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He freezes.
So it's over, isn't it? He stands still for a moment, letting the cold silence of the room embrace him tightly, so tight that he felt like it was suffocating him. He takes a few slow steps forward, brows furrowed as he looked at the floor, each wobbly step serving as a metaphor for the way he marched towards uncertainty.
He sits at the bed, unsure of how to react next. Gina—this camp, was all he had left. All that was steady and unwavering in his life just vanished in a fruitless attempt to maintain it. Now he was left floating. The stream would take him wherever it pleased without as much as a warning, and he was petrified. How did he screw up this badly, he asked himself over and over, trying to come up with a singular scenario where any of this would have worked out. Maybe if he had ditched the directorial position, maybe if he hadn't focused so much on making this work...he didn't know, he couldn't. He makes a mental note to add that to the list of things EJ was unsure of.
A silent, shameful tear streams down the boy's face, finally allowing a smidge of the emotions he has been experiencing all summer to show through.
The darkness of the room asphyxiates him, but he can't find the courage to turn on the lights. Instead, he looks out the window, catching the sight of a firefly buzz behind the glass. He gets up, the insect having piqued his interest, and steadily moves closer to it, careful not to make any sudden movements and scare it. The firefly continues to joyfully flap its wings outside, and EJ could swear it knows he's there, in need of company. He sniffles as he studies it, cocking his head to the side slightly. It looks...happy, he thinks to himself. Just a tiny insect happy to wander around the camp and provide its residents with its light.
It was free.
" Hey, little guy... I'm EJ. Sorry you're seeing me like this... I was kinda dumped today. By the prettiest girl in school—or, well. In camp...now that I graduated. " He casts another glance at the firefly, which was now sitting on the window sill, poking a dead earthworm with its face. " I was really trying, you know? All summer—I got that letter from my dad and I just—I freaked out, okay? I wanted... I wanted to make this work. I love Gina, and I wanted us to figure this out so bad. Plus, my dad always gets weird when I'm not dating a girl. Something about him meeting mom in high school . . . Something about me liking art too much. "
He presses his lips into a thin line as his father's words echoed in his mind. He wasn't certain as to why his dad wanted him to be dating all the time or why he wouldn't let him bring his guy friends over when he wasn't dating... He'd say ‘people might talk’ but he never questioned what about, despite his curiousness. He knew not to ask too many questions in matters such as this.
Not that...he has too many male friends nowdays. He's not even sure the ones he does have even like him very much. Hell, Ricky is probably ecstatic to find out Gina broke up with him, since he was obviously in love with her. Carlos kept giving him weird looks when he talked, though this might be because he kept harassing him with script prompts...which in retrospect he understands now.
The rest seemed to tolerate him—that was it. Tolerate. That was the golden word he was looking for. The word the universe had skillfully modelled after him.
Everyone just put up with him. His friends, until just now his girlfriend, his family...his dad...
He just felt... alone. Except for the little firefly that stayed with him throughout his whole, frankly, insane breakdown. He was talking to a bug, for fuck's sake.
He lets out a pitiful laugh, shaking his head to himself. He wanted to cling onto the memory of his senior year, but it just made him sadder. He pushed all of his friends a way, his dad hates him, he doesn't even have for the future. His breath gets shakes as he bangs his hand against the window, the pang alarming the little firefly, causing it to quickly fly away.
No!nonono—
He leans onto the window, hands pressing against the glass, as he watches the last bit of light fly away from him. Not one, but several tears run down his face, small sobs escaping him. He leans against the wall before allowing himself to slide down to the floor, feeling completely defeated. He shoves his face in his hands, letting out everything he had bottled up for so long. He made a cacophony of sounds that made an ugly requiem. A goodbye to his relationship but...that wasn't all this song was about. He was distraught about Gina because he cared about her, yes, but it was primarily because he held onto this relationship to ground himself. Now she was gone and he was falling. He was falling hard.
Suddenly, the door swings open, and he does his best to wipe away his tears in the few seconds he had available to conceal his sorry state.
" Dude, why are you sitting in the dark like count Dracula—Carlos said he was going to do it. "
It was Ricky.
The other boy furrows his brows, approaching him with a concerned look.
"Are you okay, dude? Were you crying? Hey-- I know we don't always see eye to eye all the time, but you can like...talk to me. "
He offers a sympathetic smile as he hesitantly rests a hand on EJ's shoulder, the jock feeling his heart unexplainably flutter in his chest.
The curly haired boy flicks up the switch with his free hand.
The light turns on.
Huh.
He looks up at Ricky.
A firefly.