Chapter Text
“Taehyung-ah, you are from the 24th century, right?”
Taehyung looked up from his work, a confused look on his face. “Yeah?”
Namjoon felt his chest tighten, but he decided to ignore it. “Did you know a Park Jimin?”
Namjoon was well aware that his misery was self made. He could’ve just... not asked. The chances had been low anyway. But Jimin had been so sad, when he had asked Namjoon to find his best friend, to tell him that he would always think of him. And really, Taehyung had been happy, asking when Namjoon had met him (just a few weeks after Taehyung’s departure) and told him a few stories (since they knew each other from school) and that should have been it.
Unfortunately, Namjoon’s mind and emotions weren’t on the same page. Jimin had met Namjoon during his first visit on Earth. Over 170 years had passed since his departure, and all the changes had made him dizzy. The world had changed a lot, technology had come so far, customs and language had adapted, but... humans would always stay the same. Jimin had probably only been nice to him because he had reminded him of the friend he was never going to see again. Thanks to new acceleration systems, they managed to get closer and closer to lightspeed, only enhancing the time dilation and the inevitable certainty that there was no coming back once you left.
Jimin knew that, Taehyung did as well, but of course it felt like loss even when it was just time separating them, their lives far from over. So Namjoon had let himself get lost in a few weeks with this beautiful person who was so full of pain and still had so much love to give. And Namjoon had tried his best not to fall for it. Leaving his family, his friends behind was still a fresh memory after all, only a few years had passed. And still... now that he had found Taehyung, working together on a research vessel, he couldn’t deny... that he had fallen in love with Jimin. And he couldn’t tell Taehyung. It felt like taking away a beautiful memory from him, instead layering his own heartache over it. Namjoon liked him too much for that. He was not only a brilliant biologist but also his best friend. He shouldn’t have to console Namjoon’s heartache for something that barely lasted any time at all.
“Look, we made these for each other when we were 8 years old, I think? I couldn’t take too many things with me, but this is a talisman. It always helped me out, I don’t think I would’ve gotten through the physical exams without it!” Taehyung laughed loudly, showing Namjoon a tiny keychain, a smiling, yellow figure made from felt.
“You know, when I said I wanted to go to space Jimin agreed and started his pilot training. He just didn’t expect me to stick to my plan for deep space.” His voice got softer, more somber. “But there’s not much to research on the nearby planets. In the end, it was just the best decision. I went and followed my dream and he stayed and the sadness is hopefully fading away soon.” He smiled hesitantly and Namjoon bit his tongue, before he was able to say that Jimin was long dead so there was no reason to worry anymore.
Because in that case he was the worst hypocrite.
“I didn’t know he was piloting in the solar system. He only said he’s a pilot.”
“Didn’t you meet him like that?” Taehyung asked, sneakily wiping away a tear.
“Oh, no, he helped me in the park with one of the vending machines. At least I think that’s what it was.”
Taehyung’s laugh was back. It was probably ridiculous to him that someone didn’t know how to order a drink from a machine, but he also grew up with it. It was easy to forget sometimes, the many differences from the centuries between them, but they barely ever talked about home. It made it easier for everyone on the station, not being reminded of how weird it was to talk to someone who had witnessed history. Someone’s life was always history for someone else.
Namjoon visited the bowl, as they called it, a room with a huge, bulbous glass panel that let them see the stars around them, the planet they were orbiting every few hours, its sun. It was calming, the gravity turned down. It let Namjoon put everything in perspective when his thoughts started to run too fast. “Are we supposed to live like that?” Jimin had asked him that, back on Earth, and Namjoon had thought that they were still all humans, no matter how displaced in time they ended up being.
But maybe... there was something to it. This way of living left them devoid of their identity as humans in a way that no one had ever experienced. They had to redefine culture, religion, ethics even. At this point, Namjoon wasn’t sure if it had been worth it after all.
Jealousy was a bad trait, Namjoon was well aware of it, but it was hard to push it away. Some days he looked at Taehyung and wondered how he had managed to get everything. Maybe it was unfair to direct it to his friendship with Jimin. Even in his worst moments Namjoon had to admit that he probably wouldn’t have gotten so obsessed with him if the circumstances were different. But besides that... he watched Taehyung dance with his boyfriend, playing some jazz music that had already been old in Namjoon’s times. Hoseok was so far from the future that it made Namjoon dizzy just thinking about it. And still they had found each other. They even built their own language, to be able to talk without using translators.
Taehyung had found the planet of his dreams here, it was apparent how his research on the native species was all he had ever dreamed of. And he had his good looks, if Namjoon wanted to be petty. Nice personality.
With a huff, Namjoon got up and walked over to his quarters. He hated himself like this, moody and dismissive. He hadn’t gone to space, left everything behind just to wallow in self pity. But dragging himself out of it... was not an easy task.
~
“Hey.”
Namjoon looked up from his work, at Taehyung who was hovering over the other chair, unsure if he was allowed to sit down.
“Hey,” Namjoon said softly. Not the best time, he was in the middle of his evaluation but he had also vowed to be less dismissive. Only a few days ago Hoseok had shot him weird glances all throughout dinner. It was no good, he didn’t want to raise any attention because that meant unwelcome questions.
“Do you have a second?” Taehyung asked, and the moment of hesitation from Namjoon was enough for Taehyung to smile softly and say: “I can wait. If that’s okay.”
“It’ll take a while,” Namjoon said, but Taehyung only shrugged and pulled the chair out. He took out his own workstation, always perfectly uncomplicated. With a barely audible sigh, Namjoon focused back on his task, ignoring the nibbling feeling that he wasn’t going to like the conversation that was waiting for him.
“So,” Namjoon said almost two hours later, slowly pushing the monitor on his station down. “What’s up?”
Taehyung eyed him, quickly finishing up before he wiggled around on his chair. Namjoon knew he wasn’t going to like it, but he had missed his chance to flee. There were only so many places to run on a spaceship anyway, so it was probably best to get it over with.
“Hoseok and I, uhm... we are a bit worried?” Taehyung looked at him so cautiously that Namjoon was willing to throw something, but he only waved his hand to tell Taehyung to keep talking. “You’ve been in a really bad mood lately, and, uhm, we know how it is out here, sometimes.”
Oh. Namjoon wasn’t sure why he was surprised, but of course it made a lot more sense than his stupid pining.
“I would say go home for a bit, but that’s complicated, right? So we both thought of a few things, if... if you want to hear it? You don’t have to, of course. I just... hate seeing you like this.”
“Like what?” Namjoon asked, a little more snippy than intended.
“Depressed.”
“I’m not-!” He looked away, taking a deep breath. “I’m not depressed. Just too much in my head lately, that’s all.”
“About what?” Taehyung was so careful, it hurt his heart. But he wasn’t selfish enough to unload on Taehyung.
”I don’t know, just a bit lonely. Work is going at a snail’s pace as well.” He shoved his workstation lightly. It wasn’t even an excuse. He didn’t quite share the same enthusiasm for this solar system as Taehyung did.
“See, about that. I know geology is your passion, but sometimes things change. Maybe it would be nice to try something new? Seokie can show you around the engineering department, you have a degree after all.”
He did, but it was technology that was so far behind Hoseok’s area of expertise that it was laughable. He wasn’t sure if that would make him feel much better. Though Hoseok sometimes struggled with old tech as well, their space station was pretty ancient from his point of view. It wasn’t... the worst idea, to be fair.
“And it’s mating season soon, on the planet, for the colony I’m currently working with. Would you like to see that?”
“Don’t they all die in the end?”
Taehyung looked at him in exasperation, but of course he couldn’t deny it. The Mayflies, as they have named them, lived in a larvae state for a long time, forming their own, intricate societies that all end when they hatch into a strangely humanoid form, mate for a day and then inevitably die. It was fascinating for sure, but Namjoon couldn’t quite see how it would help his sense of disconnection.
“It’s just their life cycle coming to an end. I thought you might want to talk to them, or observe? I could use more sets of eyes, it’s hard to focus on so many things at once.” He threw his arms up, sighing loudly. “But you don’t have to, Namjoon. Just... stop brooding please. We’re all in this together, you know everyone wants to help.”
It took all his self control not to snap at Taehyung. He made it sound as if he was an inconvenience, and the fact that Taehyung was only trying to help barely made it better.
“I’ll go watch the Mayflies,” he said. The alternative would’ve been to give Taehyung a piece of his mind, and he would regret that later. Who knew how they handled bad moods in Taehyung’s time anyway. “Maybe it gives me some clues to the developmental stages of the planet.”
Unlikely, which was exactly what Taehyung’s expression was telling him, but he also realized that Namjoon was about to explode.
“Okay, sounds great! I’m going down in two days, so we have enough time that I can show you what equipment we need and what data I want to collect and a general overview of their behavior as known to this point.” He smiled, holding out his hand to Namjoon who took it reluctantly. “My grandma always said that it helps to get out of the daily trot. And if that isn’t working you can still annoy Seokie with your old tech knowledge!”
He grinned widely while he patted Namjoon’s hand and well. He was really lonely, because it just felt so good.
“Okay, Taehyung-ah. Thanks.”
And maybe... maybe the worry was justified, because right when Taehyung’s hand slipped away and he got up, Namjoon blurted out: “Can I have a hug?”
Taehyung looked at him with wide eyes for a second before he fell into his arms, cooing the whole time. He wrapped around him like an octopus and there was a chance Namjoon wasn’t missing Jimin all that much. Maybe he just missed having someone in his arms.
“It’s okay if you talk to them if they approach you, but please stick to the rules.” Taehyung checked their equipment again, putting up a few cameras around the swamp perimeter. “If you need anything, I’ll be over there by the small hill. And if you want to leave, just go back to the shuttle. I’ll stay to the end.”
Namjoon nodded and made his slow way through the mud to a good spot to sit down and watch. Taehyung had tried to communicate with the larvae, and he was positive that they would remember him and talk to him again after their transformation. Namjoon wasn’t sure he wanted anyone to talk to him at all, though. Just see life again as it was supposed to be, taking its regular turns. They definitely had bugs around... Namjoon absentmindedly slapped one that had landed on his hand when the first Mayflies started hatching.
It was... one of the weirdest sights of his life. The Mayflies were humanoid to a degree that it was almost uncomfortable to look at. The way they came out of the water, slightly discolored, a bit squishy and wet made sure to dissuade his worry. He had wondered if seeing a copy of humanity would make him even more desperate to go back to something familiar, but this was the farthest from familiar possible. Especially when they started mating and laying their eggs.
At some point, Namjoon looked over to Taehyung who was in deep conversation with a couple. He wondered if they were the ones Taehyung had looked out for, but he wasn’t going to interrupt them. His curiosity could wait a few more hours.
“Hello.”
Namjoon startled so badly he almost fell into the mud. His heart was beating wildly when he looked at one of the Mayflies, eyes slightly too big on a squishy body, but their faces...
“Hello?” Namjoon said, glancing back at Taehyung. They were harmless and he had gotten explicit instructions how to interact with them, but he was still uncomfortable. He had stayed away from any alien lifeforms on his previous missions for a reason.
“You have no mate,” the Mayfly stated, and before Namjoon could react they plopped down into the mud, grabbing Namjoon’s arms. “You don’t, right?”
Namjoon was still trying to figure out what to answer, irritated by the look of desperation the other’s face when the Mayfly suddenly moved forward, pressing a kiss against Namjoon’s mouth.
His first instinct was to push him away. The sensation had been... uncomfortable, wet and weird tasting and something had tried to wriggle into his mouth. He quickly wiped it away, looking over to Taehyung who hadn’t noticed the commotion. The Mayfly had just gotten legs a little while ago, he was sure he could outrun them.
“You do have one?” The other cried, desperately digging their hands into the mud. “They all have,” they said, their small shoulders heaving. Namjoon was still stuck on his spot, but when it looked like the Mayfly wasn’t trying to attack him again, pity won over. He couldn’t help it, being so awfully human.
“Hey, I’m sorry I pushed you. But I don’t belong here. I’m not one of you.”
The other was still wailing, so Namjoon reached out to softly pat their shoulder. The other’s head jerked up, their eyes even bigger, tears running down their face. “What?” he croaked out.
“I’m not one of you. I’m not here to mate.” He glanced over again. Taehyung hadn’t briefed him on this scenario so he hoped he wasn’t doing something unethical. “Can’t you find anyone to mate with you?”
Mating wasn’t quite as instinctual as Taehyung had explained after all. Namjoon had wondered about it anyway, when the Mayflies were finding partners in larvae form and stayed like that until hatching.
“They all hate me!” they said, fury blinking in their eyes before sadness took over. “They don’t want me here. They don’t like my poems.”
“Your poems?” Namjoon asked. “Why not?” When he saw the hesitation in the other’s eyes, he said: “I won’t be offended. I’m not one of your people.”
The other mulled that over for a moment, but he obviously had nothing to loose and started reciting one of his creations in a sing-sang voice. It was questioning their place between the stars, wondering if they were trapped never knowing more than their swamp, a melancholic ballad about all the things they could never experience, all the lives they could never live.
When they stopped, Namjoon quickly wiped away a tear from his eyes. He was glad they were sitting right next to a camera that could pick up the other’s words. He had learned that they didn’t try to save their creations for their offspring, that they started completely new with every cycle, but Namjoon wasn’t a Mayfly and if there was one thing that was so utterly human, it was his wish to keep memories.
Ah, he wasn’t going to get away from anything anywhere, it seems.
“So what didn’t they like about that?” Namjoon asked. The other seemed calm again, not looking around where everyone else was busy laying eggs.
“No one questions that. No one worries about these things. They said it’s unnatural.”
Namjoon had no way to judge how their society developed, if at all. He couldn’t use his human knowledge and superimpose it on them. But he knew what it means to feel out of place, and if that was unethical so be it. Taehyung could scream at him later.
“It definitely isn’t. Come on, let’s go over to my friend. Maybe he can help you.”
The other grabbed the offered hand, tumbling after Namjoon. They both didn’t do a good job walking.
“What’s your name?” Namjoon asked, trudging slowly through the sticky mess under their feet.
“Name? What is that?” the other asked.
“How... how do you address each other? How do you know who’s who?” Namjoon wondered for a second if the translator didn’t pick it up right, when the other said: “I see it. I hear it. Isn’t it obvious?”
Namjoon smiled at that. Maybe. What did he know.
“Taehyung-ah!”
Taehyung had seen him approach, his couple busy with laying eggs around him.
“Found a friend?” Taehyung asked, eyeing them warily.
“Something like that. They can’t find a mate, I thought you could talk to yours.”
Taehyung was definitely not a fan of that, but any negotiations were cut short when his couple noticed them and started screeching immediately, throwing mud at Namjoon’s companion.
“Go away! No one wants you!”
They were snarling, showing blunt teeth, and Namjoon pulled his companion behind himself on pure instinct. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but they were willing to stone him it seemed. He didn’t care if he should let nature take its course, Taehyung was not going to be able to convince him to let them do that!
“Namjoon, get him away from here, NOW!” Taehyung had jumped up, trying to get between his couple and the other Mayfly, trying to keep them from escalating the violence. Namjoon didn’t need to be told twice, grabbing his companion and pulling them away. They were wailing again, but he couldn’t bother too much with it, not when his heart was beating wildly in his chest. So they weren’t all harmless, it seemed. Not aggressive towards humans, but definitely towards their own people.
They were almost at the shuttle when Namjoon slowed down. The other was still sobbing pathetically, but it had gotten softer.
“You’re safe here,” Namjoon said, trying to console the other.
“What for?” they said. “I can’t do what I was made for!” They started crying again, rubbing over the muddy floor until they were completely covered. From all Namjoon knew they were right. They were meant to die after this one day, mating or not, and nothing he could say would change that. So he sat down next to them, stroking their hair and hoping that it helped, not being left alone. Knowing that someone cared.
Night turned into dawn. His companion had turned quiet, lying in the mud, barely even blinking. The first few started to die, burying themselves as food for their offspring.
“Do you want to sing me more songs?” Namjoon asked. He hadn’t stopped petting the other, not even when they had turned completely catatonic.
“What for?” the other asked with a rough voice.
“To remember. My people cherish that.”
“Even gross songs like mine?”
“There’s nothing gross about longing,” Namjoon said. “There’s beauty in pain, you know.”
“Your people are weird,” they said, but they got up, cleared their throat and started singing. It wasn’t the worst way to spend your last moments, Namjoon thought.
Hours passed, and when Taehyung came over to them, barely able to carry all his equipment, he looked at them with confusion written all over his face. The Mayfly abruptly stopped their singing, hiding behind Namjoon.
“Why are they still here?” Taehyung asked, carefully putting his bags down. “Everyone else is gone.”
“I don’t know,” Namjoon whispered. “We were singing. No one came after us.”
Taehyung crawled forward, trying to get a glimpse of the other. “Hey. I’m sorry about earlier. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Are you his mate?” the Mayfly asked. “Are you going to leave me here?”
Taehyung smiled softly. “It’s more complicated than that. But we have to go soon.”
The other grabbed Namjoon’s arms so tightly that he hissed, fingernails digging into the soft skin. “No! Take me with you! I hate it here, I don’t want to stay!” He started crying again, and Namjoon was at his limit. A day on their planet was 45 Earth hours, too long to listen to miserable crying for most of it.
“We are from the stars. There’s only people like us. If you stay here, you could go somewhere else, find others of your kind.”
“They will hate me, too,” they said, not loosening their death grip.
“You don’t know that,” Taehyung said. “They could love your, uhm...” He looked at Namjoon, begging for help.
“They might like your songs and poems just the way they are. The stars can be horribly lonely, you know. We already went through it. Don’t leave everything behind if you don’t know the consequences.”
“No one ever looks up. I’m tired of looking down,” the Mayfly said, and stood up to their full height, which was still not much. “Please show me,” he said, and to Namjoon’s surprise, Taehyung said yes.
“Isn’t this unethical?” Namjoon asked, while he helped Taehyung maneuvering the small shuttle off the planet.
“I don’t give a fuck, Namjoon. This was the fifth time I saw them all die, and this is the first one that stayed alive. Who makes these rules anyway? This is the wild west and we are left to our own devices. If they want to tag along, who are we to tell them that it’s not allowed?”
“Maybe the other biologists don’t see it quite like that...”
“There’s only two others, and they want to leave soon. I take full responsibility.” He eyed Namjoon with his sharp gaze, but he didn’t have to convince him.
“Don’t worry, Taehyung-ah. I’m right in my midlife crisis, I would’ve taken them with or without your permission.”
Taehyung started hysterically laughing at that, almost steering them too far to the side. “That explains it a lot better than all our theories. Let’s take care of this one, hm? They like you. Should we give them a name?”
“If they are fine with it. I have one in mind.”
“Oh?” Taehyung glanced at him, turning on autopilot for the two hour ride to their mother ship.
“Yoongi. Because they are glowing.”
And Taehyung grinned, showing all his teeth, obviously content with his choice.