Chapter Text
Since the day that they met as children, Penelope Featherington has known two things. Colin Bridgerton loves food and she loves Colin Bridgerton. How could she not? He's witty, smart, charming, absolutely gorgeous and most of all, he was kind. She was practical, and knew Colin would never be hers, so she was content to have him as her friend.
There's a running joke in the Bridgerton household about Colin's insatiable appetite, that he can always be found with a biscuit in hand. This isn't too far from the truth. It's not hard to spot biscuit crumbs on his lap during teatime. In fact, there were often crumbs found in his lap during all dining occasions. No one knew this more than the people closest to him. And so, Penelope has become very much associated with Colin's insatiable appetite.
Penelope has become such a fixture in the Bridgerton residence, if she does not appear at afternoon tea, a servant is sent to fetch her and check on her wellbeing.
As the years go on, Colin and Pen become quite close friends. Well, as close as two unmarried members of the opposite sex can be in Regency England. Teatime is split between Eloise's and Colin's attention, since the two Bridgerton siblings both consider her to be their dearest, closest friend. It can be exhausting at times, but Penelope enjoys every second she spends with them.
On one particular day in the drawing room had been emptied of almost everyone aside from the three. In fact, it seemed that everyone had wandered off to do other things. Eloise was writing in the notebook she carried with her everywhere, while Colin and Pen were sitting in companionable silence, reading, and Colin, predictably, was munching away on biscuits. Absent-mindedly reaching to grab one of the biscuits for herself, Penelope found an empty plate.
"Colin? Did you really eat all the biscuits? Again? Ugh, I just wanted one," Penelope sighed tiredly.
Colin looked at her sheepishly, and glanced down at his lap,"Sorry, Pen."
"You know, you could probably make me a biscuit with all the crumbs you've accumulated in your lap today," she smirks innocently.
Eyes wide, Colin, realizing Penelope had absolutely no idea what she was implying, or the effect it was having on him, but also ever the flirt, adjusted himself on the settee replying, "You want me to share some of my biscuit? I'm not the best at sharing food, you know, but for you.. I may make an exception."
Eloise snorted from her spot at the writing desk. "Colin doesn't share food, Penelope, so if he's offering you his biscuit, I would miss the chance! You notice he didn't offer to share with his sister?"
Colin's ears turned red, but he calmly said, "That's because I like Pen much better than you, El."
The girls looked at each other and burst into laughter. Penelope finally said, "No, Colin, you only offered because you don't have a biscuit to share."
All the innocence of the moment left Colin's brain at her words. 'I'll show you a biscuit, you little minx.' But before he could retort, a maid showed up with another tray of biscuits effectively breaking the spell she had cast over him.
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Since that day in the drawing room, Colin has not been able to keep his mind off Penelope. Her incredible wit, intelligent conversation, fiery red curls, eyes that see into the depth of his soul, and her luscious body haunts his dreams like biscuits and milk. He cannot seem to get enough of her attention.
At the next few social events, he seeks her out, his hopes are not disappointed. Colin and Pen always seemed to fall into an easy banter and 'biscuits' were brought up on many occasions. It was an inside joke, but unknowingly to Penelope, it had drastically different meanings to each of them. Thankfully, Eloise never joins in this banter, because that would be… weird.
"Colin, do you have any biscuits to share?" Penelope questioned, while standing near the refreshment table with Colin. She had a mischievous twinkle in her eyes as she gazed up at him from under her lashes.
They were situated behind a large flower arrangement, so that none would be the wiser. Debutantes were not to be seen partaking of the refreshments at balls, as it was viewed as unladylike, according to societal rules.
"Only one, Pen. And you know I'll only share my biscuit with you," Colin replied huskily, sneaking the biscuit off his plate and passing it into her gloved hand. Colin's plate was piled high with pastries and contained just one biscuit.
While Colin watched Penelope enjoy the biscuit, he was mesmerized by her mouth, which he had been staring at since she asked the question. She had plump pink lips, and he watched as she darted her tongue out to capture a crumb. He couldn't help imagining how it would feel to have her lips and tongue on his biscuit.
Shaking himself out of his inappropriate daydream, Colin decides he needs to act.
"Penelope, would it be acceptable for me to call on you tomorrow?"
Startled by his question, Penelope rambles, "Of course, Colin, you are always welcome. Although, you are well aware that I'll be at your mother's for tea in the afternoon. You don't need to make a special trip-"
"I want to spend time with you away from my chaotic family, Pen. I'll be there in the morning."
"Oh, okay."
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The first of many calls that Colin would make to the Featherington residence, he arrived with flowers and a book he thought Penelope would enjoy. Before he left, he asked, "Penelope, with your permission, I would like to court you with the intention of marriage."
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As courtships go, theirs was unconventional and quite short, to say the least. Courtships were designed for the couple to get to know one another. Since Colin and Penelope had known each other for years, there really wasn't much to learn within the bounds of courtship.
And with the dreams that continued to entice Colin each night, coupled with the playful banter and flirting they engaged in, it became clear that he wouldn't be able to wait out a long engagement. In a dramatic, chaotic Colin Bridgerton style, the proposal was given and the couple were married within a fortnight.
On their wedding day, Penelope came down the aisle looking absolutely radiant. When she reached the altar, both bride and groom had tears rolling down their cheeks, and huge smiles on their faces.
As the vicar pronounced them husband and wife, Colin, who wanted to see her blush, leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I hope you're ready for this biscuit, wife."
Now understanding the double meaning to their inside joke, she turned bright red and stayed that way the rest of the day. A "blushing bride" if you've ever seen one. Later that night, she did indeed indulge herself with his biscuit. Many times over.
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It didn't stop there.
During the course of their marriage, anytime he wanted to see her blush, he would ask her, "So, will you risk it for the biscuit?"
Whenever Penelope was "hungry" 😏 she would seductively say, "Husband, will you bring me my biscuit?" Her appetite had become just as insatiable as Colin's. And Colin enjoyed watching Penelope taste his biscuit in their floor length bedroom mirror.
Whenever they were in company, and really wanted to be alone, one of them would need only to mention biscuits in casual conversation. They would say their goodbyes and leave as soon as they could, barely making it into their carriage before getting their biscuit baking on. 🍆🍑
All good things must come to an end, and eventually, Colin's mother, Violet, caught on to their code word. From that point on, anytime that the couple mentioned biscuits in her presence, she could be heard scolding him.
"COLIN BRIDGERTON!"
Once they have children…it changes a bit.. "You bring the milk, I'll bring the biscuit."
But that is a story for another day.