Chapter Text
It was September 1st, the day of the year I always spent looking longingly at pictures of the Hogwarts Express and wishing I could just taste Pumpkin Pasties and Butterbeer. To ride on the Hogwarts Express with the golden trio … or near them and have a cat or owl of my own. I don’t know if I’m up for everything that comes with being a witch at Hogwarts but.. Some of it is just… every kid who’s allowed to read it (and some who aren’t) dream of going.
I’m in my thirties so it’s safe to say my letter never came but.. Still I find myself wishing. It’s better than grinding away your soul from 9 to 5. All this adult stuff it’s such a joke. Woooo adulthood. Wooo taxes and bills.
Fuck that noise.
I expected to be able to leave home but because boomers ruined the economy I’m still living under my parents’ roof. I flipped a page in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets .
Not close enough.
I glanced out the window at the passing street. Some days my soul cried out for the Isekai Van, Truck, whatever that you see in all those anime to pull up one day and invite me on. Or just run me over , either or. If it gets me into Hogwarts , that’s all I care about.
Ahhh, that’s a dark thought. My therapist would be disappointed in me.
Oh well.
I turned another page and suddenly the pages went white, and there was a single sentence on it, in Tom Riddle’s handwriting.
Do you want to be a witch?
What in the Kentucky fried fuck ?. I stared feeling as if I must have been seeing something. I mean….. This would require drugs that I medically cannot take.
Well ….do you?
I grabbed the pen off my nightstand and scrawled an answer . This had to be a weird dream.
Um .. YEAH.
My words disappeared.
Do you think you would be a good one?
I groaned to myself. He was fucking with me. I wrote back.
Does it matter?
He responded
Well yes, if I made you a witch and you were a weak one, well you know what I do to weak wizards and witches.
My fist clenched. Oh he did NOT. I did something very stupid then, but in my defense I was very very angry.
Okay look asshole You make me a witch and I’ll be a better dark lady than you ever were a dark lord. You can bet on it!
My heart pounded as the words disappeared If he was really Tom Riddle he would not like that
Okay then … prove it. The Knight Bus will be coming any moment now, gather what you wish to bring and it will take you to London. I await to see what kind of Dark Lady you can be , muggle.
Oh that little BITCH. I threw down the book and after testing my pain receptors a bit , to prove I was not in fact dreaming and this surreal shit was all happening, I started packing a bag as far as I could move. I gathered all my soda, some clothes, my phone, just in case. And after stuffing it in a bag I hurried out the garage with my stuff and took off outside as a gigantic purple bus appeared in front of me.
What's-his-name with the zits started his spiel but I reached into my pocket and handed him a card and some crumpled bills. “This is everything I have. Please…”
I might have noticed then that his eyes were cloudy and weird as he stood aside. I blinked a few times but then realized. That bitch Riddle imperiused him! I took back my money and got aboard feeling a little bad about taking advantage of the dude but you don’t get a chance to become a witch everyday.
My heart was racing and my mind was still several steps behind trying to comprehend the sheer unreality of it all. I think it froze and restarted at a few points.. This was unbelievable. I felt the bus racing making me queasy as it took off .
After a while I kinda had to lay down because I was about to hurl. I fell into an uneasy sleep that felt like a few nights worth. And when I woke up … I was in a thirteen year old’s body again.
It felt NICE.
I looked around at my surroundings. It was almost like just out of the movies.. But like…real-er.
Real-er. The fuck kind of word is that? Dammit I’m a fanfiction writer. I’m supposed to be better than that. I sound like a thirteen- oh right
Fuck.
The bus made a sudden stop , hurling me against the window. If I wasn’t awake I am now. Shit. After pulling myself up and getting my stuff I made my way off the bus quickly before the Imperius curse wore off. Not that they could possibly think a little girl could have done that.
As I walked onto the street I felt something in my pocket where I had stuffed my phone. Instead of a phone I pulled out an eleven-ish inch stick carved very specifically.
My wand
“Oh holy crap SWEET” I swished it around once or twice before sliding it into my boot Alex Russo style. I walked the streets of London, feeling a little lost. I’d never been outside my American home town and naturally I had NO idea where I was supposed to be.
After pacing around a bit, probably looking very very weird, I noticed the sign reading “The Leaky Cauldron” . Thank goodness.
I made my way into the pub looking up at the guy cleaning glasses. “Can I help you?”
I blinked and went quiet, taken aback. Still in a state of disbelief that this was all real. “Uh…. I …don’t have any money” I said sheepishly.
“Ah, an American,” He said. “On holiday?”
“.y- nooo..uh… “ I hesitated. I hadn't thought of how I was going to explain this “Would you believe that I have amnesia?”
Well , with that little lie I just created a bit of a mess for myself and hours and a few concerned adults later I was sitting in a room in the Leaky Cauldron, thinking the same four letter words over and over again.
The door opened and none other than Albus Dumbledore came in. Oh…..shit and fuck I was in DEEP. What was I going to DO?
“Hello…I don’t suppose you are able to recall your name,Miss?” he said pleasantly pulling up a chair .
“Uh…. that much I can remember. Danelle. Dani. My mom and dad called me Dani” I said.
“Ah wonderful, surname?” He asked. Like an idiot I almost gave my name but then hesitated. “Gray” I said. “Like the color”
“Well Miss Gray. it’s not often we get Americans stranded here this time of year” he said with a chuckle “but I suppose there’s not much else we can do”
My heart was pounding and I was trying not to burst with excitement. I had amnesia. I wasn’t supposed to know what Hogwarts was… maybe? I don’t know everything I know about amnesia comes from the movie Anastasia.
Which doesn’t exist yet. It’s 1993. I should be staring into space and eating my own fist in the Carolinas right now.
Oh shiiit.
“Do you have a wand?” Dumbledore asked., snapping me out of my thinking.
“Oh …yes!” I reached into my boot and pulled out my wand. He took it , catching me by surprise. “Ahh. hazel… eleven and… three fourths I suppose we can take this to Ollivander’s to find out what it’s made of.”
“Oh…” I wanted to say ‘do we have to?’ He handed my wand back.
“Has anyone explained to you what you are? I imagine they must have if you found this inn”
“Yeah I know … I’m a witch. But.. that’s mostly it” I said, tucking my wand away again. “Are they going to take me to a hospital to be studied or something?” I asked.
“Oh no. Not to worry. I can arrange things for you, but we are in dangerous times, so I ask that you remain in Diagon Alley until the time comes for you to come to school.”
“School?” I asked, putting on my best clueless idiot expression.
“Why yes. Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry” It took all of my skills from 7th grade drama camp to keep my expression neutral. “Oh.. cool”
“I will see that you are given an allowance from the funds we keep for muggle born students” He left soon after with a twinkle in his eye like the Dumbledore from the books.
Because he was the Dumbledore from the books. Doy. Keep up, idiot.
I laid back on the bed staring at the ceiling. I wish I had brought more money… I reached in my pocket and pulled out what I had. I couldn’t use the card, it was for an account that didn’t exist yet. Lets see…
Ho sweet! this wasn’t a twenty five it was a fifty. What did I have a fifty in my pocket for?
…Oh yeah… comic con. I unfolded the other one and breathed in pleasant shock, $100!
I remembered that I kept it there to hide it from my dad, who had a habit of being pestery about money.
Okay, good. Good.
Okay that should get me… something nice.
I rolled over and pulled the blanket over me , but a part of me fully expected to be in my bedroom , thirtysomething again when I woke up.
No way this could happen to me.