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Crimson eyes snapped open in the dead of night, Hu Tao giving up on trying to sleep. Her breathing was already very uneven, and she raised her hands slowly to grasp at her unruly hair.
'It's unfair.' She thinks, letting out the smallest of whimpers. She quickly scolded herself for making any noise. After all, the last thing she wanted to do was wake the sleeping body next to her and be burdensome. Yanfei hardly got enough sleep as is.
Hu Tao sluggishly moved her knees to her chest, switching from pulling at her hair to hugging her knees.
One teardrop fell onto her bare skin. Then another. Before she knew it, she began silently sobbing. She tried her best to remain silent and not wake up her dear lawyer.
'It's not fair… I have everything I could possibly want, so why am I feeling like this? Like everything would be better off if I was…'
She dug her painted nails into her legs, feeling the undeniable twinge of pain make itself known.
'It's because I'm happy isn't it? I'm happy and that's selfish of me because I make others unhappy. I don't deserve to be this happy. I don't deserve to work where I want or to be with-'
"Tao?" Came a familiar groggy voice. Hu Tao glanced over to confirm if she had woken Yanfei up or not. Yanfei's eyes were still closed. Maybe she could convince her to go back to sleep…
"Y-" The funeral director's throat closed in on itself as more tears threatened to spill. "Yanyan, it's okay, go to sleep." As soon as she finished her sentence, she knew her congested words would not convince the half-adeptus to return to slumber.
The lawyer sat up immediately, a frown etching itself on her face. 'Great, you made her upset.' Hu Tao's brain jumped to remind her.
"Tao, baby, what's wrong?" The pink haired girl crawled on the bed towards her and cupped the brunette's face, wiping away her onslaught of tears.
"I-" She sniffled. To be honest, not even Hu Tao completely knew what was wrong. "I don't know… I just, I want to…" She went silent, and Yanfei waited, continuing to gaze at her with worried teal eyes. "... disappear." She couldn't bare to meet that concerned, seafoam green gaze anymore.
"Oh, Tao.." Yanfei gently pet her head. She knew that Hu Tao had episodes like this, after all, they'd been together for a little over a year.
She felt really bad for her, as she didn't think she'd be able to help much since she didn't know exactly what the director was feeling. Slowly, as each episode happened, Yanfei had learned more about what did and didn't help Hu Tao.
"Is it alright if I hug you right now?" The lawyer asked after a moment of silence. Hu Tao slowly unraveled herself and nodded, giving in to the gentle, warm hug provided by Yanfei.
"I don't deserve this…" Hu Tao whispered sorrowfully.
"Yes you do, Tao."
The brunnette sobbed at that. "No, I don-"
"It's okay, Hu Tao.. You deserve it." Yanfei pushed back a bit to look the funeral director in the face. "You deserve this. You deserve to live, you deserve comfort. You deserve to be as happy as anybody else." She said, soft yet stern.
Hu Tao wanted to believe that, she really did, but the dark fog that was covering her coherent thoughts didn't agree.
"I know you probably don't believe that, though…" The lawyer sighed sadly. "It's okay, I know you can't help it." She ran her hands up and down the brunette's back slowly, soothingly.
"M.. sorry…" Hu Tao choked out.
"No, Taotao, don't be. I love you, every part of you. I want to be here for you. Always. You can always talk to me when you start feeling like this."
"I know, but I-" A suppressed sob found it's way through. "I feel bad because you were asleep and you-" She sniffled. "You don't sleep m-much-"
"And I would rather lose out on a few hours of sleep than lose you." Yanfei cut her off. Hu Tao nodded gently after mulling it over for a few minutes.
"Next time.. I'll…"
"You better." The pink haired girl smiled gently, moving one of her hands to cup the director's cheek again.
They fell into a silence as Yanfei put her forehead against Hu Tao's, hands soothingly rubbing Hu Tao's arms as the girl shook lightly.
Hu Tao doesn't know how long they've been quietly sitting there, entangled in one another, but she does know that she's stopped shaking and sobbing. She feels a lot better than she had before. She should probably thank Yanfei for helping her.
".. Thanks." Hu Tao mustered in a very small voice.
"You don't have to thank me, Taotao. I love you, and I want you to be happy, because you make me happy." Yanfei says, a slight rasp in her voice. The fatigue was catching up to her now that the andrenalyn of seeing a distressed Hu Tao had gone.
Hu Tao giggles at that. "I love you too, Yanyan." She gives the girl a quick peck. Yanfei removes her arms from their tight wrap from Hu Tao and guides her back into another, longer kiss, while simultaneously wiping a few dried tears off of her cheeks.
Once they break away, Hu Tao murmurs. "Now, shall we sleep again?"
"Only if you promise to let me know if you feel down." The lawyer pouts, positioning them into a lay.
"I will, I will~. Aiyaiyai." She feels Yanfei's arms wrap tightly around her torso again as the half-adeptus spoons her.
"But seriously.. Thank you."
"I told you, it's no problem." The lawyer's voice was getting groggier by the moment. "Goodnight, Tao."
"'Night, Yan." She let out a small giggle before closing her eyes, this time imagining a pink sunset lulling her to sleep instead of being prodded and poked by existential dread.
Archons, was she glad to have Yanfei by her side.