Chapter Text
The original Tumblr post for this questioned whether or not this AU would actually Avert any Disasters, but I guess I just wanted at least one world where the conflicts were smaller, at least for a while.
Loki knocked on the door to Heimdall and Sigyn’s home. Heimdall answered.
“You asked for me?” Loki said.
“She’s upstairs,” Heimdall said.
“Ah,” Loki said.
Loki went up to Sigyn’s room. It was a small, cramped thing compared to his chambers at the palace, but it was filled with her— books, star charts, and anatomical models. He could barely walk for all the cushions and blankets on the floor, and her wardrobe was overstuffed not with clothes, but armor and weapons. A gilded ceremonial shield hung on the wall above her bed, with a fox head emblem etched into the mirrored surface.
Sigyn herself was lying on the bed, despondent. Her eyes were red. She’d been crying. Loki sighed and sat on the edge of the mattress, putting a gentle hand on her arm. She sniffed, her face screwing up, and she started to cry again. He sighed, laying down and pulling her into his arms.
“I’m right here,” he said. “I’m right here, it’s okay.”
“Why can’t I stop?” she asked.
“Stop what?” he asked.
“Hoping,” she said.
“Well, I wouldn’t want to be around when you did,” Loki said. “I’m convinced that if you ever give up hope, Asgard itself will crumble into dust from the loss of such a powerful, universal constant.”
She sniffed. “I didn’t want anyone to know. I thought I was done, but he was so kind at the start…”
“I’m sure he was,” Loki said.
“And it was exciting, to have a secret,” she added. “But it fell apart like it always does.”
She rested her head on his chest and he held her tight.
“I wish you could see just how much you’re loved,” Loki said. “How much I—”
He cut himself off when he heard what he was saying. Now was not the time. But she had heard as well, and she sat up with a start.
“How much you what?” she asked.
He paused. “I wanted to tell you. After Jörmungandr. But I saw how much pain you were in, and I couldn’t add to your burden. Mostly, I didn’t think you’d believe me. You go to such a vulnerable place when your heart is broken, your defenses are forged in lead and iron. I didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage, and I didn’t want you to think I was using your pain. I love you, Sigyn. I think I have for centuries, but I know now for certain. Please don’t be angry.”
She stared at him, blinking away her tears, with a face that read somewhere between fear and shock.
“Loki…”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I don’t want to you to feel obligated because of my status, or our friendship. But you asked.”
“I did,” she said.
She looked away. Loki could feel a pain inside his chest. Of course she didn’t return his feelings. How could she? He’d never be more than the boy who could not escape the shadows of those around him, including hers. She shone so bright, though…
“What do you love?” she asked.
“Excuse me?” Loki asked.
“You said you love me,” Sigyn said. “What about me do you love?”
Loki shook his head. “I… I love how you watch the stars.”
“Really?” The ghost of a smile passed over her face.
“I love how you look at them,” he said. “Awestruck, reverent. I love how you want to be among them, and so you learned to fight as you learned to heal, so that you could join us. I love the way you teach with a gentle hand. Anything I want to know, that you have already mastered, I know you will be patient and forgiving.”
“I’m beautiful,” she said. “Has that not figured into your desire?”
Loki shrugged. “I don’t think you need me to say all the things every other lover has told you your whole life. That your beauty is surpassing, and I’m transfixed by you when I see your face. You’re not some statue come to life. You want to know what I love? I love that you can’t keep this room clean, because your mind is working so fast, you’re onto the next thing before you finish the last and you can’t put it all away because what if you need it? I love that you swear like a sailor when you’re drunk and don’t consider yourself too refined to get there. I love that once you decide something is right or necessary, you cannot be stopped in the execution of it. So yes, your hair is like spun gold and your beautifully dark eyes have untold depths that I would love to get lost in forever, but there is so much more of you that I would rather you know that I love, because I don’t think anyone has ever said them to you.”
He paused, waiting for her answer. There were still tears in her eyes. She hadn’t even said that she loved him back, and he had just given her his entire heart. He had the idle thought of her tearing it to pieces, her hands stained red as she killed him slowly, so that he died in her arms and at her hands. He could not imagine a sweeter death, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to live after she rejected him. That was the only reason he could think of that she was taking so long to respond.
“Loki…” she breathed.
She threw herself forward, embracing him. She held his face in her hands and kissed him, deeply. He gasped against her lips, his hands on her waist as he pulled her as close as he could get her. They lost their balance, tumbling onto the mattress. He was on top of her now. He was on top of her, and on her bed, and her hand was in his hair, and her legs were…
The panic rose in his chest, and he pulled away, gasping. She smiled up at him, laughing softly.
“I love you, too,” she said.
That was all he needed to kiss her again.