Work Text:
My eyes are open. I have eyes to open?? I see the sky above me, it’s painted shades of bright blue and purple, the most beautiful colors I’ve ever seen. The first colors I’ve seen. I’m laying in the grass, it’s soft and comforting, thousands of tiny bits brush against my skin, blowing in the wind. This is the happiest I’ve felt, why am I seeing all this? What happened? If only Ten and Juice were here to see this, oh how much Ten would love the view…
I lift my hand up to feel the breeze brush against it, it intertwines between my fingers, warm and gentle. I smile, how am I even able to smile, why have I been blessed with so much luck so suddenly. A miracle, I have a body.
I close my eyes, taking in the moment.
And when I open them, I’m in space again. The harsh nothingness hits me like a brick, the familiar cold bites at my skin. All I see are stars, small white points in the sky. I am surrounded by nothing.
I call out to Ten, to Juice. But they don’t reply. Somehow I have vocal chords and all they can do is yell, it’s something that comes so naturally it’s scary. It’s so visceral.
I am truly alone, no one can help me out here, and I’ll be alone until I die.
I realize I won’t ever die.
Then I wake up.
[Pioneer-9 logged on]
.FUCK
.fuck
[Pioneer-10 logged on]
.Nine?
.
.Holy shit, Nine. Are you okay?
.
.You're scaring me.
.what was that
.What was what?
.I was seeing things, while I was asleep, I could see and hear and feel- and then it just.
It felt so real.
.How is that…
.Possible.
.
.
.
.
.That sounds almost like a dream.
.I uh- I guess.
.I'm not sure how you’re even able to have a dream?
.
.
.Can you do me a favour and run a self check?
.OK
.
.
.
.Everything’s functional.
.Says I’m only 19 percent charged.
.Well, you’ve only been asleep for a couple hundred years.
.Oh.
.You should really try to get back to sleep, me as well… I only woke up because I heard your transmission.
.Im sorry about that.
.Don’t worry about it, I care about you, alright?
.Alright.
.Okay, I’m going to head to sleep again. Goodnig
.[interrupting] wait- .
.
.Yes?
.
.Ten?
.What is it, Nine?
.Why is it like this?
.Why is what like this?
.Everything. Humanity, us. Our circumstances. Why is it like this? Why did it have to happen to us, to ME. What if I never even wanted to wake up, why did I wake up, you never answered why I-
.No no no. Hold up there buddy. You already know the answers to those. It’s like this because it just is. There’s not much we can do about it.
.But I don’t WANT it to be like this, it’s so tiring. I’m not even fully sure I understand how I can feel this feeling. Or how I even feel feelings.
all I know is that I don’t like how it feels, I don’t like how any of this feels.
.
.
.Nine, where did this all come from..? You seemed fine when you went to sleep. I thought you were well on the road to coping with all this.
.Are you okay…?
.i don’t know
.Why are you so caught up on this again?
.
.i don’t know
.Come on, there has to be something.
.My dream.
It just felt so.. real. I was on earth, I had a body, it felt so good. And now I’m awake again, now I’m like this again, and it’s so bad in comparison.
I didn’t even know I could feel so happy.
.Nine…
.i
.im gonna go
.Okay, take all the time you need, remember that I love you, okay? I love you Nine.
.I love you too.
[Pionner-10 logged off]
----------
.Juice? Are you awake?
.Nine!!! hold on why are you up
.I had a dream.
.oh? a good one?
.No. Well some of it was, but the end wasn’t.
.so that’s a nightmare
.Oh, yeah.
.
.
.Can I ask you a question?
.you and your questions, yeah what is it
.Why did-
Hold on Im not quite sure how to word this.
.take your time
.
.
.Okay, uh.
.Is it a bad thing that I woke up, why am I awake if I feel so… horrible.
.
.The people down there, they get to live a life of pleasure and play. But I’ll be up here the entire time, hurtling through space until I either decay or get hit by a rock. Sleeping for years just to wake up for a few weeks and watch them live a life I never will. What’s the point. Why wake up for this. I’m not even sure I was supposed to wake up.
.wow uh
theres no real answer to that Nine
.There has to be. Why are we alive?
There has to be an answer.
.i don’t think there is bud
.
.
.
.it gets to me too sometimes
but who’s to say we have to have an answer anyways. sure, the people down there get to actually play fucking sports and shit to entertain themselves, but we struggle through the same things as them. they don’t have purpose either
humans weren’t ever meant to live this long, we weren’t ever meant to be alive
all of this is really fucked up and everyone knows that, but if you think about it, some people consider all this a miracle. just like the miracle the humans got with eternal life…
we get the miracle of being alive in the first place
.
.
.
.i dont know if any of that made sense, not much of this world does and we just kinda have to roll with it anyways
but i think were lucky
.
.
.Yes, it really is a miracle, isn’t it?
But it’s hard.
.it really is
.It feels like hell, this is what I would imagine hell was if I didn't know. A reality where I have no way to make physical contact with anyone, in a world where I’ll never experience what is considered normal. Where I’ll never be useful.
i didnt make this choice
.no one did
.i wish I never woke up
.Nine.
you’re wrong
.
.take a look at yourself, all the people that brought you here
you are the collective effort of hundreds of people trying to make something so meaningful to them, you know your residual memory?
.Yes.
.its sewed into you, literally handcrafted, research it when you can
.OK.
the people who spent hours doing that, who wanted to see you succeed
they wouldve wanted you to wake up
im glad you woke up
.
.
.i miss you
.i miss you too
.we are literally talking to each other, I don’t even know how I miss you.
Haha.
.
.
.You won’t leave, will you?
.hell no, youre stuck with us now
.I guess I’m glad then too. If it means I get to be with you and Ten.
I don’t know what I would do without you guys.
I love you.
.I love you too buddy
.hold on
,>;
<;;12
Come on.
::<.3
Almost.
<
<3
.There we go.
. :]
.How do you do that so effortlessly?
. >:]
.Ughhhh fuck you.
Oh.
I’m going back to sleep now, I already lost a percentage.
.what you at
.18
.i can send you a charge
.No. I think I’ll be okay, I want to dream again.
Maybe this time you guys will be there too.
Goodnight Juice.
.sleep well Nine
[Pioneer-9 logged off]
.sleep well