Chapter Text
Sirius
The best part about being disowned, disinherited, and completely displaced from his whole family was the lack of accountability. He was a free man and going into his final year at Hogwarts, he decided to really test the limits of that freedom.
That lack of accountability was about to become everyone’s problem.
“I’m telling you, Moon-elicious, this is the perfect political statement,” Sirius said, leaning even farther into Remus Lupin’s lap in the same compartment the Marauders had occupied for the last seven years.
“And I’m telling you,” Remus said, pushing his boyfriend away playfully, “that you don’t know what a ‘political statement’ is.”
“I definitely don’t know what a ‘political statement’ is,” James Potter said from across the carriage, rubbing at his jaw. “But lathering Snivelius from head to toe in shampoo is a political statement if I ever heard one.”
“You never heard one.” Remus gave up on reading, shutting his book with an annoyed huff.
It took all of the Marauders working Remus for the next ten minutes, but he eventually caved. He, too, seemed sick of watching Snape hex muggle-borns and bully first years. Maybe this year could be different.
“Shampoo, yes,” Remus said after giving the prank a little thought.
“Merlin knows that greasy git could use a wash,” James laughed, joined by Sirius.
“I agree,” Remus said. “But the lathering isn’t enough. Doesn’t have the wow factor.”
“Would be our kick-off prank for the year–our last year,” Petter pipped up. “We need something we haven’t done before.”
Before they could discuss it further, someone yelled “Regulus” from outside their shut compartment. Like a puppet being jerked onto the stage, Sirius was up and out of his seat without conscious thought.
Outside the compartment, Regulus Black was reuniting with his best friend Barty Crouch, both wearing identical grins that fell the moment Sirius came into view.
After running away from home two summers back, Sirius had been trying–unsuccessfully–to talk it out with his little brother. His attempts came to a head at the end of Sirius’ sixth year with a public blow-up that left both the Black brothers with literal and metaphorical bruises.
While the two brothers shared many characteristics, they had never looked so different. Regulus, always the shorter and slighter one, was almost skeletal. His pale skin had taken on a grey, fragile quality, and the circles under his eyes practically overtook the Black cheekbones. His chin-length curls hung limply, dull where usually there was shine.
Sirius and Regulus stared at each other for a moment, silent. The younger brother’s eyes drifted behind Sirius before the boy turned pink and focused back in on his brother. Sirius couldn’t imagine what had made the unflappable boy blush. It was just James, Remus, and Peter at his back.
But that wasn’t the issue at hand.
Sirius, always the one to break the silence first, said, “Reggie–”
“Don’t.” A spark of anger livened up otherwise lifeless, grey eyes. “You don’t get to call me that.”
Despite wanting to keep a cool head, Sirius immediately heated up.
“Don’t snap at me,” he grit out. “You’re not the victim here.”
Regulus’ spine snapped straight, eyes narrowing. “Implying you’re the victim? Oh, yes, dastardly me—”
Sirius snorted. “Dastardly? Oh, I say, good sir. Ponce.”
Regulus spoke right over his brother, ignoring him. That only served to rile Sirius further.
“--I forgot I was the villain in your narrative. Like I abandoned you, instead of you shaming the family and pissing off.”
The volume of the older brother’s derisive snort drew the attention of the students in the carriages around them. It was an audience Regulus didn’t need for this confrontation. He bit his lip, wilting a little under the weight of at least a dozen pairs of eyes.
Seeing his brother's reaction, he felt a twinge of panic fill his chest. This was the most words Regulus had spoken to him since the night he left Grimmauld place. He couldn’t let him go now. He needed to get this off his chest.
“Maybe in my narrative, a villain looks like a boy who stood by and watched his parents torture his brother.”
The color bled from Regulus’ face, and then he was disappearing into the next car.
“Fuck.” Sirus’ voice was uneven and sharp, like broken glass.
The rest of the marauders, having heard the whole conflict, scurried back into their compartment before Sirius could turn around. Moments after they settled into their seats, the oldest of their quartet stormed in and slammed the door behind him. The glass in the window rattled.
“He’s just like them,” Sirius said. “Godric—I don’t even know why I’m still bothering with him.”
Peter chewed on the inside of his cheek and waded into dangerous waters like a true Gryffindor. “Well, he’s your brother, isn’t he? You have to...”
Typically, James and Remus were all for Peter finding his voice and letting his opinions be heard. He was even saying things that needed to be said. Still, allowing him to continue would be criminal.
“So you’re saying I have to chase after some wanna-be-death-eater.”
James cleared his throat. “Er maybe–”
Instead of taking the handout, Peter waded deeper into eel-infested waters. “I’m sure he’s just on edge going into his NEWTS. All those non-verbal spells they test on. Severing charm is kind of tricky too. Not to mention all that tripe about 14th-century economics. Amortentia—”
“Shut your gob,” Sirius said. “That’s it.”
“What–”
“Amortentia. That’s what we do for the prank.” Sirius sank into his seat next to Remus.
“A love potion?” Moony said skeptically. “I’m not making Snape fall in love with someone.
The dark-haired boy rolled his eyes. “Not someone, something.”
“Yes!” James snapped his fingers, instantly catching on to Padfoot’s idea. They practically shared a brain–or, depending on who you asked, a brain cell. “We make him fall in love with shampoo!”
“A specific bottle of shampoo,” Peter piped up, a mischievous glint in his eye.
Remus laughed despite himself. “He’d carry it around and try to serenade it with potion recipes.”
The four boys smiled at one another, a plan set in motion.
____
Over the next coming days, Sirius tried not to think about his confrontation with his brother, throwing himself completely into prank planning.
“I got the ingredients from Lilly–”
James sat up straighter in his four-poster bed. “Why did Lilly have the ingredients for Amortentia?”
“Left over from her last term practice NEWTS,” Sirius said. He grinned slyly. “Why? Wishing she’d use one on you?”
“Seeing as you’re so over her,” Pete pipped up, always happy to join in on reaming James.
“I am!” the dark-skinned boy cried.
Remus turned a page in Advanced Potion making. “Who were you blushing over at breakfast then?”
James glanced over at Sirius, biting his lip. “No one. Let’s just drop it.”
That night, all four boys cram themselves under the invisibility cloak and sneak into an abandoned potions lab. Since Moony was the only responsible one between them, he was in charge of brewing.
After a few minutes of stirring a grey-looking concoction, Remus said, “Hand me the pearl dust, would you, Pete?”
The heavy-set boy did as asked, while Sirius reached critical levels of boredom. He snatched a small pair of shears from the table and brandishes them near James’ hair.
“A little haircut might turn the head of your mystery love,” the older boy teased.
“It’ll grow back by tomorrow,” James said.
Familiar with his friends’ boasting about his invincible hair, Sirius raised a doubtful eyebrow. “Let’s test that theory.”
Sirius reached out and cut a good chunk off near the other boy’s left ear. He tossed the clump of messy, black hair on the table and pretended to go in for another snip.
“Pads!” James shrieked, clutching at his locks.
“Merlin, you two, not so loud. You’re going to summon–”
“--Filch,” Peter finished for the werewolf, pointing to the caretaker’s name on the map. It was just around the corner from their classroom.
Moony cast a quick disillusionment charm on the contents of the table, while James grabbed the cloak. They were only covered for a few seconds before Filch came charging through the door, Mrs. Norris in tow.
The homely man grumbled under his breath at the seemingly empty classroom. He checked a few nooks and crannies, while his cat came to stand right in front of the Marauders. Her red eyes stared right into Sirius’, causing the boy to gulp silently.
“Come along, my sweet,” Filch said as he finally made his way out of the room.
Once the man was far enough away on the map, James’ tucked the cloak into the pocket of his robes.
“I swear that cat can see through the cloak,” Sirius said.
“Let’s just hurry up and put in the shampoo before we get caught brewing a class two restricted substance,” Remus said.
After the Amorentia was complete, they sent Peter off to the kitchens to bribe the elves into spiking Snape’s morning tea. He was their favorite. Then, the boys scurried off to their dorm, mischief managed for the night.
_____
James
After the catastrophe of the prank at the end of their fifth year, the Marauders had mostly avoided Snape for the entirety of 6th. To James, it felt nice to get back to basics.
The group piled into the Great Hall the next morning and all sat down on the side of the table facing Slytherin. This earned them a few confused looks from Marlene and her girlfriend Dorcas, who sat across from them after a moment of hesitation.
“Freeing yourself from the snake-pit, Dorcas?” Sirius asked, taking a big bite of sausage.
“Don’t address me until I’ve finished my tea.”
The mention of tea had the Marauders glancing over at Snape’s usual spot at the Slytherin table. The greasy git hadn’t shuffled in yet, but less than a table down, Regulus and his friends were just settling in.
The younger Black seemed to sense eyes on him. When he caught the whole of the Marauders staring at him, he shot them a poisonous look that made James wither a little.
“Arsehole,” Sirius muttered under his breath.
The rift between the two Black brothers seemed to grow wider by the day. Where Sirius used to talk about Regulus running away to the Potters as well, he now mostly just insulted his brother left and right. His grudge against Slytherins was worse than ever before.
The situation left James at a loss. What was a best friend’s duty in this instance?
His revelry broke when a certain dark-haired Slytherin appeared at the entrance to the Great Hall. Snape wasted no time finding friends–if he had any–settling into his normal spot. His usual tea appeared only a moment later, along with a few pieces of toast and grapefruit.
“You’ve got the shampoo in your bag, right?” Peter whispered to Remus.
The other boy nodded. “As soon as he finishes, I’ll conjure it onto the table in front of him.”
Sirius’ grin was infectious. “I wonder if he’s a poetry sort of bloke.”
James put a swooning hand to his head. “Your scent is like lilacs and plastic.”
Barking out a laugh, Peter said, “The touch of your bubbles makes me weak at the knees.”
James had to bite down on his fist to keep from laughing loud enough to echo. He didn’t want Snape to get suspicious and ruin their fun.
The Marauder’s spent the rest of breakfast watching Snape take tiny sip after tiny sip. If James hadn’t been sure Snape was clueless, he might’ve thought the other boy had been tipped off and was messing with them.
“Why isn’t anything happening?” Sirius hissed.
“It should have only taken a few sips,” Remus said. “Do you think the elves forgot?”
Peter shook his head. “Hompty promised he’d do it. Little guy even thought it was funny.”
Once Snape finished his tea and started in on his toast, there was a commotion at the Slytherin table. But not from Snape. From Regulus’ section.
From where James was sitting, he could see Barty Crouch and Evan Rosier huddled around Regulus. The two boys kept shooting confused and worried glances at one another and then down at the floor. It seemed Regulus Black, heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, had abandoned his seat at the Slytherin table and was seated on the dingy castle floor.
James glanced over at his best friend, who seemed to have noticed the commotion and its cause.
Sirius paled. “He’s going to get jam on his robes…or in his hair!” the boy said, aghast.
Remus rolled his eyes. “You can take the boy out of the Black family but not the Black family out of the boy.”
Sirius flipped his boyfriend off and scurried over to check on his brother. Hair care was the common ground all Blacks shared. The two carried on a brisk and dramatic conversation that the Marauders couldn’t hear, but Sirius kept glancing up at his friends, each time looking more and more frazzled.
“Should we go over there?” James asked.
Peter waved his fork in the air. “I haven’t finished my eggs.”
Peter’s breakfast was saved, because a moment later, Sirius grabbed Regulus by the robes and pulled him to his feet. The older brother started off towards the Gryffindor table with the younger hot on his trail.
Regulus grabbed Sirius’ hand, causing the older boy to stop dead in his tracks, face going slack. The sudden stop almost spilled the younger boy back onto the ground. After another disbelieving glance at Regulus’ hand in his, Sirius continued back toward their table, faster now.
When they got to the Gryffindor table, all eyes on them, Sirius freed his hand and pushed his brother onto the bench across from the Marauders. Dorcas and Marlene made room without comment.
“He wanted me to bring him over here,” Sirius said, sounding like he didn’t quite believe the words falling out of his mouth.
“Why?” James asked, dumbfounded.
“To talk to you,” Sirius answered. “He was hysterical.”
Not to call his best friend a liar, but he was pretty sure Regulus didn’t know the meaning of hysterical.
All four Marauders turned their full attention to one Regulus Black, who was just sitting at the Gryffindor table, happy as a clam.
“Hello, James,” Regulus said, making an alarming amount of eye contact.
And then he giggled. Regulus Black giggled.
“Oh, Merlin,” Remus said, horrified. “You don’t think…”
“No! I told Hompty ‘Snape’s tea’.” Peter grabbed the shampoo bottle out of Remus’ bag and shoved it under Regulus’ nose. “Besides, he’d be after this, wouldn’t he?”
Regulus wrinkled his nose. “That smells horrid.” His attention snapped back to the boy with round glasses. “Not like you, James. I love the way you smell. Like eucalyptus.”
Sirius gasped, sounding like a fish out of water. “James’ hair. When Filch barged in, it must have…”
After an unspoken moment of communication, the boys rose from the table and hurried from the Great Hall. Sirius pulled Regulus along with them, though he seemed quite content to go wherever James was.
Meanwhile, the aforementioned James Potter was on autopilot, mind completely blank. It felt like his ears were filled with white noise as the three other Marauders argued with each other in an abandoned corridor, and Regulus Black made heart eyes at him.
This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t. They’d essentially drugged Regulus. Merlin, he’d drugged Regulus.
“I don’t feel so good,” James said.
The next thing James knew, he was sitting on the ground with his head between his knees. Regulus kneeled down next to him and started playing with the hair on the back of his neck. Above them, the Marauders continued to shout.
“You shouldn’t do that, Reg,” James said. The sensation felt nice, which only made him feel worse. He shouldn’t be enjoying this.
Regulus cocked his head to the side. “Why? Don’t you like it?”
Shaking his head, James grabbed the younger boy’s wandering hand and returned it to Regulus’ side. “Just…don’t.”
James closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, Regulus was staring at him with a heartbroken expression. His eyes were wide and glassy, and he was biting his lower lip bloody. Then, in horrible slow motion, a single tear rolled down the pale boy’s cheek.
“Why don’t you like me?”
“Oh, Reg, no. I’m–”
“Morgana’s saggy tits, Prongs, did you make my little brother cry?”
_____
Madam Pomfrey waved her wand a few times over Regulus, who was sitting in an open hospital bed. James was sitting at his bedside, the Marauders behind him, so the younger boy’s tears had dried.
Thank Merlin.
After checking the results of her diagnostic spells, Madam Pomfrey said, “Definitely a love potion. And you boys don’t know how he came into contact with it?” Her eyes were narrowed to slits, gaze fierce enough to wound.
They all shook their heads mutely.
She made a derisive sound. “I’ll have to call Professor Slughorn for an antidote.”
While the nurse went to her office to firecall the potions professor, the Marauders released a sigh of relief.
“You’ll be back to normal soon, Regg–Regulus,” Sirius said, laying a cautious hand on his brother’s shoulder.
Instead of shaking off the hand, Regulus angled his body slightly away from James and towards Sirius. “I am normal. I don’t understand what all this fuss is about.”
He turned back to James. “We should go flying after this. You like quidditch, right? You’re wonderful on a broom.”
Against his will, James' cheeks flushed as he choked out an answer that would placate the younger boy. From the glare Sirius was sending James’ way, he could guess that a romantic trip to the Quidditch Pitch would be the last thing he ever did.
“What’s all this now, boys?” Slughorn asked after bursting through the Hospital Wing entrance. His awful purple waistcoat buttons were strained to their limits.
Madam Pomfrey returned from her office with a tiny vial filled with a coppery solution. At James’ questioning glance, she said, “A calming draught.” She placed the potion at Regulus’ bedside and shot the boy a wary glance. “Just in case.”
The nurse opened her mouth to speak but was beaten to the punch by Sirius. “Do you have the antidote?”
Glancing between Regulus and Sirius, Slughorn's face fell a bit. “Well, about that. I actually need to refresh my stores.”
“What?” James’ cried, half getting up from his seat.
Sirius seemed equally dismayed. “But you always keep Amortentia antidotes on hand,” Sirius cried. “You told us that 6th year.”
Slughorn shifted uncomfortably. “Well, yes, I did say that I suppose. But the price of Veelan extract these days…It’s extortion really–”
“You cheap, lazy–”
Slughorn spoke over Sirius before the boy could say anything that would land him in detention. “But not to worry! It’ll only take me a few days to brew a fresh batch. Three, at most.”
“Reggie’s stuck like this for three days?” The older Black brother’s voice was shrill enough to shatter glass–or werewolf eardrums, judging by Moony’s wince.
In an attempt to calm everyone down, Pomfrey said, “I’m sure Professor Slughorn will work as fast as he can. In the meantime, Regulus should be fine to return to his dorm.”
For the first time since James joined him at his bedside, a shadow passed over Regulus’ face. “I don’t understand. James is coming with me to the Slytherin dorms?”
“Oh, boy,” Sirius said. In a hushed tone, he continued, “Gently this time, Prongs.”
“Right.” James nodded in a short, aborted movement. “Regulus–”
“You can call me Reg. I like it when you do it.”
Sirius was back to glaring at his best friend.
“Right,” James said again, a little unsteady this time. “Reg, I’m going back to my dorm while you go to yours. Separately… But you know, we’ll see each at meals and the like. In the halls maybe…”
Regulus seemed to digest that for a moment, blinking. Then, like flipping a switch, he whipped out the Black dramatics for everyone within a five-kilometer radius to see and hear.
Slughorn, coward that he was, used the ensuing chaos to slink back to the dungeons, while the rest of them tried to console a pissed and despairing Regulus.
“That’s enough, Reggie!” Sirius yelled when the younger brother exploded a nearby glass of water, completely wandless.
In answer, he sent a knockback jinx at his brother, shooting him across the hospital wing. James couldn’t be certain, but he thought he heard Remus snicker.
Eventually, they had to hold the boy down while Pomfrey shoved the calming draught down his throat. It worked almost instantly, making Regulus go limp onto the hospital bed once more.
“Oh dear,” Madam Pomfrey said, “I usually wouldn’t use the whole bottle on one patient…and a little scrap of a boy at that.”
“It’s fine,” Sirius said, slightly out of breath. “If you used elephant tranquilizers, I wouldn’t have thought you out of line. Good to know he’s still a brat.”
“That’s not quite on,” James said. “He’s drugged. We can’t hold him responsible for his actions.”
His comment turned Sirius’ ire back towards James’, and Moony said, “Quit while you’re ahead, mate.”
“Moony, don’t conspire with Prongs. I have a bone to pick with him.”
“Ha, bone.” James’ laugh was weak. Usually, a dog reference was enough to break Sirius from any snit. Not this time, though.
Waving his finger in James’ face, Sirius said, “What was all that rubbish about going flying and seeing each other in the halls?”
“Just…letting him down easy.”
“Well, next time do it harder than that.” Both boys went pink when they registered what Sirius said. “Not what I meant, Prongs. Find a balance between making him cry and making me puke.”
“Amusing as this all is,” Remus cut in, nodding at the nearly comatose boy in the hospital bed next to them, “what are we going to do with him?”
“Obviously, he wants to stay with James,” Peter said. “I think we all got that.”
Sirius nodded reluctantly. “Sending him back to the snakepit probably isn’t the best idea anyway. We’ve got to keep an eye on him and keep this whole catastrophe under wraps. Merlin forbid my mother find out.”
They all paled a little at the mention of Sirius and Regulus’ parents.
Sirius turned toward his brother. “Up you get, Reggie.”
No reaction.
Instead of trying to rouse the boy again, Sirius and James pulled Regulus to his feet and helped him back towards Gryffindor tower. The two Gryffindors were basically carrying the Slytherin, while trying to make it look like Regulus was walking under his own power.
When Regulus’ head started to droop forward onto his chest, Remus pulled it back into place. “Focus, Baby Black. Just a few more corridors.”
“Where are we going, Siri?” Regulus slurred.
Hearing that old nickname for the first time in years, Sirius almost dropped his brother’s left side, causing James to curse and try to balance Regulus by himself.
“Back to our dorm. You can sleep it off there.”
“With James?”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “James will be there, yes, but you’ll be sleeping in my bed far away from him.”
Never one to let an innuendo opportunity slide, Remus said, “Guess it’s true what they say about you Blacks.”
“Oh, piss off, Moony.”
_____
Sirius
True to his word, Sirius situated his brother on his gold and red canopy bed and promptly closed the curtains. After he was done, he turned on James.
“Why don’t you get yourself and that damned hair out of my face before I burn it all off?”
James, who occasionally knew how to be smart, saluted his best friend and vanished down to the common room with Peter hot on his heels. There was only one person strong enough to withstand the Sirius Black meltdown they could all feel coming.
Remus, unbothered by his boyfriend’s moods or threats, listlessly flipped through his copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray while reclined on his own bed. “You know you’re not really mad at James, right?”
Sirius deflated. “I know.” He climbed onto his boyfriend's bed and shut the curtains around them, needing to feel isolated with the other boy.
Setting the book aside, Remus pulled Sirius closer to him. “This isn’t your fault.”
“Oh, yeah? Who’s fault is it then?” His fists clenched around the sheets. “I’m the one who came up with the prank. I’m the one who was messing about with James’ hair. I’m–”
He broke off, voice going hoarse and looked away from Remus. The other boy reached out slowly, and once Sirius didn’t move away, he started to run his finger’s through his boyfriend’s hair. “You feel guilty.”
The dark-haired boy nodded frantically. “Merlin, he’s going to hate me when he snaps out of it. This is the thing he won’t be able to forgive. And why should he? I’ve drugged him, humiliated him. Basically taken away his free will. Just like her.”
“You’re nothing like Walburga,” Remus said firmly. “This was an accident. You’d never purposefully do this to your brother.”
Sirius chose not to argue the point, glancing towards the spot he knew his brother was lying. “He doesn’t have the mark yet. I checked.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Sirius said, sounding doubtful. “Sometimes I think I hate him. That he’s become too much like them. Lost cause.” The boy sniffed. “And then being around him today…He was so sweet. Just like he used to be when we were kids. Do you think that’s just the potion? Or is it him, buried?”
Remus hesitated. “I really don’t know, Padfoot. You’d be a better judge than me.”
After a somber moment, staring off into space, Sirius brightened a bit. “Did you see when he held my hand in the Great Hall?”
“That bit was 100% potion.”
Sirius choked out a laugh. “Too right. Merlin, I wish I could tease him about it.”
“You’ll get your chance,” Remus said, rolling his eyes and settling back with his book again. Sirius followed him, resting his head on his boyfriend’s chest.
“Yeah. In three days.” Sirius didn’t know if his words were a promise or an omen.