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"Bo! Come over here!” Pete whispered frantically. “I think I just cracked something WIDE OPEN”
Boris rolled his eyes. “Pete, if this has anything to do with clones—”
“It’s about the Boss!” Pete insisted, bouncing on his toes. “This is gonna BLOW YOU MIND, and you’re gonna love it!”
Reluctantly, the older man dragged himself over to the warehouse couch where his idiotic co-workers had been gossiping in whispers between themselves for the past hour. “What is it?”
"So obviously the Boss and Nightwing are close." Pete began.
Antonio grinned suggestively. "Really close."
“See, Tony and I have had this bet for a while now: Brother or Lover.”
“Bro or Hoe.”
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5...
“Bo, are you listening?”
“Yes, just trying not to kill you.” Boris grumbled, resuming his countdown from ten. Keeping calm.
“Great. Thanks, man.” Pete beamed. “So, like I was saying, I think the boss and Nightwing are brothers, and Tony thinks they’re dating.”
“You can’t deny they’re a hot couple.”
“A hot couple of bros. The Bat genes are strong.” Pete shot back. “But that got me thinking. Nightwing is the OG Robin. Duh. So, IF the boss is his bro, that makes him Robin’s brother, and Robin’s brothers are the other Robins. And there are only two of those, and Robin 3 is still Robin, but Robin 2 is—”
Boris huffed. “Don’t you go dragging the Second Robin into you bullshit—”
“No, listen Boris!” Antonio pressed. “I still think they’re a couple, but IF they’re brothers, his logic actually checks out.”
“Seriously. Boss mentioned that he ‘left’ the city over two years ago, right when Robin 2 disappeared. And the Bat never said Robin died, we all just assumed ya’ know. Maybe there was some sort of big falling out, Robin 2 runs away angry at the Bat. He gets things together, grows up, blah blah blah and BAM! He comes back to Gotham still hating the Bat but still having a good relationship with his brother!” Pete was practically bouncing on his toes. “It explains everything! He’s like super strong and well-trained. He fights like the Bat! You said so yourself, the move like each other, so obviously that’s because he was trained with the Bat. And that’s why he knows so much about Batman, even though he’s been gone from the city for two years. And why he hates the Bat so much, but loves Nightwing. It all checks out!”
“That’s actually one of your more rational ideas.” Boris conceded. “But I saw Robin 2. In person. He was a scrawny little thing. Two years of puberty and protein shakes can’t turn a kid that small into a man like the boss.”
“EXACTLY!” Pete agreed with the look in his eyes that told Boris to be worried.
Antonio smirked, leaning into the older man, whispering. “This is where it takes a real Pete™-spin”
“And that was the CAUSE of the falling out! When Batman cloned the first Robin—”
“Pete.”
“He wanted his kid to be part human, to walk in the sun, to grow, like a normal human. Ya’ know? Dad’s always want their kids to have all the things they couldn’t have, right? That’s why he genetically cloned him with human DNA.”
“What have I said about your clone shit—”
“BUT then Robin grew up and flew the nest! Everyone noticed the Bat got more intense after the first Robin left! People used to joke he had empty-nester syndrome. So, when he created his second clone, he genetically engineered his vampire DNA to be more dominant this time so he’d stay immortally tiny and not grow!”
“Pete—”
“Robin 2 was getting frustrated that he wasn’t growing like Robin 1 did. And he blamed the Bat since he genetically created him.” Pete insisted. “So, Robin 2 CURSED his dhampyr nature! He CURSED his eternal youth and he CURSED the Bat for making him what he was! Ya’ know? Like the little girl in Interview with the Vampire? Kirsten Dunst? So, he rejected the Bat and ran away to find some other magical science to age-and-beef him up! And that’s where he’s been these past two years.”
“Pete—”
“AND that explains why Robin 3 is so small two! THE BAT IS GENETICALLY ENGINEERING HIS HALF-VAMPIRE KIDS TO BE UNAGING!”
Boris calmly picked up the ratty decorative pillow from the edge of the couch.
“AND that explains how our boss is so strong! He took on Deathstroke! It’s ‘cause he’s a dhampyr! Bo—?”
Boris calmly pressed the pillow against Pete’s face.
“Bo?”
Boris calmly pressed the younger man back into the couch, calmly suffocating the annoyance.
“BO!”
Antonio shook his head sadly, pulling out his phone. “I’ll start drafting the eulogy.”
Weeks later, the trio walked into HQ to find Nightwing with the boss. The duo was in full gear, looking like they were freshly back from running on the rooftops or whatever it is they do when they’re not taking names and kicking ass. Red Hood was laid out over the couch, helmet off and domino only, and Nightwing was perched on the back, poking at the larger man with his feet..
“Perfect!” Pete cheered, running over without any sense of self-preservation before Boris could stop him. “We’ve got a question.”
“Pete, please—”
“Nightwing, is the boss your little brother?”
The boss bristled and Boris held his breath until Nightwing burst out in laughter.
Although Nightwings’ clear amusement reassured Boris that Pete wasn’t in dangerous territory, it did make the Boss bristle even further. “What makes you think I’m the younger brother? I’m like, a foot taller.” Red Hood snapped, getting to his feet as if to prove his point.
“You don’t even have six inches on me.” Nightwing scoffed, getting to his feet as well, and standing stiffly at his full height (which was admittedly well below the Hood’s). “Besides, it’s obviously my maturity and wisdom that tipped him off that I’m the big brother.”
“I knew it!” Pete cheered as Antonio groaned in disappointment. Boris merely sighed, content that no one was going to be losing a tongue tonight—he hoped.
“Shit. How is this the one time you’re on to something?” The boss grumbled as Nightwing hooked an arm over the taller man’s shoulders and dragged him down to his level, obnoxiously ruffling his hair.
“Yes, this is my precious little brother.” Nightwing smiled brightly, before turning on them with an unusual firmness in his gaze. “And I trust as my little brother’s close aids, that you’ll have the discretion to not share this information irresponsibly.”
“Of course, of course!” Pete insisted, before diving straight back in. “Follow up, question! Are you dhampyr?”
“What?”
“A dhampyr is—”
Nightwing laughed, flashing a crooked smile that seemed to emphasize his canines. “No, I know what a dhampyr is, you just caught me off guard.”
“Don’t answer that question.” Red Hood jumped in before Nightwing could give a proper response. “I have to maintain some level of mystique.”
“Well then I won’t say a word.” Nightwing’s smile widen if possible, somehow drawing a suspicious amount of attention to his incisors... which were... were they... Were they larger than normal? Bo shook his head to dispel the thought. Pete’s stupidity must be catching.
Speaking of Pete, he was practically vibrating in place. “Iknewit.” He practically squealed. “Ifigureditout.They’redhampyrs.Nightwing’shumangenesarestronger.Andthebossesvampiregenesarestronger.That’swhyhe’sstrongerthanhisolderbrother.”
Red Hood applauded. “100%. Pete, you get a raise. I am in fact, the superior brother.”
“Woahwoahwoah—No.” Nightwing objected at the same time. “Hood here has literally never beaten me.”
“We haven’t had a real spar since I came back.” Red Hood smirked back, puffing up his chest and posturing proudly. “And I’ve learned quite a bit in the meantime. I’m not gonna be running to you for tips anymore, Big Bird.”
Instead of responding verbally, Nightwing swung out a lighting fast hook kick, knocking Hood behind the knee and sending him stumbling over, and tripping over the cheap coffee table.
“I’m sure I still have a few things to teach you.” The older brother smirked. The younger responded with a smirk of his own, snapping two legs off the coffee table and tossing them to Nightwing, then snapped off the other two for himself.
“That’s our cue to exit.” Boris announced, snatching the scruff of Antonio and Pete’s collars and dragging them back as the two brothers dove at each other, makeshift weapon’s clashing with splinters and laughter.
Yup. They were definitely brothers. Boris could see that much.
Still wasn't sold on the "Robin 2" thing. The math on that couldn't possibly work out, he'd only be like 16 or 17? No way. Just because he was the little brother of the original Robin, didn't mean he'd joined in the crime fighting. In fact, it might make even more sense if the boss never had--if he had watched from the sidelines as his brother fought an unending battle against crime with Batman their whole childhood, maybe he'd resent the Bat for dragging his big brother into the hopeless battle? And then he decided to take on crime himself, from the inside as the Red Hood. Much more sensible than all the cloning and vampire shit.
Though... as he watched Nightwing swing his way up a support beam up into the rafters in complete defiance of all laws of gravity, and Hood easily following in his own way scaling the seemingly frictionless surface—maybe Boris wouldn’t absolutely rule it out.