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“Jane Doe? That’s yer name?“ The Demoman asked, an amused smile creeping onto his face.
“It is.” The Soldier replied in a booming voice. “Mister Jane Doe.”
“That’s the name on yer birth certificate is it?” The demoman started to laugh. Not out of malice, he genuinely thought Soldier was joking. Though the soldier paused. His eyes were not visible due to his oversized helmet, but his mouth opened, then closed as if he did not know what to say. Which was definitely a first for him.
“Ey..mate, I- uh, I’m sorry if I hurt yer feelings.” Tavish said, realizing it was not in fact a joke.
“No. No. I don’t know why what you said would hurt my feelings I was just thinking about… I don’t know.”
“I’ve never seen you act like this before mate, you alright?”
“It isn’t important. Don’t get soft on me pal.”
“I’m not goin’ soft!”
“Then we’re in agreement. Let’s go get some classic American barbecue.” Jane said loudly.
“Ey, let’s go.” Tavish replied quietly.
Tavish had been friends with Jane for a very long time, but it was only 2 years into the friendship where they learned their real names. In retrospect Tavish had always wished he had reacted differently, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Jane never liked to talk about his past, let alone his name. Though Tavish decided it wasn’t important. Jane was a very important person to him and the last thing he wanted to do is sour it by being pushy.
Tavish was never the type that was good with emotions. He just hid them all with booze. So when he was wandering around the base, reacquainting himself with self-awareness and heard loud sobs mixed with coughing from Soldier and his room, he starred at the door in fear.
‘Come on Tavish. Knock on the damn door.’ He thought. With tense shoulders and jaw he knocked.
“Jane? You alright in there? Need the medic or something?”
The crying stopped for a moment. Then he heard footsteps. The door creaked open and soldier took a look outside, making sure of his surroundings. Then looking up at Tavish. He stood up straight, pushed the door open and saluted him.
“Everything is good sir.” He said, quite normal despite his red face and tear tracks.
“Mate… this whole building is made of metal. It echos like it’s hollow. And don’t try to tell me ya don’t know what I’m talkin’ about.”
Jane stood still, his hand still raised to his forehead.
“I hate to say it but you’re right. Everything has gone Fubar. An absolute soup sandwich.”
Tavish resisted the urge to smirk at Jane’s military jargon.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“I get that. Do ya want me to leave then?”
“No.” Jane said curtly.
“Alright then.” Tavish took off his bulkier armor and curled up next to soldier. They shared a room at this specific facility but it was more ‘shove two cots together and call it a Queen size.’ Jane got on his bed and planted his face in Tavish’s shoulder. He knew Jane was hurting over something, something that he did not realize was possible. But he stayed and held him. It was quiet for a moment, before the soldier shook a bit and could not hold on his tears any more than he already had. Tavish held him tighter.
“You’ve gotta tell me what’s wrong Jane.” He ran his hand down his back. Jane sniffed and tried to stop himself so he could talk.
“I have no idea who I am Tavish. Everything before World War II is blank for me, everything before my early 20s is gone. I don’t know what my parents look like. Hell I don’t even know my real name. My body makes no sense to me, it doesn’t look the way it should, and I have no idea why.” Jane was going to say more but Tavish made him pause.
“What’d’ya mean by all that, slow down a bit.”
Jane took a deep breath in to regain his composure.
“I don’t know what happened, I can make guesses like I took a rock to the head or something, but the earliest thing I can remember is being completely alone in Germany with no idea how I got there. I managed to put some things together, like how I flew there to help my country and that it was 1942, but nothing else. I even tried asking my military buddies, they didn’t know anything either. So I just did what I thought I was there to do, kill Nazi’s. So I did. Little did I know it was actually 1949 and I was not 19 but 26, I was even more confused than before.
Though in one fight with a German of… some sort, I was shot in the head, or at least I think so, and I woke up to yelling in a place I didn’t know, and that was when I first met the Doctor and Ms.Pauling.” Jane paused for a moment.
“Ludwig called me a ‘Jane Doe’ because I was a unidentified corpse, and the name just stuck.”
Tavish took the words in slowly.
“Holy hell man, I’m sorry, I had no clue.”
“I made sure that it was a secret. Nobody knows this except the Doc, Ms.Pauling, maybe the administrator, and now you.”
“That sounds, really hard. Not knowin’ your own name or anything.”
Jane took a deep breath, he was now much more composed and speaking clearly.
“I’ve gotten used to that. What was bothering me was that it was about time to hit the showers and… my body doesn’t look the way I think it should.”
“In what way?”
I don’t look the way a man is supposed to look. I have a woman’s body. Sometimes I’m fine with it but other times… I can’t get over it.”
“You know… I think I heard Ludwig say somethin’ about that once. Not feelin’ right in yer own body.” Tavish said quietly. Jane took the words in and it took a moment to process.“I think he called it Transgender. Meanin’ a person isn’t the same gender in their head as they are between the legs so to speak.” Tavish continued gently.
“Sounds like hippy nonsense.” Jane said sternly. “But it does sound like me…” Jane trailed off, racking his brain for words that made sense.
“Tavish… I sometimes feel like a man. But sometimes I feel like a girl at the same time. Like I’m a boy and a girl all rolled into one. Like some kind of freak of nature.”
“Yer not a freak fer that, I’m pretty sure most plants are both male and female at the same time, no reason why a human can’t be.”
“I don’t think that’s the same thing Tavish.”
“Maybe not but that’s not what I’m sayin’. I’m sayin’ that it’s not unnatural.”
“Well it’s not unnatural to be crazy either I take it?“ Jane snapped at him. Tavish sighed.
“We’re all crazy Jane. None of us are all there, if you want to wear a dress some days and wear a suit on the others it really don’t matter. He or she or both, I love you.”
Jane finally smiled and he couldn’t formulate words to express how he felt, so he kissed his partner on his lips. It was warm, and a thought of discomfort from Tavish or himself didn’t cross his mind at all.
“Do you want me to start using ‘she’ to refer to you?”
“Maybe, we could try it out. But not yet I… don’t know if I want the others to know.”
“That’s alright. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t care but I won’t say anythin’.”
“It’s frustrating, I spent all my time in World War II trying to prove I was man enough, but now I want to take it back.” Jane said, pondering the new information he was given and the things he remembered.
“Yer not takin’ anything back, yer still strong, yer just getting in touch with a different part of ya. Tell that to Ms.Pauling, she’s a pretty badass girl. Or Pyro, we don’t even know what they are but they are just as capable as the rest of us. You can still keep all the stripes you’ve earned while bein’ yerself. Yer’ badass in a way that a man is badass, and a badass in the way a woman is badass, best of both worlds.” Tavish tried to encourage. Though then something came to his mind.
“That and, well, I’ve never had to prove I was a man, I just was. Maybe all that time ya spent was you tryin’ to shove that girly part of ya deeper inside.”
Jane’s eyes widened at that. It seemed to disturb him a bit, but he nodded.
Tavish got out of bed and stood up before him.
“Don’t get so down over it, whatever ya are it has no impact on yer work, or yer past, just do whatever you want to do right now.” Tavish reached out his hand to pull Jane up.
“So what do you want to do?” Tavish said, trying to coax an answer. Jane chuckled.
“I think I want to beat up some commies and go out for ribs and a beer after.” Jane replied with a smile, putting his helmet back on.
“That’s my Soldier!” Tavish shouted in glee. Both of them left the room with battlecries as they set out to kick the ass of whoever didn’t like them. Over a large rack of ribs and beer they told stories together. The only thing Tavish could think of as he looked at Soldier tell an outlandish story about it WWII is one recurring thought;
“She’s perfect. He’s absolutely perfect.”