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Chapter Text

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<Hidden Scenario - Meeting One's Loathed Self>

Category: Hidden

Difficulty: ???

Clearing Conditions: All members of the nebula 'Kim Dokja's Company' will interact with themself from a past timeline which the member despises. Other members shall be observing the scenario through a screen provided by the star stream. 

+Use of any skills and violence shall be prohibited. 

Duration: ???

Reward: 3,000,000 coins, SSS Grade item/s & ???

Penalty for failure: ???

___

Kim Dokja groaned internally as he read the scenario details. The urge to refuse the scenario was very tempting, but not only would that draw suspicion to his companions, the rewards of the scenario are fairly useful. 

[Ki m     Dok ja      is     af r ai d]

Oh fuck off fourth wall. 

Come to think of it, the scenario was going to ban skills, that means...

The fourth wall won't be present.

Gods, Kim Dokja wishes he didn't have such trauma, he wouldn't even have to worry about this in the first place!

[Ki m      Dok ja      d oe s      no t      w an t      to      se e      h is      pa st      se l f] 

The fourth wall really can't read the room, can it. 

Hm. Going back to what it said though... 

Kim Dokja can't even begin to comprehend which past self he'd have to meet. Will it be the one where his mothe- no, when he murdered his father, his pathetic middle school self, or... thattimewhenhekilledhimsel-

[The fourth wall is thinning rapidly!]

The message brings Kim Dokja out of his thoughts, as he does, he hears a light and slightly concerned voice from beside him. 

"-kja-ssi? Dokja-ssi?" Kim Dokja turns his head to see Yoo Sangah looking at him with an expression laced with worry. 

He blinks. "Ah. Yes, Sangah-ssi?" 

"Are you alright? You've been silent ever since the scenario appeared." She frowns.

"....Oh, Sorry. Please don't worry about me, I was just... thinking about the scenario." He dismisses with a wave of a hand and accidentally flashes an unfortunate smile. 

That damn smile which means he's up to no good. 

"Let me guess... you don't want us to see your past self now do you? I'm sure you looked ugly back then!" Han Sooyoung randomly butts in their conversation and swings her arms around the two. 

If only you knew, Sooyoung. He thinks glumly. 

"Shut up," he rolls his eyes. "I bet your past self was an edgy brooding teenager." He argues back as he removes Han Sooyoung's arm off himself. 

Han Sooyoung does a dramatic gasp. "Why you-!" She then unsheathes her sword and Kim Dokja makes a run for it. "Come back here, you bastard!"

___

As the two bicker and run around the industrial complex, an unusual pair is seen chatting with one another; or, at least, one of them is trying to make conversation with the other. 

"Joonghyuk-ssi."

"Yoo Sangah. What do you want."

She raises a hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle. "Straight to the point as always. I wanted to talk about Dokja-ssi." 

"Kim Dokja?"  

"Yes. I believe I have an idea why he's upset about this scenario." 

He raises an eyebrow, urging her to continue.

"You see, when Dokja-ssi joined Minosoft, I overheard rumors about him. These rumors were... let's just say they weren't pleasant. One rumor that struck me in particular was that he was dubbed a 'murderers son.' I didn't believe it at first because they were just rumors. But... a while back, Dokja-ssi actually told me about his past. During that conversation, he told me that his mother killed his father because he was abusive..." 

"...What?" Yoo Joonghyuk was seriously shocked for once. Kim Dokja never struck him as someone with such a traumatic past like this, hell, he thought he was just an ordinary office worker who had nothing better to do than to read an extensively long novel!

"That's not even the worst of it..." Yoo Sangah trails off, remembering something unpleasant, making Yoo Joonghyuk even more worried, because how was that not the worst of it?!

"Whilst his mother would stay in jail, she would write a book detailing about her life and the abuse... Sadly, that book became popular and people found out Dokja-ssi was the child in the book. I assume thats why he's dubbed as 'a murderers son.'"

Yoo Joonghyuk would be lying if he didn't feel a little nauseous at all this information being dumped on him like a bucket of ice cold water.

"Why tell me this?" He opts to reply, not sure what would be proper to say. 

"You care about him, don't you?" Yoo Sangah simply answers, more as a statement than a question with an all knowing smile. 

"Hmph." Yoo Joonghyuk crosses his arms, though technically there were no objections. 

Ding! Everyone turns their head at the sound. 

[Scenario will be starting soon.]

___

As expected, this was not a favorable scenario for some of the company's members. 

Lee Gilyoung had to face his traumatized younger self, Lee Hyunsung had to meet himself from his army days, Han Sooyoung met her teenage self, which -to Han Sooyoungs dismay and to Kim Dokjas amusement- was actually an edgy brooding teen; and so on, you get the point. 

And now, it was Kim Dokjas turn. Little does he know what the star stream has planned for him. 

[Next participant: Constellation 'Demon King of Salvation']

He takes a deep breath and gets transported to the scenario area. 

The scenario area isn't anything fancy per se, just a plain white room with no windows whatsoever. 

Doubting the star stream, he tries to call for the fourth wall.

'Fourth wall?'

No response.

Oh.

Oh fuck.

Before he can try to call the wall again, a screen pops up. 

[Error.]

"...Huh?" 

[Participant has multiple loathed selves.]

Shit. Kim Dokja frantically thought. They won't possibly show all of them, right? 

The answer to his question is: 

[Past Version 1: Murderer.]

"Oh god dammi-!" 

He gets cut off by a figure materializing in front of him, and lo and behold, it is in fact, the one who at the time, killed his father. 

A small, frail looking child battered in bruises and blood stood in front of the constellation. Lifeless eyes dart across the room as the boy takes a step back. 

Kim Dokja's breathing quickens as the memories come rushing back to him, to the time where he foolishly goes out of the room, his mothers desperate pleads, that fucking bastard holding a knife and threatening to kill them, him leaping forward despite his mothers shouts, and then the only thing he saw was red pooling below him and the nauseating stench of bloo-

"...Hello?" 

Ah, right. He forgot he was there. 

Taking one shaky inhale after another, he responds to the other.

"Mm. Hi."

"Who are you...? Why am I... how..."

Fuck. Kim Dokja thinks. Gosh, how does he even start? 

___

Gasps from the company were heard once they saw the little boy in front of their star. 

"That's ahjussi...?" Shin Yoosung mutters in disbelief. 

"Dokja-hyung's covered in bruises!"

"And... blood?" Jung Heewon adds. 

"Fuck." Han Sooyoung grits her teeth; and even Yoo Sangah doesn't chide her for swearing in front of the children, because fuck it was bad. 

"Wait! Lets backtrack for a moment, what did the system mean by 'multiple loathed selves?' and-" Lee Jihye pauses. 

A beat of silence. 

"Oh." 

And 'Oh' indeed. 

Yoo Joonghyuk is left speechless. Sure, Yoo Sangah may have told him beforehand, but he never expected it to happen when he barely even looks past the age of seven!

Oh he's definitely going to strangle that rat for not telling them sooner. Then again, he might prefer that. 

God, nothing is ever simple with him, is it? 

"I didn't think it would be this bad...." Yoo Sangah whispers warily beside Yoo Joonghyuk, bringing him out of his internal monologue.

He nods stifly in agreement.

___

"Hey. Say something..." The child makes an attempt to look fierce, but it only served to make him seem more weak. 

"I..." Finally, Kim Dokja thinks, he's found his voice. "Say... do you like stories?" He opts to change the topic, even trying to explain the situation is definitely not what he wants to do right now. 

"...Stories? I do," A small shimmer of fondness shines in the boys eyes.

Kim Dokja gives him a bittersweet smile, eyes crinkling into crescents. "Would you like to hear one?" 

"Yes, yes!" The child beams from excitement, contrasting his demeanor from before.

And so the star sits beside the younger and tells him a story, a story about a boy just like him, about the hardships he faced; how he was ostracized in school, how his father would continuously beat him and his mother to no end, and how one day, he had had enough. How his mother was taken away from him, how reporters would surround him wherever he went, how his relatives would toss him from one home to another, how he was harassed and called names at school. But, the story takes a turn from here, as he tells the boy on how he found his salvation, how he used a webnovel as a reason to live on, how he'd tell himself 'Don't kill yourself yet, because if you do, you'll never know what'll happen in the next chapter.' How he endured and trudged forward through it all, and that he, eventually, found his purpose, and never regretted nor looked back afterwards. 

As the story comes to a close, he gathers enough courage to look at his younger self, to be met with wide and glossy eyes holding unshed tears. 

Kim Dokja immediately pulls the boy into a warm embrace, whispering words of comfort.

"Please, don't hold in your tears any longer." 

Those very words struck something in the younger's core.

The dam breaks. 

Loud sobs echo throughout the room, as the constellation only hugs him impossibly tighter, not minding his own tears dampening the youngers shirt.

___

The company is stunned silent. None of them can bear to say anything, only muffled sobs -mainly from the children and, surprisingly and unsurprisingly, Lee Hyunsung- would break said silence. 

The story told by Kim Dokja, they can only assume it was what happened in his past, and none of it was pleasant to hear in the slightest. 

To think that such a loving yet self sacrificing person would have such a tragedy behind it all. 

___

When the boys sobs fade into sniffles, he asks, "How do you know all this...?" in a voice lower than a whisper. 

"..." Well. He could explain, however, Kim Dokja is stubborn. "...just because." 

Before the younger can even try to ask again, Kim Dokja interrupts with a new statement.

"Believe it or not, you have a family waiting for you just outside this room, in fact, they've been watching you all this time. You'll meet them eventually, I promise." 

The younger pulls away slightly to look at the star, "...Really?" 

"Yes. You will." The star replies with a smile full of fondness.  

[Past version 1: Murderer, Complete!] A screen flashes in front of the two.

"It seems you'll be leaving soon. Don't let the others get to you. Remember to hold on, okay?"

"...okay," The boy shakily replies, "okay." He repeats.

And so the small boy vanishes with a flash of white, small stars linger of where he used to be. 

Kim Dokja sighs and slumps to the ground. This is hard without the fourth wall, he thinks. 

[Intermission Time until next version: 00:07:00]

"Seven minutes, huh.." He mutters.

"You know," he singsongs loudly, "I never expected the constellations were capable of being this quiet." Kim Dokja peers at the ceiling. 

[The constellations jolt in surprise!]

[Some constellations are offended at your statement.]

[The constellations are justifying that the reason they went silent is because they did not want to intrude and possibly worsen the moment The Constellation 'Demon King Of Salvation' was having with his younger self.] 

"Ah. Well, thank you... I suppose. Though I'll have to ask you guys to continue staying silent because as you can see, I've been forced to meet multiple past selves." Kim Dokja grits his teeth.

[The constellations say they will happily oblige.]

"Thanks again. Now," He looks at one of the walls which he assumed was where the 'camera' was situated at (and surprisingly, he was correct). "I assume you all are silent from that?" 

___

The company flinches. How did Kim Dokja somehow look directly into the camera even though theres absolutely no way you can find out where they're viewing him? 

"You guys probably flinched from that, didn't you?" 
.
.
.

If the company didn't get a heart attack before, they probably did now. 

"Alright alright, I'll stop teasing. Anyways, I want to talk about the scenario." 

The group visibly stiffens. 

"I'm ninety-nine percent sure you all would want me to elaborate on... well y'know. But I shall respectfully decline. Reason one, I absolutely do not want to talk about anything regarding my past, and reason two, I guess you all know what happened back then from the story I told... So I don't see the need to elaborate further." He smiles dimly.

[The character 'Yoo Joonghyuk' has used the 'Lie Detection' skill.]

['Lie Detection' has confirmed Kim Dokjas words are false.]

Yoo Joonghyuk scowls darkly as he sees the message. So that wasn't the whole truth. 

As the nebula stays oblivious to their leaders lies and Yoo Joonghyuks murderous aura, they all frown at Kim Dokja's words. While yes, they may have had a vague idea of his past, this scenario was going to pick him apart and explore his childhood trauma, no matter how curious they were, they'd prefer for him to do this with his consent, unfortunately, that is not how scenarios work. 

"Sangah-ssi."

The company turn their heads at Yoo Sangah.

"I suppose you now know whether I was bluffing during that conversation we had. Because of that, I'd like to ask of you a favor. Do not tell anyone about it, please."

Yoo Sangah averts her eyes from the curious stares before replying, "I promise, Dokja-ssi." 

That was, of course, a complete and utter lie. Yoo Sangah guiltily thought of earlier where she told Yoo Joonghyuk.

Yoo Joonghyuk shudders. He doesn't know why. 

___

Chapter Text

___

[Intermission Time until next version: 00:00:30]

"Almost time. I wonder which one will it be..." Kim Dokja gets up from his position and stretches. 

[Past Version 2: Alone.]

Once again, sporadic white sparks flash to form an older version of the first version, who was, again, bruised and beaten. 

"Huh? You are...?" 

Kim Dokja reaches out to one of the youngers arms to inspect the wounds, only for the boy to flinch and jump away, because old habits die hard. 

"D-dont touch me." He sputters out. 

"Song Minwoo really did a number on you..." Kim Dokja mutters subconsciously. 

"What? How do you-?" 

"I guess beating around the bush won't do any good. To put it simply, I'm you, from the future." 

"Future? Wait, so you... What happened to the attempt?"

Kim Dokja pauses, then his breathing hitches. The attempt? He fails. Just like everything else he does. Not one single fucking thing in his life went right. God, why was he so patheti-

No. This was not the time to be thinking about this. 

"We fail the attempt." He responds bluntly. 

"...Fail?" The younger pauses. "Pfft-!" The boy stifles laughter in one of his hands, not noticing the tears running down his face. "Of course... I failed-" A choked sob. ",that too... Hah!" The laughs dwindle down and he stares at the floor in anger. "God, why can't I just die already?! Dammit dammit dammit!" He lashes out on the other, wailing, kicking, screaming, anything to release his frustration. While Kim Dokja just... stands there and takes it with clenched fists and harshly bitten lips. He knows that he needed this after all. 

___

"Attempt? Attempt what?" The kids ask in confusion, as the adults faces morph into one of sheer horror. 

"Don't tell me he-"

"He didn't, right...?"

Yoo Joonghyuk's frown hardens as he glares at the screen murderously.

"Son of a bitch- He didn't mention he-!" Han Sooyoung cuts herself off, remembering that the children know nothing of what they're talking about. 

"Why didn't Dokja-ssi ever tell us any of this?" 

"People have sides no one wants to know about them. And I'm sure we all know how secretive Kim Dokja can be, it's only natural he would hide this from us." Yoo Joonghyuk surprisingly speaks up after being quiet during the whole scenario; this causes the company to turn their heads at him, though it was obvious they shared the sentiment. 

They stare at the screen as the younger Kim Dokja's manic laughter fade to angry sobs.

 "God, why can't I just die already?! Dammit dammit dammit!"

They watch as the younger weakly kicks and punches their leader, while Kim Dokja just... stays there and does nothing about it. 

"Die...? Why does Hyung want to die?!" Lee Gilyoung asks with teary eyes. 

"Gilyoungie... you'll understand when you're older, okay?" Yoo Sangah tries to assure him, which unfortunately does not work as he begs for an explanation and constantly saying things like 'but aren't I old enough?!' or 'I want to know what hyung means!' and Shin Yoosung getting dragged into it too. 

"Shouldn't Dokja be doing something about that?! Why is he just standing there and..." Jung Heewon trails off, unsure of what to say. 

"Leave it be. That bastard knows what he's doing, I mean, that is his younger self after all." Han Sooyoung puts her hand on Jung Heewons shoulder as she bites her lemon candy, making a satisfying crunch in the process. 

"...I guess you're right." 

____

Eventually, the second version passes out from exhaustion and slumps on the constellation. 

Kim Dokja takes the boy in his arms and puts him in a more comfortable position. 

"So... I guess you all weren't expecting that?" Kim Dokja says with a downcast smile. 

"Constellations, you can say something now if you'd like."

Suddenly -but unsurprisingly- a barrage of notifications flood Kim Dokja's inbox. 

[The constellations are forlorn by your past.]

[The Constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' is weeping.]

[The Constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' says that she will always watch over you.] 

[The Constellation 'Queen of the Darkest Spring' wishes to hug the heir of the underworld.]

[The Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' is staring at you with an indecipherable expression.] 

[The Constellation 'Prisoner of the Golden Headband' is saddened by your past.]

[The Constellation 'Abyssal Black Flame Dragon' says he isn't crying.] 

[The Constellation 'Abyssal Black Flame Dragon' wishes to ◾️◾️◾️ and ◾️◾️◾️◾️◾️ to those who had wronged you in the past.]

[50000 coins have been sponsored!]  

[The Constellation...]

As he scrolls through the notifications, one message catches his eye.

[The constellations wish to provide comfort towards you.]

Slowly, tears drip down Kim Dokjas face as he tightens his hold on his younger self. Oh how he misses the fourth wall... Who knew mere words would make him this emotional?

[The constellations are shocked!]

[The constellations are asking you if you're alright.]

[A handful of constellations apologize for their messages.]

"Ah.. No, no, these are happy tears." He tries to clarify as he wipes his tears -which inevitably fails as he doesn't stop crying.

[The constellations are confused.]

A soft huff of laughter comes from Kim Dokja. 

"I guess... I've never had this many people worrying about me to this extent. I just, I feel very grateful for you all." 

[Some constellations are shedding tears.] 

___

Out of nowhere, Lee Jihye gasps as she notices something. 

"I know this isn't the right time to say this but-"

"Jihye. Shut it." Yoo Joonghyuk tries to warn her, but sadly... 

"Is it just me, or does squid ahjussi's face look... clearer? No, screw that, he looks prettier for some reason!" 

"Jihye." Yoo Joonghyuk is visibly furious right now, practically radiating 'Read the room you idiot.' 

Jung Heewon leans closer to the screen and her eyes widen at something, "Wait. I think Jihye's right... Dokja's face does look clearer!" 

This makes the company inch closer to the screen.

"I thought ahjussi always looked like that though?" Shin Yoosung frowns in contemplation. What do they mean by clearer? Ahjussi's face always has been pretty! She wonders. 

"But... how? Hyung never looked like that before he went in the scenario."

"Oi, what were the scenario restrictions again?" 

"The scenario did mention something about not allowing skills? Maybe he has a skill that covers his face."

A skill that censors his face... Just what else is this fool hiding? Yoo Joonghyuk glowers at the realization. On another note, he can't help but agree with Lee Jihye. Kim Dokja looks weirdly pretty even though he's crying-
.
.
.
Wait.

He's not in love with that fool, right?

...Right?

Well.

Looks like he has abysmal taste in men. 

"I can't believe it, this whole time... he wasn't ugly at all!" Lee Jihye cries out- rather dramatically too. 

"Uhm, guys." Yoo Sangah interrupts, "I don't think we should discuss this while Dokja-ssi is... you know...." She vaguely waves her hand at the screen where Kim Dokja is still, in fact, crying.

"Ah." The group collectively says, shrinking in embarrassment. 

___

After quite some time, Kim Dokja actually does calm down. 

He sniffles, "Sorry you had to see such a... pathetic sight. I just feel a little more emotional right now." Kim Dokja peers at the ceiling.

[The constellations are furiously shaking their heads!]

[Some constellations wish you had more sympathy for yourself.]

At that, Kim Dokja snorts. 

Suddenly, Kim Dokja hears a muffled groan and some shifting, he looks down to see his younger self, who's currently lying down on one of his thighs. He smiles softly and threads his fingers through the youngers hair. 

[The Constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' coos over the cute scene between the two Kim Dokjas.]

[The Constellation 'Abyssal Black Flame Dragon' complains from the lack of violence in this scenario.]

[The Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' shakes his head at The Constellation 'Abyssal Black Flame Dragons' statement.]

[The Constellation 'Prisoner of the Golden Headband' would like to remind The Constellation 'Abyssal Black Flame Dragon' that he was sobbing just a few moments ago.]

[The constellations agree with The Constellation 'Secretive Plotter' and The Constellation 'Prisoner of the Golden Headband.']

[The Constellation 'Abyssal Black Flame Dragon' tells the other constellations to square up.] 

"Pfft-" 

A small giggle reverberates in the room, before turning into hearty laughter. 

[The Constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' squeals loudly.] 

[The Constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' says you should laugh more.] 

[The constellations agree with 'Demon-like Judge of Fire']

Kim Dokja feels himself flush red around his cheeks and neck, burying his face in his hands from the compliment. 

___

For once, the company, even a certain regressor- agrees with the archangel.

___

Sadly, the moment of solace is interrupted by the younger Kim Dokja abruptly sitting up and breathing heavily, seemingly just woken up from a nightmare. 

In an attempt to soothe the boy, he places a firm hand on his shoulder, only for the other to flinch away and curl into himself. 

Kim Dokja's eyes soften in understanding. He gets up and gives space for him to breathe but enough so that the younger won't try to do anything to harm himself, he knows what happens after a nightmare after all. 

___

"Wha... whats going on with younger ahjussi?!" 

"Nightmares..."  

Tension fills the air once more. 

Yoo Joonghyuk perks up at this, remembering something. 

Frankly, Yoo Joonghyuk doesn't sleep at night, hell, he'd be lucky to get four hours of sleep max. 

Usually, at an ungodly hour he'd hear these soft, careful footsteps, approaching each and every room in the industrial complex. 

If we put the pieces together, it's obvious that it was Kim Dokja this entire time. 
.
.
.
Yoo Joonghyuk really wants to hit himself and that rat right now. 

"Im curious, how did Dokja-ssi even live before the scenarios...? Most people would've given up by now." 

"By what that bastard does best, reading." 

Right. Earlier he mentioned how he found his salvation through a webnovel, which they know to be Three Ways to Survive in a Ruined World. 

Really, he needs to open up to them more! Who would've thought that measly little novel meant this much to him?! 

"Dokja-ssi truly is amazing, he inspired me to live a 'Sangah life.'" Yoo Sangah chuckles to herself as the others stare at her incredulously.

"Ah.. Its an inside joke." She puts a finger up to her lips. The others nod in understanding- albeit a bit confused. 

___

The younger Kim Dokja can't seem to calm down. 

He sees unbroken faith on the floor. 

Come on. A voice whispers.

Go do it. Stab yourself like how your mother did to him. 

In his trance, he tries to reach for it, fortunately, Kim Dokja is faster. 

"What do you think you're doing?!" 

He leaps at the other, pinning him down. 

They trash around for a while until Kim Dokja's hands end up on the others wrists, preventing him from moving. 

"Hey hey- listen to me, not to the voice," Kim Dokja says, panicked, almost sounding like he's trying to convince himself instead. "You- you're fine. You're here, you aren't surrounded by reporters or Song Minwoos group, you're okay-" A sharp inhale, "Stop- stop it."

The younger finally breaks out of his stupor and avoids the others gaze. 

"...Let me go." He says, weakly. 

"You really expect me to do that after what you were trying to do to yourself?" The older hisses, his grip on the others wrists tightening. 

"Why are you even trying to stop me?!" He snaps harshly. "You said it yourself, didn't you?! I failed in killing myself, so maybe that sword would actually do the trick for once!" 

"STOP! Just- stop! It's not worth it! No matter what you still won't fucking succeed! You- you really think I didn't try again after that?! Hell, don't you know how many times I tried to?! How many days I spent willingly starving myself, cutting, hanging- all of it! To think that jumping was the only one that had some effect on me, but I somehow perfectly landed on a bush, preventing me from dying! It was as if the universe itself was purposely fucking me over SO JUST STOP IT ALREADY-!"

[Warning! Violence is not prohibited in this scenario. If continued, scenario penalty will be inflicted onto the participant.] A familiar but unwelcome screen pops up. 

The two Kim Dokja's pause. 

Oh. Kim Dokja thinks. What is he even doing?

Reluctantly, he lets the younger go and curls into himself, releasing his demon king form to hide himself with his wings. Leaving the other to gawk at him in shock. 

[The constellations are deathly silent.]

___

What... was that just now?

The company can't even bring themself to even try to break the suffocating silence, because what can they even say?

Han Sooyoung feels particularly icky about the situation.

She'd been guilty of writing characters with pasts like these in her stories and has always found satisfaction from it, but Kim Dokja was a real person. Everyone, especially him should not have to experience any of this. 

She bites her lip, drawing blood. 

On the other hand, the company was furious.

If this was what fate had for their star, then they'd gladly challenge fate itself.

___

"You... did all of that?" 

"Mm."

"What happened to starving yourself?" 

"Fainted on the sidewalk, brought to a hospital and stayed there for a week."

"...Hanging then?"

"The rope broke."

"...Cutting?" 

"The razor I used became dull and wouldn't cut anymore, and you know how much money we lacked." 

"Did you ever... try to stab yourself?"

"I was a coward. So no, I could never bring myself to after seeing her do that to him." 

He decides not to tell the other it was him who killed that bastard. 

"Ah..."

He chuckles, it comes out as a choked sob instead. 

"Sorry, too much?" 

The younger nods hesitantly.

"It never gets better... doesn't it?"

"No, it doesn't. I'm sorry." He buries his head in his knees further, muffling his cries. 

"I'm really, really sorry," He whispers, voice shaking.

"That you have to go through all of this." 

He breaks down into heart wrenching sobs. 

The younger can't reign in his tears, either. 

They sob together, clinging to each other as if it was their last lifeline.  

[Past Version 2: Alone, Complete!]

Both of them turn their heads at this, the older snorts. 

"You're killing the mood." He whispers to no one in particular. 

The two wipe their tears and bid each other goodbye.

"Hey, remember to hold on, ...okay?"

"Mm, no promises, alright?" 

Kim Dokja playfully shoves the other. 

"Kidding, kidding." 

And so the younger fades away into the light, a small, genuine smile on his face. 

Kim Dokja exhales and lies down on the ground. 

For the first time, he weeps, mourning the loss of what could've been. 

___

Chapter Text

frankly, i had and still do not have any intentions of ever finishing the ff. it started as something fun to do, but after a while, i started feeling pressured to continue it.

a part of the reason why i cant continue it is because of amount of traction it gained in such a short time. it doubled within days. more and more people read it, more people commented, shared their support, and wanted more.

because of that pressure, i've genuinely lost interest in writing anything. starting new projects has been nigh on impossible because of the guilt of not continuing the next chapter. it got to the point where i considered almost quitting writing altogether.

i know i should've expected this when starting a multi-chapter ff, but please take into consideration that it was my second ff i wrote at the time. i barely had any experience and i merely thought of it as a personal project at the time, i still do.

i am so, so sorry. i never thought id have to say this at all. i thought that i could finish it, that i was just being lazy.

turns out, that wasn't the case.

i'm not saying i'll never finish ftngwdi, just dont expect any updates from it for a while.

im sorry if this announcement seems rushed or unimportant or maybe even unnecessary. but this is to give me a peace of mind. to not feel guilty, to not push myself to write an inevitably bad chapter, to not disappoint the readers and myself.

also, i will be taking a break from writing in general. i need to focus on my studies and my on personal life. i hope that at least that will be acknowledged and respected.

thank you for reading and understanding. :)