head and laid it on Charlie’s shoulder. Charlie heard him sniff. Nick was crying.

This was what Charlie had done. He’d taken the most cheerful, good-natured, even-tempered, nicest guy he’d ever met and made him miserable, turned him against all his friends, gotten him into a fight with one of them, and now he’d made him cry in the middle of school.

Even as he rested his head against Nick’s, smelling Nick’s familiar scent, he knew somehow he would have to make this right. And the only way to do that would be to end this thing between them, and hope the damage he’d done to Nick’s life wasn’t permanent.

Charlie hid in the art room that day for lunch, looking at what he had packed and knowing there was no chance he could stomach it today. He found his usual corner, leaning his head back, and tried to work up the courage he was going to need to tell Nick they couldn’t be together any longer.

That night, he tried to text Nick. It was so difficult, because the last text in the thread was from Nick. So many hearts. Charlie didn’t want that to end, but … it had to. Before things got any worse.

He started with “i need to talk to you”, but that wasn’t right. Then “i’m so sorry, it’s my fault you got into that fight”. But any text that started with ‘sorry’ wasn’t going to get anywhere with Nick. Then he tried, “are you sure you want us to be together”, but he knew what Nick, always generous, would say to that. And, really, he couldn’t do this over text. He had to talk to Nick in person, hard as that would be.

Finally, he sent “can we meet for lunch tomorrow?”

Nick replied immediately: “Yeah of course!! You ok?”

But Charlie wasn’t okay, and he couldn’t pretend to be, not even over text. He put his phone down and rolled over and hid himself in sleep as best he could.

Chapter Text

Nick had asked him in form that morning if everything was okay and Charlie had put him off with a faint smile and a murmured “fine,” because he was putting all his energy into preparing to say what he needed to say at lunch.

While he waited for Nick in the canteen, a text came in from Tao asking if he’d come have lunch with him, because Isaac was working in the library, so Tao was by himself.

Guiltily, Charlie texted back, “i’ll be there in a bit!! i said i’d get lunch with nick” Maybe this would help him get his words out once Nick got here, if he was hurrying to join Tao.

But Tao’s next text was “don’t bother. we’re barely friends anymore”

Charlie wanted to cry. Apparently Nick wasn’t the only one who had lost friends because they were together. He’d hurt Tao just like he’d hurt Nick, and for what? Both of them were worse off because of him.

Before he could answer Tao—and he didn’t know what he would say anyway—Nick showed up, sitting down across from Charlie. “Hey,” he said. “You okay?”

No. No, he wasn’t. “Um …” He’d tried to practise what he was going to say, but he had never quite seemed to find the words. “So I was thinking … about me and you.”

“Okay.” Nick nodded, but Charlie didn’t miss the way his body tensed. He knew they were all wrong for each other, too. Charlie was sure he must.

“And I just think … I mean, the fight with Harry was my fault.”

“It wasn’t, though.”

Which was nice of him to say, but they both knew the truth. “It was. It was my fault. Becoming friends with you and, you know, everything that’s happened. I’ve been making your life really difficult.” Nick must know what he was trying to say by now, but he was silent. “So I was thinking …” He waited for Nick to say something, anything. To argue with him, to agree with him, to refuse, to say he’d been thinking this all along, but there was nothing. Just Nick’s brown eyes looking at him, his face reflecting all the pain Charlie felt. “Maybe it would be better if … if we just …”

He couldn’t say it. He had to say it; it was better for both of them, for everyone, this way. But every time he looked at Nick he remembered the way Nick had smiled at him at the concert, and the way his eyes darkened just before he leaned in for a kiss, and the teasing look he got when he was being flirty, and the way it felt to be held by him, and …

“Um …” Charlie took a deep breath.

But before he could get any further, a boy came running into the canteen. “Come on! Apparently Harry Greene’s fighting some year 10 by the picnic tables.”

Nick and Charlie looked at each other across the table, both knowing immediately who the year 10 must be.

They got up and ran for the picnic tables, along with about half the other boys. Since they were faster than most, they outpaced the rest of them fairly easily and were among the first to arrive at the circle of boys who were surrounding and cheering on the fight.

Nick broke through the circle immediately and hauled Harry off Tao, to the vocal disapproval of the spectators. Charlie helped Tao to his feet and ushered him safely out of the circle. “Tao! What happened?”

Tao was in tears, and he said the last thing Charlie had expected. “Why didn’t you tell me about you and Nick?”

“What?”

“I thought we were friends, but I guess you’ve just forgotten about me.”

“Tao—” Charlie felt terrible. He’d been so afraid of what Tao would say that he had put it off and put it off, and now this was what he had done to his best friend.

“This is all your fault,” Tao told him, echoing what Charlie already knew. “Just leave me alone!”

He left Charlie standing there, stunned. The circle that had formed around the fight had broken up, and Charlie couldn’t see Nick anywhere, which was probably for the best.

On the way home, he texted Tao “Tao i’m so sorry, are you okay???” but there was no response. He wanted to text Nick, but he couldn’t find the words any better than he had at lunch.

In his room, he put on his headphones and picked up his drumsticks, taking some comfort in the heavy thud of the sticks against the drumheads. But he hadn’t been playing long when something hit him in the back, and he turned to see Tori standing there, and one of her shoes lying on the floor after she had thrown it at him.

She sat down next to him. “You’re being very loud.”

“I have my headphones on.”

“Yeah, but you’re still hitting the drums very loudly. I can hear it through the wall.”

“Fine. Sorry.”

He thought she would leave, but she stayed. “Are you angry at anything in particular? Or have you decided to finally have a rebellious phase?”

Charlie tapped his drumsticks lightly against the cymbal, unable to reply.

“Did something happen?”

“Didn’t you hear about Harry Greene’s fight with Nick and Tao? Both my fault, by the way.”

“Yeah, I’m like 95% sure they were both Harry’s fault, and I wasn’t even there. What’s going on?”

Charlie took his headphones off, glad of the chance to explain to somebody, thinking it through even as he spoke. “Before I met Nick, I was sort of going out with this other guy. I liked him, but … he made me feel like I was ruining his life. Like he didn’t want me to even exist. And now Nick’s lost all his friends, and he’s getting into fights because of me. And I just feel like maybe I do just ruin people’s lives. And it would be better if I didn’t exist.”

He couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. He’d been so happy with Nick, and so he hadn’t seen what them being together was doing to him, and he should have.

Tori reached out and hugged him, fiercely, and he laid his head on her shoulder and cried. “You’re not ruining my life,” she told him.

Charlie smiled through the tears. “Thanks.”

She held him a bit longer, saying softly, “I could make us some pizza for dinner. Would that help?”

He couldn’t imagine wanting food—not now, or really ever again. But that was something he didn’t need to talk about with Tori. “I’m not very hungry,” he said instead. “I might just eat later.”

“Okay.”

When she would have let go, Charlie clung to her. Just a little while longer.

Chapter Text

Charlie was as late to form as he dared to be the next morning, responding to Nick’s “hi” faintly, and his “You okay?” with an even fainter “Fine.”

It was Tao he wanted to see, but Tao hadn’t been around before school. And when Charlie came into maths, Tao kept his face turned away.

“I heard Harry got suspended for fighting. So … that’s good,” Charlie said, hoping to get a response, but there was nothing.

Isaac looked up from his book. “He said he doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Charlie hung his head. He really did just ruin everything, didn’t he?

Their maths teacher came down the rows passing out workbooks, and reminded them that the Truham-Higgs sports day was coming up at the end of the week. Charlie had entirely forgotten. Not that he cared particularly, but it was nice to have a day off from classes occasionally.

Still hoping for a response from Tao, he said, “We could all do the javelin again, like last year.”

“You’re on the rugby team.” Tao’s voice was expressionless.

“What? So?”

“The rugby team always do the Sports Day rugby match.” Isaac glanced at him. “So, I don’t think we can do the same event this year.”

Charlie had completely forgotten. Rugby. With Nick. And all the others.

He couldn’t.

As he left class, he ran unexpectedly into Nick in the corridor. Being near him was like suddenly coming up for air after having been underwater. He could breathe again, seeing Nick’s smile, hearing his voice.

“Did you want to get lunch together?” Nick asked, stepping closer, his voice dropping in a way that always made Charlie’s heart speed up.

“Um …” Charlie could feel the icy water closing over his head again as he tried to work up the courage to agree, to meet for lunch to end things once and for all. But he couldn’t. “I can’t,” he said finally. “Sorry.”

He left Nick standing there and went straight to Coach Singh’s office. He might not be able to do the right thing about them, not today, but he could end this rugby mess. Now he knew that he should never have accepted the invitation to join the team in the first place. If he hadn’t, maybe none of this would have happened, and Nick could have gone on being happy.

Coach Singh smiled at him as he came in. “Charlie! How’s it going?”

“Um … I think I’m going to quit the rugby team.”

“Why?”

“I just don’t think rugby’s for me.”

She frowned. “Have the boys been giving you a hard time? Do I need to talk to anyone?”

“No. It’s just me.”

He didn’t give her a chance to argue—she knew he didn’t fit the team as well as he did, anyway, so she would only have been trying to be polite if she had.

At lunch, he hid in the art room. He couldn’t go on like this, avoiding Nick and being avoided by Tao, but he didn’t know what else to do. Breaking up with Nick in person was … impossible, and breaking up with him by text was unfair to him, and staying with him would only make things worse for him. And Tao had every right to be angry. Charlie wished he knew how to make things up to him, to promise to be a better friend.

After another couple of days of the same misery, Nick finally broke their text silence the night before Sports Day. “Charlie what’s going on? Please talk to me,” with a heart emoji.

Charlie wished he could. He lay there with his phone in his hands, trying to find a way to say what needed to be said, but all he could think to type was “i’m sorry,” and no productive conversation with Nick ever started with those words.

He put his phone down and rolled over, pulling the covers up over his head. He wanted—he wanted to be in Nick’s arms again, feeling so safe and warm and cared for. He wanted their peaceful afternoons playing video games and watching movies and even just doing homework together. He wanted their kisses, and their long conversations about nothing, and their smiles in the corridor, and the look in Nick’s eyes, and their walks with Nellie, and—all of it. He just wanted Nick. So much.

But that was the problem, wasn’t it? Nick had tried so hard to be what Charlie wanted him to be, and in the process he had lost … everything. Charlie had taken the smiling, cheerful, popular boy he’d met at the start of term and cost him his friends and his happiness, and left him crying in form, bruised from fighting. That was what Charlie Spring did to the people who cared for him. The kindest thing he could do for Nick now was to break it off, and hope that without him Nick could regain his life.

If only he could figure out how to do it.

He tried to be quick about picking up his bib for Sports Day so he wouldn’t risk running into Nick, but he wasn’t fast enough. Even if he hadn’t recognised Nick’s walk, he would have known he was there by the electric buzz across his skin. How had he never noticed that when Nick was in the room, everything seemed brighter, clearer? Why was he only realising this feeling now, when he couldn’t have it anymore?

Nick stopped as their eyes met across the room. He was so beautiful he took Charlie’s breath away.

His courage failing him again, Charlie turned hastily and left the room. Maybe if he avoided Nick long enough, they wouldn’t have to break up. They could simply … cease to be, as if nothing had ever happened. Because Charlie couldn’t seem to find the strength to end things any other way.

Chapter Text

The last thing Charlie wanted today was to have to fake a smile and participate in Sports Day. So he did what he always did when he wanted to be forgotten—he went to the art room.

“Mr. Ajayi.”

The art teacher looked up at him in the midst of clearing stacks of papers off one of the tables. “Charlie. There aren’t any Sports Day events going on in the Art block. You’d better not be about to ask me if you can stay in here all afternoon.”

Since that was exactly what Charlie had been intending to ask, he stayed silent.

Mr. Ajayi stopped moving and turned to Charlie, crossing his arms over his chest as he studied him. “You’ve been coming in here for lunch a lot recently. We having a repeat of last year?” When Charlie didn’t answer—because no, they weren’t, but yes, they were—he continued, “Isolating yourself, not talking to anyone?”

“No,” Charlie said. But of course, that was exactly what he was doing. He hadn’t spoken to Nick in days, Tao wasn’t speaking to him, he hadn’t texted Isaac or Elle to tell them what was going on. After that one outburst, he hadn’t even tried talking to Tori.

It was clear Mr. Ajayi understood everything he wasn’t saying. “All right, I’m not going to make you go because I’m a nice teacher. And when I was at school, I thought that hiding from it all was safer. Easier. But sometimes the loneliness was just as bad.” He took a step closer, and Charlie could hear in his voice that what he said came from his own experience. “Don’t let anyone make you disappear, Charlie. Hmm?”

And he left Charlie standing alone in the art room, thinking about that, about why his answer was always to pull away, to shrink down within himself and just not be noticed. Last year, that had been the way—to disarm the bullies, to hide until they forgot about him. But he’d met Elle, and they had noticed each other. And what had Elle done this term? She had faced a whole new school, and made really good friends. And she had shared her friends with Charlie—and with Nick. She wasn’t hiding. Isaac lived in his books, but he didn’t hide in them. He was constantly looking over the top of his books and seeing things that no one else saw. And he was always supportive.

Tao hadn’t hidden, either. Instead, he had put himself between Charlie and Harry, drawing Harry’s attention away from Charlie, no matter what it had cost him.

And Nick … Nick could never hide himself. He was too open, too honest, too trusting of everyone around him. The way he had looked at Charlie, even in public, from … well, even before they got together. Taking chances to hold his hand, coming out to Tara and Darcy, and setting up their first date. Charlie hadn’t asked him to do that. Nick had done that himself, because he’d wanted to.

Charlie had worried a lot more about secrecy than Nick had, and he realised suddenly that it hadn’t been all because Nick had asked him to. It had been just as much because Charlie was afraid. Afraid of being noticed, afraid of letting the world see who he really was … and for what? Because they might make fun of him? The people who mattered never would, and those were the people Charlie was hiding himself from.

Well, not today, he decided. Today he was going to Sports Day, and he was going to have fun with his friends and try to make it up to Tao and Elle and Isaac. And then, later, he would think about Nick.

As it happened, Charlie came out of the school right behind Tao and Elle just as Tao was being assigned to run a race by Coach Singh. She refused to listen to his protests that he couldn’t run, and walked off, leaving Tao looking distressed.

Well, Tao might not be able to run … but Charlie could. “Swap bibs with me.”

“What? Why?”

“You hate running. I’ll run it for you.”

“Thanks.” They exchanged bibs, Charlie’s red for Tao’s blue.

“It’s fine. I’m just … I’m just sorry. Sorry for everything.”

The race was called before he could say more, and he walked to the starting line. Right past Ben, who said, “You obsessed with me or something?”

Since Charlie hadn’t spared a thought for Ben in days, he ignored the comment, getting into his starting position.

Both of them ran flat out the entire two hundred meters, but Charlie pulled ahead with relative ease. He was still standing, hardly even winded, at the end of the race, while Ben was collapsed on the grass.

Charlie walked over to him while he lay there. It was time to finish this, once and for all, to exorcise Ben from his life for the last time. “You don’t get to have an opinion about anything I do.”

Ben sat up on his elbows, frowning. “Do you want me to go around telling people about you and Nick?”

“Do you want me to go around telling people about me and you?” Charlie countered. Ben was silent. “That’s what I thought. Except, I wouldn’t do that because I’m a decent person. I understand that you’re figuring out your sexuality, but you don’t get to make me feel like crap anymore just because you hate yourself. So leave me alone.” He bent over, speaking loudly and clearly, to make sure the point got across. “Just leave me alone.”

He walked off and left him there. The time when he had been flattered by Ben’s attention and confused it with real emotion was past, now. It was behind him.

Halfway across the field, Tao met him.

“I’m so sorry—” Charlie began.

“No, I’m sorry.”

“I should have been a better friend—”

“I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you.” Tao reached for Charlie and hugged him. “I made it so hard for you to tell me.”

Charlie hugged him back. “I should have been looking out for you as much as you were looking out for me.”

They held each other there in the middle of the field, neither caring who saw them or what they thought. That was the beauty of Tao, Charlie thought. He was who he was … and he knew the people who mattered loved him for it.

They broke apart, smiling at each other. “Maybe we can have a movie night on Saturday?” Charlie asked.

It was the right thing to say. Tao’s smile lit up his whole face. “Yeah. I have a really long list of movies I need you to force you to watch.”

“I’m probably going to hate most of them.”

“I know.” They both laughed. “Me and Elle were going to go exploring round all her old classrooms. Want to come?”

“Nah. You go; I’ll be fine.” He wanted to stay out here in the sunshine and actually do Sports Day for once. And he wanted Tao and Elle to have the chance to find each other and be happy.

So they went, and Charlie caught up with Isaac, holding his book and cheering him on as he did the javelin event. The two of them spent the rest of the afternoon together, talking a little, watching the events, while Isaac read bits of his book out loud to Charlie, and Charlie pretended he wasn’t trying not to look for Nick and failing completely.

Chapter Text

By the time the rugby match was about to begin, Charlie and Isaac had retreated to a sunny spot on the hockey field, away from everyone else, both craving some solitude.

It was impossible not to hear the cheering as the rugby match started, though, and Charlie got to his feet without entirely meaning to. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Nick for more than a brief moment in days, and he missed him terribly. He still thought it would be best for Nick if they weren’t together; he still didn’t want Nick to have to go through what he had gone through last year, if it was discovered that they were going out … but he couldn’t help longing for him anyway. Maybe he always would. Maybe Nick Nelson would always be the boy that everyone else he met was compared to, and fell short of.

Regardless, if this was his last chance to watch Nick play rugby, he was going to take it. Turning, Charlie met Isaac’s eyes. Isaac smiled his sweet smile and got to his feet. He was still reading as they began to make their way through the crowd, but he was there, and Charlie appreciated the support.

It was hard to see over everyone’s heads, so Charlie climbed up on a table, just in time to see Nick score a try. He was so beautiful out there, doing what he loved.

The boys lined up for the kick-off, Nick with the ball in his hands. But he didn’t kick it. Instead, he turned and searched the crowd.

Charlie could feel the exact moment that Nick’s eyes found him. It didn’t seem possible that someone’s gaze could feel like a physical touch, but it did.

They looked at each other like they were the only two people in the world. Then Nick turned and tossed the ball to Coach Singh and set off across the pitch. In front of the entire school, he was leaving the match. For Charlie.

Around Charlie were murmurs, people trying to figure out what he was doing. Nick broke into a jog, covering the distance between them, and threaded through the crowd like he didn’t even see them, until he was standing in front of Charlie, looking up at him.

Charlie stepped down from the table, unable to look away, unable to think properly. The entire world had narrowed until all he could see was Nick.

There in the middle of Sports Day, in front of everyone, Nick reached for his hand. Charlie’s thumb moved across Nick’s skin. He couldn’t help it. They hadn’t touched each other since … since the cinema, and Charlie hadn’t realised just how much he had missed the physical reassurance of that touch, the sensation of being alive and awake, being seen, that came from being with Nick.

Nick’s eyes searched Charlie’s. He must have gotten the answer he was looking for, because he shifted his grip so he was grasping Charlie’s hand in his. Another brief, questioning meeting of the eyes, and Nick set off towards the buildings, tugging Charlie after him.

It didn’t take much effort. Charlie was happy to go wherever Nick wanted to go, if only to get off the field and away from all the curious looks from the people around them.

Once they were out of earshot, Charlie pulled lightly back on their joined hands to indicate that they could stop now. “Nick.”

But Nick shook his head and kept going. He didn’t stop until they were inside the building, standing in the corridor, completely alone.

Before Charlie could properly compose his thoughts, Nick spoke. “I don’t want to break up.” His distress was clear in his face and in his voice. He took a deep breath before continuing more calmly. “I know people have hurt you, and you feel like I’d be better off without you, but I need you to know that my life is way better because I met you.”

Charlie couldn’t see how that could possibly be true, after everything that had happened. “You don’t have to say that.”

“I do,” Nick insisted. “And I’ll keep on saying it until you believe me. I don’t care about getting into fights or pissing off my mates or anything like that. It’s all worth it to be with you. You are the kindest, most thoughtful and caring and—and amazing person in the whole world.”

For the first time, Charlie thought maybe he could see himself through Nick’s eyes. And maybe he could see Nick more clearly, too. Could he have been wrong about both of them all this time? He thought of the way Nick saved up everything that happened to him while they were apart to tell Charlie, as though talking about it together made it important. And the afternoons they spent when they didn’t even check their phones, because the only thing that mattered was that they were with each other. And the way Nick smiled when they were together, and the openness of his laugh.

Thinking about it, Charlie could see the difference between the cheerful person he had met on the first day of the term and the happy person he’d spent so many hours with, and he understood at last what Nick was saying, and how he could believe that Charlie had made his life better. “Nick,” he said softly.

“And if you really want to break up, then I would respect—” Nick’s voice broke a little, and Charlie could see what it cost him to say it. “Your decision. But I want us to be together.”

“Nick,” Charlie said again, stepping closer.

But Nick didn’t stop. It didn’t seem like he could. "You’re my favourite person.”

Another step, and Charlie said his name again.

“I need you to believe me,” Nick said, desperately.

Finally, Charlie took Nick’s face in his hands to let him know it was okay. “Nick,” he said firmly. At last Nick’s words stopped, and he looked at Charlie as though he would be lost without him. And Charlie believed him. He said it out loud, for both of them to hear. “I believe you. I believe you.”

And he kissed him.

Nick’s response was immediate, and filled with all the ardour of having thought they might never be here in each other’s arms kissing again. His hands moved in a restless caress over Charlie’s back.

Charlie slid his hands over Nick’s shoulders to splay them across his back and hold Nick to him. He never wanted to be apart from him. Not ever again.

Eventually, they both had to breathe, so the kiss broke. Having forgotten where they were, as he usually did when Nick kissed him, Charlie couldn’t help laughing when he realised. “We’re in the corridor.”

Blinking in the light, Nick glanced towards the doors. “Oh.” Then he looked back at Charlie and smiled. “So what? You free on Sunday?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Will you go on a date with me? Just us?”

“Yeah,” Charlie said, smiling back. “Where are we going?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Then it’s a surprise.” Nick pulled Charlie close, hugging him tightly. “I missed you.”

“I missed you.”

And they held each other like they were never going to let go.

Chapter Text

They went to Nick’s house after school let out. Nellie went a little bit crazy when she saw Charlie, and he had to admit he felt the same. It was so nice just to be sitting on Nick’s bed with Nellie in between them, thumping her tail happily while they both petted her.

“It’s a little embarrassing how much your dog likes me.”

Nick smiled. “She missed you.” Then the smile faded and he caught hold of Charlie’s hand. “I missed you, too. So much. Did I tell you that already?”

“A couple of times. But I don’t mind hearing it again.”

Nick leaned over and kissed him. Feeling crowded, Nellie hopped down and went out the partially open door. They lay back on the bed together with their arms round each other.

“I am going to lift the ban on the ‘s’ word for one night only,” Nick said. “So I can apologise to you for everything I did, and you can try to apologise to me and I can tell you why you have nothing to say sorry for.”

Charlie laughed. “Okay.”

“I am so sorry that you had to lie because of me.”

“I’m sorry that all your friends turned out to be idiots.” He did feel bad about that. Not because he thought it was his fault anymore, but because Nick had been hurt by that, and he deserved better.

“Me, too. I’m sorry I didn’t push you to tell Tao earlier.” Nick frowned. “Hm. I should apologise to him, too.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel bad for not coming out.”

“Nope. I should feel bad. I mean, I appreciate you not pushing me to do it before I’m ready, but—to make you keep us a secret and feel bad about yourself, and not to talk to you about it more …” His arms tightened around Charlie and he pressed his face into Charlie’s shoulder. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“You don’t have to say that,” Charlie said softly.

“I know I don’t. But it is the truth.”

Charlie wasn’t sure he’d ever been quite this happy. “I’m running out of things to say sorry for.”

“I never thought I’d see the day,” Nick teased him. “I’m sorry for getting into a fight with Harry.” He frowned. “Actually, no, I’m not. I should be, but I’m really not.”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Anything.”

“The black eye made you look dashing.”

“Oi.” Nick blushed and frowned at him at the same time. “Dashing? You’re ridiculous.”

“And you’re a dork. Walking off the pitch in the middle of the match, in front of both schools, like somebody from a rom-com.”

“Couldn’t help it. You wouldn’t talk to me.” Nick sat up suddenly, and Charlie mirrored him. “Seriously, that can’t happen again, okay? You can talk to me about anything. Anything. Anytime, anywhere.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” He took Charlie’s hand. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Good.”

“Nick.”

“Yeah?”

“What are we doing on Sunday?”

Nick grinned. “I haven’t had time to plan anything yet. You’ve been here the whole time.”

“Oh, am I in the way? I could always—” Charlie made as if to get up and leave but Nick kept hold of his hand and pulled him back down on the bed.

“I have plenty of time tomorrow. Unless you’re free?”

“Sorr—I mean, unfortunately, no. I promised Tao we’d do a real cinema night, just the four of us. You don’t mind, do you?”

“No, of course not. It probably wouldn’t be good for us to spend all our free time together.”

“It sounds nice, though,” Charlie said. He put his arms round Nick and they lay back again. “Are you done saying your sorrys now?”

Nick gave that some thought. “I suppose I am, although I feel like I have more to say.”

“Nick. You can’t apologise for being who you are—or for not being sure who that is.”

“Look who’s talking.” Charlie shrugged uncomfortably, and Nick changed subjects quickly. “Will you promise me something?”

“What?”

“Even when you’re angry at me, always text me good-night?”

Charlie smiled. “Okay.”

Nick laid his head on Charlie’s shoulder and closed his eyes with a happy sigh.

Charlie called his name once, and then again, softly, the word more a breath than a sound.

“What?”

“Say the name again.”

“What name?”

“You know what name,” Charlie said shyly. The one from the cinema, the cute one, the one he wanted to hear in private this time.

Nick lifted himself on one elbow so he could look down into Charlie’s face. “You mean the one I said I was never calling you again.”

“Yes, but you didn’t mean that.”

“Didn’t I?”

“No.”

Nick smiled. “Char,” he said, softly and affectionately, and he followed it up with a kiss.

All too soon the alarm on Charlie’s phone chimed. He reached for it to turn it off and text his parents he was on his way home. Their friends had been texting all along, teasing Nick about his grand gesture, making plans for group get-togethers. Charlie smiled, glad that they had friends who accepted them both for who they were, separately and together.

Saturday night Charlie, Isaac, and Elle gathered at Tao’s for a movie night. He had lined up three indie films, all of them very serious and a little bit dark. They made it through the first one before Charlie and Elle mutinied and demanded something lighter and more entertaining. Tao didn’t have anything like that, so they played Settlers of Cataan, which Elle won. Isaac would have won, but he got to a good part in his book and got distracted.

It was so nice to be with his friends again, to be okay with Tao, to have Tao be okay with Nick. It seemed like a pretty abrupt turnaround, until Tao explained that he and Nick had eaten lunch together earlier in the week and cleared the air. Charlie was so relieved.

It had been a long term, so filled with things going wrong—but so many things had gone right. And now here he was with his friends still, all of them in good places, and Nick texting him ABBA lyrics occasionally as he and his mum watched Mamma Mia again.

It had taken some doing, but finally Charlie thought he understood what it was like to be truly happy.

Chapter Text

Charlie met Nick at the train station Sunday morning, walking straight into his arms. After thinking all week that they shouldn’t be together any longer, the feeling of belonging that came over him when Nick held him was … unbelievable.

Nick had texted that he had a plan, and that he wasn’t telling Charlie any of it, which was adorable, but Charlie teased him for answers anyway as they stood on the platform waiting for the train and Nick refused to tell him anything, looking entirely too pleased with himself.

All the way there, Charlie looked out the window, trying to see if he could learn where they were off to. Although really he didn’t try as hard as he was making it seem. Clearly surprising him was important to Nick, and Charlie wouldn’t have ruined that for the world.

It seemed to be taking it a bit far when the train stopped and Nick covered Charlie’s eyes with one hand, holding Charlie’s hand tightly with the other so he couldn’t trip and fall. “We’re nearly there, I promise,” he said after a bit.

Overhead, a bird squawked. “Wait … seagulls?” Nick pulled him to a stop and uncovered his eyes, and Charlie gasped in delight when he saw the ocean stretching out before them. “Oh, my God, the beach!”

“Yeah. Surprise!”

“Oh, my God!” Still holding Nick’s hand, Charlie set off running, pulling Nick along with him, until they were standing on the sand. “What shall we do?”

“Everything!”

Well, if everything was the plan, then Charlie knew just what to start with. He tugged on Nick’s hand, pulling him closer and kissing him. “If I forget to tell you later, I had the best time today.”

Nick smiled. “Me, too.”

After that, they rode the carousel, and took stupid touristy pictures, and walked together down the boardwalk, just holding hands and talking.

Coming to a stop in the middle of the boardwalk, Nick said, “There’s something I promised myself I was going to do.”

“What’s that?”

Taking Charlie’s face in his hands, Nick kissed him.

When he let go, Charlie looked at him curiously. “What was the promise?”

“On your birthday, I promised myself someday I would kiss you in public and not care who saw.”

“Do you? Care?”

Nick shook his head. “Not at all.”

Charlie couldn’t help smiling. After being someone’s secret for so long, it felt more amazing than he could have imagined to have Nick be so open about them. Even if no one they knew could see them, Nick hadn’t even glanced around to see if anyone else was on the boardwalk. “I’m so proud of you.”

Nick blushed. “Come on. I’m starving. Are you hungry?”

“I could eat,” Charlie said cautiously.

They got fish and chips, which weren’t great, but Charlie ate some anyway, laughing at Nick’s attempts to catch a chip in his mouth.

Then they went to a photo booth. The only way they fit was with Charlie on Nick’s lap, which neither of them minded at all. They laughed, and kissed, and tried to smile for the camera, and kissed some more, and agreed that the resulting pictures were really cute.

After that, Nick laid the towels he had brought out on the sand, and they lay there together listening to the waves, sharing Charlie’s earbuds.

Turning his head, Charlie saw that Nick was looking at him and smiling. “I was thinking … What if I came out?”

Charlie sat up, pulling out his earbud. “Do you really want to?” To be out together, to be able to be open about how they felt about one another …

Nick sat up, too. “I really want to. I know I’ve been pretty unsure of everything for a while, but, like, I’m definitely bisexual. And I don’t want to have to sneak around pretending we’re platonic BFFs. I’m not saying I want to have a public announcement or anything, but … I want to tell the people who matter. And I want you to be able to tell people, too.”

This was so much more than Charlie had expected, even after the scene on Sports Day, that he simply didn’t have words.

“Oh, my God, I like you so much,” Nick said. “And … I love liking you.” There was a look in his eyes that Charlie knew no one else had ever seen there. Suddenly Nick got to his feet, running out into the surf, shoes and all, waving his arms in the air and shouting out to the world, “I like Charlie Spring in a romantic way, not just a friend way!”

Laughing, Charlie ran down to the water after him, stopping just short of getting his shoes wet.

Nick turned to him, studying his face. “What?”

“I never thought this would happen to me.”

He found himself enveloped in one of Nick’s exuberant, affectionate hugs. “Me, neither.”

Charlie was hesitant to mess with the moment, but there was one more thing he wanted to be sure of. “Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“Does this mean we’re boyfriends?”

Nick pulled away, frowning at him, and laughed a little when he realised Charlie was serious. “Yes! Was that not already established the last ten times we made out?”

“Oh.” Maybe he’d been building up the official term in his mind so much that it had never occurred to him Nick might have just assumed it. “Yeah? I don’t know, we never, like, confirmed it.”

They both laughed, because really, how ridiculous was it that neither of them had ever thought to confirm such a simple thing?

“Why are we like this?” Charlie asked. For answer, Nick bent down and picked Charlie up. “Wha—Wha—What are you doing?” he sputtered, holding on as Nick carried him out into the surf.

“There we go. Come on.” Nick held him there, shouting out, “You’re my boyfriend! I’m your boyfriend! We’re boyfriends!” So now it was established, and Charlie never needed to be worried about it again.

Which he appreciated, but might have appreciated more if he wasn’t being held just a few inches above the no doubt freezing water. “Don’t you dare drop me!”

“I’m not going to drop you,” Nick assured him, and then proceeded to pretend to do so.

“Stop it!”

Nick laughed, carrying him back to the towels. “Okay. I think we’re wet enough now.”

He may have been, but Charlie was still dry, which was how he preferred it. They lay back on the towels, and Charlie rested his head on Nick’s chest, feeling Nick’s arms come round him. “So … now we’re going to tell people?”

“Yeah.”

Sighing happily, Charlie closed his eyes. “Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“This is my favourite day ever.”

“Mine, too.”

Chapter Text

They held hands all the way home on the train, Charlie’s head on Nick’s shoulder. He dozed a little and they talked a little, but mostly they were content just to be together.

Nick walked him home, kissing him good-bye on his doorstep this time, and Charlie let himself into the house.

His parents were sitting at the kitchen table with their newspapers and cups of tea. It seemed like the perfect time to tell them. “Mum, Dad, have you got a minute?”

Charlie’s dad put his paper down immediately, his mum a bit more slowly.

Taking a seat at the table facing them, Charlie said, “I wanted to talk to you. It’s … about Nick.”

“Yes. We’ve wanted to talk to you about Nick as well,” his mum said crisply. “We think you’ve been spending too much time with him, and it’s not good for you.”

Charlie stared at her. Where had this come from? He turned to his dad, who shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “It’s just that we worry about … some of the things that have happened when you’ve gone places together. The cinema, and that party.”

“But those weren’t Nick’s fault! Those were—” How to explain it? He tried to find the words.

“You see? You can’t even tell us why.” His mother shook her head and started to pick up her paper again.

“No, but you don’t understand!” Charlie said desperately. “Everything’s different now!”

“Different how? And since when?” his dad asked.

“Since—well, since Friday, really, but … today. Nick and I—we’ve been going out. For about two months now. Starting—starting the morning after that party, when he came over.”

He had both their attention now. “I thought Nick was straight,” his mum said, frowning.

“So did I! So did he. And that was the problem. He … well, he needed time to figure things out, to—be ready to come out. And I didn’t want to rush him.”

“And he’s ready now?” Charlie’s dad asked, looking skeptical. Charlie didn’t blame him entirely; this must all seem very fast to them.

“Yes. We’re—he’s out now, or will be, and we’re telling people. So … I’m telling you.” He ducked his head shyly, swallowing before he tried to get out the next words. “I … I really like him. He’s—”

“He is quite respectful when he comes to visit,” his mum said thoughtfully. “And you do always seem happy when he’s here.”

His dad nodded. “All right, Charlie. I think Nick should come to dinner sometime. I’m—glad you found someone.”

“Thanks, Dad. Thanks, Mum.” He got up from the table feeling exhausted, but also pleased. He had a real boyfriend, and now everyone who mattered could know about it.

Leaving his parents to their newspapers, Charlie went to his room to text his friends. “Nick’s out!! He says we’re going to tell people!”

All of them—even Tao—were happy with this, and immediately a new chat got set up with Nick, and with Tara and Darcy, to set up a full group movie night. Nick volunteered to host, since he had room and everyone wanted to meet Nellie.

Nick’s mum was teaching him how to cook, which he took remarkably seriously. It was almost like watching him play rugby, to see him so focused on what he was doing. Charlie offered to help, but he kept getting caught up watching Nick and messing up the task he’d been given, so eventually Nick and his mum sent him to walk Nellie.

Following Charlie to the door, Nick took the opportunity to kiss him. “Something I can do better than Charlie Spring,” he marvelled. “What a great day.”

“You’re getting flour all over me,” Charlie grumbled.

In response, Nick swiped a floury thumb across Charlie’s cheek and retreated to the kitchen, laughing.

One by one the others arrived. Snacks were set up on the table across the room. Tao and Elle took one end of the couch, sitting side by side, Isaac the other. Tara and Darcy curled up in the chair together, and Nick and Charlie sat on the floor under a blanket, with Nellie tucked up next to Charlie. Nick snuggled in on Charlie’s other side, his head on Charlie’s shoulder, and sighed happily.

“Look at you two,” Elle said, looking down at them from the sofa. “I don’t know how you kept yourselves a secret for so long.”

Isaac looked up from his book. “I don’t, either. It was obvious from the start.”

“It really was,” Darcy agreed.

“It was in the eyes, don’t you think?”

The two of them nodded.

Charlie turned his head to frown up at Isaac. “How did you know? I always wondered.”

“You stopped talking about him all the time. Also, I saw the two of you walking in the hallway one day, and Nick was looking at you like Mr. Darcy at Elizabeth Bennet.”

“If you mean like he was the last brownie, same at the rugby match,” Darcy said.

Isaac chuckled. “At Charlie’s birthday, Nick might as well have had hearts for eyes.”

Nick blushed furiously and buried his head under the blanket while the others laughed. Charlie was pretty sure he was blushing, too.

Tao frowned. “I didn’t notice.”

Charlie saw Isaac and Darcy exchange grins. Isaac saw everything, even though he always had his nose in a book, and Darcy apparently loved to get people together. But Charlie thought the sparks between Tao and Elle were pretty obvious, anyway. The only ones who couldn’t see them, it seemed, were them.

“It’s true,” Elle agreed, seeming unaware of everyone else’s reaction to Tao’s comment. “Nick should never play poker.”

“Or he should. With us,” Isaac suggested.

Charlie reached down and pulled Nick out from under the blanket. “I think you’re embarrassing him.”

Nick chuckled, although he was still blushing. “No, it’s probably fair. I’ve never been able to lie to my mum—she catches me every time. Says it’s written all over my face."

“Good to know.”

“So what are we watching?” Tara asked.

“Oh, that was a difficult choice,” Elle said.

“Wait, we’re not watching The Avengers?” Nick asked. “I was told that’s Tao’s favorite movie.”

Tao made a face at him, and Charlie laughed, glad that Nick and Tao were on good terms with each other now.

“It’s Anna and the Apocalypse,” he said.

“Never heard of it.”

Tao held out the remote. “Is everyone ready?”

“Everyone have enough food? Need something to drink?” Nick asked. He turned to Charlie. “Anything I can get you?”

“No, I’m good.”

Everyone else seemed to be good as well, so Nick got up to dim the lights before tucking himself back in next to Charlie and Tao began the movie.

Almost immediately, the characters burst into song, and Nick sat up and frowned. “Wait, is this a musical? I was promised that being LGBTQ did not require watching musicals.”

“Ignore him,” Charlie told the others. “His favorite movie is Mamma Mia.”

“It is not.” Nick turned to Charlie and frowned teasingly. “This is the secret gay agenda, isn’t it?”

Charlie laughed and hugged him. From the chair, Darcy called out, “For heaven’s sake, Nick, rule number one is that we don’t talk about the secret gay agenda!”

“I must have misplaced my rule book.”

“Shhh!” Tao said to all of them.

Nick and Darcy both giggled, and Charlie pulled Nick back down into the warmth of the blanket.

About halfway through the movie’s tone started getting darker, and one character was bitten by a zombie at a crucial moment. Nick was so startled he sat up and cried out, and Charlie burst into laughter. “Sorry, everyone, I forgot to tell you Nick’s a big wimp when it comes to horror movies.”

“You managed to find a movie that was both a musical and a horror movie?” Nick grumbled.

“Uh-huh.”

“You’ll pay for this.”

Nick was laughing, and under the blanket he reached for Charie’s hand, holding on tightly. At the next scare, he hid his face in Charlie’s shoulder and pulled the blanket over his head, tugging it down just enough to see the screen out of one eye.

The others all found this highly entertaining—with the exception of Tara, whose head was hidden in Darcy’s shoulder. Charlie suspected Nick was playing up his fears just a little, but he did jump at every scare, and it was indescribably lovely to be holding him this way, here with all their friends, not having to hide anything about themselves.

Everyone offered to stay and clean up after, but Nick’s mum told them not to worry about it, that she had it under control. Nick walked them all to the door. The drawback to having everyone here was that they didn’t get to kiss good-night, but they held hands until the last possible moment before the door closed between them.

Elle put an arm around Charlie. “Happy?” she asked.

“It’s a little scary how much,” he admitted.

“I think you can trust it. He’s a good guy, and he likes you a ridiculous amount.”

Charlie smiled. “You think so?”

“It’s obvious.”

At the corner, they went in different directions. Charlie glanced back at Nick’s house. They would text tonight, they would see each other tomorrow … and then the next day and the next and the next. Because now they belonged to each other.

Chapter Text

Charlie woke up from that lovely dream determined to make it happen sometime. Their friend group needed to have regular movie nights in addition to the traditional ones with Tao and Isaac and Elle … and now hopefully Nick. And he could only hope that when he did tell his parents about Nick, they would be as supportive as their dream versions had been.

He was still smiling, looking up at the pictures of them from the beach, already tacked up on his wall, when his phone chimed. It was a text from Nick, of course. And it said “Hi”. Of course.

Charlie bounded out of bed. It was remarkable how easy it was to get dressed while holding a phone in one hand, typing. “Hi” in return, of course. And then “does being boyfriends mean we do good morning texts now”

He misbuttoned his shirt and had to put the phone down briefly to rebutton.

“Does that technically qualify as a ‘good morning text’,” came from Nick, followed by “Because technically all I said was ‘hi’.”

Two ‘technically’s in two different texts. Charlie considered teasing him about it even as he was typing, “it was first thing in the morning so I think it qualifies”. And then “good morning boyfriend” with their favorite red heart emoji.

He was Nick’s boyfriend. Nick Nelson’s boyfriend. After all the time wishing, after all the time wondering, after all the time worrying. Nick was his boyfriend. They were boyfriends together.

Charlie laughed in delight, refusing to put his phone down even to finish his tie and put on his sweater. He did put it down long enough to fix his hair, though. Some things required both hands and his full attention.

Distracted by the ongoing text thread, he didn’t even think about the bowl of cornflakes as he poured them. He even managed a few bites—maybe more than a few, he forgot to count—as he texted with one hand and held the bowl in the other. It wasn’t clear how he’d done that. Maybe it didn’t matter.

Nick was asking what was in the fine print of the boyfriend contract. Charlie could think of a few things, but the most important was the one he typed first: “kissing me many times per day”. To think that a few months ago he hadn’t known what it was like to kiss Nick Nelson, and now he knew every detail of the way it felt, from the soft touch of Nick’s lips on his to the way he smelled to the feel of Nick’s hands in his hair. He would never have imagined he’d like having someone touch, and mess up, his hair, but when it was Nick? Perfectly okay. More than okay, really.

The lovely text string continued all the way into school, Charlie sitting beside Tori, who watched his rapidly typing fingers with her usual mix of bored teenager and supportive sister.

Stowing his phone, Charlie walked into school, not even looking at the table by the gate. Nick wouldn’t be there this morning. He’d be in form, at their table, waiting for Charlie.

It was absolutely impossible not to smile like an idiot. And Charlie didn’t care at all.

He walked into form, his eyes going immediately to their table, and his heart sank when Nick wasn’t there.

But only for a moment, because then two warm and familiar hands were placed over his eyes. He laughed. “Nick.”

The hands were removed and there was Nick, standing in front of him, smiling. Maybe a little taller than he’d been yesterday. Or maybe that was just Charlie being foolish. They smiled at each other.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

God, he was so beautiful. It wasn’t exactly that Charlie forgot when they weren’t together, but the fresh shock of seeing Nick and recognizing how incredibly hot he was and then the electric jolt of the way he looked at Charlie always seemed new.

Then Nick grabbed Charlie’s wrist and pulled him out of the classroom.

“Where are we going?”

Nick tugged Charlie into the supply closet, shutting the door behind them. As they stood there facing each other, he said, “Guess what?”

“What?”

“I came out to my mum last night.”

Charlie was thrilled to hear it. And nervous that Nick’s mum might not be supportive. He liked her, and he would hate to think that she wasn’t happy they were together. “Oh, my God. How did it go?”

“Really well. She was completely fine with it.”

Relief flooded Charlie, to match the relief on Nick’s face. He launched himself into Nick’s arms, feeling those arms wrap around him instantly in return, his feet lifting off the ground as Nick held onto him tightly, laughing and turning them around.

As Nick set him down, still holding him, Charlie said into his ear, “Want a ‘well done’ kiss?”

Nick pulled away, dropping his bag to the floor, and nodded. “Yeah.”

Charlie kissed him, his hands cupping Nick’s face. It was so lovely, he almost forgot where they were, until Nick pulled back. “Kissing at school is a terrible idea.”

He was absolutely right. And he was absolutely still kissing Charlie.

It kept being a terrible idea all the way up until the bell ring, and they giggled at each other while straightening their clothes and hair before hurrying off to form.

Completely worth it, in Charlie’s view.

Chapter Text

They agreed that Nick would come back to Charlie’s after school. Sitting side by side on the bus, feeling the warmth of Nick’s arm through layers of blazer and sweater and shirt, Charlie could barely contain himself from standing up and shouting out “This is my boyfriend!”

Someday he would be able to, he told himself. Someday. For now, this was enough.

They wrangled cheerfully about details of their past history all the way from the bus stop to Charlie’s house, dropped their things and their shoes at the door, and then hurried to Charlie’s room. Nick closed the door behind them. Charlie could barely wait long enough to hear it click before he pounced, the force of their bodies pushing Nick back against the door. He grasped the back of Charlie’s jacket, holding him there while they kissed eagerly.

“I think we were meant to be studying,” he said after a long while.

“Who needs to study?” Charlie asked, leaning in to kiss him again. Yes, he was behind in his homework, but what did it matter? He could catch up easily.

“I think I might,” Nick murmured, but he returned the kiss anyway. Next time they stopped for breath, he checked his phone. “My mum wants you to come for dinner. You okay with that?”

Charlie found he was. He looked forward to seeing Sarah, to being at Nick’s house with her and Nellie, everyone in the room knowing they were a couple. He’d never had that before. “Yeah. You, um, you want to go now?” It would be easier to get permission if his parents weren’t home before he left.

“Sounds good.”

They got to Nick’s house, both of them bending down to pet Nellie, and then found his mum in the kitchen. She was holding her breath a little, Charlie could see, and he was, too. Then she smiled. “Charlie! Good to see you.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Nelson.”

She looked at him, serious but kind, and said, “Now, I think I’ve told you it’s okay for you to call me Sarah. And if you’re going to be around a lot, and for a long time, which I hope you are, I wish you would.”

It was more than he could have imagined. He’d wondered, occasionally, what it would be like if she knew, but he had never imagined such immediate acceptance. Charlie swallowed against the lump in his throat and glanced at Nick, who was smiling broadly at both of them. “Oh. Um, okay. Thanks … Sarah.”

“There now. That’s better. Now you boys go finish your homework while I put dinner together.”

“How do you know it’s not already done?” Nick asked her.

She grinned at him. “It isn’t, is it?”

“Well, maybe not. Do you need any help?”

“I’ll let you know when I need the table set.”

They went upstairs to Nick’s room, but Charlie hadn’t brought his backpack, so they played MarioKart instead. And as usual, Nick lost. And as usual, he pleaded with Charlie “Just let me win!”

Not that he was getting anywhere with that. Charlie was MarioKart champion for life.

Nick dropped the controller and put his face in his hands. “I can’t do this anymore!”

Charlie laughed at him and mussed his hair. “I’m sorry.” He’d never done that before, and he’d always wanted to.

Looking at him, hair completely messed up, Nick said, “That was uncalled for.”

“Will this make it better?” And Charlie leaned in and kissed him, soft and sweet.

“Maybe,” Nick breathed against Charlie’s lips, pushing him back on the bed, kissing him some more.

It seemed like no time at all before Nick’s mum was calling them downstairs. She had her back to them when they came into the kitchen, looking at each other guiltily but happily. They started setting the table, Charlie now fairly familiar with where things were kept in the Nelson kitchen.

The meal was lovely. Charlie didn’t even think about what he was eating, or how much, as they chatted with Nick’s mum and he snuck bites to Nellie. He decided it was okay this time—it was kind of a celebration, after all, each of them happy to be there.

After dinner, Sarah sent Nick to take Nellie for a walk and she and Charlie stood side by side next to the sink, scraping and rinsing the plates.

“Charlie,” she began softly, and he froze, feeling suddenly queasy and wishing he hadn’t eaten so much. “I just … I want you to know that you are welcome here anytime. You—” She set her dish down and turned to look at him. “You have made my Nicky so happy. Before he met you, he … well, he was content, but he had lost all his ... all his colour. And now—well. You see how he is now.”

He had a hard time believing that. Nick had been so unhappy, so much of that time. “But he— this spring,” Charlie stammered. “He had such a hard time. The fight, and everything. I know it was all my fault.”

Sarah shook her head. “I’ve met Harry Greene a few times myself,” she told him, “and I know whose fault that was. I don’t hold with fighting, but I don’t think you do, either, and Nick wouldn’t have if he hadn’t been very angry. I’ve talked to him about it, I hope nothing like it will happen again. But that’s not your fault. And the rest of it … Change is hard, Charlie. I wish he’d talked to me about it, but he felt he had to get through on his own.”

Charlie nodded. He would have stopped Nick if he’d been there, and he didn’t want Nick to get into a fight again. And he also wished Nick would have talked to him more, but he knew Nick had been afraid to burden him. Before he could put any of that into words, they both heard the sound of Nick returning, talking to Nellie even as he hung up her leash.

When he came back into the kitchen, he looked between the two of them, tensing immediately. “Everything okay?”

Charlie nodded.

Sarah said, “I was just telling Charlie, or just about to tell him, that I want you both to know that you can talk to me. I may not always know what to say, but … I am here.”

Nick smiled, the tension easing. “Thanks, Mum.”

“Thank you, Sarah,” Charlie said in a whisper. He didn’t know if he would ever feel comfortable bringing his troubles to her … but it was nice to know that he could. He cleared his throat. “I should go. I do actually still have homework to finish.”

“Charlie the brilliant still needs to do homework?” Nick teased, and Charlie blushed. If Nick only knew how far behind he was. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

“And I’ll finish the dishes,” Sarah said, turning back to the sink and scraping extra loudly at a plate. Charlie wondered if that was so they wouldn’t think she was watching them, or monitoring how long it took them to say good-bye.

Nick reached for his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“You’ll see me tomorrow.”

“One more kiss so I’ll believe it.”

Charlie smiled. “No. You have to wait.” But then Nick pouted, and that was so adorable Charlie kissed him anyway. “Fine, have it your way.”

Nick grinned. “Good-night.”

“Good-night.”

Chapter Text

Charlie went to Nick’s the next day, after going home to change and assure his parents that he was finishing his work first. He finished some of it, but the rest could wait. Nick, on the other hand, couldn’t. He had been blowing up Charlie’s phone asking when he was coming over.

They went straight to Nick’s room, of course, kissing, of course. Then, while Nick went downstairs to feed Nellie, Charlie grabbed Nick’s phone and started scrolling through his pictures.

“Oh, don’t look at those,” Nick groaned, coming back in and sitting down next to Charlie on the floor. “Here, budge up.”

“No.” Charlie wasn’t about to give up ownership of the beanbag chair. It was comfy. “I was here first.”

“Um, really?”

“Yeah.”

“We’re in my room.”

“I was here first,” Charlie repeated stubbornly, shoving Nick to the side.

Nick’s mouth opened in outrage, and he shook his head. “Oh, no. This is war.” He launched himself at Charlie, finding all the ticklish spots he knew of.

“No! Stop tickling me! Stop it!” Charlie managed through his giggles.

And in the next instant Nick was kissing him, pressing him back into the chair. Charlie kissed back, feeling as always so warm and safe in Nick’s presence, in Nick’s arms.

They lay back eventually, Nick’s head on Charlie’s shoulder. “I like being boyfriends,” Nick said softly.

“Me, too.”

“Let’s just spend every afternoon like this.”

“Mm. I wish we could.” Charlie sighed. “I’ve got the Paris trip coming up in a couple of weeks.”

“Are you going on that?” Nick lifted his head to look at Charlie. “But you don’t take French.”

“Yes, but Tao and Elle both do, and once they were going …” Charlie shrugged. Then he had a brilliant idea. “But I think there’s still room.” He held his breath, waiting for Nick’s reaction.

“The two of us, in Paris? Like an extended date?”

Well, that sounded magical. If you didn’t consider the other people who would be with them. “Something like that."

"That does sound nice. I’ll talk to my mum, but I’m sure she’ll let me go.” Nick sat up suddenly, fixing his hair the way he did when he was nervous, looking away from Charlie.

Alarm filled him. “You don’t have to. It was probably a stupid idea.”

“No, I want to,” Nick said, his hand closing on Charlie’s reassuringly.

“Good.”
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The next day, Nick came over to Charlie’s after school. Seeing him there on the doorstep, his eyes lighting up as soon as the door opened, Charlie couldn’t believe this was real.

And he tried to focus on homework. He really did. They lay on his floor, Nick on his phone and Charlie reading his book. But then after a while Nick put his phone down, and he lay there reading over Charlie’s shoulder. When he kissed Charlie on the cheek, any pretense of actually reading the book went away, and Charlie rolled over to kiss his boyfriend, reveling in the idea that he could just … do that.

When the kiss ended, they looked into each other’s eyes for a long time. Which, when you thought about it, seemed like it should be awkward, but somehow it never was.

“It was nice of your mum to have me over,” Charlie said at last.

“She likes you. And she thinks you’re good for me.”

Grinning impishly, Charlie said, “Too good for you, maybe.”

But Nick wasn’t grinning when he said, “Probably so,” and that made Charlie murmur in distress and kiss him again.

This time, when they pulled apart, Nick sighed. “I don’t think your mum thinks I’m good for you.”

“They don’t think anyone’s good for me. It took them a year to be okay with Tao.”

“You can tell them if you want, you know. I don’t mind.”

“I know. I told Tori.”

Nick did grin at that. “I know. She glares at me differently now than she used to.”

“Progress.”

“Exactly.”

“I had a dream that I told my parents,” Charlie said wistfully. “And they were okay with it. But … I don’t know. Not because it’s you, but—well, anyone, really. They don’t want me distracted from my studies.”

“I’m not distracting.”

At that patent ridiculousness, Charlie lifted the neglected book. “Really?”

“Really. Read it to me.” And Nick snuggled in with his head on Charlie’s shoulder.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Nick was at Charlie’s again, the two of them without even having to talk about it lying down on Charlie’s bed to kiss the moment they got into the room.

Resting his head on Charlie’s shoulder, Nick sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re not supposed to say that,” Charlie reminded him. “And why now?”

“I meant to make more progress coming out this week. After the Sports Day thing, it should have been so easy, but somehow …”

Charlie reached for Nick’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “Don’t stress about it. Wait until it feels natural.”

“And if it never does?”

“It will.” At least, Charlie assumed it would. He’d never had a “coming out”, so it was hard to know.

“I’m going to tell some people, at least. Soon.”

“Okay.” Charlie smiled at his boyfriend’s earnestness, and kissed him again.

Reluctantly, Nick had to go. His own coursework beckoned, his mum had dinner ready, and Charlie’s parents were home and not thrilled that Nick was at the house again.

They came down the stairs from Charlie’s room and Nick opened the door. But then he turned, the two of them standing there in the open door looking at one another.

Charlie reached his hand out, brushing Nick’s fingers, feeling the electricity between them. It always felt that way, when they touched, like every nerve in his body was alive and awake.

Nick’s eyes darkened, and he looked down at Charlie’s mouth in that familiar “I want to kiss you” look that cut off Charlie’s breathing.

But they were standing in the open doorway. Charlie’s parents could see, Charlie’s neighbours could see.

Quickly, before he could think better of it, Charlie broke the contact of their hands and stepped away, smiling. “Go on, then.”

Nick laughed, turning away and heading down the walk. He stopped once he reached the sidewalk, turning to wave.

Charlie waved back, wishing he didn’t have to go. Wondering what it would be like if they never had to say good-bye. Then he shut the door and went back upstairs to work on his maths.

Chapter Text

With Nick back on the rugby pitch for practises, Charlie had time to go with Tao and Isaac after school to the corner store.

“I’m not sure I recognise you. Isaac, didn’t we used to have a friend named Charlie?”

Isaac smiled and turned the page of his book.

“I know, I know, and I feel bad neglecting you. It’s just that … it’s so nice to just spend time with Nick. Hanging out, playing video games, doing our homework. Boring stuff, but we’re doing it together, and that makes all the difference.” Charlie ducked his head shyly. It sounded silly, saying it out loud. He couldn’t quite manage to get across how amazing it felt in the moment.

Tao put his hands his pockets, smiling. “You’re making me feel really single right now.”

Charlie tilted his head back and shouted up at the sky, “I have a boyfriend!”

“Yes, we’re all fully aware.”

“And he’s amazing.”

Tao made a face. “I mean …”

“Tao!”

Isaac reached behind Charlie and touched Tao’s arm in reproof.

“Yeah, he’s okay,” Tao admitted. Reluctantly.

“And … he wants to come out.” Charlie laughed. It was a little hard to believe this was his life. “To some of his friends, at least.”

Tao and Isaac exchanged looks, but Charlie ignored it. Nick wanted to come out, that was the important part. How long it took him, or how he did it, didn’t matter.

“Um … I thought he wasn’t speaking to the rugby lads after the fight with Harry.”

“He’s not, but I’m going to help him.”

“Okay,” Tao said doubtfully. They went inside the store and stood looking at the candy display. “Well, as long as you’re both fine with it, and you’re looking out for each other, I’m sure it will be fine.”

Before Charlie could appreciate out loud how hard Tao was working to be okay with this major change in their lives, another voice cut in. Elle had entered the store without any of them seeing her. “Tao Xu! Are you giving Charlie relationship advice?”

“Ah! Rude!” Tao exclaimed. Then, in his normal voice, he said, “I know about relationships. I watch a lot of romance movies, so …”

“Mm.” Elle moved past them, her expression making it clear she wasn’t buying Tao’s romantic expertise.

Tao followed her, and Isaac and Charlie exchanged looks. If anyone needed relationship advice, it was the two of them, who appeared to be the only people who couldn’t see the sparks between them.

The next thing they saw was Tao hurrying out of the store while Elle called his name. Both Charlie and Isaac sighed and shrugged. Not today, apparently.

Charlie’s eyes were drawn to an Oreo chocolate bar. Nick’s favourite, if memory served. Their two-month anniversary was almost here. Maybe he should … He picked the chocolate bar up, then put it back down. Then he picked it up again, studied it a moment, and decided to buy it. Maybe Nick would think it was silly, but this was something Charlie could do for him, to pay Nick back for all the amazing things he did for Charlie all the time.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Charlie glanced at his phone, read the latest adorable text from Nick, smiled, and then firmly put it down. He was going to finish at least one item of homework tonight
.
And he tried to focus. He really did. But he kept remembering the way Nick looked just before he kissed him, and the way he smelled, and the way his hair felt when Charlie brushed it back off his forehead … And who needed homework, anyway? He aced all his tests whether he studied or not. The fact was, Charlie was incredibly bored in school. Nothing they were studying interested him particularly, except the Latin, which he was up to date on, and if he really wanted to, he could bang out all the work in an hour and get better grades on it than most kids did after spending hours studying.

Nick, for example. As they’d spent more time together, Charlie had begun to understand that academics didn’t come as easily even to someone as intelligent as Nick was as they did to him or to his friends. And that didn’t seem fair to him. Nick had so much to offer—why should he feel badly about himself because he wasn’t good at taking tests? When in the real world did you ever have to sit down in front of a piece of paper and answer a bunch of questions that weren’t relevant, anyway?

Charlie had spent a lifetime being told by his parents and his teachers that being smart would get you anywhere you wanted to go. Well, he was smart. He was very smart. And so far, it hadn’t gotten him anywhere. Being smart hadn’t kept him from being bullied. It didn’t make his parents proud of him—anything he did seemed just barely good enough, and his mother always set another goal for him as soon as he reached one.

He opened up the document for his history essay, typing a few sentences half-heartedly. But the truth was, he didn’t want to do it. What he wanted to do was lie here on his bed and text Nick, and think about Nick, and just be happy.

His mother wouldn’t like that, but she wasn’t here. Only Charlie was here in this room, lying on this bed, and he was in control of what he was going to do with the rest of his night. No one else. It was a lovely feeling, and all too rare. So what if he was already behind? He could catch up whenever he wanted to.

“hi boyfriend”, he texted, and grinned when the answering “hi” popped up in mere moments, followed by a string of hearts.

Yes. Schoolwork could definitely wait.

Chapter Text

Form was incredibly lonely without Nick. Charlie had known the lengthy period of GCSE revision for Year 11s was coming up … he just hadn’t been prepared to walk into school, sit down at their table, and not see his boyfriend’s beautiful face.

Nick clearly felt the same way. He was texting Charlie from the gym, where the revisions were being run. “Nearly came out to Imogen this morning lol” “Also I miss you” with a sad face.

Charlie smiled. He was glad Nick and Imogen were still friends, after that disastrous date that hadn’t happened earlier in the spring. He’d be even more glad when Imogen knew once and for all that Nick was taken.

Taken. He smiled more broadly. Then Mr. Lange called out Nick’s name, and Charlie was reminded of how lonely things were about to get in here. The weeks of revisions until the GCSEs were finished stretched out forever, it seemed.

“omg you almost told imogen?? you’re amazing”, he texted, nearly missing his own name being called.

“Here, sir.”

“i miss you too tho”, he added, with a crying emoji.

After school, at least. Then they could be together. Except that after school Nick would have rugby. And Charlie wouldn’t. Hours of Nick on the pitch, in his shorts, without being able to see him.

Wait. Charlie had just promised Tao and Isaac that he would help Nick make it up with the rugby boys—the nice ones, the ones who still wanted to be Nick’s friend. And where better to do that than on the pitch?

“i might have an idea …” he texted.

At lunch, he made his way to Coach Singh’s office. She looked up and smiled when he came in.

“I want to rejoin the rugby team,” he told her.

“Good for you. We’re glad to have you back.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” He swallowed, thinking of Harry, hoping he was doing the right thing. Then he thought of Nick, and he was sure.

That afternoon, Charlie arrived at the locker room just as everyone was finishing up changing. The look on Nick’s face when he saw him—confusion, then delight—was worth every pang of nerves Charlie had felt all day. Everyone else mostly ignored him, after a moment of silent recognition going right back to their own conversations.

They walked together onto the pitch, all the other boys streaming past them.

“You know you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Nick told him.

“I want to. Otherwise we’ll barely see each other this term. And,” he added loftily, “I’ve missed rugby.”

Nick laughed. “Have you now?”

“Yeah. I love running around and falling over.”

“Oh, well, you are very good at the falling over part.”

Charlie poked him in the back. “I’m very good at the running part, too, actually.”

“What, running away from the ball?”

Turning, Charlie said, “Okay, well, if you don’t want me here—”

As he had expected, Nick immediately reached for him. “Oh, no, no, no. Come on.” His hand rested briefly on Charlie’s arm. “I need you.”

Charlie felt warmed all through. He needed Nick, too. It was nice to know it was mutual.

Otis jogged up, putting an arm across Charlie’s shoulders. “Oi! Are you coming back to rugby?”

“Yeah.”

“Yes, lad!” Otis grinned and jogged away. “Come on, then.”

Charlie followed, glad someone was happy to have him back. He’d wondered how the boys all felt about him leaving.

Watching the practise, Charlie could see it was a good thing he’d come back. They weren’t playing like a team. Nick wasn’t passing right, he was avoiding the others, and communication on the field was a mess. If rugby was going to continue to be Nick’s refuge, the place he worked out his feelings, and he was going to be reunited with his friends, he was going to need help. Charlie’s help.

The two of them took their time changing, while all the other boys finished up and left the locker room. There were mutterings about how bad the practise had gone, mostly from Harry. Charlie wondered if he knew how much of the problem he was.

Once it seemed like they were mostly alone, he took the chocolate bar out of the pocket of his backpack.

Nick sat up from tying his shoes and looked at him questioningly.

“I … got you a present.” It suddenly seemed so silly, he nearly took it back.

“What? Why?” Nick took it, smiling.

“Because … we’ve been going out for two months.”

“As in, it’s our two-month anniversary?”

“it sounds silly when you say it like that.”

“No, no, it doesn’t!”

“And now I’m embarrassed.” Charlie got up, turning away so Nick couldn’t see his face.

“No! Look. Um …” Nick studied the chocolate bar for a moment. “I … I did not get you a present.”

Charlie smiled at him, pretending there wasn’t a tickle at the back of his mind wishing he had. “It’s okay. I didn’t want it to become a thing, so …”

Nick stood up, putting them suddenly very close together. The way Nick filled up all the available space in front of him, the heat coming off his body … Sometimes Charlie still expected to wake up and find this was all a dream. “It could be a thing,” Nick said. He looked down at the chocolate bar, his dimple showing. “And how did you know this is my favourite chocolate bar?”

“Uh … You mentioned it ages ago, so …” And it was probably incredibly dorky of Charlie to remember. Or was it being a good boyfriend? He was never sure where the line fell.

Nick laughed softly, leaning his forehead against Charlie’s. “Thank you.” He leaned in for a kiss, just a quick one, and pulled back.

But it wasn’t enough. Charlie curved a hand round the back of Nick’s neck and kissed him again. And they went on kissing as if they were never going to get enough until behind them, the locker room door slammed, reminding Charlie of where they were.

Charlie laughed. “And that’s why we shouldn’t kiss at school.”

“Oh, but kissing’s so fun!”

“But you getting outed because we get caught kissing is not.”

“I … I want to tell people. You know, like Imogen. I just … It’s hard to find the right time.”

“You don’t have to tell everyone, or anyone, if you don’t want to.”

“You’re making me want to kiss you again,” Nick said, his eyes half-closed as if the kiss was coming any moment.

“I’m being serious.”

“So am I.” Nick smiled and stepped closer. “Hey. If we’re out by the time of the Paris trip, we can, uh … kiss on the Eiffel Tower.”

Charlie smiled, not even able to imagine it, that sounded so amazing. They both turned away, gathering their things. “No more kissing at school. It’s too risky.”

Nick grinned, which wasn’t agreement, Charlie noticed.

“I have an idea,” Charlie said as they walked out together. “We were thinking of having movie night and a sleepover at my house this weekend. Why don’t we have you and Tara and Darcy along, and then invite Imogen? It might be easier to come out to her when we’re all there to support you.”

“That is a great idea.” Nick stopped walking, pulling Charlie to a stop, too. “You sure no kissing at school? Because that idea really deserves one.”

“Race you back to my house, then. If you can keep up.” Charlie grinned, knowing they weren’t going to race in full school uniform—and that Nick couldn’t keep up if they did.

“That is unfair.”

“Get faster, then, Nicholas.”

Chapter Text

Charlie was incredibly nervous as the weekend approached. Their first group sleepover; his and Nick’s first official sleepover as boyfriends. And then to have Nick be counting on him to help him come out to Imogen … It was a lot. He kept checking and rechecking the bowls of snacks while he waited for everyone to arrive.

Tori appeared in the doorway, the way she did, and he looked up at her and smiled. “Are you staying to hang out with us?”

“I will be going upstairs.”

He laughed. Of course she would. “Mum and Dad hardly ever go away at weekends. You can invite some of your friends over.”

“I treasure my alone time. Why exactly did you purchase the entire Tesco snack aisle?”

“It’s a sleepover. We need snacks.” He hesitated before admitting, “And everything about tonight needs to be perfect.”

“Are you getting graded for it?”

Sometimes it felt a little bit like that, like he had to prove he was good enough for Nick. Not that Nick felt that way … but everyone else must. Charlie was sure of it.

“I’m helping Nick come out to one of his oldest friends.”

Before Tori could respond, the doorbell rang and Charlie hurried to answer it, sure that by the time he opened the door she would have disappeared, not to be seen again as long as there were people in the house.

Nick was the first one there, going in for a hug as soon as the door was open.

“Hi.”

“I made cupcakes.”

“Wow. Well done. Proud of you.”

“It’s very unlike me,” Nick said, pulling back to smile at him.

“We have a snack table you can put them on.” He led Nick into the living room. The cupcakes were so cute—he could tell Nick had decorated them himself. Maybe he’d have one later. Just one. For Nick.

Two by two, and Isaac, the others arrived, and separated into their pairs naturally almost immediately. Charlie meant to be a good host, but everyone seemed to be having fun, Isaac deep in his book, and sitting here with Nick talking about nothing, while Nick kept edging closer so their knees and then their shoulders and finally their hands were touching felt so amazing he completely lost track of time.

Then the doorbell rang again, and Nick’s eyes widened immediately in panic.

They hadn’t told the others they had invited Imogen, so when they all raced for the door and saw her standing there, it was a bit of an awkward moment.

“Come in, come in,” Charlie told her, seeing the hesitancy in her smile. “Let me show you where to put your bags.”

“Yeah, Charlie will give you a tour,” Nick said.

“Yeah, um … Yeah, a tour.” He wondered if Nick was coming on this tour, to get Imogen alone and tell her straight off.

Nick did join them in the kitchen later while Charlie was making Imogen a cup of tea. They all stood at the sink, with her in the middle. Imogen looked up at Nick. “Your friend group is so nice. How did you get to know everyone?”

Charlie smiled at Nick in support, but he could see his boyfriend was still struggling with this moment.

“Uh … Well, um … I guess it was Charlie first. Um … ‘Cause me and Charlie, we’re like …”

He held his breath, waiting, but the moment passed.

Nick went on, “You know, we’re in the same form, and um … Yeah.”

Imogen waited to see if there was more, and when it was clear there wasn’t she said, “Cute!”

From the other room, Tara called that they were ordering pizza, and Imogen took her mug and hurried back in to place her order.

Charlie went to Nick immediately. “It’s okay.”

“I don’t know why it’s so hard to just … say it.”

They went back in to order their pizzas, Charlie wishing he had words of advice, but … he’d never had to come out. It had been done for him. Little as he had enjoyed that, it had certainly saved him a few steps.

While they waited for the pizzas to arrive, the girls put on music and started dancing. They tried to pull Isaac in, but he clung to his book. Imogen was glad to jump up and dance, and she called for Nick to join in, but he claimed not to be able to dance. Maybe he couldn’t. Charlie couldn’t, either.

When they all ran to get the door, Charlie leaned his head against Nick’s shoulder, wanting Nick to be sure it was okay if he wasn’t ready, but he didn’t think Nick got the message.

After the pizzas were gone, and most of the snacks as well, they all clustered in front of the TV watching together. Imogen leaned across Nick, asking quietly, “Charlie, can I use your bathroom?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Nick looked at Charlie, and Charlie gave him the supportive smile he’d been practising. “Um … I’ll show you where it is.” Nick got up to lead her out of the room. He glanced back quickly once Imogen had passed through the doorway, to a chorus of thumbs ups and “Tell her!” From the small, uncertain smile Nick gave him, Charlie wasn’t sure if that had helped, or if it had just increased the pressure. He hoped it was the first one.

When he came back, he gave everyone a thumbs up, to their vocal approval, and Charlie reached out a hand to him as he returned to the couch. There was something weird about him, but Charlie put that down to having just come out, which was a pretty big deal.

Eventually, everyone excused themselves one by one to change into pyjamas, and they set up blankets and mattresses on the floor.

Charlie and Nick lay down head to head, as close to each other as they dared. Instead of whispering, they texted each other.

Nick started: “I told her”

“omg!!!!!!!!” with lots of hearts.

“Coming out is a lot harder than I thought”

Charlie reached a hand out and Nick took it, holding it like it was his lifeline. They fell asleep like that, and woke up still hand in hand, to Darcy leaning over them with a goofy grin on her face. “You two are too cute for words.”

Yes, they were. And Charlie had never been happier.

Chapter Text

In the morning, everyone got dressed and got ready to head out. Charlie saw them to the door, everyone laughing at something Darcy had said, and hugged everyone goodbye as they left.

Nick was the last one, and they hugged for a long time. As usual, Charlie never wanted to let Nick go. Eventually he had to, and Nick hovered there, looking at Charlie like he wanted a good-bye kiss. He glanced over his shoulder at the others, then back at Charlie, looking more awkward than Charlie had seen him in a while, before turning to head down the walk.

Halfway down, as Charlie stood on the doorstep to watch them all go, and the others hovered round the entrance to the sidewalk, Nick stopped. Then he turned around, smiled at Charlie, and came back for the kiss. Taking his time about it, both of them losing track of everything—

Until Tao loudly clearing his throat reminded them of where they were.

They turned, surprised to see everyone still there. All the others giggled, and Darcy said, “I can’t believe people think you’re straight.”

Nick laughed, too, and looked at Charlie like it wouldn’t take much for him to kiss him again. But this time he said, “Bye.”

And Charlie said “Bye.”

Joining the others, Nick stopped and turned round and waved one more time before he left. Charlie waved back, unable to keep the smile off his face. Right now, everything was … perfect.

He had everything almost cleared up by the time his parents got home. Good enough even for the critical eye his mum passed over the downstairs. “Hm,” she said, accepting that it was all right.

When Charlie came in to get his breakfast, his parents were both at the table, sitting over their own breakfast dishes. His dad read a book, while his mum started clearing up. “Oh, Charlie, I signed that form. For the Paris trip? It’s on the fridge.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“Are all your friends going, too?” his dad asked.

“Yeah. It’s a joint Truham and Higgs language students trip,” Charlie said, pouring himself a bowl of cereal.

“Well, then. Your Spanish GCSE will come in very useful.”

Charlie laughed. He knew his dad wished he took Spanish more seriously, and he had tried. It was one of the few subjects he didn’t ace easily.

He poured the milk, still thinking about this morning. The sleepover, and Nick coming out, and the good-bye kiss. Maybe it was time to tell his parents. If Nick was ready to tell people, Charlie should be, too. “You know my friend Nick?” he asked, before he had time to think better of it.

“Yes.” His mum didn’t sound that interested. Nick was far from being her favourite person. Too rugby-ish, Charlie imagined. But she was looking at him, which was a good sign.

Charlie turned toward the table, bowl and spoon in hand. “I thought I probably should tell you … He’s my boyfriend.” He smiled, nervous but happy, waiting for their response.

Which was open-mouthed shock.

“You’re surprised,” Charlie said, vaguely disappointed that they hadn’t already guessed.

“Uh, well, I … You know.” His mum glanced at his dad and then back again. “He’s a— He’s a very sporty, laddish sort of boy. I—I wouldn’t have assumed he was gay.”

“Being gay has nothing to do with that,” Charlie told her. He’d been out to them for how long now, and she still didn’t get it? “And actually, he’s bisexual.”

“Gay or bisexual, uh …” his dad began. Tori whooshed past Charlie while his dad was still trying to figure out how to finish the sentence. “Nick is … banned from sleepovers from now on.”

“What?” Charlie tried to realise they were treating him the way they would have if he’d been dating a girl, who certainly wouldn’t be allowed sleepovers, but mostly what it felt like was that they didn’t trust him.

“Yeah. There will be no hanky-panky in this house.”

“Please don’t say ‘hanky-panky’,” Tori said.

“And I suppose Nick’s going on this Paris trip as well?” His mum didn’t look at all pleased by that idea.

“Yeah.”

His dad sighed. “So that’s why you’ve been talking about it nonstop for weeks.”

Charlie couldn’t believe how they were being. With a noise of disgust, he took his cereal, which there was now no chance of him eating, and left the room.

“Bedroom door open at all times,” his dad called after him.

“I’m leaving.”

“No hanky-panky till you’re married.”

“Stop saying ‘hanky-panky’,” Tori snapped impatiently.

Charlie left all of them there, wishing they understood. Wishing, for once, they could just be happy that he was happy. He set his cereal bowl down on the bedside table and reached for his phone.

Tori pushed his door open quietly, standing there with her drink. “You’re telling people, then?”

“Yeah.” Charlie smiled. Tori, at least, was happy for him. She understood. He was so glad to have her.

“And … you’re not worried?”

“About what?”

“About getting bullied again?”

He thought about that for a second, realising he wasn’t, really. He had Nick. And Tao and Elle and Isaac, and Tara and Darcy. He wasn’t alone. “It’s not going to be like when I got outed. We just want people to know we’re together.” Nick, now. Nick wasn’t going to get bullied. Not if Charlie had anything to say about it. “I’m going to do everything I can to make sure Nick doesn’t have to deal with what I did. I can protect him. I can make sure that he never feels pressured or stressed or … scared.” He smiled. “Everything’s going to be perfect.”

Tori looked at him, silent. From across the room it looked like her eyes were filled with tears. But it must be a trick of the light, Charlie thought. Tori couldn’t be that worried about him. Everything was fine.

He glanced at the bowl on the side table. Well, everything was going to be fine. Someday. He and Nick would be out, everyone would know, and it would be … perfect.

Chapter Text

End-of-year parent conferences. Never fun. But Charlie had been especially dreading this one. He couldn’t have said what it was, but he just didn’t seem to have enthusiasm for his work. It wasn’t that it was hard—it was really that it was too easy. Why bother? He wasn’t learning anything; it was more busywork than anything else. And if he held an assignment an extra day, if he did only every other problem, then that was his choice.

But his mother was not going to see things that way. So he hadn’t told her what she was going to hear at conferences.

With the absolutely predictable effect. As the morning wore on, her face tightened, her eyes taking on that flat, cold look that said he was a terrible disappointment. And his father started looking strained, glancing between the two of them, not happy with the situation but not wanting to add to Charlie’s burdens. In some ways, that was worse. His mum made him feel like only his grades were important to her; his dad made him feel fragile and broken.

Mr. Lange ended the day earnestly, looking Charlie in the eye and telling him he needed to start focusing on his schoolwork. Charlie had always wondered what, if anything, Mr. Lange knew or suspected about him and Nick, but really, what did it matter? Couldn’t he just be happy for five minutes? Wasn’t that at least as important as doing yet another essay that no one cared about? Including him.

But, again, his parents did not see it that way. On the way home, his mum turned her head to glance at him over her shoulder. “So. Your coursework essay.”

“It’s fine, I’ll get it done.” He always had. Couldn’t they trust him?

“Yeah, but it’s not just that, is it?” She stared at him. Then she took a breath and started again, in a softer tone. “I know getting your first boyfriend is very exciting, but—”

“What? It’s not Nick’s fault.”

“Charlie!”

As his mum’s volume escalated, his dad cut in more reasonably. “You’ve been going round each other’s houses almost every day for weeks, Charlie. It’s no wonder you haven’t done your coursework.”

“I’ve still got a few weeks to finish it!” When had he ever let them down? Never. And now a few late assignments and they were acting like this?

“Well, I think you and Nick need to spend some time apart.” His mum turned back round to face the road after delivering her judgement.

“That’s not fair!”

“We are not banning you from seeing each other completely,” his dad began, but his mum cut him off.

“No, it needs to be a complete ban.” She turned to Charlie again. “Until this coursework essay is handed in, Nick is not allowed round our house, and you are not allowed round his.”

Charlie clenched his teeth to keep from shouting at her. He’d learned very early in life that fighting back only made her more determined to have her way. And some part of him knew that this was the way most parents would react, and understood that they were trying to treat him like a normal kid.

But he wasn’t a normal kid—he had always gotten top grades, so he didn’t see why one spring’s worth of slipping was such a big deal, and why they couldn’t trust him when he said he’d get it back. And Nick was his happiness. Couldn’t they see that, either? Or didn’t they care?

He went back to his room, usually his safe space, but now all he could see was the pile of books, flashing at him, telling him what he had to choose to do.

So he ignored them and went to his drum kit, instead. His mum didn’t love him playing drums, but it was an academic class, so she couldn’t complain too much.

But even the drums didn’t make him feel better. Not when he knew there was no chance to see Nick—not out of school, not in school. Only at rugby, and that was so tense because of Nick’s struggle to forgive his friends.

Sighing, he picked up his phone. “my parents have banned me from hanging out with you until my coursework is done”. He’d told Nick earlier that he was dreading the day because he was behind on everything, but he had never imagined his mum would take it this far.

“WHAT”

Charlie lay down on his bed in his favourite texting position. “i’m sorry,” he typed. But he knew Nick would tell him it wasn’t his fault. And he wasn’t sorry—he was mad. They had just … laid down the law, like his opinions, his thoughts, weren’t important. He changed the text to say “i’m so ANGRY”

Nick sent a lot of sad faces, then added, “First the study hall and now this” “The universe is pulling us apart”

“we are tragic starcrossed lovers,” Charlie replied.

“We should run away to Paris together”

“bring Nellie though”

“Of course” Then Nick added, “My brother came home today” “He’s a dick”

Charlie had guessed that from the way Nick never talked about his brother, and the way Nick’s mum had literally never mentioned him in Charlie’s hearing. He sent back a sad face. “i want to hug u”

They exchanged hearts, and Charlie lay there with the phone on his chest considering whether to start some overdue homework. Maths. He supposed he could do some maths. Certainly not the history coursework. He wasn’t about to give his mum the satisfaction of thinking she could dictate what work he did and when.

Chapter Text

The next morning’s form was absolutely miserable. Charlie sat there alone, with no hope of seeing Nick at all that day, and felt so lost. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go a whole day without Nick. And what’s more, he didn’t want to. No one had asked him what was best for him, they had just made the decision like it didn’t matter. Well, it did matter, and he wasn’t just going to sit here and be told who he could or couldn’t see.

He went to Mr. Lange, claiming that he had borrowed Nick’s pen and that Nick needed this specific one for his GCSE review. Mr. Lange wasn’t entirely sold, he could tell, but he also didn’t care that much, as long as Charlie was back in time for class.

The room was utterly silent, everyone focused on their studies, as Charlie made his way to the study hall advisor and explained the situation. He saw Nick at the same table as Ben, and wished they were sitting anywhere else. He knew Nick felt that way, too, but at the moment, it really didn’t help that Ben saw Nick more than Charlie did.

Nick got up and met him at the side of the room. God, he was so beautiful. Charlie had forgotten how much.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Nick looked pleased to see him, but also confused.

“I told Mr. Farouk I borrowed your pen and needed to give it back.” He handed Nick a pen. One Charlie had actually borrowed from him, so it wasn’t entirely a lie.

Their fingers brushed lightly in the exchange. “Okay.”

“I just … haven’t seen you all day, so I wanted to say hi.”

“Hi.” Nick smiled, but he looked so tired and dispirited Charlie wondered if this had been a good idea after all.

“Are you okay? With your brother and everything?”

“Yeah. Just, uh …”

But before he could finish, Mr. Farouk called to them, “This ain’t social hour, boys!” He jerked his head toward Nick’s empty seat.

“Text me later,” Charlie said.

“Yeah.” Nick went back to his seat, and, reluctantly, not really feeling any better, Charlie went back to class.

That afternoon, Charlie sat down in front of his work. He wanted to focus, he really did. But all he could think of was how tired Nick had looked, how sad, how much Charlie wanted to just be in his arms, the two of them together.

His phone chimed with a text from Nick. “I’ve had the worst day haha”

He sent back three hearts. “same tbh this coursework is sooo boring” “maybe i could sneak out and come round yours”

Nick replied, “I don’t think that’s a good idea with my brother here”. Before Charlie’s heart could sink too much, he added, “But we could meet in the park??”

Charlie’s laptop was closed and he was out the door almost before he had finished reading. He waited in the park forever, it seemed, before he heard Nick’s voice calling his name. Turning, he ran to him, wrapping his arms around Nick’s shoulders. Nick put an arm round Charlie’s waist and lifted him so easily, spinning them both round. Feet on the ground again, he clung to Nick. “Hi.”

Nick buried his face in Charlie’s shoulder and just held him. “God, I missed you.”

“Me, too.”

“Is that silly? We saw each other all weekend.”

“I know, but … it seems like forever.”

They hugged again, before Nellie whined and pawed at their legs for her share of attention. They ran her for a while until she was ready to lie down, then spread out a blanket and lay down themselves, holding hands.

“Your hands are so cold,” Nick said.

“I’m always cold,” Charlie reminded him.

“Well, in that case …” Nick sat up and stripped off his jumper, handing it to Charlie, who wasted no time pulling it on.

“Thank you.” Still warm, smelling like Nick, it was like being constantly hugged by his boyfriend. He was going to keep this, to wear it at night, so he could be reminded that they were together, even if they couldn’t see each other as much as they’d like.

“There we go.”

“I’m stealing this, just so you know.”

“Oh, I know.” It wasn’t the first. Charlie thought he might currently have more of Nick’s jumpers than Nick did.

They laughed together. Nellie stirred next to Charlie, and he picked up her tennis ball. “Do you want to go? Do you want to play? Come on. Come on!” He got up and ran off with her, throwing the ball again and again while she chased it eagerly.

He and Nellie came back to the blanket, where Nick was still sitting. Usually he’d have been up and running with them. Charlie knew the GCSE revision was hard on Nick, who was not fond of academic work and had a hard time just sitting in one place all day. “You okay?”

Nick nodded. “Yeah. Uh, just, um … Just stressed about GCSEs. I’m definitely going to fail maths on Monday.”

“Want me to help you revise? We can go through your notes together.”

For response, Nick leaned forward and kissed him. After a few kisses, his arm moved round Charlie’s waist, and Charlie cupped Nick’s face in his hands. Then Charlie pulled away, remembering that it hadn’t been that long ago that the idea of kissing him here in this same park, on this same blanket, had sent Nick into a panic.

He laughed, but before he could say anything, Nick took Charlie’s face in his hands and pulled him down on top of him, kissing him more. It was … perfect. It was everything.

Reluctantly, they both headed home. On the way, Charlie checked his phone. Nick had posted to his Instagram, a picture of Charlie and Nellie with the caption “I think Nellie loves him”.

She did. Charlie was sure of it. And to have himself pictured on Nick’s Instagram account—it wasn’t a coming out, but it was a step toward it. Enough to remind Charlie that this was his life; Nick was his life.

Chapter Text

And then there was the rest of the week. Charlie was frustrated and resentful, Nick’s texts felt increasingly strained and exhausted, between GCSEs at school and David at home. Charlie did his best to get work done, framing it to himself as the price of summer. Every page finished bought him an hour to spend with Nick later, or so he told himself.

By the following Monday, in the face of a stream of distressed texts from Nick about how terribly badly his maths GCSE had gone, Charlie felt he had denied himself long enough. He waited until his mum was on a call for work, and slipped out the door while she was distracted.

Nick’s face lit up when he saw Charlie on his doorstep. “You snuck out again? You’ll be in so much trouble with your mum!”

“I’m here to cheer you up after your terrible exam.”

Grinning, Nick reached for him, hugging him tightly, pulling him into the house and lifting him off his feet. They hurried to Nick’s room then, before his brother could see Charlie, and spent some time kissing and some time talking and then decided to watch a movie. Charlie wasn’t too excited about the film, some Marvel thing or other, but the chance to simply lie here in Nick’s arms was enough for him.

At some point, he must have fallen asleep, because he woke to Nick laughing at him as though he was adorable. “Did I fall asleep?” he asked.

“Are you tired, or is this movie just really boring?”

“I did warn you I’m not a fan of Marvel movies.”

Nick chuckled. This was well established. As apparently was Charlie’s habit of falling asleep in mid-movie. “Okay.” He paused the film and closed his laptop. Then he got up. “Do you want something to eat? I could make us some dinner.”

He really didn’t. Just being with Nick was enough. “No, I’ll have something when I get home.” He would, too. After this afternoon, he could eat. “I’d love a cup of tea, though.”

“You’re such an old man.” Nick laughed as he left the room.

“Hey!” Charlie lay on Nick’s bed and snuggled Nellie.

When the door opened, he looked up, smiling. But it wasn’t Nick. It was some really tall guy. David, Charlie imagined. He froze.

Nellie growled as David moved toward the bed. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“What was your name, sorry?”

“I’m … Charlie. And you’re?”

“You’re Charlie.” David nodded as though that meant something to him. “Right. Um, I’m David. Sorry. So, I’m … I’m Nick’s older brother.”

“Yeah.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“And where did you two meet?” David asked.

“We’re in the same form at school.” Much to his relief, Charlie saw Nick appearing behind David with the mugs of tea.

“David,” Nick said.

“There he is.” David jumped a little when Nick came up behind him, as though he wasn’t supposed to be in here. “Um … I was just getting acquainted with, um, with Charlie here.”

“Yeah, well, uh, we’re busy, so you can go away now.” Nick set down the tea and looked at Charlie, saying softly, "You okay?"

"Yeah."

David flung his hands up in the air and started to leave, but he stopped in the doorway. “I just … I just wanted to meet the guy that, you know, turned my little brother gay.”

Charlie’s eyes widened. He hadn’t known David knew.

Nick turned round to face his brother. “What?”

“I mean, I should’ve always known you’d turn out to be gay, really.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Nick said, “I’m bi, actually. And so what?”

“’I’m bi, actually,’” David repeated mockingly. “So … look, if you’re going to be gay, at least admit you’re gay.”

“See, this is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you!” Nick shouted, practically chasing David out of the room.

“Too late now!”

“Oh, this is ridiculous.”

Charlie sat there on Nick’s bed, in Nick’s room, one of the safest places in his world, and wished he hadn’t come over today. Nick had warned him, but he’d had no idea that a sibling could treat you like that.

Downstairs, the two of them shouted at each other. Actually, Nick shouted. David seemed to be in full control of his temper, almost like he was baiting Nick. Charlie had never heard his boyfriend this angry.

Then Sarah’s voice joined in. Nick accused her of telling David about him and Charlie, and Sarah denied it. Then David explained that he had been snooping in Nick’s room and had seen their pictures. Charlie looked up at the pictures, thinking of that day on the beach, just the two of them, the best day ever. He wished he was back there again.

But he couldn’t hide in here forever. He should be where Nick was, backing Nick up, being supportive. That was what he had promised himself that he would do.

He joined Nick on the stairs. David was dragging their father into it. Charlie had never heard Nick mention his father. He’d wondered, in fact, if Nick’s father had died, the way Tao’s had, when he was young. Apparently not.

Sarah called David into the kitchen, and Charlie and Nick were left alone, listening to Nick’s mother and brother argue.

“Should I go home?” Charlie asked, wishing he knew what to do, wishing he knew how to make this better for Nick. He hated to see his boyfriend so distressed.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

Nick walked him to the door. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I’ll text you later, okay?”

Charlie hated to leave him. They could still hear the argument from the kitchen. “Yeah. It’s fine.”

But it wasn’t fine. And for the first time in a long while, there were no hugs or kisses good-bye. Just Nick saying “sorry” again and closing the door, and Charlie walking home alone.

Only that wasn’t the end of it, because when he got home his mum was waiting for him. “Charlie? Where have you been?” He couldn’t answer, but he didn’t have to. “Nick’s, I assume. I thought we’d agreed that you were going to spend some time apart until you’d finished your coursework.”

Agreed? She had laid down the law without even the courtesy of asking him. But there was no arguing with her. “He was worried about his exams,” he explained. “I just wanted—”

She cut him off like nothing he had to say mattered. “Yeah, I don’t want to hear it. You’re grounded for the rest of this term. And don’t even think about sneaking out, or you won’t be going on the Paris trip.”

Charlie left the kitchen without another word.

His dad followed him. “Charlie. Do you want some dinner?”

Definitely not. “No. I ate at Nick’s.”

After a lifetime with his mum, he knew there was no point in being angry with her. She didn’t care. So he was angry at himself, instead, for not being smarter about sneaking out. And for not standing up for Nick with David.

Chapter Text

Charlie went upstairs and texted Nick. “you ok?”

“Yeah. You?”

“no. my parents caught me and now i’m grounded completely til end of term”

“Oh, no! Charlie I’m so sorry”

Charlie smiled a little at that. “you didn’t do anything” “i’m the one who snuck out”

“I hate maths so much I can’t wait to drop it haha” “I’m so sad you’re grounded” “Wish I could see you”

Charlie sent back a sad face emoji. “why is being out so complicated” Then, a few minutes later: “are you awake?”

Nick's next text came in after Charlie had assumed he'd gone to sleep. “HEY sorry about today, I should have told him sooner tbh”

“i’m sorry, this is all my fault for coming over” He should have just left well enough alone. And he should have helped. “i should have stood up for you against your brother”

The chat went silent, and Charlie’s heart fell. Nick knew. Nick knew it was all his fault, and he was too nice to say so.

Then a voice text came through. Nick’s voice. Was he angry? He must be angry, if he had to say it instead of type it.

Heart pounding, Charlie pressed “play”.

“Charlie, this is not your fault. I don’t care what David thinks anyway. I mean, it was never going to go perfectly with everyone. Coming out to my mum was amazing, but there are still awful people in the world, like my brother, and … like, you know, when you came out.”

For the first time in a long time, Charlie could hear those mocking voices in his walls, surrounding him. He pulled the phone closer and let Nick’s voice fill his ears instead.

“But I can handle it,” Nick said. “I promise.”

Charlie tapped out three quick hearts and sent them back. What an amazing person his boyfriend was. Charlie wished he could hug him right now, that they two could just run away together somewhere and just … be.

The next day, Charlie went the whole day without so much as glimpsing Nick in the corridor. They texted, but it wasn’t the same.

After school, Charlie went with Isaac to the store. They hadn’t talked much—Isaac usually didn’t—but as usual, his silent presence was comforting.

While they were there, Tao came charging in. He’d been strange all day. And his first words made it clear why. “I like Elle. Okay?” He looked terrified by the very idea.

Charlie and Isaac just stared at him.

Tao remembered to breathe, with an effort. “I said it. And don’t laugh! I bet you’ve all been laughing behind my back because I’ve been so oblivious. Honestly … Elle can do better, and she probably doesn’t even like me back, and this is probably going to destroy our friendship, it’s going to destroy our friendship group, and it's going to leave me devastated for years to come.”

Isaac and Charlie exchanged a glance. Typical Tao—ten steps ahead, inventing problems for himself.

“So, this is a really selfish and stupid thing to do,” Tao continued, “but … I’m going to tell her. Help me!”

Charlie smiled. This was the first good thing that had happened in a long while. “You sure? Be sure.”

“Oh, I am. I know it took me forever, but I really am sure.”

Isaac chuckled, shaking his head and lifting his book.

“What kind of help do you need?”

“I don’t know. Maybe … how can I be good enough for her? How do I ask her out? Do I just tell her I like her? I can’t believe I’m asking you this, but how did you and Nick figure it out?”

Charlie couldn’t help thinking of that night at Harry’s party, and that first amazing kiss, and then the second amazing kisses in his room the next day, and his smile widened. “I don’t know, I guess we just … kept wanting to be near each other.” It felt weird, being the guy other people came to for relationship advice. “I think you just have to tell her, Tao. Just—be honest about how you feel.”

“Honest. Right. I can do that.” He looked down at Charlie in a panic. “Can I do that?”

“Yes. We’ll work on it.”

The three of them left the store and walked home together, Tao slowly going mad, Charlie trying to give him good advice, and Isaac occasionally interjecting profound wisdom the way he did.

At home, Charlie texted Nick: “tao likes elle”

“Well … yeah”

“no, he said so” “he’s going to tell her” “he asked me for relationship advice”

Nick sent back a laughing emoji. “Well, we are relationship goals”

“sickeningly cute”

“That’s us”

“except we can’t see each other” Charlie sighed and sent a sad face.

“Soon” “How is your coursework coming?” “Need any help?”

“fine” “no” “thank you”

It was a lie; he’d barely touched the coursework. He’d do some now, see how much he could get through tonight.

“What did you tell Tao?” Nick asked.

“be honest” Ironic, that, Charlie thought. “remember our first kiss?”

“Always” Followed by a string of hearts.

Charlie smiled. He hoped Tao and Elle could be as happy together as he and Nick were.

“Got to get back to my revisions”

“have to do my coursework”

“Text me good-night later?”

“always” Followed by a string of hearts.

At school, Charlie and Isaac sat with Tao to work out his date plans. Tao shot down the restaurant idea as too boring; Charlie shot down the theme park because Tao hated roller coasters.

“Ooh!” Isaac said. “What if you go to a bookshop and, like, choose a book for each other and have a cute little reading date?”

Shot down, because that was Isaac’s dream date, not Elle’s. “Charlie, what do you and Nick do for dates?”

Not much, since they couldn’t see each other. “I mean, we went to the beach.”

“Ugh.” Tao rolled his eyes. “Basic.” After Charlie explained that he and Nick were basically living two separate lives at the momeht, Tao sighed. “Oh, my God, you’re all useless.”

“Tao, you’re really overthinking this,” Isaac said.

“I’m not! If this date doesn’t work out, then I lose my best friend in the whole world.”

Isaac and Charlie looked at him and smiled, and they went back to the drawing board.

Chapter Text

If someone had told Charlie six months ago that rugby practise would come to be the highlight of his day, he’d have laughed in their face. But it was, now that it was the only place he got to see Nick. Except that now the season was over and there wouldn’t be any more afternoons on the pitch together.

Charlie picked up the rugby balls while Nick and some of the boys collected the cones. Nick came into the locker room while Charlie was putting the balls away, looking downcast. “Still couldn’t come out to any of them.”

He’d spoken to them, at least, which to Charlie felt like a big step forward. “Nick, it’s fine. There’s no deadline.”

“I know, but it’s just annoying when people think we’re, like …”

Charlie pressed a fist against Nick’s bicep. “Best bros?”

They laughed. “I’m going to tell some of the rugby guys, at least. After exams. If I don’t come out at school soon, we’re probably going to get found out anyway.”

“Because you keep wanting to kiss at school.”

“Uh, I think you’re also to blame for that.”

“Don’t know what you mean,” Charlie said, moving past him. “I have never initiated a kiss at school.”

“Oh, really?” Nick reached for his hand. “So, what about the changing room?”

“That didn’t count.”

“Or the English room?”

“You kissed me first.” Nick was very close now, still holding his hand, which was making it very hard to breathe.

“Or what about the—”

Charlie kissed him. He couldn’t help it. Flirty Nick was his favourite Nick. “Fine. You win.”

Nick laughed, taking Charlie’s face in his hands, and then they were kissing good and proper. There had been so little time for this recently, Charlie had nearly forgotten how nice it felt.

Then they heard Coach Singh’s voice at the door. “Boys, I need—”

They stopped kissing and stared at her. She looked away, then back at them, then left the room.

“I’ll … I’ll talk to her,” Nick said.

“Okay. You want me to come with you?”

“No.” Nick grinned at him. “This is your fault, by the way.”

“Mine? I seem to remember you being there, too.”

“You started it.”

“Yes, and you were complaining so hard. I could tell, you were just about to stop kissing me to say we shouldn’t do that.”

Laughing, Nick ruffled his hair. “You were right. Kissing at school was a bad idea.”

“Well, you were right, too. It was fun.”

Charlie was doodling idly in form the next morning, keenly aware of the empty seat next to him, and that Nick was meeting with Coach Singh and likely getting scolded for their behaviour, when Mr. Lange came to him.

“Charlie, still waiting on your coursework essay.”

He kept trying to write it, he did. But he wasn’t interested in it, and after everything, it felt like something he was being forced to do against his will, which made it hard to focus on it. “It’s nearly done,” he lied.

He got the impression Mr. Lange could tell he was lying, but all he said was, “You have until the end of the day.”

At lunch, he met Nick in the library, which had become their habit while Charlie tried to finish his work and Nick studied for his GCSEs. “How did it go?”

“Fine. She said rugby was where she met her wife.”

“Did she? Huh.”

Nick nodded. “And she said I don’t owe it to anyone to tell them about me. Oh, and to keep the kissing outside of practise.”

“Coach Singh is very smart.”

“Apparently.” Nick had been laying out his books and papers. “You really think you can help me with this?”

“I really think I can help you with this.”

“Okay, then.”

They put their heads together and started going over Nick’s notes. It would have gone better if he hadn’t been absolutely certain he couldn’t do it, but bit by bit they got through the revision. Nick groaned and laid his head on Charlie’s shoulder. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“It’s your last exam. You’re nearly done.”

“No!” Nick closed his eyes, refusing to be cheered up.

But Charlie kept trying. “Then it’s basically the Paris trip, and we get to spend every day together for the whole thing.”

“Okay, that does sound pretty good,” Nick admitted, sitting up.

“See? Let’s go over ionic compounds.”

“You’ve spent so much time helping me. What about your history coursework? I haven’t helped you with that at all.”

“It’s fine. It’s done.” It was almost done. Sort of. It was only a little lie, and it was for Nick’s own good. He couldn’t be worrying about Charlie while he took his exam.

“You are amazing.”

“Sh! Ionic compounds,” Charlie whispered.

When lunch was over, Nick went to his last exam, and Charlie got excused from his music class to finish the coursework essay. He thought about Nick, forcing himself through test after test, hating it. The least Charlie could do was finish one little essay.

Which was easier said than done when the words simply wouldn’t flow. He used to be good at this. He used to toss off essays in half an hour. How had he done that? He’d just … started typing.

So that’s what he did. He started typing. Once he got started, he got into the rhythm, and before he knew it, he was finished, dropping the printed-out essay onto Mr. Lange’s desk.

“And with five minutes to spare.”

Charlie smiled. In five minutes, Nick’s exam would be over, and the term would be over, and then … summer. Together.

The Year 11s all came out together in one loud, cheering mass. Charlie hurried through them until he saw Nick, and they hugged, hard. “I’m free! I’m not grounded anymore!”

Before Nick could reply, Mr. Farouk’s voice cut through all the other noise. “Yo! Unless you’re staying for the meeting about the Paris trip, can you all go home now?”

Nick and Charlie looked at each other and grinned. The end of the term had had its dark days, but Paris was in front of them, and all that time together. They’d earned it.

Chapter Text

Charlie walked with Nick into the Paris trip meeting. “How was your exam?”

“It was good.”

“Good? An exam?”

Nick grinned at him. “Because you helped.”

Charlie started to reach for his hand before he remembered where they were and pulled his hand back. “I’m glad I could.”

Their group took over a round table. Darcy introduced them to a girl named Sahar, who seemed nice, if a bit quiet. The only one missing was Tao.

Isaac’s friend James invited him to the end-of-year party being held tonight by some of the rugby lads. Charlie wondered what was going on there. Maybe James and Isaac would be a thing? James’s coming out had been fairly quiet, maybe because everyone had gotten their vitriol out on Charlie.

Nick looked at him. “I could come out at the party to some of the rugby guys, so if it goes badly, we could just leave.”

Charlie smiled. Together again, going to a party with each other, Nick coming out … It was perfect.

He could just barely hear Mr. Ajayi over the din of everyone talking—but no one could miss Mr. Farouk. When he called for quiet, he got it immediately.

Mr. Ajayi called for them to get into groups of four, and Mr. Farouk added that boys and girls couldn’t share rooms. Charlie turned to Nick and they shared a secret smile. One benefit of dating a boy.

“Oh, dear. Oh, no!” Darcy said, and Tara giggled at her.

Their groups were obvious—Nick and Charlie and Isaac and Tao, and then Darcy and Tara and Elle and Sahar.

Except that Tao still wasn’t there. And by the time they had finished signing up in their room groups and getting their packets of information, Tao hadn’t shown.

When they left the meeting, all in a group together, he was there, outside. Nearly unrecognizable, with short cut hair, dark glasses, and a giant bouquet of roses.

Elle started toward him. “What … the … hell?”

“Hi.” Tao took off the glasses. “Um … These are for you.” He handed Elle the flowers. “For finishing your GCSEs.”

“What’s happening right now?” she asked him.

Charlie and Isaac exchanged glances. This was it. Finally. No more dancing around it.

And Tao just … went for it. Right in front of all of them. “Elle … I like you. Romantically. And I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date. Tonight.”

“You … like me?” Elle repeated.

“Um … yeah. I guess I was sort of hoping … I’ve been sort of wondering … if you liked me back.”

“Uh, duh!” Darcy called out, and was immediately shushed by Tara and Sahar and Nick.

Elle was still hesitating. “Well … Yeah.”

Tao’s whole face lit up. “So … tonight? I thought maybe we could go to the cinema.”

The rest of them couldn’t wait any longer. With squeals and shouts of “oh, my God!” they rushed the two of them and hugged them.

Nick and Charlie went back to Nick’s so he could change, then to Charlie’s so he could. With lots of kissing in both their rooms. It had been such a long time since they’d had time alone together, Charlie wished they didn’t have to go to the party, and they could just stay home, just the two of them.

To his surprise, Tori was going to the party as well. The three of them went with Isaac and Tara, walking into the woods where a huge bonfire had been set up.

“This definitely isn’t legal, is it?” Isaac asked.

“Nope.”

Tara took off to go find Darcy; Isaac was collared by James and they went off together, leaving the three of them.

Tori looked up at Nick. “Look after him, or you die.”

“Tori!” Charlie protested. He was perfectly capable of looking after himself.

Nick looked a bit flummoxed. “Okay.”

Tori left them. Charlie was still laughing a little bit—he loved his sister, but she could be so overprotective—until he realised Nick wasn’t laughing at all. “What’s up?”

“I’m fine. Just … um … Headache.”

“We can leave if you want.” Charlie would have been totally okay with it if they did.

“I’m fine,” Nick repeated. “I promise.”

Charlie looked around at all the people, already screaming and shouting, and tried to work up the enthusiasm needed to enjoy the event. These were Nick’s people, after all, his friends, many of them, and so they should be Charlie’s as well.

Nick reached for his hand. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

They ended up in a quiet clearing, lying down on the ground together, just looking up at the trees. “So peaceful,” Charlie said.

“Yeah.”

Near them, Tara and Sahar were on a blanket while Tara called Darcy.

“How do you think the date’s going?”

“Well, I hope,” Nick said. “They’d make a good couple.”

“Yeah, they would. Tao’s just afraid to ruin the friendship.”

“I know how he feels.” Nick reached for Charlie’s hand again. “After I ran away at Harry’s party, I was afraid you’d never want to speak to me again.”

“Me, too.”

“I’m glad that didn’t ruin our friendship.”

Charlie turned to look at him, feeling so lucky that Nick was his friend as well as his boyfriend.

Nick had his phone out and was taking a selfie before Charlie realised what he was doing.

“Will you stop that?”

“No. This is my duty as boyfriend.”

“Stop it!”

“I’m taking adorable pictures.”

Charlie pulled the phone out of his hand. “Well, no.”

“Okay, I will tickle you.” And Nick proceeded to do so, while Charlie giggled and protested and finally gave up the phone. They lay there smiling at each other.

It was such a nice moment, and they were so happy, Charlie didn’t want to see Nick stressed out again, not after all the long weeks of exams. He sat up. “Are you sure you want to come out to the rugby boys tonight? If you’re not feeling well—”

“I’m fine,” Nick insisted. “I can do this.”

Charlie leaned toward him. “Just think about us being out as a couple in Paris. Holding hands in the Louvre, kissing in front of the Mona Lisa.”

Nick smiled at him. “Yeah.”

Well, if he was going to do this, no time like the present. Charlie wanted to be out, he had to admit it, and more than that, he wanted Nick to stop having to worry about coming out, and the quickest way to do that was for Nick to get it over with. He got to his feet and held out his hand. “Come on. Let’s go find them.”

Chapter Text

Since they’d been in the woods, the party had only grown louder and more boisterous. Charlie wished more than ever that they’d skipped it and just stayed home, the two of them. But this was where Nick wanted to be, and this was where he wanted to come out to his friends, so Charlie was going to help him make that happen.

They made their way into the screaming mass of people. Someone Charlie didn’t know slung an arm round his shoulders and dragged him off into a group of people who were dancing. Charlie couldn’t even recognise the song. All he heard was the drumbeat.

He stood on his tiptoes, looking over everyone’s shoulder, calling for Nick, but he couldn’t see him anywhere. His heart was pounding. He never liked large groups like this, and it felt … uncontrolled. Like anything could happen.

Over the crowd, over the music, he could hear Harry Greene’s voice calling for quiet. Charlie never thought he’d be grateful to Harry, but it seemed that here they were.

But the lull didn’t last long. All around him, kids were chanting “Fire! Fire! Fire!” as the bonfire was lit.

Darkness fell as Charlie made his way through the crowd, occasionally being stopped by someone who wanted to shout something unintelligible at him about the end of the school year. He smiled vaguely at these people, and kept looking for Nick, who seemed to have disappeared completely.

At last, he found the next best thing: Tao. Who was standing in the woods looking lost.

“How’d it go?” Charlie asked. From Tao’s face and body language, he was guessing not well, but he hoped maybe something else was causing his friend to look mopey. Tao and Elle deserved to be happy together.

Tao shook his head. “Bad. I’m fundamentally unlikeable.”

“Don’t say that, Tao.”

“I try too hard and I talk too much.” Tao looked like he was fighting tears. “I ruin everything!”

“Tao, please don’t say that.” Charlie hugged him. Hard. Tao was a lovely person, and he deserved to be cared for by someone who liked him for who he was. If that wasn’t Elle … well, Charlie would have to talk to Elle to be sure it wasn’t. But if it wasn’t her, there would be someone else who saw the giant heart that Tao tried so hard to hide.

Still clinging to Charlie, Tao said, “I’m going to go home.” He let go, and with a last look that revealed the shine of tears in his eyes, he walked off into the forest.

Charlie turned around to face the bonfire. He’d had such hopes for his friends, and apparently it wasn’t going to work out for them. And he’d had such hopes for him and Nick, and now all it seemed was stress: parents and school keeping them apart, Nick so worried about coming out and so inexplicably unable to. Charlie wanted to understand. He knew it was hard. But Nick was so happy when they were together—why wasn’t that enough to make him want everyone to know about them?

But it didn’t matter. All Charlie wanted was to be with Nick. And if that meant they kept their relationship a secret from all but their best friends, that’s what it meant. He pushed back into the crowd, determined that this time he would find Nick.

And he did. In a knot of rugby boys, with Harry Greene’s arm looped around his neck. Nick looked … lost. Bewildered. Charlie immediately felt something was wrong. He pulled Harry off Nick and shoved him away. “Nick doesn’t want to talk to you, Harry. Piss off.”

Harry laughed. “Oi, what’s his problem?” But he also pissed off, as requested. He joined Ben and Imogen, and Ben looked at Charlie and deliberately kissed Imogen’s temple.

Charlie turned back to Nick, who was looking increasingly distressed. “Are you okay?”

Nick started to say something, stopped, then said, “I feel really ill.”

“I’m taking you home.” He tugged Nick out of the noisy mob of people and into the cool darkness of the woods. Nick clung to his hand and followed him. “Do you want to walk, or should we have your mum pick us up?”

Nick frowned, blinking. “Walk, I think. It’ll clear my head.”

“Okay.” Charlie held on to his boyfriend’s hand. “I saw Tao.”

There was a pause. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. The date didn’t go well.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Yeah.” Charlie didn’t try to talk again until they were at Nick’s house.

His mum came from the living room when they got in. “How was the party?” Her face dropped in concern. “Nicky, you all right?”

“He said he felt ill.”

“All right. Let me take him.”

Nick allowed his mum to take his hand instead and lead him up the stairs. Charlie called up after them, “I’m going to take Nellie for a walk.”

“Thank you, love,” Sarah called back.

When Charlie came back into the house with Nellie, Sarah was still upstairs. So Charlie went into the ktichen and started making tea. He had missed being here so much. Nick’s house was always peaceful and welcoming, neat without being uncomfortably so. And it always smelled good. It felt … well, it felt like home.

Sarah came in, and Charlie turned and handed her the tea he’d made for her. “Oh, you’re a star.”

“Is he okay?” He’d been more worried than he cared to admit to himself. Nick was never ill.

“Oh, he’ll be fine,” Sarah said, looking completely unbothered. “Just a bit of sunstroke, probably. I did tell him to put a hat on when he took Nellie out today.”

“D’you mind if I stay for a bit? Just to make sure he’s okay.”

She smiled. “Of course, darling. Not past your curfew; I don’t want to get you in trouble with your parents.” As Charlie turned around with the mugs in his hands, she added, “Nick’s so lucky to have you, Charlie.”

Her words warmed him as much as the jumper—Nick’s, of course—he was wearing. It was so nice to be somewhere that he was appreciated and wanted, and that their relationship was supported. He hoped Sarah knew what a lovely person she was.

Chapter Text

Charlie tapped lightly on the door to Nick’s room, which had been pulled to but not closed entirely. He pushed it open, coming round the door with his two mugs of tea.

Nick was lying in bed, his eyes closed, apparently asleep, and seeming much better than he’d looked when he got home. Charlie smiled, bringing the tea mugs to the bedside table and putting them down as quietly as possible.

He climbed onto the bed, slowly and carefully, trying not to wake his boyfriend, then reached over and started stroking his hair.

“Mm.” Nick smiled a little, his eyes still closed.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Nick said back.

Charlie glanced over his shoulder at the still steaming mugs. “I made you tea.”

Nick smiled again. He moved so that his head was resting on Charlie’s stomach, his arm thrown round Charlie’s waist. “Char,” he said softly.

The nickname made him melt, the way it always did. “Yeah?”

“You told Harry to piss off.” He chuckled. “I enjoyed that.”

“So did I.”

Nick laughed again.

“I’d do it again.”

Lifting his head, Nick looked at Charlie, still smiling. “Yeah?”

“I’d fight them.”

Nick was still laughing, but Charlie meant every word. He understood now why Nick had charged back into the cinema to fight Harry that day. He’d do that for Nick, if anyone hurt him.

“You’d fight?” Nick asked.

“I’d fight anyone who’s mean to you.”

Nick closed his eyes and dropped his head back onto Charlie’s stomach. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“I said I’d tell them, but … I couldn’t.”

“Nick.” Charlie sat up, then settled back in with his head on the pillow next to Nick’s. “You have nothing to apologise for. Tonight just wasn’t the night.”

“I promised.”

“What do you mean?”

“When we went to the beach. I told you I was going to come out, but … I’ve just been finding it so hard.” He was getting that distressed look again, the one he’d worn before his exams. The one he’d been wearing all night.

“You didn’t promise anything,” Charlie said. He thought for a moment, wanting to say this the right way, so Nick would stop putting so much pressure on himself. “I think there’s this idea that when you’re not straight, you have to tell all your friends and family immediately. Like you owe it to them. But you don’t.” Charlie reached out and pulled Nick back to snuggle again.

He wanted to be supportive. He really did. He wanted Nick’s coming out to be perfect, he wanted to spare Nick everything he’d been through.

Taking a deep breath, he said, “Maybe we should forget the coming-out plan for a while.” After all, all their friends knew. Their parents knew. It wasn’t a secret anymore. That should be enough, shouldn’t it?

Nick shifted, looking up into Charlie’s face. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He smiled as supportively as he could manage. “Let’s just stay low-key in Paris, and then it’ll be the summer holidays, and we can just be us.”

“That does sound nice.”

It did. Charlie found it hard to believe that they had only been them for a few months. That at the beginning of term, he hadn’t even known who Nick Nelson was, not really, and now here they were, together, and that was all either of them really wanted. He smiled. “Yeah.”

Nick put his head back down, snuggling in.

Charlie stroked his back lightly.

“You’re sure you’re okay with it?” Nick murmured.

It took a moment. Charlie had had such dreams of what it would be like to be completely out and open. But he said, “Yeah,” because he wanted what would make Nick happy more than anything else. “Just … Obviously I want you to come out when and how you want to. And if that takes a long time, that’s completely okay. But … I guess … part of me just wants everyone to know you’re my boyfriend.”

He smiled, waiting for Nick’s response, but there was none. Craning his neck to look into Nick’s face, Charlie could see that he’d fallen asleep.

Charlie lay there a little longer, just holding Nick and listening to him breathe. But eventually he was sure his curfew was coming up—and if he stayed here, he’d fall asleep, too, and then he’d really be in trouble.

Gently, he worked his way out from under Nick, who stirred and reached for him. Charlie leaned over, stroking his hair back off his face. “Get some sleep. I’ll text you in the morning.”

“Mm.” Nick burrowed his head under the pillows and was asleep again in moments.

Charlie picked up the mugs of tea, since Nick’s would be cold and nasty by the time he woke up, and sipped at his a little bit on the way down the stairs.

He rinsed out the mugs in the kitchen and stopped by the living room, where Sarah was curled up on the couch with Nellie and a book. Nellie lifted her head and whined sleepily at Charlie, and he went over to scratch her ears.

“He asleep?” Sarah asked.

“Yeah.”

“He’ll be all right in the morning. You coming back tomorrow?”

“Maybe.” He hoped so.

“Not grounded any longer, then.”

Charlie smiled. “No.”

“Well, thank goodness for that. We’ve missed you round here.”

“I’ve missed being here,” he admitted shyly.

He let himself out of the house and walked back home, tucking his hands into the pocket at the front of Nick’s jumper. He loved wearing Nick’s clothes—it was like constantly being hugged by him. He loved being with Nick, and everything about their relationship … except that Nick couldn’t come out. He didn’t want to be bothered by that—it felt unfair to Nick, like he was holding him to a standard he couldn’t be expected to live up to yet. But some part of him, the dark part that said things to him that weren’t true, secretly wondered if Nick couldn’t tell people because, deep down, he didn’t want anyone to know.

Charlie squashed that thought the moment he had it … but it had been there.

Chapter Text

This was it! Finally the Paris trip. Four whole days together. Not out, not the way Charlie had dreamed of it being, but still—together. Sharing a room, maybe sleeping in the same bed, spending all their time together.

Charlie could hardly wait.

Nick was already at the bus when Charlie arrived, his face lighting up when he saw him. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Can I help you with that?” Nick leaned down to grab Charlie’s suitcase.

“Oh, thank you.”

As Nick stowed the suitcase in the bottom of the bus, he asked, “So … you sure about keeping it low-key?”

Charlie was not sure. But he didn’t want to tell Nick that. He’d been under enough pressure recently; he didn’t need more from his boyfriend. “Yeah. We probably shouldn’t sit next to each other on the coach.” Nick looked surprised by that, and unhappy, so Charlie added brightly, “It could be fun, being a secret again.”

“Yeah.” Nick smiled.

“But,” Charlie added archly, wanting the forced smile to become a real one, “I bet you can’t last two days without kissing me.”

That got it. Not a full smile, but the flirty look, which was just as good. “Is that a challenge I hear?”

“Maybe.”

On the bus, they exchanged looks—Charlie would have really liked to sit next to Nick and hold his hand the whole way—and then Charlie went to sit next to Isaac and Nick sat down next to Tao.

“What are you reading?” Charlie asked.

Isaac looked up from his book. “Les Miserables. Victor Hugo.” He tilted his chin toward Nick. “Everything okay?”

“Just … keeping it low-key.”

“Huh.” Isaac looked at Charlie, who had the feeling that Isaac understood all the things he wasn’t saying, then went back to his book again.

Ben came by, following Imogen, who was talking rapidly. Ben didn’t seem to be paying attention to her. He paused next to Charlie, almost like he was going to say something, but then kept going.

Charlie felt a cold chill. Would he never be done being reminded about Ben and what that had been like? Nick was nothing like that. Yes, he couldn’t seem to come out to the world in general, but they had friends together, friends who knew about them. Their families knew. It wasn’t the same thing. Not at all.

Once the bus was full, Mr. Ajayi tried to call for quiet, and Mr. Farouk actually got it. Charlie wondered if this was going to be the whole Paris trip, Mr. Ajayi trying to be nice and Mr. Farouk yelling.

“Is everyone ready to leave for Paris?” Mr. Ajayi asked.

The bus erupted in cheers and applause and they all started chanting “Paris”. Apparently they were ready.

The two teachers exchanged a look, and they took their seats as the bus pulled away.

Charlie kept looking at Nick; Nick kept looking back at Charlie. Isaac read his book. It was a big thick one. Charlie wondered how many he had brought, and how many he would finish over the course of the four days.

They’d been on the road for a while when Isaac looked over his book and suddenly said, “Can I ask you, like, a really weird question?”

“Yeah.”

“Before you and Nick got together, how did you know that … you liked him in that way?”

That was a bit of a weird question, especially coming from Isaac. But he wouldn’t have asked if he hadn’t had a reason, so Charlie tried to think about what it had been that made him sure it was a crush. “Uh …” Nick had been beautiful, and Charlie had liked looking at him, but it had been more than that. The way it felt when they were together. The way Charlie had wanted to kiss him all the time. “I just … always wanted to be around him. But also, anytime he was there, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. And I literally could not stop thinking about kissing him.”

Isaac went back to his book without saying anything else.

Charlie wanted to ask, but Isaac had always been such a private person. He didn’t want to pry. And now he kind of wanted to sit here and remember what it had been like to want to be with Nick, and think about how amazing it was that now he actually was with him. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

As they pulled into Paris, Mr. Ajayi turned round in his seat. “Okay, we’re about half an hour away now, everyone.”

They all cheered. Charlie opened his eyes—maybe he’d been asleep for some of the time—and looked at Nick, who was looking over his shoulder at him and smiling.

The bus made its way through the Paris traffic, and Charlie and Isaac pointed out the sights to each other and laughed. Even without Nick, this would still have been a great trip, Charlie thought, here with his friends.

They all filed off the bus. Charlie didn’t even need to wade through the group to get his bag, because there was Nick, with both their suitcases. “Thanks.”

“My pleasure.” Nick grinned at him.

In the lobby, Mr. Ajayi and Mr. Farouk handed out key cards, giving their room number if anyone needed them.

“But hopefully, you won’t,” Mr. Farouk added, in the tone of a man who did not like to have his sleep disturbed.

Tao stopped Elle as she was on her way up the stairs to ask if she needed a hand with her suitcase, and she shut him down hard. Neither of them had talked to Charlie about their date, but it was pretty clear it had been a disaster, and all of Tao’s fears about losing his best friend and messing up their friend group were coming true. Charlie hoped between them all they could at least get Tao and Elle talking again by the end of the trip.

He and Tao and Nick and Isaac found their room and dragged their things inside. Two beds, Charlie thought. One for Tao and Isaac, one for him and Nick. “Oh, nice,” he said. “We have to share beds.”

But before he could call one out, Isaac said, “Well, I want the window bed.”

“I want the other bed,” Tao added. “I hate being woken up by the sun.”

Both of them flopped down on their chosen beds. Charlie and Nick exchanged glances. “I … guess I’ll share with Tao, and you can share with Isaac,” Charlie said softly, wishing they had made their arrangements before they got into the room.

“Uh … yeah.” Nick headed for the bathroom as Charlie sat down on the bed next to Tao.

“I thought you’d find it awkward sharing with Nick,” Tao said to him.

Awkward wasn’t the word Charlie would have used. Maybe Tao would have found it awkward if the two of them had been sharing.

Then Tao added, “Just standing next to Elle makes me feel like I’m being electrocuted.” He shivered.

Charlie smiled. He could have told Tao that you get used to that feeling, and even get to like it, but since Elle wasn’t speaking to Tao, that didn’t seem like useful advice.

Chapter Text

They all ate dinner together in the hotel, although Charlie noticed he wasn’t the only one with little appetite. It had been a long day on the bus. Then they retired to their rooms. No parties tonight. Mr. Farouk was looking especially forbidding—and had promised to patrol the hallways—and everyone wanted to be up early for tomorrow’s adventure. Their first full day in Paris!

Nick and Charlie both got in bed next to Isaac and Tao. The others seemed to fall asleep almost immediately, but both of them lay awake.

At last, glancing at Tao to make sure he was really asleep, Charlie rolled over to look at Nick, who turned his head on his pillow to look at Charlie. He reached out his hand and Charlie put his in it. The first time they had really touched each other all day.

Slowly their thumbs stroked the backs of each other’s fingers, and to that comforting feeling, Charlie fell asleep.

They woke in the morning in the same position, although their hands were no longer touching. Charlie had a vague memory of pulling his back when he got cold in the middle of the night. Tao and Isaac were already up and gone.

Nick and Charlie smiled at one another. “I suppose we should hurry or we’ll miss breakfast,” Nick said.

Charlie wouldn’t have minded, but if neither of them showed, people might talk, and he didn’t want the stress of being outed to ruin the trip, especially not the first day. “You can use the bathroom first,” he said.

“Yeah. Okay.” Nick cleared his throat, then tossed the covers off and went into the bathroom. Charlie got dressed while he was in there, then took his turn while Nick got dressed, taking his time over his hair. He turned round to see Nick laughing affectionately at him.

Crossing the room, he sat down next to his boyfriend. “I wanted to share a bed with you.”

“Same.” Nick looked down at his hands. “I’m sure we’ll get to do it one day.”

Charlie laughed, then wondered if Nick had meant it the way it sounded.

Clearly not, because Nick blushed and stammered. “Uh … I didn’t mean … I didn’t mean to … do it. I was just talking about, you know, sharing a bed, that’s all. So, um … Ah, that came out all wrong.”

It was adorable that his confident boyfriend got all flustered talking about this. “I know what you meant,” Charlie assured him.

“Okay.” They looked at each other. Charlie didn’t know about Nick, but he really wished they were kissing right now.

“I can’t wait.”

“Yeah.”

And then he couldn’t wait for the kiss, either. He cupped the back of Nick’s neck and moved in for the kiss—just as the door flew open and Darcy’s voice called out his name. “You two coming or—” She broke off as they turned to stare at her. “Oh. You’re being gay. Good job.” She gave them a thumbs up. “Carry on.” She shut the door behind her and they could hear her giggling with Tara down the hall.

They were alone again, but the moment was broken.

“Will we ever get to kiss without people walking in on us?”

“Well, at least I’ve not lost this challenge yet,” Nick pointed out.

Charlie wished he had never set such a ridiculous challenge. Who wanted to go two days without kissing? Certainly not him. But if it was going to be a challenge, and someone was going to win, it might as well be him. “Oh, you’re gonna lose,” he said, getting to his feet.

“Really?”

“Just you wait.”

“Really?” Nick repeated, laughing.

They were in time for Nick to grab a quick croissant before they all headed out. Charlie skipped breakfast. He didn’t need it, anyway.

The whole group left the hotel together, gathering round Mr. Ajayi and Mr. Farouk. “Okay, gang. Today, you get to explore Montmartre. There are lots of shops and places to visit, like the Sacre Coeur Church, the Musee de Montmartre.”

“That’s ‘museum’ for everyone on this trip who doesn’t even take French,” Mr. Farouk added, glaring round at them. Everyone laughed. It was an open secret that you didn’t have to be a language student to go on the Paris trip.

They were told to stay in groups, to meet back by the coach at five, and not to get lost.

Their group moved off together, stopping on the street to discuss the plan. Most people wanted to explore, but Elle really wanted to go to the museum. “But Renoir painted there.”

“Yeah.” Tao frowned at all of them. “It’s a really important place in art history.”

“Why don’t you two go together then?” Sahar suggested. She managed not to smirk while she said it.

Charlie couldn’t quite keep the smile off his face as he added, “We can meet you in a couple of hours?”

Elle and Tao looked at each other tentatively. “Just us?” Tao asked.

“Sure.”

“Cool. We’ll see you … in a couple of hours?” They moved off.

“Have fun!” Isaac called after them, and everyone giggled and drew together. He leaned forward and whispered to Sahar, “You know exactly what you’re doing.”

“Mischief-maker,” Darcy added with approval. “I’ve influenced you.”

The rest of them went off exploring together, looking in the shops. Darcy bought a truly garish “I heart Paris” sweatshirt, and she and Tara teased each other, kissing openly, there on the street. Charlie wanted so much just to be happy to be here with Nick, but he wanted that, too, to be as flirty and natural together here with their friends as if they were alone.

Standing there next to Nick, he reached out his hand, meaning just to brush the back of Nick’s. He could feel the electricity crackling just from being near his boyfriend. But Nick hadn’t noticed anything, still looking at a postcard, so Charlie pulled his hand back without touching.

Chapter Text

The group of them passed an ice cream vendor, and immediately Darcy wanted some. She turned to Tara. “Get you one?”

“Yes, please?”

Nick glanced at Charlie. “You want some?”

“No, that’s all right. I don’t need anything.” Charlie and Tara went to sit on the steps. It had been a long morning of walking nearly constantly, and Charlie’s legs were tired. He took some pictures of Paris while they waited for the rest of the group.

“How are things with you and Nick?” Tara asked him.

“Really good.” They were. When it was just the two of them, they were so happy, just hanging out and doing nothing together. “Why? Does it look like we’re not okay?” Had he missed something? Had the coming out thing put so much strain on Nick that he’d been complaining about it to Tara?

“It looks like Nick is so in love with you. It’s a bit unbearable to watch sometimes.”

Charlie smiled. That was nice to hear. He wondered if other people could see that, too. He hesitated for a moment, wanting to talk to someone but not sure if he should. “I suppose I’m sort of … jealous of you and Darcy. You’re out, and you can hold hands and kiss and … I really want that.” Tara nodded, understanding. "But I don't want Nick to get bullied like I was."

Tara shrugged. "It takes time. It took ages for me to even feel comfortable calling myself a lesbian, and … and we were so scared of what people might say at school, so we didn’t tell anyone about us for months.” She smiled. “But eventually, we stopped caring about all those people. We just realised … me and her were all that mattered. You and Nick will get to that point. I know you will.” She hesitated, too, then said, “I’m jealous of you and Nick in some ways, too.”

“What? Why?”

“You both talk about your feelings. But Darcy just makes everything into a joke. It’s hard to get her to open up. I said ‘I love you’ to her last week, and … she didn’t say it back. I feel like … maybe she didn’t even want to.”

“I’m sure she does want to.” Anyone could see Darcy was head over heels for Tara. Except … maybe Tara couldn’t, because she couldn’t see the way Darcy looked at her. “And Paris is the perfect place to have that conversation,” Charlie added, looking around them. City of Love, after all.

Tara smiled, but before she could say anything else, Darcy ran up to sit by her. “Jonesy. They were out of mint choc chip, so I had to get us strawberry.”

Nick sat down on Charlie’s other side. As he did so, James and Isaac went past, farther down the steps, and Tara and Darcy moved to join them. Nick was carrying two chocolate ice creams, and he handed one to Charlie. “Oh. Uh … I’m still full from breakfast.”

“Charlie, you didn’t eat that much breakfast.”

“Yeah, I did.” One disadvantage of an attentive boyfriend—Nick noticed things like when Charlie didn’t eat very much.

They looked at one another, and then Nick held out the ice cream cone.

After a moment, Charlie decided it would be okay to take it. Nick had bought it for him, and here they were in Paris, sharing an ice cream. It would be a good memory. “Chocolate? Not bubblegum?”

“Well, you’re a good influence on me.”

He took a lick of the ice cream. It was very good, and he was a little hungry. “It’s not bad.”

Nick turned to him and laughed. “You’ve got some on your nose.” He used his thumb to wipe it off. “Let me get that. A little bit more. There we go.”

Charlie looked at his boyfriend and then out at Paris. It was worth remembering that only a few months ago, Nick had thought of himself as straight. And now here they were, boyfriends, in Paris, together. Nick had come a long way in a short period of time. Charlie owed it to him to let him take further steps on his own timeline, not on Charlie’s.

When Elle and Tao joined them later, Charlie was relieved to see that his two friends were friends with each other again. Whatever else might happen between them, that was the most important.

Elle went off with the girls. Charlie asked Tao how it went.

“Fine. We’re totally back to normal.”

“And?” Isaac asked.

“And that’s it.”

Before they could continue asking him questions, Imogen came up to them. “Hey, guys. Um … do you guys mind if I hang with you for a bit? Ben’s being so boring.”

Nick smiled at her. “Of course not.”

“Feel free,” Charlie added. “You been to the Sacre Coeur yet?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Let’s go together, then. Come on.”

“Yay! Thanks, guys.” She giggled nervously. “You guys are more fun.”

They walked across a bridge, Nick and Elle with Imogen and Charlie with Tao and Isaac and James. Tao started walking like a duck, for reasons known only to himself. While all of them kept asking him what he thought he was doing, he started twerking. This was one of the things Charlie prized so much about Tao—that he was who he was, and he didn’t care what anyone thought. The whole transformation, with the hair cut and the roses … that hadn’t been Tao. If that had been what he was like on their date, maybe that was the whole problem.

Well, Charlie wasn’t going to be able to fix his friends’ love life. He had enough on his hands with his own. Tao and Elle would find their way to one another eventually, he was sure of it.

Chapter Text

Tonight they were having a dinner in a fancy restaurant. Charlie had heroically chosen not to cling to Nick, not wanting to make it seem like they were joined at the hip or anything, so he ended up next to Ben, of all people, instead.

The menu options had been prechosen. Charlie had let Nick talk him into getting the beef bourgignon, which had sounded good at the time, when it was the two of them in Nick’s room, excited about their choices. Tonight, stuck next to Ben, it looked nauseating. At least he had Tao on his other side, so he wasn’t completely alone.

Tao had ordered the escargots—the only one at the table who had been brave enough, it seemed. They were placed in front of him, and everyone teased him about the way they looked. Who ever thought eating snails was a good idea?

He forked one up, staring at it as though he thought it might leap of the fork.

“No, don’t do it!” Darcy begged him. “Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it.”

The snail was absolutely dripping butter and garlic. Nick did a drumroll on the table, and Tao shoved the snail into his mouth, quickly, before he could think better of it. He chewed slowly, to Darcy’s open disgust and Nick’s enthusiastic encouragement, and swallowed hard. Then he followed it up with an entire glass of water, while the rest of them laughed.

As Charlie toyed with his food, Ben turned to him. “I haven’t spoken to you properly in ages. How was your first day in Paris?”

Charlie stared at his bowl, which no longer even looked like food.

Across the table from him, Imogen spoke up sharply. “Not interested in how my day was, then?”

“Why are you in a mood with me?”

“Because you’re supposed to be my boyfriend! But instead, you’ve got some sort of obsession with Charlie.”

Charlie froze. Was she about to out Nick? Or Ben? Did she even know about him and Ben?

The entire table had gone silent. Ben dropped his fork onto his plate and it clattered loudly in the stillness. "What are you trying to say?”

“I don’t know why you’re obsessed with Charlie! And, to be honest, I don’t even care.”

Across the table, Charlie met Nick’s eyes. He wished so much to be sitting next to him, holding his hand, feeling safe.

Imogen wasn’t finished. “All I know is, you’re a terrible boyfriend, and I deserve better!”

Yes, she did. Charlie was glad she was standing up for herself, although he really wished she’d picked a better time. Like, anytime when he wasn’t sitting next to Ben.

“I’m breaking up with you,” Imogen announced. “Your energy’s off! You’re not mature, and clearly you have some issues that you need to resolve before you’re ready to be in a relationship. And I’m not going to wait around for you! I think it’s time I focused on myself.” She sat back, taking a deep breath.

“If you don’t want to be with me anymore, that’s fine,” Ben said, calm and collected, “but you don’t have to be such a bitch about it.”

From the teachers’ table, Mr. Ajayi’s voice cut into the sudden buzz. “Benjamin. Language!”

Someone else said, “She’s got a point,” and Mr. Farouk called out, “Pipe down.”

Then, Harry Greene, of all people, said, “There’s no need to call her a bitch. What?” Who would have expected Harry to stand up for someone?

Ben looked directly across the table at Nick, and then back to Imogen. “Fine, then.” He got up and left the table.

As conversation started back up, the hum of juicy gossip being discussed, Imogen got up, too, and headed for the bathroom. Charlie and Nick looked at each other, and Nick tilted his head, indicating that he was going after her. Charlie went, too. He knew all too well what Ben could do to a person.

Charlie knocked on the bathroom door and then gently pulled it open. Imogen was staring into the mirror. She smiled a little when she saw them. “Oh. Hey.”

“Hey.”

Nick pulled the door closed behind them. “Just wanted to come and check you were okay.”

“I think I am.” Her voice was shaky, but she was holding it together. “I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have done that in front of everyone.”

Embarrassing as it had been to be dragged into the middle of it, Charlie realised how satisfying it had been to see Ben called out for what he was in front of everyone. “Well, I think it was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, so …”

“Agreed.”

Imogen laughed shakily. She was on the verge of tears, Charlie could tell. “Did you and Ben ever—”

He looked down. He didn’t want to say. He wanted to pretend it had never happened.

“It doesn’t matter,” Imogen said quickly. “He’s gone now. Ugh … everything would be so much easier if I was into girls.”

“Uh …”

Nick smiled. “I’m not so sure about that, but, um … I know what you mean.”

“Could I maybe have a hug?”

Nick reached out and pulled her in, resting his chin on the top of her head. And then he turned to Charlie and held out an arm for him, too. And the three of them hugged. Maybe Imogen didn’t know everything, maybe she had guessed some things. As she said, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that both of them were going to be okay. Ben didn’t have power over them any longer. And they had friends, and each other, and three more beautiful days in Paris.

Chapter Text

After dinner, they all went back to their rooms. Vague plans had been discussed during the day about spending time with other rooms, but everyone was so tired after the long day of walking and the big emotional dinner that they mostly all just wanted to collapse.

Charlie finished brushing his teeth, then picked up his phone and reflexively checked his Instagram, to see a picture pop up that instant on Nick’s account, of the two of them. He opened the door, grinning at his boyfriend. “Did you just post another photo of me on Instagram?”

“I might have.”

He couldn’t help but notice that they were alone in the room. And Nick was so beautiful, and he made Charlie so happy. He reached out and brushed back the fall of red hair from Nick’s forehead.

Nick put his hands on Charlie’s waist, smiling up at him.

“What?”

Then Nick wrapped his arms around Charlie and pressed his head into Charlie’s stomach. It was a lovely moment—until he fell backward, dragging Charlie down onto the bed with him. He rolled them over so they were facing each other, so close. Charlie wanted to kiss him so bad.

“Hi,” Nick said.

“Hi.”

Nick rolled on top of him, giggling.

“Oh, my God, Nick, you giant rugby idiot!”

“Now you are fully trapped.” He dragged the comforter over both of them and snuggled him close. “Now you have to sleep in my bed.”

Charlie wished he could, but that was hardly low-key, even if only Tao and Isaac would know. “It’s probably a bad idea.”

“You seemed kind of down today,” Nick said softly.

“I just wanted to be alone with you.” He couldn’t help himself any longer. He leaned forward and kissed Nick, lightly at first, but then with more eagerness, rolling them over again.

Nick rolled them back, pulling away to smile at him. “You taste like toothpaste. Like the first time we kissed at your house.”

“Well, I literally just have brushed my teeth, so …” He lost the thread of the thought completely, because Nick was suddenly kissing his neck, and it felt … amazing. “So, um …”

Nick raised his head. “Is that okay?”

Charlie nodded vigorously. “Yeah.” So okay.

So Nick did it again.

And Charlie lay there and wondered what he would have said a year ago if someone had told him tonight he would be lying in a hotel room in Paris, wrapped in the arms of rugby king Nick Nelson, happier than he’d ever been before in his life.

He’d have told whoever it was that they were crazy, he thought. He would never have believed this was possible. Sometimes, secretly, deep down, he wasn’t sure he really believed it now.

Looking at the door, it occurred to him that Isaac and Tao could come back at any moment. And as much as he was loving this moment, he didn’t want to be walked in on like this. Kissing was one thing. This was … too intimate to be caught at or have to share.

“Nick. We—we should stop.” God, he didn’t want to. But … “We’re going to get caught.”

Lifting his head, Nick looked at the door and then at Charlie, his eyes hazy, as though he had forgotten were they were. “I— Yeah. Yeah.” He pulled away and they both sat up, feeling weird and awkward.

At least, Charlie did. To lighten the mood, he bumped Nick’s shoulder. “I think you lost the challenge.”

“Ugh!” They both laughed.

But it still felt strange, and in some way Charlie was glad when his friends came back.

They got in bed, talking a little, but before long both Tao and Isaac were fast asleep. Charlie rolled over and reached out for Nick’s hand, and they fell asleep that way again.

Charlie was the first one awake in the morning, and he got out of bed as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake the others. In the bathroom, while he was brushing his teeth, he looked in the mirror and stopped short, seeing something that had never been there before. A bruise. On his neck. Right where Nick Nelson’s lips had been the night before.

Oh, God. He had a hickey. Part of him was utterly mortified, and part of him was absolutely delighted, and another part of him wanted to waltz into breakfast with the hickey prominently displayed and tell everyone exactly who had put it there. His boyfriend.

But of course, he couldn’t do that. And, in fact, everyone would see and no one would know who put it there, and he’d get all sorts of completely unwanted attention.

He swore softly at his reflection and picked up his phone to text Nick, hoping he was awake.

Thankfully, he was. He pushed the door open, whispering “What’s up?”

Charlie had his hand over his neck, and as Nick came fully into the bathroom he removed it, watching Nick’s eyes widen with shock. “Oh, my God. Wh— It … Is that—? Did I do that?”

“Do you think anyone will notice?”

“Yeah, I … I think everyone will notice.”

Charlie looked away, already feeling self-conscious and a little bit sick. “Yeah. But no one will know it was you,” he assured Nick.

“I’m so sorry. I— I didn’t mean to. I don’t even know how to do that, to be honest. I—”

“Nick, it’s fine.” Charlie smiled at him. It helped to see Nick so adorably flustered. And he had quite enjoyed the activity that had caused the blemish, so there was that to think of. In case Nick was at all in doubt on that point, he added, “I really enjoyed it. A lot.”

Nick smiled.

Before he could say anything, Tao knocked on the door. “What are you two doing in there?” He opened it before they could answer, hair tousled, looking half asleep. “How did you get that bruise on your neck?”

Charlie and Nick both looked away, neither of them wanting to explain.

And Tao didn’t need them to. His fuzzy morning brain woke right up as it processed what it was seeing. “Oh, my God.” He glared at Nick. “You! I cannot believe it. The actual—”

Whatever he had been going to say was cut off by a knock on the door.

Tao glared at Nick again. “We will be having words.”

Then he closed the bathroom door again and went to answer the door. Charlie and Nick came out of the bathroom in time to see Elle standing there, grinning at Tao as he desperately tried to cover his bare chest, telling him the girls were going for breakfast.

Tao stammered something and shut the door in her face, turning around and collapsing against it, eyes wide with panic. “Help me.”

They would. Right after the three of them stopped laughing.

Chapter Text

As he had expected, Charlie felt uncomfortable and proud in about equal measure as he walked through breakfast and heard the whispers begin. He could see that Elle and Tara and Imogen and Sahar were all trying to stare discreetly. But it wasn’t clear that Darcy had ever heard of the word ‘discreet’, and her “Oh, my God!” was loud enough to be heard in Kent.

If people hadn’t already been staring, they would be now.

Charlie glanced at Nick, seeing the panicked, apologetic look on his face, and smiled. “It’s all right,” he whispered, taking his seat at the breakfast table. “I don’t mind.”

“I’m so sorry!”

“I know.”

As they were eating—or, in Charlie’s case, not eating and trying to make it look like he was—a few kids came by, loudly discussing Charlie’s hickey. After they passed, Tao leaned forward, frowning. “I blame Nick entirely.”

“That’s fair,” Nick agreed.

Charlie wasn’t having that. He’d been quite happy to let Nick kiss his neck; in fact, he hoped he’d do it again as soon as possible, although maybe more carefully next time. “It wasn’t just his fault,” he protested. "I was also involved."

Tao made a face. "Ugh! No need for the gory details.”

The rest of the table dissolved in giggles.

“Oi, Charlie Spring! Who gave you that hickey?” Harry Greene, possibly the only person Charlie knew who was less discreet than Darcy. He and all of his mates laughed, and Charlie’s whole table froze.

“Well, that’s not ideal,” Isaac offered, smiling gently at Charlie.

Nick glanced at Charlie’s plate, immediately catching on to the way Charlie had crumbled up the food and not actually eaten any of it. “Not hungry?”

“Not really.”

“Okay. Well, um … I’ll pack you a croissant, so if you get hungry later, you’ll have a snack.” He wrapped it in a napkin and tucked it into his bag.

The croissant didn’t look all that appetizing, but Nick was so sweeet to think of it, Charlie couldn’t bear to tell him not to bring it. “You’re the best.”

Harry was in front of Charlie as they climbed onto the coach. “Way to go, Charlie. Something to be proud about, isn’t it? Getting some action.” He laughed again.

It was, in fact. Charlie only wished he could tell everyone who had given it to him.

Another boy stopped him on the way down the aisle. “Wait, is it true James McEwan gave you that hickey?”

James was nice enough, but Charlie thought he might be interested in Isaac, and he would hate if rumours got started that got in the way of that. “What?”

“He’s the only other gay guy on the trip, so …”

Charlie took a seat, listening to the whispers and speculations all round him. Tao sank into the seat next to him. “Leave him alone. It’s none of your business.”

James looked over at them all—but, it appeared to Charlie, especially at Isaac. “It—it wasn’t me. I mean, obviously, you know it wasn’t me.”

Nodding, Charlie tried to smile at him, but mostly he just wanted to get off the coach and away from all of them.

Once they were off the coach, they gathered round Mr. Farouk and Mr. Ajayi, not far from the Eiffel Tower, and were reminded by the two teachers that this was a school trip, and there would be schoolwork to do. And then were separated into pairs chosen by the teachers. Nick was assigned to work with Ben, who tried to get out of it by saying he didn’t want to be paired with Nick. Mr. Farouk was having none of that, so no one else tried to get their pairs changed, either.

Charlie was assigned to work with James, which got a loud “Whey!” from Harry and his mates.

As he worked on filling out the worksheet, James said, “So stupid everybody thinks it was me. Like, just because we’re both gay, it means we must fancy each other. No offense.”

“None taken.” Charlie agreed with him, actually.

James hesitated, then said, “Do you think Isaac thinks it was me? I … I just don’t want him to think it was me.”

“He knows it wasn’t you,” Charlie assured him.

“Oh. Okay.” James smiled, clearly relieved. He started to write in an answer, then stopped. “It wasn’t him, was it?”

Charlie laughed. “No!” He wished he could tell James who it was, to put his mind at ease, but without checking with Nick first didn’t feel comfortable saying.

Finally the schoolwork portion of the day ended, and the climbing the stairs to the top portion began. Nick wanted to be the first ones up there, so they ran ahead. “Too many stairs!” Charlie groaned.

Nick took his hand, leading him up. “We’re going now. Come on! We have to get there before everyone.”

“Can I have a break?”

“I’ve got you. You can do it! It’s the last stretch,” Nick promised.

“It’s not!” Charlie could see how many stairs still lay ahead of them. “We’ve got so much further to go!”

Nick laughed. “Come on!”

They were, in fact, the first ones to the top, followed closely by Tao and Elle. Nick led Charlie to the railing, looking out over Paris together.

Then all their friends were gathered round them, taking pictures and laughing, and Charlie forgot all about the morning, and Ben and Harry, and being stared at.

He and Nick broke away again in a bit and went to stand together. “Okay, this is the most beautiful sight,” Charlie admitted.

“We need to get a selfie for my mum.”

He loved the idea of sending a selfie to Sarah. He could see just how she would smile when she saw it. “Okay.”

They took the photo and turned back to Paris. “She’s going to love that.”

“She is.”

Below them, a boy called Nick’s name. “Is that hickey from you, then?”

Charlie tensed. He wanted Nick to say yes, but he also wanted Nick to know he didn’t have to. This wasn’t the way he had to come out, not if he didn’t want to.

But Nick stayed relaxed. “What if it was? You jealous?”

As Charlie smiled at him, surprised and delighted, the boy grumbled, “I’m not gay,” as all his mates laughed.

“Nah, leave ‘em alone, lads. Come on.”

Still staring at Nick, it took Charlie a moment to realise it had been Harry encouraging the other boys to leave off.

Nick frowned. “Did Harry just stick up for us?”

“I think he did.” Would wonders never cease.

“Weird.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t be hanging out right now,” Charlie suggested. “More people might think it was you who … you know.”

“You, um …” Nick gave him a flirty smile. “You do know it was me, right?”

Charlie smiled back. “Yeah, I think I remember you being there.”

“Yeah? Good.” For a moment, Charlie thought Nick might kiss him, but then he looked away.

Their hands were resting on the railing next to each other, and Charlie reached out a finger, brushing Nick’s knuckles, feeling the crackle of electricity that always came when they touched. Then he pulled his hands away. “Let’s go find the others.”

Chapter Text

They went to the bridge with the locks on it, everyone spreading out. Lots of jokes flying around about who should put their initials on a lock. Charlie was grateful that none of those jokes were aimed at him, for a change.

Tao looked at the lock Charlie had bought, meaning to put his initials and Nick’s on it. “This is cute.”

“You could get one if you want. They’re selling them back there.”

Both of them looked at Elle, who was with the girls, showing them something on her phone, her face animated and lively.

Tao dropped his head, everything about him seeming defeated.

“You really don’t think things are going to work out?”

“Even if she does like me back, and even if something did happen, I’d still mess it up, like I always do with everything.” Tao’s eyes were shiny with tears.

“You don’t mess things up,” Charlie told him. “Name one thing you’ve messed up.”

“The cinema date?” When Charlie couldn’t argue with that one, Tao went on, “My art coursework. Your life, multiple times.”

“How?”

Tao looked away, like he was trying to find the words. He took a deep breath. “Charlie, I’m basically the reason you got outed last year. After you came out to us, I was talking about you with Isaac, someone overheard, and, next thing we know, you’re getting bullied every single day.”

Charlie hung his head, remembering all too vividly what that had been like. How hard it had been. And how he could never have gotten through it without Elle and Isaac … and Tao.

“I never wanted to tell you because I didn’t want you to hate me,” Tao finished.

“But you know that wasn’t your fault, don’t you? Like, that was clearly an accident.” Yes, it had been an accident with unfortunate consequences … but someone would have found out, anyway, Charlie was sure of it. There had already been rumours, even beforehand.

Tao turned round, looking the other way, unable to accept Charlie’s understanding.

“Tao, we’ve been friends since the first day of year 7. I was so shy and scared of everyone, but I immediately thought how cool and funny and kind you were. You were the only person I met that day that I really wanted to be friends with.”

Raising a suspicious eyebrow, Tao asked, “Are you guilt-tripping me into being nice about myself?”

“Even if things don’t work out with you and Elle, even if you make mistakes sometimes, you’re a good person who deserves love.”

When Tao didn’t respond, Charlie took the pen that had come with the lock and he wrote his name, like he’d planned. But instead of Nick’s, he added Tao’s. Because whatever else happened, his friendship with Tao was for a lifetime.

Tao frowned. “Wait, isn’t that for you and Nick?”

“No.”

Smiling reluctantly, Tao reached for him, and they hugged. Hard. Reminding each other that they were there for one another, no matter what.

“People might think you gave me this hickey if you keep this up,” Charlie teased.

“So? Might help to deflect the rumours.”

Elle came up behind them as they ended the hug. “Guys, come on. We need to get to the Louvre.”

Tao’s eyes followed her like no one else existed. He grinned at Charlie sheepishly. “I’m gonna …”

Charlie watched him go, hurrying to catch up to her, hoping his friends could find happiness—if not together, then separately.

He added his lock to the bridge, then caught up with Nick and Imogen and Darcy.

Their next stop was the Louvre. Mr. Farouk and Mr. Ajayi gathered them together before they went in. “We have until 5 p.m.,” Mr. Farouk said. “And if any of you gets lost, we will be leaving you here to get locked in.”

Personally, Charlie wouldn’t have threatened that—entirely too many of the other boys might think of getting locked in at the Louvre as a fun adventure.

Everyone flocked toward the Mona Lisa first, crowding around the famous painting. Tara insisted they all get a selfie with it, but Darcy called out, “Wait! That’s the Mona Lisa? That’s it? It’s rubbish!” Naturally at the top of her voice, which was Darcy’s standard volume.

Elle looked absolutely shocked by such heresy. “What? Darcy, it’s art!”

“You can’t say that,” Sahar scolded her, while Isaac laughed and Nick and Charlie exchanged grins.

Tara held her phone up again. “Let’s get another photo. Look, look, look, quick! Show me your Mona face.”

Nick and Charlie walked off together once everyone had lost interest in the Mona Lisa. Tara and Darcy and Isaac drifted along the walls studying the paintings, and far ahead of them, Elle walked as if she was in a dream, and Tao followed her, looking the same—except that while her eyes were on the art, his eyes were on her.

At some point, they got lost, Nick and Charlie stopping on a set of stairs to study the map and try to figure out where they were while the others sprawled on the steps farther down. Some of the lads went by them—Harry and his group, with Ben bringing up the rear, by himself, the way he’d been all trip since Imogen had called him out at dinner. He stopped to look at both of them, his face unreadable.

Charlie hated the way the very sight of Ben made him feel. He was here with Nick, and Nick was amazing. Ben might as well have not existed. But he did exist, and his voice was the one in the back of Charlie’s head that caused him to doubt Nick every time Nick couldn’t come out.

Nick hesitated, then said, “I should probably tell you, when we were on the Eiffel Tower, he said that he still liked you. Like, he genuinely thinks he has a chance of getting back with you.”

Of all the things Charlie had thought he might hear, that was one of the last. “He doesn’t.” That was definite. Even if there were no Nick, if Charlie had never learned what it was like to be in a relationship with someone who truly cared for him, there would be no chance he would ever get back with Ben.

“Yeah.” Nick looked away, like he wasn’t sure that was true. It was like ice down Charlie’s spine. “Right.” Getting to his feet, Nick reached a hand down for Charlie’s.

Suddenly, he felt weak and sick and dizzy. Nick wavered in front of him, his voice coming as if from far away.

Then he shook his head, the dizziness clearing, and allowed Nick to take his hand and pull him to his feet.

Chapter Text

They kept wandering through the museum. Charlie was tired of looking at art. He wanted to sit down with Nick and maybe … maybe go to sleep. He was really just exhausted all of a sudden.

Nick and Isaac were walking ahead of him as he dragged himself through the galleries. Everything around him seemed so far away, people’s words echoing meaninglessly, the art nothing but a blur of colour.

Ahead of him, he focused on the only thing in the room that seemed real. “Nick?” His voice sounded faint even in his own ears.

Nick turned and spoke to him, but the words made no sense. And then everything went black.

When the light came back, he was on the floor with Nick’s arms round him and all the others crowded near them. Charlie blinked, confused. “What just happened?”

“You just, um … You passed out,” Nick said.

Darcy smiled. “Onto your boyfriend, though, so … all good.”

Charlie sat up, turning to see Nick looking at him with a concern in his eyes that was almost fear. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just …” He looked around, wishing fewer people were here staring at him. “Really embarrassed.”

Then Isaac burst into the gallery at a full run. He must have been scared, too—Isaac never ran. “We found them!” Behind him were Imogen and Mr. Ajayi and Mr. Farouk.

Mr. Ajayi knelt next to him. “Charlie, are you all right?”

“I’m fine. Really.”

Having heard Charlie protest that he was fine under a lot of conditions where it was a lie, Mr. Ajayi was having none of that. “Come on,” he said, reaching out a hand to help Charlie up. “Let’s go find somewhere to sit.” He looked around at the others. “You lot, you go back to the museum. I’ve got Charlie.”

“I’m coming with you,” Nick said.

Mr. Ajayi looked at him, then nodded. “That okay with you, Charlie?”

“Yeah.” He wanted Nick. Nick and no one else. Although he didn’t mind Mr. Ajayi.

“I’m going to get him something to eat,” Mr. Farouk said.

Charlie had already learned that there was no point in arguing with Mr. Farouk, so he didn’t.

Mr. Ajayi found them a table, and they took seats around it. Sitting felt nice.

“Are you sure you feel okay, Charlie?” Mr. Ajayi asked.

“Yeah. I just … haven’t eaten enough today.” It felt weird to admit that. He tried really hard not to mention his food intake to anyone unless asked directly. But he trusted Nick and Mr. Ajayi more than he trusted almost anyone else in his life. They had earned the right to hear him tell the truth.

“If you need to sit down, or you just want to rest on the coach, that’s fine.”

Mr. Farouk appeared, pushing a sandwich in its wrapper across the table at him and handing him a water bottle.

“Right,” Mr. Ajayi said. “We’ll let you chill out a bit.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

Mr. Farouk held out a fist, much to Charlie’s surprise. He couldn’t help smiling as he bumped it. Apparently Mr. Farouk was nicer than he appeared.

The two teachers walked off, leaving Nick and Charlie alone.

Nick looked at him with concern, obviously wanting to ask questions and trying to figure out how. “Charlie. I’ve noticed you, uh … don’t really eat a lot. Um … generally. Or …”

Charlie nervously picked at his sleeve, feeling trapped. He trusted Nick, he reminded himself. But that didn’t make him feel any less anxious as Nick kept talking.

“I don’t know. It kind of feels like it’s … gotten worse, lately? Like, I feel like you eat less than you used to.”

He wanted to jump up and run away, but he forced himself to stay in his seat, to nod, and to tell Nick the truth. “Yeah.” There was more, but … Nick didn’t need to be burdened with it. No one did. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“Hey, no.” Under the table, Nick’s hand reached for Charlie’s, the touch reassuring him, making some of the anxiety calm. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I just … I want to understand.”

He did. Charlie could see that. And Charlie wanted to tell him. But he was so used to not telling anyone, it was hard to even think about how to put it into words. He looked up into Nick’s earnest brown eyes. “I know I don’t eat like normal people. Some days I’m fine, but other days I feel like I need to … control it. I used to do it a lot last year, when everything at school was really bad.” Having gotten this far, it was a little easier to keep going. “Sometimes it feels like the only thing I can control in my life.”

Nick looked down, like he didn’t understand.

Charlie hastily shook his head, walking it back. “That makes zero sense. You can forget I said—”

“It does make sense. Okay, maybe I don’t totally get it, but … I still want to know if you’re feeling like that. If you’re having a bad day, or … if there’s anything I can do to make things less stressful. Cheering you up. I’m your boyfriend, Charlie. And I—I really care about you.”

It was something Charlie had never imagined, in his best fantasies. That he could tell Nick his worst secrets, and Nick would still be there, holding his hand, asking to be part of his life, telling him he cared about him.

Reaching into his backpack, Nick took out the croissant he had packed that morning, putting it on the table. Charlie smiled and unwrapped it, taking a small bite. It was hard to swallow, stale and not very tasty after having been tossed around in Nick’s bag all day. “It’s a bit dry.”

Nick laughed. “You are not rejecting the croissant I lovingly carried for you all day.”

Smiling, Charlie picked up the sandwich Mr. Farouk had bought and took a bite out of it.

“So … what do you think Tao and Elle are up to? You think they found some corner and finally kissed?”

Charlie swallowed his bite of sandwich and laughed. “You’re as bad as Darcy.”

“I might be,” Nick admitted. He kept up a running commentary on the art and on their friends, so that it didn’t feel like they were just sitting here while Charlie ate.

It felt strange to have told him about the eating, even a little bit, but it felt good, as well, to be able to trust Nick with his secrets, and to know they weren’t going to scare him away.

Chapter Text

Once Charlie felt up to it again, they cleaned up the table and headed back through the museum. It was really beautiful. Everything looked brighter than it had earlier.

They were admiring a large open area of marble and stone when Nick’s phone buzzed. He looked at it, surprised. “Oh. It’s my dad. Um … Sorry, I’d better …” He put the phone to his ear and walked off a bit.

“Your dad?” Charlie echoed. Nick never talked about his father. At all. Neither did his mum.

Standing there, he tried not to listen to Nick’s conversation, but he couldn’t help it when he realised Nick wasn’t speaking English. In fact, he was speaking French. Fluently. Like he’d grown up speaking it.

When Nick finished his conversation and turned around, Charlie was grinning, unable to stop himself. His boyfriend spoke French. That was … surprisingly hot.

“Okay,” Nick said. “Sorry about that. He said, um …” He stopped and frowned at Charlie. “What?”

“You speak French. Like, fluently.”

“Sort of. Um … My dad’s French, and he basically only speaks to me in French, so … Anyway, he lives in Paris, so I’ve been trying to—” He stopped again, because Charlie absolutely could not wipe this silly grin off his face. “Are you … Wait, do you like the fact that I speak French?”

“Oh … I mean, it’s fine,” Charlie said, but he turned away to hide how much he really liked it. “It’s cool.”

Nick laughed and chased after him. “Charlie!” He caught him by the hand. “Mon amour.”

Charlie could only imagine what that would be like if Nick said it while they were kissing. To cover how much he wanted that, he pulled away. “Oh, my God, you’re so cringe!”

Holding on to his hand, Nick pulled him closer. “You actually don’t look like you’re cringing. You look like you’re blushing.”

“I am not!” He was. He really was.

“Oh, yeah? Sure?”

“Leave me alone, you dick!”

Wrestling and laughing, they were on the ground when a sharp voice above them said, “No!” Looking up, they saw a man in a dark suit, probably someone who worked the museum. He shook his finger at them and spoke to them in French.

They dashed up the stairs and out of that area, leaving the angry man far behind them.

Leaning on a wall, they looked out over the courtyard.

“My dad wants to meet up, like, today,” Nick said. He didn’t look all that happy about it.

“You’ve never mentioned your dad before.”

“I mean … he’s not really a big part of my life anymore, since he lives here, and … he’s not the most reliable. He’s still my dad, so …"

It was funny to think that not that long ago, Charlie had thought of Nick as someone who had a perfect life, where nothing ever went wrong. But now he knew that Nick hated exams and he froze up during them, and his brother was mean to him, and his father wasn’t part of his life. It just went to show that you could never tell what went on in someone else’s world, until they let you in.

Nick hesitated. “I had this idea that I might introduce you to him.”

Charlie smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Nick smiled back. “It’s just hard to get in touch with him when he never answers my texts.”

“How about we promise to tell each other when we’ve got stuff going on?”

“Deal.” Nick reached out and wrapped his arms around Charlie, pressing his face into Charlie’s shoulder.

When the hug ended, Charlie asked, “When are you actually meeting up with him? And how?”

“I said I’d meet him in a café in twenty minutes.”

Charlie reached out a hand and Nick put his into it, and they hurried out of the Louvre together. Nick had directions from his dad, so he led, holding on to Charlie’s hand all the way, turning to smile at him whenever they stopped for a moment.

Still holding hands, they came down a set of stairs to an open-air café. Nick stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looking around. Charlie could see how nervous he was; Nick was rarely this tense.

Then, a little way down, a man with greying hair pulled off his sunglasses and stood, waving. “Nicolas!"

Nick’s smile in return was small, uncertain, and Charlie thought maybe he shouldn’t have come. “Would you feel better if I waited here?”

Frowning, Nick said, “No,” as if the idea had never occurred to him.

As they approached the table, Charlie couldn’t help but wonder about Nick’s dad. If he made Nick this nervous, what kind of person could he be?

“No,” Nick repeated. “Please come with me.”

He led the way to the table. His father laughed, looking him over, and saying something to him in French. They shook hands. No hugs. Charlie thought of his own dad, holding him while he cried outside Harry’s party, and thought he should probably try to spend more time with him.

To Charlie, Nick said, “This is my dad, Stephane.” He gestured at Charlie and added, “Uh, this is my …” But he couldn’t say it. Charlie wasn’t surprised, given how completely un-Nick-like he was around his dad.

“I’m Charlie,” he said, reaching out a hand to shake.

“Nice to meet you, Charlie.”

They sat, and Stephane ordered them coffees. “So, you meet Nick in school?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Ah, great.” He smiled at Nick. “So good to see you in Paris! You never visit.”

“Oh. Uh …”

Stephanie explained, “When he was younger, he would visit every summer. When do you graduate? Must be soon now.”

“Uh, I’ve still got two more years left.”

The smile faded from Stephane’s face. “Ah.” He fiddled with the silverware in front of him. “I would have invited you this summer, but Martine is having this new kitchen fitted. The apartment is a mess.”

“That’s okay,” Nick said. “Um … You know, I’d still like to meet her, sometime—if you wanted me to.”

Stephane nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. … Yeah. Perhaps, someday soon, hm?”

But it was clear that for whatever reason, he didn’t want Nick to meet this Martine. Those few sentences had explained so much to Charlie about Nick’s relationship with his father.

“Now, tell me about this school trip. Have you been seeing the sights of Paris?”

“Yeah, most of them. Uh, we went to the Eiffeil Tower, uh … Sacre Coeur …”

“The Louvre this morning,” Charlie finished.

“Yeah. it’s been really fun.”

Stephane’s phone rang and he excused himself, taking it away from the table to answer.

Nick leaned back, folding his arms over his chest, his expression somewhere between hurt and angry.

“You doing okay?” Charlie asked him.

“I think so.”

Then Stephane came back, his call ended. “I’m sorry, boys. Something has come up, and I just can’t get out of it.”

“Oh. Uh …”

Before Nick could figure out how to respond, Stephane went on, “But I haven’t told you my news. I’m coming to England next week. Small business trip.”

“Oh! Um … You should come to dinner,” Nick said hastily, standing up. “I’m sure Mum will be okay with it, and David will want to see you.”

“I miss that boy,” Stephane said. “Ha! We’ll see. I’ll talk to your mother.” He left some money for the coffees and said something to Nick in French. “Was good to meet you, Charlie. Wonderful to meet one of Nick’s friends.”

“Yeah. You, too.” Charlie was standing now, too, next to Nick.

And then Stephane was gone, walking off down along the river, and Nick was watching him go, his eyes suspiciously bright. He sat down again, blinking the tears back.

“Wow,” Charlie said. “That was … fast.”

“I really thought I could talk to him about you.”

“It’s okay.” It really was. The number of things Stephane didn’t seem to know about Nick seemed like a mountain in which his having a boyfriend was only one small lump. “There’ll be other chances.” Charlie wasn’t going anywhere. This afternoon had proven to him that Nick needed him, his support and his caring, just the way Charlie needed Nick.

Nick was looking off into the distance, where his father was now just one of the crowd. “He just doesn’t … He doesn’t know me. I mean, he knows I like rugby, and … that’s it.”

Charlie reached for his hand. “Let’s walk back to the coach. You can rant about him the whole way there.”

“Okay. But—I don’t think I want to talk about him anymore, if that’s all right.”

“It’s fine. As long as you know you can when you want to.”

“I do. Thank you, Charlie.” He squeezed Charlie’s hand, and they walked back together, talking about the lightest things they could think of. It had been a heavy day for them both.

Chapter Text

Worn out by an emotional day, Nick and Charlie were both happy to get back to the hotel and just chill in their room. Isaac had acquired a French version of a Where’s Waldo? book, and the three of them piled on the bed together and hunted for the striped jumper on page after page.

They were stuck on a page about halfway through when Tao came out of the bathroom. “I have something to share.”

The three of them turned to look up at him, waiting.

“Me and Elle kissed.” He couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

Charlie sat up, grinning. “No way. No, you didn’t!”

Then all three of them were on their feet, shouting questions and congratulations at him.

Grabbing Tao by the waist, Charlie spun him round. “I’m so proud of you!”

As they collapsed on Tao and Charlie’s bed, Isaac followed them. “Oh, my God, Tao, you have to tell us everything! Right now.”

“Well—she kind of initiated it. And then we kissed again. Ah, but I kissed her that time.”

“Oh, my God! No, you didn’t!” Isaac was squealing with happiness.

Charlie loved that about him—he was always so genuinely enthusiastic about anything that happened in their lives. He thought he should really ask Isaac more about what was happening with him, but Isaac never seemed to want to talk about himself.

“Wait, so what does this mean?” Nick asked. “Are you two dating?”

Tao frowned at him. “I don’t know. We literally had our first kiss like five hours ago.”

“You need to talk to her,” Charlie said, remembering the night after his and Nick’s first kiss, and how they really should have just talked to each other. “I’m going to text the girls.”

“Wait, wait, hang on!” Tao reached for the phone.

“What are you sending?” Nick asked.

“Well, we should explore the hotel.” They hadn’t done that yet, and they’d already been here for two nights. It was time to stop being boring and start having adventures.

They all snuck out, running into the girls near the vending machines. As soon as Elle saw Tao, her face lit up like a candle, and she grabbed his hand and dragged him down the hall. Charlie caught hold of Nick’s hand and dragged him along as well, then Darcy followed with Sahar.

Tao and Elle lost them all immediately, and Charlie made sure he and Nick did, too. They found another set of vending machines and Charlie backed into a corner near them. Nick followed, and Charlie’s breathing came to a stop. Nick was so tall, and so close, and they were here alone in a hotel in Paris …

“Finally,” he whispered. As Nick smiled and leaned in, he said, “If you even think about giving me another hickey …”

“I wasn’t thinking about that!”

“You so were.”

Nick laughed. “How are you feeling?” he asked softly.

“Fine.”

“Charlie, you literally fainted on me today.”

“But how are you feeling about seeing your dad? You wanted to come out to him.”

“I know I’ve been stressed about coming out, but … I don’t think I realised how stressed out you’ve been about it.”

Charlie dropped his head so he didn’t have to look into Nick’s eyes and show him how true that was. It wasn’t fair to put his stuff on Nick and add to how hard it already was to come out to people. “I get stressed about everything. You’re not special.” The eating thing was partly the coming out thing, yes, but it was also his mum, and school, and just … life.

“Charlie,” Nick murmured, not believing him.

“And it doesn’t matter how I feel about it anyway. It’s your coming out. You’re the one who’s going through it—”

“Charlie,” Nick said again, cutting him off. “It matters to me.”

They both leaned in this time, and were about to kiss, when they heard Mr. Farouk’s voice. “Boys!” They looked at him round the corner of the vending machine. “It’s past eleven. You should be in your room. Go on now.”

Nick went, and Charlie followed, their bare feet silent on the carpeted floor.

As they got closer to their room, Nick reached out for Charlie’s hand again. “We are never going to stop getting interrupted.”

“No, it doesn’t seem like we are.” Charlie’s phone pinged and he pulled it out of his pocket. “It’s from Darcy. Oh! Tomorrow’s Tara’s birthday. Did you know that?”

Nick shook his head and leaned over Charlie’s shoulder to look at the phone.

“She wants to have a party tomorrow night. We’ll have to make some plans, and figure out how to sneak into their room without Mr. Farouk and Mr. Ajayi catching us.” Charlie grinned. “That’s more like it.”

“Oh, has our Paris adventure been boring for you?”

Nick was teasing, but Charlie was serious, looking up at him. “Mostly just haven’t had enough time with you.” He smiled a little.

“Is there any such thing?”

“No.” Sometimes, Charlie thought he liked Nick too much, that Nick would be annoyed if he knew how Charlie literally wanted to be with him all the time. And then Nick would remind him that he wanted that, too, and it always felt like magic. “You think we’ll ever get to a point where we don’t want to spend all our time together?”

“God, I hope not.” Nick grinned and kissed him. Quickly, since they were still standing in the hallway and anyone might walk by. Then the smile faded from his face, and he held Charlie’s hand tight. “I hope you’re always my favourite person, Charlie Spring.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure you’re always going to be mine, Nick Nelson.”

“Good.” Nick looked like he wanted to kiss him again, a lot. He sighed. “You know, I think I’m almost looking forward to going home, just so we can go in my room and shut the door and not be interrupted.”

“Me, too,” Charlie said with feeling. “Me, too.”

Chapter Text

The next morning at breakfast, the entire trip’s worth of kids sang “Happy Birthday” to Tara while she opened her gifts. Charlie and Nick hadn’t gotten her anything, not having known about her birthday before they came on the trip, but Darcy had gone all out. She’d brought a crown and had a shirt made with her face printed all over it, which Tara openly admitted she hated, and Darcy agreed that she’d known she would.

After breakfast, Mr. Ajayi came to stand next to Charlie while he was waiting for Nick. “Everything okay today, Charlie?”

“Yeah. Fine.”

“Really? You had me worried yesterday.”

“I know. That won’t happen again.”

“Charlie.” Mr. Ajayi looked at him. “You know you can talk to me if you need to, right?”

He nodded. “I do. Thank you, Mr. Ajayi.”

“Mm-hm.”

Nick came toward him just then, and Charlie went with him, but he could feel his teacher’s concerned look following him. He was grateful to have Mr. Ajayi looking out for him, even if he couldn’t quite bring himself to talk to him.

It was another day of exploring and freedom, just seeing Paris and hanging out together. Nick and Charlie sent another photo to Nick’s mum of the two of them at the Arc de Triomphe, and then the whole group went into a bookstore.

Charlie was looking at a book, and heard a click. He turned to see Nick’s phone pointed at him. “Can you stop taking selfies of me?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Stop it! Please. I’m going to put this in front of my face.”

“Fine. For now,” Nick told him, putting his phone away.

They nearly lost Isaac, who didn’t want to leave, even though his pile of books reached above his head. Eventually they convinced him to pay for his purchases and move on to the next place, laughing at his attempts to read while walking with two huge bags full of books in his hands.

As Nick and Charlie walked together behind the others down a street with rainbow umbrellas suspended above their heads, they passed a gay couple who happily had their arms round each other, just walking that way like it was normal.

Well, it should be normal, Charlie thought. Apparently Nick thought so, too, because he turned to Charlie and smiled and held out his hand, and they walked the streets of Paris holding hands, just the way Charlie had dreamed they would, and it was … perfect.

Back at the hotel, everyone started getting ready for Tara’s party. Tao fussed with his hair in the bathroom for what felt like an hour. Charlie, freezing as usual, picked up Nick’s green jumper. “You mind if I borrow this?”

Nick smiled like he had expected the question. “No. Go ahead.”

Charlie pulled on the jumper, feeling Nick’s warmth envelop him. This one was his favourite of all Nick’s jumpers, he thought.

Tao had moved from checking his hair to fussing with the shirts he had brought. Eventually, Isaac picked up his book and headed for the door. “You coming?”

“Yeah. We’ve got, like, five minutes before Tara arrives,” Tao said, as if he wasn’t half the reason they hadn’t left yet.

Much as Charlie liked Tara and wanted to go celebrate her, this was their last night in Paris … he kind of wished he could just stay here with Nick, instead, and skip the party. And, really, there was no reason they had to be there on time anyway. They could just as easily be late. “You go ahead,” he told them. “We’ll meet you there.”

“All right.”

Tao stopped on his way out and said quietly in Charlie’s ear, “If you wanted some privacy with Nick, you could just say so.”

Charlie had to laugh. Tao had been in a relationship for all of thirty hours, and now suddenly he got it. If he and Elle had been a couple of days sooner, Charlie and Nick might have been able to share a bed this whole week.

The two of them left, and Charlie walked over to Nick, gesturing at the green jumper. "You sure you’re okay with me borrowing this?”

“As long as you don’t steal it, like the last three you ‘borrowed’. I actually quite like that one.”

“I didn’t steal them! I just … forgot to give them back.” Forgot so he could wear them to bed and be surrounded by Nick’s familiar smell all night. What was so wrong about that?

“You forgot to give them back?” Nick echoed, laughing.

Charlie went to the mirror to check his own hair, which had gotten mussed when the pulled the jumper over his head. As he stood there, focusing on getting the curls to lie just right, Nick came up behind him, bringing his hands round to Charlie’s face and tugging the corners of his mouth up into a smile with the tips of his fingers. “Excuse me!”

Nick laughed and wrapped his arms round Charlie, resting his head on his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” Charlie asked.

“I’m just … recharging.” He kissed the back of Charlie’s neck lightly.

Charlie loved that, the idea that being close to him was a recharge for Nick. It was true—he could feel it in the way Nick was always looking for his hand to hold or pulling him in for a hug. He met Nick’s eyes in the mirror, wanting to hold him, and kiss him, and never let go. “We could … just stay here for a bit.”

“Mm?”

“Yeah.” Charlie turned round, looking up into Nick’s beautiful face.

“Why’s that?”

Running his hands over Nick’s broad shoulders, Charlie said, “We haven’t kissed in, like, two days.”

Nick rested their foreheads together. Then, softly, his mouth found Charlie’s. His hands grasped Charlie’s jumper, holding him as they kissed. Then he pulled away. “Right. Come on. We’re going to be late.”

He was such a tease sometimes. The first chance they’d had to kiss uninterrupted in days, and he cut it off himself, just to be annoying. Charlie couldn’t help but laugh. “I hate you.”

“No, you like me.”

“Hmm …” Pretending to think about it, Charlie shook his head. “I really don’t.”

Laughing, Nick followed him out into the hallway.

Chapter Text

They could hear music and voices inside Tara and Darcy’s room when they knocked, and it took a moment before the door opened.

“Finally!” Darcy scolded them. She pulled them both into the room and hastily shut the door behind them.

Charlie looked round, seeing the room filled with people wearing party hats, streamers hanging from the ceiling, tinsel in the doorway, balloons attached to the wall. “You did all of this?”

“Yeah. Everything has to be perfect for Tara. She’s a princess.” There was a knock on the door. “Okay. Shh! They’re about to bring her in.”

The door opened, and all of them yelled “Surprise!”

Tara certainly was, or she did a very good job of acting it. She ran in, straight into Darcy’s arms, while everyone clapped. “Thanks, everyone!”

Then Darcy produced a bottle of some kind of clear alcohol from somewhere to loud cheers. Charlie hadn’t expected this to be a drinking party, and he wondered how much trouble they would get into if they were caught.

But he didn’t have to have any, so he decided not to worry about it, and just to have fun. This was their last night in Paris, and they were having a party, and he was here with Nick, wearing Nick’s jumper.

After an hour or so, he ducked into the bathroom, and was met by the sight of Elle and Tao, obviously in mid-kiss, turning to glare at him. Well, served them right. They could know how it felt to be walked in on.

“Get out!” Tao demanded.

“I need to pee!”

“Too bad!”

Charlie let himself be shoved out of the room. One of the girls who had the room next to this one was hovering near the door, and she handed him her room key. “Pretty sure no one’s in there. Just bring it back for the next person. I don’t think they’re coming out anytime soon.”

“No, they don’t seem to be,” Charlie agreed.

He came back to the party, finding Nick across the room and making his way to his boyfriend’s side.

Tao and Elle weren’t the only people to have coupled up over the course of the trip. Charlie could see several kisses going on around the room, and he wished … well, maybe he didn’t wish he could be kissing Nick in the middle of the party, which just felt awkward to contemplate, but he wished he thought it was possible for them to be like that.

Still, though. They were together, and they were happy, and that was enough for now.

At least, it was until Charlie looked over at the door and saw Ben in the room. No one had noticed him, or hadn’t acknowledged him if they had, but he was here, and suddenly the fun party felt loud and crowded and oppressive.

“Hey.” Nick tangled his fingers with Charlie’s. “Let’s get some air. You want to?”

“Yeah.”

They ducked through the window and sat out on the balcony in the relative quiet and peace.

Nick leaned over, smiling. “We keep escaping parties to hang out with each other.”

“Are we going to do it every time?”

“I hope so.”

Below them, cars went by, stopping at the intersection and then going on, and above them were the stars. And here they were, suspended in midair together.

Nick turned his head to look at Charlie. After a long moment, he said softly, “Not running away this time, though.”

“No. Please don’t.”

Before Nick could answer, Darcy crawled out the window toward them. “Sorry to interrupt your very obvious flirting, but it’s alcohol time!” She held up the bottle, which by this time was only about half full.

Charlie held out the cup of punch in his hand. “Okay.” She filled it to the brim, until Charlie could barely hold it without it spilling all over his shoes. “Oh. Wow.”

“That’s a lot,” Nick said.

“Oh, sorry!” But Darcy giggled, clearly not that sorry at all. “Enjoy!” And she was gone, back into the party.

Charlie looked at the cup with curiosity. “My parents never let me have alcohol.”

“Well, your parents aren’t here now.”

No. No, they weren’t. And Charlie was in control of whether he drank this or didn’t. “Okay.” He took a tentative sip. And it was gross. Too sweet because of the punch and with a scalding taste, like … medicine, maybe. Or the way rubbing alcohol smelled. “Oh, that is disgusting.”

Nick reached for the cup. “Wait, I’ve got to try it. I’ve got to try. I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

“No, it is. Trust me.”

“Oh! Wow.” Nick made a face at the cup. “That hits you immediately.”

Charlie could feel a warmth spreading through his chest which was sort of pleasant, but not entirely worth the way that had tasted. “We don’t have to finish it, do we?”

“No. Definitely not. Come on, let’s go dump this out.”

They climbed back through the window together. Most people were dancing, but Tara was at the door, talking to Harry Greene.

“Come on, man, everyone’s here,” Harry was protesting. “Can I not just talk to Nick and Charlie?”

“No, they don’t want to talk to you!” Tara told him.

“What do you mean, they don’t want to talk to me?”

By this point, Charlie and Nick had made their way to the door, and the room had gone silent behind them. “What do you want?” Nick asked, his tone flat.

“Look,” Harry said, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know I’ve said some homophobic stuff in the past, but I feel like I know better now, and I’ll never say anything like that again.”

It was true, he seemed different on this trip. He’d stood up for Imogen, he’d stood up for Nick and Charlie. Maybe he was really trying to change, to come round and see things differently.

But then he grinned, his normal grin, like he was just saying it to get what he wanted. “So … we cool? Can we come in?”

“No,” Charlie said. He reached out and shut the door before Harry could protest. And immediately both Darcy and Tara hugged him, cheering for him, and pulled him into the rest of the party.

Chapter Text

Charlie wasn’t sure whose idea it was to play Truth or Dare, but he and Nick took their places in the circle alongside everyone else. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to play, but it would have looked strange if they hadn’t. And it was fun hanging out at a party with all their friends. He didn’t want to be chased away by his own anxieties.

They used the half-full bottle of alcohol to determine whose turn it would be, and every time it spun, Charlie held his breath, hoping it wouldn’t land on him.

When it was her turn, Tara had to drink a whole plastic cup full of that digusting punch and alcohol concoction, while everyone chanted “Chug! Chug! Chug!” at her. Tao chose truth when it was his turn, and they asked him if he and Elle had gone all the way yet. Since they’d only been together for a day, no one expected him to say yes, but he refused to answer at all, shouting “That’s personal information! I’m not going to say that.”

On Isaac’s turn, it was clear no one knew quite what to ask him, so eventually they told him to name his celebrity crushes. He looked surprisingly uncomfortable—Charlie wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Isaac flustered before—and stammered that he didn’t have any.

“Ah, come on,” Imogen called. “Everybody has a celebrity crush.”

Charlie half-expected Isaac to name a long-dead author, but instead he just shook his head and looked down at his feet. He didn’t even lift his book.

Darcy wanted to push the issue, but a warning look from Tara made her spin the bottle again.

On Sahar’s turn, she was asked about the time she’d been most secretly hurt and hadn’t told anyone, which felt to Charlie like a surprisingly sophisticated question. She cleared her throat and looked awkwardly across the circle, as if she wasn’t going to answer, but then she said, “Imogen got a boyfriend last year and then stopped texting me.” Imogen frowned at her and she shrugged. “That’s what happened.”

“Uh, no,” Imogen protested. “You stopped texting me.”

They looked at each other, both certain their interpretation was right, and Darcy, again urged by Tara when she would have pushed the issue, moved on, spinning the bottle again.

The bottle landed on Tao, and he was dared to kiss someone in the circle. Everyone of course expected it to be Elle, but instead he looked across the circle. “Charlie! Come on. I know you’ve loved me for years.”

Charlie couldn’t help laughing, especially when Tao crawled across the circle toward him on all fours, making the most ridiculous faces, while everyone screamed with laughter. “Oh, my God!”

It was a very quick kiss, their lips barely touching, but it got squeals from the whole circle. Tao took a bow before returning to his seat.

So far, it had all been good fun, and so Charlie was able to laugh when the bottle came to him. One of the girls looked at him thoughtfully. “I dare Charlie … to kiss … James.”

Charlie met James’s eyes. He didn’t know what was up between James and Isaac, but he knew James didn’t want Isaac to see him kissing someone else. And Charlie didn’t want to kiss anyone else, either. Not in a way that might make anyone think there was something between them. Tao had played it for laughs, but no one was laughing now.

“You’re only saying that because of the hickey rumour, and … it wasn’t James.”

“Yeah,” James agreed. “I mean … I don’t care, so …” He smiled awkwardly, but it was clear to Charlie that he did care.

“Fine,” the girl said. “I dare Charlie to kiss … Ben.”

After the scene with Imogen and Ben at dinner the other night, and the fact that Charlie had gotten dragged into it, Charlie found the dare in very poor taste. This girl seemed to want drama, and she wasn’t going to stop until she got it. The rest of the circle had gone quiet—no one was having fun right now.

“Come on!” Imogen shouted. “Like, we’ve literally—we’ve literally just broken up!”

Someone else spoke up, scornfully. “Come on, it’s just a dare.”

“No,” Charlie said. This wasn’t happening. “No way.”

Ben shook his head. “That isn’t even funny. I barely know Charlie.”

“Don’t be boring!” one of the boys said.

“It’s a game,” someone else pointed out.

Except that it wasn’t a game right now. It had been, before, when everyone was laughing, but now it was more like … more like bullying. And Charlie had experienced more than enough of that for one lifetime.

“No.” Ben got to his feet. “This game is so stupid. I’m tired anyway.”

As he left, the boy who had told him not to be boring shook his head. “Always making a scene.”

“Boring,” someone else said.

Ben bumped against Nick on his way out, the door clicking shut behind him. Charlie and Nick glanced at each other, but neither of them knew what to say.

To get the game back going, Charlie looked at the girl. “Can I do a truth instead?”

“Okay, then. Who gave you the hickey?”

He should have known she wouldn’t let it go.

“What? Can we just move on from this?” Elle asked.

“It’s too personal,” Tara said. “Someone might get outed.”

“What’s the point of Truth or Dare if we’re allowed to keep secrets?” the first girl said. Charlie didn’t know what her problem was, but he wished whatever it was, she’d get over it and stay out of his personal life.

Then, out of nowhere, Nick spoke up. “I know who it was.”

Charlie looked at him, startled and concerned. He didn’t want Nick to feel like he had to do this. Not this way, not to satisfy some rude girl they barely knew.

But when Nick met his eyes, he saw that it wasn’t like that. Nick was doing this because he wanted to, because he really wanted to tell them. He reached his hand out, and Charlie put his in it, lacing their fingers together.

Nick looked round the circle, and said it, very quietly. “Me. We’re dating.”

“Oh, my God,” said the boy. “I called it!”

Someone else smiled at them. “That’s really cute.”

Two others were whispering somewhere to Charlie’s left. “It was him?” “Nick?” like they couldn’t believe it. Well, they’d have to, now.

“How long have you been going out?”

“A few months,” Charlie told them. It was weird having all of them look at him and being glad to be the center of attention, being proud to be sitting here with Nick Nelson holding his hand.

“We were saying it the other day,” one of the girls said, smiling.

“I never would have guessed Nick was gay!” The first girl looked round at her group of friends, laughing.

“I’m—”

“He’s—“

And they finished together: “Bi, actually.”

“But, yeah,” Nick said, holding Charlie’s hand tighter.

“Do you want us to keep it a secret?” James asked them.

Charlie looked at Nick, and Nick looked at Charlie. He was smiling, comfortable. Happy. “We’re okay with people knowing.”

So okay. So very, very okay with it, Charlie thought, beaming.

“I’m sorry to ruin this lovely moment, but …. I think I’m gonna be sick.” Darcy dashed past them toward the door.

Nick and Charlie hastily got out of her way, while everyone shouted and laughed.

Tara took Darcy by the hand and rushed her down the hallway, shouting for Mr. Farouk, with Nick and Charlie right behind them, and Elle and Tao bringing up the rear.

Mr. Farouk was standing in his doorway when they finally reached his room, and they rushed Darcy past him.

“She thinks she’s going to be sick,” Tara said.

He frowned down at her, in her wonky party hat. “I’m going to pretend I believe you have food poisoning."

Mr. Ajayi was sitting next to her, his voice calming, as always. “Just try and take some deep breaths. I’ll get you a sick bag—”

But he was too late. His bedspread ended up being Darcy’s sick bag.

“Why did I get into teaching?” Mr. Farouk asked the universe.

Mr. Ajayi rubbed Darcy’s shoulder. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Turning on the rest of them, Mr. Farouk kicked them out, telling them they had Darcy well taken care of and she did not need an audience.

Nick patted Tara on the shoulder as they left. “Text me if you need me, okay?”

“Okay.”

And then it was just Nick and Charlie and Elle and Tao, in the hallway.

Chapter Text

The four of them looked at each other in the hall. Charlie didn’t know about Nick, but he had no further interest in going back to the party. He wanted to be alone together.

He looked up at Tao, who smiled, seeming to get the point. “Elle, you mind if I stay in your room tonight?"

"Mind? No, I suppose not." But she smiled, too, at Tao and then at Charlie. “We’ll talk to Isaac, too, if you want.”

“You think he’s okay?” Charlie asked, looking anxiously at their friends. “He seemed …”

“I know. He did. We’ll talk to him,” Tao promised.

“While we’re convincing him to stay in our room,” Elle added.

Charlie grinned at both of them. “Thank you. Um … good-night, then.”

“Good-night.” They walked off, hand in hand, and Charlie turned to Nick, who was smiling at him.

“Shall we?”

“Oh, I think so.”

They wandered through the halls together, stopping every so often to look at one another and smile. It felt like a dream to Charlie, his daydreams of what the Paris trip could be like. Nick couldn’t seem to help looking at him, and finally he stopped walking altogether to wrap his arms round Charlie and hold him close.

Charlie buried his face in Nick’s shoulder, smelling his familiar scent, so happy.

Then Nick pulled away. “All right.” He bent to lift Charlie by the knees.

“What are you doing? No!” He held on as Nick tossed him over his shoulder like he weighed nothing at all, laughing. “Don’t drop me!”

“Nah, I’m not gonna drop you.” Then he almost did, while Charlie grabbed the backs of his knees. “Ooh, whoa. Okay.” Nick shifted him, without ever putting him down, until he was riding on Nick’s back instead of over his shoulder. Much more comfortable, and it was nice to be able to see where they were going. “Is that comfy? There we go. That’s better. All right. Now. Can you remember where we’re meant to be going?”

“We are going that way.” Charlie pointed.

“That way?”

“That way.”

Nick looked in the other direction. “I’m sure it was that way.”

Charlie laughed. “No, it’s definitely that way. It’s that way.”

Following Charlie’s directions, Nick got them back to their room, shutting the door behind them, then turning to look at Charlie.

“You came out to a room full of people,” Charlie said, so proud and happy.

“Yeah. Yes, I did. Do you think it’s going to get passed around, like— Do you think everyone in school’s going to know about it?”

Charlie kissed him on the cheek. “Yeah. Probably.” He tugged Nick’s jumper off over his head.

“I think I’m okay with that.” He sounded like it, too, which Charlie was glad about. He wanted to be happy about Nick coming out, and not to have to feel guilty about it. “Nervous,” Nick added, “but … we’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.” Charlie ran his hands over Nick’s shoulders, and then they held each other tight. When the hug eased, they stood there in each other’s arms, looking over at the beds. “Since Tao and Isaac are staying in the girls’ room tonight, I could …” Charlie bounced down on Nick’s bed. “Sleep in here? With you?”

Nick was leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets. “Well … in that case … I think you’re going to have to move over, ‘cause that’s my side of the bed.”

“Well, I got here first, so …”

“Did you now?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm. Okay.”

And suddenly Charlie was being smushed underneath his giant rugby idiot of a boyfriend. “Nick! You’re crushing me!”

“What are you going to do? It’s my side!”

“Tickle you! Absolutely yes.” He stuck his hands under Nick’s arms and suited the action to the words.

“Don’t you dare!”

“Tickle you!” It wasn’t often Charlie could take physical advantage of Nick, but tickling worked sometimes.

Nick looked down at him. “All right, we’re going to have to fight. We’re going to have to fight.”

“Okay. We can fight.”

They rolled over together, wrestling and tickling, using the pillows to bash at each other until Charlie managed to dump the pillow over the side and pin Nick’s arms down over his head.

“This is unfair,” Nick complained.

“Do I win?”

“I guess so.”

Nick sat up, and Charlie sat back, still in his lap, cupping Nick’s neck in his hands, and kissed him. Leaning back, feeling the gentleness of Nick’s hands on his back, seeing Nick’s mussed hair and hazy eyes, Charlie dipped his head, whispering, “Payback”, and kissed Nick’s neck.

At first, Nick’s hands closed on the back of his shirt, but then Charlie could feel him tensing in the wrong ways. He looked up, concerned. “Is this okay?”

“Uh … yeah.” But Nick’s eyes were wide, and it was clear it was not okay.

“That didn’t sound very sure.”

Nick licked his lips, looking for words. “Uh … Sorry. Um … I—I do like it. It’s just, um … I’m—I’m not sure I’m ready to do anything more than kissing.” He looked nervous even saying that much.

Charlie realised that, here alone all night, in a bed that they intended to share, Nick might have gotten the impression that he might want to do things that were far beyond a little making out. “No, I … I didn’t think we’d do … that … right now,” he clarified.

“Oh.” The relief on Nick’s face was obvious.

Climbing off Nick’s lap, Charlie retrieved the pillow and lay down on it. Nick lay back as well, looking up at the ceiling. “I do … I do want to,” he said.

“Yeah. Me, too. Eventually.”

“Yeah. Same.” Nick’s hands were restlessly moving over each other, like even this conversation was more than he was ready for.

Charlie sat up. “And … I’d only want to do it if you did, and … if you didn’t ever want to do it, then I wouldn’t, either.” He wasn’t entirely sure that was true, but he wanted Nick to know that Charlie was not going to pressure him. Ever. Then he smiled. “That sounded really cheesy.” Nick laughed, and Charlie crashed into the pillow. “Oh, I’m so embarrassing!”

Nick rolled onto his side, saying into Charlie’s ear, “I think we both are, to be honest.”

“Why are we like this?”

Chuckling, Nick said, “I have no idea.”

Chapter Text

Charlie turned over to face Nick, their heads on the pillows next to each other. “Kissing’s still okay, though?” He was fine with waiting for more than that, as long as Nick wanted, but if he had to go entirely without kissing his extremely hot boyfriend, who was an amazing kisser, he was going to go out of his mind.

For answer, Nick cupped his cheek and leaned forward, kissing him soft and slow.

“I want to stay up all night,” Charlie whispered. Who knew when they might have this chance again, since his parents had outlawed sleepovers. He didn’t want to sleep through a moment of it.

“Me, too.”

“Tell me something funny you did when you were little.”

“Oh, now you want to embarrass me?”

“I bet you were cute,” Charlie said.

“My mum says so.” Nick chuckled. “All right. When we first got Nellie, I was so afraid she wouldn’t be happy with us that I used to sneak downstairs in the middle of the night to give her extra treats. My mum only found out when one night I fell asleep on the kitchen floor with the treats box still in my hand.”

“That is truly adorable.”

“No, you know what’s truly adorable? You.” Nick surged forward, hugging Charlie tight, rolling them both over, so that somehow Charlie ended up on Nick’s pillow with Nick’s head on his chest.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“I just wanted to be comfy. So tell me something you used to do.”

“Oh. Um … annoy Tori a lot, apparently.”

Nick laughed. “She’s your older sister. Of course she’d say that.”

“No, apparently when I was very small I used to toddle after her whenever she left the house, yelling for her to come back and play with me.”

“Did she?”

“Not once.”

Nick rolled onto his back and Charlie followed, tucking himself against Nick’s side. “You think Darcy’s okay?”

“I hope so. Did you see that t-shirt she made for Tara?”

“Oh, with her face all over it? Unbelievable.”

“Very Darcy, though.” They both laughed. “Don’t you dare make one of those up for me.”

“Oh, you know now I have to. I’ll start now collecting photos.”

Charlie laughed. “You will not.”

“You don’t know, maybe I will.”

Nick’s arm tightened round Charlie, pulling him close, and he yawned.

“Not going to sleep on me, are you?”

“No. Just … nice and warm. Are you warm enough?”

Charlie was plenty warm. Nick was like a furnace. He closed his eyes and snuggled closer still. They lay there together like that for a long time, occasionally murmuring something to each other.

At some point, Charlie woke up and discovered they had fallen asleep, with Nick as the big spoon. He closed his eyes and let himself drift off again, secure in his boyfriend’s arms.

Next time he awoke, he was the big spoon, with Nick’s hair tickling his nose. Completely worth it, he thought sleepily.

Later, he woke up from a dream of having a bear sitting on his chest to find himself on his back with Nick’s head on his stomach. He lay awake for a while that time, listening to Nick’s soft, even breathing. How perfect was his boyfriend? He didn’t even snore.

He wasn’t aware of having drifted off again until he woke to the early light of dawn and saw Nick’s face right in front of his. So much for this being Nick’s side, he thought, smiling. He’d spent more time last night on this side of the bed than Nick had.

Before he could go to sleep again, he heard the door click, and he looked over his shoulder to see Tao’s head poking nervously around the door. “Is it safe?”

“Completely safe,” Charlie assured him, smiling as Nick, disturbed by their voices, snuggled in close and rubbed his face against Charlie’s chest. “How was your night?”

Tao’s smile stretched across his whole face. “How was yours?”

“Too short,” Nick grumbled from under the covers. “Go away.”

“Can’t,” Isaac said cheerfully, following Tao in. “We’ve got to pack and get down to breakfast so we don’t miss the coach.”

“Let’s miss it, then,” Nick suggested. “We’ll just stay in Paris.”

Charlie laughed and ruffled his hair. “I think we kind of have to go back on the coach.”

“Fine.” Nick pulled the covers up over both their heads, whispering to Charlie, “That was the best night ever. Can we do it again?”

“I hope so. We’ll have to wear down my parents.”

Nick chuckled and kissed him, morning breath and all. Then he tossed off the covers and hopped out of bed. “Right. I suppose we might as well pack. I get my jumper back, right?”

Charlie laughed. “Not a chance.”

“Thought so.”

The four of them packed and picked up the room and headed down for breakfast. Before they walked into the room where they could hear the hum of everyone else talking, Nick looked at Charlie and reached for his hand.

“You sure?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah.”

So they walked into breakfast hand-in-hand, and a lot of people stared, but no one said a word.

This time, they sat together on the coach, holding hands and leaning their heads against each other. “You have a good trip?” Nick asked. “Just what you hoped for?”

“Better,” Charlie told him.

“Hm. Good.” Nick rested his head on Charlie’s shoulder, and before long the soft breathing and the increased weight of him leaning against Charlie said he’d gone to sleep.

Charlie scrolled through his Instagram while Nick slept. Darcy had posted a selfie of all of them, with Mr. Farouk in the middle scowling at them all. And underneath that, Nick had posted the picture of them in front of the Arc de Triomphe. It wasn’t the best picture—Nick’s face was all scrunched up in the glare of the sun—but there they were together in Paris, and Nick had posted a heart with the picture.

Reading through the comments, Charlie saw one of them asking if it was true they were dating, and he glanced down at his beautiful boyfriend’s sleeping face. No one could be more shocked that it was true than he was. Every time he looked at Nick, he felt luckier than ever.

Chapter Text

Getting home from Paris felt strange. His room was the same, but Charlie thought maybe he might be different. How, he couldn’t have said, but he felt like he and Nick had become … more boyfriends, maybe, than they had been before. Now that people knew, certainly, a lot more opportunities to be together opened up for them.

He lay in his bed the next morning looking at Nick’s Instagram post of the two of them and smiling.

Or, at least, he was smiling until a text showed itself at the top of his screen. “saw Nick’s post, can we talk?” From Ben.

Charlie swiped the text away, but he wished he could swipe the memory of it—and of Ben himself—away as easily. He remembered what Nick had said, that Ben thought he could get Charlie back. Like he was a prize to be won, like he wasn’t even a person. Would Ben ever have held his hand and asked him to promise to talk to him when he wasn’t feeling well? Would Ben have dragged him across Paris to meet his father? Never. There was no comparison.

A light knock came to his door, and Charlie froze. It wasn’t like his parents to seek him out to talk, but neither of them had seemed particularly happy when he told them Nick had come out to people on the trip, so … it was possible.

Then Tori’s voice came through the door. “Have your MarioKart skills atrophied, spending all that time on the Continent?”

“No.”

“Prove it.”

Charlie threw off his covers and climbed out of bed, opening the door to see her standing there with that little smile on her face. “You might as well give it up. You’ll never beat me.”

“I beat you last time.”

“You hid my controller!”

“Yes, and then I won.”

“By cheating.”

“Still winning,” Tori argued.

They got two games in before she asked about the Paris trip.

“You should’ve come,” Charlie told her. “It was really fun.”

“My summer is for sleeping, not visiting old museums.”

On the screen, he hit her car with a booby trap. Growling, she grabbed the controller, messing up his game. “Stop it!”

Then his phone chimed, and Charlie took his attention off the game long enough to look at it. Nick, asking if Charlie’s family would like to come to a dinner party at his house while his dad was in town.

He explained to Tori, who rolled her eyes. “Wow. Mum will love that.”

“What d’you mean?”

“She’s not exactly Nick’s biggest fan, is she?”

No. That was true. But that was because his mum barely knew Nick. When she saw him more, when she met Sarah and saw how nice their house was, she would think differently. “Well, maybe this will help her see how great he is,” Charlie suggested.

His phone chimed again, and he looked to see what adorable thing Nick had said, only to find another message from Ben, this one telling him that Ben knew he’d seen his first message. And then another from Ben saying they needed to talk.

It was like being locked in a dark, cold room, all alone, feeling as if no one would ever love him. Charlie knew better, of course he did—but the feeling came, all the same.

Charlie looked at the messages, then looked at Tori, waiting for her to say something, but she kept silent. They went back to the game, Tori leaning against his shoulder in her comfy bathrobe, as if to remind him that he didn’t have to be with Ben anymore, that he had people who truly cared for him.

They stopped playing when Tori got bored of losing, and Charlie finally went and took a shower and sat down to play drums. Sometimes drums were for bad days, when he was feeling down; but other times, drums were for good times, when he was feeling confident and cool and able to do anything. Despite Ben, this was one of the good times.

When he paused for a bit, he scrolled Instagram, just to see if he’d missed anything, and a post popped up from Elle. Her art was being displayed at Lambert the following week, in a proper art show. She asked all of them to come along.

Their group was blowing up her comments section already, and Charlie added his “wow!!” He wondered if this meant she had gotten into the school, and how Tao would feel about that. Charlie wasn’t even dating Elle, and it felt strange to think she might go away as soon as next year. Tao must be terrified. Charlie could barely consider Nick going off to uni, and that was still two years away.

Tao’s response came in, asking if she’d gotten a place, and Elle said she hadn’t heard yet. But having her art displayed in a show for them had to mean she had a good chance of getting in.

Elle’s next comment came in: “We NEED to go shopping for art exhibition outfits”

Darcy responded, “omg AND prom outfits!”

Then Tao asked how they were supposed to get to Lambert, and Charlie immediately suggested they take a train together. “paris squad day out!!” Did they qualify as a squad? He certainly hoped so. He’d always wanted to be part of a squad.

That suggestion got a lot of approving emojis, so it was decided. They’d all take the train to the art exhibit, and before that, they’d go shopping for new outfits. Charlie had assumed that was only the girls, but they seemed to think the boys would come, too. Maybe he would get something new. Something that made him feel the way he felt when Nick was looking at him with that lopsided smile and that warmth in his eyes.

Much as he liked being alone with Nick, the idea that they had friends they could go out with, together, all in a group, was pretty awesome, too.

The group of them walked through the shopping district, separated into couples, busily talking over the art show and the prom and what they would wear. Nick wanted a nice suit, maybe in grey, which Charlie thought would look nice … but felt awfully grown up and stiff for the Nick he knew.

Then, over all the babble, came Isaac’s voice. “Guys.” When they all turned to look at him, Charlie realised that it hadn’t been a group of them—it had been three couples, with Isaac trailing behind them. He felt bad about that. Isaac shouldn’t have to walk by himself just because he wasn’t in a couple. Isaac was smiling at all of them, though, as he continued, “Um, I’m going to catch up with you in a bit. I said I’d meet up with James.”

“Oh, my God, they’re going to kiss!” Darcy exclaimed. She was such a matchmaker.

“Good luck!” Charlie called.

“Have fun,” Nick added, taking Charlie’s hand again. Right here in the street, too.

Isaac walked away from all of them. Charlie wondered, a bit—even for him, Isaac had been quiet lately. But then Nick squeezed his hand and started asking him what he might want to wear to prom, and he forgot all about it.

Chapter Text

As Charlie was wandering the store, looking for something out of the ordinary and unusual to wear to the art show—because what else would a person wear to an art show?—his phone chimed. Thinking it was Nick wondering where he was, he looked at it, smiling, only to have the smile disappear when he saw it was from Ben. “please charlie”

Why? What could he possibly offer Ben Hope, now or ever before? Ben had made it very clear Charlie wasn’t good enough for him, wasn’t what he wanted. So why now, when Charlie had moved on and found someone who really did care about him, was Ben coming back and begging for attention?

Another text came in. “i have a lot to say to you”

Charlie just bet he did. Well, whatever it was, he didn’t want to hear it.

Before he could decide whether to tell Ben to leave him alone or just ignore the texts, Nick appeared in front of him, leaning on a rack of clothes. “I think I’m going to go to prom,” he said thoughtfully.

Since Charlie had assumed he was—since they had, in fact, been talking about suits—this wasn’t entirely a surprise announcement. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Um … would you like to, like, um, be my prom date?”

Now that was a surprise. The two of them, going to prom together, hand in hand, just like any other couple. Charlie couldn’t stop smiling. “Really?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s stupid.”

“No. No, it’s not,” Charlie said quickly. It was probably a stupid fantasy, going to prom with a boyfriend, out and together and open, but he’d had it for years, secretly. And now Nick was making it come true.

Nick smiled.

He needed to make sure Nick knew what he was getting into, though. “We might get a lot of attention. And I don’t want to wear matching suits.”

“Oh, me neither,” Nick said, in a tone that indicated he’d never given it the slightest thought.

Okay, so Charlie was a romantic dork who dreamed about prom, and Nick was a romantic dork who never had. But they were still both romantic dorks, and that was more than enough. “Good.”

“Good.”

“Shall we go see where everyone else is?”

“Yeah.”

They found Tao by the accessories counter, and the three of them started loading Tao up with the most ridiculous things they could find.

When the woman running the counter glared at them, they hastily put everything back exactly the way they’d found it. At a squeal from Tara, they looked toward the dressing room. Darcy had come out wearing the suit Tara had convinced her to try on, and she looked really good. Grown-up, almost, and dashing. They joined the girls, gathering round her.

Darcy looked so proud, but also a bit worried. She said she didn’t think she had enough to afford it.

So Tara started taking up a collection. All of them pitched in to make sure Darcy could afford to buy the amazing suit. Charlie could just imagine the two of them at prom, and how good they’d look together.

She hurried off to pay, thanking them all as she went, and they all smiled at each other. Prom was going to be so much fun, the six of them together.

But Charlie couldn’t help thinking of Isaac. Maybe he could go with James, but what if he couldn’t? Then he’d be missing out on something all the rest of them got to do.

It was raining when Isaac found them outside the store. They were all standing there in couples, under shared umbrellas.

Over Tara and Darcy’s excited speculation about winning “Best Dressed Couple”, Elle looked into Isaac’s face and asked, “Did something happen?”

“Something definitely happened,” Charlie said. Isaac had kind of a stunned look on his face, like he had found something he didn’t know he’d been looking for.

“Did you kiss?” Darcy sang the words.

And then Isaac completely snapped, in a way Charlie had seen only once or twice in all the time they’d known each other, and never on his own behalf. “Can you guys just shut up?” Into the silence that followed, he kept going. “Look, I get that you don’t think my life is interesting unless I have some kind of romantic drama going on, but I’m sorry to break it to you, I don’t like him back! Okay? You can all carry on with your day now.”

He pushed past them.

“Isaac—” Charlie said softly.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m fine. I just … I don’t want to talk about it.”

They watched him go with concern.

“You think he’s okay?” Nick asked. “I’ve never seen him like that.”

“No, me neither,” Elle said. “And I don’t think he’s okay.”

“We should give him some space,” Tara suggested. “Let him come to us if he wants to talk.”

Maybe, Charlie thought. And maybe not. Sometimes people needed space … but other times leaving them alone only made them feel they had no one to talk to.

As he got dressed ready to go to the art show, Charlie texted Isaac. “you okay?”

“Fine. Just forget about it.”

“you sure?” “because i’m here to talk if you need to”

“I know. Sorry I was awful.”

“you weren’t awful!” “everyone’s allowed a bad day” “we were kind of awful”, Charlie added. They had been, pestering Isaac about James. They should have left it alone unless and until Isaac told them anything.

By the time they met at the art show, everything seemed forgiven and forgotten. Nick made sure to give Isaac a hug. Charlie loved the way Nick had become part of their group, and the generous heart that made him worry about anyone who seemed unhappy or in pain.

Isaac was his usual calm, cheerful self, so Charlie hoped that whatever had been bothering him earlier had passed, or at least that he’d come to terms with it—and that if he hadn’t, he’d reach out to one of them to talk. Heaven knew Isaac had sat through enough of their drama, offering advice and simply being there. He deserved their listening ears in return.

Elle came toward them, looking tall and poised and beautiful in a floaty pink dress. “Oh, wow!” Charlie said, looking at her. She had always had style, but recently she had really come into her own, taking ownership of the way she looked.

Tao rushed to hug her and then they kissed, while the rest of the group was still gushing over her look.

They separated, joining the group, and Tara asked, “How are you?”

“Nervous.”

“Don’t be nervous,” they hastened to reassure her. “It’s going to be great.”

Isaac took her arm and led her into the show, while the rest of them followed.

The show was amazing. Packed with people, art lining the walls and hung down the center of the aisle. It was like nothing Charlie had ever been to before. It felt … grown up.

A girl he’d never seen before rushed up to Elle. “I love your piece. I’m so excited for it to be revealed later.”

“Thank you!”

“And I can’t wait to see what art you make when you start with us in September.”

The girl disappeared as the rest of them took a moment to realise what she had just said.

“You got in?” Isaac asked her.

“Yeah.”

“Elle!” Charlie exclaimed. Not that he’d had any doubts, but … he was so proud of her. He said so, and he and Isaac both hugged her.

Chapter Text

Elle’s painting was covered, and she refused to let anyone have so much as a peek at it until it was time for the big reveal. They all crowded around Elle’s painting. Elle was introduced as a new student, starting in September, so Charlie guessed if she had hesitated at all, the decision had been made now. She was asked if she wanted to say anything about her piece.

She stepped forward, taking her place next to her art. Charlie could see that she was nervous, but she held herself so calmly he was sure most of the crowd couldn’t tell.

“So …” she began. “There have been a lot of changes in my life over the last couple of years, but, with this piece, I guess I wanted to capture a place that holds a lot of happy memories. Even in the darker times. Somewhere I always felt … safe.”

And then the cloth was pulled off and Elle’s painting was there for everyone to see.

Charlie felt tears sting his eyes. She was right—it was a place they had all felt safe. Him, and her, and Tao, and Isaac, in the art room, where it had all started. He and Isaac surged forward immediately to hug her, seeing their whole friendship, everything that had brought them together, there on that one canvas. And then Tao joined them, too, the four of them. There had been darkness, but as the painting showed, there had also been rays of light. And they had come through to the other side, to this place where they had each other, and from the strength they had built together, they could move forward and start to explore who they were and what the world had to offer them.

And then they had to step back, because other people wanted to crowd round Elle and congratulate her and tell her how awesome she was, and she deserved every single glowing word.

Charlie and Isaac made their way back to where Nick was standing. “I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted,” Charlie said.

“You want to go?” Nick asked.

“Yeah. I think so. Isaac?”

Isaac looked around him, his eyes lingering on a piece of art in the center of the room. “No, I think I’ll stay.”

“All right. Good-night, then.” Charlie hugged him once more for good measure, and then he left with Nick, both of them talking about the art as they left the building.

“Every single piece of art there was, like, amazing,” Nick said.

“Agreed.”

“But, yeah, like, Elle’s is in a different league.”

“It was.”

And that was as far as they got, because Ben Hope stepped out from behind a pillar and stood there, waiting for Charlie to notice him.

Charlie froze, staring at Ben. He didn’t want to be here. No, he didn’t want Ben to be here. Ben carried the darkness of the past with him, he was surrounded by it. And Charlie wanted to move into the future, into the light. Where Nick was.

“Hey,” Ben said, as if they were just friends who happened to run into each other. But his face wasn’t as casual as his tone. He looked … scared. Like he didn’t know what to say, or what Charlie would say.

Nick stepped between them. “What are you doing here?”

Looking past Nick, Ben said, “I … I need to talk to you.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Nick told him, reaching for Charlie’s hand and starting to pull him away.

Charlie couldn’t seem to move. He didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to talk to Ben, but he was stuck, staring, fascinated. He knew Ben didn’t have anything to say he wanted to hear, but some small self-punishing part of him wanted to hear it anyway. He let Nick start to tug him away.

Ben called after them, “I just want to apologise.”

At those words, Charlie stopped and looked back at him. Was it possible he was sincere? Was it possible he thought saying “sorry” was going to make up for everything?

“Properly,” Ben added when he saw he’d caught Charlie’s attention. “Please. Just hear me out.”

Charlie looked at Nick, who was still holding his hand, firm and steady, and then back at Ben.

Ben said, “I’m not going back to Truham for sixth form, so if you really hate me after this, you’ll never see me again.”

Did he actually think it was possible Charlie would stop hating him? And if only it was true that he’d never see him again, never hear from him again. He wanted to forget Ben and everything Ben had made him feel, to move on with his life. But to do that, apparently he had to let Ben get whatever this was out of his system, or he’d just keep coming back.

He looked at Nick, who was clearly unhappy with all of this, then let go of Nick’s hand and walked back to Ben. The air seemed to grow colder with every step away from Nick’s warmth and back into the darkness that was Ben. But Nick was right behind him. Nick wouldn’t leave him.

“Go on, then.” He looked into Ben’s eyes, the eyes he had been tricked into thinking were caring, once upon a time.

“I’m a messed-up person, Charlie. I liked you. You know that, don’t you?” Ben was actually smiling. Like any part of what had gone on between them was worth smiling about. “I know I was a piece of shit, but … I really liked you. If I’d just had more time …” He took a deep breath. “I want to be like you two, but—my parents would never accept who I really am.”

Charlie looked down, feeling that pain. He wasn’t sure his parents actually accepted him for who he was, either. But that didn’t make it okay to take that hurt and put it on someone else.

“I’m sorry. For everything,” Ben said. “I just … wanted something good.” He smiled again. “You were something good.”

For a moment, Charlie could see their relationship the way Ben described it, the way Ben wanted to remember it. But it hadn’t been that way. It hadn’t been a person in pain reaching out for something to grab hold of, a lifeline. It had been a person in pain seeing someone weaker than themself to use to feel better.

He looked at Ben, straight in the eyes. “Do you remember the first time you kissed me?”

Ben nodded, still smiling, like it was a good memory.

But Charlie wanted to make it clear that it was not, and it never would be. “You didn’t even ask. You didn’t puase to wonder whether it was what I wanted, and I went along with it because I had a crush, and I didn’t know any better. I didn’t realise that you had all the control.” He swallowed, trying to get the words out, trying to make sure they were the right ones. “When I eventually did realise, I thought … ‘This must be what I deserve’. Someone taking whatever he wants from me whenever he wants. Treating me like I’m nothing the rest of the time.”

He thought about meeting Ben in the halls, Ben pretending they didn’t know each other. And about meeting Nick, when they really didn’t know each other, and Nick’s smile every time. That’s what he deserved, he reminded himself. It always had been.

Ben was silent, but he was no longer smiling.

Charlie went on, because he wasn’t quite finished. “And now whenever anything good happens in my life, there’s a little voice in the back of my mind telling me I’m worthless and that I don’t deserve it. And now you want me to forgive you so you can feel better about yourself?”

He could see the tightening in Ben’s jaw, but whether he was angry or feeling defensive or actually feeling guilty was hard to tell.

“I’m glad you realise what you did was wrong,” Charlie told him, “but you don’t get to ambush me into forgiving you. ‘Sorry’ doesn’t make up for everything you did to me. I really hope you become a better person so you don’t hurt anyone else.” He thought then of Imogen, of that other girl he had glimpsed once by the school gate. What scars had Ben left on them? “But I don’t want to be there to see that happen. I don’t want to see you ever again.”

And with that, he turned and reached for Nick, who took his hand immediately, but didn’t say anything. Charlie was grateful for that.

They left Ben standing there. He could stand there forever for all Charlie cared.

Chapter Text

Nick didn’t speak until they were halfway home. At last he asked softly, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He wasn’t, really, still keyed up, his stomach twisted in knots. But in another way, he was more okay than he’d been in a long time. “I don’t really want to talk about it. Not right now.”

“Of course. Is it … is it okay if I say I’m proud of you? You needed to say those things … and he needed to hear them.”

“Thanks.” Charlie squeezed Nick’s hand.

“Just—I promise, this is the last thing. Charlie, if I ever make you feel—”

“You don’t.”

“Never?”

“Never.”

“But if the voice in your head ever—”

Charlie squeezed his hand to make him stop. He understood Nick’s anxieties, or at least, he thought he did, but this wasn’t about that. “Nick. It’s my voice, in my head. It’s not about you.”

“I know. At least—I’m trying to know. I just … I don’t ever want you to feel like you don’t deserve … everything.”

“I know you don’t. Really. Just—sometimes knowing isn’t enough.”

Nick nodded. “I get that.” He stroked the back of Charlie’s hand with his thumb. “And you didn’t want to talk about it, and here I am. Sorry.”

“What have we said about that word?” Charlie teased him.

“It’s our favourite?”

“Seems like it. Now … on to the next exciting part of our day. How are you feeling about the dinner with your dad?”

“Okay? I guess? I don’t know. Did you—did you tell your parents not to say anything?”

“Yeah.” And hadn’t that been a conversation. His mum had not been pleased.

“I’m—” Nick stopped and cleared his throat. “I wish it didn’t have to be like this. If I could have found the words to tell him in Paris—”

“He left before you could tell him anything,” Charlie reminded him. “That’s not your fault. You tried.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Nick looked tense, and Charlie wished none of this was happening, that they were going back for a nice movie night with Sarah, pizza and snuggles with Nellie, just quietly being together. Still … his parents getting to know Nick’s parents was a good thing. Nick’s father getting to know Nick would be a good thing. Charlie wanted to help make that happen.

When they arrived at Nick’s house, his father was already there, on the couch with David shouting over a football match. He was shouting in French, which was somewhat novel to Charlie, at least. But they could hear him from the driveway. Charlie had never liked raised voices, and he knew Nick didn’t, either. Nick turned to him, taking a deep breath.

“Do we need to pretend to be platonic BFFs in front of your dad?” Not telling him was one thing. Pretending to be good buddies in the way he’d expect was quite another.

“I mean …” That stressed look was back in Nick’s eyes. “Yeah. Maybe just for now. But I’m going to tell him about us tonight.”

Charlie stood up on his toes and kissed him, glad to see the smile back on Nick’s face. “You can do it. I’m here for you … mate.” He punched Nick lightly in the chest with both fists.

“You did not just call me ‘mate’.”

“Pal. Bro.” He drew that one out, making his voice unnaturally deep. “Supportive straight friend?”

“Charlie!” But Nick was laughing, which had been the point.

They went into the house together. “Dad, we’re home,” Nick said.

“Ah, Nick!” Stephane didn’t get up, just turned on the couch and raised a hand to slap Nick’s, or shake it. Charlie wasn’t clear. He said something in French, gesturing to Charlie.

“Charlie,” Nick reminded him.

“Yeah. Charlie.” They shook hands formally. “Good to see you again.” He turned back to the TV. “You guys should come and join us. Look, it’s Toulouse and Montpellier. Look at that. Look at that.”

Nick’s dad appeared oblivious to David staring up at Nick and Charlie with an undeniable smirk spread across his face. Charlie didn’t like that look at all. David was going to be trouble tonight, he could tell.

But then both David and Stephane were caught up in the game, and Nick and Charlie turned and went into the kitchen. Sarah was at the stove, cooking something.

“Shall I lay the table, Sarah?” Charlie asked.

She turned to smile at him. “Oh, you are a good boy.” Picking up a large stock pot from the stove, she carried it to the counter.

Quietly, Nick asked her, “How’s it been since he got here?”

“It’s been fine.” She looked up and smiled at him and repeated herself for good measure.

The exchange said a lot about their relationship and about the way Stephane unsettled both of them.

“He doesn’t have to know, sweetheart,” Sarah said. “He’s got no right to know. You don’t owe him a thing.”

David and Stephane were punctuating the conversation with their shouts at the TV. Such a contrast to the quiet, peaceful house Charlie knew Nick and his mum preferred. Nellie was nowhere to be seen, probably hiding in Nick’s room where it was quiet. Charlie wished he could join her.

“I’m not doing it for him,” Nick said. “I’m … doing it for me.”

The doorbell rang, and Charlie’s nerves ratcheted up a few levels. He wished they had done this dinner party when it was only them, without the extra stress of Nick’s father and brother there.

But what was done was done, and they would just have to do their best to manage their families. Sarah took off her apron and patted herself down to make sure she didn’t have flour or anything spattered on her clothes. Charlie and Nick exchanged glances, and together they all went to answer the door.

Chapter Text

Sarah opened the door, her face brightening as she saw Charlie’s parents. “Hi! Hello, thank you for coming.”

Charlie’s parents stepped in, looking round the house. He had never been particularly sensitive to the differences between him and Nick as far as how much money their families had, but he could see on his mum’s face that she was. She looked round her avidly as she was led through the house.

Stephane and David were on their feet, the TV off, by the time Charlie’s family came into the room. Handshakes and introductions were exchanged. Charlie didn’t miss the way Tori looked at David. She’d been very quiet about Nick’s brother, but he could tell she didn’t like David much. And the feeling appeared to be mutual.

“Come in, come in,” Sarah said, smiling. “Charlie laid the table for us already. Such a lovely boy,” she said to his mum. “Such good manners.”

“Thank you.” It was his mum’s chilly voice. She didn’t like that he knew his way around well enough to lay the table. Although that was one of his chores at home, had been since he was small, so he didn’t think it was surprising that he might take it on here as well.

“Have a seat, please.” Sarah gestured to the table. She picked up the bottle of wine Charlie’s dad had brought and handed it to Nick’s dad. “Stephane, would you mind?”

“Not at all.” He deftly uncorked the bottle.

“Dav—” But David had already seated himself. Sarah turned to Nick, instead. “Will you help me with the food?”

“Of course, Mum.” Nick cast an annoyed glance at his brother over his shoulder.

They were all seated and served, and everything was very quiet at first. Then Charlie’s dad asked Stephane about France, and apparently that was all he needed to get started.

“I grew up in the south of France. Near Narbonne.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah. Very near Spain,” Charlie’s dad said. “My father’s from the south of Spain. Almeria.”

“Oh, yeah. But your surname—it’s so English.”

Ah, the Spring family history. There was little Charlie’s dad liked better to talk about, although not as often with people he’d just met. “Yeah, well, um … He always said that we had a rather complicated family tree.”

“It’s a long story,” Charlie’s mum added, laughing. Her real laugh, which was a good sign. “Do you visit often, Stephane?”

“As much as I can. My job, it keeps me very busy.”

Charlie focused on his plate, on cutting his food carefully and precisely. One bite, he told himself. But he couldn’t help looking up at Stephane, feeling angry on Nick’s behalf. How could someone who was part of Nick’s life be so uninterested in what an amazing, generous, caring person he was?

“I’m in property development,” Stephane continued.

“You should see some of the places Dad renovates,” David put in. “Insane.” He grinned across the table at Nick. A reminder, Charlie thought, that Nick had never seen those places. Although Charlie still wasn’t clear on how much of that was Stephane’s choice and how much Nick’s.

Stephane looked down at his plate for a moment. “Work isn’t everything, you know? Although the pay does help.”

Into the silence that followed Stephane’s joke, which wasn’t really a joke, David spoke up. “Dad, has Nick told you how he met Charlie?”

“No, he hasn’t.”

Next to Charlie, Nick looked up at his brother, alarmed. Tori glared at David, who grinned challengingly at Nick.

“Um … we got sat together in school, and then Charlie joined the rugby team.”

“Oh. You play rugby, Charlie?” Stephane asked.

Smiling, Charlie shook his head. “I’m not very good.”

His mum made a disapproving noise at that. She never liked him not to be good at things. Of course, she’d never seen him play, so she probably thought he was better than he was.

David took another swig of his beer. “Nick was obsessed with getting Charlie to join. Wonder why.”

Nick put his knife and fork down. Charlie could feel the tension increasing in him.

Tori looked at David. “What is your problem?”

But Stephane was oblivious. “I played rugby when I was in university. It’s a very attractive sport to women.”

Considering that none of the rugby lads had girlfriends, Charlie rather doubted that was universally true.

Then Stephane asked the inevitable question. “Have neither of you boys found girlfriends?”

Nick looked down at his plate.

Charlie jumped in, forcing a smile. “No. I guess not.”

“Ah, well. There’s still time.”

Sarah gave them both an understanding look. She seemed as uncomfortable as Charlie felt.

David couldn’t let such an opening go unremarked. “Yeah, I’m not sure Nick’s too interested in looking for girlfriends, really.”

Across the table, Charlie saw Tori clamp her hand down on David’s arm, fingers digging into his skin. “Don’t you dare.” He was so grateful for her. He really needed to tell her that.

Quietly but firmly, Sarah said, “David, be respectful, please, at the table. We have guests.”

Stephane looked from David to Sarah and back, clearly not sure what was going on. Charlie’s parents both had their heads down, not wanting to get involved with this family drama.

Next to Charlie, Nick said quietly, exasperated, “Why do you always do this?”

“I’m just trying to help.”

Nick’s knife and fork clattered to his plate. “Sorry, this is ridiculous.” As he took a deep breath, everyone around the table held very still, waiting for his next words. He looked at his father calmly. “Dad, Charlie’s my boyfriend. Surprise. I’m bi, he’s gay, and I was actually really stressed out about how I was going to tell you, but you know what? I don’t care what you think about it anymore. ‘Cause you don’t care to even see us more than two times a year.” Charlie could hear from the quaver in Nick’s voice what a strain it was for him to keep himself so controlled as he said these things, not to let the deep hurt they came from show.

To his credit, Stephane nodded. He looked away, unable to hold his son’s gaze.

“And, you know, every time I do see you, I always think ‘this is it’. ‘This is the time when you might actually take an interest in my life’, but … you never do. So if you don’t care, then … then I don’t care, either.” He turned to look at his brother, his voice rising. “And I don’t know why you’re acting like you are ten years old, but your bullying just doesn’t affect me anymore because, quite simply, I do not care. I like who I am. I like my life.”

Sarah looked at him, a small smile crossing her face.

“Maybe you should stay with Dad next time,” Nick finished. He got to his feet, pushing back his chair. He dropped his napkin on his plate. “Sorry, Mum.” And he left the table.

A silence followed, broken by David, who laughed. “Just gonna let him talk to us like that?”

“Oh, David, be quiet. We’ve heard quite enough from you, thank you,” Sarah told him.

“It’s Nick that’s making a scene. He’s always causing a fuss.” He started cutting his food again, the only one who seemed to have an appetite left. He cast a glance at his father. “Dad agrees.”

Stephane looked at him. Quietly, his voice thick, he said, “You have not grown up into the man I had hoped you would be, David.”

Sarah stared at him. “As if you have any right to say that. You barely see your children.”

Charlie looked at his father, who nodded slightly, and then he got up and went after Nick. Whatever might happen at the table, Nick was his concern.

Chapter Text

Nick’s parents were still arguing at the table when Charlie came outside to find Nick. “Are you okay?”

Nodding, Nick appeared to think it over. “I actually think I am. I didn’t mean for it to happen that way, but, um … it felt good to say it.”

Charlie smiled at him, so proud of him for keeping his temper, for saying everything that needed to be said. “Do you want a hug anyway?”

As he had expected, Nick did. They held each other tight. This was what mattered, the two of them. Not Nick’s dad or his brother, or Charlie’s parents, or Ben, or anyone. Just them. Together.

Sarah came out of the house while they were hugging. She came toward them, forcing a smile. “Well, that went well.”

Nick let go of Charlie and turned to his mum. “Sorry.”

“No, I’m pleased you said what you said. Especially to your dad. He needed to hear it.”

“He’s not a very good dad, is he?”

Sarah laughed. “No, he’s not.”

Nick thought that over. “Wh—why doesn’t he care?”

She considered the question for a moment. “I wish I understood, but I don’t. I think it’s a very sad way to exist.” She reached out to hug Nick. When they let go, she said, “What shall we talk about over dessert?”

They all laughed.

But actually, the rest of the night was quite pleasant. David sulked, but you couldn’t really tell a difference there—at least, Charlie couldn’t. Sarah and Charlie’s dad kept the conversation going. Stephane was quiet, occasionally taking looks at Nick and glancing at Charlie now and then. Charlie imagined he was wondering what his son saw in this skinny dark-haired kid. Well, that was okay. He wondered it sometimes, too.

He sat there next to Nick, feeling his boyfriend’s warmth as their shoulders brushed, and thought that soon it would be over, and they didn’t have to do this again for a good long time.

After dinner, his mum offered to help with the washing up, and she and Sarah talked about domestic issues as they worked side by side. Charlie’s dad talked to Nick about rugby—he knew more than Charlie had expected him to.

And Stephane left, quietly. Charlie didn’t even notice he was gone until his parents started making noises about needing to leave.

Sarah walked them all to the door. “Sorry about all the drama.”

“Oh, we are very used to drama in our house,” Charlie’s mum assured her.

Since he suspected he was the drama she was referring to, that stung a bit. Still, it was nice of her to try to make Sarah feel better.

“It takes a lot for Nick to stand up to David like that,” Sarah said. “He must care for Charlie very deeply.”

Charlie’s mum turned back to look at him. She rarely seemed that uncertain. He hoped that maybe she was coming to accept that this was more than a crush—that Nick was a very important part of his life, and was likely to stay that way.

Behind him, Tori was asking Nick if he was okay, and he was assuring her that he was.

As Charlie caught up with his mum, she ducked her head a little. “He’s a nice boy,” she admitted. “When he’s not distracting you from your coursework.” From her, that was a glowing review. “And maybe we could have him and Sarah round in a few weeks?”

Charlie grinned. “Yeah.”

“Okay.” She put a hand on his arm, briefly, and went to the door to say goodbye to Sarah.

Nick followed Charlie outside, standing there and smiling at him. “So. Prom tomorrow?”

“Yeah. We’re still going together?”

“Yeah.”

“Like together together?” Charlie still couldn’t quite believe it.

“Yeah. Don’t you want to?”

The car started, a signal that Charlie needed to go. He didn’t want to. He wanted to stay here with Nick, possibly forever. He leaned up and kissed his boyfriend goodbye, right there in front of their families, and headed for the car.

That night, as Charlie was getting ready for bed, a knock came at his door. “Come in,” he called, expecting it to be Tori.

But instead, it was his dad. “I just wanted to check on you. That was a lot, tonight.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it was. But I’m fine. Thanks.” His father nodded and started to step out of the room, but Charlie called out after him. “Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. For … for trying.”

“Of course. Charlie … you’re my son. I’m—” He was struggling a bit. In Charlie’s family, they didn’t talk about their feelings. They were polite. And his father was always so quiet. He let Charlie’s mum lead, do most of the talking. “I’m proud of you. After—after what happened, I was so worried for you. But I knew you had your friends, and … now I know you have Nick. But—you always have me, too, Charlie. I love you.”

“Dad,” Charlie whispered, surprised by the sentiment and the support. “I—I love you, too.”

His dad cleared his throat. “And, well … I’m no rugby star, but I know a few things. If you wanted to throw the ball a bit in the park some afternoon? Maybe you and Nick?”

Charlie grinned. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that. Thanks, Dad.”

“Good-night, Charlie.”

“Good-night, Dad.”

His door closed with a soft click. Charlie stared at it for a moment. He’d always taken his parents for granted, when he wasn’t feeling sorry for himself because they were so strict and had such high expectations always. But … they were always there. He hadn’t hesitated to come out to them, and they had been supportive from the first.

And Tori. No one could ask for a fiercer protector than his sister, or a sibling more firmly in their corner. Yes, Charlie thought, pulling back his covers and climbing into bed. His family might be odd, and a bit on the cold and distant side, but they were a family, first and foremost, and that meant more than he had ever imagined it might.

Chapter Text

Charlie woke up, stretching. He was torn between the long and emotionally difficult day yesterday had been, and the long and hopefully exciting day today was supposed to be.

For a few minutes, he just lay there, looking at the picture of him and Nick and Nellie in the snow, dreamily imagining what it would be like to go to prom with his boyfriend. Then he reached over and picked up his phone, opening Instagram, meaning just to look at a few posts.

At first, he didn’t realise what he was seeing. Nick had posted pictures of them before. But this was different—this was the two of them in the same bed, wrestling and laughing, and underneath it the caption read: “Boyfriends (I’m bi, actually)”.

“Oh, my God,” Charlie whispered to himself. “Oh, my God!”

He switched to the text thread and typed out, in all caps: “COME OVER. RIGHT NOW.”

Nick replied with a string of hearts, and Charlie scrambled out of bed to get dressed and run downstairs, so that when Nick came down his walk he was standing there, waiting to rip the door open and throw himself into his boyfriend’s arms.

“You—you are the best!” he said as Nick lifted him off his feet and whirled him round and round. When Nick put him back down, he asked, “Have you seen the comments?” He’d been scrolling through them as he got dressed one-handed.

They went upstairs and lay down together on Charlie’s bed, scrolling through. So many hearts, so many people happy for them. A few not so much, but then, they had expected that, hadn’t they?

“I guess we knew this would happen,” Nick said, echoing Charlie’s thoughts.

“Are we going to get mobbed at prom tonight?” Charlie wasn’t totally unhappy about the prospect.

“There might be some stares. Are you sure you want to go?”

Charlie closed his phone and turned to Nick, propping himself up on one elbow. “This is the best my life has ever been. I don’t have to hide my amazing boyfriend anymore. I’m not getting bullied. Everything’s perfect.” Maybe that was a stretch, but it was close enough to true for today.

Nick smiled that adorable half-smile Charlie loved so much.

“So we’re going to go to prom and we’re going to be the cutest couple there,” Charlie continued, “and everyone will see.” He rested his head on Nick’s chest, soaking in his warmth. “Is it weird that I have no interest in getting up? I could just lie here all day until it’s time for prom.”

“I don’t see why not.” Nick’s chuckle resonated through his chest. “I don’t want to go anywhere, either. I just want to be with you.”

Charlie leaned up and kissed him, slow, then rolled over and picked up his phone again, his head resting against Nick’s strong rugby arm. They lay there together looking at their phones, occasionally making comments, until a freaked out text came in on the group chat from Tara: “Can everyone who’s free come help with prom setup? It is NOT going well”

Nick texted back “Me and Charlie are free!” Isaac and Elle chimed in as well, and Elle promised to bring Tao.

The five of them met up outside the school and walked in together, stopping to look round at the chaos that was a prom in progress.

“Oh, God,” Elle said, staring around her in shock.

Tara came up to them, stressed but relieved to have backup. “Guys—I’m having a breakdown.”

Nick and Charlie were assigned to staple glittery streamers to the front of the stage. Displaying hitherto unknown acting skills, Nick pretended to have been stapled in the hand, dissolving into giggles when Charlie caught on. “That wasn’t funny.”

“It was a little bit funny.”

“We’re meant to be finishing this so we can help elsewhere,” Charlie reminded him.

“And we will. As long as you stop trying to staple me to the stage.”

“I never started. Dork.”

Nick grinned. Before he could say anything further, Tara called him over, climbing on his shoulders so she could put up streamers over the door. Charlie watched them go, glad to see Nick so comfortable with her. To think, the two of them had barely spoken for years, and now look at them, laughing together.

The streamers safely installed, Nick put Tara down and came over to anchor a ladder for Charlie, so he could collect the helium balloons that had floated up to the ceiling. As he came down the ladder, Charlie heard someone say, not quietly, “Oh, my God. Do you think they’re actually dating?”

He turned to look as someone else replied, “Apparently.”

Nick didn’t seem to notice them. He moved the ladder, holding it so Charlie could climb up. He had the balloon strings in his other hand. Charlie found it adorable that he was taking this all so seriously.

The first kid’s voice came again. “Go and ask.”

Then the second one. “You go ask. Go on.”

Charlie tried to ignore them, but it was difficult to ignore two people staring up at you and asking if it was true you were going out with your boyfriend.

Both Nick and Charlie went quiet, looking at them and then at each other. Nick looked back at the girl who had asked. “Yeah.”

“I didn’t know you were gay, Nick,” the other kid said.

“Well, I … I’m bi, actually, but … yeah.”

The girl smiled. “I think you guys look so cute together. I told you,” she whispered loudly to her friend as they retreated back to their little knot of people to spread the word.

Nick looked up at Charlie, who was still on the ladder. “Do you want to stop and get something to eat?” Charlie looked down at him, startled and distressed. “We can walk to the shop,” Nick suggested.

Forcing a smile, Charlie said, “I’ll eat later. I had a really late breakfast, so …” He knew he had promised Nick not to lie to him about the eating, but he was so used to deflecting people’s questions about food, it just came naturally. And he didn’t want his issues ruining the day of prom. He’d be fine. “You can, though.”

He could tell from Nick’s silence that he didn’t really buy it—and it was a thin story, anyway, since Nick had been with him almost since the moment he got up—but he didn’t push the issue, which Charlie was grateful for.

Chapter Text

They left the school together, walking back toward their houses. “Um … how do you want to do this, tonight? We could—we could just meet at school, if you want to.”

“What?” Nick had been distracted and quiet for the last part of the prom preparation, but now he shook off whatever he’d been thinking about. “No! I want to go together, like a proper couple.”

Charlie smiled, relieved. He had, too, but he hadn’t wanted to pressure Nick. “But—I don’t want the whole you coming to the door and my parents taking pictures kind of thing.”

“Then we don’t have to do it that way.” Nick reached for his hand. “How about this—how about I get my stuff and bring it over, and we get ready for prom together, and then we leave from your house?”

“Yeah. Only—will your mum mind?”

“She’ll be okay. And we’ll send her a selfie.”

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

Nick nodded. “I’m sure. So, no parent pictures, just you and me. How does that sound?”

“Perfect.”

“Good. Let me go home and get my stuff, and I’ll be there soon. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Charlie.” Nick caught him by the hand and kissed him. “I can’t wait.”

“Neither can I.” Charlie walked the rest of the way home on air. This was going to be perfect.

Suitbag slung over his shoulder, Nick showed up just after Charlie had finished drying his hair. “You ready for this?”

Charlie nodded. He was suddenly so nervous he didn’t think he could speak.

“So … I’ll change in the bathroom?”

“No, I will,” Charlie said hastily. His suit was already hanging in there, the steam making sure it didn’t wrinkle.

“All right, then.” They parted at the door of Charlie’s room. “See you soon.”

It was ridiculous to be this nervous, Charlie told himself as he changed. No matter how much glitter they had stapled to the walls, it was still just the Truham-Higgs auditorium.

But it was prom, and that meant something. It meant—years of watching movies with Tao and knowing he would never have the chance to be taken to prom and now suddenly having it. With Nick, who was pretty much the boyfriend of his dreams.

At last, he thought he was okay with how his hair was, and the positioning of his tie. Nervously he knocked on the door. He opened it just a crack. “Can you close your eyes?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m nervous you’ll think I look weird.”

“Okay. I’m not looking. But, for the record, I think you always look cute.”

Charlie stepped into the room, taking in the sight of Nick standing there, hand over his eyes. The suit he was wearing fit him beautifully. He was so tall and his shoulders were so broad and he was just … eveyrthing Charlie had ever dreamed of. “Nick,” he breathed. “I can’t believe you’re my boyfriend.”

“Can I please open my eyes now?”

Looking down at himself—so skinny and weird-looking compared to Nick’s beauty—Charlie nodded. “Okay.”

Nick took his hand down and stood there staring at Charlie.

When he didn’t say anything, Charlie immediately decided he didn’t like it. “D-does it look bad?”

But Nick shook his head. “No. You look … so good. You look so good!” And then Charlie was in his arms, being lifted off the ground.

“Shut up!”

They held each other close. “How about we don’t go to prom?” Nick murmured in his ear. “We just stay here instead.”

Charlie pulled back, laughing. “No, we have to go. Everyone’s expecting us to go together now.”

“Ah. Yeah.” Nick looked seriously down into his face. “And … a big public appearance as a couple, that’s … that’s definitely what we want?”

He could picture it, the two of them walking in through the streamers hand in hand while people cheered for them, taking ridiculously cheesy prom pictures in each other’s arms, dancing in the middle of the crowd, with Nick dipping him in the dorkiest, most romantic possible way. Charlie nodded eagerly. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Then that’s what we’ll do. You ready?”

“Yeah. I really am.”

Hand-in-hand, they left Charlie’s room, escaping while his parents were distracted without any weird photos, although Tori threatened to go get them. She was, somewhat surprisingly, planning to go to prom, but alone, and in her normal clothes.

When they arrived at prom, they immediately saw Tara, looking absolutely beautiful in a flowered dress. “Hey,” Charlie said as they approached her.

She looked up from her phone, and her face lit with a smile. “Oh, my God!”

“You look insane,” Nick told her.

Tao and Elle came up just then, Elle and Tara exchanging hugs. Tao had outdone them both. He really had such a unique style. No plain suits for him. Charlie couldn’t get over what a good couple his friends made.

Then Isaac and Sahar made their appearance. Isaac looked … well, pretty much like Isaac, but with a bow tie, to Charlie’s relief. He’d been afraid he’d be the only one wearing something so old-fashioned. Sahar had a guitar on her back—apparently she was part of the band playing the prom.

Elle asked about Darcy, and Tara said she was running late and suggested they all go inside.

“Are you sure? We can wait for her,” Nick offered.

“No! She’ll show up in a bit.”

Charlie knew Darcy could be a bit flakey, but to be late for prom, knowing what it meant to Tara? That didn’t feel right. From the glances the others exchanged, they all felt it, too, but no one wanted to say anything when Tara was determined to put a brave face on whatever was happening.

“To the prom!” Tao said, and Elle took Tara’s hand as the three of them led the way.

Chapter Text

The room was full of people when they walked through the streamers into the prom. Everyone else scattered, and Nick and Charlie were left standing in the entrance together.

It wasn’t the triumphant moment of Charlie’s dreams, the two of them running in hand in hand to wild cheering … but on the other hand, there was something cool about the fact that no one was paying them any attention. They were just … a couple, like any other couple, going to prom together. Not that long ago, this wouldn’t have been possible, and now here they were and no one was batting an eye.

That was something to celebrate.

They looked at each and smiled, and clasped hands. Then they moved off into the prom.

Tao and Elle were already having their prom pictures taken, in all sorts of weird poses. Charlie envied Tao his confidence--he was always himself, no matter what.

Behind him, he heard Harry Greene’s obnoxious voice. “I can’t believe Nick’s showing off his boyfriend, but none of you managed to bring a girl!”

Both of them turned to look at him, neither sure what to do with that. Charlie supposed it was good for Harry that he was accepting of their relationship, but he’d have to come a lot farther before Charlie would want to associate with him again.

The photographer, seeing that Nick and Charlie were distracted, was asking Isaac to step up and have his picture taken. “Oh, uh … I don’t want one,” Isaac stammered.

“Isaac, why not?” Charlie asked.

“’Cause it’s so embarrassing just standing there on my own.”

“Right. Come on, then.” Charlie grabbed his hand. “The four of us are getting an art-room photo.”

“Like the good old days.” Elle smiled.

“Yes.”

Elle took Isaac’s book and hid it behind her, and the four of them posed for the photo.

When they were done with pictures, Charlie looked for Nick, but he had disappeared into the crowd somewhere. He was disappointed at first, but then, if they really needed a prom photo, they could always take one later. He found a table in the corner and sat there fairly contentedly watching the chaos of prom.

The band got started, playing a Cure song. Charlie approved. Over the heads of the crowd he could see Tao and Elle dancing, turning heads, of course. How had they not known all along that the two of them were destined for each other?

Another song was beginning, and Charlie was still sitting at the table alone, watching people gesture in his direction. That kind of attention he didn’t want. Where was Nick? Had he gotten lost in this crush of people?

Then a crowd in front of him parted, and there was his boyfriend, the most beautiful guy in the place. Charlie waved and Nick smiled broadly and waved back. Then he came and sat down next to Charlie, putting his hand out on the table for Charlie to place his in.

Somehow, when Nick was holding his hand, all the things that seemed scary or hard felt far away.

“Feels weird,” Nick said. “Should we … I don’t know … dance, or, like, get a photo or something?”

“Can you dance?”

“Oh, no. Not at all. No.”

“Me, neither.” Nick smiled at him, and Charlie looked round at the room. Everything was loud, and bright, and it felt stuffy with all these people, and what had he come here to prove anyway? What did it matter that other people saw them together? What mattered was this—him and Nick, holding hands, together. “Can we leave?”

After a moment’s surprise, Nick said, “I thought this was what you wanted. I … I’m not worried about people seeing us together.”

“But why should they have to see?” Charlie asked. All this time, he’d been so anxious for Nick to come out, so eager to show off his boyfriend, so determined to be out to the world. And now he had it, and it wasn’t important, at all, in comparison with … just this. Being with Nick. “We’ve been so obsessed with the idea of coming out, it’s like we’ve forgotten why we wanted to do it in the first place. It’s not for them. I just want to have a fun night with you and our friends.”

Nick smiled. “Yeah. I want that, too. I mean … David and my mum are out tonight, so … I do have a free house.”

Tao and Elle joined them, sinking wearily into the chairs opposite.

“You two were incredible,” Nick told them.

“You got the dance floor going,” Charlie added.

“You were throwing some serious shapes out there. Hey, Isaac.” Nick smiled at him as he took the extra chair, book in hand.

“Hey, guys.”

“Where’d you disappear to?” Charlie asked him.

But before Isaac could answer, Darcy appeared out of nowhere. “Hey. I thought prom was supposed to be vampire themed.” She looked … exhausted. Like she had slept in her clothes, or like she was about to cry. Or both.

“Oh, my God,” Elle said.

“Darcy, are you okay?”

“Where have you been?”

She looked like she might answer, but looking round the table, she didn’t see the face she expected to see. “Where’s Tara?”

“She went to find you,” Nick told her.

“Oh, no. I have to stop her.” Darcy turned to rush out, but Elle stopped her.

“Darcy, what’s going on?”

“I need … I just need to talk to Tara.”

Nick got to his feet. “Okay, I’ll tell you what we’ll do. We’ll all go to my house, we’ll call Tara and have her meet us there. So you two can talk somewhere private, and after, we’ll have our own prom, just us. Sound good?”

Charlie met Elle’s eyes across the table. She was smiling and nodding in approval. Slowly but surely, these were becoming not just Charlie’s friends, but their friends together, as a couple. That was worth a dozen proms.

Everyone else was getting up now, voicing their approval. Elle had to talk Darcy into the plan, because she wanted to rush off after Tara, but Nick convinced her it was too late to stop Tara from going wherever she had gone, and their best idea was just to get to the same place together.

At last, Darcy agreed and came along with the rest of them. On the way, they pieced together the bones of the story—that Darcy and her mum had quarrelled over the suit, and her mum had kicked her out of the house.

Charlie had issues with his mum, definitely, but she would never have gone that far, no matter how much she disapproved of him. He felt terribly for Darcy that she had to go through that, and wanted just to get to Nick’s and find Tara and let the two of them be together.

Chapter Text

Nick’s house was silent, other than Nellie, who got sleepily off the couch and came to the door, wagging her tail and being adorable as usual. They all crowded round her for pets, while Nick made sure no one else was home. David was supposed to be out late with friends, and Nick’s mum had mentioned something about errands and a late movie, but it always helped to be sure.

Not long after, they heard the tentative knock at the front door and hurried to open it. There was Tara, and she stepped inside and into Darcy’s embrace immediately. Then the rest of them piled around, all hugging and laughing.

“Love you guys,” Isaac said.

Charlie agreed. “Love you lots.”

Then they let go. Nick led Tara and Darcy into the living room, closing the doors behind them for privacy. He turned to the others. “Pretty sure we’ve got some fairy lights and things in a cupboard somewhere. Let’s make this look like prom, shall we?”

So they all hurried off, scouring Nick’s house for decorations, putting things up. Fairy lights were everywhere when they were finished.

The living room already had lights up—Nick’s mum liked to sit there on summer evenings with just those lights on.

Charlie could see that Tara and Darcy were on their feet, embracing. Slow-dancing, it appeared. He couldn’t wait any longer before he poked his head in, whispering, “You guys okay?”

Nick, over his shoulder, said, “Shall I make some tea?”

They nodded, smiling at each other. “Yeah. Let’s have some tea.”

So they came out and Nick made tea for everyone, and found beers for those who wanted one. They played beer pong briefly, but Elle was way too good at it.

For a while they separated, all the couples on different couches in each other’s arms, Isaac on the floor with his book, Nellie’s head on his leg being petted slowly as he read.

They played some kind of game that involved picking up boxes with your teeth. Isaac beat them all at that one.

The others went to the kitchen to scrounge what was in the refrigerator. Charlie didn’t want to—this was too nice a night to worry about food. Nick seemed to understand, because he held Charlie there on the couch, kissing him. It was so easy to lose himself in Nick’s arms, to kiss him like there was nothing else important in the world.

“Okay, lovebirds.” Elle sat herself down, and the others surrounded them, all of them piled on the couch together laughing, trying to decide what to do next. None of them had said anything, but they all wanted to make sure Isaac felt included, that this wasn’t just couple time, but full friend group time.

So they played hide-and-seek, naturally, everyone scattering. Strict rules about not hiding in couples weren’t made, but were followed anyway.

“You know,” Darcy said, when her last ridiculous non-hiding place had been found too easily by her estimation, “I missed most of the actual prom. Let’s dance.”

“Good idea.” Tao and Elle smiled at each other, and Nick plugged his phone into his portable speaker and started some music.

They danced together as a group, they danced in couples, they laughed as though humour had been invented just for them. It was magic.

And the best magic of all, to Charlie, was when Nick pulled him into his arms and they slow-danced to the sappiest, most romantic song Charlie had ever heard. “You complete liar,” he whispered into Nick’s ear.

“Why?”

“You can too dance.”

Nick chuckled against his shoulder. “Only with you. Only ever with you.”

Sadly, even the most perfect night imaginable had to end eventually. Everyone collected their things, helped Nick tidy up a bit, and then headed out, hugging Nick and Charlie at the door as they went.

And then it was just the two of them, standing there in the doorway together, like this was their house and they lived here together and they never had to say good-bye again.

Charlie called out “Bye!” after everyone else, then turned to his boyfriend. Nick reached out and Charlie came into his embrace, putting his arms round Nick’s neck. As always, Nick lifted him off his feet, turning him round as he reached out with one arm to close the door.

He spun them till Charlie was dizzy. Or maybe that was just being with Nick. Maybe … maybe this was more than just having a teenage boyfriend. Maybe this was something real, something more. For the first time, Charlie could imagine a future where they were grown up and still together, moving in together, living together, never parting except to know they would be back here together at the end of every day.

He didn’t just like Nick, Charlie realised. He loved him. He was in love with him. From his smile and the hair that constantly fell into his face to his strong arms and broad shoulders to the generous and loving heart that lay beneath his gigantic comfy jumpers. Charlie loved all of it.

Nick carried him to the stairs before putting him down. “There we go.”

He reached a hand out to Nick, leading him up the stairs. To his own bedroom, granted, but part of Charlie was still pretending this was their shared grown-up house.

They fell onto the bed together, snuggling in close, lying there in each other’s arms. It felt so good, Nick’s familiar heartbeat beneath his ear, Nick’s much-loved scent all around him, the feeling of being completely safe and cared for. Charlie lay there contentedly for a long time, listening to Nick’s breathing slow and even out, dreaming hazy daydreams.

Chapter Text

At some point, Charlie grew concerned about how much time was passing. His mum was coming round on Nick, but even on prom night, it wouldn’t do to blow past the curfew she'd set by too much. Nick was asleep, or nearly so, and Charlie hated to wake him enough that he considered just slipping out of bed and letting him sleep, but … this was prom night, and he did want his good-night kiss.

“I need to go home soon,” he said softly, reluctantly.

Nick stirred and sleepily shook his head. “No.”

Charlie laughed. “My mum will get annoyed if I’m late.”

“Hm.” Nick’s eyes were open now, and he was looking at Charlie like he never wanted to let him go. They kissed, once and then again, and when Nick would have kept going Charlie laughed.

“I see what you’re doing.”

“Agh! My plan’s been foiled.”

Charlie stood up. He should go, he really should, but … he didn’t want to. Instead he let himself be distracted by the wall of shiny trophies in front of him. “You’ve got so many rugby trophies.” He took one down.

Nick chuckled. “That one’s from summer camp.”

“You went to rugby summer camp?”

“When I was twelve. I think I had a crush on the instructor.”

“Oh, my God.” Charlie laughed.

“You know, I didn’t realise it at the time, but looking back now, I was obsessed with him, so I tried really, really hard and, uh, got that trophy for being the best team player.”

“That is so adorable.” He put the trophy back on its shelf. And instead of leaving, sank down onto Nick’s beanbag chair, looking at him across the room. God, he was beautiful.

“Now your turn,” Nick said. He looked nervous suddenly.

“What?”

“Tell me something.”

“Like what?”

“You never told me about …” Nick’s voice was quavering, and he stopped, taking a breath before he finished, “the bullying. What that was like.”

Charlie felt so cold suddenly. He didn’t want to think about that. Not tonight. Not at all. “We don’t need to talk about that. Everything’s fine now.”

“Is everything fine?” Nick asked. “I know you like everything to be fine and happy and perfect all the time, but … you don’t have to be perfect with me.”

Drawing his knees up, Charlie tightened his arms round him, pulling into himself. Nick got off his bed and came to sit next to him, facing him.

“Charlie, we said we’d tell each other things.” He took Charlie’s cold hand in his warm ones, unraveling the ball of unhappiness Charlie had wrapped himself up in. “After you told me about your … eating thing.”

They had said that. But Charlie hadn’t really meant it. Not … not when it came to this. But—he’d never told anyone, not really. And Nick was his boyfriend. Charlie loved him. More, Charlie trusted him. He forced himself to begin. “Someone just heard Tao talking about me coming out. I think it surprised me how homophobic people were. I thought things were better nowadays.” He hesitated, not wanting to continue. But he did want to, too. It felt—strange but not terrible to be telling Nick these things, and to have Nick listen, his eyes on Charlie’s face, his fingers stroking Charlie’s hand. “People would just … call me disgusting to my face. And it went on for so long I think I started to believe what they were saying. It made me really hate myself.” He had never said anything like that to anyone before. Nick’s eyes were still on him, wet with unshed tears. So Charlie dared to say the rest, the thing he had never even considered telling anyone. “So much that I … I used to …” It was so hard to admit to it. He wanted to pretend it had never happened. “I used to cut myself sometimes.” He fought back his tears. “I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”

Nick, clearly unable to find words, reached forward and pulled Charlie into his arms, holding him close. The things he’d never told anyone, whispered here in this room where he had always felt safe, and Nick hadn’t turned away, he hadn’t called Charlie names. He was still here.

They held on so tight, as if they would never have to let go. Both of them were crying.

“Do you still do that now?” Nick asked.

His face buried in Nick’s shoulder, Charlie said, “No.” He pulled back, looking at Nick. “Sorry.”

“I thought we’d banned the S word.” Charlie smiled a little. Nick whispered, “Can you promise to tell me if it ever gets that bad again?”

Charlie couldn’t look him in the eyes. He didn’t want to make that promise. He didn’t want to be a project, or constantly bring Nick his issues, or be seen like some … damaged thing. “I just don’t want to annoy you or burden you. I don’t want you to think I’m some fragile, broken mess. Like you need to fix me. I would hate that.”

Nick shook his head, his eyes still on Charlie’s. “You’re not. And I wouldn’t. But I’ve done so many things that were scary in the past few months because you were there, holding my hand. And I want to be that for you, too.”

There was no question but that he meant every single word. And it was true—Charlie wanted to think of Nick as perfect, as strong and brave, as someone who didn’t need anyone, but … Charlie had been there when he stood up to his father, when he came out, when he realised he had feelings for another boy, when they walked into prom together tonight, openly a couple. For the first time, he understood that he brought as much to their relationship as Nick did, that Nick truly needed him, the way he needed Nick.

“Like … you’re my boyfriend,” Nick whispered. “Char. Can you just please, please promise me?”

He wasn’t asking to fix, or to stop. Just to know. Just to be part of the bad parts of Charlie’s life as well as the good. “Okay.” It was a small word, and hard to say, but … it was the biggest promise Charlie had ever made.

Nick’s hand came up, the fingers burying themselves in Charlie’s hair, and he tilted his head forward to kiss him on the forehead, before pressing their foreheads together to reach for a proper kiss.

They pulled apart, and Charlie smiled, feeling Nick’s fingers restlessly in his hair. “I love your hair so much,” Nick said softly.

“Nick. I really need to go.” He had no idea what time it was, but his mum was going to have a fit.

“I love your eyes,” Nick said, ignoring him.

“For God’s sake.” Charlie laughed.

“I love—” He stopped, and they looked at each other.

Charlie held his breath. He wanted to say it, but he wanted Nick to finish what he had started to say, just in case they weren’t ready for that yet.

Before Nick could say anything more, they heard the door open below them and his mum’s voice calling, “Nicky! I’m home!”

They looked at each other, but the moment had passed. Charlie got to his feet. “I really have to go.”

“I wish you didn’t have to.”

“I wish I didn’t either.” For a moment, he thought about telling Nick his fantasy, that this was their house together, but … it wasn’t the time for that either. Not tonight.

“Here.” Nick pulled out a jumper. “So you don’t get cold on the walk home.”

Charlie didn’t protest. This one smelled exactly like Nick.

They stopped at the front door, kissing and smiling at each other. The words were on the tip of Charlie’s tongue, but somehow they couldn’t quite make it past. “I’ll text you when I get home.”

“Okay.” Reluctantly, Nick let his hand fall from the side of Charlie’s face.

Equally reluctantly, Charlie stepped out into the night.

Nick stood there, leaning against the door, smiling. Charlie couldn’t believe this was actually his life, this was actually his boyfriend.

Again he started to say it, and again he couldn’t quite manage it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And the day after, and the day after …

“Bye.”

At last, Charlie managed to turn away, looking back over his shoulder until Nick’s house was no longer in sight.

He took his phone out of his pocket. It was after midnight. Not too much past curfew … hopefully his mum would make an exception for prom night. But it didn’t matter, because if Charlie had anything to say about it, he and Nick were forever.

Unlocking the phone, he opened directly to their text thread, typing out those three words that were so hard to say. “I love you …”

His finger hovered over the send button.

Chapter Text

Charlie’s thumb hovered over “Send” for a few more moments. He wanted to send it, so bad, but … what if Nick wasn’t ready? Or … didn’t feel the same? It had been such a perfect night. Charlie didn’t want to ruin it.

And when he was ready to say “I love you” he wanted it to be perfect. Not a text, but a … a celebration.

He deleted the message and walked the rest of the way home thinking about Nick’s eyes and his hands and his voice and his smile … Charlie didn’t know how he had gotten so lucky.

The next few weeks sped by, and Charlie and Nick spent every moment together that they could.

Lying in the park next to one another, Nellie panting on the blanket at their feet, Charlie looked up at the sky and sighed happily.

“You know, we could have gone to the shops with the others,” Nick said suddenly.

“Did you want to?”

“No. I’d rather just lie here with you, but … it’s a bit boring, isn’t it? Just hanging out. We haven’t even said anything for the last half hour.”

Charlie hadn’t noticed. “I like being bored with you.”

“Well, thank you very much.” Nick sounded offended, and Charlie rolled onto his side to make sure he wasn’t, really.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

Nick smiled. “I know you didn’t. I like being bored with you, too. I just … If you ever get tired of it being just us, I don’t mind if we go do things with the others.”

“We do plenty of things with the others. The time that’s too short is the time I get to spend with you. Nick—” The words almost said themselves before Charlie even knew it. But he stopped himself. They were just lying in the park. Surely there were better times.

“That’s really nice.” Nick reached for him, kissing him, and then Charlie didn’t really want to say anything.

Later in the week they watched a movie at Charlie’s house. In the living room, as Charlie’s mum had requested. With Tori, which no one had requested. Charlie was a bit surprised she came down to watch, perched on a chair, her eyes glued to the screen.

He and Nick sat far apart on the sofa for a while, but gradually moved toward each other, until Charlie’s head rested on Nick’s shoulder.

At that point, Tori got up and left the room, as silently as she had come in.

“I really don’t think she likes me,” Nick said softly, putting an arm round Charlie’s shoulders to pull him in closer.

“No, she does. As much as she likes anyone.”

“You think so?”

“I really think she just came in to hang out. I think she’s accepting you as part of the family.” Too late Charlie realised what he had said.

But Nick was leaning his cheek against Charlie’s hair, breathing in the scent, and possibly hadn’t even heard what he said. Charlie sighed and snuggled in, just enjoying the moment.

At Nick’s house over the weekend, Nick’s mum came in from a phone call as they were washing up after a cup of tea.

“Nicky, bad news.”

“What’s that?”

“The deadline on my project got moved up. I have to be here for it, so I can’t go to Menorca with you. You’ll be all right with your aunt and uncle, won’t you?”

Nick frowned. “You sure you still want me to go? I can stay home, too.”

“No, darling, of course I do. I won’t be home much, after all—you remember what it was like the last time I had a project deadline moved up, I didn’t get home before midnight most nights. You’re better off going on holiday and enjoying yourself.”

Charlie’s heart had leaped at the suggestion that Nick might not go away after all, and it dropped again with a thud now. He wasn’t looking forward to three weeks apart, not even a little bit. He felt bad, because he knew Nick was excited about the family holiday, but to Charlie those just seemed like long empty days without Nick to fill them.

Sarah left the room, hurrying up the stairs, and Nick sighed. “Poor Mum. She was so looking forward to the time away.”

“Are you?”

“Yeah. It’s going to be a long time away from you, though.” Nick reached for him, pulling him into a hug. “I wish I could take you with me. Can you imagine? Swimming and lying on the beach, just hanging out together for three weeks.”

Charlie could imagine it. It sounded like heaven. “I wish you could, too. It’s silly, but three weeks seems like such a long time.”

“Not silly at all. It’s like eternity. No Charlie. I’ll pine away to nothing.”

Squeezing Nick’s bicep, Charlie laughed. “I doubt that.”

“Well, maybe not nothing, but … a shadow of my former self. How about that?”

“Don’t do that. I want you to come back as all of yourself.”

“Okay. If you say so.” Nick rested his forehead against Charlie’s. “Come on. I feel like kissing you, a lot, to make up for all the kisses we’ll miss while I’m gone.”

Going home that evening, Charlie thought about how to say it. He had to, now—how could he let Nick go off on a three-week holiday, all that time apart, without saying “I love you” before he left? He couldn’t. And he didn’t want to tell him on some long-distance phone call, either. He wanted to say it in person, to see Nick’s eyes brighten, and soften, and hear Nick’s voice breathing the words against his skin.

So … he would practise in the mirror until he got it just right, and then—he would say it. And it would be perfect.

Chapter Text

He’d been over the speech again and again the last few days, trying to get the wording just right, trying to make it something that wouldn’t scare Nick or make him feel like he was obligated to reply. So far, it had been a lot of false starts ending in unfocussed rambles. Nothing Charlie felt like he was ready to say out loud.

But now he had to get it right. They had this beach day today, and then Nick would be gone, off to Menorca for three endless weeks. If it wasn’t today, it would have to wait until Nick got back, and then school would have started, and …

It had to be today.

Charlie took a deep breath and looked at himself in the mirror.

“Nick.” God, he was so awkward. “I have something to tell you. I love you.” That sounded ominous. And rushed. Not perfect at all. “I’m in love with you, and I … just wanted you to know. And you don’t have to say it back yet. I mean, but …” He wanted Nick to know he didn’t have to reply, but he wanted Nick to want to say it. He wanted— “I hope you do. Because I’m properly in love with you, and I—I want you to feel the same way, too, eventually.” This was going so badly. How was he ever going to say it for real if he couldn’t even get it right while practising? “But … I don’t … want you to feel … pressured …”

The door creaked, and he jumped, not wanting to face his mum in the middle of this speech.

It was only Tori. Which was better, but still—embarrassing.

“Stop spying on me,” he snapped at her.

“Stop declaring your love so loudly, then.”

She had a point; he hadn’t even shut the door.

Tori smirked at him. “I’m shocked you haven’t said it already.” She sat down on his bed.

Annoyed as he had been when she came in, Charlie was relieved she was here. He hadn’t had anyone to talk about this with—Tao and Elle and Darcy and Tara were all too wrapped up in each other to have time to talk, and he didn’t want to burden Isaac with too much relationship chatter. And Tori often had good advice. He sat down on the bed next to her, sighing. “Well, it’s not that easy. And … it’s probably too soon, anyway. I don’t want him to have to say the awkward ‘I love you, too’ because he feels obligated to.”

“You don’t think he feels the same? He’s literally obsessed with you.”

That was good to hear, but how could she possibly know? It wasn’t as though Tori knew anything about relationships. And he was her brother and she loved him, so she would think Nick must be in love with him. She was a good sister.

Charlie groaned and flopped down on the bed. He should have just sent the text the night of prom, he thought. Then this would all be behind him. “Well, we’re going to the beach today, and then he’s on holiday for three weeks, so …”

Tori flopped next to him. “So tell him today.”

“No.” It was too much, too fast, too rushed, too soon. Charlie wasn’t ready.

“Yes.”

“No!”

And then the discussion was ended by the doorbell. Nick was here. No more time to practise, or worry. Charlie sat up, looking toward the door.

Tori sat up as well, giving him her determined older sister look. “Yes.”

He smiled at her and left the room, gathering up his bag and his cap on the way out the door and practically running down the stairs. Maybe someday it would stop being exciting knowing that Nick Nelson was waiting on the other side of the door for him, but for now it was still fresh every time, the way his heart pounded and his breath came short.

Pulling the door open, Charlie drank in the sight. Nick was in a grey vest, his shoulders bare. Charlie had never seen his shoulders bare before. They were very nice shoulders. To go with the rest of him. Nick was so beautiful. Charlie wanted to pull him inside and drag him upstairs and just … look at him.

Nick laughed when Charlie didn’t speak. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

And then Nick was stepping inside, his eyes fastened on Charlie’s in that way he had that made Charlie feel so seen, so special, so important, and they were looking at each other, and Charlie could feel the words swirling around them in a pink cloud. He wanted to say it, so much, but—what if it was stupid? What if Nick wasn’t ready? And they were in his hallway. What if his mum came by just at the wrong time? She would be shocked, and there would be a whole thing, and …

“What?” Nick asked.

“I … I’ve never seen you in a vest before.” Charlie grasped hold of the strap of Nick’s backpack, his knuckles grazing Nick’s shoulder. His skin was so warm.

“Well … I’ve never seen you in a cap before.” Nick tugged on the brim, pulling it down over Charlie’s eyes, and they both laughed. Charlie resettled the cap, resisting the urge to check his hair in the mirror.

Nick reached for his hand. “All right. Shall we go?”

“Yeah.” And Charlie let Nick lead him outside, pulling the door closed behind him, the words still repeating themselves in his head. Tori was right. His initial impulse had been right. Sometime today. He would say it sometime today, so Nick would leave for his holiday knowing how he felt.

Chapter Text

They took the train together, like their first real date, holding hands the whole way, not even really talking. This was Charlie’s favourite part, that both of them were happy just to be together. He rested his head on Nick’s shoulder and closed his eyes and just … was. No thoughts, no worries, no stresses. Just the motion of the train and the warmth of Nick’s shoulder and such a feeling of safety.

It was almost a disappointment to actually get to the beach, to be picking up their things and making their way out of the train and searching for the others.

It was nice to see everyone, though, all of them rushing together in one big knot, all screaming. Well, mostly Darcy screaming. It felt like they had all too little time spent together—even though it was summer, still, it seemed so busy all the time, it was hard to organise everyone for any outing.

As they turned to head down toward the ocean, Charlie hopped onto Nick’s back. Tara tucked her arm through Nick’s, laughing up at Charlie as they walked together. Darcy and Tao and Elle hurried off ahead of them, Darcy calling out, “The Paris squad, back together again!”

Once they finished laying out the blankets and putting up the umbrella, Charlie sat with Isaac while everyone else finished setting things up, and put on sun cream, and got ready to go into the water. Nick took his vest off, and Charlie got to see him shirtless. And was caught staring, looking away hastily with a blush. Was it okay to look? Nick was his boyfriend, and he was so completely and utterly hot, how could you not look? But it felt … awkward, to be staring, here in front of everyone.

Then Nick sat down in front of him with a tube of sun cream. “Charlie, can you do my back, please?”

“Yeah, sure.” Charlie got up on his knees for a better angle, taking the tube. He put the lotion on his hands and then started to spread it across Nick’s back. His boyfriend was so pale—it was good he was wearing the cream. Charlie imagined he probably burnt easily. Thinking about that kept him from thinking how good Nick’s skin felt beneath his fingers, how broad his shoulders were, how …

All Charlie could think was “I love you” “I love you” “I love you” over and over again. It was exciting just to be near Nick. Intoxicating to know he could touch him whenever he wanted. Amazing to feel that that was what Nick wanted, too. Surely he could say it now, and it would be okay.

He imagined it, standing up in front of Nick, smiling, saying it out loud: “I love you.”

And then in his mind’s eye he saw Nick’s surprised face. “Oh …” he would say, not knowing how to respond. Not feeling the same way. He was polite. He would find something to say. “Well, thank you,” maybe. And then he would try to explain, stumbling over the words. “Um … I … I think it’s too early for me to say … that. Sorry.” He would be nice about it, and … and it would break Charlie’s heart.

No. Best not, Charlie thought, coming back to the moment, hearing the girls laughing and the seagulls crying. He realised he was still rubbing Nick’s back, even though the cream was fully gone by now. “Uh … all done.”

Nick turned to him, smiling. “Do you have some on?”

“No, I don’t really burn. I just tan.” He was also wearing a sweater and sitting under an umbrella, but it was weird enough that he was wearing a cardigan at the beach that he didn’t feel the need to call attention to it.

“You just tan?” Nick asked, as though it was the most fascinating thing anyone had ever said to him.

“Nick, we’re going into the sea,” Darcy called.

“All right, one second!” Nick turned back to Charlie. “You coming?”

“I …” He wanted to. He wanted to go into the water with Nick, and splash him, and have fun with their friends, but to do that … he didn’t want to have to take any of his clothes off or get wet or have people look at him … “Maybe in a bit.”

Nick looked at him with that look again, the one that said he’d rather sit here with Charlie than anything else. “Okay. You’ve got a little bit of, um …” He reached up with one finger as if to dab something off Charlie’s nose, and then rubbed his lotiony hands all over Charlie’s face. “Just all over, actually. You just—”

Charlie pulled back, laughing. “That’s disgusting. Stop it! That’s disgusting!”

“Everyone needs sunscreen, Charlie.”

And then they were staring at each other, like they did so often, Nick’s hands on either side of Charlie’s face. Maybe this was the time, just … say it. But before he could speak Nick was kissing him, and he didn’t want to say anything.

Tara called to them. "Nick! Stop kissing your boyfriend and hurry up!”

Reluctantly, Nick broke the kiss, shouting back “All right!” and grinning. He followed them in, calling, “When did you guys get so impatient?”

Charlie watched him go, thinking that if he never got to say it, at least he had these moments, when he felt like the most important person in Nick’s world.

Chapter Text

After the others had their fun in the sea, they dried off and decided to play volleyball. At first, it was going to be the girls against Nick, but then Darcy decided she thought that was stupid, so it was the two of them against Sahar, Tara, and Imogen. It seemed quite unbalanced to Charlie, but he got to watch Nick play volleyball shirtless, so he wasn’t complaining.

He and Isaac sat quite contentedly on the blankets reading, in the shade of the umbrella.

“Crisp?” Isaac offered Charlie the packet.

It was hard not to flinch, not to see every interaction with food as an aggression, somehow. Even with Isaac, who was the least aggressive person Charlie had ever known. He took a deep breath to avoid reacting, then said, “I’m all right, thanks.” He went back to watching the volleyball, wondering if Nick ever wished he had a boyfriend who would take his shirt off and play volleyball alongside him. Probably he did.

“You okay? You seem kind of stressed out.”

Charlie looked at Isaac, then back at Nick, then at Isaac again. “I want to tell Nick I love him,” he said, not sure until he spoke that he wanted to tell. He didn’t want Isaac to feel like all they did was talk about their relationships. But Isaac so often had good perspectives, it was hard not to want to tell him things.

“Charlie, you’re already dating him.”

“Yeah, I know, but … I want to say the words ‘I love you’.” He turned away. “You know I get stressed out at this stuff.”

“Oh, yes, I am very aware. Well, why don’t you just sit here staring at him all day instead, then?”

“I’m—I’m not—I’m not staring!”

Isaac laughed. “Haven’t you already seen him shirtless in the changing rooms?”

“Yeah, this is an entirely different context.” There were no dozen rugby lads here who might comment if Charlie looked his fill.

“Right.” They both looked for a moment, then Isaac said, “I don’t really get the appeal.”

Charlie’s first reaction was to wonder how anyone could not find Nick appealing, but then he realised that Isaac was opening up. A rare moment. “What, with anyone?” he asked.

“No, not really.”

“You’ve never seen someone really attractive and just felt, like, butterflies?”

“No.” He said it so matter-of-factly. Then he laughed a little. “I think I’m immune.”

“Do you think that’s, like …” Charlie wanted to ask, but he wasn’t sure if he should. Then again, he wasn’t sure if he shouldn’t. “Do you think you’re asexual, then?”

Isaac nodded. “Probably. Uh … probably aromantic, too.”

“I don’t really know what that is.”

“That’s all right. You can Google it later.”

Charlie scooched over and looped his arm through his friend’s. “You can tell the others, Isaac. They’d be supportive.”

“No, I know they would be,” Isaac said slowly, studying the volleyball players. “Honestly, I … I just can’t be bothered to give everyone a vocab lesson.” He smiled, and Charlie leaned his head on his shoulder.

“I love you.”

“Aww. I love you, too.” Isaac rested his head on Charlie’s. After a moment, he added, “And, if you can say that to me, you can definitely say it to Nick.”

“That is totally different, and you know it.”

They both laughed and turned back to their books. After a moment, Charlie said softly, “Isaac.”

“What?”

“Thank you. For telling me.”

“Thank you for asking. And listening.”

“Always.”

When the volleyball players got tired, they moved camp from the beach to the park, and Tao and Nick went and got fish and chips for everyone.

Charlie sat in the middle of the blanket, looking down at the congealing mass of fried food, while everyone laughed around him. Tao was whipping chips at everyone, to laughs and complaints. While no one was looking at him, Charlie picked up a chip. He looked at it, wanting to be hungry, but … his head was buzzing and his stomach was tied in knots and the very idea of lifting that thing to his mouth was impossible to contemplate.

And then Nick was there, saying “Hello” softly and kissing his cheek, one arm around Charlie’s neck.

“Hi.”

Nick glanced at the untouched food and back at Charlie. “Not hungry?”

The others were all chattering, no one paying them the least attention. Charlie could have said, but … why burden Nick with his issues when everyone else was having fun? “I … guess I’m a slow eater today.”

Nick glanced over his shoulder, back toward the water. “We could always … go somewhere just us.”

Before Charlie could respond, Tao called to them. “Do you guys want ice lollies, or are you just going to keep flirting?”

They both looked up. Charlie felt frozen, unable to think, much less answer.

“Uh … we’re all full up, actually. Sorry,” Nick said.

The others moved on, passing out the ice lollies, and Charlie leaned his head against Nick’s shoulder, grateful for his understanding and sorry, despite the banning of the word, that Nick had to deal with his problems in the middle of what should have been a fun day.

They walked back to the beach. Ahead of them, the girls were exclaiming over Elle’s scarf, or shawl, or whatever. Tao nearly tripped on something, staring at her.

“Aww, Tao, you’re probably not going to see her for five whole minutes,” Isaac said.

Charlie grinned. “Oh, are you going to be okay?”

“We’re having our ‘summer of romance’,” Tao proclaimed. “It’s perfectly normal for us to be spending all this time together.”

“And to be cancelling plans with us to go on dates with her, apparently.” Isaac’s tone made it clear how little he liked that.

Sahar spoke up from behind them. “Don’t worry. The honeymoon period won’t last forever.”

“It … it might,” Tao protested.

Isaac looked at Charlie as Tao tried to contemplate the idea. “Charlie, I hope you’re not also having a summer of romance, or I’m going to be on my own.”

“No, Nick’s going away tomorrow. Romance is departing from my life,” Charlie said dramatically.

“Taking a holiday,” Nick corrected. “It’s coming back. I promise.” He reached for Charlie’s hand.

“Great. So I’m the alternative.”

Charlie let go of Nick and moved to put an arm around Isaac’s shoulders. “You’re my favourite bookworm.”

They walked like that back to the beach together.

Chapter Text

Back at the beach, it was more of the same. Tao and Elle went off together, the girls and Nick went into the ocean, and Charlie and Isaac sat on the blankets with their books. Not the most exciting beach day. Charlie hoped Nick wasn’t too disappointed.

The others came back after a while and pulled Isaac away to make sandcastles, while Nick stayed in the sea, floating. Charlie put his earbuds in and just watched, quietly.

He was startled when a finger poked at his cheek. Turning, he saw Nick there next to him, smiling at him. “Come in the sea with me.”

Charlie wanted to. They’d spent barely any time together today, and he wanted Nick to himself, but … “I really don’t want to take my shirt off.” He had removed his cardigan in a nod to the warm weather, but that was as far as he wanted to go.

“Okay, well, keep it on. It’ll dry in the sun.” He reached a hand out for Charlie, who couldn’t say no. Didn’t really want to, all things considered.

They walked out into the water, hand in hand. “Oh, it’s so cold!”

Nick laughed at him. “You’ll get used to it in a bit. I wish it was a little bit colder, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. After being in for a while, it feels much warmer now.”

“So, this doesn’t bother you?” Charlie splashed him.

“Oh, no, you didn’t.”

“I think I did.”

“Well, then.” Nick reached down and scooped up the water, flinging it at Charlie, who shrank away, shrieking.

“No! No, stop!”

“Yeah.” He looked so pleased with himself that Charlie splashed him again. “I’m going to get you back, you know that.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Yes, I will. I always do.” Nick came toward him and Charlie realised too late what he was planning.

“No, no, no! No! No, Nick—Nick, I swear!” But all his protests got him nowhere. His giant rugby idiot of a boyfriend picked him up and spun him round. “No, please don’t! Nick, no!”

Ignoring him completely, Nick said thoughtfully to himself, “Okay. All right, now, where shall I put you? Where shall I put you? You ready?”

“No!”

Nick pretended to drop him, twice, and just when Charlie was thinking maybe he wouldn’t go through with it, he dunked them both under the water.

Charlie came up spluttering. “For God’s sake!” Nick was grinning, so proud of himself, and Charlie couldn’t help smiling back. “I hate you.”

Nick leaned his forehead against Charlie’s, breathing heavily. And then they were kissing, the taste of salt water in Charlie’s mouth, Nick’s broad shoulders bare under Charlie’s hands for the first time. Nick’s mouth moved across his cheek and down his neck, his breath so warm on Charlie’s skin.

If this wasn’t the moment, maybe there never would be one. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Pulling back, Nick said, “Yeah. Yeah, I do, too.”

Charlie laughed, delighted. Of course they would want to say it at the same time. They were Nick and Charlie, after all. This was who they were. “You … you go first.”

“No. No, you.”

“No, I—I can’t say it first now you’ve said that.”

“Okay. Well, um …” Nick took a deep, shaky breath. “I think you have an eating disorder.”

It was the last thing Charlie expected, dashing his romantic dreams with water colder than the ocean surrounding them.

Nick kept going. “I’ve been doing some research and, um, I know you don’t want me to try and fix you, or anything …”

The world was dimming around them, Nick’s voice fading as he continued.

“I just care about you so much, and I can see how much worse it’s been getting recently. I’m just trying—”

“I don’t think I do.” It was just … not wanting to, that was all. Nothing to worry about. Not a disorder. Charlie was handling it. It would get better soon. But Nick was staring at him, concerned, and Charlie tried to make it better. “I know that I’ve got some issues. But I … I don’t think they’re that bad.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.” Charlie turned to go back to the beach.

“Are you angry at me?” Nick called after him.

“No.” Disappointed, disheartened, discouraged … disgusted at himself for thinking Nick might say he loved him. “No.”

“Is that what you wanted to talk about as well?”

There was no possible way he could say ‘I love you’ to Nick right now. So he lied. Because it was easier. “Yeah.”

He was glad the day was nearly over. He didn’t want to talk to the others—hadn’t been in the same holiday mood as them all day, anyway. He wanted to go home. For once, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to talk to Nick.

It was better as they cleaned up, as Nick gently helped him towel off and brought him his cardigan back. By the time they were in the car driving home, with Nick’s sleepy head on Charlie’s shoulder, Charlie was ready to move past that conversation, to spend their last evening together before Nick’s holiday the way they loved to be—just them, alone. He just wouldn’t think about what Nick had said, or wonder if maybe … just maybe … his boyfriend might have a point.

Chapter Text

Back at Nick’s house, in Nick’s familiar, quiet, warm room, with Nellie’s reassuring presence on the bed, Charlie was able to relax and feel like himself. Feel like he was where he belonged. Nick made tea and toast, leaving it on the table next to the bed, taking a triangle of toast himself before laying out his suitcase and starting to pack.

“Do you want me to help you?”

“No, I’ve got it. You stay there. Stay warm.”

Charlie chuckled. “I will.”

“My little old man.” Nick turned to his drawers, taking things out and laying them in the suitcase.

Picking up his phone, Charlie rested the plate of toast in his lap, absent-mindedly nibbling at it while he scrolled. A text came in and he swiped to it—from Isaac. A definition of aromanticism. Charlie sent him a heart back as he read the definition. He wasn’t sure he understood not wanting to be in a romantic relationship, but he understood that it was who Isaac was, and hoped listening had helped today.

Nick got up, frowning at his suitcase, and sank down on the bed next to Charlie. “I think David’s stolen my goggles.”

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me for three whole weeks. You’ll be in Menorca, and I’ll be stuck here. Going to be the longest we’ve spent apart since we first met.” Which seemed like a lifetime ago, rather than a few months. Charlie didn’t remember what he had been like before he met Nick. He wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Pulling Charlie’s arm around him, Nick snuggled his head against Charlie’s shoulder. “Aw, are you going to miss me?”

“Mmm … maybe a little bit.”

“A little bit?! That’s very, very rude.”

Charlie laughed. “You know I’m going to miss you a lot.”

Nick sat up and smiled at him, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “Right. I’m going to go and have a shower, ‘cause I’ve got sand everywhere.” He stopped in the doorway to look back at Charlie. “Movie after?”

That was code for falling asleep in each other’s arms and waking up only when Charlie’s mum texted. “Only if it’s not Marvel.” Whatever part he saw, he wanted to enjoy.

“Ah, yes, forgot you have no taste.”

“Hey!”

Chuckling like he’d been especially clever, Nick pulled the door closed after him.

Left alone, Charlie ate some more toast and then spent a few minutes looking at the pictures of him on Nick’s wall, thinking about the times when they were taken. It still startled him how happy Nick was when they were together. He’d never thought of himself as someone who could make a person that happy, and yet somehow—he was. Charlie couldn’t help smiling. He loved Nick so much … and he truly believed Nick loved him, too.

His phone pinged, and he checked the text. His mum, complaining that it was after nine and he wasn’t home yet. It was possible he could push it—after all, it was Nick’s last night home before a three-week holiday—but he had pushed it a lot lately, and her patience was wearing thin.

He went to the bathroom door, knocking lightly. “Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“My mum said I have to go home.”

“Oh, okay. Um … just give me two minutes. I can walk you home.”

“No. No, it’s fine.” Suddenly, he knew this was the moment, and he wanted to get this out while he was sure he could. “I just … You know when we were in the sea?”

“Yeah?”

His voice caught in his throat. Maybe he couldn’t do this. But he looked down, and there was Nellie, and Nellie was smiling at him. She knew. She wanted him to say. “I lied.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you asked whether the eating thing was what I wanted to talk to you about. That wasn’t what I was actually going to talk to you about. I was actually going to say that …” The words built up, and he found he was truly excited to say them. “I love you.”

There was silence from the bathroom.

Charlie’s heart fell. At least he didn’t have to see Nick’s face when he tried to think what to say. “So … yeah. Uh … anyway, I d— I … I—I can walk myself home. Bye.”

He turned and hurried down the stairs, out of the house that had seemed such a haven just a little while ago. God, he was so stupid. Taking advice from a dog, of all things. Why had he said? Now he would have to spend the next three weeks without Nick, wondering how Nick was going to break up with him when he got back.

“Idiot,” he snapped at himself. “Such an idiot.”

Then, from behind him, he heard his name. He turned, and there was Nick, running toward him, throwing himself into Charlie’s arms so hard it knocked the breath out him.

“Hi,” he said, relief rushing through him at feeling those familiar warm arms around him again.

Nick clung to him, getting his breath back, then stood straight, looking at Charlie. “You said it while I was in the shower.”

“Sorry.”

“No. No ‘s’ word.”

“Okay.”

Nick pressed his head against Charlie’s shoulder, still breathless. “Can you say what you said again, please?"

No. Once had been enough. “It’s embarrassing.”

Straightening, Nick looked at him again, waiting.

God, he was beautiful. And amazing. And funny. And … everything Charlie had ever dreamed of and more. “I love you.” Nick searched his face, his eyes bright, and Charlie hurriedly assured him, “And you don’t have to say it back, I just wanted to tell you ‘cause you’re going away and I won’t see you for a few weeks.”

“I love you, too. I love you so much.”

Charlie could hardly breathe. “You’re not just saying that ‘cause I said it, are you?”

“Charlie! Come here, you idiot.” Nick kissed him, slow and sweet and … loving.

“You’re still damp,” Charlie said as he pulled away.

“Yeah, well, you’re the one who said ‘I love you’ for the first time when I was in the shower.”

When he put it that way, it sounded kind of stupid. Charlie groaned and hid his face against Nick’s shoulder. "Oh, why did I do that? Why are we like this?”

“Because you’re Charlie. And you love me. And I love you.”

Charlie could have stood here forever, just listening to Nick say those words again and again. But he had to get home or his mum would go through the roof and ruin this beautiful, perfect night.

“I have to go.”

“Fine. Can I walk you home now?”

“You’re not even wearing a shirt!”

“I thought you liked it. I saw you peeping at me on the beach,” Nick said, taking Charlie’s hand as they walked.

Charlie blushed. “I was not peeping!”

“It’s okay. It’s … it’s allowed. We’re in love.”

“Oh, my God.” Too late, Charlie realised he had said ‘I love you’ to the most romantic person in the world. “So in love that you’re going to walk to my house with no shoes on?”

“Yep. That’s how in love I am. I think you’d do the same for me.”

“Yeah, I would.”

They walked the rest of the way to Charlie’s house, hand in hand. At his gate, Nick turned him round. “I’m going to miss you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And … I really, really love you.”

Nick was kissing him before Charlie could say it back, but that was okay. From now on, they were going to say it all the time.

Chapter Text

It took Charlie a long time to go to sleep that night. He lay awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking of Nick, remembering what it had been like to hear him say those words, imprinting every word, every breath, every kiss, into his memory. Nick Nelson loved him! He imagined going back a year ago and telling that Charlie, so sad and afraid, so certain no one would ever care about him, that Nick Nelson, of all people, was about to fall in love with him. He would never have believed it, but … here it was. Somehow, it had really happened. It was like something you might see on TV, but … it was really his life.

He ran the mental movie of it all again in his head, from that awkward moment outside Nick’s bathroom door to the final lingering kiss and whispered “I love you so much, Charlie” at his front door. If memories were all he was going to have to cling to for the next three weeks, at least he had good ones.

Charlie lay in bed late into the morning the next day, cradling his phone. Nick had responded to his morning "I love you" text with a returned “I LOVE YOU!!! I like saying it”, but now Nick was gone, off to Menorca, and Charlie … was alone. Would it really be so bad if he just stayed in bed until Nick came home?

Multiple reminders from his mother about his summer schoolwork and how close they were to going back and how much needed to get done finally got him up and out of bed, his pencil drifting across the page, but it was hard to pay attention to the work that needed to get done when half his mind was dreamily reliving last night—Nick’s “I love you”s, the many, many kisses sealing and punctuating the words, the walk home. Nick’s eyes and his voice and his shoulders …

And the other half was counting the long, endless minutes until Nick was home again. School would start before Charlie had a chance to see his boyfriend again. It almost seemed like another life, it was so far away. All the rest of the summer, wasted, here in his house, bored and alone. Again.

What had he done last summer? Charlie tapped his pencil against his schoolwork, trying to remember. Not much, he thought. Movie nights with Tao and Isaac and Elle, long chats with Elle about her transition, sharing favourite books with Isaac, Tao’s endless stories about how the films they watched were made …

But this summer, Tao and Elle were together, and in the midst of their summer of romance, and Isaac—well, he was still Isaac. But all Charlie could think about was Nick, and he didn’t want to bore Isaac with that, or make Isaac feel like the only thing important in anyone’s life could be romance. He owed his friend better than that.

Except that without Nick, Charlie didn’t know what was important in his life. And he didn’t want to try to find out. He wanted to just sit here and wait, hold his breath until Nick was holding his hand again. Was that really so unreasonable?

He dropped his pencil and leaned forward to pick up his phone, scrolling their text thread to the last one—“text me when you land”.

Nothing.

Charlie reached to put the phone down, but looked at the thread again, scrolling down as if to force an update to appear.

Nick hadn’t even landed on the island yet and Charlie already didn’t know what to do with himself. He looked from the phone to the paper and discovered he had just written “I love you”. Ridiculous. He couldn’t help smiling.

He imagined what it would be like if Nick was here, sitting there on the other end of the couch, picturing how he would launch himself into Nick’s arms and kiss him, exchanging “I love you”s again and again, feeling safe and cared for and alive.

But Nick wasn’t here. It was just Charlie. Sitting here alone. As if he didn’t have a boyfriend at all.

Then, finally, the text. “Just landed”. He had the phone in his hand, texting back, almost before the buzz of the notification had stopped.

“come back”, he texted. “I want pics of your villa asap”.

He was still waiting for Nick’s reply when his mum came into the room, a basket of laundry balanced on her hip. “Uh, Charlie?” She waited until he looked up from the phone, and gestured to the room. “Can you … tidy up in here a bit, please? The room looks a mess.”

Charlie couldn’t see the mess, himself. His school papers were spread out in front of him, but he was actively working on those. His mum’s obsession with everything being put away, so it never looked like they lived there, was a bit much sometimes.

He didn’t answer her, pretending to be very busy with his schoolwork. He had studied hard last summer, he remembered. Studied and read, and gotten very, very good at MarioKart. It was all he’d had. Now … now he had Nick. Or he would, in three weeks.

Charlie sighed. How long could three weeks really be? He guessed he was about to find out.

Chapter Text

“Did you do it?”

Startled, Charlie looked up from his work to see Tori there in the middle of the room. “Do what?”

She rolled her eyes. “You know what.”

He couldn’t hold back the smile. Or the laugh. “Yeah.”

“And he said it back?”

Charlie remembered those horrible moments when Nick went silent in the shower, the walk halfway home, feeling like he had made such a huge mistake … and then Nick, sprinting barefoot down the street toward him. “Yeah.”

“Told you.”

She had been right, after all. “Shut up.”

Tori came to sit next to him on the sofa. “So, it was a good day, then?”

It hadn’t been, not really. But the end had been worth it, and he’d been with Nick, and that was what mattered. “It was … it was fun.” In his mind’s eye, he saw Nick’s face when they talked in the sea. What if he told Tori? About … the eating, and … everything? But what if Tori didn’t understand, and she started looking at him the way Nick did every time food came up, all worried and stressed? Charlie couldn’t stand it if that happened.

No. She wouldn’t do that. Tori was his sister; she had always, always been there for him. Even longer than Nick. And she understood him better than anyone.

“Actually,” Charlie began hesitantly, “I—”

Tori was looking at him, listening, waiting.

It was so hard to say. As much as he wanted to tell Tori, he was so afraid to begin. “So we were in the sea, and … and … and Nick was, like … He—he said that he was worried that … I …” His cell phone buzzed, and he looked at it and laughed with relief. Nick was calling. He snatched up the phone. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Made it yet?”

“Uh, yeah. We just got here.” If possible, Nick’s voice sounded even more beautiful than last night. “I think I’m a little bit sunburned already.”

Charlie laughed.

“The villa’s huge! They should …” Then Nick’s voice began to fragment, the call breaking up.

“Nick? I can’t hear you.”

“Charlie?”

“Nick?”

And then, in the midst of his focus on trying to hear his boyfriend, his mum’s voice, standing again in the doorway. “Uh, Charlie, I don’t see any tidying.”

“Hang on!” he told her. “Nick, I—”

She put the laundry basket down, heaving an exasperated sigh. “Okay, come on, put the phone down. You can talk to Nick later.”

Then Nick’s voice in his ear, nice and clear. “Charlie, are you there?”

The phone beeped and the connection was lost. Charlie looked at the phone, bereft. Alone again, and without even the chance to exchange “I love you” one more time.

He looked up at his mum accusingly, as if it had been her fault. Maybe it was. “Great.”

“Okay.” She stood over him, looking down at him with that expression that said everything he did was wrong, and nothing ever lived up to her standards, and she didn’t like his life or his friends or … anything, really. “We need to have a talk about Nick, anyway. You shouldn’t be staying late around his house.” She sighed again, spreading her hands out like she shouldn’t have to say what she was about to say. “You’re too young to be having sex.”

Of all the things Charlie had expected she might say, this was the last one. “What? We’re not!” They hadn’t even come close. Hadn’t talked about it. Hadn’t even considered it!

“Charlie, I’m not stupid. You came home yesterday wearing his clothes.”

“Well, that’s because I—” He couldn’t tell her how safe he felt in Nick’s jumpers, but he could tell her that he was always cold and Nick’s jumpers were always warm.

But she didn’t even let him finish. “After the whole coursework situation, I’m just … I’m worried. I’m worried that you’re putting a boy over everything else. Over yourself.”

“So I can’t have a boyfriend because of schoolwork?”

Tori was still sitting there on the sofa next to him, looking up at their mum, wanting to speak but knowing that would just make it worse.

“No, that’s not what I said,” his mum claimed, but of course, it was exactly what she had said. Always the schoolwork. Nothing else he did, nothing else about him or his life, mattered to her.

“Mum, you’re literally making a problem out of nothing,” Tori told her.

“I’m only saying this because I’m worried about him.”

“Well, he’s on holiday for three weeks, so … I guess you’ve got nothing to worry about,” Charlie said. There. Now he’d be miserable and his mum could enjoy that, at least. He got up and left the room, closing the door sharply behind him, cutting off his mum calling his name.

How dare she just assume she knew about him and Nick? She’d barely even spoken to Nick, never taken the time to get to know him. Not like Sarah, who actively asked Charlie about himself every time he was at her house.

It would serve her right if he didn’t even do his schoolwork, if he just left it undone and started off school with a whole lot of incompletes. Then where would she be? She might just have to give up on him entirely, like she secretly probably wanted to anyway.

Well, let her tidy up in there if she wanted it clean so badly. It wasn’t Charlie’s problem.

Chapter Text

Charlie wore a jumper of Nick’s that he had ‘forgotten’ to return when he went to Truham to pick up his GCSE scores. He wanted something of his boyfriend’s around him, just so he would know as he walked in that he wasn’t the same Charlie Spring who had asked Tori to pick his up last year, because he wasn’t strong enough to face the people who would be waiting to bully him.

This year, no bullies. Everyone was busy with their own thing, and Charlie went straight to the tables with Tori, finding their packets and picking up Nick’s as well.

He and Tori opened theirs side-by-side. He could feel Tori tensing, and he glanced at her paper before even taking a peep at his own. Her scores were excellent. Their parents would be very pleased. “You did so well!”

She stood there, frozen, for a moment, before turning to him. “Exams mean nothing.”

Tori walked off, leaving him there. He laughed, thinking that she was probably the only person in the room who felt that way. Charlie wondered if she had noticed that it wasn’t his packet he was about to open. His own scores were expected. It was Nick’s he wanted to see. Scanning the page, he was pleased for his boyfriend. Nick had been so worried and stressed during those exams, and he had done just fine. Charlie took a picture of the page and sent it to Nick.

“you did amazing!!!!!”

He walked out with both packets, trying not to count the minutes or the steps until the answering chime. Nick was on holiday, he wasn’t going to be on his phone every minute.

Finally the response came. “Omg!!!! Thank you for getting them!”

And then a selfie, Nick shirtless in a pool. God, he was beautiful. How had Charlie ever gotten so lucky?

The group had passed the gate without Charlie even noticing. Tara and Darcy, Elle and Tao were heading off in their different directions when Isaac stopped. “Guys? I thought we were all going to Nando’s to celebrate results. That’s, like, the only reason I’m here.”

“Oh, my God, I totally forgot,” Tara said as they all gathered round. It was clear everyone else had, too.

“Me and Elle were going to go to the park.”

Darcy added, “I kind of have to start packing.”

“When did we discuss Nando’s?” Sahar asked.

Looking guilty, Elle said, “Another time, Isaac. Promise. We’ll all do a movie night soon.”

It was all terribly awkward, and Charlie wouldn’t have blamed Isaac for being angry. Instead, he was Isaac. He smiled and said “Okay.”

Another awkward moment, then Imogen reached out to touch Isaac’s arm in apology, Tara murmured “sorry, love you”, and they all dispersed, leaving Charlie and Isaac standing there together.

Isaac turned to him. “Guess it’s just you and me, then.”

Charlie wanted to go. He did. But … dinner. Alone. With someone else. Where he would have to eat. It felt like … so much. He should suggest something else. The bookstore, or a walk, or … anything. But he felt so tired. All he really wanted to do was go home and lie on his bed and look at pictures of Nick and text Nick and dream about what it would be like when Nick was home. It was all he seemed to have the energy to do.

He didn’t even have to speak. As soon as he opened his mouth, Isaac got it, and hurried to cut him off. “Okay. Nah, all good. Another time.”

Forcing a smile, Charlie said, “Yeah. Definitely.”

They parted at the walk, Isaac with his book, Charlie with his phone.

At home, he sat at his desk and scrolled through his friends’ stories. Darcy was packing to move to her gran’s, Elle and Tao were at the park …

A tap came lightly at his door. Tori. “Dinner’s ready.”

“I’m not hungry. I’ll eat later.” He couldn’t face dinner with his parents’ obsession with the GCSE results. He had left his packet downstairs. They cared more about that than him anyway.

Tori looked disappointed. “You’re abandoning me again.”

He couldn’t deny that. “I don’t want to see Mum.”

After a moment, Tori nodded and closed the door. He felt bad leaving her to their parents on her own, but he really didn’t think he could sit there and look at a plate of food and listen to them. Not tonight.

He looked at the selfie of Nick. It was so good to see his boyfriend’s face. It felt like ages, rather than a few days. Charlie thought he should really send one back. It was only fair, and he knew Nick loved looking at him, too, although he wasn’t sure why. Before he could think too much about it, he turned his camera round and started snapping photos. He tried to send one, but … No. Too geeky, too skinny, too weird, too … not enough. Nick would look at that picture and he would think—

No. He wouldn’t. Charlie wasn’t sure of much, but he was absolutely sure Nick loved him.

Still, none of those selfies were half good enough for his gorgeous boyfriend. He sent a heart-eyes emoji and fire instead. Some other time he’d send a selfie. With better light. That’s all he needed.

Chapter Text

One week down. Charlie was counting the days. Who was he kidding—at one point, he had actually counted the minutes, in a desperate effort to pass the time.

He missed Nick more than he had imagined possible. Texting helped, but Nick was on holiday, busy with his family, and far less responsive than usual. Their brief phone conversations, hampered by poor signal, had been almost worse than nothing. Charlie couldn’t talk to Nick about anything that mattered, he couldn’t joke with him, and worst of all, he couldn’t hug him. He hadn’t known before Nick left how much that simple touch—the hugs, the hand-holding—grounded him and made him feel safe and loved and cared for.

At least they had said their “I love you”s before Nick left, so they could say them again and again over text and calls. That reminder went a long way to helping Charlie get through these endless days.

Bored and restless, Charlie moved from activity to activity. MarioKart, but it was too easy, not a challenge any longer, and nowhere near as fun as if he was playing with Nick. Books couldn’t hold his attention. His schoolwork was fine, but he found himself losing focus as he studied. All he really wanted to do was lie on his bed and look at pictures and scroll back through old texts and wait for Nick to come home. Anything else felt pointless.

He tried to drum a bit, listlessly, but he couldn’t get into the rhythms. Why was he bothering? He’d be back in school soon enough, and back in band, and he could drum then.

Just as he put the drumsticks back, giving up on the idea, his phone buzzed on the floor next to his foot. Picking it up, he saw the text was from Isaac. “Movie night tonight?”

Charlie sighed, putting the phone back in his pocket, the text unanswered. He should go. Isaac had been asking, and he thought Isaac was probably lonely and frustrated at the long summer spent on his own while Tao and Elle and Charlie ditched him for their relationships. He felt vaguely guilty about it. But somehow feeling guilty made him want to go even less. He’d want to apologise, Isaac would be unhappy, they wouldn’t really talk about it, and what was the point?

Someone tapped on his door, and he looked around to see Tori there in the doorway. “What you up to?”

“Nothing much.”

She stood there looking at him, and Charlie turned away. He didn’t want to admit to her how unhappy he was, or how much he just wanted to shrink into the walls and just … not be there, until Nick came back and his life could resume again.

Tori came into the room and sat down next to him. She didn’t say anything, just reached out and put her arms around him, holding him tight.

Charlie hugged her back, laughing a little. “What’s up?”

“I’m worried … I don’t know.” She held him tighter. “I love you.”

He rested his chin on her shoulder. “Love you, too.”

She held on a little bit longer, then pulled back, looking searchingly into his face. “Charlie …”

“What?”

“Nothing. Just … come down later, okay?”

“I’ll try.”

She left, and he got up and went to his bed, lying down on it. For a moment, he thought about Tori, and how lucky he was—she was the best sister anyone could ask for. And then his mind drifted off, thinking about Nick and what it would be like when Nick was home, and hearing his voice say “I love you”.

Charlie didn’t know how long he had been lying there when Tori knocked on his door again. “One of your friends is here.”

“What?” Who would be here? No one was thinking about him—everyone had their own lives and their own things to do. And that was fine with Charlie. “Which one?”

“The one who’s always reading.”

Isaac. For the first time since the text had come in, Charlie remembered it. He had never replied.

Tori turned and left and Isaac appeared in the doorway, hands in his pockets. He smiled. Charlie always forgot what a sweet smile Isaac had until he saw it—a smile that could warm you all through.

“Hey.”

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re missing movie night,” Isaac told him, pulling out his desk chair and sitting down in it.

“Yeah.”

“You’re not missing much. It’s just Tao and Elle all over each other.”

Charlie didn’t respond and they sat in silence for an awkward moment.

“What’s going on, Charlie?”

So many answers went through Charlie’s head, but he didn’t think he had the energy to give any of them. Instead he just said, “What?”

“You don’t want to hang out with us anymore. Like, you’ve stopped replying to texts. Our friendship group is just all over the place at the minute. We’ve barely done anything together all summer, and, um … and I’m just feeling a little bit left out, to be honest.”

Charlie felt awful. It was true—they had all neglected Isaac. And for Isaac to complain, to talk about himself at all … He must be feeling very alone. “I know … I’m sorry. I … I’m sorry, I just …” He wished he could tell Isaac something, anything, about what was happening to him, but he didn’t know where to start, and it wasn’t fair to lay all that on Isaac anyway. “I’m just sorry.”

“It’s fine, Charlie. It’s not the end of the world. I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay.”

“I’m okay.” Charlie nodded. He tried to find ways to explain it that would be easier. “I … I’m just missing Nick a lot, and my mum’s been really annoying, and … That’s it. Just don’t feel like doing anything.”

Isaac was looking at him, and Charlie remembered that Isaac tended to see more than people said. He wished he could tell him more, but … it felt so useless. “You promise that’s it?” Isaac asked.

“Yeah.”

There was a silence, as Isaac considered whether to say more, then he sighed. “Okay.” Then he smiled. “You could at least reply to my texts.”

Charlie laughed. “I will. Sorry.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“No.” He was surprised to find that he really didn’t. “We could watch that Emma adaptation.”

“Oh, you know that’s my favorite!” Isaac got up and came to sit on the bed while Charlie grabbed his laptop and found the movie.

“Here we go.” As the credits rolled, Charlie rested his head on Isaac’s shoulder. They looked at each other and smiled and returned to the movie, and for just this one afternoon, everything was like it used to be.