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An age old Greek myth tells the unfortunate story of Icarus: the man who flew too close to the sun only for the wax that glued his makeshift wings to his mortal body to melt, causing him to plummet into the depths of the ocean underneath him.
It isn't just irony at its finest but also poetic justice for Teruki was all that .
Looking down at the degree in his hand and then up at the kindest of all men standing mere meters away from him, holding her hand, Teruki Hanazawa wondered if he was Icarus and Shigeo Kageyama the deep, endless ocean he continuously drowned in.
Shigeo made him drown until he'd die and he couldn't think of a better way to meet his end.
A soft exhale and another stolen glance towards the man he desperately wished to be held by. It was a selfish thought, one that made him cry at night because how dare he long for something, anything like this if Shigeo was happy .
Guilt is ugly, as if life.
He wanted to wrap his own arms around his middle, a poor man's comfort.
But how pathetic would that be? How unfair to him would that be?
A hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his all too well known misery, the familiar weight of it grounded him; knowing, comforting— damn near familial .
"Hey, kid…", Reigen's gentleness towards him was unwavering, "I'm so sorry your parents couldn't make it."
"Yeah…", he answered, his voice; Me too. , he silently added, I'm sorry too.
Not that it mattered, because it shouldn't. But if that's the case why does he feel so fucking alone? Why did it matter if all the other graduates had their parents take pictures of them, with pride and joy gleaming in their eyes?
Indifference can be feigned, so does Ignorance but he almost broke down of the underlying epiphany that he wasn't good enough for his parents. For Shigeo . Anyone, for anyone.
This entire situation would be tasteless if Teru wasn't do bitter.
"Oi, Hanazawa-kun!", Kurata Tome, who graduated a year prior but still arrived together with the the rest of the Spirits And Such crew, chimed in, "Get moving, we're gonna head to the restaurant! Everything's on Reigen-san tonight!"
Reigen's face instantly paled, cold sweat dripping down his forehead as he made wild gestures: "I-I don't remember promising anything like that—"
"I did.", Dimple appeared from behind Reigen, his smirk as sly as ever.
The blond grabbed the spirit and held him in front of his face: "You don't get to decide that!"
The ghost dissolved, actively possessing the conman as the two signature red circles appeared on his cheeks: "Our body, our money."
Teru wanted to laugh at Dimple's and Reigen's behaviour, he wanted to be happy about getting to spend this special day with his friends, his found family, but all he could do was hang in there, hanging and hanging like a beautiful flower in the gardens of Babylon.
Thus he did just that, he still doesn't know how he did it but he did. In fact, all he did know was that Shigeo was there, sitting just across the table. So close, but more unreachable than ever before and it would only get worse, wouldn't it?
It as almost as if he couldn't catch up anymore; while Teru was praying to the heavens that the last pillar of his temple won't fall, Shigeo had already began building his own.
Maybe if he had more courage, maybe if he was deserving of Shigeos sheer attention they'd be building a house of worship together, or long start short, notorious heartbreak Prince Teruki Hanazawa was too much of a coward to confess.
So instead of being the one to hold Shigeo's hand and sit next to him he sat in front of him with a cheat wooden table, bowls filled with ramen and a lot of insecurities between the two, desperately hanging onto every word every word the ravenette spoke as though it was some sort of doomsday prophecy; signaling that the final days of Rome had dawned upon them.
It wasn't until the bill came, to which Reigen excused himself to go to the toilet, that Teruki began feeling antsy .
Reigen's presence bring gone from one minute to the next made him downright anxious and Serizawa's ramblings about his brand new Gundam Robot could only distract him from Shigeo's lovesick gaze for so long.
After ten painful minutes without any sign of the conman Teruki too excused himself.
The young psychic never knew until then that walking could feel like flying too, he felt nauseous and wobbly— God , how desperately he wanted to claw at a wall.
"Reigen-san?", Teruki called out only to be greeted by silence… and an open window.
That asshole did not just bail on me because of a bill. , he groaned and pressed his shaking hands against the cool surface of the sink before leaning forward and looking into the mirror.
Why are you like this? , he chastised himself despite knowing the answer to that question already.
Teru closed his eyes and took a deep breath before letting out a shaky sigh.
He contemplated his options, he almost considered climbing out of that window but then—
"Did Shishou climb out of the window again?"
Teru spun around and gathered whatever little bit of composure he had left: "Shigeo-kun why are— wait, what do you mean by 'again'?"
"Reigen-shishou says it's one of his special moves , he calls it 'Psychic Escape'.", the ravenette mused.
Teru pursed his lips and crossed his arms: "This man will never grow up, like, ever."
Shigeo chuckled in return, it was a beautiful sound, he walking up to the sink and leaning against the cool faux marble: "Hm. Maybe. But I think that's his…charm."
Teru couldn't help but look at the man, he couldn't help but reminiscen about the times when Shigeo was still this shy, small kid.
But Shigeo Kageyama was none of that anymore, he was all grown up now, charismatic and open.
When did the tables turn so drastically?
"Hanazawa-kun?", Shigeo suddenly spoke into the silence, his voice almost timid as he began to fumble with his hands ever so slightly, even now at 18 Shigeo still had the same mannerisms he had when he was still 14.
The same tiny aspects about him that Teru carefully, ever so lovingly tucked away in the back of his head to never be forgotten about.
And it would be lovely if it wasn't one-sided.
Teru blinked away his self-pity: "Yeah? What is it, Shigeo‐kun?"
"There is something I wanted to tell you."
And so Shigeo began talking about his girlfriend and how it's been two years since they started dating, how important she was to him and how much he loved her.
Each new thing he said had Teru sink into himself more and more, Teruki felt small. Unbelievably so.
You love her like I love you.
This ugly feeling rendered him useless. The jealousy, the loneliness, the goddamn insecurities— it's the only piece of him that will resurface once he drowned in Shigeo's waters.
It was exhausting, tiring and honestly he should've just climbed out of the window — use the 'Psychic Escape' special move — and never ever return.
It's then that Shigeo fished something out of his long black coat which ne hadn't bothered taking off when arriving here.
And now he knew why.
A black, velvet ring case.
The air was fizzing around them, in some alternate reality Shigeo might have fallen down to his knee for him. Not for her, for him. But things look different now.
"I—I think I want to marry her, Hanazawa-kun", Shigeo murmured, his eyes shimmering, "You're better with romantic...things than I am so I wanted to ask you for advice."
Shigeo bowed a little.
Always so apologetic, always so kind.
God, if only he knew.
The inner selfishness was clawing at Teru, but when he looked at him even his darkest thoughts disappeared, there had been dozens of thrown out speeches Teruki had almost said to him over the years and right now they were hanging from his lips like a lonely water drop hanging from a rusty drain but Teru locked them down, because Shigeo doesn't deserve that.
Looking at him now, so clearly and in focus, Hanazawa saw happiness, he saw a the future life of a happy man with a happy wife by his side and a bunch of equally happy kids.
Alas, clarity came in form of Shigeo Kageyama's happiness; so it always does.
Teru was but another unfinished statue and Shigeo was his involuntary Phidias, the sculptor, who shaped and created him.
Not trusting his words the blonde wrapped his arms around the timid man, he could feel Shigeos heartbeat. They were so close and yet all Teru's heart could do was ache at the distance between them, he remembered all those days of longing, all the 'almost's that were never quite enough.
He remembers everything for a split second because it's time to face the harsh truth that he needs to let missed opportunities pass.
He pulls away and takes Shigeo's face in his hands, his hands shook and if tears were spilling down his face he didn't dare to mention it.
"I am so proud of you, Shigeo.", his voice was wobbly and barely above a whisper.
He slowly let his hands drop to his side before giving the love of his life the most honest and reassuring smile he could muster, if Shigeo still couldn't comprehend Teru's feelings then so be it: "Go for it, I promise you there is nothing she wants more. I should know."
Walking home that evening had Teru crying, his Shigeo has found the muse he truly deserves and unlike him she will one day grace the halls of the holiest temples somewhere in Olympia.
And somewhere on his way home clarity morphed into acceptance.
Maybe next time he won't fly too close to the sun.