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1.
“Gina. Sophomore. Transfer student.”
She feels like she's going to be sick– and not like how Emily was over the summer from low-grade salmonella before opening night of The Music Man.
Gina.
The name swirls in the back of her mind, a concoction of dazzling eyes and face-spitting grins coming to a halt when the gaze on her turns cold.
She reaches for the extended hand, gulping down the sparks she feels at the contact.
Sophomore.
She's younger, but only by a year. How does she harbor so much confidence? How is she so talented? What does Nini have to do in order to be seen so brazenly?
She's always hidden in the foliage. Literally.
What can she do to keep Gina’s attention on her? How can she guarantee reciprocated fascination? Where is the mark to step in so that Gina is forced to stay with her, to see her with the halo of a spotlight behind her head?
Nini never wants her to stop looking.
“Um…”
She can feel the harsh stare, but she's too far gone to shrink into herself like she desperately craves.
“Gabriella. I want to audition for Gabriella.”
2.
They're sitting in rehearsals, and Miss Jenn is singing an a capella rendition of We're All In This Together when Nini feels it next.
It's not that she's a stranger to wanting to hide– she's been shy, little Nini for as long as she can remember– but this overwhelming sensation? The one that she's flooded with when Gina’s thumb brushes over her knuckles? This is new.
This is paralyzing.
She yanks her hand away.
She needs to highlight her lines, and to do that, she needs her fingers, right?
Right.
Gina’s passive aggressive “Congrats!” haunts her mind.
She didn't mean it, right? Nini’s foolish to feel a buzz over Gina speaking to her because it's meant as an insult. She spoke with disgust, with venom.
Why did Nini want her to keep going? Why did she want the conversation to continue? Why is Gina at the forefront of her every thought?
EJ loves her. He supports her, cheers from her corner in each moment, and she likes him back! She swears, she does!
Miss Jenn holds her high note, very Kristin Chenoweth-esque, and Gina’s jaw opens and shuts in amusement, mouthing ‘yes’ over and over.
Nini instinctively turns to see her reaction.
Not EJ’s.
Not Ricky’s.
Hers.
There isn't a hole deep enough for her to sink into when she's caught.
3.
Nini is not a thief.
She wears many labels, all of them proudly, and she is confident in saying that she is not a thief!
Her brief brush with kleptomania is simply… a fluke.
“The point is: I have come into possession of a few of your things, and I would like to return them to you.”
Gina’s frown deepens with every item that clatters from the garbage bag.
It's kind of funny, she thinks, how all she can focus on is how strong Gina must be to carry all of this around. It felt like bricks in her grasp, several barbells maybe, and three baby elephants! Every move Gina makes is so graceful. She's effortless in her delicate strides, her chin high and shoulders back. She's light as a feather, and how can someone look so beautiful with the weight of the world in her backpack?
Gina asks what the point is, and Nini is confident when she tells her that she won't be a doormat.
She's the new Nini, the one that stands up for herself! She won't let a stolen phone get to her!
“Just one thing, before you go…”
Nini turns around, and Gina looks just as regal as she always does.
(Even rubbing and interlacing her fingers in a confident way, unlike Nini who clumsily taps her own together in anxiousness.)
She steps closer. Nini’s lungs constrict.
Gina leans in, and she can't be thinking about kissing her, right? There's tons of reasons for someone to walk forward and lean in. She doesn't even want Gina to kiss her! She has a boyfriend! One that loves her!
She bites her tongue against her cheek.
“I didn't have your phone.”
There's something behind her coy smirk that makes Nini’s stomach churn and flutter simultaneously.
Gina turns around, and Nini is left with a sinking feeling.
If Gina didn't have her phone, then who did?
4.
Nini is trying to list everything she is thankful for, as she has done every year since she could speak.
My moms.
There is a moment, though, behind the guise of a drink break, that leaves her dizzy.
My home.
Gina laughs.
Propped up on the counter, swinging her calf just slightly off the cabinet beneath her, Gina’s cheeks flush and she glances down with the most breathtaking grin Nini has ever seen.
There's a swell of pride that she caused that expression.
My friends.
Nini knows then, above all else, what she is most grateful for this year.
Gina Porter’s smile.
She apologizes for the wonderstudy thing, and Nini genuinely couldn't care less because the idea of Gina being upset with anything, especially herself, leaves her frantic.
Gina Porter’s ambition.
So, she invites her to sleep over.
Ashlyn won't mind, she's the type to cheer about the more being the merrier, and Nini is buzzing with the fact that she’ll have space beside her for Gina to lay in when they turn in for the night.
Gina Porter’s freckles.
The ones she’ll be able to count up close while she sleeps– not in a creepy way, though.
Is there a non creepy way to watch someone sleep?
But Gina can't sleep over.
Her heart aches.
Gina won’t even be around for opening night.
“Hey, Gina, I’m so sor–”
There's tears shining in her eyes, and the sight of them makes Nini gasp.
“Um…”
How can this end? How can she make Gina happy again? How can she fix this?
“The cupcakes were–”
Slam!
Gina Porter.
“...amazing.”
5.
Gina can tell something is wrong.
Of course, she can. She's so smart, so intuitive.
It's one of the reasons Nini likes her so much.
All Gina has to do is ask, and Nini opens her chest and lets her anxieties roll off her tongue.
If the musical goes well, she could have a spot at YAC.
(If this musical goes well, she could have to choose between staying or leaving.)
“Nini, listen… you're a great actor. So, just act like someone who knows what she’s doing.”
Is it that simple?
“Does that ever work?”
Gina’s smile doesn't meet her eyes.
“It works for me everywhere I go. It's my greatest trick.” She looks down. “Also… my only trick.”
Nini doesn't believe her. Gina is the most talented human being on the planet. She's got loads of tricks, most acrobatic.
“Oh, you have a ton of tricks.”
Nini’s pulse starts to race. The air feels thick, much thicker than it would if Gina were laughing with her.
“Yeah, well, I saved my best one for tonight.”
They lock gazes. Nini feels like she's floating. The air secured in her lungs fumbles out.
“The disappearing Gina act.”
She can't help but pull her close.
Maybe one day she’ll learn to act like someone who isn’t falling in love with Gina Porter.
6.
Ricky didn't send her chocolates, so she doesn't know why she cares.
It was her mom.
Nini can't be jealous of Gina’s mom.
(Except, she is. She's known Gina her entire life, while all she's gotten is the last handful months.)
“Ah…” She silently begs Gina to meet her eyes. “Why did I never hear about this?”
She laughs nervously at Gina’s look of disbelief.
They're stronger than this, she thought.
They're friends.
She hoped they were friends, at least.
“It… it wasn't a big deal…”
So, why does it feel like one? Why does it feel like the walls are closing in on her? Why is Ashlyn giggling about Gina keeping something from her?
“Oh…”
It’s a big deal to Nini. Shouldn't that count for anything? Would Gina ever see how important she is to her? Would Gina ever feel the same?
“Let me get a root beer.”
7.
“The truth is… we’re all lucky to know you.”
Gina’s lips quirk upward, and Nini feels more accomplished than any musical has ever left her.
“You're still doing it…”
She's staring so softly, so sweetly, that Nini lets herself hope.
“Doing what?”
It's a dangerous thing; hoping for Gina to finally see her.
“Lifting other people up. You did it all night.”
She just wanted this night to go perfect. She’s still trying to make up for abandoning everyone so she could run off to Denver.
“Look, I’m really sorry about the whole Valentine's Day chocolates thing…”
Nini waves her off.
“Oh, no… That’s…” She needs to come clean. She needs Gina to see that it's not about Ricky– it's never been about Ricky.
“Honestly, it was more about me and you than it was me and him.”
From the day they met, it's been Gina.
She pleads to any higher being that will listen that Gina hears her. Not just the words she is saying, but every implication behind them.
“Who and who?”
Gina chuckles in confusion.
(Nini chuckles to avoid crying.)
She holds onto what's left of her dignity. “I was just hoping we were finally in a place where you could like…” Love her back. “...one hundred percent trust me.”
“I did.” Gina argues. “I do. I mean that's something that I learned early on…” She has a hint of teasing in her tone. “...when you stole all my stuff.” Nini laughs in disbelief. “And gave all of it back.”
It was the first time she wanted Gina to kiss her. The irony pains her.
She feels a warm hand cover her own.
“You're a really solid person, Nini.”
But that isn't enough.
As badly as she wants it to be, it would never be enough, would it?
She wets her lips, praying she won't be caught stealing glances at Gina’s.
If only it were enough.
“Well…” She rises from her seat. She has to get out there. She’s suffocating. “If you change your mind about going to Slices…”
They could go together.
Not how Nini wants, but how Gina needs because Nini has not forgotten that she walked in on her crying over a boy.
Maybe she'll find EJ after this, and she’ll ask him how he got over Gina. If he cancelled, he's surely mastered it, right? She could use a pointer or two.
“Our show would've been better, by the way…”
Nini turns so fast that her hair flies around her.
“...if you could've sung the rose song tonight.”
Or maybe she won't.
All she can do is chuckle, breathless and hopeless, because how could she be foolish enough to think there's a force in any universe that could compromise Gina’s place in her heart?
Why couldn't she have stayed invisible?
+1.
“You really thought you could leave without saying anything?”
Gina isn't even out of costume yet, and she looks even more beautiful up close than she did on stage.
“I definitely said some things,” Nini tells her, leaning back against her now closed car door.
Gina approaches, elegant as ever, and Nini can't believe she's lucky enough to exist in the same place at the same time.
“I haven't opened it yet.”
She waves the small envelope in the air.
She recalls what Gina said the night she came clean about everything with Ricky, the phrase she used to describe her confession.
“You're not supposed to open it in front of me,” Nini informs her, but for some strange reason, she doesn't mind the opportunity.
Maybe she needs it; for closure, for her peace of mind. It could spare her sanity on the drive back wondering how Gina reacted to her confession.
The seal of the envelope is broken, and Nini inhales sharply.
“Gina,” said girl begins, “from the moment we met, I knew we would be something to each other. I’m sorry it took me too long to realize that we could've been everything.” Her playful expression falls. “You were extraordinary tonight, as you always are and will be.” She pauses. “Nini, why does this sound like a goodbye?”
Nini takes a small step forward. “I could never say goodbye to you…”
“So, why is it too late?” Gina closes her card, stomping forward in frustration.
Nini sighs. “Do you remember what you told me you were thinking when you confessed to Ricky?”
“Yeah, but I don't see how–”
Gina freezes.
“Gi…” Nini smiles sadly. “The plane is going down.”
It doesn't hurt like she thought it would.
She's not happy, but there's a sense of tranquility in the way Gina’s eyes light in realization.
Here she is, heart on her sleeve, and Gina sees her– really sees her.
It's everything she's ever wanted.
“You're not coming back next semester, are you?”
Nini purses her lips and watches Gina lean back onto the car beside her. Their shoulders brush. “Keep reading.”
“I knew I loved you on Thanksgiving. I couldn't admit it yet, but with the way I stopped breathing the moment you entered the room, there's no other explanation.” Nini tilts her head, resting it against the soft fabric of Gina’s costume. “I want you to be comforted by the fact that you’ve always had someone who wanted you to see them. I want it to be soothing that you've always had someone who sees you.” Gina’s breath hitches, and her voice shrinks to a whisper when she gets to the last sentence. “You've always been the lead in my show, Gina Porter.”
Nini sits up with a soft grin. “Forever yours, Nina,” she finishes off.
Gina’s card is the only one she signed with her given name.
“Not Nini?” Gina questions.
“Nini isn't moving to California. Nina is.” It's a small distinction that somehow means everything.
“It's not goodbye,” Gina emphasizes now. She reaches out with no hesitation and interlaces their fingers. “It can't be goodbye.”
Nini nods. “It's see you later.” She squeezes her palm.
Tears well in her eyes. When one slips down her cheek, Gina thumbs it away.
They only break away when they hear chatter from the campfire.
“You should get going,” Nini tells her. “They'll be breaking out the s'mores soon.”
Gina agrees solemnly. She steps away, but turns around before she can make any real distance. “When I call–” she starts, and Nini can't help but beam at when, not if. “When I call you in California, who should I ask for? If it's not Nini then…”
Nini holds out her hand, a wave of nostalgia coursing through her veins.
“Nina. Senior. Transfer Student.”