Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

         Miko peers through the window from her seat, her eyes set on the driveway of the house next door.

         It has been devoid of life in the last couple of years, the family that had once occupied it having moved away to some bigger city some time after the war had ceased, and so did many other people. With the war coming to an end, the others felt much safer to move on and indulge in bigger and better things.

         But Miko did not share the same privilege. She could not leave so easily. Left with no choice but to stay.

         Today, there is a woman standing at the driveway of the neighboring home, her arms straining under the weight of the 3 cardboard boxes she cradled against her chest, their lids open and the contents threatening to spill out onto the concrete below with every step the woman took.

         The woman was one of, if not the tallest woman Miko has seen in her lifetime. She is also lean, and quite young, her hair, a deep violet, spilling out from the loose short ponytail and falling into her face, red and sweaty from the heat of the sun. The stranger breathes heavily, her shoulders rising and falling with each and every huff, and only when she’s a few feet away from the porch does she finally bend down and lower the boxes on the ground.

         With that, the woman huffs through her lips, stretching and massaging her lower back with her now free hand, relief washing over her face. A few moments later, the woman finally trudges and disappears into the house.

         Miko stares at the now empty driveway for a while longer, then shakes her head and returns to the novel she had been reading moments ago.

         The afternoon is particularly uneventful. Miko finds herself leaning against the kitchen countertop, mindlessly staring at the open flame on the stove, waiting for the whistling of the kettle sitting atop.

         There is no purpose in her actions, merely preferring the silent thrumming of the flame, preferring to do anything but to be left alone with her own thoughts in an already deafening silence. She’s had enough thinking in her lifetime.

         The sound of the front door creaking open followed by a loud thud as it was shut breaks her away from her daze and has her reaching into a drawer where she kept a variety of knives and pulling out the biggest one of the bunch.

         “Who’s there?” she calls out, gripping the knife tightly.

         A pair of bright indigo eyes peek out from the side of the cased opening, widening in horror as they spot the sharp blade clutched in Miko’s hands.

         “Woah, woah! It’s just me!” the intruder exclaims. Miko recognizes the voice and immediately loosens her grip on the knife with an exasperated sigh.

         “Does no one know how to knock these days?”

         “I told you I’d come to visit today!” Kokomi protests.

         “Last time I checked, it was basic decency to knock before entering someone else’s h-” 

         “I brought you fried tofu.”

         “Have I ever told you how much I enjoy your company?”

         “Actually, n-”

         “Be a dear, and go wait in the living room, please. I’ll bring you some tea.”

         “I hate you.”

         “You should start seeing other people and go out more often, you know?” Kokomi tells Miko as she sets down the tea tray on the table. She’s lost count of how many times she’d heard those set of words, but the young girl seems particularly determined to say them in her every visit.

         “Oh, Kokomi, we both know I’ll spend the rest of my days rotting in this house,” Miko retorts. 

         “The fair is in two weeks! I don’t want to be a third-wheel for Gorou and Itto… again.” Kokomi grumbles grumpily, aggressively laying out all the food she’d brought with her.
 
         Miko cannot help the chuckle that escapes her. The girl is a godsend, truly.

         “So you want me to go with you instead?” 

         “It’s you or those two,” Kokomi says. “I love them and you can be insufferable, but they’re sickeningly sweet, and I would prefer it if I were to have someone else to suffer with. Plus, you used to help in officiating events like this back then, right? I could use some help. Preparation is starting in a few days.”

         The words “used to” makes Miko’s stomach churn.

         “And what do I get out of it?”

         Kokomi shrugs. “Well, you get to see and maybe touch some grass?”

         Miko snickers. “And if I say no?”

         “I was planning on buying you whatever food you wanted for lunch until the fair ended, but if you don’t want it then-”

         Miko gasps dramatically, a hand clasped against her chest, as if she’d just been offered the world’s greatest treasure. “Who am I to say no? Of course, I would love to go to the fair with you, Kokomi,” she says in an exaggerated manner.

         Kokomi rolls her eyes comically. “Yeah yeah, definitely purely from the goodness of your heart,” the younger one grumbles. Miko only laughs at the display, earning herself an unamused glare from Kokomi.

         “You know, there are new people moving into town for when I get sick of you,” Kokomi says.

         The town they lived in is rather small. It was lively, beautiful, and they had no shortages of tourists coming by for a souvenir or two whenever there was an occasion, but there is no denying that it is quite small, a town where everyone pretty much knew everyone that lived in it. So of course, it is to no one’s surprise that word of a new face moving in spread around so quickly like a wildfire

         “So I’ve heard, but who are you trying to fool? you could never even dream of replacing me.”

         Kokomi abruptly pauses, squinting at Miko. “You actually keep up with what goes on in town?” she ponders, completely ignoring the other half of what Miko had said.

         “You make it sound as if I live under a rock,” she huffed.

         “You don’t?”

         Miko makes a disgruntled noise. “They’re moving in next door, it’s not hard to miss.”
 
         “Wait, really?”

         “Yes, really.” Miko mutters, “just moved in this morning actually.”

         At her words, Kokomi promptly pushes herself up from her seat, looking across the yard through the window and peering at the said house next door. Miko follows her gaze, drifting from the driveway and to the porch. The cardboard boxes that had been there this morning are now nowhere to be seen, she notes briefly before busying herself with pouring tea into their cups.

         “That must be them! Look!” She hears Kokomi exclaim in the background, but Miko does not look, only chuckling at the excitement in the former’s voice.

         “They’re both really pretty”—Kokomi lets out a soft gasp—“do you think I can get a date with either of them?”

         Miko groans. “Have some shame, they’ve barely been here for a day.”

         “You’re no fun.”

         “I was quite fun back then, you know?” Miko retorts.

         “Okay, hag.”

         Miko approaches the door, keeping her footsteps light against the wooden panels—she’d been calling out Ei’s name for the umpteenth time; she wouldn’t be surprised if their neighbors were to file a noise complaint against her. Usually, her wife would be scurrying to her like a puppy at the first call, but much to her surprise, Ei hadn’t even responded at all. 

         Her hand tightly wraps around the knob, carefully twisting it, slowly loosening her grip when she could finally push the door open. She does so gradually in order to not make a noise. 

         The way that Ei is seated has Miko concerned for her wife’s spine. She had both of her feet on her desk, her back slouched against the backrest, a book held way above her head.

         Miko wonders briefly what kind of abomination would be so comfortable while sitting in such a position. 

         Of course her adorably stupid wife would be the primary candidate. Miko chides herself for even asking.

         Ei was still none the wiser to her presence—there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun, no?

         She brings herself behind Ei, then leans down, bringing her lips dangerously close to Ei’s ear… and blows. 

         Ei practically throws the book across the room and lets out an honest to god squeak that Miko wasn’t even aware she was capable of making. She would’ve doubled over laughing if Ei wasn’t clinging onto her as if her life depended on it after very nearly falling on her ass. 

         As expected, Miko only watches the chaos ensue with barely contained laughter.

         “Miko!” her red-faced wife exclaims indignantly, her voice abnormally high.

         “Yes, darling?” She coos, not even bothering to hide the shit eating grin on her face. 

         “Knocking exists for a reason, Miko,” Ei scolds. 

         “And where’s the fun in that, hm?” Miko taunts, pressing a kiss on Ei’s cheek for good measure before maneuvering around to find the poor book Ei had haphazardly thrown.  

         “I-you… how long have you been standing there?”

         “Long enough,” Miko mutters mischievously. 

         She disappears from Ei’s view for a moment, and resurfaces with the book held in her hands. 

         “Well, well… so this is what’s been keeping you so preoccupied.” 

         Ei’s eyes widen when she spots the novel. “Miko! I-I was just-”

         Miko holds the book against Ei’s lips, cutting her off. “No need to be frightened,” she comforted, setting the book down on Ei’s lap. “It really is quite an interesting story, I don’t blame you for being so… engaged.”

         “You’ve read it?”

         “There’s only so much entertainment I can have without you here, dear,” Miko answers playfully.

         An “oh” was all Ei could muster, as if completely dumbstruck, earning a chuckle from Miko.

         It felt nice to see Ei be so flustered. It felt even better to know that only she could make Ei so empty-headed. 

         “Uhm, uh, did you need anything?” Ei says when she regains some semblance of composure.

         “No, I just wanted to see what you were up to.”

         Miko moves to seat herself atop Ei’s desk. “So”—she pulls the chair closer to her, along with Ei, who almost lets out another squeal as she holds onto the armrests for dear life— “Which part were you on?”

         Ei eyes her suspiciously, clutching the book against her chest. She really did not want Miko near it. 

         “Why?”

         Miko tilts her head, raising an eyebrow. “Why not?”

         “But why?”

         “It must be a really entertaining one if you were so handsomely focused on it, no?”
 
         Ei looks at her in thought, blinks, then looks at the book in her hands, then back at Miko once again, unsure of what to do. “I was at the uhm… the uh-”

         “Yes?” Miko demands in a sultry tone.

         “T-The one in the uh… the office,” Ei tells her begrudgingly. 

         Ei already regrets answering. She could practically see the gears turning in her wife’s pretty little head, scheming against her. 

         Her description had been vague, but the rosy tint that painted her cheeks was enough for Miko to know exactly which scene Ei was talking about. 

         Conveniently, the stage was already set, the two of them were already in an office.

         “I seem to have forgotten what happened in that chapter,” Miko wonders aloud, feigning innocence. “Would you mind reading it for me, darling?” 

         The request sounds reasonable enough. If it were anyone else, they would be none the wiser. 

         But Ei knows her. It’s a lie. Yae Miko, the love of her life, her beloved wife, has an excellent memory, if not perfect. 

         Ei would lose her head if it wasn’t attached, but Miko?

         There was no way that Miko could have neglected something so easily, right? Right? Ei has seen her begrudgingly memorize and recite long paragraphs from boring academic textbooks, she couldn’t have forgotten a scene such as that one.

         It’s bait.

         Ei is more than willing to bite if it makes Miko happy.

         “Masako leaned into the Shogun’s space, meeting her stormy amethyst eyes, holding her with an intense gaze, as if she was challenging her—daring the Shogun to stop her. The Shogun averts her eyes, but does not stop her. Masako watches the Shogun’s throat bob as she swallows, her breath hitching as Masako inched closer, invading her space, suffocating the Shogun in her presence.”

         Ei stops for a breath, suddenly feeling hot. She could see in her peripheral vision how Miko was now leaning closer to her than she had been just moments ago—it had Ei’s stomach doing flips. Miko is watching her with such vigor, she could feel her mouth go dry.

         She gulps. 

         “Warmth spread across the Shogun’s face as Masako’s hand slid under her chin.”

         Just as Ei utters those words, she feels the soft pads of Miko’s fingers against her chin, softly caressing the skin there. Her breath hitches in her throat, and she barely manages to fight back the urge to swallow again, her heart pounding in her chest.

         “Masako slowly tilts the Shogun’s face towards her, forcing their eyes to meet-”

         “You’re cute when you’re all red and dumbed down, you know?” Miko husks, word for word.

         Just as the novel had narrated, Miko leans in, her eyes drifting close as she claims Ei’s lips with her own. Strong arms wrap around her back, pulling her even closer until she’s sitting on her wife’s lap. 

         When she pulls back, she could not help the grin that spreads across her face, amused and absolutely delighted at the sight of Ei in a daze, looking at her with wide eyes filled with awe. Ei looked almost as if they hadn’t done this before, as if she was falling in love with Miko all over again.

         Miko leans in once more, leaving another peck on Ei’s lips, a final blow to her already melting mind. Miko only laughs as her wife is rendered practically useless, opting to plant her face against Miko’s shoulder in embarrassment.

         They stay in the embrace for some time, simply basking in each other’s presence. They part when Miko mentions a store that had recently opened up, selling something called “dango milk” which has Ei wide-eyed and shoving Miko off her lap—as politely she could—so they could go dress up and head out to see the store for themselves.

         “You never told me what was in there,” Kokomi muses, her curious gaze pointing down the hall.

         “In where?”

         “There.” Kokomi nods to its direction. “That room at the end of the hall?”

         It is the only room she hasn’t let Kokomi into, it was only natural that it piqued her interest, but even Miko herself could not bear to step foot into it, even just looking at it made her heart ache with longing, drowning her with it.

         She shakes her head. “Just a storage room for things from way back, nothing important really.”

         “If it’s nothing important then why still keep it?” 

         Oh, Kokomi…

         Even if she could burn it down—burn it all down and leave it all behind—she still wouldn’t. She’d have to burn herself with it.

         “Reasons.” Miko shrugs nonchalantly. “Potato, po-tah-to. Really, it’s nothing to be concerned about,” she says in the most dismissive tone as she could. If Kokomi thinks she’s full of shit, she certainly doesn’t say anything.

         “What is concerning is that it’s getting late, and perhaps it is best if you head home,” she quickly redirected the subject

         Kokomi glances out the window, and finds that it indeed was getting late, the sun already setting in the horizon. 

         “Oh, right, I should get going!” Kokomi stood, beginning to pack her things into her satchel.

         “Do you need a ride?”

         “No, no,” Kokomi shook her head, slinging the strap of the bag over one shoulder, “Gorou let me borrow his car, thanks for asking though.”

         “Alright then, drive safe, dear.”

         “I will!” Kokomi smiles at her in reassurance before heading out to the door.

         As she’s just a foot away from the door, she opens the door, but does not step out just yet, simply holding it open.  

         “What I said about seeing other people… please do think about it, Yae,” Kokomi says to her, genuine concern in her voice. She steps out and shuts the door before Miko could even answer.

         The answer has always been—and will always be—a firm no. And Kokomi already knew that.

         Kokomi means well, Miko knows. But she also knows she could never untangle herself from the chains of their past. She has tried, tried to forget their vows to each other. 

         She couldn’t.

         She wouldn’t.

         Before she goes to sleep that night, she flashes the porch light three times, and heads to sleep on the couch, as she always has on lonely nights for as long as she could remember, those nights spent waiting, and waiting, and waiting. The couch is comfortable. The bed is far too big, far too cold for only one person to sleep on it.

         Miko’s eyes are closed, and she’s breathing deeply, her head resting on a pillow laid against one of the couch’s arms, her mouth slightly parted, releasing soft puffs of air as she slumbered. She held an open book against her chest, her glasses lying askew on her face. 

         Ei’s heart flutters when she realizes that her wife must have fallen asleep while waiting for her. Half of her feels bad for keeping Miko waiting, but the sentiment has her other half feeling giddy and warm. She makes a mental note to make it up to her wife in the morning.

         Quietly, she sauntered over to Miko’s sleeping figure on the couch, crouching down next to her. She reaches a hand out and gently takes off Miko’s glasses, folding it then setting it down on the coffee table beside her. Her fingers softly combed through Miko’s hair, smoothing it back from her face.

         Miko’s eyes flutter open at the touch, her bleary purple eyes staring at Ei.

         The room is dark, but the moonlight shines upon Miko’s figure softly, highlighting her in silver, giving her an ethereal glow. Ei has seen nothing more beautiful.

         Ei smiles when those purple eyes widen, seeming to finally recognize her.

         “Hi,” Ei greets.

         “You’re home.”

         “I’m home.”

         “Hi.”

         Ei laughs softly as Miko lets out a yawn, stretching like a cat.

         “Come on, Miko, let’s get you to bed.”

         “Mmh, kay,” Miko mumbles sleepily.

         Ei stands, then slips her arms under Miko, carefully lifting her off the couch. Miko grumbles sleepily, nuzzling into the crook of Ei’s neck. Ei smiles fondly, pressing a soft kiss on her wife’s forehead as they make their way to the bedroom. She nudges the door open with her foot, then cautiously maneuvers them into the room and towards the bed.

         Slowly, Ei lowers Miko onto the bed, or well, tries to anyway.

         Despite how sleepy Miko seemed to be, her hand stubbornly managed to keep a tight grip on Ei’s collar, unwilling to release it.

         “Miko, let go.”

         Miko does not listen, if anything, her grip only tightens, and even pulls in Ei closer to her.

         Ei chuckles. “Honey, I have to get changed.”

         Miko lets out a whine, refusing to let her go.

         After a solid minute, Ei only sighs in resignation, always one to give in to Miko so easily, kicking off her boots before climbing onto the bed with Miko, pulling up the blanket over both of them, snuggling into her wife’s embrace. When Ei glances at Miko, she simply scoffs in amusement at the smug grin plastered onto Miko’s face. 
 

         The sound of rain tapping against the window wakes Miko from her slumber. She rubs at her eyes with the back of her hand. She feels… warm. A good kind of warm. She lays there for a moment longer, basking in the warmth as she let the haze slip away from her mind. A part of her was tempted to simply close her eyes and go back to sleep but-

         The haze slips.

         Soft hair, warm skin, amethyst eyes.

         Miko lurches upright, suddenly more awake than ever, her heart beating wildly in her chest. She frantically looks around, eyes wide open, searching for… her.

         In the very back of her mind, she knew that she would not find what she was looking for, but logic was not usually at the forefront of Miko’s mind when it came to her. Miko’s addled mind still insisted that she was here.

         She was here.

         She’s not here. She’s not here. Miko repeats in her head, an attempt to calm her mind.

         She’s not here. Not anymore.

         It was just a dream.

         She’s not here. 

         Miko closes her eyes, breathing in deeply. a shiver runs down her spine when she exhales.

         It was just a dream. A dream of a memory from a long time ago to be exact. From a happier time. A time before she… disappeared.

         That’s all it is.

         Longing grips at her heart, squeezing it. Miko feels as if her heart might burst.

         She breathes. In, then out. In, then out.

         Each and every one of her memories were a sharp-pointed dagger. There is no place in her memories that she could touch without bleeding. Everywhere she looked, there she was. 

         This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

         But it is. And she has no choice but to live with it.

         The sun has fully risen when Miko manages to pull herself off of the couch. She fluffs her pillow, setting it aside on the couch, taking her time in meticulously folding the blanket, anything to detach her from her thoughts. She folds, unfolds, and folds again, and again, until the corners align perfectly with each other, until there is no longer room for mistakes, then settles it atop the pillow in a neat pile.

         She heads to the kitchen, grabbing the kettle and filling it up with water from the sink, she settles it atop the stove, fire erupting from it as she turns the knob. She adjusts the flame appropriately, then waits for it to boil.

         When it does, she brews herself a pot of coffee. Afterwards, she proceeds to do just about anything to keep her mind off any dangerous thoughts.

         She cleans the entire house from top to bottom, leaving no stone unturned. 

         (She cleans almost the entire house. She strays from their once shared bedroom, as well as the office. She still kept their bedroom neat every now and then as she still had most of her belongings stored there, but she did not dare to imagine the state of the office. She has not been able to hold herself together for long enough to step foot into it. The mere thought of it made her chest painfully tight.)

         She moves the furniture around, sweeping and scrubbing the floors until they are squeaky clean before moving them back to their respective places. She wipes the windows until they are crystal clear, cleans every table, every shelf, every surface she could get her hands on until she is sure there is barely any speck of dust left, until her hands are red, and raw from cleaning, sweat dripping from her face. 

         A glance at the clock reveals that she’d been cleaning for the better part of the day. 1:43 PM, the clock read. The amount of time she spent cleaning was better emphasized by the sudden loud rumbling of her stomach.

         She ignores it, opting to head to the bathroom and take a shower first, feeling more filthy from all the cleaning than hungry. 

         She sheds her clothes, haphazardly tossing them on the hamper then steps into the shower.

         The cold water numbs everything but her grief.

         Miko was in the process of thoroughly drying her hair in the living room when a set of knocks sounded from the door, interrupting her activities. She frowns. She wasn’t expecting anyone today, and she was, quite frankly, in a sour mood. Socializing wasn’t particularly appealing at the moment.

         She’s tempted to simply ignore it, however-

         “Miko!” the person outside called out, knocking more furiously. “I know you’re in there!”

         Miko perks up at the sound of the voice. It wasn’t her. But it was a welcome presence either way. She gets up, heading towards the door.

         There were really only two other people who called her by her first name. Another pair of twins, ironically.

         “Ah, Lumine, you didn’t miss me too much, did you?” Miko greeted.

         The girl makes a face, repulsed. “You wish.”

         Lumine takes them both downtown on her clunky, yellow Volkswagen type 1. The worrying sounds the car made had Miko wary for her own life despite Lumine’s reassurances. It’s a wonder how the twins managed to survive on the old thing, it was practically a metal coffin with wheels, but the two have always been… an odd pair.

         “Miko~ hellooo?” 

         “Teyvat to Yae Miko?”

         She spots movement at the corner of her vision.
 
         “If you value your hand, I suggest you keep them away from my plate," Miko threatens casually, swatting away Lumine's hand.

         The Traveler only laughs at her words, having already gotten used to her antics. “Thought you fell asleep there for a sec, gran.”

         “I may be getting older, but I’m not that old.” Miko scoffed. 

         “Yet.” 

         “Did you come all the way here just to be a pest?”

         “Actually…”

         “Actually what?”

         “The library.”

         “What about the library?”

         “Aether and I are doing some research about… the cataclysm.”

         It takes everything in Miko to restrain her expression from falling. Perhaps letting slip a twitch of an eye or a slight quirk on her lips, but if Lumine ever noticed, she doesn’t say anything, only continuing on with her narrative.

         “We went to Katheryne, but she said that all records of it are-”

         “Stored in the restricted section, and only I know how to unlock it.”

         “Yeah! That’s exactly what Katheryne said.”

         “Well, I hate to disappoint you…”

         “But?”

         “I lost the key to it quite a long time ago. I could find a keysmith but it would take quite a while.” The restricted section was, as the name states, restricted. Access to it wasn’t through a simple or common lock and key.

         Miko would know. Afterall, she had watched her engineer it herself.

         “However, if it’s Khaenri’ah that you’re particularly interested in, I do recall that I took the records back home. I was afraid they would be neglected in my absence.”

         “That sounds illegal.”

         “What Katheryne doesn’t know won’t hurt-”

         A streak of purple passes the corner of her eyes, but it disappears at the edge of the window frame as soon as she turns her head to it. 

         She could almost swear it was-
 
         “Miko?” 

         Lumine's concerned voice drags her back to reality.

         “I… If you’d like, you can take a look back home.” 

         Concern was still plastered all over Lumine’s face, but Miko is glad that she does not poke further. 

         “Actually, I have somewhere to be for the next two days,” the traveler says instead. “Do you mind if I drop by at a later time?”

         “Well, It’s not like I go anywhere these days. You can stop by whenever.”

         Lumine beams at her. “I owe you.”

         “Damn right, you do.” Miko laughed.

         “Fried tofu?”

         “Unfortunately, Kokomi has already beat you to it. I’ll save your IOU for… rainy days.”
 
         “Alright then, you know my number.”

         Miko notes how Lumine’s eyes seemed to avoid hers, how she was lightly drumming her fingers against the table. She’s nervous.

         “Something on your mind?”

         The traveler stares blankly at the table in thought, seeming to hesitate. 

         “I heard that… the fair is a few weeks, right?” 

         “Planning to see it for yourself?”

         “Is it… is it true that Ayaka will be in town?”
 
         Ah.
 
         “If memory serves right, she usually comes around this time of the year,” Miko answers. “To see the fireworks show specifically.”

         A frown crosses Lumine’s face, but it’s immediately masked by some semblance of indifference, but try as she might, Miko could still see the clear disappointment behind the traveler’s facade. 

         “Troubles of the heart?” Miko queries.

         “No…” Lumine shook her head. “Just curious.”

         Miko knows it’s a lie, but she does not dare to pry. If Lumine wanted to talk about it, she would. 

         Instead, the two carry on with their meal, simply chatting about events that have happened in the last couple of months, like how the travelers had gotten themselves stuck at the bottom of a mine, among other unbelievable feats. Lumine’s stories have her wondering how in the hell the two siblings were still in one piece.

         After much time has passed, Lumine pays for them both and bids Miko goodbye as she heads out. However, Miko did not feel like going home just yet, her gaze stuck on the same window pane that she had seen the figure pass by earlier. 

         She could pretend she doesn't know why her heart feels as if it’s tied to heavy weight, but for a moment, she could swear that she saw those purple eyes. It was foolish to wait, much more to wait for someone who has died long ago.

         Yet she finds herself staring distantly at the window, staring until the sky has already turned dull, hoping to see… something, anything. 

         Hoping to see her. 

         Miko understood now why people write so much about other worlds. Other universes. Other possibilities. 

         Perhaps, in another world, in another life, she would be sitting across the table, telling Miko about how she managed to escape death for the nth time, and they would both share a laugh.

         The seat in front of Miko is empty. It was almost as if the world was mocking her.

         She could only laugh bitterly.

         The rain pitter-patterns against the umbrella she held above her head, quietly bristling at the feeling of water splashing on her calves with every step she took, only the rumbling of thunder serving as a reprieve. While others cowered at the sound of a lightning’s roar, it somehow helped in calming her nerves. 

         It felt almost out of place. Like the calm before a storm.
 
         The road on her way home is void of the usual bystanders she usually came across on rare days when she managed to get herself out of the house, the rain having most likely sent everyone scurrying back inside their homes. 

         She would’ve liked this, Miko found herself thinking. There was nothing better than spending the rest of the afternoon cuddling under a warm blanket, perhaps with some hot chocolate and blasphemous amounts of sugar.

         Miko still remembers every lecture she gave about it. Miko still remembers. 

         She closes her eyes and sighs.

         Some days, she wishes she didn’t.

         Her mind drifts to the silhouette she’d seen earlier. 

         Miko knows it couldn’t have been her, because it just can’t be her. She’s dead. Gone.

         She remembers it all too well.

         It was foolish.

         What is dead always stays dead, yet she could not help herself. There was a small nagging voice at the very back of her mind that kept telling her—what if…

         It was foolish indeed, but what was she if not a fool for her. Miko would’ve happily set herself on fire to keep her warm.

         Miko ceases her steps when she spots a figure of a woman, hunched over on the sidewalk, just a few feet away in front of her.

         The rain was only getting heavier with each second that passed by, and the woman seemed to not have an umbrella herself. 

         Miko picks up the pace, brisk walking towards the stranger.

         “Do you need some help?” Miko calls out as she inched closer.

         The woman’s head snaps to her direction.

         Everything stops.

         Dark purple locks were stuck on the woman’s face, absolutely drenched from the rain. Miko hadn’t recognized it outside of its usual braid, even less recognizable now that it had been cut up until her shoulders, but with those wide, bright amethyst eyes staring into her own… There was no mistaking. 

         Miko knows those eyes. 

         They could only belong to one person.

         The knife in her heart twists.

Chapter Text

         The love of your life will leave you one day, on a warm summer morning, she’ll leave you with one last kiss and a wave as she walks out the door, and you won’t know it’s the last.

         No one ever knows it’s the last.

         It must be a sick joke, whatever this was. 

         Knelt down on the wet pavement in front of Miko was an exact replica of… of her . Of Ei. 

         Miko must be seeing a ghost. She has to be.

         She tries to think of any logical reasoning at all for what she’s seeing. Her mind quickly wanders to Makoto, thinking that perhaps the twin had come to visit her for some reason. It’s been years since Miko had last seen her, so maybe the woman had decided to check in on her. 

         Whoever this woman is, she isn’t Ei. 

         She can’t be Ei.

         …but then the woman moves her hair out of her face, and Miko’s heart squeezes as she briefly catches the sight of the beauty mark right under the woman’s right eye, and a familiar fading scar on the left side of her face, the same one she’d gently traced with her fingers long ago.

         It’s her.

         It’s her . 

         It really is her. 

         But how.

         No. NO. She can’t be.

         It was quite ironic, how Miko has spent all these years wishing for Ei to come home to her, but now that she’s right in front of her, she suddenly wants nothing more than for this reality to be a dream, some kind of illusion, a trick of the light.

         Miko wants her to be anything but real.

         But she is.

         It is Ei.

         Ei. Raiden Ei. The Kagemusha, her hero— her lover. 

         Her Ei

         But it couldn’t be… No. It can’t be Ei.

         Ei is dead. She had died a long time ago. Miko would know, she remembers it all too well. She remembers Ei’s last letter to her, remembers burying her empty casket. 

         A plane crash, right in the middle of the sea, they said. And no one found Ei’s body. 

         She remembers the tears, how she couldn’t even bear to see Makoto’s face because all she could see was her dead wife. She remembers the sleepless nights, she remembers how she cried so hard that she couldn’t breathe and how her throat had gone raw from screaming.

         She remembers looking at herself in the mirror with her bloodshot eyes that she could barely keep open, remembers how she had shattered the mirror into pieces, uncaring about the glass shards digging into her fists because she couldn’t stand how absolutely pathetic she looked. She remembers thinking she would die from the grief.

         Some days, even now, she still thinks she might.

         She remembers.

         So it can’t be her.

         Ei is dead.

         Miko remembers. It’s all she ever does.

         So how could Ei be right here in front of her.

         Ei with her stormy, amethyst eyes. Ei who is smart, yet so frustratingly reckless. Ei who is so strong, yet so unbelievably gentle. 

         Ei who is so, so warm, and caring, and loving, and dead.

         Ei who is looking at Miko like a deer caught in headlights, as if Miko was the ghost and not her.

         Any semblance of recognition is absent in Ei’s eyes, filled instead with what seemed to be confusion and conflict. Had Ei not been looking directly into her eyes, she might’ve thought Ei was looking at something behind her, through her, like she wasn’t there at all. 

         “No, it’s okay,” the woman—Ei—answers, looking ashamed, and only now does Miko notice the melted paper bag in Ei’s hands and the pile of groceries that had spilled out on the sidewalk.

         She would’ve laughed. Typical Ei, always refusing help. Even when they were together, Ei was still like that.

         Ei is still like that.

         “My house is just down the road, I can just walk-”

         “Don’t be ridiculous,” Miko chastised as she leans down by Ei’s side, helping her pick up the items that had fallen out of the paper bag, balancing the shaft of her umbrella on her shoulders all the while. 

         “Catching a cold wouldn’t do you any good,” she reasons, more to convince herself than Ei.

         “Thank you,” Ei murmurs timidly.

         “It’s nothing.”

         Miko cradles the groceries in her arms. The muddy water stains her hands and clothes, but she finds that she couldn’t care any less about it.

         They both walk down the road, the space filled with nothing but the sound of her heart hammering so loudly in her ear that it almost drowns out the sound of the rain.

         Her thoughts are nothing but static and she feels detached from her body, her actions not feeling like her own. It was almost as if she was watching her own body from afar.

         Her long-dead wife was right beside her, in the flesh, alive and breathing.

         She came home, just like she promised, and Miko should feel happy, but…

         Ei—her beloved, her wife, her best friend, her everything —was just an arm’s reach away from her, and yet, the distance between her and Ei felt like miles.

         She doesn’t know what to feel, nor how to feel.

         She’ll figure it out later.

         “Don’t be a brute!” Miko snaps as she feels another splash at the back of her calves.

         They’d headed out to the town square earlier to restock their pantry. It had been a bright and sunny day, so Ei had dragged Miko outside of their home, deciding it would be a nice day to take a walk.

         And it was. 

         Until rain started pouring on their way back home.

         Not expecting this, they had left their car in the driveway. This little oversight left them with no choice but to simply walk.

         What began as a light sprinkle of rainwater ended up flooding the road dangerously fast, submerging the pair at least an inch or two into the water—much to Miko’s dismay. But thankfully, she had brought an umbrella with them.

         For the entirety of their walk, Miko had tried to wade through the water slowly to avoid getting water all over herself, but a certain someone walking mere inches behind her seemed insistent on playfully waddling on the water, splashing water on Miko’s leg with every step.

         Ei’s playfulness was part of her charm, but in cases like these… it was still annoyingly cute. However, Miko loathed getting wet.

         “You’re getting the water all over my leg,” Miko complains.

         She hears a scoff. 

         “Baby.”

         “No. Now is not the time for pet names, Ei.”

         “No, I’m calling you a baby. I’m insulting you.” 

         “Excuse me?!” Miko makes an indignant noise, frowning. 

         Ei has the audacity to laugh . 

         “It’s just water, you won’t die from it, honey.”

         Miko gasps. “Just water? ”

         “Is it not?”

         Miko halts abruptly in front of Ei, earning herself a confused look when she turns to face her wife.

         She looks Ei straight in the eyes… and stomps down on the water below her, aiming at Ei, splashing water all over her wife’s pants.

         Ei stood there, shocked.

         “Oops,” Miko mutters innocently, giving Ei a saccharine smile before turning back around and continuing on her merry way as if nothing ever happened. 

         But before she can get too far, she suddenly feels a very large, very cold, and very wet splash against her back. Her back. Her entire fucking back. 

         Her head snaps back to Ei, a scandalized look on her face. Ei, who stood a few feet away from her, simply has a cheeky, petty grin on her face, and one thing to say:

         “Oops.”

         “You…” 

         Ei is already running for her life before Miko could move, and, for once, she found herself cursing her wife’s athletic prowess. Miko chases after her, the umbrella long forgotten—she doesn't want to think about the laundry after this.

         Despite herself, she actually finds herself smiling. 

         It has been far too long since she last felt like this, like they were young again. The last time she had chased Ei across the neighborhood was when they were still in school. Some days, she wishes to go back. To a time when neither of them had anything to truly worry about. When Miko didn’t have to worry so much about losing Ei…

         A sharp pain on her left foot pulls her out from her reverie. One moment, Ei is an arm’s reach away, and the next, she’s falling face first onto the flooded pavement.

         “Miko!” She hears distantly before feeling herself being pulled up until she is sitting. “Are you okay?” the voice was right in front of her now. She blinks, once, twice. Ei is kneeling in front of her. She feels lightheaded.

         “Miko?” Ei repeats again, worried.

         A beat passes, and Miko’s dazed expression twists into a furious look when she comes back to herself. She glares at Ei for a few moments, before splashing water on Ei’s face, taking the woman by surprise. The shocked look on her face still isn’t enough for Miko’s annoyance to pass.

         “I hate you,” she says. 

         They both know she doesn’t mean it, if anything, her words only serve to relieve Ei. 

         “I deserved that.” Ei only laughed. “What happened?”

         “Foot,” Miko mumbles, wincing as she tries to wiggle it around. “I think it’s sprained.”

         “I can check it better at home,” Ei says. “Here”—she holds out the plastic bag filled with groceries to Miko—“hold this.”

         “You have some nerve asking for favors after what you did,” Miko says bitterly, but still takes the bag, Ei only continues to laugh at her antics. 

         An undignified squeak escapes Miko as Ei slips her arms underneath her, and lifts her up from the pavement. 

         “I’ll make it up to you,” Ei says as she leaves a kiss on Miko’s cheek. “Promise.”

         “Hmp.” Miko turns her head away indignantly, and buries it into the crook of Ei’s neck instead. “You better,” she mumbles grumpily. 

         “We’re close,” Ei says, breaking the silence.

         The rain was only getting worse by the minute. In the distance, Miko could see her own home. It looked dull, and empty—almost haunted. 

         It looked like those ominous houses in the movies, though not the kind that looked dirty or at the brink of collapse, no. It simply looked… lifeless.

         Miko takes good care of it, she truly does. It was one of the only things she had left of Ei after all. But without Ei herself, it was as if all the warmth and vibrancy that once came from the home simply… vanished. Like removing a filter from an image.

         “That one.” Ei points at the house right next to hers, redirecting Miko’s attention. Even with the heavy rain, Miko could still see light radiating from inside. It looked warm, and bright. 

         Like what a home should be. 

         Like what their home once was.

         “Miss?” Ei stops to look at her, an apologetic expression on her face. “I-I can take it from here, I’ve inconvenienced you long enough.”

         “Nonsense,” Miko says. “I don’t mind, really,” she reassures, continuing to walk.

         Ei sighs, seeming conflicted, but she does not argue and continues to walk with her, but then-

         “Do you uh, do you like fried tofu?”

         Miko finds herself clutching the groceries in her arms tighter, her eyes widening ever so slightly as she tries to mask her surprise.  

         “Why, yes I do,” she says, her voice oddly steady, lacking her usual excitement for the food.

         “Would you like to join us for dinner?”

         Miko’s breath hitches in her throat.

         “I… I appreciate the offer, but maybe some other time.”

         Ei seems to hum in thought, a clearly disappointed look on her face. “Alright, but if you need anything-”

         “Ei!” a voice suddenly calls out from afar,  prompting them both to look over Ei’s shoulder. 

         There, a woman was rushing towards them, her own umbrella in hand, Miko wonders for a moment why she looks so familiar, and realizes it’s the same woman she’d seen carrying boxes a day ago. She must be… Ei’s roommate?

         “Where have you been?” the woman asks when she reaches Ei, her tone dripping with concern.

         “I was on my way home but it started raining,” Ei explains.

         “Are you okay?” the taller woman asks.

         An ugly feeling stirs in Miko’s stomach as watched the newcomer reach out a hand to touch Ei’s face, searching for any sign of injury. 

         “Yes, Sara, I’m okay.” 

         Sara.

         Who is she to Ei?

         Miko doesn’t want to know.

         Sara contemplates Ei’s answer, seeming to find her words sufficient enough after some time. Only then does she seem to finally realize Miko’s presence.

         “Who’s this?”

         Ei looks at Miko, seemingly not knowing how to answer. 

         “I didn’t bring an umbrella with me, but luckily she was there,” Ei tells Sara instead, dodging the question.

         Right.

         Ei doesn’t know her name.

         “Oh.” Sara turns back to Miko. “Thank you, miss…”

         “Yae. Yae Miko.”

         Miko notes how Sara’s eye twitches for a brief moment.

         “Here, let me take those.” Sara gestures at the items still in Miko’s arms, carefully transferring them onto her own. “Will you need a ride home?” Sara then asks.

         “No.” Miko shook her head. “There’s no need. I’m right next door.”

         “Ah, I see.” Sara throws a brief glance at said house, then flashes Miko a polite smile, and bows. “Thank you again, miss Yae.”

         “It’s nothing,” Miko dismissed. “I’ll be going now, have a good night.”

         “Of course, have a good night too,” Sara says.

         She’s nice.

         Why is she nice.

         Why does she have to be nice.

         Miko turns to leave. She could still feel their gaze on the back of her head, but she does not dare to look back.

         When Miko reaches the porch, she pulls her umbrella close, shaking off the excess water before setting it aside on a basket by the door. She then reaches into her purse, pulling out the key to the house, huffing and grunting in frustration as she briefly struggles with the lock, her hands still cold and shaking. In time, she manages to unlock it.

         The door opens with a squeak. She steps foot inside, pushing the door close with the back of her foot. It closes with a soft thud , muffling the ensuing storm outside.

         The entire house was dark, almost like a void, save for the brief flashes of lighting. Under her feet, the floorboards creaked loudly. Almost too loudly in her ears. 

         Suddenly, she’s all too aware of just how empty the space seemed to be.

         The darkness seemed… darker, and every exhale seemed to whistle louder, and louder with each breath, her every step echoing in her ears.

         She tries to swallow, but finds that she can’t. She huffs, and huffs, and huffs for air, feeling as if her heart was attempting to escape from her chest, each heaving breath seeming to only cause her lungs to burn. She gasps, splaying her hand across her chest, as if to ease it.

         Then she remembers Ei’s clouded, unrecognizing gaze as she looked at Miko, remembers how Ei did not even know her name.

         Not now. Not now.

         She tries to shake away the memory, but millions of questions keep running wildly still in her mind. 

         Why? Why is this happening to her ? To them ?

         Years, and years ago, if even God himself came down on Earth from the heavens and told Miko of her current circumstances, she would’ve laughed at him. 

         Ei used to look at her as if she’d been the one to hang the stars in the night sky. Ei used to look at her as if she was her world, her universe, her everything. So why.

         It comes down on her slowly, but crashes like a flood. Her shoulders slump, and her lips tremble, then a sob wracks her entire body, then another, and hot tears begin to stream down her cheeks as the day’s events finally catch up to her. She trembles, clasping her hands tighter against her chest as she falls to her knees, willing her heart to just stop.

         She wanted to scream, but it felt as if there was barbed wire wrapped around her throat. She can’t hear anything, just a never ending cacophonic buzzing, combined with her own strangled gasps and sobs.

         Miko lurches awake, her heart thrumming wildly in her chest. She looks around frantically, disoriented from her sleep. Her stomach sinks as she finds the space beside her on the bed was cold and empty. She scrambles onto her feet, scurrying out of the bedroom in search of Ei, dread looming over her head.

         A dream.

         It was just a dream.

         Cold skin, unmoving eyes, red. Red everywhere. 

         Blood. Ei’s blood. 

         No. 

         Miko shook her head, her heart in her throat.

         It was just a dream. A terrible one. 

         Miko releases a breath that she hadn’t even realized she was holding when she catches the sight of Ei standing in the kitchen, taking apart their old radio on the counter, various tools scattered across the space. The image is enough to calm her heart a little.

         Quietly, she walks up behind Ei, shutting her eyes and huffing as she rests her forehead against Ei’s back. She snakes her arms around Ei, pulling her into an embrace. 

         Ei stiffens at first, having been preoccupied by the radio she was tinkering with, but she eases when she realizes that it was simply her wife.

         “Miko?” Ei immediately sets down the radio on the table, sensing something was bothering Miko. It was unusual for Miko to be so quiet, and Ei’s worry only grows when Miko does not respond. 

         “What’s wrong, Miko?” she queries softly.

         Miko merely shakes her head, huffing again as she tries to bury her face deeper into Ei’s back.

         “Stay like this…” Miko pleads quietly. Her throat feels tight. “Just for a while, please.”

         Ei’s heart squeezes unexpectedly when she hears how small Miko’s voice seems. Miko was usually upfront and loud when she spoke, it was unnerving to hear her sound so… small.

         (Miko was usually better at keeping herself together, at plastering a smile on her face despite the intrusive thoughts that ran around inside her head and kept her up on nights when the bed was cold and barren.)

         Ei also had many questions running around inside her own mind, and for a moment they had her pondering whether or not she should keep prying, concerned about what may be bothering Miko so much. But ultimately, she decides that they can wait until later.

         “Okay,” Ei simply answers instead.

         Ei had her guesses as to what was going on, but she saves her theories for a later time. For now, she lets Miko hold on to her for as long as she needs to.

         Miko wants to stay in the moment forever, wants the clock to stop ticking. She wants to never let the Ei slip through her fingers, wants to stay in the embrace for eternity.

         She wants .

         What a deadly illness it was.

         To want.

         Miko feels a warmth settling on her cheek, coaxing her out of her reverie. 

         “Miko?” Ei was now facing her, a hand cupping her cheek. “Miko, you’re crying,” Ei says, her face twisted in concern.

         Miko frowns, brows furrowing at the statement, her mind seeming to refuse to comprehend Ei’s words.

         “What?”

         “You’re crying,” Ei repeats, her expression growing more concerned with each second that passes by.

         Miko? Crying? Hah. It must be a joke.

         But when she reaches her own hand to her cheek, she finds, terrifyingly, that she indeed was crying. At the feeling of dampness against the skin of her palm, panic immediately seeps into her bones, making her skin crawl as she begins to frantically wipe at her face.

         The way Ei was looking at her with pity in her eyes only makes her want to throw up. 

         Yae Miko does not cry. 

         “I… I’m”— I’m okay , Miko desperately wanted to choke out, but the words seemed to get stuck in her throat. She gasps shakily, tears now flowing freely from her eyes, blurring her vision.

         She can’t breathe, Miko soon came to realize.

         She can’t breathe.

         Despite the fact that her lungs felt so full that she could feel her ribs croaking in protest, she still couldn’t breathe. She can’t. It feels like her head was swimming. She feels like she’s going to explode. She can’t breathe. She’s going to die, she’s going to-

         “Miko.”

         Something warm, and solid brace against her back, steadying her. She couldn’t quite put a name on it in her panicked state, she could only vaguely recognize it as another human being.

         “Miko, breathe ,” a voice urged, and if Miko could scream, she would. Idiot! What do you think I’m trying to do?! but instead, all she could manage was a low whine.

         The voice gently hushes her, as if sensing her irritation and she hates how there’s nothing she could do but lay there helplessly.

         She doesn’t know for how long she lay there, but after a while, she could once again hear the voice mumbling something but she could barely make out what it was saying, it was as if her ears were submerged underwater.

         But then she feels the warmth that was holding her slowly pulling away, and her heart immediately sinks. She lets out a disgruntled noise, frantically reaching out blindly for the retreating warmth.

         Almost instantly, she was engulfed in the warmth once again.

         “I’m here, I’m here,” the voice reassures.

         Miko pauses.

         “E-Ei?” she weakly croaked out. She hates how pathetic she sounds.

         "There’s my Miko.”

         Miko blinks slowly, her head still foggy. She grunts, as if frustrated.

         “Shh… Take your time, darling. I got you.”

         They lay there for archons knew how long, but once the fog in her mind lifted slightly, and Miko somewhat came to, only then did she realize they were on the floor, Ei’s hand gently tracing shapes against her back whilst her head rested on Ei’s chest.

         When Miko looks up, she finds soft lavender eyes staring back at her.

         “Hi.” Ei smiles at her softly before pressing a kiss to her temple.

         Despite already being skin to skin, Miko still attempted to snuggle closer into Ei’s embrace, burying her face in the crook of her wife’s neck. Ei simply holds her close, rocking them slowly from left to right, peppering kisses all over Miko’s head.

         “Miko?” she calls out after a while. “Are you feeling better now?”

         She nods weakly.

         “Do you want to talk about it?”

         She shook her head. “It’s nothing, love, don’t worry.”

         “Miko.” Ei’s eyes hardened, her voice almost scolding. “You were catatonic for almost an hour, an hour , Miko. That wasn’t nothing.”

         An hour. Had it really been that long?

         “It was just a dream, that’s all.”

         “What happened?”

         She couldn’t tell Ei the truth.

         Ei would only grow more worried if Miko did—would only ask more questions. Questions Miko did not want to answer.

         “I don’t… I don’t remember,” Miko lies. “I just… felt terrible when I woke up.”

         Ei doesn’t believe her, Miko could see it on her face, but she doesn’t say anything about it. 

         “How can I help?” Ei says instead.

         “Just… just be here, Ei.”

         “I can do that.”

         Miko smiles. “Thank you.”

         She couldn’t tell Ei that she loved her so much that it made her afraid. So terribly afraid that one day, Ei would never come home to her ever again. So afraid that she’ll have to live the rest of her life trying not to need Ei by her side. 

         How could she fall in love again?

         How could she ever stop loving her?

         She can’t.

         She could never.

         It is late at night now. Miko had already settled under the blankets, reading a novel as she waited for Ei to finish washing up. It doesn’t take long for Ei to step out of their shared bathroom, not being one for spending half an hour applying creams and whatnot to her face unlike Miko. 

         Not that it mattered. Her wife was effortlessly handsome. Ei could be drenched in sweat under a heat wave and still look hot. Literally.

         Soon, Ei crawls onto the bed, tucking herself under the blanket before turning off the lamp on the bedside table and snuggling against her wife.

         “Ei?”

         “Hm?”

         “I love you.” 

         “I love you too, Miko.”

         In the dark, she felt Ei’s lips brush against hers. She kisses Miko in a way that demands nothing, but offers everything that is Ei. Ei who is so reckless, and so stubborn, and so, so excruciatingly soft, and warm.

         Miko should’ve known.

         Nothing lasts forever. 

         Miko should’ve told her that day. She should’ve climbed atop Mount Yougou, yelled and let the whole world know how much she loved Ei, should’ve screamed every single thing she loved about Ei until her throat became raw…

         Because the love of your life will leave you one day, on a warm summer morning, she’ll leave you with one last kiss and a wave as she walks out the door, and you won’t know it’s the last.

         No one ever knows it’s the last.

Chapter Text

         “Miko!” a tiny voice called out to her distantly, derailing her attention from the book she was reading. She furrows her brows as she looks up, and sees no sign of any of anyone. Just as she begins to think that she may have just been hearing things, she spots a tiny purple dot in the distance. It begins to grow bigger with every second, and she soon comes to realize that it was, in fact, not a purple dot, but Ei, who was barreling towards her at a worrying pace, her tiny legs carrying her as fast as they can, her ponytail swishing wildly from left to right.

         “Miko!” Ei calls out again, much clearer now. 

         Ei had a certain wide grin across her face, the one that Miko specifically hated because it made her stomach do twists and turns.

         If Miko could, she would’ve loved to knock it off her face. Ei was only ever that giddy when she sees dango, or if she has another one of her stupid, cute, charming ideas inside that featherbrain of hers that she surely plans to drag Miko into.

         She’d wanted some time just by herself today, but for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to send Ei away.

         “Slow down, you dolt!” Miko chastised.

         Ei does not pay her scolding any mind, instead holding up what looks like a bunch of red string tangled up into the shape of a ball to her face. 

         “Makoto gave me this!” Ei explains to her, as if it was all the context Miko needed to know. 

         Miko frowns, squinting at the item. 

         “Is that… yarn?”

         Ei nods eagerly, “Makoto said if we wear the string on our hands, we’ll be best friends forever,” Ei tells her, her smile growing wider, practically vibrating with excitement where she stood. “Makoto never lies!” . 

         Miko opens her mouth to protest, but as if having some kind of sixth sense for it, Ei’s smile drops, replaced by a pout as she looks up at Miko with pleading eyes.

         “Don’t give me that look!”

         When Ei begins to look like she might genuinely burst into tears, Miko finally caves in. 

         She huffs, “Fine,” Miko resigned. “Come here,” she beckoned Ei, patting the spot next to her in a gesture for Ei to take a seat as she grabs a stray sakura petal on the ground, using it to bookmark the page she had been reading before snapping the book shut and packing it in her bag.

         Ei takes up the space beside her, reeling with excitement. Seeing the big grin on her face is worth it, much to Miko’s chagrin.

         She sighs and holds out her hand to Ei. “Go on, tie it then.”

         Ei looks her in the eye, then at her hand, then at the ball of red string in her hands, then back at Miko once more, with absolutely no thoughts behind her eyes. 

         Miko blinks.

         “...You don’t know how to tie a knot,” Miko deadpans.

         A nod.

         What a nuisance. Miko says in her head, but simply sighs and reaches out for the yarn herself. 

         “Come here and watch so you can do mine later,” she instructs Ei as she takes her hand.

         The little one only nods enthusiastically, a sly smile on her face as she scoots closer to Miko, proceeding to watch her every move.

         Some time later, as Makoto is searching for the two, she finds them sitting under the sakura tree, Ei leaning against the trunk, with Miko curled up, her head resting on Ei’s lap, both dozing off peacefully.

         A soft smile spreads across Makoto’s face as she glances down and sees the trail of red string, wrapped around each of their wrists, tying them to each other.

         Best friends forever… 

         Miko clenches her jaw at the thought, her lips forming a tight line. She huffs frustratedly as she scrubbed more aggressively at the black residue sticking stubbornly on the bottom of her steel pan. 

         A few days have passed since she last saw Ei. She’d been avoiding going outside since then, feeling all over the place ever since that stormy afternoon. Oh how terribly she craved to be angry, to thrash and scream until she could no longer. She was so full of hurt, and rage. It was exhausting carrying it around. She needed somewhere to put it down, even for just a moment, but it seemed as though no matter how desperately she looked, there was no place that she could put her fury down. Nowhere but herself.

         She scrubs at the steel harder.

         She scrubs at it until her hands burn from the friction, until the skin of her palm becomes a bright, angry red.

         She barely manages to contain the urge to launch the pan across the room when she lifts her hand and sees the dark stains still there. She opts to toss the pan on the sink carelessly instead, it drops with a loud clunk . She closes her eyes, leaning against the counter with both of her hands as takes a deep breath to collect herself.

         This is everything she asked for. She asked for this.

         Why does it pull at her heart so?

         3 loud knocks sound from the door, derailing Miko’s train of thought. She quickly glances at the clock, then frowns. Kokomi and Lumine aren’t supposed to arrive until later, and even if it were those two, they’ve grown the habit of simply letting themselves in, but she doesn’t hear the sound of the door opening, nor any muffled voices.

         She quickly rinses her hands on the sink, and pats them dry with a towel as she heads to the door. She stands by the door, waiting for another set of knocks, only growing more confused when none follows—it has her wondering if she should simply ignore it, after all, aside from Kokomi and the a handful of others, the only reason why people knocked on her door was to sell cookies or to see if she was interested in hearing the “Words of God”.

         If there even was a God, he’d forsaken her a long, long time ago.

         Miko takes a deep breath, and turns the knob.

         As soon as she opens the door, she finds herself frozen where she stood, almost as if all of her bodily functions were shut down simultaneously, and when she tries to swallow, it’s like nails scraping against her throat. 

         “...Ei?” 

         The woman manages to mumble a meek “hi” , her eyes nervously flitting all over the place, looking anywhere but at Miko.

         “I-I remembered you said you liked uh, fried tofu,” Ei stammered, timidly offering a lunch box towards Miko.

         “Oh.” Miko stared at the box. “You didn’t have to…”

         “I wanted to thank you for yesterday.”

         Miko hesitantly takes the tupperware from Ei. “Did you… did you cook all this?”

         “Oh. Oh no, I can’t uh, I can’t…” 

         I can’t cook, goes unsaid as Ei trails off, but Miko already knows. Ei can’t cook. Ei had always been embarrassed by it. The one time she tried, she’d almost set their entire kitchen on fire and Miko had to clean up her mess. After the incident, she settled with making bowls of cereal instead. 

         Back then, Miko would’ve laughed at the sight of the faint red creeping up on Ei’s cheeks, but right now all she wants to do is pull Ei into a hug.

         “Sara cooked it,” Ei manages to say.

         She’s taken back to that stormy night, recalling her brief interaction with the short-haired woman. She tries not to think of how the two seemed… close.

         “Would you…” Miko finds the words spilling out of her mouth before she could stop herself. “Would you like to come in?” 

         Seeing the hesitant look on Ei’s face, Miko opens the door wider. “It’s quite hot out today, I wouldn’t want you fainting while out in this heat.”

         Ei nods sheepishly, letting herself inside the home. 

         Miko closes the door behind Ei. “You can take a seat while you wait,” she tells Ei, gesturing at the sofa before heading to the kitchen, trying to keep a calm facade despite her heart hammering in her chest, her palms cold and clammy.

         She sets down the tupperware on the counter, grabbing her own from a cupboard and transferring the fried tofu into it. 

         “Uh, Miko?” She hears Ei’s voice from the living room.

         “Yes?” Miko answers. “Do you want anything? Water?”

         “No, no. I just wanted to say that your house is uh, it’s beautiful.”

         A thick lump forms in Miko’s throat as her heart sinks. She swallows it down, her hands trembling as she washes her neighbor’s lunch box in the sink.

         “Why thank you,” she says, trying not to sound so sullen. “My… My friend designed it.”

         “Well, your friend has good taste.”

         “Oh, does she now?” Miko quips, a few tears slipping from her as lets out a bitter laugh.

         Funny. Very funny. 

         “I mean it!” Ei exclaims from afar.

         Miko wipes away the tears from her face. “I suppose she does,” she says.

         A moment later, Ei pokes her head into the kitchen, a look of wonder in her eyes. “Where is your friend now?” Ei asks innocently.

         Miko envies her obliviousness.

         “She… She left,” Miko answers her, unable to stop her voice from trembling. It makes her want to dig her own grave.

         “Oh.” Ei hangs her head guiltily. “I’m sorry.”

         “No, don’t be.”

         Ei left. That’s all there is to it. Miko loved her, and she left. It’s an old story. One without any other ending.

         Miko could have never expected her to stay. She was always leaving. Miko had always pictured her with a bag in her hand and walking out the door. She’d come close to begging Ei to stay, but she never found the strength to, never could bring herself to admit how much it hurt to watch her leave again, and again, and again.

         How could she? How could she ever admit to loving someone that always left her bleeding? What did that say about her?

         The sound of the front door creaking open and shutting loudly breaks her out of her stupor, followed by Lumine’s voice coming from the living room.

         “Grandmaaa, we’re hereee,” a familiar voice which belonged to a certain traveler drawls. “You didn’t slip and break your back did you?” Lumine adds after a beat of silence. 

         Ei looks to Miko, looking alarmed by the arrival of her friends, but before Miko could speak, Lumine rudely strides into the kitchen.

         “Oh. Hi.” The traveler gulps when she’s met with a glare from Miko. “We can come back later-”

         “No need!” Ei says quickly. “I’ll be heading home-”

         “Wait! Wait! You… you’re Ei!” Lumine cuts her off, excitement evident on her face. “You fought in the cataclysm, right?”

         Miko frowns. “Lumine, that’s quite enough.”

         “No, it’s fine!” Ei flashed Miko a polite smile in reassurance before turning back to Lumine. “Yes, yes, I did.”

         “My brother and I are doing research on the war, do you mind if I take up some of your time?”

         “Some?” Kokomi scoffs.

         “Okay, maybe a little more than just some…”

         “A little?”

         Lumine huffs. “You get what I mean!”

         Ei chuckles at the display. “Well, I don’t have anything to do for the day but…” She turns to Miko apologetically. “I’m afraid I’ve already overstayed my welcome.”

         “Oh, please. We overstay our welcome all the time! Miko wouldn’t mind! Right, Miko?” Kokomi insists, unaware of the turmoil going on inside Miko’s head.

         Miko sighs. 

         “She can stay.”

         “Yes!” Lumine celebrates. Her two idiot friends high five.

         After Lumine’s little celebration about Miko letting Ei stay, her two friends had immediately dragged the warrior away. Miko kept her distance, watching Lumine and Kokomi interview her dead wife from afar, the three of them settled on the floor, a mess of books and papers all around them.

         When Ei catches her staring from the hallway, she flashes Miko a small wave and a smile. 

         It’s the same soft, gentle smile that Ei used to have whenever she spotted Miko from far away or in a crowded room. 

         Bile rises in Miko’s throat. 

         “Those two nerds seem to be getting along well,” Kokomi mutters as she enters the kitchen, a look of indifference on her face, but the sight she is greeted with has her wide-eyed. 

         “Woah, what’s all this?” She asks when she spots the assortment of desserts on the counter. 

         “I would be a terrible host if I let my guests starve, no?” Miko says as she pats her hands dry with a towel.

         Kokomi lets out a comical gasp. “Are you really Yae Miko?”

         She fights the urge to throw the towel at the smaller girl's face. “Shut up.”

         “Ooh! What was Ei doing here by the way?”

         “I helped her with something a few days ago," Miko answers vaguely. "She came to thank me before the two of you dunces barged in,” she adds with a roll of her eyes.

         Kokomi lets out an even more dramatic gasp.

         Miko glares at the smaller woman. “What.”

         “You hate strangers,” Kokomi deadpans.

         A jaded laugh bubbles in Miko’s throat. 

         “What’s so funny?” Kokomi says, pouting. 

         Strangers.

         Right.

         “Nothing, nothing.” Miko shook her head. “Come help me with these?” she says, gesturing to the plates of food.

         The younger one makes a disgruntled noise, but still begrudgingly helps Miko anyway.

         The first time the two had met, Miko had wanted to strangle Kokomi. She’d had a particularly bad day then, and Kokomi just happened to steal the last available order of fried tofu in Uyuu restaurant. Needless to say, Miko wasn’t amused. She hadn’t done anything extreme, but she made it quite obvious to Kokomi that she was displeased.

         “Come on, you two,” Miko calls out as she makes her way to the living room, Kokomi helping her lay out the desserts on the coffee table. “You’ve been at it for hours. Take a break,” she tells Lumine and Ei.

         Ei scoots to one side, making space for Kokomi. Lumine on the other hand kept her nose buried in some magazine she was reading.

         “Lumine,” Miko says her name in warning.

         “You’re not my mom-ack! Ow!” Lumine whines when Miko pinches the tip of her ear, twisting and pulling it.

         Kokomi snorts at the display. Ei watches, simultaneously looking concerned while at the brink of laughter.

         “I’m sorry!” Lumine exclaims when Miko doesn’t relent. 

         “What was that?” Miko leans in, pretending to not have heard the girl. 

         “I’m sorry,” the traveler repeats regrettably, releasing a sigh of relief when Miko finally lets her go.

         “Go on then,” Miko says sweetly, pushing the plate towards Lumine. “I need to wash my hands. I’ll be back.”

         “Hag,” Lumine grumbles when she turns her back.

         “Brat,” Miko retorts.

         Miko comes back to Lumine and Kokomi arguing about something—some show on the television that has been released recently. Miko couldn’t be bothered enough to ask about it, her attention on Ei who was quietly watching the two brats bickering, chewing on a stick of dango.

         “Taste good?” Miko asks as she went to take a seat on the couch behind Ei.

         Ei only nods timidly, setting the now barren stick down. Miko watches as Ei tries not to eye the rest of the dango on the plate, clearly holding herself back. She meets Miko’s eyes, then looks back at the plate, then back at Miko, almost pleadingly. Ei is weak to the temptation of sweets though.

         “Can I?” Ei gestures at the dango.

         Back then, Miko might’ve teased her, but her heart only aches at the question.

         Her Ei wouldn’t even have asked or hesitated. 

         Her Ei would’ve kept the entire plate to herself, and Miko would have to lecture her about how eating too many is bad for her, and her Ei would only pout, and Miko would give in and let her have as much as she wanted.

         But this isn’t her Ei.

         Her Ei is dead.

         Miko misses her. She misses her so terribly. 

         If only she knew what would’ve happened, she would’ve held her hand a little tighter, would’ve stayed by her side for a little longer, would’ve given her as many sweets as she would’ve liked.

         “Of course, honey. You can have as much as you’d like,” Miko tells Ei, her tone oddly soft and fragile. 

         She misses the odd look Lumine and Kokomi share when the term of endearment slips out of her mouth, too busy trying not to break down crying when Ei smiles at her so brightly and looks at her as if she hung the stars in the night sky.

         As if she loved her again.

         Lumine’s phone began to ring loudly.

         “Ah, crap. ” The blonde stood and snatched the phone, yelling “be right back!” over her shoulder as she ran out of the house.

         The three left all shared confused looks.

         “Is everything alright?" Ei asks.

         “Probably someone with a commission,” Kokomi answers. “The adventurers’ guild likes to keep the poor twins busy.”

         “Oh,” came a meek response from Ei, completely clueless.

         “Almost forgot!” Kokomi suddenly perked up. “We’ll be starting the preparations for the fair tomorrow. You should come,” she tells Ei. 

         Miko could already feel a headache coming.

         “What fair?” the veteran asks.

         “The town hosts a fair annually at this time of the year. Bunch of tourists usually come over for it! It’s just by the pier, it’s a really popular spot. You shouldn’t have much trouble finding it,” Kokomi explains. 

         “Will you be going?” 

         It takes a minute for Miko to register that Ei’s question was directed at her.

         But before she could answer, Lumine barges in, looking frazzled.

         “I gotta go!” the traveler announces, stacking and gathering her research materials without a care for organization and stuffing them into her satchel.

         “You okay?” Miko questions.

         “Yeah, Aether just found something really important and said I needed to see it,” Lumine hurriedly explains. Within seconds she’s already up and halfway out the door. The last thing they hear is a muffled “bye guys!” and the girl was already in her car.

         “That’s Lumine for you,” Kokomi reassures Ei when she sees the look of concern and confusion on her face. “It’s normal, don’t worry about it.” 

         “Ah, I see." Ei hums in thought. "I should probably also go.”

         “Oh, shit.” Both Ei and Miko turn to look at Kokomi who seemed to have had a terrible realization. When Miko raises an eyebrow at her, Kokomi tells them, “Lumine was supposed to drive me home.”

         Miko is about to offer a room for Kokomi to stay in, but Ei speaks before she could.

         “I... I can’t drive but… Sara has a car, I could ask her to drive you home.”

         “Who’s Sara?” Kokomi raises an eyebrow at the older woman.

         “Uh, my roommate.”

         “I don't want to be a bother-”

         "I'm sure she won't mind!"

         "You're sure sure?"

         Ei chuckles at that. “She can come off as a little… grumpy. But she’s nice, I promise.”

         “Alright then. I trust you.”

         The two offer to help Miko clean up but she refuses, insisting that the two be on their way as it was getting dark.

         As Miko is walking them out the door, Ei stops and turns to her. She opens her mouth to say something but seems to hesitate.

         “Is there something wrong, Ei?"

         “Uh, no, um… Will I… Will I see you tomorrow? For the fair?” Her voice is so painfully delicate.  

         Miko’s breath is caught in her throat.

         Ei standing outside the door, a bag in hand. The question of whether they’ll ever see each other again hanging above their heads.

         It was a very familiar scene.

         There is a throbbing pain in her ribcage, threatening to spill over and drown her in it. She holds it back and it sits like gravel in her throat.

         She knows this feeling. this ache. She remembers it. It’s the same ache she feels whenever she watches Ei walking away. The same ache that makes her want to beg for Ei to stay. The same ache that makes her want to scream— Come back. Come back to me and stay. You have taken my heart with you.

         She misses Ei so much.

         But Ei is right here, so why does her chest hurt so terribly?

         “Yes, Ei, you will see me tomorrow.” Her response lacks her usual teasing tone. It sounds more like… a gentle reassurance. 

         Whether it’s for Ei or herself, she doesn’t know.

         Ei cracks a smile at her response.

         “Goodnight, Miko.”

         “Goodnight, Ei.”

         She falls apart as soon as the door clicks shut behind her. She collapses on the floor, one hand clasped against her mouth to muffle her cries, the other clasped tightly against her chest.

         I miss you.

         I miss you so much.

Chapter Text

         Miko had been in the middle of getting ready for the day when her phone began ringing from across the room. She huffs, wondering who could be calling her so early in the damn morning. By the time she reaches her phone, it had already stopped ringing, a notification on her lockscreen flashing ‘1 missed call from Kokomi’. 

         Miko swipes at the screen, unlocking the phone, then taps on a message notification from the same girl, and her morning grumpiness is soon replaced by amusement.

[come out]

[I’m a lesbian]

[i am burning alive yae please]

[also your new friends are here]

[Ei?]

[yes]

[What]

[Why?]

[i don’t have a car]

[aether borrowed lumine’s car]

[you drive like a grandma]

[Ei can’t drive though.]

[no but her roommate is driving me insane

can you please just come out]

[Sara??]

[yes.]

[What did she do?]

[exist]

[.....]

[I know what you are]

[OPEN THE DOOR]

[15 minutes]

[five or im breaking down your door]

         When Miko opens the door 20 minutes later—purposely late—she is immediately greeted by the tiny ball of anger that is Sangonomiya Kokomi. Behind her were Ei and Sara, the two standing at attention by what was neither Lumine’s coffin on wheels or Itto’s car, and since Ei could not drive, Miko could only assume the vehicle must be Sara’s. 

         Said neighbors were simply awkwardly watching from a distance as Kokomi fumes and lectures Miko for taking up so much time, and when Miko complains about having old bones, Kokomi threatens to drag her to a nursing home. Of course, Miko only laughs throughout the entire ordeal until Sara clears her throat and politely reminds the two of them that they were running late.

         Ei opens the door for her and holds it open until Miko and Kokomi get inside and are comfortably seated, offering Miko a smile before closing the door, the sight tugs at the corners of Miko’s lips, urging a smile on her face.

         The entire ride is quiet, save for the morning forecast coming from the radio, followed by music. Miko notes how awfully quiet Kokomi was, oddly entranced by the view outside. And Sara too, as when Ei would ask a question, the woman would only nod or shake her head.

         Miko was quite sure that they were purposely ignoring them, and by the strange looks Ei sometimes threw over her shoulder at Miko throughout the whole ride, as if also confused, it seemed that she noticed too, but neither of them made a move to ask.

         The festive season can be sensed by anyone with eyes despite the fair still being quite some time away. When they had reached the busier parts of town, there were already some decorations hanging above the streets, colorful banners and lights that would look quite beautiful at night. Some small stalls were also already scattered around the streets, selling toys and snacks to children.

         Deeper into the town though, it seemed that there were still a lot of things that needed to be done. Crates, ladders, and equipment scattered all around. It was no wonder why Kokomi was insistent with dragging everyone to help.

         They come to a stop eventually, finding a parking spot in front of a bed and breakfast across the street. When Ei asks Miko and Kokomi if they’ve both had breakfast yet, they both make the mistake of shaking their heads and answering no. This is how they find themselves being dragged by Ei into the b&b, insisting that it would be her treat.

         Despite the early morning, the place was quite lively still, a few people sat by the bar having their morning coffee, some reading newspapers and simply enjoying each other’s company along with the food.

         The four sat down on opposite ends of the booth, Kokomi sat beside Miko, while Sara and Ei sat on the other side. Again, the younger pair were acting strangely, seeming to be avoiding each other’s gazes. She and Ei once again share a look, but before Miko could even think to question them, she spots a familiar face quickly approaching their table.

         “It’s been a while, miss Yae!” Lisa greets with a smile.

         Miko scoffs. “Please, no feed for formalities,” she tells Lisa with a dismissive wave of a hand.

         Lisa laughs softly, but then her interest is immediately redirected somewhere else, piqued at the sight of the unfamiliar faces sitting across her. “Ah, are these our new friends?”

         Miko nods. “Mhm, this is Sara and Ei,” Miko introduced, gesturing to the two. Sara bows her head in acknowledgement, while Ei shyly waves.

         “Sara, Ei, this is Lisa,” Miko then says. “She and her wife run this place.”

         Ei’s lips make a small ‘o’ at the introduction. “It’s really nice here.” she then proceeds to mumble timidly.

         Lisa giggles at that. “I see we have a charmer here,” she teases, clearly amused. “Can I get your order, cutie?”

         Miko already knows the answer before Ei could even finish reading through the menu. 

         Bacon with scrambled eggs and pancakes.

         As if reading her mind, Ei recites the exact same words. 

         “Is that all?” Lisa asks as she notes down Ei’s order. “What about a drink?”

         “Uhhh.” Ei picked up the menu once again, eyes frantically scouring the list.

         “Their hot chocolate is good. You could get it with whipped cream if you want,” Miko says when she senses Ei’s indecisiveness. 

         It’s not the truth. The hot chocolate is much too sweet, and the whipped cream only makes it much more sickening.

         But Ei liked it.

         Ei perks up at her suggestion right away, telling Lisa that she’d like to have “whatever Miko said”, a childlike grin on her face.

         Bacon with scrambled eggs and pancakes. Hot chocolate with whipped cream. It was Ei’s regular order. Miko still remembers.

         Lisa takes the rest of the group’s order.

         Apart from the bed and breakfast, when Miko had stopped going out, the library was also left to Jean and Lisa’s care. Lisa often invites her to drink tea, though most of the time, she declines, only ever accepting whenever there were some concerns about the library, or with some more persuasion. Even then, they’ve met enough times for Miko to get to know her quite a bit. Lisa’s wife is shy but charming, and their daughter, Klee, though a bit rowdy, was a delight to be around.

         “Miko?” 

         She’s torn away from her thoughts when Kokomi elbows her side, with an eyebrow raised, her head snaps to the girl beside her.

         “Your order,” Kokomi says.

         “Ah.” She clears her throat. “Coffee. Black.”

         “You’re not going to eat?” Ei asks, looking concerned.

         “I ate a lot last night, I still feel quite bloated,” the lie came to her easily.

         “If that’s all then I’ll get going now,” Lisa tells them. “I hope you two have been settling in well.”

         “We’ve been alright,” Ei answers, Sara nods along beside her. “The neighbor’s nice too,” she adds, looking up at Miko, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

         Beside Miko, Kokomi makes a gagging noise.

         Later on, while Kokomi is giving them a rundown of what needs to be done later on for the fair, Miko notices Ei silently eyeing her untouched packet of sugar.

         Wordlessly, she slides the packet towards Ei. She beams at Miko with a triumphant smile before gleefully pouring the sugar into her already sickeningly sweet mug of hot chocolate.

         Miko remembers how Ei had once told her to try it out, and her throat burned, not from the temperature of the beverage, but from how sweet it was. Ei had been looking at her expectantly, and she did not have the strength to break Ei’s heart so she had slowly swallowed the drink down, telling Ei all about how good it was. 

When they got back home, Ei would laugh at her, admitting that the drink was an abomination.

         Oh, how she missed Ei.

         She should feel happy.

         Only a few days ago, she had been sitting in almost the exact same spot, wishing that Ei would be sitting right in front of her, but now that she is, Miko does not know what to do.

         She should feel happy, but grief has her heart on a leash. 

         She never told Ei how much she truly loved her, at least not as much as she should’ve. Through the teasing and bantering, she just silently hoped that Ei knew.

         Did she?

         Or had Miko let the love of her life die not knowing just how she really loved her?

         Ei, Sara, and Kokomi all finish their breakfast while Miko downs the last of her coffee, they take a few more minutes to clean up before heading down to the pier where Lumine was already waiting for them.

         The pier was bustling with life, the sun was high up, but the wind was cool, and the skies were alive with the sound of birds chirping from the distance. The old wood of the pier could be heard slightly creaking beneath the weight of the dozens of people there, children squealing as they ran amok across the fairgrounds and the other locals chatting loudly as they’re busying themselves with setting up their own booths and stalls, Miko finds herself slightly concerned at the sight of people climbing atop ladders and gambling with their lives as they hung up lights and decorations above.

         Miko could still remember a time when it was Ei standing so high up on those rusty old ladders, could still remember when it was the two of them hanging the decorations and preparing their own stall.

         She remembers how Ei had once fallen into the water while running away from her after having spilled a bucket of pain all over her head. It was by “accident”, but her genius wife had decided to laugh at her instead of helping her out.

         After mocking one soggy Ei, Miko eventually came to pity her, reaching out her hand to fish her wife out of the water, but before Miko knew it, Ei was already pulling her into the water as well, drenching the both of them.

         Ei did all the laundry for that week. Tried to, at least.

         Now, Miko keeps her distance, watching from afar as Ei walks around, taking pictures and socializing with the other residents around, sometimes even helping out carry the heavy boxes and items all over the pier. Her smile is bright as she talks to other people.

         Miko wonders if it had always been so easy to make her smile like that before, and a pang of fear has her frozen for a moment, fear that she had forgotten, then she remembers that the woman in front of her was no longer the woman who stood before her all those years ago.

         That woman was dead.

         Ei is alive, but the woman she loves died with her memories.

         Would it be too horrible to say that some days she wished Ei had stayed dead?

         “You’re gonna burn a hole in her head if you keep staring, you know?” Kokomi says, tearing her away from her train of thought.

         “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Miko shoots back a little too quickly.

         “Less staring, more helping!” Lumine yells out, kicking the crate Miko was sitting in, causing the woman to let out a yelp.

         “I am merely a poor, elderly woman!” Miko exclaims dramatically, “what can I possibly do to help?”

         Kokomi snorts at their antics but Lumine glares at Miko, unamused. “Ei’s in her like, late forties or something and I don’t see her complaining about her back!”

         “Ei’s just being polite,” Miko retorts.

         “Ei’s not being polite, you’re just lazy,” Lumine deadpans.

         Miko groans, rolling her eyes as she gets up to sit on the floor with Kokomi and the traveler. “Goddamn kids these days,” she grumbles.

         Kokomi laughs. A little too much for Miko’s liking.

         She turns to Kokomi. “Do you want to tell me why you’re avoiding Sara like the plague?” 

         “I hate you.”

         “I thought so,” Miko says smugly. “And to think you were so excited to get into the little bird’s pants on her first day here. A shame.”

         Lumine gasps. Glaring at Kokomi with a scandalized look. “You were what?!”

         The traveler yells out in pain when Kokomi swats the back of her head, her sudden outburst causing the surrounding area to go completely silent, attracting the attention of nearby onlookers.

         “I was joking! That’s not what I said!” Kokomi exclaims in a hushed voice. The girl was red from her collar to the tips of her ears, Miko could practically see steam coming out of them.

         She and Lumine continue to pester Kokomi, and it’s only when Katheryne clears her throat to announce her presence that the pair stops, and of course, when Katheryne tells Kokomi that she’s needed somewhere, she doesn’t pass up the offer of salvation from the spawns of hell.

         The day passes her by. Lumine had left in the middle of the afternoon, muttering something about her sibling before hurriedly leaving the scene. Soon enough, the sun was already setting, the sky a mix of yellows and oranges, the streetlights now lit up. 

         When she sees the others have begun packing, she begins to clean up as well, organizing the area as best as she could.

         She's in the middle of finishing up when she hears it. A familiar click! Quickly followed by another, and when she looked up, sure enough, there Ei was, a camera pointed at her.

         “Well, hello to you too, Ei,” Miko says in greeting.

         “Hi,” Ei peeks sheepishly above the camera. “Sorry. You just looked… pretty, I can get rid of it if you want.” she says to Miko apologetically, like a child who had just got caught with a hand inside the cookie jar. 

         Miko laughs softly. “No, no, you can keep it, Ei, it’s alright.”

         Ei’s pout immediately turns into a grin upon hearing Miko’s words. “Do you need help?” the woman perked up.

         “I was just finishing up actually,” Miko tells her, “but thank you.”

         “I’ll wait for you. We can go home together,” Ei sounds earnest. A warm, patient smile on her face. It has Miko frozen in place, a sudden pang of sadness seizing her chest.

         I’ll wait for you. We can go home together.

         We can go home.

         Together.

         “Is it always like this?”

         “Huh?” Miko snaps out of her reverie.

         “The fair,” Ei says, camera pointed across the pier, her back to Miko as she snapped various photos. “It’s nice. I like it.”

         …Oh, Ei.

         Should it be relief or anguish that she should feel about Ei’s obliviousness? she doesn’t know. 

         Miko sighs. 

         “The last time I was here was years ago,” she answers. “Some things have changed, some stayed the same. Though I’d say it was… nicer back then,” she mutters wistfully.

         Because of you.

         Since Ei had died she’d stopped helping out and attending altogether. It wasn’t the same without her. It didn’t feel… right. Not without Ei beside her.

         Ei hums, as if weighing Miko’s answer.  

         “I’m glad you’re here now, Miko,” she says after a beat passes.

         Miko gulps. “Thank you, Ei.”

         Ei turns to face her, a smile on her face.

         “I…” Ei began, but trails off just as soon as she started.

         “Yes?”

         Ei shook her head. “Nevermind. I think it might be personal,” she says, eyes darting nervously.

         Miko chuckles. “Well now you have to say it.”

         Ei’s lips open and close in hesitance, only giving in eventually when she sees Miko is looking at her expectantly.

         “How… How long have you been living here?”

         Miko hummed in thought. “A little over a decade, give or take.”

         Ei’s eyebrows rose. “You’re not from here?”

         “No, I moved here with…” The words Miko wanted to say sit like a heavy boulder in her throat. “With a friend,” she manages to choke out.

         “The one who designed the house?” Ei recalls.

         “Yes, that one.”

         “Why here?”

         “It’s not too far from the city, but it’s far enough to offer some peace, and she was quite fond of the quiet.”

         “I like the quiet too.”

         A bitter laugh escapes Miko. “Oh, do you now?”

         “Yeah,” Ei answers sincerely, blissfully unaware. 

         “The battlefield was loud. I don’t remember a lot, but it was just… loud.”

         “Ei… if you don’t mind me asking, what do you mean by you don’t remember a lot?”

         Ei’s eyes widened at the question. “Oh. That... I-”

         “You don’t have to tell me,” Miko tells Ei when she sees how uncomfortable she was.

         “I… I want to,” she tells Miko. “But not now.”

         “It’s alright, Ei,” Miko reassured with a soft smile.

         “Thank you. It’s… It’s why I picked this up,” says Ei, holding up her camera. “It helps. For things I don’t want to forget.”

         “You don’t want to forget your lazy, bitter, old neighbor?”

         Ei laughs. “Just how old are you exactly?”

         “Guess.”

         “Twenty five.”

         A chuckle rumbles in Miko’s throat. “Nope. Not even close.”

         Ei squints. “Twenty… eight?”

         “Try again.”

         “Thirty five?”

         “Nope.”

         “Lower or higher?”

         “Higher.”

         “Forty?”

         “Higher.”

         “Higher?!” Ei looked at her incredulously. “You’re lying!” she accused, earning an earnest laugh from Miko.

         She shook her head between laughter, amused. “I’m not.”

         “I thought you were still in your twenties, maybe thirties when I first saw you…” Ei mumbles, pouting.

         Miko scoffs at the confession. “Well, you don’t look too bad yourself, Ei.”

         “Thank you,” Ei says quietly, a sheepish smile on her face as she fidgets with her glasses.

         “I, uh, I have another question,” she says, sounding slightly more serious now.

         “Shoot.”

         “Why did you stop attending?” Ei sounds cautious as she asks the question. “The fair, I mean,” she adds, a nervous hand playing with her camera.

         The sun was already setting in the background, golden hues bleeding into sky blues. It was the last day of preparation for the fair that was set to happen next week. They had managed to get everything done in time just before nightfall. Everyone had already packed up and headed back to their homes to get some much needed rest. Well, everyone except for Miko and Ei.

         “Hey, honey.” Ei looks at Miko over her shoulders, a soft smile on her face. “I’m just finishing up here, you can wait in the car if you want,” she tells her wife.

         Miko doesn’t say anything, a seemingly absent look on her face. When seconds pass, and Miko still does not move, Ei grows confused. 

         Her confusion would immediately grow into concern when she realizes that Miko wasn’t just looking at her, but at the ugly scar on her forehead that ran down to her left cheek, barely missing her eye. 

         She’d come hobbling home with a limp and half her face wrapped in bandages. Needless to say, Miko was very, very concerned.

         Miko does not even blink as Ei makes her way towards her, only seeming to realize she’d been staring when Ei waves her hand barely an inch away from her face to get her attention.

         She blinks up at her wife, confused. “Ei, what-”

         Ei suddenly takes her hand. “Here,” she says, pressing Miko’s palm against her chest, where her heart should be. 

         “Do you feel that?”

         Miko nods, feeling the soft beating of Ei’s heart against her fingertips. 

         Ei then leans her forehead gently against Miko’s, giving her a reassuring smile. 

         “See? I’m okay,” she says. “I’m here. I’ll always be here, Miko.”

         Miko is shaken awake from her thoughts as she realizes someone was jostling her by her shoulders, she shakes her head, blinking away the haze.

         “Hey,” a familiar voice called out to her, steadying her.

         “Where’d you go?” It asks.

         Miko frowns. “What?”

         “You looked like… you were somewhere else.”

         The fog in Miko’s mind disappears. It takes her a moment to realize that the voice belonged to Ei who was now standing right in front of her, invading her space, eyes filled with concern.

         See? I’m okay.

         I’m here. I’ll always be here, Miko.

         “I…” Miko’s words die in her throat as the words echo in her head. Her eyes sting, and her chest suddenly feels so unbearably tight.

         A deep frown was on Ei’s face. “Miko, you’re crying.”

         Miko tries to speak, tries to tell Ei that she was alright, but her throat feels as if it’s being squeezed, and her eyes are beginning to blur from her tears, but as she tries to stop them from falling, they only fall heavier as she does so, and panic starts to grip her heart.

         Ei is saying something, but she could not find it in herself to focus. She shouldn’t be crying. Not here. Not in front of Ei.

         Suddenly, she finds herself being pulled into a warmth, strong arms wrapping around her back and holding her. The gesture should feel comforting, but it only feels like an affirmation that her wife is dead more than anything, and it hurts. 

         Ei does not hold her as tight as she used to, does not hold her as close. Because why would she? To her, Miko was no one. A stranger she just met mere days ago.

         This isn’t her Ei. Her Ei is dead. Gone. 

         The woman holding her right now is a stranger, but… still, Miko could not help herself. She burrows her head against the crook of Ei’s neck, clinging onto her, her body trembling as she sobbed.

         I miss you, Miko thinks but does not say.

Chapter Text

         The amber afternoon sunlight filters through the open window, painting the kitchen with a soft, warm glow. There, by the faucet, stood Ei. 

         The water running down the faucet blends in almost perfectly with the muted radio static coming from the living room, if not for the brief crackles of life that return to static almost instantly. The way her hands stroked smoothly across the soapy dishes felt almost therapeutic.

         It doesn’t take too long for her to get down to the last plate, rinsing the soap off before setting it aside on a rack, and afterwards, dries her hand as well on a fresh towel, haphazardly tossing it and leaving it hanging on the counter as she makes her way to the living room where Miko was lounging on the couch, her back turned to Ei as she fiddled with the radio on her lap.

         “I just fixed that, you know?” Ei says as she approaches her from behind, snaking her arms around Miko’s shoulders before peppering her wife’s cheek with kisses. 

         Miko laughs as Ei attacks her with kisses, and the sound fills Ei’s heart with so much warmth and joy. 

         “You’ll fix it for me again, won’t you?” Miko answers her with a knowing smile.

         “Of course, I will.”

         This time, it’s Miko who kisses her. They kiss until they both have to pull away because neither of them can stop grinning against the other’s lips. And then they kiss again, up until they fall into fits of giggles, absolutely happy and in love.

         “How’s your ankle?” Ei asks as they pull away from each other.

         It had been a few days after the two of them got too silly, their chase ending with Miko spraining her ankle and falling face-first on the ground. 

         Miko hums in thought. “It’s bearable. Still hurts a little though.”

         “Stay here, I’ll get the cream,” Ei says, pressing one last kiss on top of Miko’s head before getting up and heading to their bedroom.

         “My hero,” Miko swoons.

         Ei chuckles. “Always.”

         Ei returns with a jar in hand, Miko is still busy playing around with the radio as she returns, humming a melody as she switches between stations, some notes off-key. Disgruntled noises escaped her throat when only static played or some program she didn't like, Ei could not help but giggle as she walked closer to Miko.

         Ei stops briefly to leave a kiss on Miko’s cheek before moving to kneel in front of her wife.

         Miko stays preoccupied with the radio, seeming to be looking for a specific station as Ei coats her fingers with the cream. It’s only when Ei’s coated fingers touch her skin does she react with a gasp, causing Ei to pause and look at her with concern.

         “Sorry, sorry,” Miko hisses, “I just didn’t expect it to be so cold, darling.”

         “Ah, always so sensitive,” Ei teases.

         “Oh, shush and get to work,” Miko says with a roll of her eyes, earning a laugh from Ei.

         This time, Ei gingerly rolls out the cream between her fingertips, warming it up before touching Miko’s ankle once again, and Miko peacefully returns to humming out a tune, her attention back on the radio.

         “Honey, if you actually break it, I’m going to put it somewhere no man can find,” Ei says when Miko fails to settle on one station.

         “I’m looking for that stupid song!” Miko protests, “It won’t leave my head, it’s driving me insane, Ei.”

         Ei only chuckles at her wife’s theatrics.

         It continues on while they’re eating dinner, up until they’re getting ready for bed.

         “Should I start getting jealous?” Ei asks when she spots the radio on the counter as Miko was brushing her teeth. The glare that Miko sends her way in the mirror has her zipping her mouth shut.

         Even in bed, Miko takes the radio with her, sitting against the headboard and switching between stations as Ei is trying to doze off. Every time her eyes began to droop, loud static would have her eyes suddenly open wide.

         She doesn’t realize she’d actually dozed off until she’s shaken awake by a firm hand on her shoulder.

         Ei groans, keeping her eyes closed as she turns and buries her head into a pillow, pulling the blanket above her head.

         Despite this, the hand does not go away. If anything, it only makes the hand more insistent.

         “Ei!” The hand begins to pull at her blanket. “Ei, wake up!”

         Ei only grumbles and pulls it back over her head. 

         Miraculously, a silence followed. 

         “There’s someone in the house!”

         “What!?”

         At that, Ei instantly sat up, perhaps a little too quickly, her head spinning at the sudden action. She looks around, eyes bleary from sleep, though she could vaguely make out Miko’s figure, and was that… music?

         Ei rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “Miko? What’s going on?”

         “I found it!” Miko grinned up at her.

         Ei blinked at Miko. “What?”

         “I found the song!”

         “Wh- You said there was-”

         “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

         Ei glares at Miko in silent disbelief, realizing she’d fallen victim to another of her wife’s schemes. 

         “Oh, don’t look at me like that!” Miko protests. “Come on! It’s the song we had our first dance to!”

         Miko turns the volume knob up a little louder, and Ei could now clearly hear the familiar soft harmony of the guitar and piano playing out from the radio, and Ei’s eyes soften when figures out why her wife was so insistent on finding it. 

         “I haven’t heard this in so long.” Miko hummed along to the song. “I didn’t realize you were such a good dancer,” she reminisced aloud.

         “Do you wanna dance again?”

         “With my ankle? No, thank you, darling.” Miko turns the music down until it’s barely audible.

         But as she’s setting the radio down on the bedside table, about to settle in for the night, Ei’s hand shoots out across her, reaching out for the radio and cranking up the volume just enough to fill the room, and before Miko could ask Ei what she’s up to, Ei hops off the bed and an undignified squeak escapes Miko as she found herself being lifted off the bed, her wife’s strong arms wrapped securely around her waist, her own arms instinctively wrapping around Ei’s neck.

         "Ei!” Miko scolds, already feeling the oncoming rush of red on her cheeks.

         Ei does not mind her, beginning to move without a word. She smoothly twirls the both of them around the room, gracefully swaying and sliding across the wooden floor, pulling Miko along with every step. From left to right, forward and back, her eyes never left Miko’s own as she held her close in her arms.

         When the music picks up, so do EI’s movements, her advances growing braver and bolder, following the rising beat of the song, and Miko could only hold on, an exhilarated laugh bursting from her chest. 

         It’s the greatest symphony Ei has ever heard.

         As the music comes to an end, Ei spins the two of them once more for good measure, and then she lowers Miko into a dip before gently pulling her back against her with a low chuckle.

         In the quiet afterglow, Miko leans up to kiss her, and Ei kisses her back, and both of them are grinning so broadly that their faces hurt. They kiss, and kiss, and kiss, until Ei has to waddle back to bed, knees threatening to buckle because her back hurts from carrying Miko’s entire weight and dancing around. 

         Miko calls her an idiot and threatens to kill her if her feet so much as touch the ground.

         They get in bed, and Miko finally turns the radio off, followed by the bedside lamp.

         “Miko?” Ei calls to her in the dark.

         “Yes?” Miko turns to face her, though she could only barely make out Ei’s face.

         A long silence passes before Ei finally speaks again.

         “Will you remember me?”

         Miko’s brows furrowed. “Why are you asking me this, love?”

         “People say you die twice. Once when you stop breathing, twice when someone says your name for the very last time. But if you remember me, then I’ll live forever.”

         Miko feels the warmth of Ei’s hand against her cheek.

         “So will you remember me? Remember that I was here?” Ei asks once more.

         Miko nuzzles against Ei’s palm.

         “Always,” Miko says. “I’ll always remember.” It sounds like a promise—and Miko seals it with a kiss, leaning over and pressing her lips on Ei’s forehead.

         “Hey,” a familiar timid voice came from behind Miko, and when she turns around, she’s met with the sight of Ei standing there awkwardly, adjusting her glasses, her camera hanging from a strap around her neck.

         “Hey,” Miko shoots back at her, a small smile on her face.

         Ei does not return it, however, a frown sitting on her lips instead. Just as Miko was about to ask what was wrong, Ei spoke. “You weren’t at the diner today.”

         “Miss me already?” Miko replies in a teasing manner.

         Ei’s gaze fell to the ground. “You’re the only friend I’ve actually made in town so far,” she murmurs.

         “Oh?” Miko raises a brow at her. “What about Kokomi and Lumine?”

         “I- well, Kokomi seems to still be… adjusting to my presence, and Lumine and I haven’t really talked outside of her, uh, interviews,” Ei stammers.

         “I know.” Miko laughs, earning a pout from Ei. “You didn’t have to explain, darling, I was just teasing.”

         Ei’s mouth opened and closed like a fish as she fumbled for a response. It takes her a beat to settle on something. 

         “Are you feeling better?” 

         Ah.

         “Yes, I am. Thank you for asking,” Miko answers, almost robotically.

         Miko had been hoping Ei would forget her breakdown the day before, but at the same time, she’s glad that Ei doesn’t pry any further than that. She’s not ready for that just yet. 

         She knows that there might be a time when she has to come clean, but not now.

         “That’s… that’s good to know,” Ei mutters, her frown now gone. “Would you, uh, would you like to get lunch with me later?” Ei stutters out.

         Miko is stunned for a second, but she’s quick to get back up. 

         “Already asking me out on a date?” She jokingly accuses, a hand clasped against her chest as if she’d just been scandalized. “My goodness, Ei.”

         “It’s not like that!” Ei hurriedly exclaims, growing even more flustered as she realizes she’d just raised her voice. She awkwardly clears her throat, avoiding Miko’s gaze. “I just feel bad about yesterday and I-”

         “Ei,” Miko cuts her off before she could ramble, barely suppressing her amused grin at the sight of the genuine panic on Ei’s face, she waits for Ei to look her in the eyes once again before speaking again. “I’d love to get lunch with you.”

         At that, Ei’s shoulders slumped in relief.

         The day goes on without a hitch, with people continuing with the work they were left with the day before. There were some smaller stalls set up around the pier, selling lemonade, ice candies, and other cold drinks or treats, perfect for cooling off, especially with the sun so high up, or just something to chew on while working.

         Slowly but surely, the fair was coming together.

         Miko is startled out of her thoughts when she suddenly hears a huge crash in the distance. As she turns to look at where the sound had come from, a crowd had already started to gather, but her heart drops to her stomach and her eyes widen in horror when she catches a glimpse of purple and a body laying still on the ground.

         Heart pounding, she dashes towards the scene, pushing through the crowd, uncaring of the disgruntled protests from people she bumped into.

         She falls to her knees when she reaches the clearing, her heart threatening to leap out of her chest when her eyes lock in on Ei’s still form on the ground, and the blood leaking out of her head. 

         “Shit. Shit. Shit. ” 

         Miko frantically reaches into her pocket, pulling out a handkerchief and carefully placing it against the area where the bleeding seemed to be coming from.

         She can feel Ei’s blood sticking to her skin.

         “Hi,” Ei greets her, a stupid smile on her face.

         “Shhh. Stay down,” Miko then says, pressing her palm against Ei’s chest as the idiot proceeds to try and push herself up, grunting as she does so.

         “Yae! What happened?!” Kokomi suddenly came from behind her, looking horrified at the scene.

         “Go get Sara,” Miko simply instructs.

         For a moment, Kokomi hesitates but turns to get Sara anyway. Miko turns back to Ei, growing more panicked when she sees Ei’s eyes beginning to droop.

         “Stay with me, Ei.”

         Ei chuckles and Miko has to fight the urge to strangle her because what the hell was so funny?! 

         “I just fell, Miko, I’m not gonna die.”

         Miko rolls her eyes, an unamused look on her face. “You’re bleeding, idiot.” She sounds angry, but more so scared—her voice shaking.

         “Hey, don’t cry,” Ei coos when she hears the tremble in her voice. “If you cry, the entire town’s gonna know you’re a big softy,” Ei jokes.

         Miko sniffles, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. This fucking idiot is really making jokes now. 

         “Stupid,” was all Miko could say. Stupid. Stupid fucking idiot.

         Ei laughs, reaching out for her free hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I’m not going anywhere.”

         “She’s fine, she’ll just need some stitches,” Sara informs Miko as she walks into the washroom. 

         Miko does not respond, oddly focused on washing her hands. Sara was about to start telling the woman more details, but could not shake off that something was… wrong. Miko’s hands were red, and not from Ei’s blood. It seemed almost… raw. Like she’d just scrubbed her hands thoroughly with a rough piece of rock.

         “You okay?”

         “Peachy,” Miko answers curtly, shaking off her hands and wiping them dry on the sides of her shirt. She pays no mind to Sara, walking past her and out to the hallway.

         “Hey!” Kokomi runs up to her as she steps out. “You okay?”

         “If someone asks me that question one more time I’m going to explode,” Miko deadpans.

         “Okay! Calm down! We’re just concerned, you know?” Kokomi retorts.

         “I’m not the one who fell head first on the ground and cracked my skull open.”

         “Yeah, but… you just looked… not you back there.”

         “What are you talking about?”

         “You looked scared, Yae. And not scared like, from a jumpscare kind of scared, I mean, Yae, you looked scared. ”

         Miko sighed exasperatedly. “She was bleeding. ”

         “You’ve seen Lumine do a backflip into concrete and laughed all the way to the clinic!”

         Miko grunts. “That was different!”

         “How?!” 

         Miko opens her mouth, about to spit out some excuse, but her mind goes blank. 

         “You’ve been acting weird since we met Ei,” Kokomi continues. “Every time she’s around, you have this look on your face like…”

         “Like what?”

         “I don’t know how to describe it! It’s like… it’s like you know her,” Kokomi answers. “Like you’ve known her for the longest time.”

         Miko falls silent, and Kokomi’s frustration slowly twists into curiosity. 

         “Did you?” 

         The older woman’s silence is enough of an answer, and Kokomi is rendered speechless. Miko is paralyzed, the gears in her head refusing to move, but she is taken aback as Kokomi suddenly pulls her into a hug.

         “You can talk about it when you’re ready. Or maybe not at all.” Kokomi says after a long silence. “Though you probably should talk to her. Sara mentioned Ei’s accident, and I think she deserves to know.”

         “I know,” Miko says weakly. “I’m just… not ready.”

         “That’s okay.” Kokomi hugged her tighter. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

         It’s a few hours later, and Miko had found some semblance of peace with the knowledge that Ei would be alright, and after waiting for some time, Sara comes back to inform her and Kokomi that they’re ready to go.

         The younger pair had left Miko in the ward with Ei to get the car so they wouldn’t have to walk across the parking lot, telling Miko that they’d be back to pick them up in a few minutes. 

         “So much for having lunch together, huh?” Miko says as she walks towards Ei’s figure lying on one of the beds. 

         Ei only gives a sheepish smile, “Sorry.”

         “Don’t worry about it,” Miko eases, taking a seat at the edge of the bed. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

         “I told you I’d be fine,” Ei says, a smug lilt in her voice.

         Miko rolls her eyes. “Yeah, fine, whatever,” she says dismissively, though she fails to fight the slight smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

         “You’re smiling again. That’s good,” Ei remarks, “You’re prettier when you’re smiling.”

         Miko scoffs. “And what drugs did they put you on?”

         “Just you, I think.” Ei smirks.

         “I think they got the dosage wrong,” says Miko, and they both share a laugh.

         “No, but seriously.” Ei sat up to look at Miko even more closely. “You do look better when you’re smiling.”

         Miko’s gaze drops to the ground.

         “Can I ask you a question?” Miko says after a while.

         “What?”

         “How did… how did you two meet?”

         “Huh?” 

         “You and Sara,” Miko clarifies.

         "Oh.”

         “You don’t have to answer-”

         “No! It’s okay, I’m just…” Ei gestured with her hand frantically. “My brain is just… slow, head injury and amnesia and all that.”

         “Right, right, take your time.”

         Ei nods, blinking once, twice, deep in thought.

         "As you know, I fought in the war,” Ei says after a long silence.

         “Pilot?”

         “Yeah!” Ei grins. “How’d you know?”

         Miko shrugs. “Lucky guess.”

         “Huh… Well, that was all that I could really put together on my own,” Ei murmurs.

         “I’d been in some kind of accident. From what they told me, it seemed to be a plane crash,” Ei continued. “They found me washed up on Nazuchi beach and took me back to their base, and when I woke up in the infirmary, she was the first person I saw.”

         “Sara?”

         Ei hums and nods. “Her bed was right next to mine, she’d been injured too. But even then, even when she didn’t know me, she still went out of her way to help me.” 

         The fond smile that spreads across Ei’s face as she recalls the memory stirs an ugly feeling in Miko’s stomach.

         “Neither of us had anything or anyone to come home to. Sara’s an orphan, and I… I couldn’t even remember if I had family or anyone at all.” 

         Miko’s chest squeezed when Ei’s smile quickly turned into a frown, a look of guilt on Ei's face. Miko wanted to reach out, to take the pain away from Ei.

         But wanting was as far as she could go.

         “We tried searching around, we really did. We even looked for records, but a fire broke out in the records center and they lost millions of the personnel files they had.” Ei sighed. “After a while, we just… gave up.”

         Ei gave up.

         Ei gave up on her.

         Miko could not blame her. In a sense, she’d given up on Ei too, believing that any chance at all for Ei to return at all was impossible. She’d accepted that the love of her life was dead just like that. So Miko could not blame her. 

         Ei didn’t ask for this. Ei did not ask to forget, just as Miko did not ask to remember. And yet, here they were.

         “Sara and I both just accepted that all we had is each other.”

         You had me. You had me , Miko thinks desperately. You still have me. 

         “Ei…” Miko began.

         She shouldn’t ask. Really, she shouldn’t. She already knows the answer, and she knows that it will only break her heart. But when has that ever stopped her? 

         “Does she make you happy?”

         “I am content with her company.” Ei answers. “Sara is kind, and being around her makes me feel… safe. For that, I am eternally grateful.”

         “But are you happy with her?”

         “People see her as overbearing, but I know she’s just looking out for me. She always is. So it’s only natural that I enjoy being around Sara, no?” 

         “Right… of course,” Miko says, only barely managing to hide her disappointment at the answer.

         Oh, it hurts. Miko wants to curl up into a ball like a child and cry. 

         “Miko?”

         “Hm?”

         “Can I also ask something?”

         “That’s already a question,” Miko jests, but feeling an oncoming panicked ramble from Ei, she quickly interferes. “Kidding. Shoot.”

         She hears a relieved sigh from Ei. 

         "You don’t have to answer either,” Ei notes.

         “I just asked you a personal question,” Miko says matter-of-factly. “It would only be fair to answer yours.”

         “I get that, but still, It’s okay if you don’t answer this one,” Ei reassures.

         “What is it?”

         “About yesterday,” Ei says carefully. “Your, uh, your friend.”

         Miko tilts her head at Ei. “What about her?”

         “Who was she to you?”

         “She was…” The love of my life. My wife. My happiness. Everything. She was everything to me. “She was my hero.”

         “I’m sorry,” Ei says after a long beat of silence.

         Miko chuckles humorlessly. “Why?”

         “It just seems like… you loved her, and still love her. A lot,” Ei surmised. “It must be hard… to lose someone you love like that.”

         The words settle in Miko’s throat like gravel.

         “Hug?” Ei offers, sensing Miko’s grief.

         “Please,” Miko pleads, her voice breaking, and Ei does not hesitate to pull her into her arms. This time, Ei holds her tightly.

         Behind Miko, the door opens. Kokomi and Sara peek into the opening. Kokomi is about to speak, but Ei gestures for them to be quiet. Kokomi looks worried, her eyes on Miko who was still none-the-wiser, sobbing quietly into Ei’s shoulder. But a moment later, Kokomi quietly closes the door, dragging Sara with her and leaving the two alone.

         Moments after, the four meet up at the front of the clinic, the younger pair already waiting for them in Sara’s car. Kokomi helps Ei and Miko into the back of the car and the ride home is quiet, not a word spoken of what they had seen. Ei holds Miko’s hand the entire time.

         That evening, Miko flashes the porch light three times before slumping down on the couch. She wants to cry, but for the first time in days, she doesn’t. 

         She’s too tired.

         She falls asleep to the news playing on her old TV.

Chapter Text

         “You‘ve never told me your birthday,” Kokomi says in the middle of the silence.

         The bizarreness of the question has Miko putting down the novel she’d been quietly reading.

         “What?”

         “We’ve known each other for years and you’ve never told me your birthday!” Kokomi repeats, as if in disbelief of her own realization.

         Miko lets out a soft chuckle. “If it’s any consolation, no one else knows it either.”

         Not anymore at least.

          It was a peaceful Sunday afternoon, the house was quiet except for the low mumbles of the television in the living room and the rain softly pitter-pattering against the kitchen window. 

          Ei had called her the day before, telling her that she would be staying with Makoto for just a day and would be coming home the very next day. 

          Or rather, today. 

          And today just happened to be Ei’s birthday.

          Dismayed as Miko might be about not being able to see her wife sooner, she placed her attention somewhere else.

          She’d started her day with a trip to the market, painstakingly searching and selecting ingredients for what she had in mind, it had taken her hours to get everything that she needed, and afterwards, she had to stop by at a flower shop outside of town to pick up a bouquet of bellflowers she’d requested days prior.

          Truly, she thinks that her wife would be happy with any gift and that Ei would most likely eat anything as long as she’s the one who made it.

          She could make the worst dish ever known to mankind and she’s convinced that Ei would swallow it down with a grin, so really, she didn’t have to spend so much time being meticulous. 

          But today was a special day. And she’d be damned if everything wasn’t perfect. 

          She’d detested the thought of ever being married to a man and cooking and cleaning and serving him ever since she could remember. Whenever older relatives of hers would comment about when she’ll get married or if she’s been dating a boy, she’d had half the mind to vomit in front of them.

          But whenever it was Ei that would be the face of her husband in her fantasies, the idea of being married to her then best friend had her swooning for hours on end, giggling and kicking her feet even.

          She remembers the countless fake marriages her and Ei would have as kids, never did she think it would come true, but she’s definitely not complaining.

          All the more reason why this day had to be perfect.

          She sets aside the flowers in a vase with some fresh water for later when she gets home before heading to the kitchen.

          For many, she didn’t seem to be the type, but for Ei, it wasn’t unusual for Miko to be in the kitchen cooking up all kinds of food for her beloved. Pastries and sweets in particular. Her wife was notorious for her sweet tooth.

          Besides being the librarian, she didn’t really have much going on for her, she got dragged around with planning events here and there but that was the extent of it, so during her free time, she often found herself experimenting in the kitchen.

          She sets down the grocery bags on the counter, taking out the ingredients and taking her time carefully measuring out the perfect amount of each one. She’d decided on making cupcakes the day before. They’re simple enough to make, but it’s perfect for her wife’s sweet tooth. Miko stirs everything thoroughly, making sure the batter is smooth before pouring in the batter into the pans she’d placed some cupcake liners in. 

          She’d made enough batter to fill two of the muffin pans they had, definitely more than enough for her wife’s voracious appetite.

          Of course, it was Ei’s birthday, Miko had decided she could forgo being so strict for just today, adding ungodly amounts of white chocolate chips into the mix before she slid the pans in the oven and set the timer.

          The icing comes next, and just like before, she makes them sickeningly sweet.

          She’s left with a couple of minutes to rest before she hears a loud ding! telling her that the cupcakes were done. 

          Miko perks up, snatching the pair of oven mitts sitting atop the counter and slipping them on and moving to pull out the pans, laying them out carefully on the counter. She then procures a toothpick from the kitchen shelf, sticking it in and out of each cupcake to make sure it was all baked perfectly.

          And now that she was sure everything was going according to plan, she leaves the cupcakes to cool for a while, putting aside the ingredients she’d used up and putting the bowls, spoons and all the other utensils scattered around the kitchen on the sink.

          She takes the rest of the time to shower and make herself look more presentable, changing into more comfortable clothes. She was not greeting her wife while still smelling like the market and having flour and icing sticking all over her.

          Afterwards, when the cupcakes were cool enough, she meticulously pipes icing atop each one, sprinkling more chocolate chips on them for good measure and then promptly grabs two of the desserts, setting them on a small plate before placing a candle on top of each. 

          She takes a moment to admire her work before putting the rest into a basket, along with a few other snacks and drinks, as well as some plastic utensils.

          Miko quickly takes a glance at her watch to check the time, but as if on cue, she hears the door open, followed by the sound of bags thudding against the floor and the door being promptly closed.

          “Miko?” a familiar voice called out. “I’m home!”

          If Miko had a tail it would’ve been wagging wildly with how giddy she was at simply hearing her wife’s voice.

          “I’m over here!” Miko answers back, and Ei pops up in the kitchen in no time, a soft smile spreading across her face at the sight of Miko.

          “Woah, you seem busy,” Ei says when she takes notice of the used pans in the sink.

          “Nothing to worry about,” Miko reassures as she saunters towards Ei, bringing the basket of goods along. She leans up to press a quick kiss on Ei’s lips then hands her the basket. “Bring this to the backyard, will you? I’ve got a surprise waiting for you there.”

          “Oh?” Ei grinned.

          “Yes, yes, anything for my big baby,” Miko drawls, pinching Ei’s cheeks.

          “Hey! Ow!”

          Miko chuckles, patting Ei’s cheeks with her fingers before finally letting her go. “Go on, I’ll be with you in a bit.”

          Ei takes the basket, planting a kiss on Miko’s cheek before following her wife’s instructions and leaving through the backdoor.

          Miko then returns to the counter, grabbing a lighter as well as the plate with the two cupcakes she’d set aside.

          In her glee, she’d almost forgotten the bouquet of flowers she’d bought this morning, but her memory has never failed her.

          Not wanting to keep Ei waiting, she ventures out after double checking everything.

          Outside was Miko’s masterpiece. She had taken the liberty of setting up some blankets and chairs into a fort just for the two of them, putting up fairy lights to light up their fort. She’d placed some extra blankets and pillows inside and had also brought out the same telescope they used to look through ever since they were a child. 

          The night sky was clear tonight, a perfect time to go stargazing.

         Miko still remembers the first night she gazed at the stars beside Ei. Ei had gotten the telescope as a present for her birthday and had dragged Miko along to use it for the very first time. The two of them had managed to climb to the rooftop through an open window. 

         Her aunt Saiguu was livid when she found them.

          Miko finds Ei still standing outside the fort, seeming to be amazed at the sight. And even as she got closer, her wife still seemed to be in disbelief.

          At this, Miko couldn’t help but chuckle, the sound finally catching Ei’s attention, her amazement growing at the sight of Miko cradling the bouquet of bellflowers.

          “What’s all this?” Ei finally manages.

          “It’s your birthday, silly."

          “I know that, but just watching a movie with you would’ve been fine, honey. Really, you didn’t have to go through all this.”

          “I did it because I wanted to, baby. It’s your special day and I want to make you feel special.”

          “You being my wife makes me feel special enough.”

          Miko hums, amused by her wife. “Smoothtalker,” she quips. “Though I’d prefer if you take these out of my arms. They’re quite sore from working all day,” Miko then says, holding out the bouquet.

          Ei laughs softly, leaning in to kiss her wife before taking the bouquet out of her hands. 

          “These are beautiful,” Ei says.

          “Just like you.”

          “You’re more beautiful.”

          “My ego’s gonna end up too big because of you.”

          “Is it not already?”

          “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

          Ei laughs but does not answer.

          They spend the rest of the night chatting, laughing, eating, drinking and admiring the moon and the stars. The night breeze was cool, perfect for snuggling while bundled up in blankets. 

          Perfect.

          It was perfect.

          Ei is in the middle of a lecture on the star, Polaris, when Miko is reminded of one other thing. The icing to the cake.

          “You haven’t blown your candle yet!”

          “Oh?”

          Miko takes the plate of cupcakes she’d prepared earlier and snatches the lighter along with it. She swipes her thumb across the spark wheel, taking a few tries before a fire is finally ignited. She lights both the candles, facing one side to Ei. 

          “Go on, make a wish.”

          Ei smiles as she closes her eyes, blowing her candle after seconds of thinking.

          “Your turn,” Ei then says when she finally opens her eyes.

          It has become a tradition of sorts for them to make their wishes together. Before midnight for Ei, and after midnight for Miko.

          Miko closes her eyes, forming a wish in her mind before finally opening her eyes and blowing the candle.

          “What did you wish for?” Ei asks, curious.

          Miko chuckles. “You’ll just have to see for yourself.”

          Ei leans in, kissing Miko. Miko smiles into their kiss, her heart so full of warmth.

          “Happy birthday, my love.”

          “Happy birthday, Ei.”

          A year comes around in almost a blink of an eye. In no time, it was Ei’s birthday once again. 

          To Miko, it felt like it was just yesterday that she and Ei were both lying under the sea of stars, munching on terribly sweet pastries and fried tofu until the sun was peeking in the horizon. 

          It would be one of the most memorable nights in her life.

          Just as she did before, she makes sure that today will be special, as it always should be. It was the day the love of her life was born after all. No other day could possibly be as special as this one. 

          Once again, Ei was not home. The house feels empty without Ei, and Miko’s heart is even emptier without her beloved, but Miko knew she would come home. 

          She promised.

          Ei would never break a promise.

          Just as she did the year before, she sets out early in the morning, rummaging through the market for hours, and picking up flowers right after, the same ones she’d given Ei before too. On her way home, she stops by a shop they often frequented for Ei’s favorite dango too.

          The old lady behind the counter asks why her wife was missing, having gotten used to seeing Ei following Miko around like a puppy. Miko tells her that she will be coming home soon.

          The old lady smiles at her, giving her an extra bag of sweets for free, saying that it’s a gift.

          Miko thanks the woman and heads home.

          As soon as she gets home, she sets aside the flowers in a vase with some fresh water for later before heading to the kitchen.

          She sets down the grocery bags on the counter, taking out the ingredients and taking her time carefully measuring out the perfect amount of each one. She’d decided on making cupcakes the day before. They’re simple enough to make, but it’s perfect for her wife’s sweet tooth. Miko stirs everything thoroughly, making sure the batter is smooth before pouring in the batter into the pans she’d placed some cupcake liners in. 

          She’d made enough batter to fill two of the muffin pans they had, definitely more than enough for her wife’s voracious appetite.

          Of course, it was Ei’s birthday, Miko had decided she could forgo being so strict for just today, adding ungodly amounts of white chocolate chips into the mix before she slid the pans in the oven and set the timer.

          The icing comes next, and just like before, she makes them sickeningly sweet.

          She’s left with a couple of minutes to rest before she hears a loud ding! telling her that the cupcakes were done. 

          Miko perks up, snatching the pair of oven mitts sitting atop the counter and slipping them on and moving to pull out the pans, laying them out carefully on the counter. She then procures a toothpick from the kitchen shelf, sticking it in and out of each cupcake to make sure it was all baked perfectly.

          And now that she was sure everything was going according to plan, she leaves the cupcakes to cool for a while, putting aside the ingredients she’d used up and putting the bowls, spoons and all the other utensils scattered around the kitchen on the sink.

          She takes the rest of the time to shower and make herself look more presentable, changing into more comfortable clothes. She was not greeting her wife while still smelling like the market and having flour and icing sticking all over her.

          Afterwards, when the cupcakes were cool enough, she meticulously pipes icing atop each one, sprinkling more chocolate chips on them for good measure and then promptly grabs two of the desserts, setting them on a small plate before placing a candle on top of each. 

          She takes a moment to admire her work before putting the rest into a basket, along with a few other snacks and drinks, as well as some plastic utensils.

          Miko quickly takes a glance at her watch to check the time. 

          Ei had always adored the night sky. The lush forest behind their home wasn’t always so unkempt, back when Ei still had the time she would clear out a path heading to the heart of the forest wherein there lay a clearing as well as a lake that mirrored the night sky so beautifully.

          Ei should be waiting there for her now.

          She walks the moonlight trail. Although it was now overgrown with grass, she could still recall every step from memory. Ei used to take her there all the time to admire the stars. Each step was embedded in her mind and she could follow the memory with ease.

          The moonlight grows brighter as Miko approaches the clearing, shining ethereally in its full glory when she finally steps out from the trees. 

          There, by the lake, was Ei, basking in the moonlight’s glow.

          The sight fills Miko’s heart with warmth.

          She hands Ei the bouquet of flowers, then lays down a blanket on the ground, placing the basket down on it before quietly taking a seat beside her wife, admiring the stars in the lake with her. 

          They talk and talk and talk. Miko has not seen her in so long, she’d missed her so terribly. She tells Ei about her day, about all the days that have passed, about everything that comes to her mind. Ei simply listens—as she always does.

          Midnight is nearing once again when Miko finally takes a breather. Taking one of the cupcakes from the basket.

          “Since you liked them so much the last time, I made you some more,” she tells Ei as she lights the small candle on top of it. 

          She swears she could see the ghost of a smile on Ei’s face once again.

          Miko mirrors it with her own smile, setting down the cupcake in front of Ei.

         “Make a wish.”

          The flame continues to flicker.

          Miko’s smile slowly twists into a frown as she stares solemnly at the candle, the flickering flame illuminating Ei’s name engraved in the stone.

          She tried. 

          Tried so very hard to be happy. It was Ei’s birthday. Birthdays are a celebration. A celebration of life. But as her gaze landed on the empty grave, she could not help the sobs that wrack her chest and the waterfall of tears that fell to her cheeks, down to her chin.

         A wrong step. An ambush. 

         Someone had witnessed the plane that Ei had been piloting be shot down, and none from the crew ever resurfaced, even after days of waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Nothing. And regretfully, everyone in that plane was presumed to have been killed in action.

         That was the day Yae Miko stopped believing in birthday wishes. 

          Now, Miko sits by the grave for hours, unmoving. She stares at the name on the gravestone numbly, tears pouring down her face. She craved to be angry, to be outraged, to feel anything but this numbness, but she does not feel that she deserves to.

          She already knew this would happen. Already knew that one day, Ei would not come home. 

          What other ending could this story possibly have?

         Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.

          It was her own wishful thinking that got here.

          Oh, how foolish she has been.

          It feels almost as if an eternity has passed before Miko’s tears run dry. She breathes shakily as she leans over and presses her lips against the cold gravestone.

          “Happy birthday, Ei.”

         “You‘ve never told me your birthday,” Kokomi says in the middle of the silence.

         The bizarreness of the question has Miko putting down the novel she’d been quietly reading.

         “What?”

         “We’ve known each other for years and you’ve never told me your birthday!” Kokomi repeats, as if in disbelief of her own realization.

         Miko lets out a soft chuckle. “If it’s any consolation, no one else knows it either.”

         Not anymore at least.

         Kokomi looks at her as if she’d just made an incredulous statement. “Why?”

         “I’m too old to be celebrating birthdays.”

         Kokomi gives her a deadpan look. Not buying the excuse. 

         “I‘ve seen grandmas on their deathbeds blowing candles better than you.”

         Miko rolls her eyes. “Something something existential crisis. Yadda yadda yadda, I’d rather not bore you to death with it,” she tells Kokomi dismissively. Her tone is enough for Kokomi to grasp what the issue might be about. 

         There is really only one thing, or rather, one person, that Miko seems to refuse to talk about.

         However, Kokomi knows enough not to pry, instead, she merely shrugs. “If you say so,” she mutters. 

         “If you ever change your mind though, I wouldn’t mind listening,” she adds a beat later. A reminder for Miko that she’s there for her.

         A faraway look settles on Miko’s face.

         “I’ll save it for another time,” the older woman says absent-mindedly after a moment of silence. 

         She twirls a ring between her fingers. It hangs from a red string around her neck. 

Chapter Text

         The weekend passes by with no incident, the morning begins anew, sounded by the faraway chirping of birds in the trees and the cold morning breeze. For the first time in years, Miko does not wake with a looming feeling of dread wearing her heart down. The house is still awfully silent, empty, but Miko finds it much bearable now. 

         It felt odd considering how Kokomi’s questioning about her birthday had brought up some sour memories. But it was a welcome surprise, a change—a step forward to putting all of her pain in the past.

         Today, the sun rises from the horizon, and it paints the corners of her home with life.

         Life.

         Ei is alive.

         Ei is alive, and she is standing in front of Miko, a beautiful, soft smile on her face.

         “Good morning!” her wonderful voice greets Miko. And it’s real. 

         It is real. 

         And for the first time in so long, Miko feels like she’s alive again.

         “Ready to go?” Ei asks with a tilt of her head.

         Behind Ei, Miko spots their car with Sara and Kokomi already seated inside, Sara behind the wheel while Kokomi seems to be telling some story, making vague gestures with her hands.

         A smile tugs at the corners of Miko’s lips.

         Her friends are here.

         Ei is here.

         And for a moment, it’s enough to make her forget how she got here—Forget just how much she no longer wanted to live.

         How’s your head?” she lightly jabs at Ei.

         “Still on, thanks to you,” Ei answers with a chuckle. 

         “Don’t thank me yet, you still owe me lunch,” Miko says, recalling the woman’s promise the week before.

         “Oh, right!” Ei rubs the nape of her neck at the reminder. “Sorry for that entire thing last week.”

         Miko scoffs. “It’s alright, just try not to fall from a ladder again, please?”

         “Don’t worry, I won’t. Sara banned me from ever getting close to one ever again.”

         “Good. After the stunt you pulled last week, I’d have done the same thing,” Miko quips.

         Ei laughs, light and warm, and Miko cannot help but laugh as well. Their chat is cut short however when Kokomi rolls down the passenger's side window and yells at them to “get inside or I’ll drag you both to a nursing home”. 

         If anything, it only makes the older couple laugh even more, but not wanting to agitate their friend any further, they decide to cooperate and finally make their way to the car.

         Ei, always the gentleman, opens the door for her before following inside.

         Ei is alive. Miko is alive. Everything is okay. Miko knows it’s not forever. But for now, it is. 

         For now, it is.

         They arrive at the bed & breakfast to grab a meal and Miko finds herself bewildered when she realizes how quickly time has passed her by. It felt like yesterday when she was sitting alone in a booth, yearning for something she was so sure she could not have. But now, enough time has passed for Lisa to call Ei a regular visitor in the diner. 

         They order and eat, yet all the while Miko could not shake the feeling that something was amiss. Yet try as she might, she could not put a finger on it.

         They talk about their plans for the day and catch up with whatever they might’ve missed over the weekend before driving to the pier when they were finished with their meals. It’s not well into the afternoon and Miko has zoned out into the back of Ei’s head for the hundredth time that she finally realizes what was missing.

         “You don’t have your camera today?”

         At the question, Ei glances down to where her camera would usually be hanging around before looking back up at Miko. Indeed, it was nowhere to be found today.

         “I had it on me when I fell last week,” Ei answers with a disappointed sigh. “It didn’t break, thankfully, but it’s got some loose screws and all that and I don’t have the tools to fix it at the moment.”

         Miko bites on her lip in thought, and a beat of silence later, “I think I might have what you need,” she tells Ei.

         Ei visibly perks up at her words. “Really?”

         “I have a garage filled with a lot of tools back home, you might find something for your camera there,” says Miko. “It might be a bit dusty in there though, it hasn’t seen the light of day in years.”

         Ei grins up at her. “Well, if it saves me a trip to the hardware store then I’ll take it.”

         The afternoon goes by quite smoothly, the fair already halfway finished. It’d be done just in time for the occasion if not earlier than planned. 

         Soon, the sun was setting again. And like before, Ei waits for her to finish up so they could head home back together. Miko finds it terrifying how easily they’d fallen into the routine but she tries to not let it get the best of her.

         With a pull of a string, the old bulb flickers and buzzes, causing Miko to worry momentarily, afraid that the old thing might explode or worse, but a few more harrowing seconds later, the light steadies and lights up the garage in a dim glow.

         It’s dusty, as expected but it had been kept organized enough that they need not disturb the dust so much, rows of shelves and boxes filled with all kinds of tools, equipment, and materials simply collecting dust.

         “Woah.” Miko hears Ei gasp behind her, she looks over her shoulder to see Ei looking around the garage like a child who’s just seen a toy store for the first time in their life.

         “What do you do with these things?” Ei wonders aloud.

         “They’re not mine,” Miko answers simply.

         Ei looks at her, head tilted in confusion. But it doesn’t take too long for her to connect the dots, recalling the friend Miko had talked to her so much about.

         “Oh,” Ei could only manage to say. “I’m sorry.”

         Miko shakes her head, smiling at Ei softly. “It’s fine, Ei,” she reassures. “Grab anything you need.” It’s all yours.

         Ei’s attention gravitates to the old piano sitting in the corner. She traces her fingers along the dusty keys, collecting dirt at the tips of her fingers as she pressed down on random keys.

         “You play?” Miko asks, already knowing the answer.

         “I… I think I did… before the accident,” says Ei.

         Ei’s fingers continue to dance across the keys, playing discordant tunes at first, but slowly, it turns into a melody that Miko would slowly recognize.

         If you'll find it's me you're missing

         If you're hoping I'll return

         To your thoughts, I'll soon be listening

         In the road, I'll stop and turn

         Then the wind will set me racing

         As my journey nears its end

         And the path I'll be retracing

         When I'm homeward-bound again

         Bind me not to the pasture

         Chain me not to the plow

         Set me free to find my calling

         And I'll return to you somehow…

         The following days and nights pass them by peacefully, so much so that Miko found it quite frightening but she pushes the feeling to the very back of her mind.

         The day starts with either Kokomi, Lumine, Sara, and Ei or all of them standing at her doorstep like a bunch of girl scouts about to offer her cookies. It was quite amusing. It had become somewhat a tradition for them to grab breakfast at Jean and Lisa’s diner before going to work on the fair—work being launching paint at each other and almost falling into the water while Ei takes pictures six feet away from them.

         And when the day finally comes to an end, they all head home together.

         Days and nights go by with no incident. The day starts with Ei, Sara, and Kokomi at her doorstep, some days accompanied by Lumine then head out to the diner for breakfast before getting to work—work being launching paint at each other and almost falling into the water while Ei takes pictures six feet away from them. And when the day finally comes to an end, they all head home together.

         Some days, when she wakes up, she thinks she can finally, truly start again, the feeling of dread that weighed her heart down whenever she was around Ei gradually beginning to seem lighter, the warm feeling of love and hope in its stead.

         Yet, there still were days when she could feel the cold hands of grief and fear wrapping its fingers around her throat, clawing its jagged nails against her skin. Her days are filled with intense lows and highs—highs that are so intense in fact that Miko found herself terrified of the feeling of falling.

         Every time that she could feel herself being lulled into the warm feeling of her long lost home, it would become too much. Like a scalding flame instead of a comfortable warmth. 

         Like Icarus flying too close to the scorching sun.

         It burned.

         That is what the sun meant.

         It burned.

         She didn’t want to drown in it. In the guilt, the grief—the anger. She couldn’t.

         She had felt it before, she doesn’t think that she could do that ever again. Too afraid to feel such pain once more.

         Despite this, she found herself afraid to let go of the pain too.

         It’s not that she wanted it. She would be a mad man to want such a thing. But in the pain, there was her . And letting go of the pain meant letting go of her . And letting go of her was not something Miko is ready for just yet.

         In every tear she shed, there was her . In every moment she woke to the emptiness of their home, there was her . Even in Miko’s dreams, she is haunted by her.

         Her.

         Miko sees her in the skies, hears her in the rustling of leaves. In every reflection, in every corner of their home, in every sleepless night, in every waking moment filled with horrid feelings of unending uncertainty, there was her.

         Miko would’ve laughed at the irony of it all if it wasn’t so tragic. 

         Letting go of the pain was everything she yearned for every single day, and everything she despaired of all the same. 

         Perhaps Celestia simply held some grudge against Miko. Whatever she did to deserve it she doesn’t actually know, nor does she think she will ever know. 

         As luck would have it, for the very first time, she found herself alone in the presence of Sara.

         Now, there wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with that, Miko has grown accustomed to being around Sara most days. But right in this moment, she could feel Sara’s gaze drilling into the back of her head, and Miko could not help but feel… threatened.

         Ei, Kokomi, and Lumine had excused themselves all at the same time, much to Miko’s dismay. And she was slowly going insane trying to look anywhere but at Sara who was standing right behind her.

         Her growing curiosity of what the younger soldier might want from her does get the best of her eventually. 

         “What is it, little bird?” Miko finally gives in with a heavy sigh.

         She’s expecting some quip, an agitated response, telling her not to use such a nickname. However…

         “Who are you?” Sara demands.

         Miko turns to her, dumbfounded.

         “What?” 

         “Ei talks a lot about you. You’re smart, but you don’t just suddenly know someone’s a pilot based on a lucky guess. So I’m asking, who are you?”

         Miko swallows.

         “It’s called a lucky guess for a reason,” she manages to rebut, quickly turning away from the taller woman. She’d had half the mind to walk away, but then…

         “She remembers you,” Sara says, causing Miko’s attention to snap back to the soldier.

         “What?” Miko says, sounding as if she’d just had the wind knocked out of her.

         “So you do know her.”

         Miko frowns, mentally cursing herself for falling for the bait. She huffs, crossing her arms.

         “What do you want with me?” she demands.

         “The truth,” Sara simply replies.

         Miko rolls her eyes. “Since you’re so smart then I’m sure you already know.”

         “What I said was half-true. She doesn’t remember you but she swears she knows you from somewhere but she just can’t remember, and she doesn’t show it but it’s been frustrating her.”

         Miko keeps silent, urging Sara to keep talking.

         “I can tell you care about her, and I do too, and I think we both know that she won’t be happy when she finds out that you’ve been lying to her.”

         The older woman’s eyes grow wide scandalously at the accusation.

         “I am not lying to her.”

         “Aren’t you though?” Sara retorts. “You’ve been pretending to be her friend, but you’re not. I know she means something else to you, and once upon a time, you meant something else to her too, so who are you? Who is she to you?” 

         Miko simply stares at her, more terrified than angry. 

         She didn't want to accept it, but Sara was right. She has been telling Ei lies, acting as though she doesn't know her and that the woman who left her so broken was just an acquaintance or someone from the past who no longer matters. She might not have had any malicious intent in doing so. But, it does not take away from the fact that she has lied, and has been continuing to lie to Ei.

         A particularly heavy sigh from Sara derails Miko’s train of thoughts. 

         “I apologize for that. I don’t think you truly have any ill intentions towards her. I believe that you have your own reasons for keeping this, whatever this is, a secret,” Sara says apologetically. 

         “It’s just… she’s been wanting to find someone, anyone. And if you really did know her, I just think she deserves to know.”

         Miko sighs and closes her eyes.

         “Not now.”

         Sara simply nods.

         “Miko!” she hears a familiar voice from behind her call out, prompting her to look over her shoulder. Running up to her was none other than Ei herself. “Sara said you just ran off. Are you okay?”

         Overwhelmed, she’d left Sara to her own devices, wandering off onto a less crowded part of the pier and hiding among the piles of crates.

         “Yes, I’m alright, I just needed some space.”

         “Oh? I can go if you want then-”

         “No, stay.” Miko says, fingers latching onto Ei’s wrist. Based on the look on Ei’s face, she hadn’t expected her to do that, and neither did Miko herself. 

         She awkwardly clears her throat, dropping Ei’s hand. “If you want to, that is.”

         “Of course I’d love to,” says Ei, beaming at Miko. The sight fills Miko’s stomach with butterflies, and she could not help but smile too.

         “I got my camera fixed by the way, thank you,” Ei tells her, holding up the camera in her hands.

         Miko chuckles. “You’re welcome.”

         Ei takes a seat on one of the boxes beside Miko, groaning as she stretches her back and exhaling a comically relieved sigh afterwards.

         “Age getting to you?” Miko teases.

         “Unfortunately,” Ei huffs, twisting and turning to crack a few more bones. 

         “Oh, right! I have this question I keep forgetting to ask you!” Ei exclaims.

         “You are one curious person, Ei.”

         “Well, you’re just interesting.”

         Miko scoffs. “The grumpy old neighbor across the yard doesn’t sound so appealing to me.”

         “That’s appealing to me ,” Ei argues, sounding almost offended.

         It prompts a laugh out of Miko. “That’s a weird thing to be appealed to, Ei.”

         Ei pouts. “It’s not!”

         “Whatever you say,” Miko taunts playfully. “What’s your question anyway?”

         “I…” Ei hesitates for a moment, as if weighing whether or not she should actually ask the question, bouncing her leg as she tinkers inside her own head.

         “You can ask, Ei. I won’t judge,” Miko reassures. 

         Ei hums thoughtfully, still hesitating, but seeing the expectant look on Miko’s face, she finally speaks.

         “I see you flash your porch lights every night before you sleep and I guess I just got curious why you do it.”

         “Oh.”

         “I’m not judging! It’s just…”

         “Weird.”

         “No! That’s not what I-”

         “I get it, Ei, you’re alright,” Miko assures Ei, laughing half-heartedly. “I’m sure it’s not a very common sight to see your neighbor flashing their porch lights every night.”

         Ei nods along but stays silent, leaving Miko to fill the silence.

         “You remember my friend, right? It was a silly ritual of sorts between the two of us. She told me that if I flashed the porch light three times whenever I felt… scared or uncertain, she'd come home safely.” Miko sighs. “I know it sounds stupid but-”

         “No! I think it’s actually pretty sweet,” Ei intervenes, smiling softly at her.

         Miko swallows. “Well, one night, I had forgotten about it. I was so tired, and the moment I touched the couch I practically collapsed… and when I woke up the next day”—Miko’s breath hitches, her heart beating in her throat—”when I woke up the next day, there was a man knocking at my door. Some messenger from where my friend worked.”

         Miko takes a deep breath to steel herself. Already feeling tears pricking her eyes. “He came to tell me that my friend was… gone.”

         “Oh.”

         “That’s when it all started. Every night, I have to flash the porch light three times, or else I get these… thoughts, and I’m not able to fall asleep.”

         Unexpectedly, Ei intertwines her fingers with Miko’s own, squeezing it reassuringly.

         “I was scared too,” Ei tells her with a shaking voice, a chill running down the ex-pilot’s spine as she spoke. 

         Ei’s face remains solemn, calm. But Miko could see the glint of indescribable pain in those amethyst eyes. 

         It was always like this with Ei. She did not like letting Miko see just how terribly in pain she is, deflecting questions if ever Miko had any.

         She could tell though that Ei’s walls were slowly crumbling despite her clear hesitance.

         Miko waits patiently, as she used to always do 

         Ei’s gaze is far away, peering into the waves of the water in the distance, the sunlight glimmering along its surface, swaying with the water.

         “When I woke up for the very first time after the accident, I was scared too,” Ei began.

         “One day I’m flying a plane and then the next thing I know, I’m waking up at this hospital with nothing and no one at my side,” Ei’s voice grew more quiet and ragged as she spoke. Miko squeezes their still intertwined hands, hoping it would comfort Ei, even just a little.

         “No one came for me. Friends, family… no one. No one looked for me. I had absolutely nothing. Not even my memories.” 

         Miko’s chest squeezes unexpectedly.

         “Back then, and even now sometimes, I wonder what kind of person I was, and I can’t help but think that the reason that no one ever looked for me is because… I just wasn’t worth it.” Ei heaves a weary sigh. 

         “Maybe I didn’t even have anyone. Maybe I was just that terrible or too troublesome of a person to keep around so no one even wanted to look for me… it doesn’t matter anymore though,” Ei says in a defeated tone, looking at the horizon wistfully. 

         “Whoever they were, they deserve better than someone who can’t even remember them…”

         The revelation settles like a boulder in Miko’s throat as a heavy silence falls between the two of them.

         “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it about myself, I don’t know where that came fr-” Ei began to spiral, but she’s cut off by Miko suddenly tackling her into a tight hug, almost knocking the both of them off the crate they were sitting on.

         “That’s not true,” Miko says, shaking her head furiously as tears collected in her eyes, overwhelmed with so much guilt. “You are worth it, Ei. You are worth everything. You’re the one who deserves better and I’m so sorry that you had to feel that way.” Because of me. All because of me.

         “You are so, so brave, and wonderful, and so loving, and caring, and I…” 

         I love you so much.

         “...I’m so sorry,” Miko sobs quietly into Ei’s shoulder, anguish wracking her chest.

         Every word that had left Ei’s mouth felt like a knife twisting in her heart. 

         She had caused this. Because she had given up on fighting for Ei. Too paralyzed by the grief caused by being confronted with the fact that the love of her life was gone, she had given up on believing the chances that Ei would still be alive. To her grieving mind, Ei being alive was nothing but foolish wishful thinking.

         I’m sorry. 

         The words echoed in her mind as tears ran down her cheeks. 

         As they parted ways for the night, an expression that Miko could not quite read was plastered on Ei’s face as they said their goodbyes. 

         Now, Miko sits around the dinner table alone, a pathetic looking slice of microwaved lasagna on her plate which she merely pushes around with her fork. 

         With her thoughts scattered all around the place, she could barely focus long enough to take a bite.

         Eventually, she gives up on eating altogether. 

         She rounds the house, making sure all her doors and windows are latched close. She does not forget to flash the porch light three times before making her way back to the living room to settle down on the couch.

         On her way back however, she finds herself hissing in pain and nearly falling to her knees when she hits her side particularly hard against the end table beside the couch, the incident had also caused her to knock a pile of books on the ground.

         She mentally begins a lecture in her head for Lumine and Kokomi for not putting the books back to their respective shelves after their interview sessions with Ei.

         As she is picking each one up however, she spots a folded piece of paper which she guesses must’ve slipped out of one of the books.

         With the pile of books settled back down on the table, she unfolds the piece of paper.

         She feels her heart drop to her stomach as her eyes skimmed over its contents.

         It was a letter.

         The last letter that Ei had left for her.

Chapter Text

My dearest Miko,

I once held your hands in mine and promised to love you, and only you, until the end of my days. At this moment, I pledge my love for you once again.

I write this as a token of my love for you. Proof that even in my last moments, it is you that I am thinking of, my love. As I write this, I yearn to be by your side. I want nothing more than to see you and be by your side once again.

I wish to say that I died with no regrets, but if this letter is indeed in your hands, then I am afraid that I have failed to keep my promises to you. I can only hope that you forgive me. Forgive me for leaving you so soon, and without even saying goodbye. 

But most importantly, forgive me for what I am about to ask of you.

Forget me.

Forget me, my love. And maybe then you will find someone worthy to spend all of eternity with you. I am aware that this is no easy task, and I understand if you may never forgive me for asking such a thing of you. The road ahead may be dark, I cannot see where it may lead, and I will not be there to hold your hand. But I believe that you will be okay. 

You are strong, stronger than I am. Stronger than I ever will be. 

One day, you will have the children you have always wanted, but I will not be there, and I am eternally regretful for that. But you are strong, and you will move on, and you will be a great mother to your children.

Make our house your home while I am away; it will serve as a reminder of me. If you lie down where I once dreamed, it will be as if we are there again, together once more. The memory of you and my home will always be one and the same.

The future may not look bright at this time, but I will always be certain of one thing.

I love you. Only you.

I know this because it hurts to live every second without you. It hurts to know that I may die without you, that your eyes will not be the last thing I see when I close my eyes and take my very last breath. I suppose the world has never been kind to us, but it was kind enough to give you to me, even if for just a short time. I will keep loving you in every second of every day. I will bear the pain if it means I get to love you.

Even in death, you remain as the muse of my every poem. I have only loved once, and I will only love once. My heart will not be owned by anyone else, only you. I am yours eternally.

I will return, maybe not right here and now, but somewhere, in another life, in another universe, I will come back to you. But for now, rest your eyes, my love. I can only imagine how exhausted you must be, and it pains me to know that I am the cause of it.

Please know that in this world, in this life, I die content with knowing that I was a part of your life. I die content with the fact that I was given the chance to fall in love with someone as beautiful as you.

I feel so lonely without you around.

I miss you so much.

I will come back to you.

I love you, I love you, I love you. Without end.

With all my heart,

Ei

 

         To think that Miko could ever forget her… how foolish. 

         Miko has memorized every part of her. Every pore on her skin, every scar, every strand of hair, the curve of her lips and the crinkle in her eyes whenever she smiles, how her eyes completely close when she laughs.

         Miko has memorized the sound of clinking and clanking in the garage as she worked, memorized the silence when she locks herself up in her office to read novel after novel, memorized the feeling of warm, calloused hands intertwined with her own, memorized the beating of her heart and the rise and fall of her chest as she sleeps.

         Miko has memorized the zipped bags in the closet, memorized the sound of the door creaking open in the early morning, the heavy sigh as they both silently pondered the uncertainty of their next meeting, the sound of walking away, the deafening silence, the feeling of emptiness she leaves behind.

         Miko has memorized all of it.

         Her absence.

         All of it. 

         Miko has memorized all of it.

         Miko holds the letter tightly against her chest, tears staining the paper.

         Oh, Ei. 

         How could I ever forget you. 

         She wanted to scream but couldn’t find the strength to do so. She curls into herself, feeling so angry, guilty, grieved and agonized all at the same time.

         It hurts.

         Of course it does.

         Anything dead coming back to life hurts.

Chapter Text

         Miko finds herself in a familiar scene.

         She’s in the kitchen once again, preparing snacks for her rowdy guests, eavesdropping every now and then on Lumine and Kokomi’s “interview” of Ei’s experiences in the battlefield.

         Occasionally, she would peek her head out into the hallway whenever the trio would get a little too hyperactive, telling the three of them to behave.

         This time, when Ei meets her eyes and waves to her with a smile, bile no longer rises to Miko’s throat.

         Instead, she mirrors Ei’s smile and waves back, her heart fluttering when Ei’s smile grows just a little bit bigger.

         She no longer had the same sense of dread when she had first set her eyes on Ei standing outside on her front porch, the feeling had more or less simmered down to… uncertainty.

         There’s still so many things she needed to settle.

         “I take it you haven’t told Ei yet?” Kokomi asks as she sidles up to Miko’s side. 

         The girl had seemingly come out of nowhere, making Miko jump and knock over a stack of dishes on the sink, bowls and whatnot clanging loudly as they hit the floor.

         “Shit, sorry!” Kokomi exclaims as they both scramble to pick up the mess.

         “Everything okay?” came Ei’s voice from the living room.

         “We’re fine!” the pink-haired duo yelled back at the same time.

         “Give the old lady a warning next time, would you?” Miko scolds as Kokomi brings the fallen dishes back to the sink.

         “Sorry!”

         Miko merely sighs, “And no, I haven’t told Ei, not yet.”

         “...do you wanna talk about it?”

         “Maybe?” Miko says, frustration and uncertainty clear in her voice. “It’s not exactly easy, and I don’t even know where to start.”

         “You could try?” Kokomi urges. “I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to, I can just listen. It’s up to you.”

         Miko’s lips open and close as she attempts to say something, anything, but she only finds herself trailing off. 

         She sighs, and leans back against the kitchen counter, gazing absently at the floor as she gathers her thoughts.

         With a deep breath, she closes her eyes, opening them as she exhales. 

         “Some days, everything feels alright,” Miko began, “It starts to feel like I can finally accept that the Ei I knew is gone now and be fine with it, but then… she does these things that just…”

         “Remind you of her? ” 

         Of everything that Miko lost.

         “Yeah…” Miko says in a defeated tone. “I know that the part of her that once knew me is dead now, and there is nothing that I can do to bring her back. And I also know that someday I’ll have to let it go but I just can’t. ”

         Miko still had so many things she wanted to say to her. To her wife. To the love of her life.

         She has lost track of the many times she has been compelled to tell Ei every last detail of every little thing that has happened throughout her day so they could both share a laugh about it together.

         When Ei died, this urge did not die with her.

         What died was the chance of Miko ever receiving a reply once again.

         “I think I understand…” Kokomi says carefully. “I can tell that she was special to you, so it would only be normal for you to want more time with her.”

         It just so happens that the universe did not give her that chance.

         “I can’t help but think of everything that I did and didn’t do.”

         “You couldn’t have known, Miko.”

         “I know that… It’s just… I keep thinking of all the things I could’ve done differently.”

         “It wasn’t your fault.”

         “Right.”

         “They were passing over the sea and got caught in the crossfire. None of that was your fault.”

         A pause.

         “She told me what happened… when she first woke up,” says Miko, voice unusually weak and trembling.

         She then turns to Kokomi, looking her in the eye. 

         “Do you know what she said to me? She said to me that no one came for her, no friends, no family. No one. She thought that no one looked for her, and that I left her with absolutely nothing.” 

         Her voice breaks as she recalls the memory, her gaze now distant, unfocused.

         “All these years, she has been torturing herself all because of me. All because I gave up on her.” 

         Kokomi frowned. “That’s not true.”

         The statement brings Miko’s attention back to her.

         “It’s not just you who thought she was dead,” Kokomi continues. “Everyone who knew her thought she was dead. Everyone told you she was dead. You couldn’t have known she was still alive, no one could!” Kokomi exclaims, nearly forgetting to mind the volume of her voice.

         She pauses for a moment, gathering her composure. Miko remains silent.

         “I don’t know what Ei was to you, I don’t know everything that ever happened,” says Kokomi, calmer now. “But I know for a fact that there is nothing wrong with wanting to move on with your life and I’m sure it’s what Ei would’ve wanted for you anyway.”

         And Kokomi was right. The last letter Ei had left for her stated exactly just that.

         Forget me .

         That was her last request.

         Forget me, my love.

         Ei had written that letter knowing exactly what Miko’s dilemma would be.

         “Look”—Kokomi placed a hand on her shoulder—”yes it sucks that she felt that way, but you could never have known,” she states firmly, “so stop beating yourself up over this because it’s not and it will never be your fault. It’s just one whole unfortunate circumstance after another and that is not something you could’ve controlled.”

         She knew this. At the very back of her mind she knew this. But she couldn’t help but drown in the guilt.

         “I… I still… I wish we could’ve at least had some kind of closure.”

         “I get that,” Kokomi reassures. “But I believe in you, you’ll be just fine.”

         “I didn’t know you could be so sweet,” Miko teases to lighten the mood.

         “And I didn’t know you could be so stupid but that’s okay,” Kokomi retorts.

         Miko scoffs and rolls her eyes.

         “Really though, I think you’ll be fine,” Kokomi assures. 

         “And if I’m not?”

         “We’ll beat Ei up for you.” 

         To Kokomi’s surprise, a chuckle actually escapes Miko’s throat.

         “Please don’t actually do that.”

         “No promises.”

         Hours upon hours and weeks of work and preparation later and the fair was just about ready to welcome visitors.

         Various stalls were set up, all painted with vibrant hues and lit up with bright lights. Colorful banners hung from lampposts, the pier looked almost as if a unicorn had thrown up a rainbow into it.

         Many booths hosted different games for everyone’s tastes, shooting games with faux rifles for those handy with guns, a high striker for anyone with anger issues or big muscles, or people who simply enjoyed slamming a hammer into things. 

         Some games were simpler, like throwing rings over the neck of a bottle, throwing a ball to knock down a tower of cans, or popping a certain number of balloons with darts for a prize —they ranged from food, to toys and 5 foot tall plushies.

         The rides still needed a few tweaks here and there, but nothing alarming, everything would be ready by the time the fair opens.

         Essentially, it was a paradise for anyone seeking a thrill, mostly the youth or those who’ve kept a youthful mind and enjoy a day spent running around playing games.

         Miko still remembers how her and Ei used to spend hours going through each and every stall. Everyone was always so disappointed when it was time to head home. 

         The fair goes on for a week straight, each day a memorable one, but nothing ever beats the first day.

         Until now, Miko kept the stuffed bears and bunnies and all the trinkets that Ei had won for her, all of it stuffed into a box left to collect dust in a closet in what once was their shared bedroom.

         Miko remembers how a handful of the vendors weren’t too pleased with the amount of prizes they took home with them with every fair as Ei had won so many of them.

         A smile tugs at Miko’s lips as she recalls the memory.

         Just a few more days and the fair would open soon.

         But even with that said, the town was already seeing its fair share of tourists arriving and filling up the town’s lodgings—all in anticipation of the event.

         The popularity of the fair only grew over time. People made the trip from increasingly farther away places just to take part in the fun and excitement of the fair. People started adding it as a destination on their travel wish lists. 

         But despite its growing renown, the fair’s attraction never faded. It remained a modest and welcoming event where everyone could gather and enjoy themselves.

         The fair was more than just some event; it was a tradition—it brought the town together—fostering a sense of unity and belonging where people can simply forget their worries and live in the present.

         Without Ei though, Miko gradually lost her will to partake in it.

         What use was there to it if she could not live in the present with her beloved?

         Hundreds and thousands of people could be crowding the fairgrounds, and it would all still feel empty without Ei.

         Only in recent years did Kokomi and the then newcomer twin travelers manage to drag her out of her home to spare even just one miserable second at the festival.

         And now that she knows Ei is still alive… this Ei was not hers, but maybe, just maybe-

         “I didn’t know it could get so lively here,” Ei wonders aloud as she takes various pictures of the crowd.

         Miko hums in agreement, silently watching the view alongside Ei.

         Some sort of unspoken understanding formed between the two of them ever since that fateful day they'd spent at the pier, holding each other while grieving and reopening old wounds. 

         Neither of them have ever brought up the incident again, but the gestures they made in silence told volumes. They found a new feeling of comfort with each other, some connection of a kind that neither of them could have ever imagined being possible. 

         The next morning it seemed like nothing important had changed, but somewhere inside Miko knew things were different now. She felt something in her heart—a tingling, almost—and this made her happy.

         When words could not speak for them, the subtle gestures, the brushing of skin against skin, the meeting of lavender eyes amidst crowds, the warm touches when they thought no one was looking, the fingers intertwined beneath the table, was what spoke for them.

         Even though they have gotten to know one another quite well, they still find themselves plunging deeper and deeper into… this, whatever this was, with every passing day. 

         It was frightening.

         But for the first time in the many years that she had spent wallowing in the darkness and hopelessness, Miko finally saw daylight.

         Too deep in thought, she doesn’t even realize that her eyes had begun to wander to Ei’s face until the soldier clears her throat to gain her attention, causing Miko to immediately cast her gaze elsewhere, a light red dusting both of their cheeks.

         “I'm sorry,” Miko murmurs, “what were you saying?"

         “I was wondering about the lunch I still owe you and if you’re still up for it?”

         Miko immediately nods. “Lisa’s?”

         “Sure!” Ei grins, giddy. “Let me just pack up and we can go.” 

         They’re greeted by a ball of red barreling towards them as soon as they step into the diner.

         A grunt escapes Ei as the streak of red crashes into her, causing her to stumble and almost knock Miko, who was standing right behind her, out of balance as well. In a panic, Miko had grabbed hold of Ei’s arm, causing them to very nearly fall to the floor, but they both managed to correct their footing just in time.

         The circumstances however, lead them to be in incredibly close proximity.

         “I-uhm,” Ei awkwardly stumbles over her words as they untangle themselves from each other, warmth traveling from their neck to the very tips of their ears.

         “Klee!” a concerned voice immediately followed, and Miko spots a familiar blonde-haired figure emerging from the corner and rushing towards them.

         At a second glance, the bundle of red that had crashed into them turned out to be none other than the diner’s resident hyperactive child, who is promptly picked up by the figure.

         “Miko! I’m so sorry, she’s been really excited for the fair.”

         Miko laughs lightheartedly. “It’s alright, Jean, really. It’s always a delight to see little Klee.”

         At the mention of her name, the child lowered her gaze to the ground in shame.

         Jean sighs, always having to deal with Klee’s shenanigans. She quickly redirects her gaze back to the pair, more specifically Ei.

         “This must be…”

         “Oh, right. Jean, this is Ei. Ei, this is Jean,” Miko introduced the two.

         Jean’s eyes light up in recognition. “Lisa has told me plenty about you,” she says, “it’s nice to finally meet you.” She offers a hand for Ei to shake.

         “It’s nice to meet you too,” says Ei with a polite smile, taking the hand and giving it a firm shake.

         Jean’s attention quickly returns to her daughter though. “Klee, apologize please.

         The child reluctantly meets Ei’s eyes. “...I’m sorry.”

         “It was nothing,” Ei quickly brushes off, “I’m quite excited for the fair myself.”

         “Mhm, everyone is,” Jean agrees. “You can take a seat and I’ll take your order. We are a little busy today though, and we’re a little short-handed today,” she adds apologetically.

         “That’s alright, we can wait,” Miko tells her.

         “Yeah, we have time,” Ei assures.

         (For a moment, their eyes meet, and Miko feels butterflies fluttering in her stomach, but it had been so quick that she briefly wonders if she had just hallucinated the scene.)

         Jean leads them to the only booth left open and they take a seat opposite of each other. They’d had to squeeze into the crowd. The diner truly was packed to the brim with not only the locals but tourists as well.

         “Where’s Lisa anyway?” Miko asks upon noticing the woman’s absence.

         “She left earlier this morning to collect some books that are overdue,” Jean explains.

         “Oh, dear. I wonder who’s getting tased this time,” Miko wonders.

         She drops the words a little too chalantly and it has Ei looking up at her with a horrified expression. 

         “Tased?!”

         “Lisa’s not particularly fond of people who don’t return their books in time,” says Miko.

         Ei blinks. “I’m quite sure that’s assault.”

         Miko scoffs. “Well, luckily her wife’s the sheriff then.” She shoots Jean a smug look.

         “That is… convenient,” Ei ponders, clearly still horrified.

         “It was one time!” Jean exclaims in defense, “and she didn’t actually tase him!”

         Miko giggles, amused. “Whatever makes you sleep better at night.”

         When silence settles upon the two of them, it is not the kind of silence that feels so deafening, no. 

         It feels comfortable. It feels right.

         A part of Miko felt glad, but another part dreaded the feeling so much, hated it even. Whenever she would be around Ei, she couldn’t help but feel so cautious. 

         Cautious of feeling secure. Safe. 

         It feels like a warm embrace, a cage, and a trap all at the same time.

         Miko pushes the thought to the very back of her mind before it could spiral into something uglier. Instead, she places her attention elsewhere.

         At the corner of her vision, she spots Ei not so subtly eyeing the untouched strawberry donut sitting enticingly on a small plate near Miko. 

         Jean, being the sweetheart that she was, had thrown in a doubt for each of them for having to wait a little longer to be served with their lunches. 

         Ei had already eaten her own donut, and now it seems that one wasn’t enough for her.

         Miko cannot help the chuckle that escapes her at the sight, promptly catching Ei’s attention.

         “You can have it, darling,” says Miko with a cheeky smile, pushing the plate towards Ei.

         For a moment, Ei looks as if she’d just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar, clearly embarrassed and guilty for being spotted, but with an expectant look from Miko, Ei takes the donut and simply smiles back at her in a silent gesture of gratitude.

         Miko watches as Ei practically devours the sweet pastry in just merely a few bites, some of the glaze and crumbs sticking onto her face which she was too overjoyed to notice.

         Miko finds herself smiling for the nth time that day.

         In this state, Ei seems like a completely different person from who she usually is. The Ei most people knew was the stern and serious battleworn soldier that she was. 

         Seeing this side of her was always a delight to Miko.

         “Thank you,” Ei mutters as she finishes the donut. “That was really sweet.”

         Miko chuckles again, watching Ei lick the sugar off her fingers.

         “You’re welcome,” Miko replies. “Want another?”

         Ei shakes her head. “No, no, I’m good!”

         “Should we get going then?”

         Ei looks up at her, reluctance painted on her face.

         Miko tilts her head, speaking when Ei remains quietly staring, “Is there something on your mind?”

         “...Did you mean it?”

         Miko tilts her head and raises a brow. “Mean what?”

         “What you said at the pier. That I”—Ei’s voice is caught in her throat—”That I was worth it,” she continued quietly.

         Miko’s eyes soften at the question. For a few seconds, she simply stares at Ei, wondering how someone could doubt such a thing. Miko thinks, and a beat later, she takes Ei’s hands from across the table and holds them. 

         “Of course I meant it, Ei.” She holds Ei’s hands more tightly. “I believe that… somewhere right now, someone out there is mourning for you-”

         I am mourning for you.

         “-Someone out there is falling apart because they wholly believe that you are now gone, and the only pieces that they have of you left are memories. Memories that they can’t touch, memories that are bound to slip away, and the notion of it is tearing them apart, it’s killing them, because memories are nothing compared to having you, alive and breathing, by their side.” 

         Miko pauses, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath to steel herself, trying not to shake. 

         When she opens her eyes again, they’re met with Ei’s own, shining with unshed tears. 

         “You are worth it. Don’t let anyone or anything ever make you think otherwise. You are a good person, Ei. Maybe you’ve made mistakes, but everyone does. And you have proven time and time again that you are kind, and caring. You even sit through Lumine’s stupid interviews and her bantering with Kokomi for hours,” Miko jests, and she finds herself smiling when Ei finally smiles too.

         “Even when the world hasn’t been kind to you, you’ve been kind to me. To everyone. Even when you were left with nothing, you’re still trying to give your everything, and that’s-”

         That’s what I love so much about you.

         “That’s why… that’s why you’re worth it.”

Chapter Text

         The fair has barely started, locals and tourists alike still just arriving on the pier, yet Ei is already clutching a stack of polaroids, only growing in number with every distinctive click of a camera, capturing pretty much anything that catches Ei’s interests, be it the bright blue sky or a stray cat digging through trash.

         Miko found it equal parts concerning and…oddly endearing. This morning alone, she has already lost count of how many times she has had to pull Ei by her jacket like some runaway kitten when she gets too excited for a photo just in this morning alone

         Ei was buzzing like a bee in a garden full of flowers, every little thing filling her heart with giddiness reminiscent of a child’s first christmas. The colorful banners and the myriads of stalls selling all kinds of snacks and beverages, the lively minigames, the vibrant crowd—it’s almost like joy had thrown up all over the pier. 

         An open bell tent stands in the middle of the fair wherein a band of musicians found refuge, strumming their guitars, drawing their bows on their violins, singing of love lost and found again, a scene seemingly straight out of a whimsical film.

         “I’ve always wondered what a fair was like,” Ei says aloud, her voice tinged with exhilaration.

         “It’s a good thing that I’m here then,” Miko grins, her eyes sparkling with the sunlight. “Come on, let’s start with something simple, shall we?”

         Kokomi lunged to a stop, chest heaving, hands braced on trembling knees. 

         “God,” she breathes raggedly, “For a bunch of senior citizens, you two sure do walk fast!” she quips, panting between each word. A playful complaint.

         Miko couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of the younger girl hunched over, her palms against her trembling knees, sweating like she’d just ran a marathon while Sara was simply standing behind her, unfazed.

         “It’s merely a matter of skill, dear,” Miko retorts.

         “Would it kill you to be nice to me?” Kokomi fires back.

         “Yes, actually,” Miko counters, “My wrist is already itching just at the thought of it.”

         Ei chuckles, but interjects with a light reprimand, “Miko, be nice, please.”

         With mock reluctance, Miko relents. “Fine,” she huffs, “Come now, walk with us, I’d hate to see you drop dead from exhaustion because your tiny little legs cannot keep up.”

         “I think I like it better when you were being mean,” Kokomi grumbles.

         Not too long after, a cart carrying what seemed to be small, pastel-colored clouds on a stick, dusted with snow manages to catch Ei’s eyes.

         Miko quickly catches onto this, turning to Ei with a question, “Would you like to buy some?”

         “...what even are they?” wonders Ei, looking like a confused puppy with her head tilted and eyes squinted as she scrutinized the unfamiliar items on the stall.

         A gasp escapes Kokomi. “You’ve never had cotton candy before!?”

         “Cotton… candy?” Ei pouted, still confused.

         Kokomi gasps even more dramatically once her suspicions are confirmed, and she immediately turns to the vendor running the stall, “Four cotton candy, please!”

         “You like sweets, don’t you, dear? I’m sure you’ll like it,” Miko reassures.

         Ei approaches the stall much closer, enamored by how the cloud of sugar forms around the stick which the vendor held above the machine. By the time the vendor pulls it away from the machine, the fluff has grown to the size of a football.

         The vendor sprinkles a dash of powdered milk on top of it, and then hands Ei the cotton candy with a sweet smile.

         A fond smile spreads over Miko’s face as she watches Ei attempt to figure out how to approach the snack. 

         “Go on, take a bite,” Miko encourages.

         Ei cautiously bites into the fluff, and a giggle bubbles in Miko’s throat upon seeing the powdered milk now dusting the lower half of the soldier’s face.

         Soon enough, Miko could see a smile beginning to tug at the corners of Ei’s mouth.

         “Good?” asks Miko, amused.

         Ei nods enthusiastically, a grin similar to that of a child who had just received the best gift known to man plastered on her face.

         “Well then, you can have mine as well,” Miko says, offering her cotton candy to Ei. “I’m not quite fond of such sweet food,” she adds upon sensing Ei’s hesitation.

         And with the reassurance, Ei finally accepts the offer, her smile only growing wider.

         Cute.

         They stroll around the pier some more, passing by and trying out the various stalls selling all kinds of snacks and other street food. Kokomi even manages to drag them into trying out the handful of dizzying rides around the pier. 

         Both the pink-haired women had fun with not so subtly urging Ei and Sara into playing mini-games and winning a bunch of prizes for them, giggling at the soldiers’ cluelessness every time they were handed the prizes they wanted.

         (Both Ei and Sara were, in fact, not clueless, and knew exactly what they were up to.)

         Eventually, they did have to go back to the car briefly. As entertaining watching the two soldiers struggling to carry the dozens of stuffed toys they had won, neither Kokomi nor Miko are monsters.

         For the first time in years, Miko feels… light. 

         Back then, attending the fair almost always left her with a feeling of emptiness, a lingering sense of absence.

         The absence Ei had left when she died.

         Today, there was none of that.

         Of course, it still doesn’t feel exactly like how it was before Ei had “died”.

         But maybe that’s okay.

         “—iko? …Miko?”

         A gentle flutter against Miko’s cheek pulls her from the depths of her reverie, and Ei’s worried gaze swims into focus, concern etched across her brow.

         “Are you okay?” Ei asks, her voice laced with anxiety.

         Miko finds herself lost in the familiar depths of Ei’s lavender eyes, the warmth of Ei’s hand serving as a comforting presence on her shoulder. 

         Ei is here, real and alive. 

         And in that moment, it feels like nothing else matters.

         “Yes, I’m alright, I was just… thinking.” Miko says, and for the first time in a long while, the words ring true.

         For once, she really is alright. 

         Or well, as alright as she could be. 

         The passage of time has distanced her from what ‘alright’ truly feels like, leaving her adrift from its essence, but Miko knows for a fact that this is the most “alright” she has felt in such a long, long time.

         Still, Miko cannot help the pang of longing that lingers in her mind, the ghost of a long lost feeling of lightness from a bygone time. Miko remembers the feeling quite well—the kaleidoscope of lights, the thrumming of music, her heartbeat ringing in her ears, promises of endless tomorrows.

         A feeling impossible to replicate.

         But perhaps… that was okay too.

         Of course, the first thing that had caught Ei’s eyes was the stall selling freshly made and fried dango. Ei had practically dragged Miko towards the stall, not bothering to warn her either, causing Miko’s eyes to widen in surprise.

         “Ei, this is a little too much food, even for me,” Miko comments, looking at the abundance of food laid out on the table. 

         She could feel the passing people’s gazes on them, or rather, the mountain of food in front of them which looked more like a feast than snacks for two people.

         Ei merely shook her head at her comment, instead grabbing one of the sticks of dango and holding it out for Miko. 

         “You must try the dango, they’re immaculate!” said Ei.

         Miko looked at the offered food, then back at Ei, who had a pout on her face.

         …how could such a terrifying woman look so stupidly harmless?

         Miko’s cheeks are tinted with pink as she leaned forward and bit into the soft, sweet treat. And she tries not to make a face when the taste of the sweet red bean filling hits her tongue. 

         “How does it taste?” Ei asked with an expectant look, the grin on her face clearly showing that she fully expected Miko to like the treat.

         It was much too sweet for her tastes, but… “It’s good, darling.”

         “Do you want some more? I could get some more?” Ei asked, clearly giddy from Miko’s answer.

         “That would be unnecessary!” Miko grabbed Ei’s wrist in a panic, and as Miko hastily lunged, her grip slightly forceful, Ei found herself teetering over the table, their faces now inches apart. Frozen in surprise, Ei remained motionless as Miko, using her thumb, delicately wiped away the tiny speck of red bean paste from the corner of her lips.

         “Oh?” Miko smirks upon noticing the red slowly creeping up Ei’s face. “My, my, what a reaction.” she teased.

         “I-you…” Ei huffs and pouts again, “you didn’t have to do that, you know?”

         Miko simply giggles, kissing away her wife’s pout, serving to only redden Ei’s face.

         “I have a couple more places I wanted to see, I’d really appreciate it if you would help me finish the food, darling.”

         Ei only nods dumbly, bright red to the tips of her ears.

         “Oh, right! Aunt Saiguu was wondering if we would be coming over this weekend. says she met an entrepreneur who wants us to try out some board game they came up with.”

         “I’m sure we can make some time.”

         “It feels like it was just yesterday when your mother gave you a lecture about how cheaters never ever win,” Miko recalled fondly, and Ei groaned at the reminder too.

         When they were still little, they had been playing scrabble, all four of them, Miko, Saiguu, along with the twin sisters. Ei had won but when she stood up, a handful of extra scrabble tiles fell from her lap.

         No, she hadn’t cheated, it was all Miko’s doing, having been sneakily placing tiles onto Ei’s lap throughout the round.

         The twins’ mother had been quite cross with Ei, but Miko, feeling bad, ended up confessing to her crimes later that same night. 

         “Ah, how quick time flies,” Miko sighed wistfully.

         Ei smiles. “Indeed.”

         The fair being quite a big event for a small town, there are bound to be bumps along the road. Kokomi had to apologetically excuse herself from the group as more locals and tourists poured into the pier, and Sara, not wanting to be left alone with the older pair, had opted to accompany Kokomi.

         “Those two have really bonded, haven’t they,” Miko remarks with a smirk as both Kokomi and Sara hurried away.

         “It’s a good thing,” says Ei, a thoughtful smile on her face as she watches the two disappear into the crowds. “Sara’s never exactly been the social type. It’s good for her to have someone else other than me.”

         Their conversation is momentarily interrupted as they notice a group of youngsters who seemed to have set their sights on the two of them. Eventually, one enthusiastic child steps forward, bouncing with excitement as she looks up at Miko. 

         “Miss, would you please play a game with us? Just one game!” she exclaims, brimming with anticipation. 

         Ei and Miko both share a glance for a brief moment.

         “Ah, I’m afraid my bones are a bit too old for playing games…” she answers apprehensively, and all of the children collectively deflate, but then, she turns to Ei. “But I’m quite sure my good friend here would love to play with you, right Ei?” she adds with a sly grin, eyeing Ei expectantly.

         “We wouldn’t want to disappoint the little ones, now would we, dear?” Miko teases upon seeing the look of horror on Ei’s face.

         Ei scrambles for a way to get out of her predicament, but the children are relentless, already dragging her towards one of the minigames before she could even come up with anything.

         Miko had thrown Ei to the sharks like live bait, and she very clearly found the entire ordeal amusing, remaining unapologetic even when Ei looked over her shoulder, glaring at her with a look obviously screaming for help—to which the sly woman simply shrugged—following and watching Ei and the kids closely with a mischievous grin on her face.

         Ei resigns to her defeat soon enough, letting herself be dragged away.

         The first game is simple enough, Ei simply had to knock over a few cans stacked up in a triangle with a limited amount of balls made out of rubber. She finds her momentum rather quickly, winning the game with one ball to spare even. 

         With every can that she knocked off the table, the children would jump and cheer, begging for another round once it was over.

         They go stall from stall, and Ei almost effortlessly wins every minigame that the children drag her to. Miko watches from a distance, a feeling of warmth, which she thought she had long lost, swelling in her chest as she watches Ei and the children’s interactions before her.

         It reminds her of the late night talks they once had of building their own family, of having a child or two, maybe even twins like Ei and Makoto. Tiny little carbon copies of them running around their front yard, tracking mud across their home, squealing loudly and disrupting Miko’s nightly reading.

         It would’ve been a headache, a lovely one at that.

         When Ei died, those dreams died with her.

         “Do you remember that transfer student back in high school? Hotomi, I think, was her name,” Ei asks Miko.

         “Inagi Hotomi?” 

         Ei catches the hint of glee in Miko’s voice and immediately regrets bringing it up. 

         “Oh, yes! I do recall how particularly jealous you were whenever she was around,” Miko teases with a giggle, as Ei had expected.

         She scoffs and rolls her eyes but doesn’t say anything to defend herself. She had been jealous indeed. Especially during that one time when a teacher had assigned them, Hotomi and Miko, to take the role of a shrine maiden and a priestess for a theater project they had.  

         Ei had practically been seething while watching the two during rehearsals, and more so during the play itself.

         “Why’d you ask, dear?” Miko then follows up.

         “Nothing,” says Ei. “I just recalled her out of nowhere.”

         It was hard for Ei to not have been so envious of the girl as she’d just begun to figure out her feelings for Miko at the time. Whenever she would see Miko with anyone else, a heavy feeling would suddenly settle on her chest, and it would suddenly be hard to breathe.

         Years and years of repressed longing and yearning suddenly being acknowledged wasn’t exactly easy to work with. 

         “If it makes you feel any better, she had nothing against you, my dear,” Miko says, leaning over to place a kiss on the crinkle which has made its presence apparent on Ei’s forehead.

         “Good.”

         “Ah, so you were jealous.” A smug smile appears on Miko's face.

         “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ei protests.

         “Sure you don’t,” Miko rolls her eyes, giving Ei a look that is part amused and part exasperated.

         “I don’t!”

         “Right, right, of course. Why else did you walk out and slam the door on your way out that one time she got too close?”

         “It was an accident! I didn’t know my own strength at the time,” Ei tried to reason.

         “Exactly! Oh, you poor baby, how could anyone accuse you of being jealous! That’s ridiculous!” Miko coos, talking to Ei as if she were a baby having a tantrum, which has Ei’s face growing red, flustered. 

Miko couldn’t help but laugh, seeing that her teasing had worked, but her tone quickly shifted into a serious one. Calm, but serious.

         “I do mean it, Ei. She really did have nothing against you. You have been my one since I could remember,” Miko says in such a fond tone, leaning over once more and kissing Ei’s cheek.

         Ei’s face grew redder, but not from embarrassment this time. Miko truly did have a way with words when she wanted to.

         “I see,” Ei replies simply.

         A soft laugh rumbles in Miko’s throat. “Enough hypotheticals, dear. Surely there is something else we can talk about other than that girl.”

         “Have you… have you ever thought of having kids?” Ei asks, clearly a bit anxious. 

         “I don't mind,” Miko answers. “But what about you? Do you want children?” she then asks, curious as to why Ei suddenly brought the question up.

         Ei looks down at the glass in her hands before glancing into Miko’s eyes again. She sighs slightly and puts the glass down on the table.

         “It's not something I really thought much about until recently,” she finally replies. “At first I didn't think about children at all. But now..”

         Now, things have changed. 

         Miko picks up the wine bottle on the coffee table, along with a corkscrew and pops off the cork. She pours some of the red liquid into her glass.

         “I've also been thinking more and more about whether I even want to be a mother,” Miko tells Ei. 

         “You know how people say kids change your life completely?”—She puts the bottle back down and leans forward towards Ei—“And you know how it also changes you?”

         Ei nods slightly as she reaches for her own glass.

         “Yeah, I guess so…”

         The two women drink in silence for a while. The sound of the rain pattering against the windows is loud enough to drown out any other noise. Occasionally the clinking of glasses rings through the room as they take turns filling their drinks.

         After a long time the clock on the wall shows that it's already past midnight. Miko finishes her glass and places it down on the table.

         “You can let me know whenever you're ready,” she says. “I'll go ahead and get pregnant now if you want,” Miko teases.

         “No, I'm fine!” Ei quickly replies, nearly choking. “I mean, you don't have to…”

         Miko smiles softly and places a hand on the side of Ei's face.

         “Don't worry about it too much,” she murmurs. “We have all the time we need.”

         Miko snaps out of her thoughts, jolted by a tug on her sleeve. Looking down, she sees one of the children bouncing on his feet excitedly.

         "Miss Yae! Miss Yae!" he exclaims. "We have something for you to try out!"

         Miko raises an eyebrow. "Oh? Is that so?"

         The child nods enthusiastically. 

         When Miko looks to where the other children were gathered—curious as to what this ‘something for you to try out’ is—she catches Ei’s expectant glance. Suddenly, she no longer cared for whatever it actually is, simply wanting to be at Ei’s side.

         “I suppose I wouldn’t mind,” she mutters.

         “Oh, you’re gonna love it! I swear!” the child beams, practically dragging Miko to where Ei and the rest of the children were playing.

         Another child holds out a contraption: two empty cans connected by a long red string. "We made these can phones! We wanted to give you the first try because you played with us today!"

         She holds the makeshift phone carefully, not wanting to accidentally ruin the children’s craft as she scrutinized it intently.

         “Hmmm, I’m afraid I don’t know what to actually say,” Miko wonders aloud after a moment of thinking.

         “How about a secret? Something only you know?” “a timid child mumbles, “Mom says people have many secrets they don’t talk about and it can get lonely carrying them all by yourself.”

         Ah.

         “That is true,” Ei then says before turning to Miko, “you can go first if you’d like,” she offers. A true gentleman.

         For a moment, Miko stares at the contraption in her hands, her chest suddenly feeling heavy. 

         “You don’t actually have to tell me anything, you know?”

         But I do, Miko thinks. If anything, there are a lot of things that Ei needed to be told, things that keep Miko up late at night, thinking and thinking and thinking. 

         For the last few weeks, Miko has done nothing but lie to Ei, not just about who she herself really is, but about who and what Ei is to her. 

         If Ei were to find out now…

         Miko closes her eyes, breathes in deeply, then out.

         “...I wouldn’t mind going first,” she decides.

         “Well, if you’re sure.” Ei takes one of the cans with her, backing up a few feet away until the string is pulled taut. Ei then smiles at her reassuringly as she aligns the other open end of the tin can beside her ear.

         For a moment, Miko thinks of truly pouring all of her heart out. To tell Ei everything she has been meaning to say, everything that has been plaguing her heart, everything that she has kept a secret.

         Ultimately, as she brings her end of the phone to her lips, she decides against it.

         “Do you… do you remember my friend? Well, she wasn’t really just a friend.”

         “I don’t think that’s much of a secret,” Ei quips.

         “Whatever do you mean?”

         “Ever since I met you, you’ve always had this… look in your eyes. I couldn’t figure it out at first, sometimes, when you look at me, it’s like you’re looking through me, or you’re looking at someone else,” says Ei, “Then you told me about your friend, who she was to you, and it finally clicked. She was more than just a friend to you, wasn’t she?”

         She was. 

         She is.

         “You must’ve been so lonely all these years, I’m sorry.”

         Miko’s gaze softens. “Oh, Ei, you have nothing to apologize for.”

         “I know, I know, I just… I’ve been lonely too. The kind of lonely that rips your heart out of your chest while you’re just trying to exist. The kind of lonely that hits you like a truck just as you’re about to fall asleep. No one should have to go through that, especially not you.”

         “...thank you, Ei.”

         “I suppose it’s my turn now,” Ei says, switching the subject awkwardly.

         Miko giggles. “I suppose it is.”

         “Here goes…”

         Miko raises the can to her ear, anticipation tingling in her chest. But...

         "I can't hear you, dear," Miko says. "I think the phone is broken."

         “I said you’re really pretty!” Ei then exclaims aloud, forsaking the tin can phone.

         Miko freezes, caught completely off guard, her eyes growing wide and her cheeks reddening as she feels heat rice up to her face.

         “I think you clean up quite well yourself, Ei,” she mutters in an attempt to play it off.

         “Oh, do you?” Ei teases.

         Miko fights the urge to chuck the can in her hands at Ei’s face.

         After their little game of spilling secrets, they eventually said their goodbyes to the children, walking off somewhere more quiet. 

         Two weathered benches sat invitingly by the edge of the pier just some ways away, it’s the perfect place to rest their weary old bones. 

         Miko sank onto the wood with a tired sigh, Ei quickly following suit.

         It’s quiet, not quiet quiet , but more than peaceful enough―something like the eye of a storm.

         Miko used to hate the quiet.

         Back then, whenever Ei would be home, there would always be noise. From Ei’s machinery in the garage to running water and clashing of stainless steel as Miko washed the dishes.

         But when Ei goes away, she leaves behind a lingering sense of absence. An emptiness that Miko, until now, still can’t quite put a finger on.

         It was worse when Ei died. 

         Gone was the loud drilling that Miko would always complain about because, for some odd reason, Ei would always start using it just as Miko’s about to start reading. 

         Gone was the sound of their rusty hammer hitting a nail into whatever it is that Ei was working on, the repeating clanging driving Miko insane.

         The silence became just another reminder of how Ei was gone.

         Since then, Miko had developed the habit of always having something making some kind of noise. It didn’t matter if it was the static of a radio, or some shitty drama on the television, some days she would even boil water on the stove just so she could hear the kettle whistling when the water finally boiled.

         But right now, with Ei by her side, Miko finds the quiet much bearable.

         Watching hues of orange spill into the sky as the sun began to go down, their shoulders brushing in an unspoken gesture of comfort…

         At that moment, even for just a fraction of a second, everything is fine.

         “Where have you two been!? We’ve been looking for you everywhere!” A voice Ei and Miko know very well suddenly comes from nowhere, and the pair looks over their shoulder to see Kokomi and Sara standing a few feet away from where they were sitting.

         “Come on, you two!” Kokomi calls out, impatiently tapping her feet on the pier’s wooden floorboards. “The sun is setting! It’s the best time to get on the ferris wheel!” 

         Ei and Miko turn to each other, sharing a look in silence before suddenly bursting into soft laughter. 

         There was no particular reason for it, they were both simply happy to be in each other’s presence.

         Then Kokomi clears her throat, gesturing for them to hurry up, and Miko scoffs, rolling her eyes.

         “Kids these days, always so impatient,” she comments jokingly.

         Ei laughs. “Best not to keep them waiting then.” She grunts as she pushes herself onto her feet, offering her hand to Miko to help her get up as well.

         “Come on, come on! While the line isn’t too long yet!” Kokomi calls out to the two of them.

         “Alright! We’re coming! Geez,” Miko retorts, exasperated.

         “That’s… quite tall,” Ei comments, eyes scaling the towering wheel as they wait for their turn.

         “What? Never seen a ferris wheel before?” Kokomi turns to her, eyebrows raised.

         Ei shakes her head, a flicker of something that Miko couldn’t quite read crossing her expression. “No, it’s just been a while since I’ve last seen one.”

         The slight shift in Ei’s demeanor doesn’t go unnoticed by Miko. “Are you alright, Ei?”

         “Huh?” Ei turns to her, almost as if she hadn’t heard her, but quickly follows up with an unconvincing “I’m fine.”

         “Ei, darling, we don’t have to get on if you don’t want to,” Miko reassures. 

         She knows Ei, knows how willing she is to be polite, even at the cost of her own comfort. She’s always been polite like that. It was equal parts endearing and frustrating at times.

         “I’m fine, Miko.” There’s resolution in Ei’s voice, and Miko can’t do anything but sigh.

         Always so polite. 

         Always so stubborn.

         That’s her Ei.

         The car wobbles slightly as she and Ei hop inside and settle in, the metal creaking above them has them both at the edge of their seats, but it’s too late to back out now, the operator lowering the safety bar in front of them and shutting the door.

         Miko can see how tense Ei is, with her foot tapping on the floor and how she seems to not know what to do with her hands, but the worst thing Miko could do right now was treat her like a child. 

         It was Ei’s choice to be here, she’s going to respect that.

         Seeing as it was only a small fair in a small town, the space inside the ride wasn’t big by any means. One car was only big enough to fit the two of them side by side, meaning that the younger pair had to be separated from them.

         Miko thinks that isn’t such a problem though.

         The actual problem makes itself apparent as soon as they finish loading in other fairgoers and the wheel’s pace begins to pick up.

         The higher you climb, the harder you fall.

         These words had taken on the form of an eerie echo, a truth that reverberated through the fragmented pieces of her memory.

         After the crash, she couldn’t remember who she was, or where she even was. 

         She didn’t even remember falling, only the feeling of it. 

         The goosebumps on her skin from the cold wind, the sheer dread of it all—her heart beating loudly in her ears, and the absolute helplessness as she plummeted downwards to the earth with nothing to catch her or cushion her fall.

         The higher you climb, the harder you fall.

         The first time Ei fell, it was during one sunny afternoon, a desperate ‘meow’ coming from atop a tree’s branches. 

         Without hesitation, Ei began to climb, her small hands gripping the rough bark, her feet finding holds in the knotty trunk. Higher and higher she went, her determination fueled by the cat's plaintive cries.

         But then, in a heart-stopping moment, a branch snapped under her weight. 

         The world spun around her as she fell, the ground rushing up to meet her. She awoke later, her body aching, her mind foggy. Her arm was in a cast - a stark reminder of her fall.

         Of course, this too became a memory long lost. But the feeling always stayed. 

         The second time she fell was a much more different kind of falling, the kind of falling that she hadn’t even realized she’d fallen into, the kind of falling that makes your heart race, but in a good way. The kind of falling that has your cheeks flushed and your stomachs filled with butterflies. 

         The kind of falling that was terrifying, but so very exhilarating at the same time.

         The kind of falling where you’re so so so very in love. 

         The kind of falling that Ei now dreads to think about.

         She doesn’t remember who it is she had fallen for, or if she’d fallen for anyone in the first place. The question of “who?” clings to her mind like a puzzle she can’t solve but very terribly wants to.

         At times, it made her question if it was all merely her imagination. A fabrication, a delusion brought about by her longing mind. A phantom feeling born from her deep desire for some connection. 

         After all, no one had bothered looking for her. 

         Perhaps she’d been a bad person, and if that much is true, how could anyone possibly be in love with her?

         The third time she fell… is as much of a mystery to her as it is to everyone else. 

         Everytime she would try to recall it, it would be like watching a slideshow of random images which would then flicker into a completely new one before her mind could even process it.

         She remembers gray skies and black smoke. She remembers gunfire, the world around her shaking, frantic voices screaming over each other in panic. 

         She remembers that same feeling of dread she had felt when she first fell.

         And then the nothingness. The feeling of floating, of drowning, all at the same time.

         A voice, muffled and distant, suddenly cut through the fog clouding Ei's mind. 

         “Ei?” the voice called, laced with concern. “Ei, can you hear me?”

         It takes her an agonizingly long minute to realize that the voice belonged to none other than Miko. 

         Her face is etched with worry, but Ei doesn’t know why, her head throbbing with a dull ache.

         Had she done something to upset Miko? 

         What were they doing anyway? Where are they even?

         Ei’s palms feel unbearably cold. 

         She knows she’s holding the metal bar too tightly, painfully so. Yet she could not, for the life of her, figure out how to let go. 

         She feels like she’s floating, like she’s not in charge of her own body.

         Through the haze in her mind, she could still feel a sense of warmth, though it was muted, muddled—distant. She could see Miko’s mouth moving too, but she couldn’t seem to discern what it was Miko was saying. 

         Confusion clouded Ei’s face. At this, the warmth tightened around her, drawing even closer.

         Miko is holding her, Ei realizes. 

         She swears she feels Miko’s lips against her forehead too, but it might just be her own imagination.

         “Just breathe, honey. Just breathe.” 

         Ei doesn’t even realize she’s been holding her breath until she hears those words. Nonetheless, it’s easier said than done, but Ei still tries, doing her best to match the rise and fall of Miko’s chest against her skin.

         Ei briefly thinks that she might pass out. Everything feels so blurry and unreal, the only thing keeping her grounded was Miko’s warmth.

         The higher you climb, the harder you fall.

         And to fall for Ei meant losing everything she knew, everything she was.

         The fear feels like a cold iron fist tightening around her heart. 

         To love, to be loved—knowing the stakes—felt like a reckless gamble. 

         Yet, there was Miko, an unwavering constant ever since Ei arrived in town, proving over, and over, and over again that Ei is still worthy of being able to love and be loved despite everything she had unwillingly left behind, that Ei is more than what she lost, and that her past isn’t all there is that defines her.

         For that, Ei is eternally grateful.

         “It’s alright, darling, I have you,” Miko murmurs. 

         There is something in the way that Miko is holding her close, in the way Miko is looking at her with tenderness in her eyes that she rarely showed to anyone else. 

         A silent promise that Ei was no longer alone.

         And Miko no longer was either.

         “Spill,” Kokomi says as soon as they’re out of the two soldier’s earshot. 

         “What?” Miko turns to her with a brow raised, feigning confusion.

         “Something happened while you two were alone, it’s written all over both your faces!” Kokomi states as-a-matter-of-factly. “Now spill!”

         Miko scoffs. “I haven’t told her about… us , if that’s what you’re asking.”

         “Then why did Ei look so… disturbed,” Kokomi persists, a frown now dawning on her face.

         A sigh. “Remember how she lost her memories?”

         “The plane crash?”

         “Turns out, when you fall hundreds of feet from the skies, the last place you want to be in is a cramped, squeaky metal car that goes soaring in the air.”

         “... Oh .”

         “Yes,” Miko sighs. “Oh, indeed.”

         Silence stretched between the two, thick with unspoken thoughts. 

         A beat later, Kokomi spoke, her voice hesitant. “Is she okay now at least?”

         “She’s strong,” Miko says firmly. “And she’s brave. She’ll be alright, maybe not right now, but I’m sure she’ll be alright.”

         “And you?”

         “What about me?”

         “Are you okay?” Kokomi shoots her a glare, like she couldn’t believe Miko could care so little about herself.

         “I’m fine.” 

         Miko flinches, hating the bite in her own voice.

         It’s not that Miko doesn’t care, it’s just that she’s willing to not care for Ei’s sake. If it came down to it, she’d more than gladly break her own bones to build a shelter just for Ei.

         “I… I know a guy,” Kokomi began, her voice much softer now. “He sells a bunch of snacks that I think Ei might like, maybe we can get something to cheer her up?” 

         It’s a distraction, one that Miko’s grateful for.

         Miko forgets how well Kokomi really knows her sometimes. 

         God, she really doesn’t deserve to have a friend like her.

         “There they are!” Kokomi exclaims upon spotting Ei and Sara seated on a bench. “You two! Come on, the fireworks show is about to begin!” she yells out.

         Miko has half a mind to scold her for being so energetic, her loud voice catching a few glances here and there, but she opts to simply shake her head. 

         It was a fair after all, she doubts that anyone actually expects peace and quiet in such a setting.

         “I got you this,” Miko says she and Ei approached each other. She hands Ei a bottle which was capped by some cloth, a cute pink ribbon around it sealing it tight.

         “What is it?” Ei asks, holding up the bottle to her face like she was examining some specimen.

         “It’s dango milk,” Miko answers amusedly.

         “That’s a thing?” Ei says excitedly.

         The way Ei’s eyes light up at her answer makes Miko chuckle. “Kokomi took me to see this man selling all sorts of… interesting snacks. I had a feeling you’d like that one.”

         Not one to waste time, Ei opens up the bottle and takes a sip for herself.

         “ ...Woah.”

         “Good?”

         “Really good!” Ei beams.

         “Good.” She leans in, wiping away the mustache of milk above Ei’s lips with her handkerchief, remaining completely unaware of the way Ei’s heart stutters at her touch. "Kokomi’s looking at us like she’s going to kill us, we should get going,” Miko tells her.

         With a rumbling chuckle, Ei volunteers to carry the bags of goodies that they had brought back, a silent peace offering for keeping Kokomi waiting.

         “Have any of you seen Lumine?” Miko asks in the middle of setting up their little picnic area. 

         She doesn’t recall a single instance of seeing the girl at all today, nor her dearest twin brother even.

         Her three companions all shake their heads no at her question, which only serves to deepen her frown.

         “I asked her earlier if she’d be here, but she said she had something to take care of,” says Kokomi as she sits down on the grass beside Sara.

         “She always seems to have something to take care of,” Ei notes.

         “That’s the great twin travelers for you,” Kokomi quips. “Something almost always comes up for those two whenever there’s a festival going on. I can’t even remember one time where they didn’t disappear like a bubble to attend to some problem in the many years worth of holidays we’ve had.”

         “I suppose that’s true,” Miko agrees, her disappointment apparent. Yes, her friends could be a handful, but they were her friends nonetheless. 

         Oh, well, it’s not like there’s much she can do now.

         “Cold?” Ei asks her, and as if on cue, a shiver runs down her body.

         The sun had set quite a while ago, and the chill of the evening air was now in full swing. There are less people where they currently are too, a little picnic area on higher ground just a little ways away from the fair, so the area was just naturally cool without the huge crowd. 

         It was perfect for viewing the anticipated fireworks show, and something about being able to see the entire expanse of the fair is simply nothing short of magical. The cozy ambiance from the fairy lights twinkling among the trees is just another bonus.

         “Perhaps,” Miko answers, unusually timid.

         Ei chuckles, shrugging off her jacket and draping it over her shivering form.

         “Better?”

         “Better.”

         Looking upon the expanse of the fair, Ei couldn’t help but feel like she’s been here before.

         “Do you… ever get the feeling that you’ve been where you are right now even though you can’t remember actually being where you are? Does that even make sense? Sorry, I-”

         “I think it’s called deja vu, Ei,” Miko says with a lighthearted chuckle, appeasing her before her panicked rambling could get out of hand.

         “No, it's more than that,” Ei insists, a frustrated sigh escaping her lips. “This feels different, like I'm retracing steps I can't recall.”

         A pang of guilt hits Miko’s chest. “Would you like to talk about it?” she asks reluctantly, knowing that she might not like what she’s about to hear.

         “I don’t even know where to start. It just hit me suddenly… everytime we eat at Jean and Lisa’s diner, I know the food tastes different, but I don’t know how I know that it’s different. And every time I walk back home, it’s like I’ve walked the same street countless times before but no matter how much I try to remember, I get… nothing,” Ei tells her.

         “The very first time I came here, it was like I already knew the place like the back of my hand. I had never been here before, but I had an inkling where exactly the grocery was. I also knew the bakery downtown used to be owned by this sweet old lady who sold all sorts of snacks way back. At first, I thought that maybe I just made that up, but I saw all the old maps of the town when I visited the library and I saw a photo of the old lady in the store too, but I can’t ever recall buying anything from her at all.”

         Ei’s words send Miko’s head reeling. What else could Ei have seen at the library?

         “And then there’s you.”

         Her heart drops to her stomach. “What about me?”

         “It's odd but, I just feel… like I’ve known you my entire life.”

         Miko’s mind stalls for a moment, a mixture of guilt and panic blooming in her chest.

         “I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from, I just-”

         “No!”

         Miko startles even herself at her sudden burst. She clears her throat, her heart threatening to leap out of her chest. 

         “As strange as it might seem, Ei, I do believe you,” she says, calm and slow.

         She knows why Ei feels that way, knows exactly where that deep sense of familiarity that Ei can never quite place comes from, knows exactly why Ei feels like she’s known Miko her entire life. 

         Ei has known Miko her entire life, and the same goes for Miko herself. They’re attached to the hip, never one without the other. 

         But despite the desperation in Ei’s voice, the longing for an explanation for everything , Miko still couldn’t quite bring herself to offer her the truth.

         How could she tell Ei she’s the same person who gave up looking for her? the same person who left her to rot after she lost everything? the same person who gave up on her when she lost herself? 

         How would Ei even react when she finds out that Miko has been lying to her this entire time?

         In the midst of the silence, a loud whistle pierces the tension, followed by a bright streak of red painting the night sky.

         Gasps of awe and delight echo around them as the red streak explodes into a shower of gold, scattering tiny sparks that cascade like a waterfall, illuminating the sky in a warm, golden glow, making the dark expanse of the night into a canvas.

         Vibrant colors light up the sky, leaving ephemeral trails that fade into the night. Each explosion prompts amazed reactions from everyone else present to witness its beauty. 

         Yet, despite the wonderful view, Miko finds herself not caring about the show at all.

         The golden sparks reflecting in Ei’s eyes are the closest to the stars Miko will ever be.

         “That was beautiful,” Ei says, her voice full of awe.

         “I love you too.” The words tumble out of Miko’s mouth carelessly, shocking not only Ei, but Miko herself too.

         Ei’s gaze quickly snapped to Miko, her eyes opened wide and her brows knit in confusion.

         “What?”

         “...I heard what you said. Earlier when we were playing with the kids. I heard it all.”

         “I suppose it’s my turn now,” Ei says, switching the subject awkwardly.

         Miko giggles. “I suppose it is.”

         “Here goes…”

         Miko raises the can to her ear, anticipation tingling in her chest.

         Her heart nearly stops upon hearing Ei’s next words.

         “I love you.”

         Miko had been in so much disbelief that she had pretended not to have heard Ei’s words at all. 

         Still, in that momentary instance of feigned ignorance, those three words rushed through her heart. Miko reels now, in retrospect, with the revelation that she had heard it, every syllable ingrained in the recesses of her mind. 

         “I love you too.” 

         It’s the wrong move, really. Miko knows that well enough. 

         Not because of the possibility that Ei might not return the sentiment, quite the opposite actually. 

         She shouldn’t have said that, not when she hasn’t told Ei the truth yet.

         But the words leave her mouth before she can even think. And when Ei’s eyes meet hers, it only makes her want to be swallowed whole by the ground below her.

         “What?” Ei's voice, laced with surprise, shattered the silence.

         Miko swallows the lump in her throat. “...I heard what you said. Earlier when we were playing with the kids. I heard it all.”

         Ei’s eyes light up in alarm as she recalls the memory. 

         “You don’t have to say it back just because we’re... friends,” she tells Miko.

         “I’m not just saying it, Ei. I mean it.” Miko’s digging a deeper grave for herself, she knows.

         “Really?” Ei's voice trembles with a mixture of hope and uncertainty.

         “Really.”

         A mix of emotions flash across Ei's face all at once. “I'm... I'm sorry. This is..."

         “A lot, I know,” Miko reassures her, squeezing her hand. “But we can take all the time that we need.” 

         At that, a soft smile spreads across Ei’s face.  

         “Okay.” I trust you.

         The last words go unsaid, but Miko knows Ei enough to know what that one simple word meant.

         “Okay.” 

         The moment, fragile and precious, is quickly shattered with the intrusion of a frantic voice. 

         “Miko! Miko!” 

         Startled, both her and Ei look over their shoulders, only to recognize a certain blonde-haired traveler running towards them, a horrified, panicked look on her face.

         What the fuck?

         Miko rushes towards Lumine, catching the girl before she can fall over. “Hey! Slow down, Lumine!” she scolds, holding the girl up on her shaking knees. 

         “What’s going on?” Miko presses after a moment of letting Lumine catch her breath.

         “ There’s someone here, she looks exactly Ei, ” Lumine panted. “I don’t know who she is, but I think she’s looking for you.”

         Miko’s eyes widened in horror, dread coiling in her stomach.

         Is Lumine talking about…  Fuck. 

         “Was she with anyone else?” 

         “Another lady. White hair, yellow eyes.”

         Saiguu

         Shit.

         A voice, chillingly familiar, echoes from the distance, freezing both Miko and Lumine in place.

         Under the dim yellow lights among the trees, standing just a few feet away from them, is Makoto.

Chapter Text

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                
···
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Chapter Text

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                
···
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Chapter Text

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                
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Chapter Text

         “This season is beautiful, no?” Miko asked, tilting their head back to admire the delicate petals dancing in the breeze, oblivious to the storm brewing within Ei.

         “It is,” Ei agreed, her voice barely above a whisper. The words felt heavy on her tongue, a stark contrast to the vibrant scene before them.

         Taking a deep breath, Ei blurted out the words that had been gnawing at her soul. “Miko… are you sure you still... want this?” want me?

         Miko's smile faltered, concern flashing in her eyes. “Why wouldn’t I?” she replied, reaching out to take Ei's hand in hers in a gesture of reassurance.

         “I could die, Miko.”

         “Or you could live, Ei,” Miko countered. “You could live .”

         Ei sighed. 

         “...Do you remember when we first got together?” Her gaze drifted towards the gaps of sunlight among the trees. 

         “It was on a spring day too, very much like this,” Ei continued.

         “Where are you going with this?”

         Ei’s voice trembles as she speaks, “The seasons. You can always count on them to come around. Autumn, winter, spring, then summer. That’s always how it’s been, how it will always be...”

         Her voice hitched as tears began to prick her eyes. 

         “I can’t do that, Miko. I can’t promise that I’ll always come home to you.”

         Miko's eyes softened . “I know,” she squeezed Ei’s hand firmly. “I love you anyway.”

         “You really want this?”

         “I do.”

         You’re all I want , Miko wants to say, and a part of her knows she’ll regret it.

         “And what if I don’t come home?” Ei pressed, searching Miko’s eyes for a glimpse of doubt, “The seasons come and go, but they always come back—I can’t guarantee that. I don’t want you to spend your days worrying about me,” she choked out, her tears finally spilling over.

         Miko chuckled softly, a hint of sadness in the sound. Yet her gaze held unwavering resolve.

         “I’ll always worry about you, silly,” she says, wiping away the tears from Ei’s cheeks. “Whether or not you want me to.”

         “I wouldn’t blame you, you know?”

         Miko’s brows furrowed. “Blame me? For what?”

         “For walking away… or maybe even finding someone else, someone who you can share new memories of spring with.”

         A flicker of pain crossed Miko's face, her heart breaking at the notion that Ei thinks so little about herself, but she quickly replaced it with a gentle smile. 

         “Oh, Ei… I never cared for spring before you.”

Chapter Text

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