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Everything they’ve been through. Every monster they’ve defeated, every full moon they’ve overcome, every bond they’ve made or broken, everything in the past year and it all comes down to this moment.
A look.
Everything was happening so quickly. Getting in a van, driving down to Mexico, helping Liam get control, it happened in a blink. A second ago Stiles was arguing with his father over even going to save Scott and now he’s here, ten feet away from the entrance.
Now time seems to be making up for the swiftness, because right now time has stopped. Seconds feel like minutes, and Stiles feels like he’s been standing here for an hour, watching helplessly as Braeden clutches at Derek’s chest, tears welling in her eyes when Stiles hadn’t even thought she was capable of emotion.
At first Stiles’ mind is apathetic. It’s Derek, the little voice says, Derek is always okay, always comes back on top, no matter what. This is like every other time Derek has almost died. In an hour, they’ll have won and Derek will communicate some strange form of “We’re alive, we’re okay” with his eyebrows to Stiles over the heads of their other teammates. It’ll happen, like all the other times.
But then it registers that Derek is human right now. He is like Stiles, he doesn’t have any way to heal to fight back. He is helpless; a word Stiles has never ever associated with the growly, grumpy werewolf who’s been here since the beginning. This Derek won’t come back on top, can’t come back, not from a mortal wound like that.
In the next second Stiles realizes that this will be the last time he sees Derek, at least when Derek is able to look back. Fear freezes him, locks his feet in place as his fingers feel tingly, like all the blood that’s supposed to be there has just stopped because it knows what’s going on and it’s terrified. This werewolf, this person, who’s been here, next to Stiles, keeping Scott alive since the beginning, is going to die and Stiles can’t do a damn thing about it.
Memories flash through his mind, seemingly irrelevant things like staying up late, flipping through the Beastiary as Derek loomed in the corner like the creeper he was. Such insignificant details, like making eye contact over a table as Scott detailed one of his truly horrible plans. But then these flashes are replaced with every reason Stiles has to care about the bag of muscles and feelings that is Derek Hale.
Treading water in a pool for hours, holding Derek up for seemingly no other reason that it was his only way out, even though Derek had pushed him back, exposing himself to the kanima, just hours before, to save Stiles. Rushing into an elevator and trying so hard not to curl his hand into a fist in an attempt at waking Derek up, because he knew a fist would hurt and for some reason he couldn’t handle hurting Derek in that moment. Jumping in front of Stiles as a rabid Isaac tried to attack him, even if he was a cocky bastard afterwards.
Not to mention all the times Derek has saved Scott’s furry ass, not to mention all of the times Derek understood something that no one had ever understood before, not to mention those few moments in between all the craziness that brought Stiles joy as Derek played along in his crazy schemes. Not to mention any of it, because mentioning it would just make the ache in him hurt worse.
Derek has been here since the beginning, the only one here now that’s been here since the beginning. Lydia is God knows where and Scott is God knows how fucked up and Allison, Jackson, Erica, Boyd, Isaac, they're all…
Derek is here. Derek has been here. He’s the only one that knows, the only one who can understand how much this all weighs on him. This person, this partner of Stiles’, this friend is dying and Stiles can’t do anything. He’s horrified, he’s terrified, he’s angry, Stiles is so confused about how he’s feeling and this all culminates in the horrible mass of emotions pressing just under his breastbone. Stiles fucking cares about Derek and he didn’t even know how much until this moment.
It’s when that realization hits, the extent of Stiles’ feelings for Derek reveals itself, it’s then that time seems to realize it’s mistake and zoom back into the proper spacing.
Time moves on, Derek tells him to go, insisting that he’s fine and Stiles wants to scream at him that the last thing they say to each other can’t be a lie but he can’t because seconds are moving correctly now and Stiles has to use the next ones to find Scott. Stiles turns to leave, trying to shove all of this shit down where he puts the rest of it, always concealing his issues because it’s not about him it’s about Scott, it has to be about Scott because if it was about him Stiles wouldn’t even know where to start.
But then he gets a gift, a reward maybe for all the troubles he’s dealt with in life. He gets one more second, one more, extra-long second to look at Derek Hale for one last time in his life. Stiles takes it because he’s selfish when he needs to be and turns back one last time to see Derek coughing up blood, eyes still on Stiles instead of the crying woman in front of him who Derek should be looking at, and Stiles knows. He knows Derek feels the same.
And then time speeds up again, it’s always been a nasty little dick, always taking things from him before he’s ready. So Stiles turns one more time and runs because he knows that if he doesn’t he’ll never get out of there, he’ll keep on taking seconds he doesn’t have just to stay with Derek that much longer.
Stiles runs into the church, shoving all of this down, and allowing himself one last thought before everything becomes Scott again.
I love him.