Chapter Text
It should have been pretty obvious that things would go wrong in some way. Nothing ever went to plan in this world. Carl had expected something to go wrong, people dying, the saviours managing to catch them off guard with something.
But he didn't expect that the scavengers would betray them. It didn't cross his mind and he felt like an idiot for not considering it.
Their whole thing was staying out of the way. Taking the best deal.
Stupid he’d been stupid.
He couldn't even pretend that it hadn't been. They'd taken out a few saviours. Sure… But it wasn't worth it. They'd lost so many of their own already.
And now he was kneeling in front of Negan, having to listen to him threaten his dad again. Listening to their back and forth that he was so sure he had heard a million times before. In a way it felt kind of… Not boring. It was scary, yeah but… Well it was all the same sort of thing. Negan would end up killing someone and then would leave. That was his whole MO. He knew it would keep happening until either there was no one left or they just lost so much hope they did what the saviours wanted.
Without being able to get assistance from all the other communities it would be impossible and even then… Well he was under no assumptions that it would be an entirely happy ending for all of them. Hell he would fall asleep and have dreams of after. It would always start off good and then he would ask for someone and they would be gone. It was never the same person.
Every night it felt like he lost a different person. Michonne, Tara, Enid, his Dad. Worst of all Judith. He couldn't imagine a world without her in it. He’d seen what had happened when his Dad lost his mom, he knew what michonne was like when she first joined them. Losing Judith would tear them all apart.
So maybe that was why he was willing to take risks. They could get over his death… But not Judiths. She was the future. Everyone's hope for a new world and it was his reason for going.
His reason for looking past obvious red flags if it would give them even a slight leg up in the war against the saviours.
Or at least that's what he liked to think.
Maybe the truth of the matter was he wasn't as smart as he thought. He couldn't read people as well as he thought he could, he’d made too many mistakes and now this all felt like his fault. He should have said something, should have stood up for that tiny gut feeling he had that something would go wrong.
He was used to things feeling like it was his fault. He felt like an idiot when anything happened. He trusted Gabriel and while he knew it was a good idea now… Well it wasn't perfect at first. People had died. People had gotten in danger from the situations he had insisted on. So it had to be his fault surely.
Carl didn't even realise how much he’d zoned out until a scream broke through.
It was far enough away that he was sure… Fuck he was so goddamn sure that it was Michonne. Michonne, the one person he was so afraid of losing. His best friend. His… His mom. He’d just lost her. Just like that.
He didn't even get to be there at the end. STUPID. He was fucking stupid. How did he let this happen? How…
“Ohhh… Oh. Wow. You just lost somebody important to you right now- like… Just now. Jesus. Now that is timing.”
Carl just wanted to scream at him to shut up. That now wasnt the fucking time.
Fuck Negan was right… It was all over…
“You chose this. I warned you. And this isn't a warning. This is punishment.”
Haven't they been punished enough? Michonne was dead. There were already bodies littering the street. What more could he do? What more did he want to take from them… It wasn't fair. They had to fight this… They had to.
But this was the best they had for now. They had thrown everything into this and still failed. They had to do more. They needed to do more. But it all felt so out of reach.
“I'm gonna kill Carl now. I'm gonna make it one nice hard swing”
Oh…
“Because I like him”
He felt stupid for not letting it cross his mind. Hell after what he did at the sanctuary… Well he was starting to feel a bit cocky. As if Negan wouldn't kill him. Or he couldn't.
There was that weird sense that when it came to Negan, Carl was invincible. He knew Negan liked him. So it felt like he was safe. Safe enough at least in this situation.
He didn't know why it was a shock.
The easiest way to get to his Dad was through him. He knew that. He had always known that… But recently it had just slipped his mind he guessed.
“I'm gonna kill Carl and then Lucille here? Shes gonna take your hands”
This couldn't be happening. Carl spared a glance at his dad to get an idea of what he was thinking. What he would do. Carl figured he had to have a plan. His dad always had a plan. ALways had one more thing to try. Carl couldn't read his expression. He looked angry… And scared… Maybe even a little defeated.
He couldn't blame him… But he was still hoping for something else. One final hurrah to keep him alive. Distract him so someone could get a lucky shot off. Distract Negan so Carl could run and avoid this.
“You can do it infront of me. You can take my hands. I told you already i'm going to kill all of you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow… But nothing is going to change that. You're all already dead”
Oh… That wasn't what he was expecting. But maybe he should have. It was all about killing Negan. No matter the cost.
He didn't want this. He wanted to run. To get away from here. To go somewhere safe. Nowhere was safe. He knew that but his whole body itches with the need to run, to get away. Carl had never wanted a war. Not really. He knew they would lose too many people but they had to. This had to happen.
Negan laughed. “Damn… Wow rick… okay.” he quickly stood up.
Carl closed his eyes tightly and sucked in a deep breath. His last breath… Fuck… This was it. He was going to go out on his knees. Not fighting. Not of old age. Hell not even under a swarm of walkers. He was just going to die. Just like that.
He took carl's hat off. “You said i could do it”
Was that it? Would that be the last thing he heard? Carl let out a shaky breath.
At least this way there wouldn't be a walker. His dad wouldn't have to put him down.
He felt disconnected. Floaty. His skin didn't feel right, it was crawling.
He didn't know when it was coming. He just had to wait. Wait for his end. This was it… This was all he had. Just to wait.
Until it hit.
And then everything happened.
Carl fell forward, but was still very much alive. He knew that or it wouldn't hurt this much. He could feel blood pouring down the back of his head.
He couldn't move. Why didn't it kill him? Negan was strong enough… He’d seen that. Hadn't he?
He tried to look around, see what was happening but all he could see was a blurry red mess. He could hear gunshots, chaos. Someone was yelling something. It all happened in a split second. He couldn't comprehend it.
What was happening…? Someone was dragging him. Had he moved? Where were they taking him… The grip on him was holding tight. Why did it feel… Safe… He was safe… He was alive…
It was… Okay…
And then it all faded to black.