Chapter Text
Demoman stumbled his way into the common room, scrumpy bottle in hand. He scanned the room, grumbling to himself.
Suddenly, something caught his eye. A donut box! Out in the open! Unguarded! No sentry built around it or anything!
"Must be me lucky day.." Demo slurred, making his way to the box.
He wondered what type of donuts were in there. Chocolate? Glazed? CHOCOLATE AND GLAZED?!? (Those were his absolute favorites.) His mouth almost began to water at the very thought of an entire box of chocolate glazed donuts.
His hand shaking, he slowly peeled back the lid of the box. And inside was...
One. Singular. Chocolate. Glazed. Donut.
"Ah, cripe." Demo groaned. He had expected a whole box full.
But, at least there was a donut in it.
"Welp, waste not want not, I 'spose." He put his hand on the donut, and...
*POOF!*
A puff of smoke appeared in front of him!
"WHO DARES STEAL THE SACRED FRIED CAKE OF SWEETENED DOUGH FROM THE GREAT MERASMUS?!?"
Demo picked up the donut, holding it to his chest. "Back off, ya peelie wally halfwit! I saw it first! Plus, ya name isn't on it, so it ain't even yours!"
"YOU FOOL! I'VE HAD MY EYES ON THAT SWEETENED DOUGH FOR EONS! CENTURIES! AN ENTIRE MILLENNIA!"
"Mate. It's still warm. It's only been here for maybe about 30 minutes."
"SILENCE!" Merasmus' bony, calloused hand grasped the lid of the box, squeezing it so violently that it crumpled and folded in his clutch. He pointed his other bony hand at Demo, wagging it like a judgmental old woman. "MOVE THAT DOUGH TO YOUR ACCURSED MOUTH HOLE, TAVISH FINNEGAN DEGROOT, AND YOU SHALL SUFFER A CURSE SO DAMNABLE, SO EXECRABLE, SO ATROCIOUS, THAT YOU WILL HAVE NEVER WISHED YOU DID SO MUCH AS GLANCE AT THE GREAT MERASMUS. IT WILL PALE IN COMPARISON TO THE CURSE OF THE BOMBINOMICON, AND PRAYING TO WHATEVER GOD YOU BELIEVE WILL HAVE YOUR EFFORTS TURN UP FRUITLESS. YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER. BE. THE. SAME."
Demo took a good look at the wizard in front of him.
Then he ate the donut.
He's already been through hell and back with Merasmus, what's the worst he could do?
Merasmus gasped dramatically, clutching his heart. "YOU DARE DEFY THE GREAT MERASMUS?!"
"THAT IS IT. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU."
Demo smiled to himself as he licked his fingers clean. Now he wanted another donut. And probably another one after that. Of course, he'd probably have to have something to wash it down. He realized that scrumpy probably wouldn't taste good paired with a donut, so maybe milk would be a b-
"FLOS MUTATIONIS!"
Demo suddenly lost his balance as an agonizing pain pierced through his head. He soon fell to the floor, his body limp.
And just like that, he was out like a light.
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Demo slowly regained consciousness.
Something about him felt...different...his body felt very, very light, almost as if he was a feather.
He looked down.
He..had no legs. No lower torso. No upper torso. No arms.
WHAT DID THIS WIZARD DO TO HIM?
"MERASMUS!" He shouted, his eyes darted every which way. "WHERE ARE YE, YE PRICK?!"
And as soon as his name was mentioned, Merasmus faded into view.
"I warned you, Demolition Man! Yet you still decided to disregard my warning!"
"WHAT DID YA DO TO ME?!"
"Calm down, man! All I did was turn you into a flower!"
Demo couldn't even believe what he just heard.
"A..a flower? Ya turned me into a BLEEDIN' FLOWER!?"
"But not just any flower! I turned you into a sunflower, the prettiest flower this Earth has to offer. Also, it was the quickest thing I could think of, alright? You're lucky I was nice enough to put you in a pot, or else you would've been dead!"
"WELL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE! TURN ME BACK!"
Merasmus wagged his finger. "I'm afraid I can't do that, DeGroot. This isn't a one-and-done situation you're dealing with. Ever heard of The Frog Prince? It's ki-"
"If you think I'm kissin' someone just so I can be turned back into a human, then yer dead wrong, ya fugly wizard."
Merasmus scoffed. "Let me finish! I was going to say that it's like that story, but with a slight change. Instead of a kiss, you'll have to solve..bum bum bum..! A riddle!"
"Oh, you have got to be kiddin' me."
"ButI'mnotgoingtotellyoutheriddlebecauseIhaven'teventhoughtofityetandplusthispartisalreadytoolongasis, ok byeeee!"
*POOF!*
So, there sat the Demoflower, bewildered and confused. How was he to get out of this predicament?